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Metapost: Fall 2011 Bible Bird Band Fundraiser













Click the banner to contribute and receive a Commemorative Comics Curmudgeon Bible Bird Band! Details here.

Twice a year I host a fundraiser to thank Josh for the considerable time, effort, and talent he puts into The Comics Curmudgeon. This time, every contributor will receive a one-of-a-kind Mark Trail-themed Comics Curmudgeon Commemorative Bible Bird Band in appreciation of your generosity. Behold:

These are gold-anodized aluminum butt-end bird bands (three are shown), 1/2″ inside by 3/8″ tall — appropriate for pheasants, ducks, and young (4 – 10 weeks) geese. Each is stamped “Genesis 1:20″, “Lost Forest”, and “CC11-nnn”, where “nnn” is a unique serial number starting at 001. The referenced verse is “And God said, let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven” (KJV) — the very same verse worn by Mark’s Rescue Goose and Mountie McQueen’s wall.

Made by America’s premier manufacturer of game bird, poultry, and livestock tags, these fine bands have been wet-tumbled to a satin sheen, and are ready to ship — First Class, of course — to Comics Curmudgeon contributors of any amount. Your one-of-a-kind Bible Bird Band will arrive packed with a length of linen or leather cord and a pinch of feathers, ready for you to transform into a necklace, bracelet, talisman, or fetish object — the possibilities are endless! Bands will be mailed in numeric order, so act now for those coveted low numbers. Don’t just read about Mark’s Canadian Bible Bird Band adventure — live it!

To contribute by credit card or PayPal, click the banner at the top of the page and follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. To contribute by check or money order, email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net and I’ll reply with an address. One band per contributor: full details here, along with an index to the 60 or so banners in rotation at the top of the page.

But wait — there’s more! When your personal Bible Bird Band is released from the Comics Curmudgeon‘s West or East Coast wildlife sanctuary, a goose icon will appear at an appropriate pond, park, lake, landfill, or fast-food joint in your ZIP or Postal Code (not at your address) on the interactive GOOSETRAX®* map, courtesy of Google Maps and young codemaster Spiff Lumpy. Personalize your goose by adding a comment in the PayPal “Enter your screen name …” field, or along with your mailed contribution. Full details, Privacy Policy, and opt-out instructions here. GOOSETRAX will go live Wednesday, but check out this preview:

Finally, in honor of the Mark Trail-themed fundraiser, this week features “Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits” — iconic fistic feats of Mark Trail pugilism, stretching back to the misty origins of The Comics Curmudgeon. Here goes:

Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits – a Fall Fundraiser special, part 1


Mark Trail — 9/25/04, 10/13/04, 12/9-10/05


MEOW BOW-WOW POW — OW!

– Uncle Lumpy

* GOOSETRAX is not an actual Registered Trademark.

70 responses to “Metapost: Fall 2011 Bible Bird Band Fundraiser”

  1. Hank
    October 10th, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    RE: Funky. The bookseller might NOT being going out of business if he hadn’t let the creepy guy bully him into carry three aisles’ worth of “Lisa’s Story”

  2. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 10th, 2011 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#y123): Oh. My. God. Best fund-raising incentive ever.

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#y126): When I went last summer, I was struck by how far away people were kept—I mean, there’s a huge no-man’s-land around the damned thing. I knew it was tiny, having seen it before, but this gigantic swath of secured space was a new thing for me!

  3. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

  4. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    the banners are a RIOT!

    well DONE, Uncle Lumpy!!!

  5. Pseudo3D
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    “Road Dick”. Nice.

  6. Chance
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, you have outdone yourself. My meager contribution has been made. I think it was the creepy Les banner that pushed me over the edge.

  7. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Is anybody else seeing the “Discount Dance Supply” ad at the top? She may just replace the “Christian Singles” girl in my heart…

  8. Red Greenback
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, you put the “fun” in “fundraiser”
    The Marvin banner is brilliant, IMHO.

  9. wossname
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    WOW! I gotta go get me a goose so I’ll have someplace to put my commemorative band! Maybe a chicken would do.

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 10th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    After reading Jeroen Krabbe’s comments in the last thread, I feel like the baby in today’s Dog Eat Doug*.

    *The latter isn’t safe for Baka Gaijin, by the way!

  11. Scott Bot
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#7): Yes, I have seen her and am madly in love with her…

    And I love the Mark Trai strips up there. Killer kitties!!!

  12. LUJBEM FEJF
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    No Jumble Banner, No Jumble Money!
    Sorry. ….Just kidding, but?

  13. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    How many banners are there? Twenty? Awesome stuff.
    Hey, will Josh accept Army Commemorative silver dollars?

  14. wossname
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#13): If you click on the “here” link in the 4th graf, you can see all the banners without having to wait for them to rotate through.

  15. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#11):

    Discount Dance Supply – there’s a niche business. Factory second leotards and toe-shoes? I guess if it works… Good thing they didn’t try Christian Discount Dance Supply. Or US Army Commemorative Christian Discount Dance Supply.

  16. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

  17. Mibbitmaker
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    The above clump of MTs:

    Whose family is that step-brother a member of — the Bluths?!?

  18. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#7), @Scott Bot (#11):

    Crap, you two get the “Discount Dance Supply Girl” — and I’m stuck with the Hoveround® Power Chair Lady.

  19. Some Guy
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: He’s looking the wrong way to see the letter. My bet? He’s seen some tangable proof that Lucy and Eugene were really there. Or he’s seen the letter despite looking the wrong way … it’s called drawing.

    Mark Trail Hang on, if Kelly doesn’t know where the bird-bander is (and she doesn’t, because she expects Andy to show her), how does she know he’s going in the wrong direction? For all she knows the bird-bander lives just past the le Pew residence.

    Judge Parker: After being smug together, Sam and Randy discuss the reasons they have for being smug!

  20. Scott Bot
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#14): I’m disappointed – I clicked on the ‘vermin’ link, but got Mark Trail. I figured that one would be Les.

    JP – ‘Come in for dinner, Randy. We’re having smug smug smug smug smug smug smug baked beans smug smug smug and smug.’

  21. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#18): Hey, she maybe old, but she’s… fat?

  22. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#17): An overalled never-nude? Or an overalled, Segway-riding magician?

    Come on!

    I’m sort of fascinated by the fact that Johnny Malotte once was a kerchief-wearin’, kitty-lovin’ ship’s cook named Otto. And that at one time, Mark’s sartorial repertoire included the daring fashion choice of “teal polo shirt.”

  23. Peanut Gallery
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Hilarious banners as always, Uncle Lumpy!

    Implied-cannibal Les is scary.

  24. Brad Wesner of Simpsonville
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#18): Plugger mass transit.

  25. Écureuil Écumant
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Do those … mm … bands … could they … maybe … a turkey leg … ?

  26. Comcis Fan
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is it called Mary Worth because no other woman in the strip is permitted a sense of self-worth? Anyway, I think Calvin’s Cardboard Box, @95 OT, probably got it with the friendship bracelet, although I personally wouldn’t leave a friendship bracelet of sentimental value with a hotel clerk/team manager/chamber maid/dyslexic bellhop. Although at first glance, I thought Gina might be mailing Bobby a tape measure — along with a note saying, “Bobby, it’s been sooooo long.”

  27. Mibbitmaker
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#22): More like an old, creepy George Michael thinking, “Hell, if I can’t have Maybe, then maeby……”

  28. Mibbitmaker
    October 10th, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Old MT: I’ve made a huge mistake! Luke’s not a Bluth, he’s related to Fencepost Frank — by blood, so don’t get any ideas, Luke!

  29. ArchieNemesis
    October 10th, 2011 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Great work, Uncle Lumpy! The banners left me as gobsmacked as a dimwitted bellhop. Thanks also for the bonus Mark Trail strips. To me, “Otto tackles another smuggler” is a work of art on the same par as the Mona Lisa. (Let’s see Queen Bee put a frame around that image.)

  30. Red Greenback
    October 10th, 2011 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    There was a Mudge back in the day who commented about it being fun to include the Jack Elrod ball as an additional word balloon or narrative element.
    It’s true! For example. here are some examples using Mark Trail’s Greatest Hits above:
    “Give me that you mangy cat, Jack Elrod!”
    “As Mark overpowers the captain, Otto tackles another smuggler, Jack Elrod.”
    “You stay back, Luke Jack Elrod!”

  31. sporknpork
    October 10th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    That last panel of the first strip and first panel of the second strip are perhaps two of the greatest pieces of art in all of art history… ever.

  32. Red Greenback
    October 10th, 2011 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#30): “For example. here are some examples…” Sheesh!

  33. UncleJeff
    October 10th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#12): C’mon, FEJF. Do one yourself! I’m sure it’d be great. Consider it your contribution to the fund drive!

  34. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#32): Been working at the Department of Redundancy Department long, Red?

  35. odinthor
    October 10th, 2011 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    UL @ Fall Fundraiser Page.

    If you would like to personalize the pop-up information that appears when someone clicks your goose [...]

    What pops up when someone clicks my goose is already personal enough, thank you very much.

  36. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy: Thought I’d give a shot at making a banner. (I’m really going to have to break down and learn GIMP one of these days.)

    http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r221/Rhenum/piranhacontrib.jpg

  37. Rocky Stoneaxe
    October 10th, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Can anyone tell me what happens AFTER the 12-10-05 Mark Trail strip? Does Curly Joe DeRita help Andy rescue Lucy from her “brother”?

  38. gleeb
    October 10th, 2011 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Betty: …misses the evenings she and her chums would dress to the nines and go slumming.

    ‘shaft: Another Ed-free week! Score!

    Overprivileged Lawyers: “The past few days”. When you’re rich enough, you can alter the rate of time’s passage.

    Mary: Bobby Black will play his worst game ever, freaked out by the anonymous envelopes containing snakeskins.

  39. Rixter
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#26): She was a hobbit known as “Merritricious Meddlemuch” but then she left the Shire, and assumed this identity.

  40. Katy
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure which banner I like best — Kelly Welly in close-up, the Colorful Incidental Character, and satisfied Peter/unsatisfied MJ all are competing for my heart.

    I can’t say that the Les ones are competing for my heart any more than slugs do, but they’re really really good.

  41. Katy
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    That is, of course, if Uncle Lumpy gives even half of a damn about which banners any of us like. True Art is self-sufficient. Queen Bee would tell him that.

  42. Katy
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @LUJBEM FEJF (#12): Why the Jumble wasn’t looked over for a Curmudgeon banner:

    It was ODELOREVKO

  43. zerowolf
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    FC: From the blissed out look on Dolly, I’d say she hit Mommy and Daddy’s “adult brownie” stash.

  44. Mark B
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get the point of the glans on Dale Arden’s skycycle, but I certainly can’t complain about the Flash Gordon banner. I gotta refresh the page a few more times and see if there are any banners including the female characters from Judge Parker. The bus and Barney are cool and all, but they don’t really hold my interest, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

  45. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    I love the “Halftrack” banner, and “Bus”. I especially like the “Val” banner because it uses the art from the Prince Valiant episode where the Darkgate Comics Slurper has choked and not updated forever. And, of course, because Val and the sack-o-rats is just plain great art. (Maybe that’s why the Slurper stuck there?) Slurper stick is the reason I chose that particular Piranha club episode for my own sad attempt above. I just felt there had to be a reason, a purpose for the stick, and maybe it was my destiny to use it. In related news, I have a new pusher, and boy, he’s got some great stuff!

  46. Mark B
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    I think I know all of the art on the banners except for the security guard [Need a reminder?] being hit with a stick. It looks too well drawn to be any of the comics I usually follow and snark about.

  47. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B (#44): See #14 above!

  48. John C Fremont
    October 10th, 2011 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#7): You mean the one with Meaghan Hinkis? Because, yes. Yes, I see her. Plus, I claim that I saw her first.

  49. Uncle Lumpy
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#41):

    … if Uncle Lumpy gives even half of a damn about which banners any of us like.

    Ouch! I most certainly do care: a popular entertainment isn’t much good if it isn’t, y’know, popular. And I bet Queen Bee knows that by now, too.

    @Mark B (#46):

    That’s from the Sunday Rex Morgan, M.D. when Tony Amato’s gang was trying to nab Berna’s lottery ticket.

    General FYI: Interactive map is interactive, Street View is activated, and the placement of that goose is not random.

  50. wossname
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#49): But my goose (so to speak) will go in a pond somewhere in my zip code, not in my house, right? Because I can’t afford to feed a goose!

  51. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    For what it is worth, and I don’t think it is much, the translation quoted in the Mark Trail strip is from The New American Bible, a Catholic version published in 1970, and not the KJV. Is Mark a Catholic? Well that was the Bible he looked it up in. I can’t tell what version is on Sgt. McQueen’s wall.

  52. Uncle Lumpy
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#50):

    In America, goose feeds you!

    But yes, the goose icon won’t point to your address, for privacy reasons (apparently despite all their bad temper, geese are a respectful lot).

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#50): That is so sad, to be too poor to feed a goose! Seriously, it’s chicken feed! More or less. Let me check Purina Goose Chow on Amazon. And remember, what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. So you should be able to economize in the sauce dept. too!

  54. wossname
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#53): I like Uncle Lumpy’s idea of the goose feeding me. And that’s where the sauce would come in.

    But really, that “can’t afford goose chow” was a fake excuse. My real reasons for not wanting a goose in my house are (a) goose poop; (b) four temperamental cats who would try to beat it up, run from it, or outpoop it; and (c) not wanting to find Sgt. McQueen or Mother McQueen at my door wanting to band it, or Mark or Kelly Welly looking for a story, or Andy trying to straighten out the whole mess. On second thought, Andy is welcome.

  55. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#54): I’m glad you told me that about the fake excuse. I was getting all outraged and everything. I seem to recall that in an earlier post you had admitted to being a pedagogue of some sort. I was about to make up a big sign, and march on down to the nearest Occupy Wall Street rally protesting, “OUR TEACHERS ARE TOO POOR TO FEED A GOOSE”.

    You can imagine my embarrassment if the truth had come out! Whew!

  56. Mustang
    October 10th, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Haiku to not reading Mark Trail for several weeks

    I had no idea
    I had no idea
    Cat on head woulda showed me
    Time buy me some bands

  57. Walker of Dog
    October 10th, 2011 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#49): We’re gonna to need a bigger band.

  58. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 10th, 2011 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#54): I just have this rather delightful vision of Uncle Lumpy showing up at my doorstep bearing a goose.

    A trailing Andy would just be a bonus.

  59. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 10th, 2011 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Zut alors! I just got the time to peruse those banners—an excellent assortment. The Road Dick still has me laughing.

    And are you saying, Uncle Lumpy, that if we contribute generously, Reply All will no longer happen to us? Because that’s a pretty big incentive.

  60. ElkMeadow
    October 10th, 2011 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Wow! Gee, thanks Uncle Lumpy! TWO Prince Valiant references, the dancing rodeo cowboys, AND Brewster Rockit! As always, the banners are fantastic!

  61. Trillian
    October 10th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Bulldozer driver: “Oh, my cell phone’s ringing! Aww…just found out Great-Uncle Eugene passed away. Well, I’m too depressed to drive this bulldozer now, might as well go pick up that envelope I saw…”

  62. dale
    October 10th, 2011 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    MT -

    Princess is Sgt. McQueen’s dog.
    I have ASSumed that Granny Goose lives way the bleep out in nowhere-land.
    Unless Sarge lives with Granny, how is finding Princess going to help find the goose bander?

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 10th, 2011 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    A3G: When did “viral” become a slang term for “really lame”?

    Marvin: I wonder if Jeff is also happy about the testicle shrinkage. On the plus side it does lessen the probability of he and Jenny conceiving again.

    6C: And Columbus really had his heart set on some chicken vindaloo and naan bread too.

    Garfield: Oh Garfield, you’re just bitter because Jon had you fixed. Not that you’re wrong, exactly.

    SL: Fire alarm. Underwater. Yup, I’m gonna need that industrial strength suspension of disbelief.

    MW: What is she… sending Bobby Black her thong? I never would have guessed she had it in her. Figuratively, I (hope I) mean.

    Agnes: Unless you gain 200 pounds growing up, I wouldn’t worry about losing sight of those gunboats.

    Archie: The sixties were all about skinny ties. Fat ties hit it big in the seventies. C’mon guys, you were there.

    Baldo: So Jughead Jones is the king of Hispanic heritage?

    BSt: Hopefully Aaron has more sense of self-preservation than to play punchbuggy with his dog.

    S-M: Hey guys, if I want to see Triple J having air sex, I’ll ask for it. Guess what? I’m never gonna ask for it.

  64. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 10th, 2011 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (y96):

    Juggs Parker: Now we know why Sam and Abby bought that land yacht. With Alan’s book unfairly stalled at No. 2, they plan to track down the No. 1 author and mow him over a la Jackie Thornton.

    Sounds like actual work, which isn’t exactly their thing. More likely they’ll give some drifter an Andrew Jackson to do it. Of course the skel will die in a hail of police bullets, but some sacrifices have to be made.

  65. Spotts1701
    October 10th, 2011 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#64): A Jackson? Surely you jest. He’ll get a fin and like it.

  66. Droopy Says
    October 11th, 2011 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: How is it that Que Serra, who did her master’s thesis on Spiderman, has never studied Peter Parker’s photos until now? Is she about to discover Spiderman’s secret identity, then die? Considering the way Jameson is fawning over her, death could start looking pretty good in a while.

    A3G: Ruby, LuAnn is not arguing. That’s too intellectual for LuAnn. She’s simply stating facts. For example, when she says she’s going to take the train to work, she means she’s going to pack up Paul’s Lionel set and make choo-choo noises all day.

    Judge Smugger: What, the land yacht was an impulse buy? Because he read a magazine and his bimbo got a wild hair? Why wasn’t this mentioned until now? It changes everything about the story, except for the fact there is no story here.

    Shoe: You’d think that by now the Perfesser wouldn’t look so shocked by the Blue Bird of Misery’s pathetic comments.

    Mock Trail: Of course Andy is all excited. He’s caught a female human to match his favorite pet. Maybe this time Trail will successfully reproduce. Rusty, the runt of Trail’s last one-pup litter, was such a disappointment.

  67. Uncle Lumpy
    October 11th, 2011 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#60):

    I count three PV references: Maldubh, Val ‘n’ the rats, and the collapse of the scaffold.

  68. Illustrator Steve
    October 11th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT – That dang dog must be ADHD! Until it gets back on it’s meds it will probably drag Kelly Welly around all week before calming down enough to stop running back and forth across the entire comics page!
    Hey Andy, Your a good old dog and we like you better than all those idiots that share your comic strip. So, take it easy! And what ever you do, don’t go running through the Pearls before Swine strip or Guard Duck may shoot you or the crocs might eat you!

  69. Kip
    October 11th, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Ya know, in the last panel of that last Mark Trail ‘greatest hits’ recap, Andy doesn’t look like he’s barking or angry. There’s no sound effect or snarl indicated, so given the way the guy’s recoiling, I can only assume it’s the force of Andy’s dog breath that’s knocking him over.

  70. Rob
    October 11th, 2011 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    GOOSETRAX! It’s going VIRAL!

Comments are closed for this post.