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Phoning it in Wednesday

Family Circus, 2/1/12

[Insert joke about Jeffy assaulting his father with a hammer here]

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/1/12

[Insert joke about how the impoverished residents of Hootin' Holler are on the brink of starvation here]

Marmaduke, 2/1/12

[Insert joke about Marmaduke's owners being terrified of him, and about how his ear looks like it's about to unspool into a horrible tentacle that will soon wrap around their throats, here]

Beetle Bailey, 2/1/12

[Insert joke about General Halftrack's weird infantilizing sex fetishes here]

179 responses to “Phoning it in Wednesday”

  1. Écureuil Écumant
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, Brooke, now you’re just yanking our ascots.

  2. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    [Insert comment about a disappointing lack of salmon squares at the Charterston Pool Rave here.]

  3. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-Insert “Deliverance” joke here.

    FC-Honey, we need to stop letting Jeffy spend time with the Mitchell boy down the street.

    Crankshaft-Congratulations. Now when your daughter’s training is over she can go to “Apartment 3-G” the hospital there needs midwives.

    JP-Listen when I say firing range I mean “firing range”. It is a euphemism me and my friends use for the gay sex we have with each other.

  4. Trillian
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: if the caption had read, “…he refuses to read the directions”, it might have approached amusing.

    Luann: Can Gunther get his ass kicked now?

  5. Gloom Raider
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mary Worth reminds me of a nature documentary: that poor woman has no idea what’s headed her way. Run, potentially adulterous gazelle who oddly is wearing a predator-print! RUN!

  6. Mibbitmaker
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    FC: I actually like this one. The wordplay is actually clever, and the darker tone (it’s an actual hard-ass hammer!) does sort of harken back to the comic’s first year-or-two heyday.

    Marm: The walls have ears, y’know! (now THAT’s phoning it in!)

    BBailey: “Yeah, 1955 years old. Like the Bill Haley and the Comets song.”

  7. AndyL
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Miss Buxley was so engrossed in the single, completely blank, piece of paper on her desk that she totally failed to notice that the other secretary has swiped her phone.

  8. LP2004
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    [Insert clever, hysterically funny COTW-winning post here]

  9. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke-From now on we must communicate through a complex series of winks.

  10. pugfuggly
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    FC Daddy’s getting behind on Billy’s allowance payments, so Billy sent Jeffy over to test his ‘knee-flexes’…

    BB&SS Bird watchers? In Hootin’ Holler? Nobody from outside of this backwater would visit voluntarily, unless they were DEA agents using birdwatching as a cover to try and find a rural meth lab. Of course, the hillbilly residents of that backwater knows that anyone coming to ‘birdwatch’ is no doubt a Fed come to spy on their illegal operations. Which makes the last panel look like the first scene in the sequel to Deliverance

    A3G No nurse, you can’t cut out the sign language: Tommie isn’t deaf, just boring and stupid.

    MW Oh god, if this is a storyline where Nola Wolfeson seduces Mary Worth I just might find out what happens when someone laughs and vomits at the same time….

  11. Mumblix Grumph
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: It’s funny because in Hootin’ Holler EVERY bird is edible! Even the ones who wear glasses and work at The Treetops Tattler-Tribune.

  12. Écureuil Écumant
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    SS+BG-SS: No edible birds in the Hootin’ Holler biome any more; the only huntin’ takes the form of chicken rustlin’. No, the boys ‘re lookin’ for edible humans. Those scrawny ornithoscopists ain’t wuth the bother to take down, skin and butcher, considerin’ how stringy they are an’ all.

  13. Mumblix Grumph
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: It’s not the wordplay what makes the General feel five years old…it’s the rapid descent into senility. I don’t know about you folks, but I’m sleeping good tonight knowing that men like General Halftrack have their fingers securely on The Button.

  14. Little Guy
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    [Insert ageist comment about new secretary to JP, alluding to Helen Mirren rocking a bikini]

  15. But What Do I Know?
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MW — [Insert comment about meddling here]

    MT — [Insert comment about sideburns, punching, and pancakes here]

    SM — [Insert comment about ineffectual laziness here]

    The Ghost Who [Insert Verb here] — Insert comment about Verb here]

    Wow, this is easy!

  16. yellojkt
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Josh,
    If the captains of industry over at Walker-Browne Consolidated Industries can take a Wendesday off for a golf game, so can you. Enjoy the links.

  17. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-”Sid, did you hear banjo music?”

  18. Effluvius Erratus
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    [Insert COTW here.]

  19. Doctor Handsome
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Bil’s body language here seems to indicate that Jeffy has already checked his nard-flexes.

  20. Doctor Handsome
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    “Beat it, Snuffy! We’re trying to heckle The Muppet Show!”

  21. Mibbitmaker
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    A3G: She’s being railroaded by Corporal Klinger!

    BBlues: More like “boyly”.

    9CL: That ascot is having its way with her!

    Crank: There’s Cranky and his election year political commentary. “Also Mitt’s money, and Obama and his teleprompter, am I right, people?”

    DT: Hey, Wendy Wichel, where’s your buddy Casper Ghostal? Hangin’ with his brother Tad, I imagine.

    ReFOOB: See, Rod? Even your fake retro kids hate you!

    FW: Not true! This strip is credited, and nobody wrote it!

    JP: “Heh heh! Old ladies shooting guns expertly is NEVER not funny, right, folks?”

    MT: “…and he just went! Dammit, now I’ll have to clean it up!”

    MW: Poor Nola. She’s gleefully unaware of the hell she’s about to be put through. Sad….. really sad.

    Buckets: For example, the “one basket” could represent the friggin’ punchline! (lack of)

  22. Sciencegiant
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    FC – Be thankful Jeffy didn’t offer to test the “ball peen” hammer.

  23. Pozzo
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    “See you later, masturbator.”

    “In a while, pedophile.”

  24. hogenmogen
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: Residents of Hootin’ Holler can’t spell “There”, but come up correctly on the quadrasyllabic “knowledgeable”. These high falutin’ bird watchers frum th’ big city MUST be know-liggible. Looky, theys even gots them fancy sweatshurts for their club. I says I can’t make up mah mind if them burd watchers all head bobbin’ and all ‘cuz they sees how Snuffy’s nose is so like their own and come to th’ realizashun that they’s but one step frum the Smiff family tree – the one that ain’t got no branches; or is they so supprized ‘cuz Snuffy’s stickin his shotgun into their badonkadonks?

  25. Doctor Handsome
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    I’m getting a real HAL 9000 vibe off today’s Marmaduke. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Adolf.”

  26. Chip Whittle
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Hootin’ Holler is far enough behind the times there’s a fair chance bird-watchers could observe passenger pigeons there. They might even be able to spot a great auk. The dodos are a given.

  27. S. Stout
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Beat up Gunther now! Do it NOW! Seriously though, I want there to be so much Gunther blood sprayed about that I’m forced to go to Gocomics to see it in beautiful color.

  28. Dennis Jimenez
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    FC – It will only require a few minutes to render your feet and footwear into clown shoes….

    BG&SS – Hillbillies are sexually ambivalent – bird watchers are gay – this is a match made for Hootin’ Hollar….

    Marm – Say what you will about what a lousy strip this is, but Eva Braun has a nice rack….

    BB – I’m going to draw everyone’s attention to the vanishing phone trick – my new thing is going to be continuity errors on the funny pages….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  29. wossname
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    JP – Wait wait wait. Margaret was down at the range last week and got a perfect score? Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve found our shooter. Margaret is trying to frame April to get her out of the picture so she can have Randy all to herself.

    DT – I love Wendy’s fountain pen. Believe it or not, youth of America, but people actually used to write with these things.

    MT – Hey, I thought Butch was still sitting out in the field with the jacket. Now how is he ever going to get dognapped?

    Phantom – So Ghost who Eavesdrops speaks Mandarin, huh?

    Blondie – Dammit, Dagwood, what you mean is “there’s a big difference between exhausted from work and too exhausted to go bowling” – there should not be a “not” before “too.” Say what you mean! This has been a message from the Didactic Duo.

    MW – Dammit, Mary, “our fellow neighbor” is redundant. I mean yes, Wolfie is a neighbor shared by you and Toeby, but “our” takes care of that. This has been a message from the Didactic Duo.

  30. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Have you thought about putting out ad in the Men Seeking Men section of the local alternative papers to help you find Thor.

  31. Doctor Handsome
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    “If it makes the general feel younger to say goodbye when he arrives here, who am I to argue?”

  32. thehollis
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: “Dad, those fishnet stockings you’re wearin’ don’t really match up well with my Bible learnin’…I’m afraid I’ll have to introduce you to my Hammer of God.”

  33. LP2004
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#26): It’s the moas you have to watch out for.

  34. Pyzimber
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Wasn’t this the cartoon that Elaine allegedly swiped for The New Yorker? Is Wilson swiping his own stuff now? Somebody call Peterman!

    MW: How long does it take for Mary to eat a cookie? I’m pretty sure that’s the same one she started the party with…

  35. pugfuggly
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#30):

    “You: large blonde norseman flying away with my wife. Me: Petulant loser pleading for you to come back.We should talk. Call me: box #3779″

  36. Nekrotzar
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Plungers can’t imagine why their grandkids have a hard time understanding the phrase “phoning it in.”

  37. Nekrotzar
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Did I just imply that Josh is an anthropomorphic kangaroo?

  38. Tom D.
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    In 9CL is the whole “ascot floating” thing code for she made him j*zz in his pants?

  39. Mibbitmaker
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is now up!

    Michelle’s fate is sealed! It’s #18, and she likes it!

  40. seismic-2
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Gunther’s Rectum: [Insert molten-lead enema here]
    There. I feel better now.

  41. Ned Ryerson
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MW: I wish to register a complaint. We were promised a pool party. This is not a pool party. This is a business casual*, catered picnic in the jungle**.

    *okay not business casual, but some dress code designation that is unique to the Worthiverse. Improvised, quasi-psychotic, semi-casual? Creative resort hobo?

    **Mary Worth is ready for a picnic in the jungle
    Mary Worth is ready for a picnic in the jungle
    Mary Worth is ready for a picnic in the jungle
    (apologies to Snakefinger)

  42. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    MW: You know, hanging out with Mary must be like being friends with a desperately boy-crazy 15-year-old girl: Every time a likely meddle comes along, Mary just leaves Toeby in the dust. Look at her—so eager to get her claws into Kelly Welly Nola that she can barely contain herself: “Yes, yes, benefit of the doubt. Don’t judge a book. Whatever. See later, Toeby.”

    A3G: “I’m sorry Ms. Dawkins, but I have a promising career night job sideline hobby small chance as a singer.”

    JP: I’m imagining Margaret as ol’ Margaret, Dennis’s former nemesis, all grown up. She learned to shoot, of course, in order to put a good scare into that punk kid next door.

    MT: “You’re a good person, Tommie”—and so your employment situation will work out? Why isn’t this strip called “Non Sequitur”?

  43. Jonn
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    [Insert comment about the [Insert Joke] jokes here]

    INCEPTION

  44. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Gasoline – Called it! Now, let’s see. Which of the series regulars bought the organ? I guess I’ll stick with Slim, or at least the Missus. (Update: Little A’s guess looks way better. Joel and Rufus for the win.)

    Gil – Here’s the refinement that makes me proud of being their reader. The ref discreetly uses his left hand to veil the bird he’s flipping at Parker.

    love is… – My, what a big clock!

    Phantom – For it’s “Tiger” this! An’ “Tiger” that!
    An’ “Gun ‘im down, the brute!”
    But when M.J. Parker says it,
    In some nutty way, it’s cute.

  45. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    R=R – That’s it. If they’re going to use fuhnetic spelllleeng for this little shit, I’m going to read all his dialog like he’s Pete Puma. Heeeeee!

    Six – Once again, Rina’s the funny one. (This must be a clef dwelling!)

    Ziggy – Injury: Seeing one of your old gags turn up in the newspaper. Insult: It’s in Ziggy.

    @wossname (#29): I love Wendy’s fountain pen.
    I think that’s Rita Skeeter’s. Wait and see if it writes by itself while she dictates.

  46. Joe Giella
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#41): Look, pal, do you know how hard it is to draw pool-party strips? First of all, ya gotta come up with the outfits—and not the usual subdued, tasteful attire that these people normally wear. No, they have to wear party clothes, like Hawaiian shirts and shorts and stripey shirts. So there’s that. And then I need a bunch of extras to fill in the scene. And I could just use clip art of someone like Wilbur, but who wants to look at that? So they gotta be good-looking people, and lemme tell ya, it’s harder to draw good-looking people than ugly people. Plus, Karen insists that the “regulars” also make an appearance from time to time, just so the fans know they’re still around. So I gotta work in Wilbur, or Ian, or someone else. And it’s a party, so you gotta have food, and I hate drawing food. And Karen likes to have the characters eat food. So on top of everything else, I gotta deal with Karen and “let’s have them at the Bum Boat having dinner” or “they can go to Mary’s house for dinner” or “I know! It can happen at a diner!” or “Oooh, how about a buffet table!” You’d think the woman never gets a meal. So there’s that.

    So what I’m saying is, this is the pool party you’re gonna get. Either enjoy it, or put a salmon square in it.

  47. Ned Ryerson
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Pyzimber (#34):
    Ziggy: Wasn’t this the cartoon that Elaine allegedly swiped for The New Yorker? Is Wilson swiping his own stuff now? Somebody call Peterman!

    That irreverence , that wit, I’d recognize it anywhere…Quick Elaine, to my archives.

  48. seismic-2
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    SM: Thor is a Thunder God, so when he travels, it causes lightning? Well, if that’s the way it works, then is it too much to hope for that Spidey is standing directly underneath when Thor is joined by Boweldrick, God of the Lower Alimentary Track?

  49. bunivasal
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    “Rick, when you said you were part of the bird watcher’s club, I thought that was lame. I didn’t realize it was just a brilliant trick to look at women. Thanks for bringing me out here, man.”

  50. Droopy Says
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Pyzimber (#34): MW: How long does it take for Mary to eat a cookie? I’m pretty sure that’s the same one she started the party with…

    Mary’s sacred touch turned the cookie into her own flesh and saccharine, so eating it would be cannibalism.

  51. Dennis Jimenez
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    FC – Jeffy – Ever hear of the Nutcracker Suite? Bil – Don’t call me Suite!

    Jeffy – I’m here to pound down that 9″ (um, OK 9 cm) nail.

    Jeffy – I’ll teach you to not buy me trousers with the wrong inseam length!

    Bil – Thank you sir, may I have another.

  52. Stickerz
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    The 3rd panel of Mark Trail sounds like the opening to a REALLY BAD Cialis commercial

    “Look at old Butch… Mention his name and he’s ready to go! I wish I was like Butch, sometimes my wife looks at me and I’m just not ready to go… what do you do Mark?”
    “Aw heck Tommy, I gave up trying to satisfy my wife years ago, why do you think I have all this free time to help a casual acquaintance from having to declare bankruptcy?”

    CIALIS… For when your dog is more “ready to go” then you are

  53. Chip Whittle
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Mandrake: Now I want an evil half-brother Luciphor and a twin brother Derek. Anyone else? We can go halfsie-halfsies.

    Sam and Silo: He negotiated a five-dollar raise? Somehow that’s even worse than getting a five-dollar pay cut.

    Spider-Man: I love that it’s only now that all other options have failed Peter Parker has attempted to turn to thinking.

    I’m also looking forward to Spidey’s chain of logic leading him to conclude, oh, since Thor is still in New York, this must be Thursday–Thor’s Day–so alternate side of the street parking is in effect, and it would be a striking effect to have a gargoyle poke out the top of 40 Wall Street, and there was that cartoon where a gargoyle was voiced by Deanna Troi, and there was that Next Generation episode where Troi turned into something amphibious, and since ducks are comfortable on land and water they might be described as having an amphibious lifestyle, so Thor must have taken Mary Jane to somewhere there are ducks, so he should look around the Central Park reservoir, and he turns out to be right.

  54. Bill the Butcher
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Shove a backpack
    Shove a backpack
    Shove a backpack beardwards
    Gunther faced with a choice of Death
    Or a hospital bed.

    “Once more the backpack ambuscade!
    Hit him again hard!” Rosa said
    Gunther faced with a choice of Death
    Or a hospital bed.

    “Once more the backpack ambuscade!”
    Was there a True Fan dismayed?
    Not though the readers knew
    Evans had blundered.

    Gunther’s too late to whine and cry
    Gunther’s too lat to think of why
    Rosa might want him to die
    Gunther faced with a choice of Death
    Or a hospital bed.

    Chinbeard’s fist to left of him
    Chinbeard’s fist to right of him
    His backpack stuck behind him
    He realises he blundered.

    Punched jaw and cheek he fell
    Kicked when he was down as well
    Between a coffin and hospital bed
    Spattered and sundered.

    Flashed Chinbeard’s fists in air
    Splashed Gunther’s blood everywhere
    As he was hit here, there
    Rosa watched and wondered.

    How much more could he take
    Till he was battered to pancake
    And she was rid of this twerp
    Who simpered and maundered.
    Then she stepped forward, but not
    Not too far forward.

    Chinbeard’s fist to left of him
    Chinbeard’s fist to right of him
    Chinbeard’s boot at his ass
    Gunther ran homeward

    Kicked ass down the street
    His face red as a beet
    Tears flowing down his face
    Gunther ran homeward.

    When can the image fade
    From the imaginations of us who made
    The effort to make some sense
    Of a plot so laundered.
    Laugh at Gunther’s ambuscade!
    Laugh at his backpack raid
    Stupid berk sundered.

  55. Marc
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Luann- Among all of the other bull shit aspects of this, one of the worst may be that a weak little twerp like Gunther can generate enough force by swinging a backback that is still on his back, to knock somebody to the ground twice. I hope El Badguyo beats this stupid little shit to a pulp.

    Funky- The little stoner has no idea what he’s about to unleash by saying that in front of Les does he?

    Cranky/A3G- Where is all of this midwife stuff coming from all of a sudden?

    Mary Worth- Is it a crime in Santa Royale if your clothing is not all the exact same color?

    Mark Trail- You’re a good person Tommy, Butch is a good dog Tommy, whatever the fuck her name is over there is a good wife Tommy, this is a good house tommy, those sideburns are killer Tommy. We get it Mark. Everything is friggin wonderful.

  56. McManx
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Family Circus — Jeffy takes his first steps toward being a mob hit-man by knee-capping Daddy.

    Crankshaft — Ed Crankshaft reveals himself to be a polygamist. Who’da thunk it?

    Snuffy — The guy on the right has the look of someone who just stumbled into the annual Donner Party barbecue.

  57. Bill the Butcher
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#54): That should be late not lat

  58. twg
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    MW: Her name is WOLVENSON! Does that mean she is a VILLIAN? Quick, Mark, punch her!

  59. hogenmogen
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Toeby: If you’re going to do something other than make snide comments about Nola Wolveston behind her back, count me out!
    Mary: I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. But I’m heading towards a meddling at 100mph. Hola, Nola!

    To meddle, or not to meddle, that is the question:
    Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to make others suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous backstabbing commentary,
    Or to engage in month long conversations against a pool party of troubles
    And unsubtly end them.
    Then recap and take a two week victory tour.

  60. Esther Blodgett
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    MT: Uh, are we still talking about bird hunting here?

    FC: The Don sent me to have a little chat wid youse, Daddy.

    GT: They’ve made the penalty for a technical foul really strict in high school basketball. Parker Bowen is required to be 50 for the rest of the game.

  61. Chip Whittle
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#54): Quite good work there. Thank you.

  62. hogenmogen
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Reveals that not everything said in a business meeting is well-researched, verified truth. This guy is a global crime lord, now we find out he’s a fibber, too?

    Professional crime fighters vs. laymen:

    Mary Worth and Bree the Waitress vs. World’s Least Competent Kidnapper
    Winner: Mary Worth

    Spiderman vs. Thor the Kidnapper (formerly God of Thunderous Fartblasts or something)
    Advantage: Thor

    Least Competent Bank Thieves vs. Butch the Blind Dog
    Predicted Winner: Butch

    Detective Jim Velch vs. Unknown Killer of Some Arab Guy (or Something That Happened So Long Ago In The Strip That No One Quite Remembers)
    Advantage: UKSAG(STHSLAITSTNOQR).

    Sorry, pros, you guys have to step it up if you want to do better than an old widow, a waitress and a dog with a handicap. It helps to pick criminals who aren’t particularly adept at fathoming the whole “criminal” thing.

  63. Cloudbuster
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    9CL: Can we just skip to the hand jive?

  64. Comcis Fan
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Pyzimber (#34): That’s a souvenir from Mary’s Emily Smith Plate O’ Cookies. Mary carries it to memorialize her rescue of Emily and the resulting hosannas, lest anyone at Charterstone missed word of her amazing feat or neglected to pay homage.

  65. seismic-2
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Sorry, Snuffy and Lukey, but no matter how knowledgeable the members of the Bird Watchers Club are, they won’t be able to help you find the edible ones. For that, you really need a blind dog.

  66. hogenmogen
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    http://content.comicskingdom.net/Mandrake/Mandrake.20120201.gif
    “Luciphor and Derek would make a pass at me. The real Mandrake would be a gentleman. You passed the test!”
    Except her face in panel 3 makes a Picasso look like a Kardashian. Eek. Even the two letcherous evildoers that she mentioned wouldn’t have a problem keeping some distance from Mrs. Elephant-man.

  67. SequelMan
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Between Pib and 9CL… of all the shit that Brooke gets WRONG… from the realities of being gay to natural human speech… the thing he gets RIGHT is minutiae from “Hogan’s Heroes”????? And do I feel bad that he and I share that knowledge? Oh, Lord… I hope he knows NOTHING (as Sgt. Schultz would say) about “Star Trek” or classic “Dr. Who”. If he does, then I just may eat a rancid salmon square and die.

  68. Uncle Lumpy
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#53):

    Now I want an evil half-brother Luciphor and a twin brother Derek. Anyone else? We can go halfsie-halfsies.

    Please forward a photo of your Mom.

  69. MapDark
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    9cl : What the.. WHAT’S GOING ON?! Is this for some reason some sexual imagery I don’t understand or something? Because it makes no sense. And can’t these two SHUT UP?! Gawd! I shouldn’t read these after a night shift.

    A3G : When I thought the whole picking people off the streets for nursing jobs was weird enough , now she FORCES people into the jobs?!

    MW: Oh my gawd Toby! Stop it with the whole overreacting thing! She’s a slut , not a leper!

  70. Cloudbuster
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Luann: Gunther might be lucky in a comic strip, because in real life you can only get away with a passive-aggressive trick like that once. The second one gets your ass kicked.

  71. Binder's Butter Beans
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    [Insert joke about Jeffy assaulting his father with a hammer here]

    You’ll be happy to hear I already did. As soon as I read FC this morning, I grabbed a pen and scrawled underneath, “Do it, Jeffy! Do it!” My daughter said that was mean, but she doesn’t read the comics and doesn’t understand the contempt I feel for the residents of the Keane Kompound. Poor sweet child, wait till she finds out how I feel about FOOB.

  72. TheDiva
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    9CL: Is there some weird fetish I know about where people are turned on by clothes they find unappealing? And if so, how do they maintain arousal over the headache the cognitive dissonance causes?

    A3G: Why is the nurse signaling for another round of beers?

    >b>C’shaft: I find it impossible to believe that any person could live in this world for 70-80 years and never hear of midwives. Therefore I can only assume Cranky’s friends are being forced to feed him straight lines by a malevolent force, yet more proof that the Funkyverse is a particularly sadistic subset of Hell.

    FW: Sorry state of the public education system aside, this can only end two ways: Les punishes Owen and is a hypocrite, or Les lets him slide like the rest of his students and is therefore only contributing to the problem. Either way, Christ, what an asshole.

    Luann: Honestly, if Rosa is so incapable of taking care of herself that she needs Gunther to be her knight in passive-agressive armor, she deserves him.

    MT: Wait, how did Butch get home? I thought he was supposed to wait by Tommy’s jacket! Some miracle dog!

    MW: “I like giving people the benefit of the doubt! It makes it so much more satisfying when I shame them!”

    Pluggers think planting a single tree balances out driving a beat-up gas guzzler their entire lives.

    SM: Because lightning always follows…wait, what?

  73. Steve
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Luann: Saturday’s ethnic slur foreshadowed Tuesday and Wednesday’s assaults, and beyond. The rest of the comic’s run will just be Gunther assaulting various Italian-Americans with his backpack.

    The reboot will be called, “Gunther Does Not Care for Italian-Americans”. In the first storyline, Gunther attends a Lady Gaga concert. For some reason he is invited backstage. FWUMP!

  74. Uncle Lumpy
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Dear Judge Parker: I applaud your strip’s reboot as Rock n’ Roll #3, but leave Margaret the hell out of it.

  75. Ian Beste
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#59): Wow, references to Tennyson, Kipling, Shakespeare–it’s like a high school English class this morning, and I mean that in a good way. (Anybody tosses in “Lord of the Flies” and I mean it in a bad way.)

  76. Uncle Lumpy
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#75):

    Anybody tosses in “Lord of the Flies” …

    Everybody tosses in Lord of the Flies — it’s from eating all that stale pork.

  77. UberMitch
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    [Insert joke about how the impoverished residents of Hootin' Holler are on the brink of starvation here]

    Challenge accepted!

    “While the impoverished residents of Hootin’ Holler will readily shoot, skin, cook, and consume the flatlanders, they find members of “Bird Watchers Club” inedible.”

  78. Harold
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: It should have read “I got Leroy a GPS but he refuses to ask it for directions”.

  79. Austria
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Arch: Betty seems to be enjoying it.

    FC: This is amusing in all the worst ways.

    FW: IDIOT-OFF! IDIOT-OFF! Fight to be the biggest idiot in today’s striiiiiip!!

    Luann: So first it’s “greaseball,” and now “dingle” and “twerpy butt”? I think these two have some different issues they need to work out.

  80. Chip Whittle
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72):

    9CL: Is there some weird fetish I know about where people are turned on by clothes they find unappealing? And if so, how do they maintain arousal over the headache the cognitive dissonance causes?

    I believe the thrill in such cases is from tearing off the clothing, particularly if it is something with suggestions of being constraining, like a tightly-tied ascot might be. And now that I’ve admitted where I can see how human beings might act the way Brooke McEldowney portrays them I need to dash off to the shower, and weep.

    Mutt and Jeff: Man, the egg shortage during The War must’ve been something else if Mutt has to get all Hootin’ Holler with a hen just for breakfast.

    Rip Haywire: Oh, setting off an avalanche above you is your solution to everything.

    Skin Horse: Ooh, ooh. Yes. Definitely. Those potato-shaped candy bars, best thing about Idaho. I dunno, I’ve never been there, but I’ve had the candy.

    Sylvia: I like the idea of people who, facing the imminent end of the world, blow their savings on party dresses and radial tires. It’s like something a transvestite Plugger would do, if he only had savings.

    Wee Pals: “None of those ethnic jokes in this neighborhood! We have to get back to the Wee Pals ideal of showing how people might like to eat food that comes from entirely different ethnic groups!”

  81. Dennis Jimenez
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#54): Chinbeard? I thought Ian Cameron was Chinbeard and this guy was Greasy. I think Greasy would beat up Gunt every day for the rest of the semester over this, but now Gunt vs. Ian “Chinbeard” Cameron – now that might be an interesting matchup – Vegas line would probably be about even money….

  82. Illustrator Steve
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    MT – “Yes Tommy, everything will veentually turn out good for you and Butch, but I will have to stay here with you and Sally for a couple of MONTHS until my friend, the documentary film producer, and those VILLIANOUS bank robbers get here. So, In order to keep the readers entertained, hows about that wife of yours fixing us up with some huge stacks of PANCAKES? Then after dinner you and I can go FISHING for the next month or so!”
    “Sounds great Mark, but Sally said we can’t AFFORD pancakes or fish bait. And as for you Mark, Sally said you’ll have to sleep out in the dog house with Butch.”

  83. NoahSnark
    February 1st, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    After a gentle refusal, papa Keane encouraged Jeffy to go back to the work bench and play with the unattended power tools.

  84. Galadriel
    February 1st, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Next week on ‘Tales of Ribaldry’… hmmm, it says here we just get back to Edda and Amos having wild monkey sex all the time at the slightest provocation. Well, I don’t like that at all!

  85. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 1st, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    FC: Bil always had a feeling that one of his children would beat him to death with a hammer, but didn’t think it would happen until PJ developed a firmer grip.

    SSmith: “By the way, you fellers got yore pants down. Is that fer the birdwatchin’?”

    A3G: Nurse Dawkins is limbering up to order two beers, which she’s about to do in five minutes.

    GT: Is the Bittorrent tattoo parlor giving the Mudlarks ergotism? Dare we hope?

    Garfield: Jon, you just stole a joke from Ziggy of all people. No wonder nobody wants your identity.

    SFx: If that pig had put effort into wearing a suit and driving a Saab, maybe it wouldn’t be about to get devoured by a giant lizard.

    Phantom: “We made an enemy of local law enforcement in a large Mexican city, so we assassinated the chief of police in a splashy and attention-getting way.” Someone’s giving his spin-doctoring muscles a workout.

    H&J: The Reverend is enjoying one of God’s creatures between two slices of bread, isn’t he?

    HtH: I’m not a layman, but I think taking off the helmet and putting on one that doesn’t have an eight inch blade running through it might help.

    H&L: The question of how Trixie’s scribbled note got into the job jar on the table remains begged.

    DT: On the charmingly retro side of the strip’s retro-futuristic aesthetic, members of the Evil Liberal Media never go anywhere without a fully loaded fountain pen.

    EC: “But while you’re down there.”

    Drabble: Ray Charles could easily say where this is going, but I have to say that I’ve been sort of charmed by the Norman/Echo courtship.

    RMMD: Yes Sarah, when people die, the books they’ve written continue to exist. Stop pretending you don’t understand object permanence. You’re not a Keane kid.

  86. Señor Tortilla
    February 1st, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    BGSS: “Look Snuffy, that there’s people that come from REAL CIV’LIZATION!

    Archie: Question is, how did they find things for his size?

    DT: See, Wendy here KNOWS about Dick Tracy’s “interrogation” techniques from the Locher era.

    Marvin: To be honest, though, Fifi already HAD the studded black collar before she went nuts.

    SL: But the prices will be cheap!

  87. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    February 1st, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Cheer up, Arch! Take a hint……(Not Quite SFW..)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMqGp-6hw2c

  88. Red Greenback from Goleta
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    One would think that Marmaduke’s TARDIS of a doghouse would be chockablock with high-tech surveillance equipment. Must be a continuity error in today’s strip or it’s a rerun.

  89. seismic-2
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Is Hootin’Holler anywhere near Lost Forest? I suspect these members of the Bird Watchers Club have traveled all the way to this quite remote location in search of the extremely rare gold-banded Bible-verse-bearing Canadian Goose. Spotting one of those would make this pair very popular in their community.

  90. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Pajama Diaries: You know the taboo against showing your characters on the terlet. Well it’s okay to leave that one in place, thankyouverymuch.

    HOTC: Somewhere among the Star Wars marathons Dean must have caught an airing of “Se7en.”

    Pluggers: When vegetation starts to grow on a truck, it’s no longer a vehicle that anyone has, exactly.

  91. Dennis Jimenez
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @NoahSnark (#83): Then Jeffy gets a little Hostel on has butt….

  92. commodorejohn
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Oh man, I am pumped for this storyline. Maybe Shulock can take advantage of Bolle’s skill at putting the focus of the action perpetually just out of frame to depict a birth in-strip, while we watch Tommie’s reactions to the off-panel events! (“Look! Here comes the afterbirth, and it’s dressed as the Mona Lisa!”)

    Crankshaft – I’d assume that midwife training in the Funkiverse consists of learning how to yank the baby from the dying mother, look it over, and go “yep, cancer.”

    DT – If Yo-Yo Ma doesn’t have an album entitled This Cello is Packed with Dope!, he should.

    JP – You know, not to disparage Margaret here or anything, but I would like it if comics artists could understand that there are stages in the aging process between 40 and 70. (Well, good comics artists. Johnston and Batiuk are well-aware of that, but that’s only because they wallow in it all the fucking time.)

    Luann – So yes, Gunther is both stupid and a coward. I think we all pretty much knew that, but it’s good to have confirmation.

    Mandrake – Oh yeah, I don’t know how Mandrake could resist that Sharpied…bizarre lack of cleavage…and, um, her…yeah, uh, I’m sure she’s got a great personality.

    MW – Eeee, that Terminatrix expression on Mary as she moves in to stalk her prey gives me the willies. I’ll be under the bed if you need me.

    OBH – “The tunes store?” I love ya, Detorie, but if you don’t want to use a real brand name and you don’t want to use a generic phrase that real people use, just make up a fake brand.

    PBS – NO.

    Phantom – Is this whole story going to consist of The Ghost-Who-Snarks hiding in a corner and thinking up sarcastic rejoinders?

    Pickles – Well there’s an image that’s never going away.

    RMMD – SHE DID IT.

    Ripley’s – “Japan: We Get Drunk for Charity!”

    SF – It’s good to see Hillary coming to terms with her genetic legacy.

    SM – Why don’t you ask the gargoyle, Spidey? I’m sure it probably has better ideas than you do.

  93. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    [Insert comment about how stupid blonde Ms. Buxley was so out of touch with the other children when she was growing up, with her boobs already a 36DD at the age of 8, that she never had the opportunity to learn that the correct response to "See you later, alligator" is "After while, crocodile", and NOT the technically and grammatically correct but just-wrong-enough-to-prove-she's-completely-out-of-touch "In a while, crocodile". And since General Halftrack doesn't call her on it, he's either totally smashed or, as an isolated "army brat" himself, moving from town to town at the whims of a power-mad U.S. government mired in one foreign conflict after another, never learned the correct response himself.]

  94. LanceThruster
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    FC: If Jeffy hits him in his junk by “accident”, maybe the Keane’s think they’ll get a clip on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

  95. Government Cheese
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Is Gunther going golfing in that backpack? And where are these 1950s era insults coming from? Dingle?

  96. Mibbitmaker
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @SequelMan (#67): I likewise hope Brooke knows not a thing about ’70s SNL, ’80s Letterman, ’90s Conan O’Brien, or Craig Ferguson (and that’s just covering the late night shows!). Like the rest of us, I’ve got “beefwit” cred to think of!

  97. Baka Gaijin
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#10) on Mary Worth: It’ll be somewhat like an oscillating lawn sprinkler without the “tschik, tschik, tschik.”

    @But What Do I Know? (#15): [Insert comment about "inserted comments" with heavy allusion to anal penetration.]

    @seismic-2 (#40): You win the meme. And “Gunther’s Rectum” is a great band name or what everyone at Charterstone calls salmon squares behind Mary’s back.

  98. hogenmogen
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#92): commodore,
    Stripey already punched a henchman and then punched Tiger #2 (twice – but maybe one was a flashback). I’d like to see more ass kicking, and with eight tigers left, there would be plenty of material to draw out the story line to the appropriate length. I’m predicting another violent skirmish towards the end of this week or the beginning of next. Maybe one of the tigers will go out to use the rest room and Stripey gets them on the pot. “Excuse me, Tiger #6, are you using this stall? I guess that puts us in conflict!”

  99. The Rixter of Dibley
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Giella (#46): Look, pal, do you know how hard it is to draw pool-party strips? First of all, ya gotta come up with the outfits…
    That explains the guy in his underwear. Not enough time to come up with an outfit for him.

  100. Government Cheese
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    MW:…meanwhile Mary decides to strike up a conversation with Nola. I bet she picks a timely current events topic, like the Lend-Lease Act or the New Deal.

  101. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 1st, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#76):

    Everybody tosses in Lord of the Flies — it’s from eating all that stale pork.

    Nice catch, Uncle!

  102. Baka Gaijin
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#42) on Judge Parker: How about Margaret Dumont?

    @Bill the Butcher (#54): Um wow.

    @hogenmogen (#59): I’m sure Wille S. would be so proud.

    @TheDiva (#72): In an uncharacteristic time jump, all the sudden the stinky jacket and dog in the cabin. Mark and Tommy talk about the trip that happened off panel.

    @commodorejohn (#92): “Look! Here comes the afterbirth, and it’s dressed as the Mona Lisa!” COTW!

  103. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    A&J: Did they come out with a 3D version of “My Dinner…” Awesome!
    BG&SS: Are there, in fact, any inedible species of bird?
    BG&SS: 5105 would be prime if preceded and followed by a 1, 3, 7, or 9. It is also the number days that Barney Google has been missing from the comic strip that is named after him.

  104. The Rixter of Dibley
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary approaches Nola with her hand out offering a cookie, as if she were trying to lure a feral kitten close enough to catch it. Little does she realize that it will take a lot more than cookies to capture this kitten.

    A3G: “Well, I guess I can fill in until you find someone.”
    Huh? What exactly is Tommie’s job? It seems odd that she can casually offer to “fill in” for a while, as if whatever she usually does can wait. And I don’t get this whole casual approach to birthing, especially at a hospital. “Sure, anybody can do this! Cabdrivers deliver babies in the backseats of cabs all the time!” Nurse Dawkins seems to be just one step away from cruising the visitors lounge for volunteers.

  105. Dood
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Are those two really bird-watchers or are they checking out the sweet action over at the gossip fence?

  106. littlestevie
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#29): JP: I am with you on this one. A little Botox here, and little silicone there, o.k. a lot of silicone, and you have one hot momma with April in the slammer.

  107. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72): I think the joke whatever it is in 9CL is that Janet has already started undressing the Sethified Gil, and therefore their date ihas been given a headstart. (No pun intended, God no.)

  108. kkarenb
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#64): That is a great idea – Mary should always carry the plate of cookies as a shorthand reminder of her rescue of Emily and subsequent beatification. A shorthand reminder like Becky’s pinned-up sleeve.

    Crankshaft – The waitress is smiling because she just spit in Crankshaft’s coffee. Don’t ask what she is going to do to his sandwich.

  109. Marthas Rolling Pin
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103): Only if you keep kosher. Hoopoes are definitely off limits.

  110. Jasper
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    MT- Mark’s judge of character is seriously in question. He considers Tommy a good person, even after Tommy admits, in economic hardship, that he would consider armed robbery vs. taking on honest full-time work that his wife has been nagging him about. Certainly Tommy could work full time as a mechanic and still have time to raise his hunting dogs. But no, this lazy sloth is relying on Mark to propell him to success by promoting an aged, blind bird dog so that he doesn’t have to work. The financial windfall will be akin to Mary Worth’s generous tipping that enabled a waitress to cover her mothers medical bills and college tuition.

  111. Baka Gaijin
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know why everyone keeps thinking she’s holding a fountain pen in Dick Tracy. It’s obviously the purse-sized personal dildo for masochists from Diet Smith Industries.

    I’ve seen soldiers going to war in the desert with smaller backpacks than Gunther. He’s gotta have his dear, dismembered mother in that thing.

    That birdwatcher. The tall one. The one with the goo-goo-googly eyes. Mr. Scudder may be missing someone visiting the strip in cognito.

  112. Hyhybt
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    What struck me about today’s FC is how much better a doctor Jeffy makes than Hagar’s Dr. Zook, who today prescribed salt water gargling for an axe stuck in the head. At least Jeffy just needs a different type of hammer.

  113. Jasper
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#89):
    But instead they will come across Rusty’s decomposing body on the dock, long having expired whilst patiently waiting for Mark’s return.

  114. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MW-Oh hi, Nola. Did you hear how I stopped a kidnapping?

    MT-Here’s something fun to do take out the reference of Butch being a blind hunting dog to a male prostitue suffering from impotency and change what Tommy does to brothel owner.

  115. UncleJeff
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Love Is…..I wonder if Little Naked Guy ever forgives Little Naked Girl if she’s ever “late”.

  116. UncleJeff
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103):BG&SS: Are there, in fact, any inedible species of bird?

    From what I’ve seen of the remains when shotgun users go dove hunting….yes.

  117. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#109): @Nehemiah Scudder (#103): Only if you keep kosher. Hoopoes are definitely off limits. What an insufferable busy-body that Leviticus guy is! First he says I can’t have tattoos, now I can’t eat Hoopoes… Next thing you know he’ll try to regulate my sex life! The nerve!

  118. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 1st, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Stickerz (#52): I wish I was like Butch
    You see, Tommy, unlike you, Butch sees only with the happy mirror of memory. You look and see your life, your home, your wife, your job… all exactly as they are. Go on and poke your eyes out, Tommy, and see if things don’t look better!

    @Bill the Butcher (#54): Cheers!

    @Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-) (#93): “In a while, crocodile” is exactly the phrasing everybody used where I went to school. (If the conversation went longer, next was “On the moon, baboon.”)

  119. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Family – “Oh, no, Jeffy. Not again. Fool me twice, shame on me!”

  120. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#111): By Jove, you may have something, Crazy Foreigner. Those are definitely goo-goo-googly eyes. Of course, Barney Google was no taller than Snuffy, usually wore a tophat and gloves, and was a member of the the Order of the Brotherhood of Billy Goats, rather than a twitcher’s club. Still this could all be part of a clever disguise.

    I had actually expected BG to show up as one of the Ten Tigers over at the Phantom, but he moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform.

  121. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-Excuse me but can you guys squeal like pigs.

  122. Calico
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#65):
    Haha, COTW nom!
    Nom nom nom …! : )

  123. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-I’m sorry but all we have seen is a blind hunting dog tripping over branches.

  124. Bill the Butcher
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#110): He considers Tommy a good person

    Tommy IS a good person. He ain’t got no facial hair.

  125. Dennis Jimenez
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#124): neither does he smoke or tell ladies who say “no” – “Oh, you know you want it.”

  126. Calico
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72):
    A3G: She’s flashing back to Woodstock and giving us the peace sign.
    I mean, check out the old-timey nursey-garb from the ’60′s.

  127. bbofun
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    DT- I just wonder where does Wendy Wichel keep her inkwell?

    A3G- Oooh, nurse-who-dresses-like-it’s-1950 has totally trapped Tommie into a new career! Doesn’t she have a contract to write songs? Or be in a show (I know her show was closed for August, because that’s a thing Broadway and Off-Broadway shows still do, because they don’t need tourists to stay open, but it can’t still be August, right?)?

    MW- Comic-strip convention is, if a character says something in a word-balloon, and then has a thought-balloon just below it, it means they don’t want the person they were speaking to to know their true intentions. so, why is Mary not telling Toby that she wants to “get to know” Miss Wolvenson?

    Could it be- Mary has finally tired of Toby’s blandness? Is she looking for a new and more exciting (and, dare I say, younger) “bestie”? I think Mary took one look at Nola and thought “she looks like someone who needs some serious meddling! This will be fun!”

    Also- loving that Moy and Giella’s idea of a predatory female is dressed like a woman at a ’70s “key party”. (If you don’t know what that is, http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=key+party- NSFW for language)

  128. Calico
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#72):
    Oh, and when you wrote “Either way, Christ, what an asshole.”, I think that pretty much sums up today’s comics in general.

  129. Señor Tortilla
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Seems more and more like Seth killed Gil and is using his skin as a suit.

    Hey, everyone, guess what? This blog title is ?p=12345. Isn’t that neat?

  130. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Nothing is more certain to convince a woman not to throw herself into your arms than this type of childish, passive-agressive horseplay. If you are going to come to a woman’s defense, then openly confront the man who is harassing her. This ‘tee-hee’ bullshit just reinforces that he is not the kind of man to openly stand up for her.

    However, given the way this strip is written, she will be thrilled that he … well, he didn’t actually come to her defense … but I guess he aggravated the guy who was harassing her.

    If he then trips the dude up with a hilarious and un-PC game of “A homo says what?”, she will strip off her clothes and demand he take her right there.

    “Take me right here, Gunther, right now!”

    “Huh? You are already here, why should I take you to where you already are?”

    “Well, that’s it for me. Hey, Ricky Ricardo, wanna finger bang me underneath the bleachers? Gunther can watch, if he promises to leave the backpack in his locker and keep his hands where we can see them.”

  131. Baka Gaijin
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#120): It’s plausible. Age Mr. Google a number of decades. Ditch the cast iron tophat so his spine uncompresses to a normal size. He succumbs to the Hootin’ Holler scourge, alopecia areata barbae. But the sands of time can’t take the goo-goo from those googly eyes.

  132. UncleJeff
    February 1st, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    I see the “ladies” of “Jersey Shore” are “too fancy for Hoboken.”
    I think Margo of Apt. 3G should be sent to Hoboken to beat some sense into the locals.

  133. Calico
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#129):
    That is neat! Funny, yesterday eve. I grabbed a bite to eat at Scores, a local chicken place, and heard XTC’s “Senses working overtime” for the first time in years on their music system.
    “And I’ve got 1 2 3 4 5
    Senses working overtime
    Trying to taste the difference
    Between a lemon and a lime
    Pain and the pleasure
    And the church bells softly chime”

  134. aprilglaspie
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Abigail “Tommie” Thompson, RN, birthin’ them babies.

  135. Ned Ryerson
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#133):
    “And I’ve got 1 2 3 4 5
    Senses working overtime
    Trying to taste the difference
    Between a lemon and a lime
    Pain and the pleasure
    And the church bells softly chime”

    [Insert fretless bass solo here]

  136. UncleJeff
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: GBT’s acknowledgement he had a folder filled with Rick Perry jokes he can’t use.

  137. Poteet
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    MW — Oboy oboy, from the look on Nola’s face, this could be good. To hell with Lawrence — I hope she’ll try to seduce Jeff. Actually what I’d really like is for Nola to meet Charley so they can enjoy acting out scenes from his extensive erotic art collection for several weeks, but that’s probably too much to hope for.

  138. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    FC-Those are some nice kneecaps. It would be a shame if someone broke them with a hammer.

  139. KreatureFeatures
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#6): Absolutely agree with you on Family Circus today. I caught the same vibe.

  140. Bootsy
    February 1st, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: Great rubber (pantsed) alligators! Toeby, in her little lavender skort and matching top, sure has her Depends (TM) in a twist in panel two there!

  141. Calico
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#135):
    Also, [Insert falsetto interlude here]

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#136): Yeah, I remember Trudeau including Perry in the debates just a couple of weeks ago. Glad he’s able to kid himself about it.

  143. Jasper
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#140):
    Toby’s just jealous that Nola is taking care of her needs and has the cootch to make married men do things they otherwise would not consider. Where as Ian hasn’t sported anything harder than overcooked spaghetti for some time.

  144. Señor Tortilla
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Luann – I’m waiting for “Greaseball” to finally snap and beat Gunther to a pulp. Even if Rosa feels sorry for him and falls in love with him after this, Gunther still gets what’s coming to him.

    FW – A trainwreck waiting to him. Watch as Les manages to make himself like an incredible jerk no matter what!

  145. Spotts1701
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#144): You make it sound like Les has to expend effort to be an incredible jerk. Les Moore manages to make himself look like an incredible jerk just by continuing to respire.

  146. Dennis Jimenez
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#138): My allowance is in arrears and the vig is 100% each day….

  147. Dennis Jimenez
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @aprilglaspie (#134): Rebirth of the birther movement….

  148. Dale
    February 1st, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103):

    You may need to rephrase that. Except for 2 and 5, primes end in 1,3,7,9.
    But, 151053 and 151059 are multiples of 3.

  149. Shrug
    February 1st, 2012 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#103):

    “Are there, in fact, any inedible species of bird?”

    Well, there’s the Ford Thunderbird…

  150. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Archie-Listen Archie if you want that three way you will wear that outfit and like it.

    MW-Oh really Mary! You like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Well I knew a guy named Aldo that you didn’t give the benefit of the doubt and do you know where he is now. He’s dead.

  151. Trillian
    February 1st, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#144): Maybe that’s the point of these strips. It’s not that Rosa will fall in love with Gunther for knocking Greaseball down with a backpack, it’s that Rosa will fall in love with Gunther while visiting him in the hospital and nursing him back to health.

  152. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 1st, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#150): re MW: COTW!

  153. Cici
    February 1st, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    9cl: Good lord, the men in this strip all dress like 1970′s gay stereotypes. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’d much rather have gone out with the dude in his beard and sweatshirt than dressed in a fucking ascot and sweater with helmet hair like every other guy in this goddamn strip. Has Brooke even seen the way guys actually dress?

  154. Trillian
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @Cici (#153): Amen, Cici!

  155. seismic-2
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Mommy said a kneecap is called a ‘Pa-yella’. Let’s see!”

  156. kc
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    I envision today’s Family Circus as a window into the time-honored Sicilian tradition of henchmannery: “that’s good, Jeffy, but let’s try it from the top with a little more menace; for example, ‘you want I should break your knee-reflexes, Daddy?’”

  157. DaveyK
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    It says a lot about the artwork in Family Circus when Daddy Keane’s absurdly dainty ankles are the creepiest thing going on in a panel where the only possible inference is that Jeffy is about to bludgeon his father to death. Dad can’t even make a run for his life, because his ankles would snap if he placed any weight on them.

  158. Liam
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth-Nice to see that Hilary is aware of the madness in her family.

  159. commodorejohn
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Cici (#153): Has Brooke even seen the way guys actually dress?
    That would constitute “research,” which is antithetical to the dissemination of Pure Art from the Plato’s Cave of Brooke’s exalted brain.

    So, no.

  160. Gobsmat Snarflewharf
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    At some point, the writers of Family Circus and Dennis the Menace must have traded places. Dennis helping his mother with the dishes- cute. Jeffy breaking kneecaps with a hammer- menacing.

  161. Chip Whittle
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @DaveyK (#157):

    It says a lot about the artwork in Family Circus when Daddy Keane’s absurdly dainty ankles are the creepiest thing going on in a panel where the only possible inference is that Jeffy is about to bludgeon his father to death. Dad can’t even make a run for his life, because his ankles would snap if he placed any weight on them.

    How can that be creepier than the fact we can clearly see the contours of Jeffy’s rear end, or for that matter see any of Jeffy’s body? I’m mildly disturbed just thinking of Jeffy having a body.

  162. Spotts1701
    February 1st, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#155): Now that’s comedy.

  163. Buck Ripsnort
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: She’s so punk, she’s wearing a . . . dog collar. So yeah.

    Spidey-Man: Tomorrow, Spidey finds Schmucko, Norse god of illogic and obtuse reasoning.

  164. Sgt. Stoned
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Archie: It’s funny because the guys who do this strip apparently don’t know that there are male ballet dancers, but that they don’t wear tutus.

    MW: Maybe Mary can pick up a few tips on how to move in on Ian. After all, they look about the same age.

    Snuff Smif: All birds are edible, ya dumb hill-billies!

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#148): Aha! So someone IS reading that! Good catch, Dale!

  166. Mustang
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    FC – Picture if you will a man inexplicably dressed from head to foot in powder blue. Picture if you will a child poised to destroy the man’s kneecap with a hammer. There is a fifth dimension which is known to man. It is an area which we call the “Please just stop because this is stupid” zone.

  167. debussy fields
    February 1st, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    MT–”It’s sure nice of you to come down here and try to help Tommy and me, Mark!”
    “I know how fond he is of Butch. I won’t tell you what he says about you when you’re not here.”

    MW–For Christ’s sake, Mary, put down that cookie! You been eating something now for 57 straight days. At this rate, we’re heading for a storyline involving you at Weight Watchers. Mary Worth waddles in at 430 pounds and says through her tears: “I’d like to give you all the benefit of the doubt, but you’re all a bunch of selfish assholes! What does it say for us as a species if we care only about ourselves? We have a responsibility to help one another. Now, somebody, help me! Stop me from eating!!”

  168. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#118): Well, then I guess I’M the blonde bimbo who had 36DD boobs at age 8 and never had any social life! Sorry, my bad – carry on! :D

  169. tallyHO
    February 1st, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#3):
    the bird watchers are apickin’ but now with Snuffy’s gun to their bums they ain’t no longer agrinnin’!

    yeeeeee haaaaaaw!

  170. Dennis
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#13): Yep, Men sleep peacefully in their beds at night because senile men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

  171. Dennis
    February 1st, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    Lol at my own comment, apparently I am a time traveller now and have gone to the far off time of 10:30 p.m.

  172. Spotts1701
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis (#170): What, did Crankshaft reenlist?

  173. Professional Mole
    February 1st, 2012 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    I’d say something more on the lines of “[Insert Deliverance joke here]“, but sure, hillbilly starvation is good, too!

  174. Sisi
    February 2nd, 2012 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith: As a matter of fact, penguins are inedible. The starving explorers in the Scott expedition couldn’t bring themselves to eat the penguins, which tasted strongly of rancid fish oil; they ate the eggs, which were just about tolerable. If starving Brits won’t eat them, they have to be really awful.

  175. TheTJ
    February 2nd, 2012 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    [Insert tired gag here]

    Oh hey, look! It worked!

  176. Stroker Ace
    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    Barney Google & Snuffy Smith – I finally realized that this strip is a daily homage to ‘Deliverance’.

  177. Uncle Ed
    February 3rd, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    In one cartoon, Jeffy did hit his daddy on the knee with the hammer. He said “I was just testing your knee-flexes.”

  178. Braniff
    February 3rd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    FC: That was done decades ago in the Keane Kompound and Jeffy got a spanking. This time I guess Jeffy wants to pull an Oedipus Knee-Flex and knock out Daddy so he can run off with Mommy.

  179. Anonymous
    February 3rd, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    RE Family Circus, 2/1/12: I know I’ve seen this scenario played out in the “Family Circus” years ago, only it was after the fact. Why is Jeffy obsessed with busting his father’s kneecaps? Does he owe him money?

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