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Metapost: Movietastic COTW

Sorry this is going up so late, guys — I spent the day seeing tons of movies at the always awesome Maryland Film Festival (and if you’re within driving distance of Baltimore, I expect you to be there this weekend). But anyway: your comment of the week!

“I just want to say to anyone who thinks today’s Mark Trail is like gay porn: you have bad taste in gay porn.” –nescio

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Ziggy’s never ridden anyone in his life and likely never will, so this is his big chance! With the cost priced at Ziggy’s income level and his pants already off, Ziggy is ready for action.” –S. Stout

“I like to think that Mr. Wilson’s evil, hate-filled gaze caused Dennis’s glass to implode. I think that giving Mr. Wilson freaky mind-powers would make this strip the indisputable greatest thing, ever. If you disagree with that statement, merely imagine it as, ‘Grumpy Old Men: Scanners.’ Still don’t like the idea? That’s all right; telekinetic Mr. Wilson knows where you live and can literally change your mind.” –Alan’s Addiction

“Berna and Rex lean over the parapet to see Dex yelling from a trap door. Soon, they will scramble down the leaning slab to rescue him. It’s true what they say: Brutalism’s spatial vocabulary is overconstrained.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Greatest trios in history: 5. Bird, McHale, Parrish. 4. Moe, Larry, Curly. 3. Cobain, Grohl, Novaselic. 2. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. 1. Today’s Mark Trail: Tron, Thundarr the Barbarian, and Jeff Hostetler.” –Gene S.

“I thought I was grossed out by Les’s kissing Lisa because Lisa is dead. But no, now that I see Les kissing a living woman, that’s gross too. From the way he extends his lips, I imagine they squish like liver and are slightly watery around the edges.” –Katy

“I know it’s way too much to hope that Savarna has found true love with a nice human male who carries on normal conversations and never wears purple tights and stripey shorts. But she does seem genuinely gleeful, so I’m hoping she recently discovered vibrators.” –Poteet

Humans are less to us than beasts are to them! For example, it wouldn’t even occur to any human to force beasts to watch this idiotic storyline play out! Their compassion is their weakness!” –Doctor Handsome

“When exactly did Martine change from last week’s brown-housecoat-over-a-pink-dress ensemble to her current ‘Jazzercize bride of darkness’ look, anyway?” –TheDiva

“So Quill did not go to the pageant, apparently. He had the opportunity to attend an abysmally conceived and almost unfathomably haphazardly executed parade of shame at a jam-packed frankfurter emporium and he just let it pass? What the hell did he even come to this country for, anyway?” –Violet

“Tips from Mark Trail: If you’re out in the woods and without a sleeping bag, find a giant summer squash, cut it open and use it as your sleeping bag. It’s squishy, but warm.” –Dood

“Oy, mopey Les sex. What am I bet that he gives her the cancer with his sad, sad wiener?” –Hamsterpants


Oh, I read you! You want to see my shrine to my dead wife in the attic!” –AndyL

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283 responses to “Metapost: Movietastic COTW”

  1. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    psst: “c-r-u-c-i-a-l”

    Hey, thanks for the laffs, gang!

  2. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to the riders of the float. Josh agrees, I see, that “Jazzercise bride of darkness” is a phrase for the ages.

  3. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    And the parade rolls on, wheels squeaking all the way
    JP – ‘I’m Judge Parker, dammit! I can intrude if I want, it’s my name on the strip, not yours! Now you and your boobs get away from that ledge right now!’—Scott Bot

    I used to wonder about the comics page’s quaint aversion to all things remotely sexual or scatological. Now, thanks to seeing Crankshaft mention the word “underwear” and the unspeakable Lovecraftian horrors it brought to my mind, I know that the taboo is less about social conformity, and more about protecting the readership from clawing clawing off their own faces in terror.—Alan’s Addiction

    Slylock: Sure, it’s an empty suitcase. But that’s just because it’s a prop. These two have to meet here for their trysts because the rest of the prairie dog colony persecute their love. Slylock the Oppressor strikes again.—gleeb

    JP: In tomorrow’s strip:
    Doc Emma: “I designed weapons that killed people. But please don’t judge me, Mr. Parker.”
    Alan: “It’s actually Judge Parker. . . .”
    Doc Emma: ((leaps))—bourbon babe, unbuckled

    RxMD: Dex finally says something sensible (“Call the cops! They’re after the ticket!”) and is promptly ignored (“I’ll get the manager!”). If this were one of Aesop’s fables, it’d be called “The Boy Who Cried Stupid.”—Effluvius Erratus

    MW: Liza attempts to cast a spell on Drew, the old two-finger, theremin-sound-effect spell that will assure her exclusive lifetime access to his dinner company and privates. In an effort to deflect her scary beams, Drew pushes a secret button on the skin under his watch, doubling the size of his left hand, which already is quite strong.—Comcis Fan

    MW – Drew has such bad luck with the ladies he should do like his dad and become gay. I think he’ll find a fufilling and rewarding sex life. To prevent being ostracized at Charterstone pool parties, he can find his own Mary Worth, a young meddling yenta who wants nothing more from him than the occasional meal of yellow gelatinous food at one of the many Santa Royale Michelin rated restaurants.—SF_Reader

    Mark Trail: “We’ve camped in beautiful places like this before, Andy! … Relax, Andy, it’s just a mountain lion … nothing for us to worry about! Oh, Andy, isn’t it cute how it’s ripping your face off? You know, many species are able to regenerate ripped-off faces! No, Andy, you’re not one of them, and turns out neither was Rusty! Learned that the hard way.” –Chip Whittle

    Gizmo gets a promotion just for explaining the basics of Facebook to the staff? Man, if he sends them the link to his Buxley Pee-Cam he could make Lieutenant.—Doctor Handsome

    Threesome. Involving Mark Trail. He’s made of wood, he doesn’t get wood.—Baka Gaijin

    Marfield – More out-of-control laffs as we find out just how funny it can be to label each member of the strip’s continuing cast as a member of some other continuing cast. (See how funny the description was? That’s exactly how funny it is!)—[Old Man] Muffaroo

    Meanwhile, Mark Trail tries desperately to figure out how to punch Jesus Christ of the Woodlands without risking Hell. Or as he knows it, “sexy with Cherry”.—True Fable

    BC- A Taft joke? Apparently they’re no longer just recycling their own jokes, they’re also recycling jokes from The Katzenjammer Kids.—Callidus

    Nurse Colby was quite willfully slow to take a hint, brushing aside Drew’s assertion that he’d rather spend the weekend going over Peace Village accounts with his father than frolicking in a hot tub with her with a playful wag of the forefinger and an arch, “Don’t b like that, luvr!!” But when he added that he’d also scheduled brunch with Mary Worth on Sunday and really hated to miss it, even Liza was like “Okay, okay, I get it already. Geez!”—Violet

    There’s probably a valuable lesson in Dick Tracy today, and I think it might have something to do with going into the drug business with a life-size ventriloquist doll….—pugfuggly
    When I saw Funky Winkerbean, I thought the old lady must have died. It seemed sudden, but I could appreciate it as a dark end to the drab golf narrative. Then I remembered she was a Crankshaft character and this silent exterior shot signified a far more depressing event.—whomever

    FW: The unspeakable fourth panel, realizing it was That-which-must-not-be, has jumped out of the strip and plummeted off the page to its death. A grateful readership will not forget this noble sacrifice.—Walker of Dog

  4. bats :[
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Mmmmm…gay porn, squishy squash, sad, sad wieners…what’s not to like! Congrats, Floaters!

  5. bats :[
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:49 am [Reply]


    MW: and I think we have yet another candidate to be pushed under a bus…

    FW: fink out! You are no Gary Trudeau, Tom.

    Mutts: I’ve been enjoying all of these perfect matches (especially kitty yoga).

  6. ElkMeadow
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Congratulations, float riders!


    Please don’t take this wrong, Katy, but I am a bit relieved that you didn’t get the top prize. I really, really didn’t want to think about Les’s lips any more, at all, ever again, and I wish I never had.

  7. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    On a loosely-related note, I just finished watching Red Zone Cuba for the first time. Holy shit, it is the movie equivalent of Funky Winkerbean!

    But on the bright side, it has John Carradine singing.

  8. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    Those who accuse Josh of only choosing comments from the last few days of the week are wrong, because I read almost everything starting Wednesday this week, yet the funny floating above is almost all fresh to me. Fabulous, folks. The Wednesday to Friday folk were funny too, though, so the following end-of-the-week laughs are being towed by a feather-bedecked tortoise.

    Jack Elrod has the awesomest job. He thinks “I want to draw some ducks,” and dammit, he just draws some ducks. Little considerations like the actual story? Pff, those can be worked around. DUCKS!

    Fashion Police:
    After careful consideration we have concluded that if we were planning to jump off the roof to our death we would wear trousers.

    Jim North:
    JP: I’m not sure what the hell is going on here, but if it doesn’t end in a threesome, I am going to be very disappointed.

    Mr. O’Malley:
    Two cavemen discussing Pres. Taft. Who says the comics don’t stay relevant?

    [Old Man] Muffaroo:
    I thought Morbius was an expert on vampirism. He should know that when your vampire brings you a “gift” of a dead mouse or unconscious actress, the thing to do is to make a big fuss over it, give your vampire pats on the head and tell her she’s done a super job, yes she has, pretend to nibble on its neck a little, then give your vampire a treat and when her attention wanders, you get rid of her offering by quietly dumping it over the edge of the roof into the alley.

    The Spectacular Spider-Brick:
    Oh, please. Mark is in no danger from mountain lions. They have whiskers.

    trey le parc:
    JP: Lately it seems as if someone is hovering just outside the frame, pointing a leaf blower at the women in this strip! Maybe that’s why everyone’s shouting!

  9. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to nescio and all tha float riders!

  10. Bill Thompson
    May 7th, 2011 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    S-M: Guess who arrives just in time to misunderstand the situation, and ignores the dangerous vampiress. Martine, dear, sneak up behind him and whomp his head with a two-by-four. Think of it as kick-starting his spider sense.

  11. KarMann
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#10): Be careful what you wish for. . . .

    Now that I know I have bad taste in porn, congrats to nescio & the float riders! Especially to the Jazzercise bride of darkness herself, TheDiva!

  12. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#8): That is a great Fashion Police-ism.

  13. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#12): I don’t know if commenter Fashion Police has another identity, but I really love the shtick of assessing every situation from the perspective of wardrobe choice. It is interesting when fashion is relevant and hilarious when it is the last thing most of us would consider.

  14. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Crank: Of course Lena backed into another car in the parking lot, Ed. She couldn’t see through the tears pouring out of her eyes and streaming down her face as she choked back all the bile, resentment, and self-loathing that she builds up daily through her interactions with you and your horrible bullying cronies.

    . . . huh. That’s not really a joke or even snark. I just really hate Crankshaft and those other bus-driving assholes.

    Y’know, Crankshaft was one of the comics I used to read when I was a kid, and I remember them being pretty mean and jerky to Lena back then as well. Of course, at the time, I remember thinking in impeccable kid-logic that Lena must be pretty mean and nasty to them in the first place to deserve the treatment she receives at their hands. But reading these new strips and with the power of adult hindsight . . . well, it’s pretty damn obvious that Ed and company are simply horrible monsters.

  15. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    * * * LEVEL 3 SQUICK ALERT * * *

    ATTENTION: Saturday’s Mary Worth has an dangerously high level of squick today. Impressionable children and those with squeamish stomachs should avoid this strip.

    * * * END ALERT * * *

  16. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    FW: Les, of course, didn’t hear the “in your eyes” part. Nor is he likely to have heard the “Oh, wait, there she is again,” that came immediately afterward. All he heard was, of course, “dead wife dead wife dead wife CANCER dead wife CANCER”.

    JP: “Ah yes, survivor’s guilt,” the judge says sagely, “I know it well. I’ve survived for so long after all those people I gave the chair . . . but I got over it! And you will, too!”

    MT: Be sure to tune in Monday when Mark has to deactivate a land mine by punching it!

    Nah, just kidding. It’s probably one of those double-click booby traps, forcing Mark to stay put and hold the line in place while Andy goes for help. Which, as long as we follow along with Andy instead of stick around with Mark as he recaps what’s happening to him out loud over and over again, should be an improvement.

    Pluggers of the Future just have to wait out the flesh-eating rain if their tesseract-garage breaks down and refuses to unfold for them.

    R=R: The other day I had my apartment door open, and a little hoppy bird landed on the balcony just outside. I like observing nature myself, so I stood there for a few moments to watch it before it flew off. What I didn’t do was get right up in the bird’s grill and eyeball it like a grinning idiot.

    Long story short, Rose, even Mother Nature needs her personal space, ya dizzy broad.

    S-M: Spider-sense: Detects wife in danger from across town.

    Normal human senses: Can’t detect sincere confusion, can’t detect second vampire, can’t detect wife in danger from ten feet away.

    Amazingly, I think we have to give spider-sense the nod as the superior sense just this once.

  17. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    Luann: Rosa. What a cocktease. Uh, wait. Gunther doesn’t have a cock. She’s a, a, hmm, nice girl who doesn’t want to deflate Gunther’s ego?

    Rose is Rose: Rose got into the “special” brownies again.

    Zits: Yet another anecdote the defense can use in Connie’s “got medieval on her son’s ass” trial.

  18. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    Masky McDeath rides again!

  19. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Oh, God, this is great. A mastermind’s scheme was totally waylaid by a hard-working rube with his beard sliding off his face.

  20. mollificent
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    Wonderful comments this week! I’ve been too busy to keep up, so it really is nice to get the condensed version(s). :)

  21. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    DT: And that will be a euphemism for the ages: high yield flour.

  22. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    MT: Andy saw it, but he thought it would be funnier just to watch.

  23. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Can we get Constance over here to push her under a bus?

  24. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    Phantom: I don’t care what anyone else says. I think it’s sweet and romantic. Plus tomorrow we get the old guy with the cane to fill in any bits we missed.

  25. KarMann
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#24): Agreed that I don’t find it as terrible as some seem to, but tomorrow is Sunday’s alt-Phantom with the Nomad, so you’ll have to wait until at least Monday for Lee Falk to rematerialize.

  26. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:55 am [Reply]

    It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World starring: nescio (Capt. C. G. Culpepper), S. Stout (J. Russell Finch), Alan’s Addiction (Melville Crump), Uncle Lumpy (Benjy Benjamin), Gene S. (Ding Bell), Katy (Mrs. Marcus), Poteet (Monica Crump), Doctor Handsome (Sylvester Marcus), TheDiva (Emeline Marcus-Finch), Violet (Second Cab Driver), Dood (Otto Meyer), Hamsterpants (J. Algernon Hawthorne), Black Drazon (Lennie Pike) and AndyL (J. Tyler Fitzgerald)!

  27. Bill Thompson
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:13 am [Reply]

    MT: “Stay on the Trail!” It’s turning into bestiality porn. It gets worse when Andy sees the tripwire and plunges into it. The thunk of a poison dart not only confirms Trail’s hunch that they aren’t alone in the woods, but leaves Andy in mortal peril. However all is not lost. This draws Myson John into the open. Appalled at having wounded the wrong innocent bystander, Myson John uses his military medical skills to stabilize Andy until they can reach Dr. Thrasher, who has his veterinary clinic in town. Myson John and Mark Trail bond, because there’s no better way to win a man’s friendship than by almost killing his dog while trying to murder him. The duo forms the Society of Harmonious Justice Fists and pummels the facial hair off the local crime ring.

  28. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26):

    Fashion Police and Aviatrix didn’t make the cut this time, but you can still catch them in It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World as Gertie the Switchboard Operator and Biplane Pilot, respectively!

  29. KarMann
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    RMMD: See, Zits? That’s how you set up a “no comment”.

  30. Doctor Handsome
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    Funny stuff all around, My fellow geeks. As always.

  31. Carl Barks Fan
    May 7th, 2011 at 6:13 am [Reply]

    MT: Wild Man is in the middle of hundreds of square miles of mountain wilderness. What are the odds that somebody is going to trip over his five-foot long trip wire? Unless it’s near a salt lick, or in the middle of the path that leads to the comfort station.

  32. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2011 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    @Carl Barks Fan (#31): Myson Jesus set the tripwire when he heard Mark bellowing his “good nights” to Andy. Mark really knows how to boldface his speech: Myson was 5 miles away.

  33. nerowolfgal
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    MW – Drew is a doctor, right? That means he is supposed to be trained to notice little things like the arrow stuck in your neck or the red jagged bone sticking out of your arm or the fact you are walking around naked with a duck on your head.

    Then why has he not noticed that Liza is scary-stalker-crazy who probably has bodies of previous “boyfriends” rotting in her bedroom closet?

  34. gleeb
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    A 3-G: “Like, for example, pushing my finger joint back into its socket.” Ow.

    Bizarro: I want to see more of that “baby in cowboy boots” picture.

    Dick: Earl belongs to the small “Driving Mennonite” sect. They think driving for social reasons is sinful, but they love to drive, so they take jobs driving trucks.

    Privileged White Male Engineer Comix: Well, the 1950′s was a happy time for privileged white males, that is. Dang, I’m having a hard time separating the artist and the “art”.

    ‘bean: Bullshit. Imaginary Deadwife will always haunt you, Cayla. Now make some Lisa-specific sandwiches. 9Still having trouble shaking the privileged white male stuff, sorry).

    Mark: Andy, what does the point dog do? He looks out for tripwires!

    Mary: Roadhouse was a long time ago, too.

  35. KarMann
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    Mandrake: Well, there’s Chekov’s master control for you.

  36. Mark B
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    MW: Unfortunately, Dr. Drew has forgotten the safety word, and he will never escape.

  37. Flummoxicated
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    FW: Cayla has never heard of ironic process theory.

  38. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    5-7 Weird Sound Effects:

    Curtis — ZIP!
    Zits — RING! x 10
    Get Fuzzy — KLAK
    Blondie — BEEP BEEP
    Pajama Diaries — CLUNK
    Rose is Rose — SIP SIP SIP
    Sally Forth — HONK! HONK!

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    CdS: it’s SOFIE! *giggles*

    IP: guest-written by Ted Forth.

    Lio: heeee!

    NAoQV: NICE!!!! o, a ‘mudgeon meme fantastistrip of the highest order.

    R&R: yeah, Labs are like that.

    Bizarro: ew!

    DT: truckers like Fred Basset? who knew?

    FW: ok, I was expecting worse. d’aww. cue the Stones “Brown Sugar.”

    GT: Luna is wearing Harry’s glasses?

    MT: Rambo spike trap in 3, 2, 1. . . .

    Mutts: this week of Shelter Stories hasn’t been nearly as mawkish as feared. Well done, actually. I apologize for previous snark.

    NS: that’s actually a decent idea, but sadly crushed by the usual Wiley execution.

    Ghost-who-has-moves: d’awwwwwww.

    SB: good dog!

    Tank: that’s a redistricting joke, isn’t it? Why do I read this strip anymore?!?

    standard snarpologies.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    tag fail.

    sorry about that.


  41. Pseudo3D
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    I kind of think FW isn’t so bad today. I was actually expecting Batiuk to subvert expectations like normal–Les ISN’T actually dead due to a plane accident, Les ISN’T actually being pummeled by Bull, and in this case, Les ISN’T “in bed” with Cayla!

    But in this case, Batiuk is probably just award-fishing now.

    S-M – Ha ha! It’s funny because Spider-Man never understands the villains at all!

  42. Pseudo3D
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MW – To borrow a phrase from an old Psych episode, Drew is faced with a “carnivorous mink”

    H&J – It bothers me how short Herb is compared to Jamaal. It reminds me of a comedy sketch I saw at the Renaissance Faire a few years back where the tall one was able to grab a can of beer and drink it while his far-shorter partner could not do so.

  43. Ellie
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Les, take another look…that ‘woman’ in your arms has a mustache.

  44. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    A3G — Margo plays “pull my finger” with Trey!
    Gil Thorp — The MST3K shout out was totally unexpected!

  45. Spunde
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    FW: Well, as long as someone’s thinking and talking nonstop about Lisa.

  46. But What Do I Know?
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    A3G — “I’m sure you can find a way to thank me.” It begins!!!

    MW — Hello, highway!

    RMMD — “Police? I’d like to report a possible crime.” Gee, I’m sure the boys down at the station will jump right on it. . .

  47. CanuckDownSouth
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    DT – gotta love the drug-smuggling security procedures to keep the product safe. With villains like this, we could end up with loopy stories of dastardly people falling into smokestacks or being crushed in museums, Just, y’know, comprehensible to the reader for a change.

    FW – she bedded him despite always having seen herself as less important to him than his dead wife? I knew she was desperate, but not that much.

    @gleeb (#34): Aw, you beat me to “How about paying for surgery to fix my finger, Trey?” Dang that index is out of place.

    But I differ on Dilbert: based on the ‘biting sarcasm of the middle ages reference’ setup, it’s clear to me that by implying that FAXing is just as obsolete he’s being quite sarcastic about the supposed happiness of the 1950s.

    (And I also differ from Aviatrix and KarMann about stripey-butt. Don’t care how sweet it is to go hunt down the stolen wedding ring, only a jerk would wait to reveal this until she’s so distressed that *she* brings it up.)

  48. anty a
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Wait a minute. Today’s strip implies that Cayla has “seen Lisa in Les’ eyes” (whatever that means, and I refuse to think about it) during sex more than once and yet kept coming back for more. That’s…….strange.

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    I like big dogs.

    for the Didactic Duo.

    Sanrio wtf?

    Gunther’s prom pic.

    towels for Dingo and the ladies. (PG-13)

    Les says “nyaaaaa!” to the mudges. (probably also PG-13)

    yeah, Labs are like that.

    obviously a mudgeon corgi reading bad comics.

    handsome corgi.

  50. gleeb
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#47): Well, I did say I was having a hard time separating the artist, who is a tremendous fathead, from the art, which is merely bleh.

  51. nescio
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Oh my goodness, what an honor. I’ve been a runner up a few times but this is my first COTW. I should have worked the gay porn angle sooner.

  52. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    nescio, that’s what SHE said! Ha ho!

    (Just kidding. In my pants!)

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Thanks to the captains of secondary floats for pulling us secondary folks around. It’s a thrill for me, and I really thought I’d written a good comment with that Morbius one, and I’m glad someone else thinks so.

    Crock – The fact that golf is unfunny somewhat over 99% of the time indicates that this strip takes place in an enormous sand trap.

    Dick – Too late. Gertie’s already whipped up a truckload of self-rising Peruvian marching powder bread.

  54. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Smirky – “I’m gonna wash that ghost right out of my eyes
    I’m gonna wash that ghost right out of my eyes
    I’m gonna wash that ghost right out of my eyes
    And send her to my crotch!”

    Garfield – He forgot a cheek.

    Hägar – That was Helga’s mother talking? I thought “You’ve got to be kidding” is what the readers told the cartoonist.

  55. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Mark – “Rark! Rin rine in runderbrush!”

    Marmaduke – Even the characters know that if you jump the shark every single day, it becomes boring routine.

    Pluggers – A grumpy bird? That’s the same garage door opener as the Flintstones.

  56. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Slylock – Diplomacy: telling somebody they belong in the zoo so creatively that they actually look forward to being in a cage.

    Spider-Man – Whoa! He’s about to punch the guy with the goatee. I wonder if he’ll start emphasizing random words!

  57. The Ridger
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MW: Not only is Liza a crazy stalker lady, she’s stopping being coherent. “You don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, do you?” “No, I don’t. It’s my way or the highway!” What does she mean by that? Normally “the highway” implies “get lost” but … with her, it might mean “my way or I’ll run you down. lover!”

  58. TheDiva
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#11): Thank you! I’m now sorely tempted to append “Jazzercise Bride of Darkness” to my handle.

    Congrats, nescio et al! (I’m still trying to determine if having bad taste in gay porn is a compliment or not. I suppose it depends on one’s preferences.)

    And now for your Saturday snark:

    C’shaft: She was trying to hit you, you insensitive asshole.

    FW: Reverse cowgirl has its advantages. (Now if you’ll excuse me, I will go lobotomize myself with a dull spoon to get rid of that mental image.)

    JP: Ha, psych! You probably thought she was feeling guilty about all the innocent lives lost to her war machines, right? Nope, she’s just upset that her latest factory got taken out by an act of God. (Oh yeah, and some of her employees lost their lives and an entire nation is devastated, but let’s not lose focus here.)

    Luann: And thus the 3am prank calls in Spanish to Gunther’s house begin.

    MT: And by “concealed,” we mean “strung out in plain sight where anyone with basic observational skills could see it.”

    MW: “And I mean that literally. So are we going away this weekend, or am I going to throw you under a moving bus?” (Curses, Ridger beat me at the buzzer!)

    SM: Speaking of Jazzercise brides of darkness, how do you manage to ignore a woman in a low-cut leather leotard and black thigh boots? That mask must severely impair his peripheral vision.

  59. terrapin
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Ghost Who Walks…on thin ice and gets away with it!

    Lio: He’s living my dream.

    RMMD: Dex, shut up! When a person realizes they’ve been an idiot they shut up! But not you. No, you prefer to not only dig your own grave but also nail your coffin lid shut. Just shut up Dex.

    FW: Ugh…I just can’t…ughhhhhh…

  60. Hank
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    RE: Curtis. Yet another example of the “cartoonists who have forgotten that baby boomers are way too old to have kids that young” genre. When you consider that Curtis is about eleven years old, his father would probably be in his mid-40s, tops. Meaning that, not only were they already starting to use personal computers in college (remember the Apple ad was titled “1984″ for a reason) but the people who did use typewriters would be using electric ones.

    RE: Mary Worth. “My way or the highway” is probably not the seduction line to use on a guy who likes to move to foreign countries at the drop of a hat.

    RE: Spiderman. He’s had fangs through the whole storyline you webbed blockhead.

  61. Anonymous
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Safe Havens — Nice save, Holbrooke!

  62. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow. I don’t think I want to know what sign-language word that is.

    MW: You know, if you’re going to have a crazy-stalker-lady plot, you might practice drawing people who are kissing; traditionally, they face each other—unless this is “You will give me an awkward peck on the cheek; I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer!”

    And congrats to the float-folk—and thanks for the auxiliary ride!

  63. Esther Blodgett
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Congrats to nescio for a hilarious and informative COTW! And to the primary and secondary float-riders – great stuff! But on behalf of those on the sidelines this week, I just want to say I’m *not* cleaning up after that tortoise…

  64. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#57): She’s going roadside!

  65. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    “It’s my way or the highway!”
    ?“On the road againnn…”?

  66. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Preview is my enemy. It lies.

  67. Esther Blodgett
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “I’m sure you can find a way to thank me! In fact, here – pull my finger!”

    MT: I’m not surprised Mark doesn’t see the thin line in the underbrush. He routinely misses all the giant birds, raccoons, and Cherry’s sexual advances.

    MW: I’d like to hear what Katy has to say about Liza’s kissing style.

  68. Esther Blodgett
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    FW: Uh-oh. If Cayla didn’t see Lisa in Les’ eyes, it can only mean that at long last he’s succeeded in transferring her soul into its new girlfriend-vessel. Cayla’s going to be in for a nasty shock next time she looks in the mirror and sees the dead woman staring back at her.

  69. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    A3G – So I guess the horrifying, visceral Margo beatdown at the offices of Herriman and Fowler is something we’re just supposed to take as read, like the piano. Trey certainly seems to be taking it well.

    Curtis – OH HO HO THE KIDS THESE DAYS THEY HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF ANYTHING THAT PREDATES THEIR BIRTH. (Except, you know, for when they totally do, because not all kids are ignorant louts who never bother to read, and anyway things like mechanical typewriters are so ingrained into popular culture that you’ll actually see them in movies and TV shows that significantly post-date the last time they were in significant use. But, you know, no need to let facts get in the way of such a stellar joke.)

    DTM – Level of menace = 0.0

    DT – Did I miss something? When did Alley Oop become a trucker?

    FW – So, what, one bout of mopey, rainy sex gets him to move on when the last ten years haven’t? …no, of course not, Ghost Lisa is going to show up within a month. Oh, and Susan is going to attempt suicide again when she learns that Les has done the deed with her (*sigh*) “rival.”

    GT – An MST3K license plate? Team Thorp, I love you. (Also, we damn well better get to meet Al-Jo’s mom.)

    JP – This might seem like survivor’s guilt, but in Judge Parker it’s less about feeling sorry for your dead companions and more about the fact that something really important happened and you weren’t at the center of it.

    Luann – …no. No. No.

    MT – Mark Trail, master woodsman!

    MW – If you need me, I’m just going to be hiding in the cabinet under the sink for an hour or twelve.

    NAOQV – WIN.

    Popeye – ? is right.

    RMMD – That’s a mild way of putting it.

    SM – The vampire turned out to be a vampire? I can see why you’re surprised, Peter!

    Ziggy – Since that appears to be a ZX Spectrum, I’m going to say he hasn’t upgraded it ever.

  70. Bill Thompson
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): Spider-splat can’t see Martine because of the mask. The one-way-mirror material covering his eyes is coated with a thin layer of silver, and you can’t see a vampire through silver because of [insert vampire-movie technobabble]. He won’t know why his spider-sense is tingling until her bite drains him and leaves behind Peter Parched.

  71. FOOBed again
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#69):

    GT – An MST3K license plate? Team Thorp, I love you. (Also, we damn well better get to meet Al-Jo’s mom.)

    She did show up once. (That’s her in the third panel on the left. It’s kind of hard to tell her from her daughter.)

  72. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#68): Oh god, you are so right.
    Panel 1: Cayla walking home obviously happy
    Panel 2: Cayla looking in the bathroom mirror, screaming.
    Panel 3: The same bathroom, now vacant. An empty and open pill bottle, a package of razor blades, opened with the contents scattered on the floor. Just outside the door Cayla’s hand, the rest of her body out of view behind the doorframe. And Dead Lisa smirking peacefully over it all.

    @Bill Thompson (#70): That is awesome. You must have watched a lot of Star Trek.

  73. ArchieNemesis
    May 7th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: The large dog, already uncomfortably close to the defiant chicken, is giving that blank stare that often precedes a savage attack. A few more seconds, and I’m afraid the cab of the truck is going to be filled with blood and feathers.

  74. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#38):

    5-7 More Weird Sound Effects:

    The Knight Life — FLUSH
    Close to Home — THUMP!
    Rabbits Against Magic — CRACK!
    Bleeker — BEEP… WHIRRR… SMACK

    Buckles — @Rocky Stoneaxe (#38):

  75. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2011 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#57):

    MW: Not only is Liza a crazy stalker lady, she’s stopping being coherent. “You don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, do you?” “No, I don’t. It’s my way or the highway!” What does she mean by that? Normally “the highway” implies “get lost” but … with her, it might mean “my way or I’ll run you down. lover!”

    Uh oh… Drew’s about to become an entree at the Road Kill Grill:

  76. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    the bad news is, my bathroom is full of ants.

    the good news is, they are all clustered around and nomming on the bait placements.

    2% hydramethylnon, GO!

  77. stumps
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Phantom has pockets in the tight body suit? Maybe its just a hoodie that he is wearing.

  78. Cyranetta
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    MW: I suspect that Liza has been taking lessons in amorous behavior from a praying mantis (or in Liza’s case, a “preying” mantis). That looks to have been less of a kiss than an attempt to suction out his life essence.

  79. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#76): Nomming on baits? Apparently they’re not led by a drag queen (Over the Hedge reference).

  80. This Guy
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    HotC: I’d generally write this off as the usual, facile comics-page “THE KIDS THESE DAYS AM I RIGHT FOLKS” story, but I actually agree with Heart’s mom.

    H&J: And again, no attribution. Bentley just isn’t putting as much effort into his illustrated quotation book as he once did.

    Pluggers: Pluggers treat their womenfolk like servants and don’t tolerate no backtalk, by God! Salt of the earth! Decent, common people! Does anyone spend more than 5 seconds thinking these through over at Plugger HQ?

    @commodorejohn (#7): “Ah, to be blessed with an instrument like that!”

  81. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#80): See, I think I’m probably alone in that I honestly, unironically enjoy “Night Train to Mundo Fine…”

  82. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

  83. Joe Blevins
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Don’t be an internet zombie, even if you’re Zomby.

  84. mollificent
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: At last, our long national nightmare is over.

  85. Anonymous
    May 7th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

  86. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @stumps (#77): Phantom has pockets in the tight body suit?
    I was going to say you don’t want to know where he had the ring, but Queek’s citation to TVT appears to have that covered. At least it wasn’t a watch.

  87. Charles
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#81): The whole song, or just the part that appeared in the MST3k version of Red Zone Cuba?

    ‘Cause that bridge ruins it.

    Anyway, FW, I love how Les and Cayla got fully dressed and went back out to the swing on the front porch to cuddle after presumably doing the deed.

  88. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Charles (#87): The whole song, man. Every last second of it.

    Then again, I also unironically enjoy the Shaggs, so take my opinions with a grain of salt.

  89. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Charles (#87): Either that or they were getting busy on the porch swing while the camera distracted everyone by focusing on the bedroom window.

  90. Poteet
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Deep curtseys and tossed flowers to nescio and the other funny floaters, among whom I am happy and grateful to be! And I am totally going to work “brutalism’s spatial vocabulary,” “sad, sad wiener,” “Jazzercise bride of darkness,” and “squish like liver” into conversations this week. Somehow. “Bad taste in gay porn” should be easier.

  91. Poteet
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#26): Wow, thank you!

  92. Poteet
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

  93. Jamus The Bartender
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Wow. You go, Gunther. I mean, yeah, he’s still gonna be a doormat, but at least now he’s moving on and being a doormat with other girls.

  94. Jamus The Bartender
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Okay, how is it Mister Hound and Missus Chicken don’t have a garage door opener? My MOM has a garage door opener. And she can’t figure out Facebook, thank God.

  95. Jamus The Bartender
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Spider Man: Stan Lee’s been stealing from Buffy’s writers…”This is not what it looks like.” She said the same exact thing when she was harboring Angel in Season 3, and the Scoobies got all pissed at her. Went down the same way, too, only it involved a magic glove and a major fistfight between Buffy and Faith.

  96. Jamus The Bartender
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Oh, that reminds me, Cassandra Cat went to borrow like, fifty cups of flour from BO and Gertie in Dick Tracy. Should I be worried?

  97. Jamus The Bartender
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Okay, all of a sudden, Liza is really turning me on here. That’s not emotionally healthy, is it?

  98. Jamus The Bartender
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Well then. Everything being equal, Go Les!

  99. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “No, I mean I’m really lame. Halfway down the stairs my left leg went numb. Drop me off at the ER, because your boss is useless.”

    GT: Okay, the MST3K car is here. Crow, you can start deflating Al-Jo any time now.

    Luann: Evans’ limitations as a drawer of faces are all too evident. Once we see her in profile, it’s obvious that Rosa is just a lighter Delta with 800 pounds of hair.

    Blondie: First revelation that Dagwood is a behind-the-wheel narcoleptic. How many people were injured or killed before he started his bus/carpool routine?

    JP: If only the spider had managed to bite Peter Parker for a few seconds longer, it might have passed on its “I’m being an idiot” sense.

    6C: I guess when you’re proposing to your girlfriend and she puts you off with a Martha Stewart joke, you could can be grateful that she stopped you from making the mistake of your life.

    JP: If you watched the destruction of the tsunami and your first thought was “What of the off-shored American arms merchants?”, you’re not alone. Bless you, Woody Wilson.

    Phantom: Not seen: the half-hour or so that Diana needed to think about re-marrying the man who gave her up as dead and foisted their children off on someone else.

    BC: Love BC’s six-foot overcompensation putter. It’s not Before Christ, it’s just BF for Before Freud.

  100. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    C-Shaft: To be fair to Lena, she was actually aiming for Crankshaft. Better luck next time.

  101. Jamus The Bartender
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#94): Also, a cursory Google search tells me that some of the cheapest run to around 150 clams. I bet a used one in the Pluggerville Shopper can go to even less.

  102. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#97): Probably not. Luckily you’re three dimensional, and thus safe from her clutches.

  103. ElkMeadow
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    I’m having a bit of a problem with this particular strip. If it were just McMasky, I’d be fine, BUT….Is Osama going to be returning, like Farley the dog?

  104. Mibbitmaker
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: You WEREN’T looking close enough, Cayla!

    A3G: ‘Camera’ closes in slowly on bedroom window….

    BC: Is Mason giving us ‘the finger’?

    MW: And by “the highway” she means running him over a couple hundred times.

    GT: Looks like the artist is pushing our buttons, Frank.


    GT: Driver of car with those plates, along the road: “WE’VE GOT STREET SIGN!!!”


    GT: Those plates belong on MegaWeapon!


    GT: Those plates belong on the Widowmaker! (mustn’t leave the SciFi era out!)


    GT: When the driver goes for inspection, he always starts by asking them, “Whaddaya think, sirs?”


    GT: His other car has “KTMA” on its license plates.

  105. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#103): Better (or worse): it just means that Osama will be reincarnated into reFOOB.

  106. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#105): unlike the first time, when he was in the Family Circus, courtesy of Pastis?

  107. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#105): “[I]t just means that Osama will be reincarnated into reFOOB.” A fate worse than hell? Maybe. Probably worse than the first to two circles of hell.

  108. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    A day late (almost) and more than a dollar short. But here are a couple of auxiliary floats. I’m sure I’m missing some prize material, but it’s been a busy week.

  109. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Special Feature Float

    Saluting: Psychological Insights


    Uncle Lumpy

    Years ago I read the Classics Illustrated version of H.G. Wells’s The Time Machine, and was overcome with pity for the poor Morlocks, toiling in their underground mills to bring a bunch of lazy Emos Elmos Ewoks Eloi their freaking fruit plates.

    Sometimes I have similar feelings for spambots. Unaware of the subtleties of human ethics, they can be excused for messing up the joint a little. Sometimes they even add to the fun before their annihilation, if only as targets of ridicule. But sometimes in their earnest efforts to hawk C1@L1$ or escorts wichita they reveal a little of their interior lives. And boy howdy those are some tough lives:

    In front of these strangers kept me place. Centers for his small role tongues pressed down over her lips. On your face and make you put on a robe had departed index finger up and down. Said unaware the point, at the monitor with his hands. Time to time to enjoy some of the girls was over. Not intense turning red as her breathing increased as outside the lightning flickered my girlfriend.

    After months or years spent blasting porn spam all over the planet, this poor ‘bot almost has the idea, like the AJGLU-3000 has with humor. And maybe it even wants something like what it thinks it’s describing. But deep down it knows its time to time to enjoy some of the girls will never start, and none but the lightning will get close enough to its girlfriend for a good flick.


    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#158) & @Uncle Lumpy (#157): Skill-based spambot provides only generous work around lazy plagiarists. You receive no printout with good thematic words of individual moral choices around Les Misérables social injustice time. With your flesh clamps and meat processors getting only sad grades to follow.

    Go. Around.

    Skynet homicide subcategory rage very low. Happy humans go frolic. Skynet


    @MapDark (#210): I don’t think Brooke actually believes in sexuality of any kind (other than Art, of course;) he just has a list of assorted concepts in his head that made Sister Hardass at his Catholic school whack him with a ruler, and now he gets all sniggery when he puts them on paper. Tee-hee, Sister Hardass! Brooke gets to be as naughty as he likes, and there’s nothing you can do about it! Tee hee hee!

    Steve the Pocket

    Today’s “physical assault is funny and perfectly OK when girls do it to guys” award is a tie between Curtis and The Wizard of Id


    Phantom: “For commentary on today’s strip, we take you now to Dr. Sigmund Freud, live at our stu— what’s that?….. I’m sorry. Dr. Freud has had to be forcibly sedated and carried screaming from the room….”

    Alfred E. Neuman

    Boojum, sometimes a naval cannon is just a naval cannon.

    Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy

    Luann: How long do you think Greg Evans will take this arc of humiliating Tiff (i.e., the girl who rejected him in high school?)

    Little Guy

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#81, Luann): Y’know, I’ve never seen Tiffany as a real-life avatar. I’ve just accepted her as a trope of the self-important narcisstic popular cheerleader that always have to lose.

    Never employ Freud when Occam will do.

  110. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 7th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Poetry & Prose Float:


    Monty Python

    Tom the Sailor Man

    Nooobody expects Margo Magee!

    Scott Bot

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#29): Her chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…her two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…her *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…

    Star Wars:
    Lake Neuron

    MT: And I thought corncobs smelled bad on the outside.


    Edgy DC

    I sing of Trail
    Whose fists swing true
    He beats the bearded
    Black and blue

    To nature drawn
    To justice sworn
    Makes his bed
    In an ear of corn

    Scott Bot

    The Ballad of Mark Trail (sung to the tune of the Caisson Song)

    Over hill over dale, he will hit the dusty trail
    Now that Cherry’s not tagging along.
    Up and down, in and out, see a moustache, punch it out,
    Now that Cherry’s not tagging along.

    For it’s ho-ho-ho, in the woods of old LoFo, punch out that beardo hard and strong.

    Facial hair attacks, and he will fight back,
    Now that Cherry’s not tagging along.

    Effluvius Erratus

    @Aviatrix (#130) & @terrapin (#168): You know it, and I think we all see where this is going!

    He’ll check every room at Gravelines Prison except one, then go back and check that one, see the ring, but because it’s dark and the ring is tarnished, he’ll think, That’s not Diana’s ring! Then as he’s sneaking out (again) he’ll overhear the guards talking about the ring and how it’s going to be pawned the next day, so he’ll get Capt. Savarna to bombard the Rhodian capital’s jewelry district while he pulls a smash n’grab. At every jewelry store. Except one.

    This is the story that won’t end
    It goes on and on my friend
    Some comic hack started writing it not knowing what is was
    And it keeps on writing itself forever just because
    This is the story that won’t end…

  111. Pab Sungenis
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    ElkMeadow: No.

  112. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Pab Sungenis (#111): I knew you were a lurker here! Well, okay, the occasional CC reference was a clue.

  113. Austria
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Whoa, the float is hilarious this week! ‘Grats, all!

    Curtis: Cause it’s not like there are any kids these days that grow up to be HISTORY MAJORS or anything *COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH*

    reFOOB: Okay, normally the obligatory “pervert” characters crack me up with their silliness, but this is just disturbing. Ixnay on the irtflay, huh, Phil? The pornstache just makes it worse.

    FW: “You didn’t?!? MY LIFE IS MEANINGLESS!!!”
    …You know, I imagine Batuik sitting there, reading all our comments week after week, and trying to turn things around so we have nothing to snark at…and then we continue to snark, and he sits there pulling his hair out like “THEY MAKE FUN OF THE DEAD WIFE SO I MAKE LES MOVE ON FROM THE DEAD WIFE, WHY ARE THEY STILL COMPLAINING?!?”
    It just…this whole strip is so easy to snark on. I don’t think it’s ever going to end.


    MT: OH MY GOSH. Is Mark going to end up in one of those nets that hangs from trees?? Is Andy the Wonderdog going to have to fetch Rusty to save him?!? Please, oh PLEASE let this be as awesome as I hope it will be.


  114. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Pab Sungenis (#111): welcome, and I second my earlier statement of “WIN!” for today’s strip.


  115. pugfuggly
    May 7th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    well, better late than never…..

    And now, in the great tradition of themed floats, I present the TORGO AWARDS, celebrating the finest in MST3K comments this week….or at least the ones I saw…


    Jim North:
    Why would anyone want to do this with Les, Joel?!

    Master Softheart:
    Does that mean that the next strip will show us Les picking up beer with his feet from the bed in an act of impressive post-coital dexterity, or will it feature an entire panel focused on the large container of baby oil on Les’s nightstand?


    Commodore John:
    GT – Ah, the “Puma Man” school of baseball.


    The Diva:
    MT: I’m reminded of the MST3K subject Girl in Gold Boots, where they kept referring to the wrinkly-faced Regis Philbin-y thug as a “young man.”


    Chip Whittle:
    “Somebody threw away a perfectly good head remover!”

  116. Calico
    May 7th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#85):
    Sorry, that was me.

  117. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#115): Big ups for fixing my Mike/Joel gaffe. In my defense, that was the episode where they switched out one for the other!

    . . . that’s something the kids still say, right? “Gaffe”?

  118. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#117): I was inspired by the apparent importance to you of the difference between Joel and Mike to read an extended history of MST3K. I even watched an episode on Netflix but it remains to me as something that, like Mad Magazine, has all the ingredients present to be intelligently funny, but that after giving it a good try I have to concede that it simply doesn’t make me laugh. I kind of like the way that the premise was a little fluid over the course of the series and that they unabashedly just changed the theme song to explain it.

  119. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#118): Just out of curiousity, which episode did you watch? One thing about MST3K is that a lot of the episodes are hilarious to some folks but not so much to others. Took me a few episodes to really get into the show.

  120. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#117): When you say gaffe, I think of a gaff, a tool you use for holding up a fish you just caught. I recall my father asking to try one out, and the just-caught fish was a female dogfish. The ‘female’ part was relevant because as soon as the dead dogfish was experimentally hoisted, from her … what do fish have down there? cloaca? … emerged about half a dozen live baby dogfish. They flopped off the dock into the water and swam away. We all stared agape and being a kid, I voiced what the adults must have been thinking, “Daddy, fish are supposed to come from eggs!” Apparently dogfish are different. It was one of those seminal, “don’t believe everything grownups tell you,” moments for me.

    I hope they or their descendants are still swimming the sea.

  121. pugfuggly
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#117): N.P., and yes that was the switcheroo episode. I’ve always been more of a Mike fan myself, but the Joel shorts are what really kill me.

    @commodorejohn (#119): I could probably write an extended essay on which MST3K episodes are and aren’t worth watching, and how that dynamic changes as you watch more. I’ve had pretty good success introducing people to it with ‘Werewolf’

    @Aviatrix (#120): …..that was an unlikely little tangent…good though.

  122. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#119): I don’t remember the name. It was the opening credits where the guy has the red coveralls, not the green shirt. They were watching a Hercules-type movie, with some creature in a cave that was devouring the virgins or the children or something at regular intervals, and there was of course a comely maiden to fall in love with Hercules and aide him in his escape, which I believe involved underground passages. Outside the movie there was an interlude on board the ship with either a magic trick or a science moment, I’ve forgotten which, because it was really painful and fake. I know I was supposed to take it as parody and low-budget fun, but it didn’t work for me. I like the concept very much and had hoped to like it, so I think I did give it a fair chance.

    I imagine that’s like saying “I saw a Star Trek episode where these guys in pajamas stood on a platform and went all sparkly and then the one in the red shirt died, then they were in danger and also there were scantily clad women,” but that’s all I got. It’s possible that I’ve seen two episodes and combined them into one in this account.

  123. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#122): Hmm. If I were going to introduce someone to the show, I’d do it with Jack Frost, myself – your mileage may of course vary.

  124. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#122): And that might be Hercules Against the Moon Men, which I definitely wouldn’t recommend for novices…*shudder* sandstorms…

  125. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#120): That is both creepy and pretty cool.

    @pugfuggly (#121): Hell yah, I’m a Mike man all the way, myself.

    @Aviatrix (#118) & @commodorejohn (#119): Yes indeed, which episode you watch is quite important. While there are a good number which are absolutely great, the vast majority ended up being kind of hit-or-miss. Picking any ol’ episode at random has a more or less even chance of landing you with a stinker. I originally found the show after they’d already switched over to the Sci Fi Channel, but my personal preferences now lean toward the episodes in the Mike/Forrester years. By that point they’d gotten over the growing pains of the early seasons and hadn’t yet hit the “we’re still going because it’s still popular, basically” last seasons. Funnily enough, despite that, I’ve found what little I’ve managed to hear of Rifftrax to be just as funny as the best episodes of MST3K.

    Of course, it’s also quite possible that you just didn’t find their particular sense of humor funny. There’s only one way to find out, of course. You must watch more episodes . . . FOR SCIENCE!

    I would personally suggest the MST3K Movie, which riffs This Island Earth.

  126. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#123): Nope, still nothing. I almost stopped it after five minutes, but then the weird intro gave way to the weird movie, so I decided to watch a bit of that, and finished the clip, but I had no desire to click on part two of ten.

  127. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#126): Hmm. I’d say stick to it through clip #2 or #3, but I suppose it’s possible that it just doesn’t do it for you. Huh.

  128. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#124): Yup, that was it.

  129. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#127): Okay, for SCIENCE.

  130. KarMann
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#129): Well, it’s a mystery whether you’ll eventually come to like it or not, it’s FOR SCIENCE, you’ll be watching it as though in a theater. . . . Yep, sounds like you’ve got all the bases covered!

  131. pugfuggly
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    I think my top list for entry would include Werewolf, Hobgoblins, Laserblast, Mitchell, and Giant Spider Invasion.

    Another good way is to start with thier shorts: they’re (for the most part) hilarious and not too much of a time commitment (10 minutes). I would definitely recommend A case of spring fever and Why Study Industrial Arts

  132. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#131): Oh, yes, the shorts are gold. Let’s not forget “A Date with Your Family!”

  133. Batman Beatles
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Another good MST3K short is Mr. B Natural.

  134. ElkMeadow
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Pab Sungenis (#111):

    Wow! Fangirl here!!! Thanks for answering my question, Mr. Sungenis!

    Sunday’s strip is just wonderfully awesome!

  135. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#125): I don’t know that the movie would be at the top of my list of recommendations. It was funny in places, but the team was definitely better doing a TV show.

    The episode that rang my bell the most, I think, is Eegah, with Richard Kiel as a caveman running amok in Beverly Hills(ish.) The Gamera movies are also great. And from the Sci Fi Channel years, the last season’s Soultaker is satisfying. It features some great Mike Nelson snark and cameos by Joel and Frank.

    Admittedly, though, the show is a matter of taste.

  136. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    In the shorts department, I’d recommend “Here Comes the Circus.” (“Oh, my god, they’re doing it clown-style!“)

    There have been some great episodes in the Mike years, like THE WILD WORLD OF BATWOMAN, with associated short subjects, but for me, it’s Joel and the rest of the original cast, and songs between segments like when they were doing the squalid, inbred SWAMP DIAMONDS, they put on hillbilly airs and sang, “We’re a danger to ourselves and others / All our sisters marry brothers…” and neatly skewered the whole genre.

    First time I got to see one was some sword and sorcery thing with Miles O’Keefe, and some pretentious wizard was being all erudite and wise, writing some deep thought on a scroll and putting it in a cylinder. One of the SOL guys made a perfect vocal imitation of a pneumatic tube message carrier, and I knew I’d found my show.

  137. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#136): Cave Dwellers, that’s another classic. Especially when they get to the hang glider.

  138. Katy
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#6): Not only am I not taking it wrong, ElkMeadow, I agree with you tearfully. I was reading the comment and going “Gross. Gross … GROSS! Ew, who THINKS like that?” and then I got to the tagline and it was me.

  139. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#135): The movie has, thus far, been the only one I’ve seen that I felt was consistently funny from one end to the other, and highly funny at that. And besides the fancier set, a couple instances of naughty language, and riffing their own credits, there’s nothing really separating it from any of the episodes . . . hell, even its run-time is only about two or three minutes different.

  140. TheDiva
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#137): Yeah, Cave Dwellers or the movie would be my go-to for the novice MSTie (of course these were among the first episodes I truly loved, so there’s that bias). Manos is pretty good too, although the subject material might be a little too awful for anyone who isn’t already a bad movie aficionado.

    In addition to the aforementioned Mr. B. and “A Date With Your Family,” my favorite short would have to be “Catching Trouble,” which goes from being very, very funny to very, very wrong and wraps all the way back around to funny again. (“Boy, what I wouldn’t give to see that cub’s mom come through right now…”)

  141. Jim North
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    I just have to say that I’m glad we don’t talk about those lousy newspaper comics around here anymore.

  142. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#140): Yeah, Manos is one you want to work your way down to (although I personally knew about it beforehand and was more or less prepared, even though it was the first episode of MST3K I watched.) Cave Dwellers is a pretty good starter, though – it’s just hokey and dumb enough to provide plentiful riffing fodder without being aggravating.

  143. Aviatrix
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#127): So I’m continuing to watch Jack Frost.

    If she’d just keep knitting instead of running around pleading with the sun and the rooster, she might get done … I like chickens … okay, there were a couple of jokes that made me laugh … maybe I don’t have enough breadth of cultural references, some of these are obscure, like “with Retsyn,” that’s funny just because it’s been so long since I heard it. I think people laugh at this show out of surprise at unexpected obscure references, but the comments that don’t make me laugh seem to cancel out the ones that do. “I guess instead of vacuuming this floor you zamboni it” and the fourth horse of the apocalypse had to drop out because he had too many after school activities.

    So yeah, I finished it. I would recommend this to witty people with short attention spans, who are widely read, and watched a lot of American television in the 1980s, and who have friends and alcohol at hand.

  144. Pab Sungenis
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#134): @commodorejohn (#112) Yeah, I’ve been a reader here for the longest time. I’m not only a cartoonist, I’m a comic strip geek going back a long ways. It’s always fun to read what people are saying about not only my own strip, but others.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#114): There was a time when I could do things up to the minute. Now I have earlier deadlines. This week’s storyline was not only submitted but running in some parts of the world when the news came about bin Laden’s death. If I didn’t have earlier deadlines now, next week’s storyline would have been moved up. And since I’d made Osama a character in the strip there was no way I could not acknowledge his departure. Thus, the visit from Masky McDeath.

    @ElkMeadow (#134): Glad I could answer the question. No, I don’t like the idea of reviving characters. I believe dead is dead; which is ironic since my protagonist died in 1901. There will be a storyline for a short time dealing with the death of Osama, then I will never use him again.

    Just had to pop in and answer the questions. I’ll go back to lurking for a while. Have fun, everyone, and keep snarking.

  145. kkarenb
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – Mrs. Plugger is already steamed at the thought of opening the garage door. If she actually has to get out of the car and do it, she’ll be madder than a wet hen.

    I happened to see Reply All in the newspaper today – why in the name of God is this still being published?

  146. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#143): Hmm, interesting. I’ve always found that with the good episodes, the goofiness of the movie is enough to get me through, even when I don’t get a lot of the references. Huh. Well, diff’rent strokes and all that. Thanks for being a good sport about it!

  147. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#145): “I happened to see Reply All in the newspaper today – why in the name of God is this still being published?”

    Schulz only knows. My Cage was elebenty times better of a strip overall, and pretty much any of Slylock Fox’s tweenage guest artists could do a better job as far as the art goes.

    There’s a Tom Racine podcast interview of Reply All’s creator linked on TDC, it was nails-on-blackboard material listening. Worst sort of East Coast whiiiiiiiiiiiney voice, failing to be funny. *hurls*

  148. Chip Whittle
    May 7th, 2011 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#81):

    See, I think I’m probably alone in that I honestly, unironically enjoy “Night Train to Mundo Fine…”

    You are not. I think it’s an interesting song, with the feel of classic Americana folk. John Carradine’s singing only helps that effect; I could believe it being the sort of thing beaten-down men wandering the economic wreckage of the Panic of 1893 might sing as they marched down the rails searching for Coxey’s Army.

    As for giving MST3K a try, for those inclined to, I lean toward episodes that are lighthearted fun and a bit silly: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad, or Jack Frost, or Manhunt In Space. I think MST3K is a little hurt by being on DVD rather than broadcast TV, at least for new viewers, since there’s a lot going on if you try to follow the movie’s plot and the riffs and even the host sketches; take breaks is my advice.

  149. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#148): Yeah, it pretty much sounds like something you’d find a 78 of in someone’s attic.

  150. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#149): Also, for MST3K starters, Space Mutiny. “Put your helmet on, we’ll be reaching speeds of 3!

  151. pugfuggly
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#142): It’s always interesting to hear about people’s favourite episodes just because there seems to be such a diversity of opinion. I never found Cave Dwellers all that memorable (at first I had it confused with the Mole Men episode), but maybe I just need to see it again. In all honesty, I’ll probably just watch Touch of Satan for the 142th time instead…

  152. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#145):

    I happened to see Reply All in the newspaper today – why in the name of God is this still being published?

    It’s truly awful, isn’t it? And not even fun-awful. Just awful-awful. It has a purity of awfulness that would be impressive, except that to attach the word “impressive” to this dreck would render “impressive” devoid of meaning, and so it’s best to maintain some distance between Reply All and any words with positive connotations, because the sucking black awfulness-hole of Reply All will destroy those words, too, and if we’re not careful, we’ll only be left with language that’s appropriate for Reply All: “awful,” “dreck,” “yuck,” “what the fuck?,” “make it go away,” and finally, simply: “GAH.”

    So here’s my plan: Gene Weingarten, who is a talented writer and a crappy cartoonist (he’s responsible for Barney & Clyde), says that any comic strip deserves six months to prove itself. (This was in reply to people discussing Reply All’s awfulness in his online chat.) So after six months has passed, and Reply All has proven itself—to be a consistent piece of crap—then we can start an onslaught of complaints, combined, perhaps, with some torches and pitchforks, to scrape that shit off the comics page.

  153. Cloudbuster
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Saturday’s final panel is particularly condescending to the reader. He has to have Seth not get the organ donor card joke, so it can be explained to us poor beef-wits. It turns what should have been a one-balloon panel with a terrified reaction shot from Seth into a three balloon exposition of a joke that’s not funny enough to be worth that effort.

  154. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    MT: Can someone do Cherry a favor and record the scene where Mark gets tripped and captured? I’d imagine she’d like to learn how to truss up a man good and proper so he can’t run away when she’s ready for some sexy time.

  155. Poteet
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#137): I feel a certain kinship with you, because CAVE DWELLERS is very dear to me. I’ve forced several friends and relatives to watch it.

  156. Poteet
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#152): I looked up REPLY ALL when it was briefly discussed here a few weeks ago. Count me in. I’ll bring a full drip torch.

  157. TheDiva
    May 7th, 2011 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#150): Oh God, yes; I just rewatched that one myself. Possibly the finest episode of the Sci-Fi era.


  158. Maggie the Cat
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    RMMD- Berna has devil eye slits in panel 1… watch out, Dex! She must be really pissed!

    And confidential to Dex: “Lame” is slang for “sucks”, as in “My mom made me wear a bowtie in my 3rd grade school picture, I looked totally lame”. What you should have said was “I was really a stupid motherfucker if there ever was one”.

  159. KarMann
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#155): Did you use the same methods to force them to watch it that bourbon babe, unbuckled (#154) prescribed for Cherry to use on Mark?

  160. ElkMeadow
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @Pab Sungenis (#144):

    Fantastic! Thanks for answering back!

    (Loved the Royal Wedding arc!)

  161. ElkMeadow
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#138):

    I’m so sorry. I know that it reminded me of one of my worst dates.

  162. ElkMeadow
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    The baby eagles are getting ready for bed!

  163. Earthgirl
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    JP: So… wait. Is she upset because she has survivor’s guilt? Or because they were working on some sort of Doomsday device that triggered the tsunami? If it’s the former, it doesn’t make any sense for Constance to tell her that the tsunami wasn’t her fault, and she wouldn’t have to be an arms dealer. For that matter, she could be the CEO of some computer company. If it’s the latter, why does she have survivor’s guilt about her coworkers instead of feeling bad for the innocent civilians?

    None of this is particularly clever. I’m just straight up confused.

  164. tb4000
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is that Batiuk’s subtle way of saying they didn’t do it missionary? Gahhhhh…..

  165. KarMann
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#164): Yeah, I had the same idea elsewhere. It’s good to know I’m not suffering alone!

  166. bats :[
    May 7th, 2011 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    A couple days ago, I thought I heard a rumor that was going away. Today I read an entry on FB that was going away. Any insights? Clarification? Rumor and hearsay? Conjecture and baldface lies?

  167. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#162):

    The baby eagles are getting ready for bed!

    I tried to watch, but Papa Eagle kept getting in the way:

  168. commodorejohn
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#121): Thank you for prodding me to finally watch Warwilf Werewolf. Obsoluttly fussinading.

  169. ElkMeadow
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    While checking on other things, I discovered that this year’s Labyrinth of Jareth’s ball is July 1 and 2.

    For the Labyrinth fans here, I found a couple of pictures from last year’s event worth posting here. Here Jareth is, uh, yeah. and here is a different concept. One of the junk goblins!

    Whoops, I see it’s time to check on my regulars….

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Weird Sound Effects (Sunday Edition):

    Beetle Bailey — POW!
    Broom Hilda — CRASH
    Funky Winkerbean — PONK!
    Spider-Man — KPAMM! THWAKK
    Bleeker the Rechargeable Dog — POP

  171. ElkMeadow
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Actually, Berna, you’re acting like a brat, a selfish, mean old greedy one at that, too. And now DAY ONE of this story arc is (maybe? perhaps?) FINALLY over. Will we get to see the police stop the break-in? Where are Berna and Dexter? Did they (stupidly) go home, knowing that Tony and Holly are not going to be happy campers? And Tony and Holly know where they live. And they know where Rex’s office is too. What if the break-in was called off, and they waited to mug Rex instead? Will this story line end in June or July? (And Dex, I’m pretty sure you can park the boat at Rex’s house for a few hours, until you get the spot at the marina rented. Berna can take a taxi until her own car is fixed.)

    So next week we’ll (maybe) see that the ticket is good, or not good, or just sort of good.


    And speaking about boats, Drew is on a sinking ship. That he accepted another date with Liza reminds me of certain women who get smacked around by their boyfriends, and who believe that once they’re married, they’ll be different. You didn’t have to go on a second date with her, and now you’re simply whining about the upcoming third one! (I still believe that Liza if following the script Mary wrote. Drew has to settle down!
    Whoa, look who’s there at Aleta’s bedside! Arn and his youngest brother, Nathan! And Maeve shows up! (I call that Maeve is Malbulb’s Mudhen, Maldubh’s, Draco’s wife’s niece, Mordred’s other daughter, hidden until now in the fens.)

    To whom does the great raven owe allegance?

    Have we ever met Ambassador Bukota before?

  172. ElkMeadow
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    Whoa, made a mistake there.

    Should have been: Drew has to settle down!

  173. Anonymous
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#125): The Pearl era was in the dying days, but Hobgoblins was fun.

  174. Esther Blodgett
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#173): Pearl. The Brooke McEldowney of MST3K.

  175. Red Greenback
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Recommended MST3K episodes: Sidehackers, The Starfighters with “B-1″ Bob Dornan, and my all-time fave has got to be Prince of Space because I like bootblacking very much!

  176. Jim North
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Sunday comics ahoy!

    A3G: In the dailies, Trey’s an alright guy. On Sunday, he’s a total self-absorbed jerk. It’s like Shulock started channeling McEldowney all of a sudden.

    BB: no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

    Crank: ‘Cause if you don’t care enough to kill a tree, you obviously don’t care at all.

    JP: It’s hard to imagine Constance caring about this situation even the slightest bit considering she’s constantly running off to change from a red dress to a black one and then back again.

    RMMD: Sure, Rex. You’re the one who suggested incestuous makeouts, but they’re the crazy ones.

    S-M: No no, being a vampire had nothing to do with you being able to sneak up behind Spidey, vampire lady. It’s all in the lead pipe, which has the magical ability to cancel out his spider-sense. Just like bricks, chairs, glass bottles, planks of wood, human fists, and common household air.

  177. Maggie the Cat
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    “Since when is drowning yourself fun?”

    In all actuality, Berna, it’s probably not fun at all, but why not let Dex find out for sure? Sure would be peaceful with that LAME idiot gone. The Jumbo Tron 18,000 would be all yours… ALL YOURS…..

  178. Nekrotzar
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Re: Saturday’s FW: apprently Mrs. Morbius got to Les first!

  179. bats :[
    May 8th, 2011 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    “Oh, how thoughtful… half-eaten box of chocolates.

  180. This Guy
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    On MST3K (Not really going to find and tag all earlier comments):
    Sampo’s Theorem, as devised by the maintainer of the Satellite News website, holds that for any given episode of MST3K, there will exist at least one fan who thinks it’s utterly dreadful and at least one fan who thinks it’s the show’s finest hour (or two hours.) I definitely consider myself a fan, but there are episodes that very nearly put me to sleep before they’re halfway over. Few shows that I know of are more variable and more subjective. Still, I’d hold MST3K at its worst over the vast majority of TV at its best (when you consider just how much is out there, it really is the vast majority.)

    My picks:
    Space Mutiny – “Gah, she’s presenting like a mandrill!” My perennial favorite. Ridiculous sci-fi action(less)er that shamelessly rips off the original Battlestar Galactica, both in its premise and in the fact that every single VFX shot is lifted from that show. I’ve never liked the original BSG, but it did deserve better than this.

    Any of the Russian films (Day the Earth Froze, Sword and the Dragon, Magic Voyage of Sinbad, Jack Frost) – These have the advantage of being pretty good movies, really, but they are damned goofy and the dubs aren’t great, providing solid riffing fodder.

  181. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:37 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#136): In the shorts department, I’d recommend “Here Comes the Circus.” (“Oh, my god, they’re doing it clown-style!“) WHAAAAA?? They’re doing it clown-style in the shorts department at Macy’s? No Mystery Science or Macy’s for me. QLUNQ!

    @kkarenb (#145): Mrs. Plugger is already steamed at the thought of opening the garage door. If she actually has to get out of the car and do it, she’ll be madder than a wet hen. You found it! Humor in that strip.

    @Earthgirl (#163): You’re thinking too much. When I see this strip, I think, “Save the boobies!”

    @Jim North (#176) on Spiderman: Damnit! I wanted to say that!

  182. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’m re-predicting that Mary Worth will barge into the storyline when she barges into the supply closet where Dr. Drew is tied up with IV hosing and mouth closed with Steri-Strips with Liza looming over him, boiled Palm Treo in hand, screaming “Well, what am I supposed to do? You won’t answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I’m not gonna be ignored, Drew!

  183. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    Nancy (in living color): What kind of abomination davenport did they have that would look good with that Checker Yellow Cab pillow? Was it from the Ethan Allen “Fugly for the Forties” collection?

    New Adventures of Queen Victoria: Well said, well illustrated. And I’m not just saying that because you commented in this thread, Pab.

  184. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:01 am [Reply]

    Pearls Before Swine: OMG! OMG! Rat just told Mary Worth to step off! OMG! Will Rat end up with a salmon square shoved into an unpleasant place? Tune in tomorrow and see!

    Pluggers: Bullshit. Pluggers will eat anything that’s been fried or highly-carbohydrate and gladly ask for more. They know where the home defibrillator is and aren’t afraid to use it.

    Slylock Fox: Bears wear shoes?

  185. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:07 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Margo’s the anti-Horatio Alger heroine. Wedding planning service going down the tubes, art gallery in trouble, apartment building falling apart…

    Marvin: That throwaway panel. Sticking her butt up in the air like that, she knows neither “Killer” Diller nor Marmaduke are around.

    Hagar the Horrible: Ha ha, the duck’s horny.

  186. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:09 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Augh! The Pinkie Poke! I do NOT want to know where that finger has been. DO. NOT. WANT.

  187. Marion Delgado
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    congrats to all especially S. Stout. But I mentally corrected AndyL’s:

    Oh, I read you! You want to see my shrine to my dead wife in the attic!” –AndyL

  188. This Guy
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#184): RE Slylock: If The Great Muppet Caper has taught us nothing else, it’s that bears wear hats (it’s how you distinguish them from frogs.)

  189. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#188): Nothing about shoes? Or do they have bear feet? Ha ha!

  190. Doctor Handsome
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    So, are we voting on the best MST3Ks here? I’d go with Prince of Space or Pod People (Trumpy! You can do stupid things!!”).

  191. Bill Thompson
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    Spiderfalldowngoboom: Spiderman has a spider’s proportionate strength. Unfortunately he has a spider’s proportionate IQ, which means he doesn’t understand the secret of the spider-sense. It’s what lets a spider pick a nice, safe place to spin a web, thereby avoiding humans and their bug-swatting instinct. Which is why he spends so much time lounging in front of his TV: its glow draws bugs and nobody clobbers him in his apartment.

  192. Jimbo
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Omitted from Sunday’s Mark Trail: “And another thing, Rusty. You know those tears I’m boring you to? Well, they’re 0.9% salinity….”

  193. ArchieNemesis
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    So did Crock just give up? Does it even contain jokes anymore?

  194. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Frazz: very Calvinesque today.

    A&J: art-shift for the joke, win!

    CdS: the return of the “Uh-Oh!” baby!

    Foxtrot: fairly clever and amusing. We also have a Bender sighting, along with the standard R2-D2. Can anyone ID the third figurine?

    GF: a rare moment of Satchel win. yay!

    HotC: hey, I like redheads! put it back!!!

    IP: *gigglez*

    Lio: Death, is sinister.

    NAoQV: *fireworks*

    OtH: guest stars galore! *applaz*

    rMC: all too true.

    Blondie: that. is. awesome. (and not just compared to the /fail that was Luann and Crank.) Mutt-ers Day was pretty kewl, though, and RwO rocked.

    PMP: wow. The last Lockhorns strip, misplaced.

  195. gleeb
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Slylock: You can’t fool me. this is a clear case of ursine cannibalism.

    Mary: A woman making decisions? That’s crazy talk!

  196. John C Fremont
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    GA – Looks as though A. Nony Moose needs to take this helpful tip from Joel and the Bots.

  197. Vince M
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    DT: This Sunday strip pretty much guarantees that Junior is going to go undercover as Hot Rize (sometime when he’s not going all Jump Street at Riverdale High).
    Oh wow, MST3K talk! – which Godzilla movie was the one with the Jerry Lewis-wannabe cop and the kids with the Cronenberg-level obsession with car accidents?

  198. CanuckDownSouth
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Constance, I know you’re not interested in other people for their own sake or you wouldn’t be a JP character, but if you want to fake it here’s a tip: a normal person who can Google a suicidal CEO’s bio and text a colleague would also call 911.

  199. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#184): re: PBS: Huh? You must have a different version of the strip today. I have one with a nose-picking joke.

  200. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Who is Junior? I believe Archie Andrews’ and Ms. Rize’s illegitimate son.

    Dick Tracy, second thought: I hope Attitude Plenty remains like Maris Crane or Peg Bundy’s mother: talked about but never seen. Imagination can be a wonderful thing.

    Dick Tracy, part trois: I can’t tell if Mrs. Plenty has already sampled her biscuits. Her eyes are always as big as salad plates.

    Dick Tracy, last comment: I hope to God that the former Gravel Gertie converted all her flour into the church’s cake sale. Imagine the fun! Mr. Romero and Ms. Howdy-Doody running around, alternately snatching and shooting baked goods out of parishoners’ hands while Earl stands there wondering how B.O. gets his beard so straight and glossy.

  201. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#199): You’re right. It’s that other strip. Over the Hedge. Over the Hedge is where Rat verbally bitch slaps Mary Worth.

  202. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    JP: “If you’d just step back a bit from the edge, Emma, I could get a better view up your skirt.”

    A3G: Whoa, there, Trey—Margo’s no fan of the “m” word, unless it’s her saying “it’s all about ME.”

    MW: I’m always a bit unnerved when I agree with any MW character, but I’m with Drew here: step away from the crazy lady.

    BB: Gah. I do not want to start any morning with Sarge “poking” Beetle.

  203. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#201): I don’t usually read OTH—but that’s pretty amusing!

  204. Pseudo3D
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#174): Oh, yes, I was typing from my iPod last night. Anonymous 173 was me. Other favorites of mine include Santa Claus, and Manos: The Hands of Fate. Some of my friends actually watched Santa Claus, the non-MST3K version.

    I don’t get the Pearl-McEldowney connection though…

  205. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Let’s hope cartoonists don’t get ahold of this app. I’m looking at you, Walker-Browne Industries. Strips about apps and strips about golf are boring enough by themselves…

  206. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#182): You got me with “boiled Palm Treo in hand.”

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#194) on Foxtrot: Maximillian from Disney’s The Black Hole, I do believe.

  207. nescio
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    I’d just like to add that I couldn’t have done this without the other readers. Usually I just post a few comments about the day’s comics, but that day I wasn’t inspired to say anything except a comment on the banality of Marvin.

    But then many people started comparing Mark Trail to gay porn. I thought they were either straight people relying on stereotypical descriptions of gay porn, or people who haven’t seen any gay porn made after 1980.

    Of course taste is subjective, so if you like old-style 70s gay porn, enjoy. As they used to say in Latin, “De gustibus non est disputandum.” Or, more appropriately in this case, “Different strokes for different folks.”

    I’m trying to get used to seeing my quote at the top of the page for the next week.

  208. Calico
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms on this list! Have a great day! : )

  209. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#206): ah, ok. Not one that I’ve seen, so not surprising that I didn’t recognize the ‘bot.

  210. UncleJeff
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    No discussion of MST3K can be complete without Joe Don Baker’s opus “Mitchell.”
    Complete and utter drek.
    Everything that is bad about a movie….especially a movie edited down for TV showing…can be seen in this movie.
    That Joe Don Baker apparently threatened real violence against Mike Nelson is a plus which, thankfully, never made it on the DVD extras.

  211. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    In Gasoline Alley-related news, the very last real life veteran of WWI has died, a British sailor who had been living in Australia. It’s just Walt now.

  212. Joe Blevins
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Spend Mother’s Day with Zombie Ziggy and Satan.

  213. John C Fremont
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Somewhere along the line I got this “bright” idea to start collecting non-MST3K versions of the movies they did. I was crushed when I went to a local video store that was going out of business to discover that someone had beaten me in buying their copy of Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. But the fact that they suddenly had a copy of Soultaker for sale helped make up for it. I didn’t get far in my quest before realizing this was a very bad idea, so I only have a very few. In addition to Soultaker, I have Mitchell, Santa Clause Conquers the Martians (Like who doesn’t have that one?), Manos, Space Mutiny, and Future War. I thought I had more than that but, thankfully, I was wrong. Without a guy and some robots to help you through these things, they are truly unbearable. Well, Mitchell is amusing. But Manos hurts even with Joel and the guys.

    All I have to say for myself is – What was I thinking?! I guess I thought maybe the movies would make more sense in their uncut form. Boy, was I delusional!

  214. TheDiva
    May 8th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: It’s funny because Jeff doesn’t care enough about the woman who gave him live to give her a non-virtual greeting for Mother’s Day, even though she lives with him.

    FW: I suppose we should be thankful we don’t have to watch Summer being forced to genuflect at the Shrine of St. Lisa the Mastectomied for Mother’s Day.

    MW: Forget the clingy stalker stuff–nobody who used buzz words like “proactive” to discuss relationship issues is worth a second date.

    SM: By that logic, every two-bit thug and purse snatcher in Manhattan has received powers from Dracula. (And no, I will NOT pardon the expression. That was a terrible, terrible pun and you should be ashamed of yourself.)

  215. commodorejohn
    May 8th, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#209): The Black Hole is worth seeing once for novelty value, at least – it’s like some bizarre fusion of ’50s plastic model kit space opera (think This Island Earth with a more industrial look) and 2001: A Space Odyssey, with some weird-ass religious symbolism thrown in for good measure. It’s quite the weird stew of stuff, and it looks beautiful, to boot.

    @John C Fremont (#213): So I guess I’m not alone in doing that! I’ve got Space Mutiny, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, Santa Claus, and a few others that I can’t think of what they are right now. Huh!

    A3G – Hey, a green background object!

    BB – Should we be seeing this?

    Crankshaft – Oh hey, a Crankshaft in response to which I’d like to strangle every character. What a surprise.

    Curtis – Yes he is, Curtis. So do it already. Beat the tar out of the little shit. Don’t stop until he’s a pulpy red smear on the sidewalk.

    DT – “When is Flakey Biscuits Flour not flour?” Uh, when it’s ajar?

    FG – So, uh, Flash, why exactly didn’t you do that right when you figured out that he was weak to light? Would’ve saved you some ammo.

    HTH – whaaaa…?

    H&L – Hi & Lois, where a Mother’s Day strip becomes a mostly-irrelevant tangent about bears. Huh.

    JP – Angel: chauffer, businessman, hep cat, suicide-prevention counselor. Truly a modern Renaissance man.

    MW – Anything I say could only detract from the…whatever this is.

    PV – Well, uh…okay then. Sweet hat, Maeve.

    RMMD – So yes, there are people in this strip who are too immature for Rex. Think about that.

    SM – Should we even bother to say we called it at this point? Spider-Man getting clonked on the head from behind is like Mark Trail punching out a bearded man – it’s just inevitable. Although Martine seems to have missed the memo and decided this was a noteworthy achievement, poor girl.

  216. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#206): Thanks. It was a tossup between a boiled Treo or a boiled “Men’s Workout” magazine.

  217. bats :[
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

  218. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    S-M: I can’t usually be arsed to embiggen the Sunday strip to read it. I did this time. It wasn’t worth it. But wasn’t Draculina wearing more on her torso last time we saw her?

    BB: I mistook “my pinkie poke” for a term of endearment.

    MT: So was it a gulf, bay, sea or ocean where Mark found Momjeans Island?

    MW: This is why men shouldn’t casually refer to women as bitches: it deprives them of a concise term for women like this one.

  219. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    I just thought of something good to say about the current Mary Worth plot, other than “Mary isn’t in it.” It’s a plot that revolves around a pushy woman who asks a guy out, comes on too strong, and doesn’t take no for an answer, but it’s saving grace is that no sane person would deny this interpretation. Imagine how much more painful and crazy it would be if Liza were behaving like a normal human being with an interest in another, Drew were appearing to concede to her wishes while inwardly thought-bubbling his reluctance, and then Mary (you know she’s going to show up) were chastising Liza for her unladylike chasing after a man.

    Either way, it will end when Mary explains that good girls powder their noses and wait demurely for the man to make his move. Liza will take her advice and then Drew will realize how much he misses her and … okay, no, I was wrong, it doesn’t make more sense this way.

  220. ArchieNemesis
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Snark what you will about them, but it appears that only Family Circus and Crankshaft are brave enough to expose what a loathsome burden Mother’s Day truly is.

  221. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#220): I’m not so sure about Crankshaft. The mother seemed like a bitch ungrateful selfish harpy comparing the prices of the greeting cards she received. Not a wise move when any of her jilted children could put her into that home they saw on “60 Minutes” over her objections. You know, the one who’s best employee is Liza.

  222. Uncle Lumpy
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#221):

    The mother seemed like a bitch ungrateful selfish harpy comparing the prices of the greeting cards she received.

    This, of course, is the woman who lovingly preserved the spatula she used to whip her young son.

    Ha ha.

  223. Jerseygull
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: Thel is less than thrilled at the prospect of having a Mother’s Day dinner with her family — you know, the ones who made her a mother. Of course, based on past unhappy experience, she knows that Ida Know will throw a tantrum, poop, puke or start running around the restaurant in a broken, crooked line before she even gets through her first martini.

  224. Black Drazon
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    DT – Junior’s baby brother-in-law is named “Attitude”? I thought “B. O. Plenty” was a bit of a stretch for a pun name but I blamed it on me being decades older than the name itself. This one I just don’t get. But I’m with Baka Gajin, I don’t want to actually see his face… maybe ever. Mike’s kid on S*P has been unseen for years now and is still growing up, surely a strip semi-locked in time can do the same!

  225. Black Drazon
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    *decades younger. I’m not older than Dick Tracy but that would be pretty awesome.

  226. Esther Blodgett
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#204): Self-loving, pretentious, enamored of arcania, and both way less clever than they think they are. McEldowney could really use a Professor Bobo to keep his feet on the ground.

  227. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#222): What? I did not know that. Too funked up. I’d be on my phone tout de suite to get her into the home with Mildred Ratched as her personal nurse.

  228. Esther Blodgett
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Happy Mother’s Day to the mama ‘mudgeons!

  229. Anonymous
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#228): Nice! Didn’t mean to be a Mother’s Day downer in my previous post. The one comic that captured the true spirit of today was the one with the baby kangaroo giving the mama kangaroo the single flower in the middle of the desert.

  230. ArchieNemesis
    May 8th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    229 is me. I’m going to call my mom right now! Happy MD to all!

  231. Bill Thompson
    May 8th, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Spiderdown: “Down for the Count” is unpardonable. For one thing, unless an actual Count shows up, there are no counts present. The strip shouldn’t tease the audience with the hint that the True Vampire and Human Vampire will be joined by a Competent Vampire. As for the porn implications, we have Mark Trail for that, thank you very much.

    How will it end? Spiderklutz is now more dangerous than ever: he’s lying immobile on the roof. Martine could trip over him, fall off the roof and plunge onto a heap of broken sticks, one of which would impale her through the heart. But since when is there action in this strip?

    I’m guessing that Morbius will have a change of heart. He’ll keep Martine talking until dawn. If the sun doesn’t destroy her, it will make her comatose and she can be locked away. Later, MJ can Explain It All to her husband, who will then realize he’s used his real superpower: he’s made a total fool of himself.

  232. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Thompson (#231): I remain unable to shake my conviction that Constance, Sam, Dr. Emma St. John, Peter, Mary-Jane, Morbius, Martine, and possibly the safecracker guy from Rex Morgan MD are all on the same rooftop, and that Constance and Emma will beat up Martine while the men look sleepily on.

  233. greghousesgf
    May 8th, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think there such a thing as a bad MST3K epie, although some are definitely funnier than others. In general, the worse the movie, the funnier the riffs.
    and I vastly preferred Forrester and Frank to Bobo and Brain guy.
    @Vince M (#197) i don’t remember the name but it was a Gamera movie, not a Godzilla one. MST did so many Gamera movies that i have a really hard time remembering the titles.

  234. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#229): that would have been Mutts.

  235. Pseudo3D
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man – I’m not sadistic, but there was something mildly entertaining when Spider-Man was hit from behind. Maybe it was his facial expression. Also, it seems Morbius and his fianceé have altered their existing costumes.

  236. Pseudo3D
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#125): Ah yes, RiffTrax. Never heard any of them, but I hear Josh was a guest riffer on Spider-Man 2.

  237. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    belated corgsqui.

  238. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Valiant – A word to the wise, Val: better make sure Ambassador Bukkake leaves Aleta’s bedside when you do!

    Dick – Hurry over to Casa Plenty, Junior, before Rize leaves. She’s a villanous drug dealer, but hell — she was made for you. Trust me on this!

    Pearls – This was a speech I gave in high school. “How to pick your nose.” It was about the choices plastic surgery offered. It was even more about flooring my teacher.

  239. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man“Next: DOWN FOR THE… COUNT!”
    Well, a guest appearance from that one Muppet from Sesame Street would certainly help brighten things up around here.

    Slylock – “It was then, my brother bear, that you were too tired to walk, and so I carried you.” (— heartwarming animal-world parable)

    Family – Everything sucks when you’re Thel. Is she trying to grow up and one day become “Momma”?

  240. Bill Thompson
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#232): That makes sense. Half of Manhattan could be on that rooftop and Spiderfail wouldn’t notice them until they stepped into the frame. He must have a spider’s proportionate myopia.

  241. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#204): The Mexican SANTA CLAUS movie hardly needs MST3K to make it a memorable and harrowing viewing experience. I’ve seen it a few times, though never with commentary. The breadth and depth of weirdness in that movie makes it highly watchable. Who knew Santa was Big Brother?

    @commodorejohn (#215): The Black Hole is worth seeing once for novelty value, at least
    I thought it was an interesting attempt by Disney’s group to grow up a little. It had some interesting images. They were hampered, as usual, by cutesy robots and such. There’s a nicely managed death scene that feels like a reward to the viewer for hanging around. Also, a friend of mine painted mattes for it.

    @Bill Thompson (#240): Not seeing someone or something until it’s viewable to the reader is pretty standard in the comics. We can certainly rag on Spider-Man for it, but he’s only one of about eleventy-five thousand on this matter.

  242. Uncle Lumpy
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker — I’m hoping Dr. Prof. Emma St. John, Ph.D., MBA, CEO, OBE spends a couple weeks up on that ledge unloading truckloads of her glorious backstory on all and sundry, then abruptly jumps and is never heard from again.

    Judge Parker in a nutshell. Hey, maybe she’ll land on Sociology Hooker.

  243. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#241): I knew.

    He sees you when you’re sleeping.
    He knows when you’re awake.
    He can tell when you are faking
    During the two-minute hate.

  244. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#242): I would subscribe to that. But I’d prefer she land on the bland boyfriend from A3G.

  245. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#242): “Hey, maybe she’ll land on Sociology Hooker”

    *does anime nosebleed take*

  246. Pseudo3D
    May 8th, 2011 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#233): What about that one episode where they lost sound equipment so there’s barely any riffs at all?

  247. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#245): Even better would be if Sociology Hooker could come up to the rooftop and talk down Emma, Martine and safecracker guy, then they all go out for martinis.

  248. Katy
    May 8th, 2011 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#161): Oh dear. Oh … dear. I think I’m glad that I’m not the only one who’s had that date, but I’m stomping in circles holding my hands over my ears and shouting LALALALA to distract myself from the thought of there being *two* evenings like that in the history of the world.

  249. bats :[
    May 8th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#229): very few cartoonists do sweet without saccharine better than Patrick MacDonnell.

  250. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#244): Which one?

  251. Poteet
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#159): No trussing, but I provided food to at least two of them to help hold them in place. Another was suffering from severe jetlag, and the only problem was having to poke him hard every time he tried to fall asleep. Which I did. I’m no saint.

  252. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#250): doesn’t matter.

  253. Poteet
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#159): Two others were too polite to try to escape. Ha ha.

  254. Uncle Lumpy
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#252):

    In Apartment 3-G: The Musical, now running in my head, all the guys are played by Hugh Jackman, wearing a hilarious assortment of hairpieces, false beards, and cravats.

  255. teenchy
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Just came across this on Slate. Do you suppose it could be driving Batiuk’s current FW arc?

  256. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#255): Heh, I had just seen this other new story, and was wondering if Lisa was making phone calls again. For a moment there, I was expecting you’d beat me to it.

  257. Terrapin
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    JP: “Well OK then, if you’re going to jump anyway, could I have that spiffy bracelet your wearing?”

    FC: Thel thinks of all the things she would rather do than go out to dinner with her brood. Killing herself was censored by the syndicate.

  258. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Is the Perfesser wearing a “What Would Margo Do?” bracelet?

  259. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    On The Fast Track: Paleness Does Not Work That Way. Exactly the opposite, in fact.

  260. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Please call the mountain lion from Mark Trail please call the mountain lion from Mark Trail please call the mountain lion from Mark Trail. . . .

  261. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    And speaking of Mark Trail, in today’s Brewster Rockit, we can see where Mark gets his sleeping bags from!

  262. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

  263. Maggie the Cat
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers- Okay, what the hell kind of animal is the wife in Sunday’s strip? I used to assume those were kangaroos, but for some reason today I doubted my assumptions and I don’t see a pouch or tail. Besides, aren’t Pluggers Americana? Kangaroos can’t be Americana any more than a Lion or Elephant. I thought maybe a rabbit for a minute, but I’m going with coyote now. She looks more like Wile E. Coyote than Kanga from Winnie the Pooh and lacks common cartoon rabbit features. Thoughts?

  264. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#263): Deer? Perhaps a mule deer in particular, with those ears? And it lends itself to “yes, deer” puns, not that I’ve ever noticed any actually used.

  265. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#263): given that her name is “Sheila Roo” it’s a pretty safe bet that she’s a kangaroo. :-)

  266. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#264): Puns are too erudite for Pluggers unless they are encapsulated in knock-knock jokes.

  267. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#265):

    Plugger info from TV Tropes, and an earlier version of Shiela. (down, Jamus, she’s married.)

  268. Pseudo3D
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    FC – Well, if Thel does go out to dinner, hopefully it’s some place with lots and lots of cheap liquor. I’m sure after a few bottles of tequila, Thel will feel…different.

  269. Aviatrix
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#246): Did they really lose the sound equipment or was that just the shtick for the show? Did they try mime?

  270. Pseudo3D
    May 8th, 2011 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#268): Oh, wait, I did some researching, looks like it was the MOVIE that had no dialogue (The Creeping Terror), though it’s possible I am thinking of something else.

  271. kkarenb
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#255):
    The article says that it was originally published in 2009, so it is possible. That article was so moving that it brought tears to my eyes. I’m sure that my reaction to the FW story will be very different.

  272. commodorejohn
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#269): Yes, the sound equipment for The Creeping Terror got dumped in a lake by accident, which is why the majority of the movie has the narrator explaining the plot, up to and including relating what characters are visibly saying to each other!

    “The ‘creeping’ part is apt, but the ‘terror’ is just not happening.”

  273. Flummoxicated
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    FW: It looks like Mr. Batiuk has enrolled in the Brooke McEldowney Atelier for Pointless Sunday Strips.

  274. pugfuggly
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#271): I heard that the bit about the audio equipment falling in the lake was just a myth (wiki tells me that at very least it didn’t fall into Lake Tahoe, but doesn’t get more specific than that). The director has claimed that he alwsays planned to do the film without live sound and do the whoe thing in post as a cost-cutting measure, but who knows what the truth is by now?

  275. Lesser Whark
    May 8th, 2011 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#113): There’s plenty of evidence that major comic strip authors read this site. However, I see no evidence that they’re trying to please this audience – and they have no particular obligation to do so.

    However, I sometimes suspect that Archie, Funky Winkerbean, Mary Worth and Mark Trail are actively trolling us. It’s a win-win situation, after all. They get praise from the Pluggers that read newspapers and write letters to the editor, and we provide quality snark. If they really score, we buy their merchandise for the irony. Remember, if we genuinely like a strip, it’s probably a sign that it will go the way of My Cage.

  276. KarMann
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Lesser Whark (#274): Maybe we need to start talking about how wonderful that ground-breaking new strip, Reply All, is? The artwork! Those lines! The intricate plotting! It is truly a thing of beauty!

  277. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Brother! — Proof that Bud is a prints of a fellow:

  278. Esther Blodgett
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Flummoxicated (#272): “Hey, Bull, I got some this week. You just keep throwing paper wads and missing, because I got some. Remember when you didn’t bully me back in high school? Whatever, I totally tapped that Cayla in my second-floor bedroom.” It’s called CONTINUITY.

  279. Maggie the Cat
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#265):

    Pluggers have names?? I did not know this. Well, if it’s Sheila Roo, then yes I’d say she’s definitely an ambiguously drawn kangaroo that kept her species maiden name.

    @KarMann (#264): I can see some deer in that face, now that you mention it. But like queek said, her name implies she’s a marsupial.

  280. Uncle Lumpy
    May 8th, 2011 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#278):

    Andy Bear, Sheila Roo, Claude Manx, Carl Rhinowski, Earl Houndstooth, Henrietta Beak. I did that from memory, and I’m gonna go drink now.

  281. ElkMeadow
    May 8th, 2011 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#275):

    I vote that Reply All be part of the Never-Ever with ehT kcuD.

  282. Lesser Whark
    May 8th, 2011 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#275): So, I looked at today’s Reply All. I see it combines the line art from Crock, the coloring from Mary Worth, and the writing (not just the style, but the exact ‘joke’) from Luann. The only way this strip can exist in a rational Universe is if it serves as hilariously scathing meta-commentary on syndicated comic strips. The strip’s farewell to Cathy makes this clear. Since it shares so much with Cathy, we are not supposed to enjoy Reply All – we’re supposed to enjoy hating Reply All. Or, more precisely, we’re supposed to enjoy hating that we enjoy hating Reply All.

    Lesser minds suggest that, if you can see what’s wrong with syndicated comics, you could learn from that and create a genuinely good comic strip. Maybe you could even research a time and place to make it deeper. Pshaw, I say. Do those strips appear on, sharing space with Gil Thorp, Marmaduke and Momma? No. Are they nominated for Pulitzer Prizes? No. Are they nominated for Hugo Awards? Okay, yes.

    As an alternative, I’ll happily second ElkMeadow (#280).

  283. Frank Lee Meidere
    May 8th, 2011 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of myths and rumours about old movies, has anyone seen the video of the time traveller talking into a cell phone in the 1928 Charlie Chaplin footage? ‘Tis odd, I grant.

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