The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: That time again … COTW time!

Goodness gracious, is it Monday already? I am actually going to be away for the next couple of days, but the inimitable Uncle Lumpy will be filling in; I’ll be back on Thursday 2/7. In the meantime, it’s time for more COTW goodness:

“Some advice for our would-be killers in Mark Trail today: instead of trying to bonk him inconclusively with your pontoons, why not try shooting him with your bullets? If you lose track of him, just listen for the sound of someone yelling instructions to his dog.” –Inspector Dim

And the usual runner-uppery:

“Is it just me, or does Vera’s new boyfriend look a lot like Rick Astley? I can see why she would be interested in someone who’s never gonna give her up, never gonna let her down, and never gonna run around and desert her, because Drew Cory is obviously none of these things.” –GJ

“If Francisco Franco had decided to defeat the Republicans by challenging them to a game of hoops, rather than brutally murdering them with the help of the Luftwaffe, Picasso’s Guernica would have turned out like the second panel of today’s Gil Thorp.” –Nekrotzar

“Andrew looks kinda sad. I guess if I were a hideous, half-formed conjoined twin growing out of Andre the Giant’s back, I’d be pretty bummed too.” –Rhekarid

“Had I been asked to bet which comic strip character could deliver the word ‘mumble’ so threateningly I would actually recoil a little, my money would actually not have been on Gil Thorp.” –Violet

“I love the idea of Gil Thorp just not remembering whether or not he mumbled about the screen. An arc about an amnesiac coach would be spectacular. ‘Andrew, you’re the only one I can trust with my memories. Did I mumble? Did I put something in the oven? Do you smell smoke?’” –Hasty Penguin

“Judge Parker: As a lawyer, I can tell you that the practice of law is exactly as boring as depicted in this strip. Tomorrow, Sam will tell Gloria that they are running low on post-it strips! Next week will be consumed by copier toner issues! I for one can’t wait to see what kind of legal pads Steve uses!” –AMSTERDANG

“Drew’s facial expressions in today’s MW are outstanding! I’m positively giddy looking at them. What the hell is wrong with me?” –Jungle Mountain Mama

“Man, for all the complaining we do about Mary Worth’s titular character, I’ve really grown to miss her during her prolonged absence from her own strip. Sure, she may be insufferably self-righteous and clearly evil, but God help her, she keeps the idiots in line.” –Tats

“Remember when you were a kid and you’d make a face, and someone would say, ‘If you keep doing that, it’ll stick like that’? That’s how Mrs. Dinkle looks. Really, that’s how most FW characters look.” –Atomic Bird

“I was going to note how those hard-charging ‘self-starters’ still find time to take three-hour lunches and randomly boff in the copy room, but then I thought: have we ever seen Dr. Drew actually practice medicine, or just watched him stalk, mope, finger his clothing, make broad insane gestures in public, and be ogled by random women who probably think he’s a serial killer? Mary is the most productive worker in the strip!” –Mr. Coffee Nerves

“I highly doubt that pluggers wear suits, or, for that matter, ride in the devil’s chamber, this so-called ‘elevator.’ The wish to ‘elevate’ one’s self smacks of pride. And we all know exactly what pride did to Nebuchadnezzar, Caiaphas, and Nimrod, don’t we? (If you do, you’re a plugger.) Most likely the plugger believes the devilvator is itself urging him to touch it, which explains his alarm.” –teddytoad

“I don’t know, Spidey’s a little insane and a lot retarded; this completely idiotic truck-napping/jail break might actually be what he’d expect, since it’s nothing anybody with normal thought processes would expect.” –Impulse

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This entry was posted on Monday, February 4, 2008 at 01:22 pm and is filed under metaposts.

87 responses to “Metapost: That time again … COTW time!”

Thank You for Taking My Call
February 4th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

Congrats to COTWers.

MT I wonder if Lucky the Beaver knows Mark’s about to drop in for a visit. How do you say “damn drop in company” in beaver, anyway? Couldn’t he have called?
True Fable
February 4th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Excellent choices for COTW & runners-up! Congratulations to all!

*sigh* I am not worthy once again. Probably because hello, I’m not that damn funny. But hey, the ones that are chosen are great so I ain’t complainin’!
AtomicDog of the Space Patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

MT – Think we’ll get a cameo from Dag and Norbert?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
February 4th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Congrats everyone!

Any ideas for the New Yorker cartoon caption contest? This one seems harder.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
February 4th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Link here:

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/caption/
JunGabe Patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

You accidentally tagged Sunday’s Judge Parker as Jumpstart, FYI Josh.
Jamus The Bartender
February 4th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

After watching the Superbowl this weekend, I just now got a look at Sunday’s Family Circus, and Josh’s comments herein.
Damn.
If a holy war erupts over this, i’m on Pope Josh’s side. To me, Family Circus smacks too much of Unitarians and those other “make it up as you go along” religious hippies who permit blue jeans and guitars in church, instead of itchy polyester pants, to remind us of Christ’s suffering on the cross.
Except on Superbowl Sunday. No one goes to church on Superbowl Sunday.
McManx
February 4th, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

Enjoyed the COTW.

MW — Let’s see, Vera is bonking her boss, but we’re robbed of what would be a titilating story line of indescretion. Instead the cat’s already out of the bag, leaving Dr. Drew only one recourse — he’ll make a tip to the EEO sexual harrassment hotline and we’ll be subjected to weeks of mind-numbing civil hearings into employer/employee relations at the ad agency.

MT — I hoping that what we see is Mark’s lifeless drowned body. I know that’s cold-hearted, but it’s the only way we’ll get to see if Andy actually will deliver the evidence to the sheriff or go the way of “The Call of the Wild.”
smacky
February 4th, 2008 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

You know who takes more vacations than Josh?

Pluggers.

And maybe the French.
Jamus The Bartender
February 4th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

FOOB: This is one of those fights where you really don’t care who wins, as long as some blood is spilled.
MC: My guess is Maureen’s gonna meet some guy who still lives in his mom’s basement, making less than 10K a year, but with one hell of a collection of Naughty Panty Ladies monthly. Then Maureen will get all upset, and wonder why she can’t find a “nice guy” .like Norm, and wind up dating a kind-of cool biker guy with not much money, but who makes one hell of an omlette and is really good with her kid, and calls him “Uncle Snake”.
bats, Avian Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
February 4th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

Poteet! There’s a bit o’ class waiting for you (not that you need class, mind you, but that you are appreciative of such things!):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2242632252/
One-eyed Wolfdog
February 4th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

And we all know exactly what pride did to Nebuchadnezzar, Caiaphas, and Nimrod, don’t we? (If you do, you’re a plugger.)

Ridiculous. Pluggers don’t know things. If you have knowledge, you’re not a plugger.

Also ridiculous: bats in the avian division. Utterly inappropriate.
Inspector Dim
February 4th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

I will now do the Dance of Joy!

[does the dance of joy]
Baka Gaijin
February 4th, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth: Drew left out a word: “who.” “Now I know who.”

Mark Trail: These villians remind me of something. Something about an ass and a hole in the ground comes to mind here.

Slylock Fox: Sorry to shoot you down, Fox, but most aromatics use alcohol as a solvent, not water. Not freezing at these temps. The real answer is that, because of your constant harrassment, he lost his account at the local Mad Scientist supply house and had to buy his vial from The Dollar Tree. The Dollar Tree, putting the “KW” in “Quality!”

Lio: Anyone else love Lio’s big eyes? He’s so cute when he does that I just want to pinch his little cheeks.

Reality Check: Chester/Ralphie, remember, son, when you’re online, you don’t know whose butt it is you’re sniffing!
Mr. Coffee Nerves
February 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I’m sure Michael thinks the kids are fighting over who loves him the most.
Original Lee
February 4th, 2008 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

FOOB: I’m glad Lynn’s hating on Michael for a change instead of John. And aside from handing a potato peeler to a young kid and expecting her to be able to use it, why is he giving them a food-related thing to do when they’re talking about being hungry? I know Michael doesn’t understand that kids this age eat about every 90 minutes (which is why he says they’re bored), but taunting them with carrots just plain crosses the line.
Anna Nimity of the Jungle Patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

4. New Yorker Caption Contest.

“Now that’s what I call life imitating art!”
man behind the curtain
February 4th, 2008 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

Congrats to all of the chosen ones.

LuAnn — How about Toni and Ben find each other and live happily ever after. And LuAnn and Brad can then bond through mutual rejection and commiseration.
Gabacho
February 4th, 2008 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

Congrats on the Comment of the Week. This week’s batch struck me as niftier and funnier than usual and that’s a high standard!

Mary Worth – Is there any way, any way at all, that this is going to turn into the Punked episode I thought it was. I still think Vera is playing a trick on Drew to teach him a lesson. I hope she is. Then I hope he kills her.

FooB – Michael Patterson, Father of the Year.
Islamorada Girl, Queen of the Jungle
February 4th, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

If Mark Trail isn’t attacked by angry beavers this week, I am going to be one pissed of Queen of the Jungle.

Welcome back, Uncle Lumpy! Spin your magic for us!
Islamorada Girl, Queen of the Jungle
February 4th, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

If Mark Trail isn’t attacked by angry beavers this week, I am going to be one pissed off Queen of the Jungle.

Welcome back, Uncle Lumpy! Spin your magic for us!
Islamorada Girl, Queen of the Jungle
February 4th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

Sorry about that.
Rainbird
February 4th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

2 True Fable You are so funny. I always enjoy reading what you write. Problem is, the pool is large, and there are some great comments out there, and poor Josh has to choose…can’t choose them all.
Gagott68
February 4th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Congrats, all!!!

MT: I can’t keep up with all the updates now but I stand by my earlier hope that Mark isn’t evasively swimming underwater but instead has drowned. Unfortunately, even if that would be the case, I’m sure Shirley and her brood of über-ducks would swoop in to save his Dapper Dan-ned ass.
veganbrewer
February 4th, 2008 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

Hi! I’ve been reading this blog for about a year, and never commented, but something happened that I thought was noteworthy. On my myspace page I have Al Scaduto listed as a hero. I received a message today from someone named Debbie, who claims to be the daughter of the one and only! There are pictures on her page with an older gentleman that I can only assume is the man himself! We’ll see where this all goes, but needless to say, I’m ecstatic!
Hot to Trotsky
February 4th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

In todays Judge Paker, I love how Gloria (is that her name?) asks the guy if he has a car. You can almost hear her thinking “I don’t care if you are a too-good-to-be-true, sick-mother-nursing, pro-bono-working, charity-giving, leg-missing war hero. If you want some of my sweet, sweet nether parts, you’d better have a car. . . And you have to give me a ring first– a big, shiny, dog-choking, diamond ring.”
gh
February 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Yo, #4 Skullturf –

NYCC –

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/caption

I just love performance art!

I’ve always wanted to meet an artist’s model!

Is that obsidian?

So you really do suffer for your art!

Critics can be so cruel.
Uncle Lumpy
February 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

#25 veganbrewer –

Al has a daughter named Deby. The link is to a post by her sister, Pat Violette.
Niall
February 4th, 2008 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Iiiiiiit’s Lumpy Time! Whereas half the readership stops reading the strip. :)

That Gil Thorp strip was definitely watershed, to inspire so many great comments!
Niall
February 4th, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

…wherein. wherein!!

*grumblemutter*
Daktari
February 4th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

NYer CapCon – I’m glad we can finally meet. I’ve read so much about you.
Niall
February 4th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

11. bats: mary dolorahahahahahahahHAHAHA!!!

Oh it hurts to not laugh this much – i’m at work. One of your best yet!!
Anon
February 4th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy?

Man, there goes the laughs for a week.
Josh
February 4th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

#6 Gabe — Thanks for your eagle eye! I fixed.

Josh
CoffeeJanitor
February 4th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

PBS: In terms of the actual joke this one isn’t amazing, but the artwork in the third panel is what really shines today. For those of you who don’t know Pastis sucks at drawing. I’m 99% sure in the treasury this one will make its way into he’ll put a comment by it saying how proud he is of himself.

MT: Two observations:

Mark looks like he’s still got his foot out of the water. Someone should tell him that you breath with your mouth.

Jack Elrod needs to watch out for that beaver–it looks hungry.

H&L: If you scribble at what you see, Trixie, then why are your drawn suns yellow, huh? It’s obvious the “sun” outside is colored clear/white. What does this represent? Anger, a Stewie-like strike on her mother perhaps? Only time will tell. But I’m pretty sure that if she does take either of her parents out that this will be pulled from the papers, fast.

Let’s go trixie!
Allie Cat
February 4th, 2008 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

#33 – Wow – that’s harsh. While Josh and Lumpy are different in their blogging styles, I welcome anyone who steps up to the plate – I know I couldn’t do it half as well as either of them.

Also, real ballsy to post anonymously.
commodorejohn
February 4th, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

#33 Anon – Oh, that’s cold, especially since ol’ Lumps did such a bang-up job last time. Hell, I never would’ve found the proof I sought that FOOB used to be readable if it weren’t for his guest stint.
Mountain Mama
February 4th, 2008 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Yippee!!!!! Three cheers and a tiger for me.

Sorry to gloat, kids, but I’ve been so envious of y’all for so long. Top of the world, ma!

Kudos to all COTWs.
Anonymous
February 4th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

For once there is some continuity between the Sunday and weekday Mark Trail. Yesterday’s story about the underwater diving dipper bird segues perfectly to today’s image of Mark Trail doing his best dipper imitation, diving straight for the oxygen of the beaver den. Let’s hope he doesn’t telegraph his dive like Diver Dan and leave an eyehook under the hybrid canoe/motorboat. After all, the caveman and the Widow Bull are certainly both mental giants and they will notice that right away.
Moss_Moses
February 4th, 2008 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

For once there is some continuity between the Sunday and weekday Mark Trail. Yesterday’s story about the underwater diving dipper bird segues perfectly to today’s image of Mark Trail doing his best dipper imitation, diving straight for the oxygen of the beaver den. Let’s hope he doesn’t telegraph his dive like Diver Dan and leave an eyehook under the hybrid canoe/motorboat. After all, the caveman and the Widow Bull are certainly both mental giants and they will notice that right away.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
February 4th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

So happy with what you said, you decided to sign your name after all?

:)
Anna Nimity of the Jungle Lumpy Fan Club
February 4th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

Anna is here to say that there will be NO UNCLE LUMPY BASHING while Josh is gone! We love the Lumpster and will smack anyone who is mean to him with Michael Patterson’s potato peeler. So there.
Poteet
February 4th, 2008 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

Inspector Dim, I’m happy for you! *does brief twirl of joy* And to you other hilarious Mudges, congratulations! I have the satisfaction of having spotted a couple of the winners and thought “dang, that’s funny, wonder if it’ll make the list?”

It seems possible to me that if I read (DT)GT and snarked on it, I might have a slightly better chance of making the list myself. But the winning GT comments remind me that there would be a high price to pay in mental suffering.
Al of the Jungle Patrol
February 4th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

7 — Jamus — Speak for yourself, there. We had 2 electric guitars and plenty of blue jeans at church on Sunday, after which we used the lyric projector to display the game in complete violation of restrictions placed on us by the NFL and “this TV station”.

Yes, I’m gonna burn… I’ll say hello to Lynn and Tom when I get there.
Poteet
February 4th, 2008 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

# 11 bats — BWAHAHAHAHAHA! My cats are now on the other side of the room, hoping the shrieks of laughter are finally over. Thank you! Classy indeed.
Poteet
February 4th, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

And welcome, Uncle Lumpy. It’s nice of you to volunteer to put up with the whispering, giggling, and note-passing. Can I go to the drinking fountain?
Anna Nimity of the Jungle Lumpy Fan Club
February 4th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

#11 bats :[ You are an artist and a genius! That’s the best Mary has ever looked. (laughing too hard to keep typing…)
odinthor
February 4th, 2008 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

NYCC –

1. “Piercings are just so in these days!”

2. “I’ve always wondered: Do you base your stories on real life?”

3. “I just love what you’ve done with the place since your little accident!”

4. “So how does it feel to be advertising VP for Glork Spears Inc.?”

5. “Is it true that you and Steve Martin are close?”

6. “My Harold’s too shy to boast, but he once had a splinter. Do you think he could be an artist too?”

7. “Have you ever considered diversifying, say with Arrows or Clubs?”

8. “I see you did the Arrow Shirt Man one better!”
Vakar
February 4th, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp has once again blown my mind. Three panels, each with clear images of two women, one dark-haired, one blonde. How many different characters are herein depicted?!?! Two… Six… Four, maybe… I hate this! I can’t do it! It’s too hard! (Presses vegetable peeler to throat.)
Moss_Moses
February 4th, 2008 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

41. SQB, actually I may be better off posting anonymously since I can’t buy a COTW or even honorable mention as Moss_Moses anymore to save my life. The double post problem occurred somewhere between the keyboard and the chair when Anonymous was posting.

This will sound like laurel resting, but I actually DID win a few COTW’s back in the day, by cracky! Of course that was back before there was such fierce competition so it nothing to brag about, anyway.
Brown-eyed Girl
February 4th, 2008 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

11. bats :[ You are brilliant, madam. Brilliant!

Sign me up for the Uncle Lumpy Jungle Fan Club. Even though Our Glorious Galactic Emperor torched the site late time he guested, it was still a lot of fun.
Katerina
February 4th, 2008 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

#4 – Skullturf Q. Beavispants: I think you’ll find the answer here.
Poteet
February 4th, 2008 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

# 50 Moss_Moses — Hey, now, let us former float-riders not diss ourselves! I myself rode the float a few times in days of yore, and I say we were dang funny. And if we want to rest a bit on our laurels, who’s to say it’s wrong? A mite prickly, though — bet your moss feels better.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
February 4th, 2008 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

My NY’er entry:

“You’re right, they do say ‘write what you know.’”
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
February 4th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

Is nobody talking, or is everyone having posting problems like I was when my last comment barely made it through?
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
February 4th, 2008 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Guess it’s not posting problems.

Oh, well… Congratulations to everyone who’s funnier than me yet again!
Jamus The Bartender
February 4th, 2008 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

44. Yeah, I was mostly being facetious. I myself haven’t been to church regularly since after the planes slammed into the buildings in Ought One. If I go anywhere, it’s Mom’s church up in the Wisconsin Northwoods, where they have the band and projector, but showing the game strikes me as ballsy. I know Mom would kick up a fuss about showing the Pats and Giants going toe to toe in God’s House, but it sounds like you’ve got a cool church.
katya
February 4th, 2008 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

Why does the cat have pubes in today’s Monty? Seriously, check it out. It does.
LTBF
February 4th, 2008 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

LuAnn’s parents aren’t concerned their 16 year old daughter wants to fix a romantic Valentine dinner for a guy in the Army who is in his mid 20s?
LTBF
February 4th, 2008 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

If they just ate lunch, why is he fixing dinner?

Let’s see, the kids are hungry and bothering me, I am peeling a carrot. How can I solve both problems? I know!!!! I’ll tell them they can’t have any food and let them fight over a sharp kitchen utensil!!!!!
Deena in OR
February 4th, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

LTBF-
I hate to say it, but I started dating a 23 year old Air Force EM when I was 16. Granted, my parents, had met him, and we met in the community theatre group on the military base we were stationed on, but still…
LTBF
February 4th, 2008 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

How serious did the relationship get?
Alfred E. Neuman
February 4th, 2008 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

#59 LTBF— Luann’s parents aren’t concerned about Luann because they know that the ravenously incestuous Bernice will never let anyone else have sex with Ben.

FOOB— Since Elly once negligently allowed one of her toddlers to nearly drown in a flood, Mike has clearly inherited her parenting skills.
Gold-Digging Nanny
February 4th, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

9CL: Thorax, you pompous twit: There is no apostrophe in CEOs.
Deena in OR
February 4th, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

LTBF-

We were a couple through my sophomore year in college. Distance finally did us in-I was in school in central Minnesota, and he was stationed in Nebraska. He was a nice guy…25 years later, I still think of him warmly and wish him well.
AhClem
February 4th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

#53 Poteet -
Ah, those were the days. We had to ride the float uphill both ways in the snow, but by cracky, we EARNED those COTWs. Not like these young whippersnappers today! Yeah, they’re funny as hell, but still.

HEY! All you kids get offa my lawn!
Frank Parsnip
February 4th, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

Congrats to the float riders, and best wishes to Josh on his having a happy and prosperous Chinese New Year holiday! (I’m presuming he’s taking the next couple of days off, just as many of us in Asia are.)

LTBF (60): Mike is starting to cook dinner immediately after serving the lunch because in Canada it takes longer to cook things. If you’ve ever tried to cook at altitude, there’s all sorts of adaptations you have to make so that dough will rise, etc. — well, in Canada, it’s far colder than it is in the United States and so it often takes hours longer for their stoves and ovens to overcome the overwhelming presence of freezy-cold temperatures.

When Elly gets a look of supreme smug satifisfaction over making a bunch of 2-lb. bacon cheeseburgers, that’s the look of a woman who has spent hours to pull one over on Old Man Winter in order to give her family the raw fat fuel they need to survive one more day in Canada.

Bats (11): Good lord, the Gainsborough “Drew Boy” shares nearly the same face as the original. Brilliant!

Regarding the Moreau, I remember seeing it at an exhibition ages ago and couldn’t help thinking of every time I’ve had a cat jump up on my lap and dig in painfully with its claws.

Oedipus (trying to lift the Mary Worth sphinx off): “Owwww… owwwww…. owwww!” in a Peter Griffin voice.
Fred P.
February 4th, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

4/5

“Zag darling, I know it’s your big day as guest-of-honor at the gallery opening. Seriously though- is there a public restroom here or isn’t there? Thak here really does need to go.”

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/caption/
Citric
February 4th, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

Hey, Mary Worth was kind of clever and funny today. Why hasn’t the world exploded yet?
Gold-Digging Nanny
February 4th, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny

Saturday’s SFx is a sausagefest.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080202&name=Slylock

1) The man on the right only has a box of Junior Mints and a bottle of Yoo Hoo in his bag. He’ll make soup with them.
2) The man on the left bought his hat at a yard sale at Harry Ape’s house.
3) The hole in the fence on the right is too small for the duck’s head and the apple at the same time. But the duck won’t figure this out. He’ll keep the apple in his mouth and keep clonking his head against the fence, like a Chinese finger trap.
4) The bird flying on the left is taking the sausages to build a nest. The bird on the right has mistaken the sausages for the biggest worm he’s ever seen.
5) The fish on the right may be a lungfish, due to the lack of gills. I hear they’re very good with a little lemon pepper.
6) The duck on the left set up the bottle, bone and baseball as a still life. It’ll get its watercolors out as soon as it finds a good place for the apple.

This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny has been brought to you by Prang.
True Fable
February 4th, 2008 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

#23 Rainbird – Thank you, darlin’. I needed that!

#33 Anon – Goodbye for a week then.

I am glad Uncle Lumpy will take the helm; Josh needs a break and Unca always has something interesting to bring to the snark.

Here, Uncle Lumpy – just for you!
Anna Nimity of the Jungle Lumpy Fan Club
February 5th, 2008 at 12:50 am [Reply]

71. Oh, True! That is the cutest little capra aegagrus hircus I have ever seen! I jus’ wanna scratch his furry little face.
True Fable
February 5th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

#72 Anna Nimity of the Jungle Lumpy Fan Club – Only the best for my loved ones, babydoll! ;-) i’m still waiting for Mark Trail to feature a goat but I suppose we have to get past the current dumb storyline first. Maybe a feral goat will come along and butt some sense into him.

….naw, can’t be done. Oh well. Pastis has a goat; I mustn’t be greedy. :D
bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
February 5th, 2008 at 1:11 am [Reply]

74. Now wait, TF, I did a whole Sunday Mark-Traily goatapalooza for you! Just because it wasn’t an o-riginal Jackelrod! At least goats have the presence of mind not to fall out of high trees!

Tuesday tabloids: not much to snark on, except all this diner needs is a waitress…oh, wait! She quit for the Jungle Patrol!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2243871998/
Poteet
February 5th, 2008 at 1:19 am [Reply]

JP — Now I can’t decide whether Gloria is having mini-orgasms when she closes her eyes, or whether she’s as bored with this storyline as me and is trying to stay awake. G’night all.
Dingo
February 5th, 2008 at 1:29 am [Reply]

Gil Thorp gives new meaning to the term “house movers.” I can’t wait for their take on carjackers.
True Fable
February 5th, 2008 at 1:34 am [Reply]

#74 bats :[ – yes you did, and I love you for it! And I don’t pass around the ‘L’ word cheaply, ya know.

Fat Tuesday snark! Toss me some beads, dammit!

JP “Ask me what I look like, for instance, since you can’t seem to look directly at me.”
MT Mark emerged minutes later, his face lacerated by an angry pair of beavers. He should have called first.
MW Yeah, Vera. Dr. Drew was getting all antsy in his pantsy. Just what the hell DID you want, other than to rub his nose in it?
Phantom I wonder if any HR departments out there are going to take note of how the Jungle Patrol handles unqualified or unwanted applicants. “Sure, you can join the corporation – but you’ll have to place one of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted people under citizen’s arrest first!
RMMD Those are some powerful pills… even I am beginning to see her mouth and nose slowly slide down the front of her face. Hey wait… didn’t Rex give him a shot?
Rubes I don’t often look at this one, but I’m glad I did today. Just look at his expression; priceless!
A3G Oh Margo Margo Margo… have you forgotten the lessons of your sweatshop days? More mopheads, mule!
FC Mom! Billy’s been rolling in the compost heap again!
FBoFW Mike cannot remember when he and Liz used to fight over the same issues even though he can remember every other little thing about his childhood, which sets today’s strip up for fail when Robin comes up with such a lame-ass punchline, even Meredith is shrugging it off.
GA The postman has received the telegraph at last!
Scenes from Suburban Hell Browne’s never had anything pierced, has he? Didn’t think so.
Bobdog
February 5th, 2008 at 1:45 am [Reply]

MW: You know, if all Vera wanted closure, she could’ve just written a letter — that would have spared us a lot of needless build up to absolutely nothing. Oh wait, I forgot, even the act of letter reading in Mary Worth is a pointlessly drawn out drama.
True Fable
February 5th, 2008 at 1:46 am [Reply]

#74 bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[ – In fact, I believe your Goatapalooza trumps the hell out of a Jackelrod original. I shall whine no more for a MT goat shout-out. As I said, I am not a greedy fellow but you know how us pushy goat types are. :-)
Frank Parsnip
February 5th, 2008 at 2:02 am [Reply]

A3G: At least Margo asked Alan nicely.

MT: This has to be the best-equipped airplane in the history of civil aviation. Or else as they headed off to find and kill Mark, they loaded it up with rifles and axes planning to really let Mark have it good. Or else we have to accept that this is Canada, a country where the native lumberjack populace feels naked without a wood cutting implement and a firearm to keep the bears away.

Considering that the baddies didn’t see Andy swimming, we have to surmise that the dog was able to get to shore underwater, thus breaking nearly all normal rules for dog swimming instinct and style. It ain’t called “dog paddling” for nothing.

Sex Organ, M.D.: They can walk to the highway and steal one of the cars moving at highway speeds … or, in the alternative, they can break into Rex’s abandoned car, grab his medical bag and get all the dope necessary to continue the manhunt for days or even weeks. Lee’s call.

MW: OK, the only way I can make sense of this is that Vera is inexperienced with dating anybody other than her own brother Von. Having been supposedly “suckered” by a man who dated two women at the same time, she was hoping to pull the same trick to see if it was a lifestyle that agreed with her. Unfortunately her creepy boss/boyfriend showed up hours early with all his “enlightened” ideas about good office managment, thus ruining her plans to get Drew to make regular housecalls.

Jugs of Diner Coffee Parker: Ask him anything? How about what the hell he thinks he’s doing hitting on the office staff immediately upon being hired? Getting it on with subordinates might be fine for the “enlightened” folks at Affect Advertising and within the military (so long as no pregnancy blows it out in the open), but I think we’re going to need Bill Ritter to come over and sort this guy out.

Slylock Fox: I like that in today’s 6 differences comic, the animal world has united in its desire to harrass Archie’s dad. Thanks to this crossover, next week I hope we’ll see Count Weirdly on a date with Betty.

Archie: “Raj” is basically “Reg lite” — same hair and clothes but without the attitude. Far more disturbing is that over on Planet Jughead, the natives apparently mate with piles of hamburgers placed on their crotch. In panel 3, we get Jughead in mid-coital frenzy, sweating up a storm as he achieves full release.

GT: Maureen “Kerast” Monte spends the night outside Andrew Gregory’s home and doesn’t figure that her ex-boyfriend might spot her car? Hey, when I was in high school, we pretty much all knew each other’s cars by sight on the road — mostly because teenagers are the ones most likely to be driving hand-me-down rustbuckets or, if their parents bribed them, in brand-new economy-sized pieces of crap. In other words, the cars driven by teens do kinda stick out as being one extreme or the other of the crap spectrum. (The occasional kid with a really good car also sticks out — and those are memorized as well.)

That said, 1) it’s her frickin’ ex-boyfriend so he knows the car well; 2) from panel 1 it looks like she’s got the only car parked on the street for miles in either direction; and 3) Andrew Gregory apparently lives in Woodcut Villas, the neighborhood in Milford where everything is in extraordinarily high-contrast black-and-white no matter what time of day. And she didn’t think he’d notice?

Funky Pantysniffer: The role of Funky will be played this week by Larry Flynt.

Phantom: I don’t understand why they wore uniforms to apply for jobs in the Jungle Patrol. But then that might explain why the colonel is hesitant to hire them — coordinated outfits for filing a job application could be taken as a sign of mental instability.
True Fable
February 5th, 2008 at 2:07 am [Reply]

All-Purpose February Warning:

We are at Defcon 4 regarding the annual Cathy (Must Die) ShitFest for Valentine’s Day. There is no escaping this malady; Cathy (Must Die) always runs these noxious odes to Fake Sentiment and Cheap Brittle Laffs for the Hallmark Holiday. Please be sure to clean and defrag your computers and change your birdcage liners promptly.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by MenaceWatch 2008 and the Ninja Goat Breeders’ Society
Jack Parsons
February 5th, 2008 at 2:28 am [Reply]

#4: The New Orker cartoon caption contest: give us something that we all understand, offends none of us, and is not actually funny.

As requested: “I really wish someone would invent Sudoku© already.”
Mr. O'Malley
February 5th, 2008 at 2:41 am [Reply]

MT: Mark is a naturalist, so he knows that beaver lodges have air in them. But the narrator isn’t a naturalist, so he calls them “beaver houses”. If you Google “beaver house”, the only beaver-related item that shows up on the first page is a hotel in Japan called Beaver House which has a beaver mascot.

I wonder what would happen if you stuck your head in an inhabited beaver lodge? The entrance is only big enough for a beaver, so your head is probably all you could fit.

Here’s a picture of one. Looks plausible? Beavers are as much as 40 inches long including the tail. So the tunnel seems to be about 20 inches in diameter?

Beavers are nocturnal, so they’re going to be in there and probably will not be happy, them and their strong jaws and forever growing teeth.
True Fable
February 5th, 2008 at 2:54 am [Reply]

#83 Mr O’Malley – I say the beavers can take ‘im! Let’s see Mark “Holy Mackrel!” out of this one!
Mibbitmaker
February 5th, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

Super-Duper-Pooper-Scooper Tuesday:

GT: D’oh!

Mutts: “Makin’ cop-ies!”

FW: I’ve heard of “make-work” jobs, but this is ridiculous! This “success story” is going to bankrupt itself.

Adam: Because they’re just as spiteful as she is.

A3G: The mobby needs lopping. And I don’t want to contemplate what Alan’s thinking of doing with that mop handle!

S4th: And what are they going to do with their tax rebate?

Garfield: That spider knows what it’s like to have a perfect football season ruined.

Cranky: Hahahaha! ‘Cuz watching a TV show makes you stoopid! Ah, I can’t get enough of the media’s cultural snobbery! Thanks, Eddie! (That guy wouldn’t know a 30 Rock or a Veronica Mars if it pointed straight at Keisterman’s mailbox)

Curtis: This story tape loop goes around and around…. and it comes out here.

Curtis (again): “Hey, Barry! Curate this!”

H&L: Plus, it’ll make her belly-dancing more interesting.
Jen
February 6th, 2008 at 1:49 am [Reply]

Hey, I don’t get today’s (Feb. 6) Zits. Did the cat eat the rat, or what?
dale
February 6th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

86 – Jen
I think he’s waiting for the cat to go kill a rat, thereby providing a donor organ.

I shouldn’t have to think this hard about a comic strip which is about a kid I’d disembowel to provide catfish bait.

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