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Mostly sleazy Thursday

B.C., 8/9/12

Why, I’m glad you asked, blond B.C. character whose name I’m not going to look up (I think it might be “Thor”)! The modern pentathlon was brainchild of the Pierre de Coubertin, who was the driving force behind the modern Olympic movement. It consists of five events:

  • Épée fencing
  • Pistol shooting
  • 200 metre freestyle swimming
  • Show jumping on horseback
  • 3 km cross country running

Just as the Ancient Greek pentathlon, consisting of running, jumping, javelin, discus, and wrestling events, was meant to serve as a way to practice and display soldierly virtues, so too was the modern pentathlon meant to simulate the sort of things a cavalry officer might have to do if trapped behind enemy lines: shoot a gun, fight with a sword, swim across a river, run for an extended distance, and ride an unfamiliar horse. In fact, for the first few Olympics in which it was an event, only cavalry officers were allowed to compete!

I find the whole thing an anachronistic delight, as of course it it became outdated more or less immediately after it was introduced in 1912, since World War I fairly definitively ended the cavalry age. This makes its “modern” designation all the funnier, though it still does make a useful distinction with the ancient version. Still, bandying around the word “modern” ought to make you take a long, hard look at yourselves, cavemen who are talking to each other from behind boulders.

Baldo, 8/9/12

I’m … pretty sure this is not the case? Unless “help her lift a box” means something filthy beyond my imagination.

Momma, 8/9/12

This implied proposal to exchange of sexual favors for dental work is exactly the right combination of sleazy and practical for Momma.

Shoe, 8/9/12

Have you ever wondered what one of the freakish, unnatural bird-people of Shoe would look like in a state of intense erotic arousal? It would be difficult to distinguish from a massive stroke, apparently!

405 responses to “Mostly sleazy Thursday”

  1. Mr. Manchineel
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MW: Ah, finally, the Snows of Kilimanjaro-inspired storyline starts!

    RxMD: I have trouble figuring out just why people trust Rex to fix their every intimate and especially financial woe. I used to think it was because he was rich and white, and so they figure he must be a man of ability, but all of his patients are rich and white too, so that can’t be what stands out to them. Could it be because, unlike most of his patients, he has a job that he works regularly, if lackadaisically, and that slightest whiff of working-class vitality simply drives these dessicated dowagers wild, and opening their finances is as close as they come to opening their hearts?

  2. nescio
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Does the British slang “have a stroke” apply to women or just men? How about bird-women?

  3. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    MT: That’s right guys. Rusty didn’t have time to take the film to the local Ritz to get the film developed. So just steal
    the camera.

  4. Little Guy
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Curtis: *beep* She dead *beep* She dead *beep* She dead *beep* She dead *beep* She dead…..[/Family Guy]

  5. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    FC: Daddy Keane’s slump-shouldered pose speaks volumes: “Oh for Chrissakes. Can’t I just sit and watch two men pummel each other for five minutes without one of those brats blurting out some idiotic comment?”

    MW: Who besides me would like to see the helicopter make a sharp turn, sending Wilber off balance, arms windmilling and eyes bugging as he falls backward into the void? Brutal!

  6. LP2004
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    MW: So is this ripped-from-the-headlines story arc now going to move stright from the Costa Concordia to necrotizing fasciitis?

  7. Hibbleton
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    MW: Just when you thought tragedy has been averted, Wilbur skins his knee.

  8. LP2004
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#6): Er, ‘straight’. My kingdom for either an editing feature or decent proofreading skills!

  9. Lurker Bob
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I enjoyed “The Slave Who Circumnavigated the Globe” from TheAwl.com

    http://www.theawl.com/2012/07/the-slave-who-circumnavigated-the-world

    Or is there another Josh Fruhlinger out here?

  10. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    FC-You are right Dolly. If we had fought against the British instead of talking out our problems with them then we might be an independent country today.

    Curtis-First when you stick a toothpick in someone’s eye they usually scream and secondly a person’s head does not fall off.

    MW-What a tragedy! Wilbur’s knee is bleeding. Quick we are go to have to amputate it.

  11. Chyron HR
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    BC – “Modern” style is when the Pentathalon is topped with fried noodles. You’re welcome.

    Shoe is now making references to things that I’m to old and unhip to know about?! Well, screw you guys, I’m gonna go listen to Camel.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    BC: “Hell, what the heck is modern?”

    Momma: (pause)
    “Honey… I’m just a living, breathing Jewish Mother stereotype, aren’t I?”
    “Yes, Momma… you are. But admitting it is the first step…”

    Shoe: Shoe (continued): “….Wait! I think I just saw her face turn plaid….”

  13. Powers
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    BC: Come on, Josh, you can recognize the “blond caveman” by hairstyle, but don’t remember his name? (It’s Peter; that’s B.C. talking to him. Thor is the guy who looks like B.C. except with a huge upper lip.)

  14. pugfuggly
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    BC “Also, what does ‘register’ mean, and what are these rings etched in stone all about?”

    Shoe Tomorrow’s Shoe, depicting Roz is the throws of avian passion with several competing males, each giving a filthy courtship display, will probably mean the end of this strip. Not a bad way to go out, though.

    MW That unicorn is right, Wilbur, your knee is bleeding!

    FW Ha ha! That unsecured dog is worried he might slip and fall to his death! It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true….

    Pluggers are malicious gossips who think that whispering will shield them from God’s wrath.

  15. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Momma – Momma’s insistence that she seek out a single dentist means that she isn’t looking to exchange favors for dental work, but has a more long-term goal in mind. If she was simply interested in having her daughter whore herself out in exchange for a discount, a married dentist is probably an easier mark.

  16. Hibbleton
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: I guess Bolle didn’t feel like drawing hands today.

    MW: In a better world, sparks and wires would be shooting out of Wilbur’s knee.

  17. geekwhisperer
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    MT Ok, someone help me out here:

    1.Rusty rides up into the mountains to see some sheep and is a witness to some guys flying in a plane killing a bighorn. Presumably they did this because of the vast distances necessary to travel to get them to bighorn country.

    2. These guys are going to “pack in” and get the head. Dubious, yes, but still we gain a sense of remoteness. “Packing in” means they are now going to hike the ground they just covered by aircraft.

    3. Rusty rides in to get some photos of these men, leaves a note, Cherry rides out to find him. They both wind up back at the cabin. Talk of “computers”, “downloading” and “chips” ensues.

    4. This apparently rends the fabric of spacetime because now the poachers have a 1940s-era truck they are somehow riding around in, and have encountered Rusty putting the horses away from the recent ride.

    How is this possible? Did they even need the plane at all? What the hell is going on?

  18. McManx
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MW — LP2004 is likely correct about the probability that Wilbur will now contract necrotizing fasciitis. However, I’m still holding out hope that he will walk into the rotors when the helicopter lands.

    BC — “Modern Pentathlon: BC Era”
    – Club bashing
    – Wheel riding
    – Hunting
    – Foraging
    – Hair dragging mating

  19. Andrusi
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Now I’m wondering what an appropriately “modern” pentathlon for the BC universe would entail. Club fighting, wheel riding, getting a stone tablet to float, quoting Bible verses, and being a turtle?

  20. Dr. Moreau
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    As each sordid, unseemly sexual escapade unfolds, Roz grows more flushed, unable to deny the horrible truth: Someone has found her most private diaries and is exploiting her depraved past. Her only hope is that Shoe, having no interest in erotic fiction, is unlikely to draw the obvious parallels between himself and messed-up millionaire “Christian Grey.” That is, until the inevitable film version arrives and he realizes their brief but passionate affair has become fantasy-time fodder for housewives around the world. Her meager tips won’t be nearly sufficient to hide her from his explosive wrath. No place is safe. She can only count down the weeks and days left until that terrible moment arrives and she can finally be free.

  21. Esther Blodgett
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    B.C.: The blonde caveman is Peter. Like Peter of the Bible and the Monkees, he’s kind of a dolt.

    Curtis: At least the cats will be well fed. Too soon?

    DtM: Look, actual menace! Didja see it?

    JP: Yes, let’s get back to talking about Bubba. This threesome is not going anywhere.

  22. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    FC-That is rather interesting, Dolly. Have you heard that scientists in Germany have finally declared the European Jew extinct?

  23. LP2004
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#21): Peter of the Bible and the Monkees? They’re the same person?? Okay, I’m going to have to spend some time mulling over the historical and theological implications of that knowledge.

  24. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MT-That can’t be the kid I saw. The one I saw looked more feral. This one looks like he is more out of it mentally than anything else.

    MT 2-Is it me or is Rusty going to photograph those two horses fucking?

  25. Marc
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#302): Mario Lemieux had non-hodgins lymphoma and when it went into remission, he returned to his career as one of the greatest hockey players of all time. Delta beats the disease and she’s too worried about it returning to even go on a date? Both the gocomics commenters and Greg Evans are both full of shit.

  26. seismic-2
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Momma: Really? It will cost $1200 to fix Marylou’s teeth? Hell, it will cost that much just to fix her hair!

  27. Marc
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#25):
    This is obviously a comment harking back to yesterday.

  28. Chareth Cutestory
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Shoe: My mind reels at all the possibilities of the avian version awful erotic fiction. We can be certain that it involves a lot of squawking at 7am while people are trying to sleep in and then leaving messes on windshields.

  29. Dennis Jimenez
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    BC – Eat a 18 oz Bag of Chips – Fart – Guzzle a Beer – Belch – Take a Dump….

    Baldo – No, she said lube my vag – or was it vac – oh, I’ll bet she was talking about that vacuum cleaner over there – never mind….

    Momma – Does he use gas? Why, yes! Because your skirt and underware are on backwards….

    Shoe – If she likes fiction, she should read Three Cups of Tea – less changes to go through….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  30. btown
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    MW: Okay, so Wilbur is apparently going to get gangrene, have his leg amputated, and die. Big deal. Here’s what I’m really wondering about today’s Mary Worth:

    Does the Italian Coast Guard really just let you loiter about the helicopter, untethered, as they conduct aerial rescues?

    Shouldn’t Signore Resculini be holding a glass of wine and offering same to his guests? Perhaps the other one is preparing a plate of bruschetta and a carafe, in which case it’s all good.

    In what dimension does Panel 2 take place, where Dawn can not only grow a hand out of her left eye, but manage to point upwards from her line of sight at Wilbur’s lower calf?

  31. Di32
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MW: When I saw Wilbur’s bleeding shin (unless Wilbur is very very short, I think that is his shin…), I immediately chanted “Murrrr saaa! Muuurrr saaa! (MRSA)”. But necrotizing fasciitis is newer in terms of news (although when an attractive young girl gets it, it is much more interesting than an old advice columnist), so it will probably be that.

    LIFE IS BRUTAL!

  32. Alter Ego
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    love is… making a wet stain on the floor.

  33. word-doctor
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Baldo: I could speculate about box-lifting. But it’s more fun to chalk it up to cultural obscurity, like foreplay for the Mexican Cartwheel or the Chinese Silk Sleeve Maneuver.

  34. Loki
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Don’t most superheroes make rapid mystifying retreats after heroically saving the day? Apparently Spider-man when he fails likes to linger and walk among the gawking crowd in order to be further humiliated.

  35. Droopy Says
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Di32 (#31): I’m so old-fashioned that my first thought was “gangrene,” followed by “amputation.” What’s wrong with the classics?

  36. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    “Something filthy beyond my imagination” – really, Josh? Don’t you read the comments here? I don’t think anything is beyond the imagination of your followers.

  37. Geoffrey
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    No doubt Roz is reading the Nun’s Priest’s Tale. Oh that naughty cocke Chanticleer!

  38. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Can they really hear what he’s saying through that bondage mask with no mouth opening or airholes?

    Any guesses on how many more days before he takes the mask off? (Hint: he’s grasping the back of it. I’m guessing, maybe Saturday.)

  39. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Don’t female birds puff up or something when they are ready to mate?

    MW – Well, I see Wilbur’s not out of the woods yet – he’s going to develop Necrotizing Fasciitis! Even FW hasn’t dealt with this evil, evil situation.

  40. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FW: No, that’s not it. Buddy has CANCER.

    MW: That’s not his knee, it’s actually his shin….

  41. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Is anyone other than me disturbed by the fact that Curtis seems to have poked the dead lady in the eyeball with that toothpick?

  42. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#41): Sorry, Liam, I didn’t see yours (#10)

  43. Longhorn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Quick! A mustard plaster for Wilbur’s leg. Aw..hell! Who am I kidding? Bring some mayonaise, pastrami and rye bread too and let the old dies happy! Life may be brutal, but nowhere does it say you have to leave it on an empty stomach….

  44. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    I have a feeling Curtis is going to get a cell phone out of this. Especially if the deadbolt on the apartment door is locked and they can’t find the key. Meanwhile, I imagine Curtis’ promising future as an EMT. “I don’t think she’s dead – let me poke her in the eyeball with this toothpick, to make sure.”

  45. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#17): See, this is what happens when one tries to do a serious drama in the “funnies.”

  46. Longhorn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    @Longhorn (#43):

    On edit:

    Quick! A mustard plaster for Wilbur’s leg. Aw..hell! Who am I kidding? Bring some mayonaise, pastrami and rye bread too and let the old bastard die happy! Life may be brutal, but nowhere does it say you have to leave it on an empty stomach….

  47. Marc
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Sounds like this storyline is taking a turn towards “Wilbur gets an infection and needs an amputation”. Then he can roll up and pin his pantleg so everyone can see his deformity and share in his misery instead of getting a prosthetic. The fun B storyline will be Dawn learning basic human anatomy. First lesson will be on the locatoin of the knee.

    Funky- This is just friggin cruel bringing that dog on the ferris wheel when he’s cleary terrified.

    Cranky- I hate you all. You miserable bunch of shitty pun making morons. Hopefully Crankshaft will cause one last giant explosion and you’ll all be taken out.

    Luann- This is so stupid. You’re in goddam high school, will you knock off all the finding your life partner, and needing to be loved, and all that shit, please? Luann, you’re the most unloved person around. Delta, you have to be 35 to be president. You’re a long way off, so it’s ok to no be an insufferable stiff every once in a while.

    A3G- I’m interested to know what about Evan was supposed to make him live up to the shy description we were given when we were introduced to him. Because we have been shown he is anything but shy, especially with his backtalking to Margo.

    Mark Trail- I don’t know what Rusty is playing with now, but that is clearly not the same camera that he had before.

    Snuffy- Yeah, I’ve heard that adding olive oil mixed with WD-40 really adds flavor to raccoon intestines and cow pies.

  48. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @btown (#30): “In what dimension does Panel 2 take place, where Dawn can not only grow a hand out of her left eye, but manage to point upwards from her line of sight at Wilbur’s lower calf?” You have now entered….the Twilight Zone.

  49. Kimble
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    I work in surgery. Lifting a box usually means implanting a synthetic sling for incontinence.

  50. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#23): The Monkees were a very theologically deep band, owing to the influence of Peter: “Then I saw her face! Now I’m a Believer!”

  51. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur puts his “leg wound” decal on his pants to lighten up the mood. Just the thing to break the ice at a rescue!

  52. Dennis Jimenez
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#47): Why you haven’t lived less’n you’ve had Loozie’s meadow muffins with rabbit raisins….

  53. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#47): “The fun B storyline will be Dawn learning basic human anatomy. First lesson will be on the locatoin of the knee.” – You mean, when the artists learn basic anatomy.

  54. Gringo
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    A&J: The way to do meta.

    Baldo: Maybe she didn’t say “box,” maybe she said something that sounds like “box.”

  55. Santa Royale With Cheese
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    JP: Even Avery seems to have switched off at this point.

    S-M: Seriously… can this arc end now please? C-9 won, we get it. Just crown him the ruler of the Tri-State Area and get on with it already.

  56. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Including repost and new never-before-seen material!

    Luann: OK, just learned this about Delta in the comments over at gocomics.com:

    She has Hodgkin’s Lymphoma – diagnosed in early 2000’s and a low Stage form of the disease. Right now it’s in submission, but the threat of it returning is very valid. Thus, true she loves guys and such, but prob doesn’t want to put them through the pain of not being with one for a good lifetime knowing that her cancer can return and this time, be fatal.

    She’s doing her best to forget the disease, but it’s still very real in her mind.

    Seriously? Was Evans feeling shown up by Batiuk at the time and went all “Yeah? I SO can do cancer too!” The timeline matches up.

    Pibgorn: Wow, the dialog manages to make a naked sex-crazed succubus into someone so smug and unappealing that I wouldn’t want to spend time around her. I … I guess I owe McEldowney — he’s caused my higher sensibilities to triumph over my base instincts! I miss you, base instincts!

    MW: Hey! I noticed Wilbur’s ripped trousers the other day! Go me! OK, in the progress of a normal build-up of dramatic tension, the specific inclusion of the minor detail in the first strip and the devotion of an entire panel to point it out today would mean that the “scratch” is a foreshadowing of something major, like Wilbur losing a leg to gangrene! But then I remembered that this is a strip that spent at least half a story arc “foreshadowing” a wedding that was exactly what every reader with two brain cells to rub together already expected. It’s probably just a scratch.

  57. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Curtis – This Mad Men moment was brought to you by Ray Billingsley.

    Snuf – Actually, that’s pretty cool. Bob Blumer and Nadia Giosia would be proud.
    Actually, I think I’ll post this on Nad’s FB page later.

    FW – Stupid is as stupid does.

    CS – BLLLAAAARRRGGGHHHHH
    Hit the road, Jack! : P

  58. Nnyl
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#36): Why, to most Mudgeons, ’50 shades’ is as exciting as the grocery list. In fact, it might even be their grocery list. Or Home Depot list, maybe.

    (heh, heh, no one suspects that I am really Lynn!)

  59. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Gringo (#54): ‘Maybe she didn’t say “box,” maybe she said something that sounds like “box.”’ – Fox? Lox?

  60. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#50): And Wilbur sings, “Then I saw souffle, now I’m a big eater.”

  61. TheDiva
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Baldo: Given what “box” is a euphemism for, I think the “filthy beyond imagination” theory is pretty accurate.

    Shoe: Yeah, the writing in that is embarrassingly bad…

  62. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW-Wilbur, this is no time to be quoting Monty Python. This is a serious situation. We are going to have amputate that leg before you get some weird deadly Italian disease.

  63. LP2004
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#50): The children’s choir director at a church I once attended took that song, changed the pronoun to ‘His’, and had the kids sing it one Sunday morning.

  64. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#60): LOL! COTW!

  65. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#25): Delta should start making videos right away is all I’m sayin’. She can be elected posthumously and they can simply select from her collection of advice for leading the world whenever they need her input*

    It worked for Lisa, right?

    * I envision titles such as
    How to handle economic meltdown
    Impending war with Russia
    Terrorist attacks on American soil
    Sex scandal involving Tiffany
    etc.

  66. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#62): “some weird deadly Italian disease.” – Wopping Cough?

  67. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#60): I … I … now I have that stuck in my head!
    Then I saw souffle, now I’m a big eater.
    Got a trace, of sauce on my tie!
    Oh, not enough! I’m a big eater
    Can’t leave the feeder if I tried!

    *whimper* … hellp meeee …

  68. Justin
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    So, Shoe just referenced a novel where the main character’s boyfriend rips out her tampon, throws it across the room, and proceeds to have rough sex with her.

    Did I wake up in Bizarro world or something?

  69. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#66): Why, there are some handsome, Mediterranean-appearing men at my door. They say they want to talk to me about my post – and they brought violins! How romantic! Let’s see what they want…

  70. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#67): Bwa-ha-ha!

  71. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Justin (#68): Oh, Jesus, is that really in that book?

  72. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#66): That’s raaaacist! And funny (speaking as a Wop).

  73. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Nnyl (#58):
    Maybe “50 shades” is a breakdown of Benjamin Moore or Behr B & W/Pantone tones.
    It sounds like rather a silly book to me, when we have Henry Miller et al.

  74. LP2004
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#69): Bye, Lynn! It was nice knowing you. Say hello to the fishes for us.

  75. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    A3G: His former business associates that he’s critiquing remind Margo too much of herself.
    He’s toast!

    Crank: Never forget this, all who read Crankshaft: This comic strip hates you!

    9CL: They both then look directly at the reader and ask, “…Are YOU being ironic?”

    BBailey: Beetle’s preparing for trench warfare.

    FW: The dog: “That’s it! I’m not going to help you anymore! I have my limits!”

    Glibporn: While the strip itself is lost in perpetually Burberesque only-us-women-are-elegant egomania, there’s only one thing to say to Brooke McDirector’sCommentary:
    STOP SAYING “USUFRUCT”!!!
    ~Really, this thesaurus addiction writing is really usufruct up!
    (do like the leaning thing, though)

  76. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#74): Doooooooooom!

  77. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#74): Lynn’s last thought: “Why, fish really do look like Jack Elrod draws them…glub…”

  78. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#77): Uh, that was supposed to be Doooooooooom!

    Preview r good.

  79. TheDiva
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    9CL: No wonder Edda’s getting fired; she’s too busy running her mouth onstage when she should be performing! For highly cultured creatures of Pure Art, these people have a shocking lack of professionalism…

    A3G: Evan, if you aren’t interested in being ground up you’re talking to the wrong woman…

    C’shaft: Having created a strip made entirely of bad puns, Batiuk has reached the apotheosis of his art (such as it is) and can retire now, right? Please?

    FW: I’m pretty sure even service dogs aren’t allowed on Ferris wheels, particularly ones with unenclosed cars that they can fall out of and cause accidents and lawsuits, but hey, any excuse to create suffering in Funkytown…

    Luann: Luann thinks finding a man to latch onto is the be-all-end-all of life. Delta thinks men are only useful as a means of financial and medical support. I’m not sure which gender should feel more offended right now.

    MT: Ooooh yeah, definitely a “Ransom of Red Chief” scenario.

    Marvin: Your mom will always be your mom, even when she’s too old and senile to be fazed by the fact that you’ve suddenly replicated yourself.

    MW: Bringing the Game of Thrones element full circle, Wilbur is poised to go the way of Khal Drogo.

    Pibgorn: TL;DR: “I didn’t invent using the panel border as a a wall for the characters, but I did perfect it.”

    Pluggers are gossipy hens, literally.

  80. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3G-Why are you dismissing me? I don’t handle rejection well.

  81. geekwhisperer
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    MW Gangrene, really? He’s just had the wound for a few hours at most and I presume the Helicopterarri is going to land at a modern medical facility, not a swine farm. When they touch down the Wilbs will get plenty of treatment, including antibiotics. Yes, he most definitely has blood flow issues (if one can call the dilute mayo/ranch dressing fluid coursing through his veins “blood”) and he’s no doubt diabetic, probably undiagnosed. But if he has a deep puncture wound, you think we would have heard him say “ow!” or something as the story developed.

    /Oh, who am I kidding. It’s gangrene. He’s on a sinking cruise ship and doesn’t plunge into the sea, doesn’t have to swim for his life, never confronts Dawn with the preciousness of life, and that she must go on while he, who has eaten so well from the buffet table of existence, willingly drowns knowing she is safe. No, none of that shit. He gets a shin scrape and then gangrene. That’s about right.

    //BTW: That’s the color of his jacket- “Gangreen”. Coincidence?

  82. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#66): I’m half Italian, and that’s just not right. This sort of thing will just lead to tired stereotyping of our people.

    Now excuse me while I go eat too much and get really emotional*….

    *true!

  83. A Smirch Unheeded
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#63): That truly creeps me out. That’s one of those children’s choir directors you want to keep a really close eye on.

  84. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#82): “That’s the color of his jacket- “Gangreen”. Coincidence?” – maybe it’s a bad case of shagreen.

  85. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    I’d better get around to saying that
    The new PCK is up!

    That’s nothing — wait’ll the Saturday Night Massacre anniversary…

  86. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-I’ve heard that Fred and Wilma are a modern Stone Age family.

  87. Mibbitmaker
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Wilbur Weston’s current situation:

    in MW, it’s just a scratch.

    in FW, it’s The Plague!!!!

  88. NoahSnark
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Apparently Roz has just reached the part of the book where it is revealed Mr. Grey is actually the Professor.

  89. Doctor Handsome
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    It shatters my worldview to think that $1200 even exists in Momma’s universe. Also, teeth. What next, will they allude to Francis’s dignity?

  90. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Luann – Unless your name is James Buchanan, your odds of being elected President as a single person are only slightly better than your odds if you admit to having entertained doubts about the existence of God.

    FW – Issues of whether this would be allowed to happen, or whether the dog is really in danger aside, the cruel way they sit there smirking and laughing at the dog’s evident distress makes me want them all to die in a fire (not the dog, of course). Especially since the dog’s purpose in life is to help its person to deal with traumatic stress.

    9CL – Paraphrasing yesterthread, but clearly McEldowney learned what Ironic means from that idiotic Alanis song. The word he is looking for is ‘facetious’. Are we supposed to conclude that Gay Best Friend and Frumpy Backstage Transvestite are not artistes and thus don’t even recognize when they are being talked down to?

  91. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MT-Let’s play “Identify All the Storylines Today’s Artwork Is Taken From”.

  92. seismic-2
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#60): Life is strudel.

  93. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#92): Ooh, let me play. The first panel is from a 1959 “Rick O’Shay” comic.

  94. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    I’m sure I’m not the first person to think of this, but we should have our own strip, “Mudgeons”, as in, “You know you’re a Mudgeon if…”

    For example, you know you’re a Mudgeon if you know whether you are a Plugger or not.

    …if you can tell the difference between Pluggers and the inhabitants of Shoe.

    …if “50 Shades of Gray” makes you think of Pantones.

    …if you immediately reply to this post with a pun about Panettones, and mention “Wilber”.

    …if you know who ‘Wilber’ is.

  95. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Slug (#y178):

    “On an unrelated note, I probably need to change my handle. I keep getting mine and Shrug’s names confused.”

    Well, I’m probably taller than you, and my handle is one letter longer, so it’s taller when lying down. So that should help us distinguish. Also, I’m over here and you’re over there. Clear now?

  96. Illustrator Steve
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    MT – By Elrod positioning his trademark Jackelrod ball smack-dab on that palomino’s backside it sends a clear message to the readers that he has finally admitted to being one big horse’s ass!

  97. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#93): And then you fry.

  98. Ian Beste
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#21): DtM: About darn time, too!
    @lynn (#71): And I see ladies reading that thing out in public. But the stink-eye I’d get reading “Letters to Penthouse 12″ on the subway…
    Baldo: Old joke: what’s black, has one eye and comes in a white box? Sammy Davis Jr.

  99. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    I liked Josh’s little history lesson about the mod pentathlon. I didn’t know about the cavalry officer restriction – pretty obvious why they had to open it up.

    I have a copy of the 1911 Brittanica (small print, india paper, 29
    vols) and in the article on “cavalry” there is a very long and
    serious discussion over whether the lance or the sword was the most
    effective weapon for modern cavalry. Really. Fascinating. Sadly, they didn’t come to any definite conclusion. Much to be said on both sides. (You can
    find it on line, I think, they have the whole edition in a site called
    “love to know” or something.)

    Rifles? That was for “mounted infantry”, not the same thing as cavalry, not at all the same.

    The article on lances, incidentally, has long descriptions,
    illustrations, and technical details of the lances used by each of the
    contemporary cavalries of Europe: Germany, Austro-Hungary, Britain,
    France etc.. Precise weights, lengths, materials. Recent modifications and improvements…

    Both articles were written by technical experts, retired colonels, who considered bladed weapons to be of vital importance in 1911.

  100. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

  101. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): Now check out “Cossacks.”

  102. rachcakes
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    first time commenter…love love love your blog, been reading it for several years now!

    Mary Worth: I think everyone’s ignoring the real problem here, Wilbur skinned his knee, sure, but Dawn has grown a hand out of her forehead, making her the ugliest unicorn ever. Life is brutal!

  103. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y181):

    “Is Climax, Colorado in there? Hah. Anyway, I lived in Georgia for a couple of years. Maybe the judges just figure everything’s worse there.”

    Yesterday in a used book store I saw a copy of a tp called something like THE 100 WORST CITIES IN AMERICA. I eagerly turned to the Minnesota section. Except there wasn’t a Minnesota section.

    Best I could do with states I had much experience with was Arizona (four years in Tucson in graduate school forty years ago), which state did score with two “winners” — both Phoenix (drove through it a couple of times and spent a few days in a hotel there during the 1978 sf worldcon, so I can’t claim I ever “knew” it) and Lake Havasu City, which I’d only vaguely heard of and didn’t even realize was in Arizona.

    I need to get out more, to more bad cities, apparently.

  104. Doctor Handsome
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I never read Baldo, so forgive me: is the title character a guy or a girl? If it’s a guy, what’s this “life partner” jazz? Ever heard the term “wife?” If Baldo’s a girl, Jing’s got much nicer titties.

  105. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#y195):

    “But, enough about me. Let’s talk about me. What do I think of me?”

  106. Dartpaw86
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    I have heard that 50 Shades of Grey is in fact Twilight Fanfiction. The writer basically just changed the names of the characters. That is really really sad.

    And also, aren’t newspaper comics supposed to be family orientated? I can just imagine thousands of kids across the country asking their parents what the joke is.

    That happened with Ziggy, Ziggy holds out his watch and the woman says: That’s not what I meant when I asked if you had the time.
    It caused controversy with parents having to explain the comic to their kids. Though that was 30 years ago.

  107. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#101): Seriously?

  108. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @rachcakes (#103): OK, now we have to figure out what “Rachcakes” is an anagram for.

  109. Illustrator Steve
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    MT – WHO want’s to bet that those VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS will make Rusty a cash offer he can’t refuse for that old obsolete camera of his?

  110. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#106): Well, exactly.

  111. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#99): Re: 50 Shades: When I was on vacation this summer, just about any time a woman saw me reading in public (which I would do all the time as a solo traveler), she’d ask, “Oh! Are you reading 50 Shades of Grey?” Um, no—middle-aged women read other books besides that one, and in fact, middle-aged women probably read other porn besides that one. (I’ll take one of Anne Rice’s “Beauty” books any day; at least the dom/sub relationships aren’t just “male dominating female.”)

  112. Gringo
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#59): Fox? Lox?

    Starts with “c” …

  113. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @rachcakes (#103): Hi, and welcome!

  114. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MW-Dawn has grown huge. Her hand is about as big as Wilbur’s arm.

    FC-That’s nice, Dolly, now get out of the way before I hit you.

  115. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MW: I don’t think that’s Dawn’s hand growing out of her head. I think it’s Thing.

    Thank you for pointing out that wound, Thing.

  116. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Having taunted Buddy the Magical Healing Dog with other dogs having fun, Wally moves on to play on Buddy’s fear of heights. Never say Wally learned nothing during the however many years he was a prisoner.

    Dick: Sam portrays wily police work as he ignores the concerns of his potential informant. I guess he’s tired of living in Tracy’s shadow.

  117. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100):

    “Rifles? That was for “mounted infantry”, not the same thing as cavalry, not at all the same.”

    Mounted infantry can quickly ride to a position, dismount, and form a firing line. Rifles are good for this.

    Cavalry are for running down people fleeing across an open field. You can saber a dozen people in the back much more quickly and accurately than you can shoot one with a bolt-action rifle while galloping across the terrain.

    Cavalry were reasonably effective when used correctly during WWI. The problem was that the whole “open field” concept doesn’t work when you are fighing over the same ground, year after year, and it is covered with trenches, barb wire, and shell holes. On the East Front, things were not so stagnant and cavalry was useful in covering ground quickly and seizing positions – things done by armor once WWII rolled around, but a horse was faster and much more reliable than a WWI tank.

  118. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @[Damn ol\'] Forum Oaf (#y263):

    “In other news: 40 minutes until the clam dip in the fridge is ready to eat.
    39 minutes, 50 seconds.”

    In less than 40 minutes you will rush forward and overpower said fridge. Thus, this is the clam before the storm.

  119. CanuckDownSouth
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Forget gangrene vs MRSA … I’m just trying to figure the odds of a paean to the healing prowess of European socialized medicine vs a nightmare of deadly socialized medical bureaucracy. I keep on forgetting whether the strip’s writing really aims for snarker or plugger.

  120. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#27): There is no “yesterday” or “tomorrow” in the comics, only today.

  121. Josh
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Lurker Bob (#9): Hi Bob — nope, that’s me! Glad you liked it! There actually is another Josh Fruhlinger out there, believe it or not — he’s an editor for AOL, used to work for Engadget but now works for TMZ — but that article is by me. The other guy usually goes by “Joshua” in his bylines.

    (FUN FACT: You can get links to non-Comics Curmudgeon stuff I write if you follow me on Facebook/Twitter/Google+/Tumblr [pick one, I post links on all of them], links to which are found along the top nav bar of this site.)

    Josh

  122. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Gringo (#113): She has more than one????

  123. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#118): These detailed posts on esoteric topics are so helpful to me. They encourage me to get off here and get back to work.

  124. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#119): Nice, Slug. I nominate Slug for COTW!

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#91): Luann – Unless your name is James Buchanan, your odds of being elected President as a single person are only slightly better than your odds if you admit to having entertained doubts about the existence of God.
    In some ways the US was more tolerant in the 19thC — less intolerant may be a better way of putting it. Robert Ingersoll, a prominent and outspoken atheist, was seriously considered as a candidate for Vice President on the Republican ticket at one time.

    // A brilliant orator, he was proposed for high office an number of times, on the condition that he shut the hell up about his religious views. He always refused.

  126. Doctor Handsome
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    If the Olympic officials in B.C. don’t even understand the basic rules of the events, their doping policies can’t be too strict. They only suspect a competitor’s been juicing if they grow nipples.

  127. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#122): Very noble of you, Josh, to let us know how to find more Josh. In the words of Shrug, aka Slug, #106, “But, enough about me. Let’s talk about me. What do I think of me?”

  128. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#126): “A brilliant orator, he was proposed for COTW a number of times, on the condition that he shut the hell up about his religious views” – you’re talking about pastordan, right?

  129. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    3G – Who can shrink a man with just a word?
    Who can lance his confidence,
    And suddenly make him feel absurd?
    Well it’s Margo, and yes, she knows it.
    With each calibrated insult, she shows it!

    Only Margo matters, you can tell it
    Fear is in the air, and we can smell it
    She’s gonna break you after all!
    She’s gonna break you after all!

    [the Margo T. Magee trademark logo bitch turns to the camera, sneers, and turns away with a brief, dismissive bark]

  130. Droopy Says
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#80): kay, MT is a “Red Chief” scenario. I look forward to the negotiations, which will involves messages sent via carrier ptarmigan.

  131. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#119): Now, now—clam down!

    @lynn (#128): I didn’t used to read a lot of Josh’s tech stuff (for the simple reason that I had little idea of what he was talking about), but I get links to his Wonkette articles via FB, and they’re pretty damn funny. So if More-Josh makes me laugh, then I’m in favor of More-Josh!

    (No, I’m not just kissing up, because what would be gained by doing so? It’s been long established that Josh is above succumbing to bribes or flattery for a spot on the float—and really, what else does he have to offer?)

  132. Illustrator Steve
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    MT – Many have commented about the word, ‘CHIP’, being used in regards to Rusty’s old hand-me-down camera. Yes, the camera appears to be an old SLR film camera but please consider these facts…
    A.) Mark gave the old obsolete camera to Rusty as a toy to play with.
    B.) In Rusty’s frail mind he has become a SELF PROCLAIMED FREELANCE wilderness photographer.
    C.) Rusty TRESSPASSED into Mark’s private quarters and TOOK Mark’s big camera lens WITHOUT PERMISSION.
    D.) Rusty TOOK MATTERS INTO HIS OWN HANDS by SNEAKING AROUND taking photos of some VILLAINOUS SHEEP KILLERS.
    E.) Rusty ARRIVED BACK HOME ONLY TO LEAVE AGAIN QUICKLY!
    F.) NO CALLS were ever made to alert the game warden or any law authority.
    …So, since Rusty is clearly mimicking the way his old man goes about doing things, I’d say the term, ‘CHIP’, is loosely being used here simply as a way of saying Rusty is nothing more than a ‘CHIP’ OFF THE OLD BLOCK!

  133. Not Just any Dipstick
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    MT: The first horse has the only intelligent expression in Mixed Turds, ever.

  134. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#102): I see. Cossacks were obliged to provide the Tsar with 4267 officers, 177,000 men, and 170,695 horses.

    That’s quite a man to horse ratio. I also like the precision here, 170,695 horses, no more, no less!

  135. Josh
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#126): William Taft was a Unitarian who, before he became president, was offered the job of President of Yale. Yale was at the time still affiliated with a Congregationalist Christian denomination, and he wrote them a letter turning down the job, giving as a reason the fact that “I do not believe in the divinity of Christ.” I find it hard to believe anyone could get elected with that on their record today. (Even at the time, when he ran in 1908 he found it necessary to say in public that he wasn’t an atheist.)

    Josh

  136. Mr. Manchineel
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    As fun* as this Mary Worth storyline has been and promises to continue to be, I’m still disappointed that the Mary’s Ask Wendy arc has been left to twist in the wind. It started with such promise — a veritable mass epidemic of suicidal nihilists all seeking “Wendy’s” advice on how to best navigate the yawning existential chasms that are their pointless, meandering lives — but then the basic Mary Worth story lifecycle (pain>pablum>problems>pablum’>prevail>praises>pool party**) was arrested at the first pablum phase.

    What happened to the hordes of pre-defeated angsters who followed Mary’s advice to look at the bigger picture? What unintentionally hilarious misadventures did they have as they tried to fit the vastness of their meaningless existences into a “bigger picture ? With what new words did Mary serve up the exact same pablum when this “bigger picture” inevitably made her readers’ small, little lives seem even smaller and littler and they angrily lashed out at the inadequacy of her meddlesome simplisms? In what improbable, unrelated manner did their fortunes inexplicably take a turn for the better when they followed this newish-sounding wisdom? How high were Mary’s praises sung by all and sundry from Santa Royale all the way to Goleta? And finally, at the pool party, just how round and white was Professor Chinbeard’s ponderous belly?

    *For certain values of ‘”fun”
    **This seems to have become optional of late

  137. debussy fields
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    MW– “I’m okay. It’s all right. All is well. Fine and dandy. No problem. Couldn’t be better. Life is good. There’s nothing brutal about it.”

  138. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    It may interest Josh to know that cavalry is still in regular use today, albeit not widely. Or maybe it won’t.

    Apt. 3-G Uh-oh, Margo. You just pissed off John Hinckley…

    Arlo and Janis: On the other hand, if you’re a cartoonist and you want to go on vacation, you can copy and paste the same figure for four panels. Oh, wait. That’s the joke, isn’t it?

    9 Chickweed Lane: I am once again struggling to understand the core readership of this strip. Are there really that many ballet snobs in America?

    Herman: Well, actually, they measure tv screens diagonally, so you’d need four…oh, fuck it.

    Judge Parker: Aaaand that’s it, Avery. You’re definitely not getting layed tonight. Shorty.

    Mark Trail: Poachers: Gimme that camera, kid! Rusty: Duh, okay. [Everybody sits around blinking until Mark turns up to tie the poachers to a tree, adding to his vigilante body count.]

    Mary Worth: Uh, Dawn, that’s not Wilbur’s knee. It’s his shin. Wilbur, there are no “minor wounds” in this strip. Not when Mary wants your job.

    One Big Happy: Ruthie, Joe did not imply that you’re part of a Jewish conspiracy to hold him down. Stop overreacting. Also, what is the lag time on jokes in comic strips? Wasn’t that topical, like, two years ago?

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: You see, Dr. Morgan, there are two women living with a man, and the property manager is a bumbling idiot who can’t confront this sinful situation…

    Watch Your Head: In WYH, they call this a plot development. At our house, it’s called “dinner time.”

  139. debussy fields
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

  140. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Snuffy – Elviney doesn’t know what “freak people out,” but she’s pretty sure it’s agin the laws of man an’ God.

  141. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): this entry alone probably explains why the 1911 edition of the EB is worth Big Bucks in the resale market (most other editions, and pretty much all encyclopedias, are recycling fodder).

    MW: with a owie like that, can Max “the Ax,” Personal Injury Lawyer, be far behind? (Of course, this leads to a very twisted crossover with Max “the Ax” pursued by Rex Morgan, M.D., who has Melissa, an elderly and filthy rich old woman in his care, who’d be an excellent match with the recuperating (or eventually one-legged Wilbur), the Professor and Mary Ann Count Morgu and Dawn Weston…all on Comics Curmudgeon!!)

  142. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#141): …means…

    (And screw you, automated hall monitor, with your “you are posting too fast” crap. Yes, I wanted to amend my comment before somebody else posted, you mechanical fuck.)

  143. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Smirky – I thought that was Wally Winkerbean’s Enjoyment Dog, who derives joy from events in life so he can mope in peace.

  144. Doctor Handsome
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#136): You capitalize President of Yale but not President of America? You’re suspect, buddy. Don’t run for office.

  145. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    love is… …involuntarily spilling hot fluid between the two of you.
    I swear, this has never happened to me before, baby!

    Mary – Dave used to have minor wounds.

  146. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Josh (#136): If memory serves, Taft was the last Unitarian elected president. Yale at that time would have been affiliated with the “Congregationalist Churches”: the merger with the Christian churches didn’t take place until 1931. Most of the Unitarian congregations at that time were breakaway churches from the Congregationalist tradition, so Taft would have been essentially taking sides in a cousins’ war, not a good idea for someone with political aspirations.

    How do I know so much about this crap? The Congregationalist Christian Churches merged with the Evangelical & Reformed denomination to form my denomination, the United Church of Christ.

    Having stepped on Rana, the Pedantic Wet Blanket’s routine, I’ll show myself out…

  147. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Pib – You know, nothing says a character is elegant like having the character turn to us and say “I AM ELEGANT!!”

  148. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Rx“It’s an apartment building in San Diego! For story purposes, however, we will pretend the name of the town is Santa Royale.”

  149. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Tarzan, your wife is lost in the jungle somewhere, but you could still probably have a hot one-nighter with the chick in the crazy cosplay snail hat.

  150. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – You don’t need to act so smug, wall-crawler! You know, you still have that stupid KICK ME sign on your back!

  151. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#129): My religious views are witty and insightful. Yours are…well, this is a family strip…

  152. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#yy294): F*ck, but that’s an ugly bastard of a sentence.
    It’s hard to maintain the elegance when you’re jonesing for that next pinch of snuff, and of course one simply doesn’t do any more work after.

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#yy295): If I remember my H. Allen Smith, to usufruct was to profit from an estate without actually using the substance of it. But when you do your writing by thesauric substitution, this kind of wrongfooted idiocy shows up a lot.

  153. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Curtis – I rather like cat lady. I hope she is just having a diabetic episode or dehydrated or something like that (although both conditions are awful and dangerous), and not dead. I guess the kids don’t know the old mirror check trick, or how to feel for a pulse.
    No phone in the apt? Does C have an IPhone? If not, maybe he can yell out the window …
    Next, in a very special storyline, both boys learn First Aid and CPR.

  154. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Andrusi (#19): You’re both a bit off. The modern pentathlon in BC consists of:
    • Sitcom quotes
    • 2012 events references
    • Technology gags
    • Political humor, am I right?
    • Golf, golf, golf

    @LP2004 (#23): Peter of the Bible and the Monkees? They’re the same person??
    And lo, Johnny Hart said, upon this rock will I build my comic strip, even though it’s named after the other one. [*]

  155. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#50): Man, I’m just pedantic all over the place today. “I’m a Believer” was written by Neil Diamond, no slouch in the theology department himself.

  156. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#155): Footnote: right after “Madam, I’m Adam” the first man invented comic strips, and said “Flog golf.” True story.

  157. Ned Ryerson
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Wilbur Weston: Knees like Torgo.

  158. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#104): The most miserable, horrible place on earth.

    @Shrug (#119): I could have been eating clam dip sooner, but hadn’t noticed that the recipe said it had to chill for an hour, so then I had to wait.

    I’d had a serious yen for The Dip for about a week, and had compared recipes online and gone out and collected the ingredients, then last night I enlisted my daughter (age 10) in the preparation. Right on schedule, I began lightly feasting on the salty stuff (with Ruffles, of course) and was happy as a clam, figuratively speaking. Then I tried some on my daughter, and got back a report later that the dip was pretty good, except for the clams.

  159. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

  160. Torgo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    But Torgo not like knees.

  161. Ian Beste
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#118): Cavalry: Australian cavalry was critical in knocking the Turks out of Palestine and Syria in World War One. Soviet and Polish cavalry clashed repeatedly in the war between the two countries after the Great War. The Soviet Red Army relied on cavalry to beat the Whites (counter-revolutionaries and allied forces) in the Civil War, and maintained large cavalry formations through World War Two. Japanese, Mongolian and Soviet cavalry clashed along the Manchurian border in the 1930s. Bolivia and Paraguay used cavalry formations, albeit small ones, in the Chaco War in the 1930s. The Chinese People’s Liberation Army reportedly used cavalry units in remote mountainous areas of China and Tibet well into the 1970s.
    One hopes that “cavalry” now means armored vehicles and helicopters, allowing horses to be reserved for more peaceful pursuits (although polo can get pretty heated…)

  162. pugfuggly
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Torgo (#161):

    It’s ok. It wil be dark soon.

  163. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @pastordan (#156):
    During my acupuncture session yesterday I was reading a RS from a couple of months ago (the one with Bruuuuce on the cover) and they had a nice piece on Davy Jones and the Monkees. Goffin and King wrote a few of their songs as well.

  164. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#164): Yes, they were a “fake” band that turned out to be not half-bad. I’m still partial to their version of “Stepping Stone.”

  165. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Michael wanted to have more power, play and write more music, convinced the others to revolt as well, and then Don Kirshner dumped them. As I understand, DK was quite an A-Hole.
    (BTW, I’m an old Neil Diamond fan, and Smashmouth’s version of “Believer” was quite good as well.) : )

    Did you write the earlier post about the church doing this song for choir? I think that’s pretty intriguing, considering that Diamond is Jewish. : )

  166. Farley's Revenge
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#25): As one who made it out the other side with Non-Hodgkin’s(10 years and counting), I don’t sweat it returning. In fact, as difficult as it was to endure, I count that time as one of the best things of my life because it showed me what was important and what wasn’t. I realize there are those who live in fear of their cancer returning but that’s not me. I learned the lessons that the cancer brought me and I am grateful for the opportunity I was given to experience that time. As I tell people “I had cancer. The cancer never had me.”

  167. lynn
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#132): Now, now, clam down yourself. I was just being facetious! Josh and I had a long ago business arrangement at one time so I feel entitled, I guess.

  168. LP2004
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#84): Nah, I knew her; she was okay, and her own kids were in the choir. She was an unpaid volunteer, not a trained musician, who just made some odd song selections.

  169. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    What? No pugilism, or even a hint of fisticuffs, in the modern pentathalon? Grappling? Outrageous!

  170. Snarkotix Addict
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Maybe what we need is a post-modern pentathlon: Pomo 5?

  171. DownInTheValley
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#21): B.C.: The blonde caveman is Peter. Like Peter of the Bible and the Monkees, he’s kind of a dolt.

    Actually, according to the strip parameters, Peter is an intellectual snob. B.C. is Joe Everyman. Thor is a feckless but ambitious inventor. Wiley is a superstitious hydrophobe. Clumsy Carp is clumsy. Curls is a wiseacre. The women are…well, one is fat and one is thin. And Grog used to be a monosyllabic primitive, but in later strips they started giving him dialog. You can a find a more complete and “official” description on the Wikipedia page.

    And now I am going to sit in a corner and ask myself why any of this matters to me.

  172. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#136): Very good point. And Taft was elected president (as a Republican!), and later was appointed Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Almost unthinkable today.

    // And he was fat! Very, very fat. The governor of New Jersey can take hope from this.

  173. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#148): while leaning against the fourth wall, of course.

  174. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#166): Not me on the choir. My church is waaay too small to have a children’s choir.

  175. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#169): Oh the choir director was a “her”. That’s different.

  176. seismic-2
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    If the Modern Pentathlon was designed for cavalry officers, then why did the fencing event use the épée rather than the sabre? The épée is a dueling sword used in bouts where the opponents score hits only by stabbing with the tip of the weapon, as would be done in face-to-face combat on the ground, but the sabre has a triangular blade so that hits can be scored by the bottom of the sword using a slicing or chopping motion, as would be done from horseback. Not that it really matter all that much, of course, since neither weapon is especially effective against an opponent with a machine gun.

    Now if they were to replace the Modern Pentathlon with a Futuristic Pentathlon, then the dueling would be performed with Lucasfilm™ light sabres. I believe Ted Forth is already in training for 2016.

  177. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @DownInTheValley (#172): it matters if you’re trying to complete your set of B.C. drinking glasses! (Who gave those out as premiums? I’m thinking Arby’s.)

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#173): Taft was also the president to have the first bath tub installed in the White House. Considering the man’s girth, I wonder just how big it had to have been…

  178. Stroker Ace
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    BC – A modern pentathlon should include driving an old Trans-Am while drunk & naked. Randy Travis would bring home the gold medal.

  179. Ed Dravecky
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    I have never pictured any Shoe character in any state of erotic arousal, intense or otherwise, but now I know what my nightmares will be all week. Thanks a lot.

  180. UncleJeff
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    seismic-2@177: “Now if they were to replace the Modern Pentathlon with a Futuristic Pentathlon, then the dueling would be performed with Lucasfilm™ light sabres. I believe Ted Forth is already in training for 2016.”

    For at least a couple of Olympics, the epee event has been conducted with some kind of system where a scoring system tallies the number of hits with an electrical connection between the tip of the epee and the protective gear worn by the combatant.
    This is the first Olympics where the air guns used in the pistol events have been replaced by lasers.

    I’m still working on a real Modern Pentathlon based on the current needs of our armed forces.
    So far, I’ve come up with: running a mile with 70 pounds of gear on your back; joysticking a drone over several hundred miles of terrain and then shooting at a target and filling out requisition forms.
    I still need a couple of more events.

  181. Mr. Manchineel
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#171): Great idea! I propose the following events: (1) ironic appreciation;
    (2)pop culture deconstruction; (3) shark jumping; (4) noise rock-out; and the grueling (5) hipper-than-thou one-up marathon.

  182. The Man Who Came Back
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: clearly this is an epic colorist fail — everybody knows that Wilber bleeds mayo

  183. seismic-2
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#136): It will be recalled that this very Web site once hosted a huge volume of William Howard Taft slashfic, at your request. See, non-believers really are damned to eternal punishment!

  184. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Man Who Came Back (#183): Well, there is a red mayonnaise. (see middle of page)

  185. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @The Man Who Came Back (#183): But filthy rich old Melissa has a mood dress which alternates between black and green!

  186. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#137): I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a better description of a Mary Worth story arc (okay, maybe not an “arc”—a slightly wavering line?) than your Progression of Ps. But I think you omitted the most important P of all: platitude!

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#159):

    Then I tried some on my daughter,

    Was it as good as it was on the Ruffles?

    (And dammit, now I have a craving for onion dip or clam dip with Ruffles.)

  187. Marc
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#65): As long as she doesn’t appoint TJ her “secretary of feeling the people.”

  188. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#185): Oh, dear God, that sounds like the worst thing ever. And from my alma mater, too…

  189. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#187):
    We need a SlyFox/MW crossover.
    Pool, platitude, pie, purchase of cheap whiskey, etc.

  190. Esther Blodgett
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): The mod pentathlon? Does it include synchronized hair-gelling, the 400-meter scooter relay, and getting beat up by rockers?

  191. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @DownInTheValley (#172): I’ll say again that the early years of BC were marked by near-blinding genius and endless inventiveness. The first three or four collections should be on everybody’s bookshelf. It’s hard to look back and imagine just how fresh and unique the strip was for the first five or ten years. That’s what made Hart’s later reliance on worn-out cliches, anachronisms, and mysterious hectoring such a tragedy.

    @pastordan (#175): My church is waaay too small to have a children’s choir.
    But they fit into a much smaller space!

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#187): There is no good answer to that.
    I curse you. I curse your favorite distillery.

  192. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Rana & Muffaroo et. al.

    I hate to have to keep defending McEldowney. It IS an ugly sentence.

    I claim no pending patent on the usufruct of cartoon borders as props… etc..

    But the use of the words “patent” and “usufruct”, while odd, are not incorrect.

    Using Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate, 11th ed., and substituting definition 2 of patent as a noun, and definition 2 of usufruct, for these words, we get:

    “I claim no pending monopoly on the the right to use cartoon borders as props…” etc…

    Pompous ass though he is, our man Brooke does look these words up before he uses them, and does not simply go by the thesaurus alone. As a bit of a P.A. myself, I’m sure of it. You all know I would jump on him with both feet and fustigate him to within 2.54 cm of his literary life, if I thought I could catch him in an indisputable error, but I haven’t been able to do so, yet.

  193. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#177):why did the fencing event use the épée rather than the sabre…
    I have always wondered about that, and have never seen a satisfactory answer.

  194. Mr. Manchineel
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#187): Thanks, BB,U — FYI, I chose “pablum” over “platitude” because it slant-rhymed with “problems,” tho’ in this particular taxonomy, pablum equals not just any single platitude, but the sum of all platitudes that Mary tends to rattle off* when trying to machine-gun someone’s problems into submission.

    *It occurs to me just now that Mary about one head injury away from spouting non sequitur a la Zippy the Pinhead**.

    **Which would be a great direction for the strip to go, IMO. “BIGGER PICTURE! BIGGER PICTURE! BIGGER PICTURE!!!

  195. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#178): Taft was also the president to have the first bath tub installed in the White House.

    I don’t believe that was true. Did none of the earlier presidents ever bathe? I have heard that he had to have a larger tub installed. There was an legend that Millard Fillmore was the first put a bathtub in, but that isn’t true either. Frank Lee Meidere is our resident expert on the subject.

  196. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#192): You don’t want to hear the story of why it is we don’t have a children’s choir. Trust me on that.

  197. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#196): I believe that many of the 19th century Presidents were an incarnation of Dr. Who. They didn’t need a bath tub since they probably used a sonic shower of some kind.

    //I would like to see a jousting event between Brooke McEldowney and Nehemiah Scudder.

  198. Bootsy
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Checkov’s brushburn.

  199. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#195): The Sum of All Platitudes, which explores a little-known period in Mary’s life in which she meddled in US-Soviet relations.

  200. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    CdS: I think I’ve used that house as a setting for a story. . .

    Lio: *snurk*

    NAoQV: somehow, I’m not surprised.

    SBp: off panel, an upside down turtle is yelling “Maniac!’ at the snail.

    Zits: about as servicey as this strip gets.

    Retail: who else is thinking of Cool Hand Luke and the asphalt relay?

  201. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Love Is . . . splashin’ from her flashin’.

  202. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#193): I hate to have to keep defending McEldowney.
    No, you don’t, or you wouldn’t do it, and “wrongfooted idiocy” is still a correct descriptor, even if he has researched his junk before writing it. Learn to control your impulses.

  203. kkarenb
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    FW – There have been a number of angry comments about exposing the dog to cruelty and danger. Is anyone really surprized? Remember, this is the strip that showed the hilarity of a line of people running electric blowdryers in a downpour.

    Family Circus – It looks like they had a console tv the first several times this ran.

    Rex Morgan – A few days ago I commented that I intensely disliked the post-makeover Melissa. Well, my feelings have evolved into out-and-out loathing. Bring back the spinsterish, old-fashioned, down-to-earth old lady! Rich, entitled bitch doesn’t even begin to describe this new version of Melissa.

  204. Horace Broon
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#63):

    That reminds me of the choirmaster in The Vicar of Dibley, who comes up with such classics as :

    You know I love Him, I always will,
    My mind’s made up by the way that I feel.
    There’s no beginning, there’ll be no end,
    On Jesus’ love, you can depend.

  205. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I’d like to see Melissa go to her apartment building in San Diego, jump in the ocean and meet some of these.

  206. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#203):

    Still doesn’t excuse the use of “ironic” to describe Seth’s sarcastic quip in today’s strip.

    Again, you need to apply tha Alanis Transformation to turn the items into something actually ironic:

    “Like raaain on your wedding day”

    Not ironic. Now, suppose you were planning an outdoor wedding, then saw that the forecast called for rain, so you moved the ceremony indoors. Turns out, there was no rain that day, but Uncle Josh set off the indoor sprinklers while smoking a celebratory cigar, ruining the cake and the ceremony. Now, it is ironic.

  207. Mr. Manchineel
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#200): In terms of internal chronology, does that precede or follow the events of Dear and Pleasant Meddler?

  208. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#158): For some reason, I now have a Maroon 5 song in my head.

    He got the knees like Torgo… got them knees like Torgo… got them kneee-eee-eee-EEEE-eees like Torgo…

  209. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    “Like a traffic jam, when you’re already late”

    Again, not ironic. Unless you are the Director of Public Transportation, on your way to a banquet at which you will be given an award for your success in reducing traffic gridlock in the city. Then, it would be ironic.

  210. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    FW-It’s a well known fact that dogs have extremely weak bladders when scared. So anyone on the ground underneath the Ferris Wheel is having a terrible time right now.

  211. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#203): I apologize for the last sentence, which crosses the line into telling others what to do. I shall devise some suitable punishment for my indiscretion.

  212. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#207): Not ironic. Now, suppose you were planning an outdoor wedding, then saw that the forecast called for rain, so you moved the ceremony indoors. Turns out, there was no rain that day, but Uncle Josh set off the indoor sprinklers while smoking a celebratory cigar, ruining the cake and the ceremony. Now, it is ironic.

    “Someone left the cake inside again,
    Sweet, sweet salmon icing flowing down…”

  213. Chaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Go back and look at our former presidents before the advent of tha Ad Man age of the 60′s and ask yourself if any of them could have been elected today. They were fat, sported all sorts of odd facial hair, married their nieces, had children out of wedlock, had male lovers called “the first lady,” and were just plain uglier than hell. So somehow, we’re more open minded today? Delta should have noooo problems…..other than, you know, that gender thing.

  214. Horace Broon
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: “Wow! Mom and dad are totally unphased by the fact there’s two of us!” “Yeah, they started drinking heavily after I moved back in.”

  215. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

  216. Chaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    I think there is a connection between Wilbur’s knee wound and the big rush those two guys who rescued him were in to keep on the ship. Wilbur knows how to make friends on a cruise. Dawn clearly needs lessons.

  217. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Generally waitstaff shouldn’t read porn while they’re on the job, I think. I mean, if I’m eating there I don’t want to wonder about where their hands have been.

    MT: “That’s the kid, and even though we’re a good sixty feet from us and he’s got his back turned, I can tell he still has the camera.”
    “You really are something else.”

    MW: You can tell this production has gone over budget since they can only pay the actors playing the rescue workers extra rates. That’s why they haven’t gotten any lines, obviously.

    FW: Um, that dog doesn’t seem to be secured to anything. Appreciation seems a lot to ask.

    Better Half: Most men seek out a little more privacy when they give themselves a happy ending.

    9CL: You’d think a gay man dressed as Rick Santorum would have a sharper sense of irony.

    RMMD: “Well, June and I aren’t really in the market for real estate. Is it a nice apartment building? Oh fine, twist my arm, I’ll take it.”

    H&L: I like the implied “… or I’ll beat you over the head with this conch shell.”

    DT: This is serious. Out of nowhere Sam just turned into the Riddler.

    GT: “Turn you around and try lefty”? They let you do reach-arounds on the green?

    Blondie: Wouldn’t have figured Dagwood for a cutter.

    SSmith: If Snuffy really wants to freak people out, all he needs to do is keep using post-1950 lingo like “freak people out.”

    M-Dawg: We make all the jokes about Marmaduke being a beast from hell, but how does that square with him being the police department’s weight loss consultant?

    S4th: I’m tempted to give Jackie a standing ovation here.

    H&J: Joe’s outburst really didn’t contain enough racial slurs to qualify as a Mel Gibson.

    Marvin: The elder Millers are unfazed by the duplication of their son. Those must be some kick-ass meds they’re on.

    A3G: I’m sorry, but your aversion to being ground up is a dealbreaker.

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#203): No, just as ACLU lawyers don’t necessarily like to defend KKKer’s 1st Amendment rights, they do it anyway, because it is the right thing to do. If McE is accused wrongly of misusing some word or other, and I know in fact he isn’t, I have to say so. Ok, maybe I do enjoy it. A little. Righteously.

    Anyway, as I said, I would just as soon beat him up, and there are lots of things he deserves it for, but not for this.
    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#212): De nada, my friend. A useless request anyway, I can’t change the habits of a lifetime at this point!

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#207): Still doesn’t excuse the use of “ironic” to describe Seth’s sarcastic quip in today’s strip.

    Now that is a fair cop, I think.

  220. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#21):

    DtM: Look, actual menace! Didja see it?

    Gotta say, whoever had the idea of letting two firstgraders run loose at their billiard room cocktail party deserves whatever they get.

  221. Peanut Gallery
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    love is… What? No “when your cup runneth over” joke?

  222. Chaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#220): I think it’s ironic that anyone ever thought that Alanis’s “Isn’t it Ironic” actually described anything vaguely ironic.

  223. Chaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    FW – I have to join the choir in condemnation of having that dog on a ferris wheel. I can snark the puns, smirks, and sidelong glances, but not something that is clearly stupid and very wrong.

  224. Chaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#224): Oh yeah, not to mention dangerous.

  225. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#198): I would like to see a jousting event between Brooke McEldowney and Nehemiah Scudder.

    So long as we can omit the chalice and flagon thing first. Makes my head hurt.

  226. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#23): “You will deny Me three times before you get around to washing that greasy little hat.”

  227. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    It is ironic when after years of trying for the COTW you post a comment on Friday then leave for a two week getaway where there is no internet connection and that last comment makes COTW.

  228. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Ladies and gentlemen I give you the eviler Mary Worth.

  229. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#196): I believe this was in conjunction with indoor plumbing, not the tubs that the staff had to pour water into and scoop water out of.
    (Hey, I’m pretty sure this came with my 5th grade copy of “Facts About the Presidents,” so what the hell do I, or the authors of said tome, know?)

  230. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Baldo-What does she say when she wants to get a divorce?

  231. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    FW — First the unfortunate black kitten and now dog torture. What’s next on the FW Fun-With-Furry-Friends list, watching a hamster swing from the tail of a kite? Forcing a bunny to go surfing? Loathsome.

  232. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

  233. Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that Jing is single and has no prospects for the foreseeable future, so Baldo might want to re-consider the value of Jing’s advice on the ways of a woman’s heart.

    - yeff

  234. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#231): Take that box down from the shelf?

  235. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#223):

    There is the meta-irony of the whole sad spectacle. Writing a song about “isn’t it ironic”, when none of your examples actually refer to ironic events, could be considered … no, still not ironic. Just stupid.
    So, if you had a fear of flying your whole life, and you finally agreed to take an airplane trip, and then the plane crashed – that would just suck. But, if you got cold feet at the last minute, and took a train instead, then the train crashed while the airplane landed safely….

    Coming back to Seth today. “What? You mean now? While we’re onstage?”, said while he is clearly backstage talking to the beefwits and not onstage, kinda undercuts his whole aura of smug intellectual superiority.

    Maybe he could pirouette up to Edda every 30 seconds or so to shout “Nope, Amos still hasn’t called! And who is the conductor? The cello player isn’t even playing the right piece!”

    “What?”

    “I said the cello player needs a different piece!”

    “That’s what he said!”

  236. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#206): these guys might be fun, too.

    @Liam (#229): that’s just Crazy Talk! Mary is the epitome of the evilest Mary Worth ever!

  237. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#230): Could be… This article suggests that plumbing was installed or replaced starting in 1902 under T. Roosevelt, Taft’s predecessor. It’s plausible that Taft’s new bathtub was the first to be directly connected…

  238. odinthor
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    #218. AfkaB.

    Shoe: Generally waitstaff shouldn’t read porn while they’re on the job, I think. I mean, if I’m eating there I don’t want to wonder about where their hands have been.

    But if they do read porn, then you’ll know where their hands have been. Problem solved!

  239. Marc
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#173): With all of this talk about Taft; all I can think of now is The Simpsons and how Mr. Burns hates talking to his mother because he has never forgiven her for having that affair with President Taft.

  240. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#85): He’s wearing gang green? That could get him in trouble with either the Crips or the Bloods.

  241. Red Greenback
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#17): Forget it, geekwhisperer. It’s Lost Forest.

  242. seismic-2
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    FW: It’s necessary that Buddy the acrophobic dog be forced to ride on the Ferris wheel, unsecured. Otherwise, how could he panic and jump out, plunge to his death and land atop an unsuspecting carnival-goer, thereby rendering him or her a paraplegic? I’m betting that the victim of this incredible freak accident will be Cayla, since, you know, the tribulation of Saint Dead Lisa is a tough act to follow. Les will start building a new shrine, and writing a new novel, before the night is over.

  243. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#197): Did it have something to do with vomit and/or nakedness? Been there/done that…

  244. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#243):

    “Les will start building a new shrine, and writing a new novel, before the night is over.”

    And it will be the best-selling book in the country before Buddy even hits the ground.

  245. bbofun
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn (commentary)- I will not take McEldowney to task over his choice of words (tody)- instead, my problem is the content. He admits that he’s not the first person to use panel borders as if they were physical object, but declines to mention who else has- instead, he says that someone, back “in the dawn of time’ must have. This is basically suggesting that , although other people have done it before, HE has never actually seen it done-which is pretty much saying that he came up with it on his own, not that he was influenced by any artist from the past. That’s the sign of a man with a HUGELY inflated ego. Just off the top of my head, I would think Will Eisner, Wally Wood (esp. in his MAD days), or, for daily strips, George Herriman or even Garry Trudeau might have influenced him in this. But, no- Brooke’s a true original, influenced by no one but his muse (which is himself).

    9CL- On this, however, I will complain about word choice. As others have said, “ironic’ is the wrong word here- and, since it’s the substance of the joke, that’s a real problem. What’s worse is that there’s a perfectly good word to use- ‘sarcastic”. It doesn’t even involve any re-writing of the dialogue, except replacing “ironic” with “sarcastic”.

    JP- Meanwhile, in Judge Parker, nothing is happening. Still. No, honestly, a few weeks ago I wrote a synopsis of all the things that HAVEN’T happened in this strip, all the foreshadowed drama and danger that has just slid by, unused. And, still, nothing has actually happened! It’s like dramatic structure is being not ignored, but subverted. A negotiation over a screenplay? No, your proposal’s fine. Bad weather looming? No, it cleared up. Surly man behind you in line, who overhears where you are going, and sees how wealthy you are? He’s got somewhere else to be, I guess. Fall down a steep cliff? Land safely, without a scratch. Accidentally discover (and take pictures of) a marijuana farm? The growers just want to take your camera, and have no desire to hurt you, apparently. Lodge closed? They’ll open it for you. Sent down to the wine cellar, leaving your friend alone with the nasty woman who wants to take his camera, and wants you both gone? You find a great bottle of wine, and come back to find them virtually flirting.

    COME ON!

  246. odinthor
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#220):

    Perhaps it’s “ironic” in the sense of being “of or like iron.” Has anyone checked the status of the characters’ ferric compounds? After all, few would deny the applicability of “leaden” to Thorax; and then there’s always “brazen” . . .

  247. Slug
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    No one else seems to have pointed it out, so I’ll have to.

    Roz is reading freaking pornography at work, in such a position that her customers can (and will!) read over her shoulder. She’s not very professional.

  248. Girl Reporter
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    MW: And so another plot ends not with a bang but a MRSA.

  249. tb4000
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Well, if you ever wanted to see what a bird creature’s reaction to bdsm and sodomy is like…..there ya go.

  250. kanomi
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Why do I get the feeling that the ‘modern pentathalon’ consists of five random things Pierre de Coubertin happened to good at?

  251. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Things I learned yesterday:
    1. The Computer History Museum is even more awesome than I expected and I could’ve spent an entire day there just strolling around and looking at stuff. They do a terrific job of making things accessible to normal folks without dumbing it down, such that my more mildly nerdy brother was every bit as engaged as I was. Sadly the PDP-1 was not being demonstrated, but even getting to see it up-close was awesome.
    2. The hell with Georgia O’Keefe’s flowers or bearded clams, sea anemones are the most unsettlingly yonic things in nature. [*]
    3. One afternoon and evening of Bay-area traffic in increasingly balmy weather was well and truly enough to convince me that California might be nice to visit, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to live here. Looking forward to getting back to the land of sensible drivers, uncongested freeways, and reasonable summer weather.

    Agnes – In the Sentences Of Pure Win category, “make my new style a cross between the casual look of Keith Richards and the rigid tresses sported by Ethel Mertz in I Love Lucy.

    A3G – “Well, with all your complaining about a little thing like being ground up, yes, I think I am dismissing you. Feh! Some faceless cannon-fodder doom-trooper you’d make.”

    Curtis – Meanwhile, in Curtis, the terrifying spectre of the grave haunts two children who aren’t even out of the single digits yet!

    DT – So what right-thinking parent would ever allow their children to purchase balloons from a mass of loose skin with a neck-vag?

    JP – Come on, when is Bea going to break loose with the hammer?

    Luann – “I want to be President while I’m young.” I see Delta has learned about running for office primarily from Schoolhouse Rock.

    Mandrake – A look into the daring new world of pantomime hold-up.

    MW – Come on, sepsis!

    PMP – Quick, call social services!

    Phantom – “There will be no more compromise with crime! Because I personally was betrayed and wounded by the criminal with whom I arranged the compromise, and not because I felt any particular guilt about doing a half-assed job of law-enforcement! I’m sure this endears me to you citizens, right?”

    SF – Somehow I expected the confrontation between Sal’s mother and her daughters to have more hellfire and Carl Orff.

    Ziggy – Ziggy questions his computer’s sexual stamina.

  252. KreatureFeatures
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#5): Family Circus comment FTW.

  253. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, at Rome’s Fiumicino airport, Wilber has fallen asleep on the baggage belt.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/9464344/Norwegian-tourist-falls-asleep-on-airport-baggage-belt.html

  254. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#178): I’d love it if Arby’s would give away 9 Chickweed Lane drinking glasses, just to confuse and annoy fans and non-fans as well.

  255. KreatureFeatures
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#91): Well said regarding FW.

  256. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#235):

    I think that’s the “I’m pregnant” line.

  257. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#246): Imagine the sound of the Jaws theme as things continue to not happen!

    I watched the 21 Jump Street movie last night. And while it’s generally a characteristically lame entry in the “we’re so fucking out of ideas” genre, there was one little gag I appreciated. They poked fun at the “explosions and car chases” trope. During the Big Car Chase(TM) tankers full of gas and propane trucks keep suffering collateral damage that would totally result in an explosion in the typical action movie. But, no. And the protagonists keep saying stuff like “It didn’t blow up! I don’t understand!” and “I really thought that one was gonna blow up!” Eventually, of course, something does blow up, catching them completely by surprise.

    Maybe this will be a whole new dramatic form. The art of the non-event. I think My Dinner With Andre was an early example of the genre.

  258. log_loady
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#17):

    “How is this possible? Did they even need the plane at all? What the hell is going on?”

    This is my reaction every Mark Trail plot.

  259. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#91): Especially since the dog’s purpose in life is to help its person to deal with traumatic stress. Now, that, there, is ironic. Paying attention, McEldowney?

  260. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    So Delta, you’re going to run for prez as a single childless person? Good luck with that. Hillary Clinton was criticized by some people for having only ONE kid.

  261. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#100): I actually found it pretty interesting. My son’s MoS in the army is Cavalry Scout. He’s now a section Staff Sgt. in the 101st Airborne, and his dress uniform includes a Cavalryman’s hat (cowboy style, straight out of classic westerns), riding boots and spurs!

    He has never, so far as I know, ridden a horse in the line of duty, but Special Forces in Afghanistan mounted a (ahem) mounted assault against a Taliban stronghold in the early days of the afghanistan invasion!

  262. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#91): Sorry, I see you pointed out Delta’s problem first.

  263. The Ridger
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#63): But … “I’m a believer I couldn’t leave him if I tried” doesn’t rhyme.

  264. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @rachcakes (#103): Welcome! Yes, good catch! We have long noted here that Mary Worth is a source of surrealist art and non-Euclidian geometry worthy of M.C. Escher.

  265. Geoduck
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: The sad thing is, there are actually guys in real life who think like this.

  266. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @kanomi (#251): HAR!!

    Hey, wouldn’t it be fun to invent our own personal “modern pentathalons” featuring our own strange personal skills? One of my events would be getting five ounces of subcutaneous fluid into a cat without causing cat trauma. I’m not a vet and I hate needles, but after doing it hundreds of times, I’ve got that suckah DOWN.

  267. LP2004
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#264): Yeah, that’s one of the reasons why the whole thing didn’t work too well.

  268. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#180): That would indeed have haunted me, if bats :[ hadn’t knocked it right outta there with the image of naked President Taft in a tub of Jello!

  269. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @rachcakes (#103): Happy to have you with us! After I stopped looking at Wilbur’s alleged knee, I noticed that Dawn has her hand behind his elbow helping him in, making it all too obvious that he looks about the size of a ten-year-old child, which is creepy, but then I clicked to another place because staring at MW too long fries the brain.

  270. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#258):
    For some reason I have yet to analyze or uncover fully, My Dinner with André left me feeling very very sad after watching it (June 2001 or so).

  271. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Geoduck (#266): We call them “stalkers.”

  272. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#267): Pie-making. Plagiarism-detecting. Doggy belly-rubbing.

    Crap, do I not even have enough talents to get to “penta”?

  273. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    A3G-I learned the improper way of grounding up people. I want to learn from you the proper of grinding up people.

    MT-And in no way whatsoever does this look like a bunch of clip art put together into a collage.

  274. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#273): Ooh, actually, I could enter as Grammatica in the Grammar Pentathlon! I’d rock the Semi-colon Rules and Colon Usage events, and I’d kick ass in That/Which and Parallel Structure. I might be a bit shakier in Verb Tenses, though; I sometimes become hung up in complexities and over-think it.

  275. Liam
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Shoe-I thought she was reading yesterday’s Pluggers comic.

  276. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#276): “The only fifty shades of grey a plugger knows are on her TV.”

  277. Dennis Jimenez
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#277): The color choices at the Miss Clariol rack at her drug store….

  278. kanomi
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#267):

    My Postmodern Pentathalon:

    1. Downloading podcasts
    2. Peeking through torrents
    3. Meme-crafting
    4. Decrying the precipitous decline of The Onion
    5. Over-analyzing Slylock Fox cartoons

  279. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#271): Because of the 110 minutes of your life you’d never get back? Because you kept waiting for a battle of wits To the death! that never came?

  280. Chaze126
    August 9th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#246):The fact that absolutely nothing is happening in Judge Parker is underscored by the final panel of Avery. No dialogue, no reaction, nothing – just a drawing of Avery’s face.

    And from this I am supposed to infer……what?

    I guess that absolutely nothing is happening.

  281. Girl Reporter
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#262): After Mr. Girl Reporter served a year in Iraq (psy op), he was presented a certificate by the cavalry unit that shared his FOB granting him the right to wear spurs.

  282. Chaze126
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @kanomi (#279): Goodness me, I thought pentathlon was just Sylvester the Cat trying to say Pentagon.

  283. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#139): I believe that the core readership of McE’s strips consists of (a) people who wank off to cartoon characters, (b) individuals enthralled by the layering effects in Photoshop, (c) people who like to think of themselves as members of the cultural intelligentsia but whose knowledge of culture came from reading old remaindered books from the library book sale, (d) people who believe that using Big Words is a sign of intelligence rather than of being a pompous prat, and (e) people like us who have an actual understanding of culture, art, and intelligence, and who like to prick the bastard’s bubble of pretentious smug.

    Oh, and people who like seeing the occasional cat strips.

    So basically us, and McE.

  284. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#282): Yes, the spurs are earned. My son was very proud of that.

  285. Chaze126
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#275): Make sure you bone up on the Less/Fewer Conundrum and Understanding CopSpeak aka Abusing Reflexive Pronouns.

  286. Chaze126
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#284): You know, Rana, I don’t want to join a club (9CL Fan Club, for example) that would actually have me as a member.

  287. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#286): Les/Fewer Conundrum? Has something to do with FW?

  288. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @kanomi (#251):

    “Why do I get the feeling that the ‘modern pentathalon’ consists of five random things Pierre de Coubertin happened to good at?”

    I suspect he was also good at speaking French, so perhaps he should have expanded it to six events?

    Who knows what else he may have been good at it? Keeping score in ink, probably; if he had not been it would have been a pencilthathalon.

  289. Droopy Says
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Is the Jugs Parker fishing lodge anywhere near the LoFo Ranch? Because I want to see confusion abound when Cherry and Avery accidentally swap their chips.

  290. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#290): Coincidence that both strips’ current stories revolve around incriminating camera photos? I think not!

  291. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#252):

    “Luann – “I want to be President while I’m young.” I see Delta has learned about running for office primarily from Schoolhouse Rock.”

    She may have seen and/or read WILD IN THE STREETS. Probably, given the excitement level of this strip, in the adapted version MILD IN THE STREETS.

  292. seismic-2
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#275): Synchronized sentence diagramming!

  293. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#273): We need to give ourselves a little more time. No one can tell me old Pierre came up with all five events in sixty seconds. And I think pie-making should be two out of penta.

  294. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

  295. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#193): Eh, I don’t know. Part of me wants to grant you (and him, sigh) the point, at least on technical grounds.

    But on stylistic grounds, and in matters of clarity, I would argue that those words are, in fact, wrong. The language of patents pending is (as you know, so I hope I’m not treading on your toes, however, see, “Pedantic”) something aimed at identifying unique inventions (whether tools or processes) and laying exclusive claim to them. The language of usufruct rights, on the other hand, is about the right of use, whether of a tool or a territory.

    So the first half of his metaphor is evoking exclusive ownership of a tool or process; the second half is evoking the use right (which may or may not be exclusive) of a resource. You can’t, as I understand it, have a patent on a right. You can have a patent on the means of exercising that right, perhaps, but that’s not the same thing.

    Moreover, to me his sentence reads less like “I don’t claim to have a monopoly on the right to use borders as” and more “I don’t claim to have invented this way of using borders…” He’s not speaking about whether or not other cartoonists can use borders this way, or whether he has an exclusive claim to this use; he’s patting himself for (re)inventing a way of using borders in a way that hasn’t occurred to other people.

    So even if his use of the words can be bent to be technically correct, that bending is at odds with the intended meaning of the sentence.

    (I assume. That’s the ultimate problem with him playing these thesaurus games; if forces readers to spend more time parsing the possible meanings than the content of the sentence is worth.)

  296. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

  297. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#287): Agreed. Especially since I suspect I’d be booted from the lists as soon as I opened my mouth.

  298. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Re Taft porno, has no one here yet cited the old NATIONAL LAMPOON expose of “The Oral Passions of William Howard Taft”?

    http://graymorrow.blogspot.com/2010/06/presidential-perversion-comics.html

  299. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    JP — Pot! Cannabis! Mary Jane! Weed! Get this story moving already!!!

  300. popamatic
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “You know, I’m starting to get the feeling that we are not welcome around here.”

    Modern pentathalon tasks using skills needed by the modern military:
    - Create a weekly status report using PowerPoint.
    - Requisition a new computer properly: Fill out the right forms, write a justification, get the correct signatures, deliver forms to and negotiate with the correct supply sargeant.
    - Pilot a drone and deliver ordnance on a small vehicle convoy in a mountainous terrain.
    - ?others?

  301. Shrug
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    What appears to be a well-researched and documented examination of the Taft-bathtub connection:

    http://tinyurl.com/655lauq

  302. Mr. Manchineel
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#300): I’m a bit bummed that we’re in for a pot plot. Not only did Mark Trail just do one of itsown, Judge Parker already did a pot plantation story a few years back. I’d find it much more interesting if it wasn’t pot that Avery literally stumbled into, but industrial hemp, which is just as illegal as pot, but less morally ambiguous*. Rather than pulling strings to bring down the heavy hand of the law on petty crooks for fun and profit, as is his usual wont, Sam could pull some strings to help the noble hemp farmer navigate smoke-choked battlefield that is the Drug War.

    *After all, even using pot once can lead to psychosis and interracial dating.

  303. Marc
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Do you think we’ll ever see the mysterious Giorgio that set Wilbur up for the ride on that death ship?

  304. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze126 (#281):

    And from this I am supposed to infer……what?

    Avery: “Damn, cock-blocked by Sam!”

    @Anonymous (#288): Yes: The less interesting the strip is, the fewer non-ironic readers it has.

    @popamatic (#301):
    -Acronym Development Speed Trials

  305. Girl Reporter
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @popamatic (#301):

    - ?others?

    Coining extremely creative and rather vulgar lingo.

  306. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    A message from President Taft.

  307. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#307): Hee–that’s excellent!

  308. Dale
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#17):

    Mark Trail

    Some of this could make sense if Elrod would explain it properly or draw a map.
    The poachers need the plane to search a large area.
    They make a kill and take the plane home. They drive as close to the kill zone as possible, towing a horse trailer or with an off-road vehicle in the truck.
    “Pack in” does not have to mean hiking, as on foot.
    In this case, the kill zone is only several miles from the Trails’ place.

  309. Baka Gaijin
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#133): I think you forgot a word: Rusty is nothing more than a ‘CHIP’ OFF THE OLD BLOCKHEAD!

    @seismic-2 (#293):
    Rhythmic slide ruling!
    Individuals Greco-Roman cephalopod wrestling!
    The 100 meter salmon square dash!
    Freestyle rainbow ice cream swirling!
    Heavyweight division mayo sandwich clean-and-jerk!

  310. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#310):
    Individual Floor Meddle
    Repeated Marriage-Proposal Turn Down
    Margo Wrestling

  311. Baka Gaijin
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#311): Margo Wrestling you say? That could pull in the ratings.

  312. Girl Reporter
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Butt-sitting
    Television Viewing
    Whining
    Ineffective crime “fighting”
    Butt-sitting

    “You said butt-sitting twice”

    “I like butt-sitting”

  313. Mr. Manchineel
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#312): In addition to Greco-Margo Wrestling, other events in the 3G Pentathalon are: Career-Switching, Blond-Man Identification, Tommie Listening (an endurance event), and, of course, Bathroom.

  314. Droopy Says
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#291): I wouldn’t use the word “revolve” to describe the Jugs Parker plot. The story is so static that a round of cartoon golf would liven it up.

  315. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#315):

    Careful! A round of golf in Judge Parker could stop time altogether.

  316. Girl Reporter
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Ribald storytelling
    Vulgarity concocting
    Carol Channing revering
    Homoeroticism-spotting
    Turkey leg half-seating

  317. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#244): Well, it did make me want to hurl…

  318. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#317): Awwww…… ((sniff))

  319. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#284): Jesus. Does that mean I have to read it as an exercise in postmodern irony? Because if I’m being a smug prick to make fun of a smug prick…well, let’s just say the layers of “meta” pile up pretty quickly.

  320. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#296): But on stylistic grounds, and in matters of clarity…

    I’m totally with you. My defense was purely technical.

    Moreover, to me his sentence reads less like “I don’t claim to have a monopoly on the right to use borders as” and more “I don’t claim to have invented this way of using borders…”

    Either way you interpret it, it is silly. Of course, he has no monopoly, nor did he invent the technique. Who asked him? Either proposition is ludicrous. It is as if I said, “I have never adumbrated that I am the true heir of the Duchy of Bridgewater, nor have I put forth as apodictic truth that I am the rightful King of France.”

    The sentence is grammatically correct, and completely true. My use of the obscure words “adumbrated” and “apodictic” is correct. Look it up, if you like. I am just showing off, as is B.E. here.

    // However, should I be considered for either position, this should not be taken as a Shermanesque refusal. I could use a job, and I’d think about it.

  321. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#312): I’m in, so long as I don’t have to watch the Nina-birthing marathon.

  322. LanceThruster
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Shoe – As I recall, bird species have a substantial and well documented propensity for gay behavior (as well as some other fascinating sexual practices).

    I wonder if Shoe ever bagged Roz, if they’d do it in freefall like eagles?

  323. Alex Blaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Shorter B.C.:

    Wikipedia is for Godless heathens who don’t read B.C.

  324. Mr. O'Malley
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135): Is that per year, or the staffing level of a standing army? I seem to remember that the Mongol cavalry under Genghis Khan had about 10 horses per rider, but that doesn’t include support personnel.

    @bats :[ (#178): One of the few things I remember about Pres. Taft is that when he visited Atlantic City, some reporters put up a sign reading “No Swimming. President Taft is using the ocean.”

  325. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#302): Thank you for that. An excellent article, and Mr. Anthony has an amazing website.

  326. Calico
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#307):
    Wow – interesting. Seriously.
    Thank you President Taft!

  327. Chaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#315): Hah! Cartoon golf, you wish. We’re gonna be treated to couch sitting, TV watching, and Avery napping. That oughtta be good for about three days, maybe more. Heck, Sam’s trip to the wine cellar has taken all week.

  328. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#307): Is it true though? The ONLY person to have served in all three branches? He was certainly the only person to have been the chief of two of them. But I bet there are a lot of judges who became Congressmen, and served in the executive branch, in some order or other.

  329. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#313): Is that supposed to be identical to Spiderman’s list? Peter Parker … is that you?

  330. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#325): Wow, they put up the exact same sign for Obama in Connecticut this week!

  331. Zerowolf
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dawn can’t tell the difference between a knee and a shin. Perhaps her complete ignorance of basic anatomy explains her problems in the romance department.

  332. Cloudbuster
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#328): Will we also be treated to Three Stooges levels of bumbling from our pot farmers where they make repeated attempts to snag the camera from the unsuspecting Avery but are hilariously and accidentally foiled each time?

  333. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#325): Since you had to ask.

  334. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, that link doesn’t seem to work. Check http://www.1911encyclopedia.org, and search for Cossacks.

  335. Peanut Gallery
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#135):

    I also like the precision here, 170,695 horses, no more, no less!

    Probably just the result of a conversion from 125,546,000 watts.

  336. The Ridger
    August 9th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#118): Ever seen “The Lighthorsemen”? It has a brilliant depiction of the ANZAC cavalry charge on Beersheba in 1917. (plus the difference between the British and Australian way of handling soldiers who couldn’t hack combat: the former shot them, the latter put them in front-line ambulances. Er, as drivers.)

  337. Dale
    August 9th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#336):

    I would have used precisely 746 and gotten a different answer.

  338. The Ridger
    August 9th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#178): I believe he just had a giant tub installed after he got stuck in the regular one. He was, however, the last president to have a mustache (or any facial hair, for that matter).

  339. Señor Tortilla
    August 9th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#252): The Computer History Museum? The one in California? Someone brought me back a Pac-Man t-shirt there. Sadly, because Apple isn’t a huge corporate sponsor, the museum is curiously lacking in Apple-related stuff.

    I hope it has at least has a 20th Anniversary Mac.

  340. demoncat
    August 9th, 2012 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    shoe ross is not turning red from proably reading one of the sexual explesive passage in fifty shades of grey but she got caught by shoe reading the book and revealed even the bird creatures of shoe can be aroused. mw. oh no wilburs knee is bleeding means mary decided its time to kill him for next will be lcok jaw and then dawn will be sobbing on the chopper about life is brutal again

  341. Uncle Lumpy
    August 9th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#340):

    Seriously, go see that. It used to be a kind of attic for old computer gear and geek projects like a networked recumbent bicycle, but it’s received some serious funding and a makeover, and is now well worth a look.

    Plus a friend of mine is a Fellow there.

  342. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#255): thatwouldbesocool! Yeah, I’d probably collect them. I’d put them beside my original Empire Strikes Back set. And my Ernie Keebler ones. And my White Rock fairy ones.
    Yep, I gotta lotta crap.

  343. gnome de blog
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    I’m seriously impressed that head golf pro John Jawor knows that if you’re going to swing a golf club with just the right arm it’s best to do so from a lefty stance. And I’m shocked that veteran coach Gil Thorp didn’t know that.

  344. SurrealKangaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#105):
    Baldo is a guy.

  345. bats :[
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#269): or President Taft in the same tub of Jell-O with Michael Phelps.

    Sorry. @Girl Reporter (#282): Coooooool!

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#284): hey! Don’t diss library book sales. Well, you can diss the part with the one table full of Readers’ Digest Condensed books (donations, of course) and the other full of old National Geographics (ditto).

    @Sequitur (#307): Well, and that you were incredibly fat, Mr. President. Fatty fat fat fat. The fattest President of all! When Pluto was discovered, it was a tossup between calling it Pluto or Taft.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#319): all true!

  346. tallyHO
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#322):
    Would said marathon have the Benny Hill soundtrack playing as she pops out one after the other?

    With the occasional cameo by Margo as she steals a kiss from Scott* and Tommie’s perplexing, rapid fire paced delivery motions as she hands off each child to Mr. Nina’s Dad, who Margo occasionally pats upon the head? And, heck, Nina may as well try different positions for delivery at that point.

    Poppop pop Poppop pop!

    *i don’t feel so great for remembering their names.

  347. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#346): Hah. Yeah, that was the table I was thinking of. I actually rather like library book sales, but there does frequently seem to be a clump of stuff that you look at and think, “There’s a reason the library didn’t want this for itself.”

    (CD-ROM guide to Windows 97, anyone? No? How about an illustrated guide to herpes management, dated 1988? Or maybe this book of amateur poetry on the delights of living in 1970s Cleveland? Or this telephone directory for Greencastle, Indiana, circa 1993?)

  348. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of William Howard Taft

  349. Chaze
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#348): I went to my home town’s library sale and found a complete first edition set of Hardy Boys mysteries. I paid $5 each and was deliriously happy. Just thought I’d pass that along. Go back about your business.

  350. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    A Clerihew?

    William Howard Taft
    Was certainly not daft.
    The White House commode, bathtub, et cetara,
    Were replaced to suit his embonpoint.

  351. Ride Dem Haunches
    August 9th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#348): (CD-ROM guide to Windows 97, anyone? No? How about an illustrated guide to herpes management, dated 1988? Or maybe this book of amateur poetry on the delights of living in 1970s Cleveland? Or this telephone directory for Greencastle, Indiana, circa 1993?)

    You are freaking me out! How the hell do you know what’s on my bookshelf?

    // That WIN97 cdrom was a classic!

  352. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#350): *high five*

  353. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#303): I could absolutely go along with that. Another alternative, for which it is unfortunately too late, given the cell phone calls, would have been for Avery to have grabbed a handful of the stuff and tried to smoke it, only to discover that he had fallen into a patch of naturalized ditchweed and would have to smoke a pound or so to get high. I’ve got a six-foot specimen growing next to my bedroom window and haven’t whacked it because it’s pretty. If the sheriff ever dropped by, which he won’t, I’d direct him to the large patch in my neighbor’s road ditch. It’s everywhere here.

  354. Sgt. Stoned
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#1): MW: Ah, yes, the flashbacks of young, dashing, Wilbur Weston who dreams of writing The Great American Novel, but who ends up as…”Dear Wendy”? Wilbur should just jump out of the chopper now.

  355. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#350): I am flabbergasted. You bestride the narrow world like a Colossus, man. 1st Edition? What were they thinking?

  356. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#354): Wouldn’t it be simple to hybridize the dirt weed with the really potent stuff? How could anyone tell? You could grow all you want, and just complain about the damn weeds if anyone asked you.

  357. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#357): Interesting idea. Maybe someone has already done it…

  358. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    Pentathingie

    1) Getting subcu fluid into cats.
    2) Eating lots of chocolate.
    3) Analyzing pastures for remnant prairie.
    4) Creating huge piles on household flat surfaces.
    5) Coming up with rationalizations for eating lots of chocolate.

  359. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#347): <<Backing away from keyboard slowly>>

  360. Peanut Gallery
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#277): Send that one in!

  361. seismic-2
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: When Wilbur Weston’s leg gets seriously infected and requires surgery, will he be flown to Santa Royale so that Doctor Jeff can do the honors? Or maybe Adrian??? Somebody had better notify Gil Thorp – he’s soon going to be needed to coach Wilbur in the difficult sport of one-legged kite flying.

  362. Peanut Gallery
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#316): But just imagine the cavalcade of obscure, vaguely sexual-sounding golf terms!

  363. Baka Gaijin
    August 9th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Manchineel (#314): Good ones and ratings magnets all, except maybe Tommie Listening. That’ll have sets switching off all over the world.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#319): Seconded.

    @Zerowolf (#332): I do not want to hear what she thinks “ear sex” is.

    @seismic-2 (#362): Knowing how things go in the Worthiverse, Wilbur will be dropped off at Rome’s historic Gap store for new trousers.

  364. Anonymous
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#348): Yep, I’ve seen that table. And right next to it, around here anyway, inevitably are about thirty copies of THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY.

  365. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#365): I came so close to an entire day without this.

  366. Poteet
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#366): I shoulda remembered that showing up as “Anonymous” is one of my special pentathlon mad skilz.

  367. pastordan
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#367): Looks like you’re developing a case of Cloudbuster’s Disease.

  368. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#339): True. No Mustachioed-American since Tom Dewey has even gotten a major party nomination.

  369. Vince M
    August 9th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#299): Probably because AUUUGGGHHH! That last panel has haunted my dreams for decades.

    He has had at least one song written about him:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6MsGsNkFqI

  370. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#367): At least eating computer cookies has no calories.

  371. Sequitur
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Poteet! You like nature. Right?

  372. Ukulele Ike
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#348): “Or maybe this book of amateur poetry on the delights of living in 1970s Cleveland?”

    Meet d.a. levy, the greatest man in the history of Cleveland.

    http://www.deepcleveland.com/levycenter.html

  373. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#361): I should. It’s got plugger superiority AND plugger inferiority all in one.

  374. tallyHO
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#360):
    Ha!

    You backed away slowly?

    I hit POST and ran!

  375. Illustrator Steve
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    MT – (Villainous sheep killers): “Hey there, old fellow. Have you seen a red-haired kid with an old camera hanging from his neck riding a palomino horse?
    (Doc): “NO, he’s probably outside!”

  376. commodorejohn
    August 9th, 2012 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#340): They actually do have some Apple machines in their appropriate historical contexts, though Disciples of Steve may be disappointed that there’s not an entire wing of the building devoted to the One True Innovator in All of History. We were a little strapped for time by the time we got to them, though. No TAM in evidence [*] but they did have a Lisa.

  377. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 10th, 2012 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#373): That’s actually really cool. I had no idea; I just pulled the idea out of… well, someplace no idea has any right to be.

  378. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 10th, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#378): Okay, that’s an ugly sentence of my own!

  379. Droopy Says
    August 10th, 2012 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: I am now rooting for Spiderboy to retreive Jameson’s stolen watch. I want to see Jameson’s distorted, exagerrated look of dismay when he’s told “Here’s the cheap knock-off you told everyone was a Rolex!”

    FU, W: And Buddy thinks “Why didn’t I jump when I had the chance?”

    Mark Trail: The reason this story makes no sense is because it is all happening inside Rusty’s pinhead. He broke Mark’s good lens and is now dreaming up a story to tell him.

    Pluggers: Nobody can lack enthusiasm as vigorously as a Plugger.

    Jugs Parker: Okay, Bea, there’s the camera, will you please kill them now?

    Mary Mirthless: I like this installment. No, really. If any song deserves to be dragged into this trainshipwreck of a story, it’s “My Heart Will Go On.”

  380. Comcis Fan
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    FW: I agree with what’s-her-name about county fairs, but for cripe’s sake! Is Funky Winkerbean brought to us by the pharmaceutical industry, antidepressant division?

  381. crazy fungus
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Sudsy Nematode #196- cut it out. whats the point? I’ll take a stab at an answer, so dont get hacked off.

  382. crazy fungus
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Rana catesbiana on a wet blanket- thats just a tad POLE

  383. crazy fungus
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    Noon Sequitur #372- Poteet was steve canyon’s niece/fantasy fanstasy lover. Or louvre

  384. FOOBed again
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#204): I don’t mind that they modernized Melissa’s clothing a little. I always used to think she looked like she hadn’t changed her style of dress since the early 20th century. But her entitled, rich-bitch attitude isn’t a welcome change. Did she even used to be rich in the old days?

  385. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Spider-Maaaan!

    When JJJ said his gold watch is in Clown-9’s “Loot bag”, that wasn’t a “Pulp Fiction” reference, was it? The Gold Watch.

    A3G:
    Oh those Golden Grahams,
    Sweet tasty Golden Grahams.
    They’re a fraud-pectacular,
    steeped in nerve-wracked actors-er,
    A Goooolden Treeeaet!

    (he printed that business card out on his inkjet. The bones of his Golden Gramma Graham will answer the phone)

    Mistopher Trendy, aka, Snuffy Smif:

    An Ass that wears Horseshoes is not an ass, it is a lucky mule!now ahma wipin’ da drool off me mouf! Hyuk, hyuk Hyoooooo!

    Beetle Bailey:
    You’re a Plugger if your day planner is a shoebox full of pills
    //that’s depressing. oh well, cheer up general, Plug ‘er with a roll in the hayhay!

    Funky Winkerbean:
    Yup. The word “depressing” isn’t a fun word to have in a comic strip. If you are gonna get all Psalmsy, you may as well choose the good parts or go with some Wordsworth. Have the kid step on a powerline and sing the Body Electric!

  386. crazy fungus
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Post modern olympic pentathlon:
    1- NRA pandering
    2- couch potatoing ( or using that as a VERB)
    3- reverse mortgage pandering
    4- two thumb and one thumb video gaming
    5- Sikh and Muslim confusing cause theyre both FURRINERS
    and the last event- outsourcing…

    Wwwwwait, thats six events. Oh, who needs math, anyway.

  387. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lois:
    Yes, Hi, it has been over 40 years since your family and neighbors were placed in suspended animation. In that time, your kids are still kids, your neighbors are still mean drunks and your wife is still pretty hot. Kudos, my man! Count Weirdly did right by freezing your gene pool at one extra generation!

    Mark Trail:
    Is Mark lost or something? Or is *he* the one having an affair with Ranger Tom Martin ™ and his Fists of Oh Yeah!
    So, step one to get the camera: Fake confusion and be polite about it and then just grab the camera. Just make sure your mullet blows in the breeze so…baaahhhh…so what! Rusty Buckets is doomed! There’s enough room in that oddly shaped pick up truck for Rusty Buckets and his Golden Palo-his-oh, whom I presume is named, Fishing Buddy.

    Mary Worth:
    Dawn, dear, dear, Dawn. You’ve always been such an eternal optimist. Your rosey outlook on life has helped me through my own troubled times. Now you tell me that weeks ago, even before the vacation liner was sinking, you realized one more delightful, life reaffirming Mistopher Trendy-like miracles. And, here we all were thinking you might start to sink into a funk and go down with the ship.

    Thankfully, that obscure song you reference, buoyed your spirits even higher than the helicopter (which is destined to crash in a ball of fire on the beach) will take you.

    Thanks for spending weeks of this Summer cheering everyone up, Little Miss Sunshine, thy name is Dawn. Thy thighs are golden, I’m sure. But that last part is not pertinent to the sarcasm I’m writing. For a brief clause, I slipped in a sonnet state of mind.

    Pluggers:
    Let’s see, checking my notes. Already Zinged you this evening in a Beetle Bailey twofer.
    Aw. What the heck?
    How do you all think the other pluggers feel about that immigrant with the big horn? You know what I’m talking about. It seems to break their concentrations and prevents them from rhyming with ribald revelry
    //(whisper: plus those dogs are bald! how does that happen???!!!!???)

    Popeye:
    Dear Popeye,
    Just get it over with and move on to something interesting.

  388. Margo
    August 10th, 2012 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    1. Verbally abusing soulless gingers
    2. Homewrecking
    3. Gallery promotage
    4. Bun twisting
    5. Paying $500 for a rent-controlled apartment in Midtown

    More medals, mule!

  389. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Finally, a word to Slylock Fox’s Funtime zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

    huh, wuzzat?

    Oh yeah. Slylock Fox’s Artist’s Spotlight.

    Someone give that kid a job as a character designer at the Cartoon Network. I can’t see it would be the best way to strike fear into the hearts of the adults who currently have those jobs when they see that she can outdraw them but at least the 9 year old will get a head start.

    Kudos, young artist. Draw draw draw!

    //so ends my bon mot for the week. Now back to saying nothing but good for nothings!

  390. Jesse Owens
    August 10th, 2012 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    Greatest man in the history of Cleaveland? Oh really.

  391. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#373):
    I guess you are replying to the above comment, sir.

    @Jesse Owens (#391):

    Well, if by “Cleaveland”, Mr. One of the Greatest Olympians Ever, you mean the Grisly Murder/ Meat Packing Capital of the World where meat cleaving is an anti-social activity du jour then I guess anything is possible….

    like you having internet access

    Yoinks! Zowie!
    It’s a g-g-g-g-ghost!

  392. commodorejohn
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    The Commodorejohn Pentathlon:
    1. Sleeping way later than you intend to but waking up just in time to dash off to work in a panic.
    2. Creative time-killing.
    3. Spending most of your free time on projects, but having so many you only ever complete one or two a decade.
    4. Finding ways to make things for the cost of Hamburger Helper that are less terrible than Hamburger Helper, but not significantly more complex.
    5. Kvetching about how much better things were a decade before you were born.

  393. Chip Whittle
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#296):

    So even if his use of the words can be bent to be technically correct, that bending is at odds with the intended meaning of the sentence.

    I thought McEldowney’s intended meaning of the sentence was “I am better than you, and you should feel bad for not being as good as me.”

  394. John C Fremont
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    Cleveland? Carol Cleveland? I would like to be in Carol Cleveland very much. Thank you for asking.

    MT – See, Bubba? That’s how you do it. Now get in there and grab that camera!

  395. Droopy Says
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    Lio: While mere humans watch the Hellhound in helpless dismay, cats take action. How’s that chew-toy, Marmaduke?

  396. Mr. O'Malley
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#340): It’s a museum that deals with historically important innovative computers. Repackaging existing concepts and creating consumer marketing campaigns are not a major focus.

  397. CanuckDownSouth
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    A3G – You were doing well, Evan, until you demonstrated that you can’t even assemble contact information properly. Business card or no, handing a list of references including one without a phone number should send your resume to the circular file.

  398. Little Guy
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Curtis: My kingdom for a bottle of Chloroform!

    MT: Dumbass! [Red Forman]

  399. Amy Stephenson
    August 10th, 2012 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Melissa has spent the better part of the week telling Rex about her financial and personal woes. Isn’t he her doctor? Or perhaps she’s smarter than that. “Yeah, you’re the guy who treated a life-threatening drug overdose with smelling salts. I think I’ll talk finances with you and take my herniated disc to JiffyLube.”

  400. gleeb
    August 10th, 2012 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Barney Google: Seven-legged mules aren’t as rare in Hootin’ Holler as they are elsewhere.

  401. greghousesgf
    August 10th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#395): say no more, squire!

  402. Anonymous
    August 10th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    I, too, immediately recognized Peter and B.C. Their names were firmly fixed in my brain during my childhood in the 1960s (AKA “When BC Was Funny.”). This is why I can’t remember my only son, just off to college’s, cell #. If it ever got unprogrammed from my phone I’d be doomed. But I’d be able to post the names of comic strip characters from the 1960s.

  403. Deb T
    August 10th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    MW: “I mean, can you believe it? Everyone fucking hates that song! The boat probably committed suicide out of shame.”

    I’m not sure why, but this made me nearly do a spit take with my Diet Cherry Coke.

  404. Lenoxus
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    So in the Shoe-verse, does 50 Shades of Grey star bird-people? Was it originally written as fan-fiction based on bird-Twilight, featuring a romance with a bird-vampire? How far doesn the rabbit-hole bird-nest does this go?

  405. David Rickert
    August 12th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    I won a trivia contest this weekend because of the B.C. commentary. Thanks!!

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