Don’t time-travel like a square, man
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Slylock Fox, 7/23/12
You know, if I had a time machine, I’d probably do a lot of prep research before voyaging into the past, getting down all the details I could to make sure I go to just the right time and see the most awesome and interesting things … at least, for my first few trips. After that I imagine I’d get kind of sloppy, as one tends to do when things become old hat. Instead of going down to the library and spending hours figuring out the exact place and time where I could, say, catch Napoleon alone to have a few moment’s intimate conversation with him, I’d just hit Wikipedia real fast to make sure I have the date right and head off into history. I mean, whatever, everyone today just knows the Wright Brothers as “the Wright Brothers” and I just want to go sit out on the dunes with a cooler full of beer and watch them fly that crazy plane. I don’t really give a shit which one was at the controls, you know? It’s not like I’m going to get close enough to talk to them and, oh, I don’t know, alter the course of history and disrupt the timeline, Slylock.
Meanwhile, speaking of disruptions, why exactly is Slylock hanging out on the lawn of Count Weirdly’s mountaintop castle-lair with a bunch of kids and some tie-wearing duck? Were they planning on sneaking through Weirdly’s labs while the Count was away, forgetting that time travelers can always just return to the present moments after they left? Clearly Slylock has been caught off guard and decided to pull this “Loser can’t tell his Wright brothers apart” dick move to distract from his own misconduct.
Beetle Bailey, 7/22/12
“Puritanical” is not a word I usually associate with Private Bailey, but here he is, worrying about the coarsening effects of the Internet on our language, right as he’s getting punched in the throat.