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Mark Trail, 4/30/12

I would like to hereby apologize for disparaging the quality of the violence in the current Mark Trail storyline last week. The lackluster bludgeoning on Friday was clearly just a set-up for this fully awesome scene of Andy suddenly transforming from a cheerful, happy companion to a slavering vicious attack hound at Mark’s command. Do you think Mark saw that the marijuana grower was growing marijuana with a gun in his hand? If so, we must assume that he knows that any bullet fired from such a feeble pistol would simply bounce harmlessly off Andy’s massive skull. It’s not like he would ever put his best friend in danger, after all!

Family Circus, 4/30/12

The key to understanding this panel is Jeffy’s expression of heavy-lidded boredom. “Mommy always looks great, and yet society’s crushingly unrealistic expectations about female body types can cause her to spiral into an emotional tailspin when that cheap scale tells here she’s gained only a few pounds. I’d rage against the patriarchy, but I’m just too exhausted by the efforts I make to comfort her, efforts that always fall short.”

Apartment 3-G, 4/30/12

Kudos to Apartment 3-G for being so sensitive as to keep all intimate, interesting details about the death of Nina’s mother off-panel. Sure, letting us in on this information would have made the storyline more engaging, but at what emotional cost to its fictional characters?

221 responses to “AHHHH 200 POUNDS OF AIRBORNE DOG”

  1. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Body Parts:

    Arlo & Janis — Staring at his wife’s bare breasts makes Arlo think of… olives.

    Mother Goose — Love is… not taking offense whenever you’re the butt of a joke by Mike Peters.

    Funky Stoneaxe

  2. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Agnes — Why on earth would you expect sensitivity from a person whose name is “Trout”? (I always assumed the character’s name was some sort of weird tribute/homage to Kurt Vonnegut’s Kilgore Trout)

    Judge Stoneaxe

  3. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    The Adventures of Plugger Chicken Lady:

    Shoe — PCL decides to go on a “see food” diet. (The laughs just keep coming in this strip!)

    Pluggers — PCL wants it known that she’s asking about the new barbecue PORK place in town. (Because PCL eating barbecue CHICKEN would be too darn freaky!)

    The Amazing Stoneaxe

  4. nescio
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    FC: Thel saves her “Oh No!”s for the home pregnancy tests.

  5. Dennis Jimenez
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    FC – Well, with eating disorder Thel, I’d guess it’s about a Seven – Oh….

    MT – I can hear the Beach Boys singing about a Lost Forest contact high….

    A3G – So, my working theory is all the men in the strip share only have one sky blue blazzer, ergo, only one man may appear in strip at any given time….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  6. Dennis Jimenez
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    PS – Share only have is an expression we all use here on Easter Island….

  7. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    CdS: I’m in a crabby mood after a weekend of reading drafts, so thank goodness that I started the day with the moment of perfection that is the last panel of today’s strip—and thank goodness for Richard Thompson’s brilliance.

    MT: And then: One of the best Mark Trail narration boxes ever. It should take its place among the great art titles: Washington Crossing the Delaware, The Sabine Women Enforcing Peace by Running between the Combatants, The Birth of Venus, and now Andy Attacks the Marijuana Grower.

    MW: “Rare few good things,” Mary? Not just rare, and not just few, but rare few. Pretty bleak outlook for someone who gets to spend her days in a comfy Charterstone condo, puttering about in the less-happy lives of others whenever she wants, basking in the resulting gratitude and meddlegasm afterglow.

    And are you inspired enough to put out for Dr. Jeff every six months or so?

    JP: Sam, of course, orders those lattes with extra smug.

  8. Chareth Cutestory
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: We the commentators totally called it that the hydrocephalic dire wolf would be unleashed!

    A3G: It must be difficult to maintain a conversation when the other person keeps teleporting from one side to the other.

  9. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    A3G — I forget… is the character’s name “Sexton Blake” or “Sprawling Blake”?

    Rocky the Menace

  10. Elmo
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MT: Wasn’t that a lever-action rifle last week? Now it’s a revolver! Maybe all that marijuana is affecting me.

  11. Santa Royale With Cheese
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    A3G: Huh, the strip artist really doesn’t ever draw people below the waist, does he? They should rename the strip “Network 23″ and all of the characters should have an electronic stutter. And be funnier. And Jeffrey Tambor could be involved somehow.

    (I’m old)

  12. pugfuggly
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT Andy’s attack was so sudden and vicious, it smacked the green right back into all that background foliage!

    A3G Wow, the tragic story of Mrs Blake’s untimely passing (whatever it is!) is one potent aphrodisiac. Fred is already starting to lean in pretty close, and Tommie’s putting on her sexiest blank expression. Thank god the publishers have decided not to print this sexily depressing tale, or newspaper readers everywhere would be humping in the streets

    FW HA! Just look at that poor student’s expression in the last panel? “‘Best prom ever’? Haven’t you lived in this town long enough to know not tempt fate like that! Now we’ll probably all be crushed by a malignant asteroid…”

  13. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT-Mark must really hate marijuanna. He just cracked somebody’s skull and now Andy is going to maul the other person.

    MT 2-Andy savagely mauls the marijuanna grower to death.

    MW-But Mary is not inspired enough to let Jeff sleep in the same room as her in separate beds.

    A3G-It is important that we talk around what happened to Nina’s mother so that the bulk of our readers can come up with snarky comments on how she died.

    FW-I’m sorry ma’am but we already have a person at this school who lives a life of self delusion. His name is Les Moore and he is a teacher.

    Love Is-fondly remembering the times you had group sex. Remember her. Man was she limber.

    FC-That didn’t sound like the ‘Oh’ I hear from your bedroom.

  14. Señor Tortilla
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MW: Are we sure this is going on for real? Plot holes, floating heads, the appearance of Dr. Jeff several times in different situations…Mary’s probably in a Santa Royale nursing home in a stroke-induced coma.

    Luann: TJ destroying Brad’s house? This looks…interesting enough.

  15. Josh
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#9) / Rocky Stoneaxe — I send you email, please check your inbox!


  16. Mibbitmaker
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    BBailey: The 2nd panel, taken alone: TMI! TMI!

    9CL: Nimbus of Dumb.

    Luann: Not only is Shannon gone, now so is the building!

    MW: This makes one nauseous — Mary talking LURVE makes one BLURGGH!

    Marvin: After 9CL, A3G and GT, this seems so anti-climactic.

    Mutts: More like “Mute”.

    Popeye: “True-to-life”? …In this strip?!
    Also, suddenly-rich Olive? Not so much “hold onto” Popeye as “almost certainly betray him in favor of her selfish (this IS Olive Oyl we’re talking about here!) opulence”.

    FC: “‘Oh my fucking God’? Never heard that one before, Mommy!”

  17. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose and Grimm-Nothing says family approved like two naked eight year olds.

    PBS-They must live in the “Funky Winkerbean” town.

  18. Doctor Handsome
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    I’m surprised Thel’s scale even works. How do you suppose gravity functions in that extradimensional void they’re in?

  19. wossname
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Luann – I’m telling you, Shannon’s at Weenie World.

    MW – “One of the rare few good things in the world”? Now there’s a bleak and melancholy statement from somebody I thought was supposed to be an irrepressible optimist. If Gina and Bobby break up, will Mary become suicidal?

    Phantom – Oh come on now, Ghost-who-drives-a-minivan. Are you so sure the kids are asleep that you think it’s safe to share secrets?

    A3G – “Fred, I’m glad you told me about your wife’s death, and I’m really really glad you didn’t share it with those nosy readers! Let them guess!”

    DT – I guess this is supposed to be exposition, but the mind reels. So the only qualification for being in your gang is not being afraid of Dick Tracy?

    JP – It took me a while to figure out what was happening in panel 3 (What is that thing? Are they toasting? etc.) but now I’m wondering why the coffee cup is the focus of that panel. If somebody has slipped poison, or a mickey, or LSD into one or both coffee cups, I going to be a happy girl.

  20. Cloudbuster
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Today the strip answers the important question, “Is Rex always a dick?” Yes!

    JP: Just par for the course in the Parkerverse: when you ask your smokin’ hot girlfriend to marry you, she doesn’t just say yes, she gives you a friggin’ Mercedes. My life is exactly like this. Except replace “smokin’ hot girlfriend” with “needy bimbo who puts out” and “ask … to marry you” with “ask … to have sex with me” and “Mercedes” with “Syphilis.”

    A3G: This plot is creepy in so many ways. Scott and Nina apparently have virtually nothing in common, not even a desire for children, and they can’t communicate at all, to the point where they can’t even collaborate on decorating the nursery for Nina’s unwanted child.

    And no matter how “innocent” the “peck on the cheek” is supposed to have been, there’s nothing innocent about the situation. Scott involved an attractive (theoretically, no thanks to Bolle) single woman friend to help in what ought to be a pretty intimate couple endeavor, decorating the nursery. Then he wastes no time in breaking out the alcohol alone with said attractive woman, and it leads to a kiss. If I was Nina, I wouldn’t have had to see the kiss to be pretty darn suspicious.

    Then again, this is the comic where apparently nobody finds it at all creepy when your fiance buys a house next door to his parents without consulting you or barges in on your wedding dress shopping to make sure you don’t make inappropriate choices, you slut.

    Meanwhile, Tommie, who is in this situation the hired help, thinks nothing of going behind Nina’s back to conspire with Nina’s father to “fix” things, as if Nina is incapable of making her own decisions (Because, those pregnant women, they’re so irrational, can’t take them seriously, am I right?). If I was Nina, I’d dump the whole lot of them.

    Luann: Do they live in Goleta? Because that place is a hotbed of child kidnapping. I bet she’s being fed greasy diner food over in Santa Royale, right now!

  21. Mibbitmaker
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids “Field Trip” is now up!

    Bobby’s turn. Plus, a CC in-joke (that’s the teacher’s fingers in panel 2).

  22. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Luann-”Oh my god, TJ, you just destroyed a wall in my house,” Gunther proclaims angrily.

    TJ smiles beatifically at Gunther.

    “Suddenly I’m not mad at you anymore,” Gunther says.

  23. Dennis Jimenez
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#16): Elvis has left the building – Shannon has left the building – the building has left the strip – now if only the strip would leave the paper….

  24. Ed Dravecky
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Andy must also leap into action when Mark Trail tries to battle internet pirates or do his own taxes.

  25. Nekrotzar
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    I think FC would be improved of the scale were replaced by a white plastic stick with two vertical black lines.

  26. Ian Beste
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    DtM: “Been there. Done that. And Jason gets the blame. Hah hah, sucker!”

  27. Nekrotzar
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    I think my comment would be improved if of were replaced by if.

  28. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    I wonder if there’s an audience for Andy/Marmaduke slash fiction…

  29. terrapin
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MT: ‘Marijuana grower’ is Elrod’s attempt at being more politically correct. Tune in next week when drug dealers will be called ‘unlicensed pharmacists.’

    LUANN: Meanwhile, Shannon is triumphantly lifting Ann’s severed head and howling into the night sky.

  30. Holly Folly
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I like how Mark Trail is only armed with a stick. So if Andy goes down he is going to what? Wave the stick around and summon his spirit animal?

  31. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    BB – Beetle knows that a little role-playing in the bedroom is the best way to get Sarge to give him what he wants. After indulging Sarge’s “Polynesian redneck” fetish, how could he resist?

    MG&G – Well played.

    Luann – Maybe she’s in Brad’s skull. TJ?

  32. S. Stout
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Luann: I love how Toni has Brad convinced that they are always on the cusp of having sex. “Shannon’s missing? Oh darn, I was about to have sex with you for real this time.”

  33. kattastic
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Why is “Mommy” holding her crotch?

  34. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#15): I had to resort to using the lo-fi version of this site, but at least I was able to post under my own nom de guerre.

  35. Higgs Boatswain
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Mr Blake is so bored by Tommie’s presence that he can’t actually even bring himself to look at her. “Nina is asleep, Tommie. And if I ever run out of the Zopiclone tablets I’ve become dependent upon since my wife’s death, I’ll be sure to give you a call, and you can bore me out of consciousness, too. Now I’m just going to stare fixedly at the wall behind you in an effort to shut out your prattling inanities.”

  36. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#7): Darn you. Darn you to heck. You got there before I did. This was going to be mine:

    Mary considers Gina’s “rekindled love with Bobby” to be “one of the rare few good things in the world!

    We would also have accepted, “one of the rare, scarce good things,” “uncommon, seldom-seen good things,” or “infrequent, unusual good things.

    We would also have liked to see a comma in there.

  37. Josh
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#34): Rocky — please do email me with more details of what you’re experiencing. You really shouldn’t be seeing what you say you’re seeing so I’d like to troubleshoot what’s going on.


  38. Marc
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    9CL- Perhaps this brooding, oversized gay man can either talk or slap enough good sense into Edda and Monkeyface to convince her to go take a goddam pregnancy test.

    Mary Worth- I think Mary has an old lady hard on for Gina. How else do you explain the fact that she has an orgasm every time she thinks about her?

    Luann- If the house comes crashing to the ground I’ll be pretty happy. If the house comes crashing to the ground with them all inside, I’ll be ecstatic.

    Funky- Looks like were being set up for the gay couple coming for their prom tickets any day now.

    Mark Trail- So apparently the vigilante justice world of the Lost Forest, growing pot is punishable by death.

    A3G- Well boys and girls, it’s imaginiation time. Close your eyes and imagine how you think the conversation between Mr. Nina’s dad and Tommie would have gone. Now imgaine how you think the conversation SHOULD have gone. Is your version infinitely more exciting? If it’s not, you may want to look in the mirror to make sure you aren’t Frank Bolle.

    Cranky- I’m officially terrified now that Crankshaft has the power to affect celestial bodies.

    FC- If you put Jeffy on a scale, would he even register?

  39. Calico
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    YT #98 – that skit is hilarious. It’s the pure essence of what Mary does best.

  40. Hogenmogen
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie: I’m grateful that you told me about your wife’s death. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.

    Mr. Blake: Yeah, an entire afternoon scubbing down those bloody weapons. I smelled like bleach for a week. Establishing false alibis was harder than I’d thought, too.

  41. Braniff
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy says it’s an “Oh, yes” which prompts Mommy Keane to flash her rack to little Jeffy, and then take off her bathrobe to seduce little Jeffy and make him the substitute for Daddy and Billy.

  42. seismic-2
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: Although the story of how Nina’s mother died is indeed tragic, it’s really not so surprising. You have to expect that sort of thing, when you rely on biopsy results sent to you from Westview Pathology Labs.

  43. Argon
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    @Family Circus..

    “yes Jeffy,it helps the scale to read a few pounds lower if one masturbates while standing on it.”

  44. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    AG3: Mr. Blake apparently speaks in his own special code, in which “Tell me everything you know” means, “Shut up while I tell you how her mother died.” Today, when he says, “It’s important that you understand how it all affects Nina,” what he really means is, “And stop rearranging the layout of my house!”

  45. Hogenmogen
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#19): MW:
    Mary get upset at a breakup? What? With all the opportunities to spew near unlimited platitudes about time healing all wounds, plenty of other fish, moving on, adapting to change, please don’t stick your head in the oven, if anything, you can blame me for encouraging you to seek him out, no, Gina, don’t come at me with that knife, really all I did was offer advice, put the gun down, your fault, YOUR FAULT!!

  46. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Frazz: mentally, I’m imaging this with Rat, Pig and Jeff the Cycle Guy.

    A&J: oh, don’t ever change, Arlo.

    Lio: and thus the Vogons came.

    SBp: modern art, explained.

    Bizarro: should be a /facepalm, but I actually chuckled.

    JUMBLE: Chuck Daly is missed.

    Lockhorns: recycling a Hee-Haw gag. isn’t that what Pluggers is for?

    MG&G: *snicker*

    reMC: d’awwwwwwwwwwww.

  47. Pozzo
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Is Fred coming on to Tommie or vice versa? “Nina is asleep, Tommie” sure sounds like the prelude to a clumsily-executed pass, while “I’m grateful that you told me about your wife’s death” could be translated as “I’m here to comfort you, if you know what I mean…not that I do.” The whitest, most anti-erotic coupling imaginable would ensue, followed by heartbreaks and recriminations. Let the fun begin!

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .the photos from Swingers Weekends past.

  49. Dennis Jimenez
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#38): If you cut off the heads of the whole Keene clan and put them on the scale, it would actually have a negative reading – it might just rise and float away if they were teathered to it – come to think of it, I’d really like to see that tomorrow – Bil, Jeff – are you following this….

  50. UncleJeff
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    MT: Poor UPS guy! All he was doing was picking up a poorly wrapped package of leaves for his customer and he gets attacked by a loony naturalist/vigilante and his ginormous animal.
    (Looks like Jackelrod found a photo of a lion attacking a man….photoshopped in a drawing of Andy and then forgot to adjust for size)

  51. Hogenmogen
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Andy, the slow-motion weapon of DEA fury: Panel 1, Andy is like 10 feet away from Marajuana Man, who has his arms full. Panel 2, Andy is still in the air, Marajuana Man has dropped the leaves and produced a hitherto unseen pistol from inside his coveralls – which means he had time to unzip, pull the gun and rezip. He may have taken time to wipe his sweat, harvest a few more plants and yawn a few times as Andy charged on ahead at roughly the same pace as this awkward plot line.

  52. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Compu-toon: Once again, I wish to remind everyone that Charles Boyce was born and raised in Mississippi. Not Mianyang. Not Mudanjiang. But Mississippi.

  53. Hogenmogen
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    MT: Go, Andy, GET HIM!

    Andy: He’s wearing UPS clothes in a forest, but he’s not delivering a package, he’s harvesting. No facial hair, how can he be a villian? I’m sorry, Mark, I just don’t get this guy.

  54. btown
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    oh, I didn’t realize that Andy was a female dog

  55. UncleJeff
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    PBS: I didn’t know Pastis set his strip in the same town as Funky Winkerbean.

  56. Hogenmogen
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3G – Tommie: Important… how it affects Nina?? Mr. Blake, you’re seriously challenging my Margo-centric understanding of the Universe.

  57. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    9CL – Was her pregnancy confirmed somehow off-panel without even being mentioned? Or is the nimrod referring to the uncertainty over how her thrall would react to the news that she might, possibly, be pregnant?

    Typical drama queen. It is all about having news to spring on people. Knowing for sure would deprive her of the ability to spring the “I might possibly be pregnant” story on everyone, then later to follow up with an actual announcement and get another reaction. She can pay for the baby shower with her frequent-flyer miles!

    MW – In any other medium, Mary’s non-stop internal monologue about how Gina is now happy, deserves to be happy, is sure to be planning a surprise engagement announcement, etc. would have to be followed by some dramatic tension as Gina announces something unexpected – especially since we have already seen Bobby propose. But for this strip, weeks of build-up leading to the engagement announcement, then more pontification and quote-whoring from Mare are the most likely result.

  58. TheDiva
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: Kudos also for keeping Nina off-panel during the details of her mother’s death, because Lord knows she has no interest in how, when, and to whom that information is disclosed.

    FC: What…what is Thel doing with her hand? I come to the comics, I don’t expect to see weird weight-humiliation-child-exhibitionism fetish thing. Well, not outside of Pibgorn.

    MT: Get him? That was your plan, get him? Very scientific.

    9CL: Did Edda just admit to finally peeing on a stick off camera, or is that too much to hope for?

    C’shaft: Great, now the universe is bending to work Cranky’s evil will. We’re all doomed!

    FW: “Oh, and if you have any strawmanning that needs to be done, let me know. I’m a professional.”

    Luann: Wouldn’t the smart thing have been to go outside to see if there was any way Shannon could get into the basement before ripping up the flooring? Oh right, Brad…carry on then.

    MW: If nobody’s going to praise Mary, she’s got to do it herself!

    PBS: You could sell those signs to Westview and make a mint.

    Pluggers are desperately, desperately lonely.

    SM: Maybe “spider-sense” is the feeling Peter gets whenever he gets hit upside the head with an obvious plot arc?

  59. Illustrator Steve
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark and his vicious dog really snap and become extremely violent whenever strangers attempt to steal any of his personal marijuana crop, which we all now know that he secretly grows on government land in his area. And also explains WHY he won’t take Rusty through the woods to go fishing!

    And Jackelrod tryed to lead us to believe that Canadian wolves are VILLAINOUS!

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    yesterday was a good day for puppies. On the way back from the supermarket, I passed a lady walking a gorgeous white Lab, prolly 6-8 months old, with the biggest ‘happy face’ going on. Later, while grilling[*], I got mucho kisses from a 3-4 month old pitpup that was just the kewtest thing. He was white and brown, like a Brittney or an English Setter.


    Baka Gaijin’s ultimate nightmare.

    ASM fail.

    ikkle big kitteh. *brainmush*

    Shatnerian otter. [*]

    The Daily Puppy is an adopbable yellow lab. *brainmushsquared*

    corgipup v. . -.

    more corgsqui.

  61. Illustrator Steve
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MT – It appears that Andy has some amazing ability for a dog. I mean, WHAT dog have you ever seen that can push a revolver down and out of harms way with one paw while lunging foward like that? AMAZING! Simply amazing! (Well, at least SIMPLE for sure!)

    And WHAT the hell is it with those damn background color artists anyway?!!!!

  62. Hogenmogen
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Pluggers are so bored with soul-crushing lonliness that any contact from the outside world results in a desperate attempt at conversation, if even for a brief moment and the awkwardly shoehorned topic is a review of a downscale BBQ joint from a total stranger.

  63. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#55): “Bob haz cansur.”

  64. Not Just Any Dipstick
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): You know what that hand is doing. Thel just has to control the heavy breathing and wiggling until she can close the bathroom door on Jeffy.

  65. Hogenmogen
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Curtis: “I can dig it!” Yeah, Curtis, let’s spin some groovy Jackson Five 45s on your turntable. I heard their new one on my AM transistor radio. I’ve got some new Soul Train moves we can try out. Ya dig?

  66. Señor Tortilla
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    9CL: For a guy who’s supposed to be gay, he seems to have too much feeling for Edda. Is there an inverse of “Ho Yay”?

    FW: “‘Best prom ever’? Ma’am, we live in Westview, Ohio. The best and only pizza in town is one step above greasy cardboard, and we have to get people like that Mark Twain look-alike hack and that goateed creep to teach here. The city’s economy is cratered, hell, Detroit looks like a powerhouse, and we do some goddamn marathon in honor of a dead lawyer who did jack shit for this town or this people. In fact, I believe that God, at least here in Westview, is a vengeful cancer fetishist who thinks he’s a writer…”

  67. Illustrator Steve
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    MT – Going back to yesterday’s Sunday Mark Traip strip, after Mark’s boring speech to Rusty I can hear Rusty asking, “Oh Mark, does that mean that YOU will finally be replaced by a different life form too? After all, to a kid my age, you ARE rather prehistoric!”

  68. pugfuggly
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#36):

    “True love is an infrequent, unusual good thing in the world” is going to be the centrepiece of a horrible wedding toast I plan to give this fall. It’s going to be awesome.

  69. tycho anomaly
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    “Get him, Andy! Tear his throat out!”

    It’s a Mark Trail remake of Cujo, with Mark in the role of “rabies”.

    Can’t wait for the scene where Andy has Cherry and a dying Rusty trapped in a car.

  70. Old School Allie Cat
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#66): I think in the case of Seth, it’s not reverse ho yay. It might be more Single White Female. Or maybe he’s just constipated.

  71. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    9 – Eh. Whatta nimbus!

    Henry – Today, Henry uses his sophisticated wireless touch-screen to paint his masterpiece: “Spiky Green Turkey.”

    Marmaduke – “He told me he wanted a fountain, and described it to me. At least I don’t have to kill any more hookers.”

  72. Old School Allie Cat
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#70): Although, in Edda’s case, Yay, Ho is reasonably appropriate.

  73. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

  74. Chip Whittle
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Anyone else notice how Tommie and Fred keep standing at weird angles relative to each other and the floor? It’s like they want to be cool enough to be in The Third Man but can’t figure out the trick.

    Edison Lee: Oh, hey, The Blob’s gone and eaten Grandpa. I’m looking forward to this being some clumsy vaguely political joke.

    Gasoline Alley: “He should hide, after what he just did in the shop! That consarned cat put winter weight oil into the Widow Abernathy’s Chalmers 40 Roadster!” “But, Slim, the alternative was letting you touch a car! So we’re way ahead.”

    Hi and Lois: Just when I think Hi and Lois is a spent creative force, I see how they’ve managed to make “moisturizing hands” the occasion for three characters to be sad and despairing. It’s kind of awesome in its way.

    Slylock Fox‘s dilemma isn’t figuring out whether Slick Smitty did it, it’s whether to prosecute, because Smitty ran over Reeky Rat’s mailbox.

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    R=R – It’s been a while since we’ve seen the “Avoid-Reality-Until-They-Foreclose-On-Your-Sorry-Ass” tree. It appears to have dry rot.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#yy189): I wonder if the shades of the real authors of the “spurious and doubtful” plays are annoyed at not getting credit for them. Middleton and Webster and Greene et al. pissed off thru eternity. Personnally, I’d be chuffed if anything I wrote was good enough to fool someone into thinking maybe Shakespeare wrote it.
    The plays were advertised as being by Shakespeare at the time they came out, so the shades are probably pissed off at being demoted to “doubtful.”

  76. Charterstoned
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    A3G – I’m too engaged in piecing together the room they’re in, based on the different perspectives of the drawing, than I am in the different boring perspectives of these characters–which is probably the reason why I like Mark Trail better than any other comic strip. But, here we are in A3G World. Enough about Nina, already. Let’s get back to Margo making out with her husband.

  77. NoahSnark
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    That marijuana grower is so scared that Jack Elrod is coming out of his pants.

  78. Austria
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    BC: ……So New Jersians are cavemen? I don’t get it.

    BB: Sarge is pleased.

    reFOOB: “…Duct tape…”

    FW: Soooooo it’s pretty obvious where this is going. Nameless Gay Couple comes to buy prom tickets, Mrs. Blackburn gets her panties in a bunch because you can’t have a Nameless Gay Couple at the BEST PROM EVER, preachy board meeting, etc, etc. There you go, I just outlined the next three weeks of this strip.

    H&L: Is this going to be a regular thing? Are we being subjugated to Trixie Mondays as well as Trixie Wednesdays? Can I get Mrs. Blackburn to get her panties in a bunch over this?

    MG&G: Okay, this is pretty magnificent.

  79. Chyron HR
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Luann – Sure, in most places it would make sense to call 911 when a child goes missing. But based on what we know of Luannville’s emergency responders, you’d just get the police dispatcher Chad, who would say “Uh huh, thanks, bye” before going back to flirting with his girlfriend Loni.

  80. TheDiva
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Not Just Any Dipstick (#64): Yes, I know, but my conscious mind is going to great lengths to repress the fact in order to preserve my sanity.

  81. kingklash
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Andy will seize the guy by the throat, and continue to fly until they sail over the horizon, making it the best comic strip in History.

  82. bunivasal
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Are we sure this flaxen-haired Adonis is really Nina’s dad? I mean, if I had to guess I’d say he’s easily within five years of Scott and every other male in the comic.

  83. gnome de blog
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#20):

    Meanwhile, Tommie, who is in this situation the hired help, thinks nothing of going behind Nina’s back to conspire with Nina’s father to “fix” things

    Proof positive that Tommie is Mary Worth’s secret abandoned daughter.

  84. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @bunivasal (#82): Apartment 3G likes to pay tribute to the Oompa-Loompas in Tim Burton’s CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY by having all the male parts be played by the same actor.

  85. Mark B.
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#79): Well, now that Brad has opened up the trap door to the basement S&M dungeon, they are reluctant to call 911, because it might raise some unwelcome questions.

  86. Señor Tortilla
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Curtis: In no way would water make your hair white. Unless Greg suddenly gained a bunch of gray hair, it would just be darker than normal.

  87. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    MT- “Andy! You were just supposed to knock the gun out of his hand and restrain him! Not bite his throat out and devour him! What do you think this is, Marmaduke?”

    “I know, I know. What can I say? I got a case of the munchies!”

  88. Baka Gaijin
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#16) on Popeye: Now that she has money, maybe Olive could visit JiffyBoob and Asses’R Us.

    @Marc (#38) on Mary Worth: Can’t unsee. Can’t unsee. Can’t unsee.

    @Braniff (#41): See above.

  89. Chip Whittle
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Graffiti just came out in favor of cheating on your husband, right?

    Heavenly Nostrils: Gotta say, Dana Simpson knows nine-year-olds.

    Luann: Brad and Toni here make sense because if they called 911, they’d get the help of people who thought it was a good idea to hire them.

    Momma: Mell Lazarus has too ever read an actual Chinese fortune cookie ever.

    Pibgorn: I see nothing unsettling that Brooke McEldowney has worked out the pedigree of his naked fairy torture porn stars.

    Pluggers: Wait, I’ve seen this in B Movies. Plugger Chicken Woman is trying to warn the caller she’s being held against her will, without alerting the kidnappers.

  90. odinthor
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    B.C. — Whereas, yes, people do write movies, it would probably be more idiomatic in this case to say “Someday people will produce movies…” Of course, cavepersons mostly did not discuss cinema owing to the fact that there were no movie theaters because Raisinets® had not yet been invented. Not many people know this important fact.

    Luann. — Hwæt! This was sufficiently zany to inspire a fleeting smile in me. Please alert the news services.

  91. sporknpork
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Please oh please let Fred and Tommie crack open a bottle of wine together to make Nina’s psychological scarring truly complete.

  92. Cloudbuster
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#7): “Andy Attacks the Marijuana Grower” is now my desktop backgound image!

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    FC: Jeffy is, of course, referring to his own ultrasound.

    A3G: “I’m sure your wife’s death wasn’t easy. How long did you hold the pillow down, anyway?”

    S-M: So apparently any leathery Billy Idol impersonator can just walk into theatre rehearsals and take over the male lead.

    Popeye: Olive’s parents have habitually sat like that ever since they survived that water landing.

    BB: Beetle sways Sarge’s judgment with a seductive dance. Whatever works for you, kiddo.

    H&L: Forget it, Trixie. If you’re not turning blue, your parents don’t care what you have.

    JP: “So do you suppose the revolution could come within our lifetimes?”
    “Never trust the rabble. Just in case, I’ve made arrangements for an emergency airlift.”

    DtM: “Slammed the Dew.”

    FW: Jinx is wearing the red shirt, but I suspect Mrs Blackburn is the one who’s going to die on the away mission.

    Archie: Trojan does an ad for one of its pleasure enhancing condoms where the couple has the same thing happen to their hair. Not that I’m implying anything here.

    MW: We’re about to see Mary literally break her arm patting herself on the back.

  94. Baka Gaijin
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Arlo has engaged in off-panel fapping.

    Something you never hear said on Mary Worth: “WEDGIE TIME!” Another thing: “Not…wearing…underwear.”

    Aaand the local chapter of Pedophiles Unanimous sets up shop at the bottom of Nancy’s hill. She’s not wearing undies.

  95. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#37): I’m really at a loss as to exactly what happened with my username yesterday and earlier today. You probably noticed that whenever I posted a comment my username came up as “Anonymous”.

    Although I made several attempts to register again as “Rocky Stoneaxe”, your site kept asking me for my password. At least I assume it was the Comics Curmudgeon that wanted the information.

    Through a happy accident, I clicked on the lo-fi version this morning and posted a couple of comments as Rocky. I just went back to the hi-fi version and am posting this under my old username. I don’t know why that particular tactic worked for me after everything else failed!

  96. Baka Gaijin
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Rocky!

  97. Mom Jeans
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#95): When the post has a summary list with the comics names in bold followed by dashes–and is first out of the gate–nym not needed!

  98. This Guy
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#90): Your post makes me want to begin all my future posts with “Hwæt!” For those who don’t know, that’s Old English for “Listen up, dammit!” I remember hearing the first part of an audio recording of Beowulf that started with the narrator shouting “Hwæt!” in much the same way a soccer announcer would yell “GOOOOOOOOOOAL!”

  99. Calico
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    MT – Crouching Andy, Hidden Facial Hair

  100. The REAL Mark Trail
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Yesterdays Mark Trail Sunday page on Tasmanian Tigers was done back around January. I especially enjoyed drawing and coloring the tigers! For those of you that read it… is there something hidden in the grass to the right of the tiger that is laying down?

  101. Johnny Q
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I like to think that Nina’s mother was murdered by T-Bag!

  102. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    MW “I feel a special bond with Gina ever since I helped her!”
    And by “special bond,” Mary means “obsessive preoccupation” with the details of Gina’s life and an inflated sense of her own importance.

    GT “I haven’t needed anyone’s help so far.”
    “Except, of course, my mother’s and she doesn’t count because she is family.”

  103. Little Guy
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    FC: More “Drunk Woman Wearing Only a Robe” strips?

    BR: Just in time for “The Avengers”. Taking note, Stan Lee?

    RMMD: Nurse Zoe from “Nurse Jackie” called. She wants her scrubs back.

    MT: FINALLY getting into SyFy Creature Feature territory.

  104. kkarenb
    April 30th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    H & L – Speaking as someone who spent much of my early childhood pretending to be a horse, I can confirm that “carpet crawl knees” do exist.

    Pluggers – Do not have caller ID.

    Mutts – Oh, God, not shelter stories. Prepare to be depressed for a week.

  105. Little Guy
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Worst remake of “Little Girl Lost”.

  106. Calico
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Re: 3G – I forgot if I posted this the other day or not, so here it is – how to do a pefect soap opera kiss, by La Lucci:

  107. RavenHawk
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FW: I’m so glad that, that new transfer student, Carrie White, will be coming. This will be the best prom ever.

    MW: Boy, she sure is getting “gussied-up” for Gina & Bobby’s intervention.

  108. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#96): Thanks, it’s good to be myself again!

    @Johnny Q (#101): But if she was murdered by a Tasmanian tiger, we could have the long-awaited (by me!) Mark Trail/Apartment 3-G crossover.

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#91): Oh that’s an evil idea. I like it!

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#7): Re MW: Precious and few are the meddles we two can share…

  111. The REAL Mark Trail
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#103):

    if you’re talking about the tasmanian tiger sunday page… perhaps! can only take it so far though!

  112. Baka Gaijin
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    The original caption for today’s Pluggers is: “Some Pluggers pay $2.99 a minute for a phone call; some Pluggers get paid $2.99 a minute to talk dirty to them.”

  113. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#58): Re: 9CL I briefly had that hope, too, but I think that the resolution was about how Amos might feel about it, and not whether she’s actually pregnant. (I repeat my earlier prediction, that we won’t know she’s pregnant until a dude wearing a lab coat and a stethyscope enters the picture.) I think right now we’re just seeing advanced drama-queening, as @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#57) suggests.

    I’m weirdly looking forward to the moment when Furious Seth learns the (not yet officially confirmed) news, and his anger shifts to a moue of surprise.

  114. Cloudbuster
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#100): I’m not getting it. If there’s anything there, the image I have is too low-res to make it out.

  115. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#104): You might want to exercise even more care than usual when watching TV from now on. Because this morning one of my cable channels (not sure which one) ran an animated “Shelter Stories” commercial in which a small illo of two of Patrick McDonnell’s Mutts characters was shown at the very end.

  116. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#113):

    Also an excuse to use ‘nimbus’ in place of the beefwitted ‘cloud of uncertainty’.

    Really, even for drama queens, this is just ridiculous. “Thank goodness the uncertainty over how my sexual thrall would react if I was, indeed, pregnant has been resolved!”. And while she basks in the Penumbra of Awareness, she still hasn’t bothered to take 1/2 hour and find out if she is actually pregnant.

  117. Government Cheese
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is she happy, or is she just turned on? This could get really blue really quick.

  118. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#117):

    Mary worth made the transition to hard-core pornography so gradually, I …. no. No. I noticed. I screamed. I gouged my eyes out. And I still noticed….

  119. A Smirch Unheeded
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Oh, welcome back, Rocky Stoneaxe. We missed you and all that.

    // Too bad that Anonymous dude you had subbing for you couldn’t stick around. Man, that guy was hilarious! What a card! Serious, Rocky, you should talk to him, he seemed like a real nice guy, maybe he’ll give you a few tips, a little mentoring, ya know? Spice your stuff up and all. Not that your comments are unusually dull or anything, just never be ashamed to ask for help, is what I’m saying.

  120. Fashion Police
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#5):

    A3G – So, my working theory is all the men in the strip share only have one sky blue blazzer

    We are relieved to see the return of the regulation electric-blue suit. Lately the Apartment 3-G androids have been rather careless, sporting such atrocities as Santa Royale orange suits or the horrid combination of windbreaker-and-buttoned-up-dress-shirt-with-no-necktie – something one might expect from a rube like Mr. Paul Linski, but hardly suitable for Mr. $cott Gaine$.

  121. Government Cheese
    April 30th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#118): I also just dry heaved a little.

  122. Lawyerbob
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    MT: The single best Mark Trail panel ever. It’s like a classic French art film: “Boudou Saved From Drowning.” “Celine and Julie Go Boating.” “Andy Attacks the Marijuana Grower.”

  123. TheDiva
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#116): Half-hour? Maybe if you count purchase time–most over-the-counter tests give a result in three minutes.

  124. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#78):

    BC: ……So New Jersians are cavemen? I don’t get it.

    That’s just Mason dipping into grandfather Johnny’s old clip file to show what “ritzy Hollywood types” look like. Keep in mind that those files haven’t been updated since America fell in love with “The Towering Inferno.”

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: Looks like the dope guy with hair changed out of his blue jeans back into his khakis.

    // Or did his pants just turn yellow with fear? No, don’t be filthy-minded, I just imagine the fabric is made out of the same stuff as mood rings, woven into the fiber somehow. That would be pretty cool, wouldn’t it?

  126. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#66):

    Is there an inverse of “Ho Yay”?

    Het yo?

  127. Fashion Police
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#113):
    Isn’t “advanced drama-queening” all in a day’s work for Miss Burber?

    We are gratified that she dresses acceptably for the part, however. Who in their right mind wouldn’t wear a mid-calf skirt and heels for a transatlantic air voyage followed by a walk in the park with her boyfriend?

    As for Mr. Seth “Crabby” Appleton, we believe his (in our view, quite reasonable) ire stems from Miss Burber’s truancy after he tried to rescue her job with the ballet company.

  128. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    MT-Don’t eat the pot grower Andy because then you will want to eat another one and you can’t just eat one pot grower.

    A3G-It’s not easy. They are still investigating her death and I can’t really talk about it.

  129. A New Day
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Maybe A3G is using just Tommie to build suspense?

    Ha Ha, just wanted to see what the words ‘Tommie,’ ‘suspense’ and ‘A3G’ would look like in the same sentence. (Result: Weirder than I even thought.)

  130. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#123):

    I was including the time to drive to the pharmacy and back.

    What I failed to account for is the time for Edda to drive to the pharmacy and back. Drive to pharmacy. Loudly explicate the nature of human life and the status of the Cumulus of Confusion that confronts her. Run off to fuck a unicorn. Return to the store, re-commence spoken monologue. Receive phone call. Fly off to Berlin on a whim to consult with her former dance instructor. Fuck a unicorn in the airplane bathroom. Hang out in Berlin, discussing the sex life of her elderly dance instructor. Fly home, suddenly remembering the pregnancy test. Grap a cap, declaim to the cabbie about Gina and Bobby and pregnancy and life and death. Look down, see her period has finally arrived. Decide not to say anything quite yet because this attention is all just so much fun!

  131. commodorejohn
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Okay, in the off chance anyone from King Features is reading this: STOP USING LOW-QUALITY JPEG AS AN INTERMEDIARY FORMAT BEFORE SAVING TO GIF. IT’S HORRIBLE AND IT’S STUPID. (Well, that’s the only way I can explain the hideous color artifacts here and in a handful of other strips in the past couple weeks, anyway.)

    A.D. – Hey, now, just a damn minute! Does B.C. take place in the past, or the post-apocalyptic future? I want an answer, damn it!

    BlC – I’d like to think that this is tacked up on Ozzy’s fridge.

    C&B – THANK YOU.

    Crankshaft – God was aiming for Les Moore, but since the Funkiverse is fundamentally unjust, He missed.

    FW – …? What’s with the magical disappearing goatee? That’s not just me, is it?

    GT – I’m not even gonna try and figure out that logic.

    Heavenly Nostrils – …I think I’m gonna have to start following this. I was miffed by the way Ozy & Millie went off the rails at the end, I haven’t been impressed by Simpson’s other work, but…this is looking like something I could get into.

    H&L – Trixie is a Carpet Crawler!? Mind the magnet!

    JP – “She called it part of her dowry! I laughed, ’cause I know I’m gonna get at least eighty head of cattle and three manservants on top of that! Her dad is gonna bleed, baby!”

    Lola – Oh, sure, tell us about it after the fact. What a gyp!

    Luann – …did Luann just go completely batshit for anybody else? It’s not something in my coffee, is it?

    Mandrake – …well…okay, then?

    MT – Here he comes to save the day!

    MW – “One of the rare few”? You need to work on your poor bad phrasing, Mary.

    Monty – Yeah, we really needed another week of this.

    PBS – No sweat, you can sell the discarded signs to Westview.

    Popeye – Narration box, you do know this is Olive we’re talking about, right? I give her six panels before she attempts genocide and tramples an infant for kicks.

    SM – I’d be more afraid he’ll eat the stage, really.

  132. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#30):
    If one or two days is spent with Andy suspended in attack, the mari-gunaman readying his aim and Mark doing a mystical hootchie cootchie dance with that stick, prepare for the magical appearance of Sheman Shaman and his/her Bear sidekick.
    So, I wouldn’t worry about Andy because those two will have his back.

    @Charterstoned (#76):
    “Let’s get back to Margo making out with her husband.”
    She’s probably singing in bed.

    The hills are aliiiiiiiiiive/
    With the sound of Margooooooooo!

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#100): Oh my!
    Scooby Dooby Do, I had to do a double take! I didn’t see it yesterday but it does explain a lot.
    I doubt even moonlighting UPS workers would try to salvage that specimen while that giant dog/cat is snarling at them.

    @Cloudbuster (#114):
    The bottom right hand side, it is white whereas the surrounding area is greenish.

    As for today’s Mark Trail Panel Number Two:

    It is mighty classic. Every element is perfect for a contemporary Mark Trail comic.

    Get, JackElrod to make prints and sell them online. Huge prints. Bonus points if there is a painting of the scene. Which I’d do just because there is a majesty to that image which compels me to believe in giant jumping dogs that jump for Justice. But, also maybe a painting would do a better job on the background.

  133. Chim Chim
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    From Flavorwire – See Dennis when he was actually kind of a Menace…

  134. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    MT-Andy, prove to them that Marmaduke has nothing on you.

  135. Clint Brawny
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    200 pounds? Just how big do you think Andy is?

  136. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#134): That one is me.

    MT-What will the pot grower release to counter Mark’s giant St. Bernard?

  137. Chip Whittle
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Chim Chim (#133):

    From Flavorwire – See Dennis when he was actually kind of a Menace…

    Do you want to tell Flavorwire they got the wrong continent there or do you want me to?

  138. Calico
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#135):
    I’ll bet he’s at least 160-170!
    I saw two lovely Bernese Mountain Dogs at the veterinarian the other day – and one of them was as big as Andy Trail (much bigger than me – I am 5’1″ and 135 pounds). They are so gorgeous and gentle, but humungous!
    We have a very cool mix of dogs in the neighborhood.

  139. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#132):

    Wait a second, @Cloudbuster (#114):

    The bottom LEFT hand side…today’s image of Andy the Dog meting out Justice has clouded my mind, Cloudbuster.

  140. wossname
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#100): I pondered this yesterday when you posted the same question, and all I can find is a little thing that might possibly be a toy dinosaur. Or a crab. I imagine it was bigger when you drew it, and you had to make it pretty subtle to avoid enraging the Jackelrod gods – but you made it so subtle, I can’t figure it out. So give us a hint!

  141. Shrug
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#y115):

    “Then set the house on fire and start shouting “Fire! Fire!” Hey, we have two firefighters here so it’s safe, right? Right! Then wait as the rising smoke and flames force Shannon into the open.”

    Well, that ploy worked for Sherlock Holmes in “The Adventure of the Norwood Builder,” but he only had a mere murderer to outwit, whereas these clowns are up against the threat of Evil Genius Shannon. So, no hope then.

  142. Shrug
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#17):

    “Mother Goose and Grimm-Nothing says family approved like two naked eight year olds.”

    Apparently the age of consent in LoveIsLand is sixteen, and the author thinks that means sixteen total, not sixteen each.

  143. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Funky Stoneaxe (#1): I think it’s just Janis’ nipples that remind Arlo of olives, not the whole breasts. Let’s not give the lady a complex.

  144. Baka Gaijin
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    If Mary truly wanted to make an impression at Gina’s shindig, she could knock that mirror out of the frame and hold it (the frame) around her head. She’d go viral!

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

  146. Spotts1701
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Luann – “Okay, so the house is now kindling and rubble. Still no Shannon!”
    “Wait, she might be under rubble. Start digging!”

    FW: Should I get my scoresheet ready for how many ways Batiuk is gonna screw this one up?

    CS: The bugs are prepared. We need Mobile Infantry, citizen! Would you like to know more?

  147. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    JP-You do know that when you marry April she will want to handle your pistol and only guys should handle each other’s pistol.

    MW-I’ve been inspired too. I’m going to start a paper route.

  148. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

    “Of course it wasn’t easy. Have you ever tried killing a person? They don’t go down easy. They struggle.”

  149. Droopy Says
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#131): A.D. – Hey, now, just a damn minute! Does B.C. take place in the past, or the post-apocalyptic future? I want an answer, damn it!

    For answers, watch I Was A Teenage Caveman, starring a young Robert Vaughn. Clues are planted all along, but the answer comes at the end when the cavemen discover an ancient book about our friend the atom. I think the movie predates Hart’s BC.

  150. Shrug
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#98):

    On another of my lists, the topic recently came up as how various translators of BEOWULF had handled that opening word “Hwæt!”. (Heany did it as “So.”)

    I opined that if it were translated into Minnesotan, it would have been “Whatever.”

    Or possibly “Anyhoo.”

  151. Braniff
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#103): FC: “Strips” as in comic strips or burlesque (brrr-lessk) dancing?

  152. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#140):

    In the last frame on the bottom left-hand side, right above the copyright notice.

  153. k#
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    MW – If this storyline doesn’t end up with Gina and Bobby being in a Satanic cult that intends to make a sacrifice of Mary Worth, I’ll be sorely disappointed.

  154. Weaselboy
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Andy attacks the marijuana grower
    This I know
    Cuz Jack Elrod tells me so

  155. Shrug
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#149):

    And Stephen Vincent Benet’s short story “By the Waters of Babylon” did it years before I WAS A TEENAGE CAVEMAN. Lots have done it since, too…

  156. kkarenb
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#115): Nothing is as gut-wrenching as those ads with Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” playing in the background.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#124): Maybe he was inspired by the director in the last Mark Trail story arc.

  157. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    FC-I like the look on Jeffy’s face. “Is that an ‘oh no’ or an ‘oh yes’? Of course it doesn’t really matter to me I’m just asking to feign concern.”

  158. kkarenb
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#155): I remember that story from high school English. Excellent. “Only a priest or the son of a priest may touch metal.” (I can’t remember the plot of a book I read three months ago, but I remember that.)

  159. ArchieNemesis
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Desperately hoping for the floating head of Aldo to appear in Mary Worth’s mirror right now…

  160. ArchieNemesis
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#100): Is it Rusty’s cobweb-covered fishing pole?

  161. Rixtremism in the Defense of Libertines
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#146): Luann – “Okay, so the house is now kindling and rubble. Still no Shannon!”
    “Wait, she might be under rubble. Start digging!”

    Hey, it’s plausible. Dragged to hell like Don Giovanni.

  162. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Chim Chim (#133): That’s the UK Dennis the Menace. It may be his appearance has shifted as well, though he looks like every drawing I’ve ever seen of him.

    @Droopy Says (#149): A few years back, I rejected the post-apocalypse theory of BC in favor of my supposition that the strip depicts the present-day occupants of Broward County (B.C.!), Florida. Note that they never talk about future celebrities, just ones that are around now or in recent decades.

  163. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#12) Re: A3G— It does look like Fred is starting to make a move on Tommie. However, anyone concerned about her virtue need not worry. Like all of Tommie’s previous suitors, Fred will doze off before he gets to first base.

  164. Government Cheese
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#159): That visual is pretty hilarious. I imagine him hovering over Mary moaning “Scooootch! Sccocooootch!”

  165. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#163):

    Or, worse, he will doze off while getting to second base.

    Soft pillows! So tired. Rest now. Mommy?

  166. commodorejohn
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#149): Oh, indeed. I just want to know how it all fits. Does it take place after our present? If so, why the allusions to modern culture as yet to come? If it takes place before, why are there cultural relicts that clearly survived from our own time? Does the strip posit the whole of history as a stable time-loop?

  167. Baka Gaijin
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @k# (#153): After the satanic ritual, will they go out for rainbow swirl ice cream? Don’t tell me they’re going for mayonnaise sandwiches and kite flying après sacrifice.

  168. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#163):

    I haven’t read the strip enough to know the Whatfors and the Particulars of the paramours the three women get involved with. I know next to nothing about their comic strip relationships. But…….
    I dunno. I’m guessing Tommie, Margo and LuAnn are like hundreds of years old or something. So, they are experienced, you know.

    I could see Tommie a bit less cold, like, y’know, back in the, like, 80s:
    Back when her hair was a little bigger……

  169. Illustrator Steve
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#100): MT- Okay, I give. I’m not certain WHAT that thing on the ground in Sunday’s strip is supposed to be, but I have a few ideas. Tell me if I’m close.
    Is it a fossilized piece of Tazmanian Tiger Turd? If so, HOW could a Tazmanian tiger turd be fossilized while the Tazmanian tiger still existed? Maybe it is supposed to be a Tazmanian tiger turd from a much earlier extinct version of the Tazmanian tiger who left a turd right where those current Tazmanian tigers lived?

    As many posts regarding this strip have noted, ANYTHING is possible in the Trailverse, as your boss certainly has made us all well aware of.

    (By the way, HOW ’bout YOU drawing and coloring in the background of the daily strips too, and not just occasionally drawing those Sunday strips? Your ability would at least make the background flora and fauna and marijuana plants look more realistic. But then again, Jackelrod must be some real doozy of a cheap bastard when it comes to not having adiquit clip-art and has to hire out some of his work, am I right?

    And, if that thing on the ground isn’t a fossilized Tazmanian Tiger Turd, then is it possibly the rejected result of some febble attempt by Rusty to widdle a little wooden horse? And if it is, HOW could he have tossed it on the ground that long ago? I always figured that kid as a litterbug!

  170. Marc
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#146): On FW: Where should the over/under be set on the number of ways Batiuk is going to screw this up? Is 5 1/2 a good number to set the line at?

  171. skeltometer
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    I am betting the ranch that Mary Worth is going to find herself at Gina’s Amway sales pitch/timeshare pitch/Ponzi Scheme sell with no way to escape for hours, which in the comics world will last until 2018.

  172. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#169):

    Haha. I know you are just bustin’ the Real Mark Trail’s chops but expecting JackElrod to put the details of a Gilbert Shelton into this depiction of the deepest, darkest, greennist wilds of Lost Forest seems like way to much to expect. That’s why I just “see it” as being a dense green fog.

    As for those who don’t see what could be construed as a joint in the Sunday Strip, again, I guess it could have been a prehistoric, gargantuan doobie, a giant dogleg, a supersized cigarette, but this is a Sunday comic strip.

    Of course, my perceptions may be wrong and it might a giant fossilized splinter. I don’t think anyone needs to get in trouble for depicting something ambiguous….just as I don’t think the guy’s chops should be busted for the artmaking sins of the Elrod.

  173. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    There is still time to start a pool or a poll on when the Party Gets Started in Mary Worth……..

    I’m thinking by next Monday….May 7th…That gives six more days of Mary preening and to walk towards the party room, a.k.a., the ceremonial pit of doom.

  174. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    MT— The pot grower guys are incredibly dense. Any good human factors time-and-motion expert could have told them how inefficient it is to gather marijuana with a gun in one’s hand. Had they used the “Both Hands Empty Marihuana Harvesting Method” developed by Frank and Lillian Gilbreth in 1915, they would have been long gone by the time RangerTomMartin arrived. The next time these guys view “Cheaper By The Dozen” (Clifton Webb/Myrna Loy version) on the prison television, they’re going to slap their foreheads and utter a Homerian “D’oh!”

  175. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#100): TalyHO says a joint — I’ll go with that. If so, was it a conscious tie-in with the present story line, or did you not know back in January what story-line it would be accompanying?

  176. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#174): “As a result of these and other improvements, [Gilberth] reduced the number of motions made in laying a brick from 18 to 4 1/2.”

    What is half a motion? And does it have anything to do with Evan’s idea of sex?

  177. Shrug
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#176):

    “What is half a motion? ”

    All MARVIN has time for in the papers that print his strip too small?

  178. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#175):

    Yep. I’m going thinking a joint with roach clip!

  179. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    BC-The 1970s was indeed a strange time.

  180. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#178):

    Yep. I’m thinking a joint with roach clip myself!

    Preview is your friend!

    And it would help if I stopped hitting the Post button so quickly.

    If only there was an edit feature…..

  181. ArchieNemesis
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#180): Is there a subtle implication here that the Tasmanian Tiger was not “driven to extinction” but rather too stoned to remember to reproduce?

  182. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    “I would like to hereby apologize …”

    You damn well ought to apologize for doubting the greatness of Mark Trail. I love the way Mark unleashes Andy’s fury on the little hemp-huggin pussy, clutching that little cap pistol, as if that will keep Andy from ripping his throat out! Go, Andy, Go! Kill, Andy, Kill!

  183. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @ArchieNemesis (#181):

    Like, yeah maaaannnn! Totally wasted!

    If it really is supposed to be a doob, it’s better that Jackelrod not ever find out, lest it gives him a stroke!

  184. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mysterious shirtless lawyer (#182):
    The guy now looks like he’s the same age as Rusty to boot.

  185. Sans Sense
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann: If TJ finds Bad Ronald’s dessicated corpse behind that wall I’ll finally forgive Evans for “Hey Boy”.

  186. Sans Sense
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    FW: “I have a feeling this is going to be my best prom ever.” Is that Cissy Spacek? Not a high bar then…

  187. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#165) said Re: A3G “@Alfred E. Neuman (#163):
    Or, worse, he will doze off while getting to second base.”

    I can imagine Fred dozing off between third base and home plate.

    @tallyHO (#168) Re: A3G— I am too lazy and indifferent to research Tommie’s romantic history. All I know is that since I started reading the strip, Tommie could serve as the poster girl for the Society of Dull Women.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#176) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#174): “As a result of these and other improvements, [Gilberth] reduced the number of motions made in laying a brick from 18 to 4 1/2.”

    What is half a motion? And does it have anything to do with Evan’s idea of sex?”

    I think it means that you make the same motion as you used to, but it’s a smaller one. I like to think that the NBA’s Charlotte Bobcats applied the Gilbreths’ technique this year, as the were very proficient at bricklaying on their way to a 7-win, 59-loss season.

    And I’ve never thought that Evans had any idea about sex.

  188. Liam
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I’m sure it wasn’t easy watching a nature writer sick a 400 pound St. Bernard on your wife.

  189. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#100): It’s a fountain pen! That’s it. And we all agree. There’s no way that’s anything bad, like a joint. That’s a fountain pen, plain and simple. And we all agree — don’t we!?

    (Seriously — heads up, guys. It’s always possible you-know-who looks in on this site, and we don’t want to get an actual artist for Mark Trail in trouble.)

  190. Alison
    April 30th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: I hope this crew of idiots destroys the entire house looking for Shannon. I am talking utterly tearing it apart-pull up all the carpet, knock down every wall, smash open the ceiling, break the toilets into shards, pull the plumbing apart, tip over ever single piece of furniture.

    And then Shannon can walk into the house (she won’t have to open the front door since T.J., Brad and Toni will have chopped it down), and say, “Oh, hi guys. I just went outside for a minute.”

  191. The REAL Mark Trail
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    April 30th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]
    April 30th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]
    April 30th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]
    Frank Lee Meidere
    April 30th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    No, it’s not a joint, toy dinosaur, or a rusty fishing pole!. Perhaps this will help… it’s above the word “genetic” in the last dialogue box.

    It IS hard to see on a low-res webpage

    The paper printers color the dailies… we don’t. I only color the sunday pages that I do. I assisted on an upcoming daily… should start in late May!

    That “moonlighting UPS worker” comment was intriguing ….

  192. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#187):
    Well, I admit that given that Tommie has flirted with a singing/recording career, I thought she was hip.

    Though, now that it dawns on me….she may or may not be hip…she may not even have hips. The whole cast of Apt 3G could be floating torsos as far as we know. The entire strip could be set in the not-too-distant-future where monotony rules the roost.

    Meanwhile, in Lost Forest….
    Rusty is spaced out watching this video: @Frank Lee Meidere (#189):

    Well, now that you mention it, the fountain pen does make a lot of sense. If they are cloning these Tasmanian Tigers, they should be prepared in the way that Dolly the sheep was not:
    they should have a pen at the ready for autograph hounds.

  193. tallyHO
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#191):
    “… it’s above the word “genetic” in the last dialogue box.”

    okay. After looking above the word “genetic”…and after consulting my dogeared copy of Slylock Fox’s Junior Cross Dressing book–which has a brief chapter on detective techniques– I give up.

    There is a patch of grass.
    There is a rock which either looks like a sumptuous gourd or a slender rump.
    There is what could be a slightly discolored pea pod near the right front paw of the dog/cat.

    Whatasec….! It is the placement of the Jackelrod ball, isn’t it?
    Are you saying that they grew on prehistoric plants?

    Seriously, now you have me alternately twirling my cape and fiddling with my deerstalker hat. I’ve done all I know is possible.

  194. The REAL Mark Trail
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#193):

    … “There is a patch of grass.” …. IS there?

  195. mr12ozcan
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    mark trail – can a saint bernard really jump that high ? oh its andy he can do anything . i own a female labador but i named her andy after the true legend of comic strip dogs.

  196. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#191):
    I can’t tell. Where’s a HiRes version?

  197. Anonymous
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#196): This was me. So was y112.

  198. Der Schnärkïnätör
    April 30th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    OK 196 & 197 were me.

    Damn cookie keeps getting cleared!

  199. Mike Hock
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Thel: ‘When my hand is in my crotch, it’s usually “oh yes”. But when you melon-heads are around, I get this crushing empty feeling of “oh no”.’

  200. Calico
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#156):
    I can’t bear to watch those ads with Sarah singing “Angel” (and I do regularly donate to legit animal charities), but to cheer up for a moment, imagine a show starring Mary Worth with that song as her theme …

    April 30th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Just in case you are interested, there is a new thread that started about an hour and fifteen minutes ago. A quite interesting subject.

  202. commodorejohn
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#155): Dang, that was good. Thanks for the referral.

  203. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 30th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @mr12ozcan (#195): How long has it been since we’ve gotten to see Andy in action (besides “too long”)? And I bet you wouldn’t send your Andy leaping at a guy with a gun! Mark’s a nitwit.

  204. Zerowolf
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    BB: Now that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is out, Radical Faeries is in.

  205. Zerowolf
    April 30th, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    JP: You may call it a dowry, but the Ethics Commission calls it bribery.

  206. Sgt. Stoned
    April 30th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’ m getting a bad feeling about this–ever since Gina’s little “heh-heh” the other day when Mary asked if the large house was hers and Bobby’s. I fear that the “special announcement” just might be that Bobby has quit the soccer team in order to become a full-time producer of porn–starring Gina!!

  207. crazy fungus
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Cloudburst #20- rough life!

    Luann- 1: TJ finds that Brad & Toni have sealed Shannon in the wall ala Edgar Allen Poo
    Or Dirk has kidnapped his daughter by Toni
    Or the Zeeba from PBS painted stripes on her and the Crocs did her in
    Or STONEY ROCKAXE did it…
    And the answer is:—————

  208. edgar allen poo
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    You’ll never find her… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  209. crazy fungus
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Cat Ass Trophy #33- because NOBODY ELSE WILL

  210. Écureuil Écumant
    April 30th, 2012 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#1): “Arlo & Janis — Staring at his wife’s bare breasts makes Arlo think of olives Olive’s.”

    There, fixed that for ya.

  211. umbria
    May 1st, 2012 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    @terrapin (#29):

    Second comment for COTW!

  212. Terryfic
    May 1st, 2012 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#191): Ah, I see it. A Face! Is that you? Glasses and a goatee?

  213. RippyDippy
    May 1st, 2012 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    I’ve read every post you’ve written, but never commented until now. I have to say Josh, your comments about Jeffey were surprisingly even-handed compared to your usual fare. I think you give the boy far too much credit on his insights into 21st century gender politics, instead of ripping into him about the fact that what he’s really thinking is “I do not care even an iota about your well being or self image. But I will begrudgingly repeat the mantra of self-delusion you cast upon yourself, since it means I get to eat ice-cream afterwards, whether out of celebration or guilt.” “My soul is an accelerating spiral of narcissism and hate. Give me my ice cream before I start eating the cold cream on the sink. Anything to have a break from the gnaw of angst within, disguised by dissociation and apathy.”

  214. Illustrator Steve
    May 1st, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @The REAL Mark Trail (#191): NOW I see it!!! If you read it backwards it says, “Paul is dead.”

  215. Crankenstank
    May 1st, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Um, I don’t want to appear to be overly salacious, but given the location of Thel’s hand, my guess is “Oh, yes! YES! YES YES YES!!..Wha…? JEFFY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?”

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