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Metapost: Social networking MADNESS

Hey everybody! I suddenly woke up and realized that it was 2011 and I need to have my SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY in order! Apparently this whole “social networking” business is not just a passing fad, and probably many of you ENJOY reading funny things from your favorite funny people on these sites, so who am I to deny you my wit, in social media form?

What will you get if you follow me on your favorite social networking site?

  • Jokes that I think up!
  • Links to things I think are funny!
  • Occasional links to things I think are not funny, but important, including some political stuff, so be on guard if political opinions other than your own cause you rage!
  • A daily link to the Comics Curmudgeon when I update it!
  • Links to other things I write, when I write them!

If that sounds like a lot, it really isn’t. No more than, say, five things a day, usually, and often only one or two. And I’m basically going to be posting the same stuff to all my social media accounts (baring space restraints), so you really only ought to follow me on one of the following, whichever happens to be your favorite:

And one final note: That Facebook link is to my newly created Facebook fan page. While I’ve never publicized my actual personal Facebook page, a lot of readers have found it in the past and friended me; but I’m going to be pruning my personal Facebook page back to people I actually know (and I count working with someone online as “knowing”) soon, so if you only know me through my writing, please like my fan page.

Thanks! And now I promise to not blather on about social media anymore, because really it’s kind of dumb. We now return you to discussion of more important things, like Mary Worth’s carefully maintained list of important phone numbers for her financial institutions.

107 responses to “Metapost: Social networking MADNESS”

  1. ben
    November 16th, 2011 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    that should be funny, not funn.

    I am SO observant.

  2. Josh
    November 16th, 2011 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @ben (#1): Fixed!

  3. monsieurjohn
    November 16th, 2011 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    I will be sad to lose your normal-facebook-account witticisms, which I assume won’t make the cut for your new page! But I really can’t claim to be your “friend,” unless telescope observations count.

    I kid…


  4. Josh
    November 16th, 2011 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @monsieurjohn (#3): I swear *almost* everything I put on my personal Facebook will go on these other accounts, including just random jokes/observations. Really the only thing that won’t will involve my personal/family life or whatever. You will still have to endure my stupid observations about my laundry and whatnot.

  5. commodorejohn
    November 16th, 2011 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Hurray! More “social media” fad stuff for me to ignore!

    Just so long as nothing happens to the CC here on the real internet, ‘kay? ;P

  6. Josh
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#5): The Tumblr blog is almost like a blog-blog, I swear! You can even follow it via RSS, if you want extra links/jokey-jokes from me.

  7. Pete
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    You seem to be missing one — let me know if you’d like an invitation to Diaspora.

  8. Chyron HR
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    This social media stuff is going viral!


  9. commodorejohn
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#6): Well, I’ll give Tumblr a bit of a pass on the fad thing, since that’s an actual content site, for hosting content. Most of my ire is reserved for Zuckerberg’s attempt to direct human interaction on the web through channels designed to allow easy ad targeting and demolish privacy, and the Brain-Fart Broadcasting Service.

  10. Uncle Lumpy
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#8):

    This social media stuff is going viral!


  11. Baka Gaijin
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    I dunno about this. More Josh? This site already takes up most of my free time…

  12. Poteet
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    If I ever join any form of social media, Josh, I shall follow you. Meanwhile, I send best wishes for your SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY success!

  13. Poteet
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    MT — Also meanwhile, it’s kind of sad that these days, the only comic I follow in a timely every-single-day manner is MT. On the other hand, MT is, in its own jaw-dropping way, enough. Today the last of the fragile bonds of semi-sanity that hold the Markiverse together apparently snapped. I hope I don’t dream tonight about a giant bear with the face of Humphrey Bogart.

  14. Poteet
    November 16th, 2011 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#12): Wait a minute — is this site a form of social media? Never mind.

  15. mollificent
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#13): Here’s eviscerating you, kid!

  16. ElkMeadow
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Please don’t be offended if I don’t “friend” you. I like you, but not in that way.

  17. seismic-2
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    My own social network is about the same size as was Howard Hughes’s, so I have no real knowledge of these “viral” technologies that kids these days use to know that Spider and Kelly are partying down on the lake. I more nearly comprehend communications based on Mother McQueen’s Messenger Dog-net. However, if this Pacebook thingy leads to Josh and his monions dressing up like the Mona Lisa, I do hope some link to it will be posted herein, so that we Pluggers can access it too. I just hope it doesn’t lead to Josh’s discovering that Wilbur Weston is his father. I do not want to see a link to the photos of their resulting frolic and sandwich-fest, thank you very much.

  18. Ukulele Ike
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Josh, I love you like a brother — I see you as a kind of a Sophie to my Neddy (way less hot and with smaller chests) — and there is NO WAY I am going to get started on “social networking” to read more of your jokes.

    Go for it, anyway! I deeply respect your empire and KNOW that you will be giving Derek a handjob within a week.

  19. Frank Lee Meidere
    November 17th, 2011 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    Admit it, Josh. You’re just getting into the social media because you know you’ll be safe from Mary Worth’s meddling, right?

  20. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 17th, 2011 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    I might follow you on the Twitter, but I don’t do Facebook. And Twitter doesn’t let you do long-form stuff like this:

    Readers, here’s a funny story
    Of a comic we all know,
    Of the man who loved the mountains
    And a valley dame below

    To the mountain came a gander
    With a gold band on its leg
    And the mountain-lover swore
    He’d hang a story on this peg

    Go ahead and foil a mountie
    Even though you call him friend
    Hold him up before the county
    For a story that may never end
    All the readers will be snoring
    As you slowly wend your way
    And this bloody story drags on
    Like a seven-hour play.

    Three intruders from the mountain
    Made their way to valley glen
    Nature man and foolish woman
    And his dog, with cunning ken

    Mountie’s mother welcomed strangers
    “I’ll be glad to show you all
    Secrets of my peaceful valley
    It’s so nice to have you call.”

    Go on and defy that red shirt
    Though he represents the law
    You stand for a higher justice
    You can punch him in his steely jaw
    There’s no jury to convict you
    When the story’s spun
    If this bloody story wraps up
    It’s a miracle it’s done.

    Kelly Welly forced a window
    “Here’s a bellows! Here’s a forge!
    Here’s a shiny rock that twinkles —
    I think I will name it George!”

    Now the clues were all assembled
    Now the truth was clearly shown
    Why the wildlife lived as brothers
    They were in — The Twilight Zone!

    Go ahead and write your story
    Go ahead and spill the beans
    Ruin Eden for your glory
    Never think of what it means
    You’re sure to win promotion
    From your magazine.
    At the price of spoiling nature,
    Blow the gaff on Ma McQueen.

  21. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 17th, 2011 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Maybe “Here’s the never-ending story…”

    NO MORE. Gotta stop revising. BEDTIME.

  22. commodorejohn
    November 17th, 2011 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#20): You, sir, win.

  23. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 17th, 2011 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y204): Rochester once had an underground rapid transit system, called the Rochester Subway

    I wonder if comedian Eddie Anderson knew that when he and the Jack Benny writers came up with the character name “Rochester van Jones”? Anderson did his first bit on the Benny radio program (in 1937) as a train porter — and at least one of his slave ancestors escaped to the North via the Underground Railroad.

  24. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 17th, 2011 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    @Pete (#7): Hello, fellow Diasporan!

  25. Droopy Says
    November 17th, 2011 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Not so fast, Parker! Look at the camera. See the little red light? No? That’s because Que Sera forgot to turn it on!

    Creepy Les: Everyone is down? How can you tell? They look as happy as every. There really is nothing like pizza at Monotony’s!

    Mock Trail: Whoever made the Lord of the Rings comparison called it, because Kelly Welly has succumbed to the powers of evil. The shed is clearly Mordor, with the forest animals enslaved by Mother McQueen and that red-shirted orc she has for a son. It’s got to end with Andy as Gandalf, ordering Trail to throw everyone into the fires of Mount Doom.

    Phantom: You haven’t lost the fight, ya idjit, you are in the process of losing it. You’ll lose it when your attacker reloads and shoots more bullets into you. Your best option is to dive left; this will gain speed, open the range between you and your attacker, and put you on the shooter’s blind side. I don’t think he’s going to give you the time to strap on parachutes, much less not circle you and shoot you up after you bail out.

  26. Maggie the Cat
    November 17th, 2011 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Josh, I’d follow you anywhere! Except I don’t use those sites, so I guess I won’t ;-) Just don’t leave us’ers, k?

  27. Maggie the Cat
    November 17th, 2011 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    I know another who won’t follow you, as well: one Mrs. Mary F. Worth.

  28. Maggie the Cat
    November 17th, 2011 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    11/17 MT- Silly me, I thought Kelly Welly was talking to herself all this time, but it turns out she’s just conversing with an owl. No big whoop.

  29. Pseudo3D
    November 17th, 2011 at 2:22 am [Reply]


    Also, Mr. Jerk in RMMD gets called out. Fun!

  30. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 17th, 2011 at 2:33 am [Reply]

  31. danzig
    November 17th, 2011 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    I understand that the political stuff can be polarizing. The only thing that you didn’t mention is when posting your views: are you a left-wing liberal zealot whacko or a right-wing conservative nutjob?

  32. Mr. O'Malley
    November 17th, 2011 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    No Orkut? How will the India Times keep up?

  33. Doyle
    November 17th, 2011 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: I feel bad for Tiffany. Why are we supposed to be delighted in her doomed-to-fail career aspirations?

    9CL: Brooke, we get it. Unattractive nameless friend is not as attractive as Edda. That being said, both of them have flat asses.

  34. Girl Reporter
    November 17th, 2011 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    I am a social media refusnik. I know that makes me as annoying as that friend you had in the ’90s who refused to own an answering machine. But I don’t care. And I care even less on purpose after recently Netflixing that movie about the founding of The Facebook. But I understand the pressure, Josh. You be careful out there among them English.

  35. Dr. Weird
    November 17th, 2011 at 4:28 am [Reply]

    @Doyle (#33):

    Tiffany has a history of fraud, she ran a “meals for firefighters” charity that she was skimming off and attempted to profit from that “student beauty pageant.” So it’s clear that her criminal efforts should doom her attempts to find honest acting work, because a girl like her turned down Greg Evans in high school. Surely you can see the logic there!

  36. Charlene
    November 17th, 2011 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    MW: The only silver lining to this leaden story is that we now have proof that Mary Worth is a Dark Lord. If any normal person had been forced to call their credit card companies, bank, DMV, etc. they’d have spent the past five days on hold. Mary only has to listen to Toby drone on.

    Then again, that might be worse.

  37. Mr. O'Malley
    November 17th, 2011 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    FW: You’re going to cheer them up by taking them to Montoni’s where they go every day of their miserable lives anyway? And after that maybe a visit to the bookstore before its doors close forever. And to top it off we can watch the old big band dance palais being demolished. Woo hoo!

    JP: Derek is doing his best to visualize the situation, while casually holding the guitar case in front of his crotch.

    MW: They went to the library to access the net because Mary is such a technophobe she doesn’t have a computer? Better hurry, Santa Royale will be closing the library soon to be able to afford health care for police officers. Or maybe the library could sell their funhouse mirrors on Craigslist. What is the matter with Toby’s torso?

    PmP: Median, that should be. So we have an illustration of what is happening to America’s math skills.

    Zits: Much as it pains me to agree with Jeremy, I’d rather have pork chops than Jello any day.

  38. Mr. O'Malley
    November 17th, 2011 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    In fact, there’s a song about that:

  39. John C Fremont
    November 17th, 2011 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – I certainly hope this means that Mom is being carried around in a basket by her once-conjoined twin. Now that would be interesting. Way too interesting for A3G, though. And too fancy for Hoboken.

    MT – Huh. Nice owl. Everything else in today’s strip is utter nonsense, but that is one well drawn owl. Seems a little bored, but who can blame him?

    “Mister Owl, how many days before Kelly Welly gets caught?”
    “Let’s find out. One. Uh-two-hoo! Three. (shot rings out) Okay, maybe less.”

    JP – “D’oh!”

  40. dale
    November 17th, 2011 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Josh -

    Whatever kind of restraints you’re into, don’t bare them in public.

  41. gleeb
    November 17th, 2011 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    A&J: This sadly reminds me of elderly relatives who once drove hundreds of miles to a funeral, one using binoculars to read road signs as the other took the wheel.

    ‘bean: Crappy buckeye-style pizza made with cut-rate materials even more so. Especially when it reminds them of the place they’ll likely be working for the rest of their lives.

  42. Jessy
    November 17th, 2011 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#20): By the fifth line, I was singing it. Well done!

  43. Little Guy
    November 17th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    JP: I swear… I *swear*!…. when I saw the second panel, the opening chords of Carmina Burana popped in my hand. Meanwhile, Derek does a Spock Forehead Mindmeld Facepalm.

    Luann: Someone on asked, “How many Pitts students will be making the trip to California?” I would say, “All eight of them, except for Tiffany, who will be stopped by TSA at the gate and prevented from flying in some convoluted revenge fantasy that has no basis in reality, even these days”

  44. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 17th, 2011 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail — Woodsy Owl says: “Give a hoot — don’t pollute!”

    Dick Tracy — The World’s Only Jewish Leprechaun bookends today’s strip.
    (Oy Vey Jigs and Juleps!)

    Beetle Bailey — Sarge’s idea of a MILF is “The Little Old Lady from Pasadena”!

  45. John E.
    November 17th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    I get all the “Social Media” I need here

    I’ve ignored Twitter and Facebook for years and I’m not going to stop ignoring them now, not even for you…

    November 17th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#8): Remember, if it goes viral, antibiotics won’t help. You just have get plenty of rest and wait until it runs its course.

  47. hogenmogen
    November 17th, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    A lot of social media sites limit the size of the post that you can use, and that tends to cramp my style. I’ve been known to ramble on at times, so being more diligent about sticking to the point might help. However, a decent riff on a subject can easily go over 420 characters. But if you want it in 140 characters or less:

    RMMD: “I am SO in the army! Where else could I have gotten this hat from? Huh?”

  48. pugfuggly
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    ok, I liked your facebook page….now where’s my regular fix of snark??? I’m crawling the walls here, man….!

  49. A loafer kneading lots of dough
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I would be curious to know if there is a valid reason why a huge close-up of a barn owl is taking up most of the center panel of the Mark Trail comic strip today? It does not seem to have anything to do with the story.
    Is there any chance it could be a misprint? If so it would mean that today’s Mark Trail comic strip could be a valuable collector’s item.
    Please advise

  50. wossname
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    BGSS – Oh dear. The dimwitted sheriff has fallen into the clutches of a master criminal. Just look at Lulubelle’s expression in panel 3. Rather than the normal Hootin’ Holler tongue-lolling guffaw, she displays such world-weary cynicism that there can be no doubt she was on a wanted poster. And God only knows what she was wanted for.

    FW – I’ve got a great idea, Batiuk. Why don’t you have them both kill themselves? That would raise the misery level much faster than waiting for them to get cancer. Suicide by sticking their heads in the pizza oven at Montoni’s would be a nice touch.

    Plug – Now why would a dog-thing be discussing hairstyles with a friend who only has a comb? Insensitive, if you ask me.

    RMMD – WHOA! An actual, completely unexpected plot development! Kudos to Wilson!

    K&K – I love this strip every day, but today is a perfect example of what a great job Holbrook does of embellishing an anthropomorphic world where a wolf who’s married to a rabbit is CEO of Herdthinners Inc.

  51. John C Fremont
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @A loafer kneading lots of dough (#49): Actually, the second panel is a close-up of a horned owl. The close-up of the barn owl is in the third panel. Oh, ho, ho! I kill me! New thread yet?

  52. wossname
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#51): New thread should be coming any second, since I got tired of waiting and posted on this one.

  53. Ned Ryerson
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Here comes Josh and his monions*…and they’re painting everything blue!

    *based on earlier typo (I think, unless I missed something) in thread, which I like and want to adopt and see if it will go VIRAL!

  54. Ned Ryerson
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#53): OOOOOO….I love monions!

  55. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Crank: *retch* *dry-heave*

    FW: Because, as we all know, being good at SPORTS is your only path to success in life.

    Luann: “Oy. Plans? With any luck, I’ll be nibbling at your cameltoe, love.”

    MT: Kelly’s one-sided conversation is getting very old. It’s obvious that the owl thinks so too.

    MW: Boooooring!

    RMMD: You really blew it, Opie. This was the *wrong* way to try to get into Kelly’s pants. You don’t go around lying about your military service, or lack thereof. Folks who are the REAL DEAL can spot the fakers a mile away and they don’t take too kindly to it.

    SFx: Hmmm. Let’s see here…… Damaged, twisted sign. Bones in the gutter. Poor drainage. Feral cats. Rats and other vermin. Half-dead tree. Lack of lawn-care. Ball-cap turned backwards. Lack of garbage collection. Bench made of concrete. Large, gawdy jewelry. Yep…’s the ghetto.

    Archie: Back in the late 1970′s-early 1980′s, my older sisters used to get the Archie Comics Digests at the grocery store. I remember one had a story where Ms. Beasley realized how awesome her fried chicken was, so she started her own chain of restaurants and got rich. That was then. Today, it appears that her business failed because of the economy and now she’s right back in the kitchen at Riverdale High. At least she doesn’t have to deal with Les……so that’s something at least.

    Love is…: Sneezing, pissing and farting all at once.

  56. hogenmogen
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Nothing I’ve ever posted online has “gone viral”. I have had episodes where it was more like poison ivy, where it spreads via close contact for a short period of time, but burns for two weeks. Maybe more like serving tainted meat at a dinner party. I serve it up, then as they digest it, they violently curse me as they drive that porcelain bus.

  57. UncleJeff
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Poor Derek realized his elaborate plan had blown up in his face.
    Now, he would have to choose: the psycho who could provide him with the musical equipment to take his skills to the next level or the large-breasted bully who puts out.
    They say that Derek’s testicles shrank four sizes that day.

    Phantom: Say, ‘Ghost-Who-Walks-Wings’, wouldn’t hopping out of a working airplane (assuming you and the chief have parachutes) make you even more vulnerable targets to the nut shooting the machine gun out of the other plane?

    MW: Mary left the restaurant knowing that she had just taken advance from Toby. Mary was now considering whether she should seek advice from Mr. Smirnoff or Mssrs Smith & Wesson.

  58. smacky
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#50): I know! He buys a hat at the Army-Navy store and lies about military service to a military widow?!? Why isn’t this the headline of Josh’s post today? Social media is all well and good, but holy crap, I did NOT see this coming! This might be the biggest twist in drama strips since the days of Aldo Kelrast!

  59. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#20): Brilliant!

    Is Josh so busy going viral that he doesn’t have time for the new thread? Damn you, Social Media Strategy! Damn you to hell!

  60. wossname
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#59): Yes, I’m afraid Josh is out with a virus. No wait, that doesn’t sound right.

  61. ElkMeadow
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: So is our dearly missed Cue from Rex Morgan now working at Dick Tracy? Is there an imdb for comic strip characters?

  62. Weaselboy
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I was the 441st to “like” your page. You’ll probably be in to quadruple digits by the end of the day.

  63. ElkMeadow
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#52):

    No, it’s going to post after mine.

  64. Chip Whittle
    November 17th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “Janey? Is that you? Wait, who’s Janey? I’m guessing some kind of hybrid of Marcie from Peanuts and maybe Velma Dinkley?”

    Barney Google: Ah, Lulubelle’s plan to marry her way out of her criminal life was foiled by the truly unthinkable: a Hootin’ Holler resident who could read wanted posters.

    Funky Winkerbean: How is it possible that Les Moore has failed to cheer up a depressed person?

    Also, how does anyone in Funky Winkerbean tell when someone else in the strip is depressed? It seems like fish telling each other how wet they look today.

    Marvin is funny today because of the zany idea that squirrels might scavenge from sources of wacky-named ethnic foods like pizza. No, wait, it’s…what’s the opposite of funny? Yeah, Marvin today.

    Mary Worth: “Call the three major credit bureaus…Experian, Equifax, and Transunion! I’ll look up their websites for you!” “Thanks, Toby! I appreciate your help!” “So…that would be,, and” “Oh, yeah, and thanks for waiting until the next day to get me to report things to the credit bureaus. This surely isn’t something I could’ve done yesterday when I discovered the theft.”

    Rex Morgan: Gasp! There’s no army reserve armored division around here! This is a shocking development that means…uh…oh, could someone explain it to me? I realize any Rex Morgan plot has maybe two bits of information stuffed in 140 days but I have no idea what reaction this is supposed to instill in me.

    Spider-Man: “That security camera you framed me with–now has the goods on you! It clearly shows me smashing into the department store’s offices, you and your minions trying to stop me, and my easily beating you! That’s a series of events impossible to interpret in a way that looks bad for me!”

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Frazz: I don’t carrot all for vegetable jokes.

    9CL: fashion is an ass.

    CdS: but still fun for the kiddies!

    NS: if he was a lawyer named Ces, it would be purfect.

    SBp: didn’t another strip do this same joke recently?

    Bizarro: MiB flashback.

    DT: This will end with dredl sized holes in a perp, isn’t it?

    JUMBLE: yay killer rabbits!

    Mutts: that makes it a Suh-irrel, then?

    OBH: NSFTF!!!!!!

    PMP: guest-written by FW?

    F-: guest-starring Blaze from A3G!

  66. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .my thoughts are Unspeakable Filth, and I’m just not going there today.

  67. ElkMeadow
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @smacky (#58):

    <b.This might be the biggest twist in drama strips since the days of Aldo Kelrast!

    Agreed! However, we still have the guy with the liver and the drinking problem (and the starved-to-death corpse lying in the next bed), and Kelly about to be preyed upon by Spider, with Rex and Niki coming to her just-in-the-nick-of-time rescue (June providing eye candy, and the little girl being annoying, and still no mention of gratitude for Dex, who is sitting in a dark house, watching big screen television, with his sister hogging the remote).

  68. ElkMeadow
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Preview. Life and this site do not have re-do buttons.

  69. wossname
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#62): We can have another round of trying to guess which real (or sort of real) person on Facebook matches which CC nom de blog. Actually a lot of us outed ourselves on FB a couple of years ago before the Washington CC meetup. I think it was on the “readers of the Comics Curmudgeon” group, which seems to have gone dormant. Or somniculous.

  70. Tom the Sailor Man
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Non-Sequitur: I was hoping Eddie’s new boat name would be “Somniculous”

  71. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Well, while I’m tempted to just skip my next class and wait for the new thread so I don’t get thread-jumped, I guess I’d better do my professional duty and go teach something.

    FC: Yipes. Dolly’s gotten an early start on the whole “coyote ugly” thing, hasn’t she?

    SM: If this strip’s villains ever moved beyond non-repeating firearms, Spidey would be screwed.

    JP: Good move, Sophie—because if there’s one thing a teenaged boy loves, it’s a girl who will make his life more difficult.

    MW: While you’re online, you two might want to look for a desk ladder so you can reach that computer better.

    DtM: Once again, we hear about the menace instead of seeing the menace. One might assume that the author is too lazy or unimaginative to actually show us Dennis doing something truly menacing, but I think we’ve entered a new realm of comics style, one in which describing the purported scamp’s escapades replaces the old-school depiction of said escapades. It is, in fact, a form of metanarrative, albeit one that is all meta, no narrative. Yes, I’m talking about Dennis the Post-Modern Menace.

  72. TheDiva
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    9CL: Thank you for confirming my belief that pants with things written on the seat are the trashiest form of clothing currently in existence.

    A3G: Okay, slow down. Why is LuAnn receiving a call from an aging Prince Valiant?

    C’shaft: Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble: Your senile, grumpy, misanthropic father-in-law remembers your anniversary better than you do.

    FW: Les makes a half-assed attempt to console his daughter for having her dreams shattered, and looks rather annoyed that it’s not working out like he’d planned. “How dare they continue to be miserable?” he seems to say. “And after I let them take advantage of my employee discount, too! They should receive an option contract from Hollywood; then they’d truly understand what it means to suffer!”

    GT: “Deke Davey rides the defense all week.” Shoot, and I already used up my Penn State reference for the week too…

    Luann: Uh-oh, they’re on a collision course with wackiness! Or boring relationship drama, whatever comes first.

    MT: So Kelly Welly’s been talking to the owl all this time! Well, anyone who knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop should be able to crack this bird-banding thing wide open.

    MW: No, Mary, don’t do it! She’s trying to trick you into using the Internet!

    SM: This strip is much more entertaining if you imagine it’s what goes on in the minds of eight-year-olds when they’re playing superheroes.

  73. Esther Blodgett
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Ah, jeez. Do I like Josh’s Facebook page as the “real” me or as my nom de blog, which in turn is different from the name I use to post here? Oh, what a tangled web I weave. Like Spider-Man, except sometimes I turn off the TV and get out.

  74. Chyron HR
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    JP – “Curtis Honey’s trying to hit me for no reason at all!”

  75. Rocky Stoneaxe
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    RMMD — “Ha ha… Did I say I was in the Army Reserve Armored Division? I meant to say I was in Dick Armey’s Tea Party Patriots. Yeah, that’s the ticket!”

  76. Nehemiah Scudder
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#20): More poetry slam competition! Look out Uncle Lumpy!

  77. Esther Blodgett
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: Now that Emo Philips is on the scene, everything will work out fine.

    S4th: Best meet-cute ever.

    Plugger: Maybe Chicken Lady should lend Flip-Wearing Dog Lady her comb. Get it? Comb? Because she’s a chicken? And…and…manah manah.

    Beetle: If you think that’s bad, lady, wait until he reaches for your donuts.

  78. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    AD – It’s whether you see something or not that determines if it makes a sound. Without the letters ZANG being printed, the falling leaf is silent. Next: What is the look of one hand clapping?

    9 – So basically, Edda has a loose keister, and Annie has a hungry ass.

    Hägar – Ha ha, he has a hatchet buried in his head. Maybe they’ll change the title to “Hägar the Decomposing.”
    But, as they say, don’t get your hopes up.

    Nancy – Damn it, learn to scan! Try saying it out loud before you send it to the newspapers. And for god’s sake, get that goddamned spike out of your stupid mug. It makes you look like your head is being split by an ax. Is that intentional?

  79. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#23): I think we had this conversation before, or somebody did. Maybe it was two other guys. Anyway, the Underground Railroad itself also passed through Rochester (NY, not Anderson) on the way to Canada. There are a couple of exhibits in the Science Museum (I’m wondering if they absorbed some other museum somewhere along the way) about it.

    @John C Fremont (#39): Three! Oh, yes.

    @hogenmogen (#56): I’m pretty sure nothing I’ve posted ever went viral, though the “Useless Invasion Sketch” got reposted a few times, and “The Cad with the Pad” inspired a bunch of people to press a button that sent a link to it in random directions. I never did anything as popular as, say, spinal meningitis, though.

  80. gkl
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Twitter is currently over capacity. I blame you, Comics Curmudgeon. You’ve single-handedly brought down Social Networking.

    Oh wait, it’s back. I guess it’s just their wonky servers. Not you.

  81. Acme
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#65): Re SBp: My thoughts exactly, so I went looking, and here it is.

  82. Tom the Sailor Man
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Hagar the Horrible: Man, that Helga is stone-cold – calmly stirring her cauldron while asking whether or not her husband has been castrated.

  83. Cloudbuster
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#71): “JP: Good move, Sophie—because if there’s one thing a teenaged boy loves, it’s a girl who will make his life more difficult.”

    Speaking as a former teenage boy:

    1. I didn’t know there was any other kind of girl

    2. We really don’t care. We’re so overcome with hormones and urgent yet irrational emotions that we’ll put up with insane amounts of bullshit on behalf of girls. It takes literally decades for us to emerge from the haze and say, in the words of David Byrne, “My God! What have I done?” Nonetheless, I recognize that pained expression, it means “Man, the shit a guy puts up with for life’s simple pleasures: a sweet guitar and a hot piece of ass.”

  84. Doyle
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#35): Of course! How could I have forgotten my Luann-universe logic?

  85. Chip Whittle
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Alley Oop: “This is bad, Oop! This is very, very bad! You’ve gone and discovered a new planet within days of travel, found the natives friendly, made agreements easily with them, and brought back one who’s happy to be here! What more could go wrong?”

    Big Top: Me, I don’t support searching for a cure for clowns. I like clowns. I don’t much mind who knows.

    Compu-Toon: I like to think making a tax return joke is so timeless we don’t care that it’s five months early.

    Dick Tracy: Ah, Hannukah. Celebrating that miraculous event when the perp writhed in agony for eight whole days while his body burned. And then Tracy invites Sam Catchem over for Christmas, when they can sing ‘Silencer Night’.

    Heathcliff is crazy again today. Could someone please check on Geroge Gately?

  86. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Acme (#81): thank you!

  87. Cloudbuster
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MW: What is this, a paid advertisement for the credit reporting agencies? Is there a theoretical limit to how boring something can get. At some point will MW reach the event horizon of boredom, where merely displaying it on my screen will suck me inexorably into the metaphorical black hole of boredom (otherwise known as Santa Royale)?

    A3G: “My phone? Now what?” This strange, magical device still confuses Lu Ann. It rings, and then, sometimes, there are voices when you pick it up.

    MT: The owl has no idea where the mine is. I hope Kelly won’t waste her time asking it.

  88. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#85):

    dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, I made you out of clay!
    dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, with dreidel I will slay!

  89. The Wacky Curmudgeon
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#66):

    But I’m assuming from your moniker that you’re one of those
    sluts any other day of the week :{P

  90. Hi There
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    “Pizza can do a lot of things,” said Funky. “But it can’t make up for a ruined senior year.”

    Les winced. Was Funky referring to him? Was Funky referring to all those lost nights back in high school when Les had nowhere else to go except Montoni’s and nothing better to do than eat an extra-large pepperoni-and-sausage pizza, further aggravating his horrible skin condition? Those nights when everyone else had friends and Les had no one except a few low-life losers scrapped from the bottom of the barrel in terms of social skills and popularity? Back when he no one else except Funky and Crazy Harry would hang around with him? Was Funky referring to the many times he and Crazy humiliated Les as part of some bizarre a ‘joke,’ for example, leaving him bound, gagged, and naked outside the town dump or, another example, tied to a flag pole slathered with peanut butter and gumbo? Funky couldn’t be referring to the time he convinced Les that the school’s Prom Queen secretly had a crush on Les, and all Les had to do to win her love forever was break into her bedroom after midnight and pledge his devotion to her? Did Funky come downtown and bail him out after the police hauled his ass away? No, Funky did not.

    Les couldn’t even look Funky in the face. “Apparently not,” he spat.

    Funky scratched his balls and smirked.

  91. Red Greenback
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Plugger chicken-lady is a bit more modern than Mary Tyler Mutt there. Plugger chicken-lady’s “hairdo” goes back to when Howie Mandel was a prop comic.

  92. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 17th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Oh, I’m sure I’ll be back to snarking tomorrow, but this is seriously awesome. Summer just exposed the douchey school principal as the military faker he’s always seemed like. It feels so, so right.

    A3G: Mom’s a basket case, dad’s upset, and sister is “old maid” clip art from the thirties. So what’s new?

    HCliff: Okay, this sounds like something I don’t want to know about.

    GA: I’d say that it’s starting to look like Slim is an idiot but… well, you know.

    WofI: The prisoner does go straight to Heaven, right? St. Peter’s got to take pity on someone whose last moments in life were spent hearing that pun.

    SFx: Overflowing garbage? Check. Collapsing street signs? Check. Bones in the street? Yup, check. We can be fairly certain that no city council members live in this neighborhood.

    HtH: Yes Helga, by great luck, your husband’s scrotum is still intact. Give him a couple of hours to recoup, though.

    Luann: Well if he’s going to LA and she’s going to LA, obviously they have to meet. The whole place is like, six city blocks, right? And BTW, the sooner Crystal gets her orders from the Trenchcoat Mafia, the better.

    PBS: So, Rat’s conscience. It is an oil painting of an ancient and decrepit Rat, right?

    JP: “She seems to have issues with other girls trying to seduce her boyfriend. Proles are so petty, no?”

    MW: “Toby, this is the site for Transunion? What are these young men doing?”
    “Oops. Sorry, Mary. I connected you to”

  93. Just Call Me E
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Suddenly Mary Worth has become a PSA!

  94. This Guy
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#y142): Congratulations on calling what the “joke” was in yesterday’s Zits.

    What I still fail to get is this: the question was about dinner. Is Jell-O a common entree in the Duncan household?

  95. ElkMeadow
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72):

    Luann: Uh-oh, they’re on a collision course with wackiness! Or boring relationship drama, whatever comes first.

    The whole Tiff-and-Bland action will take place off panel. The whole story arc will be done from Luann’s viewpoint, at the town she currently resides in, where she and Gunther are the only two people who work at the only library in town, and there are two fully staffed fire departments, and only two teachers in school.

  96. ElkMeadow
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#94):

    Apparently the only time Jell-O is made is for Jeremy’s birthday. It’s not like striped is that hard to make, just in this strip.

  97. Chip Whittle
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Non Sequitur: Boy, has Wiley Miller ever made Brooke McEldowney angry that he used “anoesis” first.

    Shoe is funny because it uses the word “pound” in one meaning, and then the word “pound” in another meaning, in the same sentence! And there are people who say syndicated comic strips are a dying medium.

    Strange Brew is funny because the gimmick of the ventriloquist dummy acting independently of the ventriloquist has only ever been done before in every ventriloquist act and every movie, TV show, or comic strip about ventriloquists ever.

    Tarzan: “Mother was very happy with her new baby. However, she never fully realized she was not in England. There were the daily attacks by mobs of crazed Great Apes, but Father explained that was to be expected under a Labour government.”

    Wee Pals: … … I mean … …

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#77): Dog-lady’s hairstyle dates back to The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Chicken-lady’s was last seen at a Dead Kennedys show in ’83.

  99. Red Greenback
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Don’t blame the non-key reading players for making you look terrible, Assistant Coach Deke Davey. Blame Rod Whigham.

  100. geekwhisperer
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth Toby Rising (new title) Toby takes the reins as Alpha Meddler of Santa Royale! Her Internet savvy ways and first hand knowledge of identity theft give her means to challenge the meddling powers of the current queen. We will all sit and watch rapturously as they fight to the death. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

  101. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#74): Oh man, you nailed it. Nailed it perfectly.

  102. Comcis Fan
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: The Lavendar Apparel Technology Cult finally succeeds in luring Mary. On a separate note, how much were Moy and Giella paid for the product placement?

  103. Mark B.
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Oh the shame of being outsmarted by Spider Man. Plus, she’s all webbed up and she can’t scratch her itchy areas.

  104. Red Greenback
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#99): *That was in reference to the Yesterthorp. Today the Milfs lose another one.

  105. smacky
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Hi There (#90): “Funky scratched his balls and smirked.”

    Boy, that could be the last line of every Funky Winkerbean strip since it jumped forward in time.

  106. Comcis Fan
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: The strip’s theme song, borrowed from “Hee Haw,” to be sung by most any Westview inhabitant:

    Gloom, despair and agony on me
    Deep dark depression, excessive misery
    If it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all
    Gloom, despair and agony on me.

  107. Frank Lee Meidere
    November 17th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Over the past few days I’ve found myself reading Reply All with a certain degree of affection. After a bit of analysis, I realised that my mind had essentially blocked the fact that the strip was written and drawn by an adult and had instead begun seeing it as something done by a precocious six-year-old. From that perspective, it’s kind of cute.

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