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Dick Tracy, 5/6/11

Sure, the characters in Dick Tracy under the new artists have recognizable faces and hands that bear some passing resemblance to human appendages, but we longtime readers must know if the retooled strip will really meet the levels of depravity we demand. While nobody’s died horribly yet on-panel, this plotline, which had previously been about the Plentys and their freakishly ugly baby winning some kind of contest from a flour company, just took a turn for the hilarious as we learn that said flour company is using its legal white-powder-distribution networks to sneak blow into the well-muscled arms of hilariously stereotyped drug dealers. Except there’s been a wacky mixup! One that has, one presumes, delivered a mountain of cocaine to the Plentys! If next week features their unwitting manic binge, I think all of us monsters who read this strip will be pretty pleased.

Judge Parker, 5/6/11

Wait a minute, Constance! Maybe the Japanese tsunami was her fault! Do you know for sure that her company wasn’t working on some terrifying and highly profitable doomsday device? It’s best to get all the facts when dealing with people with super-villainous jobs.