Archive for September, 2005

Herb and Jamaal, 9/29/05

There are so many things wrong with today’s Herb and Jamaal, but let’s start with the quotation marks around “date.” I’m a big fan of inappropriate quotation marks. They can be found in many venues, from crudely hand-written store signs (”We are looking for ‘friendly’ people”) to the headlines in major newspapers (”Tom DeLay says he’s ‘innocent’”).

Still, I suppose “date” is a fairly appropriate use of inappropriate quotation marks here, seeing as Jamaal’s “dates” differ from actual dates in almost every important respect. I was never exactly a big Casanova back in my single days, and I’m also terrifically cheap, but I’m reasonably sure that the following train of thought would never have rumbled through my head: “Sure, I don’t get to see my date in person, or hear what she sounds like, or have any opportunity for a long-term relationship or even an amorous encounter, and I won’t get to leave the house or see a movie or have a nice meal, and there’s a small but nontrivial possibility that my ‘date’ is actually an undercover FBI agent looking for pedophiles, but it’s all worth it because I won’t have to spring for dinner!” You really dodged a bullet there, Jamaal.

As a bonus feature, why not try Herb and Jamaal Mad Libs?

“I love to ‘[verb]‘ online. I get to [verb] dozens of women and [verb] them with [adjective] [noun] for hours … without [negative consequence]!”

Ziggy, 9/28/05

Actually, I … I … don’t know what you mean. Really, I don’t. Is the fact that the second “i” lowercase relevant to your mysterious purpose? ‘Cause otherwise, I got nothin’.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/27/05

Today’s Rex Morgan, M.D., is actually a quite lovely chiaroscuro composition; even the sweatshop coloring hacks knew to leave well enough alone, adding only a splash of red to Rex’s tie that’s quite striking in and of itself. The mood is appropriately somber for the subject matter, but the dialogue confirms my growing suspicion that there’s only one competent medical practitioner in the Morgan family, and it isn’t the one who goes around waving some fancy initials around after his name in an overly compensatory fashion. Maybe Rex is distracted by the recent departure of his sexy blond archaeologist buddy, but his comments here give the impression less of “trained doctor” and more of “Catch Me If You Can-style fraud.” First, he seems baffled by the idea that a wounded man coming back from a war zone might have a piece of metal embedded in his body; then he claims ignorance as to why discussing an injured individual might be relevant at a medical practice. I mean, forget med school; anyone who’s seen an episode of M*A*S*H could have faked his way through this conversation better than “Dr.” Morgan.

The war in Iraq is a potentially touchy subject for the comics pages, even for an ostensibly “issue”-oriented strip like Rex Morgan (though the “issues” raised by the Fence Post Frank/Buck plot would be best dealt with by a psychologist and a landscape architect). If this storyline takes a stand more controversial than “Wounded soldiers should have their wounds treated promptly by a skilled medical professional” (which, I can’t emphasize strongly enough to Jack, would in this case be June), Rex Morgan, M.D. might find itself exiled to the Opinions page with the Boondocks and Mallard Fillmore.

Of course, if the strip needs some help in talking about the war without actually, you know, talking about the war, it should take some lessons from the master:

Beetle Bailey, 9/27/05

Soldier, I know it seems like some of the tasks you’re ordered to undertake are small or irrelevant, but each one slowly but surely advances the cause of freedom. And by “cause of freedom,” I mean “some campaign contributor’s stock portfolio.” I’m not sure how the Army gets its martini glasses, but I’m betting it involves a no-bid contract and a Halliburton subsidiary.

I don’t know if the spammers are getting smarter of if the new version of WordPress is more vulnerable to spamming, but more and more comment spam is getting through my filters. I have thus been forced to take the irritating step of forcing you to enter a security code before you can post a comment. Not sure if this will cut down on spam or not; I’ll keep it in place if it does. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Update: OK, that didn’t really help matters, and I think I’ve found something else that does, so I turned it off. Go about your business.

I bet you all thought that I wouldn’t read the 1000+ comments on the ULTRA POST, but read them I did. One is already the comment of the week, as you can see, but as is befitting a post that was truly ULTRA in its postosity, there were a number of contenders, so I thought I’d share them here for everyone who’s too daunted to slog through them all:

“Plus we got a couple of strong sweeps from Rex’s megawatt gaydar. That’s a blip to watch out for in the future.” –Sharkbait

“Bil Keane would be rolling over in his grave, if he was dead.” –sickboy

“‘Adventuresome’? Gee, Elly, does that shill come with a tube of K-Y jelly?” –Dennis Jimenez

(Incidentally, I had been looking at Dennis’ handle for months before the then-Future Mrs. C. pointed out to me that it’s a comics pun. If you’re dumb like me, say it out loud as if you were habla-ing the español.)

“That’s it. I want to murder FBOFW and piss on its grave.” –Sourbelly

“Argh. I looked at Marmaduke. Now I’ve lost about 40 IQ points.” –meep

“I’m getting frustrated at Lynn in Mark Trail. Plus, I’m frustrated at the fact that I am frustrated at anything that goes on in Mark Trail. It’s a vicious circle.” –Mike Donovan

“Personally, I’m so awash in anticipation that I can hardly keep my pants dry.” –Adam-12

“With the constant influx of wildlife in Mark Trail, I am disappointed at the quality of the so-called ‘beauties.’ I am profoundly disturbed by these trout for several reasons. 1) They are stiff. Fish, even dead fish, tend to be at least semi-floppy, right? Right. The way that these fish are dangling rigidly makes me think that they are not indeed real fish, but poorly-made plastic imitation trout that this hirsute gentleman picked up at the local Wal-Mart to inspire jealousy in Mark’s heart 2) They are grey, but not in a fishy, slimy way. They are grey in an ‘I have run out of colors’ way, further supporting the Plastic Wal-Mart Trout theory stated previously. Either that, or (given that they are the same shade of grey as the background) they are strange, ethereal trout from another dimension that can only partly manifest in our reality. Also, the gentleman and his lady friend in panel 2 are very creepily proportioned. They look not quite like midgets, not quite like RealDolls™. Perhaps they are poorly made plastic imitation people Mark Trail picked up at the local Wal-Mart to make it seem like he had friends.” –leathermessiah

On who would play major comics characters in the movies:

“Mary Worth — Martha Stewart. No contest. That perfect melange of asexuality and insincerity.” –Islamorada Girl

“There is no professional actress who could play Cathy, as none are annoying enough.” –Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender

I’m not really sure what this means, but it made me laugh:

“I have to thank you all for turning me on to the very excellent Gil Thorp. Priceless douche chills!” –hacky

And in one point Dingo referred in passing to our favorite young-women-in-the-big-city soap opera strip as The Goyim in Apartment 3-G and I nearly peed myself.

Speaking of those wacky gentile girls, a lot of people seem to want guidance on just what’s going on in today’s installment. I’m afraid that I’d be a lot more help if anyone had entered the Summarize the Soaps contest. Which no one did! C’mon people, you can do it. I want summaries. E-mail me summaries! Check out last year’s winners for guidance.

And finally, a moment that I had long been awaiting arrived this evening. A member of the Curmudgeon household was recognized by a reader in public — and it wasn’t even me! Faithful reader Kaycee recognized Mrs. C, since I constantly plaster her picture all over the site. I wasn’t there, but I was assured that it was a very exciting moment. So a shout out to you, Kaycee! Though hopefully these encounters won’t become so frequent that we have to start putting on sunglasses and baseball caps whenever we leave the house.

Sally Forth, 9/26/05

Hah! I’ve only been married two weeks and I’m already relating to married people in the comics! No, I’m not talking about today’s Cathy, where Cathy’s mother-in-law is brought to a state of eye-popping rage when faced with the prospect of sleeping on a futon; I’m talking about today’s Sally Forth, where Ted gets fat. Because now that I’ve landed me a fine woman, I’m totally letting myself go. Also, I’m going to stop doing work. Since I work at home anyway, I figure I’ll have a good eighteen months of sittin’ on the couch all day watchin’ my stories before she notices that we’re bankrupt.

Anyway, this strip illustrates the problem of a strip having a separate writer and artist. Ces possibly sent the artist a note to the effect of “MAKE TED EXTRA CHUNKY TODAY” or something, but in the end he just has the same oddly linebacker-shouldered look that he and everyone else in the strip, including Sally, always has. The only evidence that we have that this isn’t Mr. Forth’s first double-dip into the pie are his pants in panel one, which are clinging disturbingly tightly to the area around Little Ted, and even that’s not because his hip region is particularly big, but because his trousers are much, much too small. In fact, if you really want to either make yourself laugh or give yourself the heebie-jeebies (depending on your personality and/or inclinations), imagine that Ted’s pants end just below the bottom of the frame. Because the only thing sexier than little short shorts are little short shorts with a belt.