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Walker-Browne Wednesday

Hi and Lois, 6/6/12

There’s really something quite poignant about today’s Hi and Lois. I mean, don’t we all to various degrees believe that, if only we achieve a goal that’s within sight, everything in our lives will get better? If only I got that raise, I wouldn’t be in debt all the time (never mind that your spending tends to expand to match your salary). If only I would fall in love with someone, I wouldn’t be so unhappy (never mind that long-term relationships take work and aren’t just a “happily ever after” fairy-tale ending). If only I weren’t an infant, if only my neuromuscular systems were coordinated enough to allow walking, why, I would be like an all-powerful god! Nothing would be denied me! Never mind that once you know how to walk, you’re expected to walk, with your parents refusing to just carry you all over. Plus Australia is thousands of miles away and surrounded by water. Basically, walking’s for suckers, kid, enjoy infancy while it lasts.

Hagar the Horrible, 6/6/12

Here’s a fun fact: Despite the fact that the Huns ruled a huge empire that dominated central Europe for decades, the Hunnic language was never recorded; the illiterate Huns used Romans as secretaries, who corresponded with other states in Latin and Greek. All we have of Hunnic are personal names and three nouns — not enough to even firmly place what language family it belonged to, let alone translate complex concepts like “surrendering.” Another fun fact: the Huns themselves were a relatively elite group within a multi-ethnic state; in battle, the Huns would have ridden on horseback, as that was the skill that allowed them such military success, and any foot soldiers like the ones depicted here would probably have come from subject peoples, like the Goths or Slavs. Yet another fun fact: the Hunnic empire broke up hundreds and hundreds of years before the advent of the Viking age. Today’s Hagar the Horrible is less historically accurate than I would have liked, is what I’m getting at.

Beetle Bailey, 6/6/12

Apparently General Halftrack’s decades of senility and incompetence have just been a front, covering up his now successful plan to seize control of the U.S. in a bloody coup and rule as military dictator.

322 responses to “Walker-Browne Wednesday”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Watch Your Head — [clears throat to make announcement] Cory Thomas and the current “Quincy’s preacher dad comes out of the closet” storyline deserve your undivided attention:

    http://www.gocomics.com/watchyourhead/2012/06/06

    Mary, Mark and Margo can wait until later. Have I ever steered you wrong?

  2. Mumblix Grumph
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Where is General Halftrack anyway? I think he’s out in an undisclosed location working to protect our precious bodily fluids. Seriously, have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water?

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Walkabout=Australia… ha ha, I get it! (I think that’s the “joke”)

  4. Liam
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MW-That poor editor. He only asked just to make polite conversation and now he is forced to sit there and listen as Wilbur unloads his entire life story onto the editor.

    JP-Hey Peaches, can you thrust your breasts out a little more I don’t think Avery is really noticing them.

    MT-Mark thinks I murdered your husband and then he told me to stay here but I really need to go to work and Mark won’t let me go. Can you make Mark let me go to work?

  5. Cian O'Bacteria
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Snuffy: Funny how congressional stand-ins Snuffy and Barlow look exactly the same, save for superficialities like nose hair and clothing. I take it artist John Rose is a Naderite?

  6. Chareth Cutestory
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: In the United States, the form Excellency was commonly used for George Washington during his presidency. Halftrack is such a poser.

  7. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    FC: You gotta admire the kid’s ambition: He’s preparing early for his future career as a collector of aluminum cans.

    MW: Wilber’s editor clearly thinks that Dawn’s in some kind of real trouble; did she witness a mob hit, like Gina, or become entangled in some of the SantaRoyMart drug action? He’d probably be pretty pissed if he knew that Dawn’s trauma consists of her pretend boyfriend dumping her, an addiction to a TV show, and a bad case of couch-butt.

    MT: “This doesn’t look good”: If you’re talking about that purple blouse and black mock turtleneck combo, Lizzie, I’ll have to agree with you.

  8. Chipper
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Curiously, Wilbur’s editor actually said “?” out loud as opposed to merely thinking it. When verbalized, is it “question mark” or some description of how the symbol looks, e.g., “semi-circle open on the left side with a dot under it”?

  9. gleeb
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    3-G: Sure, the easy answer is that Scott was walking along and cane to a building, but I prefer to think that he was plummeting through the air, and has landed unharmed, which will make the press want to talk to him even more.

    ‘shaft: Fewer calamity days? Like when you run a solo car date up onto the devil’s strip? You need more than some gadget from a vendo to solve that, let me tell you!

    : Yeah, forget that Cayha woman you asked to marry you! Forget taking her to Africa. Elope with your daughter instead! And the creepiness is passed to a new generation.

    Fuzzy: Ho! A word mistaken, causing hostile miscommunication? What a fresh direction for this comic!

    Bald kid: New housing starts are up. Is this the beginning of a recovery inHenry?

  10. pugfuggly
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    MW I’m going to have to second the editor’s ‘?’. Wilbur, when a college-age woman gets depressed and in a rut, she goes off to europe to find herself on her own, not with her fat, bald, pokey father. Right now she’s only depressed, if this plan goes forward I would imagine she’d return from Italy depressed and embarrassed.

    FW Jesus tap-dancing Christ, is it ‘take your humiliating parent on vacation’ day on the comics page? A high school senior’s idea of ‘following her heart’ is going to Japan with her smug cynic of a father? AREN’T YOU 18???! DON’T YOU WANT TO ESCAPE THE SUFFOCATING WORLD AROUND YOU AND EXPERIENCE SOMETHING UNIQUE ON YOUR OWN??!?!

  11. Mibbitmaker
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    A3G: He takes pride in being a liar? Wow!

    Archie: Wrong side of the door AND sticks out the other end really badly? Two gags for the price of one! Ain’t we lucky?

    Crank: Aw, that takes away all the fun of endangering children!

    9CL: “Global war”? Now, there’s a stretch, Brookie.

    FW: I’m going to sympathize with Les Moore. — JUST THIS ONCE!

    Luann: For anyone thinking this wouldn’t be nauseating like the other storylines were — YOU WERE WRONG! Luann’s in Mike Patterson/book-JP/book-Les Moore/book-Summer Moore/basketball mode again!
    She’s SOOOOO talented! ~BLECCH!

    MW: “?”, indeed! She’s getting over a bad break-up, not the Plague! Although anyone escaping far from Charterstone (I forget the furshlugginer town’s name, happily) is a plus in any measure.

    Stone Soup: “…lest I warn you about another science-oriented person in an official place — Major Nelson on I Dream of Jeannie…. Dr. Bellows….. need I say more?”

    S-M: It’s WACKY!

  12. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    General Kim Ho Ho Laughtrack has seized control of Peace Village in Hanoi, Vietnam (where he plans to rule with an iron COLON).

  13. Dennis Jimenez
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    H7L – Hey, don’t ya see that halo in panel three – if that baby wants ta walk on water, why that just what she’ll do….

    HtH- Um, how ’bout, Death or Boingo-Boingo!!! Lucky Eddy would like that….

    BB – Oh, he’ll be so humilated when the Queen visits and he has to address her as Your Highness – as Sir Elton says, It seems to me that you live your life like the Thing that Wouldn’t Die….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  14. sporknpork
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Okay, what is up with the coloring in Hi & Lois? Why is everything always black? Usually it’s just the daytime sky, but today everything is just about black! Hell, even the kids’ shirts are matching black!! Are they ironically protesting mandatory school uniforms? I… I just don’t get it!

  15. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Soup to Nutz — Whaddya mean, “it’s not funny”? Don’t July!

    http://www.gocomics.com/soup-to-nutz/2012/06/06

    Frog Applause — I think she’s talking about YOU, Abbey Spencer!

    http://www.gocomics.com/frogapplause/2012/06/06

  16. Cian O'Bacteria
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    If there’s one thing for which I’d commend Walker-Browne Amalgamated Picto-Stories Ltd., it’s their bold use of black — black carpets, black furniture and fixtures, black background, and black black earth. You can keep all your Harvey Pekars, your Joe Saccos, your Adrian Tomines, and your Daniel Cloweses — I get all the emptiness, angst, and looming existential extinction I need right here in the funny pages, churning like an ocean of annihilation beneath the surface of seeming whimsy.

  17. pugfuggly
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    ASM So Clown-9′s super-villain power is…interrupting plays? I think that job was obsolete with the advent of the cell phone.

    A3G ‘BLAND ANONYMOUS WHITE COUPLE GO THROUGH MINOR MARITAL DIFFICULTIES!!! MORE ON PAGE 7!!!”

  18. Not Worth It
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Luann – Hey, remember when everybody was so annoyed at Luann for betraying a lack of knowledge about science when she announced she planned to be a thermodynamics nucleopeptide (or something like that)? Guess what! Turns out Bernice doesn’t even know what a lawyer is. She’s just frantically trying to cover her ignorance with clever deductions. “Delta likes helping folks,” she thinks, “So a lawyer must be kind of like a charity doctor. One who doesn’t make much money… yeah… never heard of a ‘rich lawyer’ so that must be it….” Someday, she’ll read Judge Parker, and her faith in Delta will be forever shattered.

  19. Flying Manatee
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    GRIMM: Because electronics are cordless an umbilical cord makes no sense to a new mother?? Is that really a joke?

    ZIGGY: His banker was murdered therefore Ziggy can’t see him. What’s the joke? He’s dead! Ha ha.

  20. Mibbitmaker
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is up!

    Whatever you think about those two, at least they’re not listless! (*reluctant rimshot!*)

  21. FafMor
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth actually has FaceBook-related humor which is on target. Major nerd cred to them.

    As for Spider Man…”That nut’s ruining the show” – yes, that’s right up there on the high crimes and treason list – I’d be a bit more concerned about the usher’s injuries when he lands (unless the duckcar has giant whoopee cushion for that).

  22. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Hagar: I suppose dropping your weapons and raising your hands might work, but with all the historical anomalies (and physical, if you include the fact that the rock outcropping that Lucky Eddie is standing on would have fallen under its own weight), I suppose the psychological anomaly of non-comprehension of a basic gesture common to all cultures would be considered pretty minor.

    BB: Ms. Blip (today she’s blonde!) asks why Gen. Halfwit can’t stick to a nameplate, but she can’t stick to any particular hair color. At least her uniform is thoroughly vintage.

    And, say what you will about Trixie, at least the joke didn’t involve crapping in her pants.

  23. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @Chipper (#8): I always imagine them doing the cliche confused-dog move: tilting their head to one side and going, “Ruuhhhh???”

  24. Holly Folly
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    I would probably want to learn to walk too, if my parents had painted the floor a dark glossy black. Prolonged contact with that thing is probably bad for you somehow.

  25. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    @Flying Manatee (#19): My kids are 21st century. I think they came wireless. Hey, at least the punchline didn’t involve the word “app”, “tweet” or “text”.

  26. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    AD: wait, what? inventive visual action, leading to an actual joke?!?

    Lio: Calvinesque.

    PBS: I resemble that remark.

    JP: motorboating Peaches in 3, 2, 1. . .

    MG&G: /facepalm.

    OBH: sooo, that makes sushi only half as bad?

    SFx: more dino-on-dino action, and very well done.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .being jobless, but still paying for love.

  28. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Edda clasped Seth’s hands tightly, fingers swirling and probing.

    “Edda, this won’t work, I’m GAY!”

    “Hush,” she whispered, as her fingers worked further down his muscular frame. “Close your eyes and just think of Amos. . . ”

    Her heart cracked a little as she realized that she would be doing the same.

  29. Chip Whittle
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Between Friends: The interesting thing about the colorizing blunder on the second mermaid is it almost completely obscures the underlying art blunder.

    Blondie: “Hang on, I’ll get my trombone.” “That’s your solution to everything!”

    Crankshaft: Yeah, I totally believe that “Calamity Days” are a thing just because Tom Batiuk wrote that they were.

    Deflocked: The characters may be the most loathsome cast of a daily strip, and think what an accomplishment that is, but I’m still interested in these vampire raccoon warrior toys.

    Edge City: The cat’s trying to escape into Gasoline Alley. I think that’s a step up, I guess.

    Funky Winkerbean: I fully believe in the existence of teenagers who wait a minute, Les is wearing a generic team sports shirt with number 13 on it for the “Bombers”? Is Tom Batiuk acting self-aware again?

  30. Cloudbuster
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Luann: Because it’s totally typical for theater majors to make more than veterinarians and lawyers. And the only poverty most lawyers are devoted to eliminating is their own.

    Pibgorn: That’s just wrong.

    FW: Chekhov’s travel brochure strikes again.

    JP: Please just get on with it already. Not even Peaches’ amazingly perky tits are (entirely) succeeding in mitigating the tedium here.

    MT: *double facepalm*

    MW: It’s sounds like she’s on the run from a felony, not moping about getting dumped. Seriously, how great could this boyfriend have possibly been if he was willing to kick her to the curb without the slightest regret* when Girlfriend Barbie dropped back into town? (Not to throw stones: I, too, would have dumped mopey, whiny Dawn for Girlfriend Barbie without a moment’s regret.)

    A3G: The next day in The Post: “Eligible billionaire Scott Gaines isn’t talking about his estrangement from famous businesswoman wife Nina, but the shameless hussy who came between the couple was more than willing to dish the dirt!”

    ASM: The Clown-9 plot is making a mockery of this strip! Wait, what am I saying…?

    GT: Ah, more “this doesn’t happen in real life” plot in Gil Thorpe. Wasn’t the last time “teen mothers associating with the regular kids” was a controversial topic sometime in the 1950s? Meanwhile, “creepy pervert impregnates young teen girl; gets away Scott-free” isn’t worth any outrage at all.

  31. Cloudbuster
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#28): I don’t believe for a second she even fantasizes about sex with Amos when she’s having sex with Amos. We’ve already been privy to her admirably creative and extensive Seth sex-fantasy library.

  32. Balto
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    H&L: Trixie, you’ve been an infant since the Eisenhower administration. Keep waiting…

  33. fillmoreeast
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    In Hagar, I appreciate the nice touch of the one guy who’s improbably carrying torch into combat is staring up at it in what, in the crudely drawn world of comic-strip background characters, can still be described as a what-the-fuck expression. “Hang on, now, the horde all charged off to battle with axes and spears and stuff like that, and I grabbed a burning stick? Seriously, who did I think we’d be fighting, Nazgul? The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man? Sandor Clegane?”

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Lame Pun Coon has a winner.

    clueless Golden iz clueless. (big kitteh squee.)

    a graph for the Didactic Duo.

    Problem solved. (a long running one, at that.)

    naughty housework reminder.

    very ikkle otter needs a name.

    meanwhile, in England.

    happy Cardi iz happy.

  35. Chip Whittle
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Wilbur’s Editor there looks baffled by the very idea of getting away from Santa Royale. “Out-side?” his poor brain wonders, “But the outside-land is filled with vandals and rapscallions,” and furthermore, “Would the giant floating head of Mary Worth still visit the out-side to vomit guns upon us?”

    Popeye: So, this Popeye story is only going to be resolved when Olive Oyl finds some way to foolishly waste sixty billion dollars? That could take her minutes to accomplish.

    Spider-Man: I wonder if it’s that usher’s first day on the job, and if it was, whether he’s just improvising well or whether mildly irritating intrusions from low-level supervillains are covered in the training.

  36. Marc
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Apparently Mary is not the only person in Santa Royale who speaks in audible punctuation marks. I’d like to think that when “?” comes out of the editor’s mouth on paper, he’s actually saying “Question Mark” out loud.

    Luann- There are so many problems with this I don’t know where to begin. For starters Luann is anything but funny and talented. And she certainly can’t sing. I feel like this is a conversation that 5 year olds would be having not kids in high school. Who else would still think that lawyers don’t make money and their job is to make poor people better. Or that somebody with no talent who has been in exactly one high school play has any kind of future in theater?

    Mark Trail- I still can’t figure out why Mark Trail being around isn’t good? He is in no position of authority and has done nothing but doom the defence’s case by meddling in the investigation and tampering with evidence. If anything local bush pilot Mike Harris and local hussy Elizabeth Chavez should want Mark around more.

    A3G- Isn’t that cute, Margo and Scott have matching phones.

    Funky- What Summer isn’t telling everyone is that by climbing Kilimanjaro with Les, she can push him off, get his smirking ass out of the picture for good, and it’ll look like nothing more than an accident. Thereby freeing the world of the oppressive douchebagery of Les Moore. Either that or it’ll be a nauseating daddy and me moment between a smug dickweed and his annoying daughter.

    Cranky- What an absolutely fucking terrible joke.

  37. Chip Whittle
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#31):

    I don’t believe for a second she even fantasizes about sex with Amos when she’s having sex with Amos.

    To be fair, if Edda were to fantasize about having sex with Amos, she’d have to be thinking about having sex with Amos.

  38. Horace Broon
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    ASM: Is … is the idea meant to be that the usher takes Clown-9′s arm, only to discover to his astonishment that this is a life-sized realistic balloon, with the real Clown-9 somehow concealed elsewhere? Because that’s not clear at all.

    A3G: “You’re a lousy liar, Scott! If we want to convince the papers you aren’t having an affair, we need to use guile and deceit! You’d probably just blurt out the truth!”

    “Isn’t the truth that I’m not having an affair?”

    “See, that kind of attitide is exactly your problem!”

    FW: Oh, great, we are doing the story about Les going on a trip to Africa and bitching the whole way. I was hoping Batuik had forgotten about it.

    GT: “”In all the world, Charlie Brown, there is nothing quite as scary as a group of parents getting together.” – Linus van Pelt.

  39. Marc
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    9CL- You know what else is a fascinating thought? The idea of a meteor the size of football field crashing to earth and crushing the two of you.

  40. Dartpaw86
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Trixie is a God.
    What we don’t know is that she is the second coming of Jesus and will walk across the ocean to her destination.

  41. ScienceGiant
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Hagar could have avoided this if he’d use the Hunalyzer.

    Chief Constable: Right, er, sergeant will you bring the Hunalyser, please?
    (The constable produces a breathalyser.)
    Beryl: Here we are, sir. (Hands it to the chief constable.)
    Chief Constable: Er, how’s it work?
    Beryl: Well he breathes into it, sir, and the white crystals turn lime green. Then he is Attila the Hun, sir.
    Chief Constable: I see. Right. Would you mind breathing into this Mr Hun?
    Attila: Right. (blows into bag)
    Chief Constable: What if nothing happens, sergeant?
    Beryl: He’s Alexander the Great!
    Chief Constable: Ha, ha! Caught you, Mr A. T. Great!
    Attila (who is now Alexander the Great): Oh curses! Curses! I thought I was safe, disguised as Attila the Hun.
    Chief Constable: Oh perhaps so, but you made one fatal mistake… you see, this wasn’t a Hunalyser… it was an Alexander the Greatalyser! Take him away, Beryl.”

  42. Flummoxicated
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    MW: Like Wilbur’s boss, I also have a question mark coming out of my head. Wilbur needs time off because his adult daughter needs to get out of town? What, did he go with her on Spring Break? (If so, that could explain a lot of her problems.) Is Wilbur asking for time off in accordance with the FMLA, because Dawn is getting a lobotomy? Or does he need time to drive her to the mental health facility where she will get some much-needed help with her crippling dependence on Game of Thrones and Twitter? Sadly, this is the Worthiverse, where the answer is never as interesting as it could be – nor does it ever make sense

  43. Little Guy
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): While Batiuk is taking victory laps for his “We Tolerate What’s Not In the Handbook, So Shut Up Old Woman!” storyline, THIS has been under the radar???

  44. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    “You’re a lousy liar, Scott!”
    “I’m not that bad.”
    “That was a lie! I can tell! See, you’re lousy at this!”

  45. Dood
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: If I was the editor of the Santa Royale Thrift-T-Weekly Shopper, whose core readers tend to be residents of Charterstone, I would be wondering what heinous crime Dawn Weston pulled off to prompt both father and daughter to skip town.

  46. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @ScienceGiant (#41): Monty Python lives!

  47. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Hagar the Military Genius: It is a well regarded strategy to run for the nearest cliff when you’re grossly outnumbered by a ruthless enemy. That way they can’t surround you.

  48. Dood
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: I suspect there are twin peaks “up in the high country.”

  49. TheDiva
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    H&L: Too bad the eternal void is closing in on you even as you speak/think.

    9CL: “Well frankly, neither of you has a chance for love ever.” ~Mike Nelson

    FW: I give it three days before the other hikers get tired of Les’ whiny self-pity and leave him to the elements and wild animals.

    Luann: Knock it off, you’re all going to wind up as administrative assistants.

    MT: “Mark has thin circumstantial evidence that I killed your husband! Clearly the only thing to do is attempt to bump him off and expose our guilt in a more concrete manner!”

    MW: Not for the first time, Wilbur’s editor wonders why he hired this guy as an advice columnist.

    Pluggers are the only people who can stand Richard Simmons.

    SM: …What?

  50. Dood
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Why not just hop into a breadpan and pick out dough?

  51. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    JP: Agreed. Lots of daylight has been burned.

    S-M: First, I nominate Pugfugly for COTW.

    Second, you know how TV writers try to sneak things past the network censors? I have a feeling that the S-M crew has decided that nobody, but nobody is bothering to read anything they’re sending to press and therefore the strip has gone full acid trip. Because why not?

    Also, spoiler alert: I suspect the balloons are filled with laughing gas, they’ll pop, audience goes into hysterics, and C-9 does whatever it is that he does around here.

  52. Setec Astrology
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Balto (#32): Concur. I read H&L as a bleak meta-commentary on the futility of ever aspiring to do anything.

  53. un malpaso
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Despite the historical inaccuracies in Hagar, I’m mostly concerned that the colorist seems to have given Hagar a wooden sword. (Along with the one sword-wielding Hun). Unless it’s bronze or a ceremonial golden sword. None of which look good when your opponents have iron.

  54. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Vince M (#Y257): “…Zero Mostel in ‘The Producers’ – just look at it. He’s combing over hair from his NECK!”

    You are right. I had forgotten about that epic comb-over. I must admit, there is a point where the merely ludicrous, by sheer force of will, becomes something approaching the sublime.

    // Would Donald Trump’s do qualify?

  55. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT:
    Mike Harris: We may have a problem.

    Elizabeth: A problem regarding when you SHOT AND KILLED MY HUSBAND?

    Mike: Mark Trail found a gum wrapper where I SHOT AND KILLED YOUR HUSBAND.

    Elizabeth: Oh, for a minute there, I thought he found bullet casings or fingerprints on the gun with which you SHOT AND KILLED MY HUSBAND.

    Mike: We’ll just keep quiet about this. We don’t want anyone to suspect that I SHOT AND KILLED YOUR HUSBAND.

    Trish Jackson inexplicably standing outside window: I think I should tell Mark that he SHOT AND KILLED MY HUS- uh Mr. Chavez!

  56. Droopy Says
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: I’m waiting for AsiNine to rip off his clown mask, then rip off his Hardy-Har-Har mask and denounce everyone as “Beefwits!”

  57. Walker of Dog
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    A3G: When Scott attempts to walk and lie at the same time, he runs into a brick wall and swallows his gum.

    FC: Come on, Bil – pee into the bag!

    GT: When did Billie Jean King get so uptight?

    MT: I’d like to see Mark paddling away in a huff, please.

    Plug: Richard Simmons likes his drumsticks stringy.

    RMMD: Squiggy says “Hello Laverne”.

  58. Not Worth It
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#10): Has it been established how old Dawn actually is? I’ve never noticed her going to school/college/work, and her appearance seems to waffle between 25 and 40, so I have no external clues. However, I kind of feel her storylines (internet addict, email user, kite flyer, dumpee) are attempting to peg her at about 17. Thoughts?

  59. Cloudbuster
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    HtH: I know surviving certain death with no logical explanation has a long and honorable cartoon and comic tradition, from Mickey Mouse, Coyote and Roadrunner through Kenny in Southpark, but when Hagar does its frequent “Well, there’s no possible way out of this…” strips, just once I’d like to see the next scene that explains how they got out of it. It could be hilarious, right?

  60. Ian Beste
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I think Dagwood will let him slide on this one…

    Dennis the Annoying: “Yo, Wils’, our new album drops next week…peace out!” Mr. Wilson: “Darn kids today! In my day when we wanted to annoy a neighbor, we’d crank up the Zep real loud. ‘Black Dog’ oh yeah!”

  61. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    SM: Where did he GET all this stuff? He was a bad, unemployed actor just a day or two before. Clown suit, clown car I might believe. Balloons that look exactly like him filled with helium?

    And, the artwork is really not communicating the action very well. The usher takes his arm, but he grabs a balloon instead? How could he not see that? Then there are two balloons?

    Maybe Wilbur’s editor’s interrobang “?” would work here.

  62. Illustrator Steve
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MT – “ELIZABETH! I am glad you are here…we may have a PROBLEM!”
    “WHAT’S the PROBLEM?”
    “It’s this dumb storyline, Elizabeth! HOW will either one of us ever have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever appearing as caracters in any comic strip again after being in this rediculious strip while being laughed at and ridiculed like this? It’s so embarresing, Elizabeth, It’s JUST NOT FAIR!!”
    “STOP your pathetic whining! You remind me of my dead husband, Al! You had better watch yourself. Afterall, LOOK where HE ended up!”
    “But, WHAT can we do, Elizabeth? It’s not like I can get a job as a poorly drawn blond haired bush pilot who chews nicotine gum wrappers.”
    “GOOD point. The only way out of this is if we both take over this stupid comic strip and give it a new name with new, more modern stories. We could call the strip, ‘The sexy Widow and her Bush Pilot’. But the first thing we must do is set up our studio headquarters somewhere away from here. You know, a place that sounds much more realistic when used in a story. For example, a place…SOMEWHERE IN THE NORTHERN PART OF THE STATE!”

  63. Jim North
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: And that’s it. No more 9 Chickweed Lane for me. Today’s strip wasn’t reprehensible. But it was damn stupid. So fuck 9CL and Brooke McEldowney. Fuck them in their stupid asses.

    DT: Jeez, Little Face, you’re not supposed to set the entire cigarette on fire, just the tip!

    FC: “Oh, wait, I just dripped snot right into it. Never mind, Billy! All yours!”

    FW: Don’t be ridiculous, Les. There wouldn’t be near as many desolate crags for Summer to hide your corpse at Disney World.

    Luann: Not only am I fairly certain that Evans has no idea what it is lawyers actually do, I’m also pretty sure he just got lucky in his definitions of veterinarian and entertainer. Especially the last, even though “entertainer” is ostensibly what he himself is supposed to be. Of course, it would certainly explain why he and his characters both seem to be so unsure on whether or not entertainers are supposed to make people smile.

    MT: What’s Mark Trail doing there? The moonwalk, apparently. And you’re right, lady. It doesn’t look good. It doesn’t look good at all.

    MW: Wilbur’s boss seems to be rapidly aging merely from the strain of having to talk to Wilbur for a protracted length of time. In fact, it would further appear that senility is starting to set in by the last panel. “Huh? Whur?” the old man slurs, barely comprehensible. “Who are you? Where’s muh nurse? I want muh pudding, dummit!”

  64. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MW: The editor meant to say “@#$%!*” instead of “?” but misspoke.

  65. Cian O'Bacteria
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#35) re: AS-M: I imagine that theaters and restaurants in the Marvel Universe all have “In case of supervillain…” instructional signage indicating threat level and appropriate action, complete with generic villainous silhouettes with a Galactus-y shape at the top, Green-Goblin-on-glider in the middle, and Shocker in the bottom. Below that is Clown-9′s category symbolized by a silhouette of Stan Lee holding a rolled up newspaper, which indicates the type of villain as well as the minimum necessary force needed to defeat him.

  66. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#59): I’d like to see Hagar go on a berzerk, rampaging bloodbath, too. But Walker/Browne Amalgumated would probably think it wasn’t family friendly.

    The punchline opportunity would be awesome, though.

    “This armor cost me an arm and a leg, but it’s worth it!” as he hacks off a Hun’s arm and leg.

    “You guys don’t know to quit (slices Hun’s neck clean through) while you’re ahead!”

    “May I axe you a question?”

  67. Gal Friday
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): Excellent!

  68. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#62):
    “We’re outrageously attractive. We can try out for Judge Parker.”

    “We’re not rich!”

    “How about A3G?”

    “They don’t do crime drama!”

    “We’ll go to Rex Moron. We’ll get a Bonnie & Clyde story line and go off into the sunset together.”

    “Except Bonnie & Clyde didn’t go off into the sunset, they were gunned down.”

    “Ok, ok, we’ll stay and face the FIST OF JUSTICE.”

  69. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Luann: Is the collective naivite of this trio supposed to be the joke? One actor out of a thousand makes bigger money than a vetrinarian or a lawyer. And the line “You’re funny.” was that supposed to be a joke, too? Luann is the setup for the wacky-friend punchline.

  70. Hart of Johnny
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Never let it be said that the Comics Curmudgeon won’t educate you. Before today, you could sum my complete knowledge of the Huns thusly: “Attila”.

  71. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    reCrock: I think we’re suppose to think how stupid the Lost Patrol will be for marching off the cliff while following the railroad track. Then I thought of the guys who fell off the cliff while laying the track.

  72. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#y223):

    “Yes, that’s me, the bald guy with the mustache. :)”

    But I thought *everybody* in Wisconsin was a bald guy with a mustache . . . even the women!!

    (Wonderful audience, here all week, veal, waitress.)

  73. Jamoche
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Chipper (#8): Victor Borge has an answer for that at about 1 minute in : http://youtu.be/6bpIbdZhrzA

  74. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    PBS: Rat is really going to regret having not put shredded newspaper in the bottom of that tank.

  75. Cian O'Bacteria
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#64): I think that original, Moy wrote something alongs the lines of, “Wait a minute, Wilbur. Are we still talking about your grown, college student daughter, Dawn? Are you still making her live at home so you can monitor and prejudge her every action and interaction as if she’s some middle-school delinquent who gives all the boys on the bus handy-J’s to and from school? And now, after yet another fiasco of an attempt to connect with someone her own age, she’s finally accepted that her fate is to live in that little cage you call Charterstone for the rest of her life with you as her zookeeper, and she’s understandably and naturally depressed about this fact, so your response to this is for her to ‘get away’ with you to a whole other country where she knows absolutely nobody, leaving with even greater control of her day-to-day existence? And for these reasons and because you burned through your vacation days fishing with your not-son, you want to take a paid leave of absence? Do I have that right?”

    But her editor said, “Look here, Moy, that’s just too much text, so we’re gonna shorten that to a single question mark so’s we can showcase the strip’s best features: baby-blue book spines and blue-on-blue skylines.”

  76. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#59):

    Hagar, busily writing his memoirs, has gotten to the point where he explains how he got out of today’s death trap:

    HAGAR: “After escaping from the pit…”

    LUCKY EDDIE: “Er, Hagar, we weren’t in a pit.”

    HAGAR: “That’s all right, I’m illiterate and only pretending to write anyway!”

    (offstage wind instrument: A-OOO-GAHH!)

    (curtain)

  77. Doctor Handsome
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    This is easily my favorite Hagar trope: Hagar and Eddie face certain death, but squander their last few moments of existence cracking some lame gag about Lucky Eddie’s supposed cowardice. The best part comes tomorrow, when Hagar is back home slurping his soup (husbands, amirite?!) with nary an explanation.

  78. Mcbain
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    S-M: He’s ruining the play Peter? Really? Have you seen this dog?

  79. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    Phantom: So that’s how “Mr. Walker” gets people to do his bidding. He’s got hypnosunglasses™.

  80. Dawn Weston
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    If only I had a sandwich, then life wouldn’t be brutal.

  81. flatsixes
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m ashamed to admit it, but once again Jack Elrod’s peerless storytelling has left me completely baffled. Didn’t it take Trail, like, a couple of days to canoe up the Amazon to Mike Harris’ remote cabin? Well, then how did the former Morticia Chavez get there? Hang glider? Submarine? Transporter beam? Or, I know this sounds dumb, but, is it possible that she drove there in a car? Why doesn’t Trail have a car?

    And is Mike Harris flashing a gang symbol in panel three? Or is that just arthritis?

  82. flatsixes
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Oops. Sorry ’bout the bold type. I was too baffled to close the html string.

  83. Dood
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    HtH: Is this an example proving that Lucky Eddie is in fact lucky for himself and those around him, namely Hagar? Charge away in whatever language you choose, Huns, you’re still not going to rid your world of these two.

  84. doubtingapostle
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    I think “Hi and Lois” is instilling in us a kind of morbid pathos for baby Trixie. The perverse time-space continuum she inhabits will never allow her to possess the motor skills necessary for walking, and so her grandiose fantasies will always be out of reach, taunting her forever. It’s like “Castle on a Cloud”, only stupider.

  85. Dood
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    By the way, what language would Hun Skunk employ?

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    H&L: Guaranteed Trixie will be three months into her Outback walkabout before Lois even notices.

    MT: The Widow Chavez is understandably upset, believing that lover Mike Harris is having an affair with Mark Trail.

    MW: “I keep telling you, Wilbur. Our company doesn’t have a private space shuttle. And if we did, we’d keep a very tight rein on who uses it.”

    Ziggy: Grim. But these are the risks you take when you do business with a bank that’s a front for the Medellin cartel.

    FW: Summer seems to be offering us the gift of watching Les die from an untreated wound, à la the Hemingway story. Probably a tease, though.

    Archie: Archie doesn’t know much about knockers for someone who spends so much time with Betty and Veronica.

    JP: You have to really like money to put up with this wrinkly Muppet continually prating about “burning daylight.” Hopefully even Peaches will be able to buy her own island in a couple of years.

    RMMD: What makes him think you were drinking? If he’s heard of you, he knows it’s a safe bet most of the time.

    Phantom: A boy on each arm. Talking about turning off the security camera. Kit had better hope that the first panel doesn’t show up in any future job searches.

    Luann: Well, Spider-Man has a cheesy knockoff version of the Joker. Maybe he’s on the lookout for an off-brand Harley Quin too.

    Momma: Sonia has entered into a time warp where airlines still serve food.

    S-M: Clown-9 is ruining the show? No, if you want the person responsible for that, hunt down the playwright.

    H-Cliff: Overcompensate much?

    S4th: Jeez, didn’t Sally read her own previews from last week?

    H&J: Freddie Krueger is Eula’s bitch.

    Marvin: Garfield with thumbs has it backwards. It’s not that his parents did a bad job of vetting, it’s that the other babysitters in town did a good job screening out undesirable clients.

  87. Pozzo
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    So what Walker-Browne Amalgated, LLC, are saying is basically that once you learn, you can join the thundering hordes of Hunnic foot soldiers, eventually making possible the ascension to “Excellency” status of one in a superior position. A crazy idea, but it just might work!

  88. pugfuggly
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#58):

    internet addict, email user, kite flyer, dumpee…

    I must be the oldest 17yo I know….

    But I think they have established at some point that she goes to college or something. Maybe she’s taking a degree in Purplelology at the Santa Royale Academy of Gaudy Design (Go Fightin’ Peacocks!)? But she does seem to have the mind of a 12-yo, so who knows….

    @Gal Friday (#67):

    You are too kind….

  89. Doctor Handsome
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Trixie, in her allegedly adorable ignorance, could imagine walking to Candyland or Narnia or something, but no: it’s Australia. Because babies love Australia. I guess.

  90. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#63): Re MW: If Wilbur is stealing the life essence of people at work, I’d love to know where he keeps it. Not in his own person, obviously.

  91. Mr Foofram
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    The circle is complete: Bernice will make sick animals well, Delta will make poor people better, and Luann will make people sick.

  92. Doctor Handsome
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Man, who wouldn’t respect General Halftrack’s 8-pound Toblerone?

  93. Slug
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    I see the awe in your face, Peter Parker, watching the circus. Anything to escape your wife’s dull, sub-Shakespearean plays. Next week we’ll see him starry-eyed, swooning as Clown-9 allows him to join the circus. Just as he dreamed since he was a little boy, he will utter the immortal line:

    “When I wear this clown outfit, I’ll probably still be a couch potato. That’s why I’ll call myself– Clown Potato!

  94. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Cian O’Bacteria (#75): You’re probably right.

  95. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The thing is, Evans probably does think Luann is a talented singer and actress. After all, he thinks he’s a talented cartoonist.

    SF: This is wonderful in so many ways that I lost count of them.

    SM: This is stupid in so many ways that I can’t keep count of them. This story arc is not just infinitely stupid, it’s uncountably infinitely stupid. The Clown-9 storyline is Aleph-9 stupid.

    MT: Aleph-10.

    Dad-Daughter Frolics: Wilbur and Dawn are running away together to Italy, leaving her boyfriend, and Les and Summer are honeymooning together in Africa, leaving his bride. Me, I’m running off to the porcelain telephone, leaving my lunch.

  96. Spotts1701
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Okay, sure. Just watch out for dingoes…

    FW: Yes, because nothing says “family fun” like hypothermia, headaches, possible oxygen deprivation, and high risk of death by rockslide.

    Luann: So, based on the fact that Luann played the whitest, blondest Maria in the history of West Side Story she somehow could be a “great entertainer”? By that standard any high schooler who manages not to vomit on themselves during the annual drama production is Hollywood or Broadway material.

    9CL: “SHADDUP YOUR MOUTH!!” [/Boris Badenov]

  97. bbofun
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#10):You know that Mt. Kilimanjaro’s in Tanzania, not Japan, right? You’re thinking Mt. Fuji.

  98. Walker of Dog
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    HtH: Josh, are there any clever “Hun/Hon” jokes floating around Baltimore?

  99. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Hart of Johnny (#70): Atilla, the dog in Mother Goose & Grimm? I didn’t know he was a Hun.

  100. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#6): A little cursory research shows that, in American usage, “Excellency” is currently an appropriate form of address only for Roman Catholic bishops, and for ambassadors from countries other than the US. Ambassadors from the US to other countries are Honorables.
    It may also be an appropriate honorific for foreign chiefs of state, but this would vary country by country.

    This silly cartoon is, once again, proof that the current writer(s) of BB have never been in the army, nor any other military branch. There is no higher term of respect in the Army, AF, or MC, than General; nor any higher term of respect in the Navy or CG than Admiral.* Generals and Admirals know this, and so do the people who work for them. Only a feather merchant would desire or allow himself to be called Excellency. Gen. Amos Halftrack may be a senile, drunken fool, but he’s been in the Army for 70 years now, and wouldn’t be ass enough to try to get anyone to call him “His Excellency”!

    *If you wear a uniform, a General or an Admiral can get you dead, or make you wish you were. An “Excellency”, not so much.

  101. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): Excellent.

    // Stated a la Montgomery Burns

  102. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): But maybe General Halftrack does aspire to be a Roman Catholic Bishop. It would help resolve the nasty divorce problem with Mrs. Halftrack, and Wednesdays’ strips would now simply be reserved for scenes of Miss Buxley in the confessional.

  103. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#43):

    The current “Quincy’s dad is gay” storyline in Watch Your Head has been under the radar and underreported by EVERYONE — including the LGBT community. It’s less of a big deal to me that Green Lantern is gay or that Tom Batiuk gets yet another impressive humanitarian award to display in his trophy case. I care more about Cory Thomas’ characters because Cory Thomas has MADE me care about his characters damn it! Please do yourselves a favor and check out my Watch Your Head link at: @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1).

    (Cory Thomas has been known to post here, so I hope he’ll let us about the reader response to his current storyline!)

  104. pugfuggly
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#97):

    AAAAAArrrrrggggg……yes, I do. I read Funky early this morning and then posted after I got to work without checking it again. Colour me embarrassed.

  105. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): In defense of Beetle Bailey, isn’t the whole joke that his frustrated megalomania is pushing him to fantasies of power beyond the army? Like emperor or something?

  106. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#103): “…I hope he’ll let us KNOW about the reader response to his current storyline!”

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#y242): Interesting that the 1894 newspaper article refers to the banana as a VEGETABLE. Weren’t bananas always considered a FRUIT? Or were they considered a vegetable at this point in their history?

    [Re: Bicycle Terrorists] An early adversary of DC Comic’s Teen Titans (#10 from 1967) was the Scorcher, a super-villain who used a tricked-out motorcycle to commit his crimes. The black-clad Scorcher was leader of a gang called the “Bike Buzzards” (SERIOUSLY). If memory serves, he was a lot like Nicolas Cage, but without the flaming skull or the supernatural origin. I wonder if DC can retroactively sue Marvel for stealing elements of their character?

  107. geekwhisperer
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    MT- See! I knew it! The widow Chavez can transport herself through space! How else would she be able to get to the cabin that it took Mark some amount of effort to paddle to undetected? This also explains how she stole Gene’s rifle, shot her husband and then replaced the gun in such a compressed time frame.

    Was the whole “fishing camp” thing a cover for her and Al’s advanced experiments in quantum field dynamics? Was the lake helping to cool some of key components, and thus why the fish jumped out of it yesterday? Maybe she shot him because after developing the technology she wants the full rights to it, holding the world hostage with her ability to deliver a nuclear weapon anywhere on the globe- she could partner with North Korea!

    Oh man, this is awesome! I totally thought this was going to be some dumbass plot about a gum wrapper (not a blister pack) and complete ignorance of the rules of evidence and both improbable and childish sleuthing on the part of Mark. No, it’s going to be INCREDIBLE. NOTHING CAN DISSUADE ME FROM THIS NOTION!

    *begins weeping*

  108. Chance
    June 6th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure “fun fact” means what Josh thinks it means.

  109. commodorejohn
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    9CL – So Brooke thinks those things are marriage-killers, huh? How is it that he’s married and has a child, again? Was he like this xty years ago, or did he only go completely insane recently?

    A.D. – Oh, now this is some quality mayhem, and a Far Side-caliber joke. Bravo, Mason.

    DT – It must be fate, they have matching abnormally-large foreheads! Either that or she’s a Klingon.

    FW – *blurghargglevomit*

    GT – Is serving coffee in sippy cups a thing now?

    JP – Ohhhh, Peaches. Ahh…

    Luann – Is that what you think lawyers do, Bernice? …okay, sure. Did the Easter Bunny come to visit you this spring? Have you gotten a visit from the Tooth Fairy recently? (Luann: better or worse theater prospects than Hardy Laurel? Discuss.)

    Mandrake – “‘That’ll be the Day,’ Luciphor! From now on every blow landed must be accompanied by the title of a Buddy Holly song!”

    MT – “We may have a problem! Mark Trail has found a gum wrapper he stole from the crime scene and got his fingerprints all over that he thinks is mine, and I’m afraid that will stand up in court! I mean, what if the judge is Encyclopedia Brown?”

    MW – By all accounts, there are streets in Italy that Wilbur won’t fit through.

    Monty – I love this storyline. I really do.

    MG&G – That’s the most unsettling detail of childbirth that they tend to play down and not mention very often? Yeah right. What about defecation? Or the placenta? Or friggin’ perineal tearing? [*]

    RMMD – I like Officer Pouty here. “Well, if you won’t cooperate, I’ll just have to arrest you! Hmpf!

    SF – Ted Forth: the monkey wrench in the machinery of data mining.

    SFx – Much as I admire the commitment to accuracy, that bit about taxonomy excluding lots of very dinosaur-like critters from Dinosauria is just damn confusing for young prehistoric megafauna enthusiasts.

    SM – Peter, Peter, the show was a lost cause from the get-go. Didn’t you see the earlier performances?

    WoI – I’m trying to decide between being miffed that London (c.a. whenever the hell The Wizard of Id is set) is depicted as just this one tiny little fort, and figuring that at least they didn’t include Big Ben.

    Ziggy – So, uh, is it me, or has Ziggy been getting progressively darker lately?

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#60):

    Blondie: I think Dagwood will let him slide on this one…

    The cook has a trombone, but it’s Dagwood who always leaves the restaurant trumpeting.

  111. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#106): It’s “DC Comics’ Teen Titans”! (But you knew that already, right?)

    @geekwhisperer (#107): Isn’t Quantum Trail a spin-off of Thirsty Thurston, Time Lush®?

  112. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#103): The Green Lantern is only gay in an alternate Universe. In that same alternate Universe, I’m a pretty cool dude.

    If I could find a way, I’m going. I’m totally going.

  113. Esther Blodgett
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    FW: Do people ever die climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro? Just saying, that might be an avenue to explore.

    PBS: Put the channel on HGTV instead of ESPN and I’ll be Rat’s loyal pet for life.

    SF: Ted liked this.

  114. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#60): DtM: That’s a 45rpm record, you know.

    “Blondie: I think Dagwood will let him slide on this one…”
    The chef organally wanted to drum up some more business. Tu-baaad.

  115. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#112): Hold it. If you go and meet yourself in an alternate universe, what will that do to the space/time continuum? We could all implode and find ourselves in a Mark Trail story.

  116. Uncle Lumpy
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    So the Funky Winkerbean and Mary Worth authors have got their tax-deductible summer vacations all lined up. I wonder if the Hi and Lois folks are planning a trip to Australia.

  117. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    MT— “Elizabeth, just because you moved in with me right after your husband was murdered is no reason for Trail to be suspicious. No reason at all. No siree. After all, my place is named The Grieving Widows Fishing Camp.”

  118. Downpuppy
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    JP: Can we start calling Avery Blackstone “Rusty? We know that they’re never going to wet a fly.

  119. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#105): Ok, that could work. Still, my understanding is that most generals never want to be anything other than generals, because nothing’s better than being a general. I would believe, however, that Halftrack, having been a one-star general for more than half a century now, has a closet somewhere filled with two-star uniforms, insignia, and paraphernalia, just in case, and that he often repairs there to just try the stuff on, to see how it looks.

    // It is a recognized phenomenon, that many, perhaps most, of the world’s coups de etat are attempted by mid-level military officers (captains, majors, colonels) rather than generals. Generals tend to be pretty well satisfied by the world as it is.

  120. Cloudbuster
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Hart of Johnny (#70): “Hart of Johnny” is a good moniker, but I have to suggest “Johnny Hart of Darkness.”

  121. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Trixie, you dim, sunbeam-loving infant, have you not heard of crawling? There’s no reason for you to sit there like a lump when you could be attempting to go down the stairs head first, or pulling a bookcase onto yourself.

  122. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): When Beetle Bailey first started, General Halftrack was a two-star general. Then Mort Walker got lazy and decided that drawing one star was enough.

  123. Cloudbuster
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I know it’s not comics-related, but RIP, Ray Bradbury. Truly one of the greats and a source of mental nourishment for me as a youngster.

  124. flatsixes
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#107): Well, although I must admit that you’ve got a pretty good explanation for the facts of this case, geekwhisperer, I still have my doubts as to the technology involved. I mean, if Ray Bradbury (R.I.P.) wrote Mark Trail, your theory would be as good as gold. But we’re dealing with Jack Elrod, a man to whom cordless handsets still represent futuristic technology. No, a Jack Elrod villainess would lack the skill set to be a beady-eyed queen of evil technology bent on world domination. But she absolutely can be a witch!!!

    Think about it: Instead of a teleporter, can’t you see the Widow Chavez zooming out to Mike Harris’ cabin on a fast broom? Or maybe changing herself into a fish, elk, or other woodland creature to keep tabs on Mark Trail’s daily movements? And I’ll bet that your standard witches’ cloak of invisibility would come in mighty handy for getting Gene’s rifle out (and back into) his boat without anyone noticing. It all fits, friend. Except for Trish, who at this very moment may be being held, spellbound in the widow witch’s cave. It all makes sense.

  125. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#36): Wilbur’s editor is a big fan of sixties garage band ? and the Mysterians. Most of us just know “96 Tears”, but he’s got their entire catalogue.

  126. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#117):

    “After all, my place is named The Grieving Widows Fishing Camp.” ”

    I’d given some thought to calling it “The Adulterous Sullenly-Grieving Widows and Struggling-With-Smoking-Addiction High-Powered Rifle-Wielding Bush Pilot and Part-Time Murderer Fishing Camp That No One Can Get To Without a Long Canoe Paddling Session, Now With Extra Teensy Little Coffee Cups,” but decided to keep it simple.

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#123): Oh wow. I knew the day had to come at some point, but it’s still a melancholy day. It’s sort of apt, though, that he has a story in the edition of The New Yorker that’s out now. Ray’s one writer who kept at it right through to the end.

  128. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#106): “@Frank Lee Meidere (#y242): Interesting that the 1894 newspaper article refers to the banana as a VEGETABLE. Weren’t bananas always considered a FRUIT? Or were they considered a vegetable at this point in their history?”

    I think they meant vegetable in a very general sense, as in not being an animal or a mineral. Or as in a broad and still acceptable definition, any plant used as food.

    The distinction between fruits and vegetables is a technical one, and relatively recent. The words can be synonymous in some usages. Consider the line from the song “America the Beautiful”, …purple mountain’s majesty, above the fruited plains. The fruited plains may be understood to be “fruited” with wheat and corn, and not lemons, pineapples, and bananas.

    // Always here, with more than you wanted to know. You’re welcome.

  129. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#123):

    Sure, Bradbury is comics-related; didn’t he do an introduction for a reprint collection of some sf newspaper strip (BUCK ROGERS ??) back in the 1960s?

    And moving from comic strips to comic book stories, EC stole, er, adapted several of his short stories into classic comic books stories in the 1950s (and others have adapted his work to comic form since, with mixed results).

    (I believe Bradbury had politely contacted EC and pointed out that one or two of their stories seemed awfully awfully familiar to him, and EC took the opportunity to come to an agreement and pay him for future authorized adaptations.)

  130. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#123): In his honor we should all memorize one comic strip each.

  131. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#130):

    “In his honor we should all memorize one comic strip each.”

    One individual strip, or the whole run of one strip? And do we memorize just the dialog, or do we have to be able to describe the art etc. as well?

    If it’s just the dialog, bags I, oh, say LIO or THE LITTLE KING.

  132. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#122): No kidding? I didn’t know that.

    // I hope it was Walker’s laziness! I tremble to think what Amos might have done to get demoted, and sent to run Camp Swampy. At that level, when you screw the pooch, you are usually allowed, and pretty much required, to retire. To paraphrase Churchill, some pooch, some screw!

  133. Comcis Fan
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur seems to have a case of Panel 1 Bell’s Palsy.

    FW: Which smirking Moore will have to abandon the other’s frozen remains on Kilimanjaro? Either that, or they develop altitude sickness and hallucinate a visit from Lisa in what turns out to be a smirkingly humorous yet bittersweet family vacation. While either is possible in this strip, I tend to go with the latter.

    S4th: My boyfriend’s back and we’re gonna get in trouble …

  134. Écureuil Écumant
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#123): “Something Wicked This Way Comes” is one of my faves. He really evoked that small town ambiance.

  135. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#113) asked: “FW: Do people ever die climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro? Just saying, that might be an avenue to explore.”

    Plenty die. It’s over 19,000 feet in elevation, more than enough to present a serious threat to out-of-shape, casual flatlander tourists like Les. So there’s hope for us yet!

    Unfortunately, a more likely scenario is that Les will survive, while Summer will contract Ebolacancer and die. Les will get another book out of the the experience, and Keisha will be forced to watch tapes of Summer advising her on one of life’s greatest challenges: how to go to your left.

  136. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#131): Keep in mind this is for future generations.

    I think I’ll do Li?.

  137. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#136): And that “?” should have been an “o” with a little line over it.

  138. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#132): Sometimes it’s scary what I know about certain comic strips. You’d think that by now some of that information would be pushed out in favor of newer stuff.

  139. boojum
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#109): Oh my God. I’ve spent so much time trying not to think what Brooke’s depiction of Edda says about his squicky preoccupation with his daughter (don’tthinkaboutitdon’tthinkaboutitdon’tthinkaboutit…) that I have somehow failed in my charity to another lost soul. Imagine, if you dare, the white-hot, sulphurous, pluperfect hell of being Mrs. Brooke McEldowney!

  140. Écureuil Écumant
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#135): If Kilimanjaro’s all booked this season, might I suggest Nyiragongo? It’s in the neighborhood and has a lovely lava lake for a dip to take a dip.

  141. Écureuil Écumant
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Love Is: Skidmarks on your heels from squatting.

  142. Spotts1701
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#115): Nah, the damage will be very localized to merely our own galaxy.

  143. Liam
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    FW-”But we can’t climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. It will ruin your mother’s calculations if one of us was to die on it. She never factored in her calculations me winning a trip overseas.”

  144. Señor Tortilla
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    MW – Wilbur is creepier than normal, methinks.

    FW – If Les and Summer return home to find that the Lisa Tapes have been re-recorded or thrown out, I take back anything I said bad about FW.

    JP – Peaches and April have the exact same haircut and face. If it wasn’t for the colorization, you’d think they were the same. Even so, Peaches is a Palette Swap of April.

    SM – Now, I’m not going to say Clown-9 makes the show any better, but he doesn’t “ruin” it anymore than it already is. Can’t they pick some play from public domain that a) gives it some context so we know how Hardy de-railed it and b) is better writing than the comic strip?

  145. Liam
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    BB-The General can’t even remember his name.

    Hi and Lois-I like to image Trixie parting the Pacific Ocean as she is walking to Australia.

  146. pugfuggly
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#128):

    In strictly biological terms, there’s no such thing as a ‘vegetable’, as nearly any edible plant part (leaves, stems, roots, flowers, or fruit) can be labelled as such, whereas a fruit is the mature ovaries or a plant.

    The real fun comes in classifying fruit. Bananas, pumpkins and peppers? Technically berries. Raspberries, blackberries and strawberries? Not.

  147. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Funky Monkey — “Kilimanjaro” is also Mumbles-speak for “I killed a one-gallon jar of Hellmann’s mayonnaise all by myself!” (When did Mumbles turn into Wilbur Weston?)

  148. boojum
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#137):

    And that “?” should have been an “o” with a little line over it.

    Ah, yes. That’s what Wilbur’s editor was trying to say.

  149. commodorejohn
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#139): I know, right? It’s kind of like when Lynn Johnston divorced and we all realized that oh my God, that dolt her author-avatar was married to was actually meant to represent her husband…

  150. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#123): I read somewhere that Ray Bradbury liked to work in his underwear. I always felt honored to be in such esteemed company. (Hey, I do some of my best work in my skivvies!)

  151. Dennis Jimenez
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#141): Skidmarks on your boxers; Told a tale on you-oo; Skid marks on your boxers; Showed you were untrue-oo….

  152. Anonymous
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#14): Simple enough. Not all newspapers print the daily strips in color. A lot of cartoonists use more solid blacks and dot-pattern grays during the week to make the strips look interesting in black-and-white, but they leave the artwork “open for color” on Sundays.

  153. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    FW — Poor Tanzania.

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#146): The distinction in ordinary speech and writing is fairly recent. My 1899 Century Dictionary makes no serious distinction between vegetable and fruit until it gets to #3 under fruit, where it notes that it is a technical botanical term, and then goes into considerable detail about… plant sex! So Frank’s 1894 newspaper article referring to a banana as a vegetable was certainly the usual designation at the time, and would have excited no remark.

    Things are different now. Recently, my local newspaper had a long article by the local agricultural extension agent over whether tomatoes should be considered a vegetable or a fruit. It received a number of letters in reply, with people coming down decidedly on one side or another. In the 1890s, the answer to the question would have been, “Yes.”

  155. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#152): “Not all newspapers print the daily strips in color.”

    Very few, in fact. And it’s a relatively recent phenomena. I used to travel a lot in my business, and I was very surprised the first time I saw it a few years back, in Texas, I think.

  156. bats :[
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

  157. Liam
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    FW-Meanwhile in Africa a tribal leader senses that evil is coming.

  158. yaoi huntress earth
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#139): I have a feeling it involves feeling of inadequacy for the imaginary women who worship her husband (via his author avatars) and his daughter complex.

  159. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#132): I tremble to think what Amos might have done to get demoted, and sent to run Camp Swampy.

    He made Edda’s mother mad.

  160. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @boojum (#139): I’d say it depends on how willing and aware a participant she is. Unlike being someone’s daughter, after all, you generally choose to marry someone. We also don’t know whether they are still married; perhaps she left about the time he ditched his editors, closed his comment threads, and started drawing the really squicky stuff. If so, it would explain much.

  161. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#126): How about Camp Sultry Widow And Mike the Pilot Youcan’tgettowithoutacanoe? Is that acronym already taken?

  162. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#155): My local paper only does it on Fri and Sun.

  163. terrapin
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#123):”There was a sound of thunder.” RIP, Mr Bradbury!

  164. geekwhisperer
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Absolutely RIP for Ray Bradbury. I remember as a kid when I was a kid I spent a lot of time at the library (dissolving 70′s family, all that). I’d read everything in the “Junior Fiction” section and I asked the librarian if there was anything new. She knew me, and said, “Jimmy, follow me.”

    She took me to the adult science fiction section. All the books had a blue label on the binding with a ’50′s style rocket flying around a ringed planet. She reached up on the shelf and pulled down “The Golden Apples of the Sun” and said, “Start here”.

    The Foghorn. The Flying Machine. And holy shit, A Sound of Thunder. I get chills thinking about it, with my family disintegrating on the other side of my bedroom door I was in that time machine, staring up at the oily scales of the Tyrannosaurs Rex.

    Thank you, Ray.

  165. Hogenmogen
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#130): I volunteer to memorize the entire catalog of Funky Winkerbean, burn all books, reprints, hard drives, then I will suddenly be struck with sudden accute selective amnesia. The tragedy will fit well with the general motif of the strip, no?

  166. This Guy
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    PBS: “Person stores” have been illegal here for almost 150 years.

    Ziggy: Um, everybody else sees Ziggy’s bank teller talking about executions, right? Right?

    @Jamoche (#73): A scant few seconds after I read this comment, “Phonetic Punctuation” came up on iTunes on shuffle. Meaningless coincidences FTW!

  167. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#157): In a Skull-shaped cave in the jungle, a Pygmy medicine man with a lampshade on his head is staring at a video monitor that is displaying a picture of a smirking American high-school teacher and pizza cook with an aura of smugness so strong that it practically blows a fuse on the computer. He turns to his companion in purple spandex and striped briefs and warns him, “Something wicked this way comes.” (R.I.P., Ray.)

  168. Illustrator Steve
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#68): “OK, Ok. We’ll stay and face the FISTS OF JUSTICE!”

    Maybe they could join the Pearls before Swine comic strip and move next door to the Crocs, or, as a very last resort, move next door to Crankshaft. But, Wherever they go, they must be sure not to drop any gum wrappers or the FISTS-O-JUSTICE is bound to find them!

  169. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#165): Why go through all that work? Just say you memorized it and that you can’t recall any of it. Same results, less labor.

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#164): All the books had a blue label on the binding with a ’50?s style rocket flying around a ringed planet.

    I remember that label! Did all libraries have it on their sci-fi books? Was it a law?

    // Didn’t murder mysteries have a red label with a dagger?

  171. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#166): PBS: “Person stores” have been illegal here for almost 150 years.

    Bummer, man. Have you tried Amazon?

  172. geekwhisperer
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): and there was a skull, right? What was a skull? I always thought they were awesome.

  173. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: Following one’s heart often has stupid leading the way.

    I bet Batiuk has been following his heart for Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft.

  174. Hyhybt
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: “Enjoy infancy while it lasts” is an odd thing to say to someone who’s been an infant for nearly 60 years.

  175. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Peter Parker, The Amazing Comic Strip Theater Critic:

    He’s bad at that, too.
    If Clown-9 isn’t making this “show” work, I don’t know what is.

    And, I’ve never met an usher or bouncer who dealt with a nuisance they’d kick out by referring to them as “sir”. And, believe me, they don’t talk over their shoulders when they tell you to skeedaddle.

  176. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#172): Yeah, I remember a black label with a skull too. Must have been an option. Libraries could choose daggers or skulls for their murder mysteries, but the blue rocket WAS required for SF.

    // I vaguely recall a cowboy on a bucking bronco for the westerns, does that ring a bell?

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#175): Not to pry, but you’ve been kicked out of a lot of places?

    You must have some interesting stories.

  178. geekwhisperer
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    yes, and a ghost for horror (I think). It’s all coming back to me. Why a pictorial language and not just the word “Sci-fi”? I mean, who is that for, people who can’t read?

  179. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Ah Ha! So, Mark Trail’s Murder Mystery A Go Go is picking up steam!

    Let’s face it, Al Chavez was about as useful as a robin named Larry. So, of course, Mark Trail Clone Number 4, code named “Goldicox”, was messing around with the now-widow Chavez, getting himself some widow wuvvin’.

    I bet Mark was so obsessed with that piece of litter he found that he didn’t see how complex affairs of the heart can be. Obviously, he fails to see how his clones get more action than he does.

  180. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Okay, so we are all clear on this:

    Popeye, the Sailor Landlubber loves, loves, loves Spinach and hates, hates, hates Cabbage.

    Commie Pinkos pack a mean punch!

  181. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): You mean, “That would MAKE an interesting story!” Especially if it involves villainous wolves.

  182. Alter Ego
    June 6th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    love is… outsourcing your blowjobs.

  183. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Okay, if Floxfly Sox oh, I’m sorry. I got that bass-ackwards. If Slylock Fox, Animal Dectective is teaching us anything about dinosaurs it is that they love, love, love booty biting!

    So, I guess that means that for every triceratops there was a tricerabottom!

  184. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170):

    // Didn’t murder mysteries have a red label with a dagger?

    I think some of the mysteries had a smoking pistol, but I do remember red. And yeah, that rocket ship sticker was everywhere.

    Good good times.

  185. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#178): Why a pictorial language and not just the word “Sci-fi”? I mean, who is that for, people who can’t read?

    Sure. Like the generic road sign indicating library. So people who can’t read can find the place.

    Say you wanted to meet someone whom you knew to be illiterate, to complete a drug deal or something in a nice quiet place, you’d just say, for example, “Meet me at the library by the science fiction books.” No problem.

  186. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Any music majors out there?

    I like that under the comic it tells you that you can Tweet.

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#183): “… for every…”

    Sniff. You are such a romantic!

  188. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#128):

    Soooo, the “fruited plains” has nothing to do with Fruit Loops, huh? That changes everything. What good is the Breadbasket, the American Heartland, if it isn’t resplendent in Fruit Loops?!?

    Aaaaaargh! It is too early in the day for existential angst!

  189. TheDiva
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#109): (Luann: better or worse theater prospects than Hardy Laurel? Discuss.)

    Better. Not because she’s actually any good at what she does, but because Greg Evans is surpassed only by Tom Batiuk in suspending the rules of probability, logic, and common sense in order to favor his protagonists. Luann would be offered the role of Mama Rose in a revival of Gypsy her first day in New York, never mind that she’s at least twenty-five years too young for the part because she’s just that good.

  190. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#181): Of course. Thank you. Now I want to hear all about the ushers and bouncers TallyHo met while being ejected from numerous establishments for various interesting reasons. Some of them were hotties, no?

    // I love a GOOD story.

  191. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    This one goes out for B. F. Skinner and Six Chix cartoonists:

    you all know that mice can chew through walls and climb over obstacles, right?
    Mazes…they’ll get through mazes…mazes will never be a problem for mice.

    Unless there is a helicopter cat hovering above them. Then they don’t have a wing or a prayer to reach that savory wedge of cheese.

    //I’d like to think that Gen. Halftracks absence today is due to an emergency trip he had to make. He was medi-vacced (sp?) via helicopter cat to the nearest bar!
    (if ya gotta go, ya gotta go in something classy)

  192. Horace Broon
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    I thought the folks here might like a picture someone put on Twitter, captioned “Spidey finally susses out how TV works“.

  193. John C
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Hagar regrets taking part of the renactment of 300 where the Spartans push the Persian troops off the cliff…the word, btw, for surrender is “THIS-IS-SPARTA!”

  194. Reepicheep-chan
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    You guys are being awful harsh on lawyers. There is a thing called pro bono work, you know. Lots of folks get into law in order to help people.

  195. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#188): You want existential angst, have you seen today’s Zippy?

    I think Bill Griffith has finally gone over the edge and is now sitting with forefinger to lips going, “blablablablablablablabla.”

  196. Dood
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Will someone wake me up when it’s seltzer-waterin’ time?

  197. Calico
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#3):
    Yes, this made me think of the book “Mutant Message Down Under”, which whether true or not (I think it’s fictitious myself) is an interesting and fun read.

    This also reminds me of when Mrs. Crabtree drives Chef and the SP dodgeball team to China! : D

  198. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#188): Actually, Froot Loops were very common indeed on the frooted plain. Couldn’t swing a maybe dead cat in Schroeder’s toy piano box without tripping over a froot loop.

    // Polly wolley doodle all day.

  199. Marc
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#113): I second that. Except in my case, change HGTV to NHL Network

  200. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#190):

    Let’s just say that when it came to lady ushers (and I refuse to call them “usherettes” (which is a word I think I just coined so…)…when it came to women who could remove people at will, maybe there was a polling place or two (mixed primaries, they confuse me).

    But, in general, I never had problems with women. In fact, I have had much success at getting in and staying in….clubs, venues, events and such.

    With guys who are ushers and bouncers, whew.

    Let’s just say, there is a split second when you can tell their adrenaline has kicked in. That’s when their patience has worn thin. Even claiming you are carrying the smurfy mantle of Jokey Smurf or that you are trying to delight like Fozzy Bear only tends to infuriate them.

    They got NC. Noooo Class.

  201. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#113): PBS: Just turn the TV off and let me stare into the black soul of nothingness while I contemplate how I got sold to Rat.

  202. This Guy
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185): Our library traditionally had: A rocket-and-ringed-planet, white on red (or should that be a planet and rocket, gules, on a field argent?) for SF, a black unicorn’s head on blue for fantasy, a red ghost on white for horror, a brown pirate’s face on yellow for adventure, a cartoon bomb red-on-white for suspense, and a black-on-blue detective’s head for mystery. They’ve stopped putting all those on new books, though, in favor of just printing genre on the call-number labels.

    The pictorial labels could help you identify what you’re looking for from farther away than just a word, though. “Ah, I see a lot of unicorns across the room. Those must be the fantasy shelves.”

  203. Calico
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#153):
    Thing is, they haven’t trained at all, so how do they expect to carry this off within 2 and a half months? Gah.

  204. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#189):

    “Luann would be offered the role of Mama Rose in a revival of Gypsy her first day in New York, never mind that she’s at least twenty-five years too young for the part because she’s just that good.”

    But she’d be fired the next day when the producer realized that she wasn’t kidding and she REALLY does not “put out.” (And finds the whole idea squicky.)

    Fortunately Ann Eiffel would show up to take over the role.

  205. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#195):

    No, sir. You are not gonna make me do it. I won’t view, read, look at or browse Zippy, 9 Chickle-fied Lane or that Luann strip.

    When it comes to comic strip angst, I’ll stick with Ziggy, thenk-yew-verymuch.

    ( @Nehemiah Scudder (#198): and now my faith is restored! When I spoke of “Fruit Loops” I meant crazy people in the midwest, not the delicious, vibrantly colored, vitamin fortified cereal that is the delight of the young and old. I’d never speak badly nor would I ever lament Froot Loops.)

  206. Illustrator Steve
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Sherrif! I just spent six days paddling this canoe to your office, and there wasn’t even any water along most of the way! …I will get to the point. I have here a used gum wrapper I personally found on the ground in the woods! I looked it over carefully while holding in tightly in my fingertips with my bare hands! Since then, I have kept it in my pocket for weeks while getting soaking wet paddling back and forth across this God forsaken area somewhere in the southern part of the state! I present to you this wrinkled gum wrapper, soiled with my smudged fingerprints, as evidence and solid PROOF that mister Harris, a recluse bush pilot with arthritic fingers so bad that he can’t hold a hunting rifle no less fire one, shot and murdered Al Chavez with Gene Jackson’s loaded rifle!”

    “DON’T say another word! Please have a seat in this secure conference room while I make a telephone call! …Hello, SWAT? Yes, please send a team response truck filled with your finest commandos to a remote part of our area in the southern part of the state to apprehend a VILLAINOUS murderer! WHAT? You want his name? Hold on a sec, I will ask him. Excuse me, WHAT is your name again?”

    “Huh? Why, I am the famous avid environmentalist and nature writer, Mark Trail!”

    “Hello, SWAT? Yes, He says his name is, MARK TRAIL. THAT’S right, the same guy we’ve had all those tresspassing reports about! Please HURRY, because this guy really seems to be off his rocker! WHAT? You and your agents are over at the Harris place for the annual SWAT cookout? That’s right, Harris is one of your top agents and bush pilots! Well, you guys enjoy yourselves and I’ll keep Trail locked up until you can arrive. No rush, it’s not like this guy has a kid at home who is waiting to go fishing or anything like that!”

  207. Calico
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#146):
    Could you please post a link or two Re: this info? I find it fascinating.
    I knew tomatoes were technically fruit, even though we group them in the veggie category, but the berry true classifications are new to me. : )
    TY!

  208. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#176): I don’t remember any daggers or skulls on the murder mysteries in my local public library. However, I do remember the outline of a man wearing a slouch hat and a cloak — kinda like The Shadow.

    @Reepicheep-chan (#194): And some people become lawyers to help themselves — just like in any other profession. Your point?

    (Perhaps Mysterious shirtless lawyer should comment on this one!)

  209. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#205): Very wise taking the underused Baka Gaijin Clown Amendment. Very wise indeed.

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#202): “black-on-blue detective’s head for mystery”

    Oh, yeah. Sherlock Holmes deerstalker hat with pipe, that’s right. You must have one of those eidetic memories I hear about. Everybody remembers the same symbols, icons we’d call them now. Must have been an Library Association standard.

  211. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#189): That reminds me of a radio debate I heard the other day — could a white actor, talented in the extreme, winner of every significant acting award on Earth, etc., etc., etc., successfully audition for the title role of a biopic of Martin Luther King Jr.?

    (Forgive me if this is racist — I don’t mean to be. This was simply the logical conclusion reached by the DJ’s.)

    I think this was caused by a controversy in “Snow White and the Huntsman”, where genuine little people were not allowed to audition for the dwarves’ roles.

  212. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#208): I was trying to remember a story I read a long time ago, about a young man who started out in veterinary school, but had to quit because of a silly misunderstanding about the meaning of animal husbandry. He then went into medicine, specializing in the diseases of rich people.

    If I were younger, I’d go into law, specializing in the legal problems of rich people.

    // Because, somebody has to care.

  213. gleeb
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#157): Maybe Old Man Mozz will warn the Ghost-who-Walks that Creepy Les approaches.

  214. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#202): Was the Gunther Bookworm costume a library standard, too? If so, then it was for the section of the stacks that you definitely do not want to browse, unaccompanied.

  215. gleeb
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#167): I should have guessed someone else would anticipate me.

  216. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#212): The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid
    the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

    The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, ‘Our research
    shows that even though your annual income is over two million
    dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give
    something back to your community through the United Way ?’

    The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, ‘First, did your
    research also show you that my mother is dying after a long,
    painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability
    to pay?’

    Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, ‘Uh . . . no, I didn’t know that.’

    ‘Secondly,’ says the lawyer, ‘did it show that my brother,
    a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair
    and is unable to support his wife and six children?’

    The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology,
    but is cut off again.

    ‘Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s
    husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless
    with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that
    has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?’

    The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, ‘I’m
    so sorry, I had no idea.’

    And the lawyer says, ‘So . . . if I didn’t give any money
    to them, what makes you think I’d give any to you?

  217. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

  219. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#211):

    Did these same people think that Denzel Washington could pull off a good George Washington?

    Fictional characters have leeway, wiggle room but unless it is a joke historical accuracy is still important. I think most people would agree with that whether or not they hypothesize something contrary to that fact.

    //that’s as serious as I can be right now. so I’m turning that spigot off. Back to the Clown-9-istic antics for me! Squeakle-Squeakle!

  220. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    PLUggggerssss!

    I don’t even think they know who they are.

    //and one more thing: chickens don’t sweat to anything; they are calm, coop and delicious!

  221. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#219):

    “Did these same people think that Denzel Washington could pull off a good George Washington?”

    I gather that Samuel Jackson pulls off a good originally-white Nick Fury (though I’ve not seen the movies), but as you say you’ve got more wiggle room with fictional characters. (Or maybe Fury is black in the Marvel ULTIMATEs alternate universe, which I’ve been mostly trying to ignore?)

  222. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#219): goes for sound effects…

    I’m turning that spigot off. Back to the Clown-9-istic antics for me! Squeakle-Squeakle!

  223. Shrug
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#212):

    That’s a bit of Tom Lehrer patter (as you probably know). I think Judy Henske also used the “animal husbandry” joke on one of her albums (but not the “diseases of the rich” follow-up line).

    Any Judy Henske fans out there?

  224. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#219): Isn’t that a Clown-9 Soaky™ you’re playing with in the bath tub? FLUBBITTY BUBBITY BIBBITY BUBBITY!!!

  225. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#196) said: “Spider-Man: Will someone wake me up when it’s seltzer-waterin’ time?”

    I’m holding out for a pie fight.

  226. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#225): And I’m waiting for the “pull my finger” routine. No, wait. I think I’ll pass on that.

    // see what I did there?

  227. Chip Whittle
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#219):

    Did these same people think that Denzel Washington could pull off a good George Washington?

    Fictional characters have leeway, wiggle room but unless it is a joke historical accuracy is still important. I think most people would agree with that whether or not they hypothesize something contrary to that fact.

    Over on Real Broadway, James Earl Jones is starring in a revival of Gore Vidal’s The Best Man. He plays an (imaginary) former President, but the story is set in 1960. He’s perfectly convincing and one of the estimated seven strongest actors in the production.

  228. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#216): Hee! (I come from a family of lawyers, but I still like a good lawyer joke.)

  229. Spotts1701
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#221): He is. In fact, the Marvel artists started to draw Ultimate Nick Fury in Jackson’s likeness (without asking permission first). He agreed to let them continue to do so in exchange for some original art and the right to play Fury in the movies.

  230. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#216): Sounds like something Bloom County’s Steve Dallas might have said:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Dallas

  231. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 6th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#181):

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): You mean, “That would MAKE an interesting story!” Especially if it involves villainous wolves.

    I think you meant to say:

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): You mean, “That would MAKE an interesting story!” Especially if it involves villainous wolves. VILLAINOUS WOLVES!

    Fixed that for ya!

  232. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#226) cracked: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#225): And I’m waiting for the “pull my finger” routine. No, wait. I think I’ll pass on that.

    // see what I did there?”

    Well, I don’t exactly see it.

  233. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#227):

    I guess there could be some very prominent exceptions to the rules….however, with the J.E. Jones portrayal of a 1960 president (whether it is based on Eisenhower? or not) that is re-imagining. That’s probably a huge caveat as the actor through their performance has a chance to define that character.

    Any performance could happen. Heck a woman could play Nixon while looking like a school marm and it could be done. It is whether or not people accept it that would matter. I’m not saying anything extraordinary in saying some folks will decry the historical inaccuracies and make hay of any deviation from facts.

    I just found out about the little people actors being mad about not being cast in the new Snow White movie. (personally, I think they have more options than those roles but, whatever.) If special effects could transform and create a convincing illusion…..if the illusion is solid then I guess it doesn’t matter who does what. It’s like when Charlie Chaplin was selling IBM computers. Computer alterations change the game beyond certain actors going the route of, say, Robert DeNiro went to portray Jake Lamotta in “Raging Bull.”

    yada yada…
    //where’s the spritzer! Gotta go kaboing boing to Sheboygan. Where’s my duckmo-bile?!?

  234. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#222):
    By the way, thanks for that. It will be put to use someday.

  235. Ian Beste
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): That label (and others that later posters mention as well) are all available from library supply companies like Gaylord. Awesome catalogs.

  236. This Guy
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#189): And never mind that she barely seems to give a shit about the prospect of acting, while the ambitious and proactive Tiffany will never dig herself out of direct-to-video hell in Evansworld. Assuming that she manages not to be forced into doing porn, of course. The attractive girl who snubbed Evans must suffer, after all.

  237. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#232): Good thing, eh?

    Although with clowns you never can tell.

  238. Ian Beste
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#114): As as Dennis isn’t showing Mrs. Wilson his big ten-inch … record of his favorite blues.

  239. A Mindful Webworker
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    H&L: When did Trixie show up? Twenty seconds’ search was uninformative. Wikipedia’s entry on H&L lists a Trixie collection book 1960. I would have been 8. Do I really remember Lois’s pregnancy, and then the family expanded? I seem to recall wondering, will Hi & Lois be like Gasoline Alley, a real-time-aging strip? Will this baby age? Will the kids grow up? How interesting.

    Except it wasn’t.

    Alas, Trixie, YOU WILL NEVER WALK!

  240. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#223): You are absolutely right – but I had completely forgotten the Tom Lehrer connection until you reminded me. For some reason (probably senile dementia), I was thinking it was a Max Shulman story.

    What song was that associated with?

  241. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#234): I hope you enjoy it.

    Why do I feel like I’ve opened Pandora’s box?

  242. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    A two-fer:
    It is Tom K. Ryan’s 86th Birthday.

    He’s the guy that did that Tumbleweeds strip

    —–
    Baka, once upon a time I had to do phone interviews with clowns, actual, living mouth breathing clowns. I’ll leave it at that. boo!

  243. This Guy
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#212): “…we can unclog a blocked purse, or in extreme cases perform a cashectomy, which is the total removal of all monies from the patient.”

  244. sporknpork
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#152): True enough, but it just seems Hi & Lois is especially noticeable, even on Sunday strips.

  245. Liam
    June 6th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Luann-”I can totally see her on Broadway dressed like some derange circus clown calling herself ‘Clown-9′ and interrupting a play.”

  246. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#18): I believe that Delta’s contract requires that, as the Black Friend, Delta is “all about” helping poor people.

  247. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#237) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#232): Good thing, eh?

    Although with clowns you never can tell.”

    I’m with Baka here. I stay so far from those EVILSCARYCLOWNS that I never get close enough to tell.

  248. pugfuggly
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#154):

    Very interesting….

    I know that part of the US definition of fruit/vegetable goes back to an 1883 court decision concerning tariff on vegetables and its relevance to the import of tomatoes in NY. It was decided that in US commerce, ‘fruits’ are plants which are enjoyed as dessert, while ‘vegetables’ are those included in main courses. Similarly, beans were classified as vegetables, even though botanically they are seeds, and would not be treated in the same category as grains. I see from the wiki article that the decision stands even today, as NJ has made the tomato the ‘official state vegetable’.

    @Calico (#207):

    I learned it all a few years ago when I TA’d a first year biology lab on it. I think that wiki has it all pretty well covered on their fruit page, but here’s a neat graphic tutorial from the university of Wisconsin.

    How did we get on this again…?

  249. Señor Tortilla
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#103): I sure hope it’s handled better than some top-heavy lug convincing him of it just because he pretends to have poor taste.

  250. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#248): How did we get on this again…?

    Beats me. We were talking about slide rules, and sentence diagramming, as usual, and someone mentioned the big K&E factory in Hoboken, NJ, and somehow that got to New Jersey’s official vegetable, which turned out NOT to be The Situation, and then whether or not the tomato was a fruit and… Jeez, it’s crazy.

    Next thing you know, some doofus will bring up comic strips again!

    // Why don’t those guys get their own forum!

  251. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#248):

    I’d rather consume a Fruit Roll Up than a Vegetable Roll Up.

    Roll Ups for the Win!

    On Hi & Lois excessive use of inks…it is coinciding with a running theme of how the middle class is fairing in a bad economy. It makes even the more light-hearted strips seem a tad….well, maybe a lot less funny.

    That’s why I occasionally attempt typing jujitsu and describe strips as including Thirsty Mc Glugglug and no . kids . at . all. It’s funnier. No hint of schmaltz, no edginess that is “relatable”, just funnier in the grand tradition of comic strips…even ones that took place in the freaking Great Depression. It is like Thirsty has the capability of being a 21st Century Count Screwloose.

    You don’t turn your back on a character like that. You just don’t…unless you’re Spiderman; Mark Trail while eating pancakes; Snuffy while snuffing, huffing and puffing; or Hagar the Horrible and His Two Man Pillaging Operation.

    Heed my advice, Walkers! Tone down the shinola and turn up the Thirsty!

  252. Droopy Says
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#144): ASM: Can’t they pick some play from public domain that a) gives it some context so we know how Hardy de-railed it and b) is better writing than the comic strip?<

    They picked one of Shakespeare’s plays, then changed the lines because you can’t expect modern readers to understand that Shakespeare talk. I’m sure the play is A Midsummer Night’s Dream because Peter Passive is perfect for the role of the transformed Bottom.

  253. seismic-2
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#252): Actually, I think he’d make a better Wall.

  254. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#203): Good point. Whatever money Tanzania might initially make from their visit will be more than offset by the cost of retrieving their bodies.

  255. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#248): That, by the way, is a gorgeous poster, and if I had a loose $25 I’d buy one from the UW Botany Store. Love their fungus poster, too.

  256. Baka Gaijin
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#242): EEEEEE! What kind of evil deeds had you done in past lives to deserve that circle of Hell?

  257. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#256):

    I was on the company’s picnic planning committee.

  258. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Thanks upthread for the heads up about Ray Bradbury’s passing. I live mere moments from Waukegan IL (hello), and think about how different it is now than the days of “Dandelion Wine”, among other works. Very sad news indeed. RIP to one of my literary heroes.

  259. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    HtH — I liked the Hun Fun Facts, and no, I’m not sucking up. I’ll never have the time and energy and intellectual discipline to acquire a good grasp of The Grand Sweep Of History, so I appreciate occasional bits and pieces. Hun warriors on foot, ha ha! I know better now.

  260. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#255) said: “@pugfuggly (#248): That, by the way, is a gorgeous poster, and if I had a loose $25 I’d buy one from the UW Botany Store. Love their fungus poster, too.”

    Hey, why spend $25 from the UW Botany Store, when we have our very own CC fungus poster for free.

  261. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Ahoy there, fans of Judge Parker and Rex Morgan!

    And when I say “fans” I mean of a certain part of the female anatomy.

  262. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#247): Which brings up the question, if we need to use the term “EVILSCARY CLOWNS” instead of simply “CLOWNS” then doesn’t that imply there are CLOWNS who are not EVILSCARY?

    I do believe Spider-Man has shown that, indeed, there are also LAMEBRAINIDIOTTWITCLOWNS.

  263. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#178): At least for me, it’s because it’s easier to skim for pictures when browsing in the stacks. Iit saves me from having to dig through books with mysteriously unclear covers and titles to determine what the genre is (though some of that is inevitable, as things don’t always get stickered, or stickered reliably – still, it’s good to know whether that book with the knights fighting on the spine is fantasy (purple unicorn head) or historical fiction (brown liberty bell).)

  264. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 6th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#202): Or what you said.

  265. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#248): How did we get on this again…?

    Blame Frank Lee Meidere (#y242) and Rocky Stoneaxe (#106).

    @Señor Tortilla (#249): I sure hope it’s handled better than some top-heavy lug convincing him of it just because he pretends to have poor taste.

    My money’s on Cory Thomas not to pull a McEldowney (or a Batiuk).

  266. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#264):

    Well, let’s go one step further!

    This is premised upon the notion that the Dewey Decimal system is still used and that books are still organized by genre and that we all need a good piñatas.

    No one would need to squint especially…aaaaw crap! I hadn’t thought of the large print section. There’s tons of stuff crammed into that section.

    Well, what I was considering piñatas over every section. Though, mostly because I think people would respond well to piñata-y versions of hovering unicorns, soaring spaceships and dangling severed heads.

    The How-To section eludes me though.

    (in all seriousness, if everything is grouped by genre in fiction then appropriate posters on the end of the shelves would be easy and cheap enough to make and to implement.)

  267. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#242): Baka, once upon a time I had to do phone interviews with clowns, actual, living mouth FIRE breathing clowns. I’ll leave it at that.

    FIFY (You’re welcome, Mr. Gaijin!)

    @tallyHO (#251): Heed my advice, Walkers! Tone down the shinola and turn up the Thirsty!

    Helen Clark and I will both drink to that!

  268. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#266): Piñatas filled with bookmarks with quotes from L. Ron Hubbard.

    When you can be your own best audience and when your applause is the best applause you know of, you’re in good shape.

    They can be whacked with those long poles used to get books down from high shelves.

  269. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#262) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#247): Which brings up the question, if we need to use the term “EVILSCARY CLOWNS” instead of simply “CLOWNS” then doesn’t that imply there are CLOWNS who are not EVILSCARY?

    I do believe Spider-Man has shown that, indeed, there are also LAMEBRAINIDIOTTWITCLOWNS.”

    While all clowns are definitely EVILSCARY, they usually appear only at specific times and places, so one can avoid them. Much worse are EVILANNOYINGMIMES, who can appear anywhere without warning. I was once walking along minding my own business, when I found myself surrounded by the “vaunted” San Francisco Mime Troupe. While they weren’t particularly scary, they were annoying as hell. Not nice. Not cute. Not clever. Not fun. Dressing up as a mime apparently gives one license to be a jerk in public. YECCH!

  270. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#269): Interesting. They sound like deer flies.

  271. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Here’s a non-comics question that maybe one of you knowledgeable ‘mudges can answer: While walking my dog this afternoon, I saw a whole bunch of little insects–slightly bigger than gnats–that had what looked like bits of white fluff on them, sort of hanging from their “tails.” Does anyone have any idea what they were? Maybe one of our resident Mark Trails will know?

  272. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#269): Well, AS SEEN ON TV Jimmy Fallon once said,

    When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

  273. Austria
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    The “hush puppies” line in Zits about killed me today. Remember when the strip was like that all the time? Yeah…

  274. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#271): Was this before or after you had a drink?

  275. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#271): Maybe they were woolly aphids.

    (Oh lordy, am I really a resident Mark Trail? Is that what ranting has brought me to? How soon will I start picking up random gum wrappers and claiming they are clues? How long before weird-looking wild-eyed children start exerting a strange fascination? NOOOOOO, get those pancakes away from me!….)

  276. Peanut Gallery
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#198):

    Couldn’t swing a maybe dead cat in Schroeder’s toy piano box…

    Well, there’s a quantum of solace in that. Heck, make it two quanta; they’re small.

  277. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#275): Do those fly? These little guys were flying.

    And better a resident Mark Trail than a resident Mary Worth—or a resident Rusty. (I’d aspire to being a resident Abby Spencer, but I’m afraid I have insufficient accoutrements—and an insufficient bank account.)

  278. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

  279. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#278): Yes, I think that’s it! Thanks, Mark Poteet!

  280. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#278): That looks like something Sam could use with his fly fishing.

  281. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#277): Whoops, sorry, that link was even worse than I thought. As for being Abby, you probably also have too much sense to marry Sam Driver The Strange Sexless Wonder. That’s gonna be one weird fishing trip.

  282. Poteet
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#280): Or something one would see after drinking:-).

  283. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#269): Much worse are EVILANNOYINGMIMES, who can appear anywhere without warning.

    Begs the question: how would tallyHO conduct a phone interview with an EVILANNOYINGMIME?

  284. Alison
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Bernice and her random “Luann, you’re so funny!” line reminds me of that broke-ass beauty pageant Luann entered and how her talent was to recite a stupid poem about how funny she was. Meanwhile, we have never actually *seen* Luann be funny.

    “Hi and Lois”: Man, this is just depressing. Trixie ain’t never going to walk, no matter how much she dreams about it. Reminds me of when I used to read the “Babysistter’s Club” series in third grade and that one character Mallory was always miserable and longing for her twelfth birthday. You are a fictional character, hon, and your birthday ain’t ever coming. And Trixie, you are also a fictional character and you are never gonna be anything more than a cutesy-poo baby obsessing about your sunbeam. God, this is all so gloomy.

  285. tallyHO
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#283):

    Even on a videoconference call that would be tough. How would I resist the urge to yell:

    Just answer the friggin’ question!!!!”

    //If I said “cut to the chase” surely he’d mime scissors and cutting something before he jogged in place. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.

    As it goes, I have actively ridiculed mimes in public. By miming behind the ones working street corners. It is an absurd choice to express ones self. I swear it is more of an artistic exercise than artistic expression. And, yes, I know, there are really good miming troupes that put on a heck of a show but the ones that mime solo……seeeeethh!

  286. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#283): queries…

    …how would tallyHO conduct a phone interview with an EVILANNOYINGMIME?

    Use the MUTE button.

  287. Sgt. Stoned
    June 6th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’ll bet Wilbur’s editor is thinking (“?”): “In this day and age, when our daughters get knocked up, we don’t have to send them away ‘as far as possible’ until baby is delivered and put up for adoption. In addition to the existence of abortion clinics, single moms don’t suffer the kind of social stigma in our society that they did 50 years ago (Gil Thorp nothwithstanding).”

    Snuffy Smif: I didn’t know that Snuffy had a twin brother named Barlow.

    D-M: As I live and breathe, an honest-to-goodness “token negro” in Dennis’s gang who we have never seen before and, no doubt, will never see again!

    MT: “We might have a problem…Trail has a gum wrapper covered with his own fingerprints that he found in the woods and which proves nothing!”

  288. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#211): The “Snow White and the Huntsman” kerfuffle resulted from mindless followerism, I’m pretty sure. When Peter Jackson was making the Rings films, he cast normal-size (for lack of a better term) actors as Hobbits. That’s largely because Hobbits wouldn’t have the proportions of little people, but something close to those of a 5’8 human. That justification doesn’t hold for the seven dwarves, but now you can’t cast small-statured characters in a fantasy film without doing it the exact way Jackson did. Something needs to break the status quo.

  289. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: 34. Do I win?

    // If your only tool is a slide rule, all problems look like logarithms.

  290. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#289): Tell me, Mr. Scudder, I believe you said you hail from Alabama but could this be you?

  291. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#286): Okay, I think we’ve mimed this joke for all it’s worth!

    @Sgt. Stoned (#287): Have you met Archie’s half-brother from another mother…
    Fast Willie Jackson?

    http://girlsgonegeek.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/fast-willie-jackson-3.jpeg

  292. Der Schnärkïnätör
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#277):
    OK, I don’t know about the bank account, but we saw the DC pix, and you got it girl!

  293. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#290): No, seriously, he’s not me. Though there is a passing resemblance, and a certain commonality of interests.

    // Interesting guy, tho. Thanks for pointing him out. I’ll have to leave Rev. Burgess a note. That Post-Versalog slide rule is a tasty model.

  294. Sequitur
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#291): A mime shot someone and he used a silencer. When he was arrested they didn’t even bother to tell him he had the right to remain silent. If a tree fell on a mime in a forest would he make a sound? If a tree fell on a mime in a forest would anyone care? I put a blank cassette tape in my tape stereo last night and turned the volume all the way up….the mime next door went nuts!

    Now we’ve mimed it for all it’s worth.

    Hey! Two shows nightly! Don’t forget to mime your waitress.

    All I hear is one hand clapping. Dang.

  295. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 6th, 2012 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#271) asked: “Here’s a non-comics question that maybe one of you knowledgeable ‘mudges can answer: While walking my dog this afternoon, I saw a whole bunch of little insects–slightly bigger than gnats–that had what looked like bits of white fluff on them, sort of hanging from their “tails.” Does anyone have any idea what they were? Maybe one of our resident Mark Trails will know?”

    They were EVILANNOYINGMICROMIMES.

  296. Sequitur
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#293): Well, he certainly reminded me of you.

    He’s up there in Poteet land. I don’t know if Poteet is looking for someone but the guy’s single — dammit (that’s what he says).

  297. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#271): This site’s pretty good. The interface can be a bit confusing, but I find that scrolling through the galleries of likely suspects can narrow it down well enough.

  298. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:04 am [Reply]

  299. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    *deep voice* This has been another edition of Rana Is Late to the Party. Tune in next time to see her answer questions about 9CL that have already been answered, comment on topics that have been abandoned, and duplicate existing comments only in a less witty fashion.

  300. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#294): And mimes wear Thom McAn shoes because the ‘H’ is always silent.

    That one predates the internet. Thom McAn shoe ads in comic books from the 1940s featured a character called ‘H’ who never spoke because the ‘H’ in Thom McAn is always silent…

    Okay, okay, I’ll leave quietly now!

  301. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#291): @Sequitur (#294) said: “Now we’ve mimed it for all it’s worth.”

    Oh, yeah?

    What do they call a Jewish mime?
    A Cohen of silence

    When a mime joins a contemplative religious order, he has to take a vow of noise.

    I almost joined the Army because I thought I could work in a mime disposal unit.

    Thank-you very much. I’ll be here all week…

  302. Sequitur
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    6/7/12
    FW: Bull is the perfect example of “those who can’t do – teach!”

  303. Sequitur
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Okay. Now we know the secret to father/son bonding.

  304. Vilyehm
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    “Hagar, all Huns are right handed. Blend in. Put the sword in your right hand. Right han–you’re other right. From past strips we already know you can go both ways…”

  305. Poteet
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#297): Yay! Thanks for the reference to the good stuff! BugGuide was started in Iowa and a few of the best contributors are people I know and I attended one field trip of the BugGuide Gathering in Iowa last year, but alas, I have some trouble using it. It’s a great reference for those more skilled in online navigation.

  306. Poteet
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    GA — Oh goody, a hilarious story about irresponsible pet ownership is morphing into a hilarious story about how women are terrified of snakes. So much hilarity is exhausting — I gotta quit checking GA late at night.

  307. seismic-2
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    FC (6/7): Tomorrow, Jeffy meets Keith Richards.

  308. Sequitur
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo recoils from a lightning bolt.

    It must not have been one of her own.

  309. Poteet
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    JP — “Dad”????!!!

    MW — I griped a few days ago about how no one took me to Italy when my heart was broken, but now that Dawn is going with Wilbur The Shlub, I say good luck kid, better you than me.

  310. This Guy
    June 7th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#300): With celebrity endorsement from Htom Sirveaux.

  311. Droopy Says
    June 7th, 2012 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#288): . . . now you can’t cast small-statured characters in a fantasy film without doing it the exact way Jackson did. Something needs to break the status quo.

    If only there were a cable miniseries, based on a fantasy novel series, where one of the best-loved characters was an ingenious, oversexed, kick-ass dwarf who overcomes all odds and is played by a highly-talented actor who is also a dwarf, and can name many other capable, short-statured actors . . .

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: Okay, why is Peter Passive roused to action by the sight of inflatable people? Just what has he been watching during his all-night cablefests, and should MJ check under the couch for vinyl objects?

    Creepy Les: Les is a project? I would have called him a real piece of work, but let’s not quibble. Just remember that all major projects begin with demolition.

    Flatulence Alley: “Wait, now I remember! It looked exactly like the snake in your missing copy of National Geographic!”

    Family Circus: Start you up, Jeffy? That sounds like a cue for a religious song: “Drop-kick me, Jesus, through the goal-posts of life . . . ”

    Mock Trail: I can’t wait to see how the plane figured in the killing.

  312. OhMyGod76
    June 7th, 2012 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    This Spiderman plotline is going exactly like the Obama presidency: it looked disastrous from the start, with an unqualified, unthought-out beginning; and as the unveiling of plans began, it proceeded apace downhill, with but a few shilling souls holding out hope; and now it’s in full-on disaster mode.

  313. LP2004
    June 7th, 2012 at 4:13 am [Reply]

    @OhMyGod76 (#312): May I suggest that you take a few moments to read Josh’s posting and discussion policies?

  314. The Ridger
    June 7th, 2012 at 4:27 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#211): He could in opera, as long as he could sing.

  315. The Ridger
    June 7th, 2012 at 4:34 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#202): A rocket-and-ringed-planet, white on red (or should that be a planet and rocket, gules, on a field argent?) Argent on a field gules …

    But I always wondered: what is the sticker symbol for coming-of-age? (Or, you know, non-genre literature, if that’s allowed for kids)

  316. Liam
    June 7th, 2012 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#302):

    “And those who can’t teach teach gym.”

  317. gleeb
    June 7th, 2012 at 5:58 am [Reply]

  318. gleeb
    June 7th, 2012 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Bull is glad to have a chance to make Creepy Les pants-wettingly frightened yet again.

  319. John C Fremont
    June 7th, 2012 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#307): Oh, lordy, now he’ll never stop, never stop, never stop, never stop.

  320. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 7th, 2012 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#292): ((blushes)) Thanks!

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#297): Oh, cool—I’ll bookmark that for all my bug-related needs!

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