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Next, she cuts his hair itchily short, and her master plan is complete

Dennis the Menace, 1/11/12

I never thought about itching the same way again after reading about how powerful and little understood a sensation it really is in this New Yorker article, which features, among other anecdotes, a horrifying account of a woman who had an unstoppable itch on her scalp that was so bad that she ended up scratching right through her skull. My point is that cutting your fingernails short enough that you won’t be able to scratch itches in a satisfying fashion is a 100 percent legitimate concern, and there’s nothing either menacing or cute about Dennis’s request, although maybe Alice’s smirk is supposed to indicate that she plans to do exactly this, as a subtle form of revenge for, well, pretty much everything Dennis has done since learning to walk.

Gil Thorp, 1/11/12

Are you tired of me talking about Gil Thorp yet? Well, too bad, because this is the first storyline that I’ve genuinely loved in years, so you’re just going to have to sit there and take it. For today’s strip, I’d like to point out that (a) most teenagers who want the new Twilight movie “for their girlfriend” (who “lives in Canada,” probably) are almost certainly capable of finding bootleg movies on the Internet, obviating the need to go offer some improbable story to a sketchy Kiwi tattoo artist, and (b) a vision of Batman t-shirt teen alternately crying and masturbating to the latest Twilight film jumped into my head unbidden upon reading the final panel.

224 responses to “Next, she cuts his hair itchily short, and her master plan is complete”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    For all of the Goleta snark this Mary Worth storyline has inspired, not one person has made a joke about Holly Golightly or Breakfast at Tiffany’s*:

    *Holly Golightly from Goleta! See? It’s really as easy as that.

    Great balls of fire, it’s enough to make Dr. Shank/Truman Capote cry!

  2. pugfuggly
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    GTThese hipster kids today, ironically buying bootleg DVDs to put with their collection of ripped CDs and photocopied novels. Retro copyright crime is so ‘in’ this year.

    FW These hipster kids today, always, uh, wanting their food in bags, because…hmmmm…..

    MW “Are you Emily Smith? Cuz if not, I’m real sorry for whacking your dad with the nightstick…”

  3. Windier E. Megatons
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    “Yes, my ‘girlfriend,’ this freakishly large disembodied hand that’s resting on my shoulder as we speak. Sure, I summoned it from an alternate dimension thanks to an evil spell, but you would not BELIEVE the handjobs, man. Anyway, so… how much do I owe you?”

  4. Effluvius Erratus
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Oh, it was bidden, Josh, bidden by that arthritic claw-hand, grown old before its time from sliding up and down Batman T-Shirt Teen’s bat pole.

  5. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: Someone in their family is singing, “I’m my own grandpa!” as their autobiography.

    CdS, The Best Comic in the World: Larger than the Keane kids’ backyard, Dill? Sacrilege!

    9CL: “The Batchelor”, “The Batchelorette”. Both demeaning to both genders (admitedly moreso than these 9CL images, granted). Nonetheless, Brooke may be pulling a Lynn here (and I guess we all know how painful that can be!); a quasi-sexist twofer. Oh, and Edda’s a hypocrite.

    Curtis: *SIGH!* I miss Kwanzaa already!

    DT: “Then I’m going over to OCC to get a signed picture of Paulie from Senior.”

    FW: Straw student (in the last panel, anyway).

    Garfield: “Chuck Jones was RIGHT!”

    GA: Alright, Scancarelli — but hands off the 1975 Thanksgiving episode, GOT IT?!
    (Goodnight, Emily)

    GT: Needle Boy will pay dearly for this when the, uh, “competition” for that illegal racket finds out. The mafia? No…. China! (R.I.P., Needle Boy)

  6. Chareth Cutestory
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    GT: Its nice to see how things have shifted here. Here I thought the parents of Milford High would have been alarmed that their kids were getting permanent tattoos while underage and without their consent. But as soon as we see a parent walking in on some kids watching Fast & Furious all hell will break loose.

  7. Hibbleton
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    RMMD: A stolen boat and now a stolen knife, Rex’s only regret is that the real owner of the scooter showed up before he could pinch that.

    A3G: You’ve heard of the Scarlet ‘A’ of adultery. I wear the fried eggs of ill repute.

    MW: Welcome officer McSaucy and her gravity defying tie.

    MT: She’s gotta be wearing one of those ranger shirts wear the pocket flaps are a darker color. No one draws boobs like that.

  8. SGreenwell
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    This Gil Thorp storyline is all sorts of awesome, in a misguided afterschool special way. Well, you know, moreso than the strip’s usual storylines. I imagine the writer thinking to himself, “I know the past 10 years, we’ve been nothing but an anachronism, a reflection of quaint, old-timey morals. But that all changes this month! I’ve got a story that these whippersnaps will relate to – tattoos and bootleg DVDs, which go together like praline and graham crackers. Then, next week, I can talk about the dangers of this World Wide Web I keep hearing about.”

  9. Steve
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MW – Off-panel, Wayne the kidnapper is led away in handcuffs: “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid…nap-noticing Mary Worth! Ha! I totally nailed that delivery! I’m going to win this year’s Scooby-Doo LARPing award for sure!”

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    The yuck factor goes off the scale when Matey McTwilight uses his hairy-palmed “business” hand to give Ransom a Methodist handshake.

  11. hogenmogen
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    I do like the Gil Thorp plot twist, in which a legitimate tatoo business was beginning to corrupt the impressionable youth of Milford, did not quite seem villianous enough. Enter the antagonist’s new evil design. “I will sell copies of old movies on a dying format for less than it costs to purchase a used copy from eBay. My one dollar profit per unit will bleed this town dry!! Bwah ha ha!”

    You don’t see the threat to Milford’s way of life yet? How about Tatoo-You also has an accent, and foreigners are scary! Even those from mostly harmless countries strongly allied with US interests that share our common language.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @Steve (#9): However, one “See what I did there?” earned ol’ Wayne a klonk on the noggin with a nightstick.

  13. Jen
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    A3G: In all seriousness, that would be a pretty terrible way to find out you’re adopted.

  14. Liam
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-This is what getting a tattoo leads to; bootleg dvds and body piercings. Soon these clean cut kids will be on street corners selling their bodies and drugs to support their tattoo, bootleg dvds, and body piercings habit.

    MW-Insert sexist joke about a female cop here.

  15. Liam
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    FW-The stuff in the vendos tasted better than the stuff the cafeteria makes. You’ve just condemned the students to boring bland food.

  16. Chyron HR
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Luann – Silly Tiffany, only your alleged “friend” Crystal is allowed to say that your life is dull and pointless!

  17. S. Stout
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    GT: Twilight? Sorry kid, we’re strictly a bootleg Titanic shop. I don’t know where you got the idea that we have an endless supply of other movies.

  18. Mibbitmaker
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Pop Culture’s Kids #3 is now up!

    Two more characters to round out the group. Given another look, I may have inadvertently applied some Jack Elrod Perspective to the last panel. The new kids are not hight challenged.

  19. Jessy
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    After reading that New Yorker article about itching, getting the shingles vaccine just moved to the top of my priority list.

  20. Dennis the Two and a Half Menace
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    DtM: Dennis wants his mom to leave his pinky nails long. When a junkie is looking for a cure to his “itch”, he wants to know he’s getting his “scratch” from someone serious.

  21. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Oh, go on, Diane—just show the kid the websites where you’re researching the “different” stuff you want to try out with Greg tonight. That’ll shut him up.

    MT: I sure hope that Mark brought Andy, so Tommy can see what a real dog can do, unlike that pathetic parasite who’s just mooching off them now after all its years of faithful and diligent service.

    MW: When do we get to the part where everyone lauds Mary? I want some lauding, dammit.

    A3G: I’m kind of confused by what’s going on right now, but I’m confident that it will soon settle into crystal-clear tedium.

  22. wossname
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Phantom – “HE IS IGNORING ME”?? Ten Tigers Goon must have learned English by reading Mark Trail.

    A3G – Oh gods, please let 15-year-old Ruby’s deflowerer be Papa Linski, so Lu Ann and Paul actually are half-siblings, as some of us were hoping a month ago. I already wrote Shulock into my will after she had Bobbie Merrill turn out to be Margo’s long-lost stepmother, so I guess if she comes thru with a Ruby-Papalinski tryst, I’ll have to increase her bequest.

    Crank – I can’t figure out what she meant to say, but I’m enjoying the prospect of Rose wriggling on her belly like a reptile. I’m enjoying even more the prospect of the horrific car crash and injuries and death that we’re about to witness.

    Curtis – The roll of paper towels for the puddle of drool is a nice touch.

  23. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#228): No muzzled bears, sadly. And had there been a secret gold mine behind the waterfall, I would have known: I banged into the rocks behind it enough times.

    Josh: Oh man, I still vividly remember that article. In fact, I refer to it in class when talking about the subjectivity of perception—always preceding it with the scratching-through-to-the-brain story, of course, which definitely gets their attention.

  24. ExSpecialAgentStarling
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    That damn itching article freaked me the hell out. Thanks a lot.

  25. smacky
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    “alternately crying and masturbating”

    I think you meant “simultaneously”

  26. Edgy DC
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Josh, you didn’t have to go there.

  27. Anonymous
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Are you kidding me? Pluggers can’t even fathom the concept of “skinny” much less the idea of “jeans.”

  28. Oregonian
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    DTM: “Now Dennis, let’s go for that walk in the woods. Remember: ‘Leaves of three, treasure they be!’”

  29. Little Guy
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Big Nate: Okay, I’m going meta here. Aside from the “Rule of Funny”, like when Sarge beats the crap out of Beetle Bailey, when Barry can get Curtis in trouble at the drop of a hat, and when Les Moore can be a successful author, if Nate gets into detention EVERY DAY because of ONE TEACHER, why doesn’t this ring any bells with at least Nate’s Dad? I can see the school system shrugging and saying “just suck it up and don’t get into trouble”, but Nate’s Dad has to notice why his son keeps coming home from school late.

  30. sully
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    The Menace’s all too well-documented aversion to bathing has come to the inevitable conclusion of flea, lice and tick infestation. Oh, the hilarity.

  31. debussy fields
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    FC–”Jeffy, I’ve told you a hundred times: You have to stay out for three weeks to get hot chocolate. You’ve only been out two and half weeks. Now get the hell out of here and stop bothering me!”

  32. Stickerz
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    If I say Mark Trail 3 times into my mirror, will he show up at my front door?

  33. pugfuggly
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Stickerz (#32):

    If he does, be sure to observe the proper protocol and answer in BOLD!

  34. Pozzo
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    “Here, have a fourteen-year-old easily-available movie — first one’s free!”

  35. Christopher
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    As much as I’m loving the new Gil Thorpe storyline, it’s incredibly unrealistic. In a town this backward the real business should be bootleg VHS tapes. And I’m guessing at least a third of these teens own Betamax machines.

  36. bats :[
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    “Are you Emily Smith?”
    “I think she needs to sit down.”
    “No, I NEED some freakin’ rainbow swirl ice cream, you hideous old bat!”

  37. Marc
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Why yes police officer of ambiguous sexuality, that is Emily Smith. No need for her to speak, she needs to sit down. Those 2 weeks she spent in the booth waiting for ice cream wasn’t nearly long enough to get over such a traumatic experience. What? Of course I’m positive it’s her, I saw the poster!

    A3G- Oh shit, here comes the bombshell. Although with this being A3G, it’ll probably be closer to a turtle shell.

    Luann- Shut up Crystal. Isn’t life being dull and pointless your whole schtick? Isn’t that why you dress in that stupid way and act like a douche to everyone and suck all joy out of a room the second you enter?

    Mark Trail- This has to be rework art right? I don’t think anybody has had a hairstyle like Tommy’s since the 70′s. And I might be being generous with that.

    Funky- Well you can pretty much bag anything. You can be like Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia who was able to successfully bag and eat spaghetti. I’m sure you can find a way to pull it off with mashed potatoes.

  38. bats :[
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    RMMD: heh…he said “tackle”…heh…

  39. Marc
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Crank- Is Batiuk going to pull an exact repeat of last years week of the miserable old bat lying at the end of the driveway? It’s certainly trending that way. Batiuk must subscribe to the Homer Simpson theory on the elderly. “Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use”

  40. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Crank: Yet another “Rose slips on the ice again” story arc…

    FC: No, Jeffy. You haven’t frozen to death yet.

    FW: Suffer suffer suffer suffer suffer CANCER!!!!!!!!

    Luann: Nuthin’ like keepin’ on killin’ the dream, is there?

    MW: Are you Emily? Emily Smith?……..HEY. Listen up. Are you Emily?? SPEAK, GODDAMMIT!!!!!!

    Archie: Ha ha ha!! It’s funny, because their house is sealed up so tight, they will all drown!

    SixChix: Piccolo should study the anatomy of a snake to realize that a snake’s asshole is not quite that far to the rear….

    Love is…: He must hate her today.

    Hope & Death: That is very reminiscent of my 10th-Grade Algebra teacher.

  41. Hibbleton
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    MW: So everything’s cleared up except why Bree’s about to slap Emily’s face. No tip?

  42. hogenmogen
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    “Looking for a tatoo, mate?”

    “My girlfriend wants ‘Twilight’.”

    So he walks out with a tat of Robert Pattinson on his ass.
    “Sorry, mate. I didn’t know ya wanted the movie!”

    “Bending over and dropping trou seemed pretty unorthodox. But I heard you were cheaper than Best Buy.”

  43. hogenmogen
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Dennis has no wrists. Just one big slab of meat from palm to elbow.

  44. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Lynn Johnston’s H-E Double Hockey Sticks

    What the puck is she talking about?

  45. Dennis Jimenez
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    DtM – Again, with Dennis the Milquetoast (or however it’s spelled)….

    GT – So, I’m guessing from panel two that S-M will come swooping in – defending Toby Maguire’s precious royalty interests….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  46. word-doctor
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Switchblade” is an adequate scan with “fillet,” for anyone wanting to do a bardic conversion.

    MT: Sorry if someone has suggested this, but maybe Butch could get a seeing eye dog to help his upland game game?

    Baldo: I like this one.

  47. Chip Whittle
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Arctic Circle: Dolphins in the FBI for decades now? With J. Edgar Hoover’s hang-ups about sex? Not buying it.

    Barney Google: “I perfer a doctor who ain’t still practicin’ his practicin’!! He weren’t even up for doing goat gland implants, ken ya imagine?!”

    Curtis: Never mind the dialogue in Curtis, which is the correct thing to do with the dialogue, but that’s an alarming procession of faces in the four panels. Those are some faces that’re going to haunt your dreams.

    Edge City: I for one am shocked, shocked, that Abby’s overblown fiasco has turned out to be fatally screwed up. This is the freshest venture in a comic strip since Get Fuzzy this week had Bucky breaking stuff and abusing Satchel.

    Grin and Bear It: “Daddy, Otis can no longer remain silent about your bumper sticker! John Ashbrook would be terrible if elected in 1972, which is about when this panel looks like it’s from!”

    Mandrake: Hooray! The problem was solved! Whatever the heck the problem was and whatever anyone did to solve it! Unless it was all just Mandrake waving his hands mystically!

  48. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#39): Soylent Green is still people!

    @hogenmogen (#43): Dennis the Menace Manus!

  49. TheDiva
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    GT: Yesterday, Josh earwormed me with “Yackety Sax;” today it’s Avenue Q’s “My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada.” If tomorrow’s post contains an allusion to “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” I’ll know he’s doing this on purpose.

    9CL: Did Brooke just summarize the appeal of his comic? I didn’t think he was that self-aware…

    C’shaft: “And I have a cyanide capsule as a last resort!”

    FW: Yes, because cafeteria mashed potatoes and gravy are just loaded with vitamins and nutrients, and are a culinary delight to boot. Get bent, Linda.

    Luann: Well, that does it. Tiffany is officially the most likable character in this strip.

    Marvin: That’s kind of like asking Rosemary if she wants another baby, isn’t it?

    MW: Emily facepalms at the stupid dialogue.

    SM: I move Thor cross over and start “taping” other comic strip characters into the wall. Start with everyone in Westview.

  50. Señor Tortilla
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    FW – Man, I just want to punch that lady for being a smug SOB.

    GA – Oh man, I hope that Slim really wasn’t released, and is the prisoner.

    Spider-Man – I do like this storyline if it involves Peter getting smacked around.

  51. wossname
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#39), @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#40) and everybody anticipating another episode of “Rose falls on the ice” — I think you’re setting your expectations too low. She’s about to get in the car and drive on the ice. Imagine the possibilities!

  52. Esther Blodgett
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#10): “Matey McTwilight” made me lol. I possibly am too easily amused.

    MT: Dramatic tortoise – dun-dun-DUN!

    RMMD: “And by ‘addition to my tackle box’ I mean…you know, I put it in the place where I keep my fishing stuff. *sigh* I got nothing.”

    FW: It’s convenient that Batuik’s starting to draw every character alike. Saves me the bother of trying to figure out who it is that’s annoying the shit out of me on any given day.

  53. Northernlurker
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    MW: I my many years of getting speeding tickets I’ve never seen a police in quite that color. Here’s hoping Mary gets a police beating for meddling in an official investigation.
    MT: so this nice young couple that can’t afford to keep a blind dog (reminds me of a Monty Python line “a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse”) is going to open their home to a man whose only skill is eating pancakes?

  54. Dood
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Is it wrong to cheer for the perceived “bad guys” in the strip? I’m hoping Ransom puts the Swif-T-Mart out of business. Ethically and legally challenged free enterprise on, my Kiwi friend.

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Bizarro — “Sheldon Cooper: The Later Years”!

    RMMD — The fact that he’s technically withholding evidence never occurred to Rex. Just like it didn’t occur to him the time he confiscated a “pocket cannon” from John Wilkes Booth.

  56. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    CS – How telling is it that everyone who read today’s strip had the first reaction of “Die you withered old crone! DIE!!!”?

    RMMD – Well, we may never know what happened to Spider, but at least we have some resolution for those worried about his penknife. Next week: Rex gets a visit from Sam Driver, informing him that an Iranian diplomat was the victim of an assassination attempt using an identical penknife. The victim was stabbed over 100 times, then left in a dumpster where he was found three days later. He is in stable condition – doctors say his injuries would have been much worse if the assassin hadn’t attached a noise supressor to the knife, thus leaving less than 1/8″ of cutting surface available.

  57. thecrock
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    “Hey, why don’t you make a good amount of money off of expensive tattoos?”
    “Because I just bought a DVD burner, that’s why.”

  58. Chip Whittle
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Retail: “Assistant managing was the worst week of my life! It was nothing but endless stupid paperwork about what we planned to do, getting people to do it, and reviewing how well they were do it! What does any of that have to do with management?”

    Rex Morgan: I have no idea anymore why these characters are standing around smugly, but neither do they. They just know it’s how things must be.

    Rhymes With Orange: You know, based on the mascot there, now I want a bowl or policy of Collision Crunchies. Something about the red-haired lizard with a blue headband works.

    Spider-Man: “I struck him only a gentle tap, Milady. I mean, seriously, I just nudged him with my elbow. What’s with that wuss?” “Oh, that’s my Peter.”

    The worst part of this is Mary Jane losing her Cutie Mark.

  59. terrapin
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#56):We know what happened to Spider. He got off scott free because the police couldn’t find the alleged weapon.

  60. Horace Broon
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Crank: Okay, based on the foreshadowing, I’m going to predict that Rose not only slips on the ice, but it’s the ice in Hyde Park (“Serpentine”, you see?) How did she get to London? It’s called writing.

    (Seriously, I have no idea what “serpentine” is meant to be a malapropism for. Anyone?)

    GT: “I think he’s selling bootleg movies! My first clue was this bootleg movie!”

    RMMD: Having defeated his opponent, Rex claims his trophy, and looks smugger than ever.

    Zits: This is why you should pay attention in science class.

  61. Anonymous
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    From DtM : There must be something wrong with me. I initially read “I won’t be able to scratch my bitches.” Dennis goes OG.

  62. gkl
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    GT: Just to class the joint up a bit, I’d like to point out that Kiwi Tattoo Guy’s business strategy comes directly from Malcolm Gladwell’s “The Tipping Point”: find connectors and get them talking about your product. To restore order to the world, I’d like to reiterate the assertion that “Twilight” fan’s “boyfriend” in the third panel will definitely be masturbating when he gets home, or more likely, in an alley on the way home, and then in another alley on the way home, and then on the bus on the way home. The Twilight box is adorable, you know.

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#60):

    One of the funniest moments in the original, Peter Falk version of “The In Laws” is when they need to leave cover and run across an open space while the bad guys are shooting at them. Falk tells Alan Arkin to “serpentine” – aka not run in a straight line, but weave back and forth like a serpent to make it harder for the shooters to hit him. Arkin runs in a straight line and makes it across safely, but Falk is screaming “serpentine! serpentine!”, so Arkin runs back, still under fire, and then crosses the gap again, this time remembering to serpentine.

  64. Austria
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Arch: Oh my gosh look at that phone

    FW: ” ‘Mashed potatoes’ made by mixing potato substance powder with tap water, and ‘gravy’ made by mixing gravy substance with tap water. Delicious and nutritious!”

    GT: Best. Gil Thorp. Ever.

    MG&G: If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about it?

    PBS: Time to break out the boogie-woogie bugle sheep.

    Zits: That…that is some awesome-looking cracked glass. I know I rip on this comic a lot, but darn if the art isn’t good.

  65. Illustrator Steve
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    MT – “Hi Tommy! I just rode in on my favorite tortise!”
    “MARK! WHAT are you doing? My wife is all upset because that damn giant tortise of yours crapped all over her landscaping, which we can not afford!”
    “Do NOT worry Tommy, that BLIND dog of yours seems so starved for food I am sure he will clean it all up for you!”

  66. Plag
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    M.T.: Mart, watch out! It’s a trap! Tommy is not to be trusted! Just look at those sideburns and that 1970′s Johnny Cash hair! The affection displayed for his old blind dog is just a pretense. He’s really a poacher, and he’s waiting for you, his arch-nemesis!

  67. Bill Murray
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    GT: Following the passing of Gomez and Morticia, the Thing moved in with Pugsley and his son Pugsley II. Needing cash P II does a Gil Thorp cameo, while the Thing tries to show Gil that he can model hands for the strip and thus get a full time position. Sadly, he’ll never be as successful as Cousin Itt, who models mammal bodies for Jack Elrod.

  68. Charlene
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    GT: What the hell is on that woman’s cheek? Is she a Trill?

  69. Dood
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Unless Asgard gets cable, is there any chance of Peter rescuing Mary Jane?

  70. Charlene
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    PS Spam at 175 on “Mostly Soapy Sunday”.

  71. Dood
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Charlene (#70): To the barricades!

  72. Illustrator Steve
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#37): Mark Trail – Actually, Tommy’s house travels back and forth in time from panel to panel with him, Sally and blind Butch taking a ride through time inside their house. This has been proven because in the past few days his long sideburns have appeared, then disappeared and then reappeared again. Once Mark sets foot inside that wierd house only Jackelrod could possibly guess WHAT will happen!

  73. Kinghasnoclothes
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    FW: “Remember, kids–make your life as hideous as possible so you will embrace the sweet relief of death due to cancer.”

  74. numbskull72
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    The term you’re looking for re: the kid in the third panel of today’s Gil Thorp is “weepsterbating.”

  75. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#56): I prefer to think Dennis — who’s a menace, you know — slashed the Iranian diplomat with his long fingernails. Alice is helping her son escape prosecution by getting rid of the evidence.

  76. kingklash
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    My ex-brother-in-law once bought a bunch of DVDs cheap, and some of the movies were still in the theaters at the time. My nephews were watching Madagascar, and right at a important scene near the end, some guy stands up and slowly makes his way across the bootlegger’s camera. The boys were mad at their dad for days. He never bought movies like that again.

  77. Johnny Knuckles
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    GT: From now one, like the bruiser in panel 3, I’m going to introduce my right hand as my “girlfriend” whenever I want something. Don’t give the (pizza? dime bag? status report?) to me. Give it to my “girlfriend”.

  78. Dood
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: Whose head does Alice keep upside-down in that lamp base? Fred Flintstone?

  79. Frank Lee Meidere
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#58): Just popping in to say that I really love your format. It’s like a triple joke. First there’s the link to the comic, then there’s your snark, and then there’s the “Easter egg,” which is a kind of snark on your snark. Brilliant.

    Thanks, Chip.

  80. A different JD
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    I can understand the Marvelverse expecting us to believe that a radioactive spider bite would turn an ordinary nerd into a superhero with the proportionate strength of a spider. I can maybe buy that we’re supposed to believe that Norse gods are real, exist in another dimension, and that one has even been on television. But I refuse to swallow any plot that includes an actress refusing to be recognized as or treated like a goddess. My credulity goes only so far.

    Oh, and “Warden Bordon Gordon” has to be the worst Gasoline Alley name since “Pastor Present.”

  81. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    3G – Did somebody criticize Ruby’s bows? Because today she’s got fried eggs in her hair.

    Crankshaft – Now it’s time for more laff-filled monoxide-saturated deathjinks with Rose in the garage.

    Henry – For a second, it looked like Henry was going to rearrange the snowman’s dots and make him into a “love is…” naked toddler.

  82. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Lio – It’s a classic “Krispy Kritters” ad! The One and Only Cereal that Comes in the Shape of Animals!

    love is… …suddenly remembering why it’s a bad idea to give the driver a hand job.

    Queen – All together now, “How Can You Be in Two Places at Once, When You’re Not Anywhere At All?”

  83. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#78): It’s [Old Man] Muffaroo’s head. Woot!

  84. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#18): Y’know, I was just thinking that Nina should have “Nina hair.” Like Hirschfeld’s daughter would. If you see what I mean.

    @Horace Broon (#60): For a couple of years after THE IN-LAWS (the original one, not the remake) came out, Falk’s admonition to the inexperienced Arkin — “Serpentine! Serpentine!” — was a catch phrase in a large swath of my peer group. I was delighted to see the movie again on Turner Classic Movies just a few days ago. It’s still as funny as I remembered.

  85. Illustrator Steve
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MT – (Recycled plotline #7,893 – scene for panel #1: There is a knock at Tommy and Sally’s cabin door)…..

    “Hey BUTCH! Go see WHO is there at the door! woops, sorry Butch. …Hey Sally, go see who KEEPS knocking at the door, and then go get me another BEER!!”

    “Hello? Well-well-well. If it is not Mark Trail, God’s gift to L.L. Bean!”

    “Hello Sally! Say, you are looking mighty fine today! Say, wanna buy a gigantic BLIND tortise?!”

    (Door is slamed in Mark’s face). SLAM!

    “Hello? HELLO IN THE CABIN! HELLO? Sally? Tommy? Butch? ANYBODY?!”

  86. Roxanne
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    C’mon, stop being so cynical. If I were a tattoo artist looking to make a couple bucks on the side, I would definitely make sure I had a copy of a movie from the 90s that everyone’s already seen (but for some reason I would assume not already own a copy of) at the ready to lure teens into my web!

  87. UncleJeff
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Love is….getting Little Naked Girl to the hospital while she ODs. And getting away before you have to explain the OD or what you’re doing in a car with a Little Naked Girl.

  88. Ian Beste
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#58): Just gotta say, I miss the vaguely-anime eSurance spokestoon, as the babbling overly-lipsticked Progressive gal just doesn’t do it for me. I still like the Gecko. (The latest Farmers ad with a Mercury space capsule smashing into a model of a house had me laughing the first time I saw it. Don’t open the door, Gus!)

  89. Spotts1701
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#64): School’s broke, remember? The “mashed potatoes” are actually ground up acoustic tiles. Don’t ask what the “gravy” is.

  90. Chip Whittle
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79):

    @Chip Whittle (#58): Just popping in to say that I really love your format. It’s like a triple joke.

    Aw, thanks. It’s a fun challenge trying to think of two aspects of any given day’s Crock that’s worth pointing and snickering at.

  91. the good ship thetis
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @A different JD (#80):
    That might be a take off of The Bob Newhart Show, where the neighbor, Howard Borden, had a brother Gordon who was a game warden. The title of the episode which introduced him was Warden Gordon Borden, or something like that.

  92. DownWithOPP
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    I read “scratch my itches” as a euphemism for “vigorously masturbate”, a practice which, if requiring the use of one’s fingernails, actually makes Dennis a heck of a lot more menacing than I was previously led to believe.

  93. Notebooked
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    I notice that our resident Tattooing Kiwi isn’t using any sort of slang in panel 1. Since it’s completely inconceivable that the person responsible for Gil Thorp‘s writing (I looked it up — it’s Jerry Jenkins, but that wasn’t accusatory enough, and also too alliterative to be taken seriously) just realized that foreign people don’t speak stereotypical slang before/in/after every sentence, I imagine that he shifts over to some sleazy Chicago gangster-accent when not in the company of the kids, and his ‘gentle Kiwi’ voice is only a ruse. “After all,” he reasons, “who would suspect the New Zealanders? They’re Australia’s non-notable little brother, who don’t live in a country trying to film them, right? Lord of the Rings came from there! And all the good in the world came from Lord of the Rings.”

  94. Poteet
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    I’ve clicked on several scary links on CC in the past few years, in spite of well-written warnings. But a factual article about unstoppable itching?? Nonononono. *whimper*

  95. Poteet
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Jessy (#19): Thank you. I just made the call to get the shot myself. Seriously.

  96. Stickerz
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Notebooked (#93):


  97. seismic-2
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @the good ship thetis (#91):

    That might be a take off of The Bob Newhart Show, where the neighbor, Howard Borden, had a brother Gordon who was a game warden.

    Yes, and a big part of Bill Daily’s (“Howard”) comedy shtick was his rapid-fire staccato delivery. When he first referred to his brother as “Warden Gordon Borden” it was like the burst of a machine gun, and the live audience howled. With a comedian whose delivery was less abrupt, it wouldn’t have been nearly so funny. One Bill Daily routine that I remember was this interchange with Steve Allen:
    Allen: “You really talk fast!”
    Daily: “No, you just listen slow!”

  98. Poteet
    January 11th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    MT — I know very little about the hunting-dog business, but I can’t help suspecting that it’s generally a good idea to have more than one dog.

  99. Poteet
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I just checked in on S-M for the first time in several weeks and discovered that this dim-bulb fashion-challenged hair-intensive version of Thor has decided that MJ is the goddess Sif. Unstoppable stupidity is almost as bad as unstoppable itching.

  100. Illustrator Steve
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#98): Yes, you are correct, especially when all a hunting-dog business has for hire are BLIND dalmations. Then you’ll need DOZENS of ‘em so they can hear one other whil attempting to narrow in for the kill!

  101. gnome de blog
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    This whole Ted-without-Sally business would be a hell of a lot more plausible if Ted was wearing a dress.

  102. hogenmogen
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]
    Rhymes W/Syringe: Yeah, I’m relieved that he doesn’t choose a breakfast cereal based on the cartoon mascot. Otherwise I’d have serious concerns why he would voluntarily have poured a bowl of Spermie-O’s.

  103. seismic-2
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#100): If you had 101 of them, then your hunting trip would be sure to result in your bringing back some fine pelts.

  104. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#79):

    @Chip Whittle (#58): Just popping in to say that I really love your format. It’s like a triple joke. First there’s the link to the comic, then there’s your snark, and then there’s the “Easter egg,” which is a kind of snark on your snark. Brilliant. Thanks, Chip.

    Allow me to chime in, Mr. Whittle, I agree with FLM. Very clever, fulgent, even. You pack a lot of wit into a very small space, which, indeed, is what the comics are supposed to be all about.

  105. Baka Gaijin
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#7) on Apartment 3-G: Updated for modern audiences, Hester Prynne wears an Egg McMuffin for each indiscretion in 2012′s remake of “The Scarlet Letter.” Further updating the storyline, Ms. Prynne has much looser morals, resulting in a Lady Gaga-esque Dress o’Thousand McMuffins.

    @bats :[ (#36): Damn, you beat me to it! Who’ll think of the ice cream? With the sweet green icing floooowwwing down!

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#40) on Six Chix: I’m not asking how you know the proper placement of a snake’s butthole. I’m not asking.

  106. TheTJ
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Wow, they’re really being subtle in panel two. I’m surprised they didn’t announce it over the PA system or take out an add in the paper.

  107. Calico
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#28):
    Oh noes!
    By our local beautiful riverwalk/park they actually have to cordon off and put signs around giant patches of poison ivy, so Cap-Rouge doesn’t become one giant itching horde of miserable people in late summer.

  108. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104): Mr. Chip Whittle is like a Lucky Strike Cigarette or a Merle Travis woman: So round, so firm, so fully packed!

  109. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#103): There were several comments last week to the effect that Dalmatians were not a good breed for a hunting dog. I can’t speak to that, but I did see a Dalmatian the other day in a super market, working as a service dog for some lady. Beautiful animal, very large, with astonishing discipline and focus in a very distracting environment.

  110. Fashion Police
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#7):
    Shame on you, Officer McSaucy! One’s tie exactly matching one’s shirt only works for Victorians riding sidesaddle.

  111. Calico
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    RM – “It’s in my mobile surgical kit – it’ll be perfect for tracheotomies and circumcisions!”

    JP – Thiiiinnnnnk, April, thiiiink …
    I’ll bet Sophie hired someone to do the hit, actually. Dude was interfering with her Middle Eastern business deals.

    Curtis – “Like leaving my family and joining a cult.”

  112. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#56): “CS – How telling is it that everyone who read today’s strip had the first reaction of “Die you withered old crone! DIE!!!”?

    My first thought was a fiery automobile crash with a school bus.*

    *No one under 65 was harmed in the conception of this mental image.

  113. hogenmogen
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    I wonder how this new affront to Milford society will present itself to Gil Thorp. The tatoo scourge was obvious, especially when the basketball team went out of their way to smack said tatoo after each score. But how will Gil and Kaz notice the growing threat of WATCHING PG RATED MOVIES? (cue the spooky eek-eek-eek sound effect)

    Gil: A girl in school mentioned seeing the Titanic, though it sank a hundred years ago.
    Kaz: I was talking to the team, and they said something about “twilight” that had nothing to do with dawn or dusk!
    Kiwi-Tat-Man: I’ve got “Dawn To Dusk”. Cheap, mate!

  114. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): I remember that scene, too—not just because it’s funny, but also because years ago, when I’d walk my English bulldog, Truffles, we’d play “serpentine,” running and weaving down the sidewalk while I exhorted her, “Serpentine! Serpentine!” That is, until I serpentined a bit too close to the edge of the sidewalk and broke my foot.

  115. Marc
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#89): I’m going to guess that the gravy is just brown and water.

  116. Calico
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t Rose bust her ass on the ice last year? Are we going to have to suffer this again?

    Re: Titanic – there will be some tourist cruises that will follow the path of the ill-fated ship this April, the 100th anniversary of the sinking. I don’t think I’d feel too good about signing up (although I love all kinds of boats and never get seasick)

  117. Red Greenback
    January 11th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    The thing that jumped off the panel and caught my eye and dragged it fifteen feet was that Dennis only has thumbnails and Alice is holding the clippers parallel to his index finger. What the heck are the “‘EM”s that Dennis is concerned about maintaining at optimum scratchin’ lengths?

  118. Baka Gaijin
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    If Emily Smith pulls off her false face and reveals Liza Minelli to an amazed Mary Worth, I’d die laughing.

    Herb and Jamaal is surprisingly specific today. “Fajita Repeatas” instead of “that Mexican dish made of a ground corn flat patty and cheese and meat and vegetables that caused upper gastric distress.”

    Loretta you bitch. Leroy is trying to show affection and you just keep nagging. If I didn’t say it before, Twatwaffle!

    Molly and the Bear is hilarious.

  119. Dood
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Some business advice for Milford’s new tatoo artist and bootleg DVD connection. Stock up on “Red Dawn.” Mudlarks!

  120. Ian Beste
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#88): To clarify the lame joke, Liberty Bell 7…

  121. commodorejohn
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#105): I know the proper placement of a snake’s butthole because my dad pointed it out to me when I was a kid and we found a garter snake. Learning about nature: fun for all ages!

    A3G – Completely. Awesome.

    BS – …I wonder if Jerry van Amerongen knows how terrifying and weird this is? I wonder if he’s aware of fursuiters, or transvestites, or transvestite fursuiters, or…well, anything?

    DT – Oh, this is why Dick hasn’t just shot the no-good hippies.

    FC – “No. Not until hypothermia sets in.”

    GT – *snrk* Yes. They’ve got piracy, right here in Milford city, and that starts with P and that rhymes with T and that stands for tattoo!

    JP – Please welcome our special guest star, the younger sister of the famous Gil Thorp Hand!

    Luann – Hey, maybe this is some bizarro-world version of the US, and LA is where all the nation’s humble, friendly, helpful people live. In contrast to, you know, the Luann cast.

    Mandrake – “After all, sinking all of my money into something nobody wanted worked so well the first time!”

    MT – Kicky outfit there, Mr. Turtle!

    MW – Wait, wait, Lady Cop here is the identical twin of Waitress? Someone call the Jungle Patrol!

    Popeye – Why is Popeye’s crazy old father the one who makes the most sense in this strip?

    RMMD – Oh, theft on top of negligence and vigilantism? It’s a Woody Wilson trifecta!

    SF – Oh my. Oh my.

    SM – Yay! Do it again! Do it again!

  122. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: Still no Barney. 5,484 days now.

  123. THE REAL Mark Trail
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#18): hey Mibbitmaker , what was the website where your omic runs?

  124. Snuggs
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Pleeease tell me all the bootleg movies this guy sells are on big, chunky VHS tapes! I wonder if he has Death Blow for sale?

  125. seismic-2
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    GT: Say what you will about Ransom Hale (e.g., “He surely is a Handsome Rail!”), I do have to admire his resourcefulness in combining two so disparate enterprises under a single roof. Who would have thought that inking the jocks’ shoulders and piercing the Sheilas’ nostrils would lead to a profitable sideline in peddling bootleg DVDs? Sheer marketing genius, I tell you! I wonder – does he have a special promotional offer whereby if you purchase 3 tattoos at list price, he throws in a complementary bootleg of Memento?

    Actually, that could be how he got the idea for his sideline business. One day, his usual routine of piercing and tattooing the Sheilas’ “lady parts” was interrupted by a male customer who boldly opened his black leather chaps, pointed to his member, and proudly proclaimed, “I want a guy pierce!”

  126. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#108): Mr. Chip Whittle is like a Lucky Strike Cigarette…

    Oddly, I find other people less irritating when I’m toasted!

    Not that I’m orgulous about that.

  127. Anonymous
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    To ? and beyond!

  128. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Snuggs (#124): Hey, I’ll be happy to answer this one — just click on Mibbitmaker’s name, and off you go. (Explaining to everybody else) …to the latest installment of that new webcomic everyone’s talking about!

  129. Baka Gaijin
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#125): Were these chaps assless?

  130. nescio
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Sigh. After yesterday I had already spent too much time this week analyzing Momma. But today’s strip is baffling on several levels.

    1. Is there another use for social media other than to socialize? Is there an actual difference between social and socializing media?
    2. where is this place where Momma walks in on Francis and 10 women hanging around looking at their smartphones? A coffee shop? It looks too clean to be Francis’ apartment.
    3. Are we to assume that Francis wouldn’t be talking to (and hitting on) any of these women as he does with any other young woman in his vicinity? Is he communicating with them by phone? That would be uncharacteristically unlazy of him, talking directly would be easier.
    4. It’s hard to tell from Lazarus’s art, but the woman with “TWEEK” above her head does seem a little strung out.
    5. I think it looks more sordid to Momma than it actually is, since the women’s crotches and upskirt views are all at Momma’s eye level.
    6. The dark, curly haired woman in the middle of the panel looks like she’s picking bugs from the blonde’s hair.

    Thank goodness my lunch hour is over, otherwise I’d continue.

  131. Dood
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Is Ransom Hale Alan Hale’s son? “Gilligan!”

  132. Dood
    January 11th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    So, Dennis’ theme song is “Yakety Scratch”?

  133. Baron Bizarre
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#40):

    SixChix: Piccolo should study the anatomy of a snake to realize that a snake’s asshole is not quite that far to the rear….

    Well, what do Namekians know about the anatomy of Earth creatures, anyhow?

  134. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#116):

    I suppose that depends on whether the anniversary cruise actually follows the path of the original Titanic – vertically as well as horizontally.

  135. The Gringo Kid
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: “The suspect has been apprehended! He didn’t get very far! We caught him in panel 3 of today’s Gil Thorp after he put on a Batman T-shirt and ducked into a tattoo shop!”

  136. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#84): @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#114):

    I’m glad that Batty and I aren’t the only ones who still find ourselves using “serpentine!” as a catch phrase.

    The In Laws was one of the first movies I saw when my family finally got HBO in the early 80s. Of course, that was before On-Demand and before HBO was spread over 12 different channels. Back then, you got the HBO listing for the month, and when the month ended they moved on to a new slate of movies and dropped the previous ones. I ended up watching The In Laws at least a half-dozen times that month.

    Another favorite moment – at the end of the movie, when Arkin hands his just-married son an envelope with his wedding gift, “Just something to help you two get started.” I love the son’s condescending, indifferent “yeah dad, whatever” look, before he opens the envelope and sees how much money is inside and his expression changes completely.

  137. bunivasal
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Wait, did No-Ink Tattoo Man and Tattoo Face Woman just apply the “First taste is free” theory of drug marketing to DVDs?

    Soon, Milford teens will be huddled in alleys around DVD players. Looking wide-eyed and shell-shocked, they’ll stumble in the back of Milford Ink. “C-come on, man. I just need one hit. One hit from a blockbuster nearly as old as I am.”

  138. The Gringo Kid
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#84), @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): Re The In-Laws:

    The best line comes when Peter Falk is talking to cab driver David Paymer about working for the CIA:
    “Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That’s really the key to the benefit program.”

  139. The Gringo Kid
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @the good ship thetis (#91): That might be a take off of The Bob Newhart Show, where the neighbor, Howard Borden, had a brother Gordon who was a game warden.
    And he worked in Oregon!

  140. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#126): 20,679 physicians are also clamoring to:
    “Free Cue!” and “Bring back that Barney Google fellow while you’re at it!”

  141. Señor Tortilla
    January 11th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: To be honest, if I saw a police officer with the exact same face as the elderly one, I’d be frightened too and want to close my eyes.

  142. wossname
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#136): You know, we’ve been trying to figure out what word Rose meant, on the assumption that this was another stupid malapropism – but it just occurred to me, I guess she meant serpentine.

  143. ArchieNemesis
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth can’t take her hands off of Emily Smith. It’s creeping me out.

  144. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#142):

    I think you are correct, she did mean “serpentine”. So that mystery is solved. Can we move on the the mystery of why she has to go outside and walk through the front yard in the snow in order to get to the garage?

  145. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft — Cackling to herself, 117-year-old Rose prepares to leave on the first leg of the transatlantic trip she booked through Travelocity. Sewn into the lining of her dress — and worn next to her past-its-expiration-date heart — is the large diamond she planned to chuck into the ocean.

  146. Baka Gaijin
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144): Was there a black dashed line behind her? She may have taken the “Billy Keane Shortcut.”

  147. Marthas Rolling Pin
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#82): Yep, the “Krispy Kritters” tune pitty-patted through my mind as soon as I saw Lio today, too.

  148. Ozmar
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    I just have to wonder: in what kind of mixed-up parallel/isolated universe is Gil Thorp placed? Wherein they can’t find a copy of Titanic at the local Wal-Mart, yet the Twilight movie is (apparently) current? Are DVDs outlawed in this town?

  149. AhClem
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#144):

    I think you are correct, she did mean “serpentine”. So that mystery is solved. Can we move on the the mystery of why she has to go outside and walk through the front yard in the snow in order to get to the garage?

    Simple — there is no door between the house and her prison cell new room.

  150. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#149):

    You are probably correct. And this retroactively validates all her complaints about it being built as a prison for her. So, lets say it is raining and she wants to speak to someone in her family. She has to go outside, walk around to the garage in the rain, enter the house through the garage, then go into the living room to talk to someone?

  151. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    GT: I was going to rant against the latest scandal du jour turning out to be pirated DVDs, but looking at the doughy kid buying the latest Twilight movie for his imaginary girlfriend, I just can’t stay mad. I dearly hope that come Autumn he’ll be both defensive tackle and Gil’s personal footstool.

    9CL: This is not one of those times.

    RMMD: Few things on this Earth are sadder or more hilarious than Rex thinking he’s a badass.

    Curtis: Well, a lesbian affair would certainly be different. How long will it take before Curtis guesses that one?

    Luann: Whatever Tiffany is paying Crystal to be her BFF, she’s getting ripped off.

    FW: A weeklong reminder that high school cafeterias exist? It’s not too exciting, but when you consider what else Batiuk could be doing with the time, you won’t complain.

    Popeye: Oh Pappy, I’ve been telling Popeye the same thing for years. It just won’t sink in.

    Baldo: Evidence mounts that Baldo is of the Neutral Evil alignment.

    HtH: Luckily Hagar was able to get a job raiding foreign castles, because he really doesn’t cut it as a victim counselor.

    GA: If that’s actually new art and not clipart, Scancarelli has outdone himself today.

    BB: Like the girls from yesterday’s Gil Thorp, Miss Buxley is a big Titanic fan. That’s why she’s in front of the window, declaring herself king of the world.

    Shoe: “Trust me, nephew. The sex scenes are way hotter in the book.”

  152. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#81):

    Crankshaft – Now it’s time for more laff-filled monoxide-saturated deathjinks with Rose in the garage.

    Either that or Crankshaft will back over her in the belief that she’s Keesterman’s mailbox.

  153. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#142): You know, we’ve been trying to figure out what word Rose meant, on the assumption that this was another stupid malapropism – but it just occurred to me, I guess she meant serpentine.

    So. IF she meant “serpentine”, what then did she mean? Serpentine can mean:

    1) As an adjective, like a serpent.
    2) As a noun:
    a. a kind of mineral
    b. part the firing mechanism of a harquebus
    c. a 16th century cannon, with a bore of 7 inches, and a shot of 53 pounds.
    3) As a verb, to wind like a serpent, wriggle, move sinuously like a snake

    Clearly, Rose intended 2.c., the ancient cannon, and intends to blast away with it at anyone attempting to thwart her orgulous will.

  154. sporknpork
    January 11th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Tattoo Guy! Your pupil is running away!

  155. bats :[
    January 11th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

  156. ArchieNemesis
    January 11th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): Here’s what Rose meant:

    Peter Falk yelling “Serpentine, Shel! Serpentine!”

    It’s probably the first time Rose has ever said something funny.

  157. a
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    Hey, thanks for reminding me about that New Yorker article! It had finally stopped haunting my nightmares!

  158. Sans Sense
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Tackle Box” eh?

    Knife? Check! Duct Tape? Check? Plastic drop cloth? Check! Sounds like Rex is one bone saw and a police scanner away from completing his “Hit Kit”.

  159. Putts with Wolves
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone read the English Dennis the Menace? He’s this big dude in a furry hat with what basically amounts to a Mongol horde of pillagers. By comparison, our Dennis isn’t even Dennis the Mildly Worrying.

  160. Sans Sense
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    MT: Perhaps Mark will point out that lasers and head beatings are NOT the best way to train a bird dog.

  161. littlestevie
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    MT: Where in the f*** does Tommie live? Judging by the size of that tortoise, my guess is the Galapagos Islands. Not too many service stations out there, though.

  162. Sans Sense
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    FC: This circle is just missing Thel’s thought balloon, “Funny, I thought I locked that door.”

  163. Sans Sense
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: That cop better back the hell off until Mary finishes feeding.

  164. Sans Sense
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Oh snap Ten Tigers goon! He’s just not that into you!

  165. MapDark
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp : Downloading films? pfft , TOO MAINSTREAM! Let’s WASTE MONEY on bootleg films instead! Bootleg 14 years old films that I could probably get for cheaper in a clearance sale bin at any music and movies store!

    MW : Aaaaaah! The Santa Royale police department are cloning Mary Worths for their force! And no Mary , she doesn,t need to sit down she’s been sitting down for hours while you were trying to stall her kidnapper. And she wants her rainbow swirl damnit!

  166. Sans Sense
    January 11th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    JP: Dammit Sam! Don’t be obtuse! Can’t you see she’s got her Thinkin’ Hand on full throttle?

  167. Irrischano
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    Maybe this Gil Thorp story is a leftover from years ago and they’re actually referring to the 1998 film Twilight (starring Paul Newman, Susan Sarandon, and Gene Hackman). No wait, it’s Gil Thorp, so it’s just amazingly out of touch.

  168. Zerowolf
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Didn’t we do the Rose wanders out of the house in the middle of the winter routine last year at this time? And am I a bad person because this time I’m rooting for hypothermia?

  169. Zerowolf
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    FW: The school system is running on a bare bones budget, so the logical thing to do is remove the revenue generating vending machines?

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#156): Thank you. I never saw that movie. Would have remembered that scene. So it was “3) As a verb, to wind like a serpent, wriggle, move sinuously like a snake”, taking evasive action, in other words, in your opinion.

    But you know, call me orgulous, but I still like the idea of a antique artillery piece, and I’ll stick with it for now.

  171. Spotts1701
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#169): That’s what baffles me – I can understand removing the unhealthy items in the vending machines (most schools have done that either by choice or by edict), but why remove the machines completely? Soda machines can dispense bottled water and juice just as easily as they do Pepsi and Mountain Dew.

  172. Liam
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-And what would like to do different? Change the order of the stories perhaps? Because that will be the only change that is allowed.

  173. Shrug
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#44):

    “Lynn Johnston’s H-E Double Hockey Sticks — What the puck is she talking about?”

    I think we’re viewing LJ’s version of a Clusterpuck.

  174. Shrug
    January 11th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    MT: They can’t afford the upkeep of one blind dog, but they can afford to keep a Gojiro-sized Guard Turtle on their lawn? Doesn’t it eat a lot of vegs they could otherwise put to their personal use? And it’s not even doing that good a job as a Guard Turtle, since Mark apparently managed to outrun it and make it to their door.

  175. commodorejohn
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#169), @Spotts1701 (#171): Isn’t it obvious? To make the students miserable. I mean, come on, not only are they generally due for some misery by Funkiverse pathodynamics, they’re also Awful Teenagers who need to be punished for being young and not completely crushed yet!

  176. DaveyK
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Assuming the folks working on marketing the upcoming re-release of Titanic in 3-D are after the “65 and older newspaper-reading” demographic, these product placement dollars spent on Gil Thorp will be very effective, indeed!

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#82): Queen “…the one with the ever-widening hole in it!”

    Yes, yes, I wasn’t sure, but yes, I think that’s what they meant, yes, I mean, … yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. “

    But, dear friends, I was waiting for the electrician, or someone like him.

    / All hail M&L!

  178. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @DaveyK (#176): Assuming the folks working on marketing the upcoming re-release of Titanic in 3-D are after the “65 and older newspaper-reading” demographic, these product placement dollars spent on Gil Thorp will be very effective, indeed!

    I should hope so! A product placement in Gil Thorp must cost tens of dollars.

  179. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#147): It’s funny, but I can hear the Russian Dance from the Nutcracker and not think of Krispy Kritters, even though it’s pretty much the same tune.

    @Putts with Wolves (#159): Has anyone read the English Dennis the Menace? He’s this big dude in a furry hat with what basically amounts to a Mongol horde of pillagers.
    That’s his hair!
    Five or six years ago, in Virginia, I was at Taco Bell with my daughter, and the one we went to had a vending machine that let you play a little game with the bouncy balls as they came out, and the English Dennis the Menace was one of the characters on the case. The only one I recognized, in fact.

  180. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): Maybe it’s “Pickles down the rat hole.”
    Or even “I’ll take some speed, and beat the Queen to Perth!”

  181. Liam
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-Nothing says evil like selling bootleg copies of “Titanic”.

    RMMD-I’m going to use it when I want to play pirate out on the lake.

  182. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#180): Not quite the solution I expected!

  183. Zerowolf
    January 11th, 2012 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#175): Hmmm…. Wouldn’t it be more in keeping with “Funkiverse pathodynamics” to have instead filled the vending machines with carcinogens?

  184. Morndew
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Crank-Is she going out again? Didn’t we go through this last year?
    And Zits….Jeremy, I’ve been there. Though the SAME EXACT thing. Didn’t break the windshield only because someone told me after the first time, and apparently I lucked out the first time. I too was a teenager at the time.

    And as for that looong article about the scratching? Am I the only one ticked that I got through 8 pages and never got to find out if M. got any relief??

  185. Baka Gaijin
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Morndew (#184): Don’t ask me. I stayed away from that article like a clown convention in Clownville.

  186. Dale
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:37 pm [Reply]


    Is that kid special or are all the kids in that school too stupid to find a grocery or convenience store?
    There’s a business opportunity, at least until the administration shuts it down.

  187. Sgt. Stoned
    January 11th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    GT: “And, while you’re at it, would you happen to have a knock-off Gucci handbag, also for my girlfriend?”

    MW: On her way home, Mary spots yet another poster featuring yet another abducted child and begins to obsess.

  188. seismic-2
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    FW: I refuse to believe that anyone in Westview is the least bit interested in healthy and nutritious food, given that the principal staple in everyone’s diet is Montoni’s pizza.

  189. Droopy Says
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Notebooked (y#253): You’re welcome. YouTube has good stuff; I found Theda Bara’s “A Fool There Was” on it. is a mixed bag for silent films, but you can find a lot of good things there (Felix the Cat!). If you have Turner Classic Movies on your cable system, you’ve struck the mother lode. They normally run a silent film late Sunday night/early Monday morning, and sometimes they’ll run a bloc of them during a weekday. (I hope TCM never goes to pot the way AMC did.)

  190. Droopy Says
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone researched the Tommy clipart in Mark Trail? The shape of his hairline and low quality of his hair makes me think Elrod took an old character who was partly bald and scratched in some hair. Come on, Elrod, the guy looks like he’s never even heard of Brylcreem!

  191. Señor Tortilla
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#171): One of the things I’ve noticed is that the “healthy” crap they put in the vending machines in my high school (and later, the community college’s bookstore) is that it just doesn’t sell well. The vending machine was never really popular after they got rid of carbonated beverages and candy, and the community college was eventually forced to put some of the “healthy” items on the clearance rack.

  192. TheDiva
    January 11th, 2012 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#175): Having seen the preview of tomorrow’s strip on SoSF, I can affirm that is the only logical explanation.

  193. Mysterion
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    GT: This fiend runs a licensed tatoo parlor and he sells bootleg copies of 14-year-old movies to 15-year-olds? Finally–a villain worthy of Spider-Man!

  194. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#189): (I hope TCM never goes to pot the way AMC did.)
    TCM is why AMC went bad. When Turner sewed up most of the movies AMC had made their reputation on, they had to find something else to show. I’m glad to have TCM now, but it’s still a little irksome that they did AMC in.

    I used to get AMC free and without ads, and now it’s turned into this “best of the 80s” network that slices and dices shows, crams them full of ads, and then shrinks and speeds up the closing credits. Where have you gone, Bob Dorian?

  195. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#39):

    I’m hoping that he kills her off. She’s too nasty even for Crankshaft. Even Dick Tracy villans aren’t that nasty.

  196. capt k\\\'nukles
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#84): on adult swim metalopicus,wheelchair guy & hippie told they better serpentine down hallway while snippers try to shoot them

  197. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 11th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Notebooked (#93): Jerry Jenkins has been off the strip for a while now. Neal Ruben writes Thorp now. I seem to remember hearing that he was a former sports writer, so it must have taken him time to unlearn everything he used to know.

  198. Droopy Says
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#194): Damn, because AMC used to be terrific. I could never figure out what happened to them.

  199. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): “Serpentine” makes me think of the serpentine grasslands of North America, rare ecosystems that survive as remnants in a few parts of the continent. But somehow I doubt if Rose had them in mind.

  200. seismic-2
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153), @Poteet (#199): The mineral “serpentine” is best known in its fibrous form, “chrysotile asbestos”. It only stands to reason that the single mineral chosen for mention in Crankshaft would be the one that causes cancer.

  201. Joe Btfsplk
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (Y#176): The artwork on the box was determinedly Disnoid as I remember, and anyway the intent was pretty obvious. I haven’t seen the Kimba movie, but given Disney’s usual approach, TLK was itself bound to be an adaptation of something; most reviewers point all the way back to Hamlet.

  202. Droopy Says
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Quick, Peter, use your webshooter to catch them before they escape this dimension! Oh, wait, they’ll hang in mid-air for a few days while you agonize over the risk of exposing your secret identity.

    Curtis: Curtis, take off your hat, your brain could use some fresh air.

    Mock Trail: “And this is our coffee pot, Mr. Coffee, but he’s just a coffee pot so you don’t actually have to make conversation with him, Mark!”

    Crankshat: This brings back memories of my grandmother and my father as they sank into Alzheimer’s. Ha, ha, such hysterically funny times as we all dealt with their paranoia and fragile bones and helpless confusion. Batiuk, I’d swear at you but I don’t know any words foul enough for you.

    Family Circus: I looked at Crankshat first, and may all the gods help me but that made me enjoy this one. I’m going to stop snarking at it.

    Phantom: No, Kit, that’s his good twin, Mr. Shoot First, Shoot Later. Hey, remember how you got shot last year? You do realize it can happen again?

    Gil Thorp: “It’s Twilight and the quality is lousy, so why don’t I give you a vampire movie instead?”

  203. Droopy Says
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#201): That happens a lot. When I saw Spielberg’s AI I kept thinking of the first Astroboy episode. Except Astroboy was science fiction and made sense.

  204. Chip Whittle
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#104):

    Allow me to chime in, Mr. Whittle, I agree with FLM. Very clever, fulgent, even.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#108):

    Mr. Chip Whittle is like a Lucky Strike Cigarette or a Merle Travis woman: So round, so firm, so fully packed!

    Aw, gosh, thank you all. I feel flattered and completely at ease and not noticing at all commodorejohn sneaking up on me. Thanks!

  205. gargargarrick
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    @Putts with Wolves (#159):

    I once mentioned the fact that there are two (ostensibly) Menacing Dennisses to a British friend of mine; he responded “oh, I was wondering why the [Hollywood] movie was nothing like the comic”. He went on to describe the British Dennis as “rad” as well as “a bully”, if memory serves, and found it absolutely hilarious that the American character was so ridiculously friendly and caring in comparison.

  206. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    1/12 MT — “I certainly do! His eentsy-weentsy tongue kind of weirded me out even before he started to look like Little Orphan Annie!”

  207. yaoi huntress earth
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#60): Actually I’m going with her getting hopelessly lost and dieing from the cold or mugged.

  208. Comcis Fan
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary basks in the glow of the successful kidnapper-foiling, rubbing her hands together, fiendishly plotting days of self-congratulation. Has it occurred to her to call Emily Smith’s parents or are Goletans unworthy of such consideration?

  209. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Some good comic artist could do a compassionate, funny, realistic, insightful story about the tricky question of when it’s time to stop driving. CRANKSHAFT will help this project along by showing how not to do it.

  210. Comcis Fan
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    S4th: So if not for Ted, Sally would have split ends. And a cooler doo nonetheless.

  211. Uncle Lumpy
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    @capt k’nukles (#196):

    … while snippers try to shoot them …

    Mohel Assassains!

  212. Comcis Fan
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Make that ‘do.

  213. Comcis Fan
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    FW: And so another generation hurtles towards its bitter, adult, Sartrean existence as faculty members at Westview High.

  214. Comcis Fan
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: I don’t think I want Loretta Lockhorn going all Annette Benning in “American Beauty.” The Lockhorns are so much happier and fun than that.

  215. Comcis Fan
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Blondie: This is one of those fun post-baby-owl Blondies.

  216. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    @THE REAL Mark Trail (#123): Sorry to get to this so late, but here goes…

    ComicFury is the hosting site.

  217. Dale
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    I’m still waiting for Mark Trail to tell us what kind of hunting they’re talking about.

    I do have a way to use a blind dog for still-hunting. In order to avoid scaring the game, the dog will have to send one of several pre-programmed text messages. Mark can teach Butch and Tommy how to do this in an afternoon.

    We know Mark wants to go fishing more than anything else in the world. Has he ever before mentioned that he hunts?

  218. Lisa
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    RMMD: scared stiff you say?

  219. Jason1981
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:19 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “No, wait…actually, I think my stiffness is from that Viagra I accidentally took this morning. I need to get my smelling salts and take care of this..”

    Curtis: Wait, his mom is going to actually do something besides staying in the apartment all day? Maybe she’ll eventually get a job, then they won’t have to worry about money as…as…bwahahahahahaaa! Sorry, it’s just so hilarious imagining the status-quo would actually change…totally impossible to keep a straight face.

    Phantom: “I’ll just ignore anything he asks. After all, I’ve had lots of practice when I ignored the possiblity that my wife was alive.” Next panel, Kit’s kill-crazy, sexy sea captain friend blows the thug’s boat up.

    FW: Nice example of “Do as I say” and not “do as I do”….f*cking hypocrites

  220. John C Fremont
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    MW – Mary now has “the precious” and order has been restored.

    Now who’s up for some rainbow swirl? It’s “free.”

  221. Anonymous
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: “It’s true, Lu Ann. I was young, impressionable. That albino from the carny swept me off my feet.”

    Crank: Meemaw’s sharp as a tack. She remembers how the aide did the same thing to her abdomen to get her peristaltic pressure back up. Schooch, schooch, schooch … plooooooop.

    Curtis: Here we go, Curtis. One night it’s a continuing ed class. Then one weekend when the weather warms up — boom! she’s moved crosstown.

    FW: Cut those two some slack. The teachers won’t begrudge them a little illicit pop and some sugary snacks, especially since half the staff is buying bags from these kids.

    JP: As she prates of oil ministers, all he can visualize is a Bactrian camel. And as soon as she leaves the kitchen for a second, he’s gonna take some electrical tape and tape down the handle on that squirter. Those twin humps could really use a nice, cooling shower.

    Love Is: The sonovabitch who cut ‘em off back there is now safely through the guardrail and down into the ravine, and all’s right with the world once again.

    MT: She blinded Butch so he couldn’t identify her as the participant. Little did she know that dogs have 77 different words for “I smell pussy”.

    Phbbbb: Can’t you give us more precision? How many days were in each of those months? Was one of them February and was it a leap year? Don’t expect us to do your research for you.

    FC: Listen up, Gran. You can’t take a kid into a Salvation Army thriftshop and not walk out the door with sumthin’.

    Zits: Would’ve done that stuff at age 13 — using his folks’ car as the guinea pig — with the specific intent of never, ever being asked to deal with snow clearing again.

  222. gleeb
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    3-G: So when Ruby asked, “What are you talking about, Mim?” Mim was too stupid to take the hint. Sorry, Mimsy, you should be going now; we already have enough really stupid characters in this strip.

    ‘shaft: This year’s Ice Follies are going to be in a car. Plenty of chances for pedestrian casualties!

  223. Little Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    JP: Wet T-Shirt Time!

    MT: Arf! Arf!

    yS4th: Is this the first time Sally’s maiden name is revealed?

    Curtis: So, you want to repair Army trucks during wartime?

    Candorville: No, it’s not a reason. Let’s not get into Les Moore territory here, shall we?

    PBS: Again, another winning week.

    Big Nate: Forgone conclusion time. Not biting.

  224. gleeb
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#224): The writer said yes, it was the first time Sally’s maiden name had been mentioned. He also said he hoped he had picked a good name.

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