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Metapost: Too hot to comment of the week

Good readers! A request for you: I am thinking of doing a comedy thingie that will involve making fun of awful PowerPoint presentations, not unlike the way I make fun of comic strips. But for this to work, I need PowerPoint presentations! Do you have any that are terrible or hilarious or otherwise mockworthy that I can use? Please send ’em along if so, e-mailing them to bio at jfruh dot com! I promise to anonymize them to spare you and your employer embarrassment.

And now, your comment of the week!

I was going to call my car ‘White Lightning’, but the more I thought about it, it’s a Subaru Forester, and I’m a grown man, so how about you just get in the car already?” –TC

And your runners up! Very amusing!

“Gravity. It isn’t just for poor people anymore.” –Poteet

“Have you ever heard Mark Trail cry to the blue corn moon? Or asked the sleeping grizzly if he can help? Can you shout with all the subtlety of a man pursued? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?” –Nate

“Good God, that final panel is chilling. Mary staring serenely at the reader, basically saying that not even the fourth wall will protect us from an untimely meddle. It’s like the octogenarian version of The Ring.” –tb4000

“Now if I could just remember how to aim a bear.” –Honey Badger, Does not give a shit

“My greatest comic wish is that at the climax of this storyline, the A3G artists decide to break their ‘nothing drawn below the waist’ rule in the most spectacular way possible: by giving us the most graphic depiction of childbirth ever seen on the comics page.” –pugfuggly

“What I love about Mark Trail is that unlike following some kind of plot, Elrod just wanders off on a journey that may or may not have anything to do with what was going on the day before and can be entirely unhinged from reality. You can totally imagine explaining any Mark Trail plot as if you were relating a weird dream to your spouse while shaving: ‘Yeah, so anyway I dreamed that Gene Johnson, you know the guy from accounting? Yeah, him. Anyway, he was convicted of murder. Weird, right? But it turns out he didn’t shoot him, his gun was borrowed to shoot the guy, but that doesn’t make any sense, so I went to the place to look for clues and there was this gum wrapper and I took it, and then I went to talk to the guy who I thought shot him and he chased me in his plane and then he and this purple woman who looks like that crazy lady who yelled at you in the dry cleaner that one time were chasing me around this island trying to shoot me, but suddenly there was this cave with this grizzly bear in it … Anyway, I don’t care what Dr. Ressler says, I am so not taking Ambien anymore.’” –geekwhisperer

“I think Dagwood is just trying to speak what he thinks is hipster jive. So, it is best to not interpret what he is saying as being literal. He is talking in what may best described as wink-winkese. As for what he is really asking for … I think Dagwood is back on the smack.” –tallyHO

“It’s official! Google won, we can all stop using Lycos now for our web searches.” –Santa Royale With Cheese

“Mary’s feeling the weight of her years as she feeds on the sadness of Wilbur’s patrons, but not to worry, she’s lopped off a few years with a youthful lower lip piercing of blasted ebon stone! Ah, the mid-life crises of the immortal and unkillable.” –Black Drazon

Today’s Wizard of Id … it feels like there should be more, doesn’t it? Like there should be a second panel that’s just a close up of the knight’s face so you can see flames reflected in his helmet as he stoically says ‘COMMENCE THE CULLING.’ Maybe that’s just me? I’ve always thought the creative team behind the Wizard of Id gleefully write and then forlornly crumple up a vast number of Black Death comics each year while muttering ‘someday, someday.’” –Tophat

“Even if that guy doesn’t work there, he should at least tell Skeezix that the device he’s gesturing towards is not a DVD player, but his penis.” –Irrischano

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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52 responses to “Metapost: Too hot to comment of the week”

  1. Jim North
    June 29th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Congrats to TC and all the floaters!

    And in other news . . .

    Lots of folks are assuming that Les either left Africa just to come back and put down Funky, or he died on the mountain and his spirit is not haunting Funky in as mopey and snide a way as possible.

    There is a third possibility, however. Les may in fact be in the process of dying right this second, and this entire “Funky buys a car, gives it a stupid name” storyline has been entirely in his head, a comforting hallucination that allows him one last chance to really stick it to Funky.

    In a purely figurative sense, of course. As Cayla has long since learned, Les has absolutely no interest in sex anymore because DEAD WIFE DEAD WIFE DEAD WIFE.

  2. Mikey Mike
    June 29th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Remember–you’re all winners. But especially TC. Float on, merry-makers!

  3. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 29th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Ran out of time today, so I’m just dumpin’ ‘em in here. I skipped the previous post entirely so that I’ll only be a tiny bit late meeting my wife for lunch. So instead of pre-screening my comments, I just made ‘em so lame nobody else would touch ‘em. Ahem. Congrats to the winners, who I sort of skimmed through.

    Snuffy – No, considering how fast bears can run, at least one of you is going to be ‘late.’

    Dick – Panda doesn’t look at all like an ostrich.

    love is… – …ongoing proof that there is no God, and we’re all doomed.

    @Girl Reporter (#y266): heh! That’s my kind of notes.

  4. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    June 29th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Congrats, float-folk! It’s been an especially funny week all around!

  5. Irrischano
    June 29th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    thanks josh!

  6. Little Guy
    June 29th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Yay to the CoTW and the Floaters! This week, the Float is equipped with a sprinkler syster to cool off the crowd.

    MT: Mark uses bears for interrogation, imported from Gitmo.

  7. Dennis Jimenez
    June 29th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Dang – overlooked again, and not only that, but my car has been dubbed Honky Beer Fart. But congratulations to all you weiner, ah, winners. A winner never whines and a whiner never wins. Or is it a whino never wins – White Honda-owner in name only – um, I better go now….

  8. Calico
    June 29th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Love seeing Mark, just chilling out, watching two people try to not get ripped apart by a bear. That may be the best panel I’ve seen in a while.

    Meanwhile, Mary is casting spells over her keyboard. Save the world, Mary!

    FC – Dolly is a fan of the Average White Band.

  9. Hart of Johnny
    June 29th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    That’s some good snark there.

  10. Doctor Handsome
    June 29th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Funny stuff all ’round as always, party people.

  11. terrapin
    June 29th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that is one funny float. Geekwhisperer’s made me blow soda out my nose.

  12. Santa Royale With Cheese
    June 29th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Hooray! That made up for finding out someone has been going to town all morning at iTunes with my debit card number. (Card is now inactive, and I’m wondering how I thought I was going to go out for lunch today without a working card. If only there were some other form of currency I could fall back on!)

  13. Sequitur
    June 29th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Maybe what Luann and Quill need is a little cornography.

    Hey there! Congrats to TC and the Floatin’ Funsters! Good job!

  14. Dale
    June 29th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MT would make a good story if some people with cameras happen along.

  15. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 29th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    MT: As you can tell from the second panel, Mark is really happy to see that bear.

    MW: The monitor is telling Mary what to type. Now the puppetmaster is just another puppet. She should have maintained her boycott of digital technology to the very end.

    FW: Whatever happened to “It’s a good book. You should read it when you get the time”? Not dickish enough?

    9CL: I’d feel bad for Seth now, if I didn’t know him.

    Archie: The Riverdale cloning program is very serious about recycling your Diltons.

    JP: Outside his plane, Avery just looks like a dork. Sam, on the other hand, looks like a DEA agent very badly going incognito. If he didn’t have an inexhaustible supply of luck, it would be running out now.

    RMMD: “That’s good to hear, you very strange man. Any chance Gary Oldman could play a distinguished casino pit boss?”

    Garfield: “So I can drop them and have an excuse to look up women’s—no reason, really.”

    H&L: Where does a Walker/Browne strip get off actually being timely?

    GT: I’ve never tried it myself, but something tells me that taking your friend’s ex-girlfriends kid out without the mother’s knowledge will not bring good things upon you in real life.

    Phantom: “In fact hey, I’ve got this dandy knife on me. Now would be a fine time to add to my eyeball collection.”

    6C: I didn’t know the B-52 was a commercial flier.

    FC: “Then we’ll take bets on how many times he cuts himself. Come on, it’ll be fun for the whole family.”

    SSmith: “What did we do to get that Trail feller mad?”

    S-M: “Me and this hand do have plans for the night, if you catch my drift.”

    M-Dawg: They’re under the cop’s liver, Phil.

    SFx: Not something I’ve ever seen a domestic goldfish do, but cool nonetheless.

    Marvin: The consensus is she’s just naïve. At least that’s what Minnie and Roman Castevet say.

  16. Dale
    June 29th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Would it make a bad story if Mark Trail actually needs to use the gun and finds it’s EMPTY?

  17. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 29th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    And of course congratulations to the COTWers. I’m going to wander back to the last thread to catch the other good stuff.

  18. bbofun
    June 29th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    The great “how is Les around to be smug and superior to Funky when he’s suppose to be on a plane to Africa” mystery- SOLVED!

    (Okay, not solved- but here’s a theory.)

    I think this whole week of strips were originally drawn as an alternate week in case the “gay(but not too gay) prom” strips were just TOO controversial. (I imagine there were some newspapers that didn’t carry them, as ridiculous as that is.) But Batiuk was just so happy with the way they turned out, he had to share them with everybody.

    The only question is, was it always Harry in the other four strips, or did Batiuk replace Les with Harry for in-strip continuity, only to be defeated by the fact that only Les could be “erudite” enough to make the ANIMAL FARM connection? Or did Batiuk just not care?

    YOU BE THE JUDGE!

  19. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (y53):

    Of course, he’s been removed from English class and these days is solely focusing on self-esteem class. Guess that makes it a master class.

    Isn’t it spelled “mastur”?

  20. TheDiva
    June 29th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#15): Whatever happened to “It’s a good book. You should read it when you get the time”? Not dickish enough?

    Silly AFKAB, don’t you know that if Les actually encouraged people to read the classics, he’d wind up with nobody to feel superior to? Why do you think he became a teacher in the first place?

  21. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 29th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#20): Well, I do have to admit that Les is an acknowledged master at not being encouraging.

  22. KreatureFeatures
    June 29th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Enough of Mary Worth’s hideous clawing at the keyboard. Let’s move on to Wilbur gawking at the marble manbits of Michaelangelo’s David while Dawn mutters dejectedly, “Life is BRUTAL.”

  23. seismic-2
    June 29th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#18): But Batiuk was just so happy with the way they turned out, he had to share them with inflict them on everybody.

    FIFY

  24. agony
    June 29th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    9CWL – I’ve figured out the difference between me and Juliet. When my daughter asks me for relationship advice, I don’t advise her to pour herself into a little black dress, but to talk to her partner. And when my daughter by her cowardice and poor communication skills causes real pain to someone she supposedly cares about, I don’t sink into infantilism with her, but instead encourage her to act like an adult and face the issue.

    Guess I’ll never qualify to be a Burber woman.

  25. bbofun
    June 29th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#23): THANK YOU

  26. popamatic
    June 29th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#1):

    FW: That would make the car’s full name be “Snowball of Kilimanjaro.” Les is dieing on the slopes, reliving all his greatest putdowns of Funky. He has been transported back to Ohio to see Funky, but something is wrong. Funky keeps calling out to him “Les…Les…Les,” but all he can hear is the idling of the engine.

  27. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    June 29th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#y114): You said “knackers.”

    @bats :[ (#129): Or is Juliette slowly shrinking into her new role as a female Pap?
    She’s morphing into Mammy Yokum, who probably looked like Daisy Mae before she got married.

  28. Poteet
    June 29th, 2012 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#YY270): Excellent snark.

  29. Master Softheart
    June 29th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to the C’sOTW – especially to geekwhisperer, who has managed to capture the drugged, waterlogged sense of unreality that pervades Mark Trail brilliantly.

    @agony (#24): While it actually never occurred to me to think through how I would differentiate myself from Juliette, this would be a good place to start if I ever felt the creeping, choking fear that I might perhaps in some way resemble her.

    Storylines in 9CL where the basic conflict is based entirely upon Edda’s various psychological flaws, gyroscopic self-absorption, or precious sense of her own limitless specialness are often the least engaging… even if they don’t involve delusional breaks with what passes in the strip for reality and the heavy-handed symbolism of unicorns. Sometimes I really miss self-absorbed, sexually conflicted teen grandma, her Tragic Austrian Nazi Lover, and the Fractured Fairy Tales version of WWII….

    JP: Oh, never mind. *sigh*

  30. Poteet
    June 29th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#YY274): Good point.

  31. Poteet
    June 29th, 2012 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#Y66): Thanks for the turtle! What’s SBp?

  32. Poteet
    June 29th, 2012 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations TC and runners-up! It’s an honor to be part of a very funny lineup. (Note to self — comment shoulda been “it’s not just…” Shoot.)

  33. TC
    June 29th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Thanks josh! (and everyone else!)

  34. Droopy Says
    June 29th, 2012 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#28): Thanks, Poteet! And congratulations on making the snark (congrats to everyone else as well).

  35. Droopy Says
    June 29th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Congrats on making the float. I love using my brain in hot weather . . .

  36. Latin caprae
    June 29th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    Ut capra sed dico quod Les Moore est asshat.

  37. Ride Dem Haunches
    June 29th, 2012 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Latin caprae (#36): I like the cut of your jib, Goat!

  38. seismic-2
    June 29th, 2012 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Latin caprae (#36): I came, I saw, I smirked. – Westview city motto

  39. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 29th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @hypochrismutreefuzz (#y137): I’d love to give Professor Lester “Snowball” Moore, Esquire a pig knuckle sandwich to chew on. Of course, he’s not a real person, but I can dream, can’t I?

    @Dale (#16): Would it make a bad story if Mark Trail actually needs to use the gun and finds it’s EMPTY?

    Mark would simply throw it at the bear’s head — like the crooks always seemed to do on the 1950s “Superman” TV show. And like Superman, the bear would probably duck out of the way.

    (I never could figure out why bullets weren’t a problem for Superman, but a thrown object was!)

    Congrats to this week’s winners!

  40. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    June 29th, 2012 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to the floaters!

    …too hot here to come up with something witty…

  41. This Guy
    June 29th, 2012 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    Like that of a troll, my brain slows down when subjected to heat. Naturally, at this point our air conditioning has chosen to fail.

    But you’ve all done very well!

    // Thank you, Mr. Grace…

  42. Pinball Swordfish
    June 29th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Luann: WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST GODDAMN HAVE SEX, ALREADY!?

  43. Luann and Quill
    June 29th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Pinball Swordfish (#42):

    No, of course not. That would be dirty.

  44. Dariaclone
    June 29th, 2012 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    A3G: So not labor pains, but her appendix? Worst pregnancy ever!

  45. Droopy Says
    June 30th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Spiderzero: Help me out here. Why, in the Spiderverse, is it accepted that a beautiful (by definition) woman is easier to seduce than an unattractive one? Why is it taken for granted that Generic Brand would have previously chased after less attractive women? And, really, why would anyone think it’s hard to seduce MJ? She fell for Peter Parker, which is the romantic equivalent of tying your shoelaces together.

    Mark Trail: Suddenly, Bearly Awake forgets about Michael and Elizabeth Patterfoob and their imaginary treehouse. He sees Mrs. Bearly Awake and their cubs on the other side of Mark Trail. Dinner, and justice, are served!

    Family Circus: Yes, Jeffy, let the caterpillar in. Soon it will swaddle itself in silk and turn into a butterfly. Perhaps that will inspire you to turn into a person. Failing that, you can swaddle yourself in a polyethylene bag and transform yourself into a cherub.

    What The Funky: Shut up, blond woman whose identity is of supreme iindifference. Funky gave Les a beat-down and got rid of him. Don’t spoil his pathetic moment of false triumph.

    Gasoline Alley: I don’t know why Adolphe Menjou is being so rude to whoever that is, but I’m sure it’s justified.

  46. Droopy Says
    June 30th, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .: . . . doing far too much to rush through TSA.

    Love Isn’t . . . Luann.

  47. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2012 at 4:42 am [Reply]

    It’s good to see Frank Nelson still getting work 26 years after his death. Too bad it’s in Gasoline Alley.

    Poor Dick Tracy. The police comm server just blue-screened. Shoulda used Linux instead of Windoze.

  48. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2012 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    Dear Wendy:

    13 hours on that damned Alitalia flight with NO MAYONNAISE OR SANDWICHES at all! None. What kind of God lets a tragedy like this happen?

    Famished in Fiumicino

  49. Baka Gaijin
    June 30th, 2012 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    This metapost is too fancy for Hoboken, too hot to comment. [*]

  50. Rocky Stoneaxe
    June 30th, 2012 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    After Hägar the Horrible’s “Kookamunga/Cucamonga” gag three days ago, an appearance by radio/TV comedian Frank Nelson in Gasoline Alley really doesn’t surprise me. Now it’s up to Stephan Pastis to top them both by inserting Joe Penner’s “Wanna buy a Duck?” into one of his PBS strips!

  51. pugfuggly
    June 30th, 2012 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    ASM Yeah, who would be able to resist that million-dollar face? He looks like a weasel pressing its face into the side of an aquarium…

    A3G “What can we do if the baby is coming out wrong? Nothing Scott, I just thought I’d give you a chance to prepare for the lifetime of guilt you’ll be having if your baby suffers serious damage because your looney wife doesn’t like paramedics.”

    Luann This is what happens when you go to a school with ‘abstinence only’ sex ed. “Well, we kissed while alone, so I guess now we’ll just lie back and wait for the orgasm fairy to come grant us each a tickle-wish”

    MT Somehow, I don’t think that ‘confession under threat of bear’ will hold up in court.

    MW I see Mary has been reading Jack Elrod’s classic ‘Bold your way to Better Writing!’

  52. Shrug
    June 30th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to the float-riders — funny as always, but I can’t help thinking…

    Surely, for maximum hilaritiousness, shouldn’t the float itself have a ducky head on it?

Comments are closed for this post.