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Mommie dearest redux

Apartment 3-G, 1/12/12

Welp, as I predicted on Sunday, Ruby is Lu Ann’s bio-mom (I don’t deserve much credit for this, as it was telegraphed fairly loudly). And now it’s all over but the copious weeping, and soul-searching, and family recriminations! Shouldn’t take more than a year or two. However, before we get started, I think it’s worth showing the panel from last Friday that started this hilarious and heart-breaking misunderstanding:

I dearly, dearly hope that Lu Ann’s comment is never explained again, just for confusing larfs. “Poor Lu Ann, it must be terrible to not understand one’s true heritage! Hmm, why is the name ‘Dr. Howard’ sticking in my mind? Is it important? Enh, probably not.”

This shocking revelation about Ruby this week has made me wonder if this whole thing was planned out from the moment she was introduced more the four years ago, which made me dip into my archives to see where my first mention of her was. All I can say is that I’m apparently pretty smart about this stuff.

Mary Worth, 1/12/12

Yes, Mary, we all know that your plan to bring Emily back to your hovel in the woods and bake her into a pie is finally coming to fruition, but perhaps you shouldn’t look so transparently gleeful about it?

205 responses to “Mommie dearest redux”

  1. TheTJ
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Uhh… Not to be TOO harsh on the artwork, but what exactly is Mary doing with her fingers in the second panel? If not for the nails I’d have serious trouble even figuring out which finger goes to which hand.

  2. TheTJ
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    For that matter, what’s the deal with the waitress’ right hand in the first panel. Somebody in that strip needs to look up some reference material…

  3. Pozzo
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: “And here I was, all happy about my new teardrop tattoo. Somehow, it all seems so shallow now.”

  4. teenchy
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Zits: In which the punchline is lifted directly from the current Diary of a Wimpy Kid book, Cabin Fever.

    FW: Teachers are smirking hypocrites.

  5. pugfuggly
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    A3G Even Lu Ann seems pretty bored by the prospect of another Lu Ann storyline. Are we really doing another one of hers? Isn’t Tommie launching a singing career? Isn’t Margo opening a new gallery, with George Clooney visiting? Isn’t there something else we could follow besides the most tepid Jerry Springer episode ever?

    MW Be careful with that look in your eyes, Mary, Emily just might recognize it was the same one Wayne had when he kidnapped her in the first place…

  6. Hibbleton
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    MT: “I certainly do remember Butch. And the taxidermist has done a pretty fine job except for the tongue which is way too small for a dog of that size.”

  7. seismic-2
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    FC: Dolly, if you want to take a ride in the car with that nice Mr. Wayne to go get some Rainbow Swirl ice cream, that can be our little secret too.

    MT: Judging from his jaw structure, I’d say Butch is a rare breed indeed – half Shorthaired Pointer and half Swingline Stapler.

    SF: Based on Ralph’s critique of Sally’s report, we can conclude that if she had never met Ted, she would have become Thorax.

  8. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley — This guard’s lack of compassion is chilling. Prisoner 3758349′s favorite soap — One Life to Live — is being taken off the air after nearly 44 years, and it’s cruel and unusual punishment to force him to stop watching the penultimate episode. (I’m assuming prisoners don’t have access to TiVo®)

  9. Chareth Cutestory
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    MW: Look at Mary cringing and hugging herself with glee! She didn’t even have the wherewithal to properly interlace her fingers in time. That’s a level of happiness that comes from a successful fusion of meddling and crimestopping that most people will be lucky to experience in life.

  10. Francisco Arrowroot
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    So do their matching Prince Valiant haircuts mean that Emily is the daughter that Bree gave up for adoption years ago too? Because I don’t think I can handle that much trite, contrived drama in one week/however long it takes to resolve these storylines.

  11. Hibbleton
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Love is.. East bound and down…

  12. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    MW: Somebody needs to crop that figure of Mary from the second panel and use it every time the old bat sees a chance to meddle.

    Crankshaft: Speaking of old bats, pleez pleez pleez let the hag destroy herself and others in a fiery collision with a gas tanker or a train or something like that.

    FW: See the violence inherent in the system where poor students are oppressed for wanting their vendos.

  13. Comcis Fan
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#8): That would be mean, when we don’t even know yet whether Matthew will do right by Destiny and their baby. Oh, but of course he will.

  14. Mumblix Grumph
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Poor Emily…they lied about the ice cream and the modeling jobs…worst abduction ever!

  15. Hank
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#7): Reason alone to be glad Sally and Ted married

  16. wossname
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    MT – Either Jackelrod spilled some ink, or Tommy’s hair is a sentient being, slowly creeping around the right side of his head and getting ready to devour it.

    BGSS – Dear John Rose: Do you have any idea what an actual tomato plant looks like? Because that ain’t it.

  17. Droopy Says
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hands up, everyone who can imagine McEldowney needing to know how to deal with an enthusiastic audience–didn’t think so.

    Mock Trail: “I would have arrived sooner, but I had to stop to put gas in my car’s tank and there was no one at the service station to fill my tank!”

  18. terrapin
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MT: Now that I’ve had a close-up look at Butch’s deformed head I have to agree with Sally. For the good of humanity, that dog must be put down.

    MW: Meddlegasm? That’s the word that popped into my head when I got to panel three, anyway.

  19. Liam
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-Uhm, Coach, this is a rival sports team you are talking about not the people you have rough sex with.

    MW-Mary is wringing her in hands in the thought of the meddling that she is going to give Emily’s parents.

  20. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#17): Of course Brooke knows all about having an enthusiastic audience: himself!

    (to be fair, 9CL and the Pibgorn commentary aren’t bad today)

    BBailey: Just wait’ll Mary Worth shows up.

    MW: Her body language is going “MUAH-HAHAHAHAAAAA!” in the last panel. I think, also, cackling “Me pretties!” at some point, too.

    BBailey: For this sort of thing happening between two fictional army people, Frank and HotLips did it much better.

  21. Dennis Jimenez
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    A3G – I sit and watch, as tears go bye-e-eye-e-eye…. Ru-ooo-be-e-e – don’t take your love ta town…. I’m sorr-ee – so sorr-ee….

    MW – Casting call – 1980′s era Jameson Parker, 1970s era Ricky Schroeder, 1990′s era Emo Phelps, and Meryl Streep as Meddlin’ Mary….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  22. Effluvius Erratus
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    I’ll just pile on top of Mary Worth like everyone else and note that dopamine is a helluva drug.

  23. Ellie
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#7):
    MT: Judging from his jaw structure, I’d say Butch is a rare breed indeed – half Shorthaired Pointer and half Swingline Stapler. = COTW!!

  24. Dennis Jimenez
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#19): Heavy Meddle – as in, Your one way ticket to midnight – Heavy – Heavy Meddle….

  25. The Divine O'F
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MT: The dog isn’t blind, it’s just in the wrong comic strip. It must have escaped from a vintage Little Orphan Annie story.

  26. nescio
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    MW: I hope the waitress has gotten a warm feeling inside from this. Because she isn’t going to make much in tips the way she’s been ignoring all the customers. Emily still hasn’t gotten her free ice cream yet. And I’m not talking about a warm feeling inside that causes your face to burn to charcoal.

  27. Chareth Cutestory
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: This is a very emotional scene. How can we tell? Mostly from the enormous tears, which are roughly half the size of each criers’ own eyeballs.

  28. Hei of the Zaraki Company
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#27):

    Those are anime tears. Everything is exaggerated in anime.

    That was quick. I was expecting the storyline to drag on and on, but we learn the truth in not even one week’s time. Ah, but it is explanation that will take up more of my life that I won’t get back.

  29. mojo
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW: Am I a terrible, terrible person for being sadistically amused at the scene of an innocent little girl, her life torn asunder, coping with the trauma of her abduction ordeal, while in the foreground two adult women are fist-pumping and saying stuff like “YES! We totally ROCK!!!”

  30. nescio
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Hagar: The dragon is a nice touch but I really like the Cubist-faced cow.

    Momma: OK, after this week, I’m just going to assume that wherever Momma and her kids live, the water supply is tainted with hallucinogenic drugs.

    Ziggy: “I take catnip on an empty stomach because I have to live with you!”

  31. Jimbo
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail “You remember Butch…the blind dog with the preternaturally tiny lower jaw!”

    “Why yes! The Micro-Mandible is a rare dog breed threatened by human encroachment into its territory…yada yada yada…”

  32. Red Delicious
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: Even though the soap comics progress at a very slow rate, Mim’s hair appears to be growing in real time.

  33. Edgy DC
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Sheesh, looks like Mary got her precious back.

  34. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    The new Pop Culture’s Kids is now up! – PCK #4

    General Halftrack would’ve used up all his “Now what?”s by now if he were in that situation.

  35. Marc
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#19): The moral that Mary will impart to Emily’s parents will be the same as the one about the wallet. Never hang your kids over the back of your chair and always keep a list. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound right…. Oh screw it, it’s Mary Worth, who cares if it makes sense.

  36. hogenmogen
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    MW: “Ok, I helped you meddle in perhaps your greatest intrusion into other people’s lives to date. NOW are you going to hook me up with a sports star? I’m freakin’ SICK of waiting tables handing out free ice cream! I should be lounging in soft contentment as a trophy wife already!”

  37. Dood
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Whether it’s fending off Dr. Jeff’s marriage proposals or amorous moves, Mary’s got stalling down cold. She’s the Dean Smith Four Corners of meddling.

  38. hogenmogen
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    “I tried to stall as long as I could!”

    Yeah, go ahead and take credit there, Mary. Bree did the stalling. She got the manager on board. She confronted the kidnapper. She came up with the free ice cream plan. You only stood in the doorway for ten seconds before being easily brushed aside.

    World’s worst kidnapper thinks: “From now on, I’m only going to McDonald’s with my victims. No waitresses there.”

  39. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Crank: Far too often, I see this on the road and it scares the hell out of me.

    FC: What a great opportunity to abandon the little shit stain!

    FW: “Do as I say, not as I do”……that age-old non-excuse excuse for overlording hypocrisy…..

    Garfield: Why is Jon eating a giant turd?

    Luann: Gotta love Tiff. When it comes to her dreams, she’s like the Energizer Bunny……she just keeps going and going and going……I wonder how TJ is faring with Ann Eiffel back at WeenieWorld??

    MT: Cripes! White, round, hollow, colorless eyes!! I think “Little Orphan Annie” has turned into a dog!

    MW: Mary, panel 2: “Muah-ha-haaaaa!!! Now my evil plan is taking shape!!”

    Pearls: I have a love-hate relationship with this strip…….lately, I love it!!!

    SFx: I’m sorry, but I simply can’t figure out what is supposed to be happening here.

    Archie: Ha ha ha!! It’s funny, because Jughead can make puns that are just as crappy as the FOOB!!!

    SixChix: ……Or maybe she’s just masturbating with her left hand under the table.

    Love is…: So it’s gone from “Death Race 3000” to “Chitty Chitty Bang-Bang”…

  40. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#35):

    It makes a lot of sense!

    “Something seems off … better check my list! Good thing I wrote these down! Let’s see… Bobby is in the kitchen – check. Amy is watching TV – check. Little Greebo is in his crib – check. Tobias Jr. is at his recital – check. Emily is … is … is … OMG! I left her hanging on the back of the chair at the Good Eats diner last week! Better call their Lost and Found. Even if they can’t help, at least the list will make it easier to cancel her and have a replacement sent over!”

  41. Droopy Says
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#20): You mean he’s familiar with the sound of one hand fapping?

  42. McManx
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    M Worth — If panel 3 doesn’t beg a “Bwaa-ha-ha-ha”, I don’t know what does.

    M Trail — I’m not sure that Butch is blind, but is rolling his eyes up in sheer boredom.

    Apt 3G — Oooo. LuAnn’s is about a cold a stare as every I’ve seen one. “…Ruby and I need to talk… about where we’re going to stash your body after we kill your ass.”

    Crankshaft — Dream headline: “Elderly woman crashes into school bus on icy highway; both drivers, ironically in-laws, were killed.”

  43. twg
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Uh, Rex? I think you mean scared straight. Otherwise … eew, dude. TMI on your Fear Boner.

  44. Marc
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- “Well of course I remember him Tommy. And as I recall, I didn’t get a single thing that whole hunting trip because you insisted on having a goddam dalmation as a hunting dog. I did have one nice shot, but I never found it because that friggin dog was too busy chasing his tail, pissing on every single tree we passed, and licking himself to go bring back my catch.”

    Funky- These brainless narcs found our stash. Make sure that they’re properly punished. I think a few hours in the moldy, spore ridden basement bound by the asbestos straight jackets oughta do the trick.

    Crank- I hope she drives straight into Lake Erie. If the drowning doesn’t knock her off, the hypothermia surely will. And if that also fails, the noxiousness of the Cleveland dead zone in the lake will surely poison her.

    Luann- Hollyweird? Looks who’s talking, you transexual vampire.

    A3G- No way, are they really going to upset the status quo and alter the strip with this crazy, yet predictable turn of events? It’s probably more likely that they all take some “forget me now’s” in a couple weeks and everybody forgets everything and nothing changes.

    Mary Worth- What if Emily has no parents? What if she is an orphan and the “kidnapper” has adopted her? The only reason there was a missing child poster is because Thugy McKidnapper wanted a child so badly, but was too poor to pay. Emily is upset because a combination of an old hag, the ugliest person on earth, the most incompetent restaurant manager on earth, and the worst police force on earth have taken away the man who was going to give her a normal life.

    Hi & Lois- I can’t believe that controlling bitch Lois, whos has to have the death grip on everything her children do, allowed him to not do his homework. Although to be fair, Ditto is her least favorite child so maybe she just didn’t give a shit.

  45. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Lu Ann’s name at birth was Aruba “Ruby” Gooding, Junior. And it’s no coincidence that the current Apartment 3-G storyline will conclude during
    Black History Month.

    Embrace your Afro-Caribbean heritage, Lu Ann!

  46. Zerowolf
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    A3G: Well this is a shocking development. I would never have dreamed for a moment the Ruby had ever had sex.

  47. Esther Blodgett
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    MT: “And you remember Butch…well, we’ve gotten him hooked on mescaline since the last time you were here.”

    FW: You can’t blame the kids. They just jonesin for their vendos.

    RMMD: June is not happy with Rex’ admission of fear. Not that she wasn’t going to bite off his head after mating with him anyway, but she may have to move up the schedule now.

  48. Dennis Jimenez
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#21): You know, on second thought, to have a gender bending sweep, I’m calling for a casting change and will replace Meryl Streep with the old character actor Bill Hayes of Days of Our Lives and the Ballad of Davy Crocket, in the role of Mary:


  49. Zerowolf
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    MW: As The-Gray-Hair-Who-Meddles rubs her hands in glee at the prospect of a new family to infiltrate.

  50. bunivasal
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Whoah! When did Ruby and Mim get matching prison tats?

  51. Voshkod
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s glee is so radiant that it’s blasted the front part of the waitress’ face to charcoal. Look upon her works, ye meddled, and despair.

  52. The Gringo Kid
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Hey, queek! Check this out!

  53. Stickerz
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    will we see proof of the dogs blindness, i.e. walking into a tree? Based on the illustration I believe it’s nothing but a possession which is easily remedied by Mark punching a bible against the dogs face

  54. Robin Stinson
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    MW: And in a strange twist of fate, Emily’s parents will be the ones that stole Mary’s wallet.

  55. The Gringo Kid
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Life imitates art! Well, life imitates Gil Thorp, in this case.

  56. Austria
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    FW: C,WAA.

    HtH: The dragon is a nice touch.

    Luann: Is he going to write Tiffany out of the strip? THEN what will we do around here?


  57. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#48): Bill’s too much of a stud to play Mary. The producers need to hire a professional cross-dresser — like Mother Riley:

  58. TheDiva
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    MW: “I’ll meddle you, my pretty, and your little dog too!”
    Meanwhile, Emily slowly calms down. Her long nightmare is almost over, and maybe now, finally, she will get ice cream.

    9CL: So, you’re supposed to respond to a breach in concert etiquette with sexual assault? I don’t get it.

    C’shaft: All of you who thought this was going to lead to another tired “Rose has fallen and she can’t get up” plot can now eat your words–Batiuk has decided to change things up with a hilarious vehicular manslaughter story instead!

    FW: Linda’s smug, condescending, and ultimately hypocritical health campaign ultimately caused the child obesity rate in Westview to triple. (Also, “in-school detention”? Isn’t that a bit redundant, like “PIN number” or “loathsome Funky Winkerbean character”?)

    Luann: Tiffany’s like the characters on Pleasantville, who’ve had their eyes opened to the world beyond their narrow existence. Only instead of an idyllic ’50s sitcom world, she lives in a trite teen melodrama where she’s been set up as the antagonist for the author’s insufferable Mary Sue.

    Marvin: I never thought I’d live to see a canine prison rape joke, yet here we are.

    Pluggers delight in wasting other people’s time.

  59. The Lundbom
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    MW: Is Jane Lynch moonlighting as a beat cop?

  60. Dood
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Who sent the stripper to comfort Emily?

  61. hogenmogen
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Hey, Parker, why don’t you take some pictures of Thor. You know, because you do that for a living? Parker with a camera doesn’t reveal a secret identity as a superhero. Spiderman with a camera reveals his secret identity as a news photographer.

    I know that most people would be panicing too much to think of snapping pictures if their wife was stolen by some Norse legend. But Parker/Spider deals with villians taking his wife all the time, and they’re bad guys who mean harm. In fact, MJ was just grabbed by bling-lovin’-street-thug just five minutes ago, and Parker didn’t do squat. Or, is Parker just bent out of shape because his wife is with a tall, blonde lothario who doesn’t watch TV?

  62. Illustrator Steve
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    MT –
    (Mark is greeted by Sally and Tommy):
    “Mark, you remember Sally!”
    “Tommy, DON’T stand there telling me WHO I can remember! And if you intend on your comment to be a question, make sure you add a question mark to it! WHO do you think you are anyway?”
    “Sorry Mark. Hey Butch, LOOK who’s here!! Woops, sorry about that, Butch.”
    “Damn Tommy, that was really CRUEL!”
    “Please Mark, TELL us WHAT to do with this old blind dog.”
    “Well Tommy, first off, I’d suggest you not let him chew on those wooden popsicle stick like he has in his mouth. He could get splinters in his tongue!”

  63. Chip Whittle
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Crock successfully makes a joke today. Is it really this close to the end of the world?

    Hagar the Horrible: I’m curious whether the dragon is kept for the eggs or for the milk, but feel like learning would just horrify me.

    Mandrake: Having successfully seen his fortune dwindle to nothing in waiting for the movie studios to rent his ghost town, Tex uses his phenomenal one-in-a-lifetime stroke of good luck to resolve to…see his fortune dwindle to nothign in waiting for the movie studios to rent his ghost town. Thanks for helping, Mandrake, and by ‘helping’ I mean ‘sitting around doing not a blasted thing’.

    Spider-Man: Peter Parker’s recovered from his head injury quickly this time. He must be building up an immunity, which means he needs to get hit much more often and more severely on the head.

  64. Speffles
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    MW: Watch out Bree! From the look on Mary’s face I don’t think she’s planning to share the reward. Can’t say I blame her, I never trust anyone named after cheese.

  65. Ian Beste
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#63): Re: Hagar. Well, two possibilities here. One, it is a guard dragon. Nice work if you can get it. Two, it was planning to eat one of Hagar’s menagerie when it noticed that they were all heading indoors to get out of the cold. Dragons are not dumb by anyone’s measure, so this little guy decided that a roof over one’s scales sounded like a good idea and decided to join them. As a bonus, now it gets to eat whatever Hagar and the missus (I’m too lazy to look for her name–Helga?) left out for the dog.

  66. Illustrator Steve
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MT –
    “Sally, you remember Mark Trail!”

    “Hi Sally! Long time, no SEE! Get it? no SEE? hahahha!”

    “ARF! ARF-ARF-ARF!!”

    “Hi Sally, PLEASE be more hospitable to my caracters!”

  67. hogenmogen
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Trail: So your dog is blind, but he still has an acute sense of hearing and smell. Maybe we can set him up as a new superhero: DareDevilDog, the spotted spectacle, the dalmation sensation!! Justice is blind, and so is its protector!

    No? Well, that’s the only advice I came all this way to give. Sorry, Tommy, you’ll just have to shoot him.

  68. Liam
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MT-OH MY GOD! What is the matter with your dog’s eyes? You said that he was blind not that his eyes were taken out and ping pong balls put into the sockets.

  69. Little Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MW: Santa Royale has a Cavalry instead of a police force? Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. Mary is a bit of a War Horse herself.

  70. Voshkod
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail, in reality: “Dog’s blind? He’s a workin’ dog? Yeah, I got a solution. Thirty aught to the neck should do it. You got a shovel?”

  71. Little Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Applauding Between Movements: Be grateful this applies to 9CL rather than Marvin.

  72. kingklash
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Who knows what meddle lurks in the heart of Mary? The Shadow do!

  73. bats :[
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @twg (#43): FEAR? Not our stalwart, MRSA-defying, sailboat-racing, Caribbean-cruising Dr. Morgan!

  74. bats :[
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#55): This is…A TATTOO!!

    (Oh, and I really liked the otter video, Kid!)

  75. Anonymous
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    something precious for bb,u.


  76. seismic-2
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    A3G: Now, if only Paul Linski would show up and ask Lu Ann who is that strange-looking woman with the Egg McMuffins in her hair:

    “She’s my mother.”
    “She’s my aunt.”
    “She’s my mother.”
    “She’s my aunt.”
    (continue until Margo arrives and joins in, with a beaver-tail sap)

    Forget it – it’s Hoboken, Lu Ann.

  77. Liam
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MW-”Where is my ice cream? I believe that I was promised ice cream,” Emily asks.

  78. AhClem
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    MW – In tomorrow’s strip, the restaurant manager finally emerges from the kitchen, brandishing a meat cleaver. Realizing that the kidnap situation is under control, he sees Mary trembling in her glassy-eyed biddygasm and thinks to himself, “As long as I have this weapon, it would be a shame not to use it…”

  79. hogenmogen
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    The entire joke relies on the fact that there are no discernable identifiers as to where this takes place. No ad signs on the counter, no price list behind the cashier, not even a helpful backwards “EGNAHC LIO” on the window for reference. Dag seems utterly lost in this void of non-specificity, so desparate for food that he believes everyone shares in his chronic culinary obsessions. Join the hilarity when he begs for tea and crumpets at the dog shelter and hot dogs at his local bank.

    Maybe the strip will turn into “Being There” with Dag as Peter Sellers. All Dagwood’s observations on food will be mistaken for sage symbolic advice for the modern age.

    “So, Dagwood, what do you think about the sandwich that the middle class is in?”
    “A good sandwich has turkey, roast beef, ham and cheese, but it also has condiments, lettuce, tomato and lots of other things. If you keep the meat and lose the other ingredients, the whole sandwich is less filling.”
    “That’s really insightful!”

    “Mr. Bumstead, my wife and I are having a hard time ‘meeting’ – if ya know what I mean.”
    “Hard… meat? Pepperoni is the most important ingredient to a pizza pocket.”
    “Thank you, bro!”

  80. Frank Lee Meidere
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: While the sight of Mary rubbing her hands together and doing her best Gollum impression is quite disconcerting, I’m actually more disturbed by the incongruously cheerful lady cop who appears to believe that the best way to comfort a traumatised girl is by telling jokes. At least get her some rainbow swirl ice cream, for crying out loud.

  81. Charterstoned
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    MW – Maybe it’s because I just watched “National Velvet” that I’m appreciating all the equine references in today’s strip. The “cavalry came in the nick of time”, Mary tried to “stall” them, the waitress has a name that sounds like a horse’s whinney, Mary has a face like a horse. Now, where’s that girl with the ponytails?

  82. The Gringo Kid
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#74): Frolicking otters are usually queek’s territory, but there was a lack of squee today, so I brought it.

  83. Chip Whittle
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: “Are goats not vain, as well?” Now I know what to say next time my boss asks about the TPS reports.

    Biff and Riley: Is it that hard to think of a thing to document that doesn’t involve freezing water? Even in winter? Couldn’t they at least shoot b-roll footage of the mall, or people from the shoulder down for obesity reports?

    Dick Tracy: Spike Senior leaps into action by getting Right Hand, Red.

    Lio: Man, Lio really is a freak. Yahoo Maps instead of Google? What planet is he from?

    Mutt and Jeff: Well, now we know where Barney Google picked up all its tricks.

    PC and Pixel: Uh…actually, that’d be a pretty good design for a day care center. Well, the entrance anyway, you’d want windows, but for frontage, that’s great.

    TerraTopia: “In the time it takes a molecule to breathe or an eon to pass”? Oh yeah, that’s why I don’t read transformation-story fiction.

  84. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Ruby and I need to talk. I have to ask her why if she’s my mama she has purple hair and I have yellow hair.”

    MW: “Um. Mary? Why are you rubbing your hands together like an evil mad scientist?”
    “Ah, because, because… Because it’s cold in here! Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

    FW: If Westview High in any way resembles a real school, the teacher is about to send the boys out of the room and chew Linda out for wasting his time.

    C-Shaft: When you’re having trouble thinking of new tragedies to befall your characters, there’s always the old standby “got run over by a truck.”

    Marvin: Ah, prison rape humor.

    Agnes: In science every answer raises more questions. Miss Agnes may actually be on the right track.

    BB: Ah, but the real battle winner among Victor Borge’s arsenal is “I now play for you ‘Clair de Lune.’ English translation: clear the saloon.”

    RMMD: Rex’s being scared stiff was easy to miss, on account of his always being stiff in general.

    GT: “And Lini, if reading sexual innuendo into everything I just said helps your game, you go right ahead.”

    DT: Spike Jr is really committed to the Elton John/Rachel Maddow/circus clown mashup look. Lady Gaga doesn’t wear the meat dress when she’s at home playing solitaire.

    GA: The prisoner is Barney Frank? What is this, a Fox News dream sequence?

    MT: Absolutely chilling. It’s like when a serial killer arranges his victims’ bodies into domestic tableaux.

    Ziggy: Just for a change of pace I’d like to see a panel where the cat is tut-tutting and Ziggy is stoned out of his gourd.

    Drabble: If anyone is qualified to distract the opposing team it’s the Blue Dudette. She might have to show some non-blue parts, though.

    6C: Who would have thought asbestos cheesecake might have health risks associated.

    FC: And if Dolly gets lost at the mall because no one was holding her hand, well, that will be Grandma’s little secret.

  85. queek
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @The Gringo Kid (#52): that video rocks. I wanted to link it, but didn’t have the online time.


  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#83):

    Dick Tracy: Spike Senior leaps into action by getting Right Hand, Red.

    They were the opening act for Right Said Fred, right?

  87. Charterstoned
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    MT – Butch looks a lot like Little Orphan Annie.

  88. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google & the other feller: Bennett, Colorado, is a town of about two thousand people, famous most recently as the home of the Colorado Spam King, the late Fast Eddie Davidson. Uncle Lumpy probably remembers him. Bennett’s elevation is 5,485 feet, which may seem high, but is only 8.31 furlongs. That is, 660 feet to the furlong, for those of you about to whip out your slipsticks.

    5485 is also significant as that is the exact number of days since BGWLSITCSWBHN. Strangely, there is no evidence that the Spam King had anything to do with the disappearance. Go figure*.

    *With the logarithmic calculating device of your choice!

  89. Dennis Jimenez
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @The Lundbom (#59): I’m still going with Jameson Parker – that cop’s not a fraction as manly as Jane Lynch….

  90. Will
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @TheTJ (#2 (also #1)): I nominate Gil Thorp for the reference material. If anybody knows how to draw hands, it’s Rod Whigham.

  91. Señor Tortilla
    January 12th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary Worth looks creepily happy.

    A3G: Yay! This may make up for the disappointing ex machina of the last storyline.

    FW: Watch out, Les, you’ve got a competitor for the Most Hate-able Funky Winkerbean Character!

    6C: This is what happens when you go cake-shopping in Westview, Ohio.

    FC: Grandma looks different. More wrinkles, less like Bil in drag.

    S-M: His head feels Thor, perhaps?

    Pluggers: waste other people’s time.

  92. Shrug
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    CUL DE SAC: “Yeah, well, but Nature started it!”

  93. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    3G – “Oh, hell, now I guess we have to… I dunno …hug or something. Well, come on. Let’s get it over with.”

    Crank – That small shape just barely peeping over the wheel… can it be? It is! PBHG! Petrified Blue Haired Granny, the female equivalent of OMIH, Old Man In Hat! Stay inside until she’s passed by, folks.

    love is… – “Say, didn’t we have some kids before?”

  94. gnome de blog
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Okay, okay. The kid’s rescued, the perp apprehended, Mary’s in meddler heaven. Can we have our pool party now???

  95. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Luann“Cryst”? Face it, you just want to call her “Cyst,” but it’s more of a Batiuk nickname. [*]

    Mark – “Reapin’ Rizards!”

    Marfield – There’s no part of that dog that couldn’t simply walk through that 6″ mesh.

  96. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Mark – “There’s your problem! He’ll be fine once we get these white contacts off him.”

    Mary is so excited over this turn of events she’s playing “Yankee Doodle” in hand-farts.

    Zits – Go for the trifecta, Jeremy! Something with open flame, or maybe something amusing concerning boiling oil!

  97. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y209): That’s where we’re at right now. Since his stroke, the possibility that Dad may never be able to just hop in the car and drive 1500 miles has to be considered. He is slowly coming around to it, but I can understand his reluctance to say goodbye forever to the freedom he’s had for just about seven decades.

  98. Anonymous
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    The look on Mary’s face in panel two comes from the additional joy of getting Bree hooked on meddling. The first meddle is free but soon Mary will own her.

  99. greghousesgf
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Hagar seems to have adopted that bull from Guernica.
    also, Mutt and Jeff apparently even bore themselves.

  100. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#5): Let’s be fair — it wasn’t so very long ago that Lu Ann disappeared for several months, having been sent to South Dakota to draw wildflowers by a mysterious prairie organization that just disappeared, pfffffft, never ever to be seen again, not that I’m bitter. Now, as compensation, it’s Lu Ann’s Special Time To Be Tepid, and we have to be patient and let it play out. Here, have a large swig from my hip flask.

  101. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#97): Sympathies. Our family isn’t there yet but it’s on the horizon. My dad used to be involved in the Detroit car industry and still cares about cars, and not driving is going to be painful.

    Not far from where I live, an elderly woman crashed into a stone wall, had her car keys taken by her children, went out and bought another car, and crashed it into a garage door. No injuries, fortunately. I don’t know about other states, but Iowa is not well-prepared to deal with this problem, and it’s growing.

  102. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    BBlues: OK………I’ve been reading this arc for the past week now, and I’ve resisted thus-far of bashing it to bits. Until now. So, we’ve got little Briana who said something mean to Zoe. Who the fuck cares??? And fuck you, Wanda. Quit treating this like some major offense. This type of petty little shit happens every fucking day on the playground. Teach your kids to fight their own battles. Let her learn to handle herself. A parent steps in only when there’s the threat of bodily harm, not just because some little girl made a comment to your little girl. Darryl is right. This isn’t an instance to me made an issue of. Wanda, if this is such a big deal for you, then *YOU* go and make a fucking federal case out of it with Briana’s parents. Bee-yotch! This stupid, mamby-pamby bullshit is what is raising a generation of wimps who can’t handle the real world…..the type of parents who force their kids to wear a life jacket in the kiddie pool. Grrrrrr………FUCK!!! ……………*whew*. I feel better now. Sorry….

  103. Marc
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#101): Recently around here (within the last 5-6 months or so) we’ve had a whole bunch of cases where elderly drivers crashed their cars through the fronts of stores and restaurants.

  104. wossname
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#88): You know, I’ve been thinking about this missing person case that upsets you so, and I think the answer has been right under our noses all along:
    Barney Google, with the goo-goo-googly eyes
    Barney Google, had a wife three times his size
    She sued Barney for divorce
    Now he’s living with his horse
    Barney Google etc.

    Find Spark Plug, and you find Barney.

  105. Tom the Sailor Man
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – “Kelly was scared stiff, and now that I think about it, so was I!”

    Worst porn set-up ever.

  106. Baka Gaijin
    January 12th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    The next reveal will be…Ruby and Mr. Linski the Elder bumped uglies twenty-odd years ago, then something about fraternal twins and New Jersey.

    Hootin’ Holler has it’s own personal global warming!

    Today’s Dick Tracy‘s artist flaunts his ability to draw hands. Take that, Dick Locher!

  107. Baka Gaijin
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure. Either that’s cuckolding illustrated in Herb and Jamaal or the obstetrician confused the boy’s birth for a taffy pull.

    Mama Curtis, you do know that ole Lizzy cooks and queens, right? She looks so cute with her big pink fuzzy slippers, quilted bathrobe, and scarf over her doing-housework tiara. She wields her sceptre regally as she swishes the toilet bowl.

    Nancy knows she’s got hair of Brillo yet she doesn’t ask Auntie for conditioner and a hair straightener? Or is it that Fritzi is threatened by Nancy’s beauty…

  108. LP2004
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#104): Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that the writers of BG&SS have been planning to bring back Barney, but keep postponing his return because it would mean the end of Nehemiah Scudder’s ‘It’s been xxxx days’ posts.

  109. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: Okay! Okay! I can’t stand it anymore – those sad, sad eyes holes in the dog’s face! I’ll adopt Butch! Please turn off the Sarah MacLachlan sound track now!

    MW: Santa Royale News Team reports: “And in today’s news, swift police action results in a double-arrest: notorious pedophile and meddlephile both apprehended!”

    A3G: TEARS and >GASP<. And Exclamation Marks!

    A3G, too: Sorry, LuAnn, but bad luck comes in threes: First it was breaking off your engagement with Paul Linski; now you find out that Ruby is your mother; and tomorrow, even worse – you'll find out Ari Papagoras is your father.

  110. Baka Gaijin
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    If Mary’s this excited about meddling a strange girl, what’ll she be like when she’s reunited with her wayward sweater?

    Separated at birth: Mary Worth and Little Ruthie.

  111. Illustrator Steve
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    MT –
    (Mark Entrail): “Hi Tommy and Sally. Say, THAT is one creepy looking blind dog you’ve got there! He looks as if the person who drew him previously worked for the little Orphan Annie comic strip.”

    (Tommy): “Actually Mark, he’s only some old recycled clip-art that Jackelrod used white-out on to make him look blind.”

    (Sally): “How ’bout I use WHITE-OUT on all THREE of you so I can get some PEACE and QUIET in this house which, by the way, I CANNOT AFFORD!”

    (Mark Entrail): “Well, I can NOT AFFORD to stand here and be treated like this! Tommy, the only suggestion I have for you is for you and Butch to pack up your stuff and leave that loud mouthed THING that keeps NAGGING at us! You and Butch can come live with me at my cabin inLost Forest. Hell, I’m NEVER there more than fifteen minutes every six months or so. And, if keep Cherry company for me she will make you PANCAKES!”

    (Tommy): ” HELL YEAH! Count me in!”

    (Blind dog Butch): “rrrRRR-RUFF! RUFF-RUFF-RUFF!” (Translation: HELL YEAH! I’m in too!)

  112. bats :[
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @The Rixter of Dibley (#109): I was under the impression that Ruby and the Perfesser were more of a September-September relationship, although I have no idea who Lu Ann’s father might’ve been (I have to admit, I like the idea of Paul Linski’s dad…have at you, Bishop-pandering-to hypocrite!).

  113. YouWho
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Did someone say MEDDLEGASM?!?!?

  114. wossname
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#106): Re Ruby and Papa Linski – Hey – I said that yesterday! I might also point out that @Rocky Stoneaxe (#45)‘s theory today that Ruby is Afro-Cuban lends credence to my/our theory that Papalinski is Lu Ann’s bio-dad, because it could explain Lu Ann’s bland blond looks.

  115. Wally Winketbean
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Were there Mentos in those vendos?

    Or Frito’s?

    With some Grapico to wash it down with?

  116. commodorejohn
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – I don’t know! Let’s ask True Fable: are not goats vain?

    A3G – “I never meant for you to find out! I mean, criminey, after all that I went through getting rid of you?”

    BB – Hey, one Mary Worth is plenty, thanks.

    Crankshaft – Just promise me one of the following will die: Jeff, Pam, Crankshaft, that fucking yappy dog.

    Curtis – Wait, she was boiling water on the stove, and then she just poured it out? What, did she just want to have something to boil over to emphasize her point? Seems kinda Foobish to me.

    FW – Ha ha! It’s funny, because the administration can take away the things the students like, but reserve the privilege for themselves! Ha ha oh wait that’s not funny at all. Christ, what assholes.

    HTH – that cow is looking into my soul

    JP – “As a member of the Saudi royal family, he’s obscenely rich, so by Parkerverse logic he must be a good guy!”


    MT – Oh man, that gets funnier every time. Every. Time.

    Monty – I would want a baloon <a href=" That’d be cool as hell.

    OBH – Always worked for me…

    PBS – No. No. I’m sorry, Pastis, you just do not violate the sanctity of Mr. Rogers’s Neighborhood.

    Ghost-Who-Fishes – Real bright, this guy. (To whom am I referring? Take your pick!)

    RMMD – “Kelly was scared stiff today! Almost like she almost got date-raped or something! Well, I’m sure this won’t have any further effects on anybody or anything! What’s on the plate for our next storyline, honey?”

    SF – Alt-Sally is…just…damn. Maybe it’s the “hastily half-dressed after a quickie” look or something, but damn.

    SM – Does Thor go everywhere with legs clasped, buttocks clenched, and hammer thrust forward? It’s cool from the right angle, but it just looks kind of silly from the back. Also kinda needs the cape to really work.

  117. Abby, the Wonderdog
    January 12th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Rex is stiff?

    Quick call his “golf” buddy. He is Number 2 on the speed dial.

    Number 1 on the speed dial?

    Ricardo’s garage cleaning service.

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

  118. UncleJeff
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Mayor Dalton’s Prostate is still running for President in New Hampshire.
    MDP sent out a Facebook message today: Breaking news: “The Argyle Sweater” has just endorsed Rick Santorum! The press release is oddly reminiscent of the famous 1988 endorsement of Gary Hart by “The Far Side”.

  119. Little Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Luann: And. as we all know, this ended well for Elizabeth Patterson.

    FW: On the other hand, it’s refreshing to see students getting detention for something other than, oh, I dunno, privately ranting about the nosy teacher right in back?

  120. This Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Good thing Lamarck was wrong, or Lu Ann might have inherited Ruby’s hair ornaments.

    GT: The quality’s “still” lousy on the new Twilight? Mr. Kiwim’n, Twilight is going be of lousy quality forever, world without end, amen.

    Pluggers: …are total dicks to people providing services to them. Truly, they are our moral superiors!

    R&R: “Alas… earwax!”

  121. jamoche
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: Oh, please. The way to get snacks out of the teacher’s breakroom is to walk right in as if you belong there; if asked (unlikely), say it’s because your teacher sent you to get something. The other teachers won’t even blink; they know very well that students are there just to provide slave labor.

    (My school’s teacher breakroom coke machines were half the price of ours! I never once got asked why I was in there…)

  122. Notebooked
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s head looks way too close to her shoulders in relation to her hands in that last panel. All-in-all, it makes her look hunchbacked and devilish. Is she dropping her facade for a single careless moment?

  123. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#116):

    RE: Curtis

    I think the problem was that she ended up burning the water she was trying to boil, so she threw it out in order to start over on a fresh pot. She really could use those cooking classes…

  124. Omnomnom
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    I’m getting a real Renfield vibe from Mary. Heeee heeee heeee…

  125. sporknpork
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Say what you want about the current state of the comics page, but that second panel of Mary Worth is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in ages.

  126. Baka Gaijin
    January 12th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#114): Great minds and all that rot. I thought that sounded awfully familiar in my head when I was typing.

    @commodorejohn (#116): Edna Mode says, “No capes!”

    @This Guy (#120): Pluggers: …are total dicks to people providing services to them. FTFY

  127. ElkMeadow
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#110):

    From one of your links, bold type mine:

    Born “about 60-something years ago,” Mary Worth is the star of this time-honored continuity strip. A retired teacher and widow, Mary lives alone in Santa Royale. Thanks to her long occupancy, neighbors consider Mary the “unofficial manager” of The Charterstone Condominium Complex.

    Wait a minute. She’s been showing rooms, and hosting parties and she got the homeless Spanish guy (from Europe) the garden cottage for his house, and gave him the landscaper job, and NOW she’s “unofficial”? Well, who the heck is the OFFICIAL one and why haven’t we seen the OFFICIAL one?

  128. Calico
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @YouWho (#113):
    Oh wow, thanks for totally making my day – HAHAHAHAHAHHA!
    So perfect. So Mary.

  129. littlestevie
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @twg (#43): It took till the 43rd comment to make fun of Rex’s stiffy reference. What’s wrong with you people and damn you PST.

  130. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#20) said: “MW: Her body language is going “MUAH-HAHAHAHAAAAA!” in the last panel. I think, also, cackling “Me pretties!” at some point, too.”

    I think that her next line will be, “The mortgage! The mortgage!*”

    *Spoken in the Worthian rolling tongue.

  131. commodorejohn
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#127): Oh, nobody’s seen the official manager, not in a long time – not since Mary moved there, actually. She says he’s still around and just doesn’t like to be disturbed. The other residents…well, let’s just say they’ve learned to stop asking.

  132. Baka Gaijin
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#127): What do you think makes Mary’s ersatz roses so red? I ain’t seen her lay down no fish meal. Just sayin’.

  133. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Monty — Not safe for Baka Gaijin (or paleontologists)!

    Bonus: Clown gets screwed by city…

  134. Liam
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    MW-Everything is going as I have forseen. Soon they will witness the full power of the Meddling.

    A3G-Now I have to kill you for finding out my secret shame.

  135. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#116):

    PBS – No. No. I’m sorry, Pastis, you just do not violate the sanctity of Mr. Rogers’s Neighborhood.


  136. ArchieNemesis
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Thanks Josh. Your Mary Worth comment really captures the unintentionally creepy vibe of Mary’s prolonged foray into childnapping. Give yourself a Comment of the Week, young man.

  137. Dood
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Those intertwined fingers and prayerful pose, that’s Mary’s “Thankety Thanks.”

  138. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 12th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#108): What if Nehemiah Scudder and John Rose (the artist on BG/SS) were the same person? This might just be Nehemiah/John thumbing his nose at King Features and its insistence that no one in the 21st century wants to see a strip about a racetrack tout and his broken-down horse. (And I hear Nehemiah/John’s editor hates Sut Tattersall with a passion!)

  139. Little Blue Bicycle
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @TheTJ (#2): Bree is channeling Ralph Kramden. To the moon, Mary!

  140. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @YouWho (#113): I imagine that moving image accompanied by Ren Hoek’s echoy crazy laugh.

  141. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#102) Re: Baby Blues— Right on! I think you can relate to this.

  142. Baka Gaijin
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#133): I didn’t click the bonus link but I approve based on your description.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#138): Hmm…

  143. Mibbitmaker
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#131): And, should someone — say, a new tenant — want to ask, Mary hastily tells them that they cannot ask the manager, or WSBK, channel 38, in Boston would sue them for infringement. The tenant would obey, not knowing that show hadn’t been on in years.

  144. Little Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#138): no one in the 21st century wants to see a strip about a racetrack tout and his broken-down horse.

    Yet ZombieFOOB still lives….

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#138): Come to think of it I’ve never seen them in the same room…

  146. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#106): If that reveal ever actually happened, I would take back everything bad I’ve ever said about A3G, including about the hair.

  147. The Rixter of Dibley
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#112): “I was under the impression that Ruby and the Perfesser were more of a September-September relationship, although I have no idea who Lu Ann’s father might’ve been…
    I didn’t think it would be possible for Ari and Ruby to breed and the timespan is all wrong, but then I remembered the weird time distortion in the 3G universe.

  148. Crankenstank
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Occam’s razor suggests that the simpler, and therefore more probable, explanation is that Josh and Frank Bolle are in fact one and the same. You read it here first.

  149. Cyranetta
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    I just wish the full force of Mary’s self-congratulation would send her to a Charterstone pool party. She needs to refine the meddle-story before she enters it in “Meddles I Have Known”.

  150. hogenmogen
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    Gil: We’re facing some stiff competition, boys. They’re bigger, taller and longer all around. But we’ve got depth. That is our key – deep penetration! And hustle out there. Don’t just play with the ball, thrust it! Thrust those balls! Take it to the hole. Set your shots and sink ‘em in! Guard those guys tight! Stay on ‘em! You’ve got to reach around and grab the ball. Any questions?

    Kaz: Can I go outside for a cigarette and a fresh pair of underwear?

  151. Señor Tortilla
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    It would still be pretty stupid, though not ultra-bad, if the little gray dog was the central character of the strip. It would be even better if Marvin got all the abuse and never be smug again.

  152. hogenmogen
    January 12th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#120): I wondered about that “still lousy” comment, too. Like he was expecting the DVD to ripen over time.

    I do know that some of the early, early bootlegs are really just recorded from hand held machines at the theater. I have one from China of Mel Gibson’s “Signs”. Since you don’t see the aliens except in fleeting bits for most of the movie, it was hilarious when just such a scene included the silhouettes of two people hurrying back to their seats with some popcorn. “Look, there they are!!”

  153. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#96): “Something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy.” I love a good Mikado reference!

  154. Lazarus Lupin
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I understand that being the “artist” for a strip like “Mary Worth” can’t be considered a glamorous position. Still there is a real “dashed off” feel here in the art work. I can’t comment on the story too much since there really isn’t one. I like the idea of Mary being a wicked witch, heck even a sliightly naughty witch would be funny.

    Anyway, enjoy your work,
    Lazarus Lupin

  155. Black Drazon
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    I was going to make a joke about Mim’s hair curling as she discovers her faux pas, but holy crap, Mary Worth. She looks like she’s about to cut James Bond in half with a meddling laser. That pose should be framed.

  156. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#153): I love a good Mikado reference!
    Well, if I may humbly submit it, perhaps you’ll find this amusing as well. (And here’s the appendix.)

  157. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#104): Find Spark Plug, and you find Barney.

    A missing horse? Sounds like a case for Mark Trail! Cry havoc, and let slip the blind Dalmatian of Justice!

    @LP2004 (#108): Silly LP2004! Then I shall (effulgently) start posting “It has been xxx days since Barney’s triumphant return… etc.”
    And then, Rocky Stoneaxe and I will redouble our efforts to bring back Sut Tattersall. King Features (WDYTTCIAS) trifles with us at their peril.

  158. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#114): If I were casting the voice actors for an Apartment 3-G animated film, Nichelle Nichols would be my first choice for Ruby.

  159. demoncat
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    mary is smiling for not only will she be earning praise for rescuing emily but also knowing she will be able to add her parents and new recruits to follow her every whim.

  160. Mark B.
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Hopefully, nobody’s going to toss a bucket of water on Mary Worth. Little Emily’s been traumatized enough today, and seeing her rescuer melt into a puddle in front of her might be the final straw. What a world, what a world.

  161. Sans Sense
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    MW: Why I do believe Mary done gone and plucked little Emily from Goleta’s eye out several panels earlier. She is waiting with evident glee to pop the tasty morsel in her meddlin’ maw. Bree, DO NOT watch her feed.

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#156): Wow. That must have been a blast. Of course, updating the Executioner’s lyrics is an old tradition – you’ve probably seen Eric Idle’s version – but your contribution was… luminous! (Ha! Thought I was going to say fulgent, didn’t you?).

    I’ve read that Cole Porter wrote hundreds of topical verses for “You’re the Top” – if he knew that some pal of his or someone famous (usually the same thing) was in the audience,

    Sadly, the only song that I can sing is “Boil them Cabbage Down”, but I often substitute broccoli, kohlrabi, turnips, or rutabaga for the main vegetable if the occasion is suitable. I can’t help it, it’s my creative temperament.

  163. Sans Sense
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    Normally I don’t comment on the Wizard of Id but… oh crap, let’s just keep it that way.

  164. Sans Sense
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    JP: Abdul Bin Aziz? That ol’ Peckerwood! He owes me money!

  165. gnome de blog
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#106):
    Was that just before Mr. Linski went over to the dark side?

  166. Joe Btfsplk
    January 12th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses? Not child-snatchers!

  167. Sans Sense
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    Three lines on Rex Morgan:
    1) When did Rex and June get all River on us?
    2) Rex hasn’t been stiff since Second Officer Guido Tomas showed up at his cabin.
    3) Thank god they took the MD out of the title of the strip, he abandoned his office as fast as Ruby dropped LuAnn at relatives.

  168. Sans Sense
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Btfsplk (#166): Certainly not Spidey, Spider, Curley or Cue!

  169. Gobsmat Snarflewharf
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Maybe I don’t give the A3G team enough credit, but I suspect that maybe they just check this blog every few days for new ideas and cache them away for rainy-day writing emergencies. I guess what I am saying is that you need to start making wackier predictions about the future of A3G and see if they come true too.

  170. Der Schnärkïnätör
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    Juggs Parker – Sure lives up to its name today! Just look look at those lovely tatas!!

  171. AndyL
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Is that a female police officer in Mary Worth? I strongly suggest that she get the heck out of there before Mary Worth comes down from her meddle-high and notices her.
    Mary Worth knows that non-traditional gender roles are only for girls that haven’t found a nice man to raise kids with yet. And she will find that man and make that happen.

  172. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#141):

    I can most surely relate to that….

    My next-door neighbor was a teacher and a school principal for many years, from 1955 to 1997 or thereabouts. He used to talk about the decline of educational standards and especially how decent parenting (as a generation) went to hell…….something well-noted by people who are at least middle-aged.

  173. seismic-2
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    MT: Today’s strip gets to the real reason that Sally wants to get rid of Butch. It isn’t that she wants a dog that can see, it’s that she wants a dog with a much wider tongue. Please don’t ask why.

  174. Sans Sense
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    MT: If Butch is really blind where are his sunglasses, pencils and cane? Preposterous!

  175. commodorejohn
    January 12th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#172): Oh hell, you don’t need to be middle-aged to notice…I’m 25 and I can tell.

  176. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#173): Presumably, we’re all adults here. And “in the Bandar tongue” is de rigueur around Tommy’s wife.

  177. Jamus The Bartender
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: What the hell? Not to defend Elly or anything, but, Michael, that is your MOTHER, not a goddamned ATM machine. And don’t they have water fountains at the hockey rink?

    Luann: Your life is empty, Tiffany? Well, moving to LA should fix that. Yeah, workin’ in porno will fill ya RIGHT up.

  178. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 12th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#162): I have seen Eric Idle’s version, though not recently enough. I do recall that I found it quite amusing, anyway, and not at all somniculous.

    @Sans Sense (#163): Well said!

  179. Jamus The Bartender
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#61): Actually, I kinda think Peter was showing some rare good judgement by not whipping out his camera and clicking away while the love of his life was taken away by The Mighty Fabio. Suppose Bugle Publisher J3 were to buy the photos and he’d have to explain to Mary Jane why he didn’t get his webs on and HELP HER!! He’d be on the sofa for a month. At least.

  180. Baka Gaijin
    January 12th, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#148): Sounds like Occam needs a new blade for his Gillette.

    @Señor Tortilla (#151): Seconded.

    @gnome de blog (#165): ¡Sí!

    @seismic-2 (#173): Ole Butch’s training is “garage cleaning.” Now I understand Sally’s hostility toward him. And Tommy’s general grumpiness.

    @Jamus The Bartender (#177) on Luann: Great. Now you’ve just given Mr. Evans the perfect revenge plotline for Tiffany. But she’ll show him: she’ll love the cock and won’t be afraid to show it.a href=

  181. True Fable
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Agnes GOAT! Goat mention! Yes of course goats are vain, you ninny! Watch a goat at feeding time – it’s all “to hell with all of you, I want the most because I’M A GODDAMN GOAT WITH RIGHTS!” Goats know we as humans have the right to get them another slab of alfalfa hay and an extra bucket of grain, and you’d damn well better exercise that right if you don’t want a small cloven hoof up your backside.

    Agnes, Agnes. You have such ugly looking characters but you do have a Goat Mention to start out the year, so you’re not all that bad after all.

  182. AhClem
    January 12th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    At lunch this afternoon, I was startled to see a woman at the next table who was a dead ringer for Mary Worth — wild blue eyes, white plastic hair helmet and all. I was relieved to see that she was eating a hamburger, and not some beige rectangular food-like substance, but still.

    I … I think I’ve been hanging around CC way too long.

  183. Tony
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Yes, LuAnn, it’s true. I’m your biological mother, but I never meant for you to find out.”

    Oh, you never intended to claim me; well *that’s* a consolation!

  184. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

  185. Poteet
    January 12th, 2012 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Somewhere, many years ago, I read that girls are more likely to be conceived if their mothers don’t have orgasms, and a reference was made to baby girls being conceived in conditions of great calm. I have no idea if that’s in any way true. But in the case of Lu Ann, I’d guess the conception took place at a time when Ruby had NEVER had an orgasm, and was very possibly dozing or thinking about her grocery list during the Magic Moment.

  186. commodorejohn
    January 13th, 2012 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#185): Are you sure you’re not thinking of Tommie?

  187. Señor Tortilla
    January 13th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#7): Nonsense. Non-Ted Sally may be a bit loopy, but she’ll never be as bad as the talking asshole (no, the other one) McEldowney has created.

  188. ElkMeadow
    January 13th, 2012 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    Baka Gaijin! Baka Gaijin! This Bizarro is for you!

  189. Donkey Hotey
    January 13th, 2012 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    RMMD: One thing’s for sure, Kelly was scared stiff today! Come to think about it, so was I!…If those smelling salts hadn’t worked, I might have had to do some real doctor stuff! Imagine!”

  190. Donkey Hotey
    January 13th, 2012 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#189): Sometimes quotes have quotation marks at the end AND the beginning.

    I’m just sayin’.

  191. Comcis Fan
    January 13th, 2012 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary practices the rope-a-dope. “I’m fast, I’m pretty and can’t possibly be beat!”

    FW: Maybe without the vendos, they won’t get the cancer?

  192. Droopy Says
    January 13th, 2012 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Nothing says it’s over like an “accidentally” lost Spider-tracer. And nothing says it never started like having Peter Parker for a husband.

    Mark Trail: Butch is blind, but he can still hunt? So there’s no reason to take Ol’ Black’n’white out and shoot him? Wouldn’t a skilled yet blind hunting dog impress people people with Tommy’s dog-training skills? Tommy, why not use this dog as an advertising gimmick? Tommy can you hear me?

    Pluggers: When it comes to fashion disasters, Pluggers are the Pompeii of tragic ruins, but without the interesting grafitti.

    Mary Worthless: That’s it? No lecturing of the parents? No syrupy thank you from the girl? No swapping of sage wisdom with the cop who takes Mary’s statement? Okay, no problem.

    Phantom: In a situation like this, the best you can hope for is that they don’t torture you while they ask how you knew about the meeting. And if your answer is “It was just a shot in the dark,” they might say “Same to you.”

  193. Lisa
    January 13th, 2012 at 3:22 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: “My wife has been kidnapped, and I have no easy way of finding her! Ho hum, marriage was ok while it lasted, but my spidey sense is telling me there is a comfy chair and a Jersey Shore marathon to watch at home.”

  194. commodorejohn
    January 13th, 2012 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    @Gucci outlet online (#194): At least wholesale hats fashion in china could be poetic about spam. Poser.

  195. John S
    January 13th, 2012 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    Did I really overthink Apt 3-G *again*? I thought we were going to get a “Janey has a screw loose” storyline, and she invented the “Ruby is your biological mother” story as a way of torturing LuAnn long-distance through her niece. “It’s all about you, isn’t it LuAnn?”

  196. Little A.
    January 13th, 2012 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: The most accurate, genuine representation of sorrow ever shown in comics. And just in case we aren’t totally convinced of Ruby’s despair, we get those two little sob sobs for emphasis. Great art.

    What Ruby needs is some fine meddlin’ from Mary Worth.

  197. John C Fremont
    January 13th, 2012 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#191): I can’t wait for her to start trash talking Joe Frazier.

    Mary Worth has the Eye of the Tigger. Well, Eeyore, maybe.

  198. Fourth Bear
    January 13th, 2012 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    GF: To your stations, people! We are *outside* the apartment! I repeat: we are outside the apartment! Capture your images immediately, we may not see the outside for another year.

  199. Écureuil Écumant
    January 13th, 2012 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    9CL: Two out of three falls to settle who’s gonna be top tonight!

  200. Écureuil Écumant
    January 13th, 2012 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Love Is: A steamin’ mug o’ luv for each of those oh-so-perky niplets.

  201. Écureuil Écumant
    January 13th, 2012 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Today’s panel 2 providing a timely PSA on the horrors of dementia pugilistica.

  202. Écureuil Écumant
    January 13th, 2012 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    FC: Short answer, you don’t. That’s why you have to wash your hands after you wash your hands.

    “I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints
    And then I smoke two more…”
    – The Toyes

  203. Droopy Says
    January 13th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Did Mary Worth just give herself a fist-bump?

  204. Steve
    January 13th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MW: In panel two of Friday’s strip, Mary and Bree are about to receive a beatdown from…the reader! I wonder how they’re going to stall me, given that I already know about the ice cream gambit.

  205. gleeb
    January 13th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Baldo: Yes, I agree, there are many people smarter than Baldo. Many, many people. The great majority, in fact.

    Big Nate: See? Them vendos get kids in trouble!

    Boomerangs: Anyone else read this? It’s apparently about a young mother who lives with her own mother, despite hating her. Anyway, the writer seems to have a fixation with skydiving that approaches Colman Francis’.

    Vendobean: First, you cry.

    Phantom: He’s being threatened, but he’s still pulling in the big ones. Think he has a live well in that boat?

    Spidey: He’d be more worried if he weren’t so heavily sedated.

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