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The Rex Morgan Problem

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/30/07

So, after three years of doing this site, I’ve discovered The Rex Morgan Problem, which goes something like this: The set-up for each storyline is delightful, but once we get to the climax, my interest suddenly deflates. Rex and Troy’s gay golf game kept me in stitches for hours! But then there was blackmail and SWAT teams and ZZZZZZZ. June and a 12-year-old banter about oral sex! But then there was an attempt to kidnap or kill him or something? YAWN! I’m beginning to suspect that it’s my problem, not the strip’s. Anyway, this is my apology for cutting back on my RMMD coverage just when it got ostensibly “exciting.” See, they found Milton and suddenly Pete the Chauffeur, who has seemed like a good guy all this time, is suddenly fleeing with Heather in tow because … he’s bad? Somehow? And now that Milton is really alive his hopes of being the power behind the throne are dashed? Also, he’s in the NSA? And the Chinese are involved? Maybe? But I don’t really care. Honest to God, can we just go back to June insulting civil servants and Rex being a dick to everyone because an uncomprehending world won’t accept him as he is? Because that’s what I tune in for.

I do like today’s last panel: if Rex were an ordinary protagonist, his implication would be “The cops won’t be able to find him … so I will!” as he drives to Pete’s secret hiding place that only he’s smart enough to discover. But this being Rex, his implication is “So, there’s no hope and we might as well move on,” and his destination is the office. Or Baskin-Robbins.

Family Circus, 8/30/07

This is my favorite kind of Family Circus: the kind where Jeffy is aggressively ignorant. He knows that everyone else in the family thinks he’s a moron — deep down, he probably knows that he is a moron — so he figures he’s just going to make their life difficult with it. Today we have the typical kids-say-the-darndest-things-because-they-treat-idioms-literally schtick, but there’s something about his attitude that says that he knows his little question is going make grandma regret coming over to try to relate to the little rugrats. “Gosh, grandma, how does ‘tight’ relate to sleeping, huh? Are we talking about my bowels? Because mommy says I have to sleep with those tight. What if I sleep loose and poop all over the bed, huh? What if that, huh? Grandma? Huh?”

(oh my god I just admitted that I had a favorite kind of Family Circus I’m screwed now)

Marmaduke, 8/30/07

OK, the MUNCH MUNCH MUCH I can deal with. I get it, the damn dog is chewing his way through bags and probably boxes to devour all of his family’s food before they get a chance to do so, sure, whatever. It’s the LICK LICK that really makes me uncomfortable. I’m assuming that he’s slobbering all over the grocery items that he can’t get down his ravenous gullet — the canned goods, the frozen foods — so that it’s all covered with a thick layer of viscous Great Dane drool. He may not be able to eat it, but he’s going to make sure that it’s so disgusting that his owners won’t want to either, because, fuck you, he’s Marmaduke.

They’ll Do It Every Time, 8/30/07

The Dubbers just love — like, we mean love — their flix with bombings, earthquakes, explosions, train wrecks, etc., etc.

(“Hmm, lotsa shootings in this one … huh, that fella lost an arm … howja think they did all that fake blood, witha computer?”)

But! Let ’em see one li’l nipple … and the whole menagerie is up and at ’em!

(“Awk! Filth! This is disgustin’! And little Hekkie saw it! He’ll be scarred for life … I’m writin’ Senator Blowhard … an outrage … should be able to watch HBO at 10 pm without seeing this garbage …”)

168 responses to “The Rex Morgan Problem”

  1. AeroSquid
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    *sniff* new thread smell.

  2. Rainbird
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan What I love is it proves what PBS said the other day, the phone is the most important part of the Soap Opera Strip. Could we be seeing the car chaise? The frightened Heather? No, we see June and Rex talking on the phone.

  3. Calico
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    RMMD is definitely best when the characters provide lots and lots of warped but funny innuendos.

  4. Calico
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    #2 – I think maybe those cell phones are a replacement for their extremely deprived so-called “sex life.” If it ever really existed.

  5. The Avocado Avenger
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Josh, I feel a lot of shame when I admit I don’t understand what’s going on in RMMD, but now that you’ve come out, too, I don’t feel so alone.

    Group hug!

  6. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Senator BigSuspenders rails daily against the Hollyweirders and the homos and the filthy librurl agenda and their secular no gods.

    But get him in an airport bathroom with an undercover cop? Hoo-boy! munch munch munch lick lick

    [ the urge to re-elect him to the moon]

  7. louder
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    FW: Please G-d, just kill everyone, please….
    9CL: The descent into stupidity gets steeper and steeper. A once great comic strip becomes a victim of Brooke McEldowney thinking making sense is not hip, and by gum, Brooke wants to be hip

  8. Maughta
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    My little Jack Russell-Beagle mix, Burnsie, took on a Great Dane puppy at the dog park and totally had it ON ITS BACK. Booo ya! Marmaduke needs some domination in his life (I can’t believe I just said that while looking at Carl the Gimp on the sidebar).

  9. Firegoat
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I had just read FC in the paper prior to logging in here. All I could think of is…. Jeffy wants to go roadside.

    My mind has been ruined.
    But I was happy to see the FC here and realize I wasn’t the only one who had issues with it, if not the same issues. At least I haven’t admitted to liking it

  10. Jometro
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Looks like Jeffy is quickly coming up with something to say because Grandma caught him “getting loose” under the sheets. Most little kids sleep with their hands over the covers, when sleep is what they’re after.

  11. Allie Cat
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    #6 -SPOI – They’ll Do it EVERY Time.

    What I really want to know is where the people learn the hand and foot signals to indicate they’re doing more than dropping a deuce? Can you Google it?

    I’ve been thinking about this way too much.

  12. Lame Name
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    6 SPOI — Is he your senator, too?

  13. DM
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Every member of the “Dubber” family is wearing a black sweater vest… that has to be conscious (self-parodying?) choice.

  14. The Divine O’F
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]


  15. Dollface
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Dr. Drew bears a striking resemblance to my ex husband. Suddenly things are a lot more clear now.

  16. gh
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]


    What’s happening here? I don’t believe all of this interest in a little duck!

    Yep. Elrod’s definitely on to us.

    I don’t have a problem with RMMD. I can always tell when the action heats up because everyone is on the phone.

  17. Josh Millard
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Jeffy’s not playing dumb, he’s fighting for his life. He can hear that icy, I’ve Had Enough Of This Shit undertone in Grandma’s voice, and he’s just stalling while he plans an escape from the “late-onset SIDS” job he senses she’s gonna pull as soon as the lights go out.

  18. tblue
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Re: Marmaduke–

    I don’t want to bring everyone down, but that one is very disturbing to me. A friend of my son’s lost a German Shepherd who died when he got his face stuck in an empty chip bag while she was at work. The poor thing asphyxiated. Now I am always warning people to keep such things away from their pets just as they would keep them away froma 2-year-old child.

  19. Pozzo
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    HA HA HA! Marmaduke’s a big dog! And a hungry one, too! I’ll have a smile on my face all day.

  20. True Fable
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    It suddenly struck me (I’m a little slow these days) that we might not have any more Foob letters to plough through after this month. If they don’t age, they won’t have a heck of a lot to write about, legitimately speaking. Well, Michael will be able to write reams upon reams of horrible dreck and it won’t faze him a bit, but I don’t think the others will be able to in quite the same fashion as they have. Unless Liz continues to clarify just why it is that she loves Angstony so (yeah that should win a spot in the Barfable Hall of Fame) and Elly will wax eloquent over the new curtains she bought, and April would rage over teen “probs”, and John has his Neverending Trains crap. And poor ol’ Iris will be trapped forever taking care of Grampa Frustrate, who cannot silently plead for an end to the misery. Would somebody hand the man a fucking pen and paper?!?

    Curious, I will go there tonight and check it out. Cover me when I go in, it will surely be ugly.

  21. Josh Millard
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    And what the hell is Dubber Jr. proffering? I’m guessing it’s a Scadutoriffic vaporizer, but at a glance it looks a lot more like a spiked mallet. Real coffee table material, there. Conversation starter.

  22. Anonymous
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Hey Jeffy – Tight pussy, loose shoes, and a warm place to shit.

  23. Anonymous
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Earl Butz – circa 1980.

  24. edgeways
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Well in the case of Marm, one can only hope there is a whole friggen sea of chip bags in that Food Shelf bag

  25. True Fable
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    And I really have to necro-post this, I just have to. Those who know and understand my affliction will understand:

    BOB WEBER!! You magnificent bastard! You’ve done a How To Draw a GOAT!

    Today is a good day. Weber either knowingly or unwittingly fed into my all-consuming fascination with the Caprine Ones.

    I shall now sit back in delight at the bounty. May his pen nib never break!

  26. SpeedRacerX
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    As long as Rex Morgan continues to show off June and her assets like a Patrick Nagel album cover, I don’t care if they show skydiving Martians overrunning the Vatican. If Rex is secretly gay and in a sham marriage, he picked the most dangerous woman to “pretend” to be with!

  27. FreshHell
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Sleep tight . . . Bed bugs bite . . . This isn’t rocket science people.

  28. This Just In
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Drunken Cancerbean – Lisa’s tumor has definitely spread to Les’s brain.

  29. Calico
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MT – Shirl, I loves ya.
    Please, please, never get married to Mallard Fillmore! Promise?

    Long live the cult of Canard! *quacks*

  30. Groddeck
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Allie Cat – #11 – Slate magazine addresses this very issue:(SFW) Bathroom Sex FAQ

  31. willethompson
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Ah, RMMD, you’re the cure for the daily blues…

    …except when you’re so freaking incomprehensible! The only reason Peter is under suspicion is that Pedestrian Vino Breck Boy, who we KNOW was up to no good, fingered him because… ah, because… he didn’t like him? But he turns out to be right? So if Hugh had said Dr. Drew Cory, Rex would be charging into Mary Worth right now, having picked up Mark Trail along the way to punch the evil miscreant into submission?

  32. SpeedRacerX
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Billy: “What happens if I sleep loose?”
    Grandma: “Then, like loose change, you fall out and are never seen or heard from again, Billy. Now STFU and quit asking stupid questions.”

  33. FreshHell
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Bed bugs hate tightness.

  34. Laura c
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    #21 — I believe that is a Flit gun – a 50s era bug-killing device. “Quick, Ma, get the Flit!”
    Man, I was born in 1967. Why I do know this stuff?

  35. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    11 (AC) I’m guessing googling that might get you on some kind of no-fly list. I can’t remember: is that irony or schadenfreude?

    12 (LN) You never know. I haven’t read today’s paper yet.

    And Josh, you silly, silly man. Reading RMMD for the plot is like going to Mardi Gras for the weather.

  36. Donald The Anarchist
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    FC “Just pray you don’t fall asleep before me, old woman. You won’t stop The Children of the Revolution…”

    Marmaduke Ruing the day she taught Marm that trick w/the peanut butter, she still couldn’t help becoming aroused in spite of herself…

    RMMD If only June could have been the one taken hostage. The slash fiction possibilities ALONE are tremendous…

  37. bats :[
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    8. Maughta: if your dog’s name is Burnsie (and all I can figure out is that it’s an affectionate form of C. Montgomery Burns), it’s no wonder your pup whups ass on other canines! exxxxxcellent

    You have a great blog, too. The World of Longmire did a whole series of le crappy romance novel covers a year or so ago…I think that’s what got me really started in messing PhotoShopically with other people’s “art.”

  38. Mack
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    I am inexplicably charmed that young Master Dubber thinks a hammer is the correct way to deal with a mosquito. Actually, it rather looks like a hammer-hypodermic needle combo. I suppose when you have a gadget like that just laying around the kids’ room, it’s not much of a surprise that the family is bored to sleep by mere bombings, earthquakes, explosions, train wrecks, etc., etc.

  39. Sani
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    I have a feeling Marmaduke has practiced that particular posture before. And not with the groceries.

  40. gnome de blog
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Who cares about the story? The real issue is why is June wearing a fetish collar with some kind of talisman, or possibly a padlock, dangling from it!?

  41. BigTed
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Oh, those crazy TDIETers! They’ll relax and snooze through stuff on TV that can’t affect them and is fake anyway — but let one tiny insect threaten to suck their blood, raise itchy welts and possibly infect them with a nasty disease, and they’re all, “Let’s kill it!” Wotta nutty bunch o’ maroons! (This message was brought to you by the Mosquito Society for Peace and Understanding.)

  42. Lame Name
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    35 SPOI — Hahaha! My pessimistic coworker is convinced he’ll announce his resignation at 4:45 today after we’ve gone to press for the week, rendering completely irrelevant all the coverage that he didn’t want to write in the first place. (I’m a girl reporter. Not to be confused with Girl Reporter.)

  43. the foob king
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: What with all the “MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH” and especially the “LICK LICK”, I wonder if there’s any peanut butter in those groceries?

  44. Kate
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    #18, tblue — Jesus. Thanks for the heads-up. Not that I eat chips, and not that I haven’t already dog-proofed the house almost exactly the way I’d have child-proofed it, but I hadn’t thought that a chip bag would stick over a face or muzzle. Just a plastic bag, because they’re thinner and mold better.

    I have an extra day off tomorrow, so I’ll make a sweep of the house and yard for discarded crinkly bags. Thanks.

  45. FreshHell
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Looks like the Dubbers sleep loose.

  46. Anomaly
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    FW: This can only mean we’ll be subjected to Les dying slowly and horribly now. Damn you, Batiuk!

  47. Josh Millard
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Flit gun! Who knew! Thanks.

  48. Poteet
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    RMMD — My brain often refuses to follow RMMD plots, such as they are, so I often tune in to see whether Rex is displaying his pretty face or his frowny face. Today, neither. Bleah.

    Pope Josh, I think that in the sixth line of your RMMD comment, you might have intended to say “apology for.” And I think it’s the strip’s problem, not yours. I recall a plot involving a river trip and some kind of rock climb that managed to hold my attention for awhile, but I can’t remember how it ended. Probably not with a bang, but a whimper. (Pauses to consider a comment about Rex and banging, decides against it.) *retires genuflecting*

  49. anais ninja
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    The human-hand-like position of Marmaduke’s paws around the bottom of the bag is by far the most disturbing part of that comic.

  50. FreshHell
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Jeffy has not acquired the habit of instant, unquestioning obedience to the command voice, the mark of a well-behaved and properly trained child. Gramma needs to throw a medium beating on him when he mouths off. Perhaps beat him with a bloody football. It could be one of those pieces where we follow the beating all around the house with a black arrow and dotted line. When Mom and Pop return and ask Gramma why Jeffy is in a coma, she can say “Ida know!”

  51. Just_human
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I’ve been following RMMD since the 12 year old kid (that was the plot that got me hooked). It seemed rather seemless – but whatever happened to that 12 year old kid’s junkie mom? Did she stay clean? Is she still a receptionist?

  52. Applemask
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I thought we, and indeed everyone else, only read Rex Morgan for the tits, in which it remains in heated battle with Judge Parker, which continues to have the upper hand.

  53. Gagott68
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Milwaukee’s Gertie the Duck would kick Shirley’s tailfeathers. Well, if Shirley wasn’t a fictional cartoon. And if Gertie wasn’t dead.

  54. Harold
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Yeah, I was assuming that was a mallet, too – one of the more entertaining mosquito-killing devices – until I noticed that it appeared to be intersected by a hypodermic needle. And then I realized – Flit gun! Scaduto, you old rascal, you’ve done it again! I guess you really do do it every time!

  55. Josh
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    #48 Poteet — Eeps, you’re right! I fixed.


  56. commodorejohn
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]


    BB – Yep, they’re in the woods again.

    Blondie – “Yankee pot roast sandwiches?” Is this a variation on the normal pot roast sandwich, or does Dagwood live in the South? And is pot roast (or a pot roast sandwich) really a regional thing? I’m confused.

    DT – How does one pronounce an asterisk, anyway?

    FC – Kids say the darndest innuendo!

    FOOB – If I have a favorite kind of For Better Or For Worse, it’s the ones where April subversively screws around with the rest of the Patterson clan. Lynn may be slowly forcing her into The Mold, but she’s not going without a fight.

    FW – What. The. Hell.

    GT – Ernie Munger? Any relation to Willard Munger?

    H&L – Ditto, you do not want the answer to that question.

    MF – Well, you’ve spent the past two weeks insulting them over and over again, not to mention all the times in previous years you’ve done the same thing. I’m just surprised they waited this long to complain. Stupid duck.

    MT – Anything I say could only detract from the hilarity. Why is it that the “serious” strips are, with a few exceptions, funnier than the “funny” strips?

    MW – Meddle factor nine, Mr. Sulu.

    RMMD – I don’t even care about the plot anymore. I’m just paying attention to panel two.

    SM – “The perfect couple.”

    Edison Lee – GOD DAMN IT, EDISON, WE GET IT ALREADY! You know, why is Doonesbury being moved to the editorial page if this strip stays on the funny pages proper? If anything it’s Edison Lee that doesn’t belong on the funny pages, since, you know, it’s not funny.

  57. Trilobite
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Josh is totally spot-on when it comes to Rex Morgan. The kind of “climactic” final act that you’d expect to see in an action-packed story, with kidnappings and danger and criminals to be caught is just completely at odds with who those characters really are, and it just isn’t that interesting to watch.

    On paper, I’m sure it makes sense. “Rex is a closeted doctor who gets snippy and depressed whenever he’s had to go more than two weeks without a good round of “golf.” June’s a suburban ice maiden who lives each day as though it’s her last chance to tell everyone around her how they’re getting in her way. Together, they fight crime!”

    But in actuality, because Rex is so goddamn passive and June is so self-absorbed, they really don’t fight crime. Instead, they just kind of mill around crime, looking at it disdainfully and treating it like it’s the overfull garbage can their neighbor brought out to the curb two full days before trash pickup day; they won’t do anything about it, but they’ll be damned if they’ll go back inside for dinner until they’re sure that everyone’s seen how very unhappy they are with what has been done.

  58. rotts
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Anyone who’s seen The Godfather should know what a flit gun is. Vito was showing his grandson how to use one in the garden, right before he (Vito) croaked.

  59. Allie Cat
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    #30, 35 – As an avid Slate Reader, I checked the Bathroom Sex FAQ just after I posted.

    I’m still wondering though…

    In Fifth Grade, they pulled all the girls into the Library where we had to watch a film (on a projector – tres retro chic) about “our changing bodies” – I believe it was underwritten by the Tampax people. The boys got to go play kickball.

    At some point – do they pull all the probable bathroom cruisers in to watch a filmstrip? That feels like maybe a 7th grade activity…

  60. Calico
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    #18, #44 – Sorry about the poor pooch. Yeesh.

    Animals have a tendency to get in the way of things, and sometimes we unintentionally leave things around that aren’t ok for them. Works both ways.

    Whenever I purchase a pack of soda or beer with plastic shit holding it together, I cut up the thing before recycling it to ensure no critter will become trapped.

    Same with ping-pong balls and cats-they can get stuck on the front fangs/teeth and are very hard for the cat to remove/disengage.

    OK, back to WSTV (Shirley TV).

  61. Roger
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan’s biggest problem is his ENORMOUS HEAD evident in the last panel.

  62. Monster Jamz
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    a proposal for a new title to Marmaduke: “Fuck You, I’m Marmaduke!” as in: you want your slippers, master guy with bad hair and moustache? i’m gonna chew them up and take your chair and you can’t do anything about it because …
    Fuck You! I’m Marmaduke!

  63. Trilobite
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I’ve been debating whether to add Gasoline Alley to my Chron page, because that meteor thing was just so insane…but every time I actually go over and look at the strip, Clovia’s creepy bug-eyes really freak me out and I end up not wanting to make it a daily read.

    Seriously, there is something deeply and tragically wrong with that woman’s face. Were her eyelids surgically removed?

  64. gh
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    #31 willethonpson –

    Who cares if it makes sense! I’m on the edge of my seat with all the dialing and talking! What if June starts to break up deep inside the building? Maybe there will be some voicemail action or, god, yes! Speed-dialing! The edge of my seat, I tells ya!

  65. Dingo
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Bootsy, last thread #436: I have never been to Southern Decadence but have seen enough pictures of it to know that within fifteen minutes I’d look like Edvard Munch’s The Scream. Oh, wait a minute. I’ve already done that.

    For Rainbird and others who miss their gay comics, here’s my list that I check on a weekly or bi-weekly basis:

    A Couple of Guys
    Abel Boddy
    Adam & Andy
    Bear With Me!
    Kyle’s Bed & Breakfast

  66. NotThatGuy
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Josh, I’m totally with you on RMMD. Hugh gettin’ all patronizing about wine? I’m riveted. Action-packed international espionage and terror? Yawn.

  67. Hysterical Woman
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Baldo: Dad’s virginal blush is creepy.
    BB: Even when not focusing on the Sarge/Beetle this strip brings in the gay.
    FOOB: April’s revenge on her brain-dead family. Unfortunately, that won’t stop them from stuffing their faces full of greasy white trash food. But I guess greasy white trash food is it’s own revenge.
    FW: Les dies of alcohol poisoning before Lisa dies of CANCER.
    H&L: Ditto can’t wait to be a convicted felon.
    MF: Most people get over their childhood hate of teachers, Tinsely.
    MT: Maybe the duck should be named Mallard Fillmore.
    Pluggers: Real animals shouldn’t mix with anthropomorphic animals. It’s just creepy.
    Zits: If this was paced better, we could have seen Spity live up to his name in the second panel.

  68. Sal Paradise
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MW : “It’s not important how I knew…”

    Once again, Mary uses the Jedi Mind Trick to keep her meddling activities clandestine.

  69. Gal Friday
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    A3G: Nora Mills has had that ickily big tear drop on her face for a week now!

    FW: Is Les turning into Eugene Levy before our very eyes?

  70. Shiptic Canker
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    The daytime Partridge Family sweater vests are off-putting enough, but it’s Pa Dubbers’ Yankees uniform that REALLY scares the ‘skeeters off at night! (etc., etc.! Oh YE-EAHH!)

  71. deegee
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    What’s with Marmaduke’s family going to the food shelf, anyway? If they didn’t have enough money to buy food for themselves and had to rely on the local charity, wouldn’t mom-of-Marma be a little more upset? Is this some less-than-subtle social commentary on the housing slump? Do food shelves actually have bags printed up? I’m stumped.

  72. M. Iscariot
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Re: Josh’s version of today’s TDIET

    It’s funny ’cause it’s true…

    My mom once told me about how her, my dad, & a few of their friends (keep in mind that they were all adults, all were married, and all had children) decided to watch the movie Ghost and the hosts of the get-together actually fast-forwarded through the part where Patrick Swayze & Demi Moore were being all sensual at the pottery wheel, but, of course, watched all the parts where people got shot.

    Because there’s nothing ickier than two people in love and, yannow, acting on it.

  73. Lettuce
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    DT: I’m just sad we didn’t get two months of Dick Tracy standing in line to purchase his brand-new, waterproof IDopter, concluding when B.O. Plenty is shot and killed by police for cutting in line.

  74. jvwalt
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, M.D. is lookin’ mighty spiffy in his new Ford Taurus there. I would have expected ol’ Rex to be in the Lexus/Bimmer class; he wouldn’t be caught dead in a “family car” any more than he’d actually lance a boil or make a sculpture out of dog poop. I have two possible explanations:

    – the artist has scored himself a product placement deal.

    – Rex’ medical practice is finally sinking under the weight of his continual absences from the office, and he’s been forced to trade in his luxury car.

  75. Big Sims
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Don’t fret Josh, everyone has a favorite kind of Family Circus. Mine is the one where the angel grandfather stops Thel from getting mugged or Dolly from getting abducted. Then he wipes a bit of ghostly sweat from his brow and gripes about having to work overtime in Heaven or something. He always seems to gripe to a heavenly host of golf buddies which makes me wonder if he didn’t kick the bucket on the links. The presence of his buddies in Heaven with him makes me think lighting strike to the cart, or mass poisoning/chemical burns from too much fertilizer on the course did them all in one day.
    How did the old codger die anyway?

  76. Girl Randolf
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    # 20 – RE: FOOB and letters

    I guessed the monthly letters would stop as well. And thank goodness. It would look weird if every year April turned 16 and Elly and John turned 50ish, Francois turned whatever age she is etc…

    And it is possible the condition extends to Jim’s ability to write. But it would be nice to see people trying to communicate more with him in a manner where he can participate. He can say ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Jean-Dominique Bauby could only blink one eye and he wrote a whole book. Certainly Jim can participate in a conversation.

    I assume I’ll stop reading the strip unless it snark worthy. I really like Johnston’s earlier style and I hate to see her redrawing the strip. I hope a bunch of papers drop it. But I doubt they will.

  77. queek
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    True Fable: if you haven’t already, go see “Stardust.” It has several very cute scenes involving goats. (and an awsome one involving ferrets, but I digress into Mustelidania)


    SF: ok, we have our “Hil comes out” strip, and its not even subtext. Thanks, Ces!

    F-: I laughed, and it hasn’t been two weeks.

    Jump Start, with a guest appearence by me!
    (of all the strips, couldn’t I have been in JP instead?)

  78. Sugar and Spike
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    bgzooofs mbwackle urgsh*

    *Mark Trail: The folks gathered in panel 1 are on their way to a “Come as you were in 1967″ party.

  79. Bitter Scribe
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    God help me, but I can relate to today’s TDIET. Mosquitoes at night drive me nuts, too. They have this way of diving into your ear just as you’re about to fall asleep. I had to get up about 3:00 this morning to kill four of them.

    That said, I love how the family has a modern, flat-screen TV, but they’re still using that old-fashioned push-pump Flit gun with the round canister that hasn’t been around, probably, since the Eisenhower administration.

  80. cheech wizard
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Peter hasn’t kidnapped Heather. Rather, he has snuck away with her after secretly receiving advance information of Milton’s rescue. He realizes this is his last chance to persuade her she’s actually a widow so it’s ok to have furtive monkey sex in the dingy back reaches of the parking garage.

  81. AhClem
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    #63 Trilobite -
    Clovia is actually Marty Feldman in a blonde wig.

  82. Jei
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    FOOB LETTERS: Actually, there is a new article on the official site:

    Basically it says that they will start interlacing the hybrid with the current strip on Sept. 3rd. However, Lynn wants to finish the Lizthony storyline, so the characters won’t stop aging until early next year. We may yet be in store for a few more letters.

  83. gnome de blog
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    I say Peter and Heather have been having furtive monkey sex for months and they’re scheming to turn control of the company over to Dick Cheney.

  84. Old Man Muffaroo [Good Ol\\\' Kip W]
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke – (He’s just so darn big!) I was a little disappointed that the caption of this one wasn’t “God damn you, Marmaduke! God motherfucking damn you!” Especially with his tail geared up and angled for… well, not eating, y’know?

    Laura @34 – Or the two-decades-earlier form, “Quick, Henry, the Flit!” as popularized in a long-running ad campaign drawn by Theodore Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss.

  85. Bunnë
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    #11 Allie Cat
    Instructions are scribbled on the wall of your finer sleazy bathrooms. I went to college at a school whose bathrooms were actually listed in cruising-for-sex guides. I did in fact see a tapping foot once, legs pointed sideways, etc. People did not bring rollerboard suitcases to the university bathrooms, though, so I don’t know where the senator might have picked up that trick. (NO PUN INTENDED.)

    I’ve always wondered what’s written on the stall walls in women’s bathrooms. Could it be as… informative?

    (Incidentally, no, I did not partake of the scene at school. But I did read the instructions. You never know when it might turn up in the news.)

  86. Rocky Jones
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    re Marmaduke: I can attest that the LICK LICK is actually pretty accurate. A dog that has gotten into food it shouldn’t have will not only eat anything edible (and as quickly as possible, too), but it will also lick anything that has been touched by something edible, and it will taste anything inedible, just to be sure. I know the lack of discipline it pretty shocking in the Marmy household, but for the dog to be stealing food while his owner watches is simply obscene. Possibly Marmaduke waited until his master was out of sight, figuring that no one would notice, but the polite thing for him to do under such circumstances is to jump and flee upon getting caught.

    The whole Drubber clan can sleep through any amount of noisy-yet-harmless reproduced sounds, but give them one little actual blood-sucking parasite, and it’s self-preservation city!

  87. That's The Spirit
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    (a) That kid in today’s TDIET has an actually, honest to goodness Flit gun. (It’s the thing that looks like a hammer with a pointy top.) A Flit gun, as in Dr,. Seuss’ early drawings: “Quick, Henry, the Flit!” Now that’s keeping up with the latest trends.

    (b) If I got to write Family Circus for a day, the caption would be, “Holy careening Krishna on a kangaroo, kids, how about dropping the cutesy malapropisms and shutting the fuck up once in a goddamn while?”

    That’s why I would never win any “Write Family Circus For a Day” contests.

  88. SecretMargo
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    75: Big Sims-

    How did the old codger die anyway?

    Grandma caught him “sleeping loose.”

  89. That\'s The Spirit
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Re: my previous (a): sorry, didn’t read the comments carefully. Apparently this has been covered. #34 laura: I was born in 1971. I know it because I enjoy reading about the history of cartooning.

  90. Red Greenback
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #48 Poteet — The RMMD storyline that had you riveted ended with neither a whimper or a bang, but with a fish in June’s pants.
    Don’t believe it? Here is unimpeachable evidence:

  91. Old Man Muffaroo [thinks he\\\'s Kip W]
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Archie – I’ve heard of spoiled heiresses, but this is ridiculous!

    AD – I’ve heard of stupid cavemen, but this is ridiculous!

    BB – I’ve heard of home improvement, but this is ridiculous!

    CS – I’ve heard of cranky bus drivers, but this is ridiculous!

    Curtis – I’ve heard of greedy kids, but this is ridiculous!

    DT – I’ve heard of flop sweat, but this is ridiculous!

    FC – I’ve heard of dumb kids, but this is ridiculous!

    Felis Fatus – I’ve heard of cats trying to, to fish… aw, screw it.

    SFHOW TO DRAW a goat… first, draw a goat. Then add eyelids and a nose. Then put in some hair. Done for the day!

  92. Bootsy
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, a few years ago on a Saturday morning the mister and I were strolling to our favorite Quarter coffee shop for breakfast when we saw two guys working on a car. One was leaning under the hood and the other was in the driver’s seat. Both were in heels and fishnet stockings and some spangly looking body suits that looked like high school girls baton twirler outfits. The one under the hood put his hands on his hips and told the guy in the driver’s seat “Crank it girl, or we’ll never make it!”

    I swear, no one in NO even looks twice at something like this though I understand in other parts of the state/country/world it might draw a crowd. And it wasn’t even Mardi Gras, just a random Saturday morning, and it made my day and reinforced why I love this town, even fucked up as it is now. AND, a cop stopped and gave them a jump for the battery, and reminded them to park legally!

    CrabbyGenes, I had a CC moment yesterday. I was listening to Graham Parsons singing “The Streets of Baltimore” and I wondered which talented snarker here could do a “Pope of Baltimore” parody.

  93. bats :[
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    FW: like a distant memory, of a forgotten place, of a disjointed conversation, of a drug-induced fever-dream, of talking cats:

  94. Bunnë
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    #65 Dingo and others… well, while we’re on the subject I might as well confess that I’ve got a weekly gay webcomic of my own called Finn and Charlie are HITCHED.

    I find myself drawing arms and thinking, does it look like it’s attached to that body? Or am I drawing a gay Gil Thorp? What would the ‘mudges say if they read this?

    Um, be nice.

  95. A New Day
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    I think the MT has the opposite problem from RMMD – tedious set ups, with lots of action at the end. Maybe they should combine the beginning story lines in RMMD with the jaw-punching climaxes in MT. Square jawed emotionally unavailable gay may with dark-haired wife stumbles into some kind of intrigue, square jawed emotionally unavailable asexual man with dark-haired wife saves the day. We might notice the change in characters mid-way, but I doubt if we’d care much.

  96. Foobar
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    I was pretty sure (until the second panel) that it was the Dubbers’ grandmother that had fallen asleep with her back to the television, even whilst wearing the same outfit as the father and son. But I was wrong. Of course it is their teenage daughter.

  97. That's The Spirit
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    #94 — I like it! I’m adding it to my own webcomic’s list.

  98. bats :[
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    75: Big Sims- How did the old codger die anyway?

    Tragic public restroom accident. (He didn’t have an angelic grandpa to rescue him from diabolical Congressmen.)

  99. statler
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    9CL -Now with Sr. Mary Catholic confession of “I wish you were here” as she is curled up in bed, while Fr Whatsisname runs off to seek the guidance of the wizened old batshit crazy farmer, we have established a very clear pattern of dominant woman and wussy men in McEldowney work (Amos & Edda, Geoff & Pib, Drusela and whatever male she is with, etc..)
    Class assignment(assuming you’ve read chapter 5, 6-9): Based on the author’s work thus far what can you surmise about Mr. McEldowney personal life?

  100. Les
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    #76: It depends on how his brain’s been impacted. Many folks with aphasia don’t have problems speaking, they have problems figuring out which words to speak. He’s using the word “boxcar” in place of other words, so if you put a paper in front of him and he could write, that’s what you’d get.

  101. SecretMargo
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    94: Thanks for sharing! I like it too. My initial reaction: anyone who drinks their morning ‘eye-opener’ from a martini glass can’t be entirely boring.

  102. kurt
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    RM: How could the artist/writer pull a discussion of Oral Sex off for a family newspaper publication (did they speak in symbols)? And what is with the odd little black line protruding from June’s bosom? Is the inflate-o-matic air pump working overtime?
    I keep wondering how successful RM would be if drawn in the style of Broom Hilda? ;-)

    Meanwhile Popeye’s starburst strawberry chew cycle has him pile-driving through a hill, FW’s “death cat” appears to be turning into a grim reaper, and “ye striped butted ones” story’is implying evilness comes from someone who draws.

  103. Hostrauser
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    FC: What happens if you sleep loose, Jeffy? Well, let’s put it this way: I would try to avoid prison in your lifetime.

  104. Poteet
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    # 82 — Thanks, Jei. Interesting. So is The Lizthony going to be frozen in mid-romance, mid-engagement, or mid-wedding, I wonder? Or mid-honeymoon? Gawd help us, are we going to be subjected to a holiday wedding?

    And more importantly, since it sounds like new Elly/John romance material may be in store, will Elly be reunited with her former nose? Or will she be portrayed as having had a potato nose from the beginning?

  105. Poteet
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    # 75 — Big Sims, he died while straining during a “wide stance” episode.

  106. Calvin
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Why does Jim say “boxcar” anyway? It doesn’t have anything to do with John’s trains, does it?

  107. Poteet
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    # 90 — Thanks, Red! Wow, I’d forgotten that. And since you nobly refrained from making cheap jokes about June’s pants, I will too:-).

  108. cheech wizard
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    100/Les: But it depends on the type of aphasia and what part of the brain’s been affected. After brain surgery, a friend of mine couldn’t remember the names of certain objects, but could spell them out if asked. You’d show her a fork, ask her what it was, and she’d say “It’s a F-O-R-K.” The brain stores the pronunciation separate from the spelling and both separate from the meaning. It’s really bizarre how the brain dices things up and stores separately bits of information you’d think would be a single entity. Fortunately for my friend, she recovered all her verbal abilities after the swelling from the surgery went down a few days later.

  109. Allie Cat
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    #85 – Bunne – Good to know! The graffiti in the stalls of the ladies rooms at my Alma Mater were mostly about who loved whom, etc. I remember that there was a ladies room on the 3rd Floor of the Journalism School (my major) that had a stall with a running graffiti dialogue between a pro-lifer and a pro-choicer.

    I also remember visiting my boyfriend at his college, and reading a memo on the notice board at his library letting everyone know that the doors on the stalls of the mens’ room had been removed. Hmmm. At the time I wondered why, but now I know! He was in school in Texas in the early 90′s – times have possibly changed.

  110. willethompson
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    #93 Bats :[ BWA x 7HA! Lovely, esp. Chubby Huggs.

  111. bats :[
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    99. statler’s assignment: “Class assignment(assuming you’ve read chapter 5, 6-9): Based on the author’s work thus far what can you surmise about Mr. McEldowney personal life?”

    Um. I think it’s a lot like LJ’s personal life?
    Maybe it’s time for a 9CL/FOOB mashup…who wouldn’t want to see Drusilla going after Asshathony? Amos and Lizardbreath (nahh…same nebbishyness, only that Amos is more attractive)? Drusilla and Grandpa Chinnuts? Thorax and Iris? Drusilla and John? Elly and the refrigerator? The Unicorn and Wobin (“poopy horsey!”)?

    No. Wait. Dammit., Dru’s in Pibgorn.

    Heck, it’s still McEldowney, and I’d still would like to see her and the host of masculine (sic) foobery…

  112. Giacomo Tostada
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Those are some good comics today (esp FC and M), but they pale compared to the media circus in today’s “Mark Trail.”

  113. Poteet
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    # 90 — Har! Thanks, Red, I’d totally forgotten that. And since you nobly refrained from making cheap jokes about June’s pants, I will too:-).

  114. man behind the curtain
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — Josh, you’re right about panel #3. But I was still too focused on June’s left breast in panel #2 to give panel #3 much thought.

  115. Red Greenback
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Rex—Anyone notice Rex is driving his Taurus from the passenger (shotgun) seat in the first panel? Or is that Rex hunched over cleaning his passenger’s garage? Didn’t your mother tell you not to talk with your mouth full?

  116. SecretMargo
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    111: McEldowney remixing Johnston = Mescaline Foobery

  117. Dean Booth
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

  118. Poteet
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    For cryin’ out loud, what happened? I swear I was shown the comments list without my comments having survived the journey, so I tried again. Very sorry.

    # 98 — bats, I typed my comment and tried to enter it before yours appeared, somehow. Didn’t mean to copy, beg pardon. And your Chat Bleu redos are WONDERFUL, both today and yesterday. Thank you thank you.

  119. PeteMoss
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    117. Dean Booth, that is too creepy. I will have nightmares.

  120. Darkefang
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    A3G: This week is exhibit A for why we keep reading Apartment 3-G, folks. I defy anyone to name something more riveting than a week of third-string character Nora Mills going to the bank and then driving home. I defy them!

    Crankshaft: Can anyone explain what the hell Crankshaft has been about lately? What the hell are bus moms? And yes, I said hell twice, because that’s what I’m in when I’m reading a Tom Batiuk strip.

    GT: So whatever happened to the head-shaved softball team?

    JP: Oh, boy! I hope that tomorrow we get to keep hearing about percentages of vague and fake numbers.

    MT: “Why did you name the duck Shirley?”

    “That’s my ex-wife’s name, and she likes animals.”

    Also because I’m taking the duck droppings, putting them in a paper bag, and putting it on her porch after I set it on fire and ring the doorbell.

    Marmaduke: But after these bags of food are put away, I’ll let you unpack the groceries. In my pants! Ha-Ha!*

    * – In the voice of Phil Ken Sebben.

    RMMD: They ought to rename this strip “June’s Boobs,” because that’s the only thing remotely interesting in it.

  121. alamo
    August 30th, 2007 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    josh — favorite fc type? you are so-o-o-o-o screwed.

  122. Big Sims
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    SecretMargo – Should’ve seen that coming.
    Bats [: – Ditto
    Poteet- (Double?) Ditto

    Bootsy – Knock it off – yer makin’ me homesick! Me ‘n the brood (what? if Al can have a menagerie can’t I have a brood?) were in New Orleans about a month ago. We stayed in my sister’s house with out AC. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I though Mobile was hot.

  123. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    #120 Darkefang,
    Maybe we’ll get lucky and on Sunday we can see Nora Mills at Blockbuster paying the late fee on that Meg Ryan movie.

  124. Chloe The Cat
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Bunne, Great comic, you got talent!

  125. Johnny Cat
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Thank you for returning June Morgan’s Left Breast to the site! It’s been so long!

  126. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    #93, bats:[,
    Muy funny. Both Bucky and Chubby Huggs. Oh my.

  127. Cedar
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    #72 When I was younger, I was totally into the movie Robocop (I still adore it), and MAN! Is that a violent movie! When that guy gets torn apart in the boardroom? Damn. Yet I clearly remember my mom allowing me to watching every single violent scene in the movie, yet fast-forwarding through the locker room scene, ’cause if you look closely, you can see a topless woman.

  128. SecretMargo
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    120: Darkefang re: MT — “That was my ex-wife’s name and she likes animals. She also liked to dress up as a man and make eyes at blue collar workers, just like our feathered friend here. It frankly wasn’t much of a surprise when she left me for Laverne, but I do miss having her around when the dishwasher needs repairing.”

  129. commodorejohn
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    #86 Rocky Jones – Not only that, they will eat anything inedible, if they have cause to believe it might be edible. My younger brother once took some napkins (not even used, food-stained napkins, unused clean ones,) and acted like he had a treat for the family dog. The dog consumed them in the blink of an eye.

    #102 kurt – Here’s how.

  130. Bunnë
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Spirit, SecretMargo, Chloe the Cat, etc!

  131. Carmichael the Polar Bear
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    94 — Bunnë –

    Really like your stuff.

    Went back and started reading from the beginning, and I think you should make T-shits with the legend “Can we skip to the part of the conversation where I get my way?”

  132. Rocky Jones
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    #129 commodejohn — that sounds like the dogs I know. Mine has discovered that food sometimes drops from the kitchen counter, so if something drops from there that is NOT food, like, say, a flower stem, she’ll eat it because hey, you never know.

  133. teddytoad
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to think that this is the first time Marmaduke has evoked cunnilingus, but I suspect it’s not.

  134. Some Guy Here
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Anybody else notice that Rex Morgan seems to be plugging for the Ford Five Hundred (which, interestingly enough, has just recently been discontinued)?

  135. kingklash
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad other have noticed the Flit gun. These pre-flourocarbon devices are still seen in really old cartoons, and in my mind, are still associated with ‘em. I want one the size of the one being lugged around in Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy and Co. were off to kill the Witchy, the Wickedy Witch of the West.

    June looks good in the Hawaiian shirt, by the way.

  136. cheech wizard
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    134 – The 500 hasn’t been discountined, they’re simply resurrecting the Taurus name for it, thereby replacing one old Ford name for another one.

  137. "Semicolon" Jones
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Uh… Rex? You forgot to shave off half of your Hitler-stache.

  138. Galevav
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Howdy from Roopville!
    See what True Fable has done to me? I picked up a paper solely to read the comics. Now I’ve got the snarking bug. Here I go:

    DtM: It seems that Mr. Wilson can no longer be satisfied with a plain brick. Now he is forcing rusty screws to the side, to add to the later pleasure of bludgeoning Dennis to a pile of goo.
    It’s gonna be a good day, Mr. Wilson.

    Garfield: Why would Garfield go through the trouble of fishing when he can use his Kitty Overlord authority to order Jon to Captain D’s? He won’t catch mice, what sort of motivation has he to fish? I think I’ll sleep better not knowing.

    FOOB: *Smack, schlormph, glarb, chomp, smack* “So, tell us more about those guts!” Judging from the stink lines on their usual meals, it’s probably what they’re eating anywa–Nah, that joke’s really TF’s domain.

    Beetle Bailey: Corporal Yo is really stereotypically drawn. I didn’t even know about that character until now. Did you know that BB is made with over 80% recycled material? And on 100% recycled paper! Yeah, that one wasn’t so great. I’ll get to training my snarkiness, just you wait.

    Hagar: Is this “The lighter side of Alcoholism”?

    Blondie: Ah. A sandwich gag. Maybe if some of the other characters in the strip learned to start blaming things on sandwiches, they’d hear a lot less complaining from Dagwood. “Why’s the mail late?” “Sandwich!” “Okay!” or…”Why can’t I get a raise, boss?” “To make room in the budget for….Sandwiches!” “Oh, naturally. Okay, then.” Eh. Life’s easier when your brain is 94% roast beef.

    Luann: Poor Luann. She’s never going to get a job as a ditch digger at this rate. Gold digger, maybe.

    B.C.: Remember when it used to be funny? Like, really funny? … Anyone? (That’s not really in relation to today’s comic, I just had to get that out.)

    I guess while I’m posting, I’d like to say that I’m a big Chennux fan. All my potatoes are belong to Chennux.

    # 117: Ah, so that’s the source of their eternal youth.

  139. imnuckingfuts
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    #102 – RMMD – not a pneumatic line to pump up the breast; if the “word balloon” hadn’t been there, you would have seen the line drawn indicating her arm hanging down.

    And for Luann many moons ago when she and Berniece were discussing the “newly found brother” and they were sitting on the bed with the heavy eye makeup and dark lips, they’re trying out new makeup (the various tubes and what-not lying on the bed) and of course teenagers put on waaaaay to much and then wipe it off and try something else.

    Have recently discovered this site and am wetting my pants over so many of the observations people notice in these “innocent cartoons” that I have been completely oblivious to all my life!

  140. Forthillrox
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I guess we know what Peppermint Patty is doing these days. Though, that doesn’t seem to be Marcie sitting next to her…

  141. Holly Golightly
    August 30th, 2007 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    #74 – Perhaps, like Lynn Johnston, the RMMD cartoonists draws directly from polaroids and model cars and was unable to get a model Benz from which to work.

  142. Bunnë
    August 30th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    #131 Carmichael the Polar Bear — so noted… thinking, thinking…

  143. Non Compost Mentos
    August 30th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    #12 Lame Name: Heh…I live in Boise, but I’m not sure I’d describe Larry “Wide Stance” Craig as my senator…but I should at least give him credit for adding that wonderful phrase to the national vocabulary.

  144. queek
    August 30th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    93: those are wonderful, especially takes one and three.

  145. man behind the curtain
    August 30th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    FBOW — April doesn’t realize that she has confided her escape from foobville plans to her father/jailer. She is now trapped for life.

  146. Jana C.H.
    August 30th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #34. Laura c: “Quick, the Flit!” goes back long before the Fifties. That ad campaign was invented by Dr. Seuss long before he wrote children’s books.

    Jana C.H.
    Saith Dr. S: I do not like them, Sam I Am!

  147. Tabby
    August 30th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]


    All day it’s been

    “we’re gona leigh-heave sod/bustin’ behind

    git these hard times

    rite on outta our mind”

    (um, yeah)

    “ridin’ wihiiiiild fiahr”

  148. Foobina
    August 30th, 2007 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    I (heart) April!
    I’ve been a vet tech for 7 years. After awhile, you become immune to the effects of discussing surgery and “gross stuff” while eating – but I have to be reeeally careful when in mixed company. Not everyone wants to hear about impacted anal glands, maggoty pyometras, and explosive abscesses.
    As far as the strip freeze ‘n remix, I think this 1997 story should be inserted in the arc where Deanna shows Merrie and Robin pictures from Michael’s childhood:

  149. bats :[
    August 30th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Bunnë: great comic! (I’ve bookmarked it, so now you have to keep adding to it.) We had friends of ours split up last year after 17 years of being together, so the strip is a little sadder reading for me — your guys remind me of some of their little eccentricities.

    williethompson and queek: Chubby Huggs came to me first, just because he’s so gosh darned nice, and concerned that folks feel better…I figured that if you’re going to throw one cat into the bag, why not toss in a couple more?

  150. RebLaw
    August 30th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    I feel bad for Marmaduke’s family. Seriously, they’re messed up people. They have a huge dog, and a 1950′s lifestyle when they’re getting food from a food shelf. It says so on the grocery bags. So not only has the dog eaten/destroyed them out of house and home, it’s eating up what little charity they’re being given!

  151. Dingo
    August 30th, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Bunnë (#94): I’ve been reading through your strips and they’re wonderful!!! I’ve already found a couple to share with John: the couple who decorated their home in the early 80s, always being on “my” side of the bed, and the cards for all occasions. You’re witty, clever, and funny. The triple threat!

  152. AeroSquid
    August 30th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

  153. AeroSquid
    August 30th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

  154. Poteet
    August 30th, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    # 147 — BWAHA! Tabby, if you ever see this, I feel your pain. Unfortunately, you were so funny that I decided to continue the torment into the newest thread. Sorry.

    # 94 — Bunne, I really like your stuff too.

  155. SecretMargo
    August 30th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    148: Foobina–Dude, I’d forgotten about that! Just think, that turned out to be the high point in their relationship…

  156. Matt
    August 30th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    If Jeffy sleeps loose. Everyone will think he’s roadside and shun him.

  157. LTBF
    August 30th, 2007 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-Ignoring the 4,863,523rd Dagwood likes to eat gag in this strip’s history, I’m focusing on the guy he ate with. What kind of place is this? Since he said Dagwood is more patient than most customers, I’m assuming he makes people wait while he eats all the time. How does he keep his job?

    Foob-How far away is this farm? Why dioesn’t john and Elly drive up there to vist the family instead of sticking April on a train? And how does someone who rides a horse a few times during a summer vist become as good a rider as somebody who rides every day and has since she could walk?

  158. Len
    August 30th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    #147 — In my youth, I always heard the lyric as:

    “Gonna leeee-ave South Boston behind!”

    And I wondered what the horse had against South Boston.

  159. Freticat
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    The little Dubber brandishing that hand-powered aerosol pump (used before spray cans – invented in 1926, first used commercially in 1948) reminds me of watching Friz Freling cartoons, which had people using candlestick-style phones into the ’60s. Don’t these comic and cartoon artists realize that technology marches on? Well, Scaduto is only 79 years old. He probably thinks of ballpoint pens as “newfangled thingies”.

    I once found one of those sprayers in my aunts’ basement, coated in rust, but haven’t seen any others since.

  160. King Folderol
    August 30th, 2007 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    FC – Grandma should give Jeffy a little speech about how sleeping loose will lead to leprosy and blindness, but that’s the drawback of a one-panel strip: there’s absolutely no follow up to the ways that Jeffy’s spaghetti like mind could be warped by granny trying to punish him for his denseness.

    Marm – Everyone, including me, comments on how the one-note joke in Marmaduke is “Marm is a big dog! Ha ha!” But here is one of the most disturbing things about the world of Marmaduke…they’ve all just given up on trying to get him to behave, and accept the fact that he’s going to lick their groceries, and jump on people and knock them down, and presumably take big, hot, steaming dumps on the master bed. She should be whipping heavy objects at him, not simply telling this clearly dense dog that he shouldn’t be doing something that he clearly is going to keep doing anyway because he’s got all of the intelligence of Jeffy Keane.

    TDIET – All of those hours in front of the TV must have done something to Mr. and/or Mrs. Dubber’s sperms and eggs…those kids clearly are missing a few important chromosomes. What the hell is that boy carrying???

  161. Mariko
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore: OK, I’ve had just about enough of this teacher-bashing. I’m going into teaching, myself! And I had far more good teachers than bad; some of them were among the most hard-working and considerate people I have ever known. I have half a mind to send in a letter–though not, as I had originally planned, a letter displaying impeccable grammar and syntax. Rather, I feel like sending Tinsley something along these lines:

    Hi mallard im mark and i go to a privat skewl and i think ur comic strip is sooooo funey and i think ur rite abot libral teechers and how stopid they r and im glad my teechrs teeched me rite becus i dont go to a stoopid libarl shcol with stuped librael teahcers haha libreal educashin haha wut a joke rite?

    Anyway, I figure that, if he can make up complete bullshit, why shouldn’t I be able to do the same?

  162. A New Day
    August 30th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Friday’s A3G – Tommie: “I did!” “I had such a great day that it turned me into Carol Burnett’s character in Annie – scary, and not just a little bit drunk!”

  163. jamoche
    August 31st, 2007 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    My mom had a stroke a couple years back and had aphasia pretty bad at the beginning. We primarily communicated through IM and she had very few problems typing, so I didn’t realise how bad it was.

    She’s now to the point that she only misses words occasionally. It gets her pretty upset because she doesn’t remember doing that before. I’m not sure if she did or not; I know I do and so I think it’s normal.

    Weirdest of all? Before the stroke, she had *no* sense of direction – would get lost in my condo complex because everything looks alike. Now she has no trouble finding her way around.

  164. Frank Parsnip
    August 31st, 2007 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Again, I would have simply enjoyed months of Hugh Avery drinking pedestrian wine with June Morgan. This is the first time I’ve ever seen a chase seen in which every damn unconnected and confusing bit of it is simply discussed via phone. DT’s awful chase scene could perhaps turn out, for all its own flaws, to have been incrementally better.

    Mariko (161): Be sure to ask Tinsley if he agrees with Trent Lott that we could’ve avoided a lot of “these problems” if only we’d elected Strom Thurmond president on his single-plank pro-segregation platform. Here’s some loaner text to test him out:

    “Dear Mr. Mallard, We stand by and support you one-hundred percent in you’re fight against the librul negro conspiracy to degrade our schools through mongrelizations. Can you please be sure to insert a week’s worth of strips in which Trent Lott and Strom Thurmond stand up to this terrible dusky menace by insisting on “state’s rites”? If possible, can you show colored students being bused across town to cotton fields to work? I always gets lots of laughs at my school’s growing Kristian Kamp Klavern by telling my friends what your cartoons ought to be showing! Your Adoring Fan and Friend in Christ, Nathanial Bedford Forrest Smith, Stone Mountain, GA.”

  165. monsieurjohn
    August 31st, 2007 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    Regarding today’s Family Circus…. I’m no expert in the subject of long fingers, as mine are fairly stubby, but I’m pretty sure those nuggets affixed to PJ’s palms are actually toes.

  166. TargemQ8
    August 31st, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Hekkie= The URGE to touch a boobie!

  167. Remus
    September 5th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Josh , I am way late here, but it makes sense because I am presenting you with an honorary degree from BigBux University. You now have a P.H.D. in Scadutese. Your masterful approximation of this nearly dead language is thrillingly accurate. Use it well, my friend, use it well. Its power comes with a price.

  168. saxxxppaoww
    January 30th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    love blog very much

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