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Friday quickies

Gil Thorp, 12/2/11

Hey, everybody, Gil cured Asperger’s! He cured it with football. Let ’em try to fire him now!

Pluggers, 12/2/11

Pluggers are completely disgusting, seriously, you need two layers underneath them at all times, to protect against various kinds of filth.

268 responses to “Friday quickies”

  1. Chareth Cutestory
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    GT: That joke in panel one was a pretty cheap shot, I agree with you Mr Narrator.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Pluggers… are depressingly incontinent!

  3. Mibbitmaker
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Even going on the scavenger hunt for the strips that should be updated on Darkgate (and gocomics, for that matter), only wields a couple or so comments today…

    A3G: Finally! Women in the strip this week at last! Women… and timely contrivance.

    RMMD: “Hey, Curly, you’re talking to my thigh again!”

    Zits: Chill, crazy lady!

  4. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy — FYI the “Mushroom Lady” is an actual person:

    http://www.gainesville.com/article/20110721/ARTICLES/110729890

  5. Rusty
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    GT: Wouldn’t the 15 yard penalty result in an automatic first down? Was there no time left off the clock so they had to kick the field goal? I don’t care enough to hunt down the strip from Thursday.

  6. ArchieNemesis
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Tune in tomorrow when Gil Thorp discovers that groin injuries cure the common cold.

  7. Chip
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Pluggers. They shed!

  8. Effluvius Erratus
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Jam-e-son, Jam-e-son,
    Prefers someone he can blame it on,
    Can he blame Spidey?
    Not this time,
    So he’ll just take credit,
    For stopping this crime,
    Look out! Here comes the Jame-e-son.

  9. geekwhisperer
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Oh dear God! I have this lurking fear that we’re not even going to solve the missing girl crime, but we’re just going to wallow in random misery from here on out, with poor Emily’s face hovering over us, reminding of the horror that could be as we ponder our own struggles. Mary’ll just knock on doors at Charterstone and say things like, “Bill, your wife has left you and you have pancreatic cancer, but at least you are not a kidnapped ten year old, most likely interred in a shallow grave among a trash-strewn patch of scraggly trees near the interstate. Casserole?”

    I feared the Mary Worth/Nancy Grace crossover but even more I fear the Mary Worth/Funky Winkerbean crossover.

    I pray thee spirit of Mary Worth Yet To Come, speak! Before I draw nearer to that poster to which you point answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only? And does this casserole have dairy? I’m lactose intolerant.

  10. Mary Worthless
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Could be worse.

    You could have been kidnapped.

  11. Dennis Jimenez
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    GT – Gil knows what he’s talkin’ ’bout – he learn’t it in one of the many goupe, er, group shower sessions….

    Pluggers – Well, it’s understandable, what with the Gravy Train, Kibbles ‘N Bits, chicken shit, etc….
    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  12. Pozzo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    “Milford wins it”…there’s a sentence you may never see again.

  13. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: Here’s a fun slide rule trick to amaze your friends! Using your K&E 4083 Slide Rule* lets figure out the anti-log of 3.7359181165. First lets round that number to 3.736. Then, slide the cursor over 736 on the “L” scale (this is the mantissa of the logarithm). Read directly down on the cursor to the “D” scale. What do you see? 5444? Right! Good work. Now because the characteristic of the logarithm is 3, we know the answer to our puzzle is in fact 5,444, and not, say, 54.44 or 0.5444. And guess what? That number, 5,444 is the exact number of days since Barney Google last appeared in the comic strip that bears his name.

    *You can use this handy trick on ANY model slide rule with an L scale – almost all slide rules have this feature. Ask your parents or math teacher for help finding it.

  14. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Alternately, Plugger furniture is so filthy that the rancid upholstery is a Level 4 health hazard, and that’s a HazMat tarp.

  15. Roy, the man with no sense of humor
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: my grandmother used to do that, she was definitely a plugger, except she was a homo sapien

    A3G: I love Lu Ann dream sequences. She always seems so close to that liminal state where reality and ghosts collide, and unlike Gabriella’s these are of no utility to anyone

  16. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#5):

    GT – I’ll interpolate – the 15 yard penalty led to a first down. It allowed Milford to kneel down for two plays and run the clock down to under :05, thus making the kick a potential walk-off game winner, and making the D-Lineman who committed the penalty a clock-management idiot of Rex Ryan proportions. And those are generous proportions….

  17. Scott Bot
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    A3G – Muttering in her sleep? Yeah, right…

    MW – ‘Oh, shut up, lady, I’m not concerned with your petty nonsense. There’s a missing child out there somewhere!’

    RMMD – Is it wrong that I’m thinking the most important information I’ve taken from today’s strip is that Tanya doesn’t wear thong panties?

  18. True Fable
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Zits – “Because I really hate and despise all teenagers, especially my own untrustworthy spawn! And I love to generalize the shit out of things!”

  19. AhClem
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#13):
    Yay, math geek! Although I used to be a Pickett man myself.

  20. R in CT
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: The filth of their interspecies love is so fowl, even the furniture needs to be protected.

  21. Esther Blodgett
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#16): Alternatively, they took the 15 yard gift, utterly failed to advance the ball even a single yard on three running plays, then kicked the field goal. And I’ve exhausted my knowledge of football! Thanks, week, veal!

  22. Hi There
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    FW:

    Goddamit, thought Les as Lefty crept closer to him. I roofied the wrong girl!

  23. doggans
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I *can’t* be the only one who read “Oh, man, with the asperger’s” in a bad Jerry Lewis impression.

  24. Squeak
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Reading Gil Thorp is like having Asperger’s. I feel much smarter than everyone I see, but I don’t understand the emotions they’re expressing.

  25. LoFoMoFo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    MW: She’s right. Some do have it worse. Like those of us who feel compelled to follow this comic.

  26. Esther Blodgett
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary’s going to be a lot of fun at Christmas parties this year. “Thanks for the lovely gift, Mary.” “It’s nothing…especially if you’re a dead kidnapped little blonde girl.” “I think I hear my husband calling me…”

    MT: Someone here must know which Tarzan movie Kelly is referring to. I’m not going to Google “Tarzan” and “dark cave” while I’m at work, uh-uh, no way, not that again.

    Pluggers: I call shenanigans. Pluggers don’t buy new chairs. They put a sheet over the slipcover they made to protect the 15-year-old chair they bought at the church yard sale.

    Archie: Everybody dies at the end of a movie called True Love? Are Jughead and Archie visiting the Westview Cineplex?

  27. Walker of Dog
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#9): Funny + spooky!

    Plug: This wouldn’t be necessary if someone would take his tapeworm medicine.

    GT: Marty Moon: “The Mudlarks win a game! The Mudlarks win a game! The Mudlarks win a game!” The Shot Heard Within A Ten-Mile Radius By No One.

    MW: Mary: “So Amy, how did you injure your arm?”
    Amy: “I sprained it while wrestling some human Barbie doll into my windowless white van. Why do you ask?”

    Phan: I’m not sure Ernesto will do well in a saltwater aquarium.

  28. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    A3G – You know, I hate to vindicate Paranoia Dad, but…having been married before is one thing, but if you still have sex fantasies about your late husband in your sleep, I could see where that might be something to bring up before the wedding night. (I won’t ask why Margo was there.)

    Archie – Oh, they went to see Lisa’s Story?

    DT – “Also, check out this funny cat picture I found. Ha ha!”

    FW – I believe this says it all, really.

    GT – It was obvious from the outset that Gil Thorp attempting to do an “awareness” storyline would wind up with something baffling and vaguely insensitive, but I never would have guessed that the exact form would be Gil doing a Borscht Belt bit. “Oh God, with the Asperger’s! These schlemiels, it’s like they don’t even like to be touched!

    HOTC – Oh my God yes. (“Mr. Kringle, you’re in the desert. You look down and see a turtle…”)

    JP – “Heheh, yeah, I totally put a guy under surveillance because he creeps me out. I can do that! Hey, check it out, I’ve got an erection from thinking about how awesomely powerful I am. Want to go upstairs and try it out?”

    Luann – “Good idea, sir. We wouldn’t want anything challenging the Might Status Quo!”

    MT – Haha hahahaha hahaha ahahaha even Kelly knows how amusingly obvious this is. …say, is that the “GET IN THAT OPENING!cave? In all its yonic glory?

    MW – Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Not this. Not three friggin’ weeks of Mary walking around thought-ballooning about a missing-child poster. Please.

    SF – Ted, you are a genius.

    WoI – I’m afraid the ultimate version of this joke will always be the one with Bugs Bunny in Rhapsody Rabbit. Still, points for the attempt.

  29. seismic-2
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MT: If no one has been in the mine in a long time, then how come the bear goes there when you put a basket on his back? And how can you tell that no one has been there in a long time? Because it’s all dusty inside? It’s a mine, you nitwit! A pitch-dark mine, hidden by a waterfall, where you’re trying to take a photo. Isn’t that bear starting to get a bit hungry by now, I hope?

  30. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    So the treatment for Aspergers is getting your ass pounded?

  31. S. Stout
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Luann: The real moron in all this is the Captain. He has two people that, when together, makeout or just loaf about in general, and yet he keeps them employed for god knows what reason. It’s not like they have any special skill sets; Brad is relegated to station janitor and Toni cares so little about her career that she’ll quit if her current boyfriend isn’t working near her.

  32. TheDiva
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    GT: I’m more curious about the thought process that led to this point. “Hey, here’s a kid who has a condition that makes him averse to physical contact. Let’s put him in a sport where the goal is to hit the opposing team member as hard as possible and drag him to the ground! And if that doesn’t work, we’ll try wrestling!”

    Pluggers have crippling OCD.

    9CL: Is…is Edda begging Seth to tie her up and do her up the backdoor? Because that’s what it looks like.

    C’shaft: It’s been a long time coming, but Cranky’s finally going to be put away for vehicular homicide.

    FW: Let me guess: Les and Summer take the trip, and Summer enjoys it while Les sweats and whines because he’s Not Athletic as befits a Delicate Genius such as himself. A processed, hilarity-like substitute will ensue. Meanwhile, Cayla sits quietly at home, because the last thing she wants is private time with her fiance. (No, really. Even Cayla’s not so desperate as to desire more one-on-one time with Les.)

    Luann: “Ha-ha, look at you two lovebirds, flagrantly violating department policy right outside my office door! You crazy kids!”

    MT: Even Kelly Welly can no longer feign interest in this plot.

    MW: Obviously Amy can’t complain, as she’s holding the dish with her “injured” arm and is therefore faking the whole thing in order to con Mary out of one of her famous salmon square casseroles.

  33. Little Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#5): Milford was probably playing for the field goal and ran down the clock, positioning the ball between the hashes for Asperger Kid to kick it.

    Tom Brady would have fired it into the end zone.

    Oh, Ndamukong Suh and Jimmy Piersall unavailable for comment.

  34. Little Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    GT: *knockknockknock* “Coach Thorp?” *knockknockknock* “Coach Thorp?” *knockknockknock* “Coach Thorp?”

  35. Snowshoecat
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    MW- I think we are underestimate the power of Mary (remember her beatification at Thanksgiving). She has the ability to heal. Just look at the way her neighbor allows her sling to dangle as she reaches for the casserole (hot dish up here in the Northland) that Mary thrusts at her.

    A miracle. Praise be to Mary.

  36. Rusty
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#33): My general experience with high school placekickers is: Let them kick a field goal if there is no other option. I don’t think Milford is in Texas or Florida, where high school football is serious business. It’s based on my state, CT, where even Asberger’s-free athletes sometimes struggle with technique.

  37. word-doctor
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Does Victoria’s Secret make you feel flabby and unattractive, or does its airbrushed perfection repulse you and send you to seek sweating members of your own sex (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

    Stripey:
    Stranded in the desert,
    Tryin’ to catch a ride,
    With a wounded police chief,
    Whose plane wouldn’t fly.

    Stranded in the desert,
    I’m not afraid at all,
    Cause I seldom ever,
    Go home anyhow.
    But how was I to know,
    That our truckdrivin’ hayseed,
    Was the son of Jerry Reed,
    with a hundred bales of weed.

    To be continued (meetings call)

  38. wossname
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MW – Addition to the long list of “Things That Giella Doesn’t Understand How They Work”: slings.

    RMMD – You’re right, Spider, going to the ER and telling them “I OD’d my girlfriend” would be crazy! Much better to wait and tell the cops “I killed my girlfriend.”

    S-M – What is that crap on the sides of JJJ’s head? Lichen?

    JP – So CIA operative April goes to Center and Third and blows up all the apartments she sees. The end. Nah, it’s probably time to get back to Sophie and Derek and the Bender blaster.

  39. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Frazz: the CdS clown-in-the-box makes a guest appearance, although Dean has another theory in HotC.

    9CL: panel 4 involves buttsex, doesn’t it?

    IP: there’s a trope for that.

    Luann: le barf.

    SBp: aspires to be MT some day, but at least they got the geese colored correctly.

    Bizarro: *hic* (I lol’d)

    RMMD: panel 3 needs a shift to the left. . . . (yowza!)

    RwO: heh. cute.

    F-: squee?

  40. Jerry Sandusky
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Dennis the Two and a Half Menace (#30): So the treatment for Aspergers is getting your ass pounded?

    Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.

  41. Lawyerbob
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    GT: Not only did the roughing-the-passer penalty apparently “cure” Brody’s Asperger’s, it transformed him into a Lou Groza-style toe-kicker, c. 1962.

  42. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#32): Is…is Edda begging Seth to tie her up and do her up the backdoor? Because that’s what it looks like.
    No, no, you don’t get it! It’s a statement! About…uh, something! You wouldn’t understand, you’re a beefwit.

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Dennis the Two and a Half Menace (#30): so THAT is what Edda is trying!

  44. Liam
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    MW-Right an accident. That’s what you tell people what happened to you lest you have any more “accidents”.

    JP-As soon as it’s late me and some friends are going to go over there and burn the place to the ground. That’ll teach those people to come over here.

    A3G-Oh look it is the memory of LuAnn’s dead husband that is going to prevent the marriage with Paul instead of Paul being revealed as a controlling person.

  45. Marc
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    A3G- Margo was so close to being able to smother LuAnn in her sleep and finally never have to hear anymore of her simultaneous sex and death fantasies about her late husband anymore. But that dunce woke up and now she has to feign sympathy…yet again.

    Funky- Les was thrilled to be able to mope about winning this trip. How dare his shapeshifting-beatnik fiance and his manly looking daughter try to ruin his dispair with their excitement.

    Luann- Because making out in full view of everyone else at work is both hilarious and productive. Those two wild and crazy kids, they can’t keep their minimal libidos in check. Get a room you two….not that they’d know what to do once they were in it. Well bwad wouldn’t anyways.

    Mary Worth is becoming more and more like Funky Winkerbean by the day. Everyone is going missing, getting injured or robbed. A cancer storyline can’t be far off can it?

  46. Spud Ode 3
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    FW: “No, Summer. This is only for me and Lisa’s replacement”

    MT: Who bets that camera isn’t gonna work?

  47. Mibbitmaker
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#9): Actually, there could be a hidden benefit to a MW/FW crossover (besides being able to share a W) — Every time someone in Westview whines on and on about their piled-on maladies, Mary would undercut their theatrics with the missing girl.

    Les: “You guys don’t understand! My wife died of cancer! She haunts my dreams and life forever! Lisa is the center of my world, and her spirit will always be with me, even during sex with my girlfriend! Lisa! Liiiiisaaaaa!!! (melodramatic sigh)”

    MW: “Oh, can it, drama queen! There’s a poor, blonde missing girl out there somewhere, and you’re obsessing so much on your endless martyrdom?! Really!”

    Cayla: “Hey, Mary, you’re right! Why am I hitching my life and self-respect onto that loser? I’m outta here! Thanks, Mary!”

    MW: “You’re missing the point, honey: Missing little girl. Not you. Missing little girl!”

    Cayla: “Oh, shut up!” (leaves)

  48. Ride dem haunches
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Sandusky (#40): The beatings will continue until your mental condition improves.

  49. Ed Dravecky
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Dennis the Two and a Half Menace (#30): There’s an obvious Penn State joke here that I am choosing to omit.

  50. Jessy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Your doctor may be a Plugger if he braces your injured arm in a torn bedsheet and ties it in a little knot at the top.

  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Has the Darkgate Comics Slurper been blocked from everything all of a sudden? I’m only up to C, and I’ve had to use links to look at a dozen strips so far. (Looks like about fifty by the time I got to the end. Some links I already had, from previous occurrences of the same problem.)

    Slylock – The drawings seem to have gotten switched. Obviously, Ray’s guest drawing was meant to be looking over at the How-To drawing. The expression clearly says, “Look at that ass!”

    3G
    Imagine there’s no Gary
    That’s not so hard to do
    He was forced down near Degtyarsk
    In 1962
    Imagine bland Paul Linskis
    Every single day…
    No, no, no!

    You might say I’m a dreamer
    But it beats being wide awake
    It’s why I wake up as a screamer
    This wedding will be a mistake.

    9 – There’s guffaws galore as the pressure of keeping a secret causes Edda to confuse Seth with Amos and a beat-up couch with a nine-foot Bösendorffer!

  52. Johnny Knuckles
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    MW: Amy reached and held the salmon casserole with both hands. Mary smiled. This proved Amy’s “accident” was a pathetic hoax to generate sympathy. Mary could take away the casserole. But she had something more fitting in mind. In exchange for Mary’s silence, Amy would have to eat the entire casserole in one sitting.

    Hours later, Amy forced the last forkful into her mouth. All Amy could taste was the bland salmon mixed with the salt of her own tears. As Mary waited patiently for Amy to wash the casserole dish, her mind turned to 10-year old runaways and how lucky and yes, grateful, they’d feel eating salmon casserole.

    Mary had work to do.

    “Is my dish clean, Amy? I have work to do.”

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft – The old “cement mailbox” trick is just what Crankshaft has coming for driving around backwards all day.

    DrabbleWell, you ain’t exactly “Mr. Beano” yourself, Drabble. [*]

    Mary – Note to Amy: Saying “I REFUSE TO COMPLAIN!” is complaining.

    Aw, damnz! If I’d looked at the guide 20 minutes ago, I’d be taping the silent SHERLOCK HOLMES (1922) off of Turner now, with Barrymore as the Great Detective.

  54. Ed Dravecky
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    All these clever Gil Thorp scenarios ignore the obvious: it’s Friday so the heartwarming storyline has to end now and to hell with continuity or logic.

  55. seismic-2
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Lu Ann, who is about to enter into a marriage with a domineering husband who will control all aspects of her life, is saved from that joyless fate by dreams of her late husband, reminding her what true marital happiness should be like. Oh Luann, you specialist snowflake, you!

  56. Little Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: I think J^3 is stretching his paper’s credibility when, in the weather section, he blames the impeding cold front on Spiderman.

  57. Crankenstank
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    I would be remiss if I failed to point out that today’s Overboard (panel 2) features the kind of unnatural marriage relationship Senator Santorum warned us was an inevitable consequence of tolerance of marriage equality. You were so right, Senator. And now it’s on the funny pages.

  58. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Crank: Looks like Crank just got something shoved up his Keesterman!

    FW: I’ve actually climbed Mt. Kilimajaro. It was probably the most physically demanding thing I have ever done.

    Luann: Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate…….

    MT: That’s a nice “drugged-up” expression she has on her face.

    Marvin: Oh PLEEEEEZ. Like a million hits on a YouTube video makes the nightly news. Now, 100 million hits? That just might.

    MW: “I boiled a rabbit. Here.”

    RMMD: “And tell them what? I O.D.’d my girlfriend?…..by the way, your cooch smells pretty nice!”

    SFx: A donkey? More like a SICK donkey.

    SixChix: I’ll tell you what he’s thinking. It’s either: 1) I’d like a beer and I’d like to see somthin’ naked, or 2) Absolutely nothing! ……….that’s it. Really. It’s that simple.

    Love is…: How the HELL did she walk away from that unscathed???

  59. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @word-doctor (#37):

    I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name
    It felt good to be out of the rain
    In the desert you can remember your name
    ‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain

  60. catondan
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    3G-Lu Anne and Margo sleep in the same bedroom, in the same bed? A fellow can hope, can’t he?

    Funky-What do you suppose an all expense paid trip from Funkyville to Africa for two might cost? Probably enough to fund the athletic department for a while? What a nice donation from a travel agent. Those folks are raking in the long green since the Internet was invented.

  61. pugfuggly
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary briefly considers ‘disappearing’ her neighbour Amy. People seem to get away with it all the time…

    A3G Now that was a mistake, Lu Ann. Margo has made it quite clear that hers is the only name that you can scream in the night.

  62. Jerry Sandusky's Attorney
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Sandusky (#40): As I would have said on Oprah, if it was still on, my client is not opposed to a plea bargain.

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#58):

    I’ve actually climbed Mt. Kilimajaro.

    And…? Frostbite? Tainted GORP? Mental anguish?
    Do you currently have legal representation?
    You deserve respect! And compensation! Net of legal fees!

  63. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#55): This is the second time I’ve seen someone spell it “specialist snowflake” here. I always imagine the Technical Fairy from Private SNAFU appearing and snapping off a salute: “Specialist Snowflake, Thoid Class!”

    (Not making fun of you, just had to share.)

  64. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Pickles: Opal’s contention is not apodictic. My older dictionaries call for archipelago to be pronounce with a “k” sound for the “ch”, as in “architecture”. Some of the newer ones allow both pronunciations. There are good etymological arguments for either position. The “archi-” prefix ultimately derives from the Greek, which would call for a “k” sound, however the word apparently entered the English language from the Italian arcipelago which uses the “ch” sound as in “arch”. And from a descriptivist standpoint, educated speakers use both forms.

    You’re welcome.

    Toles: A political and economics cartoon, to be sure, but how often do you see Zeno’s first paradox so well illustrated?

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    yeah, dogs are like that.

    Sandy has been recast.

    for the folks in Denver. [*]

    handsome cardi is handsome.

  66. cheech wizard
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    GT – Asperger’s is just an excuse. Gil knew that Brody’s real problem was that he just had to man up. And football’s the cure for that.

    Coming up next: Gil faces down the threat of dainty, non-contact Euro-soccer, which is infiltrating Milford schools and undermining manliness at all levels. Not only that, it doesn’t even have cheerleaders! Gil weeps for America.

  67. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#63): I love Private Snafu. Wasn’t he supposed to have a brother in the navy, Seaman Fubar?

  68. Cloudbuster
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MW: OMG! The thought bubble smacking us in the face with sanctimony again! It hurts! Stop torturing us! Just get to the part where you meddle the little girl to safety, damnit! (Aside: Her arm is in a sling, but she can still lift the casserole dish with two hands? How bad off could she be?).

    A3G: Oh, please.

  69. Glinda154
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    FW: Place your bets now, friends. Who will not return from the “Mystery Trip”? At least they will not have died of cancer.

  70. Austria
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Arch: They went to see “True Love.”
    …..
    Come on, this isn’t even a challenge. You can do better, guys.

    GT: “The Asperger’s”
    I propose we add “the” to the beginning of everything in the DSM-IV from now on. “The schizophrenia,” “the bipolar,” “the obsessive-compulsive disorder,” “the manic depression.” I’m telling you, we’re on the verge of a breakthrough here.

    H&L: And once again Lois attempts to sap every bit of joy from the lives of her children and is exasperated upon learning her attempts have been thwarted. Oh, those crazy kids, determined to enjoy themselves!!

    MT: Wait a– Kelly Knight is drugged on roofies…Kelly Welly is looking particularly drugged in today’s Mark Trail…
    KELLY KNIGHT IS THE REINCARNATION OF KELLY WELLY. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

    MW: Heaven help me, I thought that was Aldo at first. Oh, the disappointment I felt when I saw it wasn’t.

  71. NoahSnark
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Apparently you aren’t a Plugger unless you suffer from anal leakage.

  72. TheDiva
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#42): Yes, I’m well aware that any sexual connotations that could be derived from Edda bending over a couch with her wrists crossed behind her head and her rear end (which has been discussed ceaselessly for several weeks now) presented in a manner not unlike a baboon in heat are clearly the result of my own twisted, perverted mind and have nothing to do with the Grand Artistic Vision of Brooke McEldowney, whatever the Hell that is.

  73. seismic-2
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#63): Luann specializes in being flaky.

  74. Liam
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Glinda154 (#69):

    Les’ fiance.

  75. cheech wizard
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#13): Forget Barney Google! It’s been almost a year since Cassandra Cat was last seen in Slylock Fox! Now that is something to get worked up about!

    (Of course, she’s probably off serving hard time for some of her crimes. But surely the warden could use Slylock’s help in investigating her cigarette smuggling operation at the women’s penitentiary.)

  76. mumbles
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    MW: is it too much to ask that Mary go on some Travis Bickle-like crusade to save this girl? I’d love to see her in a mohawk and camouflage shirt-dress.

    FW: this storyline is reminiscent of the trip to the Grand Canyon Les and Lisa took before she died. While she was struggling up the canyon with her cancer wig flying all over the place, all he could do was complain how much work awaited him at home. Time to make it up to Ghost Lisa, nerdboy.

  77. bats :[
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#34): hahahahaha!

    I should go out of town more often — it looks like Mary finally lurched into a new plot. Not necessarily a good one…

  78. Effluvius Erratus
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#66):After Gil tackles soccer*, I’d like to see him try Ultimate.

    *Gil Tackles Soccer (2014): High equipment costs and budget cuts eliminate Lacrosse from the Milford High’s spring sports offerings, forcing Gil and Kaz to coach soccer in this the third installment in Disney’s Gil Thorp series. Starring: George Clooney; Kurt Russell.

  79. Wally Winkerbean
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    OK.

    We now know who won the trip to Africa, what I want to know is who won the other prizes?

    The rare Golden-Age Flash comic.

    The free single topping pizza at Montoni’s.

    Ummmmm

    There must be more businesses in Funkytown. . .

    Oh yeah, the free cancer-free diagnosis from Oncology-R-US. Ooooops

  80. Shrug
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Since Spider-Man is such a perpetual disappointment, POOCH CAFE introduces a new wanna-be superhero patrolling the rooftops today: Poo-Poo the Purse Dog.

  81. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#59): ‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain… T.S. Eliot? Alfred Lord Tennyson? Cole Porter? Damn that’s familiar, I just can’t place it. Stupid Bartlett’s!

  82. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#70): GT: “The Asperger’s”
    I propose we add “the” to the beginning of everything in the DSM-IV from now on. “The schizophrenia,” “the bipolar,” “the obsessive-compulsive disorder,” “the manic depression.” I’m telling you, we’re on the verge of a breakthrough here.

    Right arm! And instead of DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which is way too pedantic, we could just call the book “The Crazies”.

  83. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: As Kelly goes off in wistful, nostalgic memories of Tarzan, the bear suddenly breaks out in song and dance.

    Yes! It’s “start your own plot day” in Mark Trail!

    RwO: Who keeps a ball of crap on their desk? Anyone? No? Okay, maybe that Plugger out there.

  84. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – This is a huge, ‘viral’ party. Why would Spider need to confess that he was the one who gave her the drugs? They were casually handed to him by a party-goer, who has probably been handing them out for free all night. You would think that in his 40+ years as a juvelile delinquent, Spider would have learned how to deflect blame….

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#81):

    Well, I rode through the desert on a horse with no name….

  85. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): Aw, damnz! If I’d looked at the guide 20 minutes ago, I’d be taping the silent SHERLOCK HOLMES (1922) off of Turner now, with Barrymore as the Great Detective.

    I’m still waiting for TCM to show THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Day_the_Clown_Cried

    @Wally Winkerbean (#79):

    The rare Golden-Age issue of All-Flash and the free single topping pizza at Montoni’s were combined into a single prize: a 70-year-old comic book with pizza sauce on top. Bon appétit!

  86. Swordsmith
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    SS: Why would you stress age here? It seems like she’s prompting the kid to ask that very question. So she can give her quip response. Hmm, wait, that does make sense… I’m sorry, I’m so used to random bolding in MT that I failed to see it was being used to good effect here!

  87. Some Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    A3G So, has LuAnn always had these dreams about her dead husband, and they’ve just never mentioned it before, or is the juxtaposition between her suddenly having one and the Linskis’ conversation a contrived coincidence, or does Papa Linski have sinister mind-control powers?

    More importantly, will we see The Ghost of Gary Powers looking on approvingly as LuAnn and Paul kiss? Please say no.

    BBlues: Christmas trees? What happened to the killer-baby storyline? Hammie should want a huge tree so he can hide at the top of it, away from Wren!

    Blondie: Um … shouldn’t it be the same bottle? I mean, that’s the joke, right? Can’t even blame the colouring monkeys, because the label’s not the same shape.

    Crankshaft: I laughed. I felt ashamed of myself afterwards, of course, but dammit, Cranky finally got what was coming to him, courtesy of (I assume) a solid tungsten mailbox pole.

    (I felt ashamed for laughing at a Batuik strip, obviously, not for laughing at Crankshaft’s suffering.)

    GT: Sadly, Gil hasn’t cured Asperger’s, because Brody’s been misdiagnosed. What Gil has actually cured is Random Collection Of Symptoms From Across The Autistic Spectrum Because Research Is Hard Syndrome.

    HtH: I was going to snark about treating coastal raids as a business, but actually everything Hagar says here makes perfect sense.
    1)Profits are down: If you keep stealing from the same few villages, castles and monastaries, eventually they no longer have anything worth stealing.
    2)Expenses are up: The crew will expect their share of the booty, even if there wasn’t much. Swords, shields and those weird bugles with the dragon heads all cost money. And the shipwright is going to want paid as well.
    3)Competition is fierce: If rival raiders have staked a claim on a community they will try to kill you. Can’t get more fierce than that.

    Of course, none of this makes the strip funny.

    JP: “Unfortunately, the man who’s watching the man who’s following me now tells me he thinks he’s being shadowed! I may have to hire someone to track the man who’s shadowing the man who’s watching the man who’s following me!”

    Marv: TV news reports about how many hits YouTube videos get. Sure, why not?

    Phantom: Crimestoppers Textbook: Truckers! If a guy in dark glasses carrying a possible dead body stops you for a lift, and then starts babbling about “the law of the jungle”, slam the door and floor it!

  88. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Most likely to use herbicides in the comics. Pluggers, maybe?

  89. odinthor
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Love Is . . . — . . . Causing accidents by standing naked in the middle of the street!

    Luann. — OK, Cappy is being cool. Nice. So!—let’s get the threesome going.

    #70. Austria.

    GT: “The Asperger’s”
    I propose we add “the” to the beginning of everything in the DSM-IV from now on. “The schizophrenia,” “the bipolar,” “the obsessive-compulsive disorder,” “the manic depression.” I’m telling you, we’re on the verge of a breakthrough here.

    Oooh, I know—make it “teh Asperger’s” (and so on)! There. Breakthrough achieved.

  90. Katy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    I came in here to ask if anything’s worse than today’s Luann, and I got the “Horse With No Name” earworm. There’s got to be a Japanese phrase that means “That was a perfect response, but fuck you, no seriously that was really good, but fuck you a lot.” What is it? Because I’ll use it.

  91. Baka Gaijin
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    After reading Spiderman, I suddenly have the urge to whisk broom off a sofa.

  92. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): Crankshaft – The old “cement mailbox” trick is just what Crankshaft has coming for driving around backwards all day.
    My guess is that Keesterman finally mounted his mailbox on a heavy steel i-beam sunk in a ton of concrete – which is what I would have done years ago were I in his place. Oh, and I’d be sure to paint the i-beam to look like the usual flimsy wood post. I just hope Crank got a good bit of speed going there before he hit it.

  93. seismic-2
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: This should be exciting, when our crack medical team arrives:
    Spider: “I O.D.’ed my girlfriend! Can you help?”
    Rex: “I’m afraid not. I didn’t even know it was a transitive verb.”

  94. Apeman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Ill Thorpe: This must not have been a playdown game since Milford actually won.

  95. pugfuggly
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis the Two and a Half Menace (#30):

    No, the treatment for asperger’s is not just a good ass-pouding! It’s only step 1 in the patented Gil Thorp 5-step Cure!

    Step 1 is to get rid of fear of physical contact by playing football and/or wrestling.

    Step 2 is getting over general social akwardness by giving nude public speeches.

    Steps 3 through 5 usually happen in a courtroom setting, so we can’t discuss specifics here…

  96. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

  97. Shrug
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#87):

    “JP: “Unfortunately, the man who’s watching the man who’s following me now tells me he thinks he’s being shadowed! I may have to hire someone to track the man who’s shadowing the man who’s watching the man who’s following me!” ”

    “See, I TOLD you we obscenely rich jerks are job creators!”

  98. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#90):

    Might I suggest you stick to reading The Phantom? He is currently in the desert, where there ain’t noone to cause you no pain…..

  99. Effluvius Erratus
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Apeman (#94): No, with a 1-8 season, I doubt the Mudlarks will make it to the playdowns, which means we’re all set for the early basketball storyline. Of course, there are other traditional winter sports played in high school besides basketball–swimming, wrestling, hockey, and gymnastics, for example–but we all know we’re going to get basketball. The only question is will it be a story about an alcoholic kid with one leg who can nail a 3-point at half-court (but only when he’s got a pint of J&B under his belt) or a homeless, slam-dunking Nihilist who just doesn’t see the point of scoring points?

  100. Gal Friday
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    GT, first panel:

    Coach Kaz is, like, “Dude, what’s The Asperger’s?”

  101. Edward F. Rochester
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    A3G: What’s Luan doing with her missing hands in frame 1? Does she have an itch?

  102. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#19): Me too. I couldn’t afford a K&E until they all became obsolete. The Pickett’s are great rules though, especially the aluminum ones in “eye-saver” yellow. Incredibly durable. Those are the models they took on the Apollo mission as a “computer” backup.

    My favorite slide rule, right now, is a Nestler Mannheim model 23 I picked up on ebay awhile back. This is the same model both Albert Einstein and Werner von Braun preferred. Not that many scales, but elegant and easy to use.

    And that reminds me of something in, um, Mary Worth. Right. I bet that Nestler would be a great help in doing recipe conversions in her kitchen. “Let’s see, how many tablespoons of Flak to make a salmon cake casserole for one?” (don’t want to go OT!)

  103. Liam
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    MT-Just like Mother McQueen or any woman in this strip. No ones been in them for a long time.

  104. sporknpork
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Gil Thorp depicts a pre-NFL Nick Novak (number 11), who in his younger years apparently had far less shame in where he publicly urinated.

  105. Comcis Fan
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    FW: I know that climbers sometimes die on Everest, their companions abandoning their bodies there to save themselves from the ruinous, subfreezing elements. Does this happen on Kilimanjaro, too?

    MW: “I know, I don’t feel all that sorry for you and your injury, what with all the exponentially worse suffering elsewhere in the world that has all but numbed me to your plight. If you were that bad off, I wouldn’t have shoved this casserole into your broken arm. In addition, you’re stepping into my sanctimony franchise by flaunting your piety. Watch that, Miss Bowl Cut.”

  106. LP2004
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    MT: Okay, I’m on the high side of 50, and even as a kid I would never have thought to use the phrase ‘This is just like a Tarzan movie!” How many decades do we have to go back to find a time when an adult (well, chronologically, anyway) woman might actually say that?

  107. Liam
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    FW-Les is going to a mountain top and when he comes down he will bring with him the beginnings of a new religion.

  108. Scott Bot
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#85): I hate Jerry Lewis movies, but I would love to see The Day the Clown Cried, although I’d really love to read the original script, the one before Lewis got his hands on it. From what I understand, it was a pretty good idea, if a little hard to take.

  109. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#106):

    Wasn’t there one in the early 1980s with Bo Derek?

  110. seismic-2
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Gal Friday (#100): “The Asperger’s? Are they who we play next week?”

  111. cartooncritic2544
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#106): Disney had an animated Tarzan movie about ten years ago and it was a big hit.

  112. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#64): …how often do you see Zeno’s first paradox so well illustrated?
    I see it all the time in traffic, though it more often takes the form, “Before I can go 45, I must first go 40. But before I can go 40, I must first go 35. However, before I can go 35…” And I’m behind them saying “THE SPEED LIMIT IS 55, YOU LOSER!”

    There are also the ones who think if they can slow down to such a crawl that the light turns green while they’re still moving, however slowly, THEY WIN!!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#67): The cartoon THREE BROTHERS introduces us to SNAFU’s siblings, TARFU and FUBAR and opens with the best representation of work that I can think of. Snafu is in a shoe depot, wearily picking up pairs of shoes from a pile, muttering as he puts them on the appropriate shelves: “Nine and a half – Benny, nine and a half – Benny, nine and a half – Benny, nine and a half – Charlie, nine and a half – Benny, nine and a half – Charlie…” Suddenly, he is jolted out of his lethargy: “Nine and a half… DAVID! Hmm!” He lovingly places them on the appropriate shelf, lingering over them briefly before turning back to the pile. “Nine and a half – Benny, nine and a half – Charlie, nine and a half – Charlie, nine and a half – Benny…” The camera transitions. He has finished the pile. He leans against the shelf and whistles, and another ton of shoes drops from an unseen chute above. He resumes. “Nine and a half – Benny, nine and a half – Benny, nine and a half…”

  113. cartooncritic2544
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    RE: Rudy Park. The author acknowledges that the lead character is broke because he wastes his money on gadgets he can’t afford…and then says the debt consolidator is a leech on society?

  114. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#85): I’m still waiting for TCM to show THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED:
    Well, good luck with that! Diligent searching found me something that was almost a clip from the movie a couple of years back. Some day, Jerry (or maybe Gary) will be hard up enough to release it to the mockery circuit. I can see it as an MST3K where Joel (I can dream) and the bots manage to crack wise maybe three times before they’re totally gobsmacked and spend the rest of the movie in stunned silence, including the skits and invention exchange, and Dr. Forrester and TV’s Frank end up crying on each other’s shoulders. In a manly way, of course.

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#92): I was confused at first by the sight of mailboxes with a big piece of plywood next to them, then realized (particularly as I started seeing more elaborate constructions) that I was looking at the results of late-night games of mailbox baseball on a quiet country road. There’s a mailbox not far from my sister’s place in the hills in Colorado that’s as well protected as a mailbox can be when they won’t let you do the concrete and I-bars thing. After the box was hit by one vehicle after another, the owners finally put it on a long rotating arm that swivels out of the way on impact, and surrounded the box itself with a plastic dairy box that sacrifices itself and can be replaced.

  115. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#106): I remember in the 1960′s when I was a cadet in the Civil Air Patrol we were on a simulated search and rescue mission in swampy South Florida. As we were chopping through a palmetto grove with machetes, one of the cadats said, “This is like a Tarzan film.” We promptly started calling him “Tarzan” after that.

  116. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#102): The obvious candidate for my favorite slide rule (among the ones I have) is the 8′ K&E, but I think my actual favorite would have to be the one that belonged to my uncle, who was killed in a flying accident in WW2. It’s about three inches long, and the cardboard case is wrapped in tape with my uncle’s name written on it in schoolboy printing. That’s a slide rule that was loved, my friend.

  117. btown
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s gimpy friend Amy looks suspiciously like Mother McQueen in profile

  118. Will
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#13): What do you know, it works. (K+E 4081-3 sliderule.)
    MW: Speaking of sliderules, perhaps you can teach me how to use it to calculate how much more padding is left in this story.

  119. LP2004
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#115): Your CAP cadet days were more adventurous than mine (mid-70′s). No machetes were ever handed out in my squadron.

  120. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    FW— So Les, Cayla and Summer are going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. What could possibly go wrong? Let us count the ways:
    High altitude pulmonary/cerebral edema
    Malaria
    AIDS
    Ebola virus
    Sleeping sickness
    A previously unknown form of infectious cancer
    All of the above

    Alternatively, or additionally:
    Cayla and Summer are kidnapped by Somali pirates. Les chases them all over East Africa, but everywhere he goes, he misses them by this much. Things look promising when Funky convinces Bull to use the money from the athletic fundraiser to pay the ransom, but Cory steals it. As a result, Cayla and Summer end up as “comfort girls” for the pirates. However, they discover that it is better to live as comfort girls than to live with Les, and Les gets to write a new book about his latest personal tragedy.
    Who says there are no happy endings in FW?

  121. hogenmogen
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Is Luann being haunted by another ghost artist inspiring her to do tepid paintings of lilacs again?

    Meanwhile, Paul is like “Luann Powers married Gary Powers? Eegh. Even we in the Linski Klan recruit from outside our gene pool.”

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: She’s allergic to fur and he’s allergic to feathers. It’s one of many reasons they don’t have much of an intimate life.

    Phantom: I think the Law of the Hitchiker states that there are better times for cryptic answers.

    6C: It’s nice to see that Helen Thomas landed on her feet.

    MW: “It would me much worse if you were a missing child, or the mother of same. Instead you’re just some nobody secretary who’s faking injury for a worker’s comp claim, which you just demonstrated by taking the dish in both hands. Oh well, sleep tight and hope no one informs the insurance company of your deception.”

    A3G: Lu Ann is crazy rhyming in her sleep. If it were Tommie who walked in she’d be kicking herself that lyrics don’t come that easily to her.

    Luann: For “He’s uncontrollable” read “He just shot protein in his Lee Jeans.”

    9CL: Seth, if we were friends I’d advise you to let it drop because it’s not worth finding out.

    RMMD: Still life with camel toe and failed date rapist.

    Lockhorns: “Seeing all those tall sexy women posing in teddies and camisoles really gets my hormones churning. Gotta get it out somehow, and God knows my husband’s no help. By the way honey, I’ll be using the weight machine in a few minutes and could really use a spotter.”

    HtH: His eyes watering and his lungs filled with fluid he didn’t want to think about, “Lucky” Eddie felt something worse than hell. He needed to score and he needed it bad. His boss, Hagar was usually the man to hook him up. That leaky boat of his had been everywhere, the coastal regions of South America very much included. Eddie walked up to the hirsute candyman, using the standard “how’s bidness” code. Hagar could be kind of a doofus, which was why his ballbreaking wife took care of the illicit finances. So Big Red blathers on about the mundane details of his cover business, while Lucky Eddie is dying inside. Eddie tapped his nose and said, “You’re not feeling me, man. I said, how’s business?”

  123. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#119): I think the 1960′s were the hey day of the CAP. We were given pistol and rifle training (I learned to field dress an M1 carbine) and had two weeks actual Air Force basic training on an Air Force base (yes, KP is real). We had a lot of military training during weekend bivouacs which included First Aid training. We were tougher and cooler than the Boy Scouts who would do their 40 mile marches through the city and stay overnight in a motel. Our marches were through swamps and pine forests and we slept in tents or just a sleeping bag. Fun days!

  124. Ride dem haunches
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#81):

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#59): ‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain… T.S. Eliot? Alfred Lord Tennyson? Cole Porter? Damn that’s familiar, I just can’t place it. Stupid Bartlett’s!

    I know! I know! Don McClean. “The Day the Language Died”. Right?

  125. kkarenb
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#99): What I’d really like to see in Gil Thorp: ice dancing.

    @LP2004 (#106): When I saw Kelly at the waterfall, my first thought was of “The Last of the Mohicans” with Daniel Day Lewis. Now I want to beat myself over the head for ever connecting Mark Trail with that gorgeous movie.

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#120): I reallyreally hope that Les will be dragged into a tree by a leopard and then eaten.

  126. Little Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#106): More like “George of the Jungle”.

  127. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#120): Okay. I laughed.

  128. kkarenb
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    RWO – Lizard and Spock have to go, too.

  129. Katy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#98) and @Rocky Stoneaxe (#96): Dudes, seriously, fuck you, but those were great, although fuck you completely.

  130. Katy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#129): And I mean that in the nicest. Possible. Way.

  131. cheech wizard
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    “Kilimanjaro is a snow-covered mountain, 19,710 feet high, and is said to be the highest mountain in Africa. Its western summit is called the Masai “Ngaje Ngai,” the House of God. Close to the western summit there is the dried and frozen carcass of a suicidally depressed hack writer and high school English teacher. No one has explained what he was doing at that altitude, but he probably won a contest or something.”

  132. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

  133. LP2004
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#123): Wow. I didn’t get to have that kind of fun until I was in Army ROTC in college.

  134. seismic-2
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#120): Scenario One: Les finds himself caught up in an African civil war, and he is taken prisoner. The State Department arranges a prisoner exchange, and Les is freed, with Wally taking his place. Because being held prisoner is, you know, the only thing that Wally is actually good at.

    Scenario Two: For the first time in the last couple of hundred years, Mt. Kilimanjaro erupts. The natives consider throwing Les into the volcano, as a sacrifice. Les tries to convince them that he is not a virgin, by telling them Lisa’s Story. The natives then thrown Les in, not as a sacrifice but as a relief.

    Scenario Three: Somali pirates kidnap Les and Cayla. Captain Saverna rescues them and (or course) falls madly in love with Les. Cayla and Saverna get into a cat-fight. In the Sunday Phantom, with art by Barreto. Sigh…

  135. LP2004
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#126): Yeah, that fits.

  136. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    FW: Les will give the trip to Mary Worth as a Christmas present. Mary will travel up the mountain and find the lost little girl.

    There. Two stories ended.

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#116): Of course, you know by now I’m a collector. I’m very curious about this slide rule of your uncle’s. Are there any markings on it? Manufacturer, model number…? Three inches long is unusually small for a straight slide rule – six inches are about as small as you can go and still get useful resolution. Of course if it’s a circular rule with a three inch diameter, that’s another story. At least on the outer scales you can get the same res as a ten inch straight, and it will fit right into a shirt pocket. I’ve got quite a few of those, and as I think I mentioned in an earlier discussion, a company called Concise in Japan still makes them.

    It’s an imposition, I know, but if you could find time to take a picture of the avuncular device and post it to a flikr or photostream site I’d be grateful. (And I could become a hero in the Oughtred Society if I discover a new species!)

    And you know, that truck driver in The Phantom could use a circular rule like that for calculating his fuel consumption. I keep one in my pickup for the same purpose.
    ** Ha! OT again, definitely OT!! **

  138. Barto
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    GT: Why is everybody smiling in panel 1? Violence – we loves it!

  139. Effluvius Erratus
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: I think Kit should just tell the truth. “No, sir, you need not worry about us running from law enforcement—who would be bound by certain rules of engagement and an overall ethos to protect innocent civilians—rather, we are fleeing a ruthless Mexican drug cartel, the sort whose use of violence and terror has killed 45,584 police, soldiers, politicians, and civilians as of October 2011. Oh, there might be some Chinese Triads involved, you know, the ones with collectively 2.5 million steady members worldwide who rely on independent truckers such as yourself to transport stolen and counterfeit electronics across international borders. Now how’bout that ride?”

  140. Rixter
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Shrieking when you wake and find Margo in your bedroom is a perfectly normal response. LuAnn has no reason to be ashamed. Yet.

    Luann. Notice that their crotches are apart and at an angle. Even their torsos are separated. Oh, yes, that’s hot, very hot.

    BG&SS: Did you ever notice that when Loweezy laughs her tongue protrudes from her mouth? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a real human being laugh that way. As soon as I get home and get some quiet time and a mirror, I’m going to try it.

    MW: Mary’s meddling has taken a new turn. From now on, everyone else’s tragedy will be evaluated on a misery scale, with missing 10-year old blond girl as the maximum with a value of 10. Mary’s new meddling algorithm “Meddle 2.0″ will determine, based on the misery index of any tragedy, the appropriate degree of meddling to be administered. It’s a logarithmic function, so for example, a broken arm has a misery index of 3, with a meddle degree of 1.10, which entitles the wretch to one (cold) salmon square casserole and one platitude. Although Gina’s misery index was 0.1, with a negative meddle degree, Mary was just tossing out some of her recycled platitudes for the sport of it. And that was before Mary scored a sliderule from Wilbur.

    @TheDiva (#32): “her famous salmon square casseroles.”

    Bonus points: Using your slide rule, calculated how many 3″ inch salmon squares will fit in a 1.5-qt casserole at a temperature of 325 deg F. (Assume close-packing of equal squares.)

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#92): We can assume that Crankshaft has done serious damage to the school bus. Yet, there will be no consequences, just more lame jokes. Why would I even wonder that any other outcome is possible?

  141. Walker of Dog
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Lu Ann is unsettled by any dream that doesn’t include chasing rabbits.

  142. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#130):

    If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been running around work all day humming “Daaaah Daaaaah … da.da.da.da” and pondering “for there ain’t no one for to cause you no pain”‘s place in the all-time pantheon of mangled lyrics, alongside such classics as:

    “In this ever changin’ world in which we live in”
    “Only time will tell if we stand the test of time”

    But, really, you have only yourself to blame. It’s like they say: Oz never gave nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn’t, didn’t already have.

  143. LP2004
    December 2nd, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#134): Carrying on with your Scenario 2 – Having injested Les, Kilimanjaro promptly vomits him back up in a cataclysmic explosion that makes Tambora and Krakatoa look like damp firecrackers in comparison.

  144. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#141):

    If she goes chasing rabbits, and she knows’s she’s going to fall, she should just tell them a hookah smoking caterpillar has given her the call.

  145. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144):

    “knows’s”

    Sorry for that. I just had some kind of mushroom, and my mind is spinning low. Go ask Margo, I think she’ll know…

  146. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#118): MW: Speaking of sliderules, perhaps you can teach me how to use it to calculate how much more padding is left in this story.

    To paraphrase the guy in Jaws, you’re gonna need a bigger slide rule!

  147. Baka Gaijin
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Honey Bear has that look on his face that says, “Lunchtime!”

    After a forkful of Mary’s delicious squash, zucchini, and celery casserole, Amy’ll be singing a different complainy tune.

  148. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#120): Wow! This could be a great new adventure strip: Funky and the Pirates!

  149. Effluvius Erratus
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    What? No jokes about Les slowly dying from an seemingly minor injury that he neglects and allows to become infected? It’s not plagiarism when certified literary genius like Batty does it, but allusion and homage.

  150. Rixter
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#149): “seemingly minor injury that he neglects and allows to become infected”

    Which “neglected minor injury” are you referring to – Summer or Cayla?

  151. Ride dem haunches
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#123): (I learned to field dress an M1 carbine)

    Did you cook and eat it then? Stupid Navy only taught us how to field strip them. ; )

  152. Baka Gaijin
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers women are so sexually repressed they go between loving their furniture and being disgusted at its sight, a desperate expression of those feelings they can’t express about their uncaring wrong-species husbands.

  153. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Why does the young William Shatner suddenly appear in panel 3? Is he gonna be Randy’s surrogate for impregnating April?

  154. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: So now you’re smugly pitying people for not thinking that your comic was smutty? Come on, dude. You can’t have it both ways.

    (btw, I “love” the way he assumes that the reaction of “oh, well, okay then” is based on his readers having sexless, passionless marriages, instead of them thinking that teh handsex be something for within marriage. He thinks he’s so clever there, coyly hinting thereby at how hot and lusty his own marriage is. All I can say, especially after the revelation of the handsex modeling, is ew. Keep the details of your intimate life to yourself, man.)

  155. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Whew! Good thing the captain showed up to dampen the inherently evil sexual intensity!
    Meanwhile, off-panel in L.A., Tiffany and Quill are going at it like ravenous bunnies.

  156. cartooncritic2544
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    The next Funky Winkerbean. Sad story here, about a decorated vet whose therapy lab was shot by a couple of punks in Texas. I have a bad feeling Batuik won’t be able to resist this.

  157. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#121): Albert Pinkham Ryder has returned to give Lu Ann a dire warning.

    “Stay AWAY from these Linski people, Lu Ann. They’re creeeeeeeeeepy!”

  158. btown
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#67): Mr. Hook was SNAFU’s Navy counterpart

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#154): I haven’t looked at Pibgorn in quite some time. Based on your account, I’m not hurrying back either.

  160. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Ride dem haunches (#151): Yeah. It was delicious. Actually, where I was, the terms “dress” or “strip” were both used.

  161. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: No problem, Spider, man! All you have to do is give her a big shot of adrenaline straight into her heart. It’s gonna be really trippy! Just bring the needle downward in a stabbing motion and … hold on, I think there’s a movie that can help illustrate this …

  162. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#154): Every time I think to myself that Brooke couldn’t possibly be more of a smug, thinks-he’s-clever twat who has less understanding of what constitutes passion or eroticism than Beavis & Butthead, he somehow manages to top himself…

  163. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#159): The comic part is fine; he’s just rerunning his Mozart storyline. It’s that he accompanies each installment with an overweeningly smirky commentary that basically boils down to explaining what he intended, and how beefwits misinterpreted it, all with a periodic dose of “Oh look at the wonderfulness that is me.” It’s sort of as if Les was drawing a comic, only with more softcore porn.

  164. pugfuggly
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#120):

    FW— So Les, Cayla and Summer are going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. What could possibly go wrong? Let us count the ways:
    High altitude pulmonary/cerebral edema
    Malaria
    AIDS
    Ebola virus
    Sleeping sickness
    A previously unknown form of infectious cancer
    All of the above

    Of course, all of those assume that Les actually gets to Africa. I’m thinking it’s probably more likely that some minor inconvinience at the airport will send him into a deep mope and he’ll decide not to go, much to the relief of Lisa’s ghost, who has been calling him all afternoon.

    If he does make it overseas, I would like to think that’d he’d go crazy and end up becoming a kind of Colonel Kurtz of Kilimanjaro.

  165. Chyron HR
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#149): What? No jokes about Les slowly dying from an seemingly minor injury that he neglects and allows to become infected?

    Naw, Batiuk can’t do an “homage” to something unless it has an iconic cover onto which he can paste his characters’ heads at random.

  166. Paul1963
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#107):
    And it shall be called Mopentology.

  167. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#165): Oh. Oh. Comment of the week.

  168. word-doctor
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The last human being to fear kissing this much was Beulah Bondi as Ma Bridges in the film adaptation of “Track of the Cat.”

  169. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#134): Keisha and Summer, as First Matesing to Cap’n Savarnah?

    I would SO read that x-over strip.

  170. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#137): Well, I just checked and it’s not in the first four places it should be, and there’s not enough time in a day to check all the places it shouldn’t be, so I’ll have to beg your indulgence a while. As I recall, it was painted wood, and three or three and a half inches long. A real sweetie. When it turns up again, I’ll be forthcoming with more detail.

    @Rixter (#140): I’m going to try it.
    Remember that when Hootin’ Holler folk laugh, they say “Yak yak!” Try not to injure yourself doing that!

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#142): “In this ever changin’ world in which we live in”
    That’s how I always heard it, but I recently decided it must have been “in which we’re livin’.” Cuz, y’know, c’mon!

  171. Cloudbuster
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    It just impinged on my concsciousness that the Seattle PI carries the Katzenjammer Kids. That name was something I associated with old-timey stuff like silent movies. So I checked, and, yes, the strip dates back to 1912. The strip is approaching its friggin centennial. I don’t know whether to be impressed or appalled. Wikipedia says it’s the oldest comic strip still in syndication and the longest-running ever.

    And, I have to think, if it’s not even snark-worthy here (I don’t recall ever seeing it mentioned), then who the heck is reading it?

    I dun know vat to tink of de effneek German aksents! I guess dey are be-eenk da meenority ve kan steel make de fuhn uf!

  172. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#170): The Hootin’ Holler laugh makes Popeye’s “Arf! Arf!” with the little shouty-lines look dignified.

  173. Cloudbuster
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#171): No, I was wrong, the strip debuted in 1897! Holy crap!

  174. Cloudbuster
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#171): I have to give the strip props: looking back over a few days, it appears to be hilariously, ludicrously violent and un-PC.

  175. Effluvius Erratus
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#165): Maybe Batiuk (or bats ;[) could do something this?

    Wait a minute, Batiuk? bats ;]? No, god, no, please don’t let it be so!

  176. Bootsy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Great rubber alligators, but that first panel of Gil Thorp is just full of Slab McBrickface goodness!

  177. Shrug
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    So, Les is going to Africa … remind me, how do you say “wanker” in the Bandar tongue?

  178. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#177): I’m not a cunning linguist, but evidence suggests that the usual translation is “O Ghost!”

  179. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#175): Got a “forbidden” 403 message on the link.

    And there’s no way those two could be connected in any way. I think…

  180. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#179): Protip: when getting a 403 error, click up in the URL bar and hit return. This will cause the server to conveniently forget that the request originated from another website, and you may view images unimpeded.

  181. Red Greenback
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Ridiculously late to the ridiculously off-topic “TV signoff” conversation, but I just found this gem.

  182. Effluvius Erratus
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

  183. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Wally Winkerbean (#79):

    Oh yeah, the free cancer-free diagnosis from Oncology-R-US. Ooooops

    I can’t take credit for this myself, but back in the Lisa days one of the ‘mudges got the idea of calling it “Frank Burns Memorial Hospital.”

  184. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#182): No, but using commodorejohn’s suggestion (which I had forgotten about – getting senile – thanks commodorejohn) worked fine with your original link.

    And I’d love to see bats :[ do a number on that poster.

  185. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#21): And I’ve exhausted my knowledge of football!
    Yet you would still make a better TV football commentator than Dan Dierdorf, Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski or Joe Theisman.

  186. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#26): Everybody dies at the end of a movie called True Love?
    We couldn’t see the entire marquee. It’s titled True Love Story and is the sequel to the Ryan O’Neal-Ali McGraw weeper, only this time Oliver does the tango with the Big C
    Which brings to mind the Les Moore version of Love Story:
    What can you say about a 25-year-old girl who died? “Marry me!”

  187. Little Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo KId (#186): There actually was a sequel in 1980 or so: “Oliver’s Story”.

  188. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo KId (#186): Actually, they’re at a multiplex. True Love was just one of the movies. The movie Archie and Jughead saw was Everybody Dies at the End yet Archie is still disappointed.

  189. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#57): I used to love Overboard when it was about the pirates. When the mice, cat and dog took over, I walked the plank.

  190. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#66): GT – Asperger’s is just an excuse. Gil knew that Brody’s real problem was that he just had to man up.
    Gil can’t wait to get his hands on Dr. Sheldon Cooper. “Soft Kitty” my ass!

  191. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#81): C’mon, don’t you recognize the artistic stylings of Les Moore?!

  192. The Gringo KId
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#85): I’m still waiting for TCM to show THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED.
    I think Robert Osborne will have to break into Jerry’s home vault to pry that one loose.
    I’d be happy with a TCM screening of Which Way to the Front? in the interim.

  193. Droopy Says
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#y338): I don’t know if Creepy Les wrote a book before Lisa’s Boring. I remember seeing the strip a few times in the newspaper, about five years ago, but it was too dull to follow. Before then I didn’t have a paper that carried FW. I think of that as the Golden Age of newspapers

  194. Mars
    December 2nd, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    WOW.

    I just peeked a bit ahead, and the BEST SPIDER-MAN PLOTLINE EVER is hitting next week.

    Get this: Peter Parker wakes up one morning, and MJ is suddenly sporting this horrifically trashy hairdo, like something out of a reality show. She confesses that before he woke up, she snuck off at dawn and had her hair redone that way because…….

    …..because she had a dream that she was riding a winged stallion in the air while sporting that hairstyle. MJ asks what Peter thinks. He’s THRILLED. He says “Wow, you look like a goddess!” At that moment, they switch to somewhere in outer space where a guy who looks like a Power Rangers villain is watching them through a crystal ball-like device, and he yells, “PHASE ONE OF MY PLAN IS COMPLETE!”

    I’m not making up any of this. I swear. This is so awesome. BWAHAHAHAHA

  195. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#170):

    Re: “In this ever changin’ world in which we live in”

    Actually, I saw an interview with Sir McCartney in which he was offered the chance to make this excuse (in which we’re livin’), and he acknowledged that it was a good alternative, but admitted that, no, he really wrote it as it is usually quoted.

  196. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#193): Too bad. The early strips, where the cast was in high school, was actually quite good and often funny.

  197. littlestevie
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    FW: Is “mystery vacation” anything like the game Mystery Date? I am enjoying all the mudges possible bad outcomes for Les’s trip to Africa. I still am hoping that Les will be eaten by cannibals. That way one cannibal can say, “Les filling” and the second could say, “Moore taste”, but in Les’s case it would be “Moore filling” and “Les taste”.

  198. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#162):

    Speaking of Beavis & Butt-head, did you see Wednesday’s Dogs of C-Kennel?

    http://www.gocomics.com/dogsofckennel/2011/11/30

  199. Ride dem haunches
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#160): I hadn’t heard the term “field dress” used with firearms before, but I can see it as military slang. Like field stripping, it’s a case of pulling all the things guts out. Of course, with field dressing a deer, say, you usually don’t put the guts back in.

    (I understand horse, or equestrian, dressage is actually a big time competitive sport in Europe: How disgusting!)

  200. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Ride dem haunches (#199): Dressage is pretty big here in North Texas as well. My boss is really into it and has won several blue ribbons.

    Nothing like horse guts for a Christmas bonus.

  201. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#137): ** Ha! OT again, definitely OT!! ** By which, of course, I mean ON topic!

  202. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#145):

    If you’re into shrooms, I hear there’s a “Mushroom Lady” over in Dick Tracy.

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @btown (#158): Fascinating, I didn’t know about Mr. Hook. Thanks.
    On a sidenote, I lived in Japan for a few years towards the end of the last century (damn, that make me sound like a geezer!). It’s just amazing how much the orthodontic health of the Japanese improved after WWII.

  204. gkl
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    GT: I think this plotline demonstrates that there’s no human condition worse than being stuck in a Gil Thorp plotline.

  205. mollificent
    December 2nd, 2011 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#3): So the Darkgate issues aren’t just me…whew!

    So, I arrived at the hair salon today just in time to watch an elegantly coiffed, white-haired matron hand her credit card to the receptionist, lean forward and say confidingly, “I keep it in my pocket in case my purse gets stolen…you never know in this neighborhood!”. After she walked out I turned to the receptionist and intoned, “Mary Worth has left the building,” and we both cracked up. :)

  206. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    FW: After test mix-up, her cancer diagnosis delayed 1 year:

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45496689/ns/health-health_care/

    Life imitates “writing”.

  207. Red Greenback
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Couldn’t resist.

  208. Ed Dravecky
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    Of course Les won the raffle–other Funky Winkerbean characters cannot experience joy. While climbing Kilimanjaro, I expect Les to stumble onto a platinum mine, Noah’s Ark, or at least a bag of golden goose bands.

  209. Violet
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: You know what, Amy? I’m pretty sure it’s okay for you to complain.

  210. Peanut Gallery
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#137): You may try to stay on topic, but you just can’t resist those IDLE LURES.

    At least with the anagrams we could pretend it had something to do with the Jumble.

  211. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#200): Nothing like horse guts for a Christmas bonus.

    Richard Harris = A Man Called Horse
    Les Moore = A Man Called Horse Guts
    Ed Crankshaft = A Man Called Horse’s Ass

  212. Vince M
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#200): I’ve tried, but I can’t hear “dressage” and not picture a competition putting a horse in women’s clothing.

  213. Some Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#98):

    But don’t read Hagar, because he’s a Norse with no shame…

  214. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#207): Okay. I laughed.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#211): TJ: A Man Called AssGuts

    @Vince M (#212): That would be a reinvestite.

  215. bats :[
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Effluvius Erratus (#175): oh, no way! I’ve hated that coincidence since I realized what a loser strip FW was.

    Not able to access that poster, either. Rats.

  216. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#213): POTW! (pun of the week)

  217. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#215): Do what commodorejohn says @180 or do a refresh of the screen. That often works too.

    If none of the above works, swear at your computer.

  218. Dennis Jimenez
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#211): B-Wad = the pile left on the stable floor, after being processed through Les and dropping out of Crankshaft….

    Steeplechase = Will LuAnn ever catch that damn wedding chapel steeple?

  219. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#215): …or stare at this for a while.

  220. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#218): B-Wad: That needs to go in the Urban Dictionary.

  221. Ichi
    December 2nd, 2011 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

  222. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#213): *fliptake*

  223. Word-doctor
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Some Guy (#213):
    Luvvitt. Laughed like I was watching a bloody eagling.

  224. AhClem
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    A3G / FW – In a historic comics crossover, the ghost of Gary Powers hooks up with the ghost of Lisa Cancerbean. Les will scream, “NOOOOOOO!!!” while LuAnn stares off into space and mumbles, “Ooh, pretty.”

  225. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Reality Check — To the surprise of absolutely no one, Westview High’s new football mascot is a Plugger-like rodent, who goes by the name of “Mopey”.

  226. bats :[
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#219): okay, I stared at the screen…huh!

  227. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying to make a MT joke out of this but I’m laughing too hard to think.

    ummm, Poteet? Don’t fall for the e-dating pic! (He’s not good enough for you!)

  228. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#106):

    I thought the same thing, but I guess if you’re in a cave behind waterfalls in Canada, you naturally might just think that in the deepest darkest jungles of Africa…….

  229. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#207): Fulgent, sir! No, effulgent! No, dammit, that is double-plus-good refulgent! Mash-up of the Week!
    Everybody look at this: This is the kind of work that will bring Barney Google back and make this country great again!

  230. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#125) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#120): I reallyreally hope that Les will be dragged into a tree by a leopard and then eaten.

    Yet another happy ending!

  231. Der Schnärkïnätör
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @cartooncritic2544 (#111):

    Except this storyline probably took place before Walt Disney was born…..

  232. AhClem
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    FW – If Les’ climbing party gets stranded on Kilimanjaro, and Les screws up every attempt to be rescued in a Gilligan’s Island-esque manner, I will take back every bad thing I’ve ever said about Batuik. Especially if the story ends in a massive volcanic eruption while they are inside the crater.

  233. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#127) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#120): Okay. I laughed.”

    So you’re the one. Thanks!

  234. AhClem
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#226): bats:[, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: You are a Margoing Photoshop genius! Bravo!

  235. Helen Clark
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    A casserole? You’re bringing her a goddam casserole? How about you bring this Amy person a shaker of ((hic)) cocktails, and then when she goes to grab it, you say, “Ha! I thought your arm was injured, you goddam fake. No cocktails for you!” Of course, after you’re finished humiliating her, the two of you can share a drink together. No ((hic)) harm done, right?

    What’s all this fuss over some silly girl getting kidnapped anyway? Jesus H. Christ, I was kidnapped as a girl. Held me for ransom for nearly a week. Grandfather Clark refused to pay out the money—said the experience would toughen me up, and he was ((hic)) goddam right. The kidnappers finally left me outside the gate to my family’s estate—never did figure out why, but I remember some cop laughing about some “Red Chief.” Not sure what the ((hic)) hell he meant by that. . . .

  236. commodorejohn
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#226): Oh man, oh man, I was trying not to make a “Les is going to make some dumb-ass comment about black people” comment…mostly because I’m sure that’s actually going to happen, only it’ll be a smirky pun-like object that we’re actually supposed to find funny…

  237. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#210): Well, you can keep your Mary Worth, or Stinky Winkerbeen. I’d rather talk about slide rules than any old Dull Series!

  238. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#134) said: “Scenario Three: Somali pirates kidnap Les and Cayla. Captain Saverna rescues them and (or course) falls madly in love with Les. Cayla and Saverna get into a cat-fight. In the Sunday Phantom, with art by Barreto. Sigh…”

    Subsequently, Cayla and Saverna wisely decide that Les isn’t worth it, and fall madly in love with each other. Then Bernice shows up…

  239. zerowolf
    December 2nd, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    GT: If it were not for Gil our young Asperger’s patient would never have developed the confidence to become a free-lance wildlife writer who’s work appears in hundreds dozens one magazine.

  240. Some Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

  241. Dewey's Coffee
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Spider’s girlfriend’s in a coma, I know. I know; it’s serious.

    Spider-Man: I know I’m a bit late about this, but I’m still boggling over the fact that Spider-Man actually managed to defeat the villain on his own! I mean, without her tripping over something and falling off a cliff, or being betrayed by a henchman who had a sudden change of heart, or having spelunker’s lung save the day! Doesn’t this violate the laws of physics, or something?

  242. littlestevie
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    When Les goes to Africa, what would the translation of the old jungle saying “Jeez, what a dick” be in the Bandar tongue?

  243. Some Guy
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    @Word-doctor (#223):

    Oh, and I should add I particularly appreciated your comment, since I still vividly remember a teacher who knew exactly how to get kids interested in Scottish history (yes, Vikings settled in Scotland, or at least in the Islands, and there’s a description of a blood eagle in the Orkney Saga). Come to think of it, it’s probably his fault I comment on Hagar‘s historical accuracy so much.

  244. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#164) said: “Of course, all of those assume that Les actually gets to Africa. I’m thinking it’s probably more likely that some minor inconvinience at the airport will send him into a deep mope and he’ll decide not to go, much to the relief of Lisa’s ghost, who has been calling him all afternoon.

    If he does make it overseas, I would like to think that’d he’d go crazy and end up becoming a kind of Colonel Kurtz of Kilimanjaro.”

    Or he could become a kind of Colonel Klink of Kilimanjaro. Either way, he would prove himself to be alliterate.

  245. Swordsmith
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Instead of looking for anagrams for slide rules, I suggest we emulate Mary Worth and pick lists

  246. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

  247. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

  248. Poteet
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#227): Of course you’re right, and it could never ever work. Yet I do feel a slight strange subtle attraction…to the small one third from the front and second from the left.

  249. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#245): Yes, let’s drop the Slip Sticks for a moment and remember A Begone Glory.

  250. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#226): Yi!! Indeed!

  251. word-doctor
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    I mis-stepped, I think, by using The Cadets for The Phantom. I’m-a just gonna leave the previous verse there, and swap Les into the chorus, and we’ll see which strip wins and gets verserights on the morrow:

    Baby Baby, let’s make romance
    (Shoo Wop Wop Bob, Shoo Wop Shoo Wop),
    Because my oldtime loverrrrr’s died a-from the Canc
    (Shoo Wop Wop Bob, Shoo Wop Shoo Wop)
    I’m smirkin’ in the jungle glum as I can be
    C’mon up the mountain fore we get Big-C
    Cause I’m !SPECIAL!
    (Yeah Yeah Yeah)
    And I’m a !WRITER!
    (Yeah Yeah Yeah)
    … Meanwhile, back in the dessert/jungle…
    aaaaaaaaaaaaa uh aaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa uh aaaaaaaa aaaaaa

  252. Poteet
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#115): If I remember correctly, my uncle, while in the Army decades ago, was seen reading a TARZAN comic in the barracks one afternoon. His nickname after that was “Apeshit.”

  253. Poteet
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    MT — I think this comparison is unfair. I only ever saw a couple of Tarzan movies, but they were models of logic and sanity compared to MT.

  254. word-doctor
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#253):

    My dad claims that when Weissmuller got fat enough that going shirtless was no longer an option, he became Jungle Jim. So, uh, which slightly gone-to-seed wildman is Mark Trail? Conan? Natty Bummpo? I’d always thought of him as a rather violent Virgil Ward (y’all may need to google that one), but he certainly works as a creature of the forest who used up all his faculties just gettin’ civilized enough to eat pancakes with a fork.

  255. Alfred E. Neuman
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    FC— It is not surprising that Jeffy talks about loading his shoes, since his mom yells at him every day for loading his pants.

  256. Mustang
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers – Pluggers want to just sit the hell down. Sit. the. hell. down. Not wait for plastic. Just sit. That’s what it’s all about.

  257. Mr Frog
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    9CL: McED, dear, you’ll note that Mudges mock Mark Trail specifically for overuse of bold font. When you refuse entirely to bold or generally make any attempt to emphasize key words, it’ll just result in me wasting two precious seconds of my life staring blankly at your strip, wondering why Edda is suddenly having a seizure on the couch (I mean *besides* to show off her form-fitting pants).

    A3G:
    L: “Margo, I can’t marry Paul! I’m still in love with my dead ex-husband after [???] years!”
    M: “I was kind of hoping it’d be because his family is, y’know, pretty blatantly a cult, but in retrospect that was probably expecting too much from you.”

    GT: THIS JUST IN: LOCAL HIGH-SCHOOL COACH FINALLY DISCOVERS CURE FOR AUTISM, WAS APPARENTLY BLUNT-FORCE TRAUMA THE WHOLE TIME

  258. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Of course Pluggers need to put sheets on the furniture; they’re anthropomorphic mammals and birds, so imagine the hair, feather, and bird poop that would get on them otherwise.

    (I will admit to putting sheets on the sofa in summer, as it’s shedding season and the cat leaves black fuzzy clumps everywhere, and we don’t have air conditioning.)

  259. Swordsmith
    December 2nd, 2011 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#249): What did we do when Barreto left Judge Parker? Groan, “Bye ogle”

  260. Ben
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    You’re a Plugger if your children will inherit what appears to be brand new furniture with butt prints molded in.

  261. Sequitur
    December 2nd, 2011 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    HEY! There’s COTW material awaiting on the next thread.

  262. Vizzini
    December 2nd, 2011 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#259): @Nehemiah Scudder (#249):

    No more anagrams now, I mean it!

  263. The Gringo Kid
    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @word-doctor (#254): Mark Trail is Tim Holt in The Monster That Challenged the World: fat, bored, and not really interested in the hot mommas around him.

  264. greghousesgf
    December 3rd, 2011 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Sandusky (#40): no it isn’t. I’ve been beaten up and I’ve still got Asperger’s.

  265. Joshua
    December 3rd, 2011 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    @catondan (#60): When Funky went to the travel agency to ask about donations, he specifically asked if there were any promotional trips that had been given to them they could donate. And I can understand why the agency would donate the trip — it’s unlikely that anyone in Cancerville, Ohio, would be interested in and/or be able to afford such a trip, so the agency would probably have stopped trying to sell it.

  266. Mibbitmaker
    December 3rd, 2011 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#183): Yep. That was me (I add alot of Frank Burns jokes while watching MASH).

  267. ElkMeadow
    December 3rd, 2011 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    I do like how Cranky looks like he’s about to have a stroke right then and there. Probably successfully blame that on the other guy, too.

  268. CT Andy
    December 4th, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: Am I the only one who thinks Mary Worth is looking more and more like Zippy the Pinhead every day? I mean, have they completely abandoned the idea of a plot — or any narrative cohesion at all?

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