Main content:

Metapost: So many comments … OF THE WEEK!

No time to waste! Here’s this week’s top comment!

“I don’t get Gil Thorp in my daily paper (I don’t get it in a broader sense either), but I love the idea of this deranged coot with his clothes on inside out and backwards popping out of nowhere to offer vaguely obscene batting advice.” –Motorposus

It was awful tricky to pick just one comment this week: as you can see, I had an embarrassment of riches to work with:

“Just out of curiosity, how many weeks has it been since Deanna has actually had a line? Mr. Buns is a more well-rounded character with a much larger impact on the storyline than St. Mike’s baby-machine. There are guys in the Taliban with more demonstrative wives.” –Mr. Coffee Nerves

“Nothing, oh nothing makes Margo happy, does it? She’s running on cocaine, caffeine, and pure unadulterated paranoia and jealousy.” –calico

“Rex has to ‘stall Hugh.’ I’m sure he’ll find a way. Maybe involving an actual stall. (It’s clear that was a ‘butt sex in a men’s bathroom’ joke, right? Right? Okay.)” –Laura

“To be fair to Mark, in his everyday experience he probably recognizes and distinguishes animals of the same species by subtle but distinct markings that are generally fixed. A coloration pattern on a deer probably will not change completely in a short period of time. Indeed, in his experience most people don’t even change their clothing. I’m just surprised he’s not conducting his observations from some sort of mobile duck blind.” –Harold

“I am on the edge of my seat!!! Will Abbey and Neddy escape their assailants?! Who is the mystery man approaching??? Oh, wow, I guess I could sit back a little. Yeah, that’s more comfortable.” –Maughta

“Maybe I should start reading Gil Thorp so I can know what everyone is talking about. Of course, it used to be, ‘Maybe I should start reading Mark Trail so I can know what everyone is talking about.’ And before that, Mary Worth. It’s a slippery slope.” –Lizardmess

“I look forward to hearing more home-spun, medication-induced, clambaked wisdom from this confused, elfin stereotype.” –PeteMoss

“Yep, now we’ve progressed from incest to murder. I think I’ll refrain from asking ‘What’s next?’, seeing that this is where we ended up after the rounds of plaintive querying following Band Leader 2: The Deafening, or Chemo 9: This Used to be My Playground, or … you get the picture.” –SecretMargo

(DT)GT will now gives us all a history lesson steeped in lessons Jackie Robinson taught us. Well, in the first panel anyway. The second will have some boygirl swinging at a pitch and the final panel will have Coach Thorp talking about the golf team.” –Jim Thorp(e)

“Sam’s reaction makes perfect sense assuming he’s learned anything at all about Margo in his time on the job. Margo MARRIED? Margo IN LOVE? Margo SMILING CUTELY? Margo WITHOUT CAKED BLOOD UNDER ANY FINGERNAILS? It boggles the throwaway assistant’s mind!” –T Campbell

“So Michael will be able to spend his nights in the same bed in which many years ago he was created. Therapy begins in 3..2..1…” –man behind the curtain

“I’m afraid that Margo has been reading The Secret. By emoting positive thoughts regarding marriage, she believes that Eric will propose. Margo, Margo, Margo. You’ll be lucky if his check covering the party doesn’t bounce.” –Dingo

“Looking at the shape of Margo’s hand in panel 3 and the bobble lines surrounding it, I have come to the conclusion that she is threatening her assistant by a pantomime of waving a gun at him. ‘That’s right, married! Question me again and I will end you!’” –Spoony Bard

“Do you think that Margo’s pique over being mistaken for the help has anything to do with her refusal to address her assistant unless she is dismissively talking to him over her shoulder as she moves on to something worthy of her time?” –ugarte

“You know, we haven’t known Sam long but I’m pulling for him and Margo to hook up. Yep, I’m a Sargo Shipper. The look of terror and confusion is really just longing and sadness over the fact that as much as he loves her she doesn’t seem to notice him. He wants to express his love for her but he can’t find the words. But every time he shakes for no reason he means ‘I love you.’ It’s a crazy world but I think these two kids have a chance. Besides, I long to see what great event planning skills they’d bring to their wedding. Pinecone centerpieces? A large banner reading ‘Margo Loves Married?’” –Missy

“Dan’s major mistake? It’s foolishly adding more hair to hide himself from Mark. Anyone who knows Mark Trail knows that facial hair will bring his suspicion and punches faster than a beaver out of a trap. Dan would have been better off shaving himself from head to toe.” –evie oh oh

“Like all Canadians, Cedric isn’t nervous when he shoots someone. He’s just frightfully polite and self-effacingly apologetic about it.” –Trilobite

“I’m also pretty sure [Toni]‘s screwing with him in a major way; if so, Toni has suddenly become the most awesomest character in the strip. From Toni Daytona: Unobtainable Fantasy Cipher to Toni Daytona: Heinous Sadistic Bitch: She Will Cut You, Tiffany.” –Captain Thunder

“This entry confirms what I’ve long suspected: TDIET is Seinfeld for rageaholics.” –Hobbes Fan

“Here’s the thing that disturbs me: People [Lu Ann] lives with day in and day out have been ignoring her this whole time, or intending to drop in on her but change their mind at the last minute due to shiny objects or in Margo’s case, horniness.” –True Fable

“‘… my thoughts are so tangled … lights are flashing before my eyes … floor is moving beneath my feet.’ Lu Ann, dear, I do believe you’re having yourself an orgasm. Congratulations! Just don’t tell Margo. Naturally, she’s under the impression that she’s the only person on the planet that’s experienced this thing. And she wouldn’t understand that it doesn’t usually involve blood and other people’s tears.” –lesles

“Today’s FBOFW is stupid. Yes, it’s always stupid, but today’s is stupid without any stupidity that pokes its head up above the horizon to have its hat shot off. There’s no stupidity prominence; it’s stupid to the flat, vast horizon. Like an Oklahoma of stupid.” –Kate

And big ups to the advertisers who bankroll this operation:

  • Shana Logic Loves You!: Hot gifts for you & the ones you love!
  • 28 Weeks Later: The follow up to “28 Days Later” picks up 6 months after the virus has annihilated Britain. The rage virus is not dead and the fight for survival begins!
  • Moral Orel, the Unholy Version: Adult Swim’s first ever uncensored DVD release. In stores Tuesday, April 24.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

143 responses to “Metapost: So many comments … OF THE WEEK!”

  1. stinky pete
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Shouldn’t it be “Comments of the week so many?”

  2. SatanicMechanic
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Whatever Luann’s friend is eating, it looks quetionable. Almost as gross as 9chickweed lane!

  3. Jamus The Bartender
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Jamus didn’t make it again.
    Jamus is sad.
    Sad, sad Jamus.
    Oh well.
    Try, try again, Jamus.

  4. SatanicMechanic
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    What I mean to say is drooling over a guy like that, especially a gay guy (he is gay, right?) is gross and all, but I swear, his tank top looks like the linoleum on the floor of the summer kitchen at home!

  5. Captain Thunder
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Less than a week posting on the site, and already I’m up there. Hooray! Also, congrats to everybody else who made the cut!

  6. John C Fremont
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Jamus. I think Jamus is funny.

    Congrats all! Sorry to say, I skimmed over many of these the first time – work really gets in the way of the more important things in life. Anyway, you guys are hysterical – thanks!

  7. SecretMargo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    5: As a relatively new and intermittent commenter, I feel your swell of pride at the unexpected recognition. I’m afraid it’s all downhill from here, though … I’ll be dragging out the cached archive of this page years from now to gaze and sniffle at as I regret the potential squandered on the giddy whippits binges that ensued following my glory…

    Well, better get started on that and “whip out the whippits,” as they say … who’s with me?

    (and re-reading the other comments – many of which I somehow missed – made me actually laugh out loud, and not in the hyperbolic internet abbreviation sense. Laughing! All alone! In my quiet apartment! …okay, time for the whippits)

  8. O’Fogeyette
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Hearty congrats to all the runners-up and da winnah! Funny just as second time around. And, from the distant past:

    Dingo from 2 yesterthreads ago: what a horrible story about your community college experience! You have my sympathy and empathy. I long ago gave up teaching anything but adult ed (continuing ed), because the people I teach actually want to be in the class, and many of them are literate. Downside is it has to be a hobby, because it pays so poorly.

    2 yesterthreads ago bats: good to know there’s another Tucsonan on this blog. How about the weather lately, eh? (Though that sounds more Canadian than Arizonan.)

  9. Jamus The Bartender
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Thanks John.
    Actually, I steal it all from Mad Magazine…the primers.
    But you figured that out.
    Whippets awaayyy…

  10. yellojkt
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Motopus for COTW. I hope my mind is never dirty enough to find batting advice vaguely obscene.

    This is my last plug in the comments for the National Coolest Comics Character Contest Best Of Show Let me know whether you prefer Edda, June, Bucky, Jeremy, Ruthie or Dennis and Joey.

  11. Maughta
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Wow, a plug for my blog and now a COTW runner up? My cup runneth over. Bless you, your Popeness.

  12. Lizardmess
    April 22nd, 2007 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Excellent comments!


  13. Poteet
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to Motorposus and all the very snarky winners! I need to clean off my screen after this collection.

    # 3 — Jamus, in case it’s any help, long ago when I was sometimes designated a bridesmaid, it was always because of throwaway comments, not the ones on which I’d labored long and lovingly. Of course now I’m obsessed with DT, so I’ll probably never ride the float again. Curse you, Dick, and all who sail in you.

  14. Moon Mullins
    April 22nd, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    #3 Jamus: I, too, am left dry again. I’m starting to feel like that octogenarian who plays Erica Kane on All My Children, who went forty years or so without winning a soap Emmy.

    I noticed that when I log into the site now the Dirty Microbe girl has her thumb and index finger making the “loser L” on her forehead, and she won’t even look at me any more.

  15. Jamus The Bartender
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    13. Thanks Poteet. The sad truth is…I did a MadPrimer of either FOOB or Luann late one night and it sent me into hysterics. So…it’s been Dick and Jane ever since. I’ll probably get tired of it, just like I did the “Mary Worth goes to Vietnam to rescue Col. Kurtz…I mean Doctor Jeff”
    Oh…while i’m on, you all HAVE to see this.
    From the FOOB website.
    I know looking at the character’s letters of the month isn’t the same as reading the comic, PLUS it’s not fair, but I was looking through Stepford Dee’s letter, and found this little missive about her kids and the music they like:
    ” Speaking of singing, Merrie’s been walking around the house singing along with the radio when she recognizes a song. I’m not keen on her imitating their dance moves, so we don’t let her watch music videos, but the songs themselves seem fairly benign. At least to a child’s ears. I wonder if I should sign her up for music lessons. April seems to think it would be a good idea…”
    Thanks Deanna. Now i’ve got visions of your kid dancing to “My milkshake brings all the boys in the yard” and “I got my lovely lady lumps….check ‘em out” And, of course, Auntie Roadside is involved. There’s never a sharpened spoon around when you need one…

  16. Dingo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to Motorposus! I missed that comment during the week but it was COTW funny. And… I’m a groomsman again! Ka-loo ka-lay! (dances jig)

    Jamus, the comment this week that got me on the groomsman list, and the last one, and the one that got me a 2nd COTW recently, were all throwaway comments that I just jotted on here and forgot. That’s how it works. Real life is not All About Eve; real life is getting halfway home in the car and realizing the line you should have said at the party. Trust me, just go with what’s in your heart. Someday, some wistful summer (northern hemisphere) Sunday, you’ll pop on here for a snark break and discover that you’re Queen of the May. You’ll feel the rose petals beneath your feet, the tingle of the sash as it’s placed across your hirsute manbreast, and the cold tinge of metal as the sceptre is placed in your hand. Then, the true weight of being COTW will finally settle in as the crown is placed upon your head. Next comes the ride through town on the parade float as young sycophants and supplicants vie for your attentions. Remember the mantra of all parade float royalty: lap-2-3-4, wave-2-3-4, pearls-2-3-4, repeat.

    A week later, you’re F. Murray Abraham standing in line at the Winn-Dixie being asked to show identification.

    More whippets, mule!

  17. Squid Countess
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    These are some of the best comments I’ve seen. God, you people are smart and talented and witty. You and Josh make me so happy. Thank you.

  18. Weasel Boy
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Motorposus and all the runners-up. I especially liked Kate’s “an Oklahoma of stupid” – somebody call Bartlett’s.

  19. alamo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    alas and alack. once again shutout. i need to delve more deeply into the insipidity of mw, apt3g and jp. my awesome comments on the mountainous sexuality of june morgan or the massive canadian shield stupidity of foobville is just not measuring up.

    these are high standards to strive toward and a tip of the alamo hat to you all.

  20. Jamus The Bartender
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Amen to that, Dingo. Amen and Hallelujah.

  21. Motorposus
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Wow! COTW!! I don’t know what more to hope for in this life.

    Thanks to all of the posters for making the world safe for comics-oriented snark. Heartfelt thanks to the Academy, and to the kooks who bring us Gil Thorp.

  22. Dingo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Motorposus, you forgot Chad Lowe.

  23. Dingo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    btw, here’s Sally Forth in an alternative universe: Adam & Andy. No Hilary to speak of but they do have a dog. Hmm… and the dog is better trained than Hilary.

  24. Gabe
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, you’re always the bridesmaid in our hearts. I think Josh is pretty diplomatic in passing out the COTW. If he kept giving it to the same people when many comments are equally funny, it’s just favoritism.

    That said, SHUT OUT AGAIN? I go from consistent runner up and one COTW to two weeks of nothing? I gotta up my snarking game. Too bad pwning trolls doesn’t count. Not to toot my own horn (I can’t reach, honestly), but that was some brilliant boxcar.

  25. Autonymph
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Presented without comment: a critique of FBoW (from the “Language Log” blog).

  26. andreavis
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    I wore my [Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!] tee today– and received several compliments, but no one questioned what it meant! I think they thought it was some sort of tribute to my daughter Margo (who is not an expletive, she’s a perfect angel. Just ask her!)

  27. cinephile
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Today’s FUNKY W.: “The end of the world is closer than we thought!” Give Tom Batuik a bit of credit: It’s the rare talent that can sum up his entire world view in a single comic strip panel.

  28. SecretMargo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    15 Jamus: Dude, look around you. This is love. This is war. All is fair.

  29. Trotzenbonnie
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to all of the winners and thank you for giving us something to laugh about– or is it something about which to laugh?

    And, #25 – thanks for the link. It was an interesting piece. However, I must say that I am always much more disturbed about bad grammar than I am about scratching myself or farting in public.
    What irritated me about FBOFW is this – LJ should have used the text message panel of yesterday’s strip as the zinger for today. It could have added a bit of irony, synchronicity and, oh yeah, humor.

  30. Islamorada Girl
    April 22nd, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Unfortunately, FOOB is an irony free zone.

  31. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    #3, I’m rooting for Jamus. The sun’ll come out tomorrow…

  32. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, there’s something really sinister about that Adam and Andy cartoon. It looks like they were playing, “Got your nose” one night, and each of them actually severed the other’s nose!!! Surgeons have done all they could, but it just wasn’t enough, dammit.

  33. Jamus The Bartender
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Wow….everyone’s been so nice….thanks…:)

  34. Jym
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    =v= A coupla weeks ago Josh did a metapost with some of the National Lampoon Sunday Newspaper Parody comics. I saw this remaindered at the local chain bookstore and picked it up. And right there on the third page, lower left hand corner, was a divorce notice:

    Stone, Laurie from Stephen: Grounds: Garage needs painting.

    If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’.

    BTW, aside from the Sunday funnies (the ones by Shary Flenniken were especially good), this parody was quite the disappointment. It is so very much not a worthy successor to their earlier yearbook parody. This was from the era when the magazine was going down the tubes because all the talent had moved on, leaving P.J. O’Rourke for the most part. O’Rourke did hire John Hughes, who turned out to be a major talent, but whatever he did on this parody just didn’t cut it.

  35. alamo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    today’s foobville with the excessive meaningless dialog reminded me of cathy, only lacking the intelligent repartee.

  36. SecretMargo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Awww, Adam and Andy is cute, though the humor seems to get more and more…gentle as the archive progresses. But I can’t resist this one:

    Cuddling is cute until someone’s internal organs are flattened. Believe me, I’ve been there.

  37. Stranger…
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    And here I thought I had a chance this week. I guess I need to get even edgier next week… bring it on!

  38. PeteMoss
    April 22nd, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Okay. That’s some funny sh[SATURN]t right there. Top rate snarkin’. Mix of new and old talent. Don’t know how I got into that group, but I look forward to seeing you all at the clambake. BYOB – Bring your own bivalve.

  39. PeteMoss
    April 22nd, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    11 Maughta –

    I really enjoyed your blog. Excellent snark! I was especially amused with the entry regarding “Longarm.” Last year, I was in a conversation with a friend regarding having a hard time falling asleep. He recommended reading cheap, simpleton novels and said he enjoyed the “Longarm” series. He loaned me one that had that standard cover, as depicted on your blog. (Incidentally, according to the book, Longarm smokes ‘cheroots.’) It’s exactly what you’d imagine based on the cover: Corny, western- style prose; macho, cowboy heroics; bad, soft-core, NC-17 sex “scenes.” I made about half way before realizing that it wasn’t putting me to sleep.

    Anyway, keep up the good work.

  40. PeteMoss
    April 22nd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    24 Gabe.

    I apreciated how you pwned that troll, dude.

  41. alamo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    silly forth — today’s meaningless dialog reminded me of…. well it didn’t remind me of anything at all exept that it did offend me deeply as a conscientious critic of puerile public portrayals of passion.

  42. Gabe
    April 22nd, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Thnx pete.

  43. alamo
    April 22nd, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    sf — (i don’t know why i am so inspired by this wacky strip today.) i am puzzled about what the attraction is between these two people — it has to be the hair. their hair is meant for each other. either one of their coifs deserve to be punched off their noggins by our friend mark t. can we borrow him some sunday when he is off duty to come over and knock the hair off these two? please???

  44. True Fable
    April 22nd, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    wooo-weee! Congrats to Motorposus, first in the hearts of his countrysnarks. And lil Fable got in there too. As Dingo and my queen Poteet said, it’s usually the throwaway lines that get the nod.

    When you think about it, there’s usually a daily thread and each thread is well over 100 comments, sometimes 200 or 300 and even almost 400. That’s a LOT of sarcasm from which to choose! Thank you, Josh!

  45. True Fable
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    MT ANDY SPEAKS AT LAST! And he’s NOT saying “For God’s sake, Mark, go change your clothes.”

  46. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Mary and Toeby gossiping like two miserable biddies on Sunday should just go ahead and morph into two cluck-cluck-clucking chickens prattling on and on about Miss Prissy (Vera) until they’d reduce her to tears. I’m not sure if Von is Foghorn Leghorn in this little cartoon, though.

  47. dreadedcandiru2
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: Why do they let Liz Patterson out in public? First, she says nothing is serious between her and Fyboytoy but when he acts like it, she throws a shit fit? I wonder why the school board hired a twelve year old to teach ten year olds? I wonder why April didn’t haul off and give her a slap in the mouth? I wonder why there isn’t a vast line of men she strung along lined up behind the Martian? And, most important, I wonder why I care?

  48. Trotzenbonnie
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

  49. mumbles
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all COTW playahs!

    RMMD: I hope this is the sequel to “June Morgan Goes to the DMV” we’ve been waiting for months….”June Morgan Complains to Customer Service about her Cell Phone Service.”

    MW: What Tobey, aka Mrs. Chinbeard, is thinking in the first panel is, “Why would any woman not want to be dependent on a man?”

    FOOB: Ah, the long-awaited set-up for Granthony to be settled for is starting up. In an ideal world, an elderly deus ex machina with a backwards, inside-out t-shirt would appear to set Lizard straight. What’s the Canadian equivalent to a clambake?

  50. Len
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    This is Non Sequitur’s Monday strip.

    The lag time between Johnny Hart’s passing and the printing date has been caught up. Wonder how many more memorials like this will appear…

  51. True Fable
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    #49 mumbles: That would be “lardass” for a thousand, Alex!

  52. Len
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    #48 — A musical duet?

    Cherry’s koozie: “I’m a li’l bit Cunty…”

    Mark’s wang-doodle: “I’m a little bit Cock ‘n roll…”

  53. Poteet
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    Foob — I really, really, really want Warren to dump Lizard’s ass, preferably with the help of a large billboard in front of her school reading “So Long, Frump-Bun Patterson! Free At Last!” I want to see Liz wailing like a large demented mosquito. I want to see tears pouring down her cheeks until she faints from dehydration. Lynn, you OWE me this pleasure before the nauseating Granthony Love Fest begins.

    DT — Yes, Dick, tossing that diamond into the drink will solve all your problems. It’s a really brilliant move. And I recognize the look on Queen of Diamond’s face because it’s the same look I’ve had for the past week whenever I read this (Margo)ing stupid strip.

    # 44 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, congratulations! Nice work! Wave at me from your float, please.

  54. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]


    A3G: Jeez, for a dying woman’s hallucination, he sure is a mean S.O.B.! “More paintings, mule!”

    (DT)GT: Hey, Otha, let’s not get into his politics now. “IT’S CLAMBAKE, YOU FREAKIN’ IDIOT!! CLAMBAKE! CLAMBAKE!! CLAMBAAAAKE!!!

    FC: So, spilling ink (God, I hope it’s just ink!) (Waitaminnit, what am I saying??) on a new shirt suddenly ages it precipitously? Wow, the things you miss not being a really stupid cartoon kid.

    FOOB: It begins! And at the proper maturity level in the last panel, too. How much ya wanna bet Warren’s cheating on her? That infantile woman’s on some kind of tape loop or something; alot of guys have to cheat on Liz before Blanthony gets his shot.

    FW: Suddenly, I’m flashing onto June Morgan at the DMV.

  55. True Fable
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    DtM Well, this is something I didn’t expect to see: Joey’s emphatic Pelvic thrust. “Do the Pelvic Thrust, it’s gonna drive you in-say-yay-yaa-ayn! Let’s do the Time Warp again!”

    BB Sarge has obviously moved on from burgers since his childhood.

    FboFW Oh, so Liz is trying a different tact this time. Instead of giggling into the phone and being kissy-kissy, she’s going to act like whatever Warren does is fine and dandy to his face. Still, she won’t be honest and say, “Well sure I’m disappointed. Are we getting together next week?” No, she’s going to act like it doesn’t matter, and then like an eight-year-old when she hangs up the phone. And this woman is a teacher?
    She’ll be surprised when Warren admits he’s flying chopper for the Mtzigaynor Action News and boffing the reporter – whose name happens to be Susan – and he’ll say, “well, you said you didn’t mind.”
    Enter Granthony.

    Oh, a rant is coming on but I’m going to the forum to vent my spleen.

  56. Squid Countess
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    #24 Gabe- I had a COTW, followed by a double runner-up listing, then nothing for sixteen weeks. Prepare yourself, man. It can happen.

    Moon Mullins- I’m still laughing from “Mark Trail knows your number/ and his potato knows your name.” You are consistently hilarious.

  57. Mr. O’Malley
    April 23rd, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD: The little girl (what’s her name?) is reading Popeye. And there seems to be some kind of rodent sitting on Abbey.

    FOOB: The nerve of some guys! Putting their work obligations ahead of entertaining Liz! I don’t think we’ll hear from him again.

  58. WithoutaK
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Oh…my…God… I really need to go to sleep. I swear when I read Judge Parker I thought that was a giant talking penis behind Cedric’s shoulder. (Perhaps I’ve been reading too much Mark Trail?) I had to stare at it for a couple minutes before I realized it was a really weird shadow effect on Neddy’s head.

    Oh, and: Go Neddy! Who needs art school when you can study under SuperCedric to be a vigilante?

  59. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    JP: I’m with beret girl on that, Cedric the Vigilante. Ladies, get out your lead pipes…

    RMMD: “Hey, I’m just the comics’ weekday colorist, I don’t gotta take no orders from no little girl! June’s face will be pale, instead. How d’ya like them apples, rugrat?!” In the strip itself, June’s about to smash that cell like Kelly Ripa once did to her husband’s… unless Cedric shows up and shoots it instead.

    MW: “…Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck…..” (see #46)

  60. Trilobite
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    A3G: Oh, crap, I just figured out where they’re going with this. This is all so that bland dude (Alan? You know, the one who was talking to Blaze the Midnight Cowboy) can come and rescue LuAnn before she suffocates on paint fumes. *sigh*

    Judge Parker: Please, oh please let Neddy kill one of the punks. You know if you don’t, she’ll just whine about it for the rest of her life…besides, you only ever really get one chance to murder a man in Paris when you’re young.

  61. True Fable
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    JP At last, Neddy can undo everything that her Anger Management classes tried to suppress.

    And Abbey will be soooo impressed with Our Man Cedric. She’ll wwant to give him what Sam didn’t want, and his wife will wonder about the red splots on his shirt. Blood, okay; lipstick, nooo!!

  62. Andy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    I guess it was lost in the Clambake fever, but I think Dean Booth’s

    “MT: Clearly, Dan has watched too few episodes of Manix, Magnum, P.I., and Rockford Files. If you’re hiding in a motel room before fleeing the country, you do not answer the door! The correct protocol is to hide behind the door and bash the visitor over the head when he comes in. I know it would have worked in this case — most likely, Mark would have walked in and said “I’m puzzled why no one is in this room.”

    …was shamefully snubbed.

  63. TB Tabby
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    DtM: Mr. Wilson’s finally gone senile, has he?

    Big Dog: Is Scaduto in the pet food business now?

    SFx: YES!!! More Tiffany and Melody! I can only hope really easy brain teasers that everybody’s heard before are their idea of foreplay.

  64. Andy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Toby actually asks “Why did Vera Shields say she never wants to depend on a man again?” but fails to add “In my experience, complete submissiveness and dependence is its own reward.” Mary is equally confused by the notion, despite the fact that she never depends on men.

    Mary then adds that there are curious conclusions about why the recently impoverished Vera doesn’t talk about people from her past. I count one possible conclusion: Someone from her past once stole her money. It’s not even that curious, really. Just a regular, standard issue conclusion.

  65. Andy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    63 Tabby re: Slylock:

    I had never heard that teaser, and immediately assumed “The cabdriver is going the proper, legal way on the street, but driving away from his fare’s desired destination.”

    I did, however, jump to the same conclusion about foreplay.

  66. AppleGirl
    April 23rd, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Congrats and thanks to all the COTWs. You terrific people really make my day, every day!

  67. Andy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Oh, and any sleuth who poses a teaser that has not one but two really obvious solutions is not. getting. any tonight.

  68. AppleGirl
    April 23rd, 2007 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Don’t you think Rex did a fake bad cellphone reception thing on June? The secret to pulling it off is to hang up while you are in the middle of your own sentence. No one ever suspects that you’d hang up on yourself.

    The comics often confuse me: Is the Mr. Avery that we see on the plane the corporate takeover guy that Rex is picking up at the airport, or is it the millionaire guy that they all think crashed in the North Atlantic?

  69. Dub Not Dubya
    April 23rd, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: The paint fumes will give Luann permanent brain damage, but how would anyone notice?

  70. Marion Delgado
    April 23rd, 2007 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    Notice the “Snorkel Rule” in Beetle Bailey – if a baby can SAY “burger,” it can EAT a burger. After Lois and Sarge have their first child, Zero will accidentally teach it to say “ground glass.” Hilarity ensues.

  71. Lynngineering
    April 23rd, 2007 at 4:14 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Liz has been returned yet again to infantile behavior a la Michael’s coma fantasy. Once, long ago before Michael took over, at least April had a real bunny and mourned its death in an adult way.
    Now, inside of Michael’s ever-worsening coma fantasy, Liz regressed to clutching her stuffed bunny in desperation, and he hasn’t let up on her since. One after the other, he is pummeling her with events and incidents that just seem to add up to brother’s revenge on sister, no other way. The last three Liz-related days have just made it clear, there is no exit for her.

    And as long as Michael focuses on that sis, the other, has a chance to slip out on occasion. In King Michael’s new court come September, April will remain the court-jester Michael thinks he has contained but is still making fun of him, his Stepford-Queen Breeder, and the addled progeny she should “babysit”.
    Dad, no real relation to the throne except as providing Elly the seed, will be forever “cleaning out the workshop” or “playing with his trains” as Queen Mother Elly will do what all Queen Mothers do – butt in and run the court, i.e. the old house of Patterson. Only April has the moment-to-moment chance to temporarily disturb Michael’s me-istic new world order, as don’t forget she does have the ear and blessing of the old King Grandpa, whom King Michael banished to Boxcaronia

    Unless Michael wakes up soon – all that is left is to await the Liz storyline: Where is Prince Granthony, former Earl of Muffins, Duke of Restored Basements and all domains directly under his mustache?

  72. The Hemingway Solution
    April 23rd, 2007 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    I must protest the asassination of coma Mike’s motivations. He has borne the weight of Elly(Lynn’s) expectations, and, even faced his mortality, at the fire, wherein, he had to choose between the continuance of his own worthless existence, versus the immortality of his painfully horrid prose. Any assured, grounded husband, would accede to the wishes of his most valued relations, but Mike, the resolute idealist, chooses the art, rather than the reason; and these fantasies are his attempt to set all his loved ones at ease, before he finally presses Save and Send, and Alt Ctrl Delete.

  73. The Hemingway Solution
    April 23rd, 2007 at 5:42 am [Reply]

    The fluffing of his sisters’ lips, oppossed to the diminuation of his wife’s dialogue; maybe that’s conquered things versus verbotten… Mike’s subconscious, not mine. Subtlety, I knew of, Horatio.

  74. lesles
    April 23rd, 2007 at 5:42 am [Reply]

    mwahahahahahahahahaha two runner-ups in a year! i can feel world domination within my grasp! now to steal mary’s meddling power for my moon-based biddy ray! and well played motorposus and everyone else. you are worthy adversaries.

    so, what’s the deal with spidey’s missing spider sense? i haven’t been spending a lot of time following the exciting twists and turns of this current breathless adventure. was it the brick, or did something more traumatic happen to cause him to lose it – like the tv breaking down or running out of things to whine about? has it atrophied from lack of use? or did he just drop it in the street or lose it down the back of the couch?

  75. John C Fremont
    April 23rd, 2007 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    What has made my day was not Mark Trail’s talking penis. It was Cherry’s reaction to Mark’s talking penis. I’ve never seen her display raw emotion before. I’ll bet I know what the Trails will be doing once they dry off the dog, if you know what I mean.

    Crap, what if that was Andy’s penis talking?!

  76. The Hemingway Solution
    April 23rd, 2007 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    74 lesles
    this is actually a post modern existential crisis: Spidey’s power is defined himself by his press clippings, and when J Jonah ceased his ” hero or menace?” diatribes in favor of soapy “spidey’s wife,” filler, Everyone lost belief in in Spidey’s Paranoia, (aka spider sense). If we clap real hard, Captain America will live again, too.

  77. smacky
    April 23rd, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    FOOB: What the hell?!? Warren had to lop off his own balls and beg Liz just to agree to see him again, and now she acts like she’s mad because he’s “ditching” her? Liz, you don’t even like him! Bitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitch!

  78. The Hemingway Solution
    April 23rd, 2007 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    MT: “This dog’s genitals are possessed by Satan!” “We must cleanse him in holy water, and run, run, far away from this tainted place. But you can stay here with molly, the ubiquiducks, and all the other demons that shall be vanquished at the second coming of our savior. Eat the potatoes, venerate the veal.”

  79. The Hemingway Solution
    April 23rd, 2007 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    MT: “This dog’s genitals are possessed by Satan!” “We must cleanse him in holy water, and run, run, far away from this tainted place. But you can stay here with molly, the ubiquiducks, and all the other demons that shall be vanquished at the second coming of our savior. Eat the potatoes, venerate the veal.”

  80. Eric G
    April 23rd, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    “The lag time between Johnny Hart’s passing and the printing date has been caught up. Wonder how many more memorials like this will appear…”

    The lag time between Johnny Hart’s passing and the possibility of B.C. being funny just by accident seems to have been caught up too.

  81. stinky pete
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    Scaduto explained:

    I have been reading a brilliant book called “Penguins Stopped Play” by Harry Thompson, which is about an around-the-world tour by a group of English cricket fanatics. To follow the book it was necessary to learn a little about the rules of cricket; in particular I was stumped (cricket pun – HA!) by the term “lbw.” It turns out that means “leg before wicket,” and here’s an explanation of the term from

    “Leg Before Wicket:
    If the batsman misses the ball with his bat, but intercepts it with part of his body when it would otherwise have hit the wicket, and provided several other conditions (described below) are satisfied. An umpire must adjudicate such a decision, and will only do so if the fielding team appeal the decision. This is a question asked of the umpire, usually of the form “How’s that?” (or “Howzat?”), and usually quite enthusiastic and loud.”

    So you finally see where I’m going with this.

  82. The Avocado Avenger
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    These comments were terrific. I admit a fondness for Harold’s runner-up comment, though. It’s funny because it’s true.

  83. Dean Booth (Bid Page)
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    #62. Thanks, Andy! I strive for POTW, so no loss. Great comments, all.

    #32, Ben. That strip ran in the Columbus Dispatch under B.C. Odd, I thought Hart was cremated. (Too soon?)

    RMMD: Unfortunately, I called it! “I’m expecting a week of cell phone hillarity, with June going outside for better reception, changing to the land-line phone, etc.”

    SFox: Can you get a ticket for driving in reverse? If not, that’s my solution. (I once drove 3 miles in reverse to get my transmission fixed.)

    FC: This strip is a repeat. It ran in 1998 with Dolly in a blue dress.

    MT: It’d be a lot easier for Mark just to punch the smell off Andy.

  84. Tweeks_Coffee
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]


    DT: Egads! That closeup on Queenie’s face is the most frightening thing I’ve seen since she shed her costume. Which, coincidentally, was the most frightening thing I’d seen since she first appeared.

    JP: They’re about to unleash a Trailian beat down, aren’t they? Though shooting them is hardly as effective as a right hook.

    MT: Even Andy’s happy about the foiling of Dan. Either that or it’s Mark’s junk, but I’d really rather not think about that…dammit.

    MW: I’m sure it’s particularly curious since you’re just making wild speculations now, Mary. Maybe she lost all her money in a bank heist and Von made off with the money!

    RMMD: June’s turning red? It’s a shame that there’s no way we’d be able to see this in a comic strip.

    SFx: I can’t tell you how happy I am that Slylock now seems to be going steady with Tiffany Fox. Though something always happnes to Slylock’s tail when she’s around (His actual tail, not his mistress on the side). before it was detached and now it’s completely disappeared.

  85. Goaty
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    FOOB — Well give Lizard a break. I mean look at her ass, and her bun, and her little old lady glasses…. if she can’t tie Warren down now… what’s to become of her? She’s peaked and is in full downhill slide into Ellyness.

  86. lesles
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    #79 stinky pete – hey, hey, hey, steady on there, mate. no comparing or connecting scaduto/tdiet to any aspect of cricket in any way! that’s sacreligious, and i won’t have it.

  87. calico
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Wow, Josh, thanks for the Runner-up position! I am humbled, even though our Margo never will be.

    #55 -first belly laugh of the AM. Great snark!
    #58 & #75 – By Jove, it is a ginormous orating phallus! I think this may make Jack Elrod a little envious.

    FOOB – yes, Lizardtongue is regressing, and rapidly. The EllyMorph is almost complete. She’ll be sucking her thumb and mumbling to herself by week’s end, but will look exactly like Mum.
    BTW, I love the coma theory. It verifies that Mike is a genuine wuss with a great deal of repressed anger for Lizzie “Bwappblftt” Patterfoob.

  88. calico
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    FOOB again – I’m amazed Apwil didn’t say “Liz – that Hot Helicopter Pilot you said was such an asshole is on the phone for you – WHOOOOO!
    Did you guys get it on yet? What happened the night I tried to go roadside? WHOOOOO!”

  89. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    I didn’t read the comics over the weekend. When I last saw JP, Cedric was knocking on the door asking Neddy and Abbey to come on out. A Saturday strip plus a big Sunday strip later, Neddy and Abbey finally open up the door. The punks haven’t even walked more than ten feet. So needless to say, I’m not exactly breathless to rush back and see how we got here from there.

    DtM is certainly menacing. Organize a search party to help find the old man’s marbles. Well, Dennis, while you’re at it, could you also locate my lost virginity? My youthful sense of idealism?

    Spidey – Evil Jimmy Olsen is just Butt-Ugly Jimmy Olsen now.

    Phantom does a victory lap around town and the elephant tramples two villiagers and six stick houses. Really, Phantom, you didn’t do too much work this time.

    Funky: Punchline again based on a character’s misery. Of course the long lines at the post office type of misery is somewhat innocuous compared with cancercancercancercancer.

    GT: Call me CLAMBAKE, dammit!

    MT: Can we take a poll? Who says it’s Mark’s crotch talking and who says it’s Andy’s?

    TDIET: Howizzit? Dimbulb makes such a big deal when he misses his doctor-with-archaic-reflective-thing-on-his-head-stares-vacantly-at-chesty-nurse show, yet when it’s on… w-whaaa??? He watches airline-captain-stares-vacantly-at-chesty-stewardess-or-possibly-passenger-the-point-being-that-she’s-chesty show! Oh yeaaah!

  90. treedweller
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    I was out of town last week and didn’t have a chance to get on a computer. I must point out that FC haters should check out yesterday’s Lucky Cow.

    Also, Thursday’s Crankshaft. As an arborist, I’d like to say this is a pretty impressive layman’s version of a climbing system (though some kind of leg straps would be needed to make sure she didn’t slide out of the harness). If she were removing the tree. No respectable climber would use spikes on a live one since about 1975. Which is probably the last time Crankshaft learned anything new (supported by his pruning lesson the previous day, when he suggested removing “suckers” and interior branches, also a no-no today).

  91. jules
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    #45 True Fable – ah! It was Andy that was glad Dan’s plan didn’t work! I’ve been trying to figure out why Mark’s crotch was so glad Dan’s plan didn’t work. Thank God I can stop thinking about that.

  92. stinky pete
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    88 td, Not sure why FC-haters would appreciate yesterday’s Lucky Cow. I see it as an homage to, not a shot at, FC (note the “apologies to…” in the lower right hand corner.)

  93. Jim Thorp(e)
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Made it to the short list. Yea!!!!!

    Today, call me MISTER Clambake is going to really get on Coach Thorp’s nerves.

    “You know your lefthander, he needs to drop his shoulder. And your short-stop, I think he is masturbating before the game and draining himself of team spirit, and your right fielder, he needs to stop staring at all the young boys in the stand, and …. and…. and…..

    Coach Thorp, wait up, don’t run off. I gotta a notebook full of help for ya…..”

  94. treedweller
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    90 stinky pete–

    I suppose you’re right. But surely curmudgeonistas will enjoy it. And is there anyone here who doesn’t hate FC?

  95. Harry Worth
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    Mary is going pull a Queen Victoria and deny that there is such a thing as lesbians.

    “Vera doesn’t like men. I wonder why? Maybe if I showed her my crystal swans, she will see that men are necessary to complete yourself as a woman.”

  96. Tweeks_Coffee
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Re: #88 “I must point out that FC haters…”

    You say that as if there’s anything else on this site.

  97. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    FOOB – What? Here we go again with the “if he can’t spend every waking moment with you he doesn’t deserve you” trope. Of course, this is karmic retribution for Warren’s looking at other women than Saint Elizabeth, but still, way to make your Favored One look like a completely immature, selfish little bitch there, Lynn. (Mark Trail fans will note that, despite the fact that the “THBBBBPPPT” is in a speech bubble and would therefore logically be coming out of Liz’s head, it’s her tongue that’s doing the talking.) As thoroughly and completely opposed to the Loveocalypse as I am, I do have to agree with those who say she and Granthony deserve each other.

  98. Justafoob
    April 23rd, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    Gosh, now that we find out that Warren is dedicated to his job and not to worshiping the Foobs, where is the strip headed?

    What is going to happen to Liz?

    Is she ever going to find a steadfast male to live out her life with?

    I wish that LJ would give us a clue as to where Liz is headed. . .

  99. TurtleBoy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Monday’s TDIET contains the first-ever comics-page use of “couch potato” as a verb. Who ever said Scaduto isn’t a trend setter?

  100. Weasel Boy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    #81: Dolly with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress, Dolly with the blue dress on…oh to hell with it. Take it, Dingo.

  101. Eric G
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]


    Dear Sadie,

    I’m having problems coming up with ideas for my comic strip, I’ve tried killing off a character and now I am trying to get ideas from my readers by soliciting e-mails from them, but it still seems repetitive and mechanical, almost like I can only come up with one panel a day.

  102. Weasel Boy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    #97: Although the word “suckfest” has been used as a noun many times on this site when discussing TDIET.

  103. willethompson
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    MT: Dean Booth, I SWEAR that Jackelrod is using your dialog-balloon randomizer. Either MT’s penis is the male version of the ‘chatterbox’ or he has the talking potato in his crotch as part of his ‘Derek Smalls’ costume for the LoFo Cotillion.

    JP: : Neddy’s “And why should you have all the fun?” does not bode well for les Mohawks. We’ve noted Neddy’s ability to go postal at the drop of a beret, and after being maltreated at the hands of the registration crone at the ecole, dragged off a train to walk to another train station, put up with hooker irony, lost her W. H. Janson’s History of Art by throwing it at le skinhead, forced to listen to bad French through a utility room door and being told to SHUSH by her guardian, she’s primed. I’d say let her use that pipe to pith the Skinhead, then let her use her nutcracker loins to grind away MohawkBoy’s Oscar Meyer in an ironic fuckathon. Now THAT would be worth a walk to the paperbox on a cold, wet morning.

    RMMD: TWO days of cellphone angst? We’ve established that Hugh Avery lacks cell-ettiquet and now Rex’s cell craps out. In the words of Harry Connick, Jr., “We GET it!” Wilson had a bad cell day and the cell industry must PAY by being badmouthed in the funnies. Yep, Verizon Wireless is quaking in its gold-lined vault right now!

    (Which happens to be the same margosboxcarsaturn company that wouldn’t let me cancel my Dad’s cellphone contract until I produced a DEATH CERTIFICATE! Oh, no, my word and the obit in the local rag weren’t enough! I had to FAX their HQ the DOCUMENT! FROM THEIR FUCKING MALL KIOSK!)

    DT: See the expression on the QoD’s face? That’s what I looked like when I was faxing the death certificate (see above.)

    Sorry about the rant. Thanks for listening.

  104. treedweller
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    90/92 On second thought, I stand by “FC haters.” Because if I didn’t once enjoy the strip, I wouldn’t be so vehement in my hatred over what it has become. Sunday’s LC demonstrates that “running gag” need not equal “stale rehash.” I wonder if Pett might consider a twist on BC’s “Show Me” concept next. Or maybe Garfield’s lasagna schtick (probably a better fit for LC).

  105. Plinko Commie
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Dear Lizardbreath,

    If you had a harmonica in your mouth all the time, as it appears in today’s final FOOB panel, then I’d choose to spend the weekend in Yellowknife too.

    At least I think that’s a harmonica.


  106. man behind the curtain
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    FBOW — Liz needs a man who will always be available for her at her beckon call. She needs a man who has no life of his own. In other words, she needs a man who is not a “man”. In other words, she needs Granthony.

    MW — Obviously Vera comes from money. So if she grew up with money then the money was her parents’ money. So why isn’t it still there? This just adds to the mysterious powers of Von who apparently was able not just to take what was his but hers as well. Perhaps Von was such a good person and Vera such a miserable excuse for a human that her parents have written her out of their lives and embraced Von as the son they wish they had . I also find it interesting how little Mary apparently thinks of life at Charterstone to diss it so much.

  107. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Oh, the time-honored tradition of Mary Worth. Let’s drag the story by having a conversation about a conversation that wasn’t all that interesting to begin with. Maybe Wilbur could come over and Mary and Toeby could re-explain the whole thing to him, since he wasn’t at the pool party.

    In other news, I had to comment on Sunday Beetle Bailey because there are subtle background plots that may not be readily apparent to the casual reader, and I want to know if I’m the only one who saw them.
    The plane is flying. Beetle shoots down the plane with the new single-tread howitzer. Lt. Token Asian, who is not even featured in BB’s who’s who directory has been crushed to roughly 3/4 his original size in order to get a laugh and perpetuate the stereotype that persons of Oriental decent are short. Then, there’s a guy parachuting out of the damaged plane, and Miss Fuxley casually strolls around camp to raise the soldier’s … uh.. .spirits.

    But what really got me was that Zero was muscling in on Beetle’s turf. Of course, since Beetle is Mr. No-action, I can fully understand why a girl would be looking for some side action. Zero would be the optimal candidate, since if he said he boinked Ms. Buxom, no one would believe him.

    Foob: How dare you, Warren! Don’t you know that if St. Liz is stringing you along, you can’t leave town unless it is convenient for St. Liz of Patterson? Whatever. Flyboy’s probably got a chick in every heilopad in the Northwest Territories. Well, that’s what I would do.

  108. under_score
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    DT: Little known to the rest of us, whilst Dick was getting decked by a playing card (ha! I slay me!), he was secretly plotting the trajectory of today’s diamond toss. That baby is going to land right on the deck of the boat that’s been chugging by for the past few days, complete with a satisfying qliqity-qliq. The horrified QoD will jump in after it, but will only succeed in landing in the drink. Queue ‘wah-wah-waaaaah’ music.

  109. Little Guy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Observations from last week:

    Mary Worth, Thursday: Sally shouldn’t get too upset about her sister. It could have been worse.

    The other T-Shirts read, “I’m a Kelly”, “I’m a Ruben”, “I’m a Clay”, and “I’m a Sanjaya”.

    Mark Trail, Saturday: Mark may have the Fist of Justice(TM), but when it comes to female white-collar crime, he’s a soft-hearted wishy-washy liberal.

  110. Widdle Jeffy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Man, does Jeffy get picked on by his siblings.

    Not only to they treat him like crap all the time, now Billy is stealing his thunder by acting like a moron and spilling juice all over his shirt.

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]


    FW: Given that this is Funkyland, you just know there’s a disgruntled postal worker here, ready to go off.

    DtM: If Mr. Wilson has lost his marbled, why are we with Dennis and Joey? I want to see Wilson hoisting a machete as he sits on the porch in his underwear.

    SFx: The anthropomorphic swingers start out the evening’s revelries with a little brain teaser.

    BB: Sarge is still eating burgers, and apparently still teething as well.

    RMMD: Is the wonky cell phone a plot development, or is the writer angling for a product placement deal.

    JP: Loggerheads! Both Cedric and Abbey want to eviscerate the aging French skinheads. Neddy will have to be the ref.

    9CL: I laughed when I read this one. Always open to new ways of being an asshole.

    Ghost who…: This “Phan-tom! Phan-tom!” sounds like the villagers are about to break into a wave. Later tonight they’ll be standing around the Phantom chanting “Chug! Chug!”

    OBH: NIck and Rose have abducted a partially embalmed cadaver and propped it up. Now they’re taking turns throwing their voice into it. Now that’s losing your marbles.

  112. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Rex is where – right outside his office, right? That’s certainly not an airport. Don’t they have phones in his office? Can’t June answer the landline phone at home? Yes, an important plot driving week of bad cell phone communication makes me wish we could see more of the DMV and the hilarity that ensued.

  113. Laura Jane
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Phew! GT is heavy on the sexual innuendo today. “Swing Drill”? I think they sell swing drills at the sex shop right next to the pink furry manacles and the 24 Hour Lube.

    “He just listened differently” clearly translates into “He just swings ‘differently’.”

    “About that Lefty of yours…” Well at least know we know how Gil hangs.

  114. man behind the curtain
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Is today’s Non-sequitar supposed to be a double-entendre tribute to Johnny Hart. “Groundbreaker” in terms of his comic strip and his work as a cartoonist and “groundbreaker’ in the sense that he died and has been buried.

  115. andreavis
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    #104–in re. MW: I agree with you. I stated in another thread that I thought Vera’s big mystery was that she got effed out of her family fortune by her brother, Von (curses upon him.)

    Think about it: Vera and Von. Parents are always giving matchy-match names to siblings, right? And Vera’s old money or she wouldn’t have had a pie-wielding nanny.

    Mary’s nosy biddy radar is malfunctioning. Romance, indeed!

  116. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Oh and,

    MT: Finally Andy’s balls weigh in on the whole Dan episode.

  117. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Slylock’s girlfriend has stolen his tail. When we last saw Sly and his chick, she had two tails and he had none. Today she has one tail, but Sly still has none. I guess it’s the symbolic equivalent of keeping Sly’s balls on a leash or something.

    Who talks like this: How did you do in the race?
    “The stork finished two places ahead of me, the bear was neither first nor last, the stork was not second.”

    I had a whole riff on how there were multiple answers to the riddle, but it all hinged on the stork being two paces ahead of Max instead of two places. Well there’s two hours I’ll never get back.

  118. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    #104 – Mbtc – I assumed that it was her parents money that got her the Charterstone condo. You need a mortgage for a condo, and someone would have to co-sign for Vera, as she just started a job as a typist, which just won’t get you far in the housing market.

  119. Dingo
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Perhaps Vera is the long-lost daughter of famed feminine hygiene innovator Pant E. Shields and Von was the family’s trusted Canadian butler who whisked her off to Paris for “art lessons.”

  120. Hogen Mogen
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Foob: I don’t get it with those motion lines in panel 2. Where is she going? Not back & forth. Are they even motion lines, or some kind of scratches on the wall behind her? Flies, attracted to the scent of the death of her relationship with Warren?

    I do like the last panel where she shows off the size of her tongue and spews about 8 ounces of spittle in the process.

    I used to draw my own punchlines or change the pictures in the newspaper but my wife complained so bitterly about it that I had to stop or I’d be a bachelor again. For Worser or For Even Worser was my favorite target because it just had that “soooo eaaasy to screw with” quality. Today, I would have made Liz’s raspberry display into a full fledged vomitarama. It would make even less sense than the original Lynn Johnston punchline, but it would amuse me in all sorts of ways that her punchline plainly doesn’t.

  121. Dingo
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    June Morgan has the comics world’s most beautiful cleavage, but where did she find a copy of The History of Lesbian Hair?

    She’s sporting the Patrick Nagel cut and she’s given her daughter the Indigo Girls Tupperware-bowl bang job.

  122. SatanicMechanic
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Olena…. SNOPES????? Could it be that Barney Google and Snuffy Smith is twenty times more intellegent than anyone ever guessed?? So do they live on, like, Sutpin’s Hundred or something? This explains where the strip takes place! Not my next door neighbors in rural Pennsylvania, but Yactapatulka (ok, so I can’t spell it) county in Mississippi! Or Louisiana! (ok, so I can’t remember!)

  123. Anonymous
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    “then like an eight-year-old when she hangs up the phone. And this woman is a teacher?”

    I’m married to a teacher. They do act like eight year olds

  124. Jeanne
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Damn just reinstalled my system, #121 was me.

  125. Foobar
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    I’m glad your system is okay.

  126. Tweeks_Coffee
    April 23rd, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    RE: #115 – Hogen Mogen

    What strikes me most about that Sunday panel is that Slylock looks so damned shocked. granted, he always looks bug-eyed, but it’s fairly extreme here. I’m pretty sure Max just walked in on Slylock watching porn. Luckily Slylock managed to minimize the window before Max saw.

  127. Kate
    April 23rd, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Hey! I show up for the first time in weeks and get a COTW runner-up! That’s maxed out my karmic Visa card, for sure.

  128. AhClem
    April 23rd, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    #119 Dingo -
    …she’s given her daughter the Indigo Girls Tupperware-bowl bang job.

    I believe that’s illegal in most states.

  129. O’Fogeyette
    April 23rd, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth needs to take lessons from 9CL! It’s blatant refusal to gossip! The conceptual opposite of today’s MW! And 113 andreavis: why can’t it be BOTH a sibling rivalry AND romance? If we can’t have incest in Funky, let’s have it at Charterstone!

    JP: Cedric is a cold-blooded killer? And Neddy wants to be one? Good times ahead!

    MT: “I wonder why Dan picked Lost Forest to try to fake his death?” Well, duh, Cherry, where else could he have found someone as stupid as Mark to witness it? And the plan would have worked, too, if the talking potato hadn’t clued Mark in to the tell-tale eye hook. I hope Mark’s next assignment involves adorable animals and more of the Right Hook of Depillation.

  130. gh
    April 23rd, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    #125 Kate

    Kate’s back! Yaaay!

    Everyone have a good weekend? Hey, Clambake is back too. Did anyone mention that? Really?

    The usual genuflections to all the trophy winners. It’s an honor to touch the hem of your raiments. You don’t mind that I use them to wipe the spittle you produced again, do you? Send me the dry-cleaning bill.

  131. Missy
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    My first comment of the week runner up. I am so shocked. I want to thank my manger, my agent, and of course the guy upstairs. Not God, but the guy who lives in the apartment above me for getting up late so I can steal his paper every morning.

    On to today:

    When I first saw Family Circus (which as a child I thought was called Family Circle because it’s in a circle) I thought that Billy had been kidnapped, tied up, and shot. Then I read the text was very disappointed.

    MW: “If she lost her former wealth and avoids people from her past it leads to some curious conclusions.”

    No, Mary. It doesn’t. Not at all. I mean there are a copule of obvious conclusions. That maybe the people in her past are responsible for her losing her money. Or that maybe her money issues and her social issues are two different and unrelated events. But none of these are curious conclusions

    Of course the fact that you think you can piece together a persons who being and life by a conversation over dinner does lead me to come to some curious conlusions about you. Namely that you are the Grand Marshall of the Grandstanding Oddball parade. That and that you and Shylock Fox need to have some type of jump to conclusions contest.

    Shoe: What exactly is she reading that talks about the calorie count of hot flashes? Wouldn’t it have made more sense if she was standing on a scale? Am I thinking to much about this? Well, look who I’m talking to.

    Gil Thorp- You know, I thought that Clambake was just wearing the ugliest shirt ever but I now realize that he’s actually a Priest. He’s got the collar, the wisdom, and the latent pedophilia- I don’t know whay we didn’t see it before.

  132. dimestore lipstick
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Oh, I get it. Non-sequitor, by Wiley…Wiley’s dictionary. How…clever.

    Apropos of nothing, if anyone ever needs a live-action example of Margoism, I’d advise finding an old Gail Patrick film. Her characters were usually Margo personified.

  133. Kronkina
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Just want to go on record that Get Fuzzy, while always amusing and smart, has been off the charts this week! LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!

  134. calico
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    #110 – Actually, I just want to see June get madder and madder, as compensation for the fact that we have not been treated to a real breast shot/fullblown image in many days now.

    #107 – did you mean Sally Forth instead of Mary?
    Y’know, in the last several weeks I’ve been confusing the last names in my head – referring to Sally the sexpot as Sally Worth, and vice versa.

  135. calico
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    #118 – those lines in panel two are dog hair, I think-in panel one Liz is playing with her “poodle”, as usual.
    (BTW, this must be Dog care week in the comix-refer to MT also-they are washing Andy, who probably got skunked overnight.)
    I’d rather believe that these lines are a new type of language for the Patterfoob tribe only – like Ontarian Hieroglyphics or something.

  136. Mibbitmaker
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Lizardtongue will never outdo Odie the Panting Dog in drool, so why even try?

    She’s not only attracting every man in N. America, they’re all cheating on her, too (as I assume Warren is).

    Amazing how Liz manages to regress at an alarming rate, while simultaniously Ellie-aging in her appearence. By September, she’ll look to all the world like a 120-year-old wrinkled, bed-ridden crone, but she’ll really be, in fact, a fetus verging on embryo status. And then the abortion and euthanasia debates will really intersect!

  137. smacky
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    #110, Hogen Mogen, for more hot DMV action, please see this week’s Funky, culminating in the realization that you accepted a blowjob from your sister!

  138. smacky
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    #135, Well, Hogen Mogen, not YOU. I mean the blond boy whose name I never learned. I’m not insinuating reading Funky Winkerbean can result in the reader having sexual relations with a sibling.

    …am I?

  139. commodorejohn
    April 23rd, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    #105 – “Flyboy’s probably got a chick in every heilopad in the Northwest Territories.” There is so a Lou Bega “I Got A Girl” parody in there, if I only knew more about Canadian geography.

    #134 – Oh, I hadn’t even considered the possibility of Warren having another girl. I just thought he’d slip and reveal his Evil Nature to Saint Elizabeth by mistake, and that’d be it for his character assassination. Lynn is the sniper on the roof of the building across the street, picking off the eligible bachelors one by one until only Granthony is left.

  140. Kate
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Hey! I got a yaaaay! Thank you, gh; I know you know Dingo, and I, sir, am no Dingo, but it’s nice to be missed.

  141. bats
    April 23rd, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    8. o’F….lovin’ the weather right now. I don’t mind it boucing around (like the 15-degree difference in highs on Saturday and Sunday), just because I know too soon it’s going to get hot and stay hot.

    So is this our beloved Desert Diamond Casino? The boat doesn’t surprise me, since the Diamond isn’t that far from the Santa Cruz, which is known for its submarine races…

  142. Harold
    April 24th, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    A belated THANK YOU for my selection as a runner-up! I’ve been having heat-related computer problems lately. By the way, if I ever stop commenting entirely, it might be because I’ve been stung to death by the thousands of bumblebees that are living in the garage I’m trying to scrape, sand, and repaint. Any prayers for cool, dry weather would be greatly appreciated!

  143. Maxx564
    April 11th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Very cheap drugs :

Comments are closed for this post.