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Metapost: It’s Friday I’m in COTW

Your COTW in a moment, but first, let me re-ask my earlier question as to whether anyone who works at a newspaper who has anything to do with the comics end of business could get ahold of me? THANKS! bio at jfruh dot com!

Anyway, here’s your COTW:

“Pluggers have a vague idea that fried chicken is in the news for some reason or another. Was it chicken? Maybe it was burgers. Pluggers get tired and confused sometimes. But remember when something pluggers liked was more popular than it is now? Oh, yeah. Hello, comfort zone.” –Dan

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Not only is he neither shy nor tall, he’s only a ‘young man’ if by young man you mean ‘Generic Apartment 3-G blond wearing a suit the likes of which America hasn’t seen since the Kennedy era.’” –Schroduck

“Ha! It’s funny because the workers are being exploited by the bourgeoisie, thus sending us headlong to the moment when the proletariat seizes the means of production. Remember: lollipops are the opiate of the masses.” –Nekrotzar

Family Circus: “The better question is this: How is Dolly watching the Olympics live? Is she a witch?” –The Ghost of Jarrod

“Sam’s behavior is logical. When you never have to pay for anything, you might as well not pay for the most expensive bottle in the cellar.” –Alfred E. Neuman

“Dawn’s inevitable book and movie deal will result in Roberto Benigni’s triumphant return to the silver screen as both Dawn and Wilbur in La vita è brutale: Figlia di un molestatore di panino. Cinema itself will die that day.” –Ed Dravecky

“Wow, looking at today’s Mark Trail, I realize I must have missed the entire ‘Rusty goes to the orthodontist’ story line.” –Mark B.

“Why does the artist make all the men look like they are wearing ballet tights? Is this really a decades-long tragic ballet about post-war suburban alienation? If so, let’s get on with the tragic suicide.” –geekwhisperer

“The cat lady dies, but Wilbur lives. Where is your God now?” –cheech wizard

“Really? It will cost $1200 to fix Marylou’s teeth? Hell, it will cost that much just to fix her hair!” –seismic-2

“My mind reels at all the possibilities of the avian version of awful erotic fiction. We can be certain that it involves a lot of squawking at 7am while people are trying to sleep in and then leaving messes on windshields.” –Chareth Cutestory

“It shatters my worldview to think that $1200 even exists in Momma’s universe. Also, teeth. What next, will they allude to Francis’s dignity?” –Doctor Handsome

“I feel like the first panel of Funky Winkerbean was written with help from a specialized Mad Libs sheet. [plural noun] are [positive adjective], but there always seems to be an [word that sounds smart/deep] of [synonym for 'sadness'] that comes with them.” –Agoraphobic Turtle

“I really wish they had gone all the way with their Titanic tribute, and let Dawn freeze to death, as Wilbur would only have enough room on the raft for himself and a dozen hoagies.” –Irrischano

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151 responses to “Metapost: It’s Friday I’m in COTW”

  1. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Excellent floatage, folks! Congrats!

  2. pastordan
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to all those who made the float, but it’s cold out here, you know? Do you think you could scooch that guinea grinder over just a little?

    No?

    Life is brutal.

    P.S.: Glub.

  3. Little Guy
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Woot! Congrats to the COTW and the Floaters! Mitres all around!

  4. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    the bartender says “What’ll it be?”
    A tachyon walks into a bar, and

    @Katzenjammer Kid (#y275): …are there really only FOUR survivors from that cruise ship full of hundreds of passengers and crew?
    Everybody else shrugged and went into a lifeboat or swam the short distance to shore.

    Congratulations to the real winners here.

  5. Irrischano
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    honored as always josh!

  6. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, all!

  7. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    A toast to the comments of the week! Fun, Funny stuff, all of it!

  8. KreatureFeatures
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    It’s a beautiful crop of COTWs today. Well done, everybody.

    I forgot to chime in on Thursday about Dennis the Menace, but did you see him smacking the 8 ball off a pool table in a crowded room, in a manner sure to cause property damage and physical injury? Did you see the brazen rudeness and mindless aggression? I believe he’s getting his edge back. Yay Dennis!

  9. Mark B.
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Back on the float again! Whew. Thanks, Josh! Lots of funny stuff this week.

  10. Peanut Gallery
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#Y27): There is some uncertainty about whether the band on the Titanic actually played Nearer, My God, to Thee. But it would probably be best to avoid playing it on ships anyway.

  11. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Are they throwing guinea grinders from the float? This could get messy!

    // Hooray for all!

  12. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#4): “A tachyon walks into a bar…”

    ISWYDT, heh!

  13. Mark B.
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Here’s perfect teeth Rusty on August 8. Just a week previous, we saw ventriloquist dummy Rusty (August 3).

  14. Chaze
    August 10th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Huzzahs all around to our winners. Special thanks to some of the most bizarre story lines we’ve seen in a long time. Oh yeah, and Judge Parker, too.

  15. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    The entire periodic table walks into a trendy, happening, hip, bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, number five will have to leave, but the rest of you are welcome!”

  16. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    A duck walks into a bar, and says “ouch!”

  17. pastordan
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#15):

    The entire periodic table walks into a trendy, happening, hip, bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, number five will have to leave, but the rest of you are welcome!”

    Number 6 says, “In that case, I’ll eat his hamburger pun and all his fries.”

    Number 26 says, “That’s ironic.”

  18. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#11): For a change of pace, they could throw Signor Resculini action figures! (Now with realistic grimaces of disgust!)

  19. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#18): I think he’s the guinea hero!

  20. pastordan
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

  21. Calico
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#8):
    Yes, I meant to say something about that too, but forgot. That definitely is more like the D of old.

  22. seismic-2
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    A baby seal walks into a bar, points to a shot glass, and says, “Hit me.”
    The bartender reaches for the blended whiskeys and says, “How about a Canadian Club?”

  23. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#8):
    Curves make things funnier, I tells ya! His pose definitely adds to the punch.

  24. bats :[
    August 10th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#20): Isn’t Molten Boron the Olympic runner from Jamaica?

  25. pastordan
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#24): Well, Hermes Conrad is the former Jamaican Olympian in Limbo, that I know.

  26. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#17):

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#15):
    The entire periodic table walks into a trendy, happening, hip, bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, number five will have to leave, but the rest of you are welcome!”
    Number 6 says, “In that case, I’ll eat his hamburger pun and all his fries.”

    Number 26 says, “That’s ironic.”

    But then numbers 2, 10, 18, 36, 54, and 86 demanded a table and private room for themselves, the snobs!

  27. pastordan
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#26): Here I thought they would have left for the dressage competition by now…

  28. Chyron HR
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#10): There is some uncertainty about whether the band on the Titanic actually played Nearer, My God, to Thee.

    In fact, they were playing The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

  29. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#27): It gets worse. The bartender asked, “Who’s going to pay for all this?” It turned out that only numbers 78 and 78 had brought their credit cards. And number 8, who had previously been sucking up to everybody, cadging spare electrons, got in a huff, and left the room, leaving everybody breathless.

  30. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#29): As you might expect, number 1 and number 2 floated off somewhere, probably to the restrooms, and sure enough, number 87 and number 32 got into a fight. And numbers 92 and 93, suddenly decided that number 94 wasn’t worthy of them, and cut him out of their orbit.

    It was a terrible night.

  31. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#29): oops, 78 & 79.

  32. yaoi huntress earth
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    FW: It’s amazing: they made Wally age 25 years in one strip. Is this intentional with all his characters that he has to make them old, homely, haggard or in the case of Summer, like a boy?

  33. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    I should paste all that together. Could be the longest, worst, “guy walked into a bar” jokes ever!

  34. pastordan
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#31): Why do I think I’m going to know the whole Periodic Table by the time this is done?

    Also, it’s St. Lawrence’s day, so go 103!

  35. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @La Cieca (#Y292): I totally believe that.

  36. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#34): St. Lawrence? What’d he ever do. Go cry me a river!

  37. Calico
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#30):
    And then there was the crew who decided they could only hang around for a split second.
    (Always in a hurry, I tell ya!)

  38. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#37): Still, they had the time of their half-lives.

  39. bbofun
    August 10th, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    A sheep walks into a baaa…

  40. Peanut Gallery
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#28): As the big freighters go, it was bigger than most.

  41. Peanut Gallery
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#26): It’s just as well. We don’t want to listen to the nobility gassing on and on all night.

  42. Peanut Gallery
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#33): Number 29 came in to make an arrest, and number 13 said, “Curses! Foiled again!”

  43. bats :[
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

  44. Calico
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#39):
    On Broadway?

  45. geekwhisperer
    August 10th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    *dons mitre* Nobody expects the comics inquisition!

    Well done amusing persons!

  46. This Guy
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    The last I heard about “My Heart Will Go On,” even Celine Dion herself is sick of the fucking thing now.

    But I’m not sick of these Comments of the Week!

  47. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    What, me float? I’m out of my element hovering over such rare earth. It’s like being on helium, and I feel like I’ve won a Noble Gas Prize. Congrats to all of my fellow floaters who have created such clever and funny compounds of Numbers 50, 18, and 19.

  48. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#44): They say that number 10′s lights are bright there.

  49. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#42): It turned out that number 51 not only didn’t have a credit card, he didn’t believe in cash. “Everything should be free!” he shouted. “Property is theft!”

    “Number 55!” shouted the crowd to number 29. “He’s an anarchist!”

  50. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#49): Helium returned to the bar. “I am the new number 2,” she said to Carbon. You are number 6.”
    “I am not a number,” he responded angrily, tossing aside an electron. “I am a free radical!”

  51. Calico
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#48):
    “Suzanne tired, her work all done
    Thinks ‘Money honey, be on neon’”

  52. seismic-2
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    And of course the bouncer tossed out number 94, since a scientific organization declared that he is no longer an element. Numbers 6 and 8 got up to sing a duet at Karaoke, but the bartender stopped them, since those two always put everyone to sleep.

  53. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    So Carbon 14 walks into a bar with a beautiful babe on his arm. She excuses herself to go to the lady’s room, and the bartender asks, “How do you do it? You always have these great dates!”

  54. seismic-2
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    After a few drinks, number 11 got just a little too active. The bartender said, “I’m cutting you off – no more water for you! Now just sit quietly, and remember that I’ve got my ion you.”

  55. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#52): But then number 7 and number 8 got together for a duet, and nobody could stop laughing.

  56. Poteet
    August 10th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Yay, a good long list of funny! All hail to Dan and the extremely funny runners-up! This was a good week.

  57. Poteet
    August 10th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT & FW — I was at the Iowa State Fair today. No dogs cowering on ferris wheels, no puerile conversations about melancholy, no bad-tempered lunatics racing lawnmowers. I had a wonderful time. Thank you, Batiukiverse, for making me appreciate it even more.

  58. Calico
    August 10th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    47 and 104 had a handle in that glorious group, and I hope we never have to number 56 them.

  59. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    “no bad-tempered lunatics racing lawnmowers”

    Waitasecond.
    Are you sure you were at the right place?

  60. Superfarkas
    August 10th, 2012 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    So, would Herman Cain make it as Clown 9-9-9?

  61. Hank
    August 10th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Comic Book Resources has an article about Mort Walker’s “x-rated” Beetle Bailey strips in case anyone’s interested.

  62. tallyHO
    August 10th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @Superfarkas (#60):

    Nein! Nein! Nein!

  63. Alfred E. Neuman
    August 10th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#298y) said: “Luann – ‘See?’ whines Greg Evans. ‘I can so draw more than ten characters! I just choose not to!’”

    And now we know why.

  64. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 10th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to those atop the float Say cheese!

  65. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#59): That’s a fair question. A little research revealed that the end of July did bring a national lawnmower racing event to Iowa. But it was held in a town called Carlisle, not the Iowa State Fair. I would never claim that bad-tempered lunatics are absent from the Fair. I was one this morning while competing in the Weed Identification Contest. But at least Crankshaft didn’t show up.

  66. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#65): Isn’t “fair question” a bit redundant here?

  67. tallyHO
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#65):

    Ha!

    I was just kidding. To me that kind of racing just sounds appropriate for a fair.
    It sounds fun.

    As for a “Weed Identification Contest”…
    you do know that could be taken at least two different ways, of course?

    One sounds fun. The other sounds…well, like it takes a trained eye along with much knowledge of a large variety of weeds. I’m guessing it was the latter kind of contest. Did you do well?

  68. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

  69. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#67): HAR again! Between Weed ID and fair question, I am slow on the uptake tonight, probably due to an all-nighter with a weed book. (I wish I were kidding.) I would have done reasonably well if the other contestants had been ordinary humans instead of weed maniacs. But I did better than last year, so yay.

  70. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    S-M — Promises, promises.

  71. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Spider-Bland: It makes sense that Asi9 would want to destroy Spiderboy. If he’s going into a life of supervillainy, gthen some day he’ll have to fight a superhero. So he may as well get in some practice before he encounters the real thing.

    FU, W: Didn’t she come to the fair with Wally? Does this mean that she came by herself, seeking a good time less than thoroughly miserable experience, and had the bad luck to run into Wally?

    Pluggers: Lady, you can’t disturb a Plugger. They’re already disturbed.

    Mock Trail: I think the “silence Rusty” plan just broke the record for quickest failure. But of course Rusty’s excited. The camera-snatcher has disproportionate body parts, runs like a cheap watch, and has no brains under his unruly hair. We’ve just found Rusty’s real father!

    Mary Mirthless: Wilbur is shocked to look at the ocean and realize there are no survivors in the water. “The bastards!” he thinks. “They all dived to get back on the ship and steal the sammiches! Turn this helicopter around so I can claim the salvage rights!” (And what happened to the axle that the helicopter had for its landing gear last week?)

    Jugs Parker: Bea, are you trying to kill Sam and Avery through old age?

  72. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    A3G — I can well believe he’s a New Yorker born and bred, being as how he looks like every other youngish male in the strip. *yawn* New York, New York, a helluva town.

  73. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    GA — Already I miss the dreadful DVD-player story.

  74. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    JP — Yay! Nicely done!

  75. Poteet
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    RMMD — I’ll try not to whine too often about how much better the old Melissa was, but I can see it’s going to be difficult. I’d like to push this new one out of a plane.

  76. TheRealAaron
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @Irrischano (#5): For what it’s worth[*], I thought your comment was the best of the week. But that could just be my love for Wilbur’s love of sandwiches speaking.

  77. tallyHO
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Spidey:

    I’ve heard it is tough to drive in New York City. Apparently that is only true for people who are not driving duck-billed go-carts through alleys.

  78. tallyHO
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#72):

    Walp! Instead of “born and bred” he could have said, “cloned and inbred”, “horny in bed”, “with a screw on head”, “then I fled”, etc.

  79. tallyHO
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Dateline: Lost Forest*

    Rusty Buckets is shrinking. Why even his word balloons seem too big for his diminutive form. Will he become the size of a teacup by the time he reaches the door?

    *i love how the background harkens back to the weed storyline. Green Outlines and Blue skies.

  80. Ed Dravecky
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Dan and all the other funny folks on the float!

  81. Ed Dravecky
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#52): 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, BATMAN!

  82. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    The New Adventures of Queen Victoria: Another Lawrence Welk sighting! And the zombie reference would explain why you don’t disturb Pluggers when they’re watching Lawrence Welk reruns. (And what would King Family reruns do for Pluggers? Would they hear secret messages from Alvino Rey and his talking guitar?)

  83. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-I shall polish him off and blow him dry.

    MT-Watch it, Rusty! Don’t trip over your word balloons.

    Pluggers-Your grandfather isn’t watching “Lawrence Welk”. Your grandfather is dead.

  84. Liam
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    JP-She’s just found the nude pictures on Avery’s camera.

  85. Ed Dravecky
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    I know a lot of other folks are going to see this resemblance but Mayor Dalton’s Prostate wants you to know that while his photoshoppery skills are minimal, he wants to be the first to congratulate Herman and Eddie on their big announcement this morning.

  86. Horace Broon
    August 11th, 2012 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#81): And for the World’s Finest Team, add number 36.

    Congrats to all on the float!

  87. Horace Broon
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    A3G: And there we have it. Clearly the last obstacle to Margo hiring Evan – that he was an outsider – has been resolved.

    BB: It’s baffling surrealism time again. Did someone change Mort’s meds?

    JP: “That picture is worth a million bucks to me … at least I think that’s how much you can blackmail a pot grower for!”

    RMMD: “What does this crisis have to do with me?” should be Rex’s catchphrase.

    S4th: And then they kiss?

  88. Doctor Handsome
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Funny things are funny, and I like that about them! Hooray! I’ve recently been drinking.

  89. John C Fremont
    August 11th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Speaking of weed identification contestants, we just celebrated what would have been Jerry Garcia’s 70th birthday. Bobby Dylan himself is 71 now. And Dick Clark! He was 82 when he went into eternal syndication, fer cryin’ out loud. Who the hell is left to watch Lawrence Welk reruns? Exactly how old are Pluggers supposed to be? Shouldn’t Pluggers be more like Charlton Heston in The Omega Man, sitting alone in a theater watching Woodstock and reciting the dialogue while holding a machine gun?

  90. Agoraphobic Turtle
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Woohoo, first time featured as a runner-up! Congrats to COTW and all the other runners-up!

  91. Braniff
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#65): Actually they race outhouses at the Iowa State Fair–and eat bacon corndogs. Iowa wants to be the (lard)butt of jokes, it seems.

  92. Braniff
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#89): Those who watch Lawrence Welk reruns support public television–which is why his shows are an essential part of the programming alongside Arthur, Nova and Sesame Street. I have to wonder–when Lawrence Welk falls out of favor, will public television start broadcasting reruns of such shows as Here’s Lucy or The Waltons?

  93. CanuckDownSouth
    August 11th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    A bit of the previous era’s mad incoherence would be nice to hide the sheer idiocy of Sam. I can buy a super-powered woman from the Moon, but not a detective running off to investigate a tip (i) without recording this information (ii) without backup (iii) chatting on his phone while trying to slip into an occupied building and (iv) not even saying where he is while doing this.

    @Droopy Says (#71): re:FW – they could have agreed to meet at the Fair, but driven there separately.

  94. TheDiva
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    9CL: Debussy’s “Prelude to the Afternoon of a Horny Little Ditz.”

    A3G: Okay then: how does a New Yorker born-and-bred know the Mills Gallery?

    C’shaft: Crankshaft’s destructive tendencies come back to bite him. In a very small way, but it’s a start.

    FW: “Actually, I made a note of the lot number when we came in, so I’m sure I could–”
    “No need! My buddy Buddy can handle everything! You’re the only friend I need, right Buddy ol’ buddy?”
    “….”

    Luann: Hey Nancy, what’s more important in life: Having an in-depth conversation with your daughter about relationships, ambition, and the place of both in a healthy, fulfilled life, or brushing her off with a vague aphorism so you can get back to balancing the checkbook?

    MT: All that, and they left Rusty behind? They ARE evil! Or not completely insane.

    MW: If by “strange” you mean “not very strange at all and kind of cliche,” then yes.

    Pluggers: Does even PBS show Lawrence Welk anymore? I can’t find it on my local affiliate’s schedule, which is mostly taken up with edutainment programs, news, lifestyle shows, and the occasional opera or bluegrass concert…

    SM: No, no, Clown-9, don’t escalate! You can humiliate Spidey all you like, it’s what he’s there for, but once you go for the kill it’s all over!

  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    9CL: Seth’s packin’ heat.

    NAoQV: that’s a war crime. even in Pluggerville.

    Frazz: *gigglez*

    Zits: unspeakable filth!!!

    MG&G: I find this arc’s lack of corgis disturbing.

    6Cx is . . . .getting pussy to purr, no boys needed.

    F-: is a wanking joke. o_O

  96. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .sexting. we get it. really.

  97. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

  98. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#97): Hee–that’s just about exactly what I saw!

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    August 11th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#98): yay!

    *sends hugz*

  100. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#69):
    That sounds like a great contest, actually.
    Isn’t there a new type named after Usain Bolt, plus one named after Beyonce’s kid? ; )

    (Really, I am into ID-ing problem plants, as they take over everything. Ugh.
    At least Purslane is edible and good for you.)

  101. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#99): “More than you ever really wanted to know, right?”

    And yet, entirely wrong. There are no specifically “PBS” stations in darkest Alabama. I was misinformed. I had been trying to find out where I could watch the new Sherlock Holmes series, with Benedict Cumberbatch, which I have been told is excellent. Someone told me the Tuscaloosa PBS station had it.

    No. No such animal. No such station. No such network. Can’t get Sherlock.

    But all Alabamans can watch Lawrence Welk’s Big Band Bash every Sunday at 7pm!

    // I should count my blessings.

  102. kkarenb
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#75): I’m with you. In only a week’s time, my hatred of this woman has reached Les Moore proportions.

  103. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#89): The current generation of Pluggers may have grooved on the music of Woodstock, but before that their first young crushes were those cute Lennon Sisters (and Annette Funicello, of course). PBS runs the Welk show during fund-raising marathons (i.e., every other week) in the hopes that Pluggers will send them money if they succeed at reviving those early adolescent fantasies. Even when it was on the air, the Welk show was aimed at selling tonics to old folks (“brought to you by GERITOL, for tired blood!”), and now the show itself is a form of Viagra (for tired, um…)

  104. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    So it is either wait the rest of the day, or force the issue by posting my comments, guaranteeing that Saturday’s thread will come up before I even click ‘Post’.

    Curtis – I love dad’s nonchalance. “Boys out after dark? Don’t worry about it. Maybe they come back, maybe they dont. I could see advantages either way is all I’m saying.”

    FW – As payback for taking him on the ferris wheel, ‘Buddy’ leads his charges to the windowless white van parked on the edge of the lot…

    SF – Great moment. Great strip.

    SM – “Score one for Clown-9. He made a fool out of me tonight.”. Actually, recent revisions to the scoring system after the Mole Man scandal of 2008 have reduced the point score for making a fool out of Spiderman so much that it actually counts against your total.

  105. seismic-2
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo is wondering how a man (yeah, right) from L.A. knows about the Mills Gallery. Isn’t she supposed to be a professional publicist? And wasn’t it one of her triumphs to get Queen Bee and her minions to create a Mills Gallery video that she assured us was going viral? Gee, Margo, they do get Youtube outside of New York. Further west than Hoboken, even.

  106. Peanut Gallery
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    love is… the panel that should have preceded the one on July 30. (She had to sit down and think it over first.)

  107. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    While we’re stalling. . . .

    I know we haven’t had a good poutine conversation around here for a while (perhaps because Mardou Fox, poutine hostess extraordinaire, hasn’t been around much?), but at the farmers market this morning, I got a scone with cheese curds that was pretty darned great. Cheese curds FTW!

  108. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#107):
    Dear God, this comic is gross. Not just this one, all of “Love Is.”. Ugh.

  109. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#94): You’re the only friend I need, right Buddy ol’ buddy?
    Arrgghh! Flashback to those awful ads for “My Buddy,” the dolly for little boys. Must… think of… “I Am an Acne Pimple” song…

    @seismic-2 (#104): I have a small soft spot for Welk and his ilk. I used to watch the show in some bafflement (paying attention when JoAnne Castle or Big “Tiny” Little would tickle the ivories), but I can mostly get my fix for that from Stan Freberg and Spike Jones — not to mention my prized LP of Myron Floren playing Disco Polka — and if I ever want more, there’s YouTube. (Look up “One Toke Over the Line”!)
    And now I have this truly weird desire to hear “Little Boxes.” Once. (What a profoundly alienated, flat-affect song that is.)

  110. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy – The protruding tongues and squinting eyes are a symptom of impending nausea. These guys have been delivering their lines for decades, and they know they’re their meal ticket, but they got their standards.

    AD – I just I can’t I don’t I

  111. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Beetle – It’s the Hocklorns, an unexceptional couple who mostly get along okay! In this week’s arc, he goes to work while she cleans up the house.

    9 – …I didn’t know Seth was a Pole.

  112. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Cul – I will boldly guess that their rental is called “Slipshod II” as a memorial to commemorate the fate of the original “Slipshod.”

    Curtis – Barry can’t go down by himself. Curtis can’t leave Barry with a body. GEE, IF ONLY THERE WAS ANOTHER SOLUTION, SUCH AS OH I DON’T KNOW MAYBE BOTH OF THEM LEAVING THE STUPID PLACE AND GOING HOME.

  113. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Ballard St.: I’m giving this one two thumbs up! Make that three slide rules up, two straights and a circular. Jerry Van Amerongen doth bestride this narrow world like a Colossus!

    // Best comic ever!

  114. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Hi – I try to avoid giving props, but… dang, this joke works, and as far as I can tell, it’s not one that would have worked with an earlier technology, though it’s possible to contrive a way to make it seem like it with a cell phone or something. The conclusion is inescapable: somebody thought about this one.

  115. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    Judge – Bea will manage the dipsy doodle and delete the picture or pictures Avery took of the pot patch. The world must never know that somebody is growing dope in California!

    Knight Life – “I smelled the greatest butts of my generation destroyed by madness…”

  116. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    love is… …when he starts sending you photos of himself wearing exactly as much clothing as he wears every day of the year.

    Mark – Clip art pants don’t match clip art shirt doesn’t match clip art face. It’s a normal old day in Lost Forest.

  117. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    R=R – A handful of panels of pat drollery and the obligatory useless footnote from Wikilaffs: “This is FUNNY because…”

    Spider-Man – Yeah, the guy in the duck car has humiliated a guy dressed in a spiderweb costume. Don’t look now, but even that rat doesn’t want to be seen with you.

  118. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#113):Cul – I will boldly guess that their rental is called “Slipshod II” as a memorial to commemorate the fate of the original “Slipshod.”

    They would have done better to rent the cottage next door, “Jerry-built III”.

  119. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#112):
    The couple at the table remind me of Groening’s style, a la Futurama.

    Sally – Oh come on, just lock lips already.

  120. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#116):
    Growing dope in California? Oh, the horror!
    I swear, seriously the MJ laws are so f-ed up in the US – same for Canada too – it’s so “Don’t ask, don’t tell” for the most part, and we saw how nicely that worked in the Military. Jeez.

  121. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    (I was going to wait for the new thread, but I have something very important to pick up this afternoon—hint: it’s baby blue and arrived on a ship from England last week—and maybe this will trigger the new thread for you all!)

    MW: See the ground? You could have hopped to the ground from that ship.

    BB: File under “Things No One Ever Says, Ever”: “You should read Beetle today.”

    OBH: Must acknowledge this one—funny.

    MT: Rusty’s odd proportions can only mean one thing: Much like Michelangelo with his David, Elrod expects his monumental statue of Rusty to be elevated and viewed from floor level.

  122. KreatureFeatures
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#115): Regarding Hi and Lois managing to pull off a clever technology joke, I thought the same thing about today’s Speed Bump.

  123. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#122):
    Oh, congrats! It arrived!
    Cheese curds for everyone! Hope you enjoy your newbie.

  124. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#123): I agree, but in the case of Hi and Lois, it was a real surprise. Speed Bump, on the other hand, is more often than not good for a laugh, and my expectations for it are accordingly higher.

  125. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#121): Must repress!
    Must sweep under rug!
    Whew.
    Everything okay again!

    That is to say, I agree.

    I await the day our older demographic stops reflexively opposing all drug users because they laughed at Nixon! and all gays because they made fun of Nancy Reagan!

    (I know it sounds like I’m waiting for them to die off, but that would mean the loss of beloved older relatives, and I’d rather have them around as long as possible.)

  126. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): On a side note, I always loved driving along Willoughby Spit, between Hampton and Norfolk (VA) and looking at the beach architecture. Especially the older homes, two and three storeys tall, and with direct access to the street from every floor because they’d all been split up into rentals. Sometimes I wish I’d gone ahead and actually booked a week or so in one of those on the off-season just so I could stare out at the water for hours every day.

  127. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    (I also wished I had a bumper sticker that said WE SAW WILLOUGHBY SPIT, but I’d have had to make it myself.)

  128. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#120): Oh come on, just lock lips already.
    Not until the music gets to that big crescendo! Everybody’s in such a hurry. Well, except Tchaikovsky, who must have been paid by the bar.

  129. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#116): Actually, Sam and Avarice are at a fishing lodge in Pennsylvania. I’d like to think they’re downstream from Three Mile Island, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way.

  130. Irrischano
    August 11th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

  131. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#127): It’s fascinating, that beach rental resort town ambience, running from Maryland down through Myrtle Beach. It’s like one long, very skinny town running 800 miles or so down the Atlantic coast. Same architecture, same shops, same tacky souvenir shops. If you were drugged, blindfolded, and dropped anywhere along that strip[*], you’d have a hard time locating yourself.

    // Unless, of course, you asked somebody.

  132. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    JP – Avery, why are there 30 shots of my breasts on your camera?

    MT – All the laws of physics are repealed and the pickup truck turns into Tonka Toy, while Rusty’s head grows so large and out of proportion that he must stumble forward just to stay on his feet.

    FW – Find your car? You kidding me? After that ferris wheel ride I’m pissing on your leg, PTSD or not.

    9CL – Edda’s legs turn red. She either has a strange blushing problem or the lights operator is a real jokester.

  133. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#130): Pennsylvania gots fish? Dang, I learn something here every day.

  134. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#134): I learn something here every day.
    People ask me why I drink…

  135. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#126): I hear you. Try growing up as a gay, long-haired, pot smoking draft resister within that demographic.

  136. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#130): There are no trout in the Susquehanna, to my knowledge.

  137. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Honestly, doesn’t Mark Trail today look like it was drawn by Jack Elrod III, his ten year old grandson? Assuming such a drawing-challenged child exists.

  138. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#134): If you go up in the hills, yes.

  139. Chaze
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#139): If I wait in the foothills will they swim down to me? I hate walking up hills.

  140. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#134): I’m sure they established that JP is taking place in the hills of Pennsylvania. Or at least somewhere on Earth. It’s hard to know with this strip.

  141. Droopy Says
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan (#137): Are we sure Old Hardy really is a trout? Maybe he’s a former human mutated by radiation. I need to check if he has two or three eyes.

  142. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    This is one of those days when the headlines are funnier than the comics. Ordinarily, I’d call those days “Saturday,” but it’s not every day somebody nominates Paul Ryan for Veep.

    In that light, let’s go with a theme.

    Read Arlo and Janis pretending Janis is a Republican, not a gymnastics enthusiast. Alternately, just clip the first two panels and you have how both Democrats and Republicans felt when they heard the announcement.

    9 Chickweed Lane: That’s Ann Coulter and Paul Ryan. What? That doesn’t significantly alter the “squick” levels, you know.

    Dilbert is talking about interns, but what is the Vice President if not a very high-level intern?

    Garfield Minus Garfield: interpret as you must.

    Mary Worth: That’s not the Costa Concordia at all! It’s the USS Wisconsin! (This joke does not significantly alter the mayonnaise levels, you know.)

    Sinfest: Substitute “politics” for “porn,” and “post-nomination” for “post-orgasm,” and you’re on the right track.

    All right, enough political humor for now.

  143. pastordan
    August 11th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#141): It can’t be Pennsylvania. She didn’t offer them any scrapple for dinner.

    @Droopy Says (#142): One of the fun things about living near (within about 50 miles) of Three Mile Island is the huge What To Do In Case The Plant Melts Down And A 50-ft Jimmy Carter Goes On A Rampage guide they publish in the local phone books.

  144. Cloudbuster
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    I feel kind of bad for Josh about his request. I hope he gets a response. I worked for a major newspaper for many years, but I left about a dozen years ago, back when the writing was still “on the wall” for print journalism, instead of “on the pink slips.”

    Back those still-prosperous days, the comics page was sort of the redheaded stepchild of the paper. Nobody in the newsroom really wanted much to do with it. There weren’t really any decisions to be made. Every few years there’d be the usual shakeup when a strip was swapped out, but on a day-to-day basis, the process was pretty automated. Back then the comics were still pasted up, so this was done by a union guy down in the layout room, and nobody really gave it much thought. Same with the Sunday comics, which were of course all pre-printed and inserted.

    There’s very little mental effort that goes on with regard to the whole process. I can’t imagine it has changed much now.

    So, while there is certainly somone in the newsroom, probably in the entertainment/lifestyle section who does have “manage comics” page stuffed somewhere down on the bottom of his or her duties, the person is probably more resentful or embarrassed about the “honor” than proud of it.

    This was at a private paper. At a syndicated paper, they probably have even less control. The comics are probably supplied as a package by the syndicate. Since most small and medium-sized papers have been swallowed up by the syndicates, this means even fewer people who have an interest or stake in the comics.

    So, the number of people outside of the comics syndicates and cartoonists themselves who really “have anything to do with the comics end of the business” is probably struggling to stay in the low three digits in a nation of more than 300 million.

  145. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#128):
    You should make some stickers yourself! Another great place name.

  146. Calico
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#142):
    Funny that Buckles is kind of riding the same wave.
    And look, their canoe hit something! Pass me a sandwich, stat!

  147. Oscar & Hardy
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Hey, you human anglers, stop making fun of us! We’re big and strong because we’re smarter than you, dammit!
    And don’t you dare bring Rusty anywhere near where we like to hang, ok?

  148. Anonymous
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I’m on the float! It’s an honor just to be here.

  149. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 11th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#146): This great land is full of super place names. I felt privileged to take photos of this appetizing roadside repast repository when we were in the process of moving from Virginia to Massachusetts. Even though the place is in New York. There’s a Very Good Reason.

  150. Dale
    August 11th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    JUMBLE 8/11 – Which one of today’s “words” has two answers, both of which will work?

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 11th, 2012 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#94): “Does even PBS show Lawrence Welk anymore?”

    Where I live it does. It isn’t really an national network thing, I think, local stations carry it or not.

    Though to make it more complicated, Alabama has two public TV networks, PBS, and APT (Alabama Public Television). Sort of in friendly competition. The local APT station out of Birmingham carries it. The PBS station, out of nearby Tuscaloosa, a university town, generally carries hipper stuff.

    // More than you ever really wanted to know, right?

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