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Plus maybe they don’t want to be in a comic strip about a baby who poops all the time?

Marvin, 7/22/12

This is not the first “people from TV appear in a Marvin strip, and that’s the punchline” Marvin — there was a Cesar Millan strip recently, and I’m sure there have been others. Maybe … maybe someone needs to tell Marvin that the fun thing about a celebrity cameo is that it involves the actual celebrity? And that this doesn’t apply when it’s just a drawing of a celebrity? I could make they guys from American Pickers show up at my house too, if all I had to do is draw them.

Crankshaft, 7/22/12

You young folk may not remember, but many years ago there was a Very Special Crankshaft storyline where it turned out that Crankshaft was illiterate. All his friends and family banded together to help him learn how to read and write. Bet they regret that now!

196 responses to “Plus maybe they don’t want to be in a comic strip about a baby who poops all the time?”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft — Ed brings new meaning to the term “anal-retentive”!

    Marvin — It’s Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz* from the History channel’s “American Pickers” show. And they’re offering to help clean Jeff’s garage…

    *What, no Danielle? I’m severely disappointed in you, Armstrong!

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Notice I didn’t touch Mike Wolfe’s “Mind if we take a look at your ‘junk’?” line. That’s my gift to the rest of you!

  3. Baka Gaijin
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Yucko! Old geezer writing on my asswipe. Cooties central.

  4. StriderGirl
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    No snark here, just a compliment to Bill Amend. He pulled today’s Foxtrot strip off his site because it would have seemed in poor taste after Friday’s terrible events. That was classy, and I just wanted to state that. I’m done now.

  5. Bill the Butcher
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    What’s American Pickers?

  6. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    I dunno about you kids these days with your reality shows and your bellbottom hippie denim slacks, but I’m pretty sure that’s John Cassavetes and William Conrad in today’s “Marvin.”

  7. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

  8. Baka Gaijin
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#2): Thanks. I think. Ignorance was bliss.

  9. Willow
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Marvin – I was sure that “no ifs or buts” was going to be some kind of pun on “butts”, with Marvin smiling evilly as they smell the familiar odor…

    I’ve been reading too much Marvin.

  10. Chaze126
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Marvin – the Bearded Charmer! Cool guy. Ignore the yutz that’s with him. Maybe he’ll go away.

    JP – I swear I keep having “Deliverance” flashbacks. Watch out, Avery!

    MW – Captain Smith at the helm of The Costa Concordia, with an albatross (Dawn) onboard. Yup, all the elements of a real maritime disaster.

    RM – Good thinking, Iris. I’d pay $100 to have Sarah go away, too.

    Get Fuzzy – 91 days and counting of no laughs.

  11. Chaze126
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    “It’s a good day to be a picker, Frankie.”. In Marvin’s case, that’s nose pickin.’

  12. Crazy Jay
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft brings the phrase “anal retentive” to a whole new meaning!

    or

    Is it me or did Hooked On Phonics has some really weird lesson plans.

  13. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    @StriderGirl (#4): My local dead tree press has the FoxTrot comic Bill Amend decided to pull off his site. Sunday’s strip involves Jason, Paige and a “Sniper Tech” squirt gun. Small wonder Amend decided to squelch it.

  14. John C Fremont
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#5): I think it’s what Londoners call people from Nebraska when they see them with their fingers up their noses. Up their own noses, that is, not up Londoners’ noses, although I’m sure they have a name for people like that as well.

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#6): I’m not totally convinced that’s Cassavetes, but that is so William Conrad. Excellent call.

    MW – I keep being reminded of this commercial for “The Time Tunnel”. The line, “That is impossible, this ship is unsinkable!” has been stuck in my brain since Fall Preview Week in ’66. Still, it had Whit Bissell. In charge, no less. But not in control. It all comes full circle.

    Hey, the mysterious black sleeve shows up again in the third panel. Neat!

    MT – If you enlarge the picture, that mantis looks like a drunk Warner Brothers character about to break into How Dry I Am.

  15. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MT: To paraphrase Haldane, whatever else we may know about God, He is obviously very fond of bugs.

  16. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#5): “What’s American Pickers?”

    I’m pretty sure it’s a television show about banjo players. Let’s leave it a that.

  17. Horace Broon
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m just repeating what I said yesterday, but heck, so are they. It still bugs me that Scott learnt Tommie was “Abigail Thompson” back in February, which was last week in strip-time, and has now never heard the name “Abigail” in his life.

    ASM: Wait … spider-sense doesn’t tingle when a brick’s about to fall on him, but does when a crime is being commited “blocks away”? No wonder he’s so much more useless than the comic book and movie Spider-Men, whose spider-sense actually warns them of danger.

    Curtis: The only comic strip that isn’t afraid to say that today’s child-disipline problems are because kids aren’t living in a constant state of fear.

    H&H: Wait, the twins are going to Grandma’s house, and that means Hi and Lois have the night to themselves? Did we miss Trixie killing Chip and being dragged away by child services yelling “The sunbeam made me do it!”?

    MT: Wow, when you look at a ladybird* normally, all you see are the beautiful patterns of the shell. But when you see it close up … it’s actually quite gross.

    Marvin: I don’t watch American Pickers, but I’m intrigued to learn the presenters are named Wolfe and Fritz. Now I’m going to assume they’re descended from the World’s Fattest Detective and his chef.

    In fact, these guys aren’t even the guys from American Pickers; they’re from something called USA Pickers. They’re probably called Mark Foxe and Fred Franz.

    RMMD: It’s Wilsonervana: a strip where they pay off is simply one of the main chaacters being handed money for no real reason.

  18. Horace Broon
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#17):

    “They pay off”? “The pay off”, obviously. Oh, and I’ve just realised I should have put “no pun intended”…

  19. Señor Tortilla
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Being rich has its perks, right?

    Marvin: USA Peckers?

    FC: Yeah, suck it, PJ! Your cries for help have fallen on deaf ears.

    MW: So the ship is taking on water, they’ve decided to “head for the rocks”, and also attempt to calm the passengers by sending them back to their rooms. No way this can go wrong, right?

    FW: Summer is turning more and more into Owen. By Monday she’ll grow freckles. By Tuesday, her hair will be brown. By Wednesday, her anatomy will change…permanently.

  20. TheDiva
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Crankshaft ruins an entire roll of toilet paper and claims to be doing it in the name of thrift. That’s a special brand of assholery, right there.

    Marvin: Until today, I couldn’t have even told you there was a reality series named American Pickers. It’s times like these that lead me to hope that my life isn’t being completely wasted.

  21. TheDiva
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    9CL: So, they’ve pretty much just admitted that they’re only in this for the sex at this point, right?

    FW: It’s funny because Les is going to catch hypothermia.

    Luann: Yes, Luann is so kind and selfless, unlike that self-centered beeyotch Tiffany….

    MW: “Trust me, it will be more easier to identify your bodies if you just return to your stateroom!”

    Pluggers are behind my grandmother technologically.

    SM: So, “spider-sense” is really just shorthand for “we can’t think of any other way to move the plot along.”

  22. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y220): …the thermantidote was a relatively primitive version of what we would now call a swamp cooler. The “tatties” were long grass leaves, braided together and kept wet. (Strips of cloth were sometimes substituted.) The fan was human powered, driven by a servant known as a punkah-wallah.

    Permission to revise and extend my remarks? Thank you. As the thermantidote’s etymology is refreshingly simple: therm (heat) + antidote, it may as well be a generic term for any air-cooling device. It is certainly more elegant and more descriptive than “air conditioner”.

    To wit: If you replace the woven grass with strips of cloth, it is still a themantidote, right? This was recognized in Kipling’s day. And if you replace the punkah-wallah with an electric motor, it still must be a thermantidote, correct? Indeed, the latest citation for the word that I can find is from a 1920′s novel called “King of the Khyber Rifles” which implies strongly that a malfunctioning thermantidote in a particular scene is simply an electric fan. So if we then replace a system using open evaporation of water to cool air with a system of closed evaporation of freon (or some similar substance), it must still be a thermantidote. QED.

    Therefore, I propose thermantidote as the official revival word of the summer. “Yesterday’s somniculous is today’s thermantidote.”

    // I got dibs on the t-shirts.

  23. General Zod
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Someone please tell me the “sploosh” sound effect in Spider-Man was just an awful coincidence.

  24. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MW: It is, I am sure, bootless to point out that without engines the ship has no steerageway, even if they somehow could control the rudder.

  25. Crankenstank
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I think the “joke” is supposed to be the American Pickers are perverts, who drive around asking to see people’s “junk”. And there’s plenty of it, since the Mrs. “can barely squeeze in the car” because of all her hubby’s enormous “junk”. Marvin may be the sickest thing ever devised in the twisted minds of humanity.

  26. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Farley’s Revenge (#y211): I don’t think “peruse” means what you think it means.

    // A typo, of course. Did you mean “muse”?

  27. Red Greenback
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Marvin: I miss Dingo. Especially on a day like this.

  28. Droopy Says
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Marvin: I don’t know from American Pickers. I would have guessed they played banjos and should be doing the background music fro Jugs Parker. Anyway Mike and Evan from Oddities are probably better-suited to deal with Clan Marvin.

  29. cholling
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    I, for one, am shocked that Crankshaft uses the phrase “bathroom tissue.” I thought the only people who used that term were consumers in toilet paper commercials, which seem to assume the Hays Code is still in effect and the word “toilet” is considered too profane for the TV-watching public in Eisenhower’s America. Actually, I guess that makes “bathroom tissue” the ideal choice for Crankshaft. If he said “toilet paper” he’d sound just a little too Archie Bunker, and we might then develop unrealistic expectations that the strip would contain some humor value.

  30. sporknpork
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    So is U.S.A. Pickers a reboot of U.S. Acres? I can barely make out Orson Pig and Roy Rooster.

  31. NoahSnark
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Sure – let’s switch from Marvin’s feces obsession to having strange men come and ogle Jeff’s junk. That will keep things fresh while maintaining our core audience.

  32. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#yyyyyyyyyy…200):

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#162):

    “Oddly, no. It was from a knobtiddler selling thermantidotes door to door. Unfortunately, although I needed a new thermantidote, my nadgers were all bogled, and I hadn’t a moolie to my name. Sing hey nonny nonny.”

    Well, ‘ullo, my deari-io. And what then? Did you wurdle your artifacts or tinker with your grommets?

    My dear Shrug, how did I miss this? You must think me quite rude not to answer your query from last November. The answer is, of course I did!

  33. True Fable
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    But C’haft is so full of shit anyway. There isn’t enough toilet paper on a roll to clean up after him.

  34. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#22): Well, it should certainly go one way or the other. Thermantidote should either be used in a generic sense to refer to any cooling device, or used only to refer to those cooling devices that use wet tatties and roasting drums powered by punkah-wallahs.

    I’m with you on using it in the generic sense for three reasons.

    (1) Its etymology is about as generic as you can get.
    (2) There is presently no good generic term available that includes all cooling devices, although there are plenty of terms available for each specific type of cooling device (fans, air conditioners, air multipliers).
    (3) A generic use allows the most opportunity to incorporate it in daily life, since we don’t generally run across homes and businesses being cooled by means of wet tatties and roasting drums powered by punkah-wallahs. Hell, we seldom even run across a punkah-wallah these days, a fact undoubtedly contributing to the decline of our civilization.

  35. Oregonian
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Today’s Marvin should have ended with Jeff shouting “Don’t touch my junk!”

    That is all.

  36. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Deadtree B&C: *sad trombone*

    Frazz: Crankshaft has a mixed race daughter.

    IP: There’s a trope for that.

    LaCuc: O_O

    Lio: win.

    JP: “Hanging in that seam” he says.

    Bizarro: *snurk*

    MT: for Poteet! (om nom nom)

    RwO: everything’s better with centaurs! (nicely done, Ms. Price.) (also, side manboob.)

    SF: talk about unavoidable poor timing!

    SFx: stoned beaver is stoned.

  37. Cal
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Gocomics.com and Doonesbury are all down today — SeattlePI did finally come on,so that’s all I’ve got to comment on…

    Love Is… farting so hard it lifts you three feet in the air.

    9CL is actually quite sweet today, although I’ve got a feeling we may not see too many more Amos ‘n’ Edda strips in the immediate future… McEldowney seems determined to dangle Edda between cosset and torment… Completely unironically, though: Amos’s soliloquy reminds me of Hal’s heartrending “argument” with Lois, in the “Malcolm In the Middle” episode, “Traffic Ticket”: “I love you. You are so strong. You are so brave. You are so beautiful. You are so wrong.”

  38. David Rickert
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    “One man’s junk is another man’s pleasure” indicates to me that Marvin’s dad may secretly be a homosexual trapped in a heterosexual marriage.

  39. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#34): Excellent! Let me be the first to congratulate you on being elected the very second member, and de facto Vice President and Assistant-Dictator-for-Life of TWERPS! (Thermantidote Word English Revival Participation Society).

    // Need to work on uniforms right away. Tricorne hats? Swords? Ah, so much to do!

  40. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    foxes.

    Something for Poteet’s response file.

    Fifty Shades of Google.

    For the nerds. (alt: Jason Fox has been making T-shirts again.)

    wet ikkle big kitteh.

    otterly adawwwwwwable.

    Corgsqui.

  41. gleeb
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Sam Driver’s The American Sportsman: Exciting fish suspense!

  42. odinthor
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Candorville. — Another tribute to American pickers.

  43. Jim North
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Crank: Unfortunately for the rest of the family, Crankshaft doesn’t hold to that whole “non-toxic” marker malarkey. They’re gonna be septic and they’re gonna like it because damn it they’re going to save some goddamn money or trees or whatever if it’s the last thing they ever do!

    FC: “Sorry, PJ, I don’t speaka your language.” Then PJ smiled and gave Billy a Vegemite sandwich.

    MT: “The ladybug has an endearing legacy. A legacy that we here on Team Jackelrod do not prescribe to or endorse. So forget all that nonsense we just told you and instead feast your eyes upon the ladybug’s horrifying countenance as it devours its prey in a destructive ballet of crushed exoskeleton and oozing insides. Feel the revulsion within you rise as you stare helplessly at the terrifying chitinous body that its colorful yet tricky outer shell hides from the view of the unwary. Doesn’t it just make you sick? Well it should.”

    MW: The poor sailor realized only too late that he really shouldn’t have taken that hit of acid before going on duty. But it’ll be okay, he tells himself, it’ll be just fine . . . all he has to do is answer any question put to him by the giant barracuda in the green leisure suit, and everything will be oooookaaaaaaay . . .

    Pluggers have a bit of a learning curve with digital technology, according to today’s strip. And I really must take exception to that. I work in electronics, and I routinely find myself having to explain to people of all ages exactly what a “memory card” is.

    Slylock: Slylock Fox is being tailed. How will he insure that his nefarious shadow doesn’t follow him to the informant’s house? Easy! One trumped up charge of knocking the ice cream out of a poor, defenseless bunny boy’s hands, coming up! Given the expediency (if not efficacy) of the animal kingdom legal system, the dastardly raccoon will be behind bars within minutes, regardless of what ridiculously true alibi he gives.

    S-M: Clown-9 is nowhere around, but Spider-Man’s spider-sense is still a-tinglin’! Must be he senses a bomb inside the building . . . the play itself! Hoohoohoohoo!

  44. Lynn
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Just got around to reading the COTW. Thank you, Josh, for putting my not so very hilarious comment on the float, but honest, I am ok now. You don’t have to keep doing this. BTW – no NJ Mudgeons wanting a piece of Josh? What, is he too hot for Hoboken? I’m in South Jersey and I would chip in -

  45. Cloudbuster
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#34): I, for one, am considering hiring a punkah-wallah.

  46. greghousesgf
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    What the hell is American pickers?
    and Crankshaft apparently never saw that R. Crumb cartoon warning citizens of the perils of not being thorough enough when wiping. (eurgh. I’m highly relieved he’s only an old fart in a cartoon so we can’t actually smell him.)

  47. Greg K
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Come on, Crankshaft! Isn’t every sheet a “Number Two”?

  48. Cloudbuster
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Luann: Our heroine never misses an opportunity to ignore and disrespect her parents. Her parents are so used to it, they’ve taken to finding ironic humor in her sad behavior. Isn’t she great? Better than that Tiffany whore, that’s for sure!

  49. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#45): You must be one of those job-creators I keep hearing about! My tricorne hat is off to you, Sir! So many in your position would have out-sourced or off-shored your punkah-wallah needs.

  50. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @cholling (#29): Now see? I was just complaining about this the other day. Advertising for toilet paper has become pretty direct. According to Mark Worden, the Cottenelle “brand leader” at J. Walter Thompson, “If you look back as recently as the ’90s, there would be a clearly different approach that would be less direct than today. But today consumers are telling us loud and clear that we have more permission to speak to them directly about the category, and more overtly about their behinds and cleaning and care for their bottoms.”

    In fact, Cottenelle has taken this to some pretty extreme lengths in their advertising. There’s the “Cottenelle Care Routine” commercial, in which viewers are asked to name the routine of using both wet and dry versions of Cottenelle and then post the name to Facebook where it can then be included on their “The Book of Names. The ad suggests “Southern Comfort” and “The Clean Getaway,” but user suggestions include “The Dynamic Duo,” “The Shiny Heinie,” and “Michelle” (wait — Michelle?).

    Other Cottenelle advertising innovations include commercials showing people’s asses while swimming with the tagline, “Sometimes wetter is better,” and posters consisting of endless terms for “ass,” including “buttocks” and “arse.”

    But their product is still called “bath/bathroom tissue” because they can’t say “toilet paper”!

  51. Jamoche
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    All right, Sinfest, enough is enough. That’s not even feminism you’re pushing (I’m female, fwiw) – it’s the mansplaining version of feminism.

  52. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#50): Must be a Canadian thing right now. Haven’t seen that “wetter is better” campaign yet.

  53. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#39): You just sparked a flashback to high school, when several friends and I started a society to pronounce certain words derived from Old English in a manner that was closer to their original pronunciation — such as “sword” and “knife.” We had a name for ourselves, but I’ll be damned if I can remember it now. And we never did get around to uniforms.

  54. Chaze126
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Curtis today is really unique in a probably unplanned way. The dialogue is unfunny gibberish (I know, I know, tell us something new) but the signs on the barber shop wall make the strip worth reading. My favorite is “Backs waxed. No screaming.”

    I would be in serious trouble. Me and Wilbur. Oh, Wilbur is already in some serious trouble.

  55. Santa Royale With Cheese
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Remember, when seconds matter, Spider-Man is just hours away.

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#53): “We had a name for ourselves, but I’ll be damned if I can remember it now.”

    // Say, Frank. You know, you are in a virtual room with a bunch of snarkers whose wits have been honed over the years to a razor’s edge? Who can be utterly vicious and cruel, completely without pity? Unacquainted with Ruth? They can’t help themselves, anything for a laugh. Yes, the aristocrats of snark.

    Dear me, I’m your friend, and even I must exercise almost super-human restraint here..

  57. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    When I started this page (admitting my ignorance here) I thought ladybugs ate plants like most other bugs, (to coin a Belushie phrase here), but N0o00o0o0o0 …
    Jack once told me “One of the great things about this job is you get to learn things!” … and he couldn’t be more correct!

    John C Fremont … it probably IS drunk
    Horace Broon … I agree
    Jim North … I have said I always love a fight scene!

    ‘James

  58. Alte Ziege
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Ted should have used Chestnut Blight as an excuse — at least there would have been historical precedence, that is according to Thurber. Maybe it’s too soon.

  59. aprilglaspie
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    OMG. Ted and Sally are going to be gunned down at the movies.

  60. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#Y219): Awww. Long may she play in the bathtub.

  61. bats :[
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#5): Yes, Bill, you and I apparently are the handful of sad, sad folks who don’t have cable/dish/satellite/crap strapped to our roofs and so are missing the epitome of Culcha in the 21st C (aka, The Jersey Shore, American Nose Pickers, Hoarders). Thank heavens my local channels still show Maury and several judge-type shows. :D

    Meanwhile, halfway around the world…

  62. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#5): @bats :[ (#61): I’m part of the handful too. The only reason I know a little about “American Pickers” is because the pickers operate out of Iowa, so the show was covered in newspapers here. I also know a little about Jersey Shore, though I’ve never seen it. I think someone beamed a Snooki image into my brain while I slept

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    So this punkah-wallah walks into a bar – stop me if you’ve heard this – and the bartender says:

    1) Sorry. Cloudbuster just left.
    2) That’s cool!
    3) Sorry. Our thermantidote’s electric.
    4) So. It has come to this.
    5) What is this, some kind of joke?
    6) You know this is a gay bar, right?
    7) You know, this isn’t a gay bar, right?
    8) Say, I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon, wanna hear it?
    9) Ooh! Nice tatties!

  64. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#61): Re Khute, THANK YOU. I feel better now.

  65. Chaze126
    July 22nd, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#61): I hate 99% of what’s on TV, but I admit that American Pickers and Pawn Stars are fun to watch on Monday nights, right after Antiques Roadshow. I live in upstate NY and my family is from New England. I’ve been surrounded by junk my entire life. Who knew it was so valuable?

  66. Calico
    July 22nd, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#57):
    Nice strip on “La Coccinelle.”
    I saw a couple in our garden the other day – deep orangey with many spots.
    In Germanic culture, they are considered good luck. Lots of souvenirs from Germany have pictures of ladybugs, and there are ladybug toys/figurines.
    Some are pretty nippy, too-I recall visiting a house in VT and they had too many hanging out on the insides of the windows-if you touched them they would bite.
    Different species than what we have further North …

  67. Calico
    July 22nd, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    JP – Where the bluebirds sing, and there’s a whiskey spring …
    *and lots and lots of cannabis*

  68. bats :[
    July 22nd, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#43): re FC: possibly safe, but never accept a “Vegemite” sandwich from Marvin.

    And as Iris moseys into the sunset…

  69. bats :[
    July 22nd, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#62): I think I’d rather have an alien rectal probe than a Snooki hallucination.

    @Poteet (#64): you’re very welcome.

    @Chaze126 (#65): we’ve driven by the Pawn Stars shop in Las Vegas (I know about it became Mountain Mama here has mentioned it and a friend of mine actually made some cool $$ selling some jewelry). It’s run-down Vegas by day and REALLLLY creepy-looking (even by Vegas standards) by night…

  70. Calico
    July 22nd, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#68):
    Heh! Ride that pony, June!

  71. Mincemeat
    July 22nd, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: I have to say that knowingly allowing your own father to brush his teeth with shit is, in fact, pretty goddamned menacing.

    I like “American Pickers”, despite the frequent (and obvious) scripted bits, and I think Mike and Frank deserve much better than Marvin. Maybe Cow and Boy could find a story arc for them.

  72. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 22nd, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Back from my lengthy and fabulous vacation at last, so I’m not caught up on anyone’s comments, but. . . .

    A3G: I just checked in with today’s strip, and I see that Nina’s labor took so long that she’s given birth to an 8-month-old child.

  73. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#60): I love my Jellylorum, but there are little birds and rodents who would disagree with you.

  74. commodorejohn
    July 22nd, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#61): This Marvin strip is a great incentive to stick with my policy of not watching TV, because the less I have in common with any cast or staff member of Marvin, the better.

    Crankshaft – NOBODY SAYS “BATHROOM TISSUE” EXCEPT BRAIN-DAMAGED AD EXECUTIVES.

    DT – Wow, so that’s what an ECNALUBMA looks like! I’ve never seen one before!

    FC – Billy is the worst big brother ever. Interpreting for younger siblings is your fucking job, kid. Do I have to come over there and smack you around until you start giving a crap?

    FG – Would someone just give both of these ninnies a time-out already?

    FW – “Just think, we’re leaving our footprints in the snow of Kilimanjaro, until the next snowstorm erases them, because seriously, this is snow we’re talking about! It’s like the number-one example of something transitory!”

    H&L – Why does the bouncer look like a minor Tintin villain?

    JP – I’ve gotta hand it to Manley, this is some marvelous crick-fishing art. Now if only these two would shut their pie-holes, maybe we could enjoy it in peace.

    MT – Ladybugs also crowd inside your house the moment autumn begins and get EVERYWHERE and in EVERYTHING OH MY GOD WHY WON’T THEY ALL JUST DIE ALREADY

    MW – “Ramming the ship into something worked so well the first time! C’mon, let’s go crash into some rocks!”

    NAOQV – I’m not the only person who really, really loathes the “it did” construction for padding lines in poetry, am I?

    PV – Say what you will about Lockbramble’s economy, but their literacy rate is astonishing! Even their common folk can read and write so proficiently that they apparently aren’t interested in travellers who can’t tell that it’s an inn by the sign saying it’s an inn.

    Ripley’s – Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger Igor! Igor!

    SM – Hey, JJJ is at least as effectual a crime-fighter as Spider-Man.

  75. Calico
    July 22nd, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#72):
    Welcome back! So glad you got to meet and chat with Mollificent too. : )

    Yes, the baby was finally positioned right side up and is now morphing from a newborn girl into a six-year old Justin Bieber (his apparent current age, from the way he’s been behaving lately).

  76. Calico
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#74):
    Re: Ladybugs, see my previous post – I guess the best thing to do is get a piece of sturdy paper and a jar, collect them, and put ‘em back outdoors. They really are beneficial but yes, when inside they become little ornery commandos.

  77. Jim North
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#68): Augh, it’s all hard and black and tastes like shit! D:

  78. Baka Gaijin
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#22): “Tatties” in England are mashed potatoes. Changes the whole thermantidote thing.

    @aprilglaspie (#59): NOOOOO!!!!

  79. Baka Gaijin
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Too bad Billy doesn’t speak PJ language. He’s missing out on Jeffy kicking Dolly’s ass for saying “pisgetti” once too often.

  80. Snarkotix Addict
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS One day Hootin’ Holler will catch up with the technology and Snuffy & Loweezy will be the targets of drone chickens.

    C-shaft Is he renumbering each set 1-4 or is he doing them all sequentially and assigning numbers to each member of the family?
    It’s very disturbing that I even wonder about this.

    FW And from that day forward, Les’s manuever was referred to as making “snow assholes.”

  81. jerseygull
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#50): I especially wonder how they got “Southern Hospitality” past the TV censors. Just what are they implying? No wonder the teenage daughter in the commercial looks so disgusted.

  82. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Somehow I doubt that Crankshaft is the person who pays for all that “wasted” toilet paper.

    Meanwhile, he’s using up a Sharpie writing on them (more money), he’s wasting time (which could be used more productively), and he’s ruining the counter (because Sharpies bleed, even when you’re not writing on toilet paper).

    But, oh, heaven forfend a person use more (or less?) squares than Crankshaft deems appropriate. Something like that would make me *more* inclined to waste toilet paper than to save it.

  83. Peanut Gallery
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    MW – I like the bolding in the upper right panel. Water’s coming in? WATER?? Butterscotch pudding or rocket fuel I could understand, but where the hell is water coming from??

    Also, the logic of turning the ship “completely around” and steering it carefully onto some rocks because you “don’t have control” of it anymore is worthy of a Monty Python sketch. “How about we put in at Messina for a couple days first?” “Fine, fine, we’ll go to Messina. And then a quick stop at Livorno. But after that, straight onto the rocks!”

    Now, you kids go back to your staterooms and be quiet, or so help me, I’ll turn this ship around!

  84. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#74): @Calico (#76): Sorry, rant ahead. The ladybugs that bite people and collect in houses in large annoying quantities are an invasive exotic species called Asian lady beetles. I loathe them, even though they eat soybean aphids. (The aphids are another recently-arrived invasive exotic species from Asia — we keep bringing in more exotics that cause more problems, and the aphids are costing farmers billions and from a personal point of view, they cause crop-dusting close to my house).

    Asian lady beetles bite people here mostly in the fall, partly because that’s after the soybeans are harvested so the beetles are flying around looking for new food sources and places to winter. Also, the Asian lady beetles are implicated in the serious decline of several nice native ladybugs that never bite or collect in houses, and that decline has happened both here and in Europe, where Asian lady beetles are also an invasive exotic.

    Sorry for the rant and repost, but this is a nice project for adults and kids:

    http://www.lostladybug.org/

  85. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#52): I think some of those campaigns were though social media.

    It’s like I always tell clients who ask about the value of social media marketing: It may be inexpensive, and it may only reach a few hundred or thousand people, but social media marketing can’t be beat when it comes to being ineffective.

  86. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#57): As an amateur nature geek, I know other nature geeks, and that’s how I know that there are parasatoid insects that prey on the parasites of other insects, and there are also hyper-parasatoids that prey on THOSE parasatoids, and one friend swears he found a five-layer parasite system. Insects are so profoundly amazing that I find most sci-fi ecosystems boring by comparison:-).

  87. Snarkotix Addict
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#50): Other Cottenelle advertising innovations…

    Yes, innovations, but did you notice that no one ever talks about the latest “breakthroughs” in toilet paper?

  88. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — UGH. This strip reminds me of a story I heard about a real father who was so controlling and weird that he tried to tell his teen daughters how many tampons they should use per day. Ugh ugh ugh.

  89. Red Greenback
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Ed Crankshaft: Sheryl Crow wannabee.

  90. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#83): HAR! Good one — I totally missed that. Yeah, how DO you turn a ship around and aim for a certain set of rocks when you supposedly have no control? Teach us, oh captain!

  91. Calico
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84):
    That is very interesting – thank you for the info.
    I was puzzled when the window-squatters bit me – I had never had a LB do that up to that point.
    From Kudzu to LB’s to Zebra Mussels, we have some very real invasive species problems on our hands.

  92. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @jerseygull (#81): As I just commented to Nehemiah, I think those commercials may have been part of a social media campaign and were probably only distributed through channels such as YouTube. Social media campaigns are a great way to advertise in such a way that nobody ever actually sees it outside of a few YouTube fanatics who are totally outside of your target demographic.

  93. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#82): Who supports that household, anyway? Is Ed really paying all the bills? I doubt it. So who made him toilet-paper king?

  94. Baka Gaijin
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#87): “Not having breakthroughs” is positive product feature in that product category.

    @Poteet (#90): Aaaand, how can he steer for rocks HE DIDN’T EVEN SEE????

  95. Shrug
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#34):

    “Hell, we seldom even run across a punkah-wallah these days, a fact undoubtedly contributing to the decline of our civilization.”

    The servants got lazy, and instead of moving the cords or whatever by personal effort while crouched in a corner, they began bringing in rocking chairs so they could relax while the cords swung back and forth with the movement of the chair.

    Because of this, the DICTIONARY OF OCCUPATIONAL TITLES has officially re-named the profession. They are now known as punkah-rockers.

  96. the REAL Mark Trail
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#86): Indeed the world of insects is fascinating!

  97. Der Schnärkïnätör
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Cal (#37):

    Love Is… farting so hard it lifts you three feet in the air.

    COTW worthy!

  98. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56): It probably wouldn’t be any worse than we got called in high school.

    Well, actually, I guess it could, because it would be all witty and clever, which high school students aren’t.

    Plus, we never got called much of anything in high school. I think “The Mod Squad” was about the worst.

    Regardless — I’m a veteran of the CC forum. I can take anything.

  99. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    9CL — What a fetching pose. I hope a big horsefly bites her right on the scalp.

  100. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#40): Thanks! And that behbeh otter is killer-cute.

  101. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#87):

    Yes, innovations, but did you notice that no one ever talks about the latest “breakthroughs” in toilet paper?

    Well…kind of. (Sorry for the bad quality of the long defunct site.)

  102. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#95): OOOooooooohhhhhh!

  103. debussy fields
    July 22nd, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    MW– So, according to the narrator, Wilbur is trying to “get information.” No better way than to snarl at the midshipman and say, “What’s going on?” And why does that one guy keep saying the ship is out of control if the captain thinks he can turn it completely around and drive it directly into a specific peninsula of rocks? If he can do that, why doesn’t he just steer it to the dock and get everybody disembarked quickly and safely? Sheesh!

  104. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Please don’t show us the tortured hollow-eyed stares of the audience as they stagger out after watching that entire play. There’s only so much human suffering one can stand to see.

  105. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 22nd, 2012 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#99): If that happens, I may reconsider my opinion of horseflies.

  106. Cal
    July 22nd, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Der Schnärkïnätör (#97): Why thank you! :-)

    Other comics finally came on, but nothing particularly interesting…

  107. commodorejohn
    July 22nd, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84): Ah, then I don’t have to feel bad about loathing them and wishing they were all dead. Good!

  108. Will
    July 22nd, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    CS: This should be the punchline in a Dave Letterman bit: “Top Ten signs it’s time to put your folks in a home.”

  109. damanoid
    July 22nd, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    I can only imagine that the goggle-eyed horror displayed by the cast of Marvin in the title panel is due to the fact that Crankshaft is now muscling in on their previously unchallenged domain of fecal humor, and the realization that they can’t possibly compete with whatever hideous grotesquerie Baituk will surely bring to the topic. Is it possible to shit cancer?

  110. Liam
    July 22nd, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-That’s just cruel, Slylock, knocking that kid’s ice cream to the ground like that.

    RMMD-Of course it doesn’t take long to call to L.A. nowadays. Great advancements have been made in telephone technology since your day. We no longer hire messengers to deliver a message to someone across the country.

  111. Liam
    July 22nd, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Marvin-We also want to look at that stuff you have in your garage too.

    Marvin 2-And by junk we mean your ass.

  112. Peanut Gallery
    July 22nd, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    SFx – My first thought was that Slylock could just lose the guy following him by going through the flower shop and out the back door. Are they telling us that the great Slylock Fox doesn’t know how to shake his tail?

  113. Uncle Lumpy
    July 22nd, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    J.B.S. Haldane: “God has an inordinate fondness for stars and beetles.”

  114. Liam
    July 22nd, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    MW-Sir, please return to your staterooms. That jacket is frightening the passengers. They already have their impending deaths to be scared of let’s not add to their fears by including your jacket.

  115. MWDG
    July 22nd, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    MW: this is all I have to say about Dawn Weston being on that ship.

    Many people thought that to have a woman on board would bring bad luck to a ship. A terrible storm was bound to destroy the vessel and everyone on it. This was ancient superstition and deeply ingrained amongst sailors as truth. In Suzanne Stark’s book ‘Female Tars’ she tells of an example in the middle ages when sailors gave in to this fear with horrible consequences. At the height of a storm off the coast of Cornwall, panicking men in a fleet of ships began to throw their female passengers to the sea. Over sixty women were drowned in this way in the hope of appeasing the storm and saving themselves.

  116. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#107): Yep, loathing is fine with me. Another reason I hate them is because many children around here now think of ladybugs as mean biters. When I was a child, ladybugs were fun.

  117. Poteet
    July 22nd, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    PV — Detailed interesting drawings. Plots with unpredictable turns and twists. A chance to see the word “wench” in a context that doesn’t make me roll my eyes. Thank you, PV.

  118. seismic-2
    July 22nd, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Crank: It’s amusing because he will wind up with ink smeared all over his ass! And that will be amusing because then he might as well not have wiped at all! And that will be amusing because…

    I’m sorry. No matter how you try to rationalize it, there is nothing at all amusing, or even remotely tolerable, about Crankshaft’s ass.

  119. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: While I think the whole exploding BBQ thing is overdone, if you are going to do it, Mallett shows you how.

  120. tallyHO
    July 22nd, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):

    That’s yer COTW right there! Though there’s some others above that a close contenders. And, it is only Sunday!

    //keep it up

  121. Mysterion
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Haha. Crankshaft, you silly old rascal. You can’t number bathroom tissue with a Sharpie — it’ll bleed right through! You need to use a ballpoint pen!

  122. Sgt. Stoned
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur is lucky: he should have no problem floating. Dawn: Not so lucky. Life is indeed brutal. And I have no doubt that the Italian sailor dressed like Billy Budd Foretopman reminds her of Dave.

  123. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#113): Now just a goldurned minute, Uncle L., I already said that!

  124. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#118): A show of hands if you want to see what kind of Rorschach inkblot Crankshaft makes with his ass…

  125. Alison
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    “Marvin”: Marvin’s mom is wearing the most stereotypical “clueless American tourist abroad”-looking outfit ever. Also, “Look, it’s a famous person! Ha ha!…No, seriously, that’s the joke, there’s a famous person over there” is the lamest gimmick ever, whether it be in “Marvin” or on a TV show or in a movie or wherever.

    “Crankshaft”: Wouldn’t a thick black marker just rip right through toilet paper when you tried to write on it? Ugh, the whole concept is just nasty anyways. And of course his daughter just stands there and accepts Crankshaft’s latest idiotic move. I’m still waiting for someone to finally tell Crankshaft was a cheap-ass, bitter, rude, horrible person he is. Yeah, I know-might as well be waiting for Godot.

  126. Alison
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#125):
    That should be “WHAT a cheap-ass, bitter, rude, horrible person he is”. (Oh well, it’s worth saying the second part twice.) In the words of Guard Duck: “Oopsie doopsies”.

  127. odinthor
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#119):

    Oh. BBQ. I thought the strip implied that, like roaches, Frazz and friend had survived nuclear armageddon.

  128. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#95): Oh. Minced oath. How do you sleep at night?

  129. pastordan
    July 22nd, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Late hits, from being busy on Sunday ‘n’ stuff:

    Amazing Spiderman: I really cannot fault Clown-9′s retirement plan. Mine involves talking my 9-year-old into becoming an engineer. He’ll probably go to business school, where he’ll have to deal with heinous dinks like J. Jonah Jameson.

    Apartment 3-G: Tommie in panel 1 has more shakes than the captain in Mary Worth. This is not a compliment to the captain.

    Arlo & Janis: Less funny than accurate.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Gah. There’s more unwholesome points sprouting in this strip than a tubercular pinhead convention. I begin to understand why it comes in for special abuse in the comments here.

    Hi and Lois: this is as close to sexytime as we get in this strip.

    Lockhorns: Leroy does not understand physics. This strip would be much funnier if he did.

    Luann: this is as close to sexytime as we get in this strip.

    Mark Trail: this is as close to sexytime as we get in this strip. Also: eye bleach, please.

    Mary Worth: panel 5 is making me wonder if I was supposed to use 3-D glasses to view the strip. This makes me remember looking at the first Mars rover images in 3-D. Thank you for that, Ms. Moy and Mr. Giella. This storyline may be good for nothing else, but it’s good for that.

    Moose and Molly: I wonder if Slylock Fox would tell Moose that the approximately one gallon of gas in a lawnmower is mixed with oil, and would inevitably damage his car? Nah, too easy.

    Prince Valiant: did anyone else wonder for a split second if Gawain was going to turn cannibal there?

    Rex Morgan: I’m guessing from June’s expression that one of three things are true: 1. Her wild night of vodka-and-gatorade binging with Iris has finally paid off at the most inconvenient time. 2. This week’s rent-an-artist has some weird eye fetish. 3. “Pony fund” is her & Rex’s code name for their hooker-and-blow account, the “bug out fund” being what gets them to Tijuana in a pinch.

    Slylock Fox: speaking of hookers and blow, that neighborhood, amirite? Watch out for gasoline siphoners, kids!

    Tarzan is an ongoing study in drawing paralytics as live models. Also: sexytime.

  130. Nehemiah Scudder
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#129): You really do talk the talk, eh? Respectful awe.

  131. Señor Tortilla
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#10): Only 91?!

  132. bats :[
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#129): oh, I thought A&J was both funny and accurate. Possibly a little less accurate in our household, where the cat who sleeps with us usually does the kissing (in hopes of getting a couple of kitty treats. No, not at 2 AM.).

  133. Liam
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-So it’s finally come to this the strip is turning to toilet humor.

    Crankshaft-This makes some sense. After all four is twice as much as two.

  134. pastordan
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#45): Unfortunately, I am in the market for a new job. So how do we do this? Do you pay in fish heads, or what?

  135. pastordan
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#130): Actually, today I was in somebody else’s congregation, watching a baptism! But yes, I typically bloviate weekly for a living. Or something closely resembling a living.

  136. pastordan
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#132): I have a cat who actually scolds me for getting out of bed in the night. I’m supposed to be there to pet him, not relieve myself, dammit!

  137. Calico
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#75):
    Or, I should have said, correct side down.
    Ah, what the heck, it’s 3G.

  138. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#136): @bats :[ (#132): Our kitty (who is black and whom we acquired as a stray, which is one reason FW has me so irritated lately) is very bossy about bedtimes and waking times. The morning time I can understand, because she’s hungry and wants food, but she also gets quite peeved if we stay up later than she feels is proper. It’s not that *she* wants to go to bed – she often stays up after we’ve turned in – so I figure it’s more that she’s being a momma cat and insisting that her kits get their rest. Either that, or we’re interfering with her nighttime meditation routine or something.

  139. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 22nd, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    All this talk of cats. And yet no one has mentioned the-cat-who-thinks-he’s-a-puma:

    http://www.jsonline.com/comics/32402404.html?feature_id=Mutts&feature_date=2012-07-22

  140. Baka Gaijin
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#112): Slylock’s girlfriend said that after their big night at the disco.

    @seismic-2 (#118): Are you implying that there’s anything amusing, or even remotely tolerable, about Crankshaft’s other body parts or body parts taken collectively as Crankshaft, the human ass?

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#139): Yesh, that was a classic Fail.

  141. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#139): I have trouble thinking of the Mutts cat as very cat-like, I have to admit. He’s cat-shaped, but doesn’t otherwise remind me very much of the cats I’ve known. Plus he lisps in a way that makes no sense for a cat, to my mind. (Yesh?)

  142. Mibbitmaker
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Late evening oversnarpologies…..

    NS: Ah, the gender bigotry of her dreams!

    MT: The reddish-pink one in the last panel looks like a really old man in drag.

    FW: Les is such a butt!

  143. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro: The first class in Zen gardening really made me laugh. The guy with the rake for the win.

  144. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Darkgate was halfway useless this morning, so I took some time off.

    AD – It’s pretty clear BC is descended from GIbbons.

    Fred“What do YOU think it is, folks?”
    It’s two things.
    (1) It’s a lazy effort by a jerkoff cartoonist to get out of thinking of a joke, and
    (2) it’s obviously a Dirty Sanchez.

  145. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#143): Reminded me of my favorite Terry Pratchett line, roughly: “Lee slipped on a thousand-year-old bonsai tree and fell, hitting his head on a rock chosen for its fundamental tranquility.”

  146. pastordan
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#139): I love Mutts–along with Cul de Sac, it’s some of the best art you’ll find in the funny papers these days–but I gotta be honest here. My heart belongs to only one cat, also a funny-talker.

  147. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Hi“Grandma’s house smells funny.”
    Surprisingly, the word ‘pee’ doesn’t seem to be in Dot’s vocabulary.

    Marfield“No ifs, ands, or buts.” “I can barely squeeze the car in between all of your junk!
    I think they’re trying to send coded messages about some kind of butt sex, but that’s as much as I plan to think about it. Ever.

  148. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers are so goddamn stupid, they cause the presidents’ heads on Mt. Rushmore to share secret eye-rolls at one another.

    Sat AM – Weird. This morning, the bees had male names, and I was thinking it was odd the cartoonist had it wrong. Now they have female names. There’s the thing about webcomics. The creators can turn on a dime.

  149. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Family – Ha ha! PJ’s attempts to tell Billy that the house is on fire have come to naught. Who will survive? “NOT A SOUL.”

    @tallyHO (#y197): As performed on record, “Moonshadow” doesn’t seem to refer to any characters by name. That’s the magic of animation!

  150. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#210): Lehrer wrote a song about the history of western philosophy? Can you tell me any more about it? I thought I’d seen everything he wrote.

    @Peanut Gallery (#83): There’s no single line I can point to, but this is good stuff.

    @pastordan (#146): That’s no confession! That’s a badge of honor.

  151. Hibbleton
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    FWIMC: My mom said that they were calling them “monkey dishes” (not bowls) when she started working Woolworth’s lunch counter back when she was a teen some sixty years ago in NYC.

  152. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: “I’m like Shakespeare because I make corrections to my work, too. It’s like we’re twins or something. Really. It’s downright eerie. And also? Sex.”

  153. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#152): Tags. End tags. Always end tags.

    Hey, Shakespeare never ended tags, either. So I’m as much like Shakespeare as McEldowney.

  154. Uncle Lumpy
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#15):

    I already said that!

    Ah, right you are.

  155. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Sigh. Dave never closed his tags.

  156. The Ridger
    July 22nd, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    So how does Crank intend to stop people using 8 or 12 or 16 sheets?

  157. Droopy Says
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    If you compare the two right-hand frames in Marvin, the ones where the mother holds the blob, you can play spot-the-differences. It’s like Armstrong wanted to do a Slylock Fox feature, only without the educational or entertainment value.

  158. pastordan
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#150): Turns out it wasn’t a song by Lehrer, but “in his style.”

    The internet: proving pastordan wrong since at least the Clinton impeachment.

  159. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: Why do these two men want to look at Jeff’s cock? It’s never done anything except help create Marvin.

    C-Shaft: More evidence that living with Crankshaft is pretty much the same as living under totalitarian rule.

    BC: Pre-Cambrian? Gee, you guys don’t look like prokaryotes to me.

    Momma: Yeah, something tells me the space around the lifeguard chair wouldn’t be that crowded.

    MW: “In fact everything’s under such perfect control, it makes me want to break out into song.”

    S-M: Actually, Spidey, I’m pretty sure that’s your fail sense.

    GA: I never knew that Slim held his fellow parishioners in such contempt. He’s Slim. Where does he get off holding anyone in contempt?

    RMMD: Aw, little Sarah’s first unearned hundred. She’s learning what it means to be a Woody Wilson protagonist.

    BB: Beetle’s friend Tyler Durden gave him the idea.

    DT: Keep your hands where we can see them, Magnum. Dick Tracy will recover, and he will not look kindly on PI’s feeling up his wife.

    Frazz: Somehow Ed Crankshaft is father to a ten year old black girl. I mean I know what “somehow” covers but it’s Crankshaft so I don’t want to think about it.

  160. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#149): See, I thought that Family Circus would end with Billy saying “Get a job, you bum.”

  161. Rocky Stoneaxe
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#141): You don’t care for lisping cats? Sufferin’ succotash!

  162. Bill the Butcher
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#7): Uh. Thanks.

  163. bats :[
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

  164. Artist formerly known as Ben
    July 22nd, 2012 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#88): Cripes. At least the mother would have a little expertise in dealing with that subject.

  165. tallyHO
    July 23rd, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#149):

    There’s a comic book that is called “Moonshadow”. It’s a coming of age story featuring a boy who travels across space with his cat, Frodo, and with another companion, a furry, bowler hat wearing, Chewbacca-looking pervert named Ira. It’s a big story, covering the bases of Love, Death, War, Politics, growing up, God and, of course, all of those things together would be worth exploring without trying to make sense of It All.

    It was only 12 issues and is one story that is probably still available as a trade paperback.

    The boy is named Moonshadow and I’m sure that is almost directly because of that song. That’s about as much as I know though. I can’t remember reading the reasons the writer gave for the name.

  166. tallyHO
    July 23rd, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#149):

    Oh yeah. Family is a big thing in it, too. Moonshadow’s mother was a flower child originally from Brooklyn who got married to a giant, grinning ball of light called a G’l Dose. It was he who is Moonshadow’s unreliable father.

  167. Droopy Says
    July 23rd, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: What, Asi9 is going to steal jewelry? What self-respecting supervillain steals jewelry at a charity function? He’s supposed to steal the money raised for the charity! Standards, you idiot, standards! No wonder you ended up as a Spiderman “super”-villain!

    A3G:/b> “Okay, it’s a short story. Ninny had her baby at home because she was too dumb to go to the hospital. Fortunately hat stuff about the stork was true.”

    Creepy Les: Dolorous Dan would be a lot warmer if he kept the kitten inside his shirt. Okay, the kitten woud be warmer and healthier. Just some advice from someone who has actuay dealt with kittens and cold weather. (It’s inconvenient and awkward, but the kitten won’t mind.)

    Mock Trail: Don’t worry, Rusty, the killers will find you. A little huge birdie told me so.

    Mary Worth: Good luck finding those lifeboats, Wilbur. The ship hit the rocks so hard, it knocked all the features off the background.

  168. Poteet
    July 23rd, 2012 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    FW — Yeah, great weather for a kitten up there. Live, kitten, live! Die, humans, die!

  169. Poteet
    July 23rd, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    MT — Ah, nothing like a giant mutant chickadee to start the week.

  170. Poteet
    July 23rd, 2012 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    RMMD — “And the week after that, I’m going to knock out a 500-page best-selling novel that will result in an Oscar-winning movie and make me millions! Eat your hearts out, real-world writers!”

  171. Poteet
    July 23rd, 2012 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — As a woman of a certain age, I’d be offended except that this strip portrays the entire human race as blithering idiots. So, no biggie here.

  172. Poteet
    July 23rd, 2012 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    MW — Look! In the second panel! It’s a woman from Picasso’s GUERNICA! This is so cool!

  173. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 23rd, 2012 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#161): Now, see, Sylvester’s speech impediment is an honest-to-god lisp, so I’m okay with it. I have no idea what Mooch’s deal is, except that it bugs me.

  174. Tangerine
    July 23rd, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    9CL: I love it when the men in my life condescend to me! Who needs intellectual respect when you can have flattery? “Baby, you just won our argument from the neck down.” [swoon]

  175. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 23rd, 2012 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    MW: At first I was sceptical about the whole “electrical problem” thing, but judging by the way all the passengers are now glowing, I think it might be nothing more than the simple truth.

  176. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 23rd, 2012 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    MG&G: An “oyster shooter”? Is that a thing? Is that a thing that people know about? Does it “shoot oysters” as in shooting projectiles at oysters, or does it “shoot oysters” as in shooting oysters as projectiles? And in either case — why?

  177. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 23rd, 2012 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#176): Oooh! It’s a drink. (Where would I be without Google?)

  178. Frank Lee Meidere
    July 23rd, 2012 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#177): Okay, you know what? Now I’m a little sad. For a short time I lived in a world in which there were guns that either shot projectiles at oysters or shot oysters as projectiles, and now I don’t. I miss my oyster-shooting gun that never existed.

  179. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    July 23rd, 2012 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#178): …and now I do too.

    The only oyster gun I see out there is simply a shucking device, which is a lot less fun.

  180. Girl Reporter
    July 23rd, 2012 at 3:29 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#178):
    You might be able to rig up that thing that flings skeets into the air to fling oysters. Instead of “pull!” the call could be “shuck!” and the gun would squirt lemon juice and tabasco sauce toward the flying oyster. Perhaps vodka could be involved. Everything’s better with vodka.

  181. Droopy Says
    July 23rd, 2012 at 4:07 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#176): They clearly mean an oytser, a Yiddish word of varied meanings. An oytser can be a treasure, so that the world is indeed your oytser, but it can also mean someone who is a real momzer or schmuck, in which case you really do need an oyster shooter.

  182. John C Fremont
    July 23rd, 2012 at 5:54 am [Reply]

    Schmucking oytsers…

  183. gleeb
    July 23rd, 2012 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    Dick: Is it just my perception, or has Sam been a lot more Jewish than he used to be?

    ‘bean: Of course, if Creepy Les’ face were to freeze that way because of the cold, no one would ever notice.

  184. Droopy Says
    July 23rd, 2012 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#182): The old woman’s complaints are mutch ado about nothing.

  185. Peanut Gallery
    July 23rd, 2012 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#150): Thank ye kindly!

    @pastordan (#158): When the internet and my childhood memories disagree on something, I always assume the internet is wrong. After all, it’s just one internet’s opinion.

  186. maryworthy
    July 23rd, 2012 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    Josh, remember Gordon “Ramsitt” (Ramsay) made an appearance in this strip in a story arc about backyard barbeque competition.

  187. Little A.
    July 23rd, 2012 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#167): MW: What rocks? I still say, the ship hit an iceberg.

  188. Droopy Says
    July 23rd, 2012 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    @Little A. (#187): The rocks in Wilbur’s head, of course.

  189. tb4000
    July 23rd, 2012 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: Evans, I know you were repeatedly dropping that pen giving Tiffany that infamous v-shape, but try to control yourself next time.

  190. Hogenmogen
    July 23rd, 2012 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    If the show is “American Pickers”, why does the truck say “USA Pickers”? You’d think that if the guys from American Pickers were being caracatured, Armstrong would have to know the name of the show.

  191. Hogenmogen
    July 23rd, 2012 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Day one, Iris finds out that estranged dad is dead, and gets a flight to Rextown. Day two, Iris attends the funeral, gets a manuscript for a page-turner screenplay and is cured of her alcoholism. Day three, she gets ten thousand dollars in cash and a promise for another seven, decides to fly directly to Hollywood and make a living in tinseltown.

    How is Slim going to handle this? Wasn’t she dating Slim?

  192. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    July 23rd, 2012 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#189):

    Yes the >ahem!< loving detal given to her golden triangle is not only squicky, but a sharp divergence in style from the cartoonish face and hair from the standard model for Tiffany.

    I forget the name of the trope, but I always think of The Simpsons when they need to animate a recognizable celebrity and have them interact with the very stylized main characters.

  193. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    July 23rd, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Today, we get a glimpse into the hell that Doc and Andy’s lives are when Mark isn’t around: “Do you think those wildlife people were able to catch the killers?” “I wish I could help catch the killers.” “Maybe Mark will be back soon, and he can catch the killers.” “Do you think the wildlife people catched the killers yet?”

    In another 30 minutes, Doc will be taking Rusty down to his lab to play “sedative”—but only if Andy hasn’t consumed Rusty’s chatty little head first.

    (We also get a glimpse of the rational world that exists in LoFo when Mark is absent from it; has Mark ever uttered the sentence “I think we’d better get the authorities to handle it!”?)

    JP: Does anyone remember when Dingo won that TV-show fishing trip and took his dad, and the video was so sweet and heartwarming? Well, this sequence is nothing like that.

  194. Hogenmogen
    July 23rd, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MW: Ooh, look at all the panic just streaming from their faces. I could go for a whole week of this! Oh, I’ve already gone through a whole week of this. Leave it to Mary Worth to make a life-and-death disaster proceed so grindingly dull.

    This would be exciting:
    *Dawn and Wilbur pass a string trio, which is oddly playing some somber music as the waves wash over their feet. “That’s supposed to remind us of something, isn’t it?” asks Dawn.
    *The deck suddenly tilts starboard, and Wilbur grabs an unmanned sandwich cart as it rolls by!
    *Dawn falls below the waves, and as the air drains from her lungs, she thinks “Dave wouldn’t drown like this. I can drown like he’s never seen drowning done! Ha! I’m over him! I’m convulsing as my lungs fill up with seawater, and that’s something that Dave will never get to… ghahhh…. “

  195. Chad Sexington
    July 24th, 2012 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    Perhaps someone should inform the writers of Marvin that “junk” is often used as slang for genitals in the common vernacular. Then again, perhaps we shouldn’t, given that this naivety is what make this strip inadvertently funny, even though the writers do not seem to have a grasp on the fundamentals of any humor that is not feces related.

  196. AT
    July 24th, 2012 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    “USA Pickers” is apparently code for “Transportation Security Administration.” I learn something new every day!

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