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Soapy quickies

Apartment 3-G, 7/3/12

“Should I use the ritual obsidian dagger I was saving to finally kill Margo with to cut the still-living child from Nina’s womb? I’m not sure if using it to shed blood in order to save a life will sap of it the dark power it needs for its intended purpose — or will only make it stronger. Damn it, I need to find a necromancer to consult, stat!”

Mary Worth, 7/3/12

“I mean, in America we never snort wasabi paste out of a coke spoon, right? Try to expand your horizons here!”

312 responses to “Soapy quickies”

  1. wossname
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    A3G – If Tommie had any idea how these things are done, she would already have told Scott to tear up some bedsheets and boil lots of water.

    FW – Does that guide have an elephant gun? If not, can we get him one?

    MT – Bear: “You woke me up for that?”

    Curtis – Um, Dad? If you’d tried to book ahead, your credit card would still have been declined. But I guess that’s a minor point compared to the hilarity that’s about to ensue when they get home and find Mom painting her toenails and eating bonbons.

    MW – Yes, Moy, we get it – Dawn is moping and everything reminds her of Dave, even a plate of arugula. Can we move on now?

  2. Dennis Jimenez
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    A3G – Hurry – the sixth seal has been broken….

    MW – Holy guacamole is brutal….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  3. Chareth Cutestory
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’m sure that the artist’s intent was to convey some sort of sophisticated European fashions when drawing the person in the background with a bandanna around the neck, flapping in the breeze. Unfortunately, all I see is a Cthulhu neck tentacle squirming around during an otherwise nice lunch date.

  4. Pozzo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Why do I get the feeling that this isn’t the first time Tommie has thought, “There is another way, but I’m totally inexperienced”? It wouldn’t surprised me if she has it stitched into a sampler.

  5. S.Stout
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Luann: If only Quill had known that anyone that kisses Luann in private is immediately deported. “Fair dinkum son, I told ya not to have a go with that spunk! Now Greg is making us pikers! Dingo brumby joey!

  6. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    FW: If we’re lucky, he’ll fall off the mountain. Or be pushed.

    Luann: What’s with this “instantaneous leaving for Australia” bullshit??

    MT: ‘Cause it’s just that easy.

    MW: Yeah, ya know, because EVERY young woman wants to go on vacation to Europe for three months with her lumpy father, having everyone assume he’s your sugar-daddy and you’re his nookie-princess….

    Retail: Does that actually happen??

    Love is…: …………on the bench that’s breaking…

  7. Mibbitmaker
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids is up!

    ….. still better communicators than Li’l boring Jimmy and Li’l garbled Dubya!

  8. Señor Tortilla
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Luann – We ALL saw this one coming!

    Marvin – Ha ha, it’s funny because all the little dog remembers from the vet is getting castrated!

    RMMD – They’re STILL on this one?

  9. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#3):

    Really? I thought the guy had some sort of horrid growth sprouting from his neck!

  10. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    JP-According to the brochure this place used to be a bordello maybe that is what you smell.

    MT-What a great way of coercing confessions out of people. The police nationwide must be informed of confession by bear.

    MW-What do you vegetables taste better in Italy than they do here or is it the thought of being in a foreign country just makes them seem better.

    MW 2-The only vegetables Wilbur eats are on a sandwich or the women in the coma ward at the hospital.

    A3G-Dare, Tommie, dare. Stick your hands deep inside of her like you do with Margo and Luann.

  11. pugfuggly
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    A3G My favourite part of this strip is Scott just looking back and forth between his wife and Tommie. “I got Nina that midwife she kept crying about, now what happens? Shouldn’t something be happening? Christ, I have a 4:00 tee time…”

    MW “Yes, I’ll have a plate of green beans (‘Tuscan green beans’, that’s thing, right?) and the lady will have the pea mash.”

  12. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Luann – The next morning, there is a special announcement at Pitts High School:

    “I have a message. Transfer Student Quill Wallaby’s plane… was shot down… over the Sea of Japan. It spun in… there were no survivors.”

  13. nescio
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    FW: Let’s all hope the “one” is the designated sacrificial offering.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: “There is another way, but I’m totally inexperienced. Do I dare? (facing readers) I’ll ask you folks in the studio audience. Should I proceed with the alternative method, or…”
    READERS: “But we don’t even know what the other method IS….”

    MW: It may look like her Dave sulking has been broken improbably by her dad’s lame and embarrassing commentary, but don’t be fooled. She’s really saying in panel 2, in a tiny, soft, desperate voice, “hellllllp meeeeeee… hellllllp meeeeeee…..!”

  15. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#13):

    There is one on every trip … that Les Moore goes on. Never more than one, however, which should tell Les something….

  16. Little Blue Bicycle
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: “But I’m totally inexperienced. Do I dare? Yes! Scott, call Margo! We’re going to make the thing with three backs. The absolute revulsion should force out the baby.”

    MW: Meanwhile, Wilbur hates America.

  17. BeckoningChasm
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: I’m sure What’s-Her-Name would enjoy her fresh vegetables more, but you know, life is brutal.

  18. pugfuggly
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    FW “Yep, there’s one on every climb that I have to sacrifice when we encounter that lion. Now we know who it is.”

    Luann “What’s that? We’re moving back to Australia this afternoon? And to a remote spot in the outback without phone or internet access? Bummer….”

    MT Well that will make a nice scene: the weird woodsman with the gum wrapper forcing these two at gunpoint to tell the sherif a fantastic story of planes, gunplay and grizzly bears that no-one else could corroborate. Can’t imagine how that would backfire at all.

  19. Lynn
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Luann: The girly men of the Comics Curmudgeon have their own special way of foreseeing this outcome.

    Phantom: Ha, ha, Phantom is going to smack Victor on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

  20. Perky Bird
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    “Don’t you taste the difference between these and the ones we usually eat? I mean, come on–they’re not batter-coated, deep-fried, covered in mayo, or even smashed between a slab of greasy meat and a stale piece of bread, and they’re still delicious! How do these Italians do it?”

  21. Lynn
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Legumes are brutal.

  22. Samuel PG
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Come on, Dawn, don’t you realize that Italian cuisine is famous primarily for its fresh vegetables? It’s not as if you can find fresh vegetables back home in California.”

  23. Doug Puthoff
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp–Meanwhile, I don’t know WTF is happening?

    The Incredible Spider-Man–Okay, all is forgiven between Peter and MJ, can we have some more Clown-9 now?

    Cul de Sac–I think my bag-thing is behind my man-thing.

  24. Here come the Judge
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Luann: We’re SAVED!

    Judge Parker: Looks like the latest dope-related plot is just going to be a re-hash (ha ha, see what I did there?) of the last one- ie., legitimate business owners can’t make ends meet, and turn to drug sales. Bo-ring. Maybe in this one Sam will eat the pot brownies.

  25. Holly Folly
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Yes, because clearly not freaking out Nina is more important then her life and life of her unborn child. You made your midwife certificate in Photoshop didn’t you?

  26. Labdad
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    JP: Please, please, PLEASE let the “bedraggled” Cherry Creek Retreat be the headquarters of the pot farmers!

  27. lorne
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s anti-climactic Apartment 3G conclusion:
    “Fuck this. I’m dialling 911.”

  28. Old School Allie Cat
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Luann – Quill should ask for a pre-flight hummer. One for the road, so to speak.

  29. Samuel PG
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Luann – Am I the only one who finds it disturbing when people refer to men or women as “males” or “females”? It’s almost like they aren’t sure what species they are talking about so they just address the question of sex.

    Pluggers – Nothing says “summer refreshment” quite like wet, cloying denim.

  30. lorne
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    For the love of god, will someone please do something about Wilbur’s comb-over!

  31. TheDiva
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: “I suppose I could tell Nina what the problem is and what her options are, outlining the risks for each in a manner that will allow her to make an informed decision, but that might make her think she has an active role in this pregnancy and we can’t have that…”

    MW: I always say, you’ve never tasted guacamole until you’ve tried real Italian guacamole.

  32. Crankenstank
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I think it’s a bad sign I’m confusing Wilbur with Avery. Or is this some kind of hipster-trendy crossover comics thing I don’t get? Ah, the hell with it, where’s Pluggers?!

  33. Dennis Jimenez
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#31): It’s special cuz it’s blessed by the Pope – it’s Holy Guacamole….

  34. Crankenstank
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Because, you know, it takes soooooo loooooooong to dial “9-1-1″, you might as well just deliver the baby in the living room.

  35. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Samuel PG (#29):

    What is worse is Greg Evans’ determination to attribute the ability to sniff out a plot that was telegraphed all the way from Australia, and is an exact repeat of the plot twist used to dispose of her last boyfriend, to some sort of “female intuition”.

    He could have at least lampshaded things by having Luann comment on the Deja Vu involved for her. “Y’know, we are all sick of Gunther. Maybe if I tried to kiss him, he would be suddenly recalled to R’lyeh?”

  36. jvwalt
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    MW: Of all the appalling things about the Westons’ Italian sojourn, the most appalling thing to me is Wilbur’s chest hair. Somebody’s feelin’ a little frisky, and I don’t like it one bit. By the time this is over, his shirt will be unbuttoned to his navel and he’ll be wearing a big gold medallion around his neck because, y’know, that’s what Italians do.

  37. Marc
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#10): Speaking of Lu Ann, she hasn’t been heard from for months. It’s safe to assume that she and her mother/cousin have been eaten by bears in the North Dakota wilderness right?

  38. odinthor
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Frazz. — Who wouldn’t object to being called a “nellie ‘keet”?

    GT. — Listen, pal. I don’t know you, and I don’t want to interfere in your personal life; but I wanted to give you a heads up that that’s not Steve, that’s a door. You can tell the difference by the shape of the knob.

    JP. — And without the arrows, who could have figured out how to go around? (By the way, isn’t Go Around Termites opening at the next Gail Martin concert?)

    Pluggers. — Gahhh! Too short, too short! Oh, the humanity!

  39. Samuel PG
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#35):

    Yes indeed. Unfortunately, I am afraid to begin applying a feminist critique of the comics in order to highlight the idiotic sexism because I am not sure I could stop. I realize that sexism is alive and well in society in general, but it’s hard to think of many places where it is as rampant as the funnies page.

  40. TheDiva
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Fertilizer isn’t banned either, and look what Timothy McVeigh did with that. Why is Crankshaft still allowed out in public?

    FW: I’m not sure which option I find more distasteful: that Batiuk truly doesn’t know what an insufferable pain in the ass Les is, or that he does know but thinks it makes Les an amusing and delightfully endearing character.

    Luann: Oh please, Quill. Blind cave fish could have seen where this was going.

    MT: The bear realizes how stupid this plot development is, and leaves.

    SM: These two deserve each other, and not in the good way.

  41. Renee J
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    A3G – Maybe it’s just me, but if my mother had died in child birth and I was terrified of having the same fate, the last place I would want to give birth is in my living room with an inexperienced midwife.

  42. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Samuel PG (#39):

    With so many strips written by octegenarian men who are trying to appeal to a perceived audience of the same, it is no wonder that out-of-date tropes about women’s roles are perpetuated.

    For strips such as Judge Parker, the sexism is overwhelmed by the fact that none of the characters behave in a recognizably human fashion. The women are objects, and the men are clueless tools. Like its ‘sister’ strip, Rex Morgan, the women really control everything and do all the work, and the men exist just to give reaction shots when unearned fortune falls in their laps.

    Than again, I remember the strip “Fast Track”, which my local paper dropped a few years ago. That strip made the “glass ceiling” at the company where everyone worked into a character of its own, despite the fact that the CEO of the company, and the Admin who actually made all the decisions behind the scenes, were both women.

  43. Ned Ryerson
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#3): @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#9):

    Re: background guy in Mary Worth
    I was thinking the guy’s ascot was making a break for it.

    Also: mmmmm, edamame gelato!

    @Labdad (#26): Please, please, PLEASE let the “bedraggled” Cherry Creek Retreat be the headquarters of the pot farmers!

    Well, that definitely looks like the work of a stoned handyman.

  44. KreatureFeatures
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    No, Mark Trail, don’t shoo the bear away. You need him to hold the rifle on the villains while you slowly paddle your overloaded canoe back to the sheriff’s office. Plus you need him as a witness to the murder confession. And to take Rusty fishing.

  45. Binder's Butter Beans
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Wilbur! Just abandon your mopey daughter at an inn in Chianti, for God’s sake! She’s 19, or 20, or 36, or something – she’ll rally and take care of herself at some point! Save yourself!

    (Did I just tell Wilbur to save himself? Lord help me.)

  46. Marc
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Luann- “Dad I’m really busy, I’m about to dingo this koala in her platypus. What? Nine hundred dollary-doos? Oh my God! There’s nothing wrong with the bidet, is there? Crikes, I’ll be right home!”

    Mark Trail- The laws of villainy in the Lost Forest dictate that now that Mark has extracted a confession through a completely inadmissable way, the culprits will now walk side by side with Trail all the way to the Sheriff’s office. Despite Mark having no way to restrain them and keep them from escaping, they will not try and run. That would just be in bad taste.

    Mary Worth- Goopy green vegetables and Wilbur’s disturbingly open shirt aside; the thing I’m most interested in is the remakably quick shirt change by the pink shirted woman behind them.

    9CL- Interesting tidbit; you’re only allowed to threaten bodily harm to company executives, while pretending to be a lawyer, if it is in defence of a Burber. Try it any other time and you are going to be dragging your sorry ass into court for fraud and assault.

    Funky- So night night. And don’t let the bed bugs paralyze.

    A3G- Scott just realized how hypnotizing the back of Tommie’s helmet head is when she’s trying to think.

    Archie- What is this, a car for ants!?!? How can we be expected to teach Archie to learn how to drive if he can’t even fit in the car? It needs to be at least……… 3 times this size.

  47. bats :[
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Luann: bluuuuuuuuuuue-ballin’

    R&R: no Lab ever dodged a sprinkler. EVER.

    MG&G: /facepalm.

    6Cx: *snurk*

    too hot to snark. even with the coffee shop AC, the heat everywhere else has sapped my brain.

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .oral. (duh.)

  50. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    the thing I’m really bummed about in Luann, I was hoping that when Quill dropped trou Luann’s first thought was “Gunth’s is bigger.”

  51. UncleJeff
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Doonesbury: Hey, Honey is back after an absence of many years.

  52. TheDiva
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#40): (Oh, and I forgot: new Musical Hell review posted! Do you like Shakespeare? Do you like seals? Good! Then be prepared to like both a lot less as we look at Romeo and Juliet: Sealed With A Kiss!)

  53. un malpaso
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    MW: I can’t decide which of these bastards deserves a good smack in the face more: dorky Wilbur or mopey Dawn.

    Come on, guys! Look around you! You’re in the most beautiful, historical part of the Old Country that just happens to look exactly like a mall food court in Santa Royale, complete with green mush and suspiciously Anglo-appearing diners who look just like 1970s industrial clip art! Live a little!

    And Wilbur, kill the comb-over, put on a nice white shirt, and get the hell away from Dawn for a while so she can get some rebound nookie from an Italian busboy. That’s all she really wants.

  54. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MW: “Dave used to eat with utensils while sitting in a chair! It was his favorite way to eat things!”

  55. Illustrator Steve
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MT – SOMEwhere on SOME small island along SOME river SOMEwhere in the southern part of SOME state, SOME old grizzly bear retreats back into SOME cave while SOMEone named Mark Trail ushers SOME VILLAINOUS murderers into SOME canoe. Mark, for SOME stupid reason, hands them SOME loaded rifle to hold each other at gun point while Mark does SOME fancy paddleing in SOME attempt to get them to SOME Sheriff’s office SOMEplace, SOMEwhere. It all had SOMEthing to do with getting SOME justice for SOME fishing buddy of his before SOMEone at the prison decides to flip SOME switch and fry the guy. (SOME story, dontchathink?)

  56. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#50):

    Re: “I was hoping that when Quill dropped trou Luann’s first thought was “Gunth’s is bigger.”

    That isn’t much to brag about, it is sort of like being the tallest mushroom on the cow patty.

  57. Peter Porker
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Plus, Jericho doesn’t make me wear a strap-on and he doesn’t bite the pillow and sob.

    He makes love like a real man, not like a man spider.

  58. Horace Broon
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    HtH: “Look at Northumbria; we basically conquered the place and renamed its capital Jorvik, but as long as it’s a major trading centre, everyone’s happy!”

    H&L: “And even if I had, I can’t talk, crazy lady!”

    JP: Sam’s really going to be upset when he realises it’s the kitchen staff’s “day off” as well; he didn’t realise roughing it didn’t include room service!

    Phantom: “There’s still a way to break him of his bad habits! We’ve tried wrestling, and we’ve tried vigilantism. I’m afraid there’s nothing left but for you, as police chief, to arrest him as a known criminal! It’s crazy but it might just work!”

    I’m kidding, of course; Walker’s actual plan will involve masks and costumes and ceremonial skulls and who knows what else.

  59. Apeman
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Apartment 34-AA: I want to snark but I can’t because I don’t think anything I could say will be better than the major ass-pull we’re going to be seeing over the course of the next few hours of comic strip time three months of Nina’s labor.

  60. Lynn
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    #58, Horace Boom: “Walker’s actual plan will involve masks and costumes and ceremonial skulls and who knows what else.” Let’s leave his social life out of it, ok?

  61. Canton
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MW: This is a The Light in the Piazza scenario, isn’t it? With Dawn as a mentally-challenged Clara figure and her oddball parent as himself. Yeah, sounds right. Can we just get to the inevitable hot Italian boy already? Because it’s either that or Dawn stealing The David somehow.

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    dual request for bb,u.

    It is Irish Wolfhound Week on loldogs. *does happy dance*

    little known historical Phact of quantum physics.

    I think that many mudges will see the truth in this.

    Steampunk tentacle repellent .

    border collie win.

    Sequitur?

    fair warning, folks, it’s FENNEC week on Daily Squee!!!

    The Daily Puppy is a gorgeous Lab.

    corgsqui.

    insert Chariots of Fire theme here.

  63. twg
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    FW: When does Les get bitten by a Tsetse fly? I hope soon. It’s either that or malaria.

    9CL: ?!?

    AS-M: I’m so glad we had a break in the Clown-9 action to clear this whole thing up.

  64. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    3G – Dare away, Tommie. It’s just Nina!

    AD – Typical cavemen, using crass terms like “freak show.” Thank heaven I live in a more sensitive age, where we say “freak presentation.”

    Luann – Here’s where we see that Luann, for all her seeming [snrk] maturity [bear with me here] is still, at heart, a child who can be endlessly surprised by plot twists everybody else saw coming back in 2009.

    Rx – Clever homage in the last panel there. It’s the guy who gets shot in the glasses in the Odessa Steps scene from POTEMKIN, right?

  65. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Mary – “If you don’t want vegetables, at least have a bite of antipasto!”
    “Life is bruschetta.”

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#6): Retail: Does that actually happen??
    By a comical coincidence, I was looking at two or three of the “horrible customer stories” blogs, and apparently it does. I’m so glad I haven’t worked retail since 1976. I should send a card to Chuck to thank him for firing me.

    @Apeman (#59): The troubled delivery in 3G will be “a major ass-pull”? I was going to suggest that somebody was doing it wrong, and then I remembered: Tommie. Nina… So you’re probably right. (“Nobody told me it’d be so tight!”)

  66. Alte Ziege
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @twg (#63): I was hoping for Ebola.

  67. Mary Worthless
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    So, how does fresh, Italian green glop compare to Mary’s beige casseroles?

  68. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#1): Is anyone else getting “Text Enhance” link popups with wossname’s comment? And why only his? I’m getting one for “credit card,” “home,” and (of all things) “yes.”

  69. Dennis Jimenez
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Mary Worthless (#67): Don’t eat the beige glop that comes out of the Bum Boat – stick with the stuffed flounder – now that’s advice to live by….

  70. Illustrator Steve
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    MT – “…maybe you can replace my buddy Gene Jackson in that jail cell! Gene will be hard to replace as a jail cell buddy, but since his execution I need a new replacement jail cell buddy to visit with. Are either of you VILLAINOUS murderers interested in being my new jail cell buddy? Maybe this loaded rifle will help make up your minds. Alright, enough chit-chat! We have a long canoe voyage ahead of us so hold this loaded rifle for me while I step into my canoe and paddle us to sheriff Jim’s office!”

  71. Horace Broon
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#6): Retail: Does that actually happen??

    It wouldn’t surprise me, but I had a look on notalwaysright.com, and the closest I could find was this:
    http://notalwaysright.com/always-right-even-when-theyre-not-your-customer/1712

  72. Santa Royale With Cheese
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    S-M: Glad that’s resolved. Now can we get back to Clown-9′s next move, like adding a joy buzzer and squirting flower on his lapel to his arsenal?

    JP: True story: I can’t rightly say I can smell trout when I’m approaching the water, but I can for sure identify the smell of (Common) carp. Maybe Avery is going to start a sensation with “scent fishing”.

    A3G: Aw, c’mon, call 911. It’s worth it just to see Nina screaming like Sarah Connor in Terminator 2 when she sees Ah-nold lumber around the corner, only in this case it would be qualified medical professionals.

  73. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#62): What?
    Oh. I could have used that last night. We had some kind of bird tweeping away in a tree by our house last night. It finally quit around 11:30 pm.

  74. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#40):

    Batiuk approaches Gloomy Les in the same manner that Lynn Johnston approaches Pasty Anthony.

    I can best sum it up as: “Yeeeeech!”

  75. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#68): I have no idea what you are talking about… have you tried using an different browser to see if it changes?

  76. AhClem
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    MW — “(Sigh) These strained peas are the same color green as Dave’s genital fungus. Life is bubo!”

  77. Anonymous
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Luann: I posted this already in the previous bunch but here it is again:

    Does this make sense? This week’s story arc opens up whole new possibilities of future story arcs, that could last for a long time, with Luann finally having an attractive boyfriend — romance, jealousy of her friends, all kinds of possible stories — and one hour after Luann’s FIRST ROMANTIC KISS (I think), her boy friend gets sent back to Australia! You can’t get sent farther away than that! Talk about backing away from a subject!

  78. geekwhisperer
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    A3G Look, Tommie. You’re never going to learn if you don’t try. What’s the worst that can happen- your client and her baby dead on the floor of a Manhattan apartment with a major trauma center only a few blocks away- that’s all. So you have to make some mistakes, but that’s how you get better. I think it was Thomas Edison who said, “Yes, I invented the medical X-Ray machine. But no one talks about the fact that I poisoned dozens, including my loyal assistant to get there.” So I say go for it!

    MT I assume from here Mark is going to simply strap his prisoners to the bear harness he carries around for reasons I don’t wish to discuss.

    MW Am I the only one who thinks Dawn is getting right into this European thing? She’s wan and dismissive, permanently depressed and lost in the past. She should just start smoking and writing poetry, she’ll fit right in.

  79. Voshkod
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#51): Here’s hoping she’s now the Secretary General of the Communist Party or something. Always did like that character.

  80. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    On a sad note. Andy Griffith died this morning.

  81. Mibbitmaker
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @un malpaso (#53): Just give both of them one big sweeping two-face slap, like Moe does to keep Larry and Curly/Shemp/Joe/Curly Joe in line.

    Wait… a five-face two-face slap???

  82. debussy fields
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MW–Who eats fresh vegetables with a spoon?

  83. Gringo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Merrily Worthless: Dawn cannot distinguish between zesty fresh vegetables and those back at Chez Wilbur, having never tasted anything that isn’t slathered wth mayonnaise.

  84. kkarenb
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#6): Re: FW – Les has been there only two days, and already the Africans are lining up to push him off the mountain.

    Mark Trail – Seriously, shouldn’t an alleged outdoors expert like Mark know that one should never fire a gun into the air?

    A3G – The QUICKEST choice? How about the most realistic, safest, and most likely to result in a living mother and baby?

    Yesterday there was a lot of discussion about euphemisms and idiots, imbeciles, and morons. All three words describe the A3G characters and this incredibly stupid story.

  85. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    AG3: Think carefully, Tommie. You don’t want to frighten Nina by calling an ambulance, which can either take her to the hospital, or at least supply people with medical knowledge and equipment necessary if it really is too late to mover her.

    Do the sensible thing here, just like we did with our last baby, which my wife was determined to have at home. We had a midwife plus a doctor, but the baby was breech and Toronto was in the midst of its worst snowfall in decades (there’s even a book about that snowfall). No ambulance could get through, so the doctor delivered the baby by breaking it’s neck in order to save my wife’s life (due to an inverting uterus).

    Fortunately, it worked out well. The child was born dead, but the doctor succeeded in reviving him after about ten minutes. One slight disadvantage, however, is that the lack of oxygen damaged the baby’s brain, resulting in cerebral palsy. Now in his 30s, he can walk for short distances, in a disjointed and precarious fashion, and his speech is understandable to at least three out of ten people.

    But we don’t want to scare Nina. What to do? What to do?

    Call the fucking ambulance you moronic bitch, and then retire this strip by burning everyone involved with it!

  86. Gringo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#8): Luann – We ALL saw this one coming!

    That, sir, is a loaded statement, considering the arc of this week’s strip.

  87. Jim North
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    A3G: Do you dare, Tommie? Yes, I fair say that you do dare! Dare to be stupid, dare to be stupid!

    FC: Billy was found the next day, stuffed in the closet and dead from over a hundred paper cuts all over his body.

    FW: “There’s one on every climb . . . and now we know who it is,” he says. Of course, he already knew who it was yesterday when he said “Will your father be doing this the whole trip?” Still, I fully expect the rest of the week to be filled with nothing but similar secondary “punchlines”. Stuff like “Oh, you’re the clown of this particular class, aren’t you, Mr. Moore?” and “I can already see that you’re going to be a handful!” and “Yes, Mr. Moore, I did notice that the boulder has pinned your leg and messily pushed the broken bone out through the skin. I’m beginning to think that you’re going to be quite the jokester on this trip!”

    JP: Militant pot farmers hunting them down, deathtrap house waiting for the next stiff breeze to knock it down around their heads . . . what next? Bees? Terrorists? Terrorists with bees in their mouths and when they shout their filthy dogmatic manifesto, they shoot bees at you?

    MT: Pfft, stupid humans. They probably taste sour anyway.

    MW: Just look at the difference, Dawn! These Italian vegetables are green! Not mauve or toupe or beige, but green! What kind of madcap zaniness is this?!

    MW 2: How can Dawn have any gelato if she doesn’t eat her vegetables?!

    S-M: “I forgive you!” Peter says, his eyes suddenly taking on a wild, haunted look. Then the laughter starts, a high-pitched manic giggling. And finally, the proportionate strength of a spider proves easily up to the task of popping MJ’s fragile skull like a ripe melon, spraying his still grinning countenance with a fine mist of red.

  88. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    This is my new motto.

    one of bb,u’s childhood pics. She’s second from the right.

  89. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Jim North (#87): put down that chainsaw and listen to me. . . .

  90. Shrug
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y185):

    “@Rocky Stoneaxe (#182): And Mrs. Sequitur and I will follow you on July 5th with our 38th anniversary!”

    And Mrs. Shrug and I celebrated our 28th anniversary yesterday, July 2 (yes, on Amelia Earhart Disappeared On This Day in 1937 Day, so we muted the festivites and cancelled the skydiver show and the Blue Angels flyover as a sign of respect).

  91. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#75): D’oh. Good idea (although it means opening up Internet Explorer).

    [Musical interlude.]

    Okay, you’re right. It’s only this browser. The odd thing is that the Text Enhance links only appear in the first comment.

    Damn! I never download or give permissions unless I know what I’m getting. Now it seems my browser has picked up an unwanted feature. Crap! I’ll dig for it when I’ve got time after my interview on Wednesday. (Right now I shouldn’t even be spending time on Comics Curmudgeon, but — well, you know.)

  92. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#84):

    Mark Trail – Seriously, shouldn’t an alleged outdoors expert like Mark know that one should never fire a gun into the air?

    I agree. It would have been better if he would have just shot himself.

    That way, everybody wins, including the bear, who would now have something for dinner!

  93. Spotts1701
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Luann: Oh, we can’t have an actual relationship now can we? After all, Luann is a “good girl” and good girls just flirt and tease. It’s only “sluts” like Tiffany that do more than that. So pack your bags, Crocodile Dundee, it’s back to Melbourne for you because you crossed the line. Just like Mr. Hill crossed the line and ended up on the beach.

    Evans, you putrid hack. Bad enough you pulled this crap once, but twice?

  94. This Guy
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Samuel PG (#29): [Luann] It’s not just you. I’m reminded of “The Eye of Argon,” in which the author repeatedly uses “female,” but doesn’t (I think) use “woman” even once.

  95. Mibbitmaker
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Luann (wasntgonnahappenanywayus interuptus): How do females do that, Quill? You mean read obvious verbal and behavioral clues like every other thinking human being? Hmph! Dames!

    Ziggy: “….and it’s not 1975 anymore.”

    BC: Oh, look who’s talking!

    9CL: Um…. why? Is the pig supposed to represent Seth, who acted like a dangerous thug? No, that can’t be — pigs don’t generally represent that sort of thing. Ah, the pig is the strawman rich people who were going to understandably cruelly and misogyinistically fire her “innocent” ass, the rich swine! And she’s outside in farmer’s wear (I think) …why? Please don’t represent Thorax in any way! She’s obnoxios enough already! So…..
    ……..huh????

    FW: Crankshaft’s disease. Les has it bad, Batiuk has it worse, and the rest of us suffer.

    JP: Sam invents a new one, possibly: Understated Giant Smugness.

    MT: Elizabeth Chavez confessed? Not in the last strip she didn’t! The grizzly in panel 2 knows this continuity error, and is disgusted.

    Glibporn: So convoluted that even Brooke can’t keep it all straight.

    S-M: I hope a giant Garfield squishes him!

    Ziggy: Yeah, because the whole Pet Rock thing isn’t, you know, supposed to be obviously phoney or anything!

  96. Anon
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Tommie may want to check the local news before pursuing this line of thought…

  97. Shrug
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#12):

    The actor who played Quill, and who wanted to get out of the LUANN strip beacuse he felt the role was limiting his art, will then go on to two or three infamous failures in new comic strips of his own, and will belatedly realize he should have held on to the one steady part that evermade him marketable.

    Of course, that would have meant Evans would have had to find another way to cop out of the “Luann almost gets deflowered” plot arc. Personally, given how plain and blah and Wholesome Luann is, I find it hard to associate the word “flower” with any part of her story. I think of Luann as more the broccoli of comic strip characters, and prefer to think the of plot as “Luann almost gets devegetabled.”

  98. wossname
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#68): Yikes, I don’t know why that would be – I posted the same way I always do. Could it be because my post happened to be first? (And btw, I’m a girl.)

  99. bats :[
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#28): I’d give Quill a lot more credit for ingenuity…

  100. wossname
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#90): Happy anniversaries to the Stoneaxes, the Sequiturs, and the Shrugs!

  101. Shrug
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#46):

    “Mary Worth- Goopy green vegetables and Wilbur’s disturbingly open shirt aside; the thing I’m most interested in is the remakably quick shirt change by the pink shirted woman behind them.”

    The old one was getting soaked with perspiration, so she swapped shirts after slathering on a lot of deoderant.

    Life is Brut.

  102. Samuel PG
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#97):

    Of course, broccoli actually is a flower, so it all works out.

  103. Northernlurker
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    MT: so I take it the widow Chavez and her bush pilot will be jailed for murder on the basis of a crumpled up gum wrapper and a forced confession, far away from any witnesses, at the hands of a cement head lunatic with a rifle, who happens to be friends with a man who is friends with the person already accused of the murder.
    Yeah right.
    MW: I’m sure it has already been noted but are there really no fresh veggies in Santa Royale? Are there no farmers markets? No good restaurants that use fresh produce?
    Oh and somebody please shoot Dawn. Let her discover death is brutal.

  104. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MW: “Those cucumbers … they remind me of Dave!”

  105. Northernlurker
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Oh and Luann: I’m sure Quill doesn’t have to run to catch his plane this minute. So there still is time for a little farewell cherry poplin’–should only take a minute.

  106. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    “…idiot, moron, and imbecile, are not examples of words starting as euphemisms, which eventually decline into dysphemisms…”

    I was wrong about “moron”.* Although it has Latin and Greek roots, Merriam Webster’s first citation of it (as a word referring to mental capacity) is from 1910. It is not listed in MW’s 1st New Int. unabridged (1913), but makes the 1934 2nd. The first ed. of the OED lists it in the 1933 Supplement with the following, “This term was first adopted and given this meaning by the American Association for the Study of the Feeble-minded in 1910″.

    So, it seems to have been specifically invented as a New Latin scientific neologism, as a non-derogatory word denoting a specific class or level of intelligence. If a medical doctor in 1911 (say) called someone of severely limited intelligence a moron, he was being no more derogatory than if he had called someone who had had a limb removed an amputee.

    Later, medical science abandoned the term (likewise imbecile and idiot, as we discussed), and it became solely derogatory. From euphemism to dysphemism, in fact.

    // [*] Wanna bet the American Association for the Study of the Feeble-minded has changed its name too?

  107. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#98): Yes, I’m sure the problem was because you’re a girl. *

  108. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Luann – As if we needed any more proof as to how lame this arc has gotten, even the serious Luann fans over at GoComics are complaining about this latest twist!

    It would seem that their hero, the “Masterful” (sic) Greg Evans has let them down.

  109. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#98): Oops. Sorry.

    No, it appears to be something going on with my browser. Nothing to do with your post or this site. The odd thing is that it only seems to be affecting that one post.

  110. Paul1963
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “But that would surely put Nina into a panic!” Whereas, having her midwife wander aimlessly around the room, looking everywhere but at her, with an expression somewhere between “Where did I leave my keys?” and “What was this guy’s name again?” will put her completely at ease.

    Luann: Hey, kids, Quill is a 16-year-old guy. His dad could be parked outside honking the horn and you’d still have time to finish.

  111. btown
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: You know you’re a plugger Castro Clone if you cut your jeans into short-shorts and then wear them in the pool

    Mary: “Sigh. These vegetables taste like… Dave”

    Spidey: That’s mighty big of you, Mr. Parker. Now who’s going to forgive you for being a total putz?

  112. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#106): “The membership group was established in 1876 as the Association of Medical Officers of American Institutions for Idiotic and Feebleminded Persons. As the name implies, most of its early members were institution administrators and staff. In 1906, it became the American Association for the Study of the Feebleminded. For much of the last century it was known as the American Association on Mental Deficiency before becoming the American Association on Mental Retardation in the late 1980s.”

    “During an election held [June, 2006], an overwhelming majority — at least 85 percent of the 702 members who voted — decided to change the name of the 131-year-old organization. That vote was then followed with another, in which the largest number, 49 percent, selected “American Association on Developmental and Intellectual Disabilities” for the new name.”

  113. Hart of Johnny
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    I think Dawn Weston just surpassed Les Moore as “most punchable character on the comics page”.

  114. SF_Reader
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MW – “Don’t you taste the difference between these and the ones we usually eat?” For the last time, Wonder Bread and mayonaise are NOT vegetables!

  115. JoeC
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MW – The writer seriously needs a geography lesson. On Sunday they were in Florence, which is in Tuscany. On Monday they were on the Amalfi Coast, which is south of Naples and several hours from Tuscany. Now they are back in Tuscany for lunch. It’s like going to a museum in San Francisco, heading to the beach in San Diego, and then heading back San Francisco for lunch. WTF?

  116. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#108):

    Here’s a good example:

    “Mr Evans is demonstrating a disappointing lack of imagination and courage with this storyline. Looks like Tom Batiuk is the only person who has the cajones to deal with tough issues in a comic strip.”

  117. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Andy Capp: A donkey can see all its four legs at once.

    But can it see its ass? [*]

  118. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

  119. Snarkotix Addict
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#6): MW: Yeah, ya know, because EVERY young woman wants to go on vacation to Europe for three months with her lumpy father, having everyone assume he’s your sugar-daddy and you’re his nookie-princess….

    Maybe Dawn and Wilbur will hook up with Silvio Berlusconi! I bet he won’t remind Dawn of Dave.

  120. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#112):

    “The membership group was established in 1876 as the Association of Medical Officers of American Institutions for Idiotic and Feebleminded Persons. As the name implies, most of its early members were institution administrators and staff.”

    This has to be one of the best unintentionally funny lines I’ve read in a long time. Somebody certainly has a low regard for institution administrators and staff.

  121. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#116): I take back my comment at #120. This is the best unintentionally funny line I’ve read in a long time.

  122. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @S.Stout (#5): “Dingo brumby joey!” indeed.

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#6) on Retail: Yes. I was getting a battery installed in my car at Sears. Someone was arguing with the salesman on the warranty of her battery. The battery had JC Penney printed in big letters on top.

    @Renee J (#41): Renee, dear, the difference between you and ol’ Mom To Be there is that you have an actual functioning brain.

    @bats :[ (#47): Baroo? Love it.

  123. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#118): Plus? There was a power failure and the lights went out partway through. It was A Night to Remember.

  124. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

  125. btown
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#76): yuk yuk yuk!

  126. Ned Ryerson
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    “Soylent Gelato is Brutal!”

  127. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Santa Royale With Cheese (#72): I’m envisioning more of a “running through random doors on a long hallway with Yakety Sax accompaniment.”

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#91): Congratulations in advance.

  128. bbofun
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur eats vegetables?

  129. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Whatever that is on Wilbur’s spoon, did it fall out of his nose?

  130. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Of course Wilbur thinks Italian veggies taste so good. Dawn’s been feeding him wax vegetables for years.

    Brain Bleach, STAT! Pluggers in Daisy Dukes!!!!

    Florence then the Amalfi Coast then Tuscany. It’s cute Moy or Giella thinks Italy is as big as Connecticut.

  131. sporknpork
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Does Wilbur know how old Dawn is? He’s actually using the pretending-to-eat “num-num” and “here comes the airplane!” methods of convincing Dawn to eat her vegetables.

  132. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#120): I am a long time member of my city’s “Historic Homeowner’s Association”. I have been lobbying for years to have the name changed to “Historic Home Owner’s Association”, but I can’t seem to get anyone to see the difference.

    // Although, as I get older, the difference gets smaller.

  133. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been all over Italy. The only place Wilbur and Dawn’s al fresco dining reminds me of is The Irvine Spectrum at the junction of the 5 and 405, Orange County, CA.

  134. Walker of Dog
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie’s never used a plunger before?

    JP: Sam is amused; members of his profession are usually called leeches.

    MT: The indignities that poor grizzly has suffered just to stay on the SAG dental plan.

    MW: “Dave used to feed me pond scum…”

    Plug: Pluggers can’t even make assless chaps right. And in what universe were you able to fit into those 12 months ago?

    RMMD: Iris is holding off on the beating for now but staying hydrated just in case.

    S-M: MJ: “If I sided with Spider-Man, it might have made him suspicious that I was a moron.

  135. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MW-Doesn’t this unidentifiable Italian green stuff taste better than the unidentifiable green stuff we have at home?

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#91): I don’t know what you regularly use for a browser – I avoid MS products where ever possible, too. I used to be a Firefox fan, but lately I’m favoring Google’s Chrome. It takes a little getting used to, but I really think it’s the best thing going now. That goes for both the Windows and Linux versions.

  137. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#134): Ha ha ha! Tommie plunging the baby out. Ha ha ha!

  138. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#134): Tommie’s never used a plunger before?

    Obstetrician’s Helper is the preferred term.

  139. Anonymous
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#127): Thanks. I’m starting to wonder whether this is a good idea or not though. Still — money.

  140. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#139): Will there be money enough for you to afford a box of Chips Ahoy for yourself instead of eating the Comics Curmudgeon cookies?

  141. Anonymous
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#130):

    Florence then the Amalfi Coast then Tuscany. It’s cute Moy or Giella thinks Italy is as big as Connecticut.

    Still not as bad as a book my mother read years ago in which the protagonist works in Vancouver, but pops over to Montreal for lunch.

  142. Anonymous
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#132): Ouch. Getting those historical plaques installed must really hurt.

  143. Anonymous
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#136): I’m a confirmed Chrome user. Have been pretty well since it first came out. Normally I have no problems, but right now it seems to be a bit buggy. Along with the Text Enhance that seems to be plaguing it, it’s now telling me my cookies aren’t enabled when they damned well are! AAnd I just don’t have the time to track down this problem. (And when I do, the first thing I have to do is discover why the machine my wife uses has suddenly decided to shut down its sound and refuse to play videos.)

  144. Snarkotix Addict
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Northernlurker (#103): MW: I’m sure it has already been noted but are there really no fresh veggies in Santa Royale? Are there no farmers markets? No good restaurants that use fresh produce?

    No, the local vegetable fields were devastated years ago by a compulsive widow with a lot of time on her hands after she’d clipped off all the roses in Santa Royale. The farmers markets closed after the farmers were all meddled into other careers in sales. Santa Royale’s restaurants include the Lemon Wedge, specializing in 1000 ways to prepare lemon zest (try the omelet, but watch your purse!), the Bum Boat, which features flounder taxiderme, and the Good Eats Diner with 31 flavors of Rainbow Swirl ice cream.

  145. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#139): @Anonymous (#141): @Anonymous (#142): @Anonymous (#143): Crap! Those are all me. Like I said, I’ve been having trouble with my cookies, so I deleted them to start fresh.

  146. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#141): Conversely people don’t realize how small Europe really is. Moscow isn’t far at all. It’s around 2 hours from Hamburg in the north to Rome in the far south.

    @Snarkotix Addict (#144): Mmmmm. Flounder taxiderme with a side of orange glop. Yummy.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#145): Don’t worry. I recognized you in post #140.

  147. Mr Foofram
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur and Dawn are dismayed to discover that they must do without their morning tea. All the proprietress of their Tuscan B&B has to offer is an infusion of surplus herbs from the previous day’s canning.

    Life is brewed dill.

  148. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    A3G-You don’t want to panic Nina, Tommie. She’ll break down the apartment door and jolt down the street.

  149. Cloudbuster
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: When bad people fire a rifle around a bear, it attacks them. When Mark Trail fires a rifle around a bear, the bear is frightened off. Dear Wendy, How can I be like Mark Trail? Signed, Up A Tree.

    A3G: I have a thing where it is really painful for me to read fiction by someone who is faking knowledge about something about which I am very knowledgeable. This is very common with guns, swords and computers: hacking (the computer kind), hacking (the sword kind), and shooting are action staples. But, oddly enough, childbirth and midwifery also fall into that category for me. We’ve had four home births, and at one of them, I was the sole attendant at the birth. I’ve also been present for at least a couple dozen livestock births, so I tend to be of the “pregnancy is not a medical disorder, don’t treat it like one” crowd. Literally nothing about Nina, Tommie and her midwifery skills rings true. Nothing.

    The author couldn’t even have spent 15 minutes googling “nurse midwife” “lay midwife” “home childbirth” or anything remotely illuminating. You don’t become a certified nurse-midwife and get turned loose on the female population never having participated in a birth and being unsure of your skills. Certainly not in downtown NYC. Some states have no official certifications for lay midwives, but you’ll be hard-pressed to find one who has hung out her shingle without a long apprenticeship (but I think we can assume that Tommie is supposed to be a certified nurse-midwife, though I doubt Shulock really understands that. Nurse midwives are the most heavily medically-trained class of midwife and generally the quickest to suggest transport to hospital facilities, being more “mainstream” and trusting of the medical establishment).

    Babies are out of position very frequently when labor starts. Turning the baby is a well-known practice, and involves nothing dangerous or invasive. And, the baby itself is capable of turning itself (it will frequently turn itself back out of position after the midwife helps turn it, as if saying ‘not ready for that yet!’). Unless the baby has committed itself to a breech presentation and is well down in the birth canal, it’s not a “done deal.” I’m thinking that because of the “pain in the side” comment, she’s trying to hint at a lateral presentation. You can shift the mother’s position to encourage the baby to reorient, and/or try to encourage the baby to shift itself. This isn’t midwifery rocket science.

    One of the few really emergency situations this could be would be “placenta previa” — the placenta is actually in the way, preventing the baby from properly positioning itself and entering the birth canal. There’s no safe home remedy for this. It’s one of the situations where all midwives know to transport to the hospital.

    Depending on the midwife, a “simple” breech delivery is something that can still be attempted at home, depending on the confidence of the parents and midwife, and the baby’s vital signs. Some midwives won’t do breech births because of liability concerns; our litigious society has made it pretty legally dangerous for a midwife to make a wrong decision, even if the parents are fully informed and on-board. Midwives in Ohio have been prosecuted by the state for a death during childbirth at the urging of hospital officials, even though the Amish parents who refused to transport have backed the midwife.

    Anyway, what I’m saying is, if Tommie was any sort of midwife at all, she wouldn’t just be dithering there like an idiot. She’d know the various legal and medical risks, she’d have a plan of action, and she’d be discussing it with the mother.

  150. Gringo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#97): Quill has now been Miguel’d.

  151. Gringo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#116): COTW, Irony Division?

  152. Gringo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#145): Maybe you should toss your cookies.
    *Snurk*
    Reading Luann or Funky should help.
    *Not really kidding on that last part*

  153. terrapin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “There’s one thing I could try. Do I dare? Do I DOUBLE dare? Do I double DOG dare? Yes I do!” (Puts entire pack of pop rocks in her mouth.)

    MW: So…Wilbur is planning to spent the entire vacation hanging with his adult(?) daughter? The Addams Family wasn’t this creepy! Oh, and ‘Wilbur’ and ‘al fresco’ should never again be used in the same sentence.

  154. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    JP-What good are maintenance people if you don’t pay them to keep good care of the place?

    RMMD-I didn’t push him down the stairs. I picked him up and threw him down the stairs.

  155. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dave was a vegetable when I met him. I would eat Dave. I miss Dave.

  156. Dennis Jimenez
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#153): Better than Dawn takin’ a shot of Wilbur “a la mode” – life really is brutal….

  157. UncleJeff
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Judge Barney Parker (w/Snuffy Driver): Won’t Sam be surprised when Avery reveals that the “worn down inn” is really a Walt Disney Corporation creation with fake “termite holes”. Hopefully, Avery will let Sam know before he attempts to plug into the Animatronic Maid that turns down his pillow tonight.

  158. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    July 3rd, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    MT: Wasn’t it gunshots that roused and angered the bear in the first place? But when Mark fires the gun, the bear knows that’s the signal to leave. Makes perfect sense.

    SM: So… the plotline just ends like this? Of all the villains Spider-Man has ever faced in this strip, most of them super-powered, the one who completes his mission, humiliates Spider-Man, and gets away, is a B-grade theater reject who took all of maybe half a day to throw together a concept, costume, vehicle, and weaponry? Not Electro, not The Shocker, not Mysterio, not that vampire dude, but Clown-9? Peter, hang up the tights. You have the proportional lameness of a spider with five legs missing.

    WoI: I see a day when an incompetent cartoonist will finally decide what era his strip is set in! Sadly, that day is a long way off.

  159. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#4): I hope I’ll see that on the float.

  160. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    There once was a mid-wife named Tommie
    Whose methods were rather quite barmy
    She looked up the hoo hoo
    And didn’t know what to do
    So instead faked a birth with salami

  161. Sans Sense
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    BB: Sarge has never been so aroused in his life.

  162. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#149): Yay! Another example of why I come here for education as well as snark!

  163. Señor Tortilla
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#130): I know that without clicking on that link. I saw this a while back, so no more is needed. To me, however, “in Daisy Dukes” makes me think of that nasty nightclub north of campus.

    @Cloudbuster (#149): Having Tommie sent to jail as a fraud would make my day.

    @Gringo (#86): Channeling Dingo in that comment, I suppose.

  164. Señor Tortilla
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    MT: This is perhaps the stupidest idea Mark has ever done. Shooting a gun in the air means it could go anywhere, like, say the bear, which could only enrage it, and, well…

  165. commodorejohn
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Agnes – God, I love this strip.

    A3G – “Quick, we need a trampoline! Nina, we need to bounce the baby down into the right position!”

    Bizarro – …am I missing something?

    C&B – Used to be legal in Wisconsin, too, until they pussed out a few years back. *shakes head*

    Curtis – Your credit card was declined, so you think you should have booked ahead so that, what, you’d run out of money on the way?

    DT – So hey, it turns out that if you’re not the kind of person who likes being on the wrong side of law enforcement, working for criminals isn’t such a good idea!

    Dilbert – Isn’t this basically how The Mouse on Wall Street started?

    FW – That doesn’t even make any sense. “Bedrock?” It’s not rocky ground. It’s nothing like The Flintstones. Seriously, what the hell? The whole story is going to be like this, isn’t it? Just one stupid non-joke after another, while the other characters know that he’s doing it to annoy them but can’t actually manage to tell him to shut the hell up. I’m praying for some quaintly ambiguous “jungle fever” to strike Les.

    GT – Yeah, so did I, Gil. And I loathed it. But honestly, if I had the choice between putting up with the snooze that is golf for a summer, or tossing hay bales? I’d go back to the fuckin’ hay bales. So don’t try and throw your “oh, the summer storyline could be less entertaining!” crap at me, mister.

    JP – “Surrender…Dorothy. Huh.”

    Luann – So now we get to be torn between being unspeakably grateful that this storyline is over, and pissed right the hell off that it ended in the stupidest possible way. But don’t worry, I’m sure there’ll be some last bit of uncomfortable ickiness, just ‘specially for the few of us that haven’t thrown up yet!

    MT – Man, that bear looks exactly as disgruntled as I’d be.

    MW – I see that Abbey Spencer’s shifting-neckline tops are a big hit in Europe!

    NAOQV – The crazy part about Nintendo’s gimmick controllers is, you can’t exaggerate farther than what they’ll actually go through with.

    PBS – But Rat, NPR has the dulcet gravel tones of *sniff* *Shatner pause* *slight exhalation* Garrison Keillor. That sentence would normally end in an exclamation point, but *pause* that’s not the NPR way.

    Phantom – “Brainwashing!

    RMMD – Iris, I know you’re sauced, but is it that hard to piece together?

    SM – “Well, as long as everything you do is in my best interests, I guess I can curtail my sulking!”

  166. Dale
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail:

    “Say, Mike. Your gun seems to be empty. Be a good old fellow and lend me some ammo.”

  167. Little Guy
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    MT: Confessing at gunpoint. Torquemada scoffs, insists on more thumbscrews.

    Luann: Nelson Muntz points and laughs.

    Curtis: Calling it: Diane’s gonna be pissed at the guys for reasons that the real world would think “WTF is YOUR problem, lady?!?” (But only think…. even Anthony Fremont would never dare cross Diane)

  168. Dale
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#10):

    Law enforcement knows about confession by bear. They use dogs.
    Dogs are the same as bears, except not jolly.

  169. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Now this is more like it!! Thanks, Mr. Batiuk, for bringing us along. It’s really gratifying to see the guide recognize that Les is the “ONE” – that special person whose intelligence and personality puts him miles above (haha, get it?) all those other commoners on the tour. By the way, Summer, you need to stand up straight- one might think you were depressed. “Today’s slump- tomorrow’s hump”

    Wishing I could be there
    Susan Smith, President

  170. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#82):

    Someone who believes eating with a knife is brutal? with a fork is tine consuming? and when it comes to eating with sporks, resistance is brutile?

  171. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I wasted a few irreplaceable moments of my life trying to find out what “Nicolette Cignet” means, and now I’m going back to my original theory that it’s based on the concept of an underage prostitute swan.

  172. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#124):

    How festive!

    I could see a wedding reception filled with drunken revelers singing a song based upon that.


    ooooooooooohhhhh!

    Bunga Bunga!
    Gooparoni!
    Pasta Brutal Lady!

    Manga Manga!
    Sponga Sunburn!
    We’re in O’ It-aly!

    ooooooooooohhhhh!

    Dave is Godly!
    Wilbur stares oddly!
    Dawn is kookoo cray zee!

    Fore we end this
    And go back a home
    We repeat the Mary
    Ti Dings:

    (repeat)

    //repeat like a Woe-be-us Strip

  173. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#165): Thanks for providing an official motto for this African journey. “Seriously, what the hell?” is perfect.

  174. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#119): Dawn Weston at a Bunga Bunga party? Oh puhleeze. There’s no Wonderbra in the world supportive enough to make Miss Weston have enough cleavage for the former Prime Minister. June Morgan, may have a chance.

    As an interesting aside, there are no EVILSCARYCLOWNS at Bunga Bunga parties.

  175. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#129): It’s hard to use the brain bleach effectively when I’m laughing.

  176. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#129): Huh. I thought his brain would be smaller.

  177. Red Greenback
    July 3rd, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#171): Nicolette Cignet is the type of cignet people use when they are trying to quit smoking.

  178. Sans Sense
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    FW: I can’t wait for Crankshaft to jump out of the bushes and cut Les’ head off with a machete while screaming, “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!”

  179. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Oh no the great and wonderful Mark Trail has a gun I better get out of here,” the bear thinks to itself as it slinks away.

  180. IVLIVS C
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Dawn. Life is… ow!
    (Et tu, Brute?) (thud)

  181. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-What an exciting plot twist this is. Someone is leaving to go somewhere. Who is this mysterious person? What is this mysterious place they are going to? Do I really care enough to follow this storyline? Not really.

  182. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    MW-Judging by Dawn’s expression in the last panel I think she is a vegetable.

  183. Calico
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t one of the Jackass guys – Bam or Steve-O – snort wasabi once?
    God, that must have hurt.

    “Well, Dad, this cucumber reminds me of Dave!”
    DaveDaveDaveDaveDave

  184. Alfred E. Neuman, A Manly Man of the Comics Curmudgeon
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#19) said: “Luann: The girly men of the Comics Curmudgeon have their own special way of foreseeing this outcome.”

    It’s inaccurate to assume that the men of the Comics Curmudgeon are “girly”. I, a manly man, did not foresee Quill’s premature evacuation. I always expect that even the slightest sexual situation in Luann will be resolved in a torrent of explosive orgasms. Look at the potential pairings beyond Luann and Quill: Bernice and Luann, Bernice and Ann, Bernice and Delta, Bernice and Ben, Ben and Luann, Ben and Nancy, Dirk and Nancy, T.J. and Nancy, Knute and Crystal, etc., all dripping with orgasmic potential. Even though Evans has never come close to showing a sexually consummated relationship, as a manly man, I still expect it. Of course, I also expect that Tommie Thompson will develop a personality, Mary Worth will learn to mind her own business, and Les Moore will mellow into a sufferable prick.
    “Girly men” indeed.
    Hmmph!

  185. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-This is a euphemism for oral sex.

  186. AhClem
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    FW – One would hope that a mamba or cobra would sneak into Les’ tent during the night and put him out of everybody’s misery. However, the snake would then feel obligated to eat Les and … well, eww. No self-respecting reptile would ever go THAT far.

  187. Arabella
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    So many questions!

    Zits: Does Jeremy have to use his own vehicle for pizza delivery with no mileage reimbursement?

    MG&G: If Death is taking a holiday, why are all those animals dead? (or are they playing possum?) If they are really dead, shouldn’t their eyes look like X’s?

    Bizarro: What’s a frant?

    Get Fuzzy: Is it just me, or has this strip become more tedious than funny?

  188. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Tuesday’s Six Chix suddenly veers into LDS territory:

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=6Chix&feature_date=2012-07-03

    I have to admit, I never saw that one coming!

  189. Johnny Q
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Nice beach bod, Wilbur!

  190. Walker of Dog
    July 3rd, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @IVLIVS C (#180): Friends, Romans, countrymen, I miss Dave.

  191. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#188):
    Yes indeedy. That one came from out the blue.

    So be it. It works okay if you don’t think about it much.

  192. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Nina just cut her hand off in the meat slicer. I could make a tourniquet and put the hand on ice while calling the paramedics, but she’d totally panic if I did that.”

    MW: “They’re chunks of green taste, dad. If you want appetizing food, we’ve got the wrong artist.”

    MT: Obviously, any confession given on threat of becoming bear chow isn’t worth the paper it’s not written on. Of course at least one of the conspirators has a desperate need for a change of pants, so maybe that will convince them to sell it a little harder.

    Ziggy: You never know when that joke file from 1973 is gonna come in handy.

    WofI: “Groan. We’re already getting corrupt, incompetent leaders through hereditary monarchy. In the future we’ll have to pick them ourselves?”

    C-Shaft: Mm-mm, nothing like burgers suffused with gasoline fumes.

    Better Half: “Then he left the state, so there was a big vowel movement.”

    9CL: Brooke, dude, what’s with the baby bump? Don’t you remember that Edda’s ridiculously belated pregnancy test came back negative? And if you can’t keep track, why should anyone else bother?

    Agnes: I’m not seeing Popeye in a cowboy hat so much as I am Frosty the Snowman dressed up for some Clockwork Orange ultraviolence.

    S-M: Some people are afraid of clowns, but Hiram Lodge can’t get enough of them and their funny little cars.

    JP: “This is what happens when you give the lower orders vacation time.”

    RMMD: It’s bold of Mabel to throw in the “beat me up” option. I mean, not so long ago, Iris would have taken it without a second thought.

    GA: “But there’s a difference. I can’t drop your deadweight brother-in-law on your foot.”

    H&L: If dog’s could talk… Dawg would be the mopey alcoholic you avoid talking to.

    GT: “When I was a farm kid I spent my summers tossing hay bales. In all that time I never had sexual relations with any of the livestock. I certainly was never found pantsless between a sow and a prize bull. What do you take me for?”

    FC: “I can’t help it if the beefwits insist on misinterpreting my work.”

    Luann: Ah, just as well. When a young person is considering becoming intimate with someone else, it’s best to ask themselves if they’re mature enough, not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally for a sexual relationship. And if that young person is being written by Greg Evans, well…

    S-M: Unseen thought balloon from MJ’s head: “Christ, what an asshole.”

    H-Cliff: Um, guys, you do know what he does in there, right?

    H&J: “Also you’d pretty much have to chop me up into four pieces just so I could fit.”

  193. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman, A Manly Man of the Comics Curmudgeon (#184): I’ve got to say that I agree. I went to an Irish pub with Mr. Neuman and he downed his Guinness as a manly man should! Just ask bb, u.

  194. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Doug Puthoff (#23):

    Cul de Sac–I think my bag-thing is behind my man-thing.

    Ahem.

  195. terrapin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#181): I, for one, can’t wait to find out. And who is this mysterious “Steve” who chooses to remain off panel? I’m all keyed up!

  196. Calico
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman, A Manly Man of the Comics Curmudgeon (#184):
    Crystal reminds me of Chef Anne Burrell, but with dark hair. And that’s not a bad thing at all. No siree, not at all.

  197. commodorejohn
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#192): Brooke, dude, what’s with the baby bump? Don’t you remember that Edda’s ridiculously belated pregnancy test came back negative? And if you can’t keep track, why should anyone else bother?
    Maybe Edda’s having a false pregnancy – so gratifying was it for her to be at the center of everyone’s attention when she had her stupid little can’t-pee-on-a-stick “scare” that she’s subconsciously (or, hell, these are the Burbers, maybe consciously) begun to exhibit physical symptoms of a pregnancy in order to keep up the flow of attention.

    I’ve heard of that being caused by senility or other mental disorders, but never by narcissism. Still, there’s a first time for everything, and whose narcissism could be more super-powered than Edda’s?

  198. Illustrator Steve
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#149): “Dear Wendy, how can I be like Mark Trail. Signed, Up a tree.”

    Dear Up a tree,
    FROM looking at your letter, THE first thing I can
    see you must do to be like Mark Trail IS to master
    the use of bold UPPER case font WHEN ever the use
    of bold upper CASE font is totally inappropriate.
    Secondly, you must dye your hair blue, wear flannel
    LL Bean shirts, eat lots and lots of PANCAKES and
    have no knowledge of ANYTHING beyond the year 1960.
    Thirdly, you must be able to take matters that don’t
    concern you into your own hands and bother private
    citizens by disrupting their lives.
    Fourthly, you must not stay at home with your wife and
    family more than one hour three times per year.
    LAST, but not least, you must adopt a mutant boy and
    continually sadistically promise to take him fishing. BUT,
    YOU must always remember never to fullfill your promise of
    going fishing, for if you do you will no longer be like Mark Trail!

    GOOD luck!
    Wendy

  199. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#193):

    My Guinness drinking method is unstoppable.

    That said, I don’t consider myself a Manly Man. There are just too many days I feel too closely aligned with Les Moore* in this current storyline. I feel like a Stanley Man.

    *aaargh!…aneurism…sgkzt!

    Quick, Tommie, send the paramedics with a pony keg of Guinness, Stat!

  200. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#188): Next up, Josh’s comment about today’s Mary Worth: “I mean, in America we never snort wasabi paste out of a coke spoon, right? Try to expand your horizons here!”

    Whoops again. My misreading of “wasabi paste” as “Wahhabi paste” made me do a spit take. Bad enough I misread MW’s “Al Fresco” as “al-Queda”!

    Okay, I’m going to stop obsessing about Mormons and Muslims now. It’s making my snark even more warped than usual.

  201. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#149): Amen. The other thing that gets me about this stupid, STUPID storyline is that, generally speaking, midwives (and the choice to use one) are all about empowering the mother and giving her as much say in the birth process as possible. This coy whispering and treating the mother as if she were a feeble-minded idiot is not good practice.

    But then, I’ve been baffled from day one as to why a woman so anxious about pregnancy and childbirth hasn’t been camping out at the ultrasound technician’s office, scheduled a full-anesthesia C-section, etc. The only thing I can think is that she’s been in increasing denial about the realities of her situation, and that calls for a psychiatrist specializing in trauma and pre-partum depression, not a loopy newbie supposa-midwife.

  202. Illustrator Steve
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    WHERE the hell does Mark Trail think he is to go shooting a rifle up into the air like that, New Years eve in Iran? One of those bullets could come right down through his cabin roof and end up in his pile of pancakes. Here’s hoping you choke on those PANCAKES, Mark! And if you EVER try doing anything as stupid as that in MY town, I’ll have your sorry wilderness moss-covered ass arrested!!!!

  203. Baka Gaijin
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#201): Archie Bunker said it best: “She’s a dingbat.”

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#192): Hiram took advantage of the “Buy a Cadillac, get a Yugo” promotion, thus carbon dating this strip to 1986.

  204. Calico
    July 3rd, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Henry – Henry meets Jim Morrison.

    Sly Fox – dayum, you’re good, Mr Weber. Sly indeed with those 6 differences (I only got five, then had to peek at the answers).
    Was there a precursor to your comic, like Cappy Dick or something? (I remember that one from the early 70′s, very unironically btw)

  205. Shrug
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#165):

    “But honestly, if I had the choice between putting up with the snooze that is golf for a summer, or tossing hay bales? I’d go back to the fuckin’ hay bales.”

    As a northern Minnesota rural kid in the early 1960s my summer job prospects were limited — and aside from one garage-painting gig, they were pretty much limited to tossing hay bales for neighboring farmers. Started at seventy five cents an hour, but the second summer I got the big raise up to a dollar an hour.

    I like my adult job (well, mostly did up until the last few months), but even on my worst days at work when I start complaining about my day I try to remind myself that at least I’m not tossing hay bales in the hot sun for a dollar an hour or less, and I feel better. Maybe not a lot better, but some.

    I’ve played only one game of golf in my life, and rather liked it. Maybe I’ll play another game someday, but no point in rushing into these matters. Maybe if I were paid a dollar an hour to play golf I’d go for it with a bit of enthusiasm.

  206. Shrug
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Idle FW thought. Harlan Ellison has incorporated his writing career as “The Kilimanjaro Corporation,” and smug literary wanker Les has been getting smugly semi-excited about doing something so improbable for him as “climbing Kilimanjaro.” Maybe he misunderstood the prize and thinks he’s being given an opportunity to climb Harlan Ellison? (I mean, HE’s pretty short, so it wouldn’t take even an out-of-shape Les very long, and presumably Les could then smirk into Ellison’s ear while being carried around all day and all that.)

  207. commodorejohn
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#205): Yeah, it’s a bitch alright. But on the other hand, you don’t have to listen to people yammer about golf all the time…

    I dunno, it might just be a reaction to the fact that golf seems to be the Sacred Rite of the High Priests of the American Cartoonists Society and they can just never ever shut the hell UP about it.

  208. endless sky
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#178): Truly float-worthy!

  209. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Is it safe to assume that in slylock fox’s weekly find the difference puzzles the scenes occur in a parallel universe that is sort of different than the one which contains Count Weirdly’s Nightmare Valley?

    I ask because in this obviously there are usually “normal looking” humans and the animals that act like animals. But, like today’s entry shows the behaviors of the humans are just different enough to say that universe has a somewhat weird vibe going on.

    The guy is painting a picket fence with black paint.

    //I guess only constant that spans both universes is there is usually a bird who sits in the scene observing the goings on.

  210. Sgt. Stoned
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    MT: Sure, Trail, we’re gonna tell the sheriff exactly what we told you to get you to chase the bear away. Un-huh. You betcha.

    MW: The miniature carrots remind me of Dave.

  211. Steve
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    The new Spider-Man movie opens today. I’m eager to find out who they got to play Clown-9.

  212. Droopy Says
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#201): This coy whispering and treating the mother as if she were a feeble-minded idiot is not good practice outside of the world of A3G. (FIFY)

    I’m baffled beyond words by the reason not to call the ambulance and schedule a C-section. The alternatives include, what, agony, injury and death for the mother and child? I think I’d risk a spot of panic to avoid that, especially because the pros are trained to deal with panic. (And if the problem is “A C-section will leave a scar,” come on, how often does this strip show anyone below the shoulders, much less below the exposed navel?)

  213. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#187): Zits: Does Jeremy have to use his own vehicle for pizza delivery with no mileage reimbursement?

    Short answer: Yes, very likely. This is, in fact, the usual arrangement with small pizza shops, and even with large chains, most places. (See ads for drivers, “Must have reliable transportation.”) The delivery man, like waiters and waitresses, may not even be making minimum wage, and is expected to make up the difference in tips. I’ve heard that some places offer comp for mileage, but I don’t think it’s common. The mileage shouldn’t be that much of a deal, tho, as most shops restrict delivery to within a few miles of the shop. On the other hand, delivery guys often can only afford old gas guzzling junkers.

    // Tip your pizza delivery guy well. He’s not getting rich.

  214. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#213): Reminds me of a guy who installed a Changfu diesel motor in an old Geo Metro. Top speed was 50mph going downhill, but he got 120 mpg. He figured that if he could get a reasonable mileage comp rate, he’d make a living delivering pizzas.

    QUESTION OF THE DAY: Which is the shittier car? Jeremey’s/Hector’s VW van, or this: http://www.utterpower.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/DIYer-Commuter-Vehicle.jpg

  215. Zerowolf
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: Eat up Dawn, the mashed up green crap on a plate sure beats beige lumps of crap on a plate.

    Mashed up green crap on a plate is Dave’s favorite meal. Life is brutal.

  216. Zerowolf
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Scott, go boil me a set of salad tongs, I’m going in.”

  217. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#193):

    @Alfred E. Neuman, A Manly Man of the Comics Curmudgeon (#184): I’ve got to say that I agree. I went to an Irish pub with Mr. Neuman and he downed his Guinness as a manly man should! Just ask bb, u.

    bb,u., will confirm that when Mrs. Scudder and I met her recently at a “Scottish sports bar”, I first demanded a “girlie” drink. “Something with an umbrella and fruit slices.” I am a manly man, as well, but I was driving, and manly men know you can’t get drunk on girlie drinks. Unfortunately, they had nothing with umbrellas, so I had to have a Guinness.

  218. Zerowolf
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: God as my witness, Iris, I thought drunk old men could fly.

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#217): But I insisted it be served in a clean glass, with one of those little round cork things so I didn’t make rings on the table.

  220. Snarkotix Addict
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#164): MT: This is perhaps the stupidest idea Mark has ever done. Shooting a gun in the air means it could go anywhere, like, say the bear, which could only enrage it, and, well…

    “Sheriff! I caught the real killers who murdered Al Chavez. Now let my friend Gene Jackson go!”
    “I can’t, Mark. Gene Jackson’s dead. A stray bullet entered his cell and struck him in the head.”
    “Oops.”
    “Anyway, I closed the case. I need all my resources now to track down the idiot who fired a rifle into the air.”

    @commodorejohn (#165): Luann – So now we get to be torn between being unspeakably grateful that this storyline is over, and pissed right the hell off that it ended in the stupidest possible way. But don’t worry, I’m sure there’ll be some last bit of uncomfortable ickiness, just ‘specially for the few of us that haven’t thrown up yet!

    My guess is that ickiness will include Luann making a full confession to Mama deGroot. She’ll be terribly remorseful and MdG will give her the “I have to trust you, Luann… are a young woman now… responsible… make your own adult decisions… the consequences… blah blah blah…” talk. Luann will decide to never go near a man again. And for that we’re all grateful.

  221. Zerowolf
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    JP: The reason you can smell the trout is the river dried up due to the drought. But it makes it so much easier for us to pick up the gold nuggets littering the river bed.

  222. Zerowolf
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    FW: With any luck that means Les just volunteered to be the sacrifice when they reach the summit.

  223. jnoble
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    Luann: This strip should just renamed “C-Block and Blueballs” already. In the real world Quill would’ve put that phone on mute or tossed it out the window. Any guy who worked his way “in the zone” like he has doesn’t give a crap at that moment who is calling or what for.

    MW: I can’t stop looking at Wilbers’s Homer Simpson-esque single strands of hair pathetically combed over his dome. Ironically Dawn is making the same expression that I am while keeping up with this current story arc. **YAWN**. Is it Meddle-Time yet?
    Btw, is the man in the background sporting an ascot that’s first pointing one way and then the other in panel 2?

  224. Señor Tortilla
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    BB: What’s especially creepy is Plato’s hairstyle and hanging-down-piece-of-hair is exactly the same, except his eyes are missing. ARGH!!!

  225. Chuck Matts
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Now Luann will be a virgin forever…

  226. Comcis Fan
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: If it’s Tuesday it must be Tuscany – and a dad who thinks kite-flying and fresh veggies will cure clinical depression.

  227. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#217): And while the manly men were drinking their stout, the ladies were enjoying a bit of wine.

    I’m concerned about bb,u. I don’t recall seeing her post here for the last day or so. She lives in the area where all the power outages are occurring with temps approaching 100-degrees.

  228. demoncat
    July 3rd, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    mw. thank goodness dawn is still stuck on her break up with dave other wise she would find wilbur smiling about how the vegetables are better there then america either that or he has finaly decided screw it time to send miss mopey back home to mary . apartment 3g tommie should just say screw it if Nina will flip out she needs medical help stat for the baby . that or margo needs to be told. and rip the baby out of her.

  229. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 3rd, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Chuck Matts (#225): Now Luann will be a virgin forever…
    You say that like there was a chance in hell she wouldn’t be.

  230. MWDG
    July 3rd, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    MW: This strip illustrates why many foreigners hate Americans. Fat, greasy pig Wilbur with his elbows on the table and Dawn staring at her unkempt crotch and whining. I am surprised Wilbur didn’t suggest a porn tour of Thailand for their summer vacation.

    A few years ago didn’t Drew Corey “bang” man hungry hellcat Dawn while he was dating Vera? To Drew, Dawn seemed much like the underage Vietnamese boys he was “doing” in the Peace Village.

    I pray that after Dawn’s inevitable hook up with an Italian boy she gets pregnant and dies during an illegal abortion performed and filmed by Jeff Corey.

  231. Mark B.
    July 3rd, 2012 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    OK, Mark Trail has a gun, a bear, two villians who are mad at each other for spilling the beans on each other. And he’s got to get them back to the airplane in one canoe, without the bear killing them, the villians killing each other, or the villians running away. It’s like one of those stupid math problems, but with no obvious solution.

    OK, first he takes the bear and the guy, leaving the woman crook on the island, because she can’t swim. Then he leaves them both on the shore, with the bear holding the guy up a tree. Then he brings the woman back, and hands the bear a paddle so he can row back to his island.

    Oh damn, who’s gonna fly the plane.

    Plan B: the bear flies the plane.

  232. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#227): Oh, that’s true! b.b.u. is tough, but that old dog of hers (Lally?) is getting on, and won’t like the heat much.

  233. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#177): HAR! I’ll bet they smell funny.

  234. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Wishful thinking:
    The next Sunday Mary Worth begins with a simple quote:

    The Wind blows Mary–Jimi Hendrix

    The gist of the strip is that Dawn as just frazzled while Wilbur is frazzleder.
    The pair are sightseeing when just at the moment they give up all hope of happiness:
    A giant cloud appears carrying the large head of Mary Worth who, smiling, gazes down upon them offering rays of warmth that lighten the spirits of the depressed duo.

    No words are spoken, as Dawn and Wilbur exchange knowing glances. They know life is so ever much worth living; they know life is worth moving on and enjoying what is to come.

    As they turn and walk away from the giant, floating, smiling noggin, they do not notice that it was an illusion; they experienced a shared delusion.

    As they walk onward towards the rest of a blissful vacation, it turns out the very thing which imbued them with bliss was a simple, little red kite stuck in an olive tree. Beneath it is an almost-naked Ziggy standing attired only in a small sign that says:
    “Dave”.

    //Mary is found suffering from exhaustion in her condo. yadayada…

  235. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#232): The pooch’s name is Lolly. And yes, she’s an old dog that may have a hard time with the heat. (I’m talking about Lolly, not bb,u.)

    But you’re right. bb,u should be okay. She has a slide rule to play with.

  236. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 3rd, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Steve (#211): According to IMDb, Bobcat Goldthwait plays Clown-9.

  237. Liam
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    MW-This green stuff is good. It would be better between two slices of white bread.

    MT-While sitting by the lake waiting for Mark to return to take him fishing Rusty is tragically struck down by a bullet that just fell out of the sky.

    A3G-Do I dare drug Nina and then call an ambulance?

    FW-I hope that some Dutch slave traders show up and kidnap Les and sell him into slavery.

  238. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#171): Lose the “Nicolette” and you have this peach of a label:

    http://www.norakoerberillustration.com/

  239. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#237):

    MW-This green stuff is good. It would be better between two slices of white bread.

    Don’t forget the mayo!

  240. bats :[
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#238): ooooh….love fruit crate label art. I absconded with a crate with a mountain goat (GOAT!) label on it a few months back. Good thing True Fable and I live a continent’s length from one another.

  241. Alfred E. Neuman
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#193): Thanks for corroborating my claim to manliness. You handled your Guinness in a manly way, too. Bourbon babe also drinks in a manly manner, I must say. I hope she’s OK given the disastrous weather they’ve had in her neck of the woods. I have some empathy with that, as Mrs. Neuman and I were in Boulder, CO last week and got driven out of town by the big fire on the mountain just above our daughter’s home. (Her home is now safe, thank goodness). Watching a large wildfire burn toward you while your lungs are filling with smoke is an unbelievably stressful experience, so I hope our Colorado Mudges are OK and out of harm’s way. We were forced to leave late in the day, but could not find a place to stay as all hotel rooms within 50 miles of Denver were occupied because of some !@#$%^&* softball tournament. We had to stay in a Red Cross shelter, which might have been OK had it not been for the schizophrenic guy who talked to himself all night. We got zero sleep and were completely wired when we left the shelter at 5 am. The fire had died down considerably overnight, so we decided to head for home. We could not take the direct route back to Texas because I-25 had been shut down in Colorado Springs due to the massive fire there. Operating mostly on adrenalin, we drove the long way home through Kansas, battling 40 a mph crosswind and an ambient temperature of 109 degrees, and spent the night in Wichita. We made it home the next day and are still catching up on our sleep. Well, I’m out of Guinness, but I’m compensating by drinking manly extra doses of Shiner Bohemian Black Lager. I’ll be back later, but right now I have to take a manly nap.

  242. Daniel
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3G Bart from Blazing Saddles [dreamily]: “Dare! Dare!”

  243. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#241):
    You Sir, are a MANLY MAN!

  244. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#241): Thanks for the update on your smoky adventure. I’m glad you returned home safely.

    After all that smoke I hope you don’t need gum to get it out of your system. If you do need gum be careful you don’t leave the wrapper where Mark Trail can find it. I’d hate to have to go through that episode again.

  245. Bill the Butcher
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#46):

    Luann- “Dad I’m really busy, I’m about to dingo this koala in her platypus. What? Nine hundred dollary-doos? Oh my God! There’s nothing wrong with the bidet, is there? Crikes, I’ll be right home!”

    I actually laughed out loud at this. I have Aussie relatives and was imagining this said in an Australian accent. Hilarious.

    Mary Worth- Goopy green vegetables and Wilbur’s disturbingly open shirt aside; the thing I’m most interested in is the remakably quick shirt change by the pink shirted woman behind them.

    What disturbed me was that in the first panel, Wilbur and Dawn are sitting conventionally far apart, and in the second, Wilbur is apparently trying to mash himself to his daughter. Is he planning to force feed her the green goop?

  246. Old School Allie Cat
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    MW – I hate to agree with Wilbur, but in my brief experience, you can get some pretty kick ass veggies in Italy.

    As a kid, I was never a fan of green peas – because they came from a can and smelled like lightning bugs and they were gross.

    About five years ago, I was in Florence with my husband – and on our last night there, with our meal, they brought us this huge bowl of what looked liked buttered emeralds. Fresh peas. I decided to let the biases of my youth go and I tried them.

    Holy shit, fresh peas are amazing!

    I can’t believe I’m siding with Wilbur.

    I still won’t eat mushrooms though. They bathe in the dirt.

  247. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#240): How about safety match labels?

  248. Downpuppy
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    Mart Worth – You can get green mush & museum tours from the internets. What happened to Giorgio’s favor?

    I fear that Fini has yet to water them.

  249. Peanut Gallery
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Retail – Notice how he said “spare me”? That strikes me as funny. It’s all in how you frame it. But I could have done without the gutter language in yesterday’s strip.

  250. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    9CL: For those asking about Edda’s apparent pregnancy, the answer is obvious. She’s not pregnant, she’s just appearing pregnant in the photo shoot to get back at the rotten people who tried to fire her. See, she’s looking pregnant and…and she’s holding a pitchfork. See? There’s a pitchfork in her hand. And, um…

    And there’s a pig! Yeah.

    That’ll show those beefwits.

    And if you don’t understand that, then McEldowney pities you. He pities you a lot.

    (And there’s a pig. Did you see that? Wow. Bazinga!)

  251. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#250): Don’t forget the PIG!

  252. Peanut Gallery
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#132): Not unlike the difference between “ground hogmeat” and “groundhog meat”.

  253. Peanut Gallery
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#145): Mmmmm… fresh cookies.

  254. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#197): You know, if Edda moved to Westview, Ohio, she’d have to exhibit a whole other kind of growth in order to get the kind of attention she’s used to. Makes you think.
    @Baka Gaijin (#203): I guess that’s a better 80s signifier than Jughead wearing one of those rising sun headbands in place of his crown.
    @Old School Allie Cat (#246): Peas from a can are for me so traumatically bad they could put you off of all peas for life, if they’re the first you get exposed to. Yeah, much better fresh. I have to disagree with you on mushrooms, but that’s me.

  255. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#241): Wow. Glad you got back okay.

  256. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#251): There was a pig?!

  257. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

  258. Poteet
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#246): I totally agree about the flavor of fresh peas. They are glorious. They can be found in some U.S. farmer’s markets, however. I lament the local-market takeover here of Sugar Snap peas, which are good, but not as good (to me) as regular shelled fresh peas. Back when I was a gardening maniac, I grew nine varieties of peas one spring to see which ones I liked best. It was like eating green candy. I was not noble enough to share with neighbors.

  259. commodorejohn
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#254): I don’t like peas in general (except sugar-snap peas, those are good stuff,) but yes, canned peas are several orders of magnitude worse than even frozen. Blech.

  260. Ukulele Ike
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    The Brits LIKE mushy peas (aka “peas from a can.”) I’ve had them in a Brooklyn Brit restaurant called the Chip Shop, where you can also get Scotch Eggs, not to mention excellent fish and chips. They are not bad.

    But, yes, the fresh veggies in Italy and France are exceptional. Italian artichokes are half the size of the American ones and have twice the flavor.

    Nonetheless, I agree with everyone else…..California makes magnificent fruits and vegetables and Dork Wilbur should be able to eat them at home. Steam them and sprinkle with olive oil and lemon juice, dumbass.

  261. Bryan
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Dawn’s depressed smirk shows she has resigned herself to eating gelatinous vegetables and listening to her father talk nonsense for the rest of her life.

    Right up until she leaps from the balcony of their tenth-story hotel room; a fall from which she will miraculously survive and be brought back to health by an Italian male nurse who shows her the true meaning of love. He got the idea from reading the “Ask Wendy” column online.

  262. Peanut Gallery
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    MW – He should take her to a jazz club. Life is Brubeck.

  263. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#258): I love fresh peas! When I as six years old we went to my Aunt Ellie’s farm and she showed me how to pick peas and eat them right out of the pod. You’re right. It was like green candy!

    I like mushrooms too!

  264. The Pig
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    Re 9CL, don’t blame me. My agent talked me into it without explaining what the hell was going on. I still don’t know what they were trying to achieve, but I was very happy to get away from that weird chick with the pitchfork and boots. She kept sniffing and saying “eww,” even though she was the one who smelled funny.

  265. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#262): There’s nothing like eating fresh peas and listening to Brubeck. A little bourbon helps as well.

  266. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @The Pig (#264): Hi Pig. Loved your work in the dino flick.

  267. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#241): Man, wildfires are no fun. My brother-in-law helped out with the big one in Alberta last year, and took some incredible shots. It basically destroyed one of the towns. That, fortunately, is the closest I’ve ever come. But they still scare the hell out me. They’re so…mindless. They’re pure destruction with no organizing principle.

  268. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#257): It’s right there, for crying out loud! It’s holding a pitchfork and everything.

  269. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#247): There’s also the comic book:

    http://starbaseatlanta.com/ebaypics/tcbat6.jpg

    As you can see, this particular issue features Les Moore’s epic climb up Mt. Killermanapo.

  270. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

  271. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#269): Les Moore going ape and driven bats. Oh, yeah.

    Yikes! It’s an Archie comic!

  272. tallyHO
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#246):
    “I still won’t eat mushrooms though. They bathe in the dirt.

    Ah, my dear Allie Cat,
    to allow mushrooms to be the most that they can, give those little fun guys a nice tap water bath then allow them to air dry. Next allow them to enjoy another bath. This time pamper them in the olive oil of your choice. Make sure they glisten because then they will listen as you tell them the menu for that night.

    Once you have told them don’t hesitate to fill them until their caps are full. You may allow them to dine on something nutty that will complement their muskiness.
    Don’t forget to season whatever it is you stuff them with because surely whatever herbs and spices you have mixed in them need to allow the flavors to swim.

    Next, place these little fun guys next to a roaring fire. Allow them to get toasty and roasty. It is then they will fall asleep, my dearest. They will rest easy in someone’s belly.

    Bon Appetizer!

    P.S., a fresh Guinness Stout is better within than left sitting about!

  273. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    I am weird; I like canned peas. Also beets, and creamed corn, canned beans, and Vegemite.

    That said, I also like fresh peas with a bit of butter, and basically consider them an entirely different foodstuff than canned peas. Mmm… peas.

  274. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#241): I’m glad you escaped unscathed. We were in Colorado Springs visiting cousins the day before the burn hit, and drove in on the highway that it burned merrily along.

    I grew up in California, so wildfire was a familiar thing from my childhood, and I inevitably perceive hot dry weather as “fire season.” I still flinch when I see people out here in the Midwest doing things like burning brush, too. So I very much empathize with your experiences; wildfires are nothing to mess around with.

  275. Lenoxus
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Fun true story: The first time I saw wasabi, I was alone at a Japanese restaurant. Naturally, I scooped a moderately sized spoonful into my mouth. I was sufficiently stunned that I didn’t spit it out; I just swallowed it. Sometime that evening I regained my senses of smell and taste.

    Even after that experience, I love wasabi to this day.

  276. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Canned peas should be gently simmered to reduce the liquid, then dressed with a little butter, fresh ground black pepper, and sea salt; and then thrown away as good for nothing.

    // Acknowledgments to Dr. Johnson, who was, by the way, totally wrong about cucumbers.

  277. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#275): Wow! Exact same thing happened to me. I was in the Navy, and had learned that I was to be transferred to a ship based in Japan. I thought I’d better get an advance education in Japanese food and…

    // It was a little like mescaline. Or so I heard. Definitely opened my doors of perception.

  278. Yr Obt Servt
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    Luann, 7/2:

    I’m fairly certain that this is the first time “Waltzing Matilda” was used to introduce a quite literal deus ex machina.

  279. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#272): Lovely recipe! I want some now.

  280. Dave
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    I like peas. They remind me of me.

  281. Old School Allie Cat
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#272):

    It’s actually not the flavor of mushrooms. It’s the texture. I’ve tried, and I’ve tried. I wish I could get over it because it would make my life easier.

    See also calamari, raw oysters.

    Now, that said, I don’t categorically refuse these items, but I don’t seek them out, either.

  282. Sequitur
    July 3rd, 2012 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @Dave (#280): Dave! You aren’t here.

  283. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#142): Ouch. Getting those historical plaques installed must really hurt.

    Not so bad. Probably no worse than a typical piercing or acupuncture session. But I have to be careful to stay in the shallow end of the pool.

    @Peanut Gallery (#252): Why, yes! I do love sausage. I wonder, how is it made? Well, too busy to find out now! Busy busy busy.

  284. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#260): H. Allen Smith once sat near H.G. Wells at a banquet, and listened intently to hear what pearls of wisdom might drop from the Great Man’s hallowed chaps. He reported that throughout the meal, Wells spoke feelingly to the effect that he hated little green peas, had always hated little green peas, and was quite confident he would go to his grave hating little green peas.

    @Peanut Gallery (#262): I saw Brubeck five years or so ago in Northampton, Massachusetts. I wasn’t even very many rows back. And he played “Over the Rainbow.” My one regret is not using the moment of silence that followed to very quietly say “thank you.”

  285. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#267): One Christmas I was at my grandparents’ ranch, and one of our cousins drove up in a pickup and said there was a brush fire at the Wynan’s Creek place, so we all headed over there. We had buckets and trash barrels and brooms, and there was the creek (fortunately). I climbed through the barbwire and tried experimentally whacking the flames with a broom, but they were many and I was few so I returned the way I came. Then we all went at it. I was carrying a trash barrel around, pouring it on spots and letting people dip brooms in it. After much flurry, we pretty much had it out. I had a slight burn on my good hand from picking up a piece of wood with a hidden coal underneath, but that was about it. The volunteer fire department came by and ascertained that we were okay and raced off to the next fire, and we cheered them loudly. Later on, after a Christmas dinner that couldn’t be beat, Granddad went back over and checked the fence posts for signs of any that might be harboring sparks waiting for nightfall to spread the fire all over again. I’m guessing this was based on some experience or other.

  286. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#274): My sister lives in the hills west of Fort Collins (my true home). They had to leave their house, and they were being put up in the Embassy Suites. After four or five days, they told them they could go back. They located the two cats who had hidden during the evac, tossed all the ruined food and restocked the fridge and freezer (to the tune of several hundred dollars), and a few hours later, the officials said they had to evacuate again. They’ve been back home for good now for a few days, but are in less of a hurry to restock.

    @Sequitur (#282): No more Cheech and Chong, man!

  287. commodorejohn
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#275): Heh. My sister-in-law’s family are having me over for dinner tomorrow and serving sushi, which I’ve never had. 90% sure her brothers are going to try and slip me some wasabi (at least one of them is that sort,) but I won’t let ‘em.

    Boy, do I feel sorry for people who can’t enjoy mushrooms, though.

  288. Droopy Says
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    @Yr Obt Servt (#278): Luann’s use of “Waltzing Matilda” made me think of the happy ending in “On The Beach.” (It’s happy compared to Luann.)

    Spiderzero: If only irony were at play here.

    Creepy Les: On the plus side, Creepy Les has no lines today. But are you supposed to take your passport with you on a camping trip? I thought you normally left it in a safe place, like your hotel or host’s home.

    Mock Trail: Okay, time to hurry home and disappoint Rusty again.

    Pluggers: I like to think the cop is pointing the Chicken Lady to the barbecue pit. Does that make me a bad person, or just somebody who likes drumsticks?

  289. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#285): Later on, after a Christmas dinner that couldn’t be beat…

    You can get anything you want, at Muffaroo’s grandpa’s ranch.

  290. TomS
    July 4th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Fresh peas. Pick, shell, eat. Double plus yum.
    For mushrooms I recommend fresh chanterelles. Sauteed or in soup. We get them in a never-logged section of forest just across the creek. Spoiled in the Pacific Northwest with a damp June this year. With great respect to an amusing and erudite ‘mudgeon, mescaline/wasabi no resemblance.

  291. Mr. O'Malley
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    My wife just made a dinner of paella with fresh peas we got at the farmers’ market. Mmm. And she had it planned even before the Spaniards won the game.

    @commodorejohn (#287): It’s hard to get real wasabi outside Japan. Mostly you get colored horseradish. Anyway, mix it with the soy sauce (it’s less extreme that way) and use it for dipping your sushi, followed by a piece of ginger to cleanse your palate.

  292. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    @TomS (#290): Hmm. Maybe I was thinking about those mushrooms with a purple ring around the stalk? Now those were delicious fried in butter with a little chili powder.

  293. tallyHO
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#276):
    “// Acknowledgments to Dr. Johnson, who was, by the way, totally wrong about cucumbers.

    hmph. I’m surprised that Dr. Johnson, whom I heard is an expert on such things, would believe that a cucumber is always a cucumber.

  294. tallyHO
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#281):

    Texture?
    No need to explain.

    It is an odd thing that there is a term out there called “mouth feel”….

    (i will make no jokes about this…though, I could)

    As I’ve admitted before, the Sliminess of Okra (a john cheever novel which never was*) is something which makes me pause…

    So I understand. To be honest, the best solution I’ve found is those oddly textured things can be easier to ingest if they are breaded, battered and definitely fried, deeply. Anything goes if that criteria is met.
    ——————
    *after all, some of the best novels and works of art have never been made, right?

  295. tallyHO
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#294):

    humph.

    on second thought, not anything which meets that criteria is A-OK with me.

    For the life of me, my adventurous nature may be curious by carnival rides at a State Fair. But, I don’t think I have the guts to partake of the wide variety of deep fried choices I’ve heard of, including beer (beer? beer!*), candies and other otherwise perfectly fine indulgences.

    So, I, too, draw the line somewhere.

    *szzzzgt KaPOW! (there goes my head)

  296. Mr. O'Malley
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    MT: So there’s all those messy plot complications all squared away, and according to the legal doctrine of stare ursae (“bear witness”), it won’t be necessary to hold a trial or anything like that. On to the next inane adventure!

  297. Victory Garden
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Luann merges with Peanuts in a terrible pull-away-the-football scenario. I don’t know what I was expecting. Fanart? Fade to black, then big smiles? Whatever it is, it wasn’t this.

  298. Alfred E. Neuman
    July 4th, 2012 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#243): @Sequitur (#244): @Poteet (#255): @Frank Lee Meidere (#267): @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#274): Thank-you for your good wishes. If you want to see an impressive time-lapse video of what Boulder was like last week, look here. The view is from downtown Boulder looking south. My daughter’s home is just east of and directly below the burning mountain, South Boulder Peak.

  299. Erich Clapton
    July 4th, 2012 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#289): Funny, I just had a procedure at the Naval Hospital here in San Diego and I swear the intake dude read the list of dos and don’ts in the same intonation as the Army sergeant from Alice’s Restaurant. I couldn’t listen to anything he said, just the tone. I kept looking for the Group W bench. . .

  300. Baka Gaijin
    July 4th, 2012 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#288): It does not make you a bad person. It makes you a twisted person. We like that here.

  301. Baka Gaijin
    July 4th, 2012 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    I hope everyone’s sitting down. Mary Worth actually got a piece of Italy correct. There are, in fact, tall skinny trees to the left of the Coliseum in Rome. Granted, the inside of the Coliseum looks nothing like that and the trees are much further away such that you can’t see them from inside, but hey, they’re trying. Or lucky.

  302. Dale
    July 4th, 2012 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Markedly Simple-minded

    Even if the DA (it’s not the sheriff’s decision to make) were to buy some part of Mike and Liz’s confessions, he would not just let Gene go. His very weak case against Gene is still stronger than the one against the now dueling duo.
    Charge all three of them with conspiracy and murder.
    Liz, being the smartest of the three, might actually hire a lawyer.

  303. Vanya
    July 4th, 2012 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    Pity? I don’t think McEldowney knows what that word means. The only emotions he understands are rooted in narcissm and include blind admiration, self-pity, self-righteousness, and naked contempt. I suspect Mussolini had a broader emotional palette.

  304. Vanya
    July 4th, 2012 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#301): But they are in Tuscany, not in Rome. I suspect they are eating at the Autogrill Spizzico at the Valdichiana Outlet Village. It’s a real place:

    http://www.turismo.intoscana.it/allthingstuscany/aroundtuscany/shopping-outlet-mall-tuscany/

  305. Mibbitmaker
    July 4th, 2012 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    Early PCK strip up for 4th!

    Black and white version. Partially colored version late morning, hopefully.

  306. Baka Gaijin
    July 4th, 2012 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    @Vanya (#304): I’m sorry, I’m looking at the July 4 Mary Worth. They’re back in Rome. I know, I’m getting dizzy by the whipsawing through Italy. They’re using the hell out of their Eurail Passes.

  307. Droopy Says
    July 4th, 2012 at 4:41 am [Reply]

    @Vanya (#303): At least McEch has contributed to America’s epistolary wealth by not explaining about Anna and Dru. And his illustration of Solange shows that at some level he knows what’s-her-name is an appalling spectacle. Solange certainly expresses my reaction to that picture.

  308. Alex Blaze
    July 4th, 2012 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    So the Authentic Italian Restaurant serves a big cup of American coffee with the salad? I think that’s all the proof we need that Wilbur just took Dawn to a Denny’s after an art museum in LA and called the outing “Italy.”

  309. yaoi huntress earth
    July 4th, 2012 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Is it just me or has Greg’s character have gotten worse over the years?

  310. Chaze126
    July 4th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Imagine Dawn’s surprise when she stumbles upon Wilbur’s profile on SilverDaddies and finds that he has far more young male admirers than she will have in her lifetime. At least his fascination with gladiators will make sense.

  311. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 4th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#310):

    Wilbur’s profile on SilverDaddies?

    Brain Bleach STAT!

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