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Metapost: Delicious seal COTW

Your comment of the week in a moment, but first! A very special old-timey Mark Trail, discovered at an estate sale by faithful reader Charterstoned!

Mark Trail, 10/8/1953

It’s topical because it features Johnny Mallotte, who Mark is about revisit in the great Bible Goose Band adventure. Apparently Johnny and Mark were adrift on an ice floe and have been driven mad with hunger, and are now going to feast on this seal (or, as they seem to have called them in the ’50s, this “animal”). Too bad, Mark! It’s still alive! The look on his face in panel three is priceless — he’s about ready to jump right into the icy water, polar-bear-style, to get that seal with his bare hands. Andy looks similarly alarmed, possibly because he knows where the men will turn for food if they can’t catch anything else.

And now … your comment of the week!

“Let’s not allow the nudity to distract us from the real shocking plot twist here: Lu Ann was thinking!” –Doctor Handsome

And your runners up! Very funny!

Funky Winkerbean can make even option contracts seem boring. Oh, wait. Meanwhile, Judge Parker can make even employment contracts involve cleavage.” –Carly

“If you’re wondering why Lu Ann is so heart-broken that no one has need for her lemonade anymore, I’d like to point out that A3G has never discussed how these three ladies have divided the rent. Perhaps, years ago, Tommie and Margo took pity on poor ol’ Lu Ann and let her have her space in the apartment in exchange for ‘lemonade services,’ which are slowly no longer required. (Please don’t google ‘apartment 3G lemonade services.’ It doesn’t lead to good things.)” –Guy Yedwab

“My first thought also was that the glass Lu Ann is holding was empty, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps its contents are just totally transparent, more so than even weak lemonade would be. In other words, I think Lu Ann has just invented waterade.” –Shrug

No thanks, Lu Ann. I have a meeting with Nina — we’re creating a Mills Scholarship Fund and if I drink that lemonade, something bad might happen that will thwart my plans. I might have to go to the bathroom at a crucial moment in the negotiations. I might get a piece of lemon pulp stuck between my front teeth and that could blow the whole deal. Sorry, Lu Ann. Having a glass of lemonade right now is too risky.” –charterstoned

“Oh for cryin’ out loud, if this is leading up to LuAnn deciding to get married and have a baby just because nobody wants her stupid lemonade, that will be totally — well, actually a pretty believable development based on LuAnn’s character.” –Violet

“I grew up in NYC and can say with absolute certainty that NO ONE in NYC would have curtains like that. They’ve been illegal since the 70s.” –SF_Reader

“Even a completely nude Lu Ann, floating dreamily in a bath, is so boring that the most easily offended comics reader will forget why they started writing their latest angry letter to the editor.” –Ed Dravecky

Meanwhile, in Apartment 2-G water is pouring through the bathroom ceiling.” –Walker of Dog

Also, too long to reproduce here but worthy of your attention are Kristian’s “Have You now a Strategy to Woo the Dashing Derek?” and Cloudbuster’s vision of Mark’s interview with the mysterious bird bander.

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

100 responses to “Metapost: Delicious seal COTW”

  1. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 12th, 2011 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Many congratulations to the floatees. I’d actually eyed Guy Yedwab’s as a potential COTW earlier in the week.

  2. bats :[
    August 12th, 2011 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    OMGOMGOMG! That’s Mark Trail? Cripes, I’d rather have our 21st C. idiot savant (of what I’m not sure) than the 1950s homicidal maniac. Scary!!!!!

  3. Peanut Gallery
    August 12th, 2011 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#Y229):

    Donald had three [nephews]

    And sometimes (rarely), four!

  4. mollificent
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Yay COTW! I haven’t been around, and have barely even read the comics this week, but a few observations:

    Man, as I was reading today’s comics I kept hearing John Lovitz’s “Tales of Ribaldry” character intoning, “Oh, how scandalous!”. And, of course, eventually: “Wait…that’s not very ribald at all!”

    @charterstoned (#y28): AUGH ROFL AUGH

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#y51): It’s even worse than that…I think that’s Chutney’s purse her boyfriend’s holding. What a little shit (Curtis, that is).

    (Oops, Dale beat me to it. My guess is that Curtis doesn’t realize it’s Chutney’s bag and will be filled with remorse when SHE gets in trouble instead of her guy.)

    @Old School Allie Cat (#y206): Please never let me read the phrase “Insert Gunther as a dog” again.

    P.S. I know, I know, I’m always the killjoy, but…I can’t help but feel the current DT storyline is really unfortunately timed after the Oslo bombing. Not their fault, obviously, but I’m finding it a little hard to read with my usual snarky outlook. Although I guess I shouldn’t complain that a comic actually manages to be timely, even if inadvertently…

  5. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    And on this note, I must tell folks that I’ll be out again for a while starting on Monday, and preparing for that might keep me away on the weekend as well. I’m loading my daughter and some junk in the heap and hitting the road for the U.P., which will be about 725 miles away on the way over, and something like 850 on the way back. On account of I’m taking two different routes, just because. Dad’s recovering nicely from his stroke, but since Sarah’s only seen her grandfather on two trips — the most recent almost four years ago, when she was five — it has been judged important to give her a chance to see him, and to give me a chance as well. So that we’re not staying there for less time than it takes to drive over and back, we’ll hang around Escanaba and environs for at least five days.

    So if things seem just a little less Muffaroo-ey for a while, that’s why. Honest, I’m not sulking just because I didn’t get a COTW. Again.

  6. commodorejohn
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#5): Take care of yourself, and have a good trip!

    I myself may not get a chance to snark on tomorrow’s funnies in anything like a timely fashion, as my younger brother is getting married, and who knows how much of the day that’ll take up…

  7. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#6):

    PRIORITIES, man!

    But best wishes to your brother, anyway.

  8. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#5): if you do so, go golfing at Gladstone. my dad is on the board, and has been doing a lot of stuff to improve the course over the past few years. :-)

  9. Lorne
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to the Good Doctor.

  10. commodorejohn
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#7): I know, right? But I think he’d have a few choice words if I pulled out my laptop at the reception…

  11. bats :[
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Onward, Yoopers!

  12. Mardou Fox
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Old Man Muffaroo: Enjoy your trip over the Mighty Mac!

  13. Government Cheese
    August 12th, 2011 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Huzzah for the COTW!
    Congrats floatees! I thought my “New Yorkers are always on anti-depressants” response to MW was too ruffling anyway.

  14. Lenoxus
    August 12th, 2011 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Huh, 77.8% A3G this week…

  15. Droopy Says
    August 12th, 2011 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#14): Well, that’s understandable. No golf, no kids, no Les. That makes A3G stand out from most other comics.

  16. Liam
    August 12th, 2011 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    I am shocked by that depiction of Mark Trail in that comic. He is just taking such in the thought of killing that seal.

  17. Liam
    August 12th, 2011 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    (Please don’t google ‘apartment 3G lemonade services.’ It doesn’t lead to good things.)” –Guy Yedwab

    He’s right. I did a search on Google and the first few links lead to this site.

  18. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 12th, 2011 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#17): Well, don’t keep us hanging. WHAT site? (I did the search and came up with nothin’.)

  19. Maggie the Cat
    August 12th, 2011 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Doctor Handsome hits a home run again!

    Wonderful smart assery all around, floaters. Enjoy this moment in the sun!

  20. Poteet
    August 13th, 2011 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    A short but very funny list. Congratulations to all, especially Doctor Handsome!

  21. Poteet
    August 13th, 2011 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    I am gobsmacked by that old-timey MT. Apparently Mark can feel real passion after all.

  22. bats :[
    August 13th, 2011 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Billy discovers new things…new feelings…beyond the chain-link fence.

  23. Maggie the Cat
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Awwww yeaaaaahhh… there’s going to be some Nordic body slappin’ in Apt 3-G today. I’d have never guessed simple ol’ LuAnn as the answer-the-door-barely-clothed-and-get-it-on type.


  24. Maggie the Cat
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    MW- Perhaps Gina’s father had one of those “secret” side-families and Bobby was really her half-brother. They look exactly alike and get along so well, surely they share dna. Luckily for Bobby, the pvc-elbow-joint-ponytail gene is only passed on through the mother.

  25. bats :[
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:06 am [Reply]

  26. ElkMeadow
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#3):

    Phooey Duck–what a great name!

    Congrats, float riders!


  27. ElkMeadow
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#5):

    Best wishes, and safe travels. Enjoy your time with your daughter and your dad.

  28. Aviatrix
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#2): Pinnipedicidal. I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be a real seal, and not a person in a seal costume.

  29. Comcis Fan
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    FW: Don’t dream big or show initiative or work hard or be excited about what you’re doing or anything, Jinx. This is the town of shattered illusions, where even the successful are disappointed. Then again, I named you Jinx, so go figure what expectations I ever had for you.

    Congratulations, COTW winner and runners up!

  30. Droopy Says
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: The Big Boss’s pan was to first humiliate Spiderman, then kill him. Ingenious little boy that he is, Spiderass thwarted the plan by dying first. It was an easy decision because it involved lying down.

    Phantom: Elimu thinks “Did any of my ancestors collect shrunken heads? No, that’s a custom from Papua New Guinea. Well, it’s time for a little multiculturalism!” And thus ends Africa’s worst experience since Roarke’s Drift.

    Lockhorns: I tried to look at it, but my computer gave me this error message: “Insufficient Valium to continue.”

    Crankshat:Ye cats and little fishes, don’t let Cranky live long enough for that second tree to grow big enough!

    EffYou Wankerbean: Oh, look, a moviemaker has arrived just in time to validate Les’s hatred of Hollywood. What mysterious force is at play here? What will happen when she pays hommage to Les? Fluke, give up this quest to find your father! Join me and together we can make the universe mope!

    Family Circus: Crescentville? Is that anywhere near Westview? It would explain the endless mopiness.

    Mock Trail: Oh, won’t Cherry be jealous! Damn this modern decision to allow women into the he-man world of outdoor writing!

    Dennis the Menace: The little schmuck hit the guy in the head with his Frisbee, yet the female parental unit lets him keep it? Alice, you’re an asshole.

    Rex Morgan, Mental Defective: Miss Gulch, Dorothy wants Toto back now.

  31. Just some guy
    August 13th, 2011 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    Future internet historians will be impressed that you kept this blog going ever since ’53.

  32. Crooked Soricidea
    August 13th, 2011 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man has decided that being a superhero is too difficult and now he’s looking for work at a Jiffy Lube.

  33. Tony
    August 13th, 2011 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    Now, I’m confused about Mark Trail. As long as I’ve been alive, Mark Trail has stood out from the other comics. The other comics all look like they’re drawn with pens and ink, etc., the normal way. Mark Trail looks like it’s scratched onto wax paper with a toothpick dipped in black shoe polish and somehow transferred to the newsprint. Has anyone else ever noticed that? It’s the only comic that looks like that.

    But this 1953 Mark Trail looks well-drawn and like a normal comic! What gives?

  34. Mr. O'Malley
    August 13th, 2011 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    A while back I mentioned the BBC series The Christopher Marlowe Mysteries and somebody, I forget who, asked me to mention if it came on again.

    It will be on again starting Monday. The website is here. It’s Elizabethan derring-do with a side of Blackadder-like humour. The shows are available for streaming for a week after broadcast.

    Someone also mentioned Take It From Here recently. They are running some of those old shows too. ‘Ullo, ‘ullo, ‘ullo!

  35. Uncle Lumpy
    August 13th, 2011 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    The animal is not dead!!!

    God damn it.

  36. Doctor Handsome
    August 13th, 2011 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    Damn, A3G was a goldmine this week. Extra Big Ups to Carly and SF_Reader for finding laffs in other strips.
    Getting CotW was a pleasant surprise. As always, thanks to Josh, my fellow curmudgeons, Margo Magee, and the good people at the Jim Beam bourbon distillery.

  37. Fourth Bear
    August 13th, 2011 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    @Tony (#33): For poorly drawn chicken scratches, I always turn directly to Mandrake the Magician. It makes Mark Trail look like a Bluray presentation.

  38. Swordsmith
    August 13th, 2011 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    Curtis: There are three ways the mall cops could have discovered the perfume bottle.

    1: Passing through the magnetic sensors at a store exit. We’re given no reason why “Garlic” would have left his station outside the changing room, much less the store itself, and it is very very highly unlikely that any presumably straight young man would have done so while in possession of a pink purse.

    2: Video or undercover surveillance spots him in the act. But this doesn’t work because 2a: it would have spotted Curtis in the act, not “Garlic” and 2b: Because they would have waited for “Garlic” to carry the bag out of the store, since prior to that he can just claim he was putting it there for ease of carrying, and would of course have pulled it out to pay for it.

    3: Curtis snitched. See 2b above, but also this would have made Curtis a suspect… and made Chutney a suspect, since it was, after all, her purse.

    Finally, congrats on everyone who “called it” on “Garlic” being Chutney’s cousin, (which, by the way, includes Curtis himself) however, this also fails the sniff test: If Chutney has a major crush on Curtis, why would the presence of a cousin suddenly sever her obsessive romantic interest in him? Sure, it might stop her actively stalking him for a while, but cause her to ignore him when he’s actively paying attention to her? I admit I was never a young girl, but somebody help me out here, could this really work like that?

  39. wanders
    August 13th, 2011 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    I was shocked to see Mark Trail hunting seals. No matter how hungry he might be. Thank you for altering my world view.

  40. Liam
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:13 am [Reply]

  41. Liam
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    A3G-With such steamy dialog in today’s comic the writer should get work writing pornos.

  42. Liam
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft-At first I thought the old guy was laying out some rope and a bodybag in the anticipation that he is going to hang himself but on second look he is just going to hang a hammock.

    MT-I am going to love these next few weeks as Mark is tortured with a woman tagging along with him.

  43. darwiniac
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    Shoe: So, which one gets to murder, and which one worships graven images?

    Sherman’s Lagoon: As an enthusiast of both biology and language, I’m pleased as punch that Toomey avoids the hideous abortion that is the word “octopi.”

    Heart of the City: Ah, childhood obesity, will you ever stop being hilarious?

  44. Hibbleton
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    MT: And yet, an obviously homicidal Trail is still more human-like than today’s version.

    A3G: Can you pan down a bit so we can get a glimpse of that ‘cold drink’?
    Paul kisses with all the passion of a gay man sizing up his beard.

    JP: …Take this message and excuse me while I go run this paper tape through the computer.

  45. Irma
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    MT – it took me some time to realize that “Bill Ellis, please!” means that Mark is asking to redirect the phone call. I thought it was a desperate plea to not let Kelly be, as the editor put it, “involved in the outdoors”, which sounds like a terribly unconvincing euphemism…

  46. Irma
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    @Irma (#45): Ah. It’s the way he clutches at the phone cord that gave me the idea.

  47. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, nice one, God-guy. Give some relief to the nun who’s experiencing a bit of pain from having her hand held too tight, but leave the freakin’ woman actually giving birth to her own devices. Way to play favourites, ass-hat.

    Between Friends: Ah, poor over-worked mom, having to keep track of things like using yoghurt coupons before they go out of date, and picking up milk. Damned good thing the rest of us don’t have such a hectic life-style.

    Crankshaft: How many times has he planted this tree? And yet he still hasn’t removed the burlap bag from it? Doesn’t matter where it finally ends up, there’s no way this piece of vegetation is going to live.

  48. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 13th, 2011 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#40): Oh! Now I get it. This site. Yup. Nothing goes over my head — that’s because they generally go straight through it.

  49. Liam
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    MW-”My father crashed a plane full of people into a building. We had to leave town after that.”

  50. tb4000
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Luann: I’d say this was a shockingly decent development for this character, but we all know it’s some weird dream sequence.

  51. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all!

    Also, I have no idea what the hell that thing is in today’s Archie.

  52. ArchieNemesis
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G has gone all “Love Is” on us today.

  53. Ed Dravecky
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Oh float, how I have missed riding you. Congrats to Doctor Handsome and all the funny folk that made the cut this week!

  54. Scott Bot
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#51): That’s the refrigerator turned backwards.

    And congrats to all!

  55. Marked Trail
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    If you think Mark’s bloodlust was up, you should see him with a club going after baby seals.

    Festival! Festival! Festival!

  56. terrapin
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Every week when the COTW come out I am reminded what a bunch of smart, funny people read this blog.

    Congrats to the floaters!

  57. charterstoned
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G – Okay, Paul and Lu Ann must be using a straw for that “sip” because their lips are about as tight as an Aldebaran Clam Mouth. They should start reading “Judge Parker” to get a few tips from Sophie on how to run the bases.

    MW – Why do Mary and Gina keep putting their palms up when they speak? Is it a “Roberts Rules of Order” thing, or are they hoping a bird will land on their fingers?

    MT – Cherry is the victim of “coitus-plans interruptus” while Kelly apparently suffers from “conversation interruptus” and Rusty is still waiting back on the dock, experiencing a slightly confusing pre-pubescent episode of “fishing trip interruptus”….Frustration, thy name is Mark Trail!

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 13th, 2011 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Lio: tentacle rape, yur doin’ it rong. ;-) IKA!

    AD: worse pun than R&R, and not nearly as funny.

    GT: mmm, merlot.

    SB: Venus Flytraps do not work that way!!!!

    Zits: frame it!!!!

  59. Chyron HR
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    9CL – Oh boy! It’s Thorax! The man who thinks he’s a space alien who… thinks he’s an angel now, I guess! Everybody loves Thorax (except beefwits)!

    Funkerboo – “She said I could start with the first interview.” “This isn’t Hollywood, Jinx.” “Uh… no? It’s not Bollywood or that one stadium where they film all the fights in Super Sentai and Kamen Rider, either, but that doesn’t negate what I said about doing an interview, you fat fuck. I mean, dad.”

    Luann – “Selfless? Gunther’s still going to worship the ground I walk on and shower me with free dresses, right?”

    Phan – “Next: Actual Adventure!”

  60. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Baby Blues: Ha ha! Boys and destruction! Amiright?

    WoI: Ha ha! Wives and cooking! Amiright?

    Six Chix: Ha ha! Girls and eating! Amiright?

    And how about that airline food? Amiright? Amiright? Amiright?


  61. anonymous
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    The Dinette Set: She’s “always wanted to sit in on one of the staff meetings” at the U-Store It? What mysteries will be revealed? What shocking revelations will be…well, revealed? What dynamics of boss/employees will be shown? I, too, would love to sit in, quietly, at a U-Store-It staff meeting. The inner workings of such an organization rival only that of the Masons.

  62. gleeb
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Gil: So, Drunk Mom is so thorough at drinking that her merlot, a red wine, leaves no trace or residue in the glass.

    Rex: She hasn’t opened her eyes once. She knows all the students by smell.

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . reading GWS.

  64. John C Fremont
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    DT – “Cousin Gloria, he ain’t fightin’ no more. I nudged him and I nudged him, but – he’s awfully still.”

    RMMD – Old Man Barnes, eh? Which one, Art or Artie?

  65. Sequitur
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: I guess Paul’s not so bad. Lu Ann could have ended up with this guy.

  66. TheDiva
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Why is Crankshaft’s girdle lying out in the garage?

    FW: I want to go buy a ticket for the stupidest, most explosive-ridden, potty-humored, unnecessarily 3-Ded movie imaginable, just to spite Batiuk.

    Luann: Scary indeed. Who is this “selfless and mature” person, and what did she do to Luann? My guess is alien doppleganger.

    MT: First LuAnn in A3G thinks (congrats Doctor Handsome, BTW!), now Kelly Welly can write? What’s next? Adrian nee-Corey filling out a prescription all by herself?

    MW: Mary’s dialogue balloon says “I’m glad you had a happy childhood, Gina,” but her dour face says “Come on, make with the misery already! Give me something to work with here!”

    Pluggers scald their babies.

    SM: Nah, he’s pinin’ for the couch.

  67. tb4000
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Spidey – “Is he….DEAD?”
    That’s not a question regarding his current state, it’s a question every citizen of NYC asks on a daily basis regarding his track record.

  68. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    JP: I thought that being a judge was a promotion, not a demotion. But here’s Judge Randy and his secretary, and there’s not a tata or a tightly wrapped buttocks in sight.

    FC: Your friend can’t answer you, Billy; he’s got a mouth full of chewing tobacco.

    A3G: Luann was so desperate to give away some lemonade earlier that I’m assuming she has a mouth full of it now; when Paul goes in for the open-mouthed kiss, he’ll get a mouth full of pulpy, lemony goodness!

    MW: At first, I misread panel 2 as Mary saying, “Would you get to the point?” That’s probably just my desperately wishful thinking at work.

    MT: So what chick-magnet nature stories does Bill Ellis have in mind?
    -What’s the best mascara to wear—in nature?
    -Coordinate your khaki separates!
    -New for fall: flattering mom jeans!
    -10 wacky ways to land a famous nature writer!
    -Tasty low-fat campfire brownies!
    -Sleeping-bag sex: 20 tricks not found in nature!

  69. Chance
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Nice job making comments of the week, nephews. But don’t get too cocky about it. What d’ya want, a pop-tart?!

  70. commodorejohn
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    A3G – Oh my God, it’s like watching four-year-olds try to do a Mae West routine.

    Curtis – YAWN.

    DT – …did we accidentally stumble into Internet fetish fiction or something?

    FW – “Give it up, child of mine! All effort is futile and horrible failure is inevitable!” That’s how to be a good father to your kid!

    GT – At least she’s getting drunk on nice booze.

    Luann – “Oh, sweet!” thinks Nancy. “If she’s not moping over Gunther, it’s another chance to whore her out to Midget Elvis! Score! Now where’s Brad? I need to emasculate him some more.”

    MT – So Kelly Welly is the Cathy Guisewite of outdoor journalism?

    MW – I don’t think that’s a sidewalk. I think Santa Royale actually exists on a giant Life game board.

    Phantom – NEXT: BARETTO!

    RMMD – Wow. Niki looks more girlish than ever.

    SM – Dead? No, he’s just not moving. Admittedly, it can be hard to tell unless you’re used to him.

  71. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#5): Safe travels!

    So last night, I had a dream that I was waiting for a bus, at a bus stop, and as the bus approached, I realized it was being driven by Les Moore. He was reading fan mail, not paying attention to his driving, and he blew right by the bus stop. I ran after it, yelling for him to stop, thinking, god, all those ‘mudgeons are right about him; he is a self-absorbed asshole! (Even weirder than having a dream about a comic strip is that this is a comic strip I don’t even read; everything I know about FW comes from this blog.)

    Oh, and congrats to the dreamy, cold-bath float-folk!

  72. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#70): re Kelly Welly: at least she’s not the Donna Lewis of outdoor journalism.

  73. Buck Ripsnort
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Tony (#33): I always thought the current Mark Trail looked like clip art, but what do I know?

    A3G: Did anybody else add the sound effect Shlllooorrrrp! mentally to that last panel?

    Zits: “Get some sun”? From the woman who dumped mayonaisse on him when he was trying to tan?

  74. Anonymous
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#70): [RMMD] Maybe Niki is a reverse trap who didn’t bother to realize that she should change the spelling of her name.

  75. This Guy
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#74): Damn, that was me.

  76. Maggie the Cat
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Chance (#69): Hahaha, well said.

  77. Darryl Heine
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Note to the APT. 3-G writers and artists: No more LEMONADE references, please!

  78. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: I’m going to give Stan Lee (or whomever) props for actually paying attention to momentum versus strength. It’s always bugged me to see these super-strong guys standing in front of something like a train and stopping it. Doesn’t matter how strong you are — tons will always win out over pounds.

    On the other hand, if the car is still going this fast while coasting, I’ve got to wonder how big of a grease spot on the road the driver left when he jumped out.

    (As for momentum versus strength, I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt to Superman, since he’s got that whole flying thing which, since nobody knows how exactly that works, may give him the edge in such an encounter.)

  79. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 13th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, in Camp Swampy.

    Pinot Noir, paired with calimari.



    otter disses your choice of footware. (“o giiiiiiiirl!”)

    cold shower in 3, 2, 1 . . .

  80. debussy fields
    August 13th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    FC– So, Billy, you don’t know how to spit. If it’s any consolation, thanks to you and your clan the rest of us are well-praticed in the art of vomiting.

  81. Sparkle Plenty
    August 13th, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    MT: I just KNEW Kelly would be sitting in the editor’s office once again.

  82. Kristian
    August 13th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Mmm, delicious seal.

    Congratulations all!

    @ElkMeadow (#26): Phooey Duck is a good name. The Spoonerism version is about to happen off-panel in A3G.

    @Marked Trail (#55): “Yessir! I’m gonna club a seal to make a better deal!” (Crazy Eddie’s car commercial, UHF)

  83. Will
    August 13th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#47): Re: 9CL: See Genesis 3:16.

    CS: I wonder how many good new cartoonists are out there trying to get hired by a syndicate while Batiuk drivels on with complete impunity.

  84. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 13th, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#83):

    given that Donna Lewis was the best they could find?

    they’ve all given up and gone to webcomics, obviously. ;-)

  85. Chyron HR
    August 13th, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Reply All – Take THAT, flavored water! And take THAT, um, Michael Jackson? I guess?

  86. Kristian
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#85): Shh! She’s a lawyer! She works at Homeland Security! She knows where you live!

    Seriously, the “about” text reads like the Onion’s “Write on the Funny.”

  87. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#84): I refuse to believe that Donna A. Lewis was the best available cartoonist (and worse, that someone considers her a better cartoonist than Cory Thomas, whom she bumped in the WashPost).

    Given her job at Homeland Security, perhaps she has some dirt on an influential WashPost editor? The threat of waterboarding might be enough to convince someone to publish that piece o’ crap strip, but I imagine that the person gave the choice some careful consideration first.

  88. Soccerhead
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    FC: Crescentville?
    And that kid has a Muslim symbol on his shirt.
    And Billy is allowed to associate with him?

  89. terrapin
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: I’m really hoping that Johnny Mallotte smells of fish guts or something, takes a liking to Kelly Welly and pursues her Pepe le Pew style with the French accent and everything.

  90. Scott Bot
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#87): To paraphrase an old Jack Benny joke: ‘Reply All or your life!’ ‘I’m thinking it over!’

  91. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    PBS has a Potty Mouth.

    for those of you who haven’t already seen this at The Daily Cartoonist. The list of commentators is quite amusing. :-D

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 13th, 2011 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    new thread alert!

  93. Frank Lee Meidere
    August 13th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#92):
    You mean: “Thread Level Red!”

  94. Black Drazon
    August 13th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    You know, I’d like a glimpse at the tenants in Apartment 2-G. I have to wonder what sort of people you have to be if you’re considered less viable as main characters than Tommie.

  95. Shrug
    August 13th, 2011 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Hot Petunias! My first float ride!!

    I’m so nervous — somebody help me out here; do I throw the candy before or after I flash my breasts?

  96. Shrug
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#73):

    “I always thought the current Mark Trail looked like clip art, but what do I know?”

    I’ve heard from someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows him that when Jack Elrod was an assistant to the canoncial MARK TRAIL artist that his speciality was drawing inanimate subjects — so, boats he can do, fishing rods he can do, golden Bible bands for geese he can do (I guess), but people, not so much — so yes, a lot of clip art or slightly retraced clip art figures, especially for people, figures into the current mix.

    The obvious solution is for MARK TRAIL to turn into an all-inanimate-object-oriented comic strip. Sort of like the comics convention when all of the fans realized that Cerebus the Aardvark could draw “Trees” and went nuts for them.

    This week on MARK TRAIL: Mark phones his editor, but the actual strip merely depicts six days’ views of telephones and telephone poles.

  97. Dennis
    August 13th, 2011 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#38): I’m picturing the scenarios in that whole comment being narrated and played out by Willem Dafoe like in Boondock Saints.

  98. Brady
    August 14th, 2011 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    I love the name for the current Mark Trail saga: “The great Bible Goose Band adventure.” I think the Great Bible Goose Band actually played a concert at my church camp one year…

  99. Todd
    August 15th, 2011 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    For bare hands, they look awfully mittened.

  100. Waz
    August 17th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap! Your link back to 2005 Luann suggests that T.J. has a girlfriend named Rosa. Is this the same Rosa that has Gunther all cockblocked? And anyway I thought T.J. was gay. Is he a switchhitter?

Comments are closed for this post.