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Metapost: I AM THE CHAMPION

Those of you who read Wonkette have probably already figured out the secret engagement I hinted at the other day. Yes, I am the BLOGGER OF THE YEAR! Um, as selected by The Week magazine‘s Opinion Awards. (Sadly, if you click on the “Opinion Awards” link on that page, you’ll be taken to last year’s winners, which are entirely me free.) Technically, since they’re all political and stuff over there, it’s mostly from my political cartoon stuff at Wonkette, but we all know that my work on Mary Worth is second to none in the blogosphere.

Look, here I am giving a half-assed acceptance speech!

(Photo thanks to Liz Gorman, Girl Reporter.)

Alex Pareene, Wonkette’s main editor, was also there, and wrote a very funny write-up of the event. I found the whole thing very surreal, as I don’t go to these things very often, by which I mean ever. But the booze and the food, paid for by Chevron and Philip Morris (I’m sorry, the “Altria Group”) were great. The only thing I have to add to Alex’s take is that Chip Bok (who won the best cartoonist award) and his wife are awesomely nice people who rescued me when I was sitting all lonely by myself at the pre-banquet cocktail hour, and Tom Toles, who I didn’t get to talk to quite as much, is very charming too. In fact, all cartoonists that I have had any contact with are uniformly great. So this award’s for you, guys! Except in the sense that it’s actually for me.

249 responses to “Metapost: I AM THE CHAMPION”

  1. slinkimalinki
    March 28th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    congratulations. a chorus of singing potatoes will show up at your door momentarily to convey their good wishes.

  2. Team MP
    March 28th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    Congrats Josh- That is a nice accomplishment.

  3. willethompson
    March 28th, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    and yes you are. Superior blogmanship! CLAPCLAPCLAP!

    Didn’t I say this in an email already?

  4. Uncle Lumpy
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you are far too modest — I am certain that your acceptance speech was fully-assed!

  5. Rusty
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    You may force me to take another look at Wonkette.

    Also, here was a fine opportunity to sport a “Work it like a claw” t-shirt. Sales would have soared.

  6. Ken Layne
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Hooray! I am kind of sad that you didn’t launch a vulgar tirade against whoever else won, but at least you didn’t have to go to fucking Iraq to get the prize.

    I hope there was a cash prize … and a drunken handjob from Ben Bradlee or something. That’s how the awards business works, right?

  7. Ryan W. Mead
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    You bear a striking resemblance to prudish Republican L. Brent Bozell III and/or actor/religious figure/Internet meme Chuck Norris. Congratulations on your award and keep bringing us information about licorice and all that good stuff.

  8. Red Greenback
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Damn, Josh, that’s a beautiful suit! Double knit? I’m no Eddie from Zachery All, but I do play a haberdasher on TeeVee. No I don’t, but I watch television everyday!

  9. BillJames
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Josh,

    First the Millenipost, now this. You’ve got the world on a string, or something like that.

    Congratulations!

  10. fizzy logic
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Excellent, Josh, and most well deserved! I’m not sure who else was nominated, as those eggheads over at The Week can’t be bothered to update their website with the current awards, but I’m sure you were the most worthy.

    I’m a little disappointed it isn’t for your fine efforts in bringing the world’s attention to the evildoings of the denizens of Santa Royale or the mysterious size-shifting bears of the Lost Forest, as these blog missives are also worthy of awards. In just this past week, we’ve been witness to the pros v. cons of hitting yourself in the head with a barky stick; the sexcapades of (typical? hee.) Canadian teenagers; the terrors of being mistaken for a French prostitute while getting lost in Paris; and the heartbreak of chopping up a possibly lucrative talking potato for dinner. Why aren’t comics worthy of serious journalism’s attentions? Is it a conspiracy of the MSM?

    Anyway, I digress. Well done, Josh! Hurrah and Congrats! You look nice in the suit too!

  11. The Avocado Avenger
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Congrats! Also, that’s a great suit. You clean up real good.

  12. fizzy logic
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    #10 – Updating statement – Obviously you were the most worthy, as you won and all. Duh. But still, well done!

  13. NotThatGuy
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, Josh. And we can say, “We knew you when” and bask in your reflected glory. I hope you’ll still have time for us, for Mary, for Mark, for Abbey the Wonderdog. And don’t think that potato has upstaged you, at least not by much.

  14. True Fable
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Well, they SAID they gave it to you for all your hard work at Wonkette, but I betcha dollars to donuts that the majority of them are so heavily into snarking Mary Worth, they wanted to give you the award for it, but to SAY it was for Wonkette because all of them read Curmudgeon on the internet at work and they can’t risk admitting that they fart around on the job like everyone else.

    The POINT is, either way you are tops and deserve every accolade. Congrats Josh, you multi-taskin’ foo. :)

  15. Weasel Boy
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    I’ll bet your speech was better than Mike Patterson’s. Congrats, Josh!

  16. stinky pete
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    15 WB, if Josh had gotten up there and heaved all over the dais, it would have been better than Mike Patterson’s speech. Of course, I’m sure Josh gave a reasonably good speech after he heaved all over the dais, but I’m just sayin’…

  17. sally
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Wow, hearty congratulations, Josh! And I say that despite my passionate hatred of all things Altria-related (and yes, I’m talking to you, Kraft cheese and Altoid mints! You’re all tainted by tobacco death money!)

    Ahem. But I digress. I’m sure you deserve the award no matter who paid for the food.

  18. Cafangdra
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations! I’m glad you got public recognition AND food and drink–you deserve it for the years of hilarity and catharsis you bring to the internet. You’re a hero to red-haired comics wonks everywhere, Mr. Josh.

  19. PeteMoss
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, BloggerBoy! Nice work!

    Now, how exactly will your award affect me? Will it help me get into exclusive night clubs or Country Clubs if I flash my Curminion ID? How about discounts at TGI Fridays and Mervyn’s?

  20. Ces
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, Josh! Well deserved indeed!

    Now let the “Josh Accepting Award Lookalike Contest” begin!

  21. Blynneda
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Wow. I feel so special. I mean, I actually read the work produced by the Blogger of the Year. That’s pretty tubular.

    Congrats, Josh! You deserve it. Keep the hilarity comin’. (This may be but the first victory in a long dynasty of lordship, after all.)

  22. TurtleBoy
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Rock on, Josh! Huzzah! Congrats! Here’s to many more years of stellar bloggin’ ‘n’ snarkin’!

  23. Blade Runner
    March 28th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Just two things today:

    First, Sung to the tune of Blondie’s Heart of Glass:

    I knew Al, a friend of Crankshaft.
    It soon turned out he got terminal gas.
    He seemed alright, but I was so bliiind
    He od’d on beans and it blew his behind.

    Eating beans for breakfast lunch and dinner
    Makes you flatulate
    And smell just like a shitter.
    Please don’t eat those beans, they’ll put you in a stupor
    They will make gas and blow right out your pooper.

    Oooooh, Boy

    Phewwww, Boy

    Second, to the tune of George Thorogood’s “It Wasn’t Me”:

    I met a New York girl from Brooklyn who was turning tricks in France
    And we ditched punks from the Metro at an Alpha Kappa dance…

    All Abbey and Neddie have to do now is to look for a fraternity house and hide out for a while.

  24. Squid Countess
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, Josh! Is our children blogging ? Yes! And they is winning awards!

  25. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    LET ALL BEINGS COMPREHEND THE LAURELS WHICH GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX BESTOWS UPON THE RECIPIENT OF SUCH ACCOLADE

    END TRANSMISSION

  26. Bunnë
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    yaaaaaay Josh!

  27. Dingo
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Josh, your hand is perfectly placed for a Molly the Bear statuette ($14.95 at cafepress.com) or some other CC-related tsotchke. Kudos, man!

  28. Wayward
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, Josh!

  29. Poteet
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Josh, I am really impressed. Congratulations! And I think # 25 is the very nicest thing that Galactic Emperor Chennux has ever said to any of us. (Except, I assume, for whatever he says privately to AppleGirl when she visits.) And yeah, that’s a nice suit and tie.

  30. Mibbitmaker
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Josh, please tell us you said, “Ladies and Gentoids…” at the start of your speech! At least for the Altoid people (ironically, of course!). Seriously, though, I hope this place got a prominent mention, in spite of the Wonkette-heavy intent.

    Our library gets “The Week”. I like the cartoon section with a good mix of opinion, as too, apparently, were your cartoonist chatmates there.

    I wonder if this event came close to the amusing oddity that was the Washington Press Correspondents’ Dinner tonight on C-Span 2? It was interesting to see the group of conservatives and the even bigger bunch of liberals at the event — but enough about the media people, there were politicians there, too! *rimshot!*

    Oh, and Death to Gil Thorp (but not to talking potatoes!)

  31. Esther
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations!

  32. Blade Runner
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations Josh!

    Reading your blog is a fun way to end the day.

  33. Foobar
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Sink me! That’s jolly well ripping, Josh!

  34. HBGlord
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Josh, may i also join all the Curminions in offering you a tip of the Hatlo hat for your ridiculously deserved win! Culd it be that you’re holding The World’s Tiniest Trophy in your left hand? (And note the po-faced also-ran sitting behind you — it appears he’s straining to devise a potato-themed Beatles parody to get in your good graces.)

  35. Islamorada Girl
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Whoo Hoo! Our Pope is truly infallible!

    You done good, son. Real good. You make your Cards proud.

  36. HBGlord
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Josh, may i also join all the Curminions in offering you a tip of the Hatlo hat for your ridiculously deserved win! Could it be that you’re holding The World’s Tiniest Trophy in your left hand? (And note the po-faced also-ran sitting behind you — it appears he’s straining to devise a potato-themed Beatles parody to get in your good graces.)

  37. HBGlord
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #34, 36 — Yeah, i know: You heard me the first time.

  38. mumbles
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    What Josh isn’t telling us is that he got home early and caught Margaret Carlson and Chris Matthews making out in his rec room.

    Congrats!

  39. Chilblains
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    I thought that was “Geek Award” your shoulder was obscuring in the picture for a second there. No offense.

  40. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 28th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations! They couldn’t deny your superior snarking abilities anymore!

  41. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Huge kudos, Josh. And I like your “raise the roof” gesture.

  42. Brian
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Way to kick ass, Josh! Couldn’t happen to a better blogger.

  43. Ten Day Dinosaur
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Serious congratulations and adulations, Pope Josh.

  44. Little Red-haired Girl
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Wow! congrats, Josh! I know everyone else has complimented you on your suit but I can’t help regretting you didn’t use this opportunity to wear your powder blue eBayTuxedo. Now that would have made a statement!

  45. Cornwhacker
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, Josh! And, on behalf of all of us cartoonists, thanks for saying nice things about us once in awhile.

  46. Trixie Belden
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Felicitations to his holiness Pope Josh! You know, even though my only connection to the site is to read it and infrequently post comments, somehow, I feel so proud of him right now! sniff!
    (Or perhaps I should emulate Elly form FBOFW)
    HONK!

  47. Vakar
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I left a comment last week, and now Josh wins an award? My 11-month-old understands cause and effect, and so do I. You’re welcome! Keep me amused, and we’re talking Pulitzer, baby…

    Couldn’t have happened to a funnier, or nicer, blogger: Congratulations!

  48. Uncle Lumpy
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    Charterstone Pool Party alert! And I hear they’ll be giving out some sort of blogging award!

  49. Joshtradamus predicts:
    March 28th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    Joshtradamus predicts:

    In the new Millenium year CC1K: After successfully campaigning to have Mary Worth returned to newspapers across the country and gaining recognition for winning internet awards; Josh will be credited with the creation and syndication of the ComOp-Ed page appearing opposite the comics pages of every major news market. Television appearances and guest expert spots for CNN follow.

  50. ohyes
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    Congratulations, Josh! Top 0′ the World! Huge! You are the best!

    Sanjaya’s still in the game, and so is Natasha on America’s Next Top Model, and Georgetown, but you are in the Final Four!

  51. slinkimalinki
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, in mark trail, cherry is having a conversation with her own ass.

    or she found a unique place to store the talking potato.

  52. Lathem
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    I laughed so hard at one of your columns, one of the ribs on my right side hurt for a week. Definitely the only choice for blog of the year. WTG, man!

  53. Canaduck
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Nice job, Josh–you TOTALLY deserve it!!

  54. Dingo
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    Forgive me for what I’m about to write but…

    Mark Trail: For those of you who have ever thought that Cherry was nothing more than a talking cunt, well… today seems to be your day. But… she’s a crime-solving, Nancy Drewish cunt. Figure it out, Boxy!

    Can’t wait for tomorrow when Mark is nothin’ but a walkin’, talkin’ ass.

  55. Mibbitmaker
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Congratulations are excellent, but time waits for no mibbit, so on to 3/29:

    JP: Wow, sudden time jump between strips! What about mohawk boy?? Looks like JP has the same ‘film editor’ as Mike St.Foob’s speech!

    MT: While a let-down from yesterday, it does seem that Cherry is now having a conversation with her pants! (Sounds like another Dave Letterman joke) ——Alternate snark: Cherry, is that a potato in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

    MW: That alone ought to drive Vera to suicide.

    FOOB: Great, Lynn, still at April’s lame sitcom! Depriving me the chance to say “called it!” when I suggested it’d be back to the party on Thursday. Well… back to the party on Saturday, then! Hah! Take that, hoser! ….Anyway, in today’s epidode, Apes gets the Gitmo interogation routine from Ellie.

    FC: “Mommy, I’m sorry that I… what was it I did again? …Oh, right: mass murder. Sorry, mommy!”

    FW: Then, the space-time continuum goes all haywire, and Bull becomes the first gym teacher to get a detention.

    S-M: Flattop Schickelgruber loves it when someone’s in grave danger. It makes him all smug inside.

    A3G: Since when isn’t LuAnn lost in a fog?

    SForth: Hey, Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart all the time, and he and Rosalyn didn’t split up! And even “Cheatin’ Bill” Clinton stayed with Hillary when he ‘did’ his intern. (Okay, that diluted the point, but still…)

    (DT)GT: Didn’t see her?? Then what’s the radar antennae there for?!

  56. Dingo
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Continuing the role of the guttersnipe, Gil Thorp has girl-on-girl action today. “Helen was wide open, and you tried to force the ball inside!” Is this Girls Gone Milford?

    Personally, I don’t wanna see Brynna Antenna get it on with anyone, ‘cept maybe her Lord Chennux from the home planet.

  57. Trilobite
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    Congratulations! Henceforth you should refer to yourself as award-winning, as often and in as many different contexts as possible. Start by signing things “The Award-Winning Josh Fruhlinger,” and see how far it takes you.

    Pretty far, I bet. People love winners!

  58. Mr. O’Malley
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    A-3G: LuAnn’s gonna take a trip to Vietnam! (if this dream sequence follows the same path it did last time I saw it)

    SF: So actually, Sally, there would be an advantage to hubby watching gorgeous Hispanic women on telenovelas—if he can’t speak Spanish, he will have a hard time meeting real ones. Actually, though, watching soaps is a good way to learn a language, because there is a lot of repetition. I used to know someone who learned English by sitting in a hotel room for several weeks watching soaps.

    TDIET: My nomination for Curmudgeon gear is one of those Caribou hats. Oh yeahhh!

    Pardon My Planet: Not one that gets mentioned much here. It’s sort of stuck in an 80s time warp. A TDIET for the 21st century, perhaps. But if someone offered me Folger’s coffee-flavored beverage in the morning, I think I’d be so traumatized I wouldn’t come out from under the covers for the rest of the week.

    We get our coffee direct from a tribe of coffee-growing headhunters in Borneo. (OK, so I exaggerate a little.)

    Congrats to Josh, and to the others who produced such chuckleworthy stuff in the last couple of days. Cheered me right up. Which I needed.

    By the way, Red (back in p1007), I don’t know what a talking haggis would say, but if you have to start a conversation with one, Robert Burns recommends the following:

    Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
    Great chieftain o’ the pudding-race!
    Aboon them a’ yet tak your place,
    Painch, tripe, or thairm:
    Weel are ye wordy o’a grace
    As lang’s my arm.

  59. Red Greenback
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    Hey, I actually made a potato talk! This was way back in junior high science class, where I Abu Graibed a spud with electodes and hooked it into an AM transmitter and and got a very distorted version of “Peanuts”

    It went something like this:

    Dit-dit, dooby-do-wah
    Dit-dit, dooby-do-wah
    Dit-dit, dooby-do-waaaaaaah

    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, girl you my love
    I love ya, love ya
    And I’ll never let you go

    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, girl you my love
    I love ya, love ya
    And I’ll never let you go

    Oh, I love you peanuts
    With all my heart and mind
    Mad about you, although it’s insane
    Crazy ’bout you baby
    Love to call your name

    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, girl you my love
    I love ya, love ya
    And I’ll never let you go

    [Instrumental Interlude]

    Oh, I love ya, love ya, peanuts
    With all my heart and mind
    Mad about you, although it’s insane
    Crazy ’bout you baby
    Love to call your name

    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, girl you my love
    I love ya, love ya
    And I’ll never let you go

    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah
    Peanuts, ah, ah, ah-ah

  60. Jack Parsons
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:25 am [Reply]

    The criminals in the Parisian ghettos are Algerians and Sub-Saharan Africans from the Francophone countries*. I’d love to see what attention that reality would bring to the comics page.

    Also, Neddy would have Canuckian Maple Leaf badges sewn all over her clothes: that’s how you spot an American college student overseas.

    And speaking of telegraphing stories: that damn hooker is going to show up Neddy’s art school, isn’t she. And they’ll be bosom buddies. And speaking of that, why don’t such carefully drawn fabulous tatas have veins? Or, like my first girlfriend, stretch marks from developing too fast?

    * The former French colonies. The former British colonies are the Anglophone countries, and the former Spanish colonies are known as the Spancophones. Okay, no, but you agree that they should be.

  61. rata2e
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Josh. I often read Cartoon Violence while idly waiting for you to post a Friday CC and, uh, working. I hope you remember the little people….

  62. juggernaut
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:11 am [Reply]

    “HELEN WAS WIDE OPEN, AND YOU TRIED TO FORCE THE BALL INSIDE!” – Gil Thorp, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. You are truly the Messiah. Hallowed be Thy Name.

  63. Anon
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    Me and all my peeps say congrats. Been here since there was only two to five comments per post, you know the stone age of this blog. Kind of a BC period.

    Anyway, don’t let it go to your head and go all Margo on us.

    As an aside, sadly, I guess I am a plugger. I will only by the Sam’s Club sugar flavored water for a quarter from the machines at the local Wal*Mart. At twenty-five cents they are still making huge profits. Burn in Atlanta, Coca-Cola. [end of rant]

  64. Kenny
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    Wonkette, Millenipost, now this award! Here comes the Biopic!

    I wonder who would star as Josh?

  65. Mooselet
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    Wow, now I can say “Hey, you know that blogger Josh? The one who won the Blogger of the Year Award*? Yeah, I totally bought this shirt when he was still a nobody. No really, I’m in his sidebar wearin’ it. That’s right, me an’ Josh are tight.” So maybe not, but I can say it anyway.

    Congrats on a well deserved honour, Your Popeness.

    * as voted by The Week magazine

  66. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    Congratulations Josh! That is wonderful.
    Next time you win you’ll have to bring the whole curmugeon group with, like a pack of screaming, horn tooting, lamp-trashing, sugared-up children fresh out of the Family Sure-mess ring of fire and chaos.

    But really, to be serious-nice job.

    You look like you are running for President, or maybe Prime Minister, in that pic! Josh! Josh! Josh!

    Mary Worth is even having a party at Charterstone to fete you, I see!

  67. Gordon
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    Congratulations Josh!

    Foob: The boyfriend is out freezing on the porch. April is headed back downstairs to hide the wine and clean up. Where are Wil and Farley the Patterson dogs? Asleep?

  68. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    One more thingy about your pic – I really like the way it says “Eek Wards” on the banner behind you.

  69. True Fable
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    DtM Saved by the theivery. You were almost stripped of your Menace title and have your pasty white fishbelly skin showing, and then you pull a simple grab and go job to redeem yourself. Boasting in front of the old man was a gutsy move, I must say. Just don’t cope too mucch attitude or I’ll get medieval on you.
    FC Good Lord, Jeffy’s had so much Not Me shit pinned on him in his brief tragic driveway, he’s used to it by now. He just Assumes he’s at fault. Fight the Future, Jeffy!
    MT Oh, I just can’t. I can’t. It’s snarking in a baited field and everyone’s already taken the best shots. All I can say is, Cherry Trail talks out her ass, just like the bathroom wall said she did.
    Luann The Ewwiest thing about today’s strip was panel 3 where we have to look at that big fat upturned nose of Luann’s. NO NOSTRILS. Just a lump that looks like she’s kin to Karl Malden.
    RMMD This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you, but… who the hell is Milton again? In Rex time he was last week, but in actuality he was like, somewhere last spring or so. He could be the milkman for all I know.
    JP GEEZ-us, it’s fuckin’ Ground Hog Day. Cedric, pick them up and take them home and let’s get the story moving, dammit!

  70. True Fable
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    # 69 (FC)…”in his brief tragic driveway”.

    what the FUCK was I thinking? I mean I was up all night and have not had any sleep yet but damn, it sounds like I’m writing for Mark Trail now.

  71. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    #55 – ha, Mary dragging Vera in chains to the party, gloating over and showing off her newest catch.

    PARTY!

    Elly should be invited too-what a meddler. Hide the vino now, April!
    Or shit, maybe she’ll spill it all over and the rabbit, fed up with everything, laps it up and starts burping.

  72. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    Brief Tragic Driveway – the thrilling sequel/sophomore effort by Michael Patterson, acclaimed Northern “author”
    In personality-defunct big box book stores now!

  73. Krazy Kat
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    Sorry to blow you cover Josh, but I happen to know that picture shows you receiving an award from the Travel Agents of America for “Vacationer of the Year” and for helping them to subliminally instill in Americans that it is OK to take an extended vacation every quarter.
    In the background you can even see the banner for “Take A Week Off Awards-Sponsored by the Aspen Institute of Travel Agency”

    That’s what I believe happened.

  74. Hogen Mogen
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    We’ll ignore the insipid set up and supposed “joke” of TDIET for now. But notice how the Local Order of the Caribou club wears bull horns on their hats. Ha ha ha!

  75. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Jeez, this place is a mess. Did someone win an award or something? I’ll just bus these ashtrays…

    The potato. What’s with the [margo]ing potato? The only way I can get the margo!boxcar!saturn! potato out of my head to SING it out.

    From Mark Trail! The Musical!, I give you POTATO (to the tune of West Side Story’s ‘Maria’)…

    The most loquacious root I ever heard:
    Potato, potato, potato, potato!
    It’s the deep mellow voice of Vin Scully coming out of a turd:
    Potato, potato, potato, potato, potato, potato!

    Potato! I’ve just met a talking potato!
    And suddenly a spud will never be a dud, you see!
    Potato! I’ve just heard a talking potato!
    And little tuber screams are like opiated dreams to me!
    Potato, say it loud! You believe it happened?
    Diver Dan? Not drowned? Just dampened?
    Potato, you’ll never stop talking: Potato!

  76. andreavis
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Congrats Josh!

    we ur in ur blog, snarkin ur comeex

  77. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: It’d appear that these petals are falling from a hole in the wall. Did she have that installed, or did it come with the place?

    BaBl: Today we get a glimpse into Hammie’s psychotic streak. Next he’ll be starting his own family off in the desert somewhere.

    DtM: To quote Futurama: “Stealing is one of the coolest crimes out there.” Congrats Dennis, you earned a temporary reprieve.

    JP: Yeah, cross the street. I’m sure that’ll save you from the time warped punk following you around.

    MT: What’s left to be said that hasn’t been said already? Maybe it’s Andy that’s doing the talking, that’d be keeping the talking animals theme in this acid trip of a comic.

    MW: Give her a call? Then how are you going to engage in another round competitive touching with her, Mary? You cook a casserole and get your meddeling ass to her apartment to invite her in person!

    Zits: It took me a minute to realize those weren’t Jeremy’s feet kicked up behind him. Needless to say, I was rather traumatized by the vision of Jeremy wearing high heels.

  78. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    JP: So, as plot points, we have:

    A Brooklyn-based leopard-print bustier hooker with a heart of gold and a life drawing class at 2 pm…
    A couple of extras from the latest Jerry Lewis film, Mohawks Mad For ‘Moiselles…
    The drivers for Team Campari Tour de France practicing their Babelfish french…
    Cedric the SuperButler ready to spring into action as soon as he finds a telephone booth…
    Cedric’s hot lesbian wife evaluating whether or not a two-day old baguette can be used as a strap-on…
    Groves and Aunt Rachel ‘buttering the scones’ back at the flat…
    aaaaaaand the mysterious Roger, whose Spidey-sense is telling him that he needs to get to Paris fast to start probating the will.

    Oh, yes, I’m sure there’s a young doctor somewhere who is fermenting a cure for Rachel’s cancer in a bottle of vin ordinaire.

    And out of ALL THAT, all we can do today is CROSS THE [MARGO]ING STREET????

  79. Hogen Mogen
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    #69 – True,
    Milton in Rex is… uh… was Heather’s fiance. Heather announced it the day before June went to the park, got robbed, then led an exciting, nail-biting edge-of-your-seat adventure in the DMV. The next day she finds Niki, makes him clean up his house, goes home, a meth lab explodes, Niki hides out in the Morgan household, Niki watches “Weeds”, they catch Elvis, and now I think it is the next day. So, let’s say the Dr. Troy/Skanketta saga ended on a Monday, this would be Thursday. But I digressed. The answer to your Milton question is that he’s Heather’s very rich fiance.

    And… CONGRATULATIONS, JOSH!

  80. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Elly is looking suspiciously around the corner as April scurries away down the stairs. It’s as if she’s thinking “Wait a minute! That ass looks TAPPED!”

    Congrats, Josh!!

  81. banana
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Congratulations Josh!

    Someone needs to photoshop a miniature Galactic Emperor Chennux onto your hand, that would make the photo so awesome!

  82. Marked Trail
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Congrats Josh. You deserve a vacation.

    As for Cherry, today she left the potato and is now talking out her ass.

  83. Hogen Mogen
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    JP:
    “Gimme that beret and no one gets hurt! I mean it, lez vous dammes!”
    “You obviously can’t speak Francois.”
    “I’m an American. I’m from Chicago (Illinois) and I’m working on my residency for arthroscopic surgery, hence the scalpel. But I want le beret petite to cover this stupid mohawk, ok?”

  84. Jimmy
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    congratulations!

  85. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    #70 True Fable – Why do I keep hearing Gordon Lightfoot?

    Pickin’ up the pieces of a melon that I dropped
    Sweeping up the broken bag of rice
    That six of beer was shattered here when I slipped and fell
    I should put some salt upon that ice
    Tragic Driveway, let me slip away on you…

  86. Hogen Mogen
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    MT: Yes, yes, everyone knows Cherry talks out of her butt. However, I haven’t read anyone mentioning that panel 3 draws the exact same conclusion as panel 3 yesterday, leaving the plot in exactly the same place. And even though it doesn’t talk (yet), I was still surprised by the 6 ft wooden duck in their living room. It’s just an odd piece of furniture to have around.

  87. Dennis Jimenez
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    TDIET – Jez, go easy on Jugbutt – he’s never really been the same since he was raped in prison after his tax fraud conviction.

  88. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – is this LuAnn’s damn dream, or Mary’s?

  89. slinkimalinki
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    wille — the potato song. most beautiful thing i ever heard. well, heard, as in: i’m kind of singing it inside my head.

    also, i just realised…”cherry trail”, isn’t that a euphemism for…well something. it’s got to be a euphemism for something, right?

  90. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    MT: Yes, as mentioned before, Cherry is having a conversation with her ass. Must have had chili for breakfast.
    9CL: Obviously, the right answer is, “You’re a total whore. How much for a half-and-half?”
    Luann: Yeah, I didn’t need that either.
    SSmith: More disturbing than the cradle is the actual baby, who looks like Jimmy Durante. Even incest doesn’t explain this town. Maybe they’ve got radioactive water.
    Big Dog: I see that Marm’s balls are being much admired.
    A3G: This is another comic strip switcheroony, right? Bill Griffith is doing a Zippified parody of Apartment 3G. April Fool’s isn’t until Sunday, but I’m game.

  91. Josh
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Sincere thanks to everybody who said nice things! Particularly those who said nice things about my suit. It’s the only one I own (I got married in it, actually), though I do have two dress shirts and three ties so I can mix things up a little bit. That outfit you see there is what I like to call the “number 2 combo”.

    By some miracle, I managed to not stain the suit with expensive food, so I won’t have to make last-minute dry cleaning arrangements before this wedding we’re going to on Saturday.

  92. Gabe
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Josh, the big question is: Did you pimp the merch while you were up there?

  93. Gal Friday
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    I’m no geologist, but clearly you deserve this award, Josh! Congratulations! You’re poised to take over the universe with snarking.

  94. Foobar
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    85- Ha! Awesome! Jeffy, like that tragic driveway, has seen better days.

    Oh now Diver Dan was missing
    And an eyehook he did leave
    Mark figured it so quickly;
    Cherry scarcely could believe
    “Alive?…”, she screamed, “We saw him drown!”
    But she had been decieved
    And potatoes could talk
    In Lost Forest

    A sycophantic tuber
    sought in vain to change his fate:
    be served with milk, a sidedish
    on a humble ranger’s plate
    He begged them stop, but they would not
    for they were filled with hate
    for an eloquent spud
    in Lost Forest

  95. Mary Worth
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Congratulations, Mr. Curmudgeon. I salute you despite your unkind comments about my personal relationships and my tuna casserole.

  96. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Way to go, Josh! Looks like I’m the 94th or so to say so, but you truly, truly deserve it. This has been a life-altering experiece. Er, and I like the Wonkette stuff too.

  97. Mary Worth's VSD
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    [If only my phonecalls to Ben hadn't prevented me from adding those peas, I'm sure he'd have liked it. Oh, curse you, Ben! And that mysterious Von! He seems like such a nice yound man!]

  98. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    #89 slinkimalinki – I’m sure ‘cherry trail’ IS a euphemism for something, but I’m not sure if I want to imagine what for, as I start with ‘snail trail’ and then plummet from there. Oh, and your comment #51 made me BWA + (7xHA)! And is your moniker derived from a children’s book about a black cat?

  99. jules
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Dude! You rock! And we knew that all along, but now everyone does. :)

    MT: This acid-trip of a comic is getting weirder and weirder. Now Andy and the duck planter are having a conversation! I sure hope they can figure out what happened to that oxygen tank, because Mark and Cherry are too high to do anything but giggle right now.

  100. zeeba
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Snap, snap for Josh!!!!

    3/29

    Lots of potty humor today:
    Baby Blues:
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070329&name=Baby_Blues
    Dilbert:
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/29&name=Dilbert
    Drabble:
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/29&name=Drabble
    Well, maybe Drabble’s not potty humor, but it takes place in the bathroom.

    BC:
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/29&name=BC
    Altogether now, let’s laugh like Nelson Muntz: HA-ha!

    GF:
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/29&name=Fuzzy
    You go, Shakespug!!!

    Luann: Years ago I kind of liked this strip, but now I just want to hire someone to beat her up.

    PBS:
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/3/29&name=Pearls_Before_Swine
    Yeah, now there’s a real funny funny!!!

  101. Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    M!B!S! SHIRT/CUP COUNT!

    Those who ordered shirts, congratulations! We are over the minimum! You’ll get mailing info for checks over the weekend.
    But, we still need nine more mug orders to get the presses cranked up.

    Remember, you can’t get into Josh’s Charterstone Pool Party unless you have M!B!S! shirts or cups. I hear the casserole will be to DIE for.

    wille

  102. Hysterical Woman
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Congrats, former grads student!

  103. Thoth
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Yes, congrats Josh.

    On to comics: Panel 2 of today’s Mark Trail has informed me that the Rapanui of Easter Island disappeared, the went to Lost Forest to carve enormous duck decoy planters.

  104. Howard Erk
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Congrats Josh.

    After all that hard work, you deserve to take a vacation. Nobody else I know deserves one more than you.

    Really.

    You haven’t taken enough time off.

  105. Erika
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Congrat Josh! Thanks for making my day funnier!

    Incidentally, in my house we call that suit the “marry’em & bury’em” since the only time it gets worn is weddings and funerals.

  106. Islamorada Girl
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    The Sisterhood of the Talking Pants: Cherry Trail Ffinally Gets Some Friends.
    Next in Mark Trail!

  107. Islamorada Girl
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Finally. Margo, boxcar, saturn.

  108. man behind the curtain
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Congrats Josh. Will video be available?

    MW — Just what Vera needs. The Charterstone gang as friends. After meeting Mary, I doubt she will ever venture out of the apartment, maybe not even answer the door. I hope she has Caller ID. It also seems to me that Vera looks a lot like Toby. At the party, Ian will have a few and confuse the two. Or maybe Vera will hookup with Gary Dent. And then the mysterious Von can suddenly appear..

  109. Marion Delgado
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    I’m glad it was quite a while ago I cancelled my sub to The Week (I got it free for subscribing to Salon, and I disliked it so much I wrote to tell them to not waste their money or my time). Maybe I should say “If only you’d had something like the Comics Curmudgeon I might not have hated you quite so much, it’s a step in the right direction.” Then again, hmmm, no.

  110. athena
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    I was wondering why a blogger owned a suit…

    Congrats!

  111. cheech wizard
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Josh – though I hope you remembered, in the best Hollywood tradition, to thank everyone by name until the orchestra played you off.

    “Um, I like to express my appreciation to Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener; mibbitmaker; Islamorada Girl; Uncle Lumpy; Galactic Emperor Chennux; stinky pete; Dingo; HBGLord; Old Fogeyette; Poteet….”

    …as the Washington elites nervously scrunch ever-farther down in their seats and the Big Grim Men with Wires in their Ears silently move into position…

    Congrats again! It couldn’t have happened to a funnier and nicer guy!

  112. Ran
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I thought you were taller.

  113. Mibbitmaker
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    #82: “Congrats, Josh. You deserve a vacation.”.

    Ssssssshhhhh! Sh! Sh! Sh! Ixnay, Arked-May Ail-trai! ….uh-oh…..

    For the love of God, Lumpy, get in place, just in case!!……

  114. rich
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Josh!

    So I thought I’d finally figured out what was going on in Rex Morgan, MD — the blonde is telling June that Milton’s plane crashed… his mysterious son is named Hugh… and Hugh is the guy that the dying Rachel cut out of her will in order to leave all her estates to Neddy and Sophie!

    (Well — hold on a sec, something sounds wrong there…)

  115. BRDPICS
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Congrats! (& Nice tie…) Keep rockin’ the comics, Josh.

  116. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    #105 – Miriam Beriam, meet Jo Shreads and Vera Shields!

    PARTY!

    Who is that in the pic frame in Biddy’s apartment-is that Toby? Oh man-Ella will be so devastated when she finds out. Actually, she would know already and probably doesn’t give a rat’s ass.

    DtM – you made a mistake bud, that’s not a cookie jar-that’s filled with cremains, dude. Wrong jar.

    OK, I’ll stop now.

  117. R
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    No fair using a photo of Ron Perlman to protect your identity!

  118. MossMoses
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    You go, Josh. That’s like COTY for you. Have you considered having a COTM or COTY for joshreads?

    If Old Man Mozz is so smart, where is his fashion sense? What is that dorky rag on his head?

    Heather Nicole Smith should be happy she lost the geezer and can get all his money now (after she pries it from the cold lifeless hands of his worthless offspring). Instead she’ll probably overdose on drugs and set off a feeding frenzy for Milton’s inheritance.

  119. Mibbitmaker
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    I figured today’s MT out! You see, Cherry had eaten the talking potato. It was continuing the conversation from her digestive tract! I’m definately not looking forward to the upcoming toilet episode!

    On the “cherry trail” front, I believe I’ve got how it’s a euphemism. As in…

    “In FOOB, Gerald was on his way to the Pattersons’, headed for April’s ‘bedroom’. He was definately on the cherry trail.”

    (That’s about as risque as I’ll likely ever get online)

  120. Michelle
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    well deserved! and a snappy dresser to boot!

  121. Moon Mullins
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    You rock Josh! I have been a subscriber to The Week for several years and it is a great read, would recommend it to all, especially now that you are their champion!

    There is nothing to stop you now from world domination! It could not be more deserved.

  122. mannerisma
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Josh and “The Week”–two of my favorite things brought together. Congrats!

  123. Nina
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Josh – I’M SO PROUD MY BUTTONS ARE BUSTING!

    (In my family that would be called a ‘going to a planting suit’)

  124. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    FW: Now that the Coach has been summoned to the Prinicpal’s office — what fate will this lighthearted, wacky “comic” strip bestow upon the Coach? What will the Principal say?

    A: Your insurance claim for Cancer of the Cancer has been denied.
    B: You’re being sued by half your students for molestation. And sued by the other half for non-molestation — your ignoring them hurt their self-esteem
    C: We’ve hired Craig T. Nelson at a lower per-episode rate
    D: Nuclear War has begun — squat-thrusts will not be enough to save us

  125. The Other Commenter
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    w00t

  126. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Well, all the first tier snark is gone, so let’s address today’s SlyFox, Forgot to Mention Dept.:

    Burns (third degree), belly, bad haircuts, beer can (generic, apparently), Bermuda grass, butt-ugly kid in red shirt (though it’s nice to see Weber appreciates cubism more than Scaduto).

    Sadly, no bfish skeleton.

  127. Hogen Mogen
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: When Von arrives, will he resemble the beloved host of an old children’s TV show? Mr. Rodgers, maybe?

  128. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    SlyFox – Find all the cute little things in the comix this week that belong with the letter B:

    Bottle (of cheap wine)
    Biddy (well, everyone knows that one)
    Beret (take it off already!)
    Barnacles (as in Hagar today)
    Big Wooden Duck (run, Andy!)
    Bull (not Buford, but the impotent one)
    Blonde Prostitute
    Bustier on Blonde Prostitute

  129. Calico
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    #128 – That “begin”, I mean, not “belong.” Must pay more attention or Chennux may squash me.

  130. looks2ce
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    I don’t if anyone mentioned, but seeing as I just watched it – you look like the mayor from season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. :)

  131. MossMoses
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    127. HM, just because Aldo looked like Captain Kangaroo doesn’t mean Von (curses upon him) will look like Fred Rogers. I’m thinking he’ll be more devious looking, not kiddie show mc material. Is that a picture of ToeBee in Mary’s condo or is it her reflection in a mirror? If Von walks in and says, “hello, picture picture”, I’ll believe you.

  132. gump worsley
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    I am deeply, deeply disappointed that the lodge meeting portrayed in TDIET today did not include a punch bowl, or Barfo falling into it.

  133. sally
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    #75 (and #85 too) — williethompson, you rock. Made me laugh out loud when I was supposed to be doing something serious.

  134. britbike
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    I just ordered my t-shirt and mug, and I’m told wille only needs 7 more mugs to make the minimum!

    MARGOBOXCARSATURN, PEOPLE!! How can you resist???

    I can’t wait to watch my boss pretend he understands it!

    Surely you have someone to confound as well? Go for it!

    Thanks, wille!

  135. Moon Mullins
    March 29th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    What a difference a thread makes! The last thread has a prolonged repartee about the 3/29 Mark Trail with Cherry’s talking vagina, but in this thread everyone says Cherry has talking pants or is talking out of her ass. I guess it is thus too late to use my “Chatterbox” comment.

    Hey, Neddy’s vagina is talking in today’s JP as well. Perhaps some clever photoshopper like Dean Booth can combine an entire strip of chatterboxes.

  136. Trotzenbonnie
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    *Chubby hugs and buddy crunches for Josh! Congrats for the best blogger and you clean up real nice, too (and I don’t mean that in a TDIET sort of way).

    *Why do the color gnomes wash all of the comic strip ladies in magenta?

    *Thank heavens for the little pink car. It wiped the frightening image of Mary Worth rubbing her hands together right out of my mind. That woman is evil.

    and

    *Great potato song, Wille! I’m going to tape it to the shower wall. Wouldn’t it be fun to show up at a bar on karaoke night and belt out a few of the Curmudgeons Greatest Hits?

    *I love asstericks****

  137. rich
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Remember Rex Morgan, MD? Today he makes one of his contractually obligated 12 annual appearances in the strip that bears his name. (It’s basically the same deal that Judge Parker has…and possibly The Phantom, judging by recent events.)

  138. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Nooooooooooooo!!!

    http://www.thestate.com/mld/thestate/16989247.htm

    In lighter news, #129 Calico

    ♪ ♪ . . . one of these things just doesn’t belong ♪ ♪

  139. cheech wizard
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    So, is April going to get away with this slutty little escapade? Can’t her mom smell the booze on her breath five inches away?

    Oh, that’s right – comic characters can’t smell anything without the telltale little aroma lines emanating from the source.

    What could still save this storyline would be for John to come downstairs for a heart-to-heart conversation with his daughter – then say “Here, I found this outside” as he tosses Gerald’s severed head on the bed. But I’m not optimistic.

  140. Marion Delgado
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, Dingo, Dingo. That’s so CRUDE!

    I’ll have you know Cherry takes voice lessons while Mark is out gallivanting around with his furries.

    She’s been learning to sing from her diaphragm!

  141. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #135, Ah yes, Cathy’s vazhin going “Aaack!” while Margaret’s wins a spelling bee in front of a horrified Dennis and Joey.

  142. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    138. gh

    Yes, I was also shocked by this headline from the State: Fashion do’s and don’ts at the Carolina Cup through the decades

  143. Kronkina
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    #138 Gh – Poor Beavers…

    Wow. If I had dollar for every time I’ve had to utter that line…

  144. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    138.

    Talkin’ Taters, gh, I missed it on the first read! Why, oh why is it the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s job to kill beavers!! (Shouldn’t that be Interior’s or EPA’s jurisdiction? Can’t SC handle it without MY tax dollars supporting this!)

    I digress from the main point: This administration’s reign of terror can’t end soon enough! SAVE THE SC BEAVERS!! For Mark Trail’s sake, SAVE THE SC BEAVERS!!

  145. Uncle Lumpy
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Let’s sic Poteet on the USDA.

  146. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    #142 PeteMoss

    I was too disturbed to read the article (actually, I had to take a call) — did you notice if there was a link to a poll [Beavers si! Beavers no!] that we could flood with our collective outrage? We’d be up against the “them’s good eatin’” crowd, so it would take a strong showing.

  147. Nina
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Their using TRAPS! The kind that “snap their neck or leg” We must SAVE THE BEAVERS! I suggest they put them in the swamp between Columbia and Sumter. They can put them in the swamp behind my house, maybe it will become a lake and I will have lakeside property?

    * gh it is “m err gud eatin’”

  148. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    # 146 gh

    Columbia’s put a $50K hit out on our beaver buddies. Here’s how the USDA hitmen operate: “Federal officials will likely use a combination of foot hold traps, snares and snap traps in waterways where there is a lot of beaver activity…Some traps clamp down and break the animal’s neck or spine. Others hold them under water until they drown. ” Rubber Church of Alligators!!

    The City Council has “also spoken with PETA and are open to exploring other possibilities on managing the problem.”

    “Beavers cannot be relocated because state policy prohibits it.” Boxcars! Mark Trail can’t even help us with his mad relocatin’ skills. (Oh yeah, he sucked at that, didn’t he?)

    Man, am I uptight! Maybe I could use some more beaver activity.

  149. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #135 Moon Mullins and others – You guys know how much I looooove a photoshop challenge…

    Did someone say…chatterbox? (SFW) Just scroll down past the potato thingee…

  150. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    #147 Ninna, #148 PeteMoss

    Man, based on the descriptions of the traps, Theodore really was Lucky!

  151. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Nina. My keyboard is all clogged up with Pepsi and such.

  152. fizzy logic
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    They’re going to be sorry when South Carolina goes up in flames. I’m just sayin’.

    (I won’t even bring General Sherman into the conversation).

  153. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    #138 gh and #148 PeteMoss – What the Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!Interrobang?! South Carolina has put a contract out on a few beavers???

    Geez, why not say they have “weapons of musk distraction?” Then their lives wouldn’t be worth a dam!

  154. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    #152 fizzy logic

    SC state motto: Hand me that barkey stick!

  155. Trotzenbonnie
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Are you kdding me? People’s toilets are clogged so let’s kill the beavers! OOooh, my street is flooded so let’s kill the beavers! We killed all of their natural predators (except for Dave Sim) so now let’s kill the beavers!
    This is really boiling my lugbutt.
    I live in the land of flooding streets and stinky leech fields. Inconvenient at times? Yes. Worth killing anything over? Mais non!
    I say the Canadian Invasion needs to take a detour to South Carolina. It will be the Un-civil War!

  156. Uncle Lumpy
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #155 Trotz -

    Yeah, Canada puts beavers on their nickels — not in their graves.

  157. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    #140 – Marion Delgado
    I’ll have you know Cherry takes voice lessons while Mark is out gallivanting around with his furries.

    She’s been learning to sing from her diaphragm!

    From the diaphragm down? Now that’s talent.

  158. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Rolly Church of Crete, why not just re-train the beavers? Parker Brothers can certainly use real beavers in their Monopoly games instead of those little metal ones!

  159. Mountain Mama
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Rolly Church of Crete! Beavers are in danger! They don’t understand the hostility!

    Perhaps Josh can make a few phone calls. He’s an award-winning blogger, you know. Surely that will carry some weight with the SC officials.

    (In all seriousness, congratulations, Josh. You’re very deserving and I’m thrilled for you.)

  160. Nina
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    #157 uh umm diaphram like in birth control diaphram…

  161. bootsybooks
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Josh, congrats, etc. I’m just sorry you didn’t wear the lovely peasant blouse you got on your honeymoon.

    Seriously, I’m happy for you. It’s a well-deserved honor.

    (sniff) Our little bogger is growing up (sniff)

  162. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    153.

    Mr. hompson? Mr. willethompson? I’ve looked over your pun license and it’s expired. I’m going to have to confiscate it until you get this cleared up, ok?

  163. Moon Mullins
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    149 wille: Great work on short notice. My co-workers couldn’t understand why I was snickering and I had to switch the screen before they looked over my shoulder.

  164. Nina
    March 29th, 2007 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Just who wrote this “state policy” and when was it written?

    SAVE THE BEAVERS!

  165. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    #164 Nina

    You must be new here. State policy is written on a nakpin over lunch at Waffle House by three good ol’ boys in green polyester blazers. They don’t tip well, either.

    Don’t cockpit me, Josh! I swear that’s it!

  166. good ol’ boy in green polyester blazer
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Damn straight, boy. Em err gud eatin’!

  167. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Why can’t the USDA trap and kill something else, like crab lice or predatory credit card providers? Without beavers we may all die in horrible fires. Four out of five ginormous ass-talking geese agree!

  168. AppleGirl
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Wow, Josh! This is HUGE! What a great recognition. Now you are part of that “Washington elite” I kept hearing about back in NoVA. I hope you did some Margo-finger-quotin’ while you were up on that podium. Congratulations to you… and stay real, man.

  169. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Lynngineering

    Inquiring minds want to know: what’s up with Elly and April staring into the closet in panel 1 today? Elly doesn’t even take off her coat. Care to coma-ent?

  170. lilybdcsa
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations!

  171. Anon
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Next thing you know, Josh will be on vacation celebrating his anniversary and we will be left waiting and pushing the posts up to a thousand.

    **sigh**

    longing for the old days

  172. Anonymous
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth: When Von arrives, will he resemble the beloved host of an old children’s TV show? Mr. Rodgers, maybe?”

    I don’t know, but I bet he’ll be wearing a blue suit. Not everyone is as fashionable as our Josh!

  173. captainswift
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, Josh.

  174. Anon
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Mister Rodgers?

    I think not.

    Maybe Tinky-Winky.

    Josh needs to start a new thread so that we don’t feel obligated to praising his popeness.

  175. SixFootJen
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Squid Countess! Must agree with O’Fogeyette from the last post about your cat — have it done again. I have a friend who adopted a “spayed” kitty that was not, in fact, spayed at all. (The vet thought she was just lying.) Then again, I had a spayed cat who expressed her anal glands all over the apartment, especially when she was nervous or upset. That stuff stinks. Hope you find success. You could always e-mail Bob Weber Jr. and ask whether Cassandra Cat ever acted that way and what he did.

  176. Hogen Mogen
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Elle is on to April. She can smell something, maybe the Mad Dog 20/20 on her breath, maybe the drunken way that she’s acting. Conflicting stories (was she in bed or watching TV?). Liars use vague descriptions in order to cover themselves (“What did you watch?” “Stuff.” “What kind of stuff?” “Just stuff.”). Elle’s head poked out from around the corner is indicative that she senses a disturbance in the force. If Lynn Johnston wanted to turn Foobetter or For Worser into a teen slasher strip, Gerald would be the first to have sex and die, followed quickly by a horrified April. Then Warren, then Liz, Becky, then The homely chick who survives it all because she didn’t have any sex would be Shannon.

  177. O’Fogeyette
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! The Internet has been down ever since I got up this morning, so I’ve missed EVERYTHING. Congrats again to Josh. We are very proud of you, Your Popeness.

    #75Willethompson: great “Maria” parody. Especially nice are the little tuber screams and opiated dreams.

    Double-Yesterthread Red Greenback: Thanks for asking about Google. He is so much better, but still on penicillin. I am very hopeful. About him, anyway. Other stuff, not so much.

    There’s no point in reading the comics and trying to snark now. I’m sure it’s all been said at least three times. Sigh. Maybe I’ll read the comics anyway.

  178. commodorejohn
    March 29th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    #56 Dingo – Glad to know I’m not the only one to notice this.

    Anyway, this popped into my head at work today, and Mibbitmaker’s “Comic Strip Writer” was in need of its B-side:

    Goin’ roadside
    Way down in her basement
    They wait for her parents
    Goin’ roadside
    Goin’ roadside

    While the kids sleep
    They lay there on the couch
    His tongue inside her mouth
    While the kids sleep
    While the kids sleep

    Roadside
    It’s a good time
    Hide
    That bottle of wine

    With her folks home
    She says she’s all alone
    He waits out in the cold
    With her folks home
    With her folks home

    As they quiz her
    He’s chilled down to the bone
    He’s waiting on his own
    As they quiz her
    As they quiz her

    Lie
    He’s got to fly
    Hide
    She’ll call a ride

    (ti wonk uoy – gnihctaw saw ynohtnA)

  179. jules
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    If my beloved Mr. Rogers turns up in Mary Worth, I will have some choice words for Moy & Giella! They will, of course, include “Margo” and “Boxcar.”

    When Von turns up, I hope he looks like the dude with the big chin in “Lazytown.” He’s suitably creepy for raining curses upon. (Everyone in that show is, really. My kids are too old for it, thank you God, but we do watch Nickelodeon and you can’t miss those Lazytown people.)

    SAVE THE BEAVERS!

  180. Tomcat
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann- Yeah, Luann is becoming a really annoying character. I’d tell Evans to just push that ditzy airhead aside. The strip belongs to Brad now. At least now after picturing Brad and Bernice together, maybe Luann will put a stop to her childish love craze for Ben.

    That’s probably the gag behind Luann never aging in the strip; She never matures, so she never ages either.

  181. fizzy logic
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    #175 – SixFootJen & SquidCountess – Our female cat “sprays” and has done so ever since she was a kitten. She really isn’t doing anything (I’m pretty sure), but she does it habitually, especially when she’s pissed off, which is pretty often. She also does it when she’s walking around talking to us. She really is spayed, too.

    I don’t know what the solution is for the getting outside and slinking around though – that’s the dangerous part. I wish you luck, though.

  182. AhClem
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who thinks that Josh’s award presentation would have been even more awesome if he had been wearing an “I’ll Deny you, Missy!” T-shirt?

    Seriously, though, congrats on the award, and thank you for making this weirdly cool space available to all of us Margoing misfits.

  183. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Brynna shouldn’t be playing basketball sportin’ those [Margo]ing antenna, anyway. She could put an eye out with those things. Then how far would Milford get in the playdowns, Coach ThorpE?

  184. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Josh is the CHAMPION!
    Josh is the CHAMPION!
    No time for Matt Grudge
    cuz Josh is the CHAMPION
    Of the Blog!!

  185. fizzy logic
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    #184 – PeteMoss – I was wondering when someone was going to finish the We Will Snark You with the second part of the song – now it’s appropriate.

    I’m just jealous that Josh is able to be photographed from that horrible angle and still look good.

  186. cheech wizard
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    What the…..???? Why, you young whippersnappers! Killin’ beavers is what made this country great! Back in the old days, the woods was full o’ rugged frontiersmen w’ nuthin’ on their minds but killin’ beavers, that and maybe findin’ another furbearin’ critter of the native variety to help get ‘em through the hard winter. And drinkin’ whiskey.

    The land wasn’t fit fer civilized, god-fearing folks to live until they cleared out all them beavers – big, buck-toothed monsters that could chew right through a log cabin and et the baby and all the canned yams the missus put up fer the winter. They all had t’ go – them and some Indians, of course, once spring arrived.

    Killin’ beavers is yore national birthright! You young fellers wear it proudly. ‘N go huntin’ fer some beaver tonight.

  187. ianscot
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    3/29: Luann — In which our author decides “e-mail” is not yet an established term and attempts to kick-start the rival “e-dress”.

  188. Chupper
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    More zippers about the award winning Josh Fruhmudgeon can be found on the talking vaginaspud!

  189. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    #185 fizzy logic on #184 PeteMoss

    Ditto that. I didn’t have the energy to attempt a full rendition, and figured someone else would finish first anyway.

  190. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Josh and his No. 2 Combo were last seen near the Eek Wards, where eeks go to recover from consuming Altria products.

  191. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    # 189 gh

    Did you go back and see what started over the weekend? Must have been ten verses of WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP before the millenpost.

  192. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    #186 cheech wizard

    I’m no agronomist, but I believe it’s canned beans, not yams that we need to protect.

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070320&name=Slylock

    Otherwise your fieldwork is spot on.

  193. Nina
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    gh I have been here about 25 years now and you are so right about the “good ol boys” system here.
    The napkin the rule was written on is probably in Strom’s briefcase!

    (former NEW-ME)

  194. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    #191 PeteMoss

    Yup. I was hoping I’d get something started. Just had to wait three days to fall down laughing. Thanks for answering the call!

  195. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    #193 Nina

    You got me beat by 15 years. I’m no sociologist, but . . .

    and I caught the N-M segue.

  196. Dingo
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    I found this old Howard Cruse strip today and it made me wonder… do you think Al Scaduto has this problem when he draws Migraina?

    Unfinished Pictures (NSFW)

    Best of all is the use of Nancy and Sluggo. Egads!

  197. WithoutaK
    March 29th, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    #75 willethompson: I love musicals in general but have always hated the song “Maria.” Until now. Thank you.

    FOOB: I’ve long felt April could do better than this putz, but I was willing to concede many of his faults could be mended with time. But seeing this, I now realize the stupid runs deep with this one. GERALD, you are out of the house! RUN! NOW! GO! Jeez.

    Mary Worth: I’m pretty shy and solitary and although I can’t relate completely to Vera (not having a Von to curse) I feel I can speak for her when I tell Mary: “Listen, you meddling bitch, when someone says they prefer solitude you don’t immediately resolve to nag them into attending a party full of people they don’t know.

    Get Fuzzy: I heart Shakespug.

  198. Lyman Returns
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations, Josh! Why, I think this calls for a twenty-one KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH salute!

  199. cheech wizard
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    192/gh: Thass the point! Them varmits’ll et anything they kin get their fur-bearin’ yeller teeth on! Beans, yams, babies – the list goes on!

    ‘N you folks wantin’ ta save th’ beavers – ya gotta unnerstand, ya don’t need t’ save the whole critter. The fur’s th’ important part, so yuh jes’ skin ‘em, stretch the hide across a hoop made o’ willer branches, let it dry out ‘n it’ll keep all winter! Then in spring, you jes’ stack ‘em up, stuff ‘em in yer backpack and tote ‘em down to Mackeenaw Island to trade to Mister Vanderbilt fer some more beans and vittles to get ya through th’ next winter. Be careful of the fudge, tho – they got two kinds, and you don’t want to head back into th’ nawthwoods w’ a pack full o’ the stuff you find on the street! And if you can remember to take a bath while yer there, so much the better.

    Ptooeee!

  200. fizzy logic
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH

  201. Harry Paratestes
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations on the award, Josh. Here we thought you were on an assignment as an international assassin, bringing justice to the scum of Earth.

  202. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    #197 WithoutaK

    Get Fuzzy: I heart Shakespug.

    Take this: ♥

    Copy it to a Word document. Save it.

    I forget who I swiped it from, but I have an extensive collection of ♥, ♪ ♪, ™, etc.

    #199 cheech wizard

    HAR! HAR! HAR! *hockk patoowee!*

  203. Benicillin
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Josh – I like the fact that you let the bloggers run free on this site, unless they are extremely ignorant to each other. Frankly, it’s that fear of you rebuking or scolding us that keeps us here; sort of a Stockholm Syndrome thing. But congratulations – it’s people like you that are changing the universe. Well… Changing, uhh…changing the way people view the internet…? Umm…well, uhh great job, dude.

  204. Benicillin
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    #201:

    That’s Nexus…although he does bear resemblance to Horatio Hellpop.

  205. Gabe
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    gh: Hipsters (like us CCers) spell out heart in irony. The

  206. Gabe
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

  207. Gabe
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Nevermind, that’s apparently not gonna work, nor is it worth it.

    Stoopid html.

  208. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Gabe –

    I ♥ your pain.

  209. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    They came for the bison, and I stood by quietly because I was not a bison. Then they left sea stars (or are they starfish) to rot on the beach, but I said not a word. Then they shot the rampaging African elephants, but I would not speak because I do not go on rampages. Then they trapped and drowned the beavers, but I remained silent. Now they come for snarkers and there are no critters left to speak out for me! Sigh.

  210. Marion Delgado
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    What’s the big deal about Cherry? Talking beavers are already a staple of Mark Trail lore.

  211. Cornwhacker
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Dingo: did you know Howard Cruse had another Nancy-related experience even more horrifying?

  212. Captain Insano
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Puny Gerald Has Struck Out

    The outlook wasn’t brilliant for horny FOOBs that day,
    But Gerald wanted score now that April’s parents were away.

    While brother Michael swilled cheap beer with sycophantic freaks,
    Young April and her lover boy lay in the basement, cheek to cheek.

    Gerald made his clumsy overtures with a bottle of cheap wine
    And April lay down like a rug (or really more like swine).

    A few FOOB readers threw up their hands in despair; the rest
    Clung to hope for decency while Gerald pawed April’s breasts.

    They thought, “If only Gerald had gotten a whack at her
    Back in the 7th grade, we’ be spared this lusty scene for sure.”

    But El and John came home because they were tired and old
    And April shoved her erstwhile beau out into the cold.

    He must have stood and grasped his swollen hosephonium
    While April served up quick cheap lies to her dad and mum.

    Somewhere Liz fends off Paul and dreams of The Moustache
    And Weed buys enough mary jane to refill his stolen stash,

    And Grandpa Jim is ten miles high, stoned on stolen weed
    And Meredith plans Robin’s demise to fulfill her evil needs.

    Michael and Deanna smile and pretend in their marriage sham
    While Uncle Phil avoids the cops and hides. He’s on the lam.

    Oh somewhere outside the FOOBiverse, teenagers have sex.
    They survive; they live one; they chalk up another ex.

    But here the FOOBs all live under rule of Lynn’s moral iron fist
    (And I won’t make a sick joke here, though you might insist).

    Somewhere, young lovers grope each other as they thrash about.
    But there is no joy in FOOBville, puny Gerald has struck out.

  213. cheech wizard
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    202/gh: Right – patoowee! Should have used my spellchecker.

  214. compass rose
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    #85 – Willethompson – Tragic Driveway – Thank you- it made my morning, but couldn’t comment ’till now because (whispers) I don’t dare post from work.

    #94 Foobar – Super! Is this a parody, or all your own? What song/poem is it, please?

  215. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    #213 cheech wizard

    Spellchecker, hell. Them dadburn things ain’t worth spit. Pah-two-hee!

  216. fizzy logic
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    I’m digging the poetry parodies! I’m feeling all cultured and stuff. Foobar (#94) I thought yours was great, didn’t know if it was original or tribute either, but I liked it a lot. #212 Captain Insano – very nicely done! (There has been no joy in FOOBville for quite some time, but even less joy in Funky Winkerville).

    Sorry for the only seven KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH salute, but it wouldn’t let me post identical posts! You got the gist of it, anyway.

  217. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    212 Captain Insano

    Bravo! Springtime: When a young man’s fancy turns to “clumsy overtures with a bottle of cheap wine.”

  218. Mibbitmaker
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    They’re not torturing prisoners in Gitmo… but they are doing it to beavers in SC!

    Castoria: “Gee, do you think it’s safe now to build that addition to our lodge? I dunno…”

    Theodore: “We have to, Hon’. If we don’t do it, the good ol’ boys win!”

  219. stinky pete
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    209 PeteM, Big Church of Saturn! A Martin Niemöller reference?

  220. Dingo
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    #211 Cornwhacker: I hadn’t seen that! Back in the eighties, I really liked Cruse’ work. Odd stuff but good.

  221. jules
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Mary refuses to believe that Vera would rather be alone!

  222. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    219 Stinky P

    Thanks. Not a very good paraphrase. I was going off of memory. It’s no Waiting for Dingot.

  223. gh
    March 29th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    #216 fizzy logic

    I thought it was

    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH
    KA-FLOOMPA-GUSH

    Molly was a big bear small bear best bear
    Cruisin’ LoFo lookin’ for some geese
    She’s got skunks to the right
    Ubichicks in sight
    Talkin’ potatoes keep her up all night.

    (singing)

    I’m no ursuologist!

  224. jules
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    gh – you have achieved Song Parody Perfection.

    *dies*

  225. True Fable
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    “I love the smell of ranting in the morning! It smells like…victory!”

    As soon as I get Friday’s Foob late tonight, I will craft my snarky tribute to stupidity and unleash it tomorrow morning. Not that anyone’s waiting breathlessly, this is more of a warning because you know it’s been a long time since I released the hounds of futile rage.

  226. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m no auberginologist, but there’s some mighty fine parodies found at:

    223 – gh
    212 – Captain Insano
    178 – commodorejohn
    94 – Foobar
    85 & 75 – willethompson
    59 – Red Greenback
    23 – Blade Runner

  227. fizzy logic
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    #223 – gh – a KA FLOOMPA GUSH to you, too! It took me a while to recognize that that went with the song, and therefore the song, but excellent incorporation of sound effects and LoFo scenery into your brilliant song. (What are you still doing at work? Go run down some of those good ol’ boys on your way home!)

  228. Victor Von
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Let me just add my voice to the choir of angels, gathered adoringly ’round the throne.

    Chip Bok, huh? Chip. Bok.

    I don’t know. He’s no Bruce Tinsley.

  229. reader-who-posts
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I sense that LuAnn is about to go to Vietnam to save Alan’s life.

    B.C.: Do you know what the most flagrant oxymoron I’ve ever heard is? “Comic Strip B.C.” – you know, because there’s nothing comic about it…oh well, I tried.

    FBOFW: My God, this is so lame I wish they would get back to the party and the eventual annointing of mustache-man as Liz’s love of her life.

    MT: Cherry’s vagina has to put up with Mark Trail’s tiny little penis and all it’s worried about is figuring out what happened to Dan?

    GT: Is it legal in high school basketball to play with knitting needles in your hair? I would think that could poke someone’s eye out or something.

    MW: Toby’s dastardly plan is now in place…

    Phantom: God I wish that guy had shot Mozz when he had the chance. What an annoying little prick!

    Pluggers: Just to recap, you’re a Plugger if you’re old, fat and stupid.

  230. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    #225 TF – there are those of us who actually look forward to those rants.

    #226 PeteMoss – In the words of Salieri, “You do me too much honor.” ‘Tis YOU that keeps ME in stitches all day (see #209). And order a damn mug, you margohead! We’re six shy of minimum!

  231. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Wow – congratulations, Josh. (I’m hoping that, posting down here at comment 230-whatever before reading the rest of the replies, I’ll be the first to have said that. Let me know how I did.) So now that Josh is hobnobbing with the rich and the famous, he’ll have to tell us what it’s like. Hobnobbing, I mean – I’ve never figured out exactly how to do that.

    I haven’t had a chance to read the last several thousand uber-witty remarks, but I did catch this one – which I think I shall have made into a t-shirt (specifically, the “an icon – and a sonar device!” phrase)…

  232. Tats
    March 29th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Huge congrats!

  233. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    I’m not a romantic poet, but I play one with TB.

  234. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    230 willethompson

    Nice sales pitch. What am I, Larry Fine?

    Ok, I have little sales resistance. I’ll order a mug, but I’m not ordering the unatural male enhancement! Li’l peteymoss don’t need to be talkin’ like some gabby chatterbox from Charterstone, comprende?

  235. PeteMoss
    March 29th, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Gadge, I’ve got this mole on my left shoulder blade that may need preening. What would you charge me to take a look at it? I know you’re an icon and all but could you cut me a break?

  236. slinkimalinki
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    wille — yes indeed. well spotted.

    i’m thinking “cherry trail” as in “he lightly licked her cherry trail”. i don’t know what it is, but it’s filthy.

  237. Dean Booth
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Here’s your chance to give Jack Elrod’s Automatic Speech Balloon Positioning Device a try. It makes his job so much easier! (Probably IE only — sorry.)

  238. Weasel Boy
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    #237: Working fine on Firefox. Hilarious!

  239. careful with that axe eugene
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Swear to God….I looked at the picture, saw the sign and thought “Josh won a Geek Award?”

    (Not that there’s anything wrong with that).

    And The Week Magazine is very prestigious as well, I’m very sure. Much Congrats, Josh.

  240. Moon Mullins
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    #237 Dean: outstanding.

    I’m hoping for your take on the chatterbox if you are so inclined.

  241. Dean Booth
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Suit story: Years ago when I was in grad school in art, I made a mechanical sculpture out of several pairs of pants. When I graduated I had to dismantle the sculpture to get my non-jean pants to wear to job interviews. Luckily, I don’t need any fancy pants now.

  242. willethompson
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Dean, it’s past the thread, but if you EVER read this, know that you made me spit cheap chardonney on the cat with the Automatic Speech Positioning Device. Well [margo]ing done!

  243. Dean Booth
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    #135. Just saw this Moon. In my experience, most chatterboxes know only one word.

    Perhaps Mary could cajole her chatterbox into revealing its life story.

  244. Moon Mullins
    March 29th, 2007 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    #242 Dean:

    If I’d seen you dismantling that sculpture, I would have thought “Who does he think he is? Some kind of fancy-pants criminal?”

  245. Harold
    March 29th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I didn’t have time to read through all the comments, so I may be repeating something someone else has said. But here goes anyway: CONGRATULATIONS!

  246. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 29th, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    235 Pete Moss: I think that this is the sort of case I should handle with…sonar!!!.

    Or a fifty-foot tall, laser-shooting statue. (Okay, that one’s too good for an old thread – on to the new one…)

  247. AppleGirl
    March 30th, 2007 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    237 – Dean Booth, I am laughing myself silly here, over and over again! Each one is funnier than the last! Oh, Dean Booth, this is much too brilliant to hide at the end of a thread. (Works perfectly in Safari on a Mac, even!)

  248. pope priapus
    March 30th, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    why oh why oh why could you have not been using finger quotes at the time? It is not fair.

    Congrats Champ!

  249. Paperback Rifler
    March 30th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    So I’m late on the back-slapping and cigar-distributing train, but congratulations on your award, Josh!

    And as much as I hate to disagree with previous posters, I think that your picture looks not so much like you’re giving a half-assed acceptance speech as it looks like you’re doing a half-assed impression of Travis Bickle. (“You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin’ . . . you talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the only ‘Blogger of the Year’ here . . . who the [Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!] do you think you’re talkin’ to?”)

    . . . Or not.

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