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Metapost: Collegial comments of the week!

It’s that time again … the time for the comment of the week!

“Isn’t it possible that when Momma says a young lady is ‘very nice,’ she really means ‘a hot chick who’ll sleep with anybody, even my idiot son’? I don’t know who ‘they’ are, but it seems unlikely that Momma’s gossip-yenta social circle wouldn’t know exactly what kind of a girl Freda Klotz is. A classic enabler, she’s basically telling Francis, ‘If you’re going to put your wingwang in every slut in town, at least make it my friend’s daughter so we’ll have something to talk about at the sewing circle next week.’” –BigTed

And the as-always hilarious runners up!

“Dude, if you’re not going to give Marmaduke your ice cream, keep it away from his gaping maw! Chocolate mint dog drool is the favorite flavor of no one.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

A3G: Crikey, with all of the vague innuendo we’ve had to endure over the last few days (Him: ‘I don’t want to hurt her’ … Her: ‘I want a commitment’), this better not wind up one of those weird-ass I Love Lucy cum Aesop’s Fables thingies — you know, where Eric gave up tobacco to buy Margo a hair brush and Margo cut off her hair to buy Eric a pipe. Although with these two, the wacky mixup probably involves anal sex and brain eating.” –SmartPeopleOnIce

MT: What, is Evil Sideburns Guy going to tap the duck to death with his medium-sized branch?” –Inspector Dim

“Faye was supposed to be goth? I thought she looked like a Japanese boy who really enjoyed Back to the Future.” –Darkefang

“Let’s face it: For Better or For Worse is similar to Tolstoy’s War and Peace in the amount of characters that trod across the page but without the charm or whimsy.” –Dingo

“In other news, and I know this has been asked many times, many ways, but what the f*** is up with Gil Thorp? Why the gratuitous crotch shots and the weird misshapen bodies and the physically impossible angles and the … and the … I don’t think this blog would be complete without someone having the weekly Gil Thorp freak-out. I like to call them the ‘GTs.’” –Big Sims

“I find it curious that Jack Elrod follows a birds-aren’t-really-here-someone-with-sideburns-placed-them-here storyline with a birds-are-in-the-way-but-now-they’re-really-here-and-a-sideburned-guy-wants-to-kill-them storyline. It’s all going to end up with a disillusioned Mark Trail with a sore fist leaving the forest and going on a journey to discover himself. Watch his unshaven self sock jaws on a whaling ship along with his newfound hippie Greenpeace buddies, thinking, ‘This feels good, but … is it really who I am? I must find out!’” –MrP

“Homer’s devotion to that stupid, stupid duck is starting to piss me off. I hope Shirley gives him the bird flu, and he dies and collapses on top of her eggs, and the impatient boss has his corpse paved over to use as a Homer-shaped speedbump in the parking lot. That is a store I would attend very, very often.” –Rhekarid

“I can only hope the descent into FOOB Rashomon leads to Elizabeth remembering the same trip, only with a murder.” –js

“This is the first FOOB in a long time to which I could relate; I too was vomiting by the last panel.” –McManx

“Oh man. Brad and TJ are so going to gay it up together. God, I hope that even more comics start having gay subtext. Hell, this is hardly even sub. (Feel free to come up with your own jokes here, involving the word ‘sub,’ and possibly the word ‘hardly.’)” –Sensitive Poet

“I see Milford is just like my hometown! Their football pep rallies feature a summoning ritual, and they bask in the nimbus of their demon masters.” –migellito

“Why, is that a patented Mark Trail Fist-o-Fury Dawn’s clenching? By golly, I think it is! The Mark Trail Fist-o-Fury: It’ll Endanger Your Species!” –Allie Cat

You commentors aren’t just making funny comments: you’re also proving yourself braver than I by leaving the house and the warming glow of the computer screen and hanging out with one another (gasp!) in person! And there’s photographic evidence, even. Here are faithful readers (from left) Trilobite, Mountain Momma (with a signed TDIET based on her idea, coming soon to a newspaper near you), the Divine O’Fogeyette, and Bats :[ (with Bill the Cat and Jeffy Keane’s freakishly large head).

And there’s more to come! Faithful reader The Spectacular Spider-Brick would like anyone interested in a Madison, Wisconsin-area meetup to e-mail him at flagator@gate.net. And a northern California meetup also seems to be in the works! Because I can see this going quickly out of my ability to keep up with everyone, I’ve created an area on the forums site specifically for coordinating your Curmudgeon get-togethers. Let me know how it all goes!

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160 responses to “Metapost: Collegial comments of the week!”

  1. Rainbird
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to the COTW and all the runners up. Someday, perhaps I’ll be up there too.

    Cool picture of the Arizona meetings. Soon we will have spread ourselves thorugh the world, with pictures from every place where there is Internet access.

  2. Tracer Bullet
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    I don’t have anything to say. I just want to be first. I have nothing to life for.

  3. Tracer Bullet
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    GODDAMMIT ALL TO HELL!

  4. monkey.dave
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    js’ Rashomon-themed comment was my favourite. It would be even cooler if the person who got murdered was Anthony and when the strip returned to the present, he didn’t exist anymore.

  5. Rainbird
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Wouldn’t i be interesting if Lynn realized that what we’ve been saying all along really was going on in FOOB. It is so Micheal-centric I wonder if she does realize it, and will soon reveal him awakening from his coma.

    I can dream.

  6. Moon Mullins
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the NorCal shout-out. Soon we too will be as cool as people from Tucson!!!

  7. Moon Mullins
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    For those who only read the first few posts:

    We are looking at getting together a Northern California mudges meet-up. If you live in the area please identify yourself! We already have found a good number of awesome folk and will be trying to put together a meeting. Talk to you soon!

  8. Dingo
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    I’m a groomsman! YAY!!! Congrats to BigTed.

  9. SecretMargo
    September 16th, 2007 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    TCC II: The Tusconing — almost as adorable as the Olde Tyme Original TCC I in Tokyo! (Kidding! You’re all beautiful)

    Trilobite: All right! Now the huddled masses know: you’re a dude (welcome to the cleared-up-gender-confusion club!). Also: I love your shirt.

    Bats :[ Your Bill the Cat doll fills me with envy, while the Jeffhead fills me with shock and awe.

    Divine O’F: You are as regal as I imagined.

    Mountain Mama: Your drink leads me to believe we’re soul mates. I just rapped my knuckles against my monitor reaching for it.

  10. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Minnie @ 239 yester-yesterthread: Though I’m nowhere near California and therefore don’t get a vote, I would heartily endorse your idea of a CC meetup in Tarzana. It’s only right!

  11. Trotzenbonnie
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to all of the COTW runners up and to BigTed for making the big time.

    Gee, Josh. Look at all of the happy faces on the Curmudgeons who are obviously enjoying the hell out of meeting one another. Just think. That could have been us if only you hadn’t blown out of town on a ‘vacation’ to the other side of the continent the very second that I arrived in Baltimore – after a friggin 18 hour drive from Lafayette, Louisiana.
    That’s ok. I’m almost over it. And seeing my kid get his PhD was some small consolation. That and the ride on the water taxi. ; )

  12. Herro!
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    It is with sheer glee that I notify you all that Monday’s Mary Worth is up on WaPo, in all its ball-fisted, shaking-with-anger glory! There’s about to be a ::clap clap:: GIRL FIGHT!

  13. bats :[
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    11. Trotzenbonnie: water taxis are awesome (I’ve only been on the ones in Laughlin NV — just up the stream from Lake Havasu City — but when the temps are averaging 110 F there in the summer time, anything that moves fast enough to create a breeze is pretty awesome).

    Monday, Monday…

    FC: “What I really want to be when I grow up is a member of the Lollapalooza freak sideshow, ‘The Kid with Thumbs Instead of Normal Fingers’.” (and I thought it was football season, you little dolt)

    MT: oh, dang, a pop quiz from Sunday. “How do pigeons feed their young?” You have ten minutes.

    MW: oh, crap! I think Dawn’s gonna have a stroke! Right after she delivers the Twin Fists of Hissyfits!

    RMMD: I think May’s in the running for next Sunday’s Mark Trail, “Our Prickly Little Friend, the Porcupine”.

    Foob: Nice touch. Even though she’s married, has two kids, and lives half a continent away, the folks still maintain a shrine to St. Elly — her bedroom intact. We can only hope that there are several thumbtacks still pressed into the wall, and Michael gets hungry during the night.

  14. alamo
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    tracer bullet — don’t worry. at least you have a life.

  15. LTBF
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    So when Elly moved out to go to University, they didn’t immediately turn it into a room for Jim’s hobby or rent it out?

  16. Weasel Boy
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to all, and props to Dingo for his War and Peace comment. Good stuff.

  17. LTBF
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Monday’s Garfield has John planning a date at the ballet. This looks promising.

  18. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    There were so many funny comments this week. Congrats to Big Ted and all the COTWers.

    Arizona mudges: thanks for sharing your outing with the rest of us. I’m feeling kind of lonely. Aren’t there any other mudges in Oregon?

  19. Poteet
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to BigTed and the other merry snarkers! Enjoy your float ride!

    9/16 MW — I realize that sooner or later, every character in MARY WORTH looks like Mary Worth, but Drew’s resemblance in Panel Two is unnerving. Now I know what Mary would look like with short black glossy helmet hair and a wide neck, and I can never ever unknow it again.

  20. Rainbird
    September 16th, 2007 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    #7 Moon Mullins And Spiny Norman is also in the Bay Area. Don’t forget her. :)

  21. loudfan
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Hey, anyone from Northern California planning a meet-up can put me on the list at loudfan (at) gmail.com. If by “Northern California” you mean the San Francisco area — I’m not really interested in driving up to, say, Ukiah.

  22. Rainbird
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    DT Oh Goddess, are we going to have the chair falling out of the sky and hitting the blades over and over again all week, like a flashback to Groundhog Day?

  23. Rainbird
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    JP Best pick up line in a rose garden grape arbor. “It’s never to late to start a family” In fact, I’ll help you start one right now, lie down.

    She’s almost out of her clothes as it is, anyway.

  24. minosbull
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    Oh what crippling disappointment! I have only recently moved away from the Madison area. :(

  25. Poteet
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Humorous Maximus, do you know what it does to my nervous system when I can’t see a new STEVE CANYON every day? Do you care? *sniff*
    I don’t think I’ve ever groveled to a website before, but I’m groveling now — please, please, give us the Sunday strip tomorrow. And now to bed.

  26. odinthor
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    NYer Contest. — Dang, this one’s going to be tough. Um . . . :

    1. “No, ma’am, we life guards don’t do grass. Why do you ask?”

    2. “What, you think we life guards don’t have supervisors?”

    3. “I thought as long as I spend so much time here, I’d invest in the local oil field.” No, ugh, REJECT.

    4. “You see, we life guards sing our own version of ‘I’ll Build a Stairway to Paradise’, and, well…”

    5. “Next time, tell your kid to leave the goddam Tinker Toys at home!”

  27. Godzooky
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    MW Reloaded: “And I thought you were the “One”! I couldn’t have been more wrong!

  28. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Congrats COTW runners-up, and hello Arizonan Curminions, it’s nice to attach faces to names.

    Observations for Monday’s comics:

    TDIET. Get a load of the size of that keyboard in the second panel! It’s like four keyboards! Is that one of those monster keyboards that has a separate key for every character that exists in written Chinese, or something? It also weirds me out that e-mail coexists in the same universe as people named “Loopina” and “Elpie”.

    Preteena. In the final panel, there’s that weird-ass rectangle again. Makes it look like something is being censored.

    Dinette Set. Notice these characters say “pop” like all good and proper people (none of this “soda” or “coke” or “tonic” nonsense, heh heh). Actually, I think the cartoonist is from Illinois, is that right? And her name is something like Julie Larson. In fact, I didn’t know until quite recently that Dinette Set is done by a woman. Not that it necessarily matters one way or the other, but it’s just interesting how you get an idea in your head of what the writer or artist is probably like, and then they may or may not coincide with your idea. Kinda like when we find out biographical details about the folks that comment here and it sometimes surprises you (when you find out you were wrong about relatively basic stuff like age and gender).

  29. Helena Handbasket
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD: May continues to grill Rex about whether he’s the right man for Nikki, but Rex reassures her that they’ll both be, “committed to trying” to make their May-December romance work.

    Phantom: Ghost-Who-Lacks-Access-to-Western-Medicine discovers that even when you’re only shot, “not by much,” cauterization is a bitch.

    MW: Drew and Vera’s aura’s flare with fear when faced with Dawn’s tiny fists of rage and two-tone bobblehead.

  30. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Jeebus H. Christ on bagels, #229 Spotted H[weird letter o]rse in yesteryesterthread provided a link and I clicked it and now I can’t stop screaming:

    http://www.pastfoundation.org/DeepWrecks/images/LastSnack.jpg

    WHAT THE EFF ARE THOSE THINGS? I lived in South Carolina for a while and the palmetto bugs actually dragged my dustpan across the kitchen floor once. But WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?

    aaaaa.

  31. Godzooky
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Memo to RMMD and JP artists/colorists re: maintaining Sunday/daily character consistency: Flaming red jackets turn to brown, brunette ‘fros turn to blonde dreadlocks, a pink shirt with black pinstripes turns into a white shirt with red vertical stripes, then they all go back again. Are you even trying?

  32. Helena Handbasket
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    Kate, those are trilobites, hence the amusement. Since most trilobites are tiny and, well, extinct, I have to hope that Photoshop played a major part in that image.

  33. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    Those are TRILOBITES?

    *pant pant*

    *pant*

    I always thought they were more angular. My trilobite has a head that’s almost a perfect triangle. I wasn’t prepared for those … those … round, blunt … excuse me. @)(#)NFDSIO”ASD(P@J

    FUCK

    *pant*

    Clearly the time spent in South Carolina with the hideous prehistoric palmetto bugs scarred me in ways I didn’t know till now.

    Thanks for telling me they’re dead. Even if you’re lying to me, telling me they’re li’l harmless adorable dead trilobites instead of living horrible things going scritch under the bed, I appreciate it.

  34. Frank Parsnip
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    Congrats to all!

    A3G: Prof. Aristotle comes out of hiding to take the weak member of the herd. “Hey, you must be feeling lonely and far from home… let me cull you.” Ruby will put up with nearly anything rather than to “play solitaire” again.

    Jugs Parker: Having established on Sunday that the asexual Sam Driver has adopted his kids, I’m curious how the “birds and the bees” discussions went. I imagine that he would simply explain to them that at this time in their lives they will “likely feel nothing” and that “other than a few biological changes” and some “unwanted advances” from the opposite sex, they can just continue on as he did. If they persist in asking where babies come from, he’ll tell them honestly and directly that as far as he knows they come from orphanages. If pressed, he may own up that perhaps human children come from parthenogenesis or budding.

    Today, Busty’s shirt is back to being a pink one with little black stripes, from Sunday when she’d had the pink-and-white thing going on. And Sam didn’t notice anything despite the double change in shirts? No? Sometimes I just want to introduce Sam to Rex and let them go off together.

    ZomBC: I can’t even look at it today, the “magic fingers” toilet thing from last week is still creeping me out. Discussion of Japanese heated bidet seats aside, I’m afraid that the only places offering this feature may also offer in-room fisting.

    However, what’s with the BC penchant for warning people away from things of this sort. Here are a couple of real-life examples regarding Asian hotels and motels one should not stay at:

    “Never stay in a hotel that thinks it is an advertiseable selling point to mention that they do regular sweeps against audio and video bugging devices.”

    “Never stay in a hotel with used condoms in the bed from a past guest.”

    MW: Through the simple act of whipping around the corner to confront Dr. Drew, Dawn’s collar has disappeared from Sunday. In a moment like this, there are two ways for a comic to go — and I hope Dawn chooses getting even over self-mutilation.

    Slylock Fox: Blocks of ice will work for lowering the statue, but I think my guess of big slabs of butter was equally valid.

    MT: Let me get this straight… Homer camps out by the duck all night and fights off a coworker who stops by to smack the crap out of the duck and/or its eggs. The news of the attack is in the newspapers by the next day, and I doubt the attacker was the one calling the reporter. Again, ConstructoCorp. has been missing opportunities: 1) fire Homer for staying on the work premises beyond his normal work time and for commenting to the press on ContructoCorp matters without clearance; 2) finally issue overdue press release about how “ConstructoCorp values the environment… yadda-yadda”; and 3) follow up in 2 days with a short release saying how terrible it was that the eggs fell victim to a badger, weasel or other indigenous creature.

    GT: What, like Moon thought Milford had put its offense out there to do the opening kick-off to Oakwood?? Moon gets to see a tackle done by Milford’s Bill Ritter but figures that’s doesn’t count because it was done by a cripple — because it’s only now that he feels he will get his first look at Milford’s defense.

    Whenever Moon doesn’t like somebody, he just cuts them out of the commentary that goes alongside the play-by-play: “There’s a lead-off homerun hit by Milford crippled shortstop Jimmy Johnson… and now that he’s sitting back down into the dugout we’ll finally get a chance to see Milford’s offense as they head to bat.”

    Moon has it in for Ritter, and I bet somebody is going to spend some time on the bottom of Town Lake.

    RMMD: Rex is still negotiating with Niki’s pimp. May needs to be sure of how much Rex wants Niki, and she’s going to put him through his paces. Just like in “Memoirs of a Geisha”, poor Niki is being auctioned off to the highest bidder and there are others — Abdul Gasazi perhaps — who are waiting in the wings to take Rex’s prize.

    Mallard Fillmore: Yeah, and I can’t wait to see what sort of excuses the Republicans are going to come up with. “Oh, sure we turned a blind eye to Foley for years when we knew he was texting to kids about penis sizes, and we didn’t care when Ted Klaudt was pretending to ‘collect eggs’ from teen girls’ wombs, and we didn’t worry when our best homophobic evangelical ministers turned out to be meth-using assmasters… but please don’t question us when we try to throw mud on Democrats in our comic strip. And don’t question us when we do our best to illegally keep blacks people from voting… and lie about why we sent our troops to Iraq… and (so on and so on)”. But as Salon and Slate and many other articles about the Larry Craig situation point out, the sound of one foot tapping has a lot of meaning.

    Spider-Man: The Shocker’s magic fingers are going to eventually be harnessed for a motel toilet near you.

  35. ralph
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Tucson crowd, SecretMargo said it so well (9), I can only nod my head in complete agreement. Thanks for sharing the fun!

  36. Jym
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    =v= MT/PBS Crossover? Now that the Duck has saved Zebra, isn’t it time for them to go rescue Shirley?

  37. Trilobite
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    #33 Kate (and by extension, Spotted H0rse) –

    “Learn to recognize trilobite agents. These typically have a head bit that is called a cephalon, a middle segmented thorax bit, and a tail bit that is called a pygidium. They are benthic and vagile, and probably occupy many roles in the food chain. INCLUDING DEVOURING OUR CHILDREN! THEY MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!” — C. J. Silverio

    Words to live by, people. Words to live by.

  38. Sensitive Poet
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Wow, my first runner-up comment! I feel proud.

    And I believe those creatures investigating the Doritos bag are isopods. Adorable, adorable isopods. I so want one as a pet now. I’d walk it on a little leash.

  39. Mibbitmaker
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    9/17:

    FW: That baby’s expression sure sums up our feelings towards modern FW, doesn’t it?

    FOOB: Added 5th panel: Mikey (newly alone in the room): “Grampa, why’d you just say ‘boxcar’?”

    FC: “…and stab my old team in the back like Johnny Damon did to the Red Sox.”

    Garfield: This cat’s feet can be used as a floatation device.

    Monty (No, not the anti-God God from 9CL!): I’m suddenly getting a weird image of Dr. Kissinger jumping up and down on a couch, telling Oprah how much he loves Katie Holmes. (And if you think the Scientologists holding her captive are bad, imagine those Nixon guys doing it!)

  40. CrabbyGenes
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    Hi all! Let’s see, male ( I suspected), female (was almost sure on that one), female (knew that one), female (was about 60 percent sure on that one). Check! I love gender clear-ups.

    Seriously, Trilobite, Mountain Mama, Divine O’F, and Bats :[ , it is nice to finally see all of you! After I saw this photo, I started going back through the archives to see if I could fasten the genders and looks of other CC’ers into my mind. I only made it back to and including June, but there’s a fair number of photos between here and there. (I would love to see a Mudgie photo “album” on this site.)

    I’ve been concentrating on Josh’s posts and ignoring comments for a thread or two because real life is closing in on me. Read that “my vacation is almost over and my classes are going to start soon, and I’m nowhere near ready, AAuugghh!” But I just had to drop in to comment on the photo.

    And now, back to lurking/ignoring. (or rather, TRYING to ignor. At least until I get some real life stuff done. Maybe.)

    PS to Trilobite. I was doing a word puzzle recently in which the answers were prehistoric creatures. I was annoyed to see “trilobite” given as the example, because, well, GEE! I could have thought of that one on my own!

    (this CC moment brought to you by PennyPress)

  41. CrabbyGenes
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    PS to my PS on #40. What I mean is that “trilobite” was the ONLY one I could think of (other than various dinosaurs, I mean), and I was annoyed that they had listed it as an example so I couldn’t use it.

  42. Helena Handbasket
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    #38, Well that’s scary as hell. Who knew there were giant trilobite relatives out there scarfing up our Doritos?!

  43. Trilobite
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    The Monday comics fall like a bleak shadow across the page:

    A3G: Here begins Ruby’s sad tale: yes, she does miss Texas, but no, she doesn’t miss the best li’l whorehouse there. Nor does she miss Slim, the sadistic pimp who punched that ribbon straight through her skull when she first defied him.

    Mark Trail: Ah yes, Jack Elrod’s blue period. Just let me know when he decides to experiment with cubism. Ordinarily I’d say something about how unlikely it is that the evil construction mogul Mr. Thomas would be the kind of guy who likes a good weather forecast, but if you stop and think about it, it makes sense. Given a choice between Mark Trail and The Weather Channel, wouldn’t you make the same decision?

    Mary Worth: In my heart, I am whispering over and over: oh please oh please let Dawn’s head literally explode with rage it would be the very best thing since Aldo drove over a cliff I will love you forever Karen Moy if you make this happen for me I am begging you this one time this one single time to do the right thing just a loud BANG and a closeup on the two-timing doctor’s face speckled with tiny bits of Dawn is all I ask

    *sigh* I know I’m going to be disappointed, but from the way her head is vibrating in that last panel, the possibility is just so tantalizingly close I can’t help but yearn for it.

    Phantom: Bandar medicine = “Stuff Mr. Lampshade Head saw in Rambo: First Blood Part II“.

    Rex Morgan: May’s hair has just become the most interesting thing ever to happen in Rex Morgan. (Sorry, June’s breasts, you’re now in second place, at least until the meth-mom’s hairdo stops changing in every single panel. From Sunday’s fright wig to panel one’s disco afro to panel two’s silhouetted clump of swamp grass…what will it look like on Tuesday? I can’t wait to find out!)

  44. Lynngineering
    September 17th, 2007 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    FBOFW: Monday
    Do really get to sleep in the same bed mom slept in when she was little, grampa?

    Yept. Your mom slept here, dreamed her, did her thinking here

    sigh… it feels pretty good…

    What do I need to add about Michael’s coma here…that he didn’t make perfectly clear here….

  45. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    September 17th, 2007 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    I guess I’d love to give MARVIN all the magic markers he wants so he can sniff and breathe in the acetone and cause premature aging, liver damage and loosening of his bowels (yeah dedundant, I know).

    After two decades of being unfunny, you think he’d begin to show one character trait–other than that one.

  46. TB Tabby
    September 17th, 2007 at 4:27 am [Reply]

    The Shocker just punched Spider-Man in the head while his gauntlets were activated. We’ve seen the sort of damage those gauntlets can do. A point-blank blast to the head should liquefy his brain.

    In other words, he’ll be fine.

  47. Baka Gaijin
    September 17th, 2007 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    MT-Monday:“Get this duck mess cleaned up, John. It’s getting out of hand!” Quote of the week! Elrod suspiciously shows the Mr. Bald Evil Guy from shoulders up. No handfuls of duck doody visible. But we know they’re there….

    PS-Is anyone else getting Google Ads for a “bookstore for Indian publications” and “girls training bras” at the top of the page? I’m not sure how the Googleplex scored this page to come up with those ads. Maybe the AJGLU 3000 moonlights there.

  48. Crooked Soricidae
    September 17th, 2007 at 5:54 am [Reply]

    Isopods are just the REALLY big brothers of the common sowbug. I actually think they’re kind of cute (especially snarfing Doritos).

  49. Scherzo
    September 17th, 2007 at 6:01 am [Reply]

    JP: Oh no!
    After the peaceful and amicable negotiations (not!) between Mr. Caesar and Sam are concluded, Rusty will tell Mr. C. to take said and aforementioned job and shove it, then join Sam’s practice and fall for Randy Parker and then we will have the pitter-patter of little lawyer feet.
    And yea, the combined bustiness of Abby and Rusty together will crowd out everything else…

  50. Inspector Dim
    September 17th, 2007 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    FW: The haunted, soulless look in the eyes of the kid are perfect for the bleak, bleak world of Funky Winkerbean. Chances are she’s actually a tiny Grim Reaper, come to drag Lisa down to the underworld. Because Bull would adopt the living embodiment of death and bring it to Westview.

  51. Inspector Dim
    September 17th, 2007 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    Sounds heard while the Shocker is punching Spider-Man:

    FROK! APRN! DSHTOWL! PEASANT BLOUSE!

  52. Dub Not Dubya
    September 17th, 2007 at 6:58 am [Reply]

    Perhaps a LOLCassandra Cat would say something like,

    I CAN HAVES BAD ALIBIZ KTHXBAI

    Any other suggestions?

    Also to Squid Countess: Squack! Squack! I can’t stop playing it! (Actually I finally am, many hours later.) Thanks for bringing this joy into my life. I justify it by saying it will help build my brain up to avoid later Alzheimer’s. I hope.

  53. Tracer Bullet
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:04 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn is so angry that she . . . she . . . she’s going to get a decent haircut and some attractive clothes!

  54. dreadedcandiru2
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Does it occur to anyone that Batiuk is taking the easy way out by simply skipping ahead ten years after Lisa’s death? After all, as one of the other posters on the Foobiverse Journal pointed out, showing her last days is simple. Watching Les and the others climb out of the hole her passing will leave is the difficult part. If he show that in real time, he’d be doing something worth seeing. Too bad he chickened out and decided to show us the survivors after they’re all better. The only way we’ll see how hard it was for them to cope is a week or two of flashbacks every autumn.

  55. Dean Booth
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    My son went away to college and I lost may snarkitude for a couple of weeks. But maybe I can ease back into it…

    MW: Dawn needs TP….

    Congrats COTWers!

  56. Allie Cat
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    YAY! COTW Runner-up. All of the glory, none of the excruciating pressure to do it again!

    Meanwhile…

    MW – Drew’s “I thought you were studying!” has to be the lamest excuse ever. You thought she was studying because you told her you were busy. Asshat. So, because she’s studying, it’s OK for you to take the Bland Blond out for a pony ride?

    Whatevs.

    Luann – Try and divert our attentions with a football pep rally if you must, Greg Evans – but we’re all too busy cheering for Brad’s new “tight end”, TJ.

  57. Moon Mullins
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    55 Dean Booth: awesome.

    I have insomnia and just saw “The Shocker Goes Straight” from your site. Good gravy, my laughter probably woke everyone up for a six-block radius. That bit is priceless.

  58. Godzooky
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Don’t just clench those fists…Swing ‘em, Dawn, swing ‘em!

  59. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Sensitive Poet @ 38: Isopods? Gyeesh! And I thought horseshoe crabs looked evil. Those things look like every electron-microscope photo of a flea I’ve ever seen. The top picture on that page is the last thing a Nostromo crew member ever sees.

    LOL at TBTabby @ 46, but ROTFLOL at Inspector Dim @ 151. Ah, yes, the isopod trauma is fading. Maybe now I can face the Monday comics:

    Agnes: Very Calvin-like humor in today’s strip. The Brick approves.

    A3G: Now she’s wearing green? Yesterday was blue, before that it was orange, pink, and I think we’ve seen yellow, each with coordinating front-and-back hair ribbons. Someone needs to tell Ruby that most of us stop wearing Garanimals when we are able to tell our age without using our fingers.

    C’Shaft: Kids, the lesson here is, once a cheater, always a cheater. Or, cheaters never get caught. Or, why play fair when you can cheat? Or something like that. Kids, don’t do drugs.

    (WT)DT: Of course you can hit the blades. You already did it on Saturday, while saying something entirely different… Ohhhh. I finally get it now! (WT)DT is hard-boiled crime-fighting filtered Rashomon-like through multiple interpretations. In one, he’s the wry-wisecrack-spouting super-agent who always gets his man. In another, he’s a reckless sociopathic murderer with no regard for either due process or for public safety. Today, we’re seeing things from the perspective of the aphasic stroke-victim Dick Tracy, who says “stop them” when he intends to say “rain down fiery hellish death from the heavens across an already fearful, terrorism-scarred city.”

    FC: Then you’d better get started early. Here’s your bindle. The rail yards are that way.

    GA: Hoooo! Clovia got back! I like comics butts and I can not lie.

    JP: I like the way Rusty gently cradles the grapes. She’s got experience doing that.

    MW: What’s that floating in front of the bush between Dawn and Drew? It looks like Dawn has released one of her Pokemon to do battle with the target of her rage. “FlutterBee, I choose you!” This is gonna be so awesome.

    MC: oh god. make it stop. make it go away. mommy?

    Phantom: “Whoa, lookin’ pretty pasty there, O Ghost-Who-Really-Needs-To-Get-Some-Sun. Say, have you ever had this mole looked at? I’m just a Bandar medicine man, so I’m going to give you the number of Lisa Moore’s specialist.”

    Popeye: OK, this has veered from the Santa Royale cliff road of awesomely insane into the gorge of just plain stupid again. We can resume ignoring it.

    PreTeena: Yowza. I’m hot for teacher. Have we seen her before?

    RMMD: Is that May’s head in panel 2 or a talking vase of pampas grass?

  60. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Whoopsie. Inspector Dim @ 51, that is. Still ROTF-worthy.

  61. Dennis Jimenez
    September 17th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    RMMD – There’s hope ladies – a doctor who’s not affraid of committment…to 13 year old boys!

    Pluggers – Mostly Thorazine and Oxycontin.

    TDIET – That Loopina – when daddy Arfo wants a little special daddy-daughter time, it’s fuss, fuss, fuss – but when when it’s boyfriend Hekkie? It’s fu*k, fu*k, fu*k. Heh, Heh!

    FC – I see a future for Billy in the big leagues – get yer red hots, right here!

  62. Lake Eerie
    September 17th, 2007 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Luann – Jesus, when is Bernice going to lighten up? At least she’s off Luann’s case for a few seconds.

    Also, those isopods (or tribolites) look deee-licious (must steam them in garlic and beer …)

  63. True Fable
    September 17th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Big happy cheer to Big Ted and his COTW court! Worthy indeed!

    #49 Scherzo: I call this: Busty Duncan will finally meet Keith, and the matchup will commence. She’ll get the family she’s always wanted and he’ll get a gal just like his sister, only socially allowable to date.

    Cathy Just what the hell is she doing in the open panel?! She’s like Vishnu with stiff arms.
    FBoFW So, Michael… you’ve always had this Mommy’s Bed fetish. And Jim is almost unrecognizable without descended chinnuts.
    Fred Bassett Tomorrow’s strip is going to be pure, unblemished prison dog lust. *shudder* The horror. The horror.
    GA What is up with the person in panel three to the far right? Headless or Regan from the Exorcist?
    JP Oh, sure; you’re brave to say that when your wife is an entire continent and an ocean away, Sam. But if Abbey were right there, you’d find a reason to not practice conception, wouldn’t you? Idiot.
    Luann Any other character, I’d applaud. But for you, Bernice: that shade of bitch suits you. I used to like Bernice, but then I used to like roller-skating too.
    MW She was all ready to deliver the knockout blow, but didn’t. Come on, Dawn! Use what Uncle Mark Trail taught you!
    Phantom “This will hurt, O Ghost!” I like the way he’s holding that large sharp spear as he’s saying that.
    RMMD Nice fern. Oh wait, that’s May’s head in panel two. My mistake.

  64. Lake Eerie
    September 17th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Of course, over in FW’s Cancertown, we’re looking to expose more small children to the grim spectre of death. We wouldn’t want anyone to grow up with a sense of hope, would we?

    And Mr. Fillmore, we now understand that the Democrats (and the liberal media) caused all of Senator Craig’s problems. Not like the GOP turned its back on him also. It’s also not like any other conservative folks have been hyocritical (and self-loathing) in their stance against gays.

    Please pardon the politics!

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 17th, 2007 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Congrats to BigTed et al. Technicak difficulties have kept me out over the weekend.

    9/17

    MF: Evil taklking donkeys. Figures that’s what would be in Tinsley’s dreams. Man must have watched “Shrek” on angel dust.

    MT: So the sinister CEO has ordered his son to clean up the duck mess. Don’t they have underlings to do the scoopin?

    S-M: What’s this? Battle royale between the checkerboard chumps?

    9CL: No Thorax, you’re the vice president. In a butcher’s apron. And this whole inane sideline is your doing.

    DT: Goody, a fiery midair murder suicide.

    OBH: “Okay, so we’ve got a perfectly good corny old joke as our punchline. All we need now is an icky and horrifying way to set it up. Got it!”

    FW: Coach whatsisname adopted a little Asian girl. If Batiuk decides to crank up the Trudeau-ripoff, she may be Les’s next wife.

    C-Shaft: Needs to cheat while playing against himself. That speaks volumes.

    RMMD: Niki’s increasingly Phyllis Diller-esque mother is showing resistance to Rex and his (ahem) “commitment.” Maybe she recognizes him from that sting on Dateline.

  66. Lake Eerie
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    GT – How in the hell is that kick returner in Panel 2 holding on to that football? Stick-em??? I suppose that would explain why Bill Ritter didn’t cause a fumble with his tackle.

    Ugggh … why must Gil thorp remind me of Philadelphia’s lost lask weekend????

  67. Lake Eerie
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Errr – LOSS LAST weekend.
    Sorry, Curmudgeoneers

  68. The Divine O’F
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Secret Margo: Thanks! I never thought regalosity was one of my traits, but I’ll take it. Also, I’m much taller than it looks in the picture. Not as tall as Trilobite, though.

    Isopods: Not just for breakfast anymore.

    New Yorker: “I grew it from a bean. Why do you ask?”

  69. Little Guy
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Funky CancerCancer: Sorry, kid, you’re gonna need a stepstool and something bigger, like a pillow, in order to smother her.

  70. red gone wrong
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    re: yesterday’s Marvin

    Clearly he’s quoting TS Eliot — “Do I dare disturb the universe?” While a toddler referencing “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” is incredibly disturbing, it also explains Marvin’s onanistic ennui.

    (why yes, I am overeducated.)

  71. Gabacho
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore – For a moment, less than a moment really, I had worried that the right wing might actually be opening itself to some critique and self knowledge. But God is back is in his heaven and the whole Larry Craig thing is just another example of Democrat hypocrisy. Whew, that was a close call.

  72. Keg of Curd
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    #52 – I got as far as ‘im in ur bedrm all tied up n pretty’ and then I had to stop.

  73. Rainbird
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    OK, this was my New Yorker submission.

    Lifeguard? I thought it was “God is my co-pilot.”

    I too thought about the oilwell, #26 odinthor

  74. John C Fremont
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    A3G – Hey, Ruby took her love to town!

    MT – “Mr. Thomas, have you checked today’s weather forcast? I think you’ll like it. They’re calling for extreme whiteness.”

    MW – Oh, boy, this is gonna be – uh, bland and uneventful.

    Ghost Guy – And speaking of extreme whiteness. I know you’re a “ghost” and all, but seriously, dude, invest in a tanning bed or something. Or better yet, never, ever take your shirt off again. Ever.

    RMMD – Yeah, yeah, yeah, he doesn’t need to be disappointed, blah, blah, blah. Just get on with it, already! Hey, is Rex’s mouth shrinking?

    JP – Hey, Trudi changed tops again. Why doesn’t she do that while we’re watching?

  75. Poteet
    September 17th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Still no Sunday STEVE CANYON, and no Monday either. I can feel my will to snark rapidly draining away. But at least now I know there are giant isopods on earth, and that helps a little. *sigh*

  76. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    74: Sr. Fremont, re: “Ghost-who-embarasses-easy”. The turn over from one generation to the next in the Ghost family is accelerated by the progressive vitamin D deficiency once they put on the SPF-1000 ghost suit. On the other hand, their co-occupancy of Skull Cave with flocks of bats has given them high resistance to rabies, Marburg, and Ebola, so I guess it’s a decent trade off.

  77. Teenage Sex Cult
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Don’t know if this is old news, but apparently Lynn Johnston has been separated from her husband for about five months now:

    http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070914/ENT05/709140316/1035/ENT

    “In an Aug. 31 Life story, we explained that comics artist Lynn Johnston, 60, was beginning a trip down the road to retirement by repeating old strips with an occasional “Remember when …” introduction.

    But then, the trade journal Editor & Publisher reported Johnston and her husband, Rod, quietly split in April when he found another love interest.

    Johnston, battered by comics bloggers and younger cartoonists who accused her of hogging valuable comics page space past her prime, changed her tune. She told E&P that with her husband gone, the time she hoped to spend with him in retirement would now be refocused on the strip and the repeats she had planned would be much fewer.

    No Lynn! Don’t do it!

    Curmudgeon readers need to set Lynn up with someone ASAP or we could be subjected to years of new FOOB strips!

  78. Dingo
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    I’m not a betting man but I’m putting down two quarters on Dawn “Fists of Fury” Weston to at least get Vera’s ponytail or Drew’s manhood before this is all over.

    Go Dawn! Go!

  79. Matt Ramone
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    These meetups sound like fun. Anyone in the DC area want to get together for drinksa nd comics chat?

  80. Dennis Jimenez
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    77 – If our deliverance from FBoFW is dependent on some sort of LJ hookup, I’d say our future prospects (much like LJ’s) are grim.

  81. Jamus The Bartender
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Jamus The Bartender’s
    Bartender’s Textbook
    Today’s Lesson: How To Keep All Of Your Balls In The Air Without Losing Two Of Them If You Know What I Mean, And I Think You Do.

    Howdy folks, Jamus T Bartender here. Okay…so. You’ve been dating this woman from Local University, but ….well, things have been growing strangely tepid….and you’ve got the rest of your life to think about. It’s time to break it off. But you don’t wanna hurt the kid. So….you decide to let things die ” a natural death”. But….whoops….she’s caught you going horseback riding with your new lady. What to do?
    1. Try To Make It Seem Like It’s Her Fault. Try any one of these phrases. ” I thought you were studying.” ” I thought you were busy” ” I thought you changed your number” ” I thought you were gay” “I thought we had an “open” relationship”. Sure, it makes you look like a real dumbass, but as Matt Helm once said, ” The stupider you can make yourself look, the more your lie will be believed” Which explains George Bush and two terms to no end. Okay, enough politics..
    2. Try To Fake A Sudden Case Of Amnesia. Look around suddenly, like you’ve just woken up. “Oh , dear Lord, where am I? Who are you? Call the police. OJ Simpson captured me.” Then dash to the car and change your phone number.
    And, if all of this fails, for God’s sake…
    3. Do NOT give your current girlfriend a key to your house. EVER. I can’t stress this enough.
    If only a certain Doc Corey had come to me first, this whole situation could have been avoided.
    Well, that’s today’s Bartender’s Textbook. Stop by for a visit next time when I tell you how to take a married lady upstairs during two for one margarita’s night before the husband get’s home from his job at Dither’s Inc.
    Till Next Time
    Jamus T Bartender

  82. man behind the curtain
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    MW — What a big disappointment. Dawn interrupts a menage-a-trois in the barn between Drew, Vera and Vera’s favorite stallion. Of course, can she really be in love with drew as long as Mr. Ed is there to satisfy her.

    FBOW — Wonder if Lynn’s marriage breakup will be worked into the strip. Who will St. John the Dentist run of with?

  83. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Isopods?

    I … iso … p-pods?

    I AM NEVER GOING OUTSIDE AGAIN NO I AM NOT

    AND IF ISOPODS LIVE INDOORS I AM NEVER GOING INDOORS AGAIN EITHER

    HOLY MOTHER OF FROG THOSE ARE FUCKING HORRIFYING AAAAAA

  84. Huh
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    #79 matt – Let me get this straight…your question is, do we want to meet up with someone who describes themselves as, “I’m a drunk, underemployed perpetual jackass residing in the Washington, DC area. I don’t know you, but I’d probably hate you and your entire family”?

  85. True Fable
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    # 77 Teenage Sex Cult –

    Curmudgeon readers need to set Lynn up with someone ASAP or we could be subjected to years of new FOOB strips!

    Oh no you didn’t! If she comes after the hot glory of this Fable, I will sicc a passel of Keanes on you somehow, and they will leave dash marks all over your remains. :-)

    She is one buttered tart I would go to any lengths to avoid.

  86. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    I … I …

    After my brief convulsion up there, I was foolish enough to read the Wikipedia article on isopods posted by #38, Sensitive Poet. Now I am unwilling to suffer alone. Did you know:

    – They can weigh up to 3 pounds.
    – “The[ir] large eyes are compound with nearly 4,000 facets, sessile and spaced far apart on the head.”
    – “The isopods are a pale lilac in colour.”

  87. Matt Ramone
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    #84 Huh – you’re surprised a curmudgeon reads the Curmudgeon? I’m just a cranky drunk, like a 23-year-old Crankshaft.

  88. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    79: Matt Ramone: Oct 5 and 6 I will probably be dropping in to the Small Press Expo in Bethesda (to cage a sketch edition of the latest Schlock Mercenary out of its creator). Sometime/place in this space time vicinity might be good for a DC area CCM. I’ll have my 14 year old son around, so it would be nice to keep it PG-13, since he embarasses easily when his dad is in ear-shot.

  89. odinthor
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    NYer Contest– (Tries 1-5 at #26 above.)

    6. “Ma’am, I don’t usually discuss in public the size of my erection.”

    7. “And I suppose you expected pearly gates, and angels with harps . . . ?”

    ____

    #73. Rainbird. — There’s gotta be some way to make a joke out of the oil derrick angle (but darned if I can think of it!) . . .

  90. Al
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Luann — Sunday’s panel looks damn near pornographic… or am I just imagining a little line between the ankles?

    http://members.comics.com/members/common/affiliateArchive.do;jsessionid=bkzjpDb31jbf?site=seattle&comic=luann&stripId=320296

  91. Ribinin
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    #86 Kate – Just when you thought it was safe to go into the water.

  92. Al
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    81 — Jamus, I always felt that Matt Helm was very quotable.

  93. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    79: DC area Curminions, if there is an interest, Oct 5 and 6 I will probably be dropping in to the Small Press Expo in Bethesda (to cage a sketch edition of the latest Schlock Mercenary out of its creator). Sometime/place in this space time vicinity might be good for a DC area CCM. I’ll have my 14 year old son around, so it would be nice to keep it PG-13, since he embarasses easily when his dad is in ear-shot.

  94. SecretMargo
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    NYer: If you think this is bad, you should see what he built in Paris.

    And I’ll say this about the gunonic finalists: Is it my imagination, or are the first and third from other sources (“So this is what killed the dinosaurs” – Far Side; “We’re gonna need a bigger spear” – some damn thing…a movie? Commercial? Am I just hallucinating?)? I mean, it’s one thing to riff, but these seem like they’re just repeating famous punchlines with little embellishment.

    Bahhh, if I wasn’t disgruntled by the NYer, how would you know it was Monday? You know I fucking hate ‘em (nice to see you back, Carmine)

    68: TDOF: Wearing purple always aids in pushing one’s bearing from “stately” to “regal.” (though maybe avoid ‘lilac’…)

    Kate: –

    “The isopods are a pale lilac in colour.”

    I always knew there was more to Vera’s backstory than she let on.

  95. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 17th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    26 Odinthor — I like #5.

    85 True Fable — speaking of dash marks and remains, has anyone seen Death at a Funeral? It’s a British farce I saw this weekend. The opening credit sequence shows a white outline of a coffin traveling along a map and leaving a Family Circus-style dashed white line behind it. It’s like what would happen if Jeffy died. I made up my mind from that point that I was going to like it.

  96. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    93 me — That was before I saw 87 Odinthor. I like 6, but you’d have better luck submitting it to Playboy.

  97. Darkefang
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Archie: We’re constantly being told that Archie is a klutz, but I’ve never actually seen him break anything. This is called an informed attribute. It’s kind of like when we’re told that Foob’s Anthony is charming, a good father and an all-around swell guy, but more believable.

    GA: Fireball seems like a pretty bad employee. Why is firing him a bad thing?

    GT: I guess Oakwood and Milford both buy the hollowed out skulls of giant rats to wear as football helmets. At least I think that explains the giant whiskers that protrude from them.

    JP: Hey, we were promised tight clothes on Rusty Red! This shirt is still too baggy!

    MT: Panel one confuses me. Why is John holding duck mess in his hand? Did he carry it from the construction site to his dad’s office to make some kind of argument for leaving the duck nest alone?

    Marmaduke: Today’s Marmaduke is poorly drawn and doesn’t make a lick of sense. I guess the other strips are starting to jump onto that BC bandwagon.

    MW: Dawn’s so angry, her collar popped off.

    Also, when you’re caught cheating on your girlfriend, the best strategy is to accuse them of lying about where they planned on being that day.

    RMMD: Should I even ask why May has a giant afro?

    And maybe she’s apprehensive about Rex taking Niki on this fishing trip because she isn’t real keen on the whole idea of Rex molesting her son.

  98. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    86: Kate – these are the giant deep sea variety of isopods, so you are unlikely to cross paths with them, unless you also swim with giant squids and the sorts of clams that trap deep sea divers. Still they are tres cool, even down-right chilly.

    You would be amazed, though, at the variety of small sea arthropoda. My favorites were the copapods that lived admist sea grass and various sea weeds. Not much more than a mm or two, but under the scope they had some way cool appendages. Also where they were plentiful you could possibly find pipe fish and sea horses, whose little tube mouths were designed for snacking on these critters.

  99. Lake Eerie
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    New Yorker caption:
    “The rest of us think he’s, um, compensating for something.”

    Anyone know why isopods are named as such? Usually the “iso” prefix means “same” or “equal” (having been derived from the Greek term “isos”)
    I’m not showing off; I’m an ISO 9001 auditor.

    Thirdly, and completely unrelatedly, in Sunday’s Luann, Bernice seems to be pissed at Luann for what her subconcious is doing – that seems to be even stranger than the pep rally hate she’s exhibiting today.
    Christ, what a bitch

  100. SecretMargo
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    More NYer:

    Wanna go up there? It’ll only take seven minutes.

    That’s what we thought too, but it turns out a scaffolding is a lot cheaper to build than a stairway.

    And odinthor, I prefer your #2. (I was also inspired by TDOF and Rainbird)

  101. Jamus The Bartender
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    90. You and me both, Al. I was reading The Ambushers for inspiration. It seems to have worked.

  102. cheech wizard
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    MW – Isn’t Dawn supposed to say “There can be only one” after she collects Vera’s head? Though this being Mary Worth, instead of a katana she’d probably use one of those little fat cheese blades with a snowman handle.

    DT – If Chester Gould was still around, Dick would have simply put a few hot slugs from his .357 into the fuel tank, so that for the next week we’d be treated to the spectacle of a blazing chopper floating gently down over D.C., with tiny screams coming out from the doomed villians inside. If you remember the episode where the fleeing members of a crime syndicate crashed their limo into the side of a gasoline tanker, you know what I’m talking about.

  103. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    95: Darkefang and (DT)GT. I always thought that the antenae-pairs mounted to the helmets are how the Milford student body received instructions from the mother ship. (When not wearing helmets, the artists leave them out, one of the few instructions on “how to look like people” that seems to have made it into practice.) But now I see that both teams use them? A spreading alien invasion? A way of communicating stolen signals?

  104. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    #96 Razmytaz: I will look up copapods when my heartbeat stabilizes. Thanks for the extra information, I think.

    I did read in Wikipedia that giant isopods are deep-ocean dwellers, but it took your post to remind me that therefore they are neighbors of two of my long-standing nightmares: giant squid and giant clams. When I was little and living in Seattle, I was terrified every time I went in the ocean: there might be a giant clam waiting to snap shut on my leg and drown me. And I was terrified every time I went on the beach: there might be a giant squid waiting to uncoil its tentacles and drag me back into the water. I was so worried about these remote possibilities that I was suspicious of even lakes and Olympic swimming pools.

    Now, because of the tireless proffering of information by you and Spotted Horse and Trilobite and Sensitive Poet and the rest of the Curmunions, my two reliable nightmares are joined by a third: the giant isopod. I believe I shall fixate on how the giant isopod might crawl out of the ocean, hurple inland determinedly, inch up the outside of my house, teeter for a moment on the windowsill, fall THUNK into the kitchen sink, and start scavenging for scraps, its antennae flickering. Yes, I think that nightmare will do nicely. Thanks!

  105. gh
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Today’s I(?)GT explained:

    In panel one we see that in order for the game to proceed un-interrupted by rowdy fans, the stands have been moved back one-quarter mile from the goal post. Presumably the stretch of land between them has been sown with land mines.

    Panel two reveals a twist, as we discover that despite Milford’s embrace of the returning Bill Ritter, they have given him only loaves of stale bread to use for shoulder pads. Will he suffer an injury? Perhaps be pushed into the land mines?

    Panel three reveals the answer to be a resounding “Yes!” as Marty Moon informs us from the courtroom that Bill have undergone more prosthetic surgery, this time receiving a “big hand” to go along with his artificial leg. We enter the trial to determine Milford’s liability in media res as Milford’s attorney is about to give his opening arguments.

  106. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    NYer contest. Bleh. Once again, lame, unfunny submissions are selected over the prime wit offered by posters on this site. Why do I bother? Because I have an addictive personality. (Hi Dub. Nice Squacking last night).

    My first thought:

    “Lifeguard. Afterlifeguard.”

    Any second thoughts will have to wait.

  107. BigTed
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Wow…. Thanks, Josh and everybody! You’ve made my week, and it’s just barely started.

    By the way, Josh, I’m sure you’ve heard this a thousand times before, but thanks for this fantastic site. When I first heard about it a few months ago, I read the entire archives and laughed for days. You’ve found a way to make the daily funnies actually funny! As someone who’s perused the comics for years and frequently thought “Why the hell are they (still) publishing that one?,” now I know: So you can make fun of it.

  108. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    97: More information about isopoda can be found on the internet. But nothing clear on why they got the moniker “equal”- (or “same”-) foot, when manifestly they have a variety of foot like appendiges.

    Oh, and for you gardners out there, sowbugs and pill bugs are isopods (learn something new each day). I didn’t know I had a healthy crop of crustacea out back. Wonder how they compare to their distant cousins the crab and lobster?

  109. cheech wizard
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    102 – Kate – you will no doubt be interested to learn that there is a “man-killing giant clam” on display at Sea Shell City in northern Michigan. It’s a tourist trap on I-75 a few miles south of the Mackinac Bridge. Driven by it, but I’ve never been in there myself, though.

    #30 – Isopods? I thought they were lobster tails. I’ll have to look more carefully next time I’m out to dinner.

  110. Jym
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    =47= (Baka Gaijin): Ads for training bras make sense on a site that regularly discusses June Morgan and Jugs Parker. Apparently, the definition monkeys over at Google have deciphered the word “sweaterpuppies.”

  111. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    106 Razmytaz: I believe that spiders, crabs, lobsters, and scorpions all belong to the same family. Which makes me wonder obsessively about what a spider would taste like if I were tiny enough that a spider leg would make a meal.

    107 cheech wizard: Did you mean to call the giant clam a tourist trap? Really? REALLY?

  112. Gold-Digging Nanny
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    98 SecretMargo — I like your first one.

  113. cheech wizard
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    109/Kate – Sea Shell City is the tourist trap I was referring to, although the clam may have grabbed a few by itself.

  114. Sans Sense
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Listen Rex, alls I’m sayin’ is that Niki is one bad kid, unloveable even. He’s really rotten. So are you double dog sure cause I’d hate to hurt his feelings…

  115. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    109 Kate:

    I believe that spiders, crabs, lobsters, and scorpions all belong to the same family. Which makes me wonder obsessively about what a spider would taste like if I were tiny enough that a spider leg would make a meal.

    [pedant=on]
    Well, in a technical sense they aren’t all in the same family, but they are all in the same phylum, arthropoda, which includes the families, arachnida, (spiders, scorpions, ticks, et al. – named after the Arachnae who said she could spin as well as Athena, and became a spider for her hubris) and crustacea (crabs, lobsters, and clearly their most successful order isopoda, since they are marine, freshwater AND terrestrial.)
    [pedant=off]
    If you are looking for good eating, I would guess that the giant isopods (once you wrestle away the sacks of dorito chips) are the better bet than scorpions et al. And as far as size goes their are certainly giant examples of scorps and spiders that would give large enough legs for snacking as some of the crabs I’ve pulled from the bay.

  116. gh
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #33 Kate –

    Our SC palmetto [that’s PAL-metto, folks] bugs are particularly endearing when the FLY STRAIGHT AT YOUR FACE. Yeesch. As if their scurrying around wasn’t bad enough.

  117. Dingo
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    #104 Brown-Eyed Girl: I’d vote for yours. Very funny.

    I kept trying to think of something but it just kept getting political.

  118. Tweeks_Coffee
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Archie: Everyday I could comment on how stupid and nonsensical this strip is, so I’ll switch it up some today… Is that a window over Veronica’s head? Why in the hell is it at a 30 degree angle?
    DtM: What’s really odd here is the fact that Dennis seems to be convulsing. Are the cookies really making him itch? Is the next panel him laying on the floor with a bloated tongue and blue face? Possibly with Mrs. Wilson cackling menacingly?
    DT: I really have no idea why they’ve been circling the Washington Monument this whole time. I also don’t recall the White House being right next door to said monument, but it has been a while since I’ve been there.
    F-: I really have no idea what’s going on here, but the oddly specific detail of his hairy legs is quite disturbing. Almost as disturbing as the fact that he’s wearing shorty-shorts with what appears to be a wool sweater. Almost.
    GT: Obviously way too much effort was put into making the first panel look decent which is why it was recycled from yesterday. The second panel is completely undecipherable, though I don’t think we can see Bill’s hand. I think we’re seeing both of the opposing guy’s hands.
    H&J: So would that count as a booty call?
    JP: Okay Sam, tone it down a bit. You don’t want to come off as too desperate.
    MT: Looks like Buzzard’s upgraded to releasing pigeons now. That scum’s sure to get it!
    RMMD: Rex’s constant emphasis on being committed to Niki really ups the squick factor of this strip. Yes, you’re doing a good thing, Rex, but you don’t have to be so damned enthusiastic.

  119. The Divine O’F
    September 17th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Jamus and Al: Another Matt Helm fan here. Whatever happened to Donald Hamilton, anyway?

    Secret Margo: I pretty much always wear purple, except for a few things Mr. O’F has insisted on. (He picks out all my clothes, but allows me some leeway for color.)

    102 Kate: I think you’re okay as long as you don’t keep Doritos on hand. And I love the image of a giant isopod hurpling. Good neologism. PS: Scorpions are arachnids, first cousins to spiders, and I hope that information does not further disturb your sleep.

  120. Al
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    117 – The Divine O’F — Mr. Hamilton died in 06, and has 1 more book left to be published.

  121. odinthor
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    MW — So what happened to the lappet-like collar Dawn sported in the Sunday strip? Did she rend her garments in dismay?

    Gil Thorp — Bill Ritter, you see, has a replaceable hand as well as a replaceable leg. He was using his little hand; but, as Marty Moon notes, as the field action proceeds, he gets a big hand. Bill also gets out that hand on dates, and when he goes for a walk with an old friend.

    RMMD — May, the problematical daughter of Little Orphan Annie whom Daddy Warbucks refused to support, with only her mother’s hair to help her get through life’s difficulties.

  122. mir777
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Please make me understand the latest wave of FOOBery:

    So Lynn didn’t want to draw new strips but rehash the old strips with new narration and a few new panels of Michael being a yawner. But now it appears she is DRAWING new panels that LOOK like old panels instead?

    Yes, I am bored and cranky and mildly too upset about this. But I need answers!

  123. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    113 Razmytaz, my bad for using “family” for “phylum.” What I should have said was “Umm they’re kind of related on that Linnean chart thingy,” which would have shown how much accurate knowledge I have versus how much superstitious awe and terror.

    I used to live in Texas. I frequently saw tarantulas on the way to school (that is, I was on the way to school; I do not know where the tarantulas were on the way to. Knocking over a liquor store, probably). I can’t imagine eating one, but they were big enough to try it with.

    114 gh, a palmetto bug SET OFF MY BURGLAR ALARM once.

    117 O’F: I don’t think I’ll be able to eat Doritos again ever as long as I live.

  124. AhClem
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    #107 cheech wizard -
    Is Sea Shell City still around? I remember seeing the billboards alongside I-75 for 50 miles or so back in the early 1970s. I never stopped in, but I always visualized the “400-Pound Giant Man Killing Clam” as a severely obese man, with full beard and a lumberjack shirt, sitting at a table smashing clams with a hammer.

    Sea Shell City — Gateway to Mystery Spot!

  125. Trotzenbonnie
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Kate
    You are not suffering alone.
    Ever since I was exposed to the ‘clack-clack-clack-clack’ of ‘Attack of the Crab Monsters’ on Chiller Theater back when I was around five years old, I have had a morbid fear of anything creepy crawly. I always cover my ears with my hair before I fall asleep so bugs can’t crawl in there and eat through my cochlea to get to my brains. And I never ever EVER reach into our master bathroom cabinets because unspeakable horrors of the insect kingdom could be lurking in there – although now I’ll imagine trilobites and copapods down there, too.
    And I think a spider leg would probably taste a little like some kind of fried chinese noodle.
    And, darlings, with regards to Palmetto bugs…isn’t that just a fancy name for cockroach?

  126. Poteet
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    I think (she says, trying to keep her mind off the painful absence of Cousin Stevie B.), that it might be interesting if giant isopods acted out certain classic comic strips. In some cases, it could only be an improvement.

    (Giant Isopod # 1, waving its antennae in a threatening manner): Hello, Drew!

    (Giant Isopod #2, with tail quivering in a manner suggesting agitation): Dawn! (Tries to surreptitiously remove first four right legs from the embrace of the carapace of G.I. # 3.) I thought you were studying!

    (Giant Isopod # 1, quivering all over with rage and waving antennae at full velocity): And I thought you were the “one”! I couldn’t have BEEN MORE WRONG!

  127. Helena Handbasket
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #62, 63 & 97: Remember that Greg Evans has said that the character of Bernice and not Luann is based on his own daughter. Family get togethers must be a laugh bitch a minute.

  128. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    119: odinthor and LOA’s daughter == May. heheh! We’ll know for sure if we ever see her eyes go all blunked out (so long as we also know that she’s still off the meth, I guess).

    Now, for some reason I’m flashing on Walt Kelley’s Beureguard doing Little Arfin Nonny. (“My word, how could she see anything like this.”).

    Arf!

  129. The Divine O’F
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    118 Al: Thanks. I’m sorry he died. Do you happen to know what the final book was called and when it was published? (Off hand, I mean–I could Google it.)

    Poteet: Yes! I love the giant isopods in the comics! Except if they are in I(?)GT, I don’t know how we could tell them from the regular characters.

    Trotzenbonnie: When I was a sophomore in high school, a critter crawled into my ear as I slept. It woke me, and I could hear it scritching around in there. I told my mother and she told me I just had ear wax and she thought I was trying to get out of going to school again (which, in her defense, I did a lot). The critter kept scritching, and then during French class it started doing something else REALLY PAINFUL. My French teacher excused me to go to the school nurse, who said, “It’s just ear wax.” But she deigned to look inside my ear, and said, “Hmmm.” They called a doctor who eventually showed up, and after saying that it was “just ear wax,” he too took a look and also said, “Hmmmm.” Then they poured mineral oil in my ear, and when it was full had me lie on the opposite side. The critter, now dead, came out onto a piece of gauze. It was bigger than you might imagine, and kind of beat up. They told me it was either a small centipede or an earwig. I took the gauze home and told my mom, “I told you so!”

    And ever after I have slept with cotton in my ears.

  130. man behind the curtain
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — What May is really saying is that she knows that guys are only interested in Niki to get to her or because they’re perverts. So she’s making it obvious that she’s willing to make it with Rex and therefore if he’s not interested it can only mean one thing o he’d better stay away.

  131. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    123 Poteet! (And you know I had forgotten the origin of your name until you just rubbed my nose in it… I hang my head in shame.)

    And now you are responsible for a whole batch of “interesting” images… such as a pair of isopods dreamily gazing into each others’ lilac compound eyes astride their two dimensional dwarf ponies, who really want to get out of Dodge (the ponies that is).

  132. cheech wizard
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    121- AhClem – Yep, it’s still there – drove past it on my way to the U.P. over Labor Day weekend. They have a web site now and apparently sell all kinds of house-decorating kitsch – though the web site makes no mention of the clam. The Giant Clam billboard is still there, so I imagine they still have it.

    I didn’t make it to the Mystery Spot either. I did, however, take part in my first bridge walk. Fun, but I don’ t know if I’ll ever repeat the experience.

    For the non-Michiganders out there, the Labor Day Mackinac Bridge walk is something all Michiganders are expected to complete at least once in their lifetime, provided they are physically and financially able to do so. The ritual includes circling seven times around St. Ignace looking for a parking place and carrying small stones to cast at the Devil, symbolized by the U.S. Coast Guard and sheriff’s vessels patrolling the waters below. Before undertaking the walk, participants exchange their street clothes for a plain white t-shirt saying “I walked the Mackinac Bridge.” Afterwards, you break your fast with a meal of pasty and perhaps a piece of fudge.

  133. Helena Handbasket
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Ok, people, this has gone from being The Comics Curmudgeon to Unspeakable Horrors of the Animal Kingdom, and How They Will Probably Come After You in Your Sleep! (Josh Gets Attacked by Giant Isopods So You Don’t Have To).

    I think we should submit all this info to Elrod for a Sunday MT strip so that we can tie everything back together in a nice little comics-related package.

  134. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    122, 126: THINGS REALLY DO CRAWL INTO YOUR EARS? I thought that was just a legend. It IS a legend. Things don’t crawl into your ears. They do not. La la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaa

  135. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    122: Trotzenbonnie:

    Yeah-sure, a palmetto bug is just a cockroach… but a cockroach from hell. During an officially sanctioned high school trip to Myrtle Beach, a bunch of us slept on the beach because the alternative (sacking out in the school bus) meant hearing the palmetto bugs ping off the sides of the bus, and they were reputed to actually bite. Strong offshore breezes kept off the bugs and skeeters, at least until dawn.

  136. gh
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #103 gh –

    Bill have? Bill have? Who writes this stuff?

  137. Whippersnapper
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Last night I had a dream about the Dawn-Vera-Drew smackdown in MW. It was live-action MW. I think I need professional help.

  138. Krazy Kat
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Razmytaz
    A Palmetto Bug is not a Roach!–they are our constant companions from birth till death.
    Roaches are brown, or short and black and get into anything. Plametto bugs are huge and sleek and can fly for more than a city block.
    If we threatened to release them in Iraq, our troubles would soon be over. They train them on Parris Island!

  139. Non-Shannon
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Even though nobody probably knows who we are anymore, I’d just like to add that Shannon is male, while I (Non-Shannon) am female.
    Here’s a picture.
    Thank you.

  140. Kate
    September 17th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Non-Shannon, your link took me only to the myspace home page. Wah!

    Also, what’s up with Drew’s morphing forehead?

  141. gh
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Kate via The Divine O’F at #126 –

    One of our first guests to visit us after we moved to SC was chatting lightly on the back patio when suddenly she screamed wildly and clawed at her ear and, yes, a bug (not a palmetto bug – she’d need ears like Dumbo for that) had moseyed in for a look around. We, being new to the state, figured she’d gone insane as bugs simply didn’t do that. We found out later that this was precisely why Fort Sumter was shelled starting the Civil War. People with bugs in their ears will do funny, inexplicable things.

    And as a child I had a fear of earwigs – those cute little bugs with the pinchers? – because, I don’t know, earwig, earwax. Who knew where they lived?

  142. Dicky
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    63, True Fable: Fred is a part of a swingers group with all of his little friends. With Brutus, obviously the order of the day is role play involving bondage and punishment. Just don’t forget that safe word!

    9CL: I do not need that mental image. And Francis needs a beat down equivalent to all of the sexual “frustration” experienced by Diane over this little episode and maybe her time in the convent as well.

    Baldo: Benito looks so out of place in this strip. And please let his story be that he lost it in a car accident thus forcing Baldo to momentarily appreciate his life more, before going back to episodic life.

    OBH: I am disturbed that the little girl on the table seems to know that there’s something wrong with the way that she’s being treated in this game of doctor.

  143. brb
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    NYer #97 Lake Eerie – I love that caption!

    My best effort: “No, that one was built by Homeland Security.”

  144. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    135: Krazy Kat

    I do not dispute your assessment of the awesomeness (in the original sense) of the Palmetto Bug. But it is, in fact, a cockroach. But it is the world’s largest, and is known also as “the american cockroach” – “USA! USA!” – (even if its true point of origin might have been africa). Most of the namby-pamby scitterers that infest northern climes are examples of the “german cockroach”. In my dorm, we thought we could hear the distant clinking of tiny steins and tiny oompah bands as they got down to enjoying the fruits of their breaking and entering into our food cupboards.

    Oh… and my bad, Crustacea and Arachnidae are “Classes” and not “families” (Just to clear that up).

    and
    130: Helena Handbasket – “Josh Gets Attacked by Giant Isopods So You Don’t Have To” —- WHA-Ha-ha-ha…

  145. Brown-eyed Girl
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Since icky things is the theme de jour, last night there was a gignormous spider in the bathroom. As a sole femme, I’ve learned how to deal with insect/arachnid/avian/mammal infestations by my own self, but DAMN. This was the fourth gignormous spider this week. Sometimes a girl just wants someone to slay spiders for her.

    I had an ant crawl in my ear when I was out doing field work by myself. I drove an hour to the nearest clinic, spent an hour filing out papers and 5 minutes with a nurse who rinsed the sucker out. They charged me $365 for “surgery”.

  146. Sans Sense
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Hee, Hee Crankshaft cheats at baseball and golf. He truly is a proud representative of our Greatest Generation! Maybe tomorrow he’ll be injecting steroids into an Indian starter’s ass.

  147. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    ohhh-kay…. That will teach me to rely on my folk-wisdom rather than actually checking things on the web. The palmetto bug (nee american cockroach) is not the world’s largest cockroach (though it holds the North American crown). There are several larger examples, including this behemoth from Australia (wouldn’t you know it), which some people seriously discuss keeping as a pet.

    This concludes today’s lesson on “All Things Gross and Creepy”. Got to get back to squashing bugs of a whole different nature.

  148. Girl Reporter
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #135 Krazy Kat says:

    Razmytaz

    If we threatened to release them in Iraq, our troubles would soon be over.

    Mr. Girl Reporter is back from a year Iraq, with stories about camel spiders. I believe the Iraqis would just laugh at our girly palmetto bugs.

    I think the only upside of camel spiders is that they’re too big to fit in your ear.

  149. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    145. Girl Reporter – glad that the Mister is back.

    But I wouldn’t be surprised if palmetto bugs are endemic in areas like Basra or around any port of the Salt Marshes. They might not be top of the heap over there, but they are very adept at claiming niches… as long as things stay warm-ish year round. (One particular reason they are such a nuisance in South Carolina is that they come in from the “cold” in the fall, and then find that once they can work the remote control and electric can opener there isn’t much reason to leave.)

  150. True Fable
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    #102 Kate – I’ll protect you from the evil clutches of the giant isopod, Kate. Me and my 55 gallon drum flamethrower that Chennux gave me, if I can just borrow it back from him.

  151. Razmytaz
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    142: Brown Eyed Girl. -

    well, YMMV, but as a general policy around our house, we tend to leave the spiders alone, even the big ones, as long as they are not brown recluses or black widows. A pair of wolf spiders took care of a pretty severe cricket infestation in our basement, and other than having to sweep up the desicatted carcuses (carcii?) it was a pretty good deal, we thought.

    Spiders in the bathtub can be a real nuisance when you show up for a relaxing soak, I admit, but they rarely want to really be there. You could leave a chain or other escape route.

  152. bats :[
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    42. Helena: the isopods are pretty damned creepy, but the really scary thing is the deepwrecks.com site that the photo comes from. I had no idea that U-boats sank several U.S. ships in the GULF OF MEXICO, fer cryin’ out loud, in 1942!!!

    43. Trilobite: MW antici….pation: yeah, I can’t believe I’m getting so jazzed for a thermonuclear response from Dawn (which it’s very unlikely to be) that it’s beginning to match similar anticipation for things like a new Harry Potter book and/or film, or the next installment of the Lord of the Rings (okay, those are over and down with, but I was pretty excited in the early 2000′s).

    78. Dingo: well, Dawn has two hands. A ponytail in one and a pair of cojones in the other would fit quite nicely. But the question is: Will she?

    86. Kate: yes, you’ve discovered that more information on isopods can be found on the internet.

    (Damn, they’re odd critters!)

    104. BEG: submit that to the NYCC! I like it!

    120. Kate: I think you can still eat Doritos…just make sure it’s a sealed bag. I don’t think isopods are clever enough to make it appear as though a bag hasn’t been tampered with.
    We have friends in the foothills of Tucson with a resident gila monster that walks down their wash in the morning and walks up the wash in the afternoon. I guess it’s commuting like a lot of foothills residents here. (There aren’t any liquor stores in the area, so I’m assuming that it’s a responsible member of the community.)

    RUMOR OF THE DAY: An isopod is in reality the larval form of Thorax. Pass it on.

  153. Old Man Muffaroo [Hoo! Kip W]
    September 17th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Thank gosh and Josh for the COTW roundup. Some of these I remember noticing, but others evade me in my mad rush to get through the comments. Sigh. Congrats to all! Celebrate your cutting snark with Cutty Sark!

    Nancy – Hey, kid, don’t interrupt your Aunt Fritzi when she’s staring at her favorite CD jackets! And don’t say it was for a punch line. I’ve seen punch lines.

    NYCC – I went with “And then I asked myself: quis custodiet ipsos custodes?” (Hat tip to odinthor @26) Still working on exact phrasing. I like yours, too Divine O’F @68 and Lake Eerie @97. Brown-eyed Girl @104, how about “That’s the afterlifeguard.” ?

    Frank Parsnip @34 – Time for the local crooked businessmen to start throwing planeloads of weasels at the problem, I’m guessing.

    Kate @86– “The[ir] large eyes are compound with nearly 4,000 facets, sessile and spaced far apart on the head.” Eyes? I thought those were sessile, beady moles! (wacka, etc)

    Announcement – I put the couple dozen “Out Our Way” panels from 1942 that I have scanned and cleaned up (so far) on my flickr page for fans of classic comic goodness to enjoy. These are from a scrapbook collected by the uncle of a friend of mine, saved for over fifty years. Time isn’t kind to the newsprint, let me tell you. It turns yellow, and the rubber cement that held it to the page makes big dark brown spots. And the original printing wasn’t all that good either — the plates made extra marks that have nothing to do with anything except the physical act of printing newspapers. But this is a favorite panel feature, down to earth and executed with skill. Somehow, there has only ever been one slim anthology, which I’ve never seen, but comic historians agree it deserves to be seen more.

  154. Poteet
    September 17th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    # 129 — HAR! Good one about (I)GT, Divine. And you are still reading it!! I doff my hat in awe.

    And I too sleep with cotton in my ears every night, though for different reasons. Now I can tell myself it’s also to keep invertebrates out. Thank you!

    # 131 — BWAHAHA! Razmytaz, I can see them now, gazing dreamily and wearing their matching brown pants (designed God only knows how).

  155. Girl Reporter
    September 17th, 2007 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    #153 Old Man Muffaroo [Hoo! Kip W] says:

    “That’s the afterlifeguard.”

    That’s the one.

  156. Red Greenback
    September 17th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    In the absence of weights
    I am employing
    ISOPODS

  157. Frank Parsnip
    September 17th, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    A friend once went through a rather austere time when he had to rent a local traditional courtyard house by the jungle. Surrounded on sides by squabbling Chinese family members, the inside of his home was infested with whip scorpions (the “vineagaroon”, which sprays acetic acid from what looks like a radio antenna), enormous centepedes with 2″ legs, and what appeared to be very fast tarantulas. Most of the creatures kept to themselves except during the night (sometimes crawling over the bed) and during typhoons.

  158. Melissa G
    September 18th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    My favorite comment of last week, by far, was “chicken urine.”

  159. Niall
    September 18th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    …WHY did I click those links… *shiver*

    So who wants to buy stock in nerve-calming medicines?..

  160. Darrin Roseberry
    September 23rd, 2011 at 3:24 am [Reply]

    Very useful post. Thank you for sharing.

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