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It’s no “roadside,” but it’s at least as iconic as “crib”

Beetle Bailey, 9/10/11

Oh, Mr. Fireman, I think General Halftrack knows very well how this show ends. It ends with him dying in the fire he set himself, drinking himself into a stupor as the smoke fills his lungs. He hates himself too much to go on living, just as he hates his wife too much to leave her the satisfaction of a nice house to live out her final years in. Don’t bother trying to rescue him; you’re just wasting your time.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/10/11

Today’s fun fake punk rock slang: “We need to make this scene!” Use it whenever you feel compelled to put on an appearance at the hot party of your choice, won’t you?

266 responses to “It’s no “roadside,” but it’s at least as iconic as “crib””

  1. Chareth Cutestory
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    RM,MD: Spider’s face and hand gesture in panel two looks as though it should be accompanied by radiating psychic wavelengths. “Look deep in you mind… you know you want to… make this sceeeennnne.”

  2. laurenm
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    I look forward to the chaos that will no doubt ensue when these two no-goodniks crash the Charterstone pool party. Hold on to your salmon squares, Mary!

  3. Scott Bot
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – The expression on the seller’s face says it all – ‘Oh, why don’t you just pay the fucking four dollars already, you cheap bastard.’

    (And my father in law does this all the time. I can see negotiating for a house or a car, but haggling over the price of a four dollar garage sale item is embarassing.)

  4. geekwhisperer
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MT- This plot is finally getting good! It turns out ‘Mother McQueen’ is actually a zombie Benjamin Franklin living in the deep woods, biding his time and sending out cryptic messages on goose legs. He was an avowed deist, so what do these verses really mean, then? A prelude to him raising an army of undead wildlife creatures to scourge the Earth? We also know he liked French girls, so…

  5. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Spider’s hair crop is coming in a little thin. He could benefit from a top dressing of well-rotted chicken manure.

  6. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#1): And Harry doesn’t mind if he doesn’t make the scene. He’s got a daytime job; he’s doin’ all right.

  7. Nomstrosity
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    If there’s one scene that rebellious young punks will always make, it’s a suburban pool party.

  8. Binder's Butter Beans
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    I have a confession to make. I laughed at Funky Winkerbean today.

    The joke was funny! It really was! It would have been even funnier if someone other than Mopey Les had said it!

    Oh, I’m through making excuses. Please absolve me, Pope Josh.

  9. Phred22
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    MT: Now we see how an originally male character can have a sex change 40-50 years later: Draw a bun on the back of the person’s head. Would that real life were so simple.

  10. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    RwO: NSFBG!!!

    Bizarro was neat.

    brain is mush, and I am snarkless.

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

  12. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#8) on FW: And of course the only way he can manage something funny is to make it totally unrealistic. Rapid-cycling that kind of light bulb kills ‘em really quick; nor are they cheap. And it takes a high voltage arc to start ‘em burning so I doubt it’d even save juice.

    But frankly I think that’s the way Batiuk’s brain works, off again on again. It’s kind of like that old ’50s Project Orion to build a spaceship that propelled itself by crapping baby nukes one at a time and then setting them off BANG – coast – BANG – coast – BANG – coast (lather – rinse – repeat).

  13. Some Guy
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m trying to imagine what Paul could possibly have to say that could make this situation more awkward (because we all know it will). Maybe he’s terminally ill and marrying LuAnn is his dying wish.

    JP: Sophie’s solution to her romantic situation — throw money at it! You can tell she was raised by Sam and Abbey.

    H&L: Gosh, it’s about golf. There’s a novelty.

    Luann: So after a week of Crystal giving Tiffany her brutally honest opinion of Tiffany’s chances … Tiffany asks Crystal to give her honest opinion of her chances. The conversation between Mary Worth and Gina is moving faster than this!

    MW: ….or maybe not.

    Phantom: “The good wrestler” and “the bad one”? I’ve never watched lucha libre in my life, and even I know the correct terms are tecnico and rudo. You people are frauds!

  14. The Ridger
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MT: “Deep woods”??? There’s not a tree in sight!

    A3G: “I know you’ll love my three kids, Lu Ann!”

    ASM: I’d hate to bring this up if Stan Lee hadn’t already but – where the hell are the Fantastic Four and Iron Man? All The Big Boss has to do is disgraces Spider Man before taking over New York? I sure hope this was the end of his plan, which he left for last because it would be easy after the exertions of getting rid of the city’s real superheroes!

  15. agony
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    9 CWL – I think what I dislike most about the latest tittering nonsense in this strip is when it’s happening. Why is this “oooh, won’t the nuns be shocked” fantasy set during childbirth? For me, these were among the most intense, in-the-moment times of my life, and I’m pretty sure the same went for Mr agony. For one thing, it’s damned hard work. And for us, and I bet for most sane people, the births of our children were a big deal. Emotionally significant. Very meaningful all by itself – no need to involve fantasy life to jazz it up a bit. Especially a “drawing dirty pictures in the hymnbook” “look, look, it’s blasphemous AND titillating” snigger like this. Brooke, really – see a shrink.

    Just waiting to see what he does with the death of a main character – imagine all the sex we’ll see then!

    I’m also really wondering who the audience for this strip is meant to be, now. If the ‘mudgeons find this stuff both baffling and vaguely offensive, what on earth do the “Pickles” and “Grand Avenue” readers think? I can imagine most newspaper comics editors looking at this strip with a pretty jaundiced eye these days. Is Brooke trying to get his strip thrown off the newspaper comics pages, so he can be a martyr to his, um, art?

  16. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Phred22 (#9): Welcome to the new, “green” generation of gender reassignment surgery where everything’s recycled, often including the squeal. And what a difference the details make!

    Where the old, backward-thinking, wasteful sawbones of yesteryear would’ve simply tossed that useless hairy bag, nowadays it’s transplanted and repurposed as a tasteful biddy’s bun.

    In this business you can’t just be a technician anymore; no, now an esthete they’ve gotta have. And this one expects Medicare to cover it, yet.

  17. pugfuggly
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’ve heard that in the 1950s, Hollywood producers invented a method for generating nonsensical ‘hip’ dialogue for bikers and beatnik characters in their movies using a thesaurus, a pair of dice and a poorly translated english edition of Faust. Good to see someone still using it…

    Also, what’s happening to her face in panel 2? Are her lips just slipping off for a quick nap under her chin, or is she about to try her Jean Chretien impression…

    ASM Oh, I see: now that The Bugle published an unflattering story of Spiderman (or at least a new one, seeing as they do that pretty much every week…) the city is free to be taken over because….um….Spiderman is sad?

    A3G“I have just one more thing to say…”

    ooo! oooooo! let’s see…

    -”If you say no, you’re walking home, bitch!”
    -”I’m sitting on a croquet wicket.”
    -”ZEPPLIN RULES!!!”
    -”I support Ron Paul for the republican nomination, and I think you should too.”
    -”Grandma’s probably going to peep on us during our wedding night. She’s old and has no shame…”
    -”Please don’t tell Margo that I proposed. I fear her wrath…”

  18. S. Stout
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    What kind of Mohawk is only one hair thick? I can’t even begin to say how stupid that would look on a real person.

  19. Scott Bot
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): re A3G:

    ‘I’m not wearing any pants!’
    ‘Who are you, anyway?’
    ‘Oh, my God, they’re turkeys!!!’

  20. Lorne
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Groovy, baby.
    Punks love pool parties!
    And they love crazy androgynous eye make-up!

  21. Powers
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    “Make this scene” actually was hip lingo back in the early 60s. See Claudine Clark’s hit “Party Lights”.

  22. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Andy’s baby pics.

    corgiflop.

    worst law firm name EVAR!

    turtlesquee.

    corgi-style.

  23. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): “Also, what’s happening to her face in panel 2? Are her lips just slipping off for a quick nap under her chin, or is she about to try her Jean Chretien impression…”

    Mwahaha. You don’t like seeing shit like that through the window of the rig as you pull up to the scene. Man, I spotted that R. facial hemiparesis and first thing I thought, damn that amphetamine-fueled hypertensive encephalopathy. It’s gonna gitcha, gal. Now just sit back and take some slow, long, deep breaths. That’s it.

  24. Lorne
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    How awesome is the expression on her face in the final panel of Rex Morgan?
    I haven’t seen a mouth contorted in confused discomfort like that since Rodney Dangerfield was alive.

  25. John C Fremont
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MT – I thought Mother McQueen was a gun totin’ leader of a Depression-era gang of bank robbers played by Shelley Winters. But I’ve been wrong before.

    “Princess, you’re such a pretty nurse!”

    RMMD – Oh, I don’t know, I think this sounds like pretty realistic dialogue between a teenage girl and a 37 year old man dressed up as a 70′s punk rocker.

    GT – Huh-huh. Huh-huh. Brody’s got whud.

  26. Mibbitmaker
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Fake punk rock slang, real groovy ’60s hippie slang. Good to know the ’70s punks really rebelled against the hippies so successfully. It’s almost like Nixon saying “far out, maan!” in the 21st century.

    Curtis: Piiic-tures of matchstickmen and you…

    CdS: No, Alice — drawing you all the time (in the meta sense) is wonderful. Drawing the cast of 9 Chickweed Lane is creepy! Creepy as hell!!!

    DT: Hey, I thought The Phantom was the one with a wrestling theme!

    FW: Surprisingly 1972-92ish. Just make the first panel with the teen version of Les with Funky and Crazy Harry (also teens), restore the old drawing style, and it’s not bad at all. (Don’t get used to it, Mib’!)

    Garfield: THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIM LAZY!!!

    Marvin: “The ending kinda sucked, though.”

    Nancy: Colorist is an idiot.

    NS: The whole damn strip needs bicarbonate!

    FC: Reply All?

    ZtP: That one goes up on Michael Scott’s fridge.

  27. Mibbitmaker
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#18): Geoff Peterson is embarrassed for him!

  28. pugfuggly
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Phred22 (#9):

    I think it’s actually evidence of a Psycho twist in this storyline. Whenever Sgt MacQueen wants to send a message to his ‘mother’, he puts a note on his dog and sends it down a path that loops through the forest and around to the back door of his cabin, where he sits waiting in a dress and a wig.

    @Scott Bot (#19):

    “If you turn me down, I shall become more powerful that you could ever imagine..”
    “I’ve searched my whole life for someone as blond as you…”
    “My mom said she needs help with the dishes, so if you could answer soon…”

    @Écureuil Écumant (#23):

    Hey, can I borrow your copy of Faust sometime?

  29. Mibbitmaker
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Nancy, holding the welcome mat inside: “Why is this mat transparent now?!?”

  30. Mark B
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Spider still looks 40ish, and apparently he’s been a bit lazy with the Rogaine application. It’s not exactly attractive when your mohawk begins to recede. And although Kelly hasn’t repeated her junior year 25 times like Mr. Webb, she’s also quite old for high school. I’m guessing she’s actually Summer’s mentally defective sister that they’ve been warehousing in the public schools to save money on adult day care.

  31. Currer Bell
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Just to be clear about what’s going on in 9CL. Somebody…still not sure whether it is the nun, the ex-nun in labor, or the ex-nun’s husband….is having a fantasy about the ex-nun and her husband having underwater sex while a nun and two pandimensional beings look on?

    If it’s the ex-nun having this fantasy, she needs to punch out whichever of the medical staff gave her enough drugs to harm the baby.

  32. D-Nice
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Forget Tylenol PM or Ambien, just read a week’s worth of Mary Worth strips!

  33. Scott Bot
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#28):

    ‘Come live with me in my pink Barbie house.’
    ‘I’ve searched the world over, and I thought I found true love. You met another and pffft, you was gone.’
    ‘And IIIII will always love youuuuuu…’

  34. TheDiva
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @agony (#15): Yeah, in my experience (which is only once so far, but that will double by the end of the year) a myriad of thoughts and emotions run through one’s mind during childbearing, but erotic fantasies are not among them. (Actually the whole process was a bit of a libido-killer, as if my body just up and said “I don’t want to go through THAT again in the near future!”) More and more, I suspect McEldowney just doesn’t know how to deal with women unless sex is somehow involved, which says things about him I really don’t want to examine too closely.

    RMMD: Please let Andy Field live at Charterstone, oh please oh please…

    A3G: I’m hoping this is all an elaborate prank staged by Paul and his family, which would be rather cruel but preferable to the alternative, which is that Paul has had this ring for years and offers it to every girl he brings to meet the family in hopes of meeting the one who won’t run away screaming.

    C’shaft: It’s funny because Crankshaft is trying to poison his bowling rival.

    FW: Panel one is perhaps the epitome of Funky Winkerbean: a dark void where Les talks mostly to hear the sound of his own voice while everyone else sits around in dead-eyed despair.

    Marvin: And that was the last time anyone smiled in Marvin’s presence, ever.

    MT: It’s worse than I thought–Mother McQueen is zombie Richard Nixon in Mother Bates drag!

    MW: Uh-oh, Mary’s so bored she’s stuck in auto-meddle! “We can only do the best with what we have where we are and a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush and-and the heart knows what it wants-it wants-it wants-it wants…”

    SM: “Spider-Man is in disgrace…” And this is a change from the status quo HOW, exactly?

  35. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    FW: I can’t remember the last time that Funky gave me a chuckle. Either I’m melancholy, or it really *was* funny!! ……….oh damn.

    MW: Sut up shut up shut up shut up………..

    RMMD: Isn’t it nice that Sinead O’Connor stopped by to visit Kelly in her room!

  36. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#25) on GT: “Huh-huh. Huh-huh. Brody’s got whud.”

    Really. Whud-D-F? Nobody holds a football like that when they’re about to punt. He looks more like someone about to heave a watermelon — or a melonhead — off the overpass and onto the freeway. Actually he looks like he’s on the verge of flingin’ the proverbial flyin’ fuck at that football. I’d pay to see that validation of Newton’s laws.

    @pugfuggly (#28): “Hey, can I borrow your copy of Faust sometime?”

    Anytime, as long as you’re willing to housesit my sausage dog until you’re finished reading it. That Gotterdammerhund is starting to creep me out.

  37. charlotte
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34): on MW

    You’ve totally captured my feelings about MW. It feels like she’s been going on like this for weeks!

  38. Red Greenback
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    RM,MD: “When we get there he’ll have incense, wine and candles. It’s such a freaky scene.”

  39. Mark B
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    JP: Wait, Sophie’s going to pay for companionship? I guess they learn young in spoiled rich people’s territory.

  40. Doctor Handsome
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Obviously, Halftrack has been at the bar this whole time, but our Flagstonesque fireman won’t even consider that possibility until he’s shouted Breaking Bad spoilers to the entire neighborhood.

  41. agony
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34):

    And, although I never actually asked him, I suspect my husband wasn’t really having erotic fantasies at the time, either. At least, not about me – being in labour is many things, some of them deep and wonderful, but sexy it ain’t.

  42. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . . a racket.

    [*]

  43. Mark B
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    One thing about A-3G. Tomorrow’s strip is sure to be a rehash of the previous week’s events*, so there’s really no reason to read it if you’ve been following the dailies. I don’t expect we’ll know whether Lu Ann’s answer is yes or no until at least Wednesday. And by that time, she might get distracted by a butterfly, and then we’ll never know.

    *OTOH, the rebooted Dick Tracy manages to combine a refresher with some new developments in the Sunday strips and it’s always a treat to see them.

  44. Mark B
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Amazing Spider Man: It’s nice to see Riff Raff from the Rocky Horror Show again, even if he’s only a minor character.

  45. Doctor Handsome
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    “Tell your mom anything! Well, not ANYthing. Probably don’t mention the suspension, or the fact that you’ll be attending a horny teen pool party with a violent 46 year old man. But other than that, tell her anything!”

  46. langostino
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    We need to make this scene. I hear there’s going to be a real hot combo playing!

    Rex Morgan, M.D. Where punk rock meets 1950s hipster slang.

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Close – I think with a little more effort, McPherson could have made the ‘sick’ person look worse off than the ‘healthy’ person. It’s those little touches that can elevate a strip to barely adequate. Probably.

    Dennis – “There’s money inside? I just liked hitting him with a hammer.”

    Mary – “I think we’ve spent long enough on this, Bobby. Take off the wig and quit telling stories.”

    Prickly – Somebody must have complimented Stantis on this one time, because he runs this strip every few months.

  48. Spectra
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Spider is a real chameleon. In profile he looks like a 50 year old having a midlife crisis and wanting to relive his glory days as a punk bad boy. But from the front he looks like a 20 year old poser. How does he do it?

  49. Snowshoecat
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @laurenm (#2): Spider and Jailbait hit the pool party:

    Love it!!! Thought of the same thing. Chinbeard would NOT be pleased.

  50. Snowshoecat
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    RMMD- I just love the name/date sticker just beneath Spider’s all-too sparse Mohawk. Weren’t those signs of rebellion two decades ago? I’ve been too busy not paying attention.

    Actually, now that I think of it, ‘toonist’s name/date stamp is pretty radical. Oh Spider, you rock, man.

  51. tb4000
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    RMMD: See, I was about to give you guys credit for actually making Spider look like he was remotely youthful in the second panel, but then you go and regress again in the final one.

  52. Will
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    I know it’s “Juggs Parker,” after all, but isn’t Sophie supposed to be 13?

  53. Sgt. Saunders
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    You want fun, then listen to this. Milford’s latest club is called WHUD. Club Promoter Wildcat Maris has gone crazy. You’ve got….oh never mind. Everybody have fun tonight, everybody WHUD tonight.

  54. Vince M
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Just have to say I got a laugh out of The Knight Life’s ‘Rudy Ray Moore Elementary’.

  55. UncleJeff
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Soooooo, a “pirate”. Kit finds a new reason to indulge in his fantasy of becoming a professional wrestler.
    I tried to find it this morning and couldn’t….but I once read a story attributed to the late professional wrestler Eddie Guerrero of the time when he and Art Barr were the most hated “rudos” in Mexican wrestling.
    The story ended with Eddie and Art fleeing a small town arena and standing outside of their car overlooking buildings set on fire by the riot they had started.

  56. UncleJeff
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Ahh, they grow up so fast. I remember like it was only a year or two ago that Sophie was a little pig-tailed girl envious of her sister…what’s her name…what ever happened to her?

  57. Government Cheese
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Again, will someone tell me why a 40 year old dwarf is stalking the high school looking for talent? Does he go to school there? Does anyone remember when he took Luann on that creepy date?

    MW: I have lost this plotline, and am convinced that the artist is just practicing at this point.

    FW: Les is in the place he wants to be – in the dark.

  58. Little Teapot
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @charlotte (#37):

    You’ve totally captured my feelings about MW. It feels like she’s been going on like this for weeks!

    Oh, me too…wait…

    August 29…

  59. Mistah Big
    September 10th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    RMMD Kelly (now played by Drew Barrymore) looks torn about the appropriate response to “make the scene.” Is it, “More zippers, mule!” or “What do yo want, a poptart?”

  60. Master Mahan
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    “Spider, I’d love to go to that pool party, but you know that stroke left me paralyzed on the right side of my body!”

  61. Snowshoecat
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MW- the only way I could possibly imagine to put any life at all into this snorefest is to have a pool. Hey, this is football season, after all.

    1) Bobby is is a psychopathic loser (redundant?) or a married cheat, or otherwise majorly icky.

    2) Bobby is the Incredible Hunk and has been pining for Gina all these years. Okay, that would be pretty much a loser to the rest of us too.

    3) Mary convinces Gina to forget about Bobby and marry Jeff’s son who is so boring I can’t remember his name.

    Winner never has to read the strip ever again.

  62. Rixter
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: This is how bored I’ve become with the Gina storyline. At this point they’re still hashing in out over Gina’s inertia of will, and Mary has not shifted to career counselor mode. Of course, Mary would never suggest Gina pursue a career as a singer/songwriter, and face it, she only has material for one song – “Bobby Black.”
    To the tune of “Hazel Black” as performed by Gina and the Tip-tones:

    Bobby skateboarder
    and I, we’d go ridin’
    Hair perfectly matchin’
    Despite my dipstick ponytail

    Had no clue
    Just the goods on the mob then
    Living witness protection
    That circumstances made

    Why didn’t he ask me
    Where I was goin’
    What’s my name now
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh – Then we were so happy

    Why doesn’t he miss me
    Like a teen skateboarder should
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh – Maybe he was just rubbed out
    Oh, now he’s a dead kid

    Somewhere, California
    In the diner I’m waiting
    Pourin’ coffee for tips
    And I need some advice

    Little did I know
    Who’d meddle me over
    “Where there’s love, can’t be fear”
    Go and find Bobby Black

    Why didn’t he ask me
    Where I was goin’
    What’s my name now
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh – Fate dealt me a cruel blow

    Why didn’t he chase me
    Like meddlesome Mary Worth would
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh – Maybe he was just snuffed out

    Why didn’t he ask me
    Where I was goin’
    What’s my name now
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh – I’ve still got his skateboard

    Why didn’t I find him
    Like my Mom’s wish on her death bed
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh – Maybe he just checked out

    Why didn’t he ask me
    Where I was goin’
    What’s my name now
    Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh – Maybe he was just lucky

    Oh, Bobby Black
    He was Bobby Black
    Bobby Black

  63. commodorejohn
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Luann is growing so fast that she’s bumping her head on the panel borders, poor dear. Meanwhile, Paul apparently drank from a false Grail over at the punch table, as he’s put on twenty-five years (and a couple solid whacks with the ugly stick) between panels.

    Bizarro – I would watch the hell out of this if it were a cartoon.

    Crankshaft – Crankshaft is a monster, film at 11.

    DT – Additional Fun New Chron Fuck-Up: they’re running Monday’s Dick Tracy again. Admittedly, it’s a damn good one, but you’d think that a serial strip should be run in, you know, serial fashion.

    JP – Sophie, this isn’t Nevada, that’s illeg-ha ha, what am I saying? Sam owns the police. (Also, surprise surprise, she’s a-fillin’ out. You knew that had to be coming sooner or later, this is Judge Parker after all.)

    MT – This storyline got a lot better when it started focusing on Princess and Andy. And I say that as someone who thought the proceedings with Mark and Johnny and Sgt. McQueen were pretty damn hilarious.

    MW – Nothing like sitting in a cozy diner with a nice hot cuppa blood, eh Mary?

    RMMD – “Make this scene” is indeed pretty great, but I think we’re missing the larger point: they’re going to a POOL PARTY. I’m not the only one who would love to see Spider lock horns with Mary Worth, am I? Waitwaitwait, SPIDER IS REALLY BOBBY!

    SM – Wait, wait, you thought Spider-Man would have to be embarassed into not fighting?

  64. SequelMan
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#15): 9CL – Yes, you are so right, Agony… Brooke would do a lot of sex during death-of-a-character storylines… he’s been raking over a several character dead-undead-dead-murdered-killed-tortured-dead(again) motif in Pibgorn over the past few weeks/eternities… mixing sex with aforementioned death, torture, murder and unconsciousness. Both of his strips seemed to have crossed some wakadoodle line now… and I keep reading them hoping for some sort of… explanation… and settle down to Earth again. I don’t think it’s gonna happen. *Full reverse, Mr. Crusher… before that thing (whatever it is) draws us in and we can’t get out, you know?*

  65. Red Greenback
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Tell your mom anything… and for Christ’s sake, try not to “freak the deal”.

  66. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G and MW:

  67. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    That was weird. But as I was saying when I was so rudely interrupted: Just one more thing. Between Gina and Paul, I expect to turn on the TV later tonight and see one or both of them in one of those infomercials.

    But wait! There’s more!

  68. Neigedens
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Spider seems to be the proud owner of the world’s most ambivalent mohawk.

  69. Swordsmith
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Hold the phone Billingsly, you told us Curtis got all his homework on a USB drive. Therefore he has no more weight coming home than he did when he went to school, nor when he goes in tomorrow.

  70. Servo
    September 10th, 2011 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Did I miss when Spider went through Chemo? I’m lost!

  71. Ukulele Ike
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Tell your mom anything…meanwhile, I’ll head “uptown” and “score” a “lid” of “grass!”

  72. geekwhisperer
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: “We can only do the best we can with what we have where we are.” True, dat, Mary. But are YOU really doing the best you can right now? This is the best you’ve got- cheap platitudes and non-committal statements about “truth” which is “sometimes” found in dreams? Mary, you’ve meddled with others to the point that they’ve taken their own lives. You’ve meddled people out of addiction and mental illness. This psuedo-meddle, sitting in this booth reading your Lipton tea bag is not your best work. Just get Gina on the interwebs and lets move on to Wilbur’s next devolvement to complete wretchedness.

  73. ArchieNemesis
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#34): Zombie Richard Nixon in drag is one possibility. I prefer to think that Doc himself is Mother McQueen in a wig, and the bird bander to boot. What else does Doc have to do all day but screw with Mark’s head?

  74. Liam
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    A3G-It’s funny because Paul is going to be turned down in front of his entire family and made to feel like a loser because of it at future family gatherings.

    Popeye-His next question should be “What’s that smell?” because it looks like his head is shoved up that thing’s ass.

    MT-Look Ms. Grundy is the head of some supersecret bird banding organization. I guess being a teacher in Riverdale doesn’t pay that well.

    JP-Sophie I have a feeling you’re going to be paying alot in your life and by that I mean paying for sex.

  75. Liam
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    MW-I feel sorry for the other customers at the diner waiting for Gina to finish her story so she can get back to work and take their orders.

  76. Liam
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-This is reverse Strip Tennis where for every shot you miss you put on an article of clothing.

  77. Esther Blodgett
    September 10th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    The funniest part about Funky today is that Batiuk is unable make a self-contained setup-punchline joke without prefacing it with a week of explanatory angst. “Jokes aren’t some sort of laugh-creating mechanism – they’re trenchant commentaries on the existential turmoil of modern life!” Or some self-indulgent crap like that.

  78. Peanbo
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    You can almost hear the passive-aggressive mumbling on part of the Rex Morgan illustrator for having to depict the ridiculous Spider: “Fine, I’ll draw every follicle stubble individually, but the stupid mohawk only gets one quick squiggle.”

  79. ArchieNemesis
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#77): Too bad that football isn’t “Pontificate to Participate.”
    Batuik would have been on full scholarship.

  80. Cyranetta
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: Somebody better call IT Support — Mary’s platitude-generation routine is looping uncontrollably.

    RMMD: Spider seems to have brought on Bell’s Palsy in Kelly in the final panel.

  81. Baka Gaijin
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#13): I’m trying to imagine what Paul could possibly have to say that could make this situation more awkward… I’m sure it involves any one or more of the phrases:

    * Required daily peroxide shampoo with saffron leave-in conditioner
    * Chronic explosive diarrhea
    * Hereditary congenital inflamed hemorrhoids
    * Early-onset imbicilism
    * Honeymoon chaperone is a clown with a french tickler (EEK!)
    * “Initiation to family” ritual involves flaming pigs and anthracite sex toys.

  82. Baka Gaijin
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Cyranetta (#80): I do not what to know what three things you have to push to reboot the Marytron 65.

  83. Baka Gaijin
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#75): Don’t be sorry. The Quiznos down the street delivers.

  84. Joe Blevins
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

  85. zenvelo
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    Spider is just a Dire Straits fan:

    And Harry doesn’t mind, if he doesn’t make the scene
    He’s got a daytime job, he’s doin’ alright
    He can play the honky tonk like anything
    Savin’ it up for Friday night
    With the Sultans… with the Sultans of Swing

  86. Rixter
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    MT: Wait, isn’t Mother McQueen the Woman-with-Too-Many-Dogs (including Sassy) that was annoying her neighbors a few months ago? Glad she got out of the city – not the place to house dozens of dogs.

    Luann: Tiffany is using a straw and Crystal is eating a sandwich; in tomorrow’s strip they reapply make-up.

    A3G: Shouldn’t Margo sweep in now in a Lycra bodysuit and wipe out the Linski clan and rescue Lu Ann?

    BG&SS: The School Marm expresses her regrets about confiscatin’ students’ comic books, but in her second panel remark it’s not clear whether she’s selling comic books or students at the flea market. Based on the large amount of cash in her hand, it couldn’t be students; this is Hootin’ Holler after all, where the exchange for young’ns is spare change or kindlin’.

    FC: The budding artist in the Keane family. He may know what it is when he finishes, but doesn’t care that no one else will. And he will understand that it’s not so much what art is “supposed to be” but whether it succeeds in disturbing the viewer. Good luck with that bunch.

  87. Droopy Says
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, Maryland: Is this a recycled Dragnet episode? It’s got all the hallmarks of classic Sixties Dragnet: Clean, overaged actors playing rebellious kids. “Rebellion” that amounts to some talk about being rather naughty. “Talk” that only Les Moore would call natural. The tightly-wound, self-centered parent with no parenting skills. Jack Webb’s gonna show up and lecture the bejeezus out of everyone.

  88. Calico
    September 10th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

  89. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 10th, 2011 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Spider is really something. He looks like two completely different people depending on whether you see him from the front or in profile. It’s like he’s his own disappointed dad.

    Phantom: The bad wrestler is the “Pirate from Hell.” Whenever he wrestles, security has to be on the lookout for a hot lady sea captain trying to sneak a harpoon gun into the arena.

    Dustin: I just saw the start of a father-son wank session in Dustin. Nothing will ever be good again.

    S-M: “But first, a capella practice! Oh Mister play that barbershop chord…”

    9CL: Strictly speaking, they can’t. No one is a good enough multitasker that they can hold their breath while getting it on. But softcore is one of the few things Brooke is good at, so I guess we let this one play out.

    PBS: Perhaps the most truthful words Rat has ever spoken.

    HtH: Live and learn. I never realized Viking raiders worked banker’s hours.

    DtM: It’s been a while since I used one, but I seem to remember piggy banks having a rubber plug on the belly that you could remove to get your money out. If Dennis can’t figure that out maybe the title should be changed to “Dennis the Dumbass.”

    Blondie: When is a “Sam Elliott in The Big Lebowski Burger” going to open up in my town?

    GA: Skeezix and wife check into Hootin’ Holler’s sole hotel as the Old Timey Comics Singularity approaches.

    DT: Re-using Monday’s installment panel for panel? Apparently the spirit of Locher lives on.

    GT: Bfody can’t settle for “WHUD!” He needs to stay and practice until he gets a “WHAP!” or a “THNOK!”

  90. Walker of Dog
    September 10th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Paul: “Wait, I have just one more thing to say…. I’m pregnant.”
    Lu Ann: *GASP* “It’s my fault. I should never have let you use our bathroom.”

    MW: Damn, thinks Mary, that sounded so much better in my head.

    S-M: Another villain fails to motivate his henchmen. Couldn’t you at least call them “Team Big Boss”?

  91. Sparkle Plenty
    September 10th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    MT: What if the message warns Mother about Andy and Mark, and she decides to hide Andy?

    And where is Kelly all this time?

  92. Black Drazon
    September 10th, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: Man, I’ve heard of parties being face-meltingly awesome, but the sort of face-melting in panel 3 might be enough to finally bring a doctor into this Rex Morgan Supposedly MD storyline.

  93. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    tag fail.

    it’s today’s Dick Tracy strip, for those who are overly Chron-dependent. ;-)

  95. Peanut Gallery
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    MW (yesterday) – From now on, if someone asks me whether I believe something, I’m just going to say “Truths may exist there.”

  96. Peanut Gallery
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#6): He can play the honky-tonk like anything… GAA! Earworm!

  97. AhClem
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    BB – “Come on, General. It’s going to end like all the others: Gilligan is going to screw up, and they’ll all be stuck on the island for another week. Now GET THE HELL OUT!”

    MW – “We can only do the best we can with what we have where we are. And in your case, I would recommend a lucrative and rewarding career in Sales.”

    A3G – “LuAnn, before you answer, read this copy of the “Watchtower” so you can learn the “Truth” and become one of us.”

  98. Pseudo3D
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    I love Kelly’s expression in the third panel. I could tell they were going for a side shot, but she looks so perplexed. Oh, and remind me how old she’s supposed to be again? Junior high? High school? College?

  99. dale
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    You live alone in the deep woods. “Your” dog comes running up, followed by a large one you’ve never seen before. You might say, “Who’s your friend?”.
    You DO reach for your SHOTGUN.

  100. Peanut Gallery
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Phred22 (#9), @Spectra (#48): (RMMD, panel 1 / MT) Stick a hair-bun on the back of Spider’s head and he could be Mother McQueen.

  101. Crankenstank
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    I think the ALGU-3000 may be moonlighting in Rex Morgan…it found “make the scene” in its database tagged as “PHRASE, YOUTHFUL, VERNACULAR, UTTERED BY HUMANS IN LATE ADOLESCENT REBELLION PHASE, WITH PRETENSIONS TO ORIGINALITY IN THE AESTHETIC APPRECIATION OF MUSIC AS CHARACTERIZED BY OUTSIDERNESS.” And it’s pretty much a hilarious punchline, as the ALGU-3000 jokes always are.

  102. ALGJU3000
    September 10th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#101): make: No rule for target scene. Stop.

  103. Peanut Gallery
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#93): Hokey smoke! The Comics Kingdom colorization of Dick Tracy is different from the GoComics one! Is it always like that?

  104. Mark B
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    I’m expecting a scene next week where Spider punches a teacher in the mouth and stands over the stunned educator and says ‘ROADHOUSE!’ Because he’s just THAT cool.

  105. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#89) on 9CL: “No one is a good enough multitasker that they can hold their breath while getting it on. But softcore is one of the few things Brooke is good at, so I guess we let this one play out.”

    Nah, it’s just that — like so many of us — Brooke tends to measure everything with his own yardstick. He’s writing purely from experience. And, cynic though I am, I have to concede that even Brooke can hold his breath underwater for ten seconds.

  106. Crankenstank
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Also, pool parties are VERY punk rock.

  107. Écureuil Écumant
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#96): Well, of course. Spidey’s the sultan of schwing.

  108. Just some guy
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, pool parties are what all the juvenile delinquents are into these days!
    Those damn punks and their pool parties!!

  109. Lenoxus
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    It took me far too long (well, a couple seconds) to realize that the BB joke is that the firefighter is talking about a literal TV show. This is the rare, rare joke that would work better if “updated for our modern times” like legacy comics often do, eg, “Hey, I have that show in my Hulu queue!”

    As it is, I read the firefighter as giving a sort of Rousing Speech to tell the general to hold on, not do anything stupid, etc, with “that show” being some sort of destructive behavior pattern he’s seen too many times before. (In short, the same way Josh read it.) Aren’t there like twelve movies where a character gives a speech of this flavor? So, my brain has been understandably conditioned.

  110. Sgt. Stoned
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smiff: It’s funny because Miz Prunelly is a thief and a fine role model to her students since, aside from one doctor, one preacher, one storekeeper, one sheriff and one ‘jedge’, thieving in the only profession in Hootin’ Holler.

    Beetle Bailey: I didn’t know that Hi Flagston was a firefighter.

    The Lockhorns: Let’s see, the burners on the range only come up to Loretta’s knees, yet she doesn’t have to bend in order to handle the pots and pans. I’m just trying to wrap my head around the anatomy lesson here.

    MW: Before this unmoving plotline sends me into a coma, I’d like to find out what happened to Gina’s father. He is obviously dead, but how? Did the mob finally whack him? Gina, who can’t get over her mother’s death, clearly doesn’t care about the old man.

  111. Swordsmith
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    OBH: fail. While the two phrases do sound exactly alike, the trouble with this is that they sound exactly alike. In print, it’s clear that she’s saying one thing but means another, but there would be no way for anyone not in her head to know that.

  112. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    I’ll be the first to admit I’m no longer “down” with the kids and their hep street lingo, so can someone interpret Josh’s “It’s no ‘roadside,’ but it’s at least as iconic as ‘crib’” for me? ‘Cause I just don’t get the overall reference.

  113. idledandy
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    As I’ve mentioned before, my Sunday comics arrive on Saturdays. Tomorrow’s comics are almost all about 9/11, but in a strange variety of ways.

    *SPOILERS*

    Some directly address the event. Curtis’s dad talks about that day, saying that Curtis was a baby and Barry wasn’t born yet. Weird. Beetle Bailey is depressing and awful. Some, like Blondie, just suspend the action to have the characters pay respects. Oddly enough, Family Circus is kind of sweet in its way, and Hagar the Horrible is one of my favorites.

    The stupidest is Luann, which is a typical catty Tiffany strip with a small box inserted in the bottom left to “Remember 9/11.”

    And then there’s Dilbert, which just skips the entire thing.

  114. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    And I think RMMD‘s Spider is like the two-faced woman in Seinfeld: his appearance changes depending on the lighting. Today in the first panel he looks like a smug Rex Jr. with a particularly bad haircut; in the second panel he looks like Eminem.
    Apparently, based on her aghast look, Kelly in panel 3 has noticed he’s a shapeshifter.

  115. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#79): Early nominee for next week’s COTW.

  116. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Also, I suspect that as Spider slips away from Kelly’s window, he’ll depart with this cryptic message: “23 skidoo!”

  117. zerowolf
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Paul: We are Linsky of Borg, be prepared to be assimulated.

  118. Uncle Lumpy
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#112):

    “Roadside” is 2005-era fake Canadian slang. “Crib” refers to the comfortable dwellings of Snake’s long-lamented predecessor in RMMD, Cue, from 2009.

  119. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#103): different species of color monkeys.

    @The Gringo Kid (#112): “Roadside” was one of the big FOOB words that existed only in Lynn’s brain. “Crib” was a comment made by Cue of “Free Cue” fame, iirc.

  120. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#96): there’s worse from the same general source.

  121. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#118):
    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#119):
    Thank you both for casting illumination into the darkness of my “Spider hole” (that is what I’m now calling my “crib”). That was way pre-Mudge for me.
    What I really appreciated in that first link provided by Uncle Lumpy was the the awesome Gil Thorp strip in which Coach Kaz is throwing up gang signs in panel two. GT is always “down with the kids”!

  122. But What Do I Know?
    September 10th, 2011 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): Re: A3G

    Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!

    (with apologies to the late Peter Falk) Did you know that Margo was in the apartment the night her husband was killed?

  123. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#118): Wow. Wow. Uncle Lumpy’s RMMD link also leads to this link to an A3-G strip from three years ago, which features … a dope-dealing Paul Linski. It’s all becoming clear now! Paul has gotten LuAnn hooked on Heisenberg’s Blue Meth, and she’s imagining herself in Dante’s seventh circle of hell (i.e. a family picnic in suburban New Jersey).

  124. Elk Meadow
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    “We need to make this scene.”

    She’s going, “Oh, crap, a time traveler….”

  125. Liam
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    MW-You just know that Mary is agonizing over having to tell Gina to look Bobby up on the Internet. She will say anything to drag out the inevitable naming of the thing she most fears.

    FC-Look at the credits and see who’s name comes first. That’s right my name. So don’t go criticizing my work. Now go back to the basement and crank out one of those cheap Sunday fillers.

  126. dull_old_man
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    About Funky Winkerbean: Wouldn’t it be to your team’s disadvantage to turn out the lights when the other team has the ball? They can run in the dark, but you have a harder time figuring how to tackle the one with the ball. When the other team’s player is in the end zone, he can use a lighter or his cell phone to show the ref. Stupid, says me. Unsportsmanlike–heck, the other team can have a kid get off the bench with a ball and run into the end zone if they want to cheat.

  127. Liam
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    FC-What’s that stuff you churn out on Sundays?

  128. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s Outdoor Tips:

    http://www.missouriwhitetails.com/forums/viewthread.php?tid=52742

    (My favorite is the “Cricket Bread Trap”!)

  129. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    [OT] when it comes to college football, I care about a grand total of 3 teams, one to win and two to lose. The two to lose are playing each other this evening, and I’m conflicted.

  130. Funkachute
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Punks love pool parties!

  131. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#129): I’m assuming you mean Notre Dame-Michigan, in which case you should definitely be rooting against Touchdown Jesus.

  132. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#129): Also, I hope this doesn’t mean you’re a fan of tOSU. I have too much respect for you to deal with that possibility!

  133. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail — “A dog in hand is worth two in the Deep Woods!”*

    *In the bird bander tongue!

  134. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#131): this.

    the Violent Leprechauns vs the Smelly Weasels.

  135. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#132): hellNO.

    Sparty fan here.

  136. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

  137. UncleJeff
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    GT: Back when I was doing high school football on the radio, I was walking onto a field with a visiting coach during pregame warmups.
    He was complaining about how this team always did something to upset him.
    This particular time, he had a very fast team. So, we walk onto the field and the grass is wet and up over our ankles even though it hadn’t rained in a week.
    Coach starts cursing and just as his team starts a passing drill (2 quarterbacks throwing, no waiting) all the lights on our side of the field went out while the balls were in the air.
    Needless to say: more cursing from the Coach.

  138. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#135): I will definitely be rooting for Sparty next weekend.

  139. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#137): If they wet down the field in Funky, it would no doubt lead to a mass electrocution of all the players when the lights blew. And Les would suffer an aneurysm-enducing orgasm at the sight of that.

  140. Westville Ocologist$$$$$
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    FW-Wow, Tom Batiuk actually made a legitimate joke! It took nearly 20 years, countless cancer deaths, a public assassination, two depressing comic strips, several broken dreams, a time jump, and years of having to endure Les Moore’s vomit-inducing lovelife, but by God, We have a joke!!!!!

    RMMD- Panel 2- did the artist take a community colleeg coarse in tracing ancient egyptian sarcophogi or something. All Spiders missing is the cobra headress and the crook and flail!!!!

  141. Morndew
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    I lost internet sevice over the summer. Funny how they want money for these things…anyway, I’m back on now, and JP, MW and A3G are almost EXACTLY where they were when I lost my connection.
    All this time I thought we were snarking, but in fact we were just telling the sad sad truth. Sad sad and I mean really sad…

  142. The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
    September 10th, 2011 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    In panel 2, Spider looks like Morrissey and Sinead O’Connor had a child together. But personality-wise, that would make him Les Moore. Oh dear Lord, what horrible ancient Secret of the Gods have I uncovered?

  143. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    *loads*

    *locks*

    *shoots #143 in the nutz*

  144. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    [ot][whinge] ok, I acknowledge the need for security updates. but 4 1/2 hour + scans?!?

    *grumbles*

  145. Peanut Gallery
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#120): Wow, thanks for linking that — a brilliant mash-up from Weird Al!

  146. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @nikesoccercleatsshoes (#143): ajkhasnaksdhasda

    When did Jar Jar Binks start posting here?

  147. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#147): It’s “I kicked Les in the nads” jumbled.

  148. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE (#142): Would that make Spider a morose gay Druid priestess? And careful what you say about Les, or he WILL invoke the wrath of Cthulu aganst you!

  149. Peanut Gallery
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#128): Mmmm, pan-seared “D” batteries…

  150. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Three of Gina’s cousins sent her a family postcard from China:

    http://www.china-mike.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/chinese-queue-pigtail.jpg

    “Free Queue!”

  151. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 10th, 2011 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @nikesoccercleatsshoes (#143): Wow, this spambot seems kinda discombobulated.

  152. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @idledandy (#113): I’m really stumped as to how you can fit 9/11 references into a strip about Medieval Norse brigands, even if it’s had its share of anachronisms already. Although you say it’s fairly classy, which is good.

  153. Uncle Lumpy
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#143):

    *loads*

    *locks*

    *shoots #143 in the nutz*

    Ouch!

  154. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#105):

    And, cynic though I am, I have to concede that even Brooke can hold his breath underwater for ten seconds.

    But can he possibly think that ten seconds would be enough to satisfy Diane? Wait, why am I even asking?

  155. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#137): Sounds like Marty Moon: The Early Years!

  156. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47):

    Mary — “I think we’ve spent long enough on this, Bobby. Take off the wig and quit telling stories.”

    At least Pippi Gina finally got the monkey off her back:

    http://www.kiddiematinee.com/images/pippi01.jpg

  157. The Gringo Kid
    September 10th, 2011 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Queek, if you’re out there, I hope you witnessed the end of that game. Perhaps there is a God, after all.

  158. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Broom Hilda — Get out the eye bleach… Broomie does a striptease sneeze!

  159. Elk Meadow
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#143):

    Little did you realize that you would become 143. That must hurt a lot.

  160. Maggie the Cat
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    Dear Wilson & Nolan-

    Punk kids do NOT attend “pool parties”, let alone pool parties that are known as “the party of the year”. This would be “too mainstream” for someone on society’s frayed outer-edge. Also, Ben Bailey as “Spider”, the high school aged, hell-raising punk is just not working for me.

    Thanks-
    Maggie le Gata

  161. Uncle Lumpy
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#105):

    … even Brooke can hold his breath underwater for ten seconds.

    Stop talking for that long?

  162. Maggie the Cat
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    FW- It was nice for Batiuk to not focus on creepy Les for one day (awesome display of self-control, btw) and instead pay homage to our national tragedy. However, no reputable airline serves drinks as you approach for landing. It’s sort of a “sit down and buckle up” moment, if you will.

  163. Elk Meadow
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @idledandy (#113):

    The comics just came up on Oregonlive.com

    Prince Valiant has Draco crashing into a beam, and the scaffolding starts to crumble and fall.

    Mary Worth makes a phone call to a woman who’s son died ten years earlier.

    Rex Morgan skips the 9/11, but I think I know where the party is. Some time ago, a child in Oregon went missing; the family has made sure to keep his name and picture in the news, hoping to get him back from wherever he went. The latest is a birthday party in (Kyron Horman’s) honor, including “…a mohawk station for boys and a nail-painting station for girls. Horman, who shaves his head, said he plans on getting a purple quarter-inch mohawk in tribute to Kyron, who always wanted one. For details on the party, check Kyron’s website, http://bringkyronhome.org.”

    News article for reference:
    http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2011/09/kyron_hormans_mother_says_more_2.html

  164. Elk Meadow
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Whoops. Address is http://bringkyronhome.org/

  165. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey — Sergeant 1st Class Louise Lugg is conspicuous by her absence.

    This could mean ‘Louse’ Lugg and Bella — Lugg’s “pet” cat — are both members of a terrorist sleeper cell bent on destroying the American military establishment from within!

  166. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2011 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Love Luv is… getting your girlfriend to whack your balls around!

  167. Comcis Fan
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    It’s quiet around here. Is everyone asleep or am I not alone in feeling wrong about snarking the tribute comics, even though some are snarkworthy? I will
    say that I liked the way “Blondie” handled the day.

  168. Uncle Lumpy
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:17 am [Reply]

  169. FOOBed again
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    F Minus is NSFBG today.

  170. Droopy Says
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#167): You’ve probably called it. Some are obvious snark-bait. Others, like Dick Tracy and The New Adventures of Queen Victoria, are good.

  171. Herman's Hindquarters
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    There is no offense intended by what I’m about to say: I work for one of the airlines that was involved in the 9-11 terrorist attack, and many of my co-workers died that day.

    But almost all of my regular strips did the 9-11 weepwank today and almost all of these self-servicing “tributes” were as phony as a four-dollar bill or someone running a Stars-and-Stripes-draped fake charity, rubbing onions under their eyes and screaming as if it were the only tragedy to befall anyone, anywhere, ever, and pretending badly to give a damn.

    There should be a poll for the most offensive strips; while Dick Tracy would get my vote for Most Grossly Exploitative for its final panel, and Funky Cancercancer is a shoo-in for Most Predictable, Snuffy Smith seems a lock for Most Who-Do-You-Think-You’re-Kidding as a lazy, scattergun-wielding criminal rends his shirt in the pretense he gives a tinker’s fart about anyone outside the Holler. Meanwhile Curtis takes Most Delusionally Pseudo-Patriotic for thinking the trade-offs we’ve made in lives and freedoms have done us a world of good.

    Every one of ‘em beats out Marvel’s own infamous weepwank published shortly after the event — Doctor Doom weeping openly for the victims — for sheer chutzpah.

  172. Écureuil Écumant
    September 11th, 2011 at 5:15 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#161): I didn’t stipulate he wouldn’t be emitting speech bubbles, and you’ll note I didn’t specify from which end.

  173. Mr. O'Malley
    September 11th, 2011 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    I hate to comment on the tribute comics because even the ones that are not so successful are well-meant.

    I thought FC was surprisingly good and understated. Jeff, maybe you could work with the format and make the strip a bit more relevant.

    Ginger Meggs gives the Aussie view. You watch the sensitive movies, you drink the wine, why not read the comic?

    BC has the “Wiley’s poem” format for the first time since the new artist took over, I think. This was the format that was used for the most offensive strips back in the days when the strip was dropped from many papers. He must be trying to redeem it; at least the content is not objectionable.

    I think Doonesbury is probably the best. Candorville is the most pointed, but I suppose the strip only runs in liberal markets anyway. And ZtP is a good runner-up.

    I have some sympathy with those artists who think that the topic is best not addressed in a comic strip. There are a few efforts that border on the embarrassing.

    The rest:

    Non Sequitur is looking at Dickens. Something that should be encouraged.

    JP: “I thought so, too!” I don’t think a comma is required. And now we are veering into teens creating sexually awkward monetary relationships? Just buy a Telecaster and be free, man!

    RMMD: I hear Gina’s looking for a date! I can get my old skateboard out of the garage!

  174. Écureuil Écumant
    September 11th, 2011 at 6:08 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#173): “JP: ‘I thought so, too!’ I don’t think a comma is required.”

    I think so too. Or should that be “I think not too”? Or “I think not either”?

    I think. Not?

  175. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2011 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    @Herman’s Hindquarters (#171):

    Unfortunately, Dick Tracy, Beetle Bailey, Curtis Wilkins, Snuffy Smith et al. have been replaced on the “funny” pages by the Pod People from Invasion of the Body Snatchers

    “They’re here already! You’re next! You’re next, You’re next…!”

  176. Écureuil Écumant
    September 11th, 2011 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#175): Today’s Zits gives a nuanced (IMO) pushback to incipient comic strip maudlinism, in this sense: group hugs really ought to be a routine household occurrence, not one reserved for majorly traumatic occasions. They’re a stronger foundation for unity than grief/fear/anger are, and thus also a good metaphor to put out there to a likewise-traumatized world: Yo, listen up! Fuckin’ Jeremy got one right.

  177. John C Fremont
    September 11th, 2011 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    I dunno, maybe I’m just being unusually sentimental today, but I thought that most of the tribute comics (well, those comics that I read every day) were fairly tasteful and relatively well done. I was particularly touched by today’s Sally Forth and Dick Tracy. (I mentioned Sally first because saying that I was “touched by Dick Tracy” just sounds wrong and kind of disturbing. Even when I’m being sentimental I still have a very dirty mind.) Even Mary Worth kind of worked in its own way. And Mutts. Mutts was good.

    I guess it’s just the mood I’m in. No, wait! That was the name of that damned Brotherhood of Man song, and I don’t want to think about that. Okay then, it’s just the way I feel. No, that was that Nimoy album which, sadly, I own. (sigh) I think I’ll just go watch Baron Munchausen again.

  178. Swordsmith
    September 11th, 2011 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    FW: I promised myself I wasn’t going to comment on the tribute strips. And honestly, this one is pretty well done, which is a rare thing to say about a FW. But I have to say that the artwork on the final panel seems phoned in; in the few comparison pics I could find of the skyline, it seems One World Trade Center is currently visible. Bautik is showing a shot from somewhere between 2001 and 2010.

  179. Liam
    September 11th, 2011 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-How does he even knows what happened? I thought they lived in a place untouched by time or society.

    A3G-I am amazed. I thought we were going to be getting a rehash of the last few days. That last panel just seems so tacked on.

  180. Liam
    September 11th, 2011 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Is there any sort of tribute for the people who died at the Pentagon? All I ever hear about is the people who died in New York? I am shocked that Beetle Bailey didn’t cover the Pentagon. You would think the General would have some friends who died that day at the Pentagon.

  181. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2011 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    GF: mmm, carpa-cola! *gigglez*

    NS: y’know, it’s strips like this that make me keep reading this strip. I just wish he’d do more of these, and less of the painful anvils and ranting.

    while my own feelings are pretty much like Doonsbury today, there’s a lot of well done tributes. (and some not so good. Evens, I’m looking at you.)

  182. Comcis Fan
    September 11th, 2011 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#173):

    Re the embarrassing attempts, I think when the comic makes you want to giggle, then makes you a feel a little wrong for wanting to giggle, it didn’t have the intended effect.

  183. gleeb
    September 11th, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Red & Rover: No way he’s not screwing that dog.

    Phantom: Drag your eyes away from the Bangallan Miss Buxley and look at Eric Sahara (The Nomad!) in that last panel. He knows. That’s what this was all about. Forget about the rest of the team, this is about these two trying to get the drop on one another.

    Tales of the Callow Wealthy!: At that moment, Cuteguy McBoyfriend knew he was about to become a whore.

    Curtis: I know I’ll never forget what those 18 stars and 10 stripes stand for.

  184. Comcis Fan
    September 11th, 2011 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#168):

    Agreed on Sally Forth.

    Even though “The Lockhorns” didn’t do a tribute, I wondered if Leroy and Loretta refrained from fighting in memory of the tragedy.

  185. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#179): That last panel just seems so tacked on.

    Not at all — the artist’s tribute to the victims of 9/11 has been ongoing. It’s the only rational explanation for the spectral blue people who keep showing up in Frank Bolle’s crowd scenes!

    (And at least we were spared the sight of Margo Magee weeping!)

  186. CanuckDownSouth
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#180): Not much – some, like Blondie, and generic to 9/11, Ginger Meggs mentions someone who died at the Pentagon, and one of the Pluggers’ bumper stickers is a pentagon-shaped remembrance.

    The higher-casualty civilian target has been more remembered in what I’ve seen, not just in the comics

  187. The Ridger
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Virtually nobody shows the Pentagon. Possibly because the Towers were so dramatic (the Pentagon just got damaged), possibly because of all the first responders who died, possibly because of a tendency to want to get one image – I don’t know. Only slight less rarely does anybody mention Flight 93, though the Washington Post has a few nice articles, as you might expect.

  188. Windier E. Megatons
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#109): The same thing happened to me. I was thinking, “My God, this is supposed to be a joke? He’s just telling him that he’s seen what happens when people don’t come out of their house during a fire and it never ends well? This is morbid.” Then this morning I realized that he meant the general was staying inside because he was trying to catch the end of a TV show. And you’re right – in the modern era of the internet, DVRs, what have you, this joke is so thoroughly dated that it shouldn’t be surprising we read right past it.

  189. Vince M
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#170): NAOQV has the best tribute/message I’ve seen all week in ANY medium.

  190. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Scary Gary — Once again Buford proves what a piece-loving strip this is!

    (Note to any suicide bombers: Please find the nearest remote mountaintop and blow yourself up. Seriously.)

  191. Scott Bot
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Not gonna comment on any of the tribute strips – everyone here has said it better than I ever could (I especially appreciate Herman’s Hindquarters comments @171, they may be controversial, but he summed up a lot for me), except to say that Doonesbury did the best job.

    That said – Judge Parker today shows the mindset of everyone in this strip – there is no problem too big or too complicated that can’t be solved by throwing a ton of money at it.

  192. anonymous
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#160):

    Absolutely correct. I can hardly look at this stupid strip, it’s so beyond stupid. And Spider is so ugly he makes me a little nauseated. I’m hoping when this arc ends in a year or two he comes to a bad, bad end.

    Pluggers: Like Snuffy Smith – I can’t imagine a fat ignorant Plugger caring much one way or another about this day, seeing as how this disaster occurred in evil Noo York City a thousand miles from Pluggerville; except maybe some Miss Tits on Fox News got them all fired up to “remember”. I could see the Pluggers remembering the Pentagon as one of the very few escapes from Pluggerville for their young is to join the Army.

  193. anonymous
    September 11th, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Forgot to say RMMD – “Spider” – looks like a 40 year old anorexic drug addled punk rocker illegal alien from London. Twenty years ago. I know they age faster than normal people but this Spider looks 40 if he’s a day. Hey, RMMD artists: I don’t so much mind the stupidity of your storyline, but portraying the high school girl’s boyfriend as being almost three times her age is just insultingly dumb.

  194. True Fable
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Zits has my blood boiling. You call THIS a tribute? “(whine) Do we hafta remember September 11 by being grateful we still have each other when so many have lost their loved ones?”

    It needs to have this added: “Well, yes we do, Jeremy, but mostly we want to keep you from stealing our wallets and then going out to inflict yourself on others, you selfish little punk.”

  195. Mark B
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking the song that Sophie’s paramour can play is ‘Just a Gigolo.’ He’s no David Lee Roth, but he’ll have to do.

  196. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    darnit, Hammy.

    seems legit. (alt, birdstrike THIS!)

    for True Fable.

    Happy sundogs.

  197. TheDiva
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @anonymous (#192): Pluggers are nothing if not patriotic, especially if it’s the sort of empty-gesture decal-and-bumper-sticker patriotism that spiked in the wake of 9/11. Heck, today is probably the only day they think of New York with kindness.

    Other thoughts (which may or may not be funny or insightful, but are not intended to offend everyone who has lost and who remembers):

    C’shaft: The concept of a bitter, aggressively misanthropic bastard who can barely speak ten words without misusing three of them listening to a reporter extol the virtues of knowledge and and open-mindedness is ironic in ways that the author probably did not intend.

    DT: Nicely done. Most effective tribute of the day, IMO.

    FW: I’ll admit that the idea here kind of strikes a chord with me–one of the things I did on 9/11 was dig out my old photo album to have a look at the New York skyline picture I’d taken just three years previously, with the towers front and center. The artwork, unfortunately, is more than a little off-putting, and solidifies my belief that Batiuk’s characters are miserable all the time because he can’t draw happy people without making them look mentally disturbed. So give it an 8 for concept, but 2 for execution.

    Lio: Another good one–generally speaking I like the simple and understated ones best. (Although I hope that’s root beer in Lio’s glass…)

    Luann: Despite having two major characters who are (or were) firefighters, Evans can only manage a small “tribute” box in the corner, leaving the lion’s share of the strip as an awkward set-up for mean girl sniping (Why is Luann wearing a skirt with the tag still on? Who told her that thing looked attractive, on her or anyone else? What polka-dot face–it’s the exact same complexion as Tiffany!). I’d rather he’d have ignored the thing altogether.

    MW: Is it really necessary to preface your message to a woman whose son lost his life at the WTC with “Today is the tenth anniversary”? I’m sure she, of all people, is fully aware of what day it is. (On the plus side, thank you for not tying Gina’s interminable Bobby Black angst into this.)

  198. Scott Bot
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Mark B (#195): That song, with a slight change in title, could apply to Sam, or the Judge, or anyone else in the strip: ‘I’ve got just a big ego, and everywhere I go…’

  199. Ed Dravecky
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Luann includes firefighters as main characters and the best Greg Evans could do was a tiny blurb wedged under an incomprehensibly lame joke about teen fashion? On a day when even Hagar the Horrible can find a way to do a thoughtful, tasteful 9/11 memorial that doesn’t violate the premise of the strip, I have no words to express my loathing for Luann right now.

  200. Mark B
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    I actually liked some of the 9-11 tributes, even the corny ones like Dick Tracy. Doonesbury was the best, of course. Mark Trail’s tribute strip was crappy, even by Mark Trail Sunday filler standards. I would have rather seen a storyline involving Kelly Welly working undercover as a stripper.

  201. Scott Bot
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Mark B (#200): I would have rather seen a storyline involving Kelly Welly working undercover as a stripper.

    I’d read that.

  202. Mr K Martin
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Herman’s Hindquarters (#171):

    I’m with you on this.

  203. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    No sharp focus today. I found a place to see most of the comics I could think of and looked at just about all of them, including ones I never think about, just to see how everybody’s handling the occasion. Snuffy Smith seemed as heartfelt as, say, an Itchy & Scratchy tribute to the day might be. Others managed to hit a similar level of smarmy mawkishness in their own ways. Then some were all right. To pick one that’s been discussed a little, I though Dick Tracy handled it okay.

    My reaction, though, is that of a bystander, and not a very close one. I was in Virginia when it happened, not all that near to any of the day’s incidents. It’s entirely possible somebody I know died in the attack, but no name has come to light that I can point to. It freaked me out when it happened, but it wasn’t “my” tragedy. I have a partial interest in it because of how it affected everybody in the country (or larger territory), I guess.

    It leaves me without a lot to mock or criticize, except on general standards of taste or esthetics. Maybe something will occur to me later.

  204. Ed Dravecky
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Ha! Whining about travel security on 9/11 itself is funny because the “people” writing Shoe and Herb & Jamaal are unfeeling inhuman monsters.

  205. The Gringo Kid
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Mark B (#200): The only problem with this is, Kelly would get down to that pink slip she’s always lounging around in and forget how to take it off.

  206. ArchieNemesis
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    A3G: And that’s how 9/11 came to be a day of joy and celebration in the Linski family.
    In later years, this would become a crucial part of Luann’s insanity defense after
    she poisoned them with tainted lemonade.

  207. darwiniac
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    It’s jarring to see some of the comics tributes.

    Like Baby Blues. The kids are all under 10, aren’t they? Thanks to comic-strip lack-of-aging, none of them was even alive when the planes hit the towers, so it’s more like they’re speechless at Wren’s ability to stack blocks than at an event which could only be as abstract and disconnected to them as, say, the Berlin Wall falling is to me. Even more so, since I was alive when the wall fell, just slightly less than two years old and not in a position to remember anything.

  208. Mr K Martin
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Anybody grieving over the millions of people dying of AIDS in Africa? Guess you can’t pick a calender date or that.

  209. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    I agree with those who find some of today’s 9/11 comics clumsy but well meaning—while others are more skillfully handled.

    A3G: Most terrifying marriage proposal ever. And I see that Luann’s sinful black sundress has already started to convert itself to the more ladylike pink.

    MW: Why do I get the feeling that Mary has a daily list of “People to Call Who Need My Reminders of Their Personal Tragedies”? Each day, she pours herself a drink and sits down to the daily delight of calling old friends to offer her opinion of what they should be thinking in their time of sorrow and pain.

  210. Mr K Martin
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#208):

    Typo correction. Shoulda wrote “for that”.

  211. Joe Blevins
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    (today’s zomby) AND TURKISH STAR WARS!

  212. EG
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    You know what annoyed me? Beetle Bailey, a strip supposedly about the military, completely omitted the Pentagon from it’s 9-11 tribute strip. Oy.

  213. Scott Bot
    September 11th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    A3G – And so as Prince Paul spoke those magic words of love to the beautiful scrub girl Lu Ann, the spell the evil witch had cast upon the townfolk lifted, and they changed from the horrible blue hue they had been cursed with, and returned to normal. And there was much rejoicing.

  214. Baka Gaijin
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#209): Yes, each day Mary pours herself a large glass of cold, but not too cold, ice water, mixes in 1 rounded tablespoon of Coarse Milled Original Texture Unflavored Metamucil. None of that new-fangled orange flavor or smooth texture for Mary! While waiting for her salmon-square knotted digestive tract to work, she dials random numbers to do free-style meddling since none of her former victims pick up her calls anymore. Thus Mary’s disdain for technology started with Caller-ID.

  215. commodorejohn
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Luann, you have to marry Paul or the terrorists will win!

    Crankshaft – For a misery fetishist like Batiuk this is surprisingly tasteful, but calling the attacks in question “civilization’s worst nightmare” invites comparatives that are a bit uncomfortable, given some of the other contenders for that title. [*]

    Crock – …cripes. Who would’ve guessed that Crock would be one of the more understated and subtle of these?

    Curtis – So Curtis’s strip has been in existence since 1988 and yet he was born in 2001? I know that trying to comprehend the timeline in floating-stasis gag strips is beyond futile, but Billingsley could at the very least not invite us to consider the question.

    FC – This is, stunningly enough, the least ham-handed and treacly The Family Circus has been in…well, decades. Go figure.

    FG – Holy hell, either that’s a cheap-ass desk or she can heft a shit-ton. You could probably make good scratch with that muscle, lady.

    FW – Well, at the very least Batiuk has finally managed to produce “tragic comic” instead of “tragicomic.”

    HTH – “Now let’s set sail to another land and ransack their richest port city.”

    JP – “That’s such a great deal, it turns me into June Morgan!” Also, “Bender Blaster?” What? I’m not even a guitarist and I know how seriously they take their instruments. I don’t think munging “Fender Stratocaster” for trademark yuks is something you want to do, Woody.

    Luann – Typical shit! Oh, and here’s a note the size of a couple postage stamps in token honorance!

    MW – Thing I did not expect to see in a 9/11 remembrance strip: a quote from Oscar Wilde. It calls to mind so many other possibilities!

    NAOQV – Thank you, Pab.

    Phantom – When hired to assassinate oneself, how exactly does one collect?

    PV – The lesson: seriously, dark magic just fucks everything up.

    RMMD – That bear tells her to kill when the stars are right.

    SM – I feel a little bad for laughing at a 9/11 remembrance strip, but God help me, having Spidey finally admit that he’s not a “real hero” is something I have been waiting for. Hee hee!

  216. commodorejohn
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#209): I nominate your Mary Worth snark for COTW.

  217. Mardou Fox
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#41): I’m not gonna editorialize about this, but I have a friend whose husband admitted that he was incredibly turned on by her labor as she delivered their 10-pound child!

    The human mind is pretty crazy sometime.

  218. Chyron HR
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Looks like Greg Evans finally figured out how to address the terrorist crisis.

    (I liked Dick Tracy, though. Well, not in the sense that I ENJOYED it, but it was emotionally authentic.)

  219. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#215): re Phantom: there’s always taking yourself hostage in order to escape. . . .

  220. Trillian
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Even the “funnies” are depressing today. Guess I’ll turn to the sudoku…

  221. Scott Bot
    September 11th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

  222. Purple Prosecutor
    September 11th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    “Tell your mom anything! We need to make this scene! Yeah, faking a stroke is a great idea! Sneaking out from the hospital will be much easier! Oh wait, you’re not faking?”

  223. Écureuil Écumant
    September 11th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @EG (#212): The one that rankled me was Prickly City’s Saturday prequel. Talk about tonedeaf.

  224. Marion Delgado
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    I think “We have to make this scene” was a little out-of-date when “Gidget” movies used it. So … early 50s? 40s? Not sure when a hep-cat would have used it.

  225. Hank
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#208): Anybody grieving over the millions of people dying of AIDS in Africa? Guess you can’t pick a calender date or that.

    Every country has their own days to commemorate things that happened in that nation’s history.

    Condemning Americans for mourning an American tragedy and complaining that they aren’t having ceremonies for every other country’s tragedies is either knee jerk anti-Americanism (no better than knee jerk patriotism) or a selfish attempt to make yourself look “morally superior” on a day that legitimately means something to a lot of people.

  226. Marion Delgado
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    http://www.oregonlive.com/comics-kingdom/?feature_id=Apartment_3-G

    I can’t help but notice that LuAnn marrying Mr. I-met-you-last-week-what’s-your-name-again-oh-Paul-right? is juxtaposed with “Remember 9/11″ in the last panel – is this deliberate irony?

  227. forgot
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#214): sounds like mary worth needs a kolon klenz!

  228. Hank
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#215): I feel a little bad for laughing at a 9/11 remembrance strip, but God help me, having Spidey finally admit that he’s not a “real hero” is something I have been waiting for. Hee hee!

    Yeah. I know what you mean.

    On a related note, this has been a problem for superhero comics over the past ten years. They want to address the issue because, obviously, it happened. However, it raises the question as to why, in comic book world, they didn’t stop the attacks and/or just fly over to Afghanistan/Pakistan and wipe out Al Queada. There’s also the fact that entire city blocks get wiped out in comic books on a monthly basis.

    Back in 2001, Marvel did an absolutely horrible (if well intentioned) Spidey story about 9/11 that actually had Dr. Doom and Magneto crying over the victims of 9/11. Given that both characters make Bin Laden look like Elmer Fudd and Magneto has tried to wipe out the entire human race several times over, it came off as black comedy more than anything else.

  229. Baka Gaijin
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @forgot (#227): No, we can’t have that. If Mary was “regular,” do you think she’d spend her time butting into other people’s dreary lives?

  230. commodorejohn
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#225): Very true. On the other hand, people who explicitly act like this is the only terrible thing to ever happen to anyone, anywhere (as I noted with Crankshaft) are just as sickening.

  231. Hank
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    I know I’m risking a banning here but I gotta say it: I think “the Duck” actually had one of the best strips today. It wasn’t maudlin and instead of trying to tell a universal truth about an event that was so personal to so many people, it chose to tell a low key story about a single human being who did something admirable. Too bad we don’t see more of those, in his strip and in comics in general.

  232. zerowolf
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Nothing says “never forget” better than Mary getting shitfaced on the patio.

  233. Scott Bot
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#232): This gets my vote for COTW.

  234. zerowolf
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G: All the men in white shirts. All the women in pink blouses. The children are all in blue shirts. Congratulations, Lu Ann you’ll make a fine member of the Church of Stepford.

  235. Hank
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft and FW. Two things: John Byrne, not Batuik, clearly drew today’s Funky (wonder if he wrote it too). And Crankshaft once again brings up the whole time paradox, insofar as it clearly takes place in 2011 again.

  236. Comcis Fan
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#209):

    Well said on MW. I’m still holding back on the full MW snark here. I wondered if the names they used actually referred to a specific mother and son.

  237. Hank
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#230): I don’t think it’s a question of “people who explicitly act like this is the only terrible thing to ever happen to anyone, anywhere.” It’s the tenth anniversary and that’s a ‘milestone’ year in our culture.

    Furthermore, whenever anyone (person or group) grieves about an event, at that moment its all about that event, not every other possible event.

    It’s kind of like a funeral or private memorial service for a family member. Yes, people die every day, and sometimes in ways more horrible than others. But during that service, nothing seems as important as that one person’s death, and it would be the height of insensitivity (even for a member of the deceased’s own family) to start complaining to the mourners to stop acting like “this is the only terrible thing to ever happen to anyone, anywhere.”

  238. Calico
    September 11th, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#203):
    My Mom worked in the Lexington Ave. building, 22 floors above Grand Central Station, 10 years ago – but she happened to have a business appt. in CT that day, which was of course cancelled.
    I was scared that the GCS was going to be hit too. Not a good feeling.
    I’m in rememberance mode, but also can snark a bit too…now will someone please tell me why Mary is about to sit down on a giant corn cob?
    You know, this genetic modification of foodstuffs may be getting a tad out of hand…

  239. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#231): bah. shameless imitation of Brad DeGroot. ;-)

  240. Frank Lee Meidere
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m willing to give each and every comic a miss on its treatment or non treatment of 9/11, even those I found absolutely, incomprehensibly stupid (and I won’t mention Luann by name). Regardless of how the artists and writers may feel about the day, trying to fit in a meaningful tribute on a particular day has got to be difficult. (I found that even doing a blog post about it, which certainly affords far more flexibility than a comic strip, to be hard.) However, if they ignore it, they run the risk of looking callous.

    So no snark from me on the 9/11 comics, because I’m simply not going to mention Luann.

    But I will say that I’m overwhelmingly happy to have you guys as our neighbours (although maybe not so much Greg Evans).

  241. Swordsmith
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    A3G:
    Sept 9, LuAnn thinks “this can’t be happening”
    Sept 10, She responds to the ring with “It’s beautiful, Paul, but…”
    So it is now clear that she wasn’t ready for this proposal and has some objection to it.
    Paul stops her before she finishes her rejection, saying “Wait, I have just one more thing to say.”
    Sept 11, Paul does NOT say whatever it was he was going to say. Crowd pressures LuAnn into saying yes, which I assume she did merely to avoid embarassing herself or Paul, but plans to later raise her objection and perhaps retract her commitment. But her thought bubble declares that her “yes” was indeed heartfelt!

    The only thing I can think here is that “just one more thing” was exerting his hitherto unsuspected mind control powers. Is he Mary Worth’s long lost grandson? Or does the entire Linsky clan have the power, which they focused on LuAnn in concert?

  242. agony
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#237):

    I’m hesitant to enter into this discussion, as a non-American, but at a private memorial service, people don’t say, for example “this is the most devastating death ever”. They say “I am devastated by this death” or “I will never forget Al”, things like that. They seldom DO act as if this is the only terrible thing to happen to anyone, ever. They instead acknowledge how terrible this particular thing is to them.

    It’s entirely appropriate for Americans to mourn and remember an American tragedy. It’s nobody else’s business to say “Get over it already” or “don’t make such a big deal about it, bad things happen every day”. On this day, this event will be the focus, and there’s nothing to apologize for in that.

    However, when terms like “Civilization’s worst nightmare” are used, like in Crackshaft, it does feel a little inappropriate to others who are also part of civilization, and who may have nightmares of their own.

    And I agree with Frank – happy to have you guys as neighbours, and thinking of you today.

  243. Little Guy
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m just thrilled that Batliuk didn’t shoehorn a 9/11 remembrance with a LisaCancerCancer plug (although there’s a growing consensus that First Responders are developing health-related issues due to the debris from the Towares after they fell).

    I guess Evans is too invested in his Ann/Toni catfight to properly used his already in-universe tribute.

    Mort Walker’s weepy heads are the most offensive. Sorry, it just strikes me that way from a military standpoint.

    All in all, not bad.

  244. Little Guy
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Towares?

  245. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#243):

    Mort Walker’s weepy heads are the most offensive. Sorry, it just strikes me that way from a military standpoint.

    Good point, especially when so many actual soldiers are not standing by weeping but being wounded and killed and taking lives themselves—all tremendously difficult and traumatic. (We had David Finkel’s The Good Soldiers as our summer freshman text, so I’m immersed in one version of the Iraq War right now, and I suppose that’s partly why the Walkers’ melodramatic rendering grates on me. Better for him to have gone for understatement.)

  246. Hank
    September 11th, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @agony (#242): I understand what you’re saying and take no offense. However, there most likely are services where people say “this is the worst day ever” or words to that effect. And while it obviously isn’t the worst day in history for everyone, it is for them at that moment. Sometimes we should just let people grieve, either privately or publicly, and not be concerned with whether their feelings are factually valid or not.

    Now, on a more serious note, how in god’s name did I find myself forced to defend Tom Batuik and Crankshaft?

  247. Little Guy
    September 11th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#208): This December will e the 70th Anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Anyone want to put an over/under of strips that will recognize that? I say 6.5.

  248. Some Guy
    September 11th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#215): Curtis – So Curtis’s strip has been in existence since 1988 and yet he was born in 2001? I know that trying to comprehend the timeline in floating-stasis gag strips is beyond futile, but Billingsley could at the very least not invite us to consider the question.

    On the other hand, is that better or worse than Hi & Lois, which includes what I assume is a genuine panel from the time, and thereby confirms that Trixie has been a baby for ten years?

    You get used to this stuff reading superhero comics: Spider-Man may have been published for fifty years, but his highschool rival Flash Thompson’s military career was in Iraq, not Vietnam, regardless of what comics published at the time might have said. Superboy ran for about forty years under the assumption that Clark Kent was a teenager fifteen years ago, whenever that happened to be. And so on.

  249. Some Guy
    September 11th, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#248): That should really be “at least 10 years”, since of course Trixie has been a baby for a lot longer than that in real time.

  250. Little Guy
    September 11th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#189): Agreed. Then again, after the Elisabeth Sladen tribute, I should treat NAoQV as the go-to strip for tributes.

  251. Baka Gaijin
    September 11th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#249): A steady supply of Lucky Strikes and Maxwell House’ll do that to a kid.

  252. Trillian
    September 11th, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#235): Perhaps FW takes place in the future…

    In 2025,
    If Crankshaft is still alive,
    If Funky Winkerbean can survive…

  253. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 11th, 2011 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#225): An American Tragedy was written by Theodore Dreiser — although a shit-faced Mary Worth would probably insist it was written by Oscar “Just Call Me Wild About Harry” Maris.

  254. Scott Bot
    September 11th, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#253): Or ‘Call-Me-Wildcat’ Maris from Gil Thorp.

  255. True Fable
    September 11th, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#196): GOAT! A pair of Kid Goats! SQUEEE!

  256. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 11th, 2011 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#255): glad that you liked. I was beginning to wonder if you were still around, I’ve posted several that passed without comment. Still, reality can be a bitch at times, and can interfere with ‘mudgeoning.

  257. Mr K Martin
    September 11th, 2011 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#225):

    Get off your high horse. Nobody’s feeling “morally superior” or condemning the tributes. What I am saying is that perhaps 9/11 should have opened our eyes to the world around us, not just our home country. That’s hardly “anti-American.”

  258. Liam
    September 11th, 2011 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues-In the next panel Wren knocks the blocks down in typical baby fashion.

    MW-I am a little put off by the Oscar Wilde quote at the end because I usually think of sarcastic snarky comments from him.

  259. The Gringo Kid
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#231): I know I’m risking a banning here but I gotta say it: I think “the Duck” actually had one of the best strips today.
    @Hank (#246): Now, on a more serious note, how in god’s name did I find myself forced to defend Tom Batuik and Crankshaft?
    Forget about mentioning Eht Kcud. The latter transgretion alone might be enough to get you banned.

  260. The Gringo Kid
    September 11th, 2011 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#259): Wow, did I really write “transgretion”? Sowwey!

    @Little Guy (#243): I’m just thrilled that Batliuk didn’t shoehorn a 9/11 remembrance with a LisaCancerCancer plug.
    There is no day that looms larger in the Batiukverse than The Day Saint Lisa Died. 9/11 merited only a single strip. LisaFest will probably be celebrated in a monthlong orgy.

  261. Brimstone
    September 12th, 2011 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    ‘We need to make this scene’ makes sense.

  262. Tonyman
    September 12th, 2011 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    JP – Let’s see…Hillary Forth, who has the curves of a 2×4, can snag a boyfriend. But, Sophie Driver who is young, pretty and rich has to bribe a boy for a date?

  263. Liam
    September 12th, 2011 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-We need to make the scene or else we’re standing in front of white panels.

  264. Dim_star
    September 13th, 2011 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    By the look on his girfriend’s face in the last panel, it seems Spider’s mesmerizing stubble-hawk is both menacing and siezure inducing!

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