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Newest monster movie franchise: “Vermilingua”

B.C., 6/14/12

One of the things I think is funny and interesting in B.C. (is it on purpose? let’s say it’s funny and interesting on purpose) is its mix of sentient predator and sentient prey animals, actually depicted preying on each other, as with the ants and anteaters. I find today’s strip particularly intriguing on this score. If you don’t really think about it much and accept the outside-the-anthill perspective the strip gives you, it’s a silly bit about an anteater getting his tongue tied in a knot, ho ho! But take a minute to imagine the scene inside: the gathering of innocent ants, going about their business within the larger colony, when suddenly an enormous, slimy tentacle bursts through the wall of their home, slithering to and fro. Who knows how many hundreds of unfortunates were snared by foul mucus that covers the monstrous thing and dragged back screaming into its snout, where they will be digested, alive, in agony? The carnage continues until one heroic young ant defeats the beast using the skills he’s learned in his scout group; the monster retreats in confusion, but the colony members look around their shattered home, weeping for their loved ones, wondering how they’ll be able to put their lives back together.

Mark Trail, 6/14/12

“Well, we flew close to him and tipped over his canoe and probably he fell into a fairly calm river within easy swimming distance of shore. That should take care of Mr. Trail!” Bush pilot Mike Harris is the most half-assed murderer ever. Maybe someone should check in on Al Chavez, he might turn out to not be dead after all.

Ziggy, 6/14/12

Finally, Ziggy has been proven to be genetically inferior, with science.

288 responses to “Newest monster movie franchise: “Vermilingua””

  1. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MT: Try to kill him but don’t finish the job. Mark just has to swim to shore. The way you handle pressure, Inspector Clouseau could crack you in 5 minutes.

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Jump Start — Love is… not ignoring him on Facebook!

    Nancy* — Shouldn’t she be doing a dance to Summers… plural?

    Pluggers — World Okra Day demands to know: “Where were you yesterday with the @&*$in’ okra? How can you call yourself ‘Pluggers’ if you never do any actual plugging?”

    *a/k/a “Nancy Salutes Another Dead Person and/or Musical Act”

  3. feral Canadian
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    where did that large mouth bass get a Mark Trail wig?

  4. McManx
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Of course Mary will accept Wilbur’s offer to meddle on a mass media scale. But for now, she is just stringing Wilbur along to see how many of her Metamucil muffins he can stuff into his gob before his colon blows out.

    Spiderman – I’m not sure what part of reality is being suspended here: a clown terrorist with a high-pressure water gun with no visible water source, or, that everything will be okay now that Spiderman is here. My guess is that, as usual, Spidey is about to get hosed.

    Mark Trail – Unless there are man-eating muskellunges in the lake, it seems Harris is indeed a little inexperienced in the murder-by-airboat department. At least land on the water and chop him up in the propeller, Harris. The muskellunges will thank you.

    Dick Tracy – This Blaze character has been channeling the old DC Comics 60’s Jimmy Olsen look so perfectly that I almost can’t separate the two characters in my mind now. Thus today, I’m saddled with the disturbing image of a Jimmy Olsen in drag. Thanks Dick Tracy; thanks a whole fucking lot.

  5. Brook Esia
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    DtM: That’s a menacing quantity of santorum, I daresay. And, yes, more fun than video games.

    GT: Ooh! Ooh! I know! They’re ALL gonna get pregnant so’s their mothers can’t single out Darby!

    JP: Asked for the moon but at a reasonable price? Since “asking for the moon” means asking for an unreasonable price, what does that even mean?

    MW: I like Mary’s “Don’t fence me in, man” objection to writing Ask Wendy. “I gotta meddle as the spirit moves me, Wilbur, and each one is unique. It may take 18 minutes or 18 weeks, but just churning out advice on a bi-weekly basis to people I don’t know and can’t shame after the fact — all for a paycheck — it just sound like work, y’know, like just another job. It’d be like a world-class chef takin’ a gig at the Bum Boat, is what I’m sayin’, or you settling for a vending machine egg salad sandwich.

    “And the whole thing of people willingly seeking out advice kind of kills the challenge. I mean, David Banner didn’t sit around waiting for people to come to him when they needed the Hulk. No, he drifted from town to town, sticking his nose where it wasn’t wanted and Hulking out wherever and whenever he was needed — that’s kinda how I see myself and my meddling, dig?

    “Now why don’t you cancel that leave of absence and let your grown daughter go to Italy by herself so she can sort her own shit out? See what I mean, Wilbur? That just came out, unbidden, and felt so right! I don’t think I can get that kind of spontaneous satisfaction from some contrived clockwork bullshit Ask Wendy column.”

  6. Dennis Jimenez
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    BC – So, this was some sort of exhibition of his oral sex prowess for boy scouts – discusting….

    MT – So, the sky blue waters of the Lost Forest are so polluted, that immersing in them is deadly….

    Ziggy – So, Ziggy shot a load on this “wad” of paper….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  7. FafMor
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Despite what logic and justice might lead Mike Harris to believe, Mark Trail does not dissolve in water.

  8. Liam
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    JP-And you didn’t leave a horse’s head or Peaches’ head in my bed.

    FW-And so with each time jump a little bit of the past is removed from existence. For example Les’ time as a hall monitor or the strips humor.

    MW-And besides when I give advice I spend all my time with just one person. I spend every single moment of their waking day with them. As soon as they get up I am in their bedroom sitting across from them waiting for them. Where ever they go I spend all my time with them. This column is dealing with lots of people in short amounts of time.

  9. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    A3G— “If there was only a special type of phone that could be permanently installed in a home, I wouldn’t be having this problem!”

    9CL— How ironic that Amos’ jewelry store has trademarked the term “The Crack of Doom”, because the Burber women have trademarked the phrase “The Cracks of Doom”.

  10. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Nancy [corrected version] — I never associated the songs “Hot Stuff” and “Last Dance” with this particular character.

    Unfortunately, I confused Donna Summer with Scott Summers.

    (Honey Badger may not give a shit, but some of us still do…)

  11. John B
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    MT: Someone ought to murder this strip!

  12. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Brook Esia (#5): Jive talkin’ Mary Worth – that’s awesome!

  13. Not Just any Dipstick
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#4): Please! The prop on a seaplane does not reach the water, ever. Or even come within 2 or 3 feet. Then, hitting an object, like a canoe would cause serious if not dangerous damage to a float. Thus Mark, certainly the dumbest ‘crime fighter’ known, tipped his canoe in abject panic, as anyone would expect.

  14. But What Do I Know?
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MT — “Harris is crazy. He’s trying to kill me.” Not quite sure how you get from A to B there–Harris would be crazy not to attempt to kill Mark. Then again, his half-assed attempt to drown MT (really, who tips over a canoe by buzzing it and then doesn’t wait around to see if the target surfaces) proves the killer isn’t very good at it. Maybe he’ll drop a stop-smoking gum wrapper in the water to make it more obvious. . .

  15. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MT: They didn’t kill him, they only pissed him off. “Release the KRAKKEN! Swat that plane from the sky with your mighty tentacles, unholy squid of death!

  16. bbofun
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    FW- This week, a prime example of why “show, don’t tell” is a basic rule of storytelling.

    MW- (1) “It sounds time-consuming”-and Mary days are so full at the moment, what with all the being congratulated and looking at posters, and all.

    MW- (2) “It sounds time-consuming” “Nah, as long as you budget you time well, there’s still plenty of time left for sandwich breaks!”

    MW- (3)- “Really, Mary? Have you ever seen me work? I mean, at all?”

    JP- Yeah, that makes no sense at all. BRING BACK PEACHES!

  17. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Maybe someone should check in on Al Chavez, he might turn out to not be dead after all.

    Which reminds me of the old Popeye joke…

    After the bullet passed harmlessly over his head, the sailor man was heard to mutter: “Close, but no SEGAR!”

  18. Mibbitmaker
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    meta: Who knew 8:29 AM happens a mere couple of minutes before 10:00 AM? WordPress must be on Wacky Time!

    9CL: Did they have those other unnaturally uttered pretentious words trademarked, too?

    DT:
    “What would you like to start?”
    “We’d like to be tied up in this thing, waiter.”
    “Very good, sir.”

    FW: You don’t seem to be getting it, Cayla — this strip used to be fun! It was before your time, so I understand the confusion.

    Lio: Walls.

    Luann: “We’re going to spend tons and tons of our wealth-free, meager money on our no-talent daughter, and….. Oh, there goes your cheapskate dad whining again. Men!”

    MT: Good thing Harris isn’t a very demanding murderer!

    MW: Fat guy eating! Because, Lord knows, nobody else EVER EATS!
    ….Well, besides Jughead and Dagwood, of course….

    PBS: He’d do better with “Ma Newer”.

    Phantom: That guy thinks in exposition.

    S-M: Oh, great, now it’s a cut-rate “Who’s On First” routine!

  19. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    So now Mark Trail is going to the cops with a soaking wet gum wrapper from his pocket.

  20. Lamb Cannon
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

  21. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Frazz: next up, portals!

    HotC: queue up the Mary Poppins!

    Bizarro: NSFBG!!! (but probably acceptable for bb,u.)

    Mutts: four for four.

    RwO: ROFL. me likee.

  22. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . sexting at work.

  23. Doctor Handsome
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    “CRAZY! The murderer I’m trying to bust for murder wants to murder me! What kind of sense does that make? I’d better flag him down and ask for clarification’”

  24. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Today in Ann Landers, she just printed letters reacting to a previous column. She does that two or three days a week, so I’m just not seeing this job as a ball & chain. You’ll still have time to trim rose bushes and berate your neighbor Charlie Sheen Smith.

  25. sporknpork
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    The best part of today’s Ziggy is the fact the guy isn’t even a DNA scientist. He’s just revolted by Ziggy’s family history to the point of supporting eugenics.

  26. Esther Blodgett
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    FW: I love Cayla’s subtle jab – “Your friend Crazy Harry.” Yours, not mine. That is one creepy white boy who is not going to be invited to the wedding. Cayla has a strict one-creepy-white-boy-per-wedding policy, and the quota has already been filled by the groom.

  27. Hersteria
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    DC: I like the idea of the scout leader ant yelling, “Quick! We need a barrel hitch!!” while his young charges struggle with a massive (well, comparitively) rope.

    ZOT ZOT ZOT ZOT

  28. Hersteria
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Oh, for fuck’s sake, I meant BC, not DC.

    *grasps for morning caffeine*

  29. Sciencegiant
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Now, if the FIRST thing the genealogist said when a pants less Ziggy sat down was “Whoa! Talk about your junk DNA!”, then that would be epic.

  30. TheDiva
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MT: Maybe Harris was trying to get a wad of his special nicotine gum out of the rifle and shot Al Chavez accidentally….

    Ziggy: Oh Ziggy, you lovable abomination of nature you!

    9CL: In the immortal words of Harrison Ford, “You can write this shit but you sure can’t say it.”

    A3G: “Oh no, I’m all alone without my phone and I’m going into labor! Oh, if only New York had some sort of easily-accessible transportation service–say, a fleet of distinctly marked vehicles manned by drivers who would pick you up from the curb and convey you to a specified destination for a fee–that could transport me to the hospital!”

    C’shaft: And yet, it’s probably the least obnoxious thing ever said by a Crankshaft character.

    FW: “But enough about my friends, let’s talk about me some more!”

    Luann: Yet more proof, as if we needed it, that Luann doesn’t know anything about anything.

    MW: An old-school meddler, Mary is suspicious of this new-fangled advice column thing. Sure she would be able to generate meddles on a broader scale, but where is the love?

    Pluggers lead lives of quiet despair amid the ruins of their dreams.

    SM: The excitement of seeing Spider-Man caused her hair to change color!

  31. Doctor Handsome
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Was a DNA test really neccesary to determine that the lumpy, hairless dwarf with no toes or genitalia might perhaps have some genetic abnormalities?

  32. Mibbitmaker
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is up!

    Last day of school!

    I was going to do another “take” because Michelle keeps on kicking the word balloons and stepping on their connectors, but Last Days of School are often just lazy days, so I let that one go.

  33. Doug Puthoff
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    AS-M: Spidey may have prevented but a panic. Instead he’ll probably cause a tremendous f-up that will kill everybody in the theater.

  34. seismic-2
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Dear Wendy,

    I draw a syndicated comic strip, and I’m trying to depict a man eating a muffin. Do people take a bite out of the top, or do they eat muffins from the bottom up, or do they take a really wide bite out of the middle of the muffin, like an apple? I’m quite confused.

    Thanks,
    Joe

    Dear Joe,

    People take a bite out of a muffin, instead of swallowing it whole? News to me!

    Wendy

  35. TheDiva
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#30): Today’s markup fail brought to you by Mark Trail RANDOM Bolding! Random BOLDING! Because even unimportant words need emphasis!

  36. Walker of Dog
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: Dibs on the original, autographed panel of Nina hurling into a toilet.

    FC: Bil: “Yeah, and because you drive like Miss Daisy. Burn! Topical burn!”

    MT: Sorry, no, that would take care of the Wicked Witch of the West. Or Sandman. Or a sentient ball of cotton candy.

    MW: Mr. Giella is sending a coded message to the producers of Hollywood Squares.

  37. Lynn
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Re: Josh’s comment on BC: serious buzzkill. Seriously, man. Buzz kill.

  38. Chip Whittle
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Animal Crackers: So, turtles are barely functional alcoholics. I can’t say they’re wrong.

    Ben: Putting aside my skepticism that anyone past the age of eight says, “I love spaghetti! Yippee!!”, how long did Mrs. Ben have to pause after the “Sp–” to make it plausible that the rest of the word was “spaghetti” before she could finish saying “spinach”?

    Dick Tracy: Herbie Popnecker?!! No!

    Gil Thorp: Ah, that most lovable moment in a Gil Thorp story, where the kids start having their own, original, independent, stupid ideas.

    Mac only needed a couple weeks to go after the Pluggers And Tentacles market.

    Ziggy: So what would the best possible result of testing Ziggy’s genes be? “If inserted into an oven at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes you should emerge with a uniform crust and a steamy, moist interior”? That’s just worse somehow.

  39. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    JP— Even 18-wheelers are forced to make uphill passes on Sam’s Hummer, because it is so slowed by the burden of its lucre.

  40. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Ok, I’ll buy the thought balloon over the sentient ant-eater, and I’ll buy the idea that ants can vocalize, although they have no lungs, and that they have nuclear families featuring a husband and wife, and children that do not resemble maggots. But, uh, not to be pedantic or anything, but all the workers in an ant colony are female, so boy scout troops are highly unlikely.

  41. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

  42. Doctor Handsome
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    A lot of artists use their characters as stand-ins for themselves, to explore their personal issues metaphorically. So I guess Johnny Hart’s a shy pedophile who gets tongue-tied at Scout meetings.

  43. Little Guy
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    S-M: …biding my time with Bryce Harper quote to the ready…..

  44. Esther Blodgett
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Luann: Little known fact – most of the kids who attend Julliard decided on a whim in their senior year that it might be kinda fun to maybe do some sort of performing arts thing. Way to insult the students who have dedicated their lives to their craft AND the extremely rigorous admissions standards at Julliard in one fell swoop, you asshat.

  45. flatsixes
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    MT: Mike Harris is crazy? Thank God! I thought there for a minute it might be me! I mean, a sane person bent on the murder of an unarmed man standing a a canoe might take advantage of the fact that his aircraft has appendages affixed that allow it to land on water, and that setting the plane down on said water instantly transforms the craft into a high speed Veg-O-Matic. Fortunately for Mark Trail Mike Harris is crazy! And I am sane! Oh, yes I am!

  46. Minarets
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    A3G: Who was it who wanted to see how Bolle would depict contractions? TheDiva, was it you? Here you go; a head-bobble.

    MT: But you’re ALL missing the point! Mark Trail’s hair is no longer an impeccable black gel-like unit stuck to his head. Mark Trail as we know it no longer exists.

    MW: Mary’s worried about time-consuming? I’m sorry, but what will ‘Ask Wendy’ detract you from? Those roses can only be pruned so much before it turns into floricide. Jeff isn’t proposing for the 308th time. Does making and consuming coffee and beige, oblongoid foods take up all your time?

    AS-M: Sigh…even the villain has lost interest in this story and needs to remind himself of his identity every other strip.

    FW: Cayla’s had that look of vague befuddlement, mild shell-shock, and overall ennui since Monday. “Who remembers so much of high school?” she wonders. “Oh, wait, no one left Westview for anything and instead acquired mediocre jobs revolving around high school. Right.”

    PHDcomics: Rock on, Jorge!

    SixChix: I love the Monet behind the pixie-haired lady. Post-impressionism? Pff. Vague clouds and blobs with soft edges!

  47. geekwhisperer
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail- Look, people. Mike Harris and Ms. Chavez never said they were going to kill Mark Trail. They just said they were going after him. I would say “jolly well done.” They indeed went after him and have humiliated him which is all they ever intended to do because obviously hitting a stationary object in a light aircraft flying over a hundred miles an hour would almost certainly crash the plane, or in a float plane make it unable to land.

    As a side note I was once in a float plane up in the Rangley Lakes in Maine we hit a rock under the surface on takeoff and still at fairly low speed. It was jarring, to say the least. The pilot got it back in control and we taxied back to shore. We had to lift the plane out and inspect the float, it was a huge deal and we did almost (wound up being fine). I can’t imagine the damage incurred hitting a canoe and a rock-jawed nature journalist at flight speed.

    The pilot was funny though. When we were nervously taking off after this incident I asked him, “What does my seat cushion turn into if we accidentally go down on land?”

    He grinned and said, “A skateboard.”

  48. Renee J
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    FW- Is it just me, or does Cayla look like she’s regretting the engagement?

  49. Charterstoned
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MT – What the heck is Mark wearing on his feet, Cherry’s bedroom slippers?

  50. Dood
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: Which is more frightening, Ziggy’s junk DNA or his pantsless junk?

  51. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    B.C.— Just like most of us, anteaters think like they talk, so it would have been more amusing if the thought balloon had read, “Thupid Boy Thcout meeting…”.

    Eh, maybe not.

  52. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    HtH: Thanks to his active lifestyle of pillaging castles, fleeing armies, fighting dragons, escaping shipwrecks, and such, Hagar seems quite trim, especially when compared to Mrs. Horrible’s impressive embonpoint.

    // What a splendid cook she must be!

  53. Doctor Handsome
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    And for the record, “Vermilingua” sounds awesome. Very Lucio Fulci.

  54. debussy fields
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MT–Even decapitation can’t kill Mark Trail!!!

  55. Walker of Dog
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#44): That slot at Julliard has already been pre-purchased for Sophie Driver.

  56. Liam
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    MT-”Looks like Mark Trail is all wet.”

    FW-There was also some classmate of ours, I can’t remember his name, who was stuffed into a closet. As far as I can tell he has never come out of the closet.

    FC-Give me what I want old man and I won’t take a whack at those kneecaps of yours.

  57. Illustrator Steve
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    MT – It seems Mark is up sh_t’s creek without a color coordinated paddle and canoe.
    It also seems Elrod has been watching too many old movies in a febal attempt at finding something, anything, that WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY. Unfortunatly, all he’s pathetic sceme has accomlished so far is to almost ruin some classic movies like North by Northwest and Pee Wee’s Big Adventure!

  58. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    9CL – “You radiated supreme confidence – the crack of doom!”.

    Despite what TV, movies, and bad comic strips try to tell us, I believe that well into 90% of marriage proposals are made in supreme confidence, at least as far as what the answer will be. In fact, if you aren’t certain of what the answer will be, that is a very good sign that you aren’t ready to ask the question. Same goes for the ceremony. The percentage of weddings that are not completed due to someone speaking up during the “speak now or forever hold your piece (sic)”, or due to an ex-boyfriend bursting into the church at the last moment is actually remarkably low.

    Phantom: “Walker told me to say this. But what does he know? Clueless busybody! Time to ad-lib!”

    “I’ll cut off your head, and paint my walls with your blood! I’ll hunt you and your family down and murder them in the streets! All your drug money are belong to us! My reign of terror will make yours look like the fucking Age of Good Feelings by comparison!!!”

    “I … I guess I should have stayed on-script after all. I’m just not good at this.”

  59. seismic-2
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#44): Luann won’t even submit any college applications – in the last week of her Senior year, she will get a phone call inviting her to the Juiliard campus, and while she’s there they will give her a basketball scholarship.

  60. Liam
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    MW-Who better to give advice to my readers than you? It’s one of your special talents. That and that thing you can do with ping pong balls.

  61. Jim North
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    BB: Sarge has learned to harness the power of forced perspective!

    DT: Mmm, Blaze in a dress. No snark. Just creepy drooling. Move along.

    FW: It’s really trying for some cartoonists when they just can’t seem to find a really spectacular joke they want to tell, and instead have to settle for something rushed and subpar just to meet the deadline. And maybe it’ll stop happening to Batiuk on an every day basis sometime soon.

    MT: This seems like a pretty elaborate way to kill someone. Maybe they could have, I dunno, just shot him or something.

    Phantom: “And you will never know the pleasures of fine Corinthian leather!”

    Pluggers have a touch of grey. Kinda suits them anyway.

    That’s all I have to say, if it’s alright.

  62. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#55):

    Purchased? No, that is not SOP.

    The night before the admissions decisions are made, Sophie will read a textbook on acting. She will then appear at the building where the trustees are meeting, backed by the entire membership of the SAG, with Tom Hanks (yes, Tom Hanks!) presenting her application himself. Our plucky little underdog who everyone roots for will then recite the soliloquy from Hamlet (off-panel, of course), bringing 1/2 the Trustees to tears and inciting the rest to suicide due to the futility of existence (out, out, brief candle!). The survivors will unanimously vote her in, and present her a Bender Blaster, along with a gigolo to give her lessons so she can be ready for her Carnegie Hall solo that evening.

  63. Illustrator Steve
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    MT – Panel #2 clarifies something I’ve always wondered. Avid environmentalists do NOT wear socks when wearing their tiny Japanese Giesha shoes.

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#15): I’ve seen enough hentai to know where that’s going. . . .

  65. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Brook Esia (#5): JP: Remember, this is concerning the movie rights to Alan Parker’s tremendous novel, so asking for the moon in this situation is totally reasonable and stuff.

    Or Avery’s a phony who’s flattering Sam because he wants to get into Sam’s pants. If only he knew…

  66. Ned Ryerson
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Pluggers:
    Say gramps, if you’re not using that awesome Marshall amp, could I borrow it?
    What do you want to use it for?
    I thought I could plug my Bender Blaster into it and, y’know, shred.
    Shred? No, I don’t think so. Besides, I’m keeping my plants on it.

    Pluggers are dicks.

  67. Tonya
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Josh: B.C. : it’s commentary like this that makes my workday that much easier to get through :-) I read this site every single (work)day but never comment. Just want you to know how much I appreciate the levity. I live for your Slylock Fox posts as well. LOL

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Parental Advice Win courtesy of TLA.

  69. Anonymous
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Who was talking about Junk DNA? Is Junk DNA even a thing? I’m no biologist, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t a term that the general population is expected to know. Advice to Ziggy: if you’re going to write a one panel comic, you probably shouldn’t use a punchline that requires at least two panels to set up.

  70. Illustrator Steve
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    MT – The coroner’s report attributed Mark Trail’s cause of death to accidently capsizing his canoe and choking to death on a disgarded gum wrapper. Not just any gum wrapper, but the kind of gum wrapper old float planes chew to keep their engine from smoking. Knowing of only one float plane in the southern part of the state that has been seen smoking, Sherrif Jim calls in the EPA and DEP to investigate Mike Harris’ float plane for it’s total disregard of the environment by not being properly tuned up.

  71. TheDiva
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#58): For mere mortal couples, perhaps, but any male who presumes to ask a Burber goddess for her favors must do so with the proper humility, knowing that he is unworthy of such honor. Amos is paying for his hubris right now.

  72. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#65):

    “Or Avery’s a phony who’s flattering Sam because he wants to get into Sam’s pants. If only he knew…”

    If only he knew that it is like a Ken doll down there. Flat and featureless. All part of the Creator’s plan to surround his neutered protagonists with sex objects, and to grant them the wealth and power that people with working genitalia can only dream of.

  73. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    WofI: Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t there ways to cut a tree down so that you can pretty much gauge where it’s going to fall? I mean, the king is still a callous dick, but that’s a given.

    FW: “PTSD is when you really like something a lot, isn’t it?”

    Crock: If Schmeese was going to go that route, “Long live the new flesh!” would have been better.

    Popeye: Your best hope is that you’ve given him a concussion.

    BSt: Old guy pointing to his crotch alert.

    JP: “Okay, you got me, I can’t read. You happy now?”

    RMMD: “It’s too complicated for me to explain. Or to comprehend, really. You take care of it. I’m going to scoop up as many of these funeral home hors d’œuvres as I can.”

    Drabble: Credit to Kevin Fagan for actually attempting to come up with a funny Skype situation rather than just dropping the word “Skype” into the punchline.

    BB: Nobody told Beetle that Sarge was a guinea pig in the Pentagon’s super soldier program.

    DT: “Full service talent agency” sounds like a euphemism for “prostitution ring.” And considering Blaze Rize has to put on a dress and go on a date with Young Wilbur Weston here, that may not be so far off.

    Phantom: “Cont’d on next page.”
    “What does that mean?”
    “Um, ignore that part.”

    FC: Daddy’s new hobby: Give Jeffy a nine-iron, wait to see how long it takes him to injure himself.

    DtM: Somewhere a Nintendo executive hangs his head in despair, knowing that nothing his company does will ever compete with a muddy pothole.

    S-M: “No, it’s okay, Spider-Man is here!” Spidey’s not even an actor, and he brought his publicist to the show.

    M-Dawg: Of all the gin joints in all the world…

    SFx: Even Bob Weber, Jr. is mocking Rusty Trail now.

  74. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#71):

    Very true.

    Though, to be fair, the favors of a Burber Goddess seem to be dispensed pretty easily, although not without inflicting a good deal of pain on the part of the recipient. It is the loyalty of the Goddess that is not offered freely, as that is reserved solely for the goddess herself.

  75. Bitter Scribe
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Maybe the bush pilot killer has Mark Trail confused with those creatures from “Alien Nation” who get burned by seawater.

  76. Ned Ryerson
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#70): Shouldn’t the FAA and ATF be brought in on this one as well?

  77. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    BC: The Boy Scouts won’t take athiests, but they allow insects? And they’re not boys. It should be Pupa Scouts.

  78. Mr. Magoo
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g458w2X9uHc

    MT: Alfred Hitchcock and Cary Grant did the plane attack much better than in Mark Trail!

  79. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Bitter Scribe (#75): Except that this is a freshwater lake, so Mike Harris: Bush Pilot & Assassin is a fail on that metric, too.

  80. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#69): Most of our DNA does nothing. It is leftover from billions of years of evolution. Hence the term “junk DNA”.

  81. UncleJeff
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Ghost-who-sets-up-a-loser-leaves-town-cage-match: I remember this dialog. It was said by the Crusher in setting up a hair vs. mask match with Dr. X. (American Wrestling Association reference ca: 1965)

    Rex Morgan, FF (funeral fun): Yes, Rex. It’s complicated.

  82. Ned Ryerson
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Look, it’s demon jizz! Make a wish!

  83. Lawyerbob
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MT: Mike’s murder attempt makes more sense when you learn it’s called “Piranha River.” A guy can dream, can’t he? Anyway, at least Mark’s hair is so messed up, he looks like a villain. Maybe he’ll punch himself.

  84. CanuckDownSouth
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#69): *shrug* It’s not an everyday concept, but between layfolk-level news about genome mapping, gene population studies, and DNA matching, it’s not completely obscure. Abstruse Goose uses the term today, too.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#58): Heck, going by my family and acquaintances, a good fraction of “proposals” occur long after the couple has explicitly discussed what their married life would be like, and the event is more about someone making a move to set a date. This option being sensible and not open to gross misunderstandings or stupid surprises going wrong, naturally novels, TV, comics and the movies act as if people are forbidden from attempting such a thing.

  85. gnome de blog
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Harris ain’t so dumb. What happened to the precious gum wrapper when Mark took a dive in the lake? Besides, an experienced bush pilot knows what would happen to his plane if he actually hit Mark with a pontoon at say, 120 mph.

  86. Walker of Dog
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Phan: Meanwhile an anxious Kit wishes he’d had more rehearsal time with Ernesto.

    RMMD: Another interrupted nap for Senator John McCain. Oh well, might as well wake up Lindsey.

    MT: Too bad Mike Harris didn’t have a duck-shaped squirt gun. Mark would have been horrified: “Et tu, Anatidae?!”

  87. RavenHawk
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: I wonder how successful the “Ask Wendy” column would be, if they saw who Wendy really was?

  88. Horace Broon
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    ASM: He don’t know Spidey very well, do he?

    JP: Sam smugly thinks “This man is talking total gibberish. If he’s that clueless, I’m gonna make a fortune from him!” unaware that Avery is thinking “This man is swallowing my total gibberish. If he’s that clueless, I’m gonna make a fortune from him!”

    GT: “I said ‘I have a better idea’ right in front of her, and then I just walked out!”

    MT: “Unless he knows some method of keeping himself afloat and moving towards shore by moving his arms and legs. But that would be witchcraft!”

    Pluggers: You’re a plugger if you once had dreams of being a famous rock star until your parents pressurised you to get a steady job, following which you worked minimum wage for fifty years until you were finally able to retire, but you still keep the amp prominantly displayed in order to torture yourself about what might have been.

  89. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    JP: You promised the moon
    But I love Uranus

    /That’s from an old Red Peters CD.

  90. seismic-2
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “It’s complicated. So why don’t you drop that business about contesting Foster’s will, bring me the check for $20K, and then I’ll explain it to you. And we’ll just say it’s an office visit about your gall stones. You do have Medicare, don’t you? I always like to overbill them, lots! How about submitting to some non-existent lab tests, while you’re here? I’ll split the fee with you, 60-40!”

  91. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#83): The pirhana swim closer, and Mark thinks fast. He starts rattling off all the pirhana facts that he knows while staring into space. The fish, thinking they’re in a Mark Trail Sunday strip, start to behave as if he were in the foreground. “We can’t bite him, we’re on camera! Shit! Swim natural, guys.”

  92. Sequitur
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: I just realized they spelled “Ask Wendy” wrong. It should be “Windy” based on what must be in Wilbur’s gastrointestinal tract.

  93. This Guy
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Retail: Boy, console cycles, amirite? There’s a new generation every time you turn around, if you turn around every five to seven years. And there’s never any warning, if you actively avoid learning about it.

    R==R: Authorities report that incidents of garden produce being spiked with ecstasy are on the rise.

  94. Minarets
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#69): You know how DNA replication leads to a string of RNA that is full of introns (the stuff that counts/matters/needs to be replicated) and exons (throw-away junk)? There is some sort of protein that splices the exons out of the equation so only the introns get processed. Maybe the genealogist means that Ziggy has a whole lot of exons. But that’s only in the RNA replication process, so I’m not sure. Why am I trying to mix biology with Ziggy? Why?!

  95. Minarets
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

  96. Gringo
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    In a wacky sitcom-style mix-up, Summer Moore accidentally receives a performance scholarship at Julliard, and Luann DeGroot receives a basketball scholarship at Kent State.
    In New York, Summer one day meets an unemployed, destitute Edda Burber working the streets and begins a sapphic affair, leaving Keira in the dust.
    Luann, meanwhile, tears her ACL sidestepping every horny frat boy on campus, loses her scholarship and finds herself stranded in Westview, Ohio, when her bus breaks down on the way back to California.
    Oh, and Cayla kills Les in a fit of frustration and runs off with Ann Eiffel.
    Oh, the hilarity!

  97. Marc
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#17): It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer’s mother comes back after he fakes his own death and the gravedigger asks if anyone in the cemetery is actually dead and Moleman pipes up “I didn’t want to cause a fuss, but now that you mention it”.

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Close – Tip: Don’t phrase your caption so that some words appear to give a completely different meaning to the picture. “Frackman’s” is a distraction, “Hollow” looks like it’s somehow modifying Weed Eater™. Either that or learn to draw well enough that readers can figure out what you’re trying to show.

    love is… …”borrowing” her talking vibrator.

    Mark“That was close!” pants Mark’s floating head.

  99. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – You’re slipping, Marm. Yesterday, you brought home a policeman’s cap with the head still in it.

    Nancy – I can hardly wait to see Nancy’s tribute to Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau. I’m hoping she’ll cover “The Erl King.”

    Oh, and it appears that the Gilchrists write out the full date — “June 14 2012″ — and I just want to say that everybody should do that. It would make things easier for, well, mudges.

  100. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers don’t play their instruments any more. Just when I thought I’d maxed out on contempt for them.

    R=R“MY FURST TUHMEYTOH!”
    I don’t get it. This is insufficiently funny. Why not “MAI” or “?ma? ” [*] or “MYE” or “MAIGHH”? Then it wood bee uh laff rye-uht.

    Spider-Man“Spider-Man is here!”
    That’s always good news, isn’t it? That’s sure to prevent a panic, all right, because he always shows up at happy, safe times, like when criminals aren’t causing panics in public theaters. Let’s just sit down and watch. You folks in the front row might get wet!

  101. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @But What Do I Know? (#14): Maybe he’ll drop a stop-smoking gum wrapper in the water to make it more obvious. . .
    It’s pretty clear that this is the closest thing to a smoking gun Mark is likely to find.

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#62): will then recite the soliloquy from Hamlet (off-panel, of course), bringing 1/2 the Trustees to tears and inciting the rest to suicide due to the futility of existence (out, out, brief candle!).
    That’s some soliloquy from Hamlet! Is that part just before “Our story now is ended,” or does it precede “All the world’s a stage”?

  102. commodorejohn
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – I love this strip.

    A3G – This is what the onset of labor looks like in Frank Bolle’s world, huh? Oh, this is going to be wonderfully lame.

    A&J – I always thought that when your children reach adulthood, you’re relieved of having to worry about practicality anymore.

    Crankshaft – If Crankshaft were to go all-apiculture, all the time, I for one would be completely okay with that.

    DT – Panda’s website appears to contain a table, within a table, within a frame. Millions of web designers even now are screaming to the sky and swearing vengeance. Meanwhile, poor modest-y Blaze goes for the Judge Parker look and proves her unspoken contention that she should really, really stick with borrowing from Bill Haley’s wardrobe.

    FW – “But enough about the *shudder* funny period. Let’s get back to talking about death and despair!”

    GT – “Doesn’t know!?” SHE WAS RIGHT THERE!

    HTH – Hägar: closet Hobbit.

    JP – I like Sam’s loud checkered flannel. It really gets the “I am a rich twit who’s never so much as splashed in a puddle pretending that I am a rural sportsman” message across.

    Luann – I’m a dedicated small-town Midwest hermit, and I’m offended by the narrow-mindedness on display here. Of course, I’m also offended by the vapidity of Luann’s daydreams. So really, I say we just nuke the strip and be done with it. [*]

    Mandrake – How can you even tell?

    MW – Mary won’t be tied down to a desk job, man! (Now I’m going to imagine her as Maynard G. Krebs.)

    Peanuts – Aww.

    RMMD – It’s not really “complicated” so much as “stupid.”

    SM – Clash of the titans.

  103. Mark B.
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m imagining the water as being only an inch or so deep and Mark Trail being like the android in Alien or Prometheus, decapitated but still able to communicate.

  104. Shrug
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#60):

    “MW-Who better to give advice to my readers than you? It’s one of your special talents. That and that thing you can do with ping pong balls.”

    That does it –no more quart bottles; I’m going to have to start buying my Brain Bleach (TM) in hundred-gallon vats. Thanks a lot, Liam.

  105. Joe Btfsplk
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    All I know is, if this is what evolution produced out of Ziggy’s ancestors, then I’d rather not know anything about them.

  106. geekwhisperer
    June 14th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MT2 Elizabeth Chavez looks disparagingly at Bush Pilot Mike Harris. “I thought you had guns on this thing! All you did was fly at him going ‘ak-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak!!!’”

  107. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#101):

    Sorry. MacBeth. Fuck me.

  108. Deb T
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    MT: Well at least they didn’t go the old “Catch 22″ route. That scene of the man being cut in half by the propellor of a plane still haunts me. What a way for Mark to go.

  109. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (yesterday#307):

    Thanks for extrapolating on okra.
    I’m pretty sure the last times I’ve bought any it was frozen and pre-cut. I don’t think that was so bad.

    Anyway, gotta make fun of comics…..

    Markus O’ Trailius
    The only way to make this more interesting is if there’s clones involved. A slight alteration of the last line would go so far.
    The Real Mark Trail (not the one who posts here but the one in the strip) would put out the call to all of his clones to try and scheme against Harris and the Widow Wolf Whistle.
    Clones. Monotonous Plurality will become the New Spice of Life.

    Speaking of genes….

    Zzzzziggy
    Let’s just say what everyone knows and isn’t saying: Ziggy is the end of his genetic line. He’s the freaking Missing Lump.

    Hi & Lois

    For starters, there are not many comic strips which have titles which are puns. But, for the ones that do, there’s Andy Capp, Sally Forth, and I can’t think of any others right now except for Hi & Lois.

    The strip seems to be trending to a new found attitude wherein the characters all seem to want to get things done. They are all go-getters now. If yesterday’s strip had been foreshadowing them turning into werewolves, that might’ve been funner. But, we take what we can get. The mood swinging aspect of the strip is baked into the title, after all.

  110. McManx
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Not Just any Dipstick (#13): I stand corrected. Thank you. I guess that leaves the man-eating muskellunges to do the job.

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#69): I just assumed that junk DNA was the DNA mailed bulk rate from Savers and Home Depot.

  112. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#56):
    FC – “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!”

  113. Uncle Lumpy
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#44):

    I look forward to the Luann vs. 9 Chickweed Lane smackdown in which Luann is admitted to Julliard, places out of all her courses (she’s just that good!), replaces Edda as coryphée, writes and stars in the postmodern opera Hey, Boy!, degayifies Seth, and hooks Amos up with Gunther.

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#102):

    Crankshaft – If Crankshaft were to go all-apiculture, all the time, I for one would be completely okay with that.

    Preferably we would see bees with plasma screen TVs and unsatisfying marriages, like the ants in BC.

  115. Shrug
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#109):

    “Thanks for extrapolating on okra.”

    Ewww. I’m not eating this okra. Somebody extrapolated all over it.

  116. Marc
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Luann- Now I’m not really the artsy type so Julliard is probably the last place I would have ever considered going to college, but I can imagine if Luann showed up and applied, the admissions board would laugh their asses off and insult her in language befitting 9CL.

    9CL- Speaking of that world full of pretentious douchebags; perhaps some sort of mass suicide is in order?

    Funky- Say, whatever happened to PTSD Wally, his magic happy dog, and his crackhead girlfriend the waitress?

    Mark Trail- Local bush pilot Mike Harris has put quite the scare into avid environmentalist Mark Trail. But Mark is bound and determined to get his friend Gene Jackson out of jail and go fishing with him. Because by process of elimination; fishing with Gene means that he is not fishing with Rusty, something that Mark desperately wants to avoid.

    Mary Worth- I think Mary is a lot like a shark in that if a shark stops swimming it dies. Mary must always be cooking, trimming rose bushes, or physically interfering in people’s lives and if she stops, she croaks. Hence why she would want to avoid having to sit down for an extended period of time.

    A3G- Isn’t Tommie breaking the midwife’s code that invented by not being at Nina’s side right now? You know, the one time that she’s actually going to be needed?

  117. Uncle Lumpy
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#54):

    Even decapitation can’t kill Mark Trail!

    Why would it?

  118. This Guy
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Minarets (#94): Other way around.

  119. Liam
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy-Somewhere Ziggy has a twin brother who got all the good DNA. He is tall, has a full head of hair, and wears pants.

  120. Sequitur
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#113): Now you’re being silly. I don’t think Gunther would have anything to do with Amos.

  121. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#92):
    Wilbur won’t need a jet to propel him to that villa in Italy.
    “Is that all you people do here, is eat?” LOL

  122. Shrug
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#109):

    “For starters, there are not many comic strips which have titles which are puns. But, for the ones that do, there’s Andy Capp, Sally Forth, and I can’t think of any others right now except for Hi & Lois.”

    KNIGHT LIFE
    POOCH CAFE (I presume the pun on Pousse-cafe is intention)
    BABY BLUES
    MARK TRAIL (yes, it’s his name, but his name is a pun on what real outdoors types do regularly — Mark also “marks his trail” sometimes, but mostly just when he’s really nervous)
    LOCKHORNS
    that one about the duck we are encouraged not to name, which puns on the name of the 1856 presidential candidate of the Know-Nothing Party
    WIZARD OF ID

    On the other hand, I’ve read ANDY CAPP for forty years or so and until this moment it didn’t occur to me that the name was also a pun. D’oh.

  123. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#119):
    You all probably know that I’m a Phil C. fan – have you ever seen a picture of him with his cartoonist brother Clive? I swear one of them must have had the milkman for a Dad.
    One short and bald (with pants), the other very tall with a full head of dark hair. Sis Carole is somewhere in between.

  124. dillio
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Whatever Ziggy’s condition is, it’s almost certainly genetic and, considering his debilitating deformities and that he’s lived as an adult for 44 years without aging, it warrants scientific study. But all this quack can see is “junk,” which I guess is what you get for having your genome sequenced by the GENEALOGY SERVICE.

  125. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    BC: My tongue is literally tied! It is losing circulation, and it will wither and fall off in a day! I will then starve to death slowly, painfully and assuredly. Oh the hilarity! $%^&ing Boy Scouts!

  126. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#36): BWAHAHA! A sentient ball of cotton candy might make a better protagonist, come to think of it.

  127. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    JP: Today’s secret word is “spoo”.*

    S-M: Yes, Spidey’s here, which should put everyone at ease. He’s the “Lite FM” of superheroes.

    FW: I don’t have any particular opinion about this revisionist history of late, namely because I didn’t read the strip back when. It ran in the “other” paper (the Chicago Sun-Times) which made for interesting tension between the Tribs (Calvin & Hobbes, The Far Side) and the Sun-Timers (Funky Winkerbean, Bloom County). My impression was that if you watched “Family Ties” you probably read “Funky Winkerbean”. On the occasions that I ever picked up a Sun-Times, I never felt like I was missing anything with FW, but YMMV.

    * Courtesy of Frank Zappa, who used the occasion to remind his keyboard player that there’s a line between “interesting keyboard solo” and “wank”. JP has officially crossed the line into the latter.

  128. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#41): Aww. That stalker can stalk me anytime it wants.

  129. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    MT — So Mike and Elizabeth are BOTH homicidal incompetent doofuses. I can see why they found each other so irresistable.

  130. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Rose=Rose

    Be advised, Midget Chinese Man* — some folks pronounce it “tuhMAHtoh”!

    *You are a Midget Chinese Man, aren’t you?

    And how can a family with the last name of “Gumbo” NOT celebrate World Okra Day? Sheesh!

  131. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    MT — “But sheriff, I DO have solid physical evidence that Mike Harris and Elizabeth Chavez just tried to kill me! Look, I’m all wet!”

  132. Leonard
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Chronicle comics are back!

  133. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Yep, loftily delivering pretentious insults to customers who probably already feel bad is definitely the way to make them want to come back to your jewelry store.

  134. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#122): Comic names & puns

    Crankshaft is a car part, and also the protagonist – well, he’s the title character at least.

    Daddy’s Home, Adam@Home

  135. The Ghost of Jarrod
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Remember how Toni’s brother is totally flaky because he wants to pursue a career in the performing arts? Neither does Greg Evans.

  136. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    MW — Oh Mary, you tease. Look at that coy expression. You want to be coaxed for a week or two, don’t you.

  137. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#102): I completely agree about CRANKSHAFT, as long as we don’t have to watch him dance around the hive anymore.

  138. bats :[
    June 14th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#41): Squeeeeeeky Committeeeeeee!

    MW: I suppose Mary skipped over the “Opportunity Knocks” quotes in her Big Ol’ Book o’ Platitudes. Your loss, Mary…

  139. Sequitur
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Is “Tina’s Groove” a pun or maybe a double entendre? Do I want to know?

  140. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#129):
    And they carry the names of the first 2 FoobSpawn! Oh, the humanity!

  141. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    But what if Mary has to use *gasp* an e-mail account for receipt of the Wendy Letters? Or if she receives questions about Kindles and the like? This is really going outside of Mary’s comfort zone, especially after she blue-balled Jeff due to his E-books purchases.

  142. Red Greenback
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Apparently Ziggy’s pot DNA was a gateway to the harder stuff.

  143. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#19):

    Gee Whiz!
    What if that was their plan all along?

    Instead of getting charged with a two homocides, they may have managed to destroy the evidence and to destroy Mark Trail’s confidence in being able to uneventfully row a canoe in this Lost World where large animals roam, swim and swoop down from the sky.

    If this is the case, then Trail Clones be damned, that’s some mighty fine storytelling from Elrod….hmmm…well…it is Elrod. Destroying the evidence would probably be circumstantial and end up being inconsequential because those homicidal maniacs have now pissed off the man, and the clones, that possess the power of the Mighty Fist O’ Justice.

    To borrow a phrase, it’s Clobbering Time!

  144. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    OK, here we go – the two bros:
    http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/entertainment/music/news/phil-collins-flies-in-for-bros-mbe-16109341.html

    Also, I just read (sadly) that Clive’s son was busted this spring for smuggling drugs. What a shame. : (

  145. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#80): “@Anonymous (#69): Most of our DNA does nothing. It is leftover from billions of years of evolution. Hence the term “junk DNA”.

    There’s a lot of debate over that in the scientific community, apparently. I think the consensus now is that “much” (prob. not most) DNA may be “junk”. Some of what was thought to be useless, turns out to have a purpose, and there is undoubtedly much that we don’t understand yet about the rest.

    That said, I have to disagree with Anonymous: I think the concept is pretty well-known among the general newpaper reading public, certainly among those interested in science and technology.

    And that’s the future, right? As Criswell said in Plan 9, “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

    // Q. erat D.

  146. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#115):

    ““Thanks for extrapolating on okra.”

    Ewww. I’m not eating this okra. Somebody extrapolated all over it.”

    I knew that wouldn’t “sound” right even as I was typing it. But, words fail me early in the day. Either I’m “on” or I’m way off.

  147. Uncle Lumpy
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145):

    Yeah, count me with the sceptics on “junk” DNA — it’s like the old saw that we use only 10% of our brain. Absence of proof is not proof of absence.

  148. Cloudbuster
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    PvPOnline: As the father of three daughters and two sons, I am forced to admit that there is some small grain of truth to this. Although I am not a complete pushover to my girls. I’m not. Really. You believe me, right?

    QC: I’m liking the new character, Emily. She’s only had two previous speaking roles so far, but I like her attitude.

  149. seismic-2
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#146): Better “okra” than “Oprah”.

  150. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#122):

    You are quite right with the list you have…I should have thought of “Mark Trail” as I’ve riffed off of it enough.
    But, “Andy Capp”…that one is quite brilliant given the character. Maybe it won’t fly to some folks but it is funny.

    I’ve always thought “Dick Tracy” might be a pun, too. Chalk outlines and all that.
    //that’s probably very, very, very wrong.

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#147): … it’s like the old saw that we use only 10% of our brain…

    Dude, don’t say that! I’ve been counting on that 90% to kick in, any day now!

  152. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#150):
    Chalk outlines….

    hmmm…Dick Tracy probably started around the time that “Kilroy was here” graffiti began….verrrrry interesting.

  153. Government Cheese
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Loft in Times Square? The only loft she’d have in Times Square would be a dingy efficiency above her work establishment – a strip club called “Hey Boy”. Knute, TJ and Gunther would be frequent (and probably the only) patrons. Oh, and Pops DeGroot is not having wallet cramps, it’s just IBS.

    MW: Oh these bran muffins PPPPT, oh they so are delicious PPPPPPPPT Mary. Please write my column – you think about it while I take a massive dump in your bathroom.

  154. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#150): “I’ve always thought “Dick Tracy” might be a pun, too.”

    Well, you probably know that male police officers sometimes – purely in a spirit of comaraderie and innocent fun – refer to female police officers as “Dickless Tracys”.

  155. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151):
    Well, the Keane kidz certainly fall into that category. I’m thinking they use even less.

  156. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#143):
    It’s time once again for the Petrified Cactus Clobbering Stick O’Justice!

  157. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151):
    Well, Wilbur is waiting for that 90% of his Bran to kick in any second now!

  158. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#157): “90% of his Bran”

    Ouch. Pardon me, I have to go. My bran brain hurts.

  159. Shrug
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#122):

    “On the other hand, I’ve read ANDY CAPP for forty years or so”

    And I’m already up to the third panel! (Please don’t tell me how it comes out; I’m enjoying the suspense.)

  160. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

  161. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#147): And a wet gum wrapper from Mark Trail’s pocket isn’t proof of anything.

  162. Elmo
    June 14th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: Why isn’t Mark wearing a Personal Floatation Device (a.k.a. life jacket)? While most of us who read MT are well-versed in the near super-heroic attributes of Mark Trail, I would expect that someone in the newspaper business would have gotten on the case because it shows a bad example to impressionable children. Oh, wait. Never mind.

  163. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#42):

    He’s dead, Jim.

  164. Liam
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    MT-The funny thing is that this is a somewhat daily occurrence for Mark. Whenever someone sees him that knows him they always try to kill him.

  165. Liam
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    MT-Mark will be fine as long as there are no giant fish in the river.

  166. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Bitter Scribe (#75): That always bugged me. I enjoyed the show, but seawater is just saline water. Not only would that make it dangerous for an alien to be around a sweaty human, but it must have made life hell for that one female alien who had a human boyfriend.

  167. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#131): Considering the amount of Vitalis® from Mark’s hair that got into the local water supply, we’re looking at an ecological disaster on par with the Exxon Valdez oil spill.

  168. Mike Harris, Bush Pilot
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    No blood, no foul, Trail!

    Go ahead to the cops. I’d like to hear the laughter when you pull that soggy wad of gum wrapper out of your pocket. I double dog dare ya!

  169. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    6Chix: Unable to think of a reason for giant animals to appear in her cartoon, Gibbons attempts to satisfy her need to emulate Jack Elrod by introducing a talking counter top.

  170. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#166): No worse than the aliens in Signs, who were also allergic to water. The aliens of Alienation crash landed. The aliens in Signs intentionally chose this planet to invade.

  171. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Brook Esia (#5): For those who don’t get Brook’s Dennis the Menace snark, don’t look up “santorum” at work. Or sober, just to be on the safe side.

  172. Jason1981
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    S-M: So things will be alright because Spidey shows up? This play IS funny after all!

  173. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    MT: Yeah, the bush pilot is dumb. But I just want to take the opportunity to say that any vehicular homicide attempt is dumb. Whether it’s cars, trucks, motorcycles or planes, vehicles are simply not reliable weapons — at least, not when used as such on purpose.

    There are two scenarios popular in crime shows.

    (1) The car is parked, waiting for the victim. Once the victim starts to cross the road, the car takes off, trying to attain a speed adequate for a kill shot. The tires squeal, and the victim stands waiting for five seconds or so for the car to reach him, rather than simply moving back onto the sidewalk.

    (2) The car is already in motion, but has to time its arrival at just the moment the victim steps out onto the road. Since there is no way of knowing when this is going to happen, it requires close cooperation with the victim himself.

    And that’s to say nothing of the idiots who, upon being chased by a car down a suburban street, continue to run forward in some vain hope they can outrun it, rather than simply dodging to one side or the other and watching their would-be killer sail past, cursing and shaking his fist.

    In short, if you’re going to kill someone, use an actual weapon. A rifle, for instance. Which a bush pilot would most certainly have.

  174. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#170): Oh, God! I’d forgotten that one. It pissed the hell out of me. Not only did they purposefully pick a planet covered in a substance that was deadly poison to them (and that rained it from the skies on a regular basis), but for all their technology, they had to rely on crop circles to find their way around.

    I was especially annoyed because I really liked the feel of the movie. And the scene in which the young boy convinces his sister to — do something (I can’t remember what now), was wonderful.

    But dumb? Geeze!

  175. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#166): Which might explain why Brach’s Salt Water Taffy isn’t popular in the Newcomer community.

  176. Illustrator Steve
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    MT – (A washed up Mark Trail finally arrives at Sherrif Jim’s office)…
    “Mark! Your clothes are soaking-wet and you are dripping polluted river water all over my brand new rug, whichis not just ANY rug, but a special ordered gift rug from that nice fellow, Mike Harris, who is kindly looking after the widow Chavez.
    …Now, for the last time, Mark, GET THAT WATER-LOGGED OLD GUM WRAPPER OFF OF MY DESK and, PLEASE just go home!”

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#173): My favorite is when thugs on motorcycles attempt to murder someone by forcing their victim’s automobile off the road, using their motorcycles.

  178. Sans Sense
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    MT:

    Unnecessarily elaborate murder plan? Check!
    Leave before the deed is done? Check!
    Overzealous assumption the target is done for? Check!

    That should take care you you, Mr. Bond. Er, I mean, Mr. Trail.

  179. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): I was thinking of that, too, when I was writing my diatribe. That never even made sense to me as a kid. I kept thinking, “Just bump the guy!”

    Another one is being chased by a helicopter — and I don’t mean being chased by a helicopter carrying guys with rifles, I just mean being chased by a helicopter. Pretty scary visually, for sure, and loud as hell, but the only way the pilot can get you is by destroying himself. (Of course, if it’s a helicopter being piloted by a zombie, then you might be in trouble.)

  180. Erikios
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    B.C. – HA HA HA HA HA….*ahem*….gruesome……

    Mark Trail – …..eh everythings been said already.

    SM – If there is one recurring thing about a lot of comic strips, its repetition and sometimes it drives me crazy. Take the current storyline of Spiderman–rehashing the villians name OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER: “I’ll be on cloud9 so my name will be clown9″ “That was eight so I must be Clown-9″ “Clown-9 can even make a water pistol dangerous” “Cornball is my cousin–I’m Clown9″ ENOUGH DAMN IT! ENOUGH! WE FREAKING GET YOUR !#$%@ NAME! YOU’VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR DAYS! ……This strip had this happen before with the PUPPET MASTER…..oh gosh dont get me started on that one….

    RMMD: JOSH, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T COMMENT ABOUT RMMD YESTERDAY! Iris’s body language in the last panel was HYSTERICAL. It screams “I want an Oompaloompa NOW!” Seriously!

    http://www.oregonlive.com/comics-kingdom/ feature_id=Rex_Morgan&feature_date=2012-06-13

    As for today: HOORAY! They finally made it out of the gosh darn room! Now the “plotline” can actually move forward! What a Rex Morgan concept!

  181. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#178):
    “Surely you don’t expect me to die?”
    “No, Mr. Trail. I expect you talk — with randomly-bolded words.”

  182. Illustrator Steve
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#164): “Whenever someone sees Mark that nows him they always try to kill him.”

    MT – If Mark makes it home alive Rusty may be the next in line to have a stab at doing in that lieing so-and-so of broken promises!

  183. Sans Sense
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#180): It also brings to mind Bond-girls with 50′s hair and flannel shirts. Yuck. At least Cherry approximates a Bond-girl name…

  184. nightfly
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Finally, a villain Spidey can handle! Too bad he’s currently trying to kill Mark Trail.

  185. Erikios
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    -.-

  186. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#179): I saw Signs on a bootleg Chinese DVD. Sometimes they’re made from someone bringing a camera to the theater. You get the silhouettes of the front row, ala Mystery Science Theater 3000.

    At a tense moment in the movie, before you actually see an alien, I think the protagonists are hiding in a food pantry, one kid shouts “There it is!” and at that moment, one silhouetted figure in the front row was running back to his seat with a cup of popcorn.

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#179): “I kept thinking, ‘Just bump the guy!’”

    Yep. I have always hoped, that were I attacked by murderous thugs, they would attempt to do me in by running my car off the road, with their incredibly expensive, chrome accessorized choppers, (with the ape-hanger handle bars and elongated forks, for maneuverability). I can even imagine myself taunting them into doing it, like Br’er Rabbit. “Oh, sure, shoot me with your guns, stab me with knives, I’m a tough guy, I can take it, and you’ll get caught! But please, oh please, don’t force my car off the road with your motorcycles. I’d be helpless, and my demise would look like an accident.”

    // Such fun.

  188. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#178): You also forgot to mention that Bond villians always share a cordial cup of coffee with Mr. Bond before trying to kill him.

  189. Hogenmogen
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#178): Mike Harris needs henchmen. He’s already got the remote island fortress.

  190. Écureuil Écumant
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark performs the canoeing equivalent of “I dumped the motorcycle so I wouldn’t hit [X]“. Nobody will believe his version either.

  191. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#187): “Mike Harris needs henchmen.”

    I could use a job, but I don’t think I’d be interested. Guys who are trying to quit smoking tend to be irritable, and make bad bosses. Even when they chew the kind of gum that people who are trying to quit smoking chew when they are trying to quit smoking.

    // On the other hand, would there be groovy uniforms? How about benefits? Dental?

  192. Marc
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#137): Or say “in the mood”.

  193. Sans Sense
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#189): I am assuming the uniforms would be some type of jumpsuit. If you find that grrovy more power to you. Benefits are unfortunately just an HMO at this point and a rather intrusive one. The plan was threatened to be revoked unless Mike Harris quit smoking which most of his henchmen (understandably) supported.

  194. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    I have a solution, as Amos Halftrack might say. When Jack Elrod was a small boy, he promised his mother, on her death bed, that he would never, ever use nicotine. He has taken that promise so much to heart that he cannot even use the word “nicotine”. Hence, “the kind of gum that people chew when they are trying to quit smoking.”

  195. Erikios
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    B.C. – HA HA HA HA HA….*ahem*….gruesome……

    Mark Trail – …..eh everythings been said already.

    SM – If there is one recurring thing about a lot of comic strips, its repetition and sometimes it drives me crazy. Take the current storyline of Spiderman–rehashing the villians name OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER: “I’ll be on cloud9 so my name will be clown9? “That was eight so I must be Clown-9? “Clown-9 can even make a water pistol dangerous” “Cornball is my cousin–I’m Clown9? ENOUGH DAMN IT! ENOUGH! WE FREAKING GET YOUR !#$%@ NAME! YOU’VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR DAYS! ……This strip had this happen before with the PUPPET MASTER…..oh gosh dont get me started on that one….

    RMMD: JOSH, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T COMMENT ABOUT RMMD YESTERDAY! Iris’s body language in the last panel was HYSTERICAL. It screams “I want an Oompaloompa NOW!” Seriously!

    http://www.oregonlive.com/comics-kingdom/ feature_id=Rex_Morgan&feature_date=2012-06-13

    As for today: HOORAY! They finally made it out of the gosh darn room! Now the “plotline” can actually move forward! What a Rex Morgan concept!

  196. flatsixes
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    MT: I was just thinking, nobody but Trail suspects that Mike Harris and the Widow Chavez are behind the murder, so nobody’s looking for them. Even if he survives getting wet, it’s still take Trail a mind-numbing couple of days to get back to the Sheriff’s Office with his soggy gum wrapper. By that time, Mike Harris and the Widow Chavez could be safely across the border giving site-seeing rides to gringo tourists before dumping their bodies into the cold waters of the Pacific. Hell, ol’ Gene would be toast in any real world scenario. Luck for him Mike Harris is crazy.

  197. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#185): I actually got chased by a car in an empty parking lot one time, while walking with my female cousin who was a couple of years younger. This was back when I was a teen, and had just moved from the country to the suburb called Malton. At that time I still wore the straw cowboy hat I’d bought in the hardware store back in the country village I’d lived in previously. Apparently, that hat was enough to cause a great deal of animosity.

    Anyway, some older teens in a car raced their car toward us, and we sidestepped. This happened a couple of times, and by then I was coming to the realisation that chasing a pedestrian with a car was highly inefficient. There were a number of lights in the lot, each with a concrete base, so I hoisted my cousin onto one of those, then just had some fun dodging the inept terrorists.

    Bullies are stupid. Seriously.

  198. twg
    June 14th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#96): I just cried tears of happiness, thinking about that coming true.

  199. Peanut Gallery
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145):

    “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

    And yet, the farther into the future I get, the more time I spend living in the past.

  200. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    overturned canoe
    should take care of Mr. Trail
    unless he can swim

  201. Peanut Gallery
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#173), (#179): It works really well on fruit carts, though.

  202. yaoi huntress earth
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: I know this sounds mean, but Cayla is kinda ugly this week.

  203. Shrug
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#194):

    He also promised his mother he would never use dirty vulgarian cuss-phrases like “What the heck” or “What the dickens.” As an adult, sometimes he forgets for a moment but so far he’s always been able to stop himself after the “th’ “.

  204. Shrug
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Erikios (#195):

    It cold be worse — Clown-9 could have been inspired by DICK TRACY villain Doubleup, resulting in monologues like “I’ll be on Cloud 9, Cloud 9, so my name will be Clown 9, Clown 9!”

    NSFBG NSFBG

  205. Brook Esia
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#12):

    Jive talkin’ Mary Worth

    Doesn’t Mattel make those?

  206. True Fable
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Of course the crowd is calmer now that Spider-man is there. They know he would never show up unless danger is gone, trouble avoided and the primetime lineup is coming on. The only fear they have is that nobody carries a TV remote to a stage play.

  207. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#37): It may be buzz-kill, but it is certainly more… happy… than the youtube videos I’ve been watching at work recently: AFTERMATH: Population 0, AFTERMATH: The Day After Oil, and AFTERMATH: The Day the Earth Stops Spinning.

    Of course, those dark videos were certainly more interesting, enlivening, and happy that facing doing real work at my job.

  208. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 14th, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#96): Only one small flaw with your theory… Edda can’t become destitute, as she would simply go home to her mother, become a nun, marry the gay dude, or change careers to something that would require lots of multisyllabic words to explain. Or else move over to Pibgorn.

  209. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 14th, 2012 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    So I’m on a road trip with Lolly, checking some comics and keeping up with the squee (thanks, queek!), and I was lucky enough to have dinner last night with the charming and handsome Sequitur and Alfred E. Neuman (and their very lovely and tolerant wives):
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/organize/?start_batch=recent_uploads

  210. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 14th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#188): As I think Dr. Evil once said, simply killing the good guy “just isn’t done.”

  211. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 14th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#209): I do not think that link means what you think it means.

  212. gnome de blog
    June 14th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#179):
    I don’t understand why Mark dived into the water instead of punching the plane.

  213. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#209): @Frank Lee Meidere (#211): Yes, you forgot to give us your user id and password.

    // Also, Visa card number and expiration date…

  214. Red Greenback
    June 14th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

  215. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#212): Give the guy a break, it’s probably been hours since he had a pancake. Not thinking clearly.

  216. greghousesgf
    June 14th, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#186): Signs would have benefitted from Joel and the bots making jokes.

  217. gnome de blog
    June 14th, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#215):
    I thought Mark’s “fight or flight” reflex was set permanently on “punch.” Guess not.

  218. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#209): I got a picture of a bulldog in bunny costume. I’m assuming that’s either Alfred E. Neuman or Sequitur.

  219. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 14th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#218): What, me furry?

  220. Alison
    June 14th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    “Ziggy”: JUNK DNA? Good God that is harsh, even for “Ziggy”.

    “Luann”: Mm-hm, most struggling actors who are in debt up to their eyeballs because Juilliard costs $46,000 (that was the number Luann’s mom quoted, anyways) are gonna be living in cute little NYC lofts and seeing expensive Broadway plays and shopping at designer clothing stores in their spare time. I’m pretty sure Luann is one of those people who has learned about life mostly from watching “Sex and the City” and “Friends”.

  221. seismic-2
    June 14th, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#220): Agreed. If Luann thinks she will be earning that sort of money as a paid “escort”, she is greatly overestimating herself. Luann dear, instead of rehearsing your “Hey Boy” audition performance for Julliard, you really ought to spend your time practicing your “Welcome to Weenie World!” greeting instead.

  222. The Ridger
    June 14th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Ummmm. Amos never “plighted his troth”. Buying an engagement ring is not “plighting your troth”. You have to actually ask her – in fact, I would go so far as to say you have to be accepted – to “plight your troth”. It’s not just that BMcE is pretentious, it’s that he’s wrong with it.

  223. Sequitur
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#209): Hah! I got my own Flickr site with that link.

    My wife took a picture of the three ‘Mundges.

    Nobody’s furry.
    Here’s an interesting cloud. If you look real hard it looks like the face of a dog. This is the furry.

  224. commodorejohn
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#223): Hah, bourbon babe looks eerily/amusingly like my brother’s mother-in-law (my aunt-in-law?) Though she prefers wine to spirits…

  225. bats :[
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#98): it sure was. Then again, any dangerous situation you can float away from…

  226. The Ridger
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#100): They always do the kid’s speech like that: precisely as everyone pronounces it. It’s very annoying, and it leads me to wonder what horrible accent the adults speak with…

  227. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Let’s just say that driving across Texas is making my brain malfunction, shall we?

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/bourbonbabe/

  228. Liam
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-His name was originally Joker but he had to change due for copyright reasons.

  229. seismic-2
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    I have to say I’m very disappointed in BB,U, Sequitur, and Alfred E. Neuman. When I clicked on that link I got all sorts of pornographic images that looked like the sort of thing you would download from… Oh, wait…

  230. Alfred E. Neuman
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#229): Have you hacked into our private files again?

  231. Sequitur
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#227): Sorry. I should have warned you about the loco weed.

  232. Nehemiah Scudder
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#229): When I clicked on it, there was a message saying I hadn’t uploaded anything yet. So…

    … now BBU, Sequitur, and AEN are anything I want them to be! Heh, heh, heh!

  233. Peanut Gallery
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#219): You must be an expert at “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions”!

  234. Anonymous
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#117):
    Hah, best comment of the day!

  235. Calico
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, #234 was me.

  236. Sgt. Stoned
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    MT: What I want to know is, did Harris drop another gum wrapper during his incompetent attempt to finish off Mark? If he didn’t, how will Mark ever be able to prove that it was Harris who tipped his canoe?

  237. Peanut Gallery
    June 14th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#227): Oh good, now we can play Find Six Differences with these two pics: 1 2

  238. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Luann/9CL/Pibgorn: Mr. McE is a graduate of Julliard. ’nuff said.

  239. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

  240. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#4): Jimmy Olsen in drag:

    http://girlsgonegeek.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/jimmy-olsen-195.jpg

    Don’t bother thanking me, McManx!

  241. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#24): MW: Today in Ann Landers, she just printed letters reacting to a previous column. She does that two or three days a week, so I’m just not seeing this job as a ball & chain. You’ll still have time to trim rose bushes and berate your neighbor Charlie Sheen Smith.

    And drinking bourbon tea with Toby.

  242. seismic-2
    June 14th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#240): And much more recently (from All-Star Superman)

  243. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#122): Three more punny comic strip titles: Heart of the City, Soup to Nutz and Working Daze.

    @seismic-2 (#242): All-Star Superman

    No fair — you used a comic book that’s less than 40 years old!

  244. Peter Parker Fan
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    For some reason, Josh’s B.C. riff reminded me of this movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3PfE2a_Al0

  245. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#227): Thank you! Y’all look so happy, it’s a pleasure to see you!

  246. commodorejohn
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Peter Parker Fan (#244): Oh my God, I must see this thing.

  247. Doug Puthoff
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    The most pathetic thing about the Spider-Man Clown-9 storyline is that it’s not the strip’s nadir. That would be when Spidey got knocked out by a freaking brick.

  248. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#57): I love NORTH BY NORTHWEST and just thinking about it makes me want to see it again. But (and I know this probably couldn’t be helped at the time the movie was made), that “northern Indiana” location of the plane chase looks about as much like northern Indiana as I look like Mark Trail:-).

  249. Poteet
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#247): Are we really sure about that? Wouldn’t a Spider-Man Nadir Contest have several pathetic contestants? Though the freaking brick is definitely a major contender.

  250. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#240): It seems like there’s a lot of money to be made in Metropolis as a tranny escort.

  251. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#247):

    Well, in defense of Spiderman, he’s not invulnerable to bricks. In fact, as far as carton characters go, Krazy Kat has a thicker skull than Peter Parker.

    So, unless it was a styrofoam brick–maybe thrown by Styrofoe-5–I’d say a brick connecting to his noggin would result in the Webheaded One seeing stars without a telescope.

  252. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Sheesh. I meant to type: cartoon characters.
    Carton characters probably include Sugar Bear…though…

    upon slight consideration…Sugar Bear on a shugga high would probably kick Spiderman’s ass.
    Oooh! Can’t get enuff o’ that kickin’ aaass…

    *****

    On B.C. I didn’t really get the joke until reading it a second time. I just thought he was disgustipated at the thought of young upstanding ants who are for some freaking reason in the boyscouts.

  253. This Guy
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @Peter Parker Fan (#244): …I think I’m insane now.

  254. Peter Parker Fan
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#246): TotC is definitely one of a kind. I only saw it once way back then, but it’s stuck with me. Unfortunately, the DVD is out of print, but I notice someone posted it on YouTube in sections. And it may be available by alternate (*cough* torrent *cough*) means.

  255. Peter Parker Fan
    June 14th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Just wondering, just where in Times Square would this “adorable loft” be located?

  256. Señor Tortilla
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#139): It’s drawn by Rina Piccolo, which drew the two S&M-themed 6C comics in the space of less than a month. She did other weird stuff, too.

  257. Peter Parker Fan
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Peter Parker Fan (#254): And, sure enough, the YouTube clip advertises a web site that supposedly has a remastered DVD: https://cultcine.com/products-page/animation/. The price isn’t too bad, may be worth a shot.

  258. GrafSpee
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#148): Re: QC. Emily is lucky that Hanners is taking her order: Faye might actually just smash a banana in a cup and call it a smoothie.

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  260. tallyHO
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#256):

    Speaking of Rina Piccolo, here’s something she wrote on the grind of being a syndicated cartoonist.

    Obviously, it is always important to keep in mind that it isn’t as easy as it can look. Read it if you are interested in her experiences. Obviously, the CC site is a Snark Tank and…i dunno…I think it is still possible to joke about things, to create stuff that is trying to be funny, to be good humored about snark and all of that.

    But, if you are open to a perspective…

    If you think it might ruin your snarktitude, it can be skipped.

    But, with Snuffy Smif NOT laughing like a stoned manic everyso often and with Mark Trail blazing for his very life and with Mary Worth medaling in the Olympics!… no, wait…oh….no, she’s just meddling.

    With all of those things and more (spiderman, spiderman) how can some comics not be lampooned?

  261. I'm Not Dirk
    June 14th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Ghost-writer who walks thinks the locals are so stupid he has to tell them what to say.

  262. Droopy Says
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    The A-snoozing Spiderman: Not so loud! If Spidey knew this was on TV, he’d rush home to watch it!

  263. Poteet
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    GA — A “slimy” snake??? When your grasp of natural history is so extremely tenuous that Crankshaft is doing a better job, it’s time to switch storylines.

  264. Elk Meadow
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Foster’s already dead. Pushing him back into the cooler is not going to get you a jail sentence. It’s what you’d be doing anyway, as apparently Mabel hadn’t arranged for a plot or cremation. (Which might be why she needed the $25K.)

    MW: Admit it–it’s not the advice, it’s having to use the computer. Mary doesn’t know how to send e-mail, let alone a document or an attachment.

    The discussion of For Better or for Worse reruns continues.

  265. Elk Meadow
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

  266. Poteet
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    MT — Wow, this probably the closest we’ll ever get to seeing Mark’s O-face!

    Oog, I’m going to be sick.

  267. Little Guy
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#260): And, conversely, it’s also as hard to do a daily blog each day coming up with snark about said syndicated comics. (Just sayin’…)

  268. Poteet
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#266): Preview, etc. Sorry.

  269. This Guy
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Peter Parker Fan (#254): The thing is that of course I’ve seen weird 80s anime movies, but not one that was combined with live-action footage. That’s not a technique that’s been incredibly common in Western material, and I don’t associate it with anime at all (End of Evangelion doesn’t really count. The two aren’t combined in the same scene.)

  270. Poteet
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    S-M — And just which network would that be? “Masochism Television, M-A-S-T, continuously sacrificing our sanity to bring you the very worst in modern theater! And now we return to tonight’s really ghastly production of…wait a minute, there’s some kind of interruption, thank God…”

  271. Comcis Fan
    June 15th, 2012 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh dear, Wilbur has muffin bloat, and no one’s going to want to be there when he blows.

  272. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#267):
    I don’t disagree with that.
    I didn’t mean to say that what Josh does or what The Onion, what The Daily Show or what MAD magazine does is worth less.

    I just posted it because I read it earlier in the day, her name came up here and, well, I posted it.

    Trying to entertain people is tough no matter how it is tried. I’ll admit that even mimes and clowns aren’t exceptions to how tough it can be to entertain people. Though they have the unenviable downside of scaring the heck out of people like Baka. Tough crowd.

  273. CanuckDownSouth
    June 15th, 2012 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    How is that canoe part-submerged, as if it were a branch of an underwater log?? Is this to conserve the universe’s WTF quotient now that Mike & Liz have decided it’s a good idea to check that their victim’s actually dead?

  274. tallyHO
    June 15th, 2012 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#273):

    One upping the WTFQ, to abbreviate your phrase:

    I know Jack Elrod has never channeled anything like Terry Gilliam’s Monty Python animation but this is the perfect time for a giant fish to jump up and swallow the plane. Then all Land Aquaman needs to do is say,
    “Looks like they took the bait! Case Closed!”

    The partially submerged canoe makes no sense at all. Even incomplete clip art seems like an impossible explanation.

  275. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 15th, 2012 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    DT: Can I mention how delighted I am that Blaze has freckles on her shoulders, too?

  276. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 15th, 2012 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#252): Maybe you were thinking of Spider-Slug’s cardboard characterization when you typed that.

  277. Peter Parker Fan
    June 15th, 2012 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#260) re: Ms. Piccolo’s blog post: Actually, in her comments re: bad fans as a drawback to being a pro cartoonist, I don’t think she was referring to snarkers as much as Xenogenesis-type fans, essentially trolls with a cartoonist fixation. From what I’ve seen so far, no one here is that type of “fan.”

  278. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 15th, 2012 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#275):

    She’s got freckles on her BUT, she is? nice…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNcjs30BZTs&feature=related

    I used to hear my father sing this song when I was a mere chip off the block!

  279. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 15th, 2012 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#278): I don’t know where that extraneous question mark came from, but I’d like to see it go to a good home. (Slim Skinner or Interior Design Courses Online need not apply!)

  280. Unwinder
    June 15th, 2012 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    Those ants aren’t going to mourn. They’re just going to make smart remarks about how their deadbeat husbands had it coming.

  281. The Ridger
    June 15th, 2012 at 5:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: So Edda’s pissed off because Seth didn’t quit in solidarity and/or picque when she got fired? “Not worth the bother”?! “Sweetie,” you are a monster.

  282. gleeb
    June 15th, 2012 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#283): Who the heck is Michael Kors, anyway?

  283. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 15th, 2012 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    @Cheap Michael Kors (#280): Ed Crankshaft’s cheap, too, but it least he doesn’t brag about it!

  284. Matt McIrvin
    June 15th, 2012 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#145):

    Yeah, “junk DNA” is a popular term for introns, which are non-coding, that is, they aren’t expressed as proteins. That doesn’t necessarily mean they do nothing. Biological systems aren’t always cleanly factored into functional and non-functional pieces.

    Note, however, that much of the online discussion you’ll find that heavily emphasizes the purpose of introns is not by mainstream biologists (who don’t have any particular reason to think that everything in the cell has a purpose), but by people who are attempting to demonstrate that our DNA is intelligently designed. And that’s probably as much as I should say without going way off topic for this forum.

  285. Frank Lee Meidere
    June 15th, 2012 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @Cheap Michael Kors (#280): @gleeb (#284): I served with Michael Cors, I knew Michael Cors, Michael Cors was a friend of mine. Sir, you’re no Michael Cors.

    Oh! Kors! Sorry Mike, didn’t recognise you with that new handbag.

  286. rich
    June 15th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    ZITS – Why have we never noticed before that this woman is a total moron??

    (Guess we can put aside any concerns that she might be too good for that idiotic Jeremy.)

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