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Uncle Art’s Funland, 9/5/04

One of my favorite words in the English language is “avuncular.” It literally means “in the manner of an uncle,” which, since a substantial majority of males in this world are uncles, can denote just about anything. Usually, an avuncular person is like one of your fun uncles: pleasant, funny, maybe a little bit corny, but generally indulgent.

But some uncles, especially those who don’t have kids of their own, don’t really know what to do with children, and often come up with misguided ideas of what fun is for their nephews and neices. That, I’m afraid, is the kind of uncle that Uncle Art is. The “Riddles ‘n Giggles” are mostly execizes in cruelty, and the “Memory Game” is a collection of random, unrelated objects that Uncle Art presumably likes to draw. The contest, in the lower middle panel, is the final insult, though. As if the solution weren’t obvious enough, the feature’s tuxedo-clad mascot is holding the writing implement in question mere inches from the jumbled letters. Hey kids! The answer is “pencil!” Now let’s hope that the flood of correct answers in to Uncle Art’s Funland teaches him to make things harder next time.

Actually, I just noticed that the small print indicates that responses to this six-letter word jumble are judged on originality before accuracy! So maybe there’s more to this than meets the eye. Is Pilnec the brand name of a perscription medication they’re giving to kids with ADD these days?

As a final note, I’m wondering now if that dapper gentleman in the contest panel is supposed to be Uncle Art himeslf. Does he really work on this strip wearing a top hat and tails? God, I hope so.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/4/04

When Doonesbury’s B.D. lost his leg in Iraq and we saw him without his helmet on for the first time in that strip’s history, it had an enormous impact on readers. Seeing Beetle Bailey’s Sarge without his hat on is significantly less intriguing. Still, it’s interesting that the taskmaster drill sergeant, normally presented as Private Bailey’s persecutor, is here fervently praying to never see Beetle again. Maybe it’s like with bears: They’re more afraid of you than you are of them.

Also interesting is the fact that God has laughed in Sarge’s face, presenting him with the exact opposite of his most profound wish, causing him to rage against the arbitrariness of the universe. Here’s a tip, Sarge: if you’re gonna talk to the Almighty, put on some damn pants.

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Mary Worth, 9/3/04

You people don’t understand how hard it’s been this week to maintain my strict adherence to the mission of this blog and not turn it into “I read this current bizarre, drug-themed storyline of Mary Worth so you don’t have to,” because Lord knows, it’s tempting. I thought the strip had reached an absolute pinnacle when evil androgynous meth fiend Tommy fantasized about his very own meth lab, but that was just a warm-up for a temper tantrum in which the young junkie rages at his dead father’s inability to love his mind-altering substances, which he refers to, inexplicably, as “stuff.”

Earlier this week, faithful reader Rebecca O. noted: “Since this Mary Worth meth lab seems to have some staying power, I must opine that the she-man can’t be the object of Wilbur’s attraction’s son. To me, their interaction points to the she-man being a friend of the lady’s son or a son of the lady’s friend. No son would ever think of his mom as ‘you always were soft.’ Children don’t make nostalgic judgments of their parents, just judgments. Plus, the interaction just reeks that pseudo-familial kinkiness, even without the leotard and pectoral breasts.” Rebecca, your logic holds water as far as it goes, but you’re working on a flawed assumption here: that Mary Worth characters interact in a way that resembles the way actual humans interact. Today’s strip ought to make it clear that Mary Worth can no more convey the actual dynamics of a family torn apart by drug addiction than it can present well-drawn facial expressions. Even with that in mind, though, I can’t argue with this comment by the author of Subdivided We Stand: “Please, please, oh Mary Worth creators, let dear sweet Mare get her first taste of crystal meth. That’s exactly what this strip needs.”