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Sunday dose of horror

Mark Trail, 2/12/12

Oh, hey, Mark, have you slipped something completely horrifying into the last panel of Sunday’s nature lesson? Yes, let’s all gaze upon the repulsive New Zealand flatworm, which has no natural predators. Presumably once they finish devouring all the earthworms available, they’ll start moving up the food chain, and by the time they get to humans they’ll be about six feet long and completely unstoppable. Fortunately, these monsters appear to be confined to island nations at the moment, but it’s probably best to eradicate all life in New Zealand and Great Britain with atomic fire, just to be sure.

Beetle Bailey, 2/12/12

Of course, it may already be too late for the rest of the world, as even members of the U.S. military appears to have been infected with awful mutagenic diseases that can transform them into horrific beast-men.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/12/12

And don’t forget, Crazy Harry, every birthday brings you closer to the moment when you’ll tumble through the narrows of the hourglass of time onto an awful pit of impaling spikes! ARE YOU SMILING AS YOU BLOW OUT THOSE CANDLES, WHY ARE YOU SMILING, BIRTHDAYS ARE FOR THINKING ABOUT DEATH AND ONLY DEATH

95 responses to “Sunday dose of horror”

  1. Stev0
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Like sands of time through the hourglass, so are the days of our cancer.

  2. Smokehouse
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail, you cannot show me two worms about to engage in a fight to the death and stop right at the point where they’ve wriggled close to each other. I expect more out of you; you’re not Spider-Man for God’s sake.

  3. Judas Peckerwood
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    In the Funkyverse, the prospect of sweet, sweet death IS something to smile about.

  4. Chyron HR
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    FW – Speedy learns the hard way that heroin is a hell of a drug.

  5. cj
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Funky:
    I call bullshit, Batiuk. Anyone worth their salt can tell that Crazy Harry is in his 70s at least. Why don’t you fall into that pit, Funky? Huh? How about it?

  6. twg
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    BB: NOOOOO the Beetle Bailey universe has been infected with Plugger disease!

  7. Dono
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    I understand that Crazy Harry is 52. I understand there are 52 cards in a deck.

    I don’t understand why Tom B thinks that what he wrote was a punch line.

  8. Mumbly Joe
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Of course, it may already be too late for the rest of the world, as even members of the U.S. military appears to have been infected with awful mutagenic diseases that can transform them into horrific beast-men

    I was really expecting this to segue way into today’s Pluggers. For shame!

  9. dyslexic dog
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Tom Batuik, daily channeling Heironymus Bosch.

  10. Sequitur
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    When I first scrolled through the comics today I saw that Funky Winkerbean was one of Batiuk’s stupid comic book doings. It was small, sideways and hard to read and I was too lazy to turn my laptop sideways to read it so I just skipped it. Now, here comes Josh putting it in here large, easy to read and in a proper portrait format.

    My first instinct was to say, “Thank you, Josh!” But then I remembered that this was Funky Winkerbean and I was better off not reading it.

    Curse you, Josh!

  11. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    MW, final panel: “It’s my understanding that having it all does not literally mean ‘having it all’! Like back in the early eighties, I was close friends with this man named John Holmes, and we would…”

  12. David Willis
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    “So Crazy Harry is 52,” Mrs. Winkerbean says as if Crazy Harry isn’t directly in front of her. She had learned long ago to never engage him directly in conversation. Best to only give lip service to occasion and then for the rest of the night passive-aggressively nod at the restraining order tacked to the wall.

  13. Dagger
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    People in the Funkyverse celebrate birthdays only as a sign that Death has been cheated of a prize for another year; for gifts, their friends simply leave them essays on why the victory is ultimately meaningless. But hey, cake! Oh wait, it’s just that sub-par pizza? Fuck.

  14. Ned Ryerson
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    FW: Crazy, the guy with the pizza grease dripping off him, is 52?
    I had him pegged for 75, minimum.

  15. Rixternalities
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    MW No, Mary, your understanding is profoundly inadequate. When Nola says “all,” she does literally mean all – everything under the sun – apartments, men, careers. Nothing can escape her voracious vacuum of vitality. So, Mary, prepare to surrender your fabulous Charterstone apartment, Dr. Jeff, your meddling, even your very life-force, because Nola will have all of it. Oh, and while you’re at it, could you wrap up that green goop casserole, too? Nola wants a little something for lunch tomorrow.

    A3G “She’s just the delivery system.” Margo gleams with delight as she sizes up her competition. Nina is merely an incubator for someone else’s hopes, hardly worth consideration. “More fetuses, mule!”

    BB Sarge is transformed into the Minotaur. Camp Swampy is the labyrinth that Beetle will never escape. And this explains Sarge’s unnatural appetites.

    CS Jeff, no one would fault you if you agreed with the old harridan. Honesty is the first step in a meaningful relationship.

    FC I’ll bet that after years of honing the edge of that snow shovel on the sidewalk, with a good swing it could easily sever the neck of a small child…. But, of course, the Keane Kids don’t have necks.

  16. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    MT: Josh, clearly it is too late, as the earth has been stained pink with the blood of its victims.

  17. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Is that New Zealand flatworm one of the Kiwis or one of the Sheilas?

  18. Lanfranc
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    BB – Wow. Could this be the most blatant case ever of ‘getting crap, sorry, “bull” past the radar’? Should there be some sort of award for it?

  19. Red Greenback
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, and that birthday pizza looks one hundred forty-four.

  20. Filthy Assistant
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Seeing Speedy there makes me wonder… Has there ever been a Funky storyline about someone getting addicted to heroin? Cause if not, what the hell, Batuik?

  21. NoahSnark
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    This may be the first time Beetle Bailey has ever shown Sarge horny. Let us never speak of it again.

  22. Gerbil
    February 12th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    I think I have a new job creation program to suggest to the UK government. New Zealand flatworm predators. Mark Trail saves us all yet again.

  23. No One Suspects the Butterfly
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    FW- “We’ll fall into the pit below, and each of those spikes is tipped with a known carcinogen!”

  24. Black Drazon
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Luckily, the UK government has released the flatworms and giant earthworms into the Lost Forest, where they will be devoured by jays the size of Buicks and their children! These worms are high in protein and good for their young bones!

  25. Sgt. Stoned
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif: Aw, I was hoping that the punch line was going to be “squeal like a pig!”.

    FW: I am guessing that GA saved the day by firing a couple of Sealy Posturepedic arrows atop those spikes to provide a nice, soft, landing for he and his boyfriend Speedy.

  26. Chip Whittle
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Gor Dominical: I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s awesome.

    Uncle Art’s Funland: OK, according to the word game… #3, we may see in a barber shop “cripples”? I mean, yeah we can, but, the heck, Uncle Art? Are you gonna go on about the Eye-talian anarchists again too?

  27. Écureuil Écumant
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    I’m disappointed. How could Mark Trail leave out one of the most fascinating and endangered worms of all — the guinea worm?

  28. KreatureFeatures
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#10): Curse you Josh, indeed. I also was able to blow past Funky Winkerbean this morning, but now that I’ve seen it in a readable orientation, I have to ask three questions:

    1) Why show seemingly unrelated Green Arrow characters alongside Funky characters?
    2) When Batuik writes “A tip of the Funky felt tip to Lee Elias” along the edge, does Lee Elias spin in his grave?
    3) Does Crazy Harry realize those are fire-breathing New Zealand flatworms ready to singe his beard and eat his face?

  29. sporknpork
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    When I read that first throwaway panel of
    Beetle Bailey, I thought most newspapers were going to have to drop the remaining panels due to graphic gay sex.

  30. Austria
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    Arch: …Rock…star….?? Is this some 1980s thing I’m too young to understand?

    FC: Oh man. Is anyone else filled with a terrible desire to see PJ flung over his father’s shoulder with a shovelful of snow?

    H&L: If the card is for “someone special…”
    and Ditto doesn’t like it…
    and Ditto’s a boy…
    and boys are “all the same at this age”…
    Oh snap, Dot’s a lesbian.

    MT: AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHH WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE WORMS I HATE YOU MARK TRAIL

    PBS: I did a little silent scream of joy when I saw this was an Elly Elephant strip. For some reason, watching her beat people up never gets old. (But nothing can ever beat “…and pounced on their heads.”)

  31. Pyzimber
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    MW: Now this storyline makes sense. The writer was listening to a CD (OK, vinyl or maybe 8-track) of “Damn Yankees” when the song “Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets” came on. Just change the name from Lola to Nola, and voila! A 16-week storyline arc is invented. Let’s just be happy that the writer wasn’t listening to “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow, or “Lola” by the Kinks – I’m not sure how Mary Worth would have dealt with either a former showgirl or a transgendered club-goer. On second thought…

  32. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#27): Gah. I know just enough about guinea worms to know that there is no way in hell I’m clicking that link just before going to sleep.

  33. Ukulele Ike
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    JP: Monique Zatari has those slanty evil Arab eyes….the slanty evil Arab eyebrows….the Arab (?) purple lipstick….and the HUGE ARAB SCHNOZZOLA. Run, boys, she’s taking a suicide bomb out of the handbag of hers.

    Seriously, though. That nose?

  34. Chip
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Crazy Harry is 52!?! What, in dog years? It looks as if life in the Funkyverse is hard!

  35. Droopy Says
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Creepy Les: Crazy is fifty-two? Batiuk gives it away with this one, because there’s no way that Crazy is fifty-two in earth years. That’s only “fifty-two” if you come from a planet with a longer year than ours. Come on, this isn’t the first time Batiuk has slipped up! Where do you think he gets words like “vendos”? Since when does an entire team throw a game out of solidarity with an injured member-unit? Where on this world is Les Moore considered sexually desirable? Tom Batiuk: not of this earth!

  36. Mysterion
    February 12th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Although not pleasant breakfast conversation, Mark Trail finds that worms are quite sociable after they’ve had their morning coffee.

  37. $$$Westville Oncologist$$$$$
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    BB- Um, did David Lynch take over this strip or something. If he did, it would be a vast improvement.

    MT- Flatworms. Great. what’s on line for next weak? Dung Beetles? Body Lice? Intestinal parasites?

  38. Sequitur
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#32): Ah! The old Baka Gaijin click defense. I felt the same as you but, because I have been drinking shirez, went and clicked on it anyway.

    It’s not bad at all and not what you probably thought. Have I ever lied to you?

  39. bats :[
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rixternalities (#15): re FC: I just love PJ in today’s strip. He’s just so darn happy. Perhaps, for a few brief minutes, his line of sight is away from his on-the-edge father and nasty siblings, and he can see a new and different world, so unlike the one he was born into.
    It won’t last.

  40. Sequitur
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#39): Plus the comment telling Dolly to shut her damned pie hole was spot on.

  41. archaeopteryx
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail is the kwisatz haderach. So I guess Rusty’s eyes are huge and scary because of overexposure to the Spice.

  42. JudoThrowToy
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    It looks like Pluggers attempted an unsuccessful takeover of Beatle Bailey today.

  43. Nekrotzar
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    I think we are supposed to see a visual parallel between the spikes and the candles, i.e. just as the spikes will be the cause of death of the Green Arrow, so will the candles by the death of Funky and his family, probably in a blazing fireball that ignites the natural gas pipe system of the entire block.

  44. Liam
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    MT-My god reading about earthworms was a lot more exciting than reading the current storyline.

    JP-Back in law school I used to be a man.

    Slylock Fox-Slylock is wrong in this case. In this world Moby Dick is the biography of the whale porn star.

    Slylock Fox 2-The punishment is rather simple. Burn her!

  45. Gringo
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#33): I called it three days ago. She’s theassassin who is gunning for April and shot Baba Booey by mistake.

  46. Peanut Gallery
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @$$$Westville Oncologist$$$$$ (#37):

    MT- Flatworms. Great. what’s on line for next weak? Dung Beetles? Body Lice? Intestinal parasites?

    Clowns.

  47. Baka Gaijin
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#Y142): I AM NOT SENSITIVE ABOUT CLOWNS! They’re just evil incarnate, that’s all.

  48. tb4000
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: Why does Mark Trail assume people are reading its strip during breakfast? Because it’s such a “can’t start my day without” type thing?

  49. Peanut Gallery
    February 12th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#44):

    MT-My god reading about earthworms was a lot more exciting than reading the current storyline.

    That’s right, and you know what’s even more exciting? Those worms are blind, and yet they can still hunt! For, um… dirt! And other worms.

  50. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#44):

    MT-My god reading about earthworms was a lot more exciting than reading the current storyline.

    And the New Zealand flatworm is a heck of a lot better-looking than Rusty.

  51. Baka Gaijin
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Pyzimber (#31): How do you know Nola is neither a faded showgirl or transgendered? The way things are going, the libertine Nola could be both and more!

  52. Kage
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    I thought Beetle and his friend dropped acid right before panel 1, and figured it’d be better to trip out in town than at camp. When Sarge starts growing horns, that’s actually just when the acid starts kicking in. Although really, maybe it was in the food, if Sarge feels strange. Soon, the whole camps will be tripping balls.

  53. Liam
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    FW-Looks like it is time to redesign Crazy, give him a more modern look.

  54. Bud
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    52? So Crazy was born in 1961. Think about that for a moment. And then smell the sweet aroma of BULLSHIT!

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean — Tom Batiuk’s homage to LEE ELIAS (from the GA story in World’s Finest #111) is well-deserved:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Elias

  56. seismic-2
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    The only way that Crazy’s being 52 makes sense is that, being crazy, he exists outside of the rest of society, and so somehow he wound up going through both “time jumps” twice, with the end result that biologically he has the body of a 75-year-old. Just chalk it up to a Crisis on Infinite Westviews, with Crazy Harry as the Psycho Pirate, and move on. It’s called bullshwriting.

  57. SilentJoe
    February 12th, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Personally, I found today’s Garfield a tad disgusting and disturbing, and by that, I mean surprisingly funny. Compairng Garfield’s hairball to Jon’s bowl of oatmeal is nothing short of genius. This is even more effective if you consider the fact that most people reading the comics are usually having breakfast at the time (and with any luck, were eating oatmeal).

  58. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Rixternalities (#15):

    Oh, and while you’re at it, could you wrap up that green goop casserole, too? Nola wants a little something for lunch tomorrow.

    Okay, that right there is the point where the impulse to “have it all” becomes pathological.

  59. THE REAL Mark Trail
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    I hav to admit that I enjoyed doing the “worm page”… YES, this one is mine… dialogue, art, colors… everything
    ‘James

  60. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @Austria (#30): I went to high school in the eighties and I have no idea about any Isaac Newton rock star. That was still the least forgettable part of the strip, though.

  61. Santa Royale With Cheese
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#19): Yeah, and that birthday pizza looks one hundred forty-four.

    And that’s Numberwang!

  62. This Guy
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#61): It’s time to rotate the board!

  63. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke managed to use “Dog Gone Funny” and “egg-cellent” in one panel. Fred Basset would have giggled himself into a hernia over that one.

    @pandora bracelets (#y76): drekky spam!

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#y91): Huh. Beatty’s a good choice. Fairly solid artist, he can imitate styles. I shouldn’t hold it against him that he drew MS. TREE umpteen years ago. He’s doing okay.

    @Red Greenback (#19): Yeah, and that birthday pizza looks one hundred forty-four.
    Gross!

    @Austria (#30): Arch: …Rock…star….?? Is this some 1980s thing I’m too young to understand?
    As far as I know, the strips we see are from around 1991. Chris Isaac? Was he then? Maybe 80s? Five seconds: done thinking about it. Next!

    @THE REAL Mark Trail (#59): I have to admit that I enjoyed doing the “worm page”… YES, this one is mine… dialogue, art, colors… everything
    Ha ha! You certainly made a splash with it. This was more effective than 99% of movie monsters. Well done.

  64. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#58): How could I miss that bit of genius? Thanks AFKAB. You’re a genius Rixternalities.

  65. Trillian
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#63): I was in high school in 1991…nope. Isaac Newton = guy we learned about in physics class. Yes, he was on the test.

    Google suggests that some people consider Newton a “rock star of science”.

  66. Soccerhead
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Reading Sunday’s Archie I was racking my brain trying to think of a similarly-named rock star.
    Isaac Hayes? No. Olivia Newton-John? Nah.

  67. Trillian
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#66): Wayne Newton? Juice Newton?

  68. Gringo
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Soccerhead (#66): I was just trying to figure out the deal with Miss Gumby’s hair, which changes in nearly every panel.

  69. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    JP: Man, I’ve gone to law school, and even practiced for a time, and I’ve never seen a female attorney dressed like that in my life. Clearly, I should have practiced real estate. Apparently, that’s where all the women who wear dresses that go down to the mid-thigh and display copious cleavage. And since she’s wearing a headscarf, that’s considered modestly dressed.

  70. Morndew
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#47):
    Stay away from Blondie then. They might squirt all over you.

  71. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    @Trillian (#65): Yes, I know about Isaac Newton. I’m trying to think of who the nimnuls of Riverdale were confusing him with in their knuckle-dragging, barely-smart-enough-to-breathe way, and Chris Isaak was around from 1984 onward. Juice Newton sounds like a good guess too.

    Well, at least we can give the long-ago creators of today’s strip (yesterday’s now — why am I still up?) a point for steering clear of the obvious “Fig Newton” jokes.

  72. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    MT — Now see, this is yet another reason I get annoyed with Mark. He failed to point out that the New Zealand flatworm doesn’t have any natural predators IN THE UK. That’s an important distinction to make, because it’s when we humans transport species from the places where they are native to the places where they didn’t evolve and are not native that trouble usually starts. I’ll bet those flatworms didn’t ask to be taken to England.

    And I won’t repeat my entire rant from the previous thread, but dammit, Mark, worms are NOT always beneficial, especially if they are Eurasian worms (now common in the U.S. since we brought them over here) being accidentally released in northern forests by people who pot up garden plants and take them to vacation cottages, anglers who dump bait buckets, etc. Those worms are doing serious damage to northern forests, and the only way to reduce the damage is to educate people that worms from towns and cities don’t belong in the forests. And this strip does not help that educational effort at all. Thanks a lot, Mark.

  73. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    2/13

    MT — Butch is reasonable-looking in the first panel but ghastly in the last one. Did someone accidentally use clip art from a horror comic?

    MW — Oh come on, Nola. That remarkably-dumb question isn’t fooling anyone. From the glittering look in your eyes, you are obviously a manifestation of Mephistopheles, come to see if you can find a way to take possession of Mary Worth’s soul. Obviously you didn’t get the memo that she doesn’t have one.

  74. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    A3G — What a great family that’s going to be. “YOU take care of the baby! You’re the one who forced me to get pregnant, so let me hand the baby to you because I want to move on!” “No, YOU take care of the baby! There’s nothing stronger than the bond between mother and child!” The baby decides to commit suicide by hurling itself off the bassinet. Margo finds out and applauds the baby’s strong will.

  75. Beverly Hilton
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    We have a Houston problem.

  76. ElkMeadow
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:42 am [Reply]

    Luann Shilling the Gunther hits another low. C’mon Evans, we don’t want to see Gunther, ever again.

  77. Higgs Boatswain
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:59 am [Reply]

    Before Josh condemns to fiery oblivion the two island-nations I consider to be my home, it’s worth asking “just how did these these New Zealand flatworms get to Britain, anyway?” Was it a pet flatworm that went feral? Was a flatworm colony concealed in Peter Jackson’s beard? Did they just dig their way there? And if this plucky platyhelminth can travel 12,000 miles around the world, what’s to stop it from making the relatively short hop across the Pacific to the west coast of North America?

  78. moe99
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:13 am [Reply]

    Help please. Who is the Essie Bollinger, Rex Morgan is asking about in Monday’s strip?

  79. This Guy
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    2/13
    DT: Carmen Sandiego has become the head of a TV network. All of their show ideas are stolen from other networks, I suppose.

    Marvin: Wow. The only remedy for this situation, as far as I can see, is a murder/suicide.

    Momma: A room with two armchairs facing away from each other and an (unreachable) endtable between them. Is this an anti-conversation pit?

    NAoQV: I wouldn’t have thought Vicky would consider any movies “old”, since she predates them all. That’s not even mentioning Liz or Mary…

  80. Droopy Says
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Okay, so both of Thor’s hands are full, and with Thor, “both” means “Exceeded the number of topics I am likely to understand at one time.” However, his feet aren’t doing anything useful at the moment. With some creative twisting and pulling Thor could reel in Spider man. Then –”Excuse me while I kick this guy!”

    Creepy Les: Notice how Batiuk uses Coach Butthead’s mangled diction to distract us from the real plot? Summer is being built up as the strip’s next big star. She won’t displace her father, but in the fullness of time this budding basketball star will be sent to subvert and conquer Gil Thorp, spreading the miasma of despair and cancer to a new strip. Les Moore: he even looks like Lenin.

    Pluggers: Yeah, like Pluggers ever tried to look fashionable. “A Plugger only wore bell-bottom pants when he was in the Navy.” (Or to hide his cankles.)

    Phantom: Attacking a group of heavily armed men with your spandexed legs because, um, they’d never expect to be attacked by an unarmed lunatic? Has someone been cribbing from the Batiuk Basketball Playbook?

  81. Écureuil Écumant
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    @Higgs Boatswain (#77): “And if this plucky platyhelminth can travel 12,000 miles around the world, what’s to stop it from making the relatively short hop across the Pacific to the west coast of North America?”

    Being a flatworm, it can only travel on the brane and not through the bulk.

    The UK transit represents a real anomaly. It must’ve fallen through a, well, a wormhole.

    Hey, speaking of which, I was supposed to meet up with you at CERN. How come you didn’t show?

  82. Jonn
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Those aren’t spikes. That’s fire. That’s the first circle of Hell.

  83. Little Guy
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    yMT: SyFy Channel’s newest Saturday Night Creature Feature, “Tapework”, starring Greg Evigan as the Fist O’ Justice.

  84. smacky
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    GT: The coaches will spend the week alternating trips to Milford Ink, each time returning with bigger and more outlandish tattoos. “Why on earth do we keep saying ‘yes?!?’” Gil will wonder aloud as he examines Kaz’s back tattoo of a panther ridden by Cyndi Lauper jumping through a hoop of fire.

  85. Mr. Magoo
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MT: I love when they end with “Although not pleasant breakfast conversation..”. I was having breakfast with my wife and remarked “Honey, did you know about the New Zealand flatworm? Please pass the orange juice.”

  86. Illustrator Steve
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @THE REAL Mark Trail (#59): Before continuing to praise yourself for your worm pictures and story please read comment #72 by Poteet. Then, after reading it, PLEASE let us know why you didn’t do more research on this worm thing.
    And by the way, if those flat worms are so bad why didn’t you show Mark punching them? (Hint: I’ll betcha if you drew sideburns on those VILLIANOUS FLATWORMS Mark would punch them all the way back to New Zealand!)

  87. Illustrator Steve
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MT – WAIT a second! Is that a biblical passage engraved on that earthworm’s band?

  88. AndyL
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    It’s not a good sign when turning into a cow makes you thinner.

  89. EstyB
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    No kidding. If you told me to picture two guys in their underwear, one lying on the bed, and the one standing over him saying “let’s go to town,” I would never EVER have guessed it was a beetle bailey strip. @sporknpork (#29):

  90. skippykawakami
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Crazy Harry is only 52? My dad looks younger than him, and he’s nearly 70. Hell, his dad looks younger than Crazy Harry, and he’s been dead for 16 years!

  91. Readem and Laf
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    FW That is the creepiest Funky Winkerbean strip I’ve ever seen, which says a lot about a “comic” strip that specializes in depressing.

    (Thanks Josh, not, in this case. No offense.)

    It’s not hard to figure out why I don’t read it.

    “Life sucks and then you die.”

    Didn’t that phrase go out of style in the 1980′s?

  92. Readem and Laf
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    Green Arrow cover Never read that one, but does it occur to them to shoot an arrow through the open window, in an hourglass (don’t these things get flipped over?!?) with some piece of clothing, say leotards, attached so they can climb out? Or at least haul the guy in to block “the sands of time” from running out?

    Or fling one up to safety after killing the bad guy, then having the good guy reach down with a bow to help the other up?

    Or put the the bows crosswise and sit on them as the sand trickles away and say, well that death threat didn’t work now, did it?

    I’m assuming it ends happily ever after somehow, but can people explain why the person, who does look 70, as mentioned, is celebrating their 52th birthday in this context?

    I assume it is meant to comerate something, but I won’t check.

  93. Just some guy
    February 16th, 2012 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    What does Green Arrow have to do with anything?
    And does anyone read comic books anymore?
    Does anyone read newspaper comics anymore?

  94. gnbman
    March 14th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    inb4 Tremors.

  95. gnbman
    March 14th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Just some guy (#93): I do, which is why I like this site. (20 years old.)

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