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Infantile contempt

Marvin, 8/6/07

I ought to have hated today’s Marvin, because it combines two of my least favorite things: ham-handed technology jokes that demonstrate only a passing acquaintance with technology and aim to shower contempt on “the kids today,” and Marvin. But I have to admit a certain fondness for it, because it climaxes with Marvin using his new and bafflingly l33t power of speech to insult his father’s sartorial choices. I mean, sure “h8″ and “ur” would when spoken be indistinguishable from “hate” and “your”, but if Marvin’s dialog is all going to consist of the sort of heavy-lidded contempt for his parents’ aesthetics (and, hopefully, lifestyle choices and closely-held values) on display in the third panel, I’m not going to quibble about the orthography.

Mary Worth, 8/6/07

One of the great things about not having an office job (or a hospital job) is that I don’t have to listen to my annoying coworkers’ ill-informed opinions about my love life. Nosey McWhitepants sure has got a lot of nerve! Presumably he’s not getting any himself, and lives vicariously through Dr. Drew’s conquests, but his puritan upbringing forces him to filter it all through a layer of disapproval. It’s sad, really, when it isn’t irritating.

Dr. Corey the Younger here demonstrates the way turns of phrase run in families, borrowing the “very special friend” formulation that his father and Mary use to describe their ambiguous quasiromantic relationship. But that quick pimp slap to the throat? That’s all Drew, baby.

The Phantom, 8/6/07

The Ghost-Who-Revels-In-The-Psychic-Pain-Of-Others knows that the skull mark will heal eventually, but a good dose of post-traumatic stress disorder will last a lifetime.

277 responses to “Infantile contempt”

  1. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    This Phantom illustrates the Chomskyian idea that many sentences we utter have never been formed before.

  2. Harold
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Is this stilla “Classic Marvin” from 25 years ago? If so, this was pretty cutting-edge humor.

  3. Bunnë
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    I think the beauty of this Marvin cartoon is the way it manages to fit the punchline into such a narrow space. That’s talent!

    Meanwhile, what’s with Dr. McWhitepants and his all-whites? Even his hair is white. Is it some sort of summer theme? Or a lazy colorist? Signs point to option #2.

  4. Ron Hogan
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    “She’s free, white, and 21, so you can just step off, DAD.”

  5. Bunnë
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    And speaking of lazy colorists, what’s up with the Phantom? “Brown, blue, yellow, eh, I’m done. They’ll get the picture.”

  6. goaty
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    A better question is what is up with Dr. Drew Carey the younger’s brown jacket? is this a sign he is a proctologist?

  7. Ralphie
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    It’s comics week at, Josh. Will you be interviewed?

  8. Chloe The Cat
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Why is Dr Cory, The Younger wearing a coat? It is fricking 105* outside right now! What? The air conditioner to much for him? Wimp!

  9. NaughtyNatureLover
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    It’s Crystal Meth day at Marvin. Everybody’s eyes are WIDE OPEN. Aren’t they perpetually at half-mast?

  10. Adam
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Man, I felt exactly the same way about Marvin today. I’m going to write a script that replaces today’s strip with every other time I read Marvin. That way, even if the joke gets stale, at least it’ll be funnier than the one it replaces.

  11. Lammergeier13
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom is going to torture the bad guys using Pavlov’s classical conditioning? Damn, this comic just got a heck of a lot more interesting, and a heck of a lot more boring, at the same time.

  12. Lammergeier13
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    GT: It’s a microphone Chet, we’ve been through this before!

  13. Charles
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    One of the first 20 commentors! (Yeah, it’s just not cool after #1…)

  14. Lammergeier13
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Baby Blues: “… And after that, everything’s a complete blank, Your Honor! When I woke up, there was blood everywhere but I felt so great!”

  15. Derelict
    August 6th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    Marvin speaks! Now he can verbalize poop jokes to his parents. This should be a real test of parental forbearance–between the insults and the scatalogical humor, who could possibly blame them for infanticide?

  16. Buck Ripsnort
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    What bothers me about today’s Marvin is that a kid “normally” the size of Oliver Hardy is now a bug w/ red hair. Did he move all his body-mass into the speech center of his brain?

  17. Harry Paratestes
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    One day, Marvin will compost the inedible parts of his parents, I can see it coming.

  18. Harry Paratestes
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: I like the way that everyone in the background of panel 1 seems to be frozen in a mad disco frenzy of violence and lust, and also the fact that the Phantom is wielding a ‘gun’ made from old wax candles.

  19. Sister Sestina
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Killers sample Wrath of Ghost, served with a delicate aspic clear as shellack?
    Oh man, remind me to eat before snarking…

  20. Tracer Bullet
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Dr. McWhitepants is only concerned that Drew is looking at a rap for statutory rape because no woman old enough to consent to sex would be caught dead in that hideous purple outfit.

  21. King Folderol
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Marvin – I think Marvin’s parents are a couple of self-loathing yuppies who think everyone hates them because they’re “so successful”, even though they live in the same crappy tract housing and crap in the same 1.6 gallon flushing toilets the rest of us do. So of course they think their kid is talking in IM speak and loathes them.

    MW – “Look, Robert Young, it was unsettling enough when you were trying to get me to give up my liquid crack for Sanka! If you start poking around and asking me questions about my love life, I’m going to have to take an eye out! And it might not be my eye!”

    August 6th, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    Wouldn’t the thugs fear the word “oar”? It’s not like they’re being beat with “canoes”. However, if I were to agree with the Phantom’s “stripey assed logic”, would “kayak” or “dinghy” have a similar affect on the thugs?

  23. Harry Paratestes
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m thinking that Drs. Marcus Welby and Drew Corey are checking out the ‘evening wood’ in panel 1, and Drew is about to chop Dr. Welby’s ‘branch’ in half in panel 2 to avenge the ‘pedo’ implication.

  24. Harry Paratestes
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: Who knows, maybe it’s not ‘Drew = pedo’, maybe it’s “Dawn works out Electra complex’ sort of thing.

  25. Harry Paratestes
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think that ‘Dawn and the Stewed Cats’ would be a great name for a band, maybe they could open up for Gail Martin!

  26. Burning Prairie
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    I finally placed the evil black-haired airport man in Mark Trail-it’s Ernie Kovacs, skinny moustache and all!

  27. Trilobite
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    #24 Harry Paratestes — Gee, thanks for that image. I was eating, but now the thought of Dawn-on-Wilbur action has made that impossible.

  28. fishmorgjp
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: “Canoe!”

    Thug: “AIEE!”

  29. Darkefang
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Don’t worry about getting the brush-off here, Margo. There are literally thousands of guys who look exactly like him in Apartment 3-G’s New York City.

    Archie: Uh-oh, the AJGLU3K is on the fritz! Moose’s torso is on backwards in the first panel of today’s strip. Also, it gave Veronica a new, short hairstyle, complete with a patch of white hair.

    Crankshaft: I take it Scott Batiuk has completely given up including anything resembling humor in Crankshaft.

    DT: Even strips in which the storyline moves at a snail’s pace – like Judge Parker – have nothing on Dick Tracy in terms of slowness. I know I haven’t just been seeing the same strip every day for a month, since each one has different crudely-drawn panels. The writer just seems to be stalling for time by re-writing the same dialogue over and over again.

    Is it really so difficult to come up with new plots for Dick Tracy that they have to stretch a story that has about three weeks of material into six months?

    FBOFW: Of all the strips that have an F and W in their acronym, this one actually needs more cancer.

    FW: Speaking of cancer, it apparently ate the funny and/or interesting parts of both of Tom Batiuk’s strips today.

    : “What the heck is this?”

    Don’t worry, I’m from Milford. Everything around me is drawn that poorly.

    HtH: Fast Eddie is pretty close to becoming one of those between meal snacks.

    MW: Hey, Dr. Drew! Remember that medical conference in Thailand? Remember how you ended up on “Dateline NBC” when you tried to hire those 12-year-old prostitutes?

    Phantom: The “wrath of the ghost” consists of the Phantom standing around smirking and being smug while other people do his work?

    S-M: I’m shocked and confused by this twist in the plot of Spider-Man. Nobody’s watching TV? And the antagonist is a real villain, not just a talk show host?

  30. Darkefang
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Whoops, I left out some important letters:

    GT: “What the heck is this?”

    Don’t worry, I’m from Milford. Everything around me is drawn that poorly.

    August 6th, 2007 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    I think I’ve discovered the true intentions of Nosey McWhitepants’ inquiry. Notice how he voyeuristically pries for additional information while engaging in a vigorous two-handed session of “pocket pool” while his disengaged stare demonstrates that he’s concentrating on formulating pornographic imagery in his head during his line of questioning. “Who is she?”…“How old is she?”…”Is she quiet or a screamer?”…”Does she like having pickle relish poured on her feet?”…

  32. Rusty
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Marvin’s mom = undiscovered CILF potential.


  33. Lammergeier13
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: Uh-oh, it’s time for that awkward ‘Birds-and-Bees-with-Cancer’ talk.

  34. SecretMargo
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know, I think I still agree with The Notorious S.Q.B.’s take on Marvin — what ruins it is not the kinda lame but sorta refreshingly blunt txtdiss, but the horrifyingly stilted dialogue between the parents, especially that “punchline” — it reads like one of us wrote it, trying to make a point about sounding out-of-touch and hopelessly awkward. I mean really: “like kids type into their cell phones”? Really?

  35. Red Greenback
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    I don’t enjoy Marvin, VERY MUCH!

  36. Uncle Lumpy
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    #34 SecretMargo –

    Exactly – the real punchline is Marvin’s line. Mom should just say “he texts”, and get the hell out of the way.

  37. arto
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    The kids today love to type into their cellular telephones–OH YEAH!

    But ask li’l Bunsen Snukleroy to type out an essay for his homework? OH NO! Snukkk-k-k!

  38. AlmostAGhost
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    H8N UR TIE

    it’s a lolmarvin!

    What disturbs me is that it seems that Dr. McWhitepants is eager to hear about Dawn’s youngness, like it will excite him more if Dr. McBrownpants were to say she was 12.

  39. doug rogers
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    I though the Marvin was cute. Brought a short snoirt. But what kind of doctor would call out a colleague for banging a babe far younger than himself? That is most unrealistic. More likely the Doc McWhitepants would be asking if she had a sister.

  40. AlmostAGhost
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    also the word “Verbalizing” cracked me up

  41. Bunnë
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #38 ooooh LOLCOMIX… not a bad idea…

    FW: oh hai… we upgraded ur cancer

  42. mnemonica
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    So, is this the younger, cuter Marvin 2.0 that was introduced in Sunday’s strip? The bloated Marvin has been killed and replaced? This is probably a good thing, but it creeps me out a little.

  43. queek
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    as a bit of research prior to a belated “thank you” to True Fable for doing a right proper Rule 35 on Judge Parker, I googled “Judge Parker + Rule 34″

    5 of the first 8 image responses were either from this blog, or linked to it.

    we rock. nuff said.

  44. Inspector Dim
    August 6th, 2007 at 10:57 pm [Reply]


    I’m in ur babycage
    Reminding u of ur x-wife


    I’m in ur comix
    Depressing ur readership


    I’m in ur comix seckshin
    Takin up space

  45. BigTed
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    I won’t say Dr. McWhitepants is into young girls…. But around the hospital he’s known as “The Pediatrician,” even though he’s a neurologist.

  46. anameimadeup
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    Tune in next time when we hear Jeff & Marvin say:

    YA RLY

  47. Uncle Lumpy
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    No, CDG!

  48. AlmostAGhost
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:06 pm [Reply]



  49. Eh, Readers? [i cn b Kip W?]
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Marvin – Yes indeed, the kid has big ingenuous eyes for two panels, then when he slips the knife in, suddenly, he doesn’t look quite so much like a kid any more, but like a middle-aged cartoonist of very small stature. But then, the mask always seems to slip in the last panel of Marvin, and the cuteness falls away, revealing the ghastly whitened phiz of the tired but employed jokester, clowning his weary way through another empty day, punching the time clock for the 9,106th time. Really, the wretched little homunculus is here to suck our brains out and dance on our lifeless corpse, but for some reason, whenever we look directly at him, he thinks he has to pretend to be an innocent child again.

    MW – “Say, who was that lady I seen ya with last night?”

    Skullturf Q. Beavispants @1 – For the win. @22 – Canoe is the horrid aftershave scent the Phantom wears. Most people just curl up in the fetal position without even knowing what it’s called.

    darkefang @29,30 – Dead-on observation on A3G-land there. As to leaving out the initials for Gil Thorpe, I thought that, in a brilliant bit of existential nihilism, you were giving it a new abbreviation — to wit, nothing at all.

    rusty @32Marvin’s mom = undiscovered CILF potential. … What? I may be rusty on my Roman numerals, since I’m not watching as many classic cartoons on TV lately, but I’d say “CILF” must be about one-tenth of the value of “MILF.” Seems like a fair assessment — pluses: perky bosoms, dresses self neatly; minuses: oversized head, never changes staring expression, even while uttering ponderous laff lines.

  50. Scott P.
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    And speaking of lazy colorists, what’s up with the Phantom? “Brown, blue, yellow, eh, I’m done. They’ll get the picture.”

    Isn’t the action taking place at night? If so, it’s actually pretty inspired to use a narrower palette to indicate that.

  51. AlmostAGhost
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]


  52. Zamboni_Rodeo
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    I just want to thank my fellow Curminions for the ourpouring of support and condolences in the previous thread. Your sympathy and your snark have made the last day or so better.

    You guys are the best!

  53. Jamus The Bartender
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Yeah, I was careful with Cassandra too….I didn’t want the nights to end…she’d tie me up on the bed and make hot kitty love to me all night long….called in sick to work…stole my furniture …put it all up her nose…but that probably won’t happen to you. The best of luck to you crazy kids.

  54. Charles
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    If I ever find myself being attacked by thugs, I will have to remember to say the word “Canoe” to them, as it will leave them as a blubbering mess. Or maybe I’ll have time to explain that I read the daily comic-strip “Phantom” and they’ll have pity on me and move on.

  55. Kaiser
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    lolcomix could be the wave of the future, now that lolcats are apparently passe…

    I has ass
    it r stripey

    o hai… Im in ur priv8 buzinezz


    all right, kinda lame, I’ll admit.

  56. CrabbyGenes
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Tuesday FOOB: OH MY GOD, haven’t we suffered enough? That wedding tripe went on for at least a week, and now we’re right back in it. Unfair! Unfair!

  57. Scherzo
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]


  58. Weasel Boy
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    FW: “The Gathering Place – A caring community for those touched by cancer.” Damn, just call it Death House and be done with it.

  59. Poteet
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    # 56 — Thanks a lot, CG. Now I’ll have to stay up long enough to read the damn thing:-).

  60. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    At the sound of the word “canoe” I think:
    I’m a cnu—I’m a cnu
    The c-nicest work of c-nature in the zoo
    I’m a cnu—how do you do?
    You really oughtta c-know w-who’s w-who
    I’m a cnu—spelt C – N – U
    I’m not a camel or a kangaroo
    So let me introduce, I’m neither man nor moose
    Oh, c-no, c-no, c-no, I’m a cnu!”

  61. Jym
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    =v= Zamboni Rodeo: My condolences, as well. Spelled out in full sentences, even.

  62. Poteet
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    # 56 — Never mind. I just located and read the Tuesday Foob and *bluuurrrg*

    Dammit, Lynn Johnston, you owe me a keyboard.

  63. aristos_achaion
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    MW: Assuming that brown…thing Drew’s wearing was supposed to be a white doctor’s coat before the coloring gnomes got to it…why’s he wearing a 3/4 length coat? Is he really still a resident, and is too ashamed to tell Dawn about the three times he flunked out of med school? I mean, Mr. White (in the conservatory, with the candlestick) next to him is obviously wearing a full-length doctor’s coat…I was under the impression that most doctors these days just stuck with the waist-length med student’s coat, anywas, out of convenience.

  64. LTBF
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Who cares what to tell Summer? You’ll be dead in a month and she’ll never remember you.”

  65. NotThatGuy
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Foob/(DT)GT: In an unlikely development, Liz has stolen Kaz’s pearl earbobs.

  66. Uncle Lumpy
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    #64 LTBF –

    “Why bother telling Summer when you’re headed for a Fall.”

  67. reader-who-posts
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m disgusted – I’ve only tolerated the thought of Dr. Jeff Cory’s ‘romance’ with Mary was to assume his description of “very special friend” actually meant “woman I pretend to date but will never, ever have sex with”. Dr. Cory the Younger using it to describe his sex toy, errr, new girlfriend Dawn has shattered my perception, and caused me to develop diarrhea.

    The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee. I could write a book titled “What’s not funny about The Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee” but it would only have one word…”Everything”.

    Spider-Man: The Shocker prefers talking about committing crimes to actually, you know, committing crimes. He’s the perfect Spider-man villain!

    FC: Tragically, the kids’ lack of seat belts did not result in any deaths.

    9CL: WHORE!

  68. fluffy
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    Having never been a parent, I’m not sure if this is normal or not, but surely it’s not healthy for Marvin’s mom to refer to Marvin as “your son,” is it?

  69. Inspector Dim
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Apparently the likepocalypse will be happening in slow motion. And it will be on an endless loop.

    We’re in Shawna-Marie’s weddin
    Sneakin off to have creepy sex

  70. SecretMargo
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:51 pm [Reply]


    lub ur lipz
    dey tay-stee
    laik krisko


    i can haz yr dreemz to eet? kthnks

  71. TB Tabby
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    32: I agree, Marvin’s mom is a cutie. But I’m a litle weary of her for the same reason I’m weary of Thel: tapping that could spawn ANOTHER one of those kids.

  72. LTBF
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    #68-I usually hear “your son” when he’s done something bad. “Your son got a note home today.”

  73. Uncle Lumpy
    August 6th, 2007 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    OK, Tuesday’s Judge Parker:

    First, what’s the transaction being considered? Keith and Trudi want Sam and Abbey to accept this really great offer, but decline to do so themselves? Because why? This makes less sense than a Rex Morgan Board meeting to see if the majority shareholder can somehow maneuver herself to the chair.

    Second, will anybody be surprised when Caesar’s “junkyard dog” Rusty Duncan turns out to be a hot babe instead of one of Joisey’s Foinest?

  74. Gojira
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    FOOB: So Liz and the wuss ducked out of a perfectly good conga line to sniff flowers and do time-checks, fully-clothed. “Love, soft as an easy chair…”

  75. bats :[
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m trying to figure out if Dr. McWhiteypants looks more like Mr. Greenjeans or Don Knotts.

    Either way, it’s a lose-lose proposition.

  76. Anonymous
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    Foob: Liz, your wish can come true…if we don’t exile Lynn before September.

  77. bats :[
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]




  78. Gojira
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    #73 Uncle Lumpy: My God, according to your JP link, it took almost a full month to get through one evening. At this rate, we may not see Rusty Duncan till October.

  79. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    FOOB — We hid in the rose garden giggling like kids because I had the back of my dress caught in my pantyhose.

    Or maybe she ripped the bottom of her dress off because it was snagged from the rose bushes and she didn’t have a razor handy to shave it.

    Check it out. Today:;_ylt=AmE87t1ZfO2TnvJq7QMvFeUD_b4F

    June 14:

  80. LTBF
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    In panel three of Tueday’s strip, she appears to be wearing heels, unless she is on tiptoes. But she was barefoot when they ran off in the original strips.

    Is her final comment supposed to allude to sex they had later that night?

  81. LTBF
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Why was evryone looking for Liz and Anthony? They all knew they used to date, can they not figure things out?

  82. Trotzenbonnie
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Ooooh boy. Imagine the syrupy letters that will be pouring into Elly’s Kafe Klatsch after today’s sappy FOOB. I’ll bet Lynn’s fans haven’t felt their panties smoking like this since Baby came out of her corner.

  83. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    79 and 80 It’s like Slylock Fox. How many discrepancies can you find between Liz and Anthony’s memory of the wedding and what actually happened?

  84. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    JP. Whoa! Does Trudie paint on her shirts?

    73 Uncle Lump. No bet on Rusty Duncan being a hot babe. The only question is whether she paints on her shirts too.

  85. Lammergeier13
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Lynn fought the whole ‘Stache thing by going too far the other way. Now Anthony looks like some pimply, be-freckled teenager. I’m tempted to call the cops, thinking that this is some Mary Kay LeTourneau thing with one of her students.

  86. Masem
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    I have to make sure this is promoted in light of some comments:

    A nice re-versioning of lolcats which use old-time-stylized panels with today’s l33t speak to give a much needed twist on the lolcats meme.

  87. bats :[
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    85. So true, with Lizardbreath being a teacher and all. And considering some of the pairings I’ve seen of female teachers who’ve been accused of such matters, Asshathony certainly fits into the criterion of “WTF?!?”

    I like the ghostly shading around the two of them in today’s strip…maybe the shade of Lisa Moore is reaching out to touch them.
    Nah, too merciful for the ranks of Foob readers.

  88. Uncle Lumpy
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    #85 BeG –

    I’m bettin’ yes, under that strict lawyer garb of hers! I know! Rusty and Trudi can wrestle for control of the winery! In one of the vats! An’ Sam can judge, an’ Abbey can show up unexpectedly to join in, an’, an’ . . . .

  89. BOXCAR!children
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]


  90. Trotzenbonnie
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    To anyone still resisting the lure of the Milford Sirens, surely this will be your downfall.

    Drumsticks and stones.
    That’s effing poetry, man.

  91. Dick, the doorbell
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    GT – I say! Cover up Kaz’s mouth and he takes on a divine Teutonic beauty reminiscent of Garbo or Dietrich…

    Nope, wait – he’s Grace Jones.


  92. Gojira
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    GT: Wow. Are Kaz and Gail tonguing behind that sheet? Whose claw is holding it?

  93. BOXCAR!children
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    83 – LOL!! I giggled out loud at that comment. Someone should make a drawing of that – if I could draw, I would.

    Some snark for 8/7:

    A3G: Ooooooh! MARGO’S MAKIN A MOVE!!

    Blondie: Notice what Elmo is looking directly at when he says, “That sure looks pretty, Mrs. B!” Filthy, Elmo, filthy.

    GT: It doesn’t quite compare to Clambake’s brilliant sexual entendres, but since we’re in the dog days of the year, I will accept “loading up some extra drumsticks.” Also: when did Coach and Gail become a two-headed being?

    MT: I’m sorry, but the sight of Charles McCord crying depresses me. Not cool, yo.

  94. Trilobite
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    A quick pass at some of Tuesday’s comics:

    A3G: I love how Margo can make a seductive little pickup line sound like a threat. And how she can make a simple declarative sentence sound like a threat. And how she can make anything she says sound like a threat, really.

    Gil Thorp: Why is Gail’s head suddenly sprouting out of Kaz’s shoulders? Was he actually hired to take part in some cruel, insane surgical experiment? I mean, something crueler and more insane than what usually goes on in Gil Thorp?

    Kaz is taking this “bloodhound” thing a bit literally, and actually sniffing the threatening letter instead of reading it. I got some news for our amateur detective with the pearl earrings — the reason it smells like “pretty harsh stuff” is because it’s been near that drumkit for more than ten minutes, and ol’ Baldy there tokes only the cheapest weed. Welcome to the discount rock-and-roll lifestyle, man.

    Judge Parker: I just want to say how much I appreciate the fine work Trudi is doing by distracting me from this utterly boring and stupid storyline. The tighter and more revealing her outfits get, the easier it is to forget this whole thing is about some crooked land development deal.

    Rex Morgan: Deep within Avery International’s top-secret satellite monitoring room, a pair of ventriloquist’s dummies are hard at work. “Yes, they’re insanely creepy, but they work cheap,” remarks Chauffeur Pete, long rumored to be the power behind the throne.

    TDIET: Hey, a submission from Milford, CT? Something tells me the holiday Mrs. Greer forgot was Thorpstock!


  95. Dr. Shrinker
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    In FBOFW, why does the night sky appear to have the exact same pattern as SphincterBoy’s sportcoat? (The same pattern, I might add, as the cheap P.O.S. couch I had in college)

  96. Spotted HØrse
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    #89 Trotzenbonnie: Wow, that last panel is… so surrealistically awkward, what with Kaz and Gail’s mouths somehow plastered onto the letter, yet inches (lightyears?) away. Nice claw workin’, too, Gojira.

  97. Trilobite
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    The Divine O’F re: the Tucson Curmudgeon Festival — I don’t know if I’ll be in town on Sept. 15th (I know I’ll be travelling at least one weekend in there somewhere), but I can try to be. Where do I go for more details?

  98. Brown-eyed Girl
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    GT Gah! Kaz and Gail have merged into a two headed monster. Gah!

    Gail Martin’s “Drumsticks and Stones” is one of the most lyrical ballads ever written. It never received the recognition it deserved, since it was released the same day as Joan Baez ‘s blatant rip-off “Diamonds and Rust.”

    So, the letters weren’t mailed. Did I just miss this vital piece of information, or did the writers neglect to tell us?

    Three snarks in two panels! Ah, Gil Thorp. The gift that keeps on giving..

  99. Anonymous
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Popeye – Sure, Popeye with his head up a cow’s mouth is funny enough, but wait ’til the cow actually swallows him, and his head comes out the other end. That will be comedy.

    Beetle Bailey – What the frig is that thing on the end of Sarge’s arm?! It looks more like some kind of alien genitalia than a human hand.

  100. Eleusis
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:12 am [Reply]


    Finally, after months of watching Lu Ann talk to her paintbrush, we get back to what Apartment 3-G is all about: Margo’s fierce intent to ride her man like a show pony.

  101. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    I will resist the urge to do today’s snark in the form of LOLcomix. Must… resist…

    9CL: This snark has been censored for excessive vulgar content. Thank you.

    A3G: This snark has been censored for excessive vulgar content. Thank you.

    Archie: I can only think of one reason Jughead wouldn’t just walk into the restaurant, and it rhymes with “bestraining border.”

    A.D.: Actually somewhat humorous.

    Blondie: If Elmo was supposedly admiring the dirt, why was he staring at Blondie’s ass when he said it? Yeah, I wish I had that “stuff” in my room, too, Elmo.

    DT: Does Gretchen have an expression other than “stark terror”? If so, I haven’t seen it. Maybe she hasn’t wrapped her brain around the fact that Dick Tracy was wearing a mask, and still thinks her grandfather ripped his own face off to reveal Dick’s hideous, slab-like visage beneath… and now IT’S TALKING TO HER! AAAAAAH!!!

    FC: Nope — just not cute enough any more.

    FBOFW: When Lynn said she was going to go into strip flashbacks, I didn’t think she meant from three weeks ago.

    GA: Uh… no, they’re going to put you in prison and make you take The remainder of this snark has been censored for excessive vulgar content. Thank you.

    GT: OH MY GOD! Gail Martin’s head has been attached to Coach Kaz’s shoulder! So which one is Rosey Grier and which one is Ray Milland?

    JP: Oh my sweet jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, look at those The remainder of this snark has been censored for excessive vulgar content. Thank you.

    MT: How did these guys get elected to office — hell, how did they reach adulthood — without having heard of turning state’s witness in return for immunity?

    MW: The woman in the wheelchair in Panel 1 has the blank, soul-dead look of someone who has been subjected to one too many Charterstone pool parties. “Don’t eat the brown coleslaw! It’s a seriously bad trip!”

    MC: Hilarious! Bernie even looks like a racist — check out the ripped “egg-beater” shirt. (It’ll be even funnier when someone points out turkeys can’t fly.)

    Pluggers: Pluggers suck.

    Popeye: So that’s what “Blow me down!” means.

    RMMD: Wait… do the U.S. and U.K. know that Avery Industries can monitor the spy satellites they made parts for?

    S-M: Is there anywhere Peter and MJ could vacation that wouldn’t remind him of a villain?
    “Let’s go to Africa next year!”
    “Ugh, reminds me of the Rhino.”
    “How about Australia?”
    “The Kangaroo.”
    “Killer Croc and The Lizard.”
    “How about San Francisco?”
    “The Punisher …don’t ask.”

  102. Xenarthral
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    The skull mark will not heal eventually – the ring
    is covered with indelible berry juice, making the
    mark permanent barring plastic surgery (I
    think there may have been a plot on that subject).
    Does wonders for rehabilitating.

  103. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    TDIET, Aug. 07 / 07,




  104. Mibbitmaker
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:55 am [Reply]


    FW: They will, kid… they will.

    JP: Now I know how the wolf feels in the Tex Avery “Wolf & Red” cartoons! –!!!!!!!!!!!

    …..hmmmm… I wonder if that’ll work on Mallard…

    FOOB: The maker of mibbits will now perform a moment from “A League of Their Own”, originally recited by Thomas Hanks; however, with dialogue altered for the purpose of satirizing the Tuesday edition of “For Better or For Worse”, by one Lynnette Johnston. And now, the maker of mibbits:

    There’s no narration in FOOOOB!

    The maker of mibbits. (I shall forevermore wonder what a “mibbit” could possibly be. I shall inquire of my unicorn, in all probability.) And henceforth, on to a vignette post-modernizing “The Amazing Spider-Man”. Theng kyo.

    S-M: Hey, does Neil Gaiman know about this?!

    A3G: There’s nothing wrong with invading personal space without warrant that alittle sexy banter can’t cure. Margo lives by this credo.


    Lt. “Peach” Fuzz
    **d. August 7, 2007**
    ~~~~ R.I.P. ~~~~

  105. dreadedcandiru2
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: Day three of ‘Trampy Eye for the normal human being’. I wonder if Edda realizes that ‘Grease’ was just a movie and not a basis for a philosophy of life?

    FW: It was cute seeing how Lisa explained that heur cells are ‘sick’. Too bad she has to tell Summer her cells are so sick, she can’t go on living any more.

    GA: Slim should be more worried about what happens when HE gets caught. I bet he used Paypal to buy that chunk of space debris and when the cops go looking for the Meteor Man who had a big rock dumped out of a chopper onto a basketball court, they’ll be giving him a talking to.

  106. Benicillin
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    I get in the fetal position too when someone yells “canoe” but that’s only because I was raped in one at summer camp.

    Phantom’s cool.

  107. Frank Parsnip
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    What on earth happened to Dr. Drew’s jaw between panel 1 and 2? In panel 1, he looks like his usual “Eddie Munster” self. In panel 2 his jawline has the plant-crushing possibilities of an A. Robustus, leaving us to wonder whether his improbable haircut is hiding the sort of sagittal crest we find on early hominids. Dawn probably is “too young” for this unfrozen caveman.

  108. Benicillin
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    “Pimp Slap”

    D to the R to the E
    to the W
    This is Doctor Drew
    but don’t let me trouble you

    Crazy old man givin me back sass
    tryin ta figure out how I get young ass

    Try ta tell da coot dat she’s a special friend
    But still my patience this old man will bend

    So wuzz a pimp gonna do when words don’t work
    I do a special move dat I reserve for a jerk

    Pimpety Pimp SLAP

    Maybe I shouldn’t be bonin young muthas
    Maybe I shouldn’t be slappin old brothas
    Maybe I shouldn’t write myself prescriptions
    Cuz when I run out I git conniptions



  109. Frank Parsnip
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    Phantom — Would “canoe” be enough of would “canoe paddle” be more likely to trigger a reaction? Unless these natives physically pick up their canoe and start whuppin’ the bad guys with it I just don’t see how the fetal-position-inducing memories are going to be tied to a mode of transportation used by these guys.

    Or perhaps will the natives, themselves, be traumatized from having carried out an epic battle on board the “great iron canoe”, tricked into attacking gun-carrying miscreants with just a bunch of paddles by the Phantom?

    If I were ever to see the Phantom’s stripey underwear in person, I’m sure I’d be in the fetal position from laughing too hard.

  110. Lame Name
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    DT: Im in ur imbedded chips
    programmin ur grandfathurz

    FC: No, Billy, you’re not too big! I’m simply repulsed by the very idea of touching you!

    FOOB: Liz keeps asking Anthony what time it is because she’s got an alibi set up for 10:45. In two hours, one of the wedding guests will discover Anthony’s bloated, drowned corpse at the edge of the lake.
    I know — it’s a flashback, and it didn’t happen. But I can dream.

    GT: Admittedly, I’ve never been in a band, but how many pairs of drumsticks could you need?
    3rd panel: This h8 mail has a flavor.

    S-M: Come to scenic Death Valley for your next romantic getaway! If the vast sandy wasteland doesn’t sweep her off her feet, the 130-degree temperatures will! Wow her with the land’s sparse plant life and low altitude! She’ll thank you — provided she can pry her dehydrated lips apart long enough to say the words.

  111. MsChicken
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    MW: In today’s strip, the person in the wheelchair is looking right at the camera, like one of the awkward extras s/he surely is.

    Of course, the commenter who noted that this is the typical soul-dead look of the Charterstone resident is quite right, but now I’m seeing this as the slow-moving extras-heavy soap opera this is. Soul dead? Or folks from the local methadone clinic cleaned up and pushed to walk through a frame to show how BUSY! and DYNAMIC! Charterstone is.

  112. True Fable
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    9CL not reading this, just admiring the view.
    A3G Margo wants to margo.
    Blondie I think he meant to say “I was talking dirty.”
    Cathy (MD!) No. At NO TIME has Cathy ever been a size 6, unless that’s in Tent sizes.
    C-shaft Shut up, woman! Let the old man go up the ladder and do the neighborhood a favor when he “falls”.
    DtM That is one Nasty, Grimy little boy. Margaret, you go for the wild ones.
    FC Porky, you could break G-pa in half with your heft.
    FBOFW According to Lynn, it won’t. *sob!* She’s starting to cough up old strips like so many hairballs.
    FW “Yes, Mommy, I hope I can get out of Mr. Tom’s contract.”
    GA To the PEN, geezer!
    (DT)GT – Gah. I was going to try to parody this strip but I don’t think I can. Every strip is a new adventure in wtf.
    JP Check ‘em out, Sam! Glad you brought your glasses along on this trip, aren’t you?
    MT Then why are you STILL SHOUTING?!
    MW The face on Leering Doctor in panel two looks like David Duchovney meets Eb of Green Acres.
    Phantom zzzt! Dude, if you’re going to ask your native friends to fight for you, would you at least arm them with more than oars and loincloths?
    RMMD We also fund terrorists, Heather; we’re a versatile company.
    S4th Ted’s rage is compensation for his tiny lil’ hands, and other lesser points of interest.
    S-M This one just slays me. “Well, here we are! All of a sudden, we came up over the hill and there’s Death Valley spread out before us – it’s not like we haven’t been driving in increasingly drier landscape for the last hundred miles or so.” Stan, for God’s sake, stop the madness of comic strip Spidey. This shit is LAME.

    #73 Uncle Lumpy – You mean, Rusty Duncan could be JP’s answer to Sam Hill? I’d rather have her named Rusty Nail in that case. He may be rusty, but here’s Sam’s chance to nail someone.

  113. Sheilagh
    August 7th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    #4, Ron Hogan: Actually, she ain’t “free, white, and 21″ — she’s 20. Which is a distinction without a difference when the age of majority is 18, but still. She’s an undergraduate. Last year she was a teenager…

    It’s all kind of ooky. If Mary/Jeff and Dawn/Drew became permanencies, that would give poor Dawn a mother-in-law old enough to be her grandmother (at least — maybe great-grandmother).

    Ah, well, these generational-slippage things happen. My BF’s stepmother is the same age as me :-)

  114. Spotted HØrse
    August 7th, 2007 at 4:00 am [Reply]

    #104 dreadedcandiru2:

    Slim should be more worried about what happens when HE gets caught. I bet he used Paypal to buy that chunk of space debris…

    Heh! Slim sooo
    paid for that thing
    with Paypal!

  115. slinkimalinki
    August 7th, 2007 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    o hai, im in ur comix, havn canser
    iz not so gret, akshuly

    we iz in ur bushiz, fully klothed.

  116. t.a.m.s.y.
    August 7th, 2007 at 5:04 am [Reply]

    “That girl I saw you with the other day seems kind of young even for you, Cory. And you’re infamous for forcing yourself on insecure high school girls, so that’s really saying something.”

  117. Dub Not Dubya
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    Squid Countess from yesterthread: thanks for the link to that word game. I have just finished wasting many hours playing it. You’ve created a monster. (For anyone who missed the link: .)

    Other than that, I got nothing. Except: when I played softball the other day, I put on my sunscreen as usual but didn’t do a good enough job on the area around my shirt collar. So I have a sunburn all around my neck, and nowhere else. So that makes me a redneck for real. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to send that to Pluggers, but I just don’t think it will work. (There’s also a “ring around the collar” joke there if anyone remembers that.)

  118. Woody
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    Predictions for this week’s comics:

    Spiderman: Next up on Spiderman: Peter parker vs. Dehydration, Sunburn, and A Cactus!

    Cathy: Ms Hillman: Cathy! We forgot to: record you, take photos of you, play cards with you, shop with you, draw you, make you into a cartoon, and feed you rice balls!
    Cathy: Ack!

    FW: Okay Summer, my cells are sick, er, theres an evil monster in my tummy, er, there’s…screw it Summer, I’m gonna die.

  119. willethompson
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    MW: Today’s dialog confirms that MW does NOT take place in South Carolina, where the phrase, “kind of young, even for YOU,” didn’t even apply to Strom Thurmond.

    JP: If Abbey has sweaterpuppies, then Trudi has sweatermarmadukes. Margoboxcar, Sam! Trudi has been presenting like a cat in heat for days, and the best you can do is peer over the top of your readers and smile wryly?! It must be true that if you’ve had Randy, you never go back.

    RMMD: So if you make the optics for a spy ‘platform,’ you can borrow that satellite like your brother’s car? That’s like saying my optometrist can use me to spy on his wife because he made my glasses.

  120. Pozzo
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    Is it my imagination, or are the concepts of perspective and proportion alien to the Marvin cartoonist. I’ve seen this kid drawn like he’s the size of a chunky five-year-old, while today he verges on preternaturally hirsute newborn. Is he shrinking before our very eyes? Will he one day soon vanish entirely. We can only hope. Stay tuned…

  121. willethompson
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    #105 & 107 benicillin: BWA x 7HA! The CANOE MUTHAFUKAHS! was where the coffee hit the monitor.

  122. man behind the curtain
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    A3G — “Good, she’s gone. Now when’s that first flight to China? ” A man too tired to have sex. Is this a first or is it Margo?

    MW — Is Dr. Drew the first doctor to make his rounds dressed in brown? I’m surprised that the Dr. Welby didn’t ask Dr. Drew if that girl was one of his patients. And from the looks of things yesterday we had Dr. Welby the Elder and today it’s Dr. Welby the Younger.

  123. Old Bean
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    #119 Pozzo – Ah, that explains the mother’s look of chemically-sedated panic. She’s followed your logic through to its grisly conclusion and… well, let’s just say she keeps her legs crossed when Marvin’s nearby. I bet the little freak waddles around the house with his old umbilical cord and a sewing needle just to freak her out. ‘Soon, mommy, soon.’

    And now I’d quite like to unthink that image.

  124. Mollie
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    I love, love, love the “still life with threatening note” in panel 2 of today’s Gil Thorp. Now that the artist has found a way out of drawing the characters, I fully expect GT to become more and more like Mark Trail, except with inanimate objects instead of people. Gotta give him credit for being so careful with the word balloons, though. If the cymbal were speaking, this panel would be truly outta sight.

    Why the hell is FBOFW flashing back to something that just happened? Guys, I hated this story the first time! Maybe you should have had your status-of-relationship talk then. But there’s certainly no need for me to have to listen to it now.

  125. John C Fremont
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    # 75 – Well, Bats, today he’s definitely Don Knotts. Or Steve Buscemi.

    Foob – No, not the wedding again! Aaaaauuugghh!!

    MT – Again with the sweating? I think the Century 21 guy has a glandular disorder. Or maybe he’s trying out for a spot in that New Yorker cartoon.

    MW – Drew Corey’s leisure smock furnished by Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills.

    RMMD – Okay, so that’s not really Lou Grant manning the phones, but that guy next to him is definitely Liam Neeson in his Darkman get-up. Or maybe someone auditioning for Phantom of the Opera. (The Ghost Who Sings?)

    JP – Geez, Sam, just do it with her already! Make sweet love with her, and then do anything she asks. I know I would. And Spotted Horse? This is what Gary likes!

  126. Gene
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    I’ve long said Garfield is a mean spirited little person who wears a cat suit. On reflection, I think the person in the cat suit is Marvin. The meanness and lack of humor cinches it.

  127. Blake
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    FW: “I hope my cells don’t get sick.” Little Summer is soooo cute! She doesn’t even KNOW that she’s going to get cancer and die yet. Hahahaha! Kids say the funniest things.

    Sorry sweetie, but Batiuk is a sick sociopath; you will die in a very painful and public way. Batiuk can exploit any disease and/or social issue as a self-serving plot device.

  128. Major Hooples Boarding House
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    Re: Rex Morgan, Mega Deluxesweaterpuppies

    In a previous life I received a degree at a prestigious photographic institute of technology. It turned out that some of the laboratories and buildings were funded by CIA funds (the real government agency, not Dick Tracy’s). Having been in the Navy before (still another previous life), I found it strange that some students had to have a security clearance.

    I don’tt think that they wouldn’t have some access to the results of the optics and materials they designed.

  129. Harley Quinn
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    *shakes* ick, ugh, ewww……

    Sorry, I was reading today’s FOOB….. I’ve learned my lesson!

  130. Eau de Plugger
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:19 am [Reply]

    Archie: While I can sympathize with Jughead’s dilemma…what the hell kind of bike is that? The ALGU3k is slipping. You’d think a computer would have some rudimentary engineering skills.
    BB: Halftrack just committed murder. Ha Ha Ha
    Blondie: While staring at Mrs. Bumstead’s ass, Elmo’s talking about having her pretty dirt in his room. Um.
    FBoFW: I DO want it to end. Please make it end.
    (DT)GT: Those are some nicely drawn drums…Pardon me while I sniff this death threat.
    Popeye: Note to self…the next time my head is engulfed in a cow’s mouth, take a puff from my pipe. Oh yeah….sweet, sweet pipe. Smokin.

  131. John C Fremont
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    I fail to see the issue with the age difference between Doctor Drew and Plasticine-Haired Dawn. She is of legal age. Hey, Neddy Spencer is probably of legal age, and in the words of Butthead, “I’d definitely ‘do’ her.”

    On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t pattern my behavior after Beavis, Butthead, Homer Simpson, Groundskeeper Willie, Aldo Kelrast, Marmaduke, Jeffery “The Dude” Lebowski, Arnold Stang, Fatty Arbuckle, Barney Rubble, Buscemi in Ghost World, Buscemi in The Big Lebowski, Buscemi in Fargo…

    But that Drew Cory guy sure has the right idea. Hoo!

  132. Inspector Dim
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    BB: Lt. Fuzz has about five seconds to impact. There’s no time to open the chute! SPLAT. It takes weeks to recover both his eyebrows.

    Questions remain. Do generals usually go on planes to train lieutenants how to parachute jump? Why is at least some of the rest of the command staff there (like, for instance, Major Heavyset Mustache there)? Pentagon investigators discover an astonishing amount of hostility at Camp Swampy towards Fuzz, a bright, eager-to-please but somewhat overzealous young officer.

    Suspicion fell on General Halftrack, who has in the recent past been accused of drunken, violent and sexually inappropriate behavior while his command has fallen into disrepair. Morale is low, and corruption is rampant, as is abuse.

    Pentagon investigators have concluded that Fuzz may have been a victim of this violent and corrupt culture. Testimony from a Lt. Flap, one of the camp’s few competent officers, suggests that Halftrack had grown weary of Fuzz’s constant pestering for reform of the camp–and that perhaps Fuzz had seen something he wasn’t supposed to.

    It is now widely believed that Halftrack pushed Fuzz out of the low-flying plane, and that his parachute had been damaged on purpose. Halftrack has since retired in disgrace.

    The end result of the investigation was that Camp Swampy was closed, and its troops assigned to other commands. The majority were sent to Fallujah, where their World War II-era training and sensibilities led to the highest casualty rate in the American army.

  133. Islamorada Girl
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    The desperate, stunned patient in the first panel of MW is obviously recovering from a hair transplant obtained through the generosity of the late James Brown.

  134. Squid Countess
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    #107 Benecillin- Dayuum! That was impressive!!

    #116 Dub not Dubya - Isn’t it fun? I found the game because somebody referred to it on TotalFark. TotalFark has a huge readership, but I wouldn’t classify them as …wordsmiths, by and large, so I don’t think it impacted the game much. Too many people, and you wouldn’t get to guess. Er, I mean, reason it out.

    I love everybody’s LOL comix! I want much more, please?
    I Can Has Spit on scre3n?

  135. AhClem
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    S-M – So here they are in Death Valley, one of the hottest places on earth, driving a convertible, no less. Why the [MARGO] are they wearing heavy winter clothing? The only explanation I can think of is that the radioactive spider crawled inside Peter Parker’s head, and now his skull is full of dead insects.

  136. benro
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    MW – Yes, she’s a very special friend – with benefits

    TDIET – Does this count as a comics crossover? The contributor is from Milford

  137. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Oh, come on, Elmo – you were talking about Blondie!

    MW – Over the age of consent, is a phrase you should consider, Drew. I think it’s 16 in most states.

    RMMD – The loop – very sinister!

    S4th – And no more panty inspections, Ted.

    Luann – I can’t wait for Cinderella – now there’s a costume that’s right for this strip – Gunter will look stunning.

    JP – Trudi will get the door – she’s properly attired to work the knob.

    FC – I’m gonna be having nightmares.

  138. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]


    A3G: Eric’s going to be getting some sweet Margo loving soon enough. I imagine Margo would be quite a bit like a cheetah in the sack: a flurry of claws and teeth that ends in about 3 minutes.
    BB: Where are they going that general is on the plane with them? Normally he’s just content to sit behind a desk and ogle the ladies.
    ‘Shaft: Foreshadowing?
    FC: So the family brings along all their pets when they go on vacation? Pay for a freaking kennel already, Christ!
    FOOB: The Foobcalypse: Take 2
    (DT)GT: Yee Gawds! The sight of this Gail/Kaz beast really just frightens me to the core. I’d rather see more of Yul Brynna than have to view this monstrosity any longer.
    MW: Random Wheelchair Girl sure is looking chipper. Not sure where she got that nifty orange hospital gown, but I’m definitely going to look into it if I ever wind up in the hospital.
    MG&G: Rather morbid cartoon today.
    SFx: Listen here, Mr. Weber; I enjoy snickering about the placement of that motion line as much as anyone. Really though, couldn’t we have just moved that over a little bit?
    SM: Did I miss something? Since when do people go vacationing in Death Valley?
    TDIET: Nothing really to note today (Actually this irritates me too because the trash collection in my neighborhood has changed at least a dozen times since I moved in less than a year ago), but I just wanted to point out that today’s contributor is from Gil Thorp’s hometown.

  139. Calico
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Phantom – “Do you Canoe?”
    (Stupid criminal in white jumps off boat)
    “Hey man, don’t panic! I was talking about the cologne for men”!

    #111 – I think the poor woman in the wheelchair was one of Mary’s meddling victims, back in hospital due to ongoing trauma inflicted by said Biddy. Looks like she’d really rather be on our side of the page.

    RM – Heather’s pea-brain is about to burst with all this complex info, given to her by Pete the driver (spy?). U.S.? U.K.? Optics? Omygawwwwd! (Pop)

  140. Inspector Dim
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Milford, CT is also the home of CT’s House Speaker Jim Amann, whose hairdo and bombastic mannerisms have always made me suspect that he is just another Gil Thorp escapee.

  141. John C Fremont
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Hey, Bil Keane drives a Wagonqueen Family Truckster!

  142. TurtleBoy
    August 7th, 2007 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    MW: Let’s all send our best wishes to the guy in the wheelchair in today’s strip. Poor guy’s about to undergo a radical neck reduction surgery, and things could get pretty dicey.

  143. Steve
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Trudi, Trudi, Trudi, you aren’t as busty as Abbey, or even Neddy, but you definitely are not a boy. You have made reading this strip bearable the past few days.

  144. NightRaven
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Todays Phantom is probably the funniest yet,
    there’s just something about the image of the Phantom calmly and serenely reloading his gun while his native friends and the possibly still gun toting bandits fight for their lives in the background….

  145. Calico
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    #143 – As Patsy Stone would say, “Quite big tits.”

  146. Squawk
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Oh hai, my shellacking kurl yr thugs up in fetl posn when I say CNU.

  147. John C Fremont
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    I can row a boat, canoe?

    (*Old Jungle Saying)

  148. Edgy DC
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    I h8 ur 2-tone comb-ovr.

  149. AtomicDog
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Blondie: First panel – Yeah, it sure does look pretty. Go ahead, Elmo. You know you wanna.

  150. stinky pete
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    “Elmo was staring at Blondie’s ass” count = 4, which I think is the daily limit.

  151. stinky pete
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    whoops, make it 5.

  152. AtomicDog
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Dennis: Stop teasing Margaret like that! You know what she wants you to lick.

  153. mattt
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    #29 Phantom That’s what I was thinking, Darkefang. He’ll probably head back to the cave for a tall Cold One after watching all that hard work.

    #146 Hahahahahaha!

    FOOB Who is Liz talking to in her flashback? Is she explaining to ‘Stache what happened, even though he was there? Is it because he had to be drunk at the time?

  154. Krazy Kat
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth-I’m not a doctor, but I have known and worked with many doctors in my day. I am, however, a man, and have been all my life and in that time I have never, never had any other male, doctor or no, remark that ANY young lady was “too young” or “a little young for you.” Unless Dawn were an underendowed 12-year old, this conversation would never take place.

  155. SpeedracerX
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Dr. Cory has been watching too much Austin Powers. First he tries the lame come on lines, now he’s trying out Austin’s famous “Judo-CHOP” maneuver.

  156. Jake
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MW: You’d think, since he draws the little buggers, the artist at Mary Worth, Inc. could stop the extras from mugging at the camera.

  157. Girl Randolf
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Regarding Monday’s FOOB-

    I’m assuming Theresa’s beauty, brains and self assurance is tempered by Franciose’s not being Pure Evil. The ability to host a human soul was provided by Anthony.

    After graduating from l’École Polytechnique de Montréal, Franciose will shake off suburban Canada and move to New York City. She’ll discover two girls in search of a prickly brunette roommate for their spacious and central apartment no. 3-G. Afterall, someone will murder Margo eventually.

    My guess: Tommie will eventually loose it and off Margo for a seemingly minor infraction like forgetting to buy milk.

  158. Lettuce
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    FOOB: If you zoom in on panel one, you can see what roses look like when they gag. I didn’t even know plants could vomit up their own stamens, but that’s just one of the many things I’ve learned from For Better or for Worse — for example, to never have children.

  159. Allie Cat
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Foob – Uh…Lynn – we were actually reading the strip when this happened three weeks ago. So, we really don’t need the whole play by play, unless we missed something good – like Anthony introducing a ball-gag into their canoodling.

    Which reminds me – will the word canoodling cause people to go fetal?

  160. Krazy Kat
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Blondie- In the last panel, substitute Elmo’s “…the dirt.” for “…that ass!” and it reads much better.

  161. Lettuce
    August 7th, 2007 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    In the alternative universe Mary Worth, also known as “this one,” what the elderly doctor really says is: “That girl I saw you with the other day, she was hot. Let me guess, grad student?
    Drew: Undergrad.
    Old Dr.: You dog.
    Drew: Wasn’t even alive when “Return of the Jedi came out.”
    Old Dr.: This is so why we went to Med School.
    They would then make an attempt at an awkward jive hand shake.

    Another way it could go down would be the old Dr. openly laughing at Drew for his “special friend” comment, then later sharing his suspicions of Drew’s closet gayness with the Nurses.

  162. Anonymous
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Presumably he’s not getting any himself, and lives vicariously through Dr. Drew’s conquests, but his puritan upbringing forces him to filter it all through a layer of disapproval.

    Substitute Mary herself for Drew’s colleague, and I think you’ve summarized the premise of the strip.

    FW: Lisa looks like an elderly Charlie Brown.

  163. Calico
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    #161 – “Special friend-what’s her name?”

    “Don – ah, er, um, I mean Dawn. We like to ride horses together.”

    “Hmmmm…I see.”

    “Wanna check out my riding crop?”

  164. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]


    DtM: Good God, but that’s a lecherous & creepy expression he’s got. He may not be a menace now, but he looks like he might make some sex offender lists when he gets older.

    SSmith: Snuffy’s about to get hisself beaten bad by a yankee.

    MC: Turkeys are, of course, flightless, which compromises the punchline. Still, when you draw a turkey in a stained wifebeater, you’re doing something right.

    Ghost Who…: “Oh well, I guess I’ll just stand here like a moron for another 45 minutes. It’s what we call strategy.”

    RMMD: The satellites are picking up some chatter from the ocean. “I… need… my… Gretchen.”

    OBH: All kids should have a grandfather willing to teach them the subtler points of gambling.

    Archie: AJGLU 3000 is installing some updates today, which may cause some slow service.

    TDIET: I’ve actually had experience with this one. The sensible way for a city to go about holidays is to push garbage day one day back. One place I lived pushed it forward, from Monday to Saturday. I’m glad my neighbors weren’t as judgmental as these ones.

    Shoe: Roz’s idea of padding her income through phone sex work was basically good. Doing it while the restaurant is open causes some problems, though.

    C-Shaft: Honey, this is Batiuk’s world. The medical bills are coming either way. (For all the good they’ll do.)

    A3G: “Get plenty of rest. You’re going to need it.” Truly, Margo Magee is the mistress of the single entendre.

  165. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    I was thinking the same thing.

  166. Christopher
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Man I’m tired of texting jokes.

    I mean, oh my god, kids are using a kind of shorthand to let them type at a speed approximating that of human speech! It’s unprecedented!

    And they use non-standardized spelling! How can you write anything important without standardized spelling?!

    It just pisses me off.

    In related news, there’s this ad for a telephone service that has a little girl talking out loud in text speak, which is fine until she says “W U?” Which, when spoken aloud, has two more syllables then the phrase it’s supposed to be abbreviating. It kind of defeats the whole purpose.

    Um… is that really Marvin’s MOM? I figured it was a nanny, the way she talks about “your son” instead of “our son”.

    If it is his Mom, her lack of personal attachment to her son is kind of scary. But then again, he is Marvin.

  167. Gabe
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    166: When a kid gets straight A’s, he’s our son. When a kid breaks the neighbor’s window, he’s your son.

    Ask any parent.

  168. Professor Fate
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    FOOB: What you didn’t cause enough projectile vomiting the first time? You have to go over this again? We just saw this – at least those of use who didn’t gouge their eyes out.

    FW: Cancer is casued by living in Funky Winkerbrean

    GT: This is some new version of lip reading – they are actually reading the note with their lips.

  169. Little Guy
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: “Can’t you see we’re doomed?!?! DOOMED I say!!! You know how long it took me to grown this facial hair?!?”

  170. Sheilagh
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    When you think about it, it’s really kind of startling how little ANY comic seems to know about modern technology. People in comics rarely have cell phones… they certainly don’t have Blackberries or iPods… their computers are oddly drawn, and they don’t seem to use them for all the things the rest of us use them for. And yet they ALL play golf, which 99% of the world thinks is a complete waste of time. Go figure.

  171. Gabe
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Inspector Dim: Well, AFAIK, the Camp Swampy residents are regular infantry, no airborne, so there would be no reason for them to jump out of airplanes. Then again, they aren’t armored division either, yet they also seem to have tanks.

    Bottom line, don’t expect military accuracy from your Beetle Bailey. Or logic, adherence to physics, or humor.

  172. Fightin Vague Shape
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MW: This strip has turned awesome again. Instead of Mary being a one-woman-meddling-machine, she’s enlisted Dr. Drew’s “colleague” into her meddle-army. Before long, he’ll infect the entire hospital, then all of California, and then the world! It’ll be like Shaun of the Dead, only with bad advice!

  173. Sheilagh
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Re FOOB, Elizabeth deserves to marry Grandthony and subsequently undergo one of those nasty moments described by Katherine Anne Porter (did I spell her right?): a sudden clarity, in which comes the thought, “What is THAT MAN doing in MY room, in MY bed, with his big old ugly feet, yuck!” Or words to that effect.

    There’s no going back afterwards.

  174. Uncle Lumpy
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Next up on FOOB: “Oh, Anthony, it seems like only yesterday that we were reminiscing about Shawna-Marie’s wedding! Those were happy times!”

  175. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    167 – Are you shooting for a TDIET, with that one?

  176. Monster Jamz
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    finally Marvin comes thru! i think the key to this particular strip is that Marvin is actually the size of a baby and not some huge carrot-top’ed diaper’ed version of Garfield. add to that his contempt for his father’s tie and we have a rare golden Marvin. too bad the next strip will probably be about Marvin taking a dump.

  177. SueAnn Suagean, Attorney at Law
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    To: Multiple Recipients
    Re: Copyright Violation

    Dear Sirs and Madams,

    I dog-ear pages in the Roberto Cavalli catalog regret to inform you that latitude granted us by recent expansion of domestic wiretap has revealed in your postings repeated violations of Canadian Copyright Statutes. To wit, Sections 32.2 and 9.8 reserve all rights to the use of uppercase typography to Lynn Johnston, Inc., whose popular graphic serial “For Better or For Worse” currently appears in over 2000 newspapers worldwide.

    You are hereby notified to remove all offending material, etc, etc. Additionally, I have conferred with Ms. Johnston regarding this matter who stated (and I quote): “Wheel! Of! Litigation!”

    So to you, I say this: blue

    Blue is the color of the blues, which is the tune opposing council sings when they see my name on the dockett. It tends to sound something like this (two…three…four):

    Holy crap, it’s SueAnn
    Guess I’ll go burn down my practice
    Then jump off the roof

    Second verse, same as the first.

    Blue is the color of my eyes, which dance and flirt and bend a jury to my will like egg puppets in a carton of perfidy. Blue is the color of truth, gasping and clawing for breath as it is throttled by arcane rituals and thousand-dollar business suits and ten thousand all-nighters and six-figure student loans, throttled until deceit can devour its helpless husk as easily as Dick Cheney devours a plump delicious baby.

    Defy me, and this color shall be your color. Pecuniae obediunt omnia.


  178. rich
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    There’s a website that will instantly translate normal words into what is popularly referred to as “texting lingo like kids type into their cell phones.”

    For instance, “I hate your hair, too.” translates to:

    I HAET UR HARE 2!1!1!!!1! OMG WTF

  179. Lettuce
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Liz and Anthony in…

    Liz: At Shawna-Marie’s wedding, we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Since I’m not better at thinking than you are, I sent us galloping through a painful meadow of rose thorns.

    Anthony: But, Elizabeth…

    Liz: Now, you’ve got to listen to me! We frolicked, okay? We had a great time. If we focus on the present at all, do you have any idea what you’d have to look forward to? Me. Forever. It’d be horrible. Isn’t that true, Shannon?

    Captain Shannon: I’m… afraid… Ma…jor Strass…er would in…sist….

    Anthony: You’re saying this only to make me stay.

    Liz: I’m saying it because I’m forced to by our lousy writer. Inside of us, we both know I belong with Warren. Or Paul. Even that two-timing Eric. Or one of those gay guys I’m always pairing up with. You see my point.

    Anthony: Yes.

    Liz: But if I were to get on a helicopter, and leave you here to go up north and live a fulfilling life, I’d regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not ever. What was I saying?

    Anthony: But what about us?

    Liz: We’ll always have Shawna-Marie’s wedding. And later we still will have it. I intend to bring it up at least twice weekly for the next decade.

    Anthony: When I said I would never leave you–

    Liz: And you never will. Anthony, I’m no good at being noble.

    Anthony: Yeah, yeah, I know. “But it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three annoying Canadian kids and their parents don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.”

    Liz: No, I just mean I’m not good at being noble. Or at putting on make-up. Or keeping my butt-weight down. Someday you’ll understand that. Here’s looking at me, kid.

  180. Little Guy
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    180: Now all you need is Major Strasser being beat with the ugly stick and Renault with a tongue-wagging goodness laugh.

  181. Little Guy
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    I mean… #179 (did I make the CC into an infinite loop?)

  182. Chloe The Cat
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    # 68 Fluffy, I always referred to our daughter as “your” daughter to my husband. The only reason we stayed married for 33 years is because neither one of us wanted custody of her!
    (rim shot) tip your bartender generously!

  183. Buck Ripsnort
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Marvin“Your son” is short for “The shrinking demon-spawn that you shackled me to when you violated my purity w/ your filthy, filthy penis.”

    MWWhen I read “special friend”, I can’t help but think Shan. . . .non special. Since Doc Drew’s been described as the “Do ‘em and dump ‘em” type, can we get on to the inevitable dump scene already?

  184. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 7th, 2007 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    #178, rich,
    I used that site. Here’s a well remembered tidbit from JFK’s inauguration speech.


    OMG indeed, my friends.

  185. Mad Dog Rackham
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    RMMD: It was so long ago I’ve kind of lost track, but isn’t Peter the company driver? And now he’s showing Heather around the secret spy satellite tracking facility like “Oh yeah, I come here all the time.”

    So June has to stay outside because she lacks the proper security clearance, but Peter the driver and Heather the nanny just sashay in.

    I’m sorely disappointed at the sudden lack of realism in RMMD. It’s doubly sad after the recent true-life expose on the tragic plight of Katrina victims and the continuing presence of uncleaned garages.

  186. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    JP — I can’t really tell from this angle, but is Trudi actually standing … how to put it … on BOTH sides of that window? Where are those NOAA 3-D glasses?

    FBoFW — I just love how manly Granthony ripped that rose right off the bush. Or maybe he brought his pruning shears with him.

    (DT)GTPretty harsh stuff. But still, it’s not a threat. What? Does it say “The bangs really aren’t doing it, Gail. And I haven’t seen glasses like that since Flo and Eddie broke up.”

    Tomorrow’s DT — [Panel 1] Tess, are you listening? Because, I gotta tell you, that grandfather of yours, the Baron? Baron Klumeister [and that’s Klu-meister, not Klum-eister]. [Panel 2] Anyway, he’s a DEFINITE threat. To the United States. [Panel 3] Of America.

    Blondie — You know what I noticed about Elmo? The way he’s looking at Blondie? I think he’s left-handed.

    And #134 Squid Countess — Oh, yes. Thank you VERY much for the game. I haven’t played it yet but it sits there, lurking, on My Favorites. I figure some time around 3 PM, when the snark begins to wilt in the heat, I’ll just … succumb.

  187. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    9CL – It’s a thoroughly transparent attempt on McEldowney’s part to establish that there’s a valid artistic reason he’s drawing Ex-Nun in a strapless dress and making cleavage jokes, but damned if I don’t love it nonetheless.

    A3G – Bow chicka-bow bow…

    Archie – Would any restaurant seriously forgo business because someone’s walking up to the drive-thru? I doubt it.

    BB – They’re not in the woods, but I’d bet they’re above the woods.

    Crankshaft – You stupid old man! You no longer possess the ability to work on top of a ladder without injuring yourself! Just submit to the dominance of your children, you fossil!

    Curtis – I’ve never seen the term “demon-seed” used in the funnies before.

    DTM – This would be a standard Dennis strip except for the sly, double-entendre look Dennis is sporting in the second panel. I’m trying to not figure it out.

    DT – Paradox, paradox, c’moooon, paradox!

    FC – Holy cow, Granddad was still alive at this point? Did they ever have a strip about his death?

    FOOB – WHAT. THE. FUCK. They go from being over each other to dating in a week, and now they’re going from dating to engaged in a week. Cripes, Lynn, if you hadn’t dawdled around for so damn long or had set a more realistic deadline given your pacing (in)ability, you could have at least made the Loveocalypse the tiniest bit believable. Also, whoo, more Zip-A-Tone starry skies. Apparently, in the Foobiverse, romance can only happen at night.

    FW – Sorry, kid. In this universe, it’s inevitable.

    Garfield – is actually pretty funny in that it leaves the details to your imagination.

    GA – I am riveted. Riveted, you hear me?

    GT – The world’s most bored, boring drummer and bon mots from Gail. What more could we ask?

    HTH – I miss this line of jokery. I’m all for equal rights, of course, but it has cost us these types of jokes.

    JP – I’m no expert on breasts, but Trudi seems to shop at the same stores as Mary-Jane Parker. Maybe these tops are like toe socks for breasts. Anyway, I ain’t complaining.

    Luann – I’m going to have nightmares about this, I just know it.

    MF – A week late, as usual.

    MW – Dr. Knotts cracks wise about Drew’s “helping” Dawn. This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in this strip since Mary’s “ahh I’m drowning” dream.

    MC – The torn wifebeater is a nice touch.

    Plugger – And again, I’m apparently a Plugger.

    RMMD – Crap, Beesting Lip Syndrome is spreading over from FOOB.

    SM – There’s more action in the flashbacks than in the actual strip in this comic.

    Edison Lee – is under the impression that past presidents believed they were the Earth.

  188. frank drackman
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    I like how the FC clan is driving a 67′ Impala Station Wagon on their summer vacation..and I thought Grandpa had died years ago. Isn’t Dawn in her 20′s??? she needs to meet the Shocker..

  189. Foobaphobe
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Today’s strip was just so touching and moving! Please, please, let’s lovingly linger on every event of the past month in Foobland. Oh, am I crazy to hope that tomorrow we’ll go back to Shan….non’s speech on the cafeteria table? Tell me that I do not dream in vain! Sweet Canada, make it happen!

  190. Squid Countess
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    This is What it Sounds Like, When Doves Cry -Prince

    This is What it Looks Like, When Roses Gag -Lettuce, #158

    A better theme song title for the Liz/Anthony story – possibly all of Foob – can not be imagined. I am now going to be happy every day for the rest of my life. Thank you, Lettuce.

  191. GotFuzzy
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking that Hagar the Horrible ought to be renamed Helga the Ticking Time Bomb. Over the past few weeks, we’ve seen this, this, this, and this. Of course, when she is faced with such cheerful cluelessness, could you really blame her for brandishing a rolling pin?

  192. Inspector Dim
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    #191 GotFuzzy,

    Just wait until she finds Hagar and Lucky Eddie in bed together playing “Viking raider.”

  193. Spotted HØrse
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    #125 John C Fremont: Mister Tibbs agrees with Gary. Trudi’s posturing with her costars makes for quality entertainment.

  194. That's The Spirit
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Off topic but utterly true story. last night, drifting off to sleep, I was chuckling over someone’s comment (I think it may have been Uncle Lumpy) of “Hoo!” regarding the gap toothed kid in Archie (referencing, of course, the original Gap Tooth Kid in FOOB.)

    Then I had an actual dream about the Hoo kid. Somehow it became a period melodrama, where a nobleman’s daughter was tearfully exclaiming her love for the Hoo Kid, and the father registering shocked British disapproval. the whole thing culminated ina search for and eventual capture of the Hoo Kid. And the father asked him, once they were settled in his magisterial drawing room, “See here, why is it you want to marry my daughter?” And he replied: “Hoo!”

    Honest. I may be legally insane.

  195. AtomicDog
    August 7th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    191 – Rolling pins are pretty unwieldy weapons. The handle is too short, and the balance is all wrong. How do women manage to brain someone with them?

  196. commodorejohn
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    #194 That’s The Spirit – You, sir or madam, just made my week.

    #195 AtomicDog – Excellent point. Frying pans are much more plausible.

  197. Uncle Lumpy
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    #194 TTS –

    Some dream!

    Father: “Bring Hoo before me!”
    Servant: “Er . . . Sire, don’t you mean ‘whom’?”
    Father: “What are you saying?”
    Daughter: “I cannot control my heart! Only Hoo do I love!”
    Servant: “Now she’s doing it!”
    Hoo: “Hoo!”

  198. red gone wrong
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Gill Thorp: Coach Kaz’s eyes are closed in panel three, so I assume he’s holding the harsh-but-unthreatening note that close to his face because he’s using his finely tuned sense of taste to search for clues. I fully expect him to spend the next week licking everyone he meets in an effort to discover the perp.

  199. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Maybe house wives should be standard issued one of those tactical wands, like from the Tanya Harding deal. Frying pans are kind of ackward, too.

  200. El Santo
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    GT: OK, the Kaz/Gail Martin two-headed beast has been mentioned, but few, if little, have mentioned the return to the old school.

    Gail Martin is bespectacled and be-braided once again! Ye-haawwww! That’s the Rock n Roll Carol King I know and love.

  201. Calico
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    #172 – Def nmtn fr cmnt f wk.

    I like the short, sharp, snark going on today. Keep it going!

    #191 – Helga is clearly menopausal and needs some Dong Quai or Primrose, which their weird “doctor” should be able to provide.
    Or, maybe she just needs some dong for once.

  202. bats :[
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    125. John F. :
    Wow, flashback to my wasted summer youth, watching old game shows! The minute I saw “Dicker,” I started reading more slowly so that the voice (always the same voice, same pitch, same speed) of the announcer could envelop me with those mystical words: Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills.

    I never knew what that meant (I also never knew what a Spiegel catalog was), but they Had To Be Important, since they were announced with great regularity on national TV.

  203. Inspector Dim
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    #201: If that’s what Helga is in need of, perhaps that doctor can also provide it. That isn’t his nose sticking out of his hood, is all I’m saying.

  204. Darkefang
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s comics:

    DT: The Baron has a chip in his brain. Got it. I got it the first 30 times it was mentioned.

    Here’s a sneak peek at the dialogue in tomorrow’s Dick Tracy:

    Panel 1 – Now I am going to begin to say the idea…

    Panel 2 – … Which I have in my head…

    Panel 3 – … About the chip which is imbedded in the Baron.

    Mix up the panels and repeat 10 more times, and you have the plot for the next two weeks.

    FC: You took your cat on vacation with you? Yeah, cats love car rides.

    I kind of wish this panel took place about 10 seconds later, after Bil falls and cracks the back of his head open on the driveway when the tailgate snaps. Even Barfy knows better, which is why he’s so eagerly watching in anticipation.

    Foob: Is this what we have to look forward to in the “hybrid” strips? Flashbacks to stuff that happened a month ago?

    FW: Look at the size of that cranium! Sorry kid, but if that isn’t an afro wig, you must have a brain tumor the size of Montana.

    GT: Panel three raises more questions than it solves. Not about the mystery of Gail’s stalker, though. It raises questions like: Why are Kaz and Gail standing so close together? Why are their faces so close to the note? Whose hand is that holding up the note? If these aren’t threats, then what exactly is being investigated?

    JP: Dagwood and Mark Trail may not have nipples, but Barreto managed to slip one past the comic censors in panel three. That is automatically the most interesting thing ever in Judge Parker.

    MT: Buzzard held a woman at gunpoint and tied her to a tree. Won’t Buzzard be going to prison for that, no matter what comes out of the whole bird thing?

    Marvin: You regret teaching Marvin his colors? That’s funny, I have a regret too. Namely, I regret reading this strip today.

    MW: Defensive much there, Dr. Cory?

    Sadly for Dr. V-neck in panel two, Drew is about to unleash everything he learned from “Enter the Dragon” on him.

    OBH: Grandpa’s got the right idea. You have to start them off early, or else they’ll never really understand how the exacta works.

    S-M: Luckily, Peter and MJ have arrived at the hotel. Spidey can’t go three strips in a row without watching some TV.

  205. nsr
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: The notes are coming from the drummer. Too many Ben Franklin jokes. And you don’t want to know what they’re doing with their tongues in panel 3.

  206. smacky
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT: So it’s “pretty harsh, but not a threat.” So… something like:

    “I’m going to tie you up and beat you with Bill Ritter’s prosthetic leg, cut off your braid and make you eat it, and make you have carnal relations with a canoe paddle until you get cancer. With your permission, of course.

    PS: TARZANA NIGHTS, BITCH! And you were flat at your concert in Wheeling.”

  207. Rocky Jones
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Hello hello hi! I know you’ve missed me so, I’m sure most of you are asking “Hey, what happened to Rocky Jones? He sure wasn’t around long, was he?” (the rest of you are asking “who?”) Anyway, I’ve been up to grad school stuff, having apparently forgotten that I can procrastinate from said stuff by reading and writing snarkage on newspaper comics.

    A3G Holy god, have comics in the newspapes EVER been so direct about sex? Yeah, get some rest, you’re going to need it. I have a feeling Margo’s not a gentle and giving lover.

    GT Oh, no — not one of those! I guess it’s a threatening note? I’d be more worried about the double-barrelled shotgun it’s packed with, though.

    Phantom The… ghost-who-reloads-his-gun-real-slow-like! Seriously, stripey, a little help?

  208. bats :[
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    134. For Her Gracious Excellency, the Squid Countess, the LOL9CL Trifecta (plus one):




    TAK3N A HOT 1


    I’M IN A TIT3 DR3Z



    (I have got to stop loitering at I Can Has Cheezburger?.)

  209. queek
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    old lolAnthony: my stashz haz a flavur
    new lolAnthony: ur lips haz a flavur

    queeks lolcat of Oscar the Death Predicting Cat:

    JP: gratuitious rack shot, squared.

    MC: Mr. Power, you win todays Rhymes with Pastis Award for Most Gratuitious Pun on the funny pages. (and for the record, wild turkeys can fly just fine.)

    the QG is an accountant, so both Mr Boffo and Dilbert were must shows.

    MG&G: I’m not sure if this is a FC or a FcB shout out.

  210. Calico
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT – Drummer says, “If it weren’t for Gail, I’d be selling insurance right now.”

    Dang, that’s what the dude wants! He’s pissed to the nth power that Gail is denying him a life of Western constants and rote behavior!

    And/or, he’s obsessed with her and deeply needs attention. Six of one, etc. etc…

  211. queek
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    oh, and I’ve figured out what the issue is with GT’s mysterious note writer.

    He’s so vain, he thinks Tarzana Nights is about him.

    *runs for cover*

  212. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 7th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Ohh, ohh, I want to play!





    [ And take that SueAnn - SPOI bows to no Canuck. And if ya think thems uppercase typographys are bad, wait 'till a certain big scaley guy drops by... ]

  213. I Pity The Foob
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Dr. McBleachwear oughta talk—who’s he been rolling around in the coal dust with?

  214. Paperback Rifler
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    To: SueAnn Suagean, Attorney at Law
    Re: Copyright Violation — Uppercase Typography

    Dear Sir or Madam:

    I read with interest your notification to posters on this blog (i.e., The Comics Curmudgeon by J. Noodlefoot Fruhlinger) to cease and desist the unauthorized use of uppercase typography (ref comment 177 above). First, let me make it clear that I do acknowledge and respect the rights of your client, Ms. Lynn Johnston, as the owner and originator of all typefaces, glyphs, and written symbols, that I regard her as a veritable mistress of letters and font of fonts, and that she is indeed a towering figure on the typographical plain upon which everyone who even thinks about using a “QWERTY” or “Dvorak Simplified” keyboard cowers fearfully in her cold, dark shadow and hopes to escape her vengeful and voracious gaze.

    However, I do respectfully request that you ask your client to show leniency and allow posters on this blog (i.e., The Comics Curmudgeon by J. Noodlefoot Fruhlinger) to use the uppercase characters in the manner to which they have become accustomed. For one thing, many of the posters to this blog are American citizens; and as Americans, they are guaranteed the use of uppercase letters as one of the unalienable rights as listed in the Declaration of Independence (July 4, 1776):

    Unalienable Rights
    1. Life
    2. Liberty
    3. The Use of Uppercase Letters

    Furthermore, the right to use uppercase letters has been put into law via the United States Constitution’s Second Amendment (December 15, 1791), which not only granted the right to bare arms (thereby allowing for the wearing of short-sleeved shirts, tank tops, and strapless dresses), but also stated that uppercase typography was “necessary to the security of a free State, not to mention setting apart e.e. cummings and k.d. lang as eccentrics about two hundred years from now or so.”

    Even if we set aside the constitutional aspect of the use of uppercase letters, I plead that your client consider the difficulty of posting with the subtlety and nuance common to spoken communication. The use of uppercase typography is a tool that we can use in that regard to make cyberspace dialogues richer and more rewarding experiences. Take, for example, the following, which I intend to post on the For Better or for Worse site’s “Coffee Talk” section later today:


    Now, would the impact of the above be lessened without the sparingly discreet use of uppercase letters? I, for one, think it would.

    Please ask your client to reconsider her prohibition of uppercase type. If you have any questions, you can contact the following typesetting scholar whom I have consulted:

    Master Soft Heart, PhD
    Professor of Spiritually Uplifting Fonts
    Our Lady of Peace, Love, and Understanding University
    Milford, Saturn

    P.S.: Was that really your picture that you posted yesterday? Wow! I am, however, obligated to stick with “Dear Sir or Madam” as my greeting, though. It was in the song, you see. — PR

  215. The Divine O’F
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Credit Where Credit is Due

    New Yorker caption: I like the airborne ones. Many of the others made me giggle. Maybe they choose them in a random drawing. This whole thing is making me very anxious. One of us HAS to win sooner or later, melkardammit!

    Yesterthread Old Bean: GREAT DTGT comment.

    97 Trilobite: It would be awesome if you could join us. The details are: 1 Pm on the 15th at Macayo on Oracle just north of Ina (east side of the intersection). Mountain Mama was coordinating, and she posted her email address in an earlier thread. Perhaps she will repost it soon so you can contact her directly. Or you can always leave a message for me on my blog, which is reached by clicking on my name here.

    101 Spider Brick: I like your theory that Gretchen is still traumatized by her grandfather having ripped his face off.

    Trudi’s tits (Which would be a great nom de blog, if no one has already chosen it): Are they bigger than Abby’s? Or smaller? Or more or less awesome? There seems to be a lot of disagreement on this very important issue.

    Squid Countess: The game looks like a lot of fun. Like gh, I have it sitting there on the whaddayacallit bar, just begging for a chance to become yet another timesink in my already-overextended day. Thanks a lot!

  216. SecretMargo
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The final panel reveals all we need to know about the hellish helix that is Margo and Eric’s relationship: after Eric briefly rallies long enough to point out that maybe fucking a dude into a coma and then rifling through his things seconds after his first snore seems less like the act of a loving partner and more like one of a hardscrabble slattern who thinks her life is one long scene out of a Jim Thompson novel, Margo turns and fixes him with the full force of her stare, silencing his weak little squeals of protest with a few words and gentle hand to his breast that nonetheless communicates the firmness of her resolve. Eric’s final expression says it all: he’s like a baby rabbit staring, fascinated, into the jaws of a smiling constrictor, caught in the conflicted cacophony of his fight/flight instincts and involuntarily sucked ever deeper into Margo’s death-drive beauty and the blissful oblivion signified by her threat/promise of compulsive, eternal return. The superficial officiousness of passports and citizenship are no match for the deeper logic of selfhood desiring its own dissolution: what good is a visa amid the vast, horizonless landscape of Margo’s darkly corrosive gaze?

    FC: Not “big,” Billy. The word you’re looking for is “repellently porcine.”

    FBoFW: Who…who is Liz talking to in the first two panels? Not Anthony, presumably, since he was there; not “us,” since we were there, too, and continue to relive this scarring little episode in punishing nightmares from which we emerge shaken, unable to decide if living one more day is a blessing or a curse, since day will lead inevitably to night once more.

    The answer may prove more horrifying than the question posed: is this a flash-forward to a fully Ellyphantine Liz paging through a scrapbook of pressed rose petals and flaccid, translucent condoms commemorating the “careful” commingling of pallid protoplasm that took place amid the stars and sod of her imploding youth? Is she carefully explaining to a bored and belligerent Françoise how her dynamic, ambitious biological mother came to be supplanted by the lump of molded paste currently occupying the maternal mantle like a overripe banana draped in saran? I hope to Margo I’m mistaken.

    GT: Which is why I’m gleefully throwing myself into the vertiginous vacuum of Gil Thorp‘s jaunty schizophrenia. “Drumsticks and stones!” Ha ha! Who needs mouths? Or a coherent plot? Not me! Now who wants a tall glass of chainsaw accident to wash it all down?

  217. That's The Spirit
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy: exactly.

    Rocky Jones: “(the rest of you are asking “who?”)”

    No, we’re saying “Hoo!”

  218. ohyes
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    The Onion, in its paper edition, in the entertainment guide insert, has a few pages about comics this week. And one thing it says is… and maybe everyone knows this, the facts are confirmed right there in WIkipedia under “licorice,” but…

    In Funky Winkerbean, that blonde girl Jessica is the daughter of a character who formerly had his own strip, one John Darling. And Mr. Darling’s strip ended when Batiuk had his central character MURDERED.

    The murder was later solved by Les. So, besides, “Here’s my son!” the dying Lisa can also think, “There’s that girl whose father was murdered, in that crime that Les solved.”

    Or, she can think, “Batiuk is a SERIAL KILLER. And he’s struck ME this time.”

  219. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #215 The Divine O’F –

    I just had a look at Squid Countess’s word game [I couldn't hold out till 3 PM]. One caveat: visually, it can make one a little queasy as people fire off suggestions.

  220. The Divine O’F
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    216 Secret Margo: your post is brilliant in so many ways I can’t count that high.

    New Yorker caption: I have just submitted “He says he’s semi-permeable, so I gave him the aisle seat.” With no hope at all.

  221. John C Fremont
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    UR N MY SU

    (I should take days off like this more often.)

    Elmo: I was talking about your ass. (That makes me number 8? 9?)

    Foob – Maybe it’s not a flashback. Maybe we’re kicking off a week of humorous outtakes. Oh, this is going to be painful. I mean, hysterical.

  222. Gojira
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]


    This is the FOOB that doesn’t end.
    It goes on and on, my friend.
    CCers started snarking it, fully seeing what it was.
    And they’ll continue snarkin’ it
    Forever, just because:
    This is the FOOB that doesn’t end…

    (Sorry, everybody. The tune came to mind and I had to get it out of my system)

  223. Stillalurker
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m fascinated by Sam in today’s Judge Parker and his ability to focus on facts, figures and number crunching when there is a woman in the same room apparently clad only in body paint. I know I couldn’t do it.

  224. ChristianPinko
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT – Taglines for the upcoming remake of The Thing with Two Heads:

    “They transplanted a white coach’s head on a rock’n’roll Carole King’s body!”

    “The doctor blew it–the most fantastic medical experiment of the age.”

    “And now with the fights, the Fuzz, the letters and the drummers who look like Ben Franklin…Man, they’re really in deeeeep trouble!”

    “They share the same body . . . and share each other’s earrings!”

    MW – Dr. Drew terrorizes the elder physician with ninja stances. Step off, oldster!

    Phantom – The whole identical-panels thing spreads from Funky Winkerbean. Developing . . .

    SM – Tomorrow: Using his background as an engineer, the Shocker disconnects the Parkers’ cable hookup! Can Spider-Man survive this threat? Probably not.

  225. The Divine O’F
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    DTGT: “Pretty harsh stuff.” This is the note: “Comet, Lava, and sulfuric acid.”

    In praise of MG & G: I know there’s a lot of hate here for this strip, but honestly it gives me more laughs on a semi-regular basis than most of the “funny” comics. Today’s is a very good example:

    GF: I’m getting even more worried now. Please, Rob, take Satchel to a vet!

  226. Dennis Jimenez
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    216 – I was thinking morbidly obese, but the little fucker just won’t seem to die.

  227. Rainbird
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: The creator’s thoughts ran as follows. “How can I make this 25 year old strip new and interesting. Ah, that neato thing those hip kids are doing. ‘texting’. I’ll run it into the ground the way that Rose is Rose ran someting almost exactly the same into the ground with thier kid until people rose up in protest, and it vanished for a moment to be picked-up by another character. Yes, that will keep me going for another 25 years of poop jokes.”

  228. Rainbird
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    FOOB Does Lynn think it is September already? And what happened to rerunning the funny strips.


  229. I Pity The Foob
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    #225 The Divine O’F: great Carnac line!

  230. The Divine O’F
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    229 I Pity the Foob: My favorite of those is: “Mt. Olympus, Mt. Everest, and Mt. Sinai.”

  231. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    #186 dumbass –

    D’oh! Not Tess — Gretchen!

  232. Gojira
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, FW, too:

    This is the death that doesn’t end.
    It goes on and on, my friend.
    Lisa’s cancer started coming back, unseen X-Rays showed it was.
    And she’ll keep on Funky dyin’
    Forever, just because:
    This is the death that doesn’t end…

  233. I Pity The Foob
    August 7th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    #229: I give up!

  234. The Divine O’F
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    233 I Pity the Foob: Name two mountains and a hospital.

  235. snacktime
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    benicillin #108: I spat cucumber chunks all over my keyboard. Will you be my wife?

  236. I Pity The Foob
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    I miss Johnny.

  237. Beauregard Bugleboy
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    There can be only one explanation for today’s FOOB: It’s a plot by the Canadian terrorist group eh-Qanuq, masterminded by Lynn bynn Johnston, to nauseate us into submission. We should have spotted it when they sent us Celine Dion. Must … resist … desire for single-payer healthcare and gay marriage….

  238. Edgy DC
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Slick Dr. Corey appears to be wearing his riding coat to the hospital.

  239. Trotzenbonnie
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Just how many Curmudgeons are playing Squid Countess’ word game? Boxcar and saturn keep showing up so I’m guessing more than a few….

  240. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Well, what do you know – the NYer deigned to accept my caption this week. I went with

    “He swears he’s not contagious, but I’m still asking for another seat.”

    These are up for grabs, for any masochists among you.

    “That’s why there’s a three-drink limit.”
    “Bastard told me to stay away from his armrest. He doesn’t even have arms.”

  241. The Divine O’F
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    236 I Pity the Foob: I miss Steve Allen, who originated that shtick. He called it “The Answer Man.”

  242. White Pants = White Power?
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    “Fuck you, Drew, there’s still a month left until Labor Day.”

  243. Ginger Yellow
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    There are some panels missing from Marvin. Allow me to replace them.

    PANEL 4

    Jeff: Wait a minute. How do you know that’s in text speak? It sounds perfectly normal.

    Marvin’s mum: Well, um, he wrote it out.

    PANEL 5

    Jeff: What! You mean our little baby can write already? That’s amazing!

    Marvin’s mum: Oh, Jeff, I’m sorry. It’s all a lie. Mrs Everbottom ran Marvin over in her SUV. I couldn’t face telling you so I replaced him with an animatronic doll.

  244. I Pity The Foob
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    He was brilliant. He’s the grandfather/godfather of the current late night format. Letterman has often credited him as being his inspiration and (indirect) mentor.

  245. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Forgive if it’s been said, but:

    I don’t read The Phantom. I can’t evey make out what’s going on, so I just gloss over it. I even gloss over Josh’s snarking about it. But when Skullturf issues a Chompsky reference, I have to go back and investigate.

    So I read it. And maybe I’m getting old, or maybe it’s a question of the afroementioned lack of color, but I thought that the “bad guys” were being forced to shellack to what appeared to be the deck of a really large canoe. I know that canoes don’t really have “decks”, but I figured that this was some big, tropical canoe manned by little brown people that I don’t know anything about.

    I thought that the oars were big mop-like brushes for shellack-applying.

    And I was thinking, “That Phantom has a really weird concept of justice. Mark Trail, now, there’s a guy who knows how to handle a crew of ruffians.”

  246. Eh, Readers? [i cn b Kip W?]
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Gabe @167 – Here, from the pen of the immortal John Stanley (long-time scripter of Little Lulu and other great comics), is the ultimate kid-breaking-window story. It’s just one page, illustrating the close kinship between effective comedy and… well, see for yourself.

  247. SueAnn Suagean, Attorney at Law
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    To: Paperback Rifler
    Re: Your post #214

    You, sir, have the boorish manners of a Yalie.


  248. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Yay, Skullturf!

  249. Eh, Readers? [i cn b Kip W?]
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy @197 – Meanwhile, over in Dr. Seuss-land, Horton hears a “Hoo!”

    The Divine O’F @241 – Actually, Steve called that character “The Question Man.” (And now, of course, the whole concept is in jeopardy.)

  250. VALIS
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    G.T. Are you guys sure that it’s Gail’s head that’s been attached to Kaz? Maybe it’s Ben Franklin wearing Gail’s wig and glasses. You know, to bait the stalker into beating the living crap out of him a trap?

  251. Steve
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    # 215-Trudi’s tits (Ta tas) are definitely smaller than Abbey’s, but awesome nonetheless. To quote the old Seinfeld episode: “They are spectacular”.

  252. Paperback Rifler
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    To: SueAnn Suagean, Attorney at Law
    Re: Your post #247

    I apologize if I have offended. I would be willing to sing “Fair Harvard” for you as restitution.

    Paperback Rifler

  253. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    #239 Trotzenbonnie –

    I see Trilobite, skullturf, Tweeks[_Coffee?], gh. Trilobite kicks ass.

  254. Chloe The Cat
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    One of my favorite Carnac quotes:

    A: Ben Gay

    Q: Why didn’t Mrs Franklin have any children.

  255. Andrea D and The Grandstanding Oddballs
    August 7th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Ah, except wasn’t Ben Franklin a total slut, with, like, many many bastard offspring? Or was that just something they told us in history class to get us to pay attention.

    Hey, so anyone else have a cell phone here? I’m just wondering, because when I text people on my phone, I just use words. If I’m feeling lazy, I mgiht type ‘ur”, but that’s pretty rare.

    However, something like ‘h8′ would be pretty inefficient. Like most phones, my cell has its own internal ‘dictionary’ so that I can save keystrokes by hitting each key only once, and having the phone’s software decipher what I’m saying. If I wanted to type something like ‘h8′, I’d have to switch to the “number input’ mode, which is less efficient than simply typing out ‘hate’.

  256. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #239 Trotzenbonnie –

    And a certain “fizzy” just snuck in for a win.

  257. Red Greenback
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Oh Lordy! I loved the Steve Allen show when I was a tadpole! “The Answer Man” and Louis Nye and “Man on the Street” and Gypsy Boots and the crazy foriegn guy who called Steve “Mister Steve-Al” …./So much more, but I’m crackin the fuck up at these golden memories!!!! HAWHAHAW!!!

  258. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #253: Yeah, Trilobite was sure putting us in our place.

  259. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    I love that word game thing. I’m a Scrabble addict, so it’s just my thing.

  260. gh
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    #258 Tweeks_Coffee –

    I was watching you guys pump them out, trying to hop in like an amateur jump-roper, when suddenly — it was short time lurker, first time poster fizzy for the win. Cracked me right up.

  261. Poteet
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    # 177 — SueAnn, I repeat my earlier invitation — join us. Join us on CC. Admit it to yourself — you secretly long to show the world that if you tried, you could ride the float again and again and again.

  262. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Andrea D @ 255: My phone has a full keypad. I usually end up typing out e-mails and such in full. In fact, I can even read this blog on my phone.

  263. bats :[
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    220. O’F…that NYCC is so oblique, I think it has a real shot!

  264. bats :[
    August 7th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    232. Gojira: well, Shari Lewis is well and truly spinning in her grave. And Lamb-Chop goes well with a little mint jelly.

    With all of the equine interest of late in the comics, I keep thinking that there needs to be a mash-up with Dawn (“I love horseback riding!!!”), April (the someday Dr. Patterson, Canadian lady-vet), and the unnamed (I think) lady-vet from 9CL who Dr. Burber is bankrolling and has the vet aide Sven. It could be called Charley-Horse’s Angels…

  265. IdleDandy
    August 7th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    I do this weird thing with my cell phone. I dial it and then… talk to people. I know, I sound like I’m 150 years old and complaining about “these kids,” but honestly, I don’t understand texting at all.

    Count me in among the dumbstruck when I saw FOOB today. If she’s going to use flashbacks, I propose capping it the day before we learned Thérèse was a ridiculously contrived shrew who didn’t even want her baby. That was the day the slow and inevitable death march began.

    I never read Funky Cancerbean before about a month ago, and I started just to keep up with the snark. I’m officially corrupted. Today’s strip made me BUST OUT LAUGHING. Seriously. My first thought was, “Child, you probably already have cancer. You’re probably made of cancer.”

  266. IdleDandy
    August 7th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and for the New Yorker:

    “It’s been getting worse and worse since she started reading Funky Winkerbean.”

  267. Krauthead
    August 7th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Cripes, back to this nauseating Lizthony wedding shit again.

    Fuck off and die, Lynn. I’d rip your lips off and staple them to your dried-out old twat, but I have already gouged my eyes out after the first run of your Lizzardbreathassthony wedding-shit story-line.

    Eat shit.

  268. Eh, Readers? [Kip W "R" Us]
    August 7th, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ @264 – Years ago, National Lampoon did a “Mad As Hell” issue, where celebrities were solicited to write about what made them mad as hell. Lamb Chop’s essay consisted of the words, “Mint Jelly.”

  269. gnome de blog
    August 7th, 2007 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    #214 – Paperback Rifler

    I’m sorry to bring this up, since it may cause your carefully-constructed edifice of legal reasoning to come tumbling down like a house of cards. Further, I am surprised – nay, astonished – that a legal scholar of Mr/Ms Sueagain’s stature would have missed it.

    But there it is:

    k d lang is Canadian.

  270. Paperback Rifler
    August 8th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    269. No problems, gnome de blog. It’s not so much the nationality that is in question; it’s the distinction of uppercase vs. lowercase letters. Whatever her nationality, the fact that Ms. lang uses no uppercase letters in her name immediately sends a signal that she is an eccentric, a signal that law-abiding Americans would not have received had they been denied their God-given right to use the uppercase. (Of course, it might also be a signal that the “shift” key on Ms. lang’s keyboard doesn’t work, but most folks are disinclined to give any credence to that particular hypothesis.)

    And just to make sure that this post is not entirely free of comics page content: Hey, does anybody else think that that Aldo fella looked a lot like k.d. lang? Man, that was uncanny! I wonder why Mary spurned him? She could have done a lot worse, you know.

  271. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    August 8th, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Me post-um dead thred!

    Uh, anyway: one of MY pet peeves (note the subtle FOOB-baiting) is when one spouse calls their child “your child” to the other spouse (rather than “our child” – or, uh, the kid’s name). This might make sense if, say, the hypothetical Mr. Nicole Ritchie is speaking to Nicole – cuz, you know, whodafock knows whose child that might be – but in most cases it’s just obnoxious.

    It is, however, a huge step up from poopy-diaper jokes.

  272. huntingbyrd
    August 8th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    But Marvin doesn’t even hang out with big kids who text! Why is he is he speaking in text messaging? Those are bad parents for letting him hang out with the E.B.K.W.T! BAD PARENTS BAD!

  273. Edgy DC
    August 8th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Artist formerly known as Ben says:

    August 7th, 2007 at 9:11 am
    I was thinking the same thing.

    In fact, 120% of people surveyed were thinking the same thing. Since I read that Blondie, I’ve been mentally pasting “yo’ ass” over the last few words of every strip, and the comics page is that much better.

    It sure worked in The Lockhorns today.

  274. Skulking on the Outskirts
    August 9th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    Yeah, I know, dead thread post here: I have actually seen wild turkeys fly. They didn’t get much altitude, or go far, but they got airborne for about fifty feet or so. I wonder if domestic turkeys are naturally flightless due to being bred for that trait, or do they get their wings clipped to keep them from making a break for it around the fourth Thursday of November? Inquiring minds….clearly have too much free time.

  275. J
    August 9th, 2007 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    “But that quick pimp slap to the throat? That’s all Drew, baby.”

    No no, it’s the force.

  276. Erik
    September 27th, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I will admit it, Marvin actually made me lih. (laugh in head). I like how he’s just staring at his two parents in expectation of a huge marital fight, and when one doesn’t happen, he just makes a fight of his own.

  277. Totz the Plaid
    August 22nd, 2010 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Okay, so it’s more than three years late, but Josh, surely you should know that “ur” is actually a word on its own, despite often being a lazy stand in for “your”/”you’re”. It means “the earliest known example”, or if capitalized as “Ur” (as it appears to be in that Marvin panel) it is an ancient Sumerian city.

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