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Curses upon you, DisposaDate!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/2/07

Ha ha! Hugh Avery is sitting in the dry, crusty, white remains of “Sarah’s” “ice cream”!

No, wait, take those quotes off of “ice cream.” We all know the Morgans love their ice cream.

I am looking forward to the continued ritual humiliation of Hugh as this adventure continues. He’s forced to sit in day-old ice cream! His head is forced into a bucket of dirty water! He’s pelted with bottles in an alley! It’s just like a Jackie Chan movie! Fortunately, after suffering these indignities, Jackie Chan generally goes all crazy martial arts-stylie against his oppressors, which we can only pray will happen here.

For Better Or For Worse, 5/2/07

Wow, these two are looking awful grim in panel five there. Like, Funky Winkerbean grim. Buck up kids; you’ve just managed to avoid a lifetime of bland, soggy togetherness. You ought to be praising the heavens as you run from each other as fast as humanly possible.

Some commentors have suggested that the Mustache’s “escort” is going to be … his daughter! Liz an’ Anthony’s love can find flower at the beautiful nuptuals after all! Except that that, since they’re both going anyway, the presence of little Françoise would not preclude them from going there together, sitting together, grinding on each other to “Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe,” etc. No, some poor not-Liz girl (let’s call her DisposaDate) will be forced to sullenly sit at their table, idly picking at her warmed-over chicken, while the Mustache and Lizardbreath discover the depth of their watery, predictable love for one another.

Also: “To what do I owe the honor of this most welcome visit”? “He did it up right”? “I came to see if you’d be my ‘escort’?” Who the hell writes this dialogue? It hurts my soul.

Mary Worth, 5/2/07

Hey, everyone! Brother! Just in case you’re wondering. Brother.

Gil Thorp, 5/2/07

Oh, Ken, it looks like “Clambake” is “coming” to “the Bucket” whether you “like” it or not. I love Gil Thorp so God-damned much. It’s a nonstop thrill ride of hilarious depravity.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 2, 2007 at 09:54 am and is filed under For Better or for Worse, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth, Rex Morgan, M.D..

378 responses to “Curses upon you, DisposaDate!”

Perky Bird
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Ack, the thread ended just as I posted! So, carry-over from previous thread:

FOOBâ€“Maybe Lynn is about to do a crossover strip. Anthonyâ€™s wedding date will actually be good olâ€™ â€œClambakeâ€, who he met one lonely night at The Bucket, and with whom he shared a malt, a cheesburger, and many long, slow forkballs and split-fingers.
zen velo
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

“He did it up right” as opposed to lying down. Granthony bent over the back of his desk, while Gordon takes out his repressed urges after years of a sham marriage. Granthony knows to get ahead, you gotta give a little head!

If only Liz could learn that lesson. Poor Liz, runing from Warren the stud into the arms of Granthony and his french tickler mustache.
Dingo
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

Does this mean that Clambake is going to be a “come Bucket” for the team?
Teem
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Maybe it was just me but I laughed out loud at FBOFW today. I found the last panel really, truly funny.
Maybe I don’t like Liz.
andreavis
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Sweet, I called the Von-as-brother thing a while ago. Dang, I wish I could find the link to my comment to brag more….

Note to Clambake: Honey, stay away from The Bucket. Not just for the obvious reasons, either; if you’re going to maintain your status as the Magical Negro, you have to stay on the baseball field. You can’t be appearing in these kids’ real lives!
teegee
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

FBOFW: The fact that “escort” is in quotes leads me to believe that she means it in that DC Madam kind of way, and she’s just after a couple of sweet hours of guiltless lovin’. No cuddling after, no breakfast, no “can I call you?”. That’s what being a bridesmaid is all about, you know. Nothing that happens on that day counts.
Pelagius
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Be still my beating heart – a Mary Worth/Gil Thorp crossover? What happens when two badly drawn worlds collide?
Rebochan
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

FOOB: Can I get an “OWNED!” for our lady Liz?

Of course, I’m sure the DisposaDate will actually be some evil soul sucking wench. Because it is completely impossible that Anthony, if he’s not with Liz, be with a non-flaky, non-whiny woman who loves him for who is.
calico
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

MW – it looks like Vera’s ready to meet her meth connection.

FOOB: So Gordon “did it up right.”
I saw that in a gay porn film about 15 years ago.
Justafoob
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

FBOFW is sooooo believable.

I mean, I bet 95% of us go out and buy cars from a twenty-something named Gordon who has an idiot friend for a manager.

Nothing against twenty-somethings, but come on.

Next thing you are going to tell me is that Granthony can rise to the occasion and but a real titty-twister on an aggressive rapist…..

What a pain in the Crevasse this is becoming.
SecretMargo
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

I realize that it is “old hat” to point out how Gil Thorp’s staggering refusal to obey any laws of sequential continuity or perspective can make it plow through the other side of incompetence into a kind of sublime avant-garde-ism. However, I am a bit of a “hat man” in this regard, and this strip exemplifies one of the most unsettling, yet kind of beautiful, ways it acheives this effect: by creating what seems to be a seamless flow of conversation while switching the setting radically, and for no apparent reason. One movie I saw recently that pulled the same trick was “Audition,” that Miike horror film. Is GT setting up a similar descent into madness and sexualized torture? Is that what this “Bucket” thing is really signifying (deeper….deeper)? Or…are we already there? [dun dun DUN!]
Superfecta
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

Surely Liz is fleeing Warren since he was (at some point in the past) black (although he does not seem to be now), and as we all know from the Paul fiasco, Liz can’t be ‘together forever’ with someone who is not lily-white.

I’m still holding out home that Michael is his date (you know, as research for his gay sailor book).
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

It’s only natural that someone who teaches young boys about “brushing the dirt” would make an appearance at “the Bucket.”
Local Yokel
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

FOOB:

Wow, I didn’t see that coming! What a non stop thrill ride of plot twists!
Now let’s take a vote, kids. Granthony’s “date” will be:
a. his daughter
b. his ex wife
c. some random lonely single mom he picked up on eharmony.com
d. Apwil
e. Lawrence
Virginia
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

I clicked to see the previous RMMD strip of ice-cream loving, and noticed…June’s chest has greatly expanded since that strip. We’re talking about going from Anne Hathaway to Salma Hayek in a year. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

FOOB: I considered the daughter angle too, but in that context…it just sounds creepy, although Granthony would be the type to think bringing young hyper children to a wedding is the Best! Idea! Evah!

MW: Did NOT see that one coming. Now I feel creeped out.
Little Guy
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

MT: Not to worry. “Von” is short for “Von Hapsburg”.
Little Guy
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

Gah! I meant “MW”!
Virginia
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Also.. A3-G. Part of me feels like yelling, “Oh, just DIE already.” while the other part has moved on to another comic.
man behind the curtain
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

FBOW — I still think Grandthony’s date will be Candace. That should get Liz going good. But then maybe his date will be the woman who loves him the most — Elly Patterson.

LuAnn — Do we see Brad and Tiffany hooking up and actually liking each other?
Patrick
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Apparently, there’s a flaw in my make-up. When I saw “escort” my first thought was “erotic massage.”
fuzzmaster
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

FBoFW: The date’s name will be DeVyss.

Plot DeVyss.
dano
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

FOOB: My prediction – Liz will end up inviting Warren and Granthony’s date will be some hottie chick way outta his league that Warren will drool over instantly. The hottie and Warren will get caught making out and you can predict the rest…Lizzy will inevitably end up going home with the ’stache.
Dactyl
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Oh, Brother!
I mean,
oh brother.
Justafoob
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

This just in, Granthony’s date will be Shawna-Marie. He is going to be the groom.

Liz is really going to kill her self after this and I think it is up to us to determine her method:

A) The Mtigawaskian ice floe
B) In the garage with the Crevasse running
C) Tied to the tracks out behind the house
or
D) Hanging from Farley’s tree

I am voting for D just because it would bring closure.
jules
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: How totally weird. Jim Gross has morphed into some unworldly combination of Superman and that one X-Man. (Sorry, I’m not into the X-Men, but I know one of them has a head of hair like that.)

Of course, “How totally weird” could describe every single panel of every Gil Thorp ever published.

FOOB: Liz wants Anthony to be her “escort.” Wink wink, puke puke, say no more.
Wayne
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Monty — The joke’s not too bad, but I can’t stop wondering: who keeps his golf clubs in the bathroom then he’s taking a shower?
Steve S
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Hugh must really wonder about how easy it is to get an MD in America, given that Rex has been acting functionally retarded since they met. Then again, it’s not like Rex ever demonstrates any medical expertise whatsoever, so I guess it’s a good thing to wonder.
Laura c
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

MT: The Bird Strike Commission USA: that’s where Paul Wolfowitz is headed.
MW: Did she say the word “sigh” out loud?
Tweeks_Coffee
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

BC: I actually kind of laughed (”kind of” being the operative phrase here).

(DT)GT: Why in the hell is Clambake going to the bucket? Are these high schoolers really getting this buddy-buddy with him?

MT: I must say that I really enjoy the guy sitting on the edge of the desk. He looks straight out of an educational film they’d show you in school.

MW: One mystery down. Sometime next month we should find out what Von did to get vera so pissed off.

TDIET: Don’t you hate it when you get busted for skipping out on work, like we mean oh yeah..h..h..
calico
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

#24 – a gut buster, like Bosco the Koala. Nice.
Mack
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Sure, Von is Vera’s brother. Or as Liz would say, “brother.”
Yitzchok
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Rex Morgan: This ongoing gag really seems to borrow heavily from the structure used in most 1990s family comedies, see, e.g. Home Alone, Heavyweights, etc.

This would all work much better if Rex was twelve and Hugh was trying to [marry his mom]/[rob his house]/[make him go to camp]/[bulldoze his baseball diamond].

Coming soon: Hugh slips on some marbles! And a jar of honey tips over on him! And the bees – you don’t even want to know about the bees!
TurtleBoy
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

Foob: I’m bettin’ Lizardbreath’s and Blandthony’s great make-out scene will commence on the dance floor as they gyrate their white Canadian hips to that godawful ’80s’ ballad “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

(THTI)FOOB – The drawing of Granthony in panel 5 is a lot more detailed than we’ve seen before (not better, mind you – just more detailed). I think this is a sign – like Liz’s Lips o’ Loveâ„¢ – that we are now to take him seriously as a love object — no longer a mere cartoon.

Which is funny, because for Granthony cartoonhood would be a significant stretch.

In the predictions derby, I’m with FranÃ§oise as the “date”, a shave, contacts, and a magical dance.
rich
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

“Liz!! Hello!! I didn’t expect to see you!! Wow!! Holy cow!! Jumpin’ Maple Leafs!! No!! I’m fine!! I always sweat like this!!”
ever2seek
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

woot, i called the Von/brother thang a few days back.

of course, the Identical Hair Colors and noses and her willingness to smack the living shit out of him For What He’s Done were blatant giveaways.
WonderCat
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

Actually, today’s FBOFW left me with a distinct feeling of impending doom, knowing as I do the perverse delight Lynn takes in throwing sham obstacles onto her own little road to hell. Paul seems like a great guy! Handsome, nice, devoted to his worthy profession, totally in love…. No, no never mind. “But sometimes what you have been looking for all along is right in front of you…” Like the handsome, nice, devoted to his worthy profession, totally in love helicopter pilot standing right in front of you. No, no not him either. He’s just a little bit too devoted to his worthy profession. So now Anthony has another date — maybe he’s finally ready to pack up his creepy stalker shrine of Liz??? I think not. I’m sure it’s nothing more than a disgusting mustachioed ploy Granthony dreamed up to make Lizzy so jealous she attacks his $100 an hour “date” in a primal rage, then rips off his clothes and screws him in the middle of the bridal table while screaming, “This is mine! MINE!”

The only thing up in the air at this point is… Will she be able to get the deposit back on her new apartment?
Essteess
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

FBoFW: Of course, the follow-up to “I’ve invited someone else” might be one of these:

*”My mother.”

*”My cousin Agnes — the one I told you about, who never married and raises emus?”

*”My daughter.” (Liz slaps him) “My sister.” (Liz slaps him again) “MY DAUGHTER _AND_ MY SISTER!” (Oops, think someone’s used that idea before…)

*(Anthony slips colorful, decorated sock onto his hand) “My friend Mr. Boop-Boop! He’s been a lot of help to me these last couple of years, because he never rejects me or turns his back on me. Say ‘Hi’ to Lizzy, Mr. Boop-Boop!”
Spunde
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Pluggers never end a sentence with the word “whom.” They might begin a question with it –”Whom I talking to?” — but they know using “whom” correctly just irritates other people.

Mary Worth, though, manages to irritate even when not correctly using “whom.” “Concerning whom?” is an above-its-station little social climber of a question, perfect for well-heeled meddlers. But jacking the grammar to “who” is an absurdly lame attempt at playing folksy with the little people.

Don’t stoop to our grammatical level, Mary Worth! That just makes your contempt for us all the more annoying.
mattt
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

DT(GT) I was pretty confused by today’s strip, until I realized it was another Gil “Show don’t tell is for wussies!” Thorp moment.

I suspect “brushing the dirt” is something the GT creators heard about somewhere, but have no idea what it is, and therefore have no idea how to draw it, which is okay because it fits perfectly with their style of never actually showing anything happen, just having characters talk about it.

Gil Thorp is the really badly made Greek theater of the comics page.
Inna Funk-y
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

MW: After all that “never trust a man again” yap, I’m expecting more than your average inheritance powwow.
Harold
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

The first two panels of today’s Dick Tracy are priceless. People outside of Tracy’s immediate sphere of influence find events that happen in his presence utterly preposterous. “Freak accidents” seem to be pretty common with him, especially given the freaks who have always made up his rogue’s gallery.

#6 teegee, my thoughts exactly on the “escort” comment.

MW: Von is Vera’s brother! How creepily dull.

A3G: LuAnn has been sealed up in that airtight studio for months now. Assuming the birthday party happened in continuity, that works out to a few days at least. And just now she’s going for some air?

Funky Cancerbean comes right before Garfield on my chron.com page. The pose in the last depressing panel of FW is mirrored by Jon’s idiotically optimistic pose in Garfield. I’m grateful for that.

Regarding yesterday’s comics:
PBS: An alligator chugging a zebra made me laugh like I was reading The Comics Curmudgeon.
Ballard Street: After Monday’s shout-out to The Thing on the Doorstep I’ve decided that this whole comic makes more sense if I read every day’s panel as a Lovecraftian nightmare.
MT: I don’t think Alfred E. Rusty was suggesting that when he gets old enough he’ll take photos for Mark. I think when Mark gets back from his mission of bird eradication he will find two shallow graves on the grounds of the LoFo compound and Rusty eager to show him the photos of what happened to Cherry and Doc.
Jim Thorp(e)
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Who ordered the bucket of Clambake?

Anyone?

Hello???

Damn kids and their phone pranks.
andreavis
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

GT: why is the curly-headed pitcher constantly tilted to the left? Is it congenital scoliosis? Someone get that kid a spinal fusion, stat!

MW: I’d also like to know why Mary is stuffing a pair of gloves into her pocket. Sure, she was probably gardening or something equally boring, but I’d like to think she was strangling a snitch in the bushes. Watch what you say, Vera…. Aldo was not the last….
Joel
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Wow! Everything that is happening in For Better or For Worse is Exciting! To the characters, I mean, not to me! I know because everything has an exclamation point! Sometimes two!! Like “this is a lovely office!” That spectacularly mundane and uninteresting pleasantry definitely merits an exclamation point! Because it is so exciting!! “Like “I’d love to Elizabeth!” That has an exclamation point! Even though it is immediately followed by the diclosure of the fact that Anthony can’t go to the wedding with her! Which Anthony knew all along! Even as he excitedly told Elizabeth that he would love to go with her! Which is why it was so exciting!
Are you excited!?!?! I’m not!
Goaty
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

#22 — Dano, I like your prediction and choose to back it. Now I shall wait with eager anticipation for Warren to say his patented “Whoa!” line upon seeing Granthony’s hottie date (hopefully dressed in “cream”) And will that be the only cream we see that night?

oh… that was bad even for me….. I apologize.
Tracey
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Josh, your website is the single reason I continue to follow the lives of the Foobs. Because of this I don’t know whether to love you or loathe you.

You got me hooked on A3G and I chalked that up to too much time on my hands and perhaps a bit of low self-esteem on my part (”…all the cool posters are doing it, why not me too….”) If you get me hooked on Mary Worth, so help me I’m calling a lawyer and/or Oprah for an intervention.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

#29 Tweeks_Coffee

Regardless, of it’s ha-ha level, I think today marks the definite beginning of the post-Johnny Hart era. I can in no way hear him saying “dorky-looking human” nor imagine him looking down on a scene. Every BC I can remember is strictly level-with-the-horizon perspective.
ugarte
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

You won’t be there for me, Anthony? I guess I’ll go get raped, then. Don’t blame yourself; I wouldn’t want you to be rude to your date.
Poppinjay
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Poor Vera, she’s so depressed that she actually says, “sigh” instead of (sigh).

And I still can’t get over Anthony’s amazing success as a “manager” for Gordo’s used car megaplex. Gordo and Tracy have become waddling spawnners, while Anthony now apparently has a corner office in a high rise in whatever pathetic little town the Foobians live in.

What the hell is Anthony managing? Drug shipments in the trunks of used Deloreans?
Luna
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

I have to say that I like Vera a bit more now that I see she shares my odd habit of saying “sigh” rather than just sighing.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

DTGT: Now that I am a faithful reader, I am finally introduced to THE BUCKET. I’m assuming it’s a local watering hole? Where the aliens go after trying to play earth sports? And throw up?

FOOB: Putting my bet down: his cousin from out of town. Only Liz won’t know that at first and will be insanely jealous, thus realizing that Angsthony is The One after all.

DT: Haha! The body in the smokestack explains why our engine quit. What other reasons were they considering? And how long were they planning to wait before checking on it? “Oh ho, the engine has quit. Perhaps a porpoise has bitten off the propeller!” “In the desert? In a dry river? Think again!” “I’ve got it! The engine got sand in it!” “Good theory, matey. Let’s wait a while and see if it starts up again.”

MT: “Bird strikes… it’s still a problem in some areas.” Yes, areas with birds, doofus. Actually, I’m rather alarmed that there’s a national commission on bird strikes.
Joe
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

I wonder how Vera’s brother will become involved in all this? Naah, Mary probably already killed him.
Perky Bird
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Today’s TDIET features an expectation I’ve never known anyone to have. Whenever I’ve been sick, I’ve NEVER expected my boss to call to check up on me! I don’t know anyone who expects that. At my office, you were expected to call in if you were going to be out sick (or have your spose call in for you). The only time my boss would think of calling is if someone didn’t show up AND didn’t call in, and my boss feared that they were lying dead in bed or had been kidnapped or something.
Really, have any of you had your boss call just to see how you were feeling??
.Doc
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

I think #22’s got it. That’s kinda the way Lynn’s mind works. And it panders to the Granthony-as-Liz’s-Hero theory (well, at least, that’s MY theory.) But I think we’re just as likely to wake up tomorrow, check out fborfw.com, and find Granthony saying, “Yes, I asked my daughter FranÃ§oise to be my escort, and since she’s going to be the flower girl, I thought, why not? Then, Liz and Gran will be able to happily explore their love for each other. He may even take a ride in her Crevasse, er, I mean, he might drive her home in his Crevasse.

Another possibility: Wasn’t there a young, attractive female attorney involved with Liz and Anthony during their court case? Maybe Granthony has been having is “briefs” sorted out.

Which company makes the Crevasse, anyway? Is it a replacement for the Pontiac Parisiene?
queek
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

SpeedBump made me laugh. The flip side of the “if you want a friend in Washington” quote.

I see that Garfield has read this months FOOBian letters as well. *akphhhht!*

nice end to the Heart of the City arc.

after a weeks worth of lame, the “confront your mortality” arc in 9CL got a laugh.
Haz Bucket
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

I has bucket is a great meme in lolrus macros.
RoboMax: Agent of C.U.R.M.U.D.G.E.O.N
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

Vera’s gang sign flashing in the last panel eads me to believe that Von and Vera (isn’t that cute?) were once ‘bangers.

Man, Funky Winkerbean is going to have to step up their game in order to compete with F00b. Maybe the comic book guy will become hysterically blind while driving and crash, mutilating one armed lady’s other remaining limbs.
MossMoses
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

4. Teem, there is no I in teem but there is an “me”.
Clumsy Carp
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

I think we are still getting Mr. Hart’s view of BC.

The view from heaven.

God Bless.
Perky Bird
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

#52– Yes, O’Fogeyette, not only is there a Bird Strike Committe, but they even have a web site! Behold:

http://www.birdstrike.org/

Mark would have saved some time if he’d realized more information on bird strikes can be found on the Internet…
Rotts
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Josh – in your “Morgans love their ice cream” reference (strip of 4/29/06) I wonder how many drugs there are in a “regiment”? Must be an awful lot. Of course, if she meant “regimin”….
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

If anyone needs a comma, I left an extra one at #48.

#52 Oâ€™Fogeyette

I’m not so sure about that bird strike commission. They only meet annually? Plus this alleged spokesperson has a mustache. I mean, come on! Do they take us for fools? Oh, and if you missed it, I cooed over Google at the end of the last thread (and what a thread it was!).
Justafoob
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Josh better be prepared for THE WEDDING (no no, not Shauna-Tandy foobfest) but

THE WEDDING

if not, joshreads.com will implode.

Here we are 63 posts into a relatively mundane Fooberverse exchange

THE WEDDING

will kill mere mortal servers….

Gear up, Josh
GypsyMoth
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Hey Corky! Where the hell is the cheeseburger and fries I ordered 7 days ago?
juggernaut
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

MW – wait – she was fucking her brother? can’t wait to hear the old hag’s views on this particular topic.

GT – wouldn’t “brushing the dirt” be the natural follow-up to “going to the bucket”? man, that’s some sweet, sweet lovin’.
Chat Noir
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

Reading panel 5 of today’s Foob was the only time I’ve ever almost said, “Oh, snap!” out loud and wasn’t being ironic.

What makes my soul shrivel up and die, however, is not the day-to-day of this misbegotten family, but the noxious dreck spewed monthly by one Michael Patterson. Among the prose compost of his May missive detailing the writing of his next $25,000 sailboat story, he notes, “I was fortunate to have toured a windjammer on display in Halifax a few years ago.”

I think this might be the extent of his writing research, which annoys me despite its fictional state. You don’t get to sit up in an attic for months churning out crappy novels based on, “Oh, I happened to see some dirt once, so I’m qualified to ghostwrite the story of the sod-dwelling battered wife who pops into my head due to my ‘gift.’” You don’t get to do that, Lynn Johnston!

I am insulted, madam, and therefore will deign no longer to mock the ‘Stached Suitor and his future captive Liz.
Mibbitmaker
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

FINALLY got caught up (meaning only some of yesterthread and this one since the COTW thread) after numerous distractions. I don’t know what’s more time-consuming, mixing RL with overly lengthy comics snark comment sections or YouTube with dial-up — let alone both!

Actually, between Lizthony and similarly groan-inducing, knew-it-would-arrive-for-ages-now-and,-dammit,-it’s-here Piz-Veronica on “Veronica Mars”, I’ve been to traumatized to post!
mere cog in the machine
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

God knows I’ve always had issues, but this site seems to have intensified them. Witness my perverted hilarity upon seeing the last panel of ‘Nancy’ today. Maybe its all the talk about buckets and such.
Pozzo
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Okay, I thought Liz said “This is a LONELY office,” which would mean either “You’re pathetic and deserve no better,” or “What it needs is a woman’s touch.” By miles I preferred the first interpretation, but then I read it again, and realized she was just making conversation and I could ignore it. If only I could ignore the strip, as well, but it has a traffic-accident fascination.

(By the way, when I was young, I thought the Beatles were singing “Look at all the lovely people” in “Eleanor Rigby.” Curse those words for being both aurally and typographically similar!)
rich
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Good one, 12 Superfecta (Iâ€™m still holding out home that Michael is his date (you know, as research for his gay sailor book).”

You too, 39 Spunde!

(”39 Spunde”…that could be a TDIET-esque “23 Skidoo!” exclamation…but I digress.)

Oh, big news in Dick Tracy — Freddie De Cordova got busted!
MossMoses
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

62. Rotts – how many drugs in a regiment? None, it is strictly an ice cream surge.
td
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: “Yassah, boss, I’s gonna show you a old folk method for dippin yo fries in ketchup.” “Hey, Clambake, that’s really great! My fries have never tasted better!” “Now I’s gonna show you how to dip yo fries in chocolate.”

MW: I’ve been speculating for awhile and today’s revalation confirms it: Von broke up the matching purse/jacket set that Vera had hoped to inherit. Now she has a bag that won’t match anything, anywhere. And he has a woman’s jacket that makes him feel pretty.
Seward
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Watery, predictable chicken idly picking at their warmed-over love for one another. Sullenly grinding on each other to “Run From Each Other As Fast As Humanly Possible.”
Some commentators just managed to avoid praising the bland, soggy heavens. Let’s call her Mustache, forced to find the beautiful nuptuals after all. Who the hell writes my soul? Some poor not-Liz girl did it up right.
gail
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Unlike the idiots of human interaction behind FBOFW, Mary Worth always gets it right! I know that everytime I’m really exasperated, I say “Sigh” as well. Sometimes you just gotta let it out.
ohyes
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

MT – That guy from the Bird Strike Committee has a mustache. That must mean it’s a scam. Mark might as well punch him now. And then, dear God, Mark should punch out Granthony.
D.A.Pennington
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

Anthony’s escort will be an actual “escort”.

He’d love to take Elizabeth, but can’t the 3000 canadian monolopy money deposit back on the escort service he’s going through.

Plus Elizabeth would never give Anthony a “happy ending” at the end of the date.
Mibbitmaker
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

( #68: …and too traumatized to hit “See it before you say it” and add that extra o)

(DT)GT: Wow, I haven’t seen someone lean to the side while standing this excessively since Luigi Vercotti appeared in a commercial advertising his restraunt!

MT: Hey! I thought only villians in MT had moustaches! Hmmmmm….. And that guy’s suddenly posing for a picture for a pamphlet in the middle of the conversation. Not only that, but he’s trying in vain to prevent his own naughty bits from giving Mark information — all the while Mark, barely on panel, is ballancing a Jackelrod ball on his knee! The clip-art is not only badly redrawn, it’s gone plumb loco!

S-M: “You’re going to eat those words”, says Kordok… which means the portly villian will grab Spidey’s talking balloon and shove it into his m– …..uh… his….. um….. where the hell is his mouth, anyway?…
exelizabeth
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

BROTHER? After all that, he’s her BROTHER? I feel fucking betrayed. I also feel betrayed that Mary did not stab Vera with her garden shears tripping over herself in excitement to get a juicy bit of gossip. And by “juicy gossip” I mean “mildly interesting bit of information” that in the real world might elicit a half interested ‘huh’ (and that also would not take upwards of six months to reveal), though in Mary’s gated, groomed, and insular world this where the most exciting thing is a pool party where no one swims or even Barbecues, this truly must be the most exciting thing to happen since… well, since that last bit of juicy gossip. That would be three to four years ago, our time. Mary has been in her 70s since… oh, what, since forever, isn’t it? These bits of juicy gossip are the only thing that get her dusty, dried up old heart to palpitate with any semblance of rapidity these days, thus being the only form of physical exercise Mary gets.

Also, Josh, since I have started reading this blog, I have started looking forward to Mary Worth every day. I sort of hate you.
Itazurakko!
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

>>48
I just looked at today’s “BC” and I see a “copyright 1991″ on it. Is it really a new strip?

I also never recall any strips with bird’s eye views though, so it’s an honest question…
Harry Worth
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Brother?

sigh…..

Alpo had to die for this?
car
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

I’ve only been reading your site for a couple of weeks, but when I read FOOB today I thought “OooooooohImustcheckwhatJoshhastosay”.
Seriously, Anthony, Liz has been hanging around you for the last several strips and you invited someone else? Moron.
Susie Derkins
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

Here’s a thought on what could be happening in FOOB:

Granthony is looking somber, telling Liz that he has invited someone else.

Liz is thinking “Oh boxcar, no mustache rides for me!”

Then, just as somberly, he says, “Well, I’ll just have to ask if I can change my plans.”

“WTF,” Liz thinks, as she spots a glimmer of mundane hope.

He sighs and heads down to his Basement O’ Doom, where he says to his daughter, “Honey, I know I invited you to be my escort to the wedding, but is it okay if Liz comes along?”

Shudder.
Itazurakko!
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

>>67
The best part of Michael’s letter this time though was his full admission that “My head is firmly wedged inside novel number two. ”

Yeah, Mike, I can easily imagine your head wedged up close and personal with some number two.
kingklash
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

Thank Kirby I reconstituted in time to have a small chuckle at Liz’z awkward moment. As short lived as it may be. Nothing like having your carapace charred off to get one back in the game of hating FOOB. Hail Chennux, the Cataclysmic part of this conquered breakfast!
ohyes
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

That Anthony’s got everything. He has a nice office! That’s where he sits the prospects down to play the games that add thousands of dollars to the final price of the car. Like the jealousy game he’s playing with Liz right now, to close the deal. Liz will feel the sticker shock when she wakes up in his bed, every day for the rest of her life.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

#80 Itazurakko!

I think you’re right. Yesterday’s also says 1991, but if you go back to last week, it’s 2007. Still seems odd, though.
whoamItoday?
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

interesting groomsman, interesting groomsman, please, please please, let there be an interesting groomsman.

I cannot get through this any other way than by constantly hoping and praying for a different ending than the inevitable.

interesting groomsman, interesting groomsman, please, please please, let there be an interesting groomsman.

Or, an interesting bridesmaid. That would be interesting.
Motorposus
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

Of course Anthony is invited to Shawna-Marie’s wedding: he’s the caterer in charge of the elegant cinnamon roll buffet. His “escort”, a Hobart industrial mixer, will knead his buns all night long.
Anon
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

We might as well face it, Liz is going to wind up with her face in Blandthony’s 2007 “Crevasse”.
MonkeyHawk
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

Re: MT’s Bird Strike-busters:

My local (lame) NPR station announced some local organization is holding a “Bird Hike” this weekend. I immediately thought of Snoopy.

I thought about signing up and bringing my roommate, who is the spittin’ image of Google. When he’s awake, that is. Which isn’t all that often.

So what’s it with so many curminions and black cats?
Mibbitmaker
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

(THTI)FOOB: Waitaminnit… Liz is getting interested in Blanthony after contriving disinterest for so long, only to have him bringing another date to the shindig?? No… no…. THIS IS HOW THIS STRIP ‘JUMPED THE SHARK’ IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! Can FOOB sink any farther?! Horrible… sense… of…. deja…..vu…… Sigh!

On the Michael front, I thought of a title for his second novel (or, as it should be called, “his second nawful”). Being the sea epic it is:

Over the Edge
….like the edge of the ship….

That would actually be a good title for Michael’s biography.
Trilobite
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp: Aw, that’s sweet. Clambake and that Goldilock-haired pitcher are going to the Bucket together. Clambake can wear the pitcher’s letter jacket, and the pitcher can wear Clambake’s inside-out-and-backwards shirt. They’ll be going steady just in time for the prom!

Mary Worth: Damn, Von is her brother after all. I suppose that means there won’t be any lurid backstory on the way; wake me when this storyline is over.

Mark Trail: THANKS, MR. SHOUTY EXPOSITION MAN! I SURE AM GLAD TO KNOW ALL THESE FACTS ABOUT GEESE AND OTHER BIRDS! GOD BLESS THE BIRD STRIKE COMMITTEE USA AND ALL THE FINE WORK THEY DO! Hey, Mark, do us all a favor and punch this guy. He’s got a moustache, he’s asking for it, right?

A3G: By Friday, V-neck sweater guy will probably have rescued LuAnn from suffocation, but just for today, let’s pretend that she really is going to die. Imagine the funeral! Margo would decorate, probably with balloons and streamers, but also with flowers that look as crappy as the ones LuAnn painted. Tommie would try to give a eulogy, but would break down into awkward tears, her chin sinking down to meet her ubiquitous oversized cameo choker. Margo would step forward, drink in hand, and rescue the scene: relating a touching, heartfelt story which will somehow end with the moral that LuAnn was an airhead. Then Margo will go on to talk about how awesome everything is going, and then bitch out Tommie for ruining the party. Later, when her boyfriend Eric failed to propose at the cemetary, she will stab him and shove his lifeless body into the open grave.

That is how you end an Apartment 3G plotline, god damn it.
Shea
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

Thank gawd FBOFW isn’t any longer…one more cliche-filled panel and my head would have exploded.
Susie Derkins
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

Oh yes, and to nitpick today’s 9CL:

Um…Edda, you don’t know how to do a Grand Jete (not sure how to do the accent there) either. Both of your legs should be straight, and your front leg is decidedly bent. That’s just sloppy.

Sorry…I studied ballet intensively as a teenager, and I just had to get that off of my chest.
MzMandi
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

“He did it up right?” That sounds like a redneck way of saying it to me.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

I’m putting my money on another coming out story line a la Lawrence. Anthony’s gay and his date is the hot gay “dispose-a-date” that Liz took to his wedding to that ruthless, child abandoning slut Therese. Hmmm…maybe liz and Therese should get together…
SteveRoper
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

MT: There really is a “Bird Strike Committee USA”: http://www.birdstrike.org/
Lots of data and report forms, but I didn’t see any interesting pictures of bird mayhem or aircraft destruction. The site says that their next meeting is this fall in Ontario, so maybe if this MT story’s still running then and Mark is attending, he can punch out all the Foobs who have gotten in the way of the inevitable Liz-and-Blandthony matchup..
Lisa
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

Not to keep flogging the dead horse, but to consider the ’stache itself for a moment. Speaking as a lily white, 20-something Canadian girl (much like Liz), I would like to state that a healthy 80s mustache such as the one Anthony is sporting is about the least attractive thing a man can have on his face. It’s like girl repellent. An otherwise attractive guy with a pelt on his upper lip can watch girls veer away, like business people from the downtown panhandler, or a cat from the vet. Things which I personally would find more attractive on a man:

- A goiter
- Gorbachev-style birthmark
- Patchy baldness
- A scar that depicts a picture or words
- Neck tattoos
- Scabs (we can assume they’d heal)
- A hairy mole
- Aviator glasses… wait, I’m not sure. Those are pretty bad.

I privately think (or did, until now) that Lynn draws him with the ’stache so that visually we can tell who the hell he is, and so we don’t get him confused with her brother. Wouldn’t THAT make for an interesting plot? Hubba hubba ding ding. We thought people reacted poorly to FOOB for past transgressions, wait until incest!
NotThatGuy
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

It has to be Granthony’s daughter; why else would Liz be forced to ask him to be her “escort” rather than “date”? Stilted dialog tells us just as much in what isn’t said as in what is.
Mibbitmaker
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Improving on my #92:

Michael’s book:

Going Overboard

(I think that was my original title as I read yesterthread on the subject)

Also, maybe repeating the scenario that telegraphed the end of FOOB’s greatness (such as it was) will telegraph its return to quality! Perhaps no more Lizthony! Maybe, even, it’ll mean that we don’t have to put up with the post-September sludge! And then, reading FBOFW will be unironic fun again!!……

…..NAH!
ChefMike
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

repost from last thread, so I can stay current:
FOOB: Since Michael is so keen on â€œbecomingâ€ his characters, and the novel could easily take the rest of the year to be written, maybe when the regular Foob storyline quits and the hybrid takes over Michael can remain frozen in his novel, forever trapped in the 19th century (we can only hope)
also: I laughed at today’s strip and felt a glimmer of hopefulness that Granthony may not be content to settle for his flaky Oblivi-Liz, until we learn who the mysterious disposadate is, possibly tomorrow, at least by Saturday.
TDIET: Iâ€™ve never worked as a salaried employee for anything, so I an only speak as an hourly wage drone; but when youâ€™re sick, isnâ€™t it your responsibility (no matter how much money you make) to call whoeverâ€™s responsible for you being in your place doing whatever work you do and informing them youâ€™re not well? (even if youâ€™re just skipping out on work) In most places Iâ€™ve worked if you pulled off a no-call-no-show you wouldnâ€™t likely have a job the next day.
Marvin: I often wonder why this comic still exists (though the same could be said for many other comics) but really what do you do with a character that remains frozen in toddler stage when all the obvious baby jokes have long since dried up? put him in adult situations, of course. Marvin has a girlfriend, and instead of a high school ring or engagement ring, heâ€™s exchanged TEETHING rings, ooh thatâ€™s comedy gold, I tellya.
Ryan
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

MT: I bet Mark sits in on the Bird Strike Commitee meeting for two weeks, and the conclusion will be “We’re all in agreement then. We should STOP hitting birds with planes. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to my meeting for the Baby Seal Clubbing Association. I think we’re going to discuss stopping people from clubbing baby seals.”
Little Guy
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

BTW, on yesterday’s “General Hospital”, there was a “Finger Quotin’ Margo” moment. Just want to share.
Nina
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

Perky Bird, My boss has called me EVERY time I have been sick.
fuzzmaster
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

I hate to have to ask this, because I really, really like “Get Fuzzy.” But.

What the heck is the joke in the “it’s not like you’re building the Petronas Towers here” line? Some lame pun on ‘pet”? Or — this being Get Fuzzy, after all — am I too innocent to notice some obscene reference?
Random Aussie
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

You know what? I had a premonition this morning reading the latest FOOB that involved the End of Days moment when the ‘Stache will finally kiss LizardBreath…. except that he will no longer be the ’stache!

That’s right – I’m willing to bet we have some hokey scene where Granthony finally shaves off the old soup strainer and Liz says something like “My God, Anthony! You look so handsome clean shaven!!” (Lynn will use an extreme closeup of Liz at this point with big doe eyes and porno BJ lips) Then the two of them fall into each others arms signalling the end of western civilization.

Just felt like sharing as the small amount of vomit that entered my mouth when I had the vision ruined my breakfast.

THE END IS NIGH – REPENT NOW!
June Morgan's Right Boob
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

#86 I believe it’s a sticky shock Liz will be getting when she wakes up in his bed, every day for the rest of her life.
Herro!
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

“If you get me hooked on Mary Worth, so help me Iâ€™m calling a lawyer and/or Oprah for an intervention.”

Careful! Remember what happened last time there was an intervention with Mary Worth!
Mountain Mama
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

#54—*raising hand shyly* I have. My boss has called me before to check on me. I have to admit, I work for a great guy and his almost-as-equally great wife.

#87–I believe someone posted yesterthread that Hart’s dailies ran until 4/28, while his Sundays will run until 5/20. This week, the repeats (apparently) began.
Dennis Jimenez
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

I keep hearing ZZ Top today.

She comes running just as fast as she can,
Cuz every foob roadside for a porn ’stached man…
AirForbes
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Lynn Johnston seems to love keeping Liz and Anthony in a perpetual state of longing thought bubbles, by having romantic obstacles between them at all times. But she isn’t satisfied with having the same obstacle all the time, she likes to change them periodically. First it was Eric, then it was Terese, then Paul, briefly Warren, and now she’s about to introduce a new girl on Anthony’s side of this endless back and forth.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

#92, an intriguing title for Michael’s second book might be Invitation to an Ass Orgy. “Oh, but the novel is about the sea,” you say. To which I reply “And?”

Really, with a title like that, it doesn’t matter what section you put it in.
Ian Cameron, PhD
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Foob: â€œTo what do I owe the honor of this most welcome visitâ€?

Short tie mustache boy is apparently channeling Bill and Ted’s Most Excellent Adventure!
ChefMike
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

it’s obvious that Liz is ready to “Do it up right (or more likely, laying down)” with Granthony because all last week when she was packing up to move into her new apartment, she had her hair all bunched up, glasses on and looking supremely frumpy, a mirror image of her mother. now she has to come ask Anthony to be her date (because obviously he’s got nothing better to do) and she becomes the Foob equivalent of a glamour model. everytime she steps out of the house she transforms, though, when she’s home she looks 16 again, and when she’s on the prowl she looks like a proper 25 year old. I’ve always been frustrated by the inconsistency of character design (among many other things) in this strip (/rant)
Perky Bird
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#105, 110–
Hmmm, seems a few posters have bosses who care about their health and well-being. Guess I’ve missed out on that “human” aspect of bosses, working for the Federal Government as I do.
Laura Jane
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

Oh “boy”! Are “we” going to “talk” like “this” from now on?
ChefMike
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

#106 fuzzmaster: more information on Petronas towers can be found, yadda, yadda, yadda Get fuzzy is one of my favorites as well, produces a lot of LOL moments for me usually. but sometimes the references Mr Conley uses go over my head, I have the same problems with Frazz. I think with Fuzzy it’s a tendency for him to make reference to a lot of obscure athletes, with Frazz it’s in part that, and obscure literary references.
exelizabeth
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail: Okay, I’ll bite. I’ve been trying to ignore it, hoping it would go away, thinking it was just a passing nonsensical reference. But since it seems that it’s here to stay, I give in: What the flying fuck is a bird strike?
exelizabeth
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Wait. GT. Wait. Okay, I am new to this strip, but… how… did they go from a ball field… to a library reading room… to the abyss of space? It appears that three different sets of people are holding the exact same conversation simultaneously. Because… why would that kid in the first panel take off his hat from one sentence to the next?

Either the writers are insane, blind, or exhibiting an Andy Kaufman-esque genius that will be revealed after their deaths.
John
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

I’m predicing gay for Anthony’s date. But on the dialogue, using “escort” seems right for formal usage in the Commonwealth for the guest of a bridesmaid — Lynn just put it in quotes to make it seem Liz is modern and up-to-date.
april glaspie
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Isn’t Anthony just a slightly whinier and needier Ziggy drawn with more annoying detail, like the combover moustache? I mean, if he got a testicle transplant, or chimp hormone therapy, he might upgrade to The Born Loser or Funky Winkerbean.

Virginia (#15): Anne Hathaway? Did you mean Jane Hathaway? ( I mean the Nancy Kulp version, not the Lily Tomlin, though both are equally estimable.) Anne was Mrs. Shakespear. Actually, the lamest boobs ever, real or imagined, are those mosquito bites on the chest of Momma’s female kid, but you’ve got to hand it to a cartoonist that’s made a living for so long drawing tumerous blobs and stick figures.
wazzu62
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I am sorry but when I think of Anthony as an “escort” I am drawn to an image of Dan Ackroyd playing “Fred Garvin – Male Prostitute!” in a skit from the old SNL days.

And now I have to hurl.
wazzu62
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

#122 – I think Jane Hathaway (from the Beverly Hillbillies) is currently staring in the GT strip.
Chaz Larson
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

#119
A bird striking a plane, or getting sucked into the engine.
Spoony Bard
May 2nd, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

I wanted FOOB to end like this: Liz, rebuffed by ‘Stache, mopes about the house until, still dateless, the day before the wedding arrives and Warren shows up on the doorstep. There’s some crap about realizing how much he loves her and getting away from work and blah, blah, blah. It’s sappy and romantic-comedy level stupid but ‘Stache-less. That made me happy. Then I thought harder.

The reason Blandthony has a “date” already is not to set up some Warren comeback; no, it is to punish Liz. Notice she has broken the cardinal rule of Lynndom, she is behaving in a way inconsistent with 1950’s suburban morals. She asked out a boy?!? No, no, no. Boys ask out girls, whore. Liz will learn her lesson about having personal wants, initiative, or any kind of self-aware personality and then a charming man will arive to court her while she holds a nickel between her knees on every date.

The best way to understand FOOB is take every 1950s hygene/social behavior/citizenship/etc film projected in elementary and middle schools and, while watching them in a loop, keep pointing out all the black people you know; ya know, just so people don’t get the wrong impression about you.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

The title of Michael’s new book about a cargo-hauling sailing ship? Obviously, it’s Guano With the Wind.
april glaspie
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

exelizabeth: Two words, chronosynclastic infundibulum.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

#126 Spoony B:

Norms exist to serve Pattersons, not the other way around. Whatever Liz did was fine, because Liz did it.
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

#99 – No, incest is Funky Winkerbean’s turf.

#115 – FOOB SCHISM POWER MAKEUP!

Hey, maybe Granthony’s date will be the albino, mentally-handicapped woman who mated with Yog-Sothoth to produce him.
Francis
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Vera: “My brother! My husband! My brother! My husband!”

(Mary slaps her.)

Toby (shaking her head): “Forget it, Mary. It’s Charterstone.”
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

#126 – oh man, you nailed it.
Paperback Rifler
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Another possible title for Michael’s “magic” novel: Take Me to Your Poop Deck. Or maybe, A Stalk of Sugarcane, A Chunk of Guano, and Thou.

And honestly, â€œTo what do I owe the honor of this most welcome visit?â€ isn’t too far removed from the always irritating “What can I do you for?” Thank goodness El Pornstachio didn’t ask Liz that; I shudder to think what her response might have been and whether a cinnamon bun would have been involved to seal the deal.

On a less thoroughly irritating note, today’s Lockhorns is something of an aberration in that it shows Leroy and Loretta actually sharing a relatively happy moment! Wow! Of course, by tomorrow, they’ll once again be locked in their psychological cat-and-mouse struggle to break each other’s spirits and see who commits suicide first; but I thought today’s episode was really very touching.
Phil
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Perhaps the young player the first and third panel of “Gil Thorpe” would have greater success at the plate if he ceased to stand at a forth-five degree angle to the ground. Or maybe he’s practicing his version of “Smooth Criminal” for the seventh-inning stretch.
Potato
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

In regards to todays Mark Trail, I can say only one thing. . . Worst Foreplay Ever
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

63 gh: Google and I thank you for your coo of yesterthread. (Another insane sentence that could not appear anywhere else but makes perfect sense here.)

91 Monkeyhawk: is your roommate an Oriental Shorthair or Siamese mix? Lots and lots of mostly-Siamese are black, for some reason. In heart as well as fur.
ghost of farley
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

#126–So if that’s the best way to understand (THTI)FOOB, that must mean the best way to enjoy (THTI)FOOB would be with accompanying commentary from the crew of the Satellite of Love.
anon
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

Von’s her brother. OK. This explains the total “Flowers In The Attic” vibe I was getting here.
mattt
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

exelizabeth, GT is always like that. GT is about as Dada as a comic can get. The Zippy the Pinhead guy should just give it up, really. He’s got nothin’ on Thorp.
Chat Noir
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

I would suggest that Elizabeth’s use of the word “escort” is to clarify that it isn’t a “date” and he isn’t “getting any.”

#126 – Wonderfulness

#84 – That line from the letter might be the best work Michael’s ever done!
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

#137 – Oh, if only…

…you know, someone with some graphic design skills could do it.
Moon Mullins
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

Well, it’s off to three weeks in France and Spain. I’ll miss you all so much — you seem like family now!

We will be in Cannes during the Film Festival, and I plan on wearing my new Margo-Boxcar-Saturn t-shirt proudly. My dream is that a celeb (I’m thinking Kate Moss) recognizes the shirt as she is a long-time lurker. We go and have long talks on the beach and maybe even find a clambake.

If that happens, I’ll send a picture.
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

Re: Anthony’s Mystery Date
Maybe Iris heard about the wedding and, knowing what a pathetic dateless loser he is, sent Anthony a note on some lilac scented tissue paper begging him to save her from her private hell if only just for one night.
Paperback Rifler
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

141.. . . sort of like a “Mystery Foob Theater 3000″ (MFT3K), eh? And one of the snarker’s silhouettes would have to be a Chennux . . .
BunnÃ«
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

Eons ago I was an EFL teacher (English as a Foreign Language), and I recall that one of the dialogues in one book included the line “we really did them up right”, and I always thought, who talks like that?

So maybe the answer is Ontarians. Or middle-aged Ontarians who write internationally-syndicated comics.

So, a little poll here: do that sound normal to anyone? If so, where are you from?
Professor Fate
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

FOOB: it’s the kid, of course it’s the kid. Anthony never goes anywhere expect to his basement to wear the gimp suit, so who the hell is he going to meet? Molewoman?

Molewoman: “I Have dug myself up from the bowels of the earth to seek men to mate with our race”
Mustache: “Great you can be my date at the wedding this weekend.”
Molewoman: “what is this thing called wedding? And what is this ugly growth on your upper lip?”

Otherwise I don’t see it.

Another thing – lovely office? Lovely? it’s two bookcsaes full files with his bowling trophy and an award plaqe from the association of loser Canadian CPA’s and a model of a car that manufaturers give to dealers by the thousands. It’s a soul sucking place which is why Granthoy is so happy there. A normal human being would be drinking burbon through a straw inside of a week.

And if Liz’s hips get any wider she’ll have to go through doors sideways.

ugh.
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#144 – Yeah. You know, I’d do it myself if (A) I had access to the whole FOOB archive and (B) I weren’t busy with college.

You know, if someone could kindly point me to the whole FOOB archive I’d do it over the summer, then release it all at once on many file-sharing networks so by the time I got a cease-and-desist it would be too late! MWAHAHAHAAA!
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

#145 BunnÃ«

Also a former EFL/ESL teacher [neither here nor there]. I’ve lived all over, and the phrase is not unfamiliar, but I can only guess it’s Indiana/Ohio because I hear it with a midwestern accent rather than southern or western.

When in doubt, ask Uncle Lumpy!
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

The new monthly letters are up on the Foobsite!

Elizabeth’s moving to a dump! Ha, ha, ha.
Mountain Mama
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

Re: Today’s Baldo–is “birthmark” code for third nipple? That would explain the look of hideous fright on his buddy’s face.

I’m too traumatized by FOOB to comment, but I’ll put my money on Dano’s theory.

Dean! Who got the Tyler doll??????
Trilobite
May 2nd, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Since the Curminions seem to be uncannily accurate with their predictions lately, I was wondering if anyone would care to indulge in a bit of Mark Trail handicapping?

Currently, Mark is delving into the mysterious and frightening world of bird strikes. Meanwhile, in a crappy shared office somewhere I’m sure must be nearby, local facial-hair-wearing evil commissioners are plotting to make a bundle by convincing locals that the old obsolete airport should be closed down, and a shiny new airport built on land that they own. Obviously, the ultimate conclusion is a given: Mark will punch ‘em hard enough to make that one guy’s sideburns fly into the next county.

But what, I ask you, will their nefarious plot actually be? In other words, what are the odds for the following things happening in the weeks and months to come:

A. The evil commissioners will try to cover up the danger of bird strikes at the new airport’s location (curiously close to a bird sanctuary), until Mark reveals their perfidy and smacks ‘em with his meaty fist.

B. The evil commissioners will lure birds to the location of the old airport, perhaps with a dump truck full of breadcrumbs, so as to increase the number of bird strikes there and make the new location seem more suitable.

C. The evil commissioners will dress up as giant birds and blow up the old airport. (Perhaps even going so far as to make evil puns involving “laying eggs” and how their plan is “nearly hatched.”)

D. The evil commissioners will seize control of THE BIRD STRIKE COMMITTEE USA, throwing the entire world off-balance and plunging us all directly into the sun.

E. The evil commissioners will abandon their plan when, during his investigation, Mark visits their office and happens to show them a picture of his adopted son. (”My god!” the one that looks like Dan with sideburns will say, “That’s the most hideous child-thing I’ve ever seen!” The one that looks like Gary Dent will nod sadly: “And here we were trying to make a bundle off a crooked land deal,” he’ll say, wiping a tear from his eye, “when this poor, awkward, perhaps slightly autistic man has a hideous mutant freak-baby waiting for him at home. Compared to that horror, living on a local commissioner’s salary doesn’t seem like such a hardship.”)
Marked Trail
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

If things go according to Hoyle, The Bird Strike Commission will be struck with the Right Cross of Justice.
dimestore lipstick
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

#122, april glaspie
Anne Hathaway:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004266/
Tweeks_Coffee
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

#148 gh

I’ve lived in Ohio most of my life and have never heard anything like that before (well, except when someone was intentionally trying to sound like an idiot). Sounds like something my West Virgianian boss would utter, or his dad maybe.
odinthor
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

#145 BunnÃ« — Here in So. Cal., the phrase (”We really did them up right”) is not inconceivable in normal conversation; but it would have had to have been set up by a comment such as “Hey, Biff. Y’know, Lammy and Ed the Ud were taking care of the party favors for Starpo’s sex-change cotillion, and they did them up shitty.” “Well, Rocky,” comes the response, “when Nokkins and I were doing the streamers, we really did them up right.” More information on Lammy, Ed the Ud, Starpo, Rocky, and Nokkins cannot be found on the internet.
Tele66
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

FOOB: do the eyes in panel 5 “blink” in the on-line version? That could only add to the sense of grimness, and to my guffawing. Which is good.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

#154 Tweeks_Coffee

Could be. I lived in SW Virginia, not too far from WV, for a few years. Also Cincy and Athens, OH, both of which absorb Appalachian-speech through osmosis. I just don’t hear it with that accent, though. Lemme cogitate on it fer awhile.
Mumbles
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

Ugh. I hate the Gordon worship that every Foob character perpetuates. Wow Granthony, Gordon gave you an office? Did he get you pencils and does he let you use the copy machine? Does he allow you to look out the window? I want the unwritten sixth panel to be the ole Karl Rove lookalike barking to Granthony to get out to the kitchen, the cinnabuns don’t frost themselves.

By the way do we know that Francoise is actually Granthony’s kid? As we’ve been told, Therese is a ho, and he doesn’t strike me as a kind of guy to wrack up a lot of experience and probably doesn’t know that he’s still a virgin.
Mumbles
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Ugh. I hate the Gordon worship that every Foob character perpetuates. Wow Granthony, Gordon gave you an office? Did he get you pencils and does he let you use the copy machine? Does he allow you to look out the window? I want the unwritten sixth panel to be the ole Karl Rove lookalike barking to Granthony to get out to the kitchen, the cinnabuns don’t frost themselves.

By the way do we know that Francoise is actually Granthony’s kid? As we’ve been told, Therese is a ho, and he doesn’t strike me as a kind of guy to wrack up a lot of experience and probably doesn’t know that he’s still a virgin.
MossMoses
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

I bet dollars to cinnamon buns that Blandthony’s escort is his love child. Just follow the crumbs that lead to his mustache, Lizardbreath. That is your sappy, predestined fate. The superglue that binds the saintly Pattersons together is the inexorable desire to be near each other and be just like each other. This brings to mind a chinese saying – fumu zai bu yuan you. “While your parents are alive never go too far away from them”.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

138 – I think the MW/Vera version of Flowers in the Attic would be Mushrooms in the Cellar – dark, damp, knee deep is crap.
The Eleusinian
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t it be grand if Anthony was bringing ThÃ©rÃ¨se? “I’m sorry, Liz. We’re trying to reconcile.” And then there is an enormous catfight for his lukewarm, scraggly-moustached love. One which culminates with them falling in the wedding cake.
Spoony Bard
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

151 – Trilobite

My MT prediction, hmmm. When I came back from my brief hiatus I half expected to find Mark wearing a giant swan suit (like a cross between Bjork at the Oscars and Elton John when he was still doing blow) punching out a giant lizard in a pilots hat while proclaiming, “Buy war bonds!” As we all know, nothing that cool will every happen in LoFo.

So I say that the story will end with Mark devising a clever solution to the bird strike menace: Rusty, seated in a lawn chair at the end of the runway, blasting an airhorn at any foul that dare venture to the “danger zone.” This will be followed by a stiff lecture on how birds don’t like having airhorns blown at them.
Cedar
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

I seriously that Francie will be Anthony’s date, just because the last panel of today’s strip would be a very weird and awkward way to announce that you’re taking your daughter to your wedding. LJ does a lot of screwed up things with her characters, but she never blatantly misleads the readers. If this were Mary Worth, I would count on it, but not FOOB.
--MC
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

Why does that guy in the first panel of “GT” have two sets of eyes?
When Clambake comes to The Bucket, everybody’s gonna wanna doze!
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

#164 – So all of Liz’s more interesting suitors don’t count as misleading?
Evan Waters
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

Seeing as that’s obviously Bizarro-Ken, that must mean that regular Ken will get along with Clambake after all. Oh, the cross-dimensional wackiness!
UncleJeff
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

(DT) GT — Seeing that Clambake was introduced around “Jackie Robinson Day”, I have a feeling that when he gets to The Bucket, he’ll announce that as a Young Clambake, he was not allowed to eat at The Bucket.
Then, we will have a Very Special Moment for (DT) GT ending in a) Clambake pulling out a weapon and going Samuel L. Jackson on the place or b) some elderly cracker will come out of the back of the restaurant with an ax-handle and Benny Hill-style hilarity ensues.
Motorposus
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

#43 Jim Thorp(e): I’m still chuckling about this, and don’t know why.
fuzzmaster
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

#118: Yeah, I know about the Petronas Towers. What I don’t know is why mention of them would warrant a wordless panel followed by “Oh, no, you di’n't.” Gotta be something hidden in there, but I’m lost.

Meanwhile: Not to be fair to FBoFW or anything, but the I-have-another-escort twist is nothing more than rachelrossing. As in, Rachel is ready to admit her crush on Ross, but then he turns up with a new girlfriend, with whom he later breaks up, but by that time Rachel has a new boyfriend …

Where the Foobs and Friends part company is that in Foobland, two people fated to be married one day can never have an argument. Or sleep together. Or kiss. Or hold hands passionately. Because that way lies the roadside.

Perhaps the ’stache is simply Anthony’s way of signalling to the world: My lips are off-limits.

Either that, or his last name is Gump. No, not that Gump. This Gump.
Quacks Like A Duck
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Anthony’s mustache is his escort.
JudeMorrigan
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

I wonder if Anthony’s “escort” is a sociologist who studied in Paris?
Hysterical Woman
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

Probably everybody else has said this, but I have to add it must really suck to be turned down by Anthony. Hell, Anthony gets turned down by his own hand!
Islamorada Girl
May 2nd, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

It’s not too late to design a hideous set of dresses for the bridal party in the inevitable Lizthony union!

Your inspiration for hideous yards of apple green tulle, orchid
polyester taffeta and huge, shiny acrylic ass bows can be found here:

http://www.uglydress.com/

Let’s get going! September isn’t that far away, folks!
Spoony Bard
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

September you say? If they tie the knot on my birthday I know I will end up on the news for having done…something. I don’t know what exactly, hell, it may even be something of which I can be proud; all I know is that I will be driven to action and I shall freestyle it from there.
rich
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

174, Isla: Yeah, bridesmaids in all different pastel colors sounds pretty hideous to begin with.
Cedar
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

#166 Not in the same way. At least these characters provide several strips worth of amusement. And LJ doesn’t dick the readers around from one strip to the next (the way, say, A3G had a strip that ended on LuAnn yelling into a phone, “OMG! Are you OK!?” and begin the next strip with, “Oh hi. Your cell phone went out for a second. What’s up?” or Mary Worth’s “Mary! How could you!?” with the next strip beginning with “What’s going on here?”
ghost of farley
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

Maybe at the reception Liz-ThunderHips will overhear Granthony-PornStache bragging to Father-of-GapToothedStarey”Hooooo!”Guy about how his bring-daughter-as-escort-ploy will turn Liz all “roadside.”
T. Chicana
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

I was just as dismayed/sickened/enjoying it as everyone else when I saw the inevitable plot unfolding with Granthony. That was a hilarious diatribe, Lisa, about things more attractive on a face than a mustache. It’s so funny, I used to work with a guy who had a total pornstache. He would always complain how he was 37, single, and lonely. On top of that, he wanted some hot 22 year old. So we told him, repeatedly again and again, ad nauseum that it was the ding dang MUSTACHE that was the problem (plus, he was annoying). Ummm…..That’s my little mustache fable. Not as interesting as I thought it would turn out! Sorry! My new job is taking away SO much of my time to read this blog, and it’s just not right.
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

I just got up and haven’t read any comments yet, just the comics, so if these are repeats of anyone else’s comments… well, great minds think alike, okay? fuck ya, I’ve been sick. :P

MW I was going to suggest several days ago that maybe Von was Vera’s brother – alliteration just screams family you know – but everyone in the strip looks like they are straining a Buick through their colon so they could all be related for all I know.

DT
“…so we’re throwing you in too.”

MT I’m impressed. The guy’s dick is so long, it bent in half and turned blue.

FW DAMN IT! I am so everlastingly tired of seeing Lisa sigh and mope and deliberately put a guilt trip on anyone within earshot that her life is being cut short by cancer. Word up, sister: your life can get cut short by anything, at anytime. Now shut up and fight, or just give the fuck up and be done with it.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

I seem to remember a Mary Worth character named Von, but it was in the early days of my fixation with this atrocity of a comic strip. I can remember nothing further.

Whoever’s out there– Is there something about Von that we need to know, in order to appreciate the subtlety and innuendo of this fascinating story line?
AppleGirl
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

(THTI)FOOB – Granthony’s mustache got smaller. Didja notice?

My title for the second novel: Prayrie Schooner.
Cedar
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

I don’t know if this is LJ’s eye for detail or what, but Anthony’s office is, in fact, new. Or at least newish.

http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/001749.php
MonkeyHawk
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

#136 — O’Fog –

I’ve always suspected he had some Siamese in him. He sure talks like one.

I’ve always assumed he was mostly American Shorthair but he’s pretty circumspect about his parenthood.

When he selected me at the shelter, I wanted to name him Fellini but he’d have none of it. It was the same weekend the French won Soccer’s World Cup and he watched every moment of it. The next day was Bastille Day and when NPR played “La Marseillaise” he stopped and stood at attention.

I wondered if, perhaps, he might be French. I asked him his name and he said, “Noir.”

It seemed to fit.

Is there a French Shorthair breed?
Smokey Stover
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

That library (or lunch room or study hall) in Gil Thorpe somehow looked like something out of Maus. Maybe the extreme isolation of the tables from one another and the incredibly dark shadows.
MossMoses
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

164. Cedar, your prediction is most welcome but Blandthony himself does weirdness and awkwardness up right so I’d expect that type of announcement from him. Remember, in Foob always bet on the sticky treacle path to predict the outcome of plots.

It’s different in Mary Worth since the plots are typically more inane. Von has probably cut Vera off from her trust fund and is being cursed for hogging the family money.
fizzy logic
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#57 – Haz Bucket – For some reason, that cracked my [saturn] up! Must be in that kind of mood today.

#182 – AppleGirl – Yes, I did notice that his mustache is smaller. She’s trying to make it less objectionable, but it’s still there, and it is still objectionable and ridiculous.

And WHY can’t they tie a tie to the proper length in this stupid strip? Lynn makes them all look like such losers anyway and it just adds to the overall frumpyness. My God, she must hate them all so.
Rafael
May 2nd, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

FOOB: ThÃ©rÃ¨se. It’s got to be ThÃ©rÃ¨se. That’s how Lynn thinks she’ll get us lathered up to see Liz and ‘Stacher togerther. Francie of course will be locked up in her kennel all day.
Cranky
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

If they ever make a Gil Thorp TV show, plot-wise it’ll be a duller version of 90210 with more sports, but filmed like the 60’s Batman show with crazy angles and pop-art backgrounds.

Let’s hope they never make a Gil Thorp TV show.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

MW:

Tommy – drugs
Aldo – booze
Jeff – work
Von – gambling (betcha!)

Mary – lame!
Rafael
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

Maybe if we all chant loud enough we can decide who Anthony’s date will be.

Say it with me now:
Law-RENCE!! Law-RENCE!! Law-RENCE!! Law-RENCE!!
Law-RENCE!!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

#165 –MC:

Why does that guy in the first panel of â€œGTâ€ have two sets of eyes?

Why, Ken must be related to Abelard Snazz… the Man with the DOUBLE-DECKER BRAIN!
Poteet
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

GA — Apologies if this has been said before, but this strip currently features three characters competing desperately to the point of cardiac arrest for a dishwashing job in a diner. America, I weep for you.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

True Fable: Feel better! Snarking should help!

Monkeyhawk: Ooh… many Siamese speak French, especially words like “noir” and “merde.” I’m sure he’s at least half and maybe more–the big ears are a giveaway. As is the talking. Google’s breed, Oriental Shorthair, is really just a variety of Siamese without the points. I’ve never heard of a French breed of cat, but we could make one up.
Franklin
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

I think Mustache’s line in panel two has a few typos and was meant to read, “When Gordon made me a manager, we did it upright.” Meaning, “He said he’d buy me the fancy desk if I agreed to bend him over it.” Lynn is thus foreshadowing Stache’s revelation that he’s asked Gordon to go the wedding. She’s terribly clever that way.
uncle balustrade
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

I would like to echo the question about Gil Thorpe re: the baseball player who apparently lives in a state of forty-five degree starboard list. Is Clambake going to inform his that his performance will improve immesurably if he stands the hell up straight!?!
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

FBoFW Okay, it’s time for me to snark on these weiners.

Blanthony Caineintheass will simply never learn, will he? All this time he has pined for his woman Liz, through good times and bad, through summer and winter, married or not. Then the Golden Opportunity arose, a time when he could use every symbolic item available to let her know he and she were Meant To Be Together. But naturally he did not think himself worthy to ask her to the wedding since he assumed Stud Pilot would be on hand. Well, he’s not worthy but that’s beside the point. The point is, it’s Lynn Johnston jerking the strings on her poor old loyal readers’ hearts.

I can picture some sweet lady in Saskachewan sighing over her cup of Horse Apple Tea and softly moaning, “oh goodness, and just when I thought things would work out between Elizabeth and Anthony, this has to happen! My, that Lynn Johnston! She certainly knows how to write some wonderfully surprising twists in her stories!”

The sad thing is, Sweet Saskachewan Lady means it.

See what a catch Anptomaine is, Liz? He’s got a bigger office! Which means he’s more responsible! And stuff! He’s on his way up! Insert clever pun here! He’s trimmed his moustache! That means he’s ready to settle down, or that there are six more weeks of winter!

I blow my nose at you, Lynn.
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

#`194 Thank you, O’Fogeyette; you are a jewel among mere baubles.
WonderCat
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

184-MonkeyHawk — Weird. My cat is also of rather suspect, possibly French, definitely deranged lineage. He is very small, and very very evil. Yet also desperately insecure, needy, and self-loathing (he went through a phase of making repeated vicious attacks on his left hind leg — not pretty). I’d like to think that in a cruel twist of cosmic justice he is Napoleon reincarnated as a cat. Only we named him Hansi. Somehow, the silly Austrian name makes him seem all the more ruthless.

And yes. He is black both of fur and heart. I would say the deal with asshole black cats is that while dogs are lovable, cats are snarky.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

199 Wondercat: and speaking of asshole black cats… didn’t you ever want to take a black Sharpie or Magic Marker to the area under their tail to make them the same color all over?
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

A3G Uh oh, look out! One of the surest signs of asphixiation is that your hair goes limp just before you do.

GA Why? As my wise, observant and totally hot Queen Poteet pointed out (#193), why are these people fighting for the same dishwashing job? Are there no sheltered workshops in Indiana?

FC Jeffy’s been picked on so much lately, he’s half the size of his usual portly self. Yeah, Jeffy, you’re 490 ounces – and half of that is in your incredibly prominent bubble butt.

DtM You’re not even trying anymore, are you Dennis? Just hanging around with Silent Grandpa and being nice. You are shame, Dennis. Shame to all at MenaceWatch2007.

Turn in your fuckin’ license, boy. You’re as menacing as pastel.
StrangeRover
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

172:

JudeMorrigan says:
I wonder if Anthonyâ€™s â€œescortâ€ is a sociologist who studied in Paris?

You mean – gasp – StÃ©phane Dion?
Shannon
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

What’s with the crazy canted angles in Gil Thorpe? Three options that I can see:

1. The artist takes his cues from German expressionist filmmakers, much as early noir and horror directors did. The tilt establishes that all is not as it seems at “the Bucket:” clearly a den of iniquity that requires a password before entry.

2. The artist suffers from phocomelia due his mother using Thalidomide, and the tilt is the unintended consequence of him having misshapen flippers instead of hands.

3. The artist didn’t have his V-8 today.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

#197 True Fable

Fabulously true! The Horse Apple Tea ladies hold the steering wheel; we’re just along for the ride. Pass me the dramamine.

On another note, we’re almost 200 comments into this thread and I’m getting cranky. If I see Thorpe one more time and it’s not referring to Jim I’m walking in there with a dynamite vest on.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

#203 Shannon -

The Cabinet of Dr. CaliClambake!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

MonkeyHawk and O’Fogeyette — and anyone else — speaking of cats that say “noir” reminds me of an in-joke I shared with my mother. I maintained that her cat Blanche could talk, and I would endeavour to prove it through dialogues such as the following:

“Blanche, what do you call that stuff made from egg whites that sometimes adorns a lemon pie?”

“Meringue!”

“Blanche, what do you call the seaport in Vietnam that played an important strategic role during the war?”

“Danang!”

And on a related note, I imagine many of you have already seen this. (needs sound)

Oh, and BTW, I’m Canadian, and I would never say “He did it up right.” But I’m one of those fancy big-city types.
Paperback Rifler
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

134, 196 No, no; you guys have it all wrong about that backwards leaning ballplayer. See, he’s trying to establish for himself some hipster cool by constantly emulating R. Crumb’s “Keep On Truckin’” cartoon. Of course, it isn’t working.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

#203 Shannon

I wrote that before I saw your comment. Your carapace of hardened iron(y) will, of course, shield you from the blast.
Shannon
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

#208 gh

*whew*
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

NOT ONLY THAT, BUT….

FBoFW I don’t suppose it is possible for Elly and John to be upset with Anptomaine because he can’t change his plans so he can go with Liz.

And shouldn’t Liz expect him to? Shouldn’t she get pissed at him, as she did to Paul for not being able to read her mind and know she wasn’t going to stay in Mxyzptlk after she begged him to transfer there and then expected him to transfer to Toronto chop *chop? Shouldn’t she get pissed like she did at Warren for being too busy – pfft! – making a living at his chosen profession?

Why, no! Because the noble Anptomaine has a darling little daughter to raise in the basement dungeon, and a lovely office and job managing the business of a much more successful peer than himself.* Besides, Mom and Dad know everything, and they think he’s just swell!

“Much more successful” = knows where the bodies are hidden.
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

True Fable – “Mxyzptlk” is the dorkiest name I’ve heard yet for Token Ethnic Town and my all-time favorite. Nerds-only in-jokes for the win.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

Skullturf: Google and his sister Sammy were unimpressed with the talking cats, but thanks for the link. And also for the cat conversation. I’m going to try to work some of that into my next talk with our cats.
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

#211 commodorejohn: I speak fluent dweebonics.
blueberry
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

#145 et al: My family is from southern Ohio and I have heard that expression more often than I’d like to admit. Although never in reference to a manager’s office at a used car dealership. Or a new car dealership, for that matter.

Other expressions popular with my family: an unattractive person might “scare a bulldog off a meat truck.” Etc.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

True Fable, commodorejohn

Yeah, if you’re so cool, try saying it backwards.
off-model
May 2nd, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

#160 Moss Moses, I bet dollars to cinnamon buns that Blandthonyâ€™s escort is his love child.

Are you insinuating that there was love in their marriage?
Ferd Berfel
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

Escort? ESCORT? ESCORT?!!?

Her use of that term reveals once again that Lynn Johnston truly is a complete fucking idiot with no more insight into actual human behavior than a visitor from the Planet Mxyzptlk.

The only people who take an ‘escort’ to a wedding are middle-aged broads who can’t find a date for love or money. In desperation, they arrange to be ‘escorted’ to the affair by a friend’s homosexual nephew.

Wait a minute…

Never mind.
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

#215 gh: klit pizzy’em? That sounds like the kind of action that gives dweebs nosebleeds, man.
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

gh: No problem, only you probably couldn’t hear me over the internet.

Perhaps I should run a string through a can and put the other end on my keyboard…

(…or perhaps I should get a microphone that isn’t total crap.)
Tweeks_Coffee
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

#214 blueberry

Or a smell strong enough to; “knock a buzzard off a gut wagon”? So we’re talking southern Ohio then? An Ohio accent mixed with Appalachian lingo is a dangerous thing. I suppose I could probably hear that around where I live too, but I don’t make habits of mingling with the locals.
gh
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

#218 True Fable

And yet you’re still here. Awesome!

Time to clock out.

Up, up and away, on my beautiful balloon . . .
mav
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

170 – I think the idea in GF is that Satchel was impugning the credentials of â€œStank Lloyd Wrongâ€, the Ar-Cat-ect. Like most of Buckyâ€™s friends, he has delusions of grandeur, as the previous dayâ€™s strip indicates. So dismissing his work as â€œitâ€™s not the Petronas Towersâ€, while obviously true, would still be taken as an insult. Particularly as this character is obviously a feline caricature of Frank Lloyd Wright, whose ego knew no bounds.
Jeanne
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

Maybe he’s taking l’il sis, Apwil, so she doesn’t feel left out. Or, maybe he’s decided to give the wife another go.
SecretMargo
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

216: Maybe not, but there was between ThÃ©rÃ¨se and whomever Francoise’s actual father is.
Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

Oo, oo! Now I remember ! Von wasn’t in Mary Worth at all! He was a foobaw player in Gilthorp, a receiver who had this really gay friendship with a quarterback.
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

I thought Mr. Mxyzptlk was a bad guy in Superman comics. What’s so dweebie about that, I said to myself.
Little did I know that a quick google would take me to the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory and some crap about C++++++. You guys kill me.
The first time my kid talked about going to Fermilab I thought he was saying Fermi Land so I imagined it was some cool amusement park with rides like Walking the Planck. Turns out it wasn’t but my kid was still pretty excited about it.
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

#221 gh – Yeah, I know. I keep coming back like a bad penny.

Speaking of which – I still haven’t been able to get to the Foobsite (which may be a blessing at that) so I haven’t been able to snark on the letters yet. Boo, hiss.

Part of my therapy back to good health is snarking, and I need a good dose of bad example to chew on.
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

#226 Trotzenbonnie – My sister worked at Fermilab. Little dweebs in their nest agree, as the saying goes. It’s wrong, but that’s how it goes.

btw, your kid sounds cool. Like you. :)
MossMoses
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

216. I subscribe to the lovechild theory whereby Blandthony is not the bio father but rather caretaker of Therese’s child. Blandthony as a father seems illogical from the getgo. First, there is no logical explanation for Therese’s physical attraction to Granthony. Once you suspend that disbelief, there is the fact that a spine-challenged wuss like him is incapable of procreation in the first place. Suspending disbelief yet again, why would Therese want to have his child in the first place? She is a selfish, evil anti-Foob. What’s in it for her? No, she got knocked up during an affair and dumped the load on the hapless Granthony. It may not be a slam dunk but this theory has legs…
willethompson
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

Hey, everyone! Snark! SNARK! Or True Fable’s wings will fall off!!!

(just workin’ to get you some lovin’ here, you M!B!S!-wearing hunk o’ love)
Tedlick
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

I must say, when I read today’s Mark Trail I swore I’d see a Bird Strike Committee USA 2007 Annual Meeting (Continuously Working on Solutions) t-shirt pop up for sale on this site.
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

True Fable –
Hey, thanks!
Is your sister looking for a wedding escort because my son is still woefully single.

I always told my kid I’m so cool I fart dry ice.

He’s in Spain getting ready to defend his thesis for his PhD in Astronomical Physics (thank God it’s almost over so he can finally get around to making me some damned grandbabies!) We were talking today about the acknowledgments in the introduction of his piece and after kissing my ass with gratitude he wants to thank “this girl I met in Hammerjack’s”. (Anyone from Baltimore out there?) He cracks me up.
Oh. And I asked him how to say “F” in Spanish.
It’s “joder” (pronounced ho-th-ed).
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

GT: Clambake at home (though I had both opportunity and motive, it’s SFW).
Josh
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

#232 Trotzenbonnie –

OH MY GOD HAMMERJACKS. I think that must be the first time ever it has ever been mentioned in an academic context.

It’s now sadly been shut down, by the way, because the whole area’s going to be converted to condos (no, seriously) so people will have to get stabbed on the dancefloor elesewhere.

Josh, Baltimorean
Crankenstank
May 2nd, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

I have stolen Lynn Johnston’s secret files. Here’s the rest of the Lizardbreath romance saga:

Liz reluctantly calls up Warren for a date to the wedding, unwilling to show up alone.

Warren, of course, hits on Anthony’s date, and in the meantime shows a disregard for little FranÃ§oise that shows he hates children and would probably kick a puppy if given a chance. FranÃ§oise casually calls Liz “mommy”, an act which melts Liz’ heart and sends Warren running for the door.

Liz and Anthony realize that they are each life’s third choices, the Plan Cs of romance, the either-this-or-end-up-entirely alone, the Green McFlurry shake after cookies and cream and vanilla are sold out in the drive-through of mating, and to save the prolonged ennui of a courtship, decide then and there at the wedding to get engaged. Meanwhile, Warren and the disposadate are having hot and entirely satisfying sex in the back of Warren’s BMW in the parking lot outside the reception hall (as indicated by a little cloud inexplicably hanging over the drawings of Liz and Anthony.)

Liz then devotes the rest of her life to another woman’s genepool, interspersed with the occasional heart-wrenching custody fight drama when the former Mrs. Mustache shows up to reclaim her rights to Mommydom.
gnome de blog
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

Anthony was invited to the wedding because he’s the groom. Liz flees West Foobton in shame. She turns up in Yellowknife in time to catch Warren in flagrante delicto with his “co-pilot,” and is last seen heading north across the tundra alone, pursued by a swarm of black flies.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

After a long trip upriver, Liz finds Anthony alone in the ruins of a jungle hut, crouching in his own waste and muttering, “the horror — the horror.”
Sheilagh
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

Unlike Lisa, I prefer men with facial hair — I don’t believe I’ve ever had a serious relationship with a clean-shaven man. That said… Anthony’s mustache is about the ickiest specimen ever. I mean, c’mon — mustaches are supposed to be macho. If you stick one on a dweeb he just looks like a pathetic wannabe. There should really be a licensing board… oh, and that goes double for wannabe novelists. Puh-leeze.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

Liz overcomes the village’s disapproval and leads a proud and productive, if somewhat solitary, life. Anthony, burning up with shame, tears off his shirt at a church service, revealing to all the crimson, burning “L” on his chest.
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

#38 Essteess: *â€My cousin Agnes â€” the one I told you about, who never married and raises emus?â€ — My first thought was who the hell is Emus? A Shan…non-like nephew that cousin Agnes keeps in a pen in the attic?

MW: Maybe Von and Vera were surgically separated when young, and Von is suing to get some of his parts back.

MW 2: Yes, Mary was burying something. And the guy across the way with a broken leg in a wheelchair was watching her through binoculars.

TDIET: Maybe Granthony is his boss. “I would love to have you work for me!!” …”but I’ve hired someone else!.”
Islamorada Girl
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Trotz—”Walking the Planck” sounds like a great ride at the Max Planck Institute and DNA Theme Park.

Hammerjacks! Auuugh! That was the kind of place where you could see women with Harley Davidson tats on their breasts, wearing dog collars as they talked to guys from Baltimore County wearing an entire bottle of hair gel on their combovers and sporting da-glo neon polyester shirts open to the navel. The main entertainment wasn’t the bands, it was the fights in the parking lot on Friday night. I hope when they tore it down they burned what was left and scattered salt on the ashes. It was an asshole magnet, was Hammerjacks. Only in Bawlmer, hon, only in Bawlmer.
Marion Delgado
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

since judge parker switched back from Franglais Manglaise, the dialog’s been shockingly natural. Isnt that forbidden by the Soap Opera Comics Code?
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

#235 – Frighteningly plausible.

Oh, and I suppose my previous statements about April being the only tolerable/sympathetic character in the strip were inaccurate; I also feel for FranÃ§oise, as she (A) gets no screen time (panel time?) except to serve as a reminder that Anthony is a Nice Guy, (B) is continually all alone because apparently Anthony’s stunning financial success is not stunning enough to put her in daycare or hire a babysitter or something (c’mon, it’s friggin’ Canada, they probably have state-sponsored daycare, for God’s sake,) and (C) will have to deal with the shame of being the offspring of Therese-With-The-Eaves-On-Her-E’s and Granthony. It sucks, FranÃ§oise, I know, but if you’re fortunate you’ll be forgotten like all the other plot-device characters after your purpose is served and you’ll get to leave the strip.
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

Josh – Say it isn’t so!
You all must miss those radio commercials on DC101 featuring the guy with the Wrestlemania voice bellowing HAMMERJAAAAACK’S!
Please tell me Louie’s Bookstore/Cafe is still there.

IslamoGirl – Have a little mercy, please! Apparently that’s where my son was trawling for chicks with his JHU buddies. He isn’t an asshole but he does know alot about Uranus.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

238 Sheilagh: Ditto. To everything you said.
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

#150 MM, I can’t say yet, but there will be a special reveal in the 5th panel.
Harold
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

#48, 80: The unusual “view from above” in today’s B.C. reminds me of an unusual 3/4 angle that was used in the Sunday Classic Peanuts that ran a few weeks ago. Charlie Brown, in yet another attempt to fly his kite, has finally managed to get it up and keep it there, and Lucy gazes on in amazement. The action then moves to a P.O.V. above the kite, looking along the kite string at the Earthbound Charlie Brown and Lucy, when suddenly, inexplicably, the kite explodes. It made me laugh. Things like that, and today’s B.C., remind us of how it is possible that even the dullest and most repetitive strips were once fun and funny.

#214 blueberry, I am sorry, I cannot read your name without immediately thinking “turd cutter”. The “blueberry turd cutter” was a mutation of “blubbery turd cutter” from a comment here few weeks – months? – ago. DAMN THIS SITE! THE PLACE WHERE THAT INFORMATION IS STORED COULD HAVE BEEN THE PART OF MY BRAIN THAT WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A CURE FOR CANCER! But then what would keep Funky Winkerbean going?
Josh
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

#241/#244 Isla/Trotz-

Trotz, not sure when your son was at JHU but I think the mileu I-Girl so fondly evokes was at the old Hammerjacks, which got torn down in the mid-to-late-90s to build the new downtown stadia (either mid or late depending on which stadium replaced it) — some time before my arrival in Charm City. Hammjacks 2.0 was located a bit further uptown, in the shadow of the Jones Falls Expressway. By the time I moved here (2002) my impression was that it was catering to a more hip-hop/dance-happy crowd, though if the police blotter reports were to be believe the asshole factor was still high.

Trotz, ask your son if he ever went to Bohagers (memorally referred to by my wife as a “horrible inflat-a-bar,” and now also sadly deflated to make way for more yuppie housing). That will determine how far he dipped into the depths of Baltimore skank. I give him credit for doing any of the stuff; I live three blocks from the main JHU undergrad campus and most students there believe that everywhere in town is exactly like “The Wire” and refuse to leave their bubble.

Josh
SatanicMechanic
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

FBoFW:

Panel five?? I was too busy looking at panel one. I mean REALLY looking at panel one. Some curves managed to slip by in the land of Stretchy Loungewear.
off-model
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

#229 Moss Moses, Aw, but then wouldn’t it be his ex-wife’s love child? Ok, I’m getting caught up on semantics; the main thing is that it is better not to think of the Canadian Mustache of Gloom as having, um, romantic relations.
Harold
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Dean Booth, does the name “Giambattista Vico” mean anything to you?

http://www.yo-god.com/comics/comics.htm?60

More information on Giambattista Vico can be found on the usual location.
Susie Derkins
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

#145 Bunne (I’m not computer literate enough to do the accent, sorry):

I could hear my boyfriend saying that–though I haven’t–in his southern drawl. He lives in NC and has family in southeastern (I think) VA (near the Appalachian mountains). It’s a long way from Canada, though.
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Is the FOOB wedding reception being held on Noah’s Ark for stinkypete’s sake? Why oh why why why can’t Liz just go by herself? Isn’t she already paired with a groomsman or don’t they like wedding party symmetry up there in Canadia?
Doesn’t the wedding party get trapped at their own special table? Aren’t the bridesmaids supposed to be kissing and wiping the bride’s ass the whole time making it impossible for them to socialize with anyone else at the festivities?

What the hell?
Isn’t Liz a little young to be worried about becoming an old maid?
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

#247 Harold -

Month: March 22
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Biggest. Rant. Yet.

And don’t think it was easy laying this egg, either.
.Doc
May 2nd, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

Is TDIET stuck in the 1950’s or what? When I used to read it as a kid, in the early 60’s, through mid 70’s, it seemed “old fashioned to me then. Now, having been re-exposed to it for a few weeks as a result of this web site, I’m apalled to find it is exactly the same as it was before, even though it is no longer being drawn/written by Jimmy Hatlo — it is, in fact, on it’s third cartoonist, if I’m not mistaken. Anyway, I’m wondering if anyone under the age of 50 actually reads it?
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

#255 – True Fable
Phew! Reading that was like Puristat for the soul.
I feel so much lighter now.
Thanks.
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

#251 Harold. Giambattista Vico? Not off the top of my head. I’m looking at Wikip now.
Poteet
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

# 201 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, thank you for your kind words. And I hope your recovery from illness will soon be complete. Michael’s letter could set you back, however — beware.

# 238 — Sheilagh, I also like facial hair (though clean-shaven is fine too). But whether he ends up brush-faced or naked-faced, Angsthony’s goo-goo-googly eyes make me want to toss my cookies.

And I would like to thank all you Baltimoreans for sharing. Thanks to y’all, I’ve visited a classic dive by proxy — what fun.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

Dean, Harold -

The New Science guy, right? Here.
Poteet
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

# 255 — Sir Fable, M.T.K., that was an amazing rant. My compliments. And having read it, I hope you will please be careful when you read Michael’s letter. Take deep long breaths. .
evie oh oh
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

Whom Mary…say it with me..Whom. Sure, everyone is ready for some nebby unwelcomed advice…but poor grammar is a slap in the face

Blinking, Elizabeth…say it with me.. blinking…
Holly
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

I’m so happy.

Baseball slash has finally met the Comics Curmudgeon site.

I’m so happy.
Ukulele Ike
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

#113: Invitation to an Ass Orgy.

I am going to find EVERY opportunity to work this phrase into my professional life tomorrow.
fuzzmaster
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

#220: Hmm, but Petronas Towers seems a long way to go for a joke that blunt. “You’re not building Fallingwater here” would have been more apropos.

GF’s not shy about obscure references — hello, assorted rugby jokes — but I haven’t seen one this hard to be sure of since the Great Penalty Box Controversy of ‘05.
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, I went to grad school in philosophy, but either I never read this guy or I didn’t pay enough attention at the lecture by Ernst von Alzheimer.

“…For while the mind perceives itself, it does not make itself.â€? I was more into the rock-kicking school of thought.
Trilobite
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

The more I look at the word “DisposaDate,” the more it sounds like a service that caters to the serial-killer crowd. Dead hooker in your trunk and not enough time to find an appropriate site to dump the body? Call DisposaDate!

DisposaDate’s team of experienced, understanding professionals can remove all the bloodstains, personal items, and forensic evidence for you! Quality alibis provided for your whereabouts provided at no extra cost!

DisposaDate!
Crankenstank
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

Something else that bothers me about Mustachio (like I need more reasons to be a hatah): will somebody tell him that a necktie is supposed to extend to the belt? Even wearing highwaters, his cravat is barely at navel level.
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

#266 Dean -

Well, I’m a rock-kickin’ name-takin’ empiricist myself, pardner!

What I get outa Vico is, “Hey, Descartes, you may think that therefore you am, but experience is more than a footnote.” Early empiricist, ancestor of logical positivism, that sorta vibe.
Harold
May 2nd, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

Dean, the source image for that cartoon has some meaning for Vicians. I think. I may have it confused with another, similar image.
Chromium
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Oooh, conflict in the comics world. Looks like Bruce Tinsley has decided to give Jack Elrod a major run for his money in word balloon placement.
aquagirl2
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

Can someone explain where Anthony’s wife is? I understand she is named Therese but did she die or something? Why does she not share custody of the kid?
cinephile
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

I think Anthony’s going to take Mary Worth– she’s just about the right age and level of swingin’ excitement for him, and he does after all, look like a young Aldo. At the wedding, she will pry Liz’s life story out of her, and like Comic Book Guy said on that simpsons episode, will counsel her to commit suicide.

I think mike’s book title should be “Chum In the Water.” Or “Love for Sail.”
True Fable
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

#232 Trotzenbonnie – between you and #113 Artist Fomerly Known as Ben and Ukelele Ike, I’m going to end up laughing myself to death, which isn’t a bad way to go considering the alternatives.

But… “I’m so cool I fart dry ice”? “Invitation to an Ass Orgy”? I laughed so hard I had to lay back down, oh em gee! You guys are like twinkle lights, I never get tired of admiring you all.

For the record my sister passed away several years ago, which is a shame since this place swims in her style of humor. It’s partly in the DNA, and partly defense instinct – and totally smartass.

#261 Poteet, my Queen! I went. I read. I relapsed. I honestly want to know who writes that shit. Is it Lynn, or one of her ~~lackeys~~ minions? Whoever it is, s/he is I am going to have such a blast this summer on the road to Merciless Lame Proseville. Provided, of course, that it is accompanied by things like “Invitation to an Ass Orgy”, and your lovely self weighing in with your usual charmingly hilarious commentary.
Harold
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

Whoops, sorry, Dean, Uncle Lumpy, my bad. Wrong image. The one that I was confusing it with is the image displayed here:
http://www.vicoinstitute.org/
There was a bit of a Vician Studies movement at the University of Scranton when I was there in the mid-to-late eighties. Philosophy was only my second major, so I didn’t really get involved – I was too wrapped up in Physics, my first major. A friend of mine did get involved in it. He is now a college professor and specialist in Vician Studies. And I am currently unemployed and spending far too much time on this here site, thinking about June Morgan’s breasts and the fate of poor LuAnn from Apartment 3-G.
AmandaTheGreat
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

I think everyone’s missing the obvious. I said it over at The FOOBiverse and I’ll say it here: Anthony’s date will be John, and that night they will finally consummate their love. Liz will return to the north and marry Jesse Mukwa. Elly will finally be free to marry the only one she has ever truly loved: herself.
Galevav
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

I’m related to a frequent Curmudgeoner, so I’m kept up to date on all the shenanigans and goings-on here. I heard about Michael’s second book, and how people were trying to come up with titles.
Me: His book has has something to do with sailboats, right?
My Curmudgeon Relative: Well, sailing vessels.
Me: I don’t know about a title, but here’s a review: “Yar, it blows.”
Oâ€™Fogeyette
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

So much good snarking today. I look forward to more tomorrow. With coffee. Adios, amigos.
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

#275. Harold, Gee I thought it would have been the other way around (the employability of a physicist vs. a philosopher). When my roomate graduated and was looking for a programming job, a head hunter told him he would be better off telling employers he’d been in prison for 6 years rather than say he’d been working on a PhD in philosophy. Both he and I wound up being computer geeks rather than professional thought geeks.
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

#272 – Therese-With-The-Eaves-On-Her-E’s (hell if I’m going to bother with the accent marks) married Anthony, presumably back before Anthony was The One. Anthony wanted kids. Therese wanted to pursue her career. Anthony persisted, so she cut him a deal: there could be kids if he would be the caretaker. Because she’s an eeevil careerist bitch, the kind Johnston originally wanted Connie to be back when she was still obnoxiously opinionated but had a functioning writer’s gland to help her recognize cardboard characters. They had a kid, Francoise, and Anthony took on the role of caretaker as promised, but bitched about it, because, don’tcha know, women are ordained by God to be mommies and only mommies, and Anthony should be out selling used cars and making cinnamon buns to support the family, despite his promise to take care of the child. Since Career Women are eeevil, and having absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Mustache Man was now trying to saddle her with the kid he pressured her into having in the first place, she cheated on him (is there any other way Johnston knows to dispose of Unacceptable Romantic Partners?) He didn’t find out until she decided to dump him. Now she’s roasting in FOOB Hell somewhere outside the panel boundaries, neither dead nor alive.

* This information may be slightly inaccurate, but that’s the gist of it.
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

#269. Uncle L., Looks like I pulled a Slylock: I judged Vico’s life’s work based on one sentence. oops.
Weasel Boy
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

From Michael Patterson’s mothly letter: “I…don’t know what it’s like… to be left for dead on the coast of Belize, but I’ll find out.” Let me know if you need any help with that, Mikey.
Dr. Mad
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

To Saturn with the FOOBS – although I had forgotten how sweaty Anthony always looks [It's 'cause that pesky sex-offenders program keeps catching up with him] – I’m just glad Ms. Jane Hathaway has improved her baseball game by following Clambake’s advice – HOORAY! Mmmmm. “Ms. Jane and Clambake now appearing at the Bucket” -kinda like “Butterbeans and Susie” only not.
Lammergeier13
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

#272: Yeah, Anthony’s ex hasn’t been in the strip for a while. Her name is Therese (with accent marks over two or more of the E’s. No, I don’t know how Lynn thinks it’s supposed to be pronounced either). Anyway, apparently she was a complete bitch and total whore who doesn’t give a damn about Anthony (and who could?) or her child so I think Anthony has total custody. At least until she finds out that Liz and Anthony are getting together with Liz eventually adopting the kid, at which point she will drag everyone into court to get custody of the child back because she hates Liz with the passion of a thousand burning suns (and really, who doesn’t?). But at the moment she is still off doing whore stuff, which would be more interesting to watch than this long, drawn-out horror. Another interesting note is that the child is a girl named Francois. That’s right, the girl is named the French equivalent of “Frank”. So if the mere fact of living in FOOB, in a cage in the basement, with the family she has and the family she’s going to get aren’t enough to screw her up royally (or ’screw her up right’, as Anthony would say), she’s always got that little tidbit to push her over the edge.
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

#274 True Fable,
Thanks for noticing. I’m sorry about your sister. Think I understand what you mean about defense instinct. My “stand back and laugh” skills have grown by leaps and bounds over the past few years. much for the same reason.
Josh
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

#280/284 commodorejohn/Lammergeier13 — y’all have done it up right when it comes to telling the tale of Thérèse the accented evil unnatural feminist child-hating money-grubbing non-Patterson whore, but you’re forgetting one important angle — we’re meant to feel sorry for Anthony because she was cheating on him like the tramp she is, but on the other hand it’s totally OK that Anthony basically begged Elizabeth to be his forever while he was still married to her and before we found out about her own infidelity. Plus, it was literally minutes after the notorious Howard Erk had attempted to rape Liz. So, extra squick there.

Josh
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

#281 Dean -

By Slylock, it’s perfectly legitimate to judge a man’s life’s work by a single sentence! I pray daily that my life will be judged by “Metastatic Batiuk gotta melanoma jones!”
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

#286 Josh -

Mmm – no squick like Erk squick!
alamo
May 2nd, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

foobville — i wonder which of these anthony is taking to the soiree?
http://www.prankplace.com/inflatables.htm?KBID=1020&sub=new_2inflatables

dennis north is still available. unless he is going with anthony.

(if anyone has hit on this before this, then a tip of the old alamo dome-topper to yez)
Poteet
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

# 282 — BWAHAHA! Excellent, Weasel Boy.

Foob/Therese — Yeah, we all know that women who don’t want to have kids are evil bitches through and through. You can see it in our shifty eyes and smirking lips. Don’t vote for us, and don’t EVER marry us. We’re MADE of dry ice, baby.
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

#274 True Fable –
First, I am sorry to hear about your sister. God bless.

Second, I am in awe of you all. I always feel like the guy who shoots his best round of golf ever the day Tiger Woods goes 19 under par.
Dean Booth
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

General question: If I send Scabuto a suggestion for TDIET, do I need to worry about using the name Dean Booth? Do you think he keeps a Nixon-like enemies list from CC?
Sheilagh
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

Lammergeier13: Naw, it’s Francoise. — the “e” on the end makes it feminine. Equivalent to “Francine”.
Strangerâ€¦
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Good thing we have this blog to refer to. I was scratching my head (among other things) about Get Fuzzy today as well. Sometimes I wish cartoonists would have an place to explain their lame jokes. I know you shouldn’t have to explain ‘em. For some strips, oft’ mentioned here, that would take more ink (digital, even) than the strips themselves.
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

#294 – I guess whatever else you want to say about Mallard Fillmore, Tinsley does source the comics that need sourcing.
Ferd Berfel
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

Vomit bag in hand, I donned a pair of hip-waders and trudged through the toxic treacle that makes up the Official Foob Site.

What can I say? It was even worse than I had imagined. shudder…

Anyway, I was finally able to ferret out an important date: September 1st, 2007. That’s when the contract between Lynn, Galactic God-Empress of the Maudlin, Tin-Eared, Tunnel Visioned, Douchebags, and the distribution syndicate runs out.

It will all be over in only 121 days, people. Surely we can all hang on that long. I’ve even started a countdown calendar. Marking off the days should help me stomach the psyche-ripping sewage Lynn surely has in store for us.
Dub Not Dubya
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

Hey, did you see today’s Pluggers?

http://www.pluggers.com/pluggers/daily.jsp?catid=1166&custid=67&file=20070502cpplg-a-p.jpg&code=cpplg&dir=/pluggers

I think Kimberley Crosswait of Spearfish could be right up there with our pal Mr. Church of Crete as an exclamation.
commodorejohn
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

121 days, huh? Forty days and forty nights…three times over. Three world-flooding deluges of treacle, sap, and plain old sloppy barnyard muck BS. Makes you think.
Old Bean
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

MW: Mary quickly stows away the hacked-off corpse-hand she was carrying. Vera’s not ready to know about that side of things. Not yet.
Poteet
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

# 296 — Thanks, Ferd! I somehow had the date scorched into my brain as September 30th. So thirty days have been taken off the torment period before the Foobian Rapture. Maybe the revised strip after 9/1 will be called FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE — LEFT BEHIND.
Lammergeier13
May 2nd, 2007 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

#293: OOOOooooohhhhh….. It’s still a dumb name, though. She’s all of what, three? And she has the name of a grandmother, lives in a cage, and will soon have Liz as a mother. The kid is just plain screwed.

Pluggers: “Pluggers are just plain old.” That could easily be the punchline for every single one of these ever.

Crankshaft: I see trouble and problems leading to an untimely destruction ahead for a certain priceless comic book collection.
Trotzenbonnie
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

#289 – alamo
Thank you! Prank Place is the best site ever! There’s something for everyone on my holiday shopping list! If you want anything from the Fart Mart, people, you’d better order fast because I will single-handedly relieve them of their entire inventory of gas gags.
Believe it or not, my son’s goofy friends already got him the inflatable sheep for his birthday. (Hmmm. Is that the sort of thing a boy should tell his mother?)
Jamus The Bartender
May 2nd, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Okay….
Maybe LIZ will be the one pounding on the church doors, shouting “AAAAANTHONYYY…oh, fuck it”
Dingo
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

FOOB
sung to the melody of ‘Home’ from The Wiz

When I think of FOOB
I think of a place that is void of desire
I wish it was gone
I wish it were replaced by Calvin and his tiger

Michael gets his book contract and is beaming
Suddenly Apwil no more a child, flagrant screaming
Gerald on the scene, hurry make it clean!

Maybe there’s a chance Lynn won’t go there
Give Liz a new direction
It would sure be nice, since she’s grown
Give her adult love and affection
And just maybe we can convince Lynn to slow up
Let Pornstache find someone else to be his pup
Syndicate by my friend, don’t start this strip again

Suddenly Apwil’s changed her face
Do we know where she’s going?
Gerald’s Sit’n'Spin, she will grace
See? Just watch it growing

If you’re list’ning God
Please don’t make it hard to know
If we should believe in the things that we see
Tell us, should we run away
Should we try and stay
Or would it be better just to let things be? *

Watching here, in this Johnston world
Might be a fantasy
But it taught me to snark
So it’s real, real to me

And I’ve learned
That we must look inside our hearts
To find a world full of snark
Like yours
Like me

Like FOOB…

* – This verse verbatim from the song
dead yooper
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

#165 MC- You’ll not see nothin’ like the Mighty …uh….Clambake?
Uncle Lumpy
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

Thursday FOOB: DisposaDate, check. Josh totally nailed it .
Sjofn
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

STAND UP STRAIGHT UGLY PITCHER GUY RARGH

Gil Thorpe is so damn weird. I know picking on the art is old hat and redundant, but look at it. And for some reason it fills me with rage.

At least Michael Patterson isn’t in it, I guess!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

#254 Uncle Lumpy: Holy Neddy! Your searches of this website, if more frequent and diligent, must be every bit as weird as mine. Today I was using Edit>Find to search today’s page for “magmacannons,” Moon’s breasterrific euphemism from yesterday’s thread. I was lamenting the fact that I never kept a list of really weird Google searches I employ when using this site.

“Blubbery turd cutter” is prose fit for a Patterson, Moss! I can understand why Harold was haunted by it. As I am now.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

#308 …hoping that using “magmacannons” as boobage reference doesn’t attract any murderous attention from alien supervillain types…
Spotted HÃ˜rse
May 2nd, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

#289 alamo: Do you suppose there’s an inflatable version of Ned Tanner? I understand that Ned’s anatomically equipped.
Miss Priss
May 3rd, 2007 at 12:00 am [Reply]

# 174 Islamorada Girl

I was picturing something like the bridesmaids’ dresses in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” but in different colors.
King Folderol
May 3rd, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

RMMD – Take my advice, Rex, “urine” is funnier than “ice cream”.

FBOFW – Even for Granthony, he looks old.

GT (DT) – Why the completely unnecessary wide angle in Panel 2? It’s like the cameraman was drunk and started pulling away at the end of the scene. Except Gil Thorp doesn’t use cameras. It uses black magic.
Mamzelle Hepzibah
May 3rd, 2007 at 12:31 am [Reply]

For Worser: Literary antecedent for Anthony’s office—Pemberley in Pride & Prejudice. You remember, Elizabeth is all, Darcy, eh, and then she sees his enormous Grounds and changes her tune. “Lovely office,” indeed! Next thing you know Anthony will be getting his mustache all wet as he dives into a pond for no reason.
fuzzmaster
May 3rd, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

Re today’s Foob:

Rachelrossing. I told you. Down to the recital of the back and forth, just for readers who cannot keep up with the blistering pace of the plot.

Pure rachelrossing.

And, oh: Granthony dating his employee. Real class. “Yeah, we get along well, considering as I hold the power to fire her if she doesn’t go out with me.”
kippetje2000
May 3rd, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

You know we talk about Mark Trailâ€™s marvelous fisticuffs, but really his other best use of hand is that mighty, moral handshake of his. The kind of handshake that tells a man itâ€™s okay to sit on the corner of your desk, provocatively opening your legs a bit to show the puptent Markâ€™s manliness has aroused. â€œIâ€™ll let them know youâ€™re comingâ€ indeed. Thatâ€™s not lounging, sir, thatâ€™s trolling for some Trail, that is. More research on birds and other wildlife around airports canâ€™t be found in some sleazy office.

BTW A3G: Luann, more information about a person suffering from carbon monoxide (CO) intoxication may have these symptoms:
first experience euphoria (similar to the effect of a martini or two) ; then headache and possibly vomiting . As the concentration of carboxyhemoglobin in the blood increases
other symptoms of Carbon Monoxide poisoning include:
Weakness
Ditziness
Lethargy
Confusion
Hallucinations
Mibbitmaker
May 3rd, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

(from the FOOB WANTED section)

WANTED: Female accountant for an unbelievably expanding auto dealership chain. Must have plot device experience. Apply within. Strong stomach a must!
Mibbitmaker
May 3rd, 2007 at 1:53 am [Reply]

5/3:

Lockhorns: “Uh, nurse…” “Yes, doctor?” “Why is there a man in a stretcher chasing a middle aged woman down the hallway?”

FW: “That was a joke (sort-of)” That can be this strip’s credo.

A3G: People don’t die in this much slow motion in Sam Peckinpaw movies!

Adam (’at’ sign) Home: Adam, you’re no Bill the Cat.

SForth: Ted, you’re no Clambake.

(DT)GT: It sure is odd reading some white guy refering to “we” in the Negro Leagues.

GF: Today’s strip is dedicated to those who didn’t ‘get’ yesterday’s strip (explanation, then empathy).
Mibbitmaker
May 3rd, 2007 at 2:10 am [Reply]

I just noticed something: Liz in panel 5 has become….. Vera from MW! “Curses upon you, Blanthony!”
Broken Skittles
May 3rd, 2007 at 2:16 am [Reply]

Yes, Liz, die. That would fix everything.
The Avocado Avenger
May 3rd, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

Why would Clambake be upset about the end of racial segregation in American baseball? He looks like he’s held a grudge about this for 60 years.
Tats
May 3rd, 2007 at 2:35 am [Reply]

MW: What would you done if your son was at home, cryin’ all alone on the bedroom floor, ‘cuz he’s hungry…

FBoFW: Cheer up, Elizabeth. At least you have your choice of delicious salads!

FW: I’m sure the receptionists are specifically trained not to laugh at the cancer patients. But nice try anyways!

A3-G: I sincerely hope, but doubt, that the fine folks behind Apartment 3-G are hardcore enough to have Luann just die unspectacularly. Then Tommie would kill herself, and Margo would attend both funerals wearing a blue overcoat and a completely indifferent look. She might even boo a little.
Mrs. Erin Hill
May 3rd, 2007 at 3:08 am [Reply]

FBoFW: “I knew you’d broken up with PAUL and were seeing WARREN…” Haha. I’m lovin’ the guilt trip, Anthony! Way to rub her slutty little nose in it. Just how many guys has she been toying with? She missed the Granthony boat. Too little too late, Liz. Don’t back down now, AnMan. Make her feel what you’ve been feeling for years.
Hobbes Fan
May 3rd, 2007 at 3:33 am [Reply]

GT: Uh oh, look out guys! Your shadows are about to jump you.
True Fable
May 3rd, 2007 at 3:34 am [Reply]

MW Vera is no longer speaking directly to Mary. She’s staring into our very souls, silently begging (for once!) to rescue her. She had no intention of pouring her heart out, but under Mary’s spell she’s afraid Mary will take that heart out and eat it.
MT Okay, Elrod, cut it out with the wordy dialogue with the tiny print. I’m just here for the ginormous animals and the tempermental Fist o’ Justice [tm]
JP It’s as if the past three or four weeks was for winding the mainspring of the story, and now we might finally be moving toward a point. The heir is there? Beware, mon frere!
RMMD “I’m Rex Morgan…I can’t drive well but I can sew you up when we wreck. Or take advantage of your semi-concious state, that is my specialty after all.”
Luann I call shenanigans on Tiffany going for the irritation factor but winds up genuninely liking Brad for some inane reason. She can belch in front of him and it won’t harm her rep.
FBoFW …? Okay, LJ has punked me. I was prepared to see the horny, sweaty, pasty Anptomainy tossing off word balloons begging Liz to waaaaiiiit for him. Instead, he’s found Cruella Lite in all likelihood. Or maybe she will be non-threateninig Blandetta, who is a safe bet and not as “wildly exciting and adventurous” as the alluring Princess Patterson.
And why does Liz want to die now? (well, I think we should take her up on it – shh! continue, fool) She’s been regarding Nose & Glasses as “just a friend” for years, even up to and including Saturday’s strip. Then as it dawns on her that Warren is not going to drop everything and come running when she snaps her fingers.

But this still doesn’t explain why Liz is so devestated. It’s just a wedding, someone else’s wedding I might add. They’ll both be there to gaze longingly at each other from across a sea of pastel toule and hair bun updos with sprigs of baby’s breath stapled intoo the cranium. What, this is his tryout? This is the only chance she will give him?

Typical Liz Patterson. If a guy doesn’t accommodate her, she acts as if the whole world is collapsing. “Oh, I could just DIE, I woon’t be able to go to my classmate’s wedding with the guy everyone thinks is my soul mate! I’ll have to act innocent while I’m walking past him, even though I know he’ll be mooning over me every moment. But I know I’m still too good for him, and his turning me down now will mean he will choose the lesser rent-a-date instead of ME! Sure, it’s someone else’s wedding, but it’s all about MEE!!!”

What a Twit. A thickheaded, turgid anti-tramp twerp.
[/rant]
Jym
May 3rd, 2007 at 4:06 am [Reply]

79> Also, Josh, since I have started reading this blog, I have started looking forward to Mary Worth every day. I sort of hate you.

=v= I’ve got my head stuck up the same boat. Curses upon you, Josh!

146> … so who the hell is he going to meet?

An accountant of course. Gap-toothed starey hoooo!!!

Though this does bring up an issue. What could he possibly be managing but the accounting department? Which means he’s having an inappropriate relationship with a subordinate.
True Fable
May 3rd, 2007 at 4:28 am [Reply]

Jym: any guy who declares his undying devotion to a girl only minutes after she was assaulted by a would-be rapist, and furthermore beg her to wait for him while he decides to divorce his wife at the time, has no moral compass to tell him not to step over the boss/subordinate line.

I guess THAT is what bothers me most about Foob. Not only are the Holy Pattersons given every allowance and suspension of disbelief in their storylines, but we are also supposed to accept that this creepy, whiny, barely functional, emotional adulterer is supposed to be the shining example of goodness and light.

FUCK this comic with my nine-iron of justice.
dreadedcandiru2
May 3rd, 2007 at 5:38 am [Reply]

True Fable: You just said pretty much what I was going to, but I’d like to add something. All we know about Therese and her part in the collapse of their marriage is what HE chooses to tell us. Remember, Liz is telling us that Paul CHOSE not to transfer down South to mess with her and to ignore any silliness about her moving North for HIM!! I’m guessing all of Jackass’s blathering about not having a “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME” is in the same blame-evading vein.
dreadedcandiru2
May 3rd, 2007 at 5:45 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Not only the guy’s last name, but what you wanna shove up his ass. Way to be useless, you old fart. You’re screwing Mooch and hios pal out of a int and lining the pockets of some yuppie cocksucker in the bargain. Too bad you weren’t still IN FW. Then you’d have died of illiteracy cancer by now. That, or crabby old shitwad cancer.
John C Fremont
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:01 am [Reply]

Retail – Uh, huh! Huh, huh! He said “Foob!”
Keg of Curd
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:14 am [Reply]

Today’s BC is unexpectedly, inexplicably, laugh-out-loud funny. I’m frightened.
calico
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:32 am [Reply]

#315 – Did you really mean to say “Dizziness”?
Because, if so, I like “Ditziness” a lot better, which is what you actually wrote.

FOOB – Anthony Procaine strikes again!
This whole mess is akin to when two people with shopping carts approach each other in the grocery, and no matter how hard they try to avoid the other person’s cart, they inevitably end up bumping and crashing.
Yes, this is what FOOB has become for me. A grocery-store collision.
Unless Liz really does drive off a cliff or something, after the Shawnigan-Marie wedding, with a bottle of Johnny – no, wait, make it Canadian Club – then I will have some semblance of closure.
Team MP
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:39 am [Reply]

Foob- “I’d like a hole to crawl into where I can die.” Amen to that.
smacky
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:42 am [Reply]

#320: Avocado Avenger, I thought about it, and here’s why Clambake is pissed about the end of racial segregation in American baseball:

Clambake was part of an unspectacular group, barely good enough to play in the negro leagues, but not good enough to compete with everyone in the National League too. In the negro league, he was probably a C- player. In the national league, he was a D+. Damn racial integration put him out of a job!
smacky
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:45 am [Reply]

FOOB: Don’t you love how the “very nice new girl” doesn’t even get a facking name? She’s probably fat, or has a mole on her face, or something equally terrible that makes her less deserving of love than Saint Elizabeth.
Lynngineering
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:48 am [Reply]

FBOFW: Well…. alot of backslapping here but hardly anyone got it right with Anthony. Doesn’t bode well for predicting Lynn…
Michael’s coma explains the degree of xtreme “brotherly love” that inflicts the Liz-mind-fuck at work, which in turn ricochets back on all us readers watching the train-wreck in progress. Predictable continuity isn’t an issue, it stopped being a story long ago, and becomes more and more like watching a cat playing with a trapped bird before the kill. Sometimes cat let them appear to get a chance to escape, right.. even pretending to look away as if not noticing, and then…swat! Sort of macabre, but you stare at the wonders of nature anyway… Same with Liz and Anthony – it’s just a bunch of moves at this point.

It could only be the great author, Michael who went into the coma with his ineptness in the workplace intact, who writes this Anthony-Liz crap about getting such a great office, or for that matter, then so obviously hiring a woman he is also going to go out with.
Michael, has NO idea of workplace responsibility or reality – especially as a manager – and his fantasy stems from that even more so. You know, on his boat managing with the semen. Speaking of which – where’s April?!
The Avocado Avenger
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:54 am [Reply]

smacky, you speak words of wisdom. I can’t wait to see how bland the “very nice new girl” is. She’s obviously a red herring or MacGuffin or onomatopoeia or whatever they call it, and since she will be unfavorably compared to Liz (patron saint of the big booty), she’ll have to be pretty homely.

I’m laying odds that the very nice new girl has a ’stache bigger than Anthony’s.
Dean Booth
May 3rd, 2007 at 6:58 am [Reply]

MW: Mary’s anticipation is palpable (SFW).
Sheilagh
May 3rd, 2007 at 7:03 am [Reply]

God knows where FOOB is going with this one. I would dearly love old Anthony to just settle down with his accountant gal and take his damn chips off the table — I am TIRED of him! But jeez, no, the plot is bound to zigzag around and try to manufacture drama out of this tedious situation.

Liz needs to stop obsessing so much about who she is or isn’t dating. Why does she have such limited choices, anyway? Why doesn’t she go join a fucking club or something? Meet new people? It can’t be SUCH a small town that there are only two bachelors in it, sheesh.
Montag
May 3rd, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

A3G: Oh for goodness’ sake. Where is Luann’s studio? I’ll go check on her, damn it (Margo Saturn)!
calico
May 3rd, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]

Yes indeed, in FOOB we all simply loooove the scent of Cannelle number 5.

Nice mashup there, Dean – I hope Mary doesn’t bore out on us because the prize was so easy this time for the Bear at the River’s edge…at least thus far.

And finally for now, in DTGT above, it looks like a young Bruce Cockburn has joined the gang at Milford!
eliza
May 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

I knew we had seen Von before!!!

http://joshreads.com/?p=358

Perhaps his alterego The Cocktail spent all the family money…
Len
May 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 am [Reply]

I refuse to read the monthly Foob letters, but I gather that Michael’s new novel has a hero named Leonard? That’s the name on my birth certificate. Please belive me, all Curmudgeons — it ain’t ME in that sea-going pooper scooper!
Phoebe
May 3rd, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

My mother’s theory is that Anthony will be attending the wedding party with… Warren.
willethompson
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

Though experiment: what happens if you mash Rex Morgan’s exciting ‘lose the twit’ graphics with Mark Trail’s scintilating ‘bird strike’ story and make it into a political cartoon? I think the results would be something like this…
calico
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

#342 – Leonard Skinner, the Southern-oops, I mean, Canadian – Super Gym Teacher turned Seaman?

I wonder if Mike’s third borefest will take place on the Moon, in a Canadian colony.
benro
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

Liz wants a hole she can crawl into and DIE.

Don’t just stand there, fellow curmudgeons!! Grab a shovel and help me dig!!!
andreavis
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

Not to harp too much on Get Fuzzy, but what I found funny wasn’t the underlying joke, but the delivery.

The joke itself was fine: “I’m building something important!” “C’mon, you’re not building something huge…” “You’re challenging me? I don’t believe it!”

It’s the setup and delivery– crazy cat redecorating a closet, Satchel’s reference to the tallest building in the world, the penultimate silent panel, the JLo street talk. Throw in the the implied slam on the kitty’s manhood (erecting a tall tower, yeh see) and it’s comedy gold, baby!
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

5/1, NB: BC has a 1991 copyright on it, meaning that the syndicators have gone into “classic” mode. The fact that it’s funny is also a hint.

DT: Facet Kissinger seems to have forgotten the words, “Not without my lawyer.” Being a rich criminal, he doesn’t have to get jacked around by a lantern-jawed public servant, but he will anyway.

Luann: Brad’s life is just a bowl of collagen-lipped blonde cockteases.

MF: Disagreeing with Al Sharpton isn’t racist. Lampooning Sharpton–a plump target–isn’t racist. Writing a whole week of Sharpton cartoons and dropping the word “racist” into every made-up quote kind of is. I mean, if you think he’s a dunce, find stupid things he actually said and work with them.

DtM: Enough with the mute eunuch grandfather already! God, he’s sucking whatever menace might have been left.

A3G: Is Luann about to pass out from lack of oxygen? Or is she just as bored as the rest of us.

S-M: Kordok’s overcoat hangs suspended in mid-air as he steps out of it for his fight with the wallcrawler. He’s got to get that thing dry-cleaned.

TDIET: The urge to fill the bedpan up to the brim!

OBH: James’ skull-faced wrath is going to haunt me all day.

SFx: It’s Rowlf!

FW: “That was a joke. Sort of.” Are there any other kind in this strip?

H&J: Poor Jamaal. He never pushes at the right time, so he always winds up pullin’ at night.

(DT)GT: Clambake had a good thing going, up until integration. Curses upon you, Jackie Robinson! And curses on Rosa Parks, for good measure.

WofI: Yeah, fat votes count the same as skinny votes. And since this is the Middle Ages, that means NOT AT ALL!
Anonymous
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

Why is Anthony’s nose so big??? I mean, he is just so ridiculously unattractive. Are there seriously readers out there rooting for him? And he is such, such an uberdork! I know everyone HERE hates him, but mustn’t she be getting a lot of positive feedback about their ultimate reunion?

Why did she have to make him so, so unappealing, physically and otherwise? He talks like a 55 year old. A really boring 55 year old that I wouldn’t want to hang out with.
dimestore lipstick
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

Islamorada Girl,
You got something against orchid polyester taffeta? Because I happen to think it looked great on my bridesmaids. (Great for 1985, anyway.)

Oh, wait. That was acetate taffeta. Never mind.
Dennis Jimenez
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

I think it’s his inner blandness that Lynn wants us to see shining through. Just his basic decency that only Liz can see – his committment to little Francie, loyalty to Gordo, simple hard working values that only someone with real values like a Patterson can appreciate.

It all makes me want to puke. Puke – that’s a funny word.
Jim Thorp(e)
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

I guess Clambake still is holding a grudge against Mr. Rickey for not picking him too.

Now, if Clambake played in the Negro leagues from 1948 to 1950 and lets say he started when he was 17 that would make him 76 years old. He is well preserved. Except that he gains weight at the drop of the hat.

I guess the Bucket still serves transfats still.
TurtleBoy
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

FW: No longer satisfied with tipping his jokes off with sly looks on his crudely-drawn characters’ faces, Batiuk’s finally resorted to identifying his “jokes” by explicitly indicating them as such.

MT: Mark continues to get help from Harold Gould.

(THTI)Foob: Hahahahaha! Yesssss! Eat it, Liz!

TDIET: Today’s contributor’s name is funnily close to “Pissoff.” Fitting, considering the topic of the panel.
Jusafoob
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

Granthony can’t remember the girl he is asking to the wedding?

I say, bullshit Granthony.

He is play some kind of mind games with Liz.

He is hoping that he can pay some hooker to go with the wedding to go with him so he can play the really play the guilt card so that he can really grand St. Liz completely.

Then he we able to have Liz for ever and ever and he will have to get rid of the inflatable girl from the bedroom.
gh
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

#344 willethompson

Cool! Where can I get me one of them talking airplanes?
Dean Booth
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

A3G: Meanwhile…

Geez, now I’m late for work! Must… stop…
Harold
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

My take on some of Thursday’s strips:

Today’s Ballard Street Lovecraftian reference: The Dreams in the Witch-House. OK, I’m reaching there…

B.C.: I laughed. Yet another reminder of how much this strip deteriorated over the years. The ones from 1991 are kind-of funny! (Though the “owl imitations” one was just stupid.)

Crankshaft: This ain’t Funky Winkerbean, it’s a kinder, gentler world. There will be a bidding war for the comic book collection which will drive the price through the roof. In the end it will sell for enough money that what’s-her-name will be able to continue to stay at the Alzheimer’s care unit for another year, rather than being tossed out on the mean streets of Somewhere, Ohio.

FOOB: Way to come through for us, Pornstachio!

Get Fuzzy: “I’m sorry…I need to Google your threat.” This strip reminds me of Dennis Miller when he was all funny and clever, before he lost his mind and became a proto-Tinsley.

Judge Parker: Are they doing some sort of Trans-Atlantic heir exchange with Rex Morgan?

Rex Morgan: Oh, now Rex is lying to Hugh Jass. Hope you have a good lawyer, Rex.

Slylock Fox: Today’s episode: “My Husband is a Furry”.

Zippy the Pinhead: I’m glad someone pointed out that this strip is Dadaesque, ’cause otherwise I would continue to think that it was pseudo-intellectual, pointless crap.
Sheilagh
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

It’s the black-and-white dichotomy that gets to me. Lynn seems to be saying that a woman’s choices boil down to interesting, fun, sexy guys who treat you like dirt, vs. boring, unattractive, hardworking guys who don’t. If those were the only choices, the entire race of women would flee to an island somewhere and turn gay. For god’s sake!

It’s not THAT hard to find an attractive man with GOOD facial hair who ISN’T a loser with a caged child in the basement. Anyone who “settles” at 25 is an idiot.
TurtleBoy
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

#356 Dean Booth: Ha! Huzzah! Kudos! The only thing that could make it better would be a mouse crawling from one of the eye sockets in the silent penultimate panel.
TurtleBoy
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

D’oh…that’s the silent ULTIMATE panel in this case…sorry…
MotoMike
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

(FBOFW) Okay – anybody see “Borat”? Anthony’s “friend” is Luenell. Love to be a fly on the wall when he shows up with an aging black plump hooker-looking woman. But, hey, let’s face it, his chances of “getting lucky” that evening are a heck of a lot better than with Liz.
(Pluggers): Anyone see Thursday’s Pluggers – wherein they get lost regularly because their maps are 20 years old? I hate it when it applies to me! “I … am … not … a … Plugger!!!”
Finally, in Luann, wouldn’t it be the best if Brad turned out to be totally unattracted to (underage, vapid, stupid, and very over-made-up) Tiffany (aka East Saint Louis Motel 6) – and, she, not comprehending that not everyguy is going to fall for her, falls hopelessly in love with him (for not good reason whatsoever, but, hey, it’s the comix here, folks) and the next six months we see her fruitless efforts to seem attract him, while he, of course, is blind to all except Toni Baloney the Tease of the Town. They’ll Do It Every Time!!!
Sheilagh
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:48 am [Reply]

And still no one has ventured a guess as to “Oh, no you di-n’t” WHAT, in yesterday’s GF…
Hogen Mogen
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:49 am [Reply]

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/buildcp.mpl?v=3.0&page=1&quality=high&cpp=8&c=112&c=71&c=20&c=116&c=118&c=144&c=123&c=130&c=140

Funky: Batuik, if you have to explain that it was a joke, I suggest a total rewrite.

Spiderman: For all Spiderman’s poor plot pace and plot holes and general plot lameness, this is a rare occurrence of bad artwork. What the hell is going on in panel 3? I get that Kordok is simultaneously removing his coat and taking a swing at Spidey, who is deftly stepping away without missing a beat of the conversation. What is Kordok hitting? Why does that electric comet’s tail start way up in the rafters and end in Kordok’s fist. Is Kordok really the name his mother game him, or will one of his childhood neighbors say “Kordok? Is that what Ricky Johnson is calling himself these days?”

Foob: I always imagine a bad sitcom laugh track at the end of one of Johnston’s ghastly lame puns or, in this case, “punchline” means “line of despair and/or desparation with possible reference to suicide”. I guess that doesn’t make the punchline any funnier, but I get a kick out of the fact that some naiive, vapid and sappy Foob fans might think that it was.

Mary Worth: If Mary’s advice isn’t “Instigate a family coup, take back your fortune and leave Von out in the cold to rot with the likes of Hugh Avery and Rachel Cabot’s son.” then I’m not interested.

Sad irony: The irony in Mallard is that he does not understand that people like Sharpton on the left are analogous to people like Tinsley on the right. The sad part is that Tinsley is blind to this or other pertinent facts.

TDIET: This is a repeat. I know that some time recently there was almost the identical set up. Anyone bothering to research is either smarter than me, or simply has too much time on their hands.

Phantom: Interrobang?!
calico
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

#356 – No shit, Dean.
What are friends for after all?
benro
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

FOOB – It also seems like the wedding is going to be Blandthony’s and new-girl-in-accounting’s first date. How would you feel if your first date with someone is a wedding with all of their high school friends? I hope she’s got enough foresight to bring car fare with her, so she can escape.
gh
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

#362 Sheilagh

â€œOh, no you di-nâ€™tâ€ [just say that!].
Hogen Mogen
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

Foob: I was wondering if the waitress was Granthony’s date. I’d yukk it up if that were the case, because she looks sort of portly and a bit broad in the nose. But when I re-read the strip, the Disposadate is an accountant, not a waitress. So now I’m confused with the management responsibilities for Gordo’s Used Car Eporium and Buns-o-Rama. Disposadate is the accountant, so what does Granthony do? If Granthony is the manager, what does Gordon do? Johnston should provide a management chart, at least on her web site.

I WANT TO CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE!!! Ha ha ha… oh well, that line worked for Liz.
Old Bean
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Benro, yes! After today’s FOOB, I knew I wouldn’t be the only one thinking along these lines.

(Apologies to Tatulli.)
Meanwhile
May 3rd, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Nuptials.
Nuptials nuptials nuptials.

(Sorry, I can’t help it. Just like you can’t help not using spell-check.)
Hogen Mogen
May 3rd, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

#127 – gh – “The title of Michaelâ€™s new book about a cargo-hauling sailing ship? Obviously, itâ€™s Guano With the Wind.”

THAT is COTW for me, gh.
Mad Dog Rackham
May 3rd, 2007 at 9:00 am [Reply]

JP: Just the thing to tell someone paranoid with jealousy:

“You tell Angela we’re indebted to her Cedric.”

Implying “Just tell Neddy if there is anything she can do to thank you Cedric.”
Sheilagh
May 3rd, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

gh, no, you’re missing the point of my question! I’m not questioning the syntax, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE IS COMMENTING ON!!!! THAT REMARK MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE IN CONTEXT!!! WHY DOES HE SAY IT??? WHY WHY WHY WHY???????????

oh christ, never mind
Hogen Mogen
May 3rd, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

GF: Actually, Satchel, Taipei 101 is the tallest building in the world, by most measures. The Tall Building Commission has 4 categories, and Taipei 101 is highest in three, I think.

GT: Clambake is looking a little agitated about the demise of the negro leagues. That’s surprising, because I would have thought that integration would have been a grand dream for those players. But, when the hell did GT ever make sense? They’ve got a Star Trek ensign talking to a former negro league player who is white as the driven snow.
gh
May 3rd, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

#372 Sheilagh

Did you know your eyes flash with an irresistable fire when you’re angry [he says, cowering behind the sofa]?
Poteet
May 3rd, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

# 349 — Anonymous, you are of course right about Angsthony’s boring nature. Just for the record, I tend to hang around with people of a certain age, being one myself, and he’s much too boring for us also. I’ve met filing cabinets who are more appealing.

# 374 — HAR! I’m gonna remember that one, gh.
commodorejohn
May 3rd, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

#358 – Speak of the devil…
d
May 5th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

Please note that Anthony is setting himself up for a big ol’ harassment suit.
John
May 6th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

would anybody have been surprised if Liz had responded with “Oh Anthony, you are such a kidder! Pick me up at six, ok?”

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