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The two airheads you meet in heaven

Apartment 3-G, 6/22/07

“Thank God! Her mental functions don’t seem to have been affected at all!”

Pluggers, 6/22/07

Pluggers smell worse than you can possibly imagine.

Folks, I am off to make my mark in the Big Apple this weekend! As of Thursday morning, there were still tickets available to the show I’m in up there Friday night, so for God’s sake come and serve as my rooting section, I beg of you.

Also, at some point on Sunday (I cannot guarantee yet what time, but probably in the first half of the day) I will probably be wandering about at the MoCCA artfest. How long I stay will be determined by how awkward I find it not really knowing anyone, but if you happen to be there, look for me! I will look pretty much like this (I’m even bringing that shirt to wear).

Sadly, due to my absence this weekend, I won’t be posting until Sunday night or Monday morning, and am putting a cap on comment of the week as of right now. Thus, the comments on this thread are free from performance pressure! GO NUTS WITH THE ANARCHY, EVERYBODY!

While you’re here contemplating my absence, though, you may come to think, “Gee, why didn’t I get one o’ them swell Margo!Boxcar!Saturn! shirts when I had the chance?” Well, fear not: if we can get enough interest (and “enough interest” means preorders for at least 24 shirts and/or 36 mugs), you can have that second chance — and this time, they’re in cranberry! HOTT!

Shirts are $17 + $5 S&H. Mugs are $13 + $5 S&H. Gotta have ‘em both? $30 + $5 S&H. As before, you can order at the site of faithful reader willethompson, the mad genius who designed them.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 22, 2007 at 12:17 am and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Pluggers. |

718 responses to “The two airheads you meet in heaven”

Jack Parsons
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:20 am [Reply]

Shotgun!
Jack Rennon
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

I’d love it so much if after Luan’s last line, Margo appeared, with horns and a tail, glistening in flames, and all the while finger-quotin’, and shouted: “No, it’s not! “Welcome” to HELL!”

I would love that SO MUCH.
Trilobite
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

I bet LuAnn wouldn’t have asked if she was in heaven if Margo had been the one in the room when she woke up.
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

Pope Josh, it goes without saying (but I’m gonna say it) that a lot of us who can’t be there in person will be rooting for you from where we are. In this case, Iowa. ROOT! ROOT! ROOT!
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

Everything looks bright to LuAnn. Big shock.
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

And hey, knock ‘em dead in NYC, Josh!
King Folderol
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

A3G- If only Luann would open her eyes, she’d know she was on planet Earth with her mush-for-brains roomate Tommie.

Meanwhile, spatula head doesn’t seem to understand the difference between carbon-based forms of life and inanimate objects, so she’s once again told a doctor that it’s the bed and not the patient that’s awake. This wouldn’t be a problem, except for the fact that Tommie’s been dispensing pills and delivering enemas to the beds and not the patients lying in those beds. Oops!
Lammergeier13
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

FW: Well, just so long as you’re enjoying this, Les. I’m glad your wife’s intensly painful struggle with cell-devouring, clearly-metastasizing-throughout-her-hollow-shell-of-a-body cancer hasn’t affected your lame sense of humor.
Trilobite
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:44 am [Reply]

Here’s a few odds and ends to round out the Friday comics:

Spider-Man: Mary Jane always had a thing for Liza Minelli, and considering that Spidey has the proportional speed of a spider in all areas of his life (most of their “wild” night consisted of him putting on his 1950s-era pajamas and turning on the TV), it’s no wonder that she’s starting to develop an interest in…experimenting.

Judge Parker: If Sophie’s so smart, why hasn’t she mentioned to Sam that he’s driving on the wrong side of the road?

Mary Worth: “Oh sure…why not?” Drew is either the most effortlessly sarcastic man in all of Santa Royale, or he’s just a total dipstick. Given who his dad is, the safe bet is on “total dipstick.” Of course, he could also be clinically depressed, and this is his feeble cry for help; I know that if I were in a really bad place, I too might think about going to a Charterstone pool party…I just hope that my friends and family would step in and get me the help I needed before it was too late.
Kronkina
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:47 am [Reply]

A3G Where is this hospital wherein Tommie works? Wait, a better questions is when is this hospital? I mean, check out the 1974 intercom Tommie’s using in panel 2.
Kronkina
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

JP Am I the only one here sick enough to interpret Man-Driving-The-Car’s remark as an order for Smart-Girl to sexually entertain Keith? And isn’t she, like, 10 years old or something?

Ew. Now I know why I never read this strip until I read it here.
Kronkina
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:52 am [Reply]

GF Gotta say it again: I LOVE THIS STRIP!!!
Red Greenback
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

Pluggers: That air freshener smells like dog-ass.
Josh, I’m putting out the Kwanzaa Golden Otter good vibes for you, wish I could be there!
Old Bean
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

Good luck on the weekend, Josh. If you hear a distant HOOOO from the direction of Australia, it’ll probably be me.
Trotzenbonnie
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

Crap! I’m going to have to order another shirt. I can’t resist chartreuse.

Speaking of chartreuse, are there any Ken Nordine fans in the audience?

Dada da duh da
Dada da duh da
Dada da dee duh da

Start speading the news.
He’s leaving today…

(Ugh. I suck at song parodies……But it’s the thought that counts.) Go get ‘em, Josh.
junk science
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]

Is this the first non-obese male Plugger we’ve seen?
Cafangdra
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:01 am [Reply]

NYC hijinks are all well and good but OMG PEOPLE, love is in the air at Charterstone! I predict a big ol’ lukewarm SMOOCHFEST to break out between Vera and Dr. Corey Jr.
Kronkina
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

#17 Cafangdra – Well, I predict a big ol’ lukewarm SMOOCHFEST to break out between Mary and Dr. Corey Jr…

Oh, God. I just made myself sick.
Snopster in Exile
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

#10
Well it’s not the best hospital around. They can only afford to update their equipment every few decades. Luckilly for Lu Ann, they finally saved up enough to replace that old iron lung with a ventilator last April.
t.a.m.s.y.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

I predict a lifetime-of-loveless-copulationfest between Professor Chinbeard and his wife.

Good luck, Josh, and have fun at MoCCA! Wish I could be there for both.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]

Represent, Brother Fruhlinger.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

#16,
I’d say it’s actually Uncle Duke in coyote form.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Wow, I get to start a thread instead of ending one! Josh should do stand-up every week.

9CL: Awww, what a heartwarming ending. Edda has finally met her equal in being a horse’s ass.

A3G: “On second thought, call off that message. It wasn’t Bed Four, it was the patient in it. Ha ha! I’m such a ditz!”

Archie: There’s no motion lines. That ain’t juggling, that’s levitation.

FBOFW: Poor Sh…an…n……o………….n. Not only is she retarded, but she’s having a stroke right before our eyes. Just look at how she has to hold one side of her face up in panel 3, and the way her aphasia is getting worse strip by strip.
Also: “winkies”? Is Lynn inventing slang again? Give it up. There are already plenty of more recognizable words for ‘tard.
Also also: The telethon’s sp….on….sor is Gordon’s car dealership? One guess which employee gets to coordinate the effort. Hint: He no longer has a mustache.

GF: Bucky rules.

(DT)GT: Frankenstein regretted his decision to get a brush-cut.

Lockhorns: Do we ever see any of these secondary characters twice, or do Leroy and Loretta just unload their marital grief upon any passing stranger they meet? This guy is clearly thinking, “OK, don’t respond to him, just back away quietly…”

MT: Once again… penned ducks are kept in open-top pens. They are kept there by clipping their wings. Even if they were kept in a pen with a roof, their wings would have been clipped to keep them from bashing into the ceiling. Why did these ducks have full wings? It’s impossible.

RMMD: Look at those eyes! June knows she’s caught. It never occurred to her Hugh might be so crafty as to ASK HER NAME! She knows that even if she tries to duck the question, that dimwit Heather will just say, “I thought your name was Morg–OW!” “Yes, ha-ha, my name is June Morgow! (Psst, Heather, ix-nay on the ORGAN-may!)”

S-M: Neither Peter nor MJ should be going anywhere until their bodies have a chance to replace all the red blood cells they lost in last night’s passion.

TDIET: So the moral is, people who drive SUVs should just go all out and waste energy every chance they get.

Full DT snarkage to follow in a separate post.
Andrew
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:19 am [Reply]

Say hello to Julia Wertz for all of us, Josh! Thanks for turning us all on to the magical world of http://www.fartparty.org/...
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

DT: I think this whole Gretchen plot is a setup to get Dick. Let’s look at the inconsistencies:
1) The real CIA headquarters doesn’t have a huge KMart sign on the roof.
2) Agent “Spuds” O’Brien’s explanation for why the kidnappers didn’t just take The Baron when they had the chance makes no sense. If they were worried for his health, why aren’t they concerned about what the stress of being exchanged for his kidnapped granddaughter would do to him?
3) How are the kidnappers supposed to have known what CIA agent was investigating the case?
4) And how did they get the direct number to his desk?
5) Why is O’Brien buying the kidnappers’ obvious line of crap about a “satellite-filtered bounce” and not trying to trace the call?
6) Why is the “CIA” even involved in investigating a kidnapping case, which is the province of the FBI? And if it’s supposedly because an illegal foreign national is involved, wouldn’t that be the ICE (formerly INS)?
7) Why would the CIA need to ask the help of some provincial city cop like Dick? “Identity expert” makes sense only if there’s a reasonable explanation for what that means.
8) And the clincher… How did the “CIA” know to call Dick in on the case when Gretchen hadn’t even been kidnapped yet?!

Mark my words, this whole thing is a setup.
Red Greenback
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:24 am [Reply]

Junk Science #16 Dang, your right! I’d say he’s working for Eight ball and Tommie. (Whappen to Elvis, btw?)
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

# 25 — Spectacular, your list of questions definitely trumps my DT rant on the last thread. And if you turn out to be right, I shall bow low.
Red Greenback
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

#15 Trotzulah, when in doubt, parody John Cage…(tip o’ the fez to Uncle Lumpymommie)
Lettuce
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:09 am [Reply]

Okay, okay. We get it, Lynn Johnston. All of Canada is vaguely rude to the disabled, except for our clean-souled heroes and their small circle of friends.

We also get that, prior to about 7 years ago, there were no gas stations or car dealerships. Thus Gordon’s fantastic success.

I just hope in some parallel universe, there’s a parallel “For Better or For Worse” told from Becky’s point of view. In which she gets totally fast-paced and unearned fame, and the bad guys who don’t deserve fame are the evil Gordon, who expanded his evil car dealership over the Becky’s family’s land. And Evil Mike’s book was plagerized — the original concept was by Jeremy Jones, who’s loving aunt and uncle, the Klaproths or whatever, are horribly injured in a fire. We endure several weeks of stories about their slow, painful recovery — a recovery that is underfunded thanks to a giant Canadian Government grant going solely to elderly leches with strokes.

Meanwhile, the Ghost of Farley plots his revenge…
Lettuce
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:18 am [Reply]

Don’t mock the Apt. 3G hospital. They have technology that can turn blankets from blue (coma) to orange (vaguely lucid) in only the time in takes an expressionless Tommie to call Dr. Smallhead to arrive.

In other coloring news: would it kill Frank Bolle to splurge on some tan ink? If their faces were any paler, they’d be cavefish.
The Avocado Avenger
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

#23 Spectacular – I was so confused by “winkies” that I looked it up online. To my knowledge, no one in the history of humanity has used the word “winkies” to describe special needs people. Until now.

As far as your #25 comment goes, you’re exactly right. The problem is that Dick Tracy makes so little sense even when it means to that you just can’t tell the difference between a set-up for Dick or a poorly-written story.

Josh – Break a leg!
Jeff Fecke
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

Tommie, can you hear me?
Can you feel me near you?
Tommy, can you feel me?
Can I help to cheer you?
Oooh, Tommie Tommie Tommie
Tommie Tommie Tommie…
Frank Parsnip
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

Just as the kids were not calling them “eggheads” to refer to their intelligence (although Jack has a fixation on eggs that goes a bit far), they are not calling them “winkies” to refer specifically to their “special needs” status.

I did a bit of research and came up with this:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=winkies

“Nudists over the age of 29 usually develop tan lines under the crease of their butt. When standing still they cannot be seen, but when someone is walking away the untanned regions will flash in alternation.”

Usage: “The only tanlines she had were her winkies.”

And so the kids are actually making an unkind reference to special-needs students being like the misfit tanlines on the saggy asses of haggard oldie nudists.

Either that or they’re being unfavorably compared to the yellow-clad workers being held ‘in bondage” in the Land of the West in those Oz stories.
Christopher
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:14 am [Reply]

Spider-Man: do MJ and Spidey look really green to anybody else? Is this that “Marvel Zombies” thing I’ve heard so much about?

‘Cause I gotta say, so far it’s pretty underwhelming.

Mary Worth: Dad. “What’d you have in mind, dad“, not “Please explain the situation to me, Mary!”

Actually, I think Mary’s brain automatically converts any sentence into “Please explain the situation to me, Mary!”

Judge Parker: Yes, my ten-year-old daughter can take Keith to every wine tasting in the county while I investigate. It’s the perfect plan.”

FOOB: They may be bullies, but at least they’re literate bullies.

I hate these “assholes screw with the disabled kids” bits because they never freaking go anywhere. Things never get any more tolerable for Shannon, but she never gets really pissed off either. She just sort of sits there like a lump. I need a ray of hope or some real venom, otherwise it’s just like being back in school, and just as dull and annoying.

Family Circus: “But they’re also similar, in that they turn disturbing symbols of our own mortality into witless games!”
MonkeyHawk
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:28 am [Reply]

I dunno. In a yesterthread people snarked about the slit-eyed illustrations of special-need students. So “winkies” just might be part of Lynn’s universe. That’s what she calls ‘em. Ha ha ha ha! So funny!

I’m sorry. I’m a bit sullen. The comics have been bad, I had to fly home alone after I found Mitzi passed out with Chennux under the buffet table (which, today, is serving as the dais for a noon Rotary Club meeting) from Shawna-Marie’s wedding.

I guess that multi-dimensional scrixtort (sp? It’s not like it was covered in 8th Grade Sex-Ed class) has something going for it. I’m depressed.

I’m interviewing for a replacement assistant for Mitzi. If you’re interested, take off your shirt and apply.
AppleGirl
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:20 am [Reply]

I’m rooting for you here in Charterstone.
Break a leg, Josh!
monsieurjohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:19 am [Reply]

Oof. I’d get a shirt if they weren’t pink… I’m sad that I missed out on the last batch.

Is anybody noticing that foob is looking a bit of a formulaic this week besides me?
-We talk slow and/or repeat each other!
-This fundraiser will benefit us!
-We’re slow, yet civic-minded!
-Oh look, a mean person making fun of us and April for sitting with us
-Don’t worry, we’re used to it!

Every damn day.
spes
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:40 am [Reply]

Darn, Jeff Fecke already got to it.

I have that blasted song entrenched in my head now.
Pozzo
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:48 am [Reply]

Lucky Dr. Kelly just happened to be passing by, because Tommie was calling into the air conditioner.
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ©â„¢Â®
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:57 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! GRAB YOUR GARTERS AND FLING YOUR BOUQUETS! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

AS THE WELDING OF SHAWNA-MARIE SEEMS TO BE ON HOLD, CHENNUX HAS RETURNED TO THE MOTHERSHIP, WITH, SO IT SEEMS, THE ONE CALLED MONKEYHAWK’S ASSISTANT MITZI IN TOW! MELKARDAMMIT, CHENNUX TIRES OF PRETENDING TO BE A SIMIO-AVIAN EVERY FREAKIN’ NIGHT! MONKEYHAWK! WHERE CAN I DROP HER OFF FOR YOU?

AND THE ONE CALLED JOSH: THE THE ONE CALLED APPLEGIRL WANTS YOU TO “BREAK A LEG” AT ROFL! DOES BREAKING EARTHER LIMBS CONSTITUTE GOOD FORTUNE? IF SO, CHENNUX OFFERS TO BREAK ALL YOUR BONES AND MAGMACANNON THE REMAINS FOR EXTRA-SPECIAL GOOD LUCK! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION! AND SEE YOU AGAIN AROUND POST #800. IT’S GONNA BE A LONG WEEKEND!
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:59 am [Reply]

FBoFW Shannon’s running out of steam now…her ellipses…are starting… to.. break… up. .words… in..to.. lit..tle… pie..ces. Okay, Lynn, we GET it. Geez, and the Special Needs people of Canada want to honor Lynn for her work? okay, but I’d expect better representation if I were them.

DtM I’m telling you, Mrs. Wilson is the real menace. She feeds the kids sugar all day so they bounce off the walls all evening and drive Mom & Dad up the wall. She’s one to watch.

JP Psst! Eduardo! Sam’s driving in America, he needs to be on the other side of the road, unless he literally owns the road because Abbey bought it for him for a few million.
And Sophie is going into the moonshine bidness. I wonder how she’ll outsource it.

MW It’s bad when Mary Worth knows what you’re going to say before you say it, Jeff. Good thing you can still poke your finger at your son, who doesn’t need a blindfold or a ciggie from the way he’s standing before you. Fire!

MT Okay, Sammie needs to get better because I’m tired of Mark hanging around her hospital bed. It’s…it’s…it’s unnatural, I tell ya.

DT Geez, I HOPE there’s more to the story, because this is isn’t making a whole hell of a lot of sense. Why didn’t… when… what was the point of… oh CRAP! I’m starting to Shannon out.

RMMD Look at her in panel three. June is about to bust out all over, hoping her last name will make Hugh so mad, he’ll suggest a grudge fuck with her to spite Rex. Oh boy, if he only knew… June is banking on his anger.
smacky
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:05 am [Reply]

A3G: Okay, what the hell? Yesterday Tommie pleads for Luann to wake up and someone off-panel (in the hall?) says “Tommie…”. Did they screw that up? Was that supposed to be coming from Luann, waking up from her coma? Because the person who said it yesterday is either no longer in the room or was just walking down the hall muttering the name to himself.

Can someone tell me who was talking yesterday???
Mel
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

A3G: It took Bob Weber Jr. being the apparent guest artist for me to finally guess all 6 Differences!

In panel 1 – The IV is on the left, it’s an air conditioner, the nurse is clueless, the blanket is blue, it’s daytime, LuAnn has an athletic cup strapped to her face

In panel 3 – The IV is on the right, it’s an intercom, the doctor is clueless, the blanket is orange, it’s nighttime, LuAnn has a breast pump shield strapped to her face

That, or in panel 2 Tommie is doing a “Mark Trail” on LuAnn, “CLICK, what do you see now?” “CLICK, what about now?”
jack
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:41 am [Reply]

Tommie can you hear me?
Can you feel me near you?

Tommie can you feel me?
Can I help to cheer you.

Ooo, Tommie, Tommie, Tommie, Tommie…
Applemask
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:42 am [Reply]

“…and if so, what the hell is Tommie doing here?”
dreadedcandiru2
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

FW : It’s sort of heartbreaking when this is the LEAST depressing thing on the comics page. All we have here is a tongue-tied jock comforting the husband of a dying cancer patient. Given that I’m bearing witness to April and the School of Living Horrors, Edda giving a mythical creature tips on being a better smug jerkoff and Mrs. Wilson sabotaging her neighbor by letting Dennis OD on refined sugar, that’s almost refreshing.
Little Guy
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:47 am [Reply]

Tomorrow’s FOOB: Lynn’s response to CC snarkiness will be April and S…n being dissed by a Galactic Emperor and a Shirtless Secretary.
Ran
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:55 am [Reply]

‘Lu Ann’s Eyes Open And..’ But her eyes are closed! and if she can’t see Tommie how does she know she’s there? Smell? And why should a doctor be concerned about a bed? Jeez, why is the doctor asking her if she knows where she is? Does he think she’s lost?

This comic is very confusing.
anne
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:57 am [Reply]

OMG you guys!!!! My comic is today in TDIET!!! I was going to mention it to Josh, I totally forgot! I am “Anne D.” Guess where I live!

Good luck tonight Josh! Wish I could be there to cheer you on.
Jamus The Bartender
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

FOOB: Timmy, Jimmy AND Butters could kick the entire school’s ass in the mudpit. And they should do so. Break a leg at the club, Josh.
Jude
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

Oh, dear God. Gordon’s running the telethon? It’s going to be a full-fledge foobpocalypse. *Everybody* loses.
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:05 am [Reply]

Slowly rounding back into snarking shape….

DtM: -10 on the menacing scale, Dennis. How about: “Threaten to burn down her kitchen and Mrs. Wilson will give us some cookies.” Candyass.

MT: The sitting-on-the-backwards-chair thing is only seductive if the woman can see you, Mark. Asshat.

Gli Thrpo: Aggggh! Freakishly large head in Panel 1! Why is he wearing earrings in Panel 3!?

Marmaduke: Ha! He’s a big dog! (hey, I’m rusty, OK?)

Congrats 49 anne!! Are you from Philadelphia, by chance?

Go Josh! Be funny! Funny, funny, rah rah rah!!
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

Rhymes with Orange: Nightstand? I would have gone with candelabra.

FC: “Hangman is like Wheel of Fortune but with strangulation.”

FOOB: Winkies? That’s what I call the blinking strips on the FOOB web site.

MT: With Sam blindfolded, Jack Elrod thinks he can get away with photocopied panels.

Phantom: “Or should I say ‘HOOOOOOOO!’”

RMMD: Excuse my possible oversnark, but has anyone mentioned that June’s dress is the same one Mary wore to Vera’s dinner, except black? Yellow goes best with a dinner of orange glop; black is perfect with a pedestrian wine.
Allie Cat
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

#49 – Anne D. Mazel tov! It figures that’s the work of a ‘Mudge, because it totally made sense and I agreed with it!
John C Fremont
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

Do well, Josh! Best of luck from those of us in Iowa West – uh, I mean Nebraska. And somebody please get tonight’s ROFL on YouTube pronto!

# 32 & 44 – Tommie is so ticked at Lu Ann for getting the lyrics wrong (again!) that in the second panel she’s loudly clicking off that 1963 Philco radio.

RMMD – Looks as though somebody slipped June a mickey. Hoooo!

JP – So Sam doesn’t just drive a Ford Probe. He drives the limited Seriously Pissed Off Edition Ford Probe. That’s one angry car! I guess Sam figures he can drive on any side of the road he likes, ’cause people are gonna get out of the way of his Angry Car anyway. Hey, what the hell’s going on with Abbey and Neddy, dammit?! Those sexy outfits aren’t going to try themselves on, you know.
John
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – “But enough about the pool party, what’s the fun thing you were talking about for tomorrow?”
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

#49. Congrats, anne! CC pwns TDIET!
Gojira
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

Posted a version of this near the end of the last thread, I’m re-posting to get my rant about NYC newspapers off my chest:

Have to work late, wonâ€™t be able to check out the show. If Josh’s routine consists of comic strip snark, he may run into some problems.

Unfortunately, the greatest city in the world has some of the lamest tabloid newspapers, with an ever-shrinking selection of comic strips. This year, the NY Daily News cut the daily comics section from four pages to three and may have just cut â€œDoonesbury,â€ â€œMarmaduke,â€ and a few other strips from the Sunday paper (they were MIA in the 6/10 comics section, didn’t get 6/17’s paper, let’s see what happens Sunday).

I think the NY Post has just one page, Newsday has three pages squeezed into two pages. And, in contrast to newspapers Iâ€™ve seen even in small towns, the News and Post print them in black-and-white on cheap paper that smears on your hand. Newsday prints them in dull color on cheap paper.

And, judging from the limited response when the News took out a whole pageâ€™s worth, not that many people here read the comics.

Hopefully, Iâ€™m way off and Josh will knock â€˜em dead. Best wishes.
GotFuzzy
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:30 am [Reply]

(DT)GT: Panel 1 plays with perspective more than Escher ever did. We got a tiny Gil in the foreground and a huge Extreme Coach Wolverine hovering near the desk. Then Panel 3 plunges them into the whiteness of the existential void, or perhaps it’s Lu Ann’s hospital room. Since both strips take place in somewhere in the 50s, it’s possible. But Coach Wolverine’s pretty, pretty eyelashes make up for all of it.
GotFuzzy
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

Oh yeah, congrats Anne D. and give ‘em hell, Pope Noodlefoot!
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:39 am [Reply]

Josh: But… but I haven’t had a chance to snark all week! I was saving my best stuff for the weekend!

Just kidding. I want to wish you a wonderful time at the comic face-off, break a leg, and all that. If I still lived in NYC I’d definitely be there in person, but I’ll have to settle for being there in spirit.
Blake
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

Funky W: So Batuik finally admits it in today’s strip: “Hey, if you can make ME smile, you’re doing pretty good.” Um yeah, because you are the most depressing character in the most depressing storyline of the most depressing comic strip in the history of comics. And I say this with full knowledge of Mary Worth and Nancy.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

And congrats to Anne D! But Dean Booth, why does CC pawn TDIET? Can’t we get money easier by selling off your original artwork?
Tommy Smarts
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:56 am [Reply]

I’m so glad that Tommie, for once, has decided to wear what appear to be scrubs instead of the usual buttoned-to-the-top uniform from her days in the Soviet army. With the short red hair, she had been giving me a creepy Col. Krebs vibe that had me wondering precisely when she’d break out the poisoned dagger-toed shoes to give Margot what she so richly deserves.
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

#63 O’F, Are you a noob when it comes to l33t speak? pwns = owns = dominates.
mere cog in the machine
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

FOOB: I think that it’s inevitable at this point that Becky or one of her minions is going to dump a bucket of pigs blood on Shannon’s turnip-like head the night of the tardethon. Shannon will then attempt to wreak telekinetic mayhem on her tormentors, the irony being that her powers work so slo…w…ly that everyone is easily able to get out of the way.
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

65 DB, my sarcasm detector is in the shop for repairs, but I suspect 63 O’F was kidding as well as paying tribute to your mad Photoshop skillz.
Dennis Jimenez
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

FBoFW – St. April in June.

MT (Real or implants?) – That’s what I’ve got to find out.

MW – Drew, how do you feel about doing something fun? Pull my finger.

RMMD – Familiarity breeds CONTEMPT.

SF – And remember – special ed is not so bad – just ask Sha-nn-on.

Archie – ALG2000 variation 2B (0100101001) – Watch me wank off – You should start with something hard.

Pluggers – Grim reality.

TDIET – Consistency is the hobgoblin of – yes, a plugger. OH YEAH!!!

JP – You remember that “technique” that Big Sammy taught you, don’t you, Sophie?

FC is just like a comic, but it has no point and isn’t funny. OH YEAH!!!
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

Comics Curmudgeon, you were mentioned in a big cover article on Funky Cancerbean in a free liberal rag in Cleveland, the “Free Times.”
http://www.freetimes.com/stories/15/7/a-funkier-winkerbean
The paper alleges that Lisa is going to die with in the year!
Pozzo
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

OMG, I know this thought occurred to me a couple of days late, but do you think the current telethon story arc in FOOB will end like “Freaks,” with the short-bus kids crawling through the mud and rain with knives to take horrid vengeance on Jeremy? And when they’re done with him, they can go for gap-toothed “Whooo!” guy, just for fun.
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

#65 Dean –

I’m sure you meant to say “n00b” — Oh yes, quite sure!

#63 O’F –

Here goes your morning – definitely worth a look, though.
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

#67. You’re probably right, pete. oopsie. I was pwnt. Thanks, O’F.
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

#71. I’m pwnt again. O’F, CCers are very protective of you!
bats :[
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

YOW!!!! (to quote Zippy)…gotta love that Gummi Pibgorn, nipples and all!
(Hey, nipples AND a hot bod, just like Zippy!)
Perky Bird
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

#23 SSB–
You wondered why the penned birds in Mark Trail didn’t have clipped wings. Isn’t Buzzard a hunting guide who raises birds? Maybe he was raising the birds to release on his hunting lease. In that case, they’d have to be able to fly, or it wouldn’t be very…well…sporting to shoot them.
I know deer and other mammals are raise this way for hunting purposes, but I have no idea about waterfowl. But I can’t imagine why a guy who HUNTS for a living would be raising ducks for pets, for their eggs, or for food.
Just a thought.
willethompson
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:35 am [Reply]

RMMD: OMG! The fury in June’s eyes! Since she’s the brains of the Morgans (“REX! Get your shriveled dick over to the airport RIGHT NOW and lose that Limey wanker on the way to the board meeting! Do the words ‘tanking stock’ mean anything to you?”), Iâ€™m sure she realized that she’d have to spill her last name at some point. No, she’s pissed because, as the bringer of the pedestrian, highly adequate wine, Hugh wants to know her last name so that he can address her by it. “Morgan,” he’ll say in those plummy Kensington tones. “I once had a corgi named Morgan. She was a bitch, too.”
Calico
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

Josh,
Knock ‘em out with snark.
Wish I could be there.
Have a great time!
Will it be filmed/taped?
Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease! : )
Calico
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

3G – Luanne, didn’t you know that

Heaven
Is a place
Where nothing
Nothing ever Happens

?
CrabbyGenes
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

Well, I hate it when I’m right (comment #294, previous thread, don’t know how to link to it, sorry!). Now that I’m done with work for the day and finally able to contribute something, everyone’s on a new thread. Missed all the great food discussion in the previous thread too. BOXCAR!

So I’ll just say GOOD LUCK, JOSH! Break a leg!

Guess I’ll hit the sack and check in again tomorrow to see what all you CC’ers have come up with. And I predict that this thread will be one of the longest ever by the time Josh puts up a new one.

Any bets as to the final number of comments?
Plinko Commie
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:41 am [Reply]

Is life so bucolic in Foobadelphia that they do telethons for slow kids? Heart disease, more like loser disease. Poverty, whatever. Cancer, that’s for the Winkerbean kids. AIDS, schmaids. Send your loonies and toonies to the school of tard knocks!

I hope Becky sings REALLY LOUD AND REALLY SLOW to compensate for the audience’s slowness, and makes a big point about it before she starts her set. HEY … SLOWPOKES … DO YOU KNOW WHAT MUSIC IS?

And of course the convenience of Gordon sponsoring the telethon. Is John going to provide free dental checkups? Elly give them toys she could never sell? Michael hand out copies of his new book? Actually, scratch that, if they’re not so profoundly retarded that they can’t go to regular school, they won’t want it.
JudeMorrigan
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

#49 – Hah! When I read today’s comic, I wondered if it were submitted by a curmudgeon. Nicely played!
Harry Worth
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

Drew looks a little too excited to be going to the pool party with Mary.

I think he is hoping for some MILF action later.
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

78 Calico, further proof that LuAnn’s not in heaven:

It’s hard to imagine
that nothing at all
could be so exciting,
could be this much fun.

While A3G is nothing at all, it’s neither exciting nor fun.
Galactic Emperor ChennuxÂ©â„¢Â®
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:54 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! COLLECT THE BITS OF YOUR SMOKING MODEMS! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

THE ONE CALLED SKULKING ON THE OUTSKIRTS! CHENNUX NOTES YOUR COMMENT FROM A FEW YESTERTHREAD 1125: “oh, Your Imperial Majesty Galactic Emperor CHENNUX, do you have your magmacannons working yet?â€¦I know of some lowlife scum who really need a good lava bath!” CHENNUX’S RAISON D’ETRE IS TO MAGMACANNON MISCREANTS! YOU JUST GIVE OL’ CHENNY THE CO-ORDINATES AND VOILA! LOWLIFE SCUM FLAMBE! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!

PS! CHENNUX IS NOT RELATED TO THAT OTHER ‘CHENNY!’ THAT GUY JUST WISHES HE COULD HAVE A MAGMACANNON! HAHA!
Justafoob
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Ok, I will stop calling them noble ‘tards.

I think Lynn borrowed the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 to use for her strip this week.

Panel one

Shan..non says something sage.

Panel two

Apewill gains a little more enlightenment

Panel three

Jackass comes to notice Apewill sitting with the noble special needs people.

Panel four

Jackass says something to offend the the table. Apewill gets more pissed.

That’s a wrap.

And back to the noble special needs people, I am not the one presenting them as pure, and full of wisdom beyond their IQ, and, well noble.

I treat people like they are people not just some stereotype plot point.

That goes for African-Americans, Native Americans, Illegal Americans, special needs Americans….etc. You can insert Canadian for American if you happen to be from Canadia.

Lynn, the world ain’t black and white.
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:04 am [Reply]

For those of you a) curious about the format of Noodlefoot’s Big Adventure (*sniff … they grow up so fast…), and b) cannot be there to witness the enLivening of his schtick in person, here’s a blog posting describing the experience of someone who won the previous incarnation of this competition (as part of the New York Underground Film Festival).

http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2007/04/tell_me_whyyyyy.html

This Joe’s Pub thing seems to be a revamp of this event, which proved successful, with some Bigger Names, classier venue, etc.

Oh, and … fourfour is my other favourite blog besides this one. Check it out if want a read that’s as erudite as Josh, but gay(er) and trashy and obsessed with R&B and television instead of comics.
Dennis Jimenez
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

82 – I guess I’ve never heard about any Jack/Mary Worth spawn, but wouldn’t it be a bit more like GMILF?
wasoe
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

MW: You know what’ll become of Drew Cory? He’ll get his own sitcom on ABC for a while, but that’ll die out and he’ll end up hosting some show where people make stuff up or something.
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

#71 Uncle Lumpy –

That’s . . . let me look it up. Oh, right — TMI!

Congrats, Anne! Curminions definitely prawn TDIET.

And go for the jugular, Josh. Or the juggler, if there is one.
Dennis Jimenez
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

I like to pronounce erudite like E-Rude-Dight – it sound like one of those heathen tribes out of the bible that the chosen people roll over – like me.
Wellsey
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

#11 – No Kronkina, that’s what I thought too. That’s sick, Sam.

A3G I like how Tommie (can you hear me?) summons the doctor through an air conditioner. That’s different.

RMMD Psst! June! Morganstern, Morganza, Morganson, um…. Oki Merlot.
Hogen Mogen
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

A3G/RMMD: How can these ladies be nurses? I don’t see them wearing starched white polyester uniforms with those useless and silly-looking sailor-hats. How can Dr. Rex and Dr. Guy-who-looks-like-museum-docent-guy be real doctors without that shiny thing on a headband? What are the comics pages teaching kids these days, anyway?
Squawk
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

Pluggers are too cheap to buy deodorant for themselves, let alone their cars.
Hogen Mogen
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

A3G: I ordinarily read A3G at first blush in my black & white daily paper. Here, I see it in full color. Well, it would be full color if everyone wasn’t kabuki paleface. No wonder why Luann thinks she’s in heaven. Everyone is deathly chalk white.
Robotman
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

Monty today made me laugh out loud. Of course the people in the library thought I was an idiot, but they thought that before I let out the laugh.

Monty is consistently funny and is the anti-foob. You know, it started out many moons ago as Robotman and was a pile of treacle until Monty came along and the artist and writer changed.
kevin
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:47 am [Reply]

I feel pretty lame asking this, but could someone point me to the place in the archives where Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! first originated? I love this site, (which explains why I bashed my head with a stick) but haven’t been around long enough to understand that shirt.
Allie Cat
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

#71 – Mary Worth had kids, but she nagged them to death and they drove themselves off a cliff, en masse.
BunnÃ«
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Tee hee, you said “root”.

Oh wait, this isn’t Australia, root means something else.
Hogen Mogen
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

RMMD: June looks a little shocked, like she doesn’t know what to do. Face up to it, June. You played a shameless game of questionable ethics that dabbles in illegality to protect your investment and help your little friend. Rex, having slightly greater morals, resisted. Until, that is, he thought Hugh was a jerk. Out of pure spite, he participated in the corporate coup de’tat, friendship and finances be damned. The strange thing is that I’m actually starting to like the Morgans now.
Gabe
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

96: It’s complicated. It’s a culmination of different comic characters cursing (Grampa Jim and Margo, specifically). More information can be found on the wikipedia.
Hogen Mogen
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Foob: This story arc ought to be titled “So Hard To Be A ‘Tard”.
Paperback Rifler
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

15. Well, I’m no geologist, so I don’t know from Ken Nordine (although, as the inspiration for Tom Waits and for Linda Blair’s Excorcist vocals, he sounds intriguing and a little scary), so I’m going with the Frank Sinatra version. Apologies to everybody everywhere.

Start rousing the foobs;
He’s leaving today.
He’s gonna be a part of it: R-O-F-L!

Those Baltimore shoes
Are going to stray
And stomp the competition at R-O-F-L . . .

He’s gonna break out jokes on Margo and Mary Worth;
He’ll be crowned blogger supreme, par excellence,
Tick-ler-of- ribs-and-the-mas-ter-of-mirth . . .

[big finish, with kick line!]
Our . . . funny page blues
Are melting away;
He’ll make a comic art of it: R-O-F-L . . .
If he can slay ‘em there, we really . . .
(Bomp! Bomp!) . . . Hope he’ll share
Here on his blog; R-O-F-L!
GotFuzzy
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

Kevin, I’m a little fuzzy (ha ha–I kill me!) on the precise date that Margo from A3G became a substitute for the fuck, but it caught on like crazy. Boxcar comes from Granpa Jim’s aphasia follies, where he bellowed out “Boxcar” when St. Mike came in blathering about his book deal. Iris and Mike were bewildered, but all of us here knew he was saying, “stuff it, you sanctimonius twit!” And Saturn comes from the use of the ringed planet in comics cursing.

So there you go–Margo! Boxcar! Saturn!
AhClem
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

MT – How did Mark know the ducks were not wild? Because each undigested kernel of corn in the duck’s stomach had “Purina Duck Chow” written on it in microtype.

To paraphrase Alice in “Dilbert”:
“Must … warm up … fists … O’ … Justice!”
Duane Schneider
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Tommie, can you hear me?

Tommie, canc you see me?

LuAnn isn’t deaf or blind.

Dumb….. well you be the judge.
GotFuzzy
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

the word fuck, of course

Brilliant, Paperback Rifler! That’s a tough one to parody, but you got it.
Mibbitmaker
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

I’m finally involved in get-togethers of area cartoonists groups, and in one of them I was encouraged, after showing photocopied-and-taped-to-pages-of-a-drawing-pad examples of a graphic novel-in-progress I’m making, to attend MoCCA so my stuff doesn’t just sit there at my place as stagnant as this week’s FOOB storyline.

Given my lack of moolah and transportation, though, I can’t go. Now I’m even more depressed knowing Josh’ll be there for a bit, giving me more things to miss. Granted, finding someone there willing to publish me (in a universe quite separate from Michael “The Lucky Hack” Patterson’s) is the more important loss, but still…
Dr. Mad
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

A3G A little late, but #10 Kronkina – I don’t think that’s a 1974 intercom, I think it’s a room air-conditioner and Tommie is pressing the ‘fan only’ button while talking into the grill.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

65 Dean Booth: 67 Stinky Pete was exactly right, that I was… er… joshing, and at the same time thinking about the huge amount of money that is no doubt to be made peddling your exalted photoshop/humor skills.

71 Uncle Lumpy: good grief! Thanks! Guess I AM a noob, though I hope not in the most derogatory sense. I never heard of this stuff before, perhaps due to my exalted age and never having been a gamer (except for Zork). Dean Booth, I did not mean to insult you, and I hope you did not mean to insult me, as I revere you.

102 Paperback Rifler: brilliant! I hope his Popeness sees it before the performance.

Everyone: I like the idea of a no-pressure thread. I think I prefer commenting on other comments rather than trying to come up with original snarkage, which becomes more difficult by the day.
MonkeyHawk
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Sorry for the inconvenience, Chennux.

You know what all the girls say:

“Once you go MonkeyHawk
you never wanna go ~~bock~~ back.”

Something like that.

If you want to drop Mitzi off, come by Joe’s Pub tonight. I’ll be in the crowd rooting for Pope Noodlefoot. (Josh, I’m the one in the back with the wings and prehensile tail.)
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

96, 103: Proteus explained it all to us earlier this week, at least re: [margo]
Wellsey
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:33 am [Reply]

It seems I was thinking the same thing as several others today, sorry to over/undersnark. Thanks for the link to the Batiuk article, Anonymous 69, it was good to read that there will be an end to this strip at some point!
Mibbitmaker
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

A3G: “It’s so bright here…” Unlike LuAnn herself, of course.

FW: “Sometimes I think I belong in a witless relocation program.” Forget Bull, this is Batiuk’s dialogue. And I’d relocate him alright: back to the 1970s and ’80s, when he used to be good. “Good” being way different than “self-important”.

S-M: The sex wasn’t good then, right, MJ?

FC: “…Plus, in hangman, you get to draw Saddam Hussein!”

FOOB: [singing] Iiit’s a smaaall world aaaafter aaaalllll…[/singing] What kind of “no mocking the slow kids” rule could possibly be effective at Ignorant Jerk High School??

Garfield: This strip, sadly, would work the same if Jon were Mallard Fillmore and the cat was Sluggo from “Nancy”. Yeah, and Jon (as himself), Garfield is a freaking cat. I know it’s hard to tell in your strip and all, but still…

Curtis: So, Michelle’s going to be his girlfriend now, huh? That’ll be a first… besides that other time they did that, and it just ended with no explanation that I remember…..
willethompson
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

#96 (from the soon to be published CC glossary, if Josh ever gets around to vetting the rough…)

MargoBoxcarSaturn! â€“ Roughly translated as FuckShitAsshole. A favorite CCer cry of frustration or disgust.

Margo â€“ 1) Margo McGee, the brunette girl in A3G known for her shallow nature and ability to fall in love instantly with any passing pair of pants. 2) Euphemism for â€˜fuckâ€™ (ex. â€œWhat the margo happened?â€ or â€œThat artwork was really (margo)ed up!â€) coined by longtime reader Indiebass.

Boxcar â€“ Shit. The word was uttered by FOOBâ€™s Grandpa Jim (suffering from aphasia) when told that his saintly grandson had just published his first novel. LJ intended it to be praise, but CCers took it for what it was.

Saturn â€“ Asshole, but any general curse. Cartoon characters tend to curse with the top row of the typewriter keyboard on shift (ex. !@#$%) but sometimes use the planet Saturn.
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

And rounding the third turn DT overtakes (DT)GT and pulls into the lead for most incomprehensible and weirdly drawn strip! I canâ€™t bring myself to call it (DT)DT though. Too much fun playing â€œHide the Gretchen.â€
queek
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

today’s My Cage was *wonderful* Captain Wanna Snuggle. d’awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

nice Peanuts shout-out in Frazz today.

Candorville: it wouldn’t be so funny if it wasn’t so true. “If the plural of mouse is mice, then the plural of spouse, is spice!”
Little A.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

113: Be very careful about what you say or imply about Saint Sluggo.

He’ll be canonized one of these days.
Kip W
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

Pluggers: You know, I had a friend who believed that the way to use a tree air freshener in the car was to light it and let it smolder for a little bit, then put it out. Pluggers are relative pikers.

FOOB: I guess they’re called “Winkies” because “Squinties” was too accurate to be insulting.

41 (True Fable): Shannon’s slowing down, isn’t she? She used to get a couple of words out between ellipses, and now she breaks them up into syllables. Will she have to start breaking letters up into their component lines before the strip ends?

66 (Mere Cog): That would rule! I’d also be tickled if Shannon would act out Wally Ballou’s Interview with the President of the Slow Talkers of America, with April as the straightman:

Shannon: …unlike… our… sister… organization… the
April: Fast Talkers of America
Shannon: …Fast…
April: Talkers of America.
Shannon: …Talkers…
April: Of America!
Shannon: …of…
April: AMERICA!!
Shannon: …America. We…
April: Turn off her microphone!
Bootsy
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

#67, Stiny P. I suspect O’F was ~~paying homage~~ poking fun at his mad typing skillz.
Wally LimpingBean
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

Thanks, Moose for being an idiot.

It helps me take my mind off my dying wife.

It makes me chuckle thinking how an idiot like you will live and a saint like Lisa will die.

BWAAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA
Bootsy
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

Oh great! I have the bad typing skills! Sorry for mispelling your name StinkyPete!

Why oh why can’t I see it before I say it?!
Kip W
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

ps: When I run the syndicate, we’ll still have “Fred Bassett,” but every day’s strip will consist of Fred thinking (panel 1): “It’s wet today,” then turning to the audience and thinking (panel 2) “It’s raining!”

For some reason, I heard a couple seconds of Curious George, and the narrator was telling us that George likes brightly colored balls. Who knew bi-Curious George was hot for baboons? (There’s a North American Mandrill-Boy Love Ass’n joke in here somewhere.)
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

RMMD: June’s having a Morgasm.
Mibbitmaker
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

9CL: Another answer would be “I ruin once-great comic strips. It is a very crowded field right now, though. All them funky, big-cat-feeted foobs and their friends who draw dead peoples’ work! It’s a wonder I have the opportunity. Anyone with the talent to inflate one’s ego on ‘relevence’ can do it. And you…?”

MT: Wow! In the last panel, Trail’s re-enacting his own precise pose from days ago, but this time without the assistance of the Jack Elrod ball! Now that’s progress!

MW: Drew… You’ll be soooooorryyyyyyyyyy!

RMMD: Busted! (and since this is June we’re talking about: …in more ways than one!)
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

41: re: S…h…an..no..n: It’s already happened. 2nd panel: “SP…ON…SOR” I defy you to utter “sp” sans “o,” she’s developmentally disabled, not a stutterer, Lynn.
That's The Spirit
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

Lynn makes up her own slang so it won’t be dated later, or so it won’t be actually offensive, or something. OK.

But why can’t she make up some good slang?
smacky
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

# 95: Robotman, I too enjoy Monty. But I do confess I loved it when Robotman was part of the group (in the late ’90s as “Robotman and Monty”). It was sad when he returned to his home planet (which was weird, because I thought Monty built him…). I guess the writer got tired of drawing Robotman, with all his dials and things, because it wasn’t because there were too many characters. Monty got his alien roommate soon after Robotman left, if I recall correctly.
Little A.
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

I read in The New York Post (verb used very casually) that there is an animated Gil Thorpe cartoon show in the works.

If this is true, I know the perfect person to vocalise Clambake: Rev. Al Sharpton.
smacky
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Little A, prepare to get spanked for that extra “e”!
Steve S
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

Why is it that every single male Plugger, but most especially this one, looks like he’s on his way to a secret meeting of the Michigan Militia? Seriously, how long before we get a picture of a dog-man making a pipe bomb and the caption “A Plugger’s tax return”?
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

A3G – All that can be said has been said except that intercoms aren’t usually the size of small air-conditioning units.

Archie – The ALGJU3K has updated itself with one of those newfangled physics engines all the games have these days.

BB – Beetle Bailey made me laugh today.

Blondie – Actually, Dagwood, she hung out by the cubicle door and bragged about what she did with Blondie the other night.

Crock – Vile.

DTM – This is Dennis The Menace, not Little Orphan Annie!

DT – They’re holding the cards. Yeah, I’m definitely going with this “Gretchen is the Queen of Diamonds” theory. If only because Dick Tracy having a kickboxing fight with a playing-card image was awesome once and would be awesomer twice.

FC – This is the only Family Circus I can recall where there’s no scenery – they’re just floating in a white space. Is this Heaven?

FOOB – What the hell kind of insult is “winkies?” Is this a Canadian thing I don’t know about? Also, note the sponsor for Telethon! – you can bet that Noble Anthony was behind this and it’ll probably put Liz one step closer to being in his arms.

H&L – Chip’s friend is actually wearing a sailor suit. Is this 1907, or is there something he’s not telling us?

JP – The Littlest Magnate. She’s so adorable when she dreams of being obscenely wealthy!

MW – Given that Dr. Jeff and Mary are only in one panel each, it’s frighteningly easy to read this as though Dr. Jeff suddenly turned into Mary to dispense the second portion of his advice.

RMMD – Who is that in panel two? Is that supposed to be Hugh? His entire face is different! Also, more Awesome June Expressions.

SM – Mary Jane is up for a little experimenting. So that’s what they meant by “things get WILD again!”

Edison Lee – has apparently been taken over by the ALGJU3K.

TDIET – So that’s what SUVs looked like in 1955.

In regards to the proposed tuna casserole contest yesterthread:

Tuna Noodle Casserole
* 2 cans tuna fish (the most important part; make sure it’s a nice firm brand. In my experience, Geisha is a good choice in this regard.)
* 2 cans cream of mushroom soup
* 1-1.5 cans milk (that is to say, use the cream-of-mushroom soup can as a measuring container.)
* 1 large can peas if you like peas, which I don’t.
* 8 oz. egg noodles.

Cook noodles and drain. Mix soup, milk, tuna, and peas (if you like peas, which I don’t.) Add noodles. Place in a greased pan and top with pats of butter. Bake in 350Â° oven for 45-55 minutes (until noodles are crunchy and beginning to brown.) Top that, Mary!
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

126: Because … that’s what we’re here for?

Foob, I think, is actually pretty good (though not its etymology — no kid ever says “boob” and means it the non-nippled way), and “roadside” is so…clearly the product of a disturbed mind that it’s irresistible, but I agree that “winkie” is a low point, and “egghead” was terribly tone-deaf.

But the real question: who’s paying Gerald? Why is anyone getting payed for a charity event in a mall? That still has room on its second stage? And is being booked by …. Shannon? When heartless hipsters attend this charity festival and say to each other “What the [margo] is up with the idiot playing a hose? Who booked this, some developmentally challenged high school girl?”, it’ll be cold comfort when they’re informed that they’re right.
smacky
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Oops, I was wrong:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_%28comic_strip%29

During contract negotiations, the syndicate approached Meddick with a request to change the name of the strip to Monty and to de-emphasize and remove the Robotman character from the strip. This was due to an ongoing difficulty in marketing the strip with the name Robotman.

Wow, the syndicate killed Robotman. They’re pretty powerful!
Bootsy
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Kevin, I believe others have explained M!B!S! but Eric Mills of A3G, had a speech balloon where he said “What the…Margo!” when he spotted her and did a head bobble.

After that there was no stopping the relentless curminions.
Paperback Rifler
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

128. “I read in The New York Post (verb used very casually) that there is an animated Gil Thorpe cartoon show in the works.”
What, what, WHAT?! Or better still, WHY?!

Actually, I do believe that I would watch an animated version of Gil ThorpÃ¨, but only if they used that “limited” animation technique similar to that in Clutch Cargo, in which they superimposed filmed human mouths over the mouths of motionless drawn characters. I would also want all the voices to be provided by the guys who do South Park. As a matter of fact, that’s how I read Gil ThorpÃ¨ now.

Oh, and while I’m thinking about it, many thanks to whoever it was that suggested imagining that the voice of Shan…non was being provided by William Shatner. (THTI)Foob is tons more entertaining that way. (Another good Shan…non voiceover actor to imagine: Christopher Walken.)
Herro!
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

“In other coloring news: would it kill Frank Bolle to splurge on some tan ink? If their faces were any paler, theyâ€™d be cavefish.”

I was eating a pretzel, and I stopped chewing when I saw this line. Have you worked with cavefish? I do now. We have varieties of Astyanax mexicanus from ten caves right now. We also work with other albino marine animals.

Wow…we’re like kindred spirits, running toward each other in a field, with music playing…then a scratch of the needle as the record stops. Oh, that’s because in five weeks I’m headed off to law school and (hopefully) the big bucks that will come after I graduate. :-)
Trotzenbonnie
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

#102 – Paperback Rifler
Thank you for being a brilliant parodyist so I don’t have to. I admire/envy/sinfully covet your talent.

(Ken Nordine was just a random thought that had nothing to do with the song New York, New York. My train of thought always jumps the tracks–probably from reading too much Zippy. But I do love Nordine’s Word Jazz albums almost as much as I love Frank Sinatra…although I do think Dean Martin was a better singer.)

Which is making me think – what if characters from different strips formed their own Rat Pack? Who would be Frank ? Sammy ? Joey Bishop ?

This quiz may help.
http://www.quizilla.com/users/moderndrunkard/quizzes/Which%20Rat%20Pack%20Member%20Are%20You
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

#122 Kip W â€“

[my secret shame]

You know, if Fred that with that shy smile of his, Iâ€™d still read it.
colorado
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

I really hate to ask this, but what is the context of Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! I am outta the loop when it comes this one. I know it’s APT 3G, but where did it come from? Would anyone care to explain it? My thanks in advance
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

“said that”

Boxcar!
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

#139 colorado

See comment #114
ohyes
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

A3G: Now that LuAnn is conscious, someone should bring her a balloon.That should cheer her up.

Doctor: Do you know where you are, LuAnn?

LuAnn: A hospital?

Doctor: Oh, dear, that’s it? My dear, you’re in Bed Four in Room 1208 in the East Wing of Mercy Hospital in New York City.

LuAnn: It’s so bright…

Doctor: The luminence in here is average for a hospital environment. We medical professionals have to see what we’re doing! Are you complaining already?

LuAnn: Am I in heaven?

Doctor: You’re in Bed Four! She’s vague, delusional, and a complainer. Sedate her. Now!
Little A.
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

My excuse for not spelling too good is, I was educated in The Bronx and I spent too much of my free time reading comic strips and comic books.
Stuck Funky
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

RE FOOB:

TELETHON!
OTHER STUFF!!

There’s a sick part of me that hopes she follows April around for the next six thousand or so strips.

LIO: It took me a few minutes to process that gag since I see Lio as a kook anyway; the first panel didn’t seem out of the ordinary at all.

The other Luann: Is it me, or is this playing out like an 80’s movie where TJ will turn out to be the really cool-but-kinda-off chick that Brad’s been looking for his whole life?
Duane Schneider
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

“Am I in heaven?”

No, you are in Apt3G and a more apt hell I have never seen.
Professor Fate
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

FW: Am I just being picky here or is not getting into the clinical trail they were all jabbering about just a few weeks ago another example of Lisa’s Doctor’s utter incompetence? That Les seems okay with this and is able to smirk about it all is very creepy. Hell maybe he wants her to die so he doesn’t have to deal with it anymore. The more I see of this strip , the more this strip feels sick in a very fundemental and twisted way.

FOOB: Noble noble everywhere but not a human being in sight. Anywhere.

Hell it would have been funnier if Shannon and stood up let off a long and loud string of curses at the girls talking trash then sat down again and said to April “Some..Words..I…can..say…really fast”
You know the unexpected – something Lynn has forgotten.
Perky Bird
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

#142 ohyes–
Maybe Vera should visit LuAnn. She has lots of “thought” ballons to spare.
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

144: re: Luann — God, I hope so. If not, heck, I’d date him! He can cook, his head seems (comparatively) normally shaped, he seems like he would actually know what to do in bed, he does that “mpwah!” thing with this fingers and lips without irony. What’s not to love?
Mr. Coffee Nerves
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

MT: The last panel today is the creepiest thing I think I’ve ever seen. Ol’ Mark is just straight-up staring at her rack while she sits there, blindfolded.

“We’ll be sure to find out, but you need to relax! Take some deep, deep breaths. Oops, I spilled my water. Now say ‘No one knows the migration habits of the lemur like Master Mark.’”

A few more panels and Eli Roth will be guest-directing. If we had seen the dissection of the still-living duck I’d think Eli was already in the chair.

FOOB: On the other hand, the death-by-torture of the Pattersons would be a welcome, welcome relief…and comedy gold.
mere cog in the machine
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

128: There is just something so wrong and Pet Sematary-ish about animating Gil Thorp. I pray someone kills that monster at birth.

130: HA!

Luanne: “I’m in a hospital? What is it!?”
Dr. Smallhead: “It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now!”
ohyes
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

RMMD: June doesn’t want to tell you her name, Hugh, because you’ll recognize the tortious business interference and life’s ruin perpetrated on you by the Morgan crime family. Be warned: anyone who crosses the Morgans gets shot. By their dog or something.
Calico
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

#136 – Good luck with Law School! Wow!

#131 – I will try your recipe but with chicken, as I really really do not like tuna from a can (although a little tuna sushi is nice about once a year).
Marion Delgado
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

josh didn’t take the roommate in a coma thing very seriously.

but I know – I KNOW – it’s really serious!
Stuck Funky
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

#148/Secret Margo: If anybody I date pours a glass of anything the way TJ does in panel 2, I’d call that a deal breaker…ironic â€œmpwah!â€ or not.
Jana C.H.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

For I am a noble â€™tard!
(She is! Hurrah for the noble â€™tard!)
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a noble â€™tard!
(It is! Hurrah for the noble â€™tard!
Hurrah for the noble â€™tard!)

Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith WSG: Donâ€™t tell the audience youâ€™re a funny man. If you are, theyâ€™ll know it soon enough.
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

#143 Little A(e). –

If we rang a bell every time Thorp came out Thorpe around here, we’d sound like a [Margo]ing fire station in hell. And yet, the trend continues unabated. Nothing personal was meant by smacky, I’m sure. Just make sure it Never. Happens. Again. Capiche? You don’t want stinky pete coming after you.
Rocky Jones
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

Good luck to you, Josh!
Plugmein
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

Pluggers smell good in their pickup trucks.

Otherwise, they smell like manly men.

Or is it dogly dogs?

Barely bears?
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

79 CrabbyGenes, we are indeed on a long march if Josh is not going to post again till Monday morning. I advise everyone to:

1) Wear comfortable yet sturdy shoes. Change socks frequently to avoid blisters. Athletic tape over blister-prone spots is helpful.
2) Stay hydrated. 8 ounces of water every 100 comments is recommended.
3) Load up on carbohydrates for energy. Bananas and raisins are good sources of potassium.
4) Above all, stick together. Stragglers are likely to be picked off by the pumas in the crevasses.

With luck, we can get to Monday morning more or less intact. Who’s with me?
Mountain Mama
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

#154–T.J. may pour a drink like a uncivilized guy, but I loved the phrase “culinary cretin.” I hope to use it some time in the future.

And again, Josh, good luck to you!
MossMoses
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

And now a word from our telethon s…pon….sors…

If a FOOB movie is ever made I propose Dianne Rehm as Shannon Winkie. “Talk….a…bout….Pres…i…dent…B..B…ush.”
Methuselah
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

Whatâ€™s a curminion? Who is this â€œJoshâ€ and why does everyone want to break his legs? Who is Gil Thorpe? Isnâ€™t it supposed to be Castrata? How can Margo even stand Tommy and Luanne? I think she should be friends with Abby and Neddey. I bet Drew and Vera get together. I was looking through the archives and â€“ my god! â€“ Aldo looks just like Captain Kangaroo! Honest! Check it out! Is this thing on? Does everyone really like veal? Whoâ€™s my waitress? Hey! Has anybody seen this link? Oops! I mean this one!

Whatâ€™s a â€œCockpit?â€ It sounds dirty!
Dennis Jimenez
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

RMMD – I liked the expression on June’s face in panel three. It made me think she could carry on the deception by using her maiden name – Gale – hence the old oral sex expression – she blew like a June Gale!
FSogol
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

MT: For once, I’m really enjoying the latest Mark Trail. Whatever fetish involves performing duck autopsies while a perky brunette sits blindfolded is right up my alley. Thanks Mark Trail!

FOOB: Will Shannon show April her black trench coat and shotguns in time for April to save everyone at the tele-.. tele-…, show? Wonder if Farley II will save the day?
kat
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

“…Ms. Powers, if this were heaven, I’d have some freaking aspirin and a margarita, and Tammie…er…Teri…that redhead wouldn’t be here.”
Bootsy
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

159, stinky pete, I got the Mark Trail mix! (Oh I crack myself up! Though not anyone else apparently.)
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

159 Stinky Pete: I’m with you, but don’t you mean pumas in the cravasses? (pace Smothers Brothers.)
Amanda
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

Nothing funny to say (again) but what on earth does Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! mean? If it’s a reference to a joke from a long time ago can someone direct me to it?
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

#161 Moss –

There’s already been a FOOB movie, albeit made-for-TV, albeit Canadian TV. Also a FOOB TV series. Also two biographical treatments of Johnston’s own damn life. In which she played herself!

But in a country where DiGrassi High sweeps the Emmy’s (sorry, the Emm-eh’s), whadja expect?
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

#152 Calico – Buy frozen tuna and chop it up then, but trust me, it just wouldn’t taste right without the tuna.
Foobaphobe
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

118 Kip W:
YES! Thanks for being the other person out there who thinks of Bob and Ray and the Slow….Talkers………of…America! Wally Ballou would have cut Shannon off by Tuesday and gone on to interview a paperclip manufacturer (who makes them by hand) or a fingernail clipper tester (who has 12 fingers) or a cranberry grower. (“Juice? You can make juice out of cranberries? All this time, I’ve been selling them for cranberry shortcake. They don’t really move that way.”)
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

#168 Amanda

*sigh*

See comment #114. Look, I’m leaving soon. Can someone else take over?
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

#172 gh –

I’ll spell you for a while. Have a nice break.
Mountain Mama
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Today’s MW:

Jeff asks Drew if he’d like to do something fun tomorrow. Before Drew can ask where the tennis or golf game is, Mary must quickly use her powers to make Drew think that a Charterstone pool party is the very definition of fun!

Why else are there so many white “pictures” in the second panel?

Because it takes a lot of power to convince someone that a Charterstone pool party is in any way, shape or form fun.
gh
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

#173 Uncle Lumpy

You know I can’t resist a good speller.
Remus
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

Winkies???!!!!!! Winkies!!!!!????
John C Fremont
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

# 142 (Ohyes) – “Now that LuAnn is conscious, someone should bring her a balloon.” Make it a thought balloon, but be sure and fill it with an intelligent thought. This will come as a shock to poor, dumb Lu Ann, but it needs to be done!

Tuna Noodle Casserole – Definitely leave out the peas, and substitute Cream Of Celery Soup (or half mushroom/half celery). I know we’re talking about the subtle differences amongst the “Cream Of” variety of canned soups, but it really makes a difference for the better. Oh, and crumble up some potato chips and sprinkle them on top. You could also sprinkle some grated cheese on it, but that seems a little too, uh, classy and high-falutin’. Tuna casserole remains one of the exceptions which causes me to embrace the Plugger within.
Dennis Jimenez
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Tommy Tweeker could tell you that prison hooch tuna casserole can be made simply with can of tuna and box of Kraft mac and cheese – top with stale potato chips – Ayran Brotherhood stamp of approval.
JudeMorrigan
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

Just to add what the people have said about M!B!S!, I’ll add that the saturn is related to foob as well.

This is the strip that added boxcar to our vocab:
http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/002292.php

But note the day before’s:
http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/002291.php
NotThatGuy
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

Foob: I think Lynn is comparing developmentally disabled people to Frank L. Baum’s Winkies, the yellow people enslaved by the Wicked Witch of the West in his Oz books. The Land of Winkies was ruled by the Tin Woodman after the Wicked Witch of the West was destroyed by Dorothy.

More about Winkies can be found on the internet.
smacky
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

#161: MossMoses, Good call!

Diane Rehm’s story is just bizarre. She has spasmodic dysphonia and gets botox injections into her throat so she can speak. And her job is host of a RADIO SHOW. I’m all for holding on to tradition and all that, but it would be comparable to Clambake playing for the Yankees today. Eventually you step down. Then you hang around high schools and offer your years of wisdom and (back rubs with your claw hands) free of charge.

Seriously, before I saw a picture of her, I assumed Diane Rehm was 250 years old.
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

#177 John C Fremont – I’m sure some people might like that better, but I pretty much don’t like celery in the first place, and there is, in my mind, no substitute for cream of mushroom soup. It has so many uses! Casseroles! Meatball gravy! And much, much more!
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

# 40 — Your Imperial Gloriousness, I was sorry to hear about your magmacannons not working at the reception. I hope they are functional again. I should also explain that most wedding receptions on this part of the planet do not end abruptly with a sudden huge tummy-upsetting shift to another storyline. That is Lynn’s doing. I had to have my Queen of Diamonds costume dry-cleaned, melkardammit.
Chat Noir
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

#41, #125 – SecretMargo and True Fable – that’s the FOOBing problem with Shannon and her creator Lynn. The strip rarely gives any indication of what’s wrong with her, except that she talks slow. Ergo, she is slow. It seems insulting to special needs folks. Now, it’s carrying over to the other SPED kids. Are they squinting because Luann’s hospital room is too bright? It seems all a ploy to make me read more stuff on the FOOB site.

Where I learn that Shannon is great at math. Hell, I’ve got two college degrees and can’t add a column of numbers with any reliable accuracy. Why doesn’t somebody throw me a telethon?
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

#184 Chat Noir – See, she’s great at math because, as a special-needs kid, she’s only got a tiny fraction of her brain for normal stuff, so the rest of it is devoted to math. Like the Precogs in The Minority Report.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

To everyone who doesn’t know what Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! means: If you have to ask, you don’t want the shirt.

To everyone who knows: Half the people who are asking are trolls, the other half are n00bs who can Margoing well scroll up and find the answer in the comments themselves, and all of ‘em should be ignored from here out.
D.A.Pennington
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

FOOB: With all the elipsis that Shannon uses to . . . speak . . . I’m wondering that eventually she’ll be communicating to April in Morse code?
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

# 84 — Sorry, Your Excellency, I hadn’t reached this comment. Glad you are back to frying miscreants on request, er, I mean when proper supplication takes place.

# 152 — Calico, I just wanted to say that I really sympathize with the loss of your cat. Twenty good years are a real testament to your relationship.
Trotzenbonnie
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

#159 – stinky pete
I’m in.
I got some groceries, some peanut butter to last a couple of days…
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

186: Oh, my adorable, intemperate Brick, no need to be so hostile. I don’t think any of the askers were trolls, and all of us have been new … once (and so cute we were then! *sniff). Although I do agree that before posting a question of that sort, one should at least scroll through the thread you’re commenting on to see if it’s been asked and answered previously. That’s just common courtesy, in the sense that a thread is analogous to a conversation.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

Marion Delgado @ 153, Trotzenbonnie @ 189: We’re really rockin’ the obscure musical references today. I toast to you both with a glass of pedestrian red, red wine.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

By the way… does anyone else here play The Sims 2? I do. And I thought I’d share that just recently, I created the A3G girls as University students. I haven’t played their household yet, though, since Tommie and Lu Ann are boring, and Margo scares me. I’m afraid she’ll have a mind of her own.
ohyes
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

RMMD:

Hugh: What is your last name, June?

June: First, Hugh, after dinner, let me show you where the drug lord was shot the other night, right out back. They still haven’t figured out who did it. And his drug factory was blown up just a day earlier! And just before that, my husband Rex had that woman shot in the footall stadium… by the cops! They shot her, like, twenty times! Rex fingered her, so the cops did the rest. You know Rex, Hugh. He’s the man who kept you from the most important meeting in your life … Hugh, missing that meeting was no accident. We wouldn’t want you to have an accident.
Allie Cat
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Tuna Casserole ala Allie Cat

2 cans White Albacore Tuna, Drained
2 cans Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 box either pasta shells or elbows
1 lb grated sharp cheddar cheese (1/2 cup reserved)
1 4 oz jar diced pimientos, drained

Cook noodles according to directions. Drain. Mix with remainder of ingredients, minus 1/2 cup cheese. Place in casserole – top with reserved cheese. Bake. Eat. Grow fat.
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

#109 O’F: Oh, geez, it seems my reply came across harsher than I imagined; I was just playing around. I’d certainly never insult you (or interpret what you say to me as an insult). If it ever seems otherwise, suspect an impostor!
mere cog in the machine
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

I think we all know why that cop pulled over Herb in ‘Herb and Jamaal’ today. And it wasn’t anything to do with the speed limit.
Benicillin
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Good Luck in new York, Josh. Don’t fuck this up. We’re all counting on you. No pressure.
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

156 gh, since I renamed the strip Gli Thrpo, I view both “Thorp” and “Thorpe” as equally incorrect and equally unworthy of my attention (it will help the reader to know that I’m looking extremely haughty here – Hugh Avery-haughty, in fact). But if I see a Thrpoe….

167 O’F, yes, I did mean cravasses. Pumas in the cravasses.

189 Trotz, what about speakers & headphones? Any records to play?
mere cog in the machine
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

191: Their references are both obscure and thought-provoking. They leave me forsaken, almost human. I sink beneath their wisdom like a stone.
Howard Erk
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

yeah Josh….

ALL of our hopes and dreams are riding on your shoulders. If you make an impression, you are speaking for all of us.

Tank, and….Josh?????? Josh who.

Good Luck.

No Pressure….
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

166 Bootsy, great. I’ll pack some TDIET Coke and some Family Circus Peanuts plus some Beetle Bailey’s Irish Cream to add to the coffee around the campfire later on.
Sigivald
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

“Bio-readouts are all in the green – looks like she’s alive.

There goes our salvage, boys.”
LTBF
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

I found the strip where Boxcar was invented said a lot about Mike. Iris says they could use a visit, nut the only reason he came by was to brag about his book. He didn’t really care about checking on his ill Grandfather.

Iris is old and caring for him takes a lot out of her. Mike bitches about how hard it is to write at home with all the people around. Maybe he could do some writing while he sits for his grandfather and gives Iris a break.
fizzy logic
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

#189 & #198 – Trotz & Stinky – How about passports and visas? Don’t even know my real name…

Josh, best of luck to you in the competition. Hint: Don’t use the FOOB site with the blinking eyes as your funny website/web item – just helpfully pointing out that it’s not funny, in case your judgment has been impaired after all these years.
Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

I have updated the shirt sales site with what M!B!S! means, so there’s no reason to clog bandwidh asking the same question over and over. You’re welcome.
willethompson
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

#189 Trotz, #198 StinkyPete, #204 Fizzy: I’d like to kiss you, I’d love you hold you… I ain’t got no time for that now.

David Byrne – the antiMargo
Sugar and Spike
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Woggle: zangle biffle markle doofle*

*149: Perhaps the whole blind hottie with the nice rack story line in MT is some sort of subliminal advertising for that new documentary about Linda and Bert Pugach, “Crazy Love.”
Krazy Kat
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

So, Winkies are from Oz!
(from the internets)
Winkies (def)
The people who inhabit the Land of the West. They are noted for their use of yellow colors. They were held in bondage by the Wicked Witch of the West, until Dorothy freed them.
Bootsy
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

#208, Kronkina,

The people who inhabit the Land of the West. They are noted for their use of yellow colors

Perhaps they also color Mary Worth on Sundays.
Bootsy
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

Aw Crap! Sorry, Krazy Kat. That was you.
cheech wizard
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

For all you who have had it with the unicorn in 9CL, be advised that over in Pibgorn, Pib is finally, totally buck nekkid these past two strips. Unfortunately, she’s also transparent, which kind of ruins the effect.

Sorry if someone’s already pointed this out.

Also, 117/ Little A – Be very careful about what you say or imply about Saint Sluggo…Heâ€™ll be canonized one of these days.

When I was a kid, I wished that the entire Nancy crew would get cannonized, preferably with grapeshot. But with the new Aunt Fritzie, I find that I tolerate it much better these days.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

(Leslie Nielsen voice) I just want to tell Josh good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Winkie, n. An online comic strip in which the characters blink. Usage: “Has anyone noticed that the strips on fbofw.com blink?” “Yes, they’re winkies, totally retarded.”

P.S. O’F, I should have said, of course, thank you very much for the compliment. Unfortunately, my social skills lag far behind my photoshop skills.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

#s 189, 198, 204, 206: Is another gathering in the works? ‘Cause I could carpool. I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20. So hurry up.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

(Leslie Nielsen voice again) I just want to tell Josh good luck. Weâ€™re all counting on you.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

cheechwizard @ 211: I would find the new Fritzie far more alluring if her ample chest were not marred by billboards for whatever crap band forked over $50 this week.
Islamorada Girl
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

Little A: St. Sluggo would be the patron of. . . ?

Josh, you and Amber are probably on the Metroliner pulling into Penn Station right now, but definitely gas the slobs and break a leg tonight!

And to round things out nicely, a hearty handclasp to Anne for making TDIET. Around here, that’s like winning $200 on a fifty-cent scratch- off lottery ticket and getting to wear the rhinestone tiara on the parade float! Good work!

If snark were cash, we’d all be biilionaires!
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

If people keep up the obscure musical references, I’m going to have to comment on how after Mtigwaki, Liz learned her lesson never to roam, never to roam, never to roam, never to roam. (That little sports copter was as slippery as an oyster; flying in it was like riding on a rollercoaster.)
Trotzenbonnie
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

191, 198, 204, 206

you make me shiver
i feel so tender

But it’s Friday night so it’s time to get ready for my night out at Texas Roadhouse! Yeee HA!

Yes, I, too, am a culinary cretin.
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

I imagine a world in which 100% of TDIET and Pluggers contributions come from the Comics Curmudgeon crew, and Josh devotes himself 100% to snarking on just those two strips. At which point we could basically secede from the Universe, and nobody would notice.

If we could achieve something like that with FOOB, I’d be first in line.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Rock the house down – or Hoggie the Cat might just have a bad “accident.” No pressure though….
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

214 Spidey, in lieu of bringing any jukebox money, let me just say that for fans of the blues, KDHX in St Louis is rockin’ the house between 4 & 6 today; (as they do every weekday). Listen in here.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

What’s puzzling me is: what kind of wine goes with sweater puppies?

Er, hit it Paul…

A bottle of chablis, hey that ainâ€™t no stuff for me
Chateau timberley, as long as I canâ€™t see
Gallo or muscatel, either one would be just swell
I didnâ€™t come here to fight, hey just as long as that ainâ€™t white

Now I ainâ€™t no connoiseur cat, I’m a connoiseur rat
Red red wine on sunday
Just like martin said
Red red wine
Red red wine
Set us up â€™till weâ€™re dead
Mibbitmaker
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

Maybe the ignoramus in FOOB (Yeah, I know; “be more specific, Mibbit”) who said “winkies” was refering to Tinky Winky, taking her cue from purgatory’s own Jerry Falwell — and confusing anti-retarded slurs with homophobic ones. Heartless and stupid is a bad combo there, Roadside!
Mibbitmaker
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

Pibgorn is transparent. Meanwhile, in 9 Chickweed Lane, Brooke is being pretty transparent himself. I’ll bet he had an old relationship with Kristen Chennoweth (sp?) as well. Better watch out, Brooke, before NBC cancels you, too.
Trilobite
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

I know why Shan…non’s speech pattern is getting slower and slower: her mainspring is winding down. If April would just look, there’s probably a key or a flange of some kind protruding from Shannon’s back: give it a few good twists clockwise, and Shannon’ll be as good as new.

Well, as good as any clockwork automaton who bears basically zero resemblance to an actual character can be, anyway. But that’s close enough, since the only reason Shannon’s back in the strip is so Lynn can dig the “Canadians hate the developmentally disabled” rut a little deeper and Teach April An Important Lesson.
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

#215 Spectacular Spider-Brick: And bring your jukebox money!
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

I for one am delighted that Ms. Johnston is using her strip to raise awareness of the challenges facing the developmentally disabled. Because using it to entertain readers hasn’t been working out so well for her.
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Solving SFx:

1) ORCA CON (watch out for that escaped whale!)
2) THE CHAT (i.e., what they’re saying)
3) SAM ELF (hiding behind the frog)
4) MOKES (those guys do look boring)
5) SNEAK (what the raccoon’s doing)
6) TICKS (they’re everywhere!!)
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

I don’t know if this will help the uninitiated get initiated, but it’s worth a shot. It’s the twelfth post down, the True Fable Glossary and General Snarkage Info, the rant that starts, Since folks ask. Read it. Know It. Live it.

Ten points and a cookie to anyone who can correctly name the movie it’s from.
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

230 TF: Judge Reinhold! Brad Hamilton! Fast Times at Ridgemont High! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie!
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

#231 stinky pete: It’s coming your way! :-)
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

195 Dean Booth: Thanks! Friends 4-Evah!

198 Stinky Pete: Now I have an urge to go play one of my old SB LP’s, except I don’t really have a turntable that works. Damn. I wonder if you can download small mp3’s from old comedy albums as you can songs from old LP’s. Such a good idea I think I’m going to go look and see.

220 Uncle Lumpy: Did it ever occur to you that perhaps we’ve already seceded from the universe?
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

218 cj, Talking Heads = not obscure; Shaggs = obscure beyond measure.
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

#233 O’F: Try Limewire.
Jamus The Bartender
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

25.Dick Tracy:I think I can help you out with this one, Brick. I agree about the whole setup hypothesis. See, if Dick gets his hands on Gretchen’s kidnappers, he’s gonna go all Mike Hammer on their ass with no regards for diplomatic immunity, Miranda rights or what-have-you. Sadly, since 9/11, the government’s been staring over the CIA’s shoulder ever since those planes got past the radar. With a publicly reactionary individual like Dick to take the fall for any…excesses commited while in the line of duty, Christ In America can do what it needs to do to clean up the case, and maybe even set up a new black prison site somewhere in Europe. Meantime, Mr and Mrs Plugger America are reading the paper , where the headline reads FAMOUS DETECTIVE TAKES COMMIE SPIES OUT FOR A SCREEN TEST, cheering him on all the while. It’s a win-win situation. Classic ledgermain.
beergoggles
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

mw – dammit folks – mary’s gonna ‘hook up’ drew with von, not vera – doctor daddy needs cash and vera is just some wage slave while von’s got all that newly liberated disposable inheritence that vera doesn’t want
Dave
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

Foob: Mayes Motors? The Mayes Motors ?!?!?

That juggernaut auto dealership/cinnamon bun stand everybody’s talking about? With Gordon, Anthony, Julia, and silent partner Dr John Patterfoob ?!?!?

I hope someone burns a DVD of the telethon … or not.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Damn you, True Fable @ 230. Not only do I have to keep up with (and contribute to) an average of 400 comments every 24 hours, now you’re telling me I have to read forums too? Just because I’m unemployed and spend all my waking hours in front of a computer, you think I’m made out of free time? Well, Margo that. Margo that right in the boxcar.
stinky pete
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

233 O’F: The “pumas” sketch can be seen on You Tube.
Esophagus
June 22nd, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Does anyone else find it hilarious that FBOFW has had a tard joke in the past three strips? Not the jokes themselves, mind you, as Johnston’s setup is even more predicatble than usual.
Jamus The Bartender
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

159. I’m with you Pete. A few other things.
5. Stick to the ditches. Do NOT walk on the roads. Charlie likes to put landmines on the roads and we’ll be sending out a search party for your testicles. For those WITH testicles.
6. Anyone caught pleasuring themselves to 9 Chickweed Lane, especially any scene in which Edda is stretching out in her tights gets a night in the box.
7. The above applies if Luann is out sunbathing or sending nakkie pics of herself to Sgt. York.
8. If you see any animals while out walking, do not walk up to them and pet them. Do not feed them. Leave them alone. Unless word captions are coming out of their mouth. Then, try to get a few pictures for Mark Trail, see if we can get some money out of this.
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

#239 SSB: Not YOU, Spider-Brick; you already know the origin of the specifics.
But since you are unemployed and spend all your waking hours in front of a computer, I figured this would save your hands from a really bad case of Nair rash. >:D Or in your case, your mortar won’t wear down as fast.
Little A.
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

Saint Sluggo is the Saint of Poor Orphan Bald Young Boys. They need all the help they can get.

His relic is an old black jacket with patches stitched on the elbows.

211: let’s be nice. There’s no accounting for taste, or lack of it.

And Curtis: is he going to go out with Michelle tomorrow and get his first kiss, or what??? I am so excited for him I can’t wait. I have a hunch his little brat brother is going to foul it up. Or, Derrick and “Onion” are going to show up at the wrong moment. Stay tooned!!!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

True Fable @ 243: I know you didn’t intend your post to be aimed at me, but thanks to your post, I am now aware of the existence of the forums. I can’t un-know that. Not without some of that good Bandar medicine, if you know what I’m talking about.
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Cathy (MD!) Okay, I want to know a few things: Panel One: Did Mama Nit-Picky and Nosy Parker raise her daughter to also be a total Slob? Then she had better not complain when she figures out that her daughter needed to pleasure herself by seeing the amount of her conspicuous consumption, rather than by with her husband.
Panel Two: Why in the HELL would Cathy even own a short sundress? The very thought stabs my eyes.
Panel Three: The very thought of those little pudgy hoof-like feet oozing out from between the bindings of platform sandals makes me want to stab my own eyes. But I will be pointing and laughing all the while at those little pudgy hoof-like feet.
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

225: HAHAHA (re: Brooke/Sorkin) Yes.

Now back to my vow of silence re: 9CL, until I have something nice to say. Or something not so nice that I haven’t beaten to the ground yet.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

#79 CrabbyGenes:

And I predict that this thread will be one of the longest ever by the time Josh puts up a new one.

Any bets as to the final number of comments?

CrabbyGenes, I’ve noticed a huge spike in comments whenever FOOB is especially execreble. If we were to get a glimpse of happy lovin’ with Liz an’ Lip, I’d say 1,200, easy. But we’re off that story, so I say 1,000.

#135 Paperback Rifler:

many thanks to whoever it was that suggested imagining that the voice of Shanâ€¦non was being provided by William Shatner. (THTI)Foob is tons more entertaining that way.

I somehow missed that post. Love the idea of Shatner or Walken voicing Shan…non! In today’s panel 2, I thought she was channeling Bobby Hill, so I’ve been using his voice for her. Except for having to down Bobby’s rapid fire, Howard Hawksian style dialogue, it works quite well.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

235 True Fable: I was thinking more on the order of Music Match or Walmart… Limewire looks a little too techie for me. But I may give it a whirl. I bookmarked it. Thanks.

240 Stinky Pete: I LOVE YOU! OMG, that was even funnier than I remembered it. So much better when you can actually see their faces. I always thought YouTube was just for political rants, college kids exposing themselves, and weird pet tricks.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

All this discussion about St. Sluggo reminds me of an animated special that I saw as a kid. For some reason, they gave Sluggo, a little kid, a voice exactly like Harvey Fierstein.

The gag was that Sluggo had taken a job at the corner grocery, and greedily anticipating a “big salary.” At the end of his shift, he complains that all he got was a big… celery! Wah wah wah waaah… At the time, I didn’t realize that the Harvey Fierstein voice made the gag funnier.
True Fable
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

#245 SS-B: Gee, now it’s as if I just flashed a covey of young nuns, only I feel bad this time.

Hold on: look at the flashing red tip of this little silver pen thing and…. there. Did it work? What do you remember?
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

O’Fogeyette, while you’re at it, better watch out for gnus. They’ll gaknock you to your gaknees.

Better hope you have a gaknife with you. (more SB material)
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

252 Spotted Horse: I thought I knew all the SB material, but that doesn’t ring a bell. I once had a huge crush on Tommy Smothers. Back when I lived in NYC he came into my local watering hole one afternoon and ordered a “spinach salad, hold the sand.”
Islamorada Girl
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

Fabulous burn, Uncle Lumpy! And so very true!

I think I will light a candle to St. Sluggo. I’m not bald, but I’m almost homeless and I am an orphan. Can he also be the patron saint of Cards and Mudges? I have fond memories of Sluggo from back in my misspent youth when I was learning to read by pouring over the daily comics every day. What are his two miracles? When was he beatified? Canonized? I’m a congregant of the First Church of Elvis, Reformed, and we’re always open to new ideas and saints.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

#253 O’Fogeyette: It may be off “Curb Your Tongue, Knave.” Not sure… My folks were huge SB fans, and me and my sisters played the hell out of the LPs.

Two pop culture events traumatized my childhood: the breakup of the Beatles and the cancellation of the Smothers Brothers Show. Sigh… I’m such a hothouse flower!
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

Crock: …..actually, I think it’s the back hair that’s the dealbreaker here.

Crankshaft: What she means: Are you as filled with rage and despair as I am when I look at you?

DtM: “I don’t know, Dennis, looking slutty’s been working out pretty well so far. And I get lots of cool stuff besides just cookies!”

FOOB: We’ll stop making the Freaks jokes when Shan…non stops referring to herself exclusively in the plural first person, as if her words are being fed to her through a dial-up line to the Borg mothership.

JP: Sam, Sam, poor, naÃ¯ve Sam. YOU’RE going to stay out of the way; Sophie’s going to crush those ornery oenophiles like two incestuous little grapes, then laugh the damned laugh of ancient souls doomed to inhabit the bodies of children.

MW: “Oh sure .. why not?” OH MY GOD DREW JUST LOOK AT YOUR FATHER! IS THAT HOW YOU WANT TO END UP? IS IT?!
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

253: O’F-ette, we agree again; I just watched that YouTube clip, and, while laughing my ass off, developed a little crush on him myself.

Also, thanks for the link, stinky!
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

#256 SecretMargo – “Weâ€™ll stop making the Freaks jokes when Shanâ€¦non stops referring to herself exclusively in the plural first person, as if her words are being fed to her through a dial-up line to the Borg mothership.”

COTW nominee.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

255 Spotted Horse: Yes, it broke my heart when the SB were cancelled too. I have seen them live on both coasts, in Columbus, OH, in NYC, in Washington DC, at Wolf Trap… not that I’m a stalker or anything.

257 Secret Margo: He’s much older now, no doubt way too old for you. But not for me. That is, if I weren’t happily married.

See y’all tomorrow. I’m guessing maybe another 125 – 200 posts before I wake up for snarkage and coffee….
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Re Crock (#256 Secret Margo).

I think it’s also the fact that his mouth is located below his armpits.
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

#230 True Fable – I’d read this post before, but one line just sprung out at me as I was re-reading it: “What sheâ€™ll probably get, is Anthony â€“ good old dependable, boring, needy, troubled, creepy Anthony and his built-in family unit and his playground in the basement. All he needs is some fucking trains, man.”

I’m going to take a guess right now that one of the strips very near the End Of All Things is going to have John and Anthony standing out in the backyard of The Littlest Bungalow discussing something (probably Liz, the wedding plans, and/or what a super-duper-hyper-mega-ultra-awesome job Anthony’s doing at the Used Cars And Pastries Emporium,) and Anthony will say, “So, tell me about these trains, John.”

And I will shut off my laptop, fold it neatly closed, grab a firearm, and blow my brains out. This is how the world ends: not with a bang, but with model trains.
Slither
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

Break a leg, Josh! I’d sure love to have seen your show, but I’m not going anywhere near New York City as long as that Unicorn is on the loose around Rockefeller Center!
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

261: I could never get over the way they showed how unsuited for mob life one of the characters was by having him constantly playing with model trains. Then [SPOILER] when he’s whacked near the end in a toy store, toy trains spiral down toward his lifeless body in slo-mo. Your comment just reminded me of that.

Why can’t FBoFW be more like the Sopranos?
CrabbyGenes
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

I’m up for the day! I’m between my breakfast oatmeal and my morning coffee, and thinking that I should probably get off the computer now and do some housework and gardening. (It’s Saturday morning here.) But first…

#240 Stinky Pete. Thanks for the Smothers Brothers link! Wonderful trip down memory lane!

#248 Spotted HÃ˜rse, we think alike. When I wondered about that, I was thinking maybe we’d get to around 1000 comments. Today is one of those days when I’ll have to keep a notepad by the computer to keep track of things.

I’m a little out of shape, but I’m in for THE TREK. (#159) ONWARD!! (keeping an eye out for pumas, of course)
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

263: “…one of the characters IN THE SOPRANOS…”

Well, I guess it’s clear by the end of the comment.

*note to self: underwear, then pants; “see it,” THEN “say it”.”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

Commodore John @ 261: Hey, man, I do model trains. Don’t dis the model trains. I see John Patterfoob’s train obsession as his one escape from the soul-crushing horror that is his family. There’s something to be said for a peaceful little world that you create and control.

Oh God. FBOFW is Lynn’s model trains. I feel sick.
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

255: Spotted: My parents still say “gaknife” and “ganu” (as in wildebeest) in regular conversation because of that routine. I got made fun of at school a bit before I figured out what was up.

Thus ends The Miseducation of SecretMargo, Vol. I
Uncle Lumpy
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

#266 SSB –

I wanna live with an H&O gauge;
I could be happy
The rest of my life
With an H&O gauge.

I wanna lock my girl in a cage;
Escaping the crappy
Noise from my wife
With my H&O gauge.

Yeah, yeah, I know — Lionel.
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

#266 SSB – I gots nothin’ against model trains, it’s just that that would be such a horrid collision of everything disgusting about the strip it would drive me over the edge like Aldo. It’s not about the trains; it’s about Daddy-Is-The-Perfect-Man-For-Your-Daughter.
Slither
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

FOOB: OK, just figured out what’s gonna happen. The telethon will be going full swing, with Becky’s Band and 4 Evah an’ Eva battling it out to the delight of the Special Needs kids. They will be regularly approaching the stage, and as they usually do, will be expressing their love for Becky and April by hugging them. After a session of this, Becky, taking a break, will be heading backstage, and will toss off a comment to Gerald or someone to the effect of “If I have to hug another [Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!] retard I’m gonna puke!” Shan…non will overhear this, get all upset, and go off to have a good cry. April will find Shan…non and, after around 19 words and a hundred or so ellipsises, she will know what happened. She’ll confront Becky backstage, and when Gerald sees April’s indignation, he will join in on the Beckers-bashing, conveniently forgetting that he didn’t call Becky for her cruelty on-the-spot. Gerald will re-join 4Ean’E right there on the spot, and Becky’s band, sans drummer, will have to go away in disgrace! Becky’s musical career will be in the tank, and For Evah an’ Eva will be rocking Canada on TV, radio, and iTunes before you can say “Mtigwaki.”

Or something like that.
Non Compost Mentos
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

#263: “Why canâ€™t FBoFW be more like the Sopranos?”

John & Elly meet the kids for lunch at an Italian restaurant, Liz has trouble parallel parking, and an assortment of vaguely threatening characters (whose facial features shift wildly from panel to panel) wander around the restaurant. Gap-toothed “HOO” guy slips menacingly into the restroom.

As Michael begins to show off a copy of his “novel,” fresh from the publisher, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” soars into the guitar solo. The final panel is black.
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

#270 Slither – I fear you’re essentially right.
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

271: YES! Perfect. Except it would probably be that damn Barenaked Ladies song instead of Journey.

See, Lynn? Is that so hard?
Slither
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

#271: Damn it, NCM — now I’ve sprayed Corona all over my iMac!
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

# 159 — Oy, Stinky Pete, a long march so soon after the wedding? That’ll teach me not to down so many hip flasks. Fortunately, I managed to sell most of my leftover blue glass diamond-lookalike doorknobs to an inebriated wedding guest who had more money than sense, and with the proceeds, I just hired a sag wagon. If we take turns driving, those of us who need occasional breaks can kip in the back.
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

# 275 — I do realize that some of you sturdy Curmudgeons can march from now til Monday with songs on your lips and barely a pause of your muscled calves, but I be not among you. I salute you, but I be among the less hardy Curmudgeons who need to park ourselves and ride occasionally.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

#276 Poteet: Oh, sure, you say that now! At last you’ve laid down your doorknobby burden and can rest awhile. You deserve it! …but I will be very surprised if you can hold out the entire weekend. What if the ultimate sleeper snark pops up in your absence?

#267 SecretMargo: Ah, yes, parental cruelty comes in all stripes. You were made a wee bit of a winkie as an outcome of Mom and Pop’s leedle joke! But it’s well worth it, because you grew up with SmoBro humor.
Islamorada Girl
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

I wonder how Josh is doing.
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

*ahem*

Retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard April April
Retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard April! April!
Retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard April-April
Retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard
Telethon! Telethon! Oh, it’s a telethon!

(in case you don’t get it)
SecretMargo
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

277: Spotted: Yes, I forgot to add that the best educations in life are the miseducations. Like my grandmother, who was fond of telling the young SecretMargo, “You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t eat your friends.”

I like to imagine the Grandmother in FC telling the children this, then taking Jeffy aside later and saying, “Except PJ. He seems tender.”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

DT: The kidnapper is Red Aurora? Shouldn’t he be somewhere putting out an oil well fire?

Yeah, this isn’t very funny. Yeah, it’s yesterday’s DT. I’m testing whether I can embed IMG tags in comments. Wanna fight about it?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

Me @ 281: Answer: Nope.
Kip W
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

I can’t decide if FOOB will end with a nuclear blast (sound effect: “FOOB!”), or if they’ll pull back and reveal that it’s all the fantasy of a psychotic child gazing at a snow globe. Either way, big shake-up, and Anthony loses his glasses.
Kip W
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

LuAnn will start seeing “painting people,” an earlier, low-tech version of TV people. It’s what she gets for huffing the Dennis Hopper gas with that mask. (“Don’t look at me! DON”T LOOK AT ME!”) Painting people will be drawn in styles appropriately representing the work of Picasso, Cezanne, Seurat, Toulouse-Lautrec, Van Gogh, and Grant Wood, but they’ll all convey the same message: “Destroy Margo, before she destroys you!” Ominously, the nurse is talking to a copy of Mondrian’s “Broadway Boogie Woogie” in panel 2.
Dean Booth
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

GT:

I don’t believe in magic
I don’t believe in I-ching
I don’t believe in Bible
I don’t believe in Tarot
…
I don’t believe in Clambake!?!

Say it ain’t so, Joe!
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

# 277 — Spotted H0rse, I shall be with you in spirit even when I can’t be with you in person. And those of you who keep on marching deserve to catch the best snarks:-).

Speaking of good snarks, I sense that the DT Avalanche of Stupidity is picking up speed, so I have high hopes for the DT snarking on the new strip tomorrow. G’night everyone, for now (yawn).
Wellsey
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

261 commodorejohn Nice take on TS Eliot! Although, technically in your case, it would end with both a bang and model trains, but still. Your point is well taken.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

#285 Dean Booth — I see Warren Zevon is pitching again (to copy an observation another Curmudgeonista made at some point in the past).
Jennifer
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

MW:
Hmm… well, I really just can’t see where this plot could be headed. Nope! Not even remotely foreseeing the eventual double wedding of Vera+Drew and Von+Drew’s Sister.

I mean, come on! No one can be single and happy!! They must either pair off or plunge over a cliff to their doom.

Yes, these are the choices.
Tats
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

“Tommie, I can’t see you.” The opening of Apartment 3-G is like a redone Pinball Wizard, only in Luann’s case, deafer, dumber, and blinder.
Red Greenback
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

Hi. This strip is like Mark Trail in the 12nd dimension. http://www.horg.com/esc-ape/cover.html Bye. I mean sell!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

#280 SecretMargo: Your grandmother must’ve been (must be?) a HO-O-O-O-o-ot! I get all gap toothed and starey just thinking about all that fabulous miseducation. Oh, and about “Why canâ€™t FBoFW be more like the Sopranos?”… who would you want to receive the Phil Leotardo treatment? I vote for Self Made Man, old Midas Touch Gordo.

#279 commodorejohn: THAT is some insane shit! I watched the badgers for an embarrassingly long time.
A word of advice:
Watch out for snakes!
Poteet
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Okay, sorry, I lied, but now I really am going to bed. Before I depart, however, I just want to say (and apologies if it’s been said) that I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with the upper anatomy of that ad guy in the left-hand column who is portrayed under “Sophisticated, Sexy, Surprising.” So far, I’m mostly surprised.
commodorejohn
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

#292 Spotted Horse – If you’re mesmerized by the badgers, I’d better not mention Leekspin to you.
Sister Sestina
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

And at the end of the telethon everybody will join in singing –

We are the foobs,
We are the witless,
It doesn’t matter how you snark
We won’t whine a bit less.
There’s no choice we’re making
‘Cause it’s preordained by Lynn,
So go with the Canadian flow
And just give in.
Sister Sestina
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

But seriously, in defence of Tommie’s intercom. I seem to remember from last time I was in the ER (a week and a half ago – not as patient) the call button for the nurse was only one little bit on a whole big apparatus stationed on the wall by the gurney’s head. The call button functioned like an intercom; the called-upon would ask what the problem was and you could answer. If hospital rooms are set up the same way, there would be no need for a separate intercom. So Tommie could just be pressing one button on a big multi-purpose unit. Though she COULD also be turning up the air conditioning — they keep those hospital rooms COLD!
Echo
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

#192: I play Sims 2 too, Spider-Brick, and that is an awesome idea! And what a wonderful medium in which to fry Foobs! One could create an entire comics town…
mumbles
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:23 am [Reply]

MW: This strip reminds me of how Liberace would go on Merv Griffin and tell him he hadn’t settled down yet because he hadn’t found the right girl yet. Dr. Jeff, does your son like gladiator movies?

FOOB: Today, the role of Shannon will be played by Sally Field. “UNION.” Or, perhaps, Al Pacino. “ATTICA. ATTICA.”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:37 am [Reply]

It’s time for Saturday Alternate Ending Showcase!

9CL: “Only if I can offer you a ride in return,” Edda answered quietly, her eyes smoldering.

A3G: “Tommie, shut up. That’s the TV, and you’re watching Road Runner again.”

Archie: Alternate Panel 3 dialogue: “You should see the way they stand up when she’s angry! Ping! Ping!”

A.D.: Um… hwa?

DT: “But first, can you pry this tiny phone off my hand? Damn Superglue set up faster than I thought, and I can’t afford to have the tips amputated again. I’d be left with a couple of flippers here, and how would I pull a trigger then?”

FBOFW: “Un…ion! Un…i…on! U….ni….o….n! U……nn…….iiii…….” “Just sit down, Shannon.”

(DT)GT: Panel 4: Coach Brushcut disbelieves Clambake and makes his saving throw vs. Magic Negro. Clambake disappears.

JP: I think we have our replacement Sassy Sexpot!

Kudzu and H&J: Two unfunny strips today feature incompetent preachers mixing up weddings and funerals. Coincidence? Read the book.

MW: Dr. Jeff’s revulsion at Mary’s obvious attraction to his son is overcome by his instinct for self-preservation. He doesn’t have to outrun Mary, he just has to outrun Drew.

Phantom: The only thing on their minds right now is the ship’s deck. Or wait, it’s the other way around.

Zippy: Even funnier if you actually know who Manny, Moe & Jack are.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Mumbles @ 298: Dang it, you beat me to the FOOB “Union” joke. I defer.
Non Compost Mentos
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

Mark Trail is going to “visit the wildlife people.” Is this going to involve furries?

In most high schools, Shannon would just get carted off to the vice principal’s office by the teacher on cafeteria duty, Important Statement be damned.

“But…I…was…standing…up…for…”

“Yes, and that’s exactly why you’re getting 3 days’ detention.”

“No…I…was…”

“She’s getting difficult. Better call her parents. Probably needs her meds adjusted, too.”
Non Compost Mentos
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

Spider-Man: Next week, MJ accompanies Peter to his meeting with the TV reporter. She urges him to “make a move,” winking and reassuring him, “You’re better.” Then she gains 200 pounds.
Mibbitmaker
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

Saturday:

FOOB: Oh, God, a FBOFW character can’t even stand up for herself and her fellow oppressed without it being a belabored pun! Shan…non, you’re no Norma Raye!

S-M: Aldo’s spirit evidently planted itself into a certain tabloid newswoman…

A3G: LuAnn has gone from stupid to batshit insane! (I love that phrase, btw) Now Blaze can bring his cowboy hat, Lu, and you can play Ross Perot.

(DT)GT: Jeez, coach, you don’t have to slap the guy! Let us do it for you.

Cranky:…Not us, that’s for sure! Now move over, gramps, we gotta go hit Clambake…

Curtis: No, what we have proof of here is deja vu. Tonight on “It’s the Mind” we look at the strange…..
Mibbitmaker
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

9CL:
“Continued…” ?? Again???
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

MT: The wildlife people?? This isn’t going to turn into a fantasy strip, is it? Yeah, that’s working sooooo well for 9CL…!

MW: Not long, then, before we hear “Curses upon you, Drew!”

RMMD: Just when all looked lost, June has regained her whithering snark! Mrowr, mrowr!*
*(any horny Mel Blanc character)
Skulking on the Outskirts
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:51 am [Reply]

#85, Justafoob: Thanks, the term ‘tard’ bothers me no end. “Noble special needs” is so much better, Johnston being the condescending twit that she is. And I agree that Shannon is nothing but a prop to showcase Apegirl’s innate Patterson saintliness. (retch)
So obviously, April, having been enlightened as to the error of her ways, will now enlist her band to play in the telethon as well, for the benefit of those brave, noble little special needs kids. And guess what! Her band will be TEN TIMES BETTER THAN THE ‘BECCA! But they (or at least Apeshit) will not, of course, be gloating about that in the least, because the warm, happy glow of righteousness will preclude any mere human satisfaction derived from oneupsmanship. Gaahh. I used to really love this strip. Johnston so needs a boot in the ass.
You know, I think the moment when I began losing respect for her was when I read that interview where she talked about having an abusive mother and an unhappy childhood. It was then that I began to realize that she was not writing/drawing about anything that she knew diddlysquat about. She was just spilling her own maudlin little fantasy about what she wished her own childhood had been like out onto the page. No wonder the whole thing has turned into nauseating treacle. She’s not basing this on any kind of reality.
That’s why nothing really, really bad ever happens to the Pattersaints. Even death is never that bad for them. Elly’s mother died peacefully and painlessly in a hospital, after only a brief stay there, surrounded by family, at the end of a long and happy life. Farley just quietly and painlessly stopped breathing after an act of heroism,also at the end of a long, happy life. And Grandpa Chin-nuts? Well, he’s still mobile, and living in an apartment, not a nursing home. I used to work in a nursing home. Old Chin-nuts has no idea how well off he is.
And as for Johnston’s grim and relentless determination to shackle Liz to the Mustache-less Wonder….AAAAGH. Not much else to say there, that hasn’t already been said much better by everyone else here. And what’s the point, when L.J. pretty clearly isn’t listening?
Yeah, this is an ugly way to go, for a strip that used to be good.
Skulking on the Outskirts
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

Awww, Emperor CHENNUX, you are the best. And you can find those margoing boxcars on the same thread on which I sent out my plea for magma-justice. They’re the ones who were beating up on helpless ducks with plastic bats. I was gonna retaliate on their asses with a Louisville slugger, but then I thought of you……
Can I get you some extra potatos, or anything? What variety do you like, and how do you like them prepared? Say the word, you big green scaly stud!
HAIL CHENNUX!
Ricky Retardo
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:12 am [Reply]

After the FOOB thread of Sh..a..nn…o..n I just couldn’t not be Ricky Retardo! Or something?
I love Lucid?
Oy, must be the heat of the southern Arizona desert..that’s…really….getting…to…meeeee!
Jack Parsons
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:18 am [Reply]

How did the spies get the CIA guy’s desk phone? Ummmmmmm: Robert Hansen? Aldrich Ames? Scooter LIbby?
Ricky Retardo
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

308 – Dude…Uh heh! You KNOW it’s Dick Cheney!
He leaks more than his Depends!
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

Luann: Next Week —
“But where’s Toni, TJ? Everything’s set up! Did she call and cancel?”
“No … no, she didn’t call.”
“She stood me up? What did I tell you…”
“No … look, I didn’t invite her. I didn’t invite anyone.”
“What? Then what’s all this? The food, the wine … ”
“I wanted it to be special. For you. For…us.”
“Us? What’s so spe — oh.”
“Don’t fight it any longer — kiss me, you cretin!”
“I think I need some chianti first, TJ.”
“That’s why I put twelve bottles on the table.”

FC: Jeffy’s thought balloon: And I peed in it.

FBoFW: Well, get comfortable, kids. Looks like there’s a long, scarring reinactment of Coyote Ugly coming your way.

MW: Jeff, look at her face. She’s not listening. She’s not even there. Her new home is the sky, her magic carpet — Drew’s ass.

MT: There was no article about the bird strike. It was the deer. It’s always the deer. Cherry waits patiently, rolling two eyes like Chinese stress balls from finger to finger as she awaits their report. The deer whisper: soon you’ll have her heart. Cherry’s pink polo swells as she takes in the news passed to her hoof to hoof, antler to antler, like a murmur on the wind. I may dwell in the forest, she thinks, but I’m not the one who’s lost.
Jack Parsons
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:51 am [Reply]

169: Once again, Canadian Content strikes. Pretty lame to use Lynn instead re-running Bob & Doug Mackenzie.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:12 am [Reply]

WHY am I still up, and WHY in Gawd’s name am I on the official FOOB site?

Oh, here’s why:

“About Shannon: Shannon is a Special Needs student at the high school where April attends Home Ec classes. Shannon is a character based on Lynn’s niece Stephanie.”

Pithy, innit? Not much to see here. Compare to FOOB Central’s bio of bit player Agnes Dingle:

“About Agnes: Agnes Dingle rented an apartment in her London, Ontario house to Mike and Weed when they were in university. She’s a crotchety old widow with a heart of gold. She had a stroke in July of 2004, and she has sinced moved to an apartment closer to her son, Adam. She also has another son and a daughter who both live with their families in Saskatchewan.”

Now there’s a fleshed out character! But Agnes’s bio pales beside that of Ned Tanner, the nude an’ inanimate toilet clogger, who rates two breathy and gleeful paragraphs wherein he’s represented as “one of Lynn’s more interesting ‘characters.’” Holy shit!
TB Tabby
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:30 am [Reply]

Recently, there was a topic about Mallard Fillmore on Snopes.com’s Glurge Gallery. Snopester Johnny Slick came back with some snark that I htink deserves mention here:

“A recent poll conducted by… me… found that Millard Fillmore was the worst President of all time because if he had never made it there would probably be no Mallard Fillmore. Oh, there might be a cartoon called Theodore Ruxpin-evelt or perhaps Woodcock Wilson, but it could not possibly be as bad as Mallard Fillmore because there are limits to everything.”
TB Tabby
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

Recently, there was a topic about Mallard Fillmore on Snopes.com’s Glurge Gallery. Snopester Johnny Slick came back with some snark that I htink deserves mention here:

“A recent poll conducted by… me… found that Millard Fillmore was the worst President of all time because if he had never made it there would probably be no Mallard Fillmore. Oh, there might be a cartoon called Theodore Ruxpin-evelt or perhaps Woodcock Wilson, but it could not possibly be as bad as Mallard Fillmore because there are limits to everything.”
TB Tabby
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:31 am [Reply]

How did I manage a double post?
Laura Brown
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:36 am [Reply]

Today’s Pluggers has me worried. Being an un-American elitist tree-hugger, I’ve always planned on getting a reel mower if/when we move out of the city and actually have a lawn. But now I find that this would make me a “real Plugger.” Say it ain’t so!

And wasn’t there a panel showing a Plugger riding a diesel-powered mower just a few days ago?
dreadedcandiru2
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:43 am [Reply]

9CL: AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Sorry, I mean AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Likewise Foob.)

DtM : WTF is the point of this? Have Ketcham’s ducklings bought an AJGU and set it on autopilot or what?

Luann: He may not know a damn thing about gore-may cookin’, but Brad can see a sitcom plotline ready to blow up in his face miles away. He’s way smarter than kid sis gives him credit for.

Crankshaft : What does the old fart have to bitch about, anyway? He’s managed to free himself from the soul-sucking horror of Cancer Cancerbean and might just outlive most of the cast, so everything’s coming up Ed!
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:05 am [Reply]

And yet another day of scintillating dinner table repartee in RMMD. I’d be slugging down that pedestrian wine in self-defense so I could pass out and become mercifully oblivious to this pedestrian conversation.
My Dinner With Andre, it’s not. Let’s move on to the action, Nolan and Wilson!
TurtleBoy
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:16 am [Reply]

A3G: Dr. McObvious there looks awfully unperturbed by the doped-up psychotic coma victim screaming demandingly in his face. I really hope this storyline ends with some juvenile alien forcibly extracting itself from LuAnn’s chest cavity in the middle of Margo’s next catered affair.

FC: Jeffy sure looks smug this morning. His knowing little smirk kinda says, “yep, I know my sister’s a winkie, but whatcha gonna do?” That bespectacled girl on the right had better enjoy this dialogue while she can; in ten years Dolly, their school’s head cheerleader, will treat nerdy types like her to little more than social condemnation.

Foob: …and so began the Battle of Unrealistically Immature High School. Leaving aside the oft-pointed-out fact that April’s high school seems to be populated entirely by pre-adolescent male jerks, the most annoying thing about today’s pontificationfest is that April’s completely inane question in the penultimate panel is included solely to set up the awful hamfisted literal/metaphorical juxtaposition of the word “stand” that culminates in the final panel. I think the question most would ask in her place is “What are you doing?,” not the ridiculously stilted “Are you gonna stand on the table?” Presumably poor Shannon’s too slow to realize her role in the delivery of yet another of Lynn’s stock devices.

MW: Translation: “He’s a self-centered prick who loses interest if his woman’s not completely into him.”

Pluggers: Yay, another non-Pluggerish Pluggers! Typically, one’s pluggertude is inversely proportional to the environmental friendliness of one’s choice in lawnmowing implement: in my experience a Plugger’ll use a gas-guzzling riding lawnmower to strip a tenth of an acre, while it’s mostly green-conscious hipsters that use reel mowers.
aquagirl2
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:18 am [Reply]

FBOFW: I sense a speech followed by silence, and then scattered, long, slow clapping that turns into cheering and fist-pumps. See “The Slow Clap”–a staple of stand-up-to-the-bully 80s movies.
aquagirl2
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:26 am [Reply]

Ha!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhTiJEYqqY8
Slow-clap excellence! I’ll start prematurely for Shannon.

CLAP

CLAP

(Who’s with me?)
CLAP
TurtleBoy
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:32 am [Reply]

#321 aquqgirl2:
CLAP

CLAP

CLAP

[how long before we cue "Anthemic Crescendo No. 5"?]
Old Bean
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]

Hey, Shannon’s growing a personality. If ’standing on a table’ counts as a personality, and FOOB has worn me down to the point where I’m going to stare at you bleakly and whisper ‘Yes. Yes. It does.’ You take what you can get. Now dive, Shannon, dive. Mosh it!

And extra marks to April for the entirely superfluous commentary. ‘Are you gonna stand on the table, Shannon? Are you gonna start by standing on the chair, and are you then gonna step up from the chair onto the table? Am I gonna hold the chair steady for you? Are you gonna rest a bit first? Am I gonna set up a laboured pun? Are you gonna stand on the table now, Shannon? How about now? Nice pants. Now?’
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

I’ve come to the conclusion that Spotted Horse and commodorejohn are 2/3 of the triplets born when I was born.

Badgers AND Leekspin! Hot damn, those were on my Favorites list!

SNARKAGE ALERT! SNARKAGE ALERT!

RMMD Okay, I must put aside my usual love for June in a bad mood. Today her hands are tiny and she looks like Gollum’s evil side.

MT Mark leans over to tell Sam all about his theory, and the resultant airflow blows her up like a big balloon by panel three.

9CL Maybe, a return to full artwork by Monday?

JP I like Barretto’s Trudi and Keith much better, even though Keith looks a little too much like he’s going to bust out an hors d’oeuvre tray with a Luger chaser any minute now.

MW Geez, Jeff! What’s YOUR secret to not being bored by Mary? Do you just tune her out?

(DT)GT Sacrilege! Are you not of the body?!

Curtis Barry floods the room peeing himself.

GA All my years of dislike for slovenly, stupid, lazy Slim are tasting sweet victory these past few weeks. Yes, I am a sadistic mutha, but after so many years, I’m due.

FC …however, every day this week has been particularly “so what with these damn Keane kids. The guest kids are polite enough to wait until we leave, and then they will fall upon these pedantic little bastards and beat the living shit out of them. It’ll be an all-day deal.

DtM Joey’s mother does not care for her child; I would be afraid one errant pitch would snap those little stick legs like the twigs they are. Plus, she lets him hang around with Pansy Ass Mitchell. I say we call DFACS.

Foob gets its own rant post. stay tuned.
mnemonica
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:28 am [Reply]

A3G: Few things are more annoying than someone tapping you on the shoulder and saying “beep beep” to try to get your attention.
stinky pete
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

Day 2 of the trek. Almost 1/3 of the way to 1000. Everybody up? Who still needs breakfast? …No, there are no bathrooms here – you’ll have to pee behind a tree…No, I’m not kidding… Did we lose anyone over night? Everybody’s water bottles filled? …No, the nearest Starbucks is almost two blocks away …OK, let’s hit the trail! No, I will not carry you…. (CLAP……. CLAP……. CLAP…..)
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

TDIET: Oh yeah, Al, I dont get-t-t-t it.
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

FBoFW I shall not refer to Shannon’s peers as Noble ‘Tards, even though I usually say it to riff on Johnston. It has been noted as mean-spirited and despite this being a snarkage blog, there is not sense in riffing on the innocent in Real Land as well. So what shall I use as a sobriquet? Ah, I have it: The Unfortunate Recipients of a Fawning Synophant – TURFS.

Okay, so these TURFS are still being bothered by hit and run insulters in the cafeteria (what? No “Food Barn”? Lynnie! Are you taking your vitamins, you missed an opportunity to make a cool slang term for the kids!) Evidently this installment of insulting kid is still Jeremy Jones, although why he thinks calling developmentally challenged kids “koo-koo” (crazy) means anything, is beyond me. Hey, stupid – they’re slow, not insane. Your sanity is pretty suspect right now though.

So Shan…non is protecting her (omg, this is not meant as a pun, I swear) TURFS by hoisting her little rotund body up on a cafeteria table to evidently call him on his asshattery.

Honey, you can’t put your feet on a cafeteria table. If Canadians don’t wear shoes in their own homes in order not to track dirt and crud in on the carpet, it’s a safe bet the teachers won’t want you to STAND ON A MARGOING TABLETOP EITHER. But you are noble and righteous, and you have something important and wise wise to say, something that will prompt our noble April to want to stick her band on the second stage and ~~show off~~ ~~show up~~ outclass Becca and her Sleaze Review.

Oh, but Shannon will get away with it because she is a Noble TURFS and like the First Nations people represented before her, can do any goddam thing she wants as long as it ~~earns Lynn another commendation~~ rings true.

But did you have to ellipse E…NOUGH that way? Can we quit with the ellipses, for cryin’ out loud? What’s the deal, it’s either have blinkable eyes and ellipse, or squint and shout out the last word of a sentence? There is one TURFS girl who actually spoke in a full sentence without pauses: she must be gifted.

Son of a bitch, I am ready for this strip to end. Not repackaged in September as fond strolls down memory lane, and not continued after months of “pressure” from “adoring fans”. End it, Johnston. You’re doing nothing but blowing smoke up everyone’s ass as it is.
/rant
gleeb
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:06 am [Reply]

Does anyone understand today’s Lockhorns?
techinin
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

Pozzo!! COTW! – Lucky Dr. Kelly just happened to be passing by, because Tommie was calling into the air conditioner.

you made me laugh out loud!
Slither
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:23 am [Reply]

FOOB: Shannon reminds of a real Special Needs girl I know. She attends a local Easter Seals program for job and life-skills training, and does part-time volunteer work at the local senior center. My young friend is the only one out of her peer group of 70-some who displays the symptoms of aphasia anywhere close to the severity seen in the way Shannon is depicted. However, the words themselves are not disconnected, they usually come out whole, when she can get them out at all. However, the problem runs both ways, and my friend cannot understand you unless you deliberately grab her full attention, and speak directly at her very clearly, plainly, and using words she understands. I find it odd that Shannon doesn’t have the speech understanding problem associated with aphasia, just the difficulty in speaking, which is not accurately portrayed. Were it so, Shannon’s level of retardation would most likely be much greater, and she wouldn’t be as “high functioning” as she is portrayed to be. Moreover, the bit of getting up on the table, and whatever comes next, would never happen, at all, period, end of story. This is just Lynn’s fantasy — and it’s so out of touch with the reality of developmentally disabled people that its more insulting than anything.

BTW, the “retarded” kids I know, when they are insulted (usually by each other) tend to immediately “get back” at their opponent with some of the saltiest language you’ve ever heard!
Old Bean
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

A3G: ‘Lu Ann awakens confused’ could be a permanent subtitle for the strip. Or ‘Tommie – who cares?’. Or… No, I won’t make one up for Margo. She scares me.

9CL: Zzzzz… Hmm, what? Oh sorry – I mean: what a surprising conclusion! Very kind of McEldowny to spell out the endlessly repeated subtext of the last two weeks. Possible way to save this storyline – having realised essential kinship, unicorn stabs Edda through heart in burst of self-loathing. Optional O.J.-style police chase to capture younger demographic.

Archie: Could someone give me an explanation of today’s strip that doesn’t involve homoeroticism?

RMMD: Hell, I’m signing over to Team Hugh. In the space of a few weeks he’s had more sparks with June (and with Rex, come to think of it) than the sham Morgan marriage will ever see.

Gil Thorpo: Final panel sung to the tune of XTC’s ‘Dear God’.

True Fable: Give the TURF a chance, she’s about win our crazy old hearts. Possibly via Modern Dance 201 (Jazz and Tap). Practise your heartwarmed awws and vomit-proof the carpet.

gleeb: I think it’s the old ‘human body = 96% water, and therefore = the body of water Leroy likes to look at.’ Hey, you think a joke that stilted comes easy?
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:28 am [Reply]

FC: It’s kinda sad it’s come to this point in Bil Keanes life where it’s “All treacle, all the time” I’m no geologist but, I dunno, maybe Jeff Keane didn’t have a happy childhood. Anyway,check out Bil’s stuff when he had soul. http://www.familycircus.com/art/channel/channel1.htm
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 am [Reply]

#332 Old Bean! Actually, I have a trash can with the FOOB family portrait sealed in clear laminate and taped to the bottom , with the caption “Aim here, True”. It’s as vomit-proof as I can make anything.

On the up side, my aim is really good!

So you were speaking of a Bristow in Australia earlier, eh? Ah, I see. My Bristow is along old Route 66 (“get your kicks on Route 66″ yeah, that’s the one!) and the town paper, the News-Record, considers the opening of a fire hydrant as above-the-fold importance. I haven’t seen it in so long, I’m not even sure if they even HAVE comics in it any more. We used to call them the County Commissioners.

I wonder how Josh did last night at the ROFL? Anyone hear about it yet?
Dingo
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:38 am [Reply]

Shannoon
to the tune of ‘Shannon’

Another lunchtime at an end
April says she’s tired again
No one can even begin to tell her
I hardly know what to say
But maybe it’s better that way
With winkies here

Gerald will tell her
He was wrong
He won’t play with Becky
She always loved to play
With his hose-a-phonium
The one that sprays a mist of cum

Shannon stands like a shady tree
In the cafeteria ‘yard’
Making your point in the lunchroom, folks
Is so strenuous for a ‘tard
Somehow she kept
It all inside her
But finally the tears fill our eyes
As athletes, pretty girls, and cokeheads
Pelt her with their fruit pies
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

#333 Red Greenback! Geez, that “Life and Times of Bil What’shisname was almost as pun-packed as a Lynn Johnston strip. But his comics were pretty funny back then.

And you’re right, they are nothing but unfunny treacle now. Today’s is a prime example of a “So What?” panel.
Sue T.
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

Sadly, Josh did not reign triumphant at ROFL, despite an excellent performance. The competition was fierce and he was eliminated during the first round. It was a really fun evening with lotsa laffs. The guy who won was from Channel 102. It started at around 11:45 and wrapped up at 2 AM, so probably everyone else who went (and there were many loyal CC readers) is still sound asleep. Unfortunately, I have to meet my in-laws for breakfast so I’m already up & at ‘em, but hopefully some of the other attendees will weigh in during the day. I’m happy to say that Josh & Mrs. Curmudgeon seem delightful in person and Josh was very gracious in greeting his fans. As an out-of-towner, I was somewhat shocked by the prices at Joe’s Pub — I don’t think I could afford to go there on a regular basis if I lived here! ($12 minimum per person, and the drinks cost $13 each. I hope Josh got some complementary drink tickets.)
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

FC: Note the smug look of satisfaction on Jeffy’s mug. It’s like there should be a thought balloon with “Yep, ‘picking our orange juices’ that’s what we call it.”
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

#337 Sue T.- How did Josh fare in the swimsuit competition?
monsieurjohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

I see The Amazing Spider-Man is using his Amazing untraceable Spider-Cell Phone to call the studio. Slick, dude. Slick.
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:15 am [Reply]

Sue–Thanks for the report for those of us who couldn’t get across the road, let alone to NYC last night. Let’s hope our Josh (who really is an amazingly nice, funny and modest guy in real life) continues to hone his standup skills. I give him props just for getting up there. Public speaking of any kind is a nightmare for most people, and it takes guts to put yourself on the line.

Okay, back to snarkarama, but had to show the love for the Pope.
Allie Cat
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

TDIET – I’ll cop to having eaten a cheeseburger in Paris. It was delicious. But it was only after about six days of really rich food and I needed a break. I went immediately back to fromage, foie gras, pastisseries, beurre, etc. at the following meal. Oh yeaaaaaah!

FW and FOOB are wearing me the hell out this week. Not especially entertaining, no real plot advancement. Get on with it! BTW – do you think Shannon’s going to get in trouble and her Aunt Julia is going to come have to pick her up from school? A girl can dream, right?

A3G – As the daughter of a nurse, you think I’d have more sympathy for Tommie, but I don’t. Her bedside manner sucks. Which probably explains why she hasn’t gotten laid in…forever?
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

My question for this morning is: when did everyone in JP become so damned stinking rich? Even the battlin’ vineyard sibs seem to have domestic help. Has Judge Parker been on the take all these years and laundered his ill- gotten gains through putative horse farm insurance fraud schemes, shady Parisian real estate deals and broken- down Sonoma Valley wineries? Inquiring minds want to know.

Eat the rich and take their money!
Ham Gravy
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

C’mon kids! Clambake needs us! If you believe in Clambake, CLAP YOUR HANDS!!
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

TDIET: But who got the signed print, Al? Who-o-o-o?
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

#343 Islamorada Girl!

As F. Scott said, “The rich are different from you and me.” Or at least he should have said it that way, since he might have said “you and I”, I don’t know because I have tried to suppress that totally boring book. ANYWAY… I suppose it’s just easier for them to fly here and there if they have scads of money to spend, rather than say “Hell no, kid; you are going to have to go to city schools like everyone else.” Sam Driver (not Parker, that’s Randy and you know he’s Not The Marrying Kind, remember) was an ordinary from the ‘hood kind of lawyer who married into money, which is why he was staggered a little when Abbey blithely said “Oh, I just dropped 2.5 mil on an apartment that was going to be in the family anyway.”
But being married to Big Bucks and Boobs has let Sam ease up on his “bwa-huh?!” long enough to pat Sophie on the head and say, “yes, dear, you can come along with me to wine country instead of school” but I notice he’s also encouraging her to learn about the wine business just in case Abbey decided to buy the winery too.
Guess Abbey’s good in bed, because her critical thinking skills are flatlined.

Oh, and the battlin’ sibs? Trudi is probably so horny by now, she’ll toss aside her friendship with Abbey for a run at Sam if she thought she could get away with it.

And let’s give credit to Barreto – at least Keith’s ponytail isn’t some limp rag deal like every Mary Worth character ever drawn with one, is. (Tommy and Vera come to mind) Keith’s ponytail looks downright My Little Pony-worthy!
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

Lio: You have almost attained Don Martin Godhead in todays strip. Props, Mark T., mad props!
Rex Morgasm, MD: For the first…well second time since the June Morgan “fish in pants” debacle, I am really looking forward to tomorrow’s strip. I mean, June is obviously drunky-wunky and she’s ready to romp!
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

And by the way – last time we saw Trudi and Keith, they looked like this Now Keith has long brown hair and Trudi went from long blue-black hair to short blonde and sassy. All in a month, too!
spackles
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

333 Red Greenback — FC has been too sweet for me for years. I heard Larry King interview Bil Keane years ago, when Larry was still only a late-night radio talk show host (at least, that’s when my station played his show). Keane came across as a self-important asshole. He ridiculed King throughout the interview and got immediately defensive when King (mildly) ribbed him back. The worst part, though, was at the end of the interview, when Keane made a pitch for figurines of the FC characters. He was actually cooing about how cute they were and how happy people would be to own them. It was fucking creepy.. It’s even more fucking creepy to read that happy, cutesy, adorable kiddy crap and think about the nasty, hostile, passive agressive personality manufacturing it.
Calico
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

#348 – the artist from 2004 was LeDoux – now it’s Barreto. But what a shapeshifting, even for two artists!

DtM – Joey, please don’t pee yourself in fear.

Curtis – Barry, too late – you already did!

FOOB – Shannon for Governor-General – at least!
Well, after Michaelle Jean…

FC – this is interesting today-not because of the puns or the brats, but because of the nifty little optical illusion created by the oval inside the circle -we’ve got some involuntary (?) Bezier Curve action going on!

Josh, congrats on getting up on the stage. Speaking of peeing in pants, that’s what I would have done – I kind of have stage fright.

RM – Time to bring out the big “guns”, June!
Look out Hugh-time for the Gatling-puppies!
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

# 317 — You said it, Dreaded. I decided I had to check out 9CL because of your eloquent screaming, and I hereby ditto your scream.

As a matter of fact, if the fairy-in-torment situation doesn’t end real soon, I’m may also quit Pibgorn. If I wanted to see large-breasted young females being fastened to racks and tortured, I’d go to slasher flicks.
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

# 328 — Sir Fable MTK, “TURFS” sure works for me.

# 333 — Red, I think you’ve come up with the official FC motto for the past twenty years or more.

# 337 — Thanks for the news, Sue T! I predict that we shall welcome our Pope back with huzzahs and gratitude and upward of 1,000 comments.
Dean Booth
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

I did this for RMMD a few weeks ago, but I just couldn’t resist doing the Freaks thing for today’s FOOB.
Calico
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

#352 – I hope we’ll have a big celebration by the Charterstone pool, with tofu croquettes, Johnny Walker, Wilson/Nolan Red, Mary’s Roast Beef, Pho, Heather’s F & C, Mrs. Wilson’s cookies, music by Becky, Galactic giant Roman candles, and of course the Magmacannon!

: )
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

Josh, you are really gonna have your work cut out for you choosing COTW this time. To help you w/ efficiency in this Herculean task, I suggest you skip my posts.
Monster Jamz
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

with well over 350 comments i’m sure it has been said before but Pluggers stink.
liz
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

My word, these foobster teens are awfully immature. Nowadays, high school kids are extremely politically correct and really wouldn’t taunt special needs kids. They have gone through their school years with inclusion of special needs kids in their classes and have been trained to treat them with respect. I have high school kids and a special needs nephew so I know. When I referred to my nephew as mentally retarded (mentally retarded is an appropriate term when the person really is mentally retarded), my children jumped all over me. Although people bemoan the state of high school today, they have really come a long way in stopping the bullying culture since I was in high school.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

A3G – “Elves! The elves are after me! Oh no, the mirror! Are you the rabbits? I’m the walrus!”

Archie – The ALGJU3K is still working on the concept of “wet T-shirt contest.”

DTM – Dennis The Moron.

FOOB – oh my god is she short (P.S. If this turns into a mob scene wherein half the student population is torn to shreds for making negative comments about the SN kids at one time or another, all will be forgiven.)

GT – The Clambakeasaurus.

HTH – Until today, I had never contemplated the concept of ob-gyn roleplay. I’m not sure I wanted to.

JP – Well, we might not be seeing Abbey for a while, but wow, Trudi’s a good second choice.

MW – “He becomes bored easily!” “Well, there’s this girl coming to the party who’s easily the most boring girl I’ve ever met!” “Perfect! They’ll get along splendidly!”

NS – is taking its title quite seriously.

RMMD – O rapture! The Awesome June Expressions just keep on coming!

Edison Lee – The AMA would have a few words with you, Mr. Hambrock.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

Pluggers(MD)- That’s BULLSHIT! Pluggers don’t use “reel mowers” They use…Rolly Church!, I wish I’da saved that episode of Monster Garage where they made a lawnmower outta the Peterbilt cabover!, but I digress. The thing about this particular Plugger that really grinds bees is the Lawnmower Rhino is sporting a pair of Wallabees! That’s just some sick Ed Gein-type shit!
Trotzenbonnie
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

#353 – Dean
TWSFISCOMM !*
Who’s head are you going to put on the chicken?

(That was so funny I spewed coffee on my monitor)
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

6/23

FOOB: I… am… Spar… ta… cus.

MW: Drew becomes bored easily? Well Jeff’s still with Mary, so obviously the kid gets it from his mother. (Although the attempted escape to Southeast Asia does count for something.)

DtM: They didn’t need to show this. We already knew Joey was a catcher.

Archie: Maybe, “I just wanted to see your nipples” would have been a better cover story.

DT: Why does the phone stick to his hand? No, on second thought don’t tell me.

(DT)GT: (shudder)

JP: How’d they get Peter Griffin to bus the table?

FC: “Smile, maintain eye contact, back away slowly…”
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

HtH: Honi’s as dumb as she is hot. Perrrrfect.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

monsieur john @ 340 wrote:

I see The Amazing Spider-Man is using his Amazing untraceable Spider-Cell Phone to call the studio. Slick, dude. Slick.

That’s ’cause it’s a satellite-filtered Spider-bounce.

AllieCat @ 342 wrote:

TDIET – Iâ€™ll cop to having eaten a cheeseburger in Paris. It was delicious.

I hope you’re talking about the city of Paris, ’cause I just got a vision of a certain Carl’s Jr. commercial.
lesles
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

DtM: you know, “menace” came up as an answer in a crossword i was doing the other day, and it took me ages to work it out. which i found odd because, in hindsight, it was totally obvious. after some cogitation, it finally dawned on me that, of late, i’ve been exposed to so much Dennis the Thingamy that i’d almost totally forgotten the word.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

MT: Wow! This is weird. I just read this in the LA Times California section; Titled-”Teen arrested, charged in stabbing of duck”-Anyway, I don’t wanna bore you all, so I’ll just quote the last paragraph; “Nicknamed ‘Lucky’, the female mallard was returned to Lake Huntington on Thursday”.
Al
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

So, when Funky Winkerbean jumps 10 years into the future later this year, will Crankshaft go with it? I hope not, ’cause I want to see Mooch knock up Mindy 1st, followed later by Mindy getting cancer.
Dean Booth
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

#360 Trotz, how odd you should ask about putting a head on a chicken. I must have picked up your vibe — I really have no other explanation why I just did this.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

Dean, does that mean our beloved Mary is actually Ray Milland? So, so confused.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

I’ve not attempted a song parody in a month of Yellow Sundays, so here’s a liddle ditty based on the Mighty Guess Whooos “Clap For The Wolfman”…*ahem*

Clap for the Clambake,
He gon’ make you pull yer head
Clap for the Clambake
You watch the hole until you dead

“Da Doo Ron Ron” and the “Duke of Earl”
They were friends of mine
I was on my moonlight drive
Snuggled in, said “baby just one kiss”
She said “no, no, no
Romance ain’t keepin’ me alive”
Said, “hey babe, you wanna coo, coo, coo”
She said “ah, ah, ah”
So I was left out in the cold
I said “I’ll hit myself with a barky stick”
She said “I don’t want to know”

Clap for the Clambake
He gon’ massage you back
Clap for the Clambake
You gon’ dig him “cause he the Mack

75 or 80 miles and hour he hollered
“Slow, slow, slow”
Clammy, I can stop right on a dime
Said “hey baby, gimme just one forkball”
He said, “no, no, no”
But how was I to bide my time
Said “hey babe, you wanna coo, coo, coo”
he said “ah, ah, ah”
Said “I’m about to overload”
I said, “you’re what I been living for”
Clam said, “I don’t want to know”
Sorry.
NotThatGuy
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Has everyone ordered their Margo-Boxcar-Saturn mug and t-shirt yet? Let’s get a move-on!
Little Guy
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Repost from Binky_Betsy, will share here:

I finally broke down to listen, and Stephanie sounds like a younger Geri Jewell, who played Blair’s cousin on ‘the Facts of Life’ AND Jewel on the(*BOXCAR* you, HBO!) cancelled ‘Deadwood’. And even on FoL, Geri isn’t taken in the degree as Shannon as with regard to ‘oh-so-special’.

As far Jewel goes, she CERTAINLY isn’t as genteel (“I got knocked up!”
Nuff said.)

Bottom line, Geri Jewell needs to bitchslap LJ.

Extra: Look closely. Notice that the ‘koo koo’ caller is none other
> than…. Gap-Tooth “HOO! Guy!
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

#337 — I just want to emerge from under my palatially appointed rock to elaborate on Sue T.’s assessment of the ROFL shebang. Josh’s presentation was absolutely hilarious (and since it was a visual presentation and after 11 pm, he worked blue — very blue: Let’s just say i haven’t seen that many penes since Boy Scout camp) and he absolutely deserved to advance to the next round, but he was up against some formidable competition. Judging was done by crowd applause — or rather crowd noise, as some lunkhead with Fred Flintstone’s leather lungs, as well as a Flintstonian sense of taste, swayed the judges with his drunken and high-decibel bellowing and whooping for his fave acts, of which Josh was unsurprisingly not one. Hence, we were sadly deprived of his never-to-be Round 2 entry: “Spider-Man Gets Molested!”

And before the show i got to talk to Josh backstage, and he couldn’t have been more gracious, friendly and accommodating. (Coincidentally, a real-world friend of mine was also in the competition, but i told her if she and Josh were to compete head-to-head that my loyalty was to him — and by extension all of you, as i’ll gladly sell out a real friend for the love and approval of you lot of rank strangers.)

Anyone else in attendance want to add their .02?
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

#371 Little Guy – Where does one find the mentioned sound clip?
Little Guy
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

371: Stephanie being the template for Shan…non. So I will jump on the tard-free train and call Shannon — Lil’ Jewel

CLAP… CLAP…. CLAP…..
Gertrude
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

MW-Vera, I think you may have a doctor for you father-in-law in the future.
Little Guy
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

373:

http://www.fbofw.com/features/shannon/images/radio_spot.mp3

And next, you’ll hear Doc Cochran yell at Shannon to het get *MargoBoxcarSaturn* off the table before Al and Dan see her.
Dean Booth
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

#337 & #372, Sue T. and HGBlord, thanks for the update on ROFL. Sounds like great fun. Wish I could have seen it.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

HBGlord, Man thats fucked up! If I were there, I’da given that rummy baboon a pair o’ fives…I mean, like Bill Swindell “pickup truck air freshener” style. Anyway, good on ya for hooking that shit up.
Your Bro in Vishnu, Red
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

371: Oh my God, I loved Geri Jewel on Deadwood (RIP)!! Now there’s a developmentally disabled character done right, and with what I suspect is direct collaboration with the actress for the characterization. Jewel and Al’s relationship was one of the most profanely heartwarming on television.

Listening to the “real” Shannon just makes the ellipses and (literal) grandstanding all the more reprehesible. She takes more pauses than most, but her sentences emerge whole phrases at a time, not syllable-by-syllable (or….consonant-cluster-by-consonant cluster, as is becoming the case). And I doubt Stephanie thought up a revamped Freaks tableau in a cafeteria as a representation of her real-life existence.

Though, now that we’re here, there’s no going back, so I’m with Old Bean: MOSH PIT!!!!
Dean Booth
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

GT: I do believe in Clambake!

Now that would have been a Fist O’ Justice, Red.
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

#378 — Red, i don’t know which is your more potent weapon: your cutting wit (cf. #369) or your Mark Trail-esque Twin Hambones o’ Justice! Right hook or Dr. Hook, your quiver is full!
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

HB–Josh worked blue? Details! Details! Anyone?
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

#380 — I guess i owe you a Coke.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Hooboy! *Sensitive Alan Alda stuff going on here* Gosh oh gee, I hope it didn’t sound like I meant Josh was the the “rummy baboon” in question, I was referring to the assshat with the leather Fred Flinstones lungs. And on top of a pair o’ fives, I’d also bring the pain with the dreaded “AA Quiche Lorraine Beatdown”
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

#382 — Isla, his bit had him riffing on all the boner pill spam we’re subjected to. And being that this particular strain of spam is often graphically illustrated (and also well aware that we New Yorkers clearly expect, nay, crave raunch as our Friday night entertainment), not only did Josh aim his laser pointer at a giant tallywhacker (and i’m talkin’ giant even when not projected on a large screen) or five, he concluded his act with a line that i’ll paraphrase as “these pills will have you performing a marital act on an American flag.” (In context it was hay-larious — trust me!)

He really needs to do something like this again. He’s a natchal!
Dean Booth
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

Yes, Red, I thought you were going to punch out Josh. Yes, that’s what I thought …Not!

HBG, give that coke to Red.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

Ricky Retardo: Are you another Tucsonan? I’m trying to keep track of us all….

Sue T. and HBGLord: Thank you for the reports on our Popeness’ performance. Let’s pause in this long march… to stop and cheer Josh. Hip, hip hooray! Hip, hip hooray! For he’s a jolly good fellow and should have won!
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

And a small bit of snarkage:

DT: Oh, my, things look grim for our Gretchen. At least I think they do. It’s kind of hard to tell what’s really going on in this strip. But frankly, I find it much more understandable than DTGT, maybe because it isn’t produced by and about aliens. Although I could be wrong about that, too.

9CL: If Brooke hasn’t stopped that margoing unicorn self-indulgence by Monday, I am going to make a voodoo doll of him and stick pins in its eyes.

Crankshaft: I’m lovin’ this strip more and more. On the other hand, I’m beginning to hate Funky. And I’ve long been one of its staunchest supporters. Die already, Lisa, so we can get on with the other story lines.

JP and/or RMMD: I was very confused at first glance with JP today. I thought it was RMMD, and that I’d forgotten who these new characters were. Then I remembered… I think they’re being drawn by the same artist now? Is there any advantage to drawing them so they look exactly alike?

MT: Two questions: 1), who are the “wildlife people”? And why would they have any answers? and 2), if other pilots reported “minor” bird strikes, does that mean that Sam’s plane was hit by an overage duck?
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#388 O’Fogeyette – “Is there any advantage to drawing them so they look exactly alike?”

It allows us to dream of a world in which both June Morgan and Abbey Spencer exist.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

Apropos of everything. Thank JahVishnuGanesh CHENNUXâ„¢Â®Â© CoCola didn’t rent a Ford Probe for the S-M Welding! On second thought, that woulda been way bettah!
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

Wha’p? #391?
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Okay Mudges. One word response… Brooke McEldowney. And…begin!
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

# 369 — Three Six Nine, the goose drank wine, the monkey chewed tobacco on the streetcar line…sorry. Anyway, Red, BWAHAHA!
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

#350 Calico – I know, but in JP time it’s been not quite a month – hell, not even three weeks, really – since Abbey visited Trudi and Keith. Even between two artists you’d think there might be a smidgen of resemblance to the characters.
Thank God Abbey retained and improved upon the red hair, sweaterpuppies and bod.
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

# 372 — HBGlord, thanks for emerging and giving us that highly interesting report. It’s great that you could be there.
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

# 348 — Sir Fable MTK, thanks for the reassurance that my memory (such as it was) of Trudi and Keith was accurate. When I saw the new versions, I wondered what the (Margo) was going on.
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

#392: Unfocused.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

#392 Red Greenback – Confusing.
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

# 392 — Peculiar.

FOOB — If any Foob masochists are willing, I’d like to know if the current homepage depiction of Michael on the beach is weirdly deformed, or if it’s just me. Thank you.
Uncle Lumpy
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

#392 Red –

The author: self-indulgent
The work: twee
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

#399 Poteet – Holy Moses, is it ever! Let’s see: head far too small for the body or neck, hands so tiny and dainty they could plausiby be Meredith’s, elfin/Vulcan ears, large lump in the back of the head (or perhaps proto-bun, just to prove that he really is Elly Mark Two,) Quasimodo hunchback – am I missing anything?
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

# 399 — I looked again and I don’t think it’s just me. In fact, it’s so vaguely creepy that I’m through looking. Eeww.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

He could be nippleless as well, but I’ll give Johnston the benefit of the doubt and say they’re just obscured by his arm (his left nipple is in borderline arm-covered territory, and I’m not particularily anxious to see Patterson nipples ~~unless it’s April~~, so I’ll let it go.)
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

# 402 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, commodorejohn. I think you’ve covered it well, except for the arms, which my brain refuses to provide words to describe.
rich
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

355: Sadly, I think Josh has already completed his work getting through all these posts.

Thus spake the Pope:

“[I'm] putting a cap on comment of the week as of right now. Thus, the comments on this thread are free from performance pressure!”

Translated, I think that means that when he comes back he doesn’t plan to peruse too closely the 1000+ comments awaiting him… :` (
rich
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

335: re “Shannon”

A bit off-topic, but if you haven’t heard Casey Kasem’s obscene rant regarding that song, well, give a listen: (NSFW)

http://www.fadetoblack.com/outtakes/ck2.ram
Vince M.
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

218: Oh, holy crap, that reference hit me like a hot kiss at the end of a wet fist! The Shaggs – they also entreated their pal Foot Foot to never roam…you know, if FOOB had a soundtrack, they would be it.
Krazy Kat
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

(DT) GT-
It doesn’t matter…Clambake believes in you!
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

#407 Vince M. – Heheh. Pretty much. Unlike FOOB, though, they’re one of the most derangedly brilliant things I know of.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Rich-yes!! a classic. Have you heard Negativland’s “The Letter U and the number 2?”
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

#399 Poteet, my queen: I think it’s the giant shoulder/back combo that somehow directly links into an arm without benefit of a rotator cuff or shoulder blade or any apparent functional movement, just sort of tinkertoy’d into the back hump, and from there it segues into a very small delicate forearm and wrist. Plus, his mommy signed his thigh.
Red Greenback
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

#397 True Fable- Unbofus?—-Sorry, old Don Imus joke.
Gojira
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

#402: Even creepier: Merry’s fluttery eyelashes and puffy lips. Dee’s breast seems to be hanging mighty low. And why is Mike messing with Meredith’s pail of sand?
queek
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

alas, I have spent all afternoon searching out a replacement for my keyboard, which suffered a ferret/highball interface last evening, and all the snark has ben snarked.

I knew that the JP strip today was going to garner much comment.

I admit it, Hagar made me laugh today. First time in years.

words cannot describe my loathing for today’s FOOB.
ed, edd, eddie n edda
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Yeah, don’t knock model railroading, this guy’s having a good time.

http://www.ridingrailkits.com/info/about.php

p.s. More unicorns, mule!
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

But this really cracked me up. Research and Development? If she’s going to go to all that trouble, why didn’t she research what real fiction writers go through, especially ones who churn out drivel like this?

Meh, it didn’t link to October 2006, but those with strong stomachs can click on it for a sinus-clearing snortfest.

“Aim here, True.”
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

#99 Hogen Mogen: “RMMD: June looks a little shocked, like she doesnâ€™t know what to do. Face up to it, June. You played a shameless game of questionable ethics that dabbles in illegality to protect your investment and help your little friend. Rex, having slightly greater morals, resisted. Until, that is, he thought Hugh was a jerk. Out of pure spite, he participated in the corporate coup deâ€™tat, friendship and finances be damned. The strange thing is that Iâ€™m actually starting to like the Morgans now.”

Me too!
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

#416 True Fable – I tried, but I could not face the horror that is the Foobletters.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

392:

Brooke: insufferable
9CL: suffering
Pibgorn: Suffragette City
ed, edd, eddie n edda
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

#419 – OMG, Suffragette City is over 30 years old! Wham, blam, thank you Ma’am.
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

#418 commodorejohn: the spirit was willing, but the stomach was weak, eh? Well, can’t blame you a bit. I had to prep myself by drinking corrosive beverages and making a “C” in Liz’s Quizzes before I dove in.

Now I’m going to treat myself to a full-screen view of June Morgan in full pissed-off mode. For some reason, she goes down easy.

heh.
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

You know what bothers me about Funky Winkerbean, even more than the maudlin storylines and the crushing grip of despair and the constant smirking?

Les’s hair. It’s just this . . . completely undifferentiated black helmet-like mass. Like he has a large piece of perfectly sculpted, matte finished black plastic molded to his skull. All the other characters are reasonably well drawn and have hair that doesn’t want to make me claw my eyes out. WTF is up with Les?!
MonkeyHawk
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

I missed Pope Noodlefoot’s performance last night. I was sitting in the back of Joe’s Pub, nursing my fifth twelve-dollar Black Russian when Mitzi dropped by. Emphasis on “dropped,” by the way.

(Hey, Chennux: Next time hover a little lower to the ground or at least give your leftovers a parachute.)

Anyway, she landed on her chest so the fall was cushioned. But I felt compelled to kiss it where it hurts.

I skipped on the tab. Told the server Fred Flinstone was paying it.

Revenge is sweet.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

#422 GTSHG – I didn’t notice until now, but yeah, you’re right. Perhaps he originated as a not-quite-human in Gil Thorp.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

422: Mr. HOOOO — It’s not hair, its the small rip in space-time that sucks in the happiness, optimism, and light around it until nothing is left. The last Funky strip will just be a view of the back of Les’s head, gradually zooming in until the final panel is just impenetrable, undifferentiated darkness.
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

Interesting theory, commodorejohn. It would also explain his nightmarish glasses and general lack of recognizable human affect.
Gap-Toothed Starey "HOOOO!" Guy
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

425 SecretMargo: Oh God! I pray that your prediction will not come to pass. *rocks back and forth, hugging knees*
Poteet
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

# 411 — Sir Fable, MTK, you said it so well (snork)! Thank you.
Vince M.
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

294: Geez – Leekspin-girl’s wrist doesn’t work like human wrists – bet she’ll be pitching for Milford.

FOOB: I smell a st-irr-ing sp-ee-c-h coming on! Remember the ‘Kids in the Hall’ best actor Oscar skit?
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

#429 Vince M. – Of course it doesn’t work like human wrists; she’s an anime character, they work on a completely different physics set to begin with. Besides, Gil Thorp would probably get characters from The Family Zoo rather than Bleach, if Clambake and his vaguely obscene batting advice are any indication.
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

HB—=sniff= (tears up a little!) I’m so proud of our Josh! And he’s a blue prop comic, too! Yes, he’s a man of many talents, our Bawlmoron lad is. I’d give anything to see a tape of his act. Thanks!
Your review is as close as many of us will get to being there.
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

We need Wille to make us tees that say WWCD? What Would Clambake Do? Oh, ye Milford drones of little faith, just wait for your poorly drawn and narrated comeuppance!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

#392 Red: Nippleless
-or- Trinippled
AhClem
June 23rd, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

Okay. (deep breath). The link in #415 goes to a company that makes outdoor-scale model railroad equipment, and the page contains a FOOB strip where John and his buddies are discussing their equipment (railroad, that is).

In the strip they are talking about a “Dash 9″ locomotive, and how it has a “5,000 HP EMD prime mover.”

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! EMD stands for Electro-Motive Division, a subsidiary of General Motors that builds railroad locomotives. Their main competitor in that market is GE, who makes the “Dash-9″ line. It would be like saying that a Ford pickup truck comes with a Chevy engine, or that Diet Coke is a Pepsi product.

If you’re going to throw train-geek lingo into your strip, Lynn, at least get the basic facts right.

Yes, I’m a train nut. Please don’t hate me.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

Here we are on a fine Saturday afternoon less than halfway to 1,000 posts. Get cracking, curminions!

I look forward to seeing what topics have evolved, or devolved, when I return in the AM, 200 posts hence.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

#434 AhClem – Hey, nobody here actually hates model trains. We just hate John Patterson. Personally, I think they’re pretty cool, but I don’t have anywhere near the money or patience required to support such a hobby.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

#323 Old Bean:

…Am I gonna set up a laboured pun? Are you gonna stand on the table now, Shannon? How about now? Nice pants. Now?â€™

Oh my god! “Nice pants!” “How about now?” HA HA HAHA HA or should I say, HO-O-O-o-o! Excellent snark!

#326 stinky pete: I gots a rock in my shoe. Barry got pee on my socks.

#354 Calico: Prime rib!

FOOB: Anybody else think that Shannon is channeling Jeffy from FC in panel 4? That’s FC body language: not exactly an aggressive, safe or balanced stance. I’m actually concerned about Shannon totem poling off the table, what with her feet together, her erect posture and arms pinned to the sides.
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

#434 AhClem
So what ever happened to MK Rail, which seemed to be gearing up to compete with EMD back in the ’90s? I remember reading how Popular Mechanics test drove one of MK Rail’s locomotives, and it sounded like quite a deal.
Jamus The Bartender
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

429. Indeed….”I got a SPIKE in my head, a SPIKE in my head, a SPIKE in my head, a SPIKE in my head….”
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

And I’m frankly surprised that no-one (apparently) has commented on the fact that the mullet is on the loose in the comics.Whether it’s Roger in RMMD, various villains in MT, or now Keith the mulleted winery owner in JP, mulletude seems to be the foreshadowing of dark motives.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Er, Roger is a JP character.
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Suddenly Shannon free associates about Walt Whitman and then belches out “I… sound… my.. barbaric.. yawp… over.. the… roofs… of… the… world.” She’ll make a fine Dead Poet.
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

#441 commodorejohn
You’re right, my bad. The idiocy of it all has crushed my intellect to the size of an ant. Hey! I could become a character in Apartment 3-G!
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

DT Gretchen is afraid the superglue that is keeping the phone stuck to his open fingers, will somehow get up her nose. Since her teeth are already stuck together with it, and the only way she will be able to breathe is through her pores.

late day snarkin! Ahhh, the taste is still fresh.
wocket
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

Oh man, the Talking Heads references in this thread are completely making my day. You all have terrific taste.

~~But what the Margoing Boxcar does Margo!Boxcar!Saturn mean?~~
(I’m kidding! Chennux, stop pointing that…thing at me!)
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

I miss seeing Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener’s posts.

I didn’t realize preening moles was such a time-consuming task. Must be as hard as keeping up with the true fables one must tell in order to make sense of the world.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

332: Old Bean (re: Archie) — What’s so “homoerotic” about one guy wanting to show another guy his hose? And maybe spray him with it? Jeez, I’d be upset too if some girl showed up and ruined such good, clean, boys-only fun.

Of course, I am a homosexual.
AhClem
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

#438 Harry Paratestes -
MK is still around, but now operating under the name Motive Power Industries. They never had more than 1-2% of the market, and in fact they are now building some switchers under contract from EMD. More info can be found in the usual place: http://yardlimit.railfan.net/mk/index.html

A3G – the doctor in panel 3 has a Frank Burns Blank Stare ™, while Tommie is playfully tweaking his ear and making car horn noises. The doctor is about to pivot around and pull a “Got your nose!” on Tommie.
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

#447 SecretMargo – and just yesterday, Jughead practically invited Archie to play with his balls. Or did I read it wrong?
Little A.
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

Curtis is genuinely funny today, not stupidly funny, genuinely funny, even witty funny, humor that derives frothe way the characters have developed over the past few years and their relationship to each other — that’s funny. Not stupid funny, genuinely funny. I repeat myself.
Check it out. And it’s drawn good, too. I can’t think of anything snarky to say. Sorry.

Anybody agree with me?
CrabbyGenes
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

to #393 Poteet—that line is stuck in my head from years and years ago when we were kids and you recited it for me. BUT…I have been thinking that it was “the goose track line” all these years. I must have mis-heard you back then.

Anyway, what IS that thing? And is there more of it?
CrabbyGenes
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

#399 Poteet says:

“FOOB â€” If any Foob masochists are willing, Iâ€™d like to know if the current homepage depiction of Michael on the beach is weirdly deformed, or if itâ€™s just me. Thank you.”

If by “weirdly deformed” you mean that his pastey-white flabby body and his instantly loathe-able face make you want to throw up, then yes.
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

I confess. I LIKE Curtis. Have at me.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

449: What, Jughead’s sage advice that you should start with something soft, working yourself up until you’re ready for something hard to play with? Isn’t that how you earn a Merit Badge?
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

#395 — Glad to reprazent. It was actually quite wonderfully odd and oddly wonderful hearing Josh give us his time-tested and true Joshness in person. (And nice quote of Shirley Ellis’ “Clapping Song” back there, Poteet — or did you learn the song in the Ioway schoolyards of your youth?)

#431 — Right chuffed i was, Isla. I was all “I (kinda sorta) know (the online version of) him (in a virtual sorta way)!” during the whole show. Maybe we can bully Josh into crafting a Web version of his bravura performance.

#446 — Is that true? Has Gadge Cubic been around even less than i have lately? Who’s gonna be the impetus for shifting the thread to Firesign Theater minutiae?
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

450/453: I think most of us haven’t been talking about Curtis lately because it indeed has been remarkably good, or at least astute in veering toward but avoiding the many pitfalls (meta-textual axe-grinding, turning characters into ciphers to deliver a “message,” etc.) that 9CL and FBoFW are gleefully throwing themselves into at the moment. Or at least that’s my take on it, and I’m not especially a fan most of the time. I also think Get Fuzzy has been great lately, but I usually think that.
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

#452 CrabbyGenes
You mean “The Clapping Song” by Shirley Ellis?
http://lyrics.webfitz.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=42&Itemid=1
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Really looking forward to FOOB Sunday: a pet schleppin’, tongue flappin’, mouth breathin’-gapin’-gulpin’, flesh saggin’, elastic baggin’ fartin’ wheezin’ slice of life, replete with “tape-tape-taping” and “tie-tie-tying”: in other words, a nice little break before we return to our tension saturated cafeteria moment when Shannon bellows “FREEDOM!” or “Gooble Gobble one of us!”
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

452: I think it’s also the way it’s not just “flabby” but seems to undulate and flow, then attenuate alarmingly into the sharp, stunted point of his forearm and hand. It starts to look kind of Lovecraftian if you stare at it for any length of time, which I think is why it’s setting off the ‘Mudgies’ collective recoil instincts. Some things man is not meant to know.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Vince M. @ 429: The “Leekspin girl” is Orihime Inoue, a well-developed (ahem) side-character in the anime “Bleach,” which is one of my favorite shows. The clip used for that animation is from a fairly early episode, in which she was explaining to Ichigo her odd tastes in cooking (leeks with sweet bean paste, I believe it was). Since it’s a humorous scene, she (and the background) are drawn in a far more cartoony way than the way she usually is.

Hmmm, just found a Web page that explains the Leekspin animation’s origins, the music, &c. Apparently, the song is Finnish, but the clip used for the animation isn’t in Finnish, it’s nonsense (like “scatting” in jazz).
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

#460 SSB – Indeed. The song is “Ievan Polkka” by Finnish traditional group Loituma, and I highly recommend their CD Things Of Beauty.
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

Hey, Curminions! Since this is gonna be a loooong slog, let’s carry on with our usual unsupervised, extended or holiday weekend tradition and make with the snax!

My contribution is the co-branded Orville Redenbacher/Cinnabon microwave popcorn — why, i’m enjoying a bowl right now as i type this. It’s popcorn with everlovin’ frosting on it!!! (And yes, my wife is out of town — how did you guess?)
CrabbyGenes
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

#457, Harry Paratestes. That’s it, looks like. Believe it or not, I’ve never actually HEARD it–I only remember my sister reciting it. Is there a place on that site to actually hear it? Or somewhere on the Internet where I can hear it?

And on a related topic, #294 commodorejohn, I hope you’re happy. That Leekspin thing was the last thing I clicked on before tearing myself away from the computer to go out and take an afternoon walk. So guess what was going through my head during the entire 45 minute walk?!

When I got home, I just HAD to show it to my daughters. We all agreed that it’s a work of true genius. Except for my husband, that is, who watched it for about a minute and said, “But what’s the point?” (When you gotta explain to a person just why something is truly great, you may as well not even try.)
Chat Noir
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

I’m a little jealous of Shannon/Stephanie. I might prefer to live with a disability than the perverse obsession that keeps me checking the FOOB site and reading the strip daily.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

CrabbyGenes – Oh, I am happy. Very happy.

*evil laughter*
Uncle Lumpy
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

#453 I-Girl said –

I confess. I LIKE Curtis. Have at me.

I’m right with you, I-Girl: Curtis is consistently one of the best strips on the page: character-driven humor with relaxed, comfortable story arcs.

But sometimes Billingsley uses cheap crutches to get over:

– one-joke characters: magical Gunk, the fabulist barber with kernel o’ truth!
– insane story arcs: his Kwanzaa stories read like he treats himself to an annual mescaline binge. And they never resolve.
– Dad remembers characters from Black History and the Arts: not uplifting, just unearthly dull.
– Captainwhocarescoolman, evil Dr. Horsehead, etc. Billingsley is neither a master nor an accomplished parodist of the superhero genre.

All of these fall flat, sometimes for weeks at a time.

I especially like long-suffering ex-hipster Greg Wilkins, his strong-willed but selfish wife, second-child syndrome Barry, insecure Michelle and down-to-earth Chutney.

Who knew you could have consistent multidimensional characters in comic strips? I thought it was illegal or something.
CrabbyGenes
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

More on Leekspin—I swear, great minds think alike. I was writing and posting my Leekspin comment (#463) just AS others were posting theirs–it wasn’t in response, though it may appear to be.

Now I’m looking forward to showing my daughters the links in #460. Thanks, Spider-brick!
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

Curtis has its good days and its off days, and Kwanzaa Golden Otters. You either like it, or it’s so lame it’s fun to snark, or it’s so batshit insane it’s also incredibly cool.

I give it a 90, and that’s a pretty high score coming from a Doctor of Asshattery like me.
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

I like the barber in Curtis. Gunther is very cool. I hate Barry, the little brat, and think Chutney is far too good for Curtis. And Mrs. Wilson rawks.
I dont really have anything to say, except I’m trying to push this to 500 comments before midnight. I have no idea why, except it’s kind of fun to make Josh exceed his bandwidth once in a while.

And Gauge Cubic, please call home! Is Chennux holding you hostage?
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

#’s 453, 466 — Isla, Unk: I’ve previously gone on the record as being pro-Curtis, and not because i think it’s ground-breaking or even mildly original or any of the UL-listed reasons you lay out so well, Uncle Lumpy. It’s just that the Curtis character is, uh, well, likable — corny, cliched situations and all. And that’s not to be assumed in a comics world populated by the likes of GA’s Slim or countless Foobs.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

#462 HBGlord: Hey, good to see you! Here are some spun leeks and cold war leftovers. I wanted to bring some stone soup, but Cathy is bogarting the tureen.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

#376 Little Guy – Just listened to the linked clip. LJ sounds more speech-impaired than Stephanie. Every one of her syllables is exactly the same length – it’s like the old Amiga voice synth. I guess this is what Canadian rap sounds like.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

Anyone else out there curious as to what Dick Tracy’s feet look like in flip flops?
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

Also, count me in on the Curtis love. Sure, it’s confusing and dull sometimes, but its overall average quality is a lot higher than many newspaper strips.

And has there ever been anything as divinely zany as the Kwanzotter? No.
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

Cathy Must Die. Just for the record.

Not Cathy Guisewite; she’s probably a very likable lady. But the [margo]ing comic MUST DIE, and soon before there’s a spawn with a customized Porsche baby car seat made extra wide to accommodate the ass of stick-her-arm-straight-up-in-the-air, one-eyesocketed, stringy haired, no waistline WHATSOEVER, blubbery breasted, hurricane thighed, whiny, bitchy crabby self-centered CATHY, the merchandise whore.
/mini-rant.
True Fable
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

hmm. car seat is for the spawn. My hate was so all-consuming I did not structure that sentence correctly.

Cathy, you bitch! See what you made me do!
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

Bring the harsh, True Fable! I get the distinct impression that you want to drink mead from Cathy (MD)’s skull.
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

#469 — As a recent returnee after escaping from the clutches of Chennux (one well-placed potch in his drobnaakk incapacitated him just long enough for me to slip out of my ~~deluxe suite~~ dank cell and back to the safety of you all — i just hope Gadge knows that if his aim is even one kroinnbar off, the eruption can be deadly), i hope Gadge can bear the inhumanity. Surely, Chennux supplying no stuxxmarr maid service on Sundays is a violation of the Gravakyzz Convention.
LTBF
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

I used to live where the paper carried Curtis. My current local rag gives me Jump Start since it is illegal to have more than one black comic strip.

I think Curtis is better.
MossMoses
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

I think “he finds women boring” may be Doc Jeff’s way of letting Mary Worth know that his son Drew is gay. She’s not taking the hint and instead will try and fix him up with the most boring woman in Santa Royale. About her only redeeming feature is the ponytail, which makes a great handle during oral sex. Rotsa ruck with that matchmaking, Mary.

Whoever coined the phrase “Shannon…the… Noble…’Tard” was spot on. She’s so noble I”m beginning to think she may be a saintly Patterson.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

Curtis amendment: the only element I consistently hate when it comes up is the “exchange student” with the eyes on top of each other. It seems like a way to get the “wacky backwards antics of primitives” jokes out of his system while avoiding the obvious racism of dark-skinned cannibals or whatever. Though the infamous suicidal balloon animal strip almost redeems every questionable thing the character’s done.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

CrabbyGenes @ 467: At the risk of starting any number of anime addictions, I cannot recommend highly enough the anime that is the source for the “Leekspin” animation, Bleach, and the manga upon which it is based. 20 volumes of the manga are available at most bookstores (and finer libraries nationwide), while the anime airs nightly on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim at 12:30 a.m. (Eastern) Monday-Thursday, and Saturdays (that’s tonight!) at midnight (though the Saturday episodes are at a different part of the storyline than the weekday broadcasts).
andreavis
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

Howdy all, I’m posting from Charm City, looking forward to reading these posts more in depth when I get back to the Buckeye State Monday night. In the mean time, I’m at my friend’s house, and she’s got nothin’ by way of snacks to bring to this party, so I’ll just set out a bowl of Reese’s Puffs for y’all to enjoy as we cruise towards 1000+ posts.

In the meantime, I can pre-snark a few Sunday comics, since the Baltimore Sun delivers the preprinted stuff that isn’t actual news on Saturday.

Garfield: Odie chews a cellphone! precious!

RMMD: Hugh’s so mad, he changes faces in the middle of the strip! And he turns orange, too. That can’t be good.

PBS: talking zeebas rock. A regular Deniss Meniss!

FOOB: not actually bad today– perhaps I’m just grateful to be spared Shannon’s Norma Rae moment. Please, Lynn, more funny slice-of-life moments and less noble messages.
Squid Countess
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

#357 Liz – What? Are you…? What? I don’t have kids, but I work with a hundred women who do, and they constantly talk about the same age-old problems kids always have had. The little boy with a hearing aid and odd speech is mocked, so he headbutts another kid and gets suspended. The fat teenage girl won’t dress-out in gym because she’s afraid somebody will take her picture with a cell phone and show it to the world. That boy’s called a fag by the jocks; that girl receives e-mail calling her a c*cksucking whore…it goes on and on. I’m always surprised there aren’t more school shootings, with weapons being more available than ever and children and adolescents being the same heartless, power-seeking beings they’ve always been. If there is less bullying of the developmentally disabled, there’s no shortage of bullying everyone else, from what I here.
Uncle Lumpy
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

#484 SC –

I think by high school, most middle-class kids are pretty well socialized, but middle school is a nightmare.
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

Anyone else out there curious as to what Dick Tracyâ€™s feet look like in flip flops?

There are some things mankind was not meant to contemplate.
This is probably one of them.

But I would be willing to bet he has webbed toes.
Islamorada Girl
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Oh, and big fat bunions. And hammertoes. And plantar’s warts.
And DT probably gets pedicures. With clear nail polish. He looks like that kind of a guy.
butcherknifetotin'annie
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

FOOB: After the inevitable denouement for the current storyline (4Evah and Eva outclasses Bitch Beckers and her two-timing drummer accompanist, both musically and morally, at the Special Needs Kid’ Telethon), which all of you have seen coming from further away than Grand Emperor Chennux’s home planet, maybe Apes’s band will change its name, Better Than Ezra-style, to Better (or Bettah) Than Becca.
butcherknifetotin'annie
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

Melkardammit! That’s Special Needs Kids’ Telethon, not Special Needs Kid’ Telethon!
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

I bet that DT’s toenails curl down and around, like the tusks on a wild hog.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

Okay, I have to get this off my chest: I thought Dinette Set was funny today. But mostly for “Joy Luck Club on Ice.”

I’ll be mean again tomorrow, I promise.
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

FooB: I’m hoping that the story of the benefit concert will become FOOB 2: Electric Boogaloo, with all the special students showing off their break-dancing skills. Seeing Shannon popping, breaking and doing the worm will warm anyone’s heart.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

#492 Harry Paratestes – YES.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

487: Really? I always figured him to be the type to have fungal infections in all of his toenails, but not realize what was going on and secretly judge the other guys in the precinct locker room for having flimsy, clear, wimpy nails, unlike his thick, yellow, tough-guy ones.
Uncle Lumpy
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

#494 SecretMargo –

Yes — and then he watches a LamasilÂ® ad on his two-way wrist TV, realizes what’s going on down there, and shoots all his toes off.
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

#492 Harry Paratestes – Addendum: at the end of the show, after Shannon has demonstrated her rad breakin’ moves, Jeremy will say “you’re all right, Lake.”

It has to happen. It’s fated.
Howard Erk
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

Now that Shann…..non is standing on a table, it should be easier to make fun of her.
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

#488-489 — Good thing you corrected that dangling apostrophe, bkt’a, or the ferocious copy editors lying in wait here would have pitched a wang dang doodle all over you!
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

492: I second the commodore’s approval.

Can we hope it goes something like this?

Irene Cara, of course, is April post-Sweet Sixteen Skankover.

And I prefer to imagine the first two dancefighters to be Black Squinty Winkie and Gap-Toothed Starey HOOOO! Guy. I’d have fonder memories of high school if this were how inter-clique disputes were really settled.
SecretMargo
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

495:

“And this little piggy ate hot lead” BANG!
Uncle Lumpy
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

#500 SM –

How many of the ten do you think he’d actually hit?
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

#496 commodorejohn and #499 secretmargo

I was hoping that Shannon would have moves like in this video, the guy in the orange shirt particularly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSoVKUVOnfQ
commodorejohn
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

#502 – Absolutely.

Given her diction, maybe Johnston could have a cameo doing the Robot.
Harry Paratestes
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

BTW secretmargo
I couldn’t stand it anymore
I ordered Dancing with Cats and Why Cats Paint
They should be a wild read
Dean Booth
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

#486 Isamorada Girl: “Anyone else out there curious as to what Dick Tracyâ€™s feet look like in flip flops?”

Ok, I bit: here ya go. They’re not as ugly as I expected, probably because I made his toes as long as his fingers.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
June 23rd, 2007 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

Great visual, Dean! Although I like Unka Lumpy’s idea of Dick shooting off his toes. All I can think is he’d shoot them off two, by two, by two…

Warthog tusk toenails are also an intriguing possibility. Islamadora Girl, I’m not sure I can get my mind around a Dick Tracy spa visit, but I can easily envision him doing his own pedicure using an angle grinder. Maybe a little polyurethane coat after.
Squid Countess
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

#491 Secret Margo- Don’t feel bad; the running “on ice” T-shirt gag in Dinette Set is the only time it’s funny, and it strikes different people at different times. I, too, had to post my shame when one made me laugh. (I can’t remember it now, but it was along the lines of Tuesdays With Morrie on Ice.) Oh, and I enjoyed your comment about young SecretMargot saying ga-nu and ka-nife. I had an Uncle Ed who, when you asked him how to spell anything, would always begin by saying “p as in pneumonia.” Try it with friends. “Hey, how do you spell “occurr”? “P as in pneumonia, O-C….” It’s usually good for a chuckle. Also, I enjoyed your response many threads ago to S. SpiderBrick about his “Double-mastectomy dare ya” remark. You said, “I think I’ll double-mastectomy dare someone at work today. And then be fired.” I’m so disgusted with my job lately, I think about taking that option several times a week.

To Whomever Mentioned Mondrian- – My first vacation in New York city (1988) I was with a friend atop the World Trade Center for hours. We watched the sun go down and we watched the darkened city light up. I was very tired. I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD – it was Mondrian’s Broadway Boogie Woogie come to life. Without my glasses, everything was reduced to squares and rectangles of light aganst black. It was the painting, exactly, only alive and moving. My friend had excellent vision and couldn’t make himself see it. I watched “the painting” until my friend got annoyed and demanded we leave. It was a big I – Thou art experience for me, and my own special memory of the towers.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

A friend of mine e-mailed me and claimed someone here said they missed me. Since I don’t owe anyone here money, I can only assume the sentiment was sincere. I’m touched. (Which is why that priest has a restraining order.)

As Fear used to sing (if ya call that singin’), “there’s so many of us there’s so many of us there’s so many there’s so many of us there’s so many of us there’s so many.”

Rather than have a war, I’m giving my eyeballs a rest. It isn’t personal: when I check in, you’re all every bit as funny as you always have been. Rest assured, I’m with you…in spirit. Think of me as Obi-Wan Kenobi, except not dead, and with a less brown-oriented fashion palette.

Let’s see…Foob irritating, Gil Thorp incomprehensible and frequently misspelled, RMMD and JP indistinguishable except perhaps by degree of implicit homoeroticism…plus ca change etc. (That’s Canadian for “Ya Madge, the usual triple burger with extra cheese”).
Uncle Lumpy
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

#507 SC –

George Bernard Shaw was passionate about standardizing pronunciation and spelling in English — that’s the source of his Pygmalion, the play behind My Fair Lady.

His favorite example was to ask listeners to pronounce g-h-o-t-i, and then explain it:

gh as in “laugh”
o as in “women”
ti as in “action”

So ghoti is pronounced “fish”.
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

#507 — SQ, several years back, the Museum for Modern Art did a very extensive Mondrian exhibit (including copious sketches and drafts), which made explicit to me how much big cityscapes like Paris and New York inspired his work. And as a fellow eyeglass wearer, it’s great that you “got” his inspiration for Broadway Boogie Woogie thanks to the mixed blessing of myopia (Squint Countess?).
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

#509 UL: English spelling is standardized. It’s just a very complex set of standards. If you try to spell everything phonetically, the first question is: whose pronunciation molds the phonetics? Whoever you choose, you create a nasty little social-class superiority paradigm immediately. Not to mention that standardized “phonetic” spellings would utterly erase the etymological history spellings preserve: if “phonetic” were spelled “fonettik” (say), that absent “ph” would erase the evidence of its Greek origins.
alamo
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

foobapalooza — the race to the entertainment bottom.

two stages – see how long you can to listen to either performer on either stage…..the last one to throw up gets a free mental health screening.
HBGlord
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

#508 — Welcome back, even briefly, Gadge. And i hear where you’re coming from: I kinda stepped away (except for occasional furtive peeks) for the past six months or so, mainly due to a) the overwhelming hugeness of CC these days, and b) getting a job as a professional blogger. But i’ve been missing it and everyone daily, all the while fearing CC has been passing me by. For example, i missed most of the Clambake story arc (OK, no GT story line can really be referred to as an “arc” — more like a story pretzel with a huge bite taken out of it), and that is wrong, wrong, wrong!

But inspired by seeing Josh’s brilliant live performance in NYC yesterday, i realized this place is coursing through my veins. So i’m evidently trying to make up for lost time in one day, it seems, fueled by Cinnabon-flavored popcorn. I know CC can be all-consuming, but i hope an expert-level snarker such as you can find a way to make this place at least an occasional pleasure.
Sabrechick
June 24th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

When the kid I babysit for was in 2nd grade each child was assigned a letter of the alphabet. They were to bring in an object that started with that letter and the rest of the class had to guess what it was (knowing which letter it started with). His was the letter P – so of course I talked him into taking an toy pteredactyl. Don’t think anyone got it.
Uncle Lumpy
June 24th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

#511 Gadge –

Hey, good to have you back!

Well, I’m with you (and against Shaw) on phonetic spelling — takes all the fun out of it (vide Sabrechick supra) and injects politics. But I’m not sure you can call English “standardized” when it amalgamates sources with incompatible pronunciation rules.

Have you seen McWhorter’s Power of Babel? I think he’d argue no natural language is standardized.
rich
June 24th, 2007 at 12:38 am [Reply]

460, Spider-Brick: Thanks for the link to the Google Image search page for Leekspin Girl. I just spent a half hour taking an unplanned detour to an anime cosplay site from that page:

http://www.geocities.com/agsma/agcostum.htm

Holy cow, these kids are dedicated. What a subculture. Very creative… and they have each other.
Uncle Lumpy
June 24th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

And while we’re off the subject, here’s a odd “origins of slang” story –

Most mobile phones offer the T9 algorithm to fill in “best-guess” text as you key. But some entries are ambiguous: “2665″ gets you “book”, even when you mean “cool”; “966466″ gets you “Zonino”, although you probably meant to say “WooHoo.” 76476633 (Smirnoff) T9’s as “Poisoned.”

Wouldn’t you know it, these “textonyms” or “T9onyms” are worming their way back into spoken language, as in “that was so totally book.”

Zonino!
commodorejohn
June 24th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

#515 Uncle Lumpy – “I think he’d argue no natural language is standardized.”

Exactly. This is precisely why modern languages bear little resemblance to their historic counterparts. It’s why you can’t read Beowulf at a glance, and can at best make wild guesswork of Chaucer. It’s the source of the pop/soda/Coke debate, and it’s why attempts at standardization are ultimately doomed to fail. You can do all you want to standardize spelling, grammar, and vocabulary, but if someone wants to spell aisle A-I-S-L-E they’re damn well going to. Even the colossal ignorami on the French language board are slowly but surely losing their battle to keep the language free of all those nasty foreign influences via voodoo legislation.

Besides, talk all you want about efficiency and shallow learning curves, but who the hell wants a language where there’s only one word per definition with only one spelling, one pronunciation, and one proper grammatical use? BORING!
Poteet
June 24th, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

# 451 & 455 — CrabbyGenes, I recited the Clapping Song? Oy, I’ll have to add that to the long list of childhood events that you remember and I don’t.

And HBGlord, I only remember hearing the great Shirley Ellis version — no schoolyard performances are in my memory banks. Thanks again for the Josh performance details.

# 452 — Crabby, I was referring to the bodily deformities described by commodorejohn (# 401) and True Fable (# 411), though I do agree with you about the pasty bod and face to barf by.

# 507 — Squid Countess, I can SO identify. I’m extremely near-sighted, but every so often, there’s an advantage to it.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 24th, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

Time for Sunday snarkage. Since we don’t have Josh to give us a post with the strips in question, I’ll go the extra mile and include links to the strips. Just what you’d expect from your friendly neighborhood Spider-Brick!

9CL: Last time we saw Super Etta, I made some snide comment about how McEldowney keeps a special sketchbook of “Super Etta in distress” under his mattress. Then, I read the last couple Pibgorn, and… it’s no longer funny because it’s true.

A3G: Looks like the diagnosis is progeria.

BB: Say, Beetle, can I borrow that washrag? After seeing Sarge in a tiny blue Speedo, I need to scrub my eyeballs.

Crankshaft: Is there a joke here? Or are we supposed to gather, from the waitress’s smirk in the last panel, that the ‘Shaft is now serving up FW-style, laughing-at-deadly-diseases “humor”?

FC: Yeah, yeah, Dolly’s a sickening, sycophantic little tattletale. We KNOW already. Now, if only she were carrying scissors… THAT I’d pay to see!

FW: Guest-starring as “Glory Daze”: Rosie O’Donnell. By the way, thanks for putting one of Springsteen’s lamest songs ever in my head, Batiuk.

H&L: “And Hi is with Thirsty at the bathhouse on Front Street. They won’t be back for hours, and when they do, they’ll both be exhausted!”

JP: Conspiring with Mr. Caesar… Et tu, Keith? Meh, it’s probably nothing that ~~driving someone from the airport really slowly~~ forking over $2.5 mil without a sales contract or deed can’t solve.
By the way… what kid downloads “long-term atmospheric studies” to read on a cross-country flight? For Christ’s sake, buy Sophie some freakin’ comic books, ya cheap bastard.

Lockhorns: Why does whoever throws these parties with all the sexy chicks in miniskirts keep inviting Leroy?

MT: ORLY?

MW: Gah! Little in my 42 years on this green earth has prepared me for the horror which is Panel 2.
Also, Dr. Jeff still has his own place? No wonder he’s been able to resist total assimilation into the Charterborg this long. But when it comes to Mary, resistance is futile.
Meanwhile, outside the window, a bee observes the goings-on: “Bzz bzz bzzz! Dr. Drew has already left? I must go and shake my rear end to tell the others that the honey is in danger! He will steal it to attract human females! Bzz bzz bzzz!”

MG&G: Don’t we get enough comedic exploitation of the pathetic condition of our native peoples in Redeye and Tumbleweeds?

Phantom: Either Phantom’s disguise in the last panel includes some stylish geometric earrings, or someone needs to tell him that’s not where you’re supposed to wear the nicotine patch.

RMMD: In Panel 4, Hugh has won entry into the Emo Facial Distortion Pantheon. But he calmed down awful quickly, considering that Heather is behind a conspiracy, and it is entirely about him. The Sweaterpuppies can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.

SFx: A quarter weights 5.67 grams. That works out to about $20 a pound. You’re telling me that vending machine had $160 in it?

SS: Thank you, John Rose. Thank you for making us laugh about the grinding poverty of rural Appalachia… again.

S-M: You don’t have to prove anything, Pete. Just tell her to wait and see if Spider-Man shows up or not. Sheesh. I don’t think the effects of my hitting Spider-Doof on the back of the skull have worn off yet. But on the bright side, the sex must have been good. The back of MJ’s nightie is soaked.

ZtP: Zippy the Pinhead : modern art :: Nancy’s Aunt Fritzi : hack musical acts.
Mibbitmaker
June 24th, 2007 at 1:40 am [Reply]

SUNDAY!:

“Hey, you verbal bullies mocking Shan…non in FOOB! Give the kid a break; you’ve just gotten a perfect opportunity in Mark Trail! Let’s go!…”

They all go over to MT’s Nature Sunday.

The FOOB jerks (pointing at the owl and chanting):
“MONKEY FACE! MONKEY FACE! MONKEY FACE! MONKEY FACE! MONKEY FACE! MONKEY FACE!…..”
Uncle Lumpy
June 24th, 2007 at 2:26 am [Reply]

#520 SSB –

Thanks so much — you link the comics so Dean Booth doesn’t have to!

9CL — I’m guessing McEldowney bought himself a new airbrush.

MT — Orly? Huh? You mean the Paris Airport? Or that guy who used to do the “Little Orley” records — what was his name? Oh, yeah.
Old Bean
June 24th, 2007 at 2:28 am [Reply]

#334 True Fable – Yep, Australian as charged, though Bristow is now on my list of must-visit destinations. Buried somewhere in the tail end of that thread is a clarification that the ‘Bristow’ I rail against is not a place but a will-sapping comic strip that makes Al Scaduto look like a bright young man with fresh ideas. The men wear bowler hats and toothbrush moustaches. The women are all tea ladies and typists. And every time I try to read it, I slip into a coma and lose two weeks of my life.

#440ish SecretMargo & True Fable (re: Archie) – Yes, looks like Coach’s radical deheterosexualising regime from a few weeks back has taken firm root. (Heh heh, root.) In fact, I hear the ‘Preserving the Natural Order’ wing of the Rolly Church of Crete has shown interest in acquiring the rights to Coach’s technique, for slight ‘repurposing’. (Apparently their ‘Have you tried not being gay?’ and ‘Jesus loves you… unless you’re gay!’ campaigns haven’t been hugely successful.)

Meanwhile the poor Riverdale girls hike their miniskirts higher and higher in a doomed attempt to attract some flicker of attention from the guys and their hoses. Their hems will be around their armpits by the time they realise they’re fishing with the wrong bait. Even a June Morgan-esque sweaterpuppy couldn’t win the lads back now.
TB Tabby
June 24th, 2007 at 2:54 am [Reply]

Oh man…that first panel in today’s Sally Forth…I never thought Hillary would be jailbait.
Marion Delgado
June 24th, 2007 at 3:03 am [Reply]

========= Do you have a diagnosis Dr Kelly?

The tests weren’t definitive but …

Yes, I think I do ..

Luann could face a long road to recovery … in layman’s terms …

… she’s a @#$ing moron, Tommie. the lights are on but nobody’s home. And 2 weeks of huffing paint thinner don’t seem to have helped any ….

but worse …

—— Yes ?

… I think i’m in love, Tommie!

======= In love? with my blind, brain-damaged blonde roommate?

Yes, Tommie … she’s everything smart girls like you can never be …

======= I hate you, DR KELLY!
Basque Archie Fan
June 24th, 2007 at 3:15 am [Reply]

I don’t know why always Josh complains .. Archie frigging hilarious in the original! Archie joke generator written in EuskeraBASIC guarantees a smile.

You just need good translator. For instance, today, he said, I thought you into watersports like my friend, who is into “jugs” (the breasts of women). Hilarious! She tie him up! omigod I lol.
Brown-eyed Girl
June 24th, 2007 at 3:25 am [Reply]

The latest Pibgorn storyline is deja vu all over again. I’m beginning to think McEldowney gets his inspiration for this comic by pulling the wings off butterflies.
Brown-eyed Girl
June 24th, 2007 at 3:39 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Non Sequitur features a cat! I love the way Wiley does cats.

Lio pleases me as well, although I’m damned if I can say why.

Well, I’ve made my paltry contribution toward CC 1000. Snark on!
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 3:54 am [Reply]

Basque Archie Fan-Dizzle fo shizzle!
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 4:00 am [Reply]

Also, Basque Archie Fan, Allez B.O.!
Uncle Lumpy
June 24th, 2007 at 4:17 am [Reply]

Anybody else checking in from outside the US? Crabbygenes (Japan), Old Bean (Australia), Basque Archie Fan (Spain, I’m guessing) — who else is out there in the wee hours of the USA?
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 4:31 am [Reply]

+To the Cockpit+
Mallard Fillmorecrack:
“Daisy, Daisy,
Give me your answer true
You’re all crazy
For singing at the 2004 Republican Convention
I know you really surf well
But my heart came to a standstill
But you looked sweet
Upon the seat
On a bicycle built by Rove.”
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 4:41 am [Reply]

Uncle- I am a proud Southgatian-American and live in PST. I just happen to be up ’cause of the side effects from the Ã§!@â€¢ÂªÂ£!$
Uncle Lumpy
June 24th, 2007 at 4:44 am [Reply]

#533 Red –

Lotta that Ã§!@â€¢ÂªÂ£!$ goin’ round. I may have a touch of it myself. PDT this time o’ year, though, no?
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 4:51 am [Reply]

Uncle- Fuck Ben Franklin and those farmers! That shit’s OLD SKOOL!
Uncle Lumpy
June 24th, 2007 at 4:53 am [Reply]

#535 Red –

Hard core, man — rock on.
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 5:06 am [Reply]

Uncle(Mom?)-Since Gadge aint around, I’d like to say it seems like you are Ray Hamburger and I am Bob DePutter after Rebus jumped into the hole.
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 5:28 am [Reply]

I daresay Becckah’s performance at “Specialstock” will look a li’l sumpthin’ like this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=LxUf3oxLi1Y&mode=related&search=
willethompson
June 24th, 2007 at 6:14 am [Reply]

#538 Red G: It smells like…breakfast!
Red Greenback
June 24th, 2007 at 6:41 am [Reply]

wt-…And BOOZE!
Gojira
June 24th, 2007 at 7:01 am [Reply]

#520 & #522: “MT: ORLY?” I think SSB meant O RLY?
Little A.
June 24th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

FOOB Sunday: Who put that price thing on April’s head? Her mother? Or did she do it out of contrition? She and her band could attract more people to the yard sale if they played their Uncle Phil Fartilizer for entertainment.

Or maybe not.

And how come Michael and his wife aren’t helping out? Oh yeah, I forgot. He sleeps late. His wife took the little darlings to the park.
AhClem
June 24th, 2007 at 7:11 am [Reply]

Today’s F Minus, which generally gets negative reviews here (undeserved, IMHO; I usually enjoy it) has a shout-out to PBS today.

http://members.comics.com/members/common/affiliateArchive.do?site=spi&comic=fminus
TurtleBoy
June 24th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

#542 Little A., re Foob.: It’s April’s attempt at performance art. We can’t hear the John Cage playing in the background (primarily because it’s 4′33”). Sad thing is, our panels end here and don’t capture the early afternoon hours when April gets desperate and swings into Annie Sprinkle mode.
TB Tabby
June 24th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

543: {forehead slap) I was gonna mention that and I forgot! Also, I like F Minus too.
Dennis Jimenez
June 24th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

MW – Women are drawn to Drew, like flies to a steaming pile of camel dung.

This strip is absolute poetry.
ltrftp(not so first time)
June 24th, 2007 at 8:13 am [Reply]

Turtle Boy’s link on
544

NSFW

!!!!!!!!
TurtleBoy
June 24th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

#547 ltrftp: Oops…yeah, very important: definitely not suitable for work. Sorry for no warning! Thanks, ltrftp.
LTBF
June 24th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Wouldn’t it make more sense to move everything first and then have the yard sale of stuff that doesn’t fit or go with the Stibbs’ home?
CrabbyGenes
June 24th, 2007 at 9:01 am [Reply]

to #549 LTBF—Possibly. But the times I have had to move my office or my home, I always did better when I could get rid of the excess stuff first—the excess stuff being the stuff I KNEW I didn’t want to drag to my next place.

The trouble has always been that the big moving day usually arrives before I have time to go through all my stuff…
Plinko Commie
June 24th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

So April’s not only going roadside at the family yard sale, she’s doing it for $5. That, translated to American money, is the price of a venti peppermint mocha at Starbucks. Decisions, decisions.

Oh, who am I kidding. I need my coffee.
commodorejohn
June 24th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

A3G – I’m no geologist, but if she’s in a “coma” (for all of, what, a couple hours?) and just woke up, I would not expect her “road to recovery” to be terribly long. Just sayin’. But then again, it is Luann. Also, “the agitation is passing” sounds like wise-old-martial-arts-master/Clambake advice.

BB – oh god it burns

Crock – Wow. Crock almost made sense today.

Curtis – What I was saying yesterday about liking Curtis? Double it.

DTM – Alice The Menace.

DT – Panel three = yes.

FOOB – Hey, she is a Third.

FW – Just. Um. …what on Earth can one say here? It just speaks for itself.

JP – This is particularily hilarious since it’s just been announced that global cooling is the new in thing. Again. Then again, Judge Parker is probably in the same month it was in the 1970s, so big surprise.

MW – Is that a thought balloon or a speech balloon in panel two? Or is it just an aspect of existence and therefore doesn’t need to be thought or voiced?

OBH – The hell with Jimmy Carter And Friends Versus Mister Tooth Decay, THIS is the way to get your kids to brush.

RMMD – Ahahahahaha. Hahaha.
ltrftp(not so first time)
June 24th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

548
Turtle Boy
YW.
For some reason I was thinking along the lines of Strawberry Shortcake. Not Cheesecake!
TybeeDawg
June 24th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

#69 – http://www.freetimes.com/stories/15/7/a-funkier-winkerbean

The article also mentions my local paper, whose editor apologized to readers for running the FW IED strip.
Gojira
June 24th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

So far, doesn’t look like this thread will crack 1000 before Josh returns. Helluva try, though.
John C Fremont
June 24th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

MW – Oh, boy! Moy and Giella are jumping on the Jack Elrod Bandwagon! Again.
RMMD – Oh, boy! Hugh’s been taking over-acting lessons at the community college! Again.
JP – Great Caesar’s Ghost! Again. No, wait…

Oh, yeah – Life got in the way yesterday, and my computer can’t seem to do simple things such as “search” without locking up and then bursting into flames. I’ve been wading through the comments and haven’t seen anything – do we have a video on the tubes of Friday’s ROFL yet? Inquiring minds want to know.

Oh, and I need my Gretchen. And my MTV. And my Maypo.
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 24th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

Good morning, Curminions! I’m back at the computer after a long night carousing. Well, no, really just dinner out and a play, but it felt like carousing. I’d like to offer very delicious leftover tofu, vegetables, and fettucine to the snack mix.

475 True Fable: I am very impressed with your Cathy rant, particularly your taking pains to exclude the author of the strip from it. That was most humane of you, and shows why you are such a shining knight. And I’m being serious, not sarcastic.

Gosh, Gadge–I hope you’ll have time to visit more often. You add a certain je ne sais quoi in the way of erudition, like.
sinig
June 24th, 2007 at 9:38 am [Reply]

MW: I keep thinking that the last panel is a code for something and whatever it is, it’s dirty as all hell…but wait, this is Mary Worth, how could I think of such things…

RMMD: Hugh is right! Ha! He should demand reparations right then and there: June and his stepmother. That will go better with the wine than the fish and chips…

JP: The speed things happen here prove that there’s no global warming, not even global cooling, just Global Stagnation (TM) (you heard it here first, folks, so remember that when you’re asked to donate a thousand of the local currency, have your taxes put up, and have your rubbish bin smashed, all to prevent the earth from becoming a stagnant, malaria-filled pool, the likes that haven’t been seen since Charterstone.)
SecretMargo
June 24th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

FW: Gee, guys who meet each other after high school find things they have in common and get over their past petty squabbles, overcoming memories of routine brutalization.

Too bad girls are small-minded little bitches who never mentally develop past junior high. Oh well, at least it’s kind of sexy when they catfight, until they get too old or chunky. But then they’ll die of cancer, or lose an arm and get pregnant. So it all evens out.
Dean Booth
June 24th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Morning all.

MW: Mary Buzzes (borderline SFW).
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

#507, 519 — Poteet, SQ, being extremely nearsighted myself, years ago i invented a fun party game to play with other bespectacled folk. I called it Eyeglass Poker. You go up to another four-eyes and say, “Let’s swap” — and whoever goes, “Whoa!” after putting on the other’s specs is the loser.

I recall losing only once.

#543 — AhClem, months ago i compared F Minus to a low-average, high home run baseball player like Rob Deer — when it misses, it’s ugly; when it hits, it’s awesome. It’s slowly become among my favorite strips, because it takes humor chances. Also, it looks like it was drawn by a robot.
SecretMargo
June 24th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

JP: Oh, don’t listen to Sophie’s ramblings, Sam. She’s obviously a politically-motivated rogue science fair whiz being paid off by the vast winery/pro-incest lobby to mouth anti-corporate slogans targeting the politically disempowered oil companies. I’d get a second opinion if I were you; why don’t you call up Cheney’s grandson? I hear he has the most refined critical insights of any almost-one-month-old around.
queek
June 24th, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

loved the F- shout-out. Anyone know where the cat came from? That was a “look 3 times to get it” strip today.

Mutts: long cat is loooooooong. (sorry, couldn’t resist)

9CL: mmmm, SuperEdda. Loved the “look” in the last panel.

MT and the O RLY meme has already been snarked.

PBS: love the crocs

Maintaining was amusing. I still hate the way the male characters are drawn.
Calico
June 24th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

#551 – I never knew Elly was be a Madam or that she was involved in the child sale and slavery trade.
But with that unbalanced personality and temper, who knows what the limit is?

RM – Ah, a little flare up after supper! Nice, June!
All the emotions are here – nicely played scene, actually. That would translate rather well to screen (or You Tube).

MW – Mary is about to not partially, but completely and totally wreck Veara’s new-found sense of self-worth (no pun intended) and esteem, by having Dr. Drew the philanderer use’n'lose her like so many other jilted babes in Santa Royale.
Time to distribute a few dozen flyers on the streets with a pic of Drew that says “Dr. Drew – Heartbreaker.” : )
Calico
June 24th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

#561 – did you ever have anyone vomit on your shoes? I am so myopic that whenever I try on someone else’s specs I get vertigo. Wheeeew.
Calico
June 24th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

#560 Dean – if her head were moving up and down, that would definitely not be safe for work. : D
Nice one.

BTW, I purchased Photoshop last week – when I get some time to learn it (I’m also learning Dreamweaver) I’ll try to make Mary dance as well.
I know there will be a learning curve for sure.
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

#565 — If what you’re asking is if, in my younger days, friends would use my Coke-bottle glasses to cop a cheap high, the answer is yes.
SecretMargo
June 24th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

RMMD: I’m not sure the levels of denial needed these days to maintain Hugh as a bad guy are really healthy anymore. Watching him capitulate today after finally putting it all together was…kind of sad, actually. As SSB put it so eloquently: there is a conspiracy, and it is all about you. Take a cue from Shan…non, Hugh! Get up on that table! Speak truth to power! You have only their fish and quips to lose!
Squid Countess
June 24th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

9CL – McEldowney can’t sell the originals of most of his work because they are all…sticky. First, the breasts and genital areas of Edda and Julia are covered in saliva, then those areas are stabbed, stabbed, Stabbed STABBED with an X-acto knife. Then the tiny, frightened, come-let-mommy-have-it penises of the men that Edda and Julia regularly rape are cut out of the drawings completely, and, I suspect, eaten, but I can’t prove that. Then the entire drawing is masturbated upon.
John C Fremont
June 24th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

Since comments are way into the 500’s, I figure that means anything goes (with apologies to Cole Porter). So somewhat tangentially related to today’s Mark Trail, I was trying to explain the difference between the sound of an owl and the sound of a mourning dove yesterday to one of the kids. Unfortunately, I immediately had “the urge” (with apologies to Scaduto) to do my impression of Stevie Nicks, wherein she “sings” the line “Sings a song, sounds like she’s singin’ ‘Ooh, baby, ohh, yeah ooh.’ ” Thankfully, I resisted the urge, ’cause I’m tired of being greeted with blank stares… kinda like when I spontaneously say things like “I need my Gretchen” or “… but they KILLED ALDO!”

And speaking of Johnny Cougar (and Dean’s “Mary Buzzes” picture) I really don’t want to think about anyone “suckin’ on chilli dogs,” whether it’s “outside the Tastee Freeze” or anywhere else. Unless it’s, say, a deleted bit from that one scene in Tom Jones. But that’s it. Damned Cougar. Damned Mellon-Head.

When does Josh get back again?
Ukulele Ike
June 24th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

Oh, don’t be such a meanie to Brooke. After reading the two cases of the Vapors he shared on his blog last week, we KNOW he reads this site….Hey! He’s deleted them?

http://officialpibgorn.livejournal.com/

Why, that giant pussy!
Trotzenbonnie
June 24th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

#560 – Dean
I would like to believe that Moy & Giella created that panel with you foremost in their minds. They tee-hee-heed and said, “Let’s see what old Dean Booth can do with this one using his mad Photo-shop skills.”
And I’m sure they are very pleased with the results.

To one and all – I was just wondering, is there a Curmudgeon mission statement?
SecretMargo
June 24th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

569: S.C.: You know, your snark would be funnier if it wasn’t just a precise description of Pibgorn’s last two installments.

FBoFW: The second panel launched me into a beautiful, all-to-shortlived reverie in which the Patterson neighbourhood became the setting for 28 Foobs Later…. I was momentarily filled with unspeakable joy cheering on the magenta horde as they rip Elly to shreds the moment she emerges from her garage.

But I see that the rest of the strip is just business as usual: April’s parents laughingly telling her she’s cheap, expendable, and no longer fits in their life. Ha ha!
MossMoses
June 24th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

That patented Mary Worth “smug mug” in panel 2 is just begging for someone to slap it silly.

Doc Jeff was stressed from over-work and Dr. Ling’s full regiment of antibiotics cured him. Why the hell does he need a citizen cane now?
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

#569 — I’ve personally suspected that Brooke keeps a bunch of 6-foot-by-3-foot pieces of drawing paper around the ol’ studio, along with a pair of scissors to “anatomize” the figures once he’s drawn them.

#570 — My big pet peeve about Stevie Nicks (whose voice a co-worker compared unfavorably to a goat’s) is that in the refrain for “Dreams” she bleats the line “When the rain washes you clean you know” but gives an unnatural stress to the word “washes” to shoehorn it into the line’s meter: “wah-SHEZ,” indeed!

How about that — 50% comics content.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

commodore john @ 552: You mean April is a Third?
stinky pete
June 24th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

12 hours to go, and we’re only a little more than half way there… we need to pick up the pace…. I don’t care if there’s a rock in your shoe… you should have thought of that the last time stopped… Maybe we’ll get there faster if we all…..
stinky pete
June 24th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

…do…
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Self-correction on #575: The line is actually “When the rain wah-SHEZ you clean you’ll know.
stinky pete
June 24th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

…this
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

Sorry, stinky — didn’t mean to intrude into your Shannon-izing count padding.
MossMoses
June 24th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

575. HBGlord, you make an excellent point but forgot to mention the wad of goat snot (or other snot-like jizz substance) perpetually stuck in her throat.

“Oh, women they would come and they would go”
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 24th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

If we are having a most-nearsighted contest, I’m quite sure I would win. I can’t even see the chart when taking an eye test, let alone the letters. I happen to have my prescription right here, if anyone wants to compare.

And: BIZARRO was very funny today.

And: Has anyone else noticed that Fox Trot doesn’t work without the continuity of the daily strips?
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

#582 — That would be a fossilized bolus of Peruvian marching powder vintage 1978 that has now fused with her esophagheal system.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 24th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Squid Countess @ 569: That’s… that’s what I was trying to imply, but just didn’t have the courage to take it the whole way. Bravo.

Anyone else get the feeling that Edda looks a lot like Brooke’s mommy looked about 30 years ago? Hmmm? I shudder to think what getting regular doses of the Look in that last panel would do to a developing child.

I’m pretty sure it would result in that child growing up to draw pictures of pretty fairies being tortured.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 24th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

MossMoses @ 582 wrote:

â€œOh, women they would come and they would goâ€

Is that another Annie Sprinkles reference?
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 11:43 am [Reply]

#583 — All right, then, i call:

O.D. -7.5
O.S. -8.0

(I stopped being able to see the big “E” around age 14.)

O’F, i suspect there’s a higher than average number of eyeglass wearers in the Comics Curmudgeon Coterie.
SecretMargo
June 24th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

583: I liked Fox Trot’s Sunday offerings the least when it was going on a normal schedule (and I liked the strip as a whole quite a lot!), because I always felt the strength of it was the characters/writing, not the visual stuff, which is oddly rectilinear and…whatever the opposite of “flowing” would be. “Stagnant?” “Brakish?” Going to only Sundays just means I don’t read it at all anymore, unfortunately.
Dean Booth
June 24th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

#566 Calico. Drew knows Don’t come hobnobbin’ if Mary’s a bobbin’.

#572 Trotz. They always set me up for an easy slam.
stinky pete
June 24th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

572 Trotz: How about:

The Comics Curmudgeon is a great blog to read, combining nonpareil snark from Pope Josh with commenters who combine wit, erudition, vast knowledge of the popular culture, and mad Photoshop skills.* We snark on the comics but support each other; we also want Cathy to die.

*Dean Booth clause
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 24th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

587 HBGlord: I’m not quite sure what the numbers and letters on my prescription mean, but what seems to match with you is:

O.D. (called on mine Distance R) – 7.00
O.S. (called on mine Distance L) – 8.50

Are those the same? If so, we’re pretty close. Do other people throw up when they try on your glasses?

And I expect you’re right about the high number of specs readers here. I’ve noticed the same thing in my other nerdy group, SFWA.
stinky pete
June 24th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

re 590, well, I used “combine” twice in the first sentence, which is bad form, but hey! 592!
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

#591 — It averages out to a tie: My right eye (or Oculus Dexter) beats yours by a factor of .5; conversely, your left eye (or Oculus Sinister) bests me by the same. So it’s a draw.

And that’s not even considering that this year is the first i’ve started wearing progressive lens eyewear — in lieu of traditional bifocals (i’m a month short of 47, and my wife, two years younger, is still 20/20).
SecretMargo
June 24th, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

590: Stinky: I like your subtle, foobish locution “the popular culture.”
Oâ€™Fogeyette
June 24th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

Stinky: I like your mission statement, but would like to suggest removing the words “to read,” because what else would one do with a blog? Eat it? Take it dancing?

HBG: Maybe you win after all because I am much older, though actually I think my eyes have improved a little since I started to reach decrepitude. Do you think there is anyone else here who could beat us?
Little A.
June 24th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Where is Mike anyway? Hiding in the closet writing his stupid book about pirates of all fucking things? Some of his crap must have accumulated in the house over the years so presumably they may want to sell it, too.

I predict that his book will sell tremendously and he will be on the Canadian equivalent of Oprah whatever that is and become more famous than John Updike before long.

This is FOOBLAND as has been pointed out many times and only good things will happen to the Pattersons. April wil get into McGill University and major in physics.

Are any of you out there literary agents? I need some one to take a serious ook at 50 pages or so of a very good piece of writing by me and it’s not about pirates.
Squid Countess
June 24th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Poteet, HBGlord -Hey, you four-eyed losers (I kid!) I know I started the low-vision discussion when I said I took my glasses off at night at the top of the World Trade Center and suddenly saw Mondrian’s Broadway Boogie Woogie, but I see quite well. In fact, I don’t have my glasses on mrjhf nsl. bvkdhk, hyomhsjtutnn? (God, I slay me.) Anyway, I had to get bifocals because I can see very well up close, but my distance vision is bad. Which I believe is the opposite of most of my aging cohort.

HBGlord I guess you probably don’t know it, but I said a couple times during your abscence that I wondered where you were/missed you. It’s great to have you back. Anyway, do you want to tell us what blog you work on? We’ve been finding out like crazy lately who each other are, as slowly every curmudgeon has his/her own TDIET published, and I don’t think there’s been stalker problems. But if you don’t want to, that’s OK. I’m Isabella Rossellini and I haven’t told anyone here. Crap.
True Fable
June 24th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

Thank you #557 O’Fogeyette for your kind words. I had to separate the cartoonist from the strip because I have only seen one interview of Cathy Guisewite on the Tonight Show a long time ago (I know she’s been back countless times but I didn’t see them) and she appeared to be a very fun, very likable person. I assume all cartoonists are fun and likable with quirks. It’s when they publicly and willingly display their disagreeable sides that I feel free to pick on them. I would expect the same of them toward me. I’ll say it first: The Roopville Kid is an Occasional Asshat. But I didn’t want to do that to Ms. Guisewite, only to her cartoon heroine whom I dislike with the disgust of a million diahrretic hyenas.

Y’all, I’m lovin’ me some serial strips today, yeah boy. We have a trifecta going.

RMMD Hugh Emotes! What power, what fury! I think June has met her equal in Snitiness! Throw that snit, Hugh! Put ‘er right in there, make it a fastball!
And check out June’s hand in panel 6! Is that the gang sign for rabid practioners, or is she putting the Hex of the Rack on him? Whatever it is, it sure humbled him fast. The Power of the Rack cannot be denied!

JP Okay, so Sam and Sophie are about to get into an Adventure in Napa Valley, or wherever their vineyard is. Intrigue! Danger! Voyeurism! It’s all here soon!
…but what about Abbey’s meeting with the hair-trigger wife of SuperCedric? And what of little Neddy; who’s going to seize her assets? Stay tuned for more exciting adventures on Judge…er,….Parker, yeah. The guy who rarely shows up in his own strip.

MW Panel two: Mary is punch drunk with love! And in the next panel, her true love desperately searches for an excuse not to have to be around her at another one of her damn pool parties. In panels 5 and 6, Mary deludes herself thinking that she’s going to be able to keep Drew’s attention on her once he sees the honey dews and honey don’ts of Charterstone.
She may plan to introduce him to Vera, but Drew Corey is going to see Ian’s ~~whore~~ wife Toby, and he’s going to hit on that like a man possessed!
And once again, Passion! Adventure! Danger! Tuna Cassarole!

It’s all here, folks! Serial comics RULE!!
HBGlord
June 24th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Foob: Maybe Lynn should just kill the insufferable daily strips and just stick to the light-hearted Sunday fare, like today’s re-enactment of Louis Malle’s Pretty Baby with Ape in the Brooke Shields role. And as pimps, John ‘n Elly don’t know how close they are to selling damaged goods, no thanks to Gerald. Or maybe they do — hence the fact that their darlin’ daughter can be had for a couple of toonies and some Canadian Tire money.

Blondie: And speaking of movie re-enactments, this is just Secretary but with Dagwood in the Maggie Gyllenhaal role and

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The two airheads you meet in heaven

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