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Some of those shoes still have feet in them, probably

Blondie, 8/20/11

Signs you’ve been in the comics-mocking business too long: you find yourself growing outraged that Dagwood isn’t heading to his usual aggressively wacky drive-through fast-food joint, Clown Burger, whose “Say … then pay!” motto strips down the industrially farmed beef acquisition process to its barest essence. Sports Burger, while even more drably named, seems intent on riding its gimmick hard, forcing its poor employees to engage in faux-football banter that they’re surely not being paid enough to spout with any real enthusiasm. Over at Clown Burger, the only clowniness comes in the form of the no doubt grubby ceramic clown head that you shout your order into. Still, I guess I can’t fault Dagwood for craving a little variety; since he seems to eat about nine meals a day, he needs to spread his food-purchasing love around a bit.

Marmaduke, 8/20/11

I really enjoy the insouciant way that Marmaduke’s owners’ daughter is lording over this empire of crime, sprawled casually as she is in an overstuffed easy chair that Marmaduke no doubt dragged from some poor soul’s living room in the midst of an orgy of screams and broken glass and carnage. He’ll allow her to believe that she’s part of his kleptomaniacal posse, right up to the part where he eats her.

179 responses to “Some of those shoes still have feet in them, probably”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    The easy chair was going to eat her, but it’s already stuffed!

  2. Hank
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean. Les has the “shock sweats” when Cayla suggests Labor Day. It is hard to tell if he was shocked that she might want to get married that quickly or that she finally spoke about something other than him and his needs.

  3. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

  4. Apeman
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    “Pigskin Porkapalooza Platter?” Pulled pork, pork cracklins, pork sausage and a sauteed football? I know I don’t wanna see the baseball season special, “Horsehide Helper Hash.”

  5. UncleJeff
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Apeman (#4): You forgot “BACON BACON BACON!!!!”

  6. A Woman of a Certain Age
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#2): Les was shocked because he thought “Labor Day” meant Cayla was pregnant.

  7. Cormac828
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    It should be common knowledge by now that sport and fast food don’t mix. But I don’t expect Dagwood or Blondie’s creators to understand that. They’re part of the System.

  8. Anonymous
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    What do you make of the fact that the shoes and gloves that Marmaduke has “fetched” are all paired?

  9. Evan
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    I like to imagine that the “Sports Burger” employee is wearing a helmet not to support the visual motif of the franchise, but as a desperate attempt to protect himself from glaring worker safety violations.

  10. TheTJ
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes I hate small sight gags. The side of the drivethrough shows two hamburgers tossing some fries, and of course I can’t help but try to construct a full sport around this one image. The gridiron would be replaced by a serving tray, soda’s would serve as refs, giant straws would be the goal posts, and the coaches will be cheeseburgers but wearing clothes a ‘la Mayor McCheese and Big Mac. All this because Dagwood wanted some food.

  11. The Ridger
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Hey, as Wanders pointed out at “Mary Worth and Me”, Mary knows Wilbur, and Wilbur knows about Facebook! Gina’s problem will be solved!

  12. Readem and laf
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    MW Panel 2

    Mary Worth rolls eyes as she impatiently waits for Gina to finish.

    Let her meddle before she drums her fingers!

  13. Professional Mole
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    That, or the girl came with the chair.

    …what, how am I supposed to know who’s who in Marmaduke? I’d have to care about it in the first place!

  14. Écureuil Écumant
    August 20th, 2011 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary looks pissed. Gina’s gonna learn toot sweet that you don’t meddle Mary’s wattle.

    MT: No, strange as it seems, Johnny hasn’t had any time all week to dig out Marie’s gold goose-band pendant – or even ask her which friend gifted it. He’s been too busy practicing English As She Is Spoke.

    9CL: A beam that broad demands a scow, not a tippy canoe.

    FW: The vicious canard that African-Americans’ nailbeds are the identical shade as their skin was likewise the flashpoint for the recent Hoyas – Bayi Rockets tiff.

    RMSTD: You look a bit … surprised … there, Kelly. Never seen one quite this … small … before, I bet.

  15. John E.
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#14):

    And Tyler too…

  16. Baka Gaijin
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    To solve this dastardly crime, the Sheriff will be going all over Hootin’ Holller, inspecting asses.

    Gina just cut a beer and pickled pigs feet fart judging by Mary’s facial expression.

    Gunther, cut it out! You’re acting like a Plugger.

    Andy Bear, cut it out! You’re acting like a normal person.

  17. Apeman
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#5): D’oh!

  18. Écureuil Écumant
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @TheTJ (#10): Sports require rules, so we need a determination about what constitutes completion of a fry-pass, and what metric we should use. Is it ruled an incompletion based on the total number of fries disgorged enroute; the total weight of the fries that bailed out; or insufficient remaining volume of fries, being below the secret “fill line” printed on every container of fries? Young lives and athletic scholarships hang on the ruling.

  19. bbofun
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    9CL- Brooke pats himself on the back for his writing skill. no, really, is there any other way to read “I’m talking some of the best nonsense you’ll ever hear”?

    Oh, and he supports parents abandoning their children if the children don’t love them enough.

    A3G- I’ve heard about Catholic guilt and Jewish guilt, but this is the first straight-up example of Bland Methodism guilt I’ve seen. (That is their religion, right?)

    MW- So, they went into witness protection, and she’s never seen her boyfriend since. Luckily, mary’s on the case, she’ll find the boyfriend, and tell him where Gina is. Unfortunately, he’s now a bagman for the Blandini Syndicate, and…

    Oh, wait, it’s Mary Worth- everything will turn out fine. Crap.

    DT- “Hey! Who’s in my @%* parking space! Oh, it’s Joe Staton and Mike Curtis. carry on.”

    FW- Cayla has a family? But- that will give her a backstory, and a personality, AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT!

    Cranky- Batiuk actually believes what he does is superior to SOAP OPERAS? Have he and McEldowney ever been in the same room together? Probably not- the sheer density of their egos would have caused a black hole of smug.

  20. Écureuil Écumant
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#19): “A3G- I’ve heard about Catholic guilt and Jewish guilt, but this is the first straight-up example of Bland Methodism guilt I’ve seen. (That is their religion, right?”

    Either that, or Tapioca Baptists that got dunked too long.

  21. terrapin
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#8):I would suspect that there are still feet in them.

  22. Arabella
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Still stuck in Folsom Prison, Cousin Andrew becomes the Boy Toy of the notorious crime boss, “Garlic Head.” G-head promises to have his nephew, Onion, disembowel Curtis with a rusty shiv.

  23. zenvelo
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – I love that Kelly goes to high school dressed like a stripper/dominatrix. All she needs is a riding crop, and Mr Hallman can assign her to be on the hall monitor discipline squad.

  24. Snowshoecat
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    FW– somebody pointed out a while ago that Cayla has become whiter and whiter lately. Now she merely looks a bit suntanned. And will we see more non-whites in the Funkyverse once we meet her family? Or will she have turned out to have been adopted?

    MW– That’s it? Gina had this big issue over tragic lost love because her family MOVED? At 14? Waaiiiiit a minute. Will her long lost love turn out to be a certain star-crossed doctor who just happens to be uninvolved?

  25. Stroker Ace
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – Alternative caption: “Over there! Isn’t that my mother’s cremation urn?”

  26. Scott Bot
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Lu Ann is a salesperson’s wet dream:

    ‘Ma’am, I can let you have this car for the low, low price of $39,500.’
    ‘I’m sorry, I just can’t afford that right now.’
    ‘Well, you know, you did promise to look at it, and I need the sale…’
    ‘Ok, I can’t take the guilt. You win!’

  27. terrapin
    August 20th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Knute has the right attitude here. Sleeping through as much of the goings-on in this strip is how he has remained it’s coolest character.

    RMMD: “This should only take a minute.”

    FW: Ugh! I’m really not looking forward to months of wedding preparations, Les fussing while picking out a tux, Raising his eye brows seductively at his reflection when he finds one that “does him justice”, complaining that the little man on top of the cake dosn’t look like him…I may just not read it for a year. Or two.

  28. forgot
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    if dagwood eats nine meals a day how many times does he shit? does this mean he spends most of his waking hours eating and shitting? no wonder dithers is always pissed at him! hes either at the diner or in the bathroom . the ancient romans would purge so they would have room for more food!

  29. Ed Dravecky
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    GT: Two weeks of Drunk Mom’s mild antics in just two minutes? Set it all to “Yakety Sax” and you’ve got YouTube gold there, my friends.

    H&J: I believe the announcer meant to say “Let’s all rise and sing that popular song commonly heard during this stoppage in play.” All this use of actual song titles and naming both a specific sport and a series of specific activities associated with it goes against everything the previous week’s strips worked so hard to obfuscate.

    P: All it takes to be a Plugger is to prefer an over the air signal to paying for cable to receive free local HDTV broadcast channels? Seriously?

    Z: Ha! As if Ziggy owned property. Good one, Tom Wilson.

  30. The Ridger
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#19): And, of course, none of that nonsense was written by him (not that he’ll ever actually credit Edward Lear because his audience ought to know … and if they don’t he can lap up the praise anyway.

  31. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#24): If you called it right, maybet Cayla was adopted by the Corleones. That could work. Just picture what happens when Les tries to negotiate an offer he can’t refuse.

  32. Baka Gaijin
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#27): We could be lucky. Having been exiled from Charterstone, Jill Black could have ended up in Ohio. “Your goatee is boring and uninspired!”

  33. Minarets
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    I wonder why Josh isn’t commenting on the least on FW’s puke-worthy wedding-to-be. I mean, hey, Cayla actually go to talk – and that too more than one bubble per strip!! But then, he’s probably doing what I should be doing, which is hiding under the bed and pretending that FW doesn’t exist at all.

    9CL: Am I the only one who’d open the strip, take one look to see if Thorax and/or Monty were there, and then automatically shut the window? I’m not interested, McEldowney. I DON’T CARE who Monty is, or what he is, and how crazy it all is. And considering this is the same man who devoted an entire three-panel strip one day to show Edie Ernst and that Austrian POW holding hands (back during her WWII soap), I don’t expect this foggy nonsense to go anywhere any time soon.

    JP: As if he can hear you, young man. As if he can hear you.

  34. The Ridger
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wouldn’t it be totally cool if Jill Black was Bobby Black’s sister? And he had the same screaming, drunken rage against marriage that she did? All because his bestest skateboarding girl vanished without a word back when he was so happy, so innocent, so carefree…?

    But it would be even better if we discovered that Gina’s dad never saw a mob hit at all. He just ran Bobby down and went home and lied to his family and uprooted them and fled across country. Mary’s meddling could destroy Gina forever.

  35. The Ridger
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Minarets (#33): Maybe you are, but you won’t be for long…

  36. Digger
    August 20th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    I wonder how many Sports Burger customers are confused into thinking that the Pigskin Porkapalooza Platter costs $2286.47. Frankly, that seems a little steep.

  37. Debidawg
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Minarets (#33): You are not alone – I’ve blown it off all week too….

  38. Jerseygull
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke: CERAMIC frying pan? Surely it would shatter on the stovetop, unless it’s strictly ornamental.

  39. Sparkle Plenty
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: Why didn’t Cherry go with Mark to Johnny’s place? There’s no danger involved. Mark has already taken off his jacket and unbuttoned the top button of his blue plaid shirt.

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Love Is. . . that first strip to the swingers club.

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    trip

    TRIP!

    *sigh*

  42. Scott Bot
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – You’re a Plugger if you use duct tape to keep those rabbit ears attached to the top of your HDTV.

  43. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Belated-by-one-thread congratulations to the COTWers. Ranger’s take on Mary Worth is a thing of beauty.

  44. terrapin
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#32):That would be awesome!

  45. Kadzar
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Cookie’s attempt to confront her father about his eating addiction is interrupted by a drive-thru speaker, probably not for the first time.

  46. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    The improvements to the chron comics page are apparently as follows:
    A) No distinction between color and b&w strips
    B) More room for annoying pop-up ads.
    So yay, I guess.

    Anyway, as to the comics themselves:

    DtM: When I first saw this I thought Dennis had a ring in his finger. Better that than the marriage proposal we actually did get.

    9CL: Borrowing the term “runcible spoon” doesn’t make you Edward Lear.

    GA: Oh joy, it’s Uncanny Valley cameo time again.

    Momma: It’s funny because Sonia’s doctor is just a glorified drug dealer.

    HOTC: Heart’s dream is to get fired from an unopened musical because of cost overruns and multiple injuries. No such thing as bad publicity in her mind.

    DT: Buddy, you’re not Rat from Pearls Before Swine. I’d strongly advise you against cussing out your creators.

  47. Anon
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    FW thoughts:

    1) Cayla speaks! And here I thought Les had prophylactically removed her vocal cords to insure she couldn’t say “No”.

    2) So we’re going to be treated to a few months of “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner—Cancer!?”

    3) Imagine Cayla introducing Les to her dad: “This is the guy who wrote that book about dying slowly, has petty revenge fantasies, makes fun of his fans, daydreams constantly about his dead wife, and oh yeah – he got caught on film with another woman” Yeah, a father would react well to his daughter marrying that kind of guy.

    We could be looking at Cayla’s attempt to get OUT of this relationship.

  48. Baka Gaijin
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#44): Damn right that’d be awesome. Jill has the cajones to tell Les to suck it, right to his face. She knows
    You don’t tug on Superman’s cape,
    You don’t spit into the wind,
    You don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
    And you don’t slap Mary Worth in the gym.

  49. Weaselboy
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Today’s entry looks like it was lifted from a Family Circus cartoon…or the first few minutes of a gay porn video.

  50. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @A Woman of a Certain Age (#yy342): Thanks! Of course there will only be one goose bander. Monotheism aside, there’s no way the Elrodball will draw more characters than necessary. But he will be persecuted, probably for smuggling Biblical messages into the atheistic US of A. The easiest way to find him would be to follow the generic villagers who blamed Myson John for stealing their chickens. They’ll migrate up to Canada for their new gig as goose-worshipping Canadian Pagans.

  51. sporknpork
    August 20th, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Alternate dialogue for “Marmaduke”: “Over there! It’s a rotting corpse!!”

  52. sporknpork
    August 20th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#25): Didn’t see yours. Clearly you have the better alternate dialogue.

  53. Écureuil Écumant
    August 20th, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#46): “9CL: Borrowing the term ‘runcible spoon’ doesn’t make you Edward Lear.”

    True, but it does anagram to “penis rub colon”, which somehow seems appropriate.

  54. Red Greenback
    August 20th, 2011 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Blondie creative team, for inspiring me to record my new phone answering message.*
    *I am also going to do my Chris Matthews impersonation when recording it.

  55. Droopy Says
    August 20th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: If I have a gun and you have fists, I am not going to put my gun away and fight on your terms. However, I will gladly shoot the fists out of your hands.

  56. Hank
    August 20th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Minarets (#33): Am I the only one who’d open the strip, take one look to see if Thorax and/or Monty were there, and then automatically shut the window?

    Nope. In fact, the phrase “Thorax! I ain’t readin’ that” is a fairly common expression on this site.

  57. bats :[
    August 20th, 2011 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#53): …or something Dingo might say. (Hi, Dingo! Thinking of you!)

  58. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 20th, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been meanng to get the hotdog train on the road again, honoring a few more of the week’s brilliant comments. And here it comes now.
    *********************************************************************************************************************
    A3G: Luann was so desperate to give away some lemonade earlier that I’m assuming she has a mouth full of it now; when Paul goes in for the open-mouthed kiss, he’ll get a mouth full of pulpy, lemony goodness!—bourbon babe, unbuckled

    Blondie: Any minute now Dag’s magnetic bracelets are going to attract Herb’s cock ring right up to his fist. Hijinks ensue.—Baka Gaijin

    Slylock: Look at the dreamy, downcast expression on that heron. He’s a junky, and was looking for small stuff to swipe to feed his addiction.—gleeb

    Personally, I can’t blame Marvin’s mother for not wanting to sex up Marvin’s father (do they have names? I’m not looking it up…), even discounting his needy lazy whiny attitude. Presumably, that’s how they made Marvin in the first place. Would YOU repeat that atrocity?—OTL

    GT – No, Molly, seven year olds ‘act out.’ Young adults act like assholes. There is a difference.—Scott Bot

    (Mark Trail) Bill’s insistence that a story about geese banded with bible verses is “a good story” helped me realize something: _Woods and Wildlife_ magazine is a vanity press, funded entirely by Bill Ellis, and it has exactly five subscribers: Bill, Mark, Kelly Welly, Doc, and Cherry.

    Of course, Doc only uses it to whap Andy on the nose when he poops on the floor. Again.

    We won’t talk about what Cherry uses it for.—Jeff Soesbe (yeff)

    MW – We were all so young and happy. Then one day, we all graduated from high school and had to find jobs.—cheech wizard

    I’d say something about brain freeze with all that ice cream, but it’s Lu Ann.—Rachel

    9CL: Good grief, McEldowney, would you please just die for my sins and be done with it already?—Esther Blodgett

    S-M: Officer, you just accused Spider-Man of performing an action. Please try again.—Walker of Dog

    GT – So Kenny’s mom gets drunk every night, and after she passes out he secretly takes photos of her? I preferred this comic in the original Japanese.—Chyron HR

    DT – “Blaze Rize” sound like a pornstar name to anyone else? (I wouldn’t have guessed there’d be such a thing as transsexual Howdy Doody porn, but…oh wait, actually I would have. Hell, there’s probably two or three forums devoted to it out there.)—commodorejohn

    Ballard Street: I do not want to know. Does the smaller dog think the larger dog is … No, I do not want to know.—Kristian

    Funky Whatsawhozit: I don’t read this strip, but does it have something to do with Gollum giving up his precious?—Dood

  59. TheDiva
    August 20th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#24): I wonder if Batiuk realized he couldn’t draw Cayla without making her look like an illustration in a white supremacist pamphlet, and is trying to cover the mistake by gradually retconning her ethnicity and hoping nobody notices.

  60. Darryl Heine
    August 20th, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Not mentioned:

    FAMILY CIRCUS – Wrapping up a redone week of 1974 tent strips: Jeffy wants to be a little lazy Dagwood Bumstead saying “After breakfast, I think I’ll take a nap in my bed.”

    OFF THE MARK: Concluding a Wacky Packages week with a cereal crossing Cher with Cheerios!

  61. YoungMrGrace
    August 20th, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been waiting for Mary Worth to tackle Goodfellas. On Monday, watch for Mary to meddle some poor schmuck’s foot right off.

  62. Marion Delgado
    August 20th, 2011 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Crazy Harry grabbed the ring from Cayla and hurled it into the fire, ignoring her astonished protest. Presently he drew it from the flames. Around the ring could now be read clearly “L’HISTOIRE DE LISA”

    “What does it say?” Cayla asked, shocked.

    “It is in the old French language, which I will not repeat here,” Harry said, ponderously. “This is the final proof. It is Lisa’s Ring.”

  63. cheech wizard
    August 20th, 2011 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    FC – This isn’t so much a repeat as it is a pre-peat, of Jeffy coming home drunk about 10 years later.

    A3G – “Wally will be so disappointed – he likes to spy on grownups having sex.”

    MT – You don’t give gold to a French Canadian woodsman – “Eh, I’ll take a look at it, ok? Right out there in the woods. I’ll be right back.”

  64. Ukulele Ike
    August 20th, 2011 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I’ll give McEldowney the benefit of the doubt and assume he IS crediting Edward Lear with writing “some of the best nonsense you’ll ever hear.” Monty is quoting the Owl & the Pussycat knowing that Sister Mary Elephant there is going to recognize it, and that the newspaper reader will, too.

    It’s not THAT esoteric a reference, is it? People still read Lear to their kids, don’t they?

  65. ArchieNemesis
    August 20th, 2011 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    Please don’t tell me that Funky Winkerbean is working up to a screed about how interracial marriage is difficult, but Les Moore is a saint for enduring the consequences of a fate he freely chose. If that’s the case, Batuik is probably envisioning himself as Rosa Parks, Jr. The debacle that follows will be right off the top of the awkward meter.

  66. CanuckDownSouth
    August 20th, 2011 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#65): if he is, he’s off to an EPICly bad start by bleaching Cayla’s skin tone and de-curling her hair.

  67. bats :[
    August 20th, 2011 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

  68. commodorejohn
    August 20th, 2011 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#64): Mine did, but my parents were pretty exceptional all-around.

    I just flew in from Minneapolis (and boy, are my JOKE CANCELLED DUE TO PUBLIC OUTCRY.) Your topic for today, ‘Mudges: things to do in the Portland area. I’m here with my folks through Wednesday and our schedule isn’t quite booked up, so they were wondering if there was anything I wanted to do, which there might be if I had any idea what there was. Suggestions?

    Also: on the flight, I spotted someone who bore a strong resemblance to one Margo Magee. I did not speak or make eye contact, or get closer than five rows away. Consequently, I am still alive.

    Anyway! On to the comics:

    A3G – Another fun-filled day with Paul Linski, Scandinavian Svengali! Though to be perfectly honest, entrancing Luann and manipulating her mind doesn’t exactly do a lot in the way of street cred.

    Bizarro – I’m pretty sure I saw this posted on the Something Awful forums in 2001, before a dozen goons with talent and taste descended upon it with the righteous hatred it deserves. [*]

    DT – Well, Joe Staton and Mike Curtis, apparently.

    FC – “Yes,” Thel thinks, “after breakfast. Breakfast of Sugar Flakes, which I will load you up with so as to get you so hopped up it will be impossible to nap. Sure, it’ll annoy the hell out of me, but it will all be worth it when you drop dead of sleep deprivation.”

    FW – “To meet my family. What? Yes, my family, the people I grew up with and care deeply for. Oh, right, I suppose that’s not about you, is it? Well, never mind then, why don’t you tell me about Lisa some more.”

    GT – “Two weeks of my mom’s drinking in two minutes. Now let’s get ‘Yakety Sax’ in there.” [*]

    JP – “Don’t leave! I’m not done talking to you! You can’t leave before I decide you can leave, I’m Judge Parker, dammit!”

    Luann – I HATE YOU GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM COMPUTERS AND MATH YOU AWFUL LITTLE SHITPILE. (Did it just never occur to him that maybe he doesn’t have to be the sole driving force in conversation, or would letting a girl exert even the smallest influence threaten the masculinity Greg is desperately trying to assert by throwing women at his self-insert?)

    MT – So I’m still not getting this Biblical goose band fascination, but at least I have Johnny Malotte’s fascinatingly awful lump-hair to stare at and try to figure out. Does he keep some kind of traditional French-Canadian dumplings in there, or is that what Elrod thinks curly hair looks like?

    MW – “By the way, I did mention that I was a boy before the whole do-it-yourself witness-protection thing, right? Dad went a little overboard, which is the long-delayed explanation for how he’s responsible for any of this.”

    Pluggers – You’re a Plugger if you’re so addicted to TV that even your crippling fear of change can’t overcome it. Of course, if you’d realized that the whole HDTV thing was just a giant gimmick to make consumers buy new $1200 sets, your cheapness might have won out, but OH WELL.

    SF – Nona, I love you.

    SM – You’d think cops in the Marvel universe (Marvel-universe New York, no less) would be a little less über-skeptical, considering that they have an ultra-genius, his wife, brother-in-law, and best buddy living an openly superpowered lifestyle just downtown and the country’s most rockstar engineer pals around with a Norse god from space. Then again, I suppose when newspaper Spider-Man offers a theory, disregarding it as stupid is kind of an automatic reaction.

  69. Earthgirl
    August 20th, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    FW: My only hope is that, when Cayla emerges from this failed union a bitterer yet stronger woman, she publishes an unauthorized sequel to Lisa’s Story entitled Cayla’s Story, about what it’s like to be married to a smug, death-obsessed dick, which makes a kajillion dollars.

  70. Écureuil Écumant
    August 20th, 2011 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#67):

    Waitaminnit! Cereal? What’re they gonna call it, “Sugar Schmucks”?

  71. commodorejohn
    August 20th, 2011 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#70): Kancer Krispeez!

  72. bats :[
    August 20th, 2011 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#66): maybe her parents will end up being Ward and June Cleaver.

    Meanwhile, I’m not quite sure if Lu Ann and Paul LINSKI! had their first argument or not.

  73. chistery
    August 20th, 2011 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the ride on the float Josh! Chocolate would just melt, so I’m throwing slushies.

  74. Écureuil Écumant
    August 20th, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#71): Straws? That’s … uh … convenient.

  75. Snowshoecat
    August 20th, 2011 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#31): a horse’s head would be so appropriate for the bed of the other end.

  76. Maggie the Cat
    August 20th, 2011 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Snowshoecat (#24): I agree about Cayla’s transformation. Even her hair is lighter and straight and long, whereas a short time ago it was in short dreadlocks.

    Though the grayish pall and new weave could just be side effects of chemo from the cancer that she surely has now.

  77. Maggie the Cat
    August 20th, 2011 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @YoungMrGrace (#61): Mary will calmly take the family don for a tuna sandwich and some coffee at “DINER” and have a sensible talk with him on why killing others for financial gains and/or revenge just isn’t what nice people do.

  78. Sgt. Stoned
    August 20th, 2011 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    BB: It’s funny because the General is old, and old people can drop dead at any time.

  79. Ukulele Ike
    August 20th, 2011 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#68): There is a huge-ass scary statue at 1120 SW 5th Avenue. It is called “Portlandia,” and it is the second-largest copper repoussé statue in the United States, after the Statue of Liberty.

    I love huge-ass scary statues, myself. The last time I was in Germany I made a special trip to Leipzig to see the completely terrifying http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c9/Battle_Of_The_Nations-Monument.jpg

  80. The Ridger
    August 20th, 2011 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#68): Portland, where? Maine? Oregon? Some other state?

  81. commodorejohn
    August 20th, 2011 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#80): Heh, that’s what I get for not checking first. Portland, Oregon. (Though we’re actually staying in Camas, WA about 15 minutes away.)

  82. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 20th, 2011 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#54):

    Thank you, Blondie creative team, for inspiring me to record my new phone answering message.*

    *I am also going to do my Chris Matthews impersonation when recording it.

    As long as you don’t impersonate Chris Matthews impersonating a film critic:

    “Let me finish tonight with a stirring movie I saw last night. I had heard of the first-rate script, the masterful performances by the leads, Naomi Watts and Sean Penn. What I was not prepared for in Fair Game was the story itself, the wondrous dramatic courage of it all. This is one fine movie. While there will never be another Casablanca, Fair Game is perfect for our murky time.”

    (That’s an actual Matthews quote, by the way!)

  83. The Ridger
    August 20th, 2011 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#81): Then you should check out Mt St Helens, a genuinely stunning sight. It’s only 50 miles from Portland, so probably closer to where you actually are.

  84. commodorejohn
    August 20th, 2011 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#83): Yeah, we saw it coming in – might have to see if we can’t get a closer look sometime this week :)

  85. Bill the Butcher
    August 20th, 2011 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    Blondie Why does the announcer, seen through the window, wear an American “””””””””””football”””””””””””” (can’t put enough quotes in the word when it comes to defiling the holy name of football by applying it to two herds of buffalo butting heads over a coconut, can I?) helmet? Does he think the customers are going to fling the hamburgers back through the window at him, and are they that hard?

    Marmaladeduke Are you quite sure that’s Hitler’s daughter and not some random kid Marmaduke captured and dragged back to eat?

  86. The Ridger
    August 20th, 2011 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#84): You should go to the park. The view from Johnston Ridge is breathtaking, the devastation is still so stark.

  87. Bill the Butcher
    August 20th, 2011 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#79): That’s terrifying? The one in Velikiy Novgorod, Russia, is far worse.

  88. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

  89. The Gringo Kid
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    Funky: With all of Westview gathered glumly for their nuptials, Les and Lisa 2.0 take the floor for the traditional first dance, to the strains of what elsewhere is a searing and agonizing blues classic but in the Funkyverse is a rollicking and uplifting toe-tapper (with new lyrics by the World’s Most Celebrated Writer and Artist, whose intense and profound genius for suffering makes Eric Clapton appear a piker by comparison):

    What’ll I do when I’m pedantic
    And no one’s worshipping by my side?
    I’ll propose to someone equally morose,
    Someone who’s got no foolish pride.

    Cayla, I’ve got you on your knees.
    Cayla, I’m begging, die soon, please.
    Cayla, darlin’ won’t you ease into the ground?

    You gave me coital consolation
    When Susan smooched me on the Net.
    Like a fool, you fell for such a tool -
    Is that lump metastasizing yet?

    Cayla, I’ve got you on your knees.
    Cayla, I’m begging, die soon, please.
    Cayla, darlin’ won’t you ease into the ground?

    Let’s make the Les of the situation
    Now that you’ve finally gone insane.
    Please don’t say no tumor’s on the way
    And tell me my self-love’s in vain.

    The reworked epic is caught on an iPhone, makes its way to YouTube and becomes a worldwide sensation, with all of Hollywood jostling to turn it into a feature film.
    A mortified Clapton is driven back to heroin and soon gives up the ghost, only to find himself shackled to Lisa 1.0 in the seventh circle of hell, spending the rest of eternity suffering as she endlessly and smirkily hums “this catchy tune my Specialest Snowflake wrote for my Ganger!”

  90. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:12 am [Reply]

  91. Just some guy
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    I assumed that the girl was one of the things Marmaduke “fetched”.

  92. The Gringo Kid
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#89): And in conclusion …

    The coda in this version of the song, of course, is not a bittersweet intertwining of piano and slide guitar, but the workaday sound of Les at his writing desk:

    “Fwap fwap fwap fwap …”

  93. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Prince Valiant — Next: Just rewards desserts!

    (There’s always room for Jell-O Yog-Sothoth!)

  94. Bill the Butcher
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#89): You, sir, are a genius.

  95. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    FW: Cayla: The Whitening:

    Two years ago: short afro, broad lips, wide nose.

    One year ago: short afro, broad lips, wide nose.

    May of this year: locked hair, broad lips, wide nose.

    June of this year: hair disappears under a wrap, lips thinner, wide nose.

    This month: hair is straightened, lips thinner, nose thinner, and she’s now wearing big dangling hoops instead of the small hoops she was consistently wearing up to this point.

    If you want to really bend your brain, check out this original sketch of Cayla.

    Also, as she’s gotten whiter, her daughter has disappeared, which is convenient, because she now looks a lot more like Keisha than the original version of Cayla.

  96. Droopy Says
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Bizarro: Clown alert.

    The Amusing Spiderman: Okay, it’s a recap of the past week’s non-events and comic misunderstandings. But the coming week promises to focus on the readers–what, you mean the “Fugitive From Injustice” tag line refers to Spiderass running away? Never mind.

    Shoe: Like ehT kcuD, this political crap is for the birds.

    Crankshat: Come on, the future is not an unknown in Westview! You’re born, Les and Cranky make you miserable, and if cancer doesn’t get you, senile decay will.

    Dennis the Nuisance: No, Dennis, you obnoxious twerp, Mr. Wilson is starting to sound like you.

    EffYou Wankerbeat: How will the girls take the impending marriage? Lisa’s daughter looks pleased that dad is moving up the food chain. Cayla’s daughter looks ready to barf.

    Rex Morgan, Minimal Development: A whole Sunday to tell us that C. Aubrey Smith is in the hospital? And not one shock-droplet in sight?

  97. Maggie the Cat
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Oooh, Lu Ann gets confrontational… I hope Monday brings us a catfight at A3G. Margo might be the “known” bitch of this hen house, but don’t count out Lu Ann… sweet country girls can only be pushed so far.

  98. The Gringo Kid
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#92): Hey, I finally figured out how this “Reply” thing works! (In Dieter voice) I’m as happy as a little girl on Ted Forth’s softball team!

    Now if I could only figure out how “Reply All” works …

  99. Maggie the Cat
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    WTF? Is Bobby dancing a jig at the thought of Gina skipping town?

  100. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail — “Prolonged exposure to Les Moore can also cause whales to beach themselves.”

  101. Droopy Says
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#95): Cayla isn’t whitening, she’s aging as Les the Psychic Vampire drains the life-force from her. Soon doctors will diagnose her with adult-onset progeria, never seeing how she slowly loses ground each time he visits her in the ICU.

  102. The Gringo Kid
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#94): The Gringo Kid says, “Gracias!” (Now there’s a word that’s seldom heard in the kingdom of Masky McDeath.)

  103. gnome de blog
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#68):
    Assuming you mean Portland, Oregon, email me. I’m sure you can get my email address from Josh.

  104. Sisi
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: He must have gotten the idea from watching “Animal Planet”. Actual Siamese cat in San Mateo, CA who carried off over 600 assorted objects from the neighbors’ houses: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2011/06/19/BAIN1JVID8.DTL

    FW: Les’ shock over Labor Day is obviously because there’s no way the secret course of hideous treatments he’s subjecting her to while she sleeps in order to transform her into Lisa’s double could possibly be completed by then. His Armor of Impenetrable Smugness® keeps him from realizing that Cayla’s family will see what he’s up to and have him committed before the obligatory pizza gets cold.

  105. Dr. Weird
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#95):

    Frankly, everything about those original sketches freaks me out… it shows the characters at angles they’re never portrayed in in the strip, and with expressions such as surprise, outrage or happiness that also never occur. To say nothing of the strange characters who we never see.

    I have a feeling John Byrne did those sketches too.

  106. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith — Elviney doesn’t know it yet, but she’s getting a bag of cement for her birthday! (And the backwards sign proves that Silas, owner of Hootin’ Holler’s general store, suffers from dyslexia!)

  107. bats :[
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#76): aaaaaaaaaaand in the Sunday FuW, Cayla continues her week-long pattern of near-silence (aside from the desperate plea to see her family). Maybe this’ll turn out to be a plot closer to “The Piano” than any of us realized.

  108. bats :[
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#84): and Powell’s Gobs o’ Books, to add to your Love is… collection!

  109. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    *** ALERT *** ALERT *** ALERT *** ALERT *** ALERT *** ALERT *** ALERT ***

    NEW ADVENTURES OF QUEEN VICTORIA TAKES COMICS TO A NEW AND FUNNIER PLANE OF EXISTENCE.

    *** END ALERT ***

  110. Poteet
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#95): Oooh, creepy. And now the daughter is back, inexplicably overjoyed that her mother plans to marry Les The Asswipe. Soon we’ll see the rest of Cayla’s family similarly rejoicing. I thought I’d never loathe any cartoon character as much as I loathed Blandthony and Michael of Foobville. I was wrong. You win, Les!

  111. Poteet
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#89): Thank you thank you thank you thank you.

  112. bats :[
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#89): yow! Good stuff! (Alanis Morisette is right: the best songs come out of misery and pain and banging one’s head repeatedly against a table.)

  113. Poteet
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    8/21 MW — Did the feds, for some reason, order Gina to keep wearing that hideous ponytail for the rest of her life? Because otherwise I cannot imagine why she would. As for the six-year-old Howdy Doody version of Bobby, I heartily endorse the idea of saying good-bye to him. ASAP.

  114. Mibbitmaker
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Josh’s COTW isn’t the only thing that’s late. Lateness oversnarpologies…

    Saturday Snarks

    9CL: Nope! Worst nonsense. Pointless in its pointedness. Just get to the damned story already, Brooke!

    DtM: Who am I to disagree?

    RwO: So much for “makes me feel fine”

    FW: Oh, please let them all disapprove!

    MT: Trail looks like he’s saying, “Really? A man rifling through a bunch of jewelry? I dunno, man…”

    MW: Mare looks like she’s thinking, “The Mob! I’ll be cut down by a Mafia driveby any minute now! Worth, what were you thinking?!”

    S-M: Yet the two cops believe in superheroes, right…?

    ZtP: Keeping Dingburg is a non-starter!

  115. Poteet
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    PV — No wonder she’s drained and defeated — she looks as if she hasn’t eaten for a couple of weeks. Morgana, send her a milkshake or something!

  116. Mibbitmaker
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#89): Perfect parody!

  117. Poteet
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    8/21 — Y’know, I just never, never can get enough of strips like this. Never. Because every morning I wake up wondering which coital positions Edda and Amos used the night before, and wishing I could be both of them put together, so to speak. So thank you, Brooke, for letting me share, just a little, in their all-consuming passion, again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

  118. Poteet
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#117): Sorry, I meant to refer to 9CL, of course. I am not worthy, I am not worthy.

  119. Minarets
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#77):
    You missed that part where the don breaks down, sobbing through his muffled fingers about a childhood girlfriend whom he loved innocently while he skateboarded in New York, who abandoned him for no reason. “Because of my heart, how it broke [I am trying to copy the eccentric MWglish here], I felt pain! Because I was left by her, I felt anger!” And will Mary, our fount of good sense, call over Gina (since they are at DINER already) and say, “Why here’s Bobby your long lost soulmate!” ?? No, my friends! This is Mary Worth, don’t you know? Mary will be ‘comforting’ the adult Bobby and spouting platitudes about love and swans that mate for life and true hearts till October.

  120. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    Margo begins, “Paul has no personality and I can’t tell him apart from all the other men in our lives, except that he has blond hair…”

    Zoe, you think Wanda trimming Darryl’s his eyebrows is gross? Wait until you see them in their sex dungeon in the basement, Mommy resplendent in red leather catsuit and six inch stilettos and Daddy in his matching bright red ball gag.

    Dagwood’s personality is splitting right before our very eyes. That he has to verbally convince himself to be lazy can’t be a good sign.

    Curtis, Curtis, Curtis. Everyone’s guffawing at the cashier with the sphere of poop on her head, with a bow stuck to it no less, not your appropriately sized and patterned underpants.

  121. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Ted, Hilary and Sally are used to your psychotic episodes but the team isn’t. In response to a teammate’s frantic phone call, the SWAT sharpshooter has rounds of Thorazine and Haldol trained on you.

    I don’t know which was more nauseating today: Marvin’s diaper pail or Brad “making waffles.”

  122. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    Oh puleese. Everyone knows plugger’s pie contains only a Pet-Ritz pie crust and Musselman’s or Comstock pie filling, whichever the lady Plugger has a coupon for. “Meringue” is for those high-falootin, rich liberals who think your car shouldn’t drop rusty parts over every bump.

    Mrs. Worth I can tell you forgot to take your Sal Hepatica today. You’ve lost your “smile of health.” Alternatively maybe listening to Gina blather on has made your intestines stop peristalting.

  123. Liam
    August 21st, 2011 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    MW-I am hoping that Gina is using this story as an excuse for getting bigger tips because their is no way someone is dumb enough to say they are in the Witness Protection Program to a complete stranger.

  124. Droopy Says
    August 21st, 2011 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Crap, Brookins, crap. No, that is not the ingredient that gives meringue a brown edging. Crap is what you show here. I learned to make meringue by reading a cookbook, and I think I’m the first member of my family, out of four generations, who can make a meringue topping. I don’t see an egg separator in that scene (you make meringue with egg whites). You add granulated sugar, and maybe a little cream of tartar, bit by bit while the mixer is running. You don’t stick a spoon or spatula in the mixing bowl while the mixer is on; you turn off the beater and lift the blades out of the way after the meringue is properly beaten.

    Of my two grandmothers, only one taught me anything about cooking. That was because she had a simple policy: If you want chocolate chip cookies, you should know how to make them yourself. And I wish I’d known enough back then to ask for her bathtub gin recipe (neither of my grandmothers were Pluggers, but they were flappers.)

  125. Liam
    August 21st, 2011 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth-And look Ted here is your dead father come back from the grave to tell you how much he loves and is proud of you.

  126. Rocky Stoneaxe
    August 21st, 2011 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#109):

    Lio’s “unaccustomed as I am to public speaking” line was lifted from Harpo Marx! (Also, I think Dogbert is more of a Groucho Marxist than a Maoist!)

  127. gleeb
    August 21st, 2011 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    Speed Bump: Isn’t that what the Talmud is for?

    Cul: Does this mean a litter of jungle gyms is in the offing?

    Slylock: OK, that’s pretty subtle. But it doesn’t prove that M le Comte did anything, just that his alibi has a hole in it. Maybe he was sexing baby rats and doesn’t want to say so, because people take it the wrong way.

    Rex: She’s shocked that her daughter is seeing a boy with such a corny nickname. And anyway, if they’re concerned by Kelly not being in class, why have her sit in an office all day?

    Phantom: That guy, the one who says “Man who cannot die”, is clearly a tough. Maybe even a thug. If you can’t get his to go against that Phantom, Sahara, you’ve got problems. Why does he only want toughs and thugs from Bangalla, anyway? Is there a tax angle in it?

    Mary: She had to tell him to put his arms down.

    Judge Parking-Garage: Ooh, Ned’s on his shit-list now.

    ‘bean: Keisha struggles to contain herself as Summer makes the sign for “Batiuk’s really milking this for more than it’s worth.”

    Dick: Also, if valuables are worn in fanny packs, the wearer should know he looks like a plugger.

  128. ArchieNemesis
    August 21st, 2011 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Don’t waste your time and energy clicking the Zoom button to read the dialogue in today’s Spiderman.

  129. vanya
    August 21st, 2011 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#64): Sad to say, I don’t think I have read Lear to my kids. Maybe we over 40s are the only people on earth who get what Brooke is trying to do here. Unfortunately we don’t care either.

  130. ArchieNemesis
    August 21st, 2011 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    MW: Bobby would not be busting out of that thought bubble in touchdown-signaling joy if he knew he was about to take a mob bullet in the cranium.

  131. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#126): You’re right. I’d forgotten that. More than half a century later, it’s still as funny as when Harpo said it.

  132. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 21st, 2011 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    NAoQV: WIN!!!!! with Carmudgeon Sauce!

    CdS: win, again. I love Howl’s Moving Jungle Gym.

    Lio: win, again.

    Luann: ewwwwww!

    Doons: KLANG!!!

    HotC: d’awwwwww

    OtH: Fox News, explained.

    SB: heh. 10 Commandments in Web.2

    rMC: one of the best MC Sunday Strips of the lot. *applaz*

    Bizarro: NSFBG!!!!!!!!!

    MT: informative, and non-headdesk inducing.

    FW: canon may have sunk my other ship, but I can still hope for Summer/Keisha.

    MG&G: I can only assume that medical (or not) MJ was responsible for this. (om nom nom)

    PMP: LuAnn from A3G, visiting 9CL.

    Ghost-who-Barettos: YAY!!!! random sexy babe, FTW!!! We’ve missed you, big guy!

    PV: Yog-Suggoth?!? S**T just got REAL!

    SFx: angry mobs instead of calling tech support? pre-cooked lobsters? and Sarah, age 7, still better than Donna Lewis.

    Zits: *gigglez*

  133. Droopy Says
    August 21st, 2011 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Prince Valiant: Is a shout-out to Yog-Soggoth a good thing?

  134. Ned Ryerson
    August 21st, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker, Finder of Phones: I said we have a service order in to fix them. Ass.

    Rex Morgan, Prepping his boat: “The hospital? What is it?!”

    Mary Worth, Sitting on Bench: No they did not have the ubiquitous pink curtains! And they didn’t have a lamp with five grey books leaning on it right in front of the window! They just didn’t, okay! Also, shouldn’t Bobby’s image be fully contained within the cloud?

    Funky ARRGH!: So they slouched their way back from the park bench of memories to plop their asses directly onto the pathos porch swing. Schlubs.

  135. TheRealAaron
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#134): It’s a big building with patients. But that’s not important now!

  136. Voshkod
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    And in Sunday’s Funky Winkerbean, we see two characters (who are sufficiently a) undeveloped or b) unobnoxious that I haven’t learned their name) react to the news of the upcoming Les/Cayla nuptials. One girl, I presume Cayla’s daughter, covers her mouth to prevent an outburst of vomiting. The other girl’s face nearly splits in an insane smile before she flees the scene to become the Joker’s new henchwoman. This, I presume, is Les’ daughter. Nausea and insanity. Finally, Baituk captures some real human reactions.

  137. Some Guy
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    FW, following the next timeskip: “So many memories of this park. Here’s where I communed with Lisa’s ghost, this is where I proposed to not-Lisa, and over there is where I buried not-Lisa’s body…”

    Meanwhile, everyone is talking about the Moore/Williams wedding that actually stands a chance of going somewhere.

    A3G: 1) He’s another human being and she’s Margo. 2) He’s deeply, deeply creepy. Not Les Moore levels of creepy, but deeply so nonetheless.

    Yesterday’s MW: “Things happened very quickly after my dad told us the news. Although for some reason it’ll take me another week to actually describe it.”

  138. Rusty
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#105): Who is John Byrne,the artist who actually draws the current strip? I kind of assume that Batiuk did the sketch page, because many don’t really match the retconned characters that well. What is strange is that there are at least a half-dozen characters that have never made an appearance.

  139. Some Guy
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Prince Valiant: As a Celt, I object to the portayal of Manannán mac Lir, Gaelic god of the sea, as the go-to god for evil witches, much less his conflation with the Lurker at the Threshold. As all Celtic scholars know, mac Lir has hardly got any tentacles at all!

  140. Phred22
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#133): Shouting to Yog-Sothoth does worry me. Next thing you know Voldemyrt will be invading the comics.

  141. The Gringo Kid
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Zits: Ah, Walt — wait until the tinnitus kicks in, too.

  142. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I believe his name is Phil.

    the Didactic Duo has competition.

    meanwhile, in Australia.

    ocemedium.

    otterly astounded by the depth of stupid in FW.

    corgsqui for bb,u.

    some where, under a rainbow.

  143. Scott Bot
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    MW – Hey, Gina, when you say goodbye to Bobby, please give my regards to Greg, Peter, Marcia and Jan. But not that little snot Cindy, I hate her.

    Oh, and I think I got Dot Bot a shirt like the one little Gina’s wearing. It was cute when she was one.

    Surly Pouting Teen Theater RMMD – So that teacher was taken to the hospital? Did he get bitten? I hope Spider wasn’t radioactive – there’s only room for one lazy webslinging superhero in the comcs.

  144. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#138): John Byrne is a famous comics artist, and apparently a friend of Batuik. Byrne did the character sketches in the link above, but is not the usual artist for the strip. (he has done guest weeks and perhaps some Sunday strips in the past.)

  145. ZaneTarlo
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Luann: B-wad used his shoes to turn pancakes into waffles…. he’s both more of an idiot than I thought AND more of an asshole. Seriously what a bastard.

  146. The Gringo Kid
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: I empathize, Ted. I had the same reaction when the Saints finally won a Super Bowl.

  147. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    It has been said that everything is better with heavy metal.

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  148. Anonymous
    August 21st, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113): Also, with that stupid ponytail, if anyone from the Mob had ever seen Gina in NY, they’d recognize her right away if they ever went to Santa Royale.

  149. FOOBed again
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    148 was me.

  150. The Gringo Kid
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Luann: And in presenting his newfound breakfast creation, the “Converse Crepe,” to Ms. Eiffel the next day, Bwad gweases his slide down the Weinie World slope …

    Mutts: Welcome to San Francisco!

  151. TheDiva
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Snark for a Sunday Morning:

    C’shaft: And the plot to get rid of Rose by pushing her down the stairs was settled.

    FW: Three sentences, and none of them sound like anything a human being might say in normal conversation. Usually I have to go to 9 Chickweed Lane for this density of awkward dialogue.

    Luann: Okay, who’s the bigger idiot and/or asshole here: a) Nancy and Frank for putting demands on Brad’s kindness, rather than accepting his good intentions graciously, or b) Brad for “complying” by stepping all over their breakfast, not to mention waiting until mid-August to do something for holidays that occur in mid-May and mid-June, respectively? I can’t decide–let’s just say they should all die in a fire.

    Marvin: “Heh-heh, your destitution amuses me.”

    MW: Gina could never be at peace without seeing Bobby’s imitation of the bottle dance from Fiddler on the Roof one last time.

    Pluggers: At least those hoity-toity culinary schools will teach you to not stick a spoon into the bowl when the mixer is running, you dumb anthropomorphic mutt.

  152. Cloudbuster
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#143): “So that teacher was taken to the hospital? Did he get bitten? I hope Spider wasn’t radioactive – there’s only room for one lazy webslinging superhero in the comcs.”

    You know that would actually be awesome, because do you remember that steely glint in the teacher’s eye? That guy wouldn’t be a lazy Spiderman. He’d be out kicking ass and scolding Peter Parker! “You know what’s wrong with you young kids today? You have no initiative! No drive! No sense of responsibility!”

  153. drattoc
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#64): Sadly, no. Too many pussies and dongs.

  154. Cloudbuster
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    An entire Sunday strip with Les, Cayla and the girls, and again Cayla is entirely mute. I have suspicions. It won’t be long before Keisha is sobbing: “Mom! Mom! Why don’t you talk anymore? What’s happened to you? Please, Mom, speak to me!” Cayla will lead Keisha out into the garden, where Les is tending the pods. “It’s your turn, Keisha.”

  155. Swordsmith
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    BL: Is there even the remotest chance you will not be giving me a raise this year? By the way, thanks for answering before I asked.

    WoI: OK I have a serious question here, did this strip pull a DT this summer? Because it seems to have largely stopped being incredibly lame, now it’s merely boring most of the time, and from time to time, it’s actually mildly funny. Also, the wizard seems to be capable of magic, which I don’t remember happening much in this century.

    PBS: Pulled a fast one on me by not pulling a fast one.

    GF: Failed PBS attempt.

  156. FafMor
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    I actually had a genuine chuckle at Sunday’s Luann and Sally Forth.

  157. Uncle Lumpy
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    The Phantom, panel 4 — a sincere “Welcome back!” to Eduardo Barreto.

  158. Comcis Fan
    August 21st, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#95):

    Thanks for going to the trouble to do that. If the NAACP had the stomach to pay attention, they’d be protesting loudly. Cayla seemed to shape-shift from Teresa Graves in Get Christlie Love! to a wimpy, no-self-esteem, washed-out wannabe white girl.

    As for today’s strip, good to see that FW is up on the ’90s lingo, what with waiting for the ‘rents to get home. Furthermore, I think all this emphasis on porch-swing conversations and monologues is a setup for when Cayla dies and Les and sit alone, mourning and talking at her on said swing.

  159. bats :[
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    A&J is a repeat (I kept it when it first ran), but it was definitely worth repeating (anyone with a cat will likely agree).

    Frazz: I don’t get it.

  160. Chip Whittle
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Inspector Danger’s Crime Quiz: I’m not trying to start a fight here, I’m just saying, he got lucky on this one. I bet Reeky Rat wouldn’t grab a flower from outside the window of Casandra Cat for his lapel while trying to say he’s not peeping on her.

    I do like Inspector Danger’s viewing the crime scenes with heavy-lidded eyes and a barely opened mouth, like he sees through all this so fast it’s not worth his waking up. It’s like seeing Columbo being a mean drunk.

  161. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#142): Apostrophe Man can be a Special Assistant in charge of, you know, apostrophes. (And that sleepy corgi captures my mood perfectly.)

    @Some Guy (#137):

    “Things happened very quickly after my dad told us the news. Although for some reason it’ll take me another week to actually describe it.”

    I’m beginning to think that Karen Moy heard about that cool “real-time” idea from 24—but she got confused and thought it referred to 24 years.

    Congrats to the Float-Folk, too!

  162. UncleJeff
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    PV: “Val climbs like a squirrel”.
    How does a squirrel climb while toting a three-foot long sword?
    Any squirrels on this board with an answer to that question?

  163. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @drattoc (#152): Wait, what? Is this a porno or something?

  164. Comcis Fan
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#157):

    Meant to say “shade-shift” and ” … when Les sits alone …”

  165. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 21st, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#160): I was thinking of him more like a Scrappy Lad, but that works too. I thought of you immediately when I saw that corgi pic!

    also, I tried to create a lol for you yesterday, basically this with a different caption, but couldn’t track down the original file in the Builder and didn’t want to flark around in Paint at my Donna Lewis skill level. [*] [**]

    I also had a rude thought for The Most Interesting Man in the World meme, but decided not to go there, either. [*]

  166. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#165): Snork. (Is that from Hyperbole and a Half? I LOVE her.) And please don’t denigrate yourself with any comparisons to Donna A. Lewis; you are a gentleman of class, taste, and generosity, and Donna A. Lewis is a blight upon the comics-reading populace.

  167. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#166): the original meme did come from there. :-)

    and *blush*

    thanks, but I *am* rather useless with graphics programs beyond the very basics.

  168. kkarenb
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    MW – It doesn’t seem possible, but Gina’s ponytail reaches a new level of unattractiveness today.

    Pluggers – Something is wrong. The grandmother and granddaughter are the same species.

  169. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#168): Dog genes are dominant over chicken genes.

  170. Hank
    August 21st, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#95): Every time I look at those sketches I am reminded how much better comic book artist John Byrne (who drew them) is than Batuik.

  171. Hank
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rusty (#138): @Dr. Weird (#105): Yes. Those sketches are clearly the work of John Byrne, a legendary artist for DC and Marvel comics (he’s the man who took the X-men from obscure to top sellers and revamped Superman in the 1980s). Byrne occasionally fills in for Batuik on the Funky strip.

  172. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#169): that’s why you never see leg-humping chickens . . . .

  173. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

  174. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#169): When I first read your comment, I thought you were referring to the MW/ponytail comment, and it still pretty much makes sense—although I think that stronger dog genes and weaker chicken genes would improve Gina’s ponytail dramatically.

  175. Baka Gaijin
    August 21st, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    New thread’s up. Catch the snark before it Marvinizes.

  176. bats :[
    August 21st, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

  177. Marie
    August 21st, 2011 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#95):

    Les doesn’t even notice that Cayla has changed places with her cousin, Padma.

    It was Padma’s idea. After hearing Cayla grouse one too many times “Les doesn’t even see me! If I turned into a different person, he’d never even notice!” she suggested the switch. When will they reveal the truth? Before or after the visit to her family? “And this is my brother, Guido.” “Padma, what are you doing here? And who is this goat? Shall I break his legs?”

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