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O Fortuna!

Fate, monstrous and empty — a whirling, malevolent wheel;
Well-being is vain, and always fades to nothing – how you plague me!

What goes around comes around in the Sunday funnies:

For Better or for Worse, 3/2/08

Years from now — perhaps at her wedding — you’ll wonder how she turned out like this: the string of pointless relationships she shed so easily. The marriage to some pasty nonentity, based on no more than habit in the vain hope affection would follow. The grandchild — no kin of yours — whimpering alone in the dark.

Remember this night. Your daughter does.

Marvin, 3/2/08

A week of “Laffs” from Mom griping about the trials of pregnancy; now it’s payback time for Baby. Although this “people typing jokes into computers” theme is getting awfully tired, the nasal syringe on the desk is a good sign: after years of poop jokes, Marvin is finally branching out into snot.

Curtis, 3/2/08

O Curtis, consider your life’s path — listen to Barry! Sure, it may amuse you now to mock these good ladies as they try to bring some simple joy into their lives and others’. But consider your future! You could end up like old Cedrick there, clowning to coax one more rattling wheeze out of poor Harry’s failing lungs. Or worse, like some assistant comic blogger hurling slurs at hard-working cartoonists who only . . . who . . . .

Oh, crap.

- Uncle Lumpy

119 responses to “O Fortuna!”

  1. Dave
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    Dear lord, I might be first.

  2. Anonymous
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    You were, Dave. Good Job.

    Uncle Lumpy seems to have come face-to-face with his impending mortality, however. That’s gotta hurt.

  3. kliphordito
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    Perhaps Marvin’s reference to “the position” a little beyond his age range. Oh well, I’ll take a ribald double-entendre from young Marvin any day, as long as it keeps the Belly Laffs away.

  4. Mr. O'Malley
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox anagrams for “pond creatures”. Let’s see.

    RUTTLE: They sound like they’re singing underwater—or is that my MP3 player?

    SLAIN: Toxic waste in the pond, all the creatures are dead.

    FAITH’S C: Niki only burned $9900, the moll stashed one bill in the pond.

    POET LAD: The villagers around here take literature very seriously—one bad rhyme and it’s straight to the ducking stool.

    Aren’t these reruns?

  5. The REAL Brian
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    I haven’t laughed this hard at FBOFW in years. And it’s for all the wrong reasons. And when I think about it, Liz could have potentially died because her Dad just left her alone, in a high chair, for several hours.

    Huhn.

    I think I just killed the humor.

  6. watterson protege
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    What I don’t get in FBOFW is why do they keep their milk in a water pitcher?

  7. GTron
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:19 am [Reply]

    Canadian milk comes, or came, in bags; most people just drop the bag in a pitcher for ease of pouring.

  8. Balius
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:58 am [Reply]

    If I were Barry, I’d be a lot more curious about why every woman walking past has donned a giant, funny shaped hat. Does the golden Kwanzaa otter demand it?

  9. Big Sims
    March 2nd, 2008 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    Is the Chron acting loopy for anyone else this morning?

  10. ChattyGenes
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    #9 Hi, Big Sims! The Chron works okay for me.

  11. ChattyGenes
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    #10, me. ‘Course, it’s an hour later.

  12. And The
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    #9: Seems to be working as it usually does for me.

    S-M: Oh no, no, no. Yesterday, post-explosion, Spider-Man was clearly seen groaning on how he was going to be late. You can’t just whiplash over to Overplayed Plot 3: Amnesia now!

    DT: What is that valuable thingamabob that our Crimestopper is simpering over in the second panel? Is it invisible or does he collect pedestals? And Liz, only Judge Dredd can pull off “I AM the Law!”

    Blondie: You know, this is true in many comic strips, but it really bothers me that Dagwood is genuinely incompetent at his job. How am I supposed to sympathize with him if he really *should* be fired and yelled at?

    JP: Yoo-hoo, old lady drug pusher! If you were to go outside and talk to her, rather than lurk behind shadowy lace curtains, Abby wouldn’t be snooping around. And what’s with having *no* chickens for your nefarious front operation? You wouldn’t pass muster as a Scooby Doo villain.

    RM: I’m not sure I buy the whole “if you take stolen money, then destroy it to save your life, you should turn down a later monetary award” karmic morality bit here. In any case, let’s forget these two and get back to June!

    A-3G: See people? Wouldn’t it have been just too, too dull seeing Alan getting himself into this, rather than lunching with the ladies? I love Tommie’s expression in panel 5. She knows the soul-crushing disappointment coming Luann’s way, but not because of anything specific to Alan. She just feels that way about any possible romance.

  13. dreadedcandiru2
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: I wonder why Lynn thought a strip that treated child abandonment as a joke would be well-received here in the year 2008. I also remember thinking the same thing in 1980 when it originally came out.

  14. Shoshi
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    #13 – II don’t think she meant it to be about child abandonment so much as the profound uncaring selfishness and stupidity of men. There will come a day when we will wonder how someone could think THAT would be well received.

  15. Lolsworth
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    Tell me I’m not the only one who read the second panel of Curtis as “And no crack jokes!”

    Is crack really that funny anyway? Pee-Wee Herman PSA notwithstanding?

  16. willethompson
    March 2nd, 2008 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    That’s some upscale church that Curtis goes to – all the women’s hats seem to have been designed by Frank Geary.

  17. flodnak
    March 2nd, 2008 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    Dear Niki,

    If you take the money, it could get you and your mom out of that hellhole and away from that loser boyfriend of hers we vaguely remember meeting back in, what was it, 1982 or something. It could help your mother turn her life around, make a fresh start, and assorted other cliches.

    If you turn down the money, you could impress Rex Morgan, MD.

    For the love of God, TAKE THE MONEY.

    love,
    flodnak

  18. K. Ivan Ruppert
    March 2nd, 2008 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    I think it’s fairly obvious that Cedric and Harry are not Curtis and Barry given half a dozen decades, because most people go with their spouses and children. I think it’s obvious that Cedric and Harry are an old gay couple who consider themselves highly religious despite their rejection of what might be considered a normally-accepted rejection of homosexuality in religion. And of course, to transfer this relationship onto Curtis and Barry is vile beyond words.

    Of course, Curtis and Barry’s parents are nowhere to be seen, so I suspect they sent the kids in to get a seat while they went off to their weekly swinger’s meeting or something while the children attend church and sunday school. Afterwards, when the kids find them, they will be sure to suggest that they had to stand in the back. Interesting how the so-called deviant homosexuals wind up being the better christians than the normal, work-a-day family is. Who would have expected such moral depth from a sunday comic strip? I applaud you, Ray Billingsly!

  19. Kurdt
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    I love Sunday’s Lio, so funny. How many times did you want to do that as a kid?

    By the way does anyone here read Cul de Sac? I don’t think I’ve seen it mentioned here. If you haven’t read it go to gocomics web page and check it out.

  20. Rusty
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Would it be too much to ask of Curtis that his snark on the hats actually be funny? I know, why start now.

    FOOB: the first and last ever portrayal of muscle tone in the strip.

  21. Big Sims
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Thanks Chatty Genes and And The,
    It’s working for me now. I just got to see Alan and ‘da Skank’. Who is this mysterious hussy! Did Jones shave and put on a wig? Is Jones a pusher AND a pimp! Sweet, without a doubt the most interesting guy in A 3G

  22. Crunchbird
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    TRBrian –

    Please explain how a toddler old enough to drink out of a cup by herself (1.5 – 2, I’d say) “could have potentially died [by being] left in a high chair, alone, for several hours.” Feel free to discard all responses that involve her plummeting from the chair to land headfirst on a pointy object in advance. I don’t think this is a particularly funny cartoon, but I think people are laying on the Lynn-hate a little thick when they throw around terms like “child abandonment” to describe “forgetting your kid in the other room.” On the other hand, I think that Lumpy pretty much nailed this one … it really does explain so much.

    Balius, big, fancy hats for church is a fairly common tradition among African-American churchgoing women. For critically-acclaimed photographic documentation (that led to a stage musical), see Crowns: Portraits of Black Women in Church Hats.

    And seriously, people, what’s with all the “First”ing and such around here … are we all twelve?

  23. John C Fremont
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    # 7 – Aw, GTron, you ruined it for me. I’d just figured that they got their milk from a guy with a horse drawn wagon named Tevye who just refilled their milk pitchers. The World of Lynn Johnston makes more sense to me when I think of it as taking place in pre-Soviet Russia. Milk poured from a pitcher is… Tradition!

    Milk in bags? Sounds like… Communism!

    A3G – From that last panel, I’m thinking that Lu Ann has yet another slack-jawed yokel cousin floating around New York.

    Foob – Dear God, man, put a shirt on! I’m thinking that being hoisted onto your pasty, doughy torso was probably more traumatic to your kid than being left alone in a high chair. You make me sick.

    (I guess that was a little harsh, but still…)

    MW – I know this has been discussed at length, but seriously, they went out on a few dates and had that one “magic” kiss in the moonlight. Jeebus, get over it! Go to Vietnam for the right reason – to get the hell away from Mary Worth!

    RMMD – Hey, the sherriff’s moustache is brown again. They must live in a magical county where facial hair changes color at will and cliffs change from 20 feet to 2 feet to 6 feet for, well, no reason at all.

    FW – Can we please have Funky go back to his pre-leap self? Please?

    JP – Abbey really shouldn’t be snooping around like that. But she does it so darned adorably!

    Submitted by John C Fremont, age 12.

  24. Joe, Upper-Evergreen Division of the Jungle Patrol
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    #13 dreadedcandiru2:

    Since Lynn’s husband abandoned and divorced her last year, perhaps she’s running that same 1980 FOOB-strip in some vain attempt to cast her own feelings onto baby Elizabeth.

    FBOFW: Too bad Lizzardbreath didn’t die, then we wouldn’t be seeing any Pastythony. Hell, at least we can be grateful that THIS Sunday comic doesn’t feature St. Michael and his horrid spawn YET AGAIN.

  25. queek
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    “Weird Owl” Yankovic made my morning. Thank you, Ed Power!

  26. MrP
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    So, wait, Curtis and his little brother go to church WITHOUT being forced to go by their parents?

    I simply don’t believe that. Nor do I believe that that many women with insane hats would gather in one church. Thus, I can only conclude that they’ve gone to a Weirdass Hat convention. Which one only goes to to mock hats. Short people just don’t GET that!

  27. PeaceLily
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    #22 Crunchbird:

    You might want to check out rule #4 on the posting and discussion policies.

    I’m just sayin’.

  28. queek
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    darn it, hit post too quick.

    For further fun, check out the name of the teacher in todays Lio. Subtle, clever stuff.

  29. Islamorada Girl
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    JP: And it came to pass on Sunday, March 2, Abby’s ass spoke, a la MT.

  30. UncleJeff
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Do you think this little incident ever came up in the Lynn&Rod version of “Scenes From A Marriage”?
    BTW Uncle Lumpy, wonderful comment today.

  31. Grinderman
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Aw, man, PLEASE use JPEG to post these strips. The combination of GIF & dithering is just disconcerting!

  32. Crunchbird
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    I’d say “PeaceLily” is a pretty ironic name if you welcome someone to your little community by calling them an insufferable prick. Especially when the post in question was as mild as mine was.

  33. Mibbitmaker
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Don’t forget to read yesterthread’s comments! I’m the one in the middle. Which is why I just typed, “Don’t forget to read yesterthread’s comments…”

  34. gleeb
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: It was this incident that started Elizabeth on a lifelong path to find a man just as dull and annoying as Daddy, hoping that this time everything would be all right, and she wouldn’t be trapped in the frightening dark.

    ‘shaft: Ed may be a foolish misanthrope, but he’s moreinteresting than the milksops he lives with.

    Jump Start: Osmosis? I guess I should cut him some slack. It is 3 am.

    Mary: “Violet? Vickie? What was that skirt’s name again?”

    Monty: “An ear!” Goodness knows this kind of joke isn’t new, but it’s more the way he told it, y’know?

    Phantom: Yeah, pirates! Wait, he said, “gasp”. Aw heck, it’s still pirates.

  35. smokie
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    FBOFW-
    It looks like Liz was in the chair before her parents woke up, like that’s where they’d park her for the night.

  36. gleeb
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    #8 (Balius), re:hats: Get thee to a library and look for this book.

  37. gleeb
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Heck. That didn’t work. Just look for Crowns: Portraits of Black Women in Church Hats, by Michael Cunningham and Craig Marberry

  38. gleeb
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Not only didn’t my link work, someone beat me to it. With a link that works. Auuuugh!

  39. Les
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    First!!!

    (What? no? Meh. 39th!)

  40. Uncle Lumpy
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    #31 Grinderman –

    I used *.png compression today instead of the usual *.jpg, based on another faithful reader’s input. If folks have strong feelings one way or another, please email me at uncle.lumpy at the yahoo.com postoffice.

    The review images posted here are compressed to control bandwidth cost and page load time, so it comes down to which sort of distortion folks can more easily tolerate. To see the images in their full glory, I always recommend the syndicates’ own sites, the For Better or for Worse “Strip Fix” page, and other original sources.

    And everybody –

    Hey, be nice — it’s the comics! It’s Sunday! I’m just a guest here myself, but I must and will delete comments and ban their authors when they attack other commenters.

  41. Frank E. Bolla
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Well, for me the really disturbing issue in this FBOFW are the two shiners Ellie is sporting. I guess John had to “tell her twice.”

  42. Jordan
    March 2nd, 2008 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Now I know why Curtis wears his own hideous hat. Without it Curtis is just Barry with two or three extra inches.

  43. WonderCat
    March 2nd, 2008 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of things “going around and coming around,” didn’t Curtis already do a Sunday strip that featured the mocking of crazy church hats? Maybe last Easter or something? At least Lynn is openly republishing the exact same strips instead of creating new ones that regurgitate the same jokes.

  44. Anonymous
    March 2nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Or worse, like some assistant comic blogger hurling slurs at hard-working cartoonists who only . . . who . . . .

    Oh, crap.

    Good job, Lumpy, that was awesome.

    Today’s Dilbert is proof that Dilbert can still be funny.
    “I’ll take the insulting answer.”
    “Fine. Your idea is dumber than snake mittens.”
    “What do you have against snake mittens?”

    I have no idea what the corporate gobbledegook that came before that means, but I like the punchline a lot. He should have chopped it to three panels and served it as a daily, just sayin’.

  45. fishmorgjp
    March 2nd, 2008 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else keep expecting Marvin’s balloonlike head to overinflate and explode? Wouldn’t it be great if it did?

  46. JP (not Judge Parker)
    March 2nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Definitely an act of neglect in FOOB, but not enough for the kid to be taken away (as much as I would like to see that). Don’t worry about the baby, though, seriously – I predict she will be screaming her head off about 5 minutes after the last panel. However, Liz will *definitely* be emotionally distant from both of her parents for life.

    Marvin appears to have a larger vocabulary than his mother. Interesting.

  47. Grinderman
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Having my own site, I appreciate the bandwidth problem, as well as the issues the reader brought up with JPEG artifacts. Personally, I like the clean sharp look of GIF images with no dithering. This wouldn’t seem to be an option for you as it would throw the colors off.

    At any rate, the little specks in the dithered images are extremely off-putting, to me anyway. How does Josh do it?

  48. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Velut luna! Statu variabilis!

    Hey, am I the only one who thinks the concept of missing a court appearance being a criminal offense is maybe just a little beyond the comprehension of the target audience for Slylock Fox?

    That said, how awesome is this tableau? The final notices above the used sock, the torn wanted poster taped to the wall … and is that a picture of Shady Shrew’s mother?

  49. unclelumpy
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    #49 Grinderman –

    Josh uses JPEGs for color, PNG for B&W. So do I; today is an experiment. GIFs are nice, but they’re too damn big.

    That said, I’m not an expert, and welcome guidance from folks who are — but let’s correspond through uncle.lumpy(AT)yahoo.com so this doesn’t turn into a tech thread.

  50. bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Sunday Funnies (and others):

    A3G: what is this fixation in this strip with blue bed linens. Sure, it’s a nice change from white, but it’s all blue, all the time. (Then again, it makes bed-hopping mashups a lot easier…)

    FW: why is Batiuiuiuik making Funky such a prick? I never liked or disliked Funky (I’m pretty ambivalent about all the characters here and the strip in general) but is this “character you love to hate” really working? I pretty much ignore the strip unless Josh posts it or there’s strong commentary on it. (Come back, Mime o’ Death!)

    FC: oh, come on! At least it’d be a change:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2304434665/

    JP: and a busty little girl, too. Don’t forget that!

    MT: cripes! For a minute I thought this was a Funky Winkerbean crossover!
    [The generic name of the walrus, Odobenus, means "tooth walker," since it hauls itself onto ice floes with its tusks. (Next week: Just what is an "oosik," and why am I frightened?)]

    MW: why I just sleep on a plane:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2305300638/

    Mutts: because you know that if you gave one to a cat, this is EXACTLY what would happen.

    RMMD: dang it. I was angling for a little more fishing.

  51. Matt McIrvin
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Maybe this means DSS should come after me, but as the parent of a toddler, I found that old FBOFW pretty funny. It’s about what baby-induced sleep deprivation can do to your brain. As JP said, the kid’s probably in little danger because she’s going to start screaming in a few seconds.

  52. purpleSpecs
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Is NObody else creeped out by the dress of Lady#3, which seems to be designed with the illusion that it has no top? Seriously, with the coloring it looks like she’s topless but has a triangle tattooed on her chest.

  53. bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I know it’s the coloring to make it appear dark in the kitchen, but I get the disconcerting sense that as baby Lizardbreath is turning purple, she’s thinking, “Why did Daddy turn the gas on the stove and then leave me here alone? What smells funny? Wha-a-a-a-”
    thud

  54. Flipper
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, I sent some recompressed comics to Josh’s email.

  55. JP (not Judge Parker)
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    53 Matt: Don’t worry, DSS won’t come after you. As a member of the “helping professions” I can tell you that to be investigated, you have to a) do a bunch of minor things dozens of times over, or b) do at least a couple of terrible things. And you have to have someone else observe or suspect these things. So yeah. Liz isn’t going anywhere…for now!

    I am grateful for the thread a few days ago regarding Canada’s milk bags, otherwise I, like #6, would have been perplexed about the milk in a jug. I wonder if Lynn has any idea how strange that looks to us clueless people in the U.S.

  56. Dean Booth of the Affect Ad Patrol
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    MW: The Groundwork Has Been Set.

    Great work, per usual, Uncle L.

  57. M-life
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: So THAT’S why Liz abandoned all those kids in Mtigwaki… it was long-delayed misdirected revenge for the injustices of her youth!

  58. Shoshi
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    #57 – It might be that, rather than bagged milk, the Pattersons used powdered milk. We did that for awhile when we had lots of little kids who drank tons of milk. It’s tremendously cheaper and more convenient (because you don’t need 5 gallons of milk in the fridge).

  59. UncleJeff
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #58 – Dean.
    I love it.

  60. Poteet
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Because y’all are kind enough to worry sometimes when a talkative Mudge stops posting for several days, I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be posting for a week or so because I’m in London (the one in England) *quick cavort* being a gawking tourist. I’m in a small vacation apartment near the Natural History Museum and am having a wonderful time. I know I’ll miss some wonderful snarking, but of course there will be new wonderful snarking to read when I get back. Congratulations in advance to the next COTW winner and float denizens, whoever you may be.

  61. Zamboni_Rodeo
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Rhymes With Orange: Absolutely killed today. Loved it!

  62. Cafangdra
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Props on the Carmina Burana reference!

  63. Hank
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    RE: Crankshaft. Now’s our chance to get rid of Batuik. I truly believe that the publishers of the Beatles catalog have severe restrictions on the use of the imagry and lyrics. By quoting Help and displaying a small drawing of the album, Batuik may have made himself liable for damages. I say we start flooding the Apple Records legal department with copies of today’s strip.

  64. commodorejohn
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    #40 Uncle Lumpy – What did you use to convert them to PNGs? There shouldn’t normally be any dithering, unless you’re using some unusual conversion method.

    BB – comic missing few, don’t think?

    Crankshaft – I don’t even care about the rest of the comic, but the fact that Crankshaft put Help! on the funny pages today makes me feel kinder toward it.

    FOOB – So…tell me this: who leaves their kid to sleep in a highchair? Bassinet, yes, crib, yes, but a highchair!?

    JP – What the…when did Judge Parker turn into The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

    MC – Man, Melissa deJesus gets off some great caricatures.

    NAQV – Holy buckets, TRS-80 Model III sighting!

    Edison Lee – Does anyone have a larger copy of today’s splash panel? I’m wondering what other books besides Brave New World and The Catcher In The Rye Hambrock has never read but references to make himself sound smart.

  65. Hank
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    RE: Mallard. Today’s strip is actually pretty good. I’ve never understood why either party thinks open primaries are a good idea. Too many opportunities for shenanigans.

    RE: RMMD. I realize that most of us want to believe that Nikki’s mom is going to be mad at him for turning down the reward, but not me. After all, if they had taken the money it probably would have disqualified her from welfare benefits and food stamps. So, in the long term, it only made sense.

  66. Niall
    March 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Are we having the milk bags discussion again already? :) The bags aren’t “sometimes” put in pitchers – they must be put in pitchers to pour the milk out of them.

    As for compressing images, don’t forget that the software used for resaving the image counts for a lot too. (My Pagemaker makes less artifacts but a file ten times bigger than PhotoSuite.)

    On Slylock Fox: What really surprised me was the new “Children’s Dilemmas” section at the top. And hey, doesn’t it just manage to tie in with Rex Morgan’s own money dilemma, on the day it ends? Great timing there, Mr Weber Jr! I also like how Shady Shrew’s whole house is built to his scale; the duck and Max are okay in it, but Sly would not be able to even stand up straight.

  67. UnknownEric
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Re: Are we having the milk bags discussion again already?

    Tell me more, tell me more!

    (insert rim shot here)

  68. Xopher.tm
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    “Remember this night. Your daughter does.”

    Jesus Effing Christ.

  69. Ukulele Ike
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Shady Shrew’s Mom looks just like Fat Freddy Freekowski!

  70. Baka Gaijin
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    #60 Poteet: Dadgummit! I was at Harrods yesterday (Saturday). I knew there was a reason I HAD to go to London this weekend. Make sure you stop by King’s Cross train station (not tube station) and get your picture taken at Platform 9 3/4.

    Slylock Fox: What’s even more odd about Mamma’s picture: the frame is off-kilter but the image isn’t. I’m guessing it’s really a hole in the wall and she’s standing behind it. Uh, ewww, that’s creepy, even by Slylock standards.

    By the way, I saw a baby today who had Slylock eyes: big and stare-y.

  71. Zamboni_Rodeo
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    #64, commodorejohn: re: The BM of Edison Lee — Looks like one of the other titles is The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, FWIW.

  72. Zamboni_Rodeo
    March 2nd, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Addendum to #71, me: Also, considering the authors listed in the strip itself, I would guess that one of the other books is Slaughterhouse Five.

    And now I have spent more time analyzing this strip than was probably necessary.

  73. Some Guy Here
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s pretty clear that Hesh and Cedric are in fact Curtis and Barry from the future, who have traveled backwards in time and assumed new identities so that they may have a second go-around, praying upon the unsuspecting with a new bag of…the same old tricks.

  74. Vakar
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    BB: She’s thinking, “It’d have to be that lummox; what other man has enough in common with me?” He’s thinking, “Why is she looking at me like that? She knows I can only love those whose eyes are not visible. And are my underlings. And don’t bruise easily.”

    FBoFW: This explains so much. I bow to UL’s comments.

    FW: Okay, here is where I hate Funky. I know of NO pizza place in my part of the country that has even ONE vehicle with which they make regular deliveries. Less insurance hassles and financial outlay if you make your employees use their own cars. Plus, delivery drivers are less obvious targets for criminals if they don’t have marked cars or light-up signs. Finally, my ecology concerns aside, did you get a good deal on the ugliest unsold 2014 model year cars, mozzarellahead?!

  75. Inspector Dim
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Amnesia could very well be the best thing to happen to Peter in decades. It helps that he was already forgettable.

  76. John C Fremont
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    # 67 – Tell me more, tell me more,
    But you don’t gotta brag.
    Tell me more, tell me more,
    Is her milk from a bag?
    Shoo bop bop, shoo bop bop, shoo bop bop, shoo bop bop.
    Something, something, Canadian days,
    But, oh, those Canadian Nights!

    Thank you. As always, I’m available for private parties, weddings, bar mitzvahs…

  77. Vice-Pope Chris
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Er….the woman in panel 8 has come into church with bare tits, and the old guys are commenting on her HAT???

  78. commodorejohn
    March 2nd, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    #77 Vice-Pope Chris – Actually, that’s a side-effect of whatever image converter is being used to put these on the blog; you can see here that she’s actually wearing an assaultingly yellow car bra. It’d probably less offensive were she to go around bare-chested.

  79. Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Poteet–Have a Dairy Milk bar for me, will ya’, and have fun.

    FOOB–I had no idea that John was ever that buff. Makes you wonder what Elly might be hiding under the blankets, eh?

  80. Kurdt
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Some thoughts that just popped into my head: Do they have churches in nude communities? And if so, who cleans the pews after the service? And what happens if you pop a chubby during the sermon?

  81. Kirbyoto
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    I swear to God, Marvin, if you keep having characters with those obnoxious half-open eyes I am going to find a way to hold them open, preferably with one of those old torture-looking metal devices, and then you will have to bear witness to the drudgery and hopelessness that permeates every goddamn panel in every goddamn strip that you do and I will laugh and laugh and laugh.

  82. Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy–The slam bang action is still coming.
    Liz and the other losers have been standing in the same line yelling “this is kidnapping” for about three weeks now while Doppelganger Tracy drones on about what a great collector Mr. Cole Lector is.

    Meanwhile, Tracy is still standing outside of Dab Stract’s studio with that smug, stupid look on his mug.

    I’m beside myself with excitment.

  83. Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Kurdt–no one’s ever that wide awake in church.

  84. Jack Parsons
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    80: Kurdt, if you are caught in a nudist colony without your towel, you will be expelled.

    Yeah, i remembered, this floob as well.

    Garfeld from b3ta. B3ta is like FARK but good.

  85. Jenzie
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m not fan of Foobs, BUT, he’s holding her while getting the milk out of the bag. He must’ve gotten her out of her crib and then put her in the high chair. But yes, everything else said here is right on.

  86. Jenzie
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Out of the fridge, I mean. Geez!

  87. Marlowe PI
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    “And what happens if you pop a chubby during the sermon?”

    Well then, you go to heaven.

  88. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    I’m tired of playing catch-up and never really getting caught-up. I’m starting with today’s six differences and working backwards.

    Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny

    Today’s SFx

    1) The hat trick in panel one is pulled off using a hat with an opening in the top, a table with a hole in it, and a cage with animals under the table cunningly hidden by mirrors. Of course, the magician actually had to perform magic in order to fit a cage big enough for all those animals under that tiny table, so you’d think he’d skip the bother of setting all that up and just pull them straight out of the hat. The hat trick in panel two is pulled off using a green screen.
    2) Merlin in panel one owns an evil toy monkey that kills things by playing its cymbals.
    3) The magician in panel two beat up an elf to get those shoes.
    4) There were actually supposed to be two doves and a chipmunk in the hat in panel one, but the snake got hungry.
    5) The little black sparkly-asterisky things in panel two are those tacky fake bullet holes people put on their cars.
    6) No one’s had the heart to tell the magician in panel two that he doesn’t really look like David Copperfield.

    This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny was brought to you by Scientific Wizardry.

  89. Batman Beatles
    March 2nd, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW – I’m more appalled that Ellie made Jon get up when she was wide awake.

  90. K. Ivan Ruppert
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    #77 Vice Pope Chris: It’s like I said earlier in the thread. Elderly Gay Couple.

  91. Agnostic Married Woman
    March 2nd, 2008 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    I found a book at my local library recently called “A Look Inside For Better or For Worse” which was apparently published upon the tenth anniversary of the strip in 1989. I paged through it and found the Sunday strip that is published today. At the time, I thought, “Boy, I can just imagine the Mudges snarking if they reprinted this one!” And, sure enough, here it is! She must know what she is doing. She’s inviting it. She’s baiting us. She’s handpicking reruns of old strips and daring us to bring it on.

    The most interesting part of this book is the autobiographical introduction. Turns out that Lynn made an agreement with her first husband similar to the one Anthony made with Therese–Lynn kept the car, house, and everything, and her ex-husband was to be free of all responsibility. She also gave Farley away to a farm couple. She did the same “write down all the things you want in a partner” thing that Elizabeth did with Anthony. And she has John-the-jerk make comments about Elly’s weight in the very first strip!

  92. anonymous
    March 2nd, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Bloom County: Opus gets cash from the government! Buys Turnip Twaddlers by the carload! I don’t know yet what I’ll buy – maybe a screaming turquoise pantsuit from QVC, or send the dog to a doggy day spa, or go to Olive Garden, plunk my smug ass down and when they ask what the occasion is, I’ll just simper I’m here because “it’s just Monday!”, or maybe just blow it foolishly!

    RMMD: They can’t go home now! We have to see more fishing!!! What is it, October in Rex Morganville by now? This story started before Christmas, didn’t it?

  93. Buck Ripsnort
    March 2nd, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: If little Lizzie’s eyes were to stick like that, she’d grow up to look like Slylock Fox.
    Speaking of which, that Fox is really sticking it to the Shrew today. And is it a coincidence that Shrew’s mother looks like BB’s Sgt. Luggs?

  94. Little Guy
    March 2nd, 2008 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    #13: Lynn just gave comics page editors an idea. If she can rerun out-dated child endangerment strips, then that opens up the door for reprints of the old Andy Capp and Maggie & Jiggs strips.

    Yay, Spousal Abuse!

  95. Anna Nimity, Uncle Lumpy\'s Own Christian Singles Girl
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Hi All,
    Can someone please tell me where to get the Sunday comics on line?

    Thanks and keep on snarkin!

  96. Anna Nimity, Uncle Lumpy\'s Own Christian Singles Girl
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    PS: WHERE IS CHENNUX???? Has he gone galaxy surfing again, leaving us nowhere-near-worthy earthers in withdrawl? Time to put out a Missing Emperor’s Report…

  97. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY ANNA NIMITY, YOU HOT EARTHER MINX! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

    GO TO http://WWW.SEATTLEPI.COM FOR A GOOD MIX OF SUNDAY COMICS! IT IS A MOST STABLE SITE THAT HAS RESISTED MAGMACANNON ATTACK FOR MONTHS! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  98. No Evil Monkeys
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    I guess I’m the only one who can’t control the impulse to look at Garfield — it’s like a horrible traffic accident involving a clown car and a rock spreader. Or I’m the only person so afflicted who hasn’t yet been driven mad. Anyway, I’m trying to figure out when exactly this is supposed to take place. I mean, they’re obviously in a Starbucks, and Garfield is blase about the existence of camera phones, but John apparently finds hot-air hand dryers to be a novelty. So it’s either 1983 in a parallel universe where Starbucks and cellphones showed up much earlier, or it’s now in a parallel universe where hot-air hand dryers weren’t invented until 2004.

  99. Shoshi
    March 2nd, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    #98 – I think he’s actually referring to those high-speed hand dryers (http://www.exceldryer.com/Products/xlerator.asp), which actually do NOT use hot air. If you’ve never encountered these things–they REALLY BLOW.

    Seeing Jon’s hair, and realizing, as you did that he couldn’t be referring to the hot air dryers, which have been around for ages, I assumed he meant the high-speed ones.

  100. Daktari
    March 2nd, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    #95 ANNA NIMITY—
    The great ‘mudge Dean Booth has set up a site we all can use. Just enter todays date in the boxes at the top, click on GO, and you will have all the Sunday comics that are on the Houston Chron.

    http://www.yo-god.com/comics/sundaycomics.htm?20080302

    Save the site for future use.

  101. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: With this kind of upbringing, Liz rightrully should have gone on a machine-gun crime spree with a tattooed methhead boyfriend. Instead we get Anthony. Oh, well.

    Marvin: UL, are you sure that’s a nasal syringe. I was hoping it was Marvin’s Baby’s First Bong (TM).

  102. Daktari
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

  103. Iris
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    I’m praying that the unfortunate wardrobe of church lady #3 is just a coloring error, that the black and the brown got switched somehow. Otherwise, that is not a church I’d want my children going to. No wonder Curtis and Barry are there sans parents.

  104. Electro
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    I get the feeling that people are getting tired of the endless Canadian-milk-comes-in-bags discussions, but I feel it my patriotic duty to assure #7 GTron that it still does come in bags (3 1-1/3 litre bags in a package). In fact there’s some in my fridge downstairs right now! And if anyone cares, it cost $4.59 for those 4 litres of 2%. I also feel strangely compelled to tell the Americans here that 3.25% milk here is labelled ‘Homo Milk’.

    Back to the snarking, I note that while Belly Laffs may be taking blessed day off today, Marvin’s computer monitor does look strangely pregnant itself.

    And yes, those dithered comics hurt our eyes, my precious.

  105. Daktari
    March 2nd, 2008 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    Second Panel of (DT)GT – 3 – 3 -08
    Anne is bringing a Crock-Pot™ full of “mystery meat stew” and a butane campfire lighter, while Seja brings a — WTF is that anyway? Maybe a frozen boxing glove(?) Anyway, the kids in panel 3, either don’t want it, or are too stoned to have an opinion. Andrew is just too f’d-up to care.
    Bolle makes the characters more recognizable, but Rubin keeps the insanity going. Can’t wait til we get to the playdowns to see see if the confetti and starbursts are still there.

  106. rhymes with puck
    March 3rd, 2008 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    MW: Somehow Mary and Jeff were able to go to the gate to see Drew off in direct contradiction to the current Orange alert security level. I can only assume that Mary has a special “Meddler” ID which allows her to bypass any security measures.

    JP: I really don’t understand why Abbey isn’t wearing a low-cut tank top at all times. This plot is going nowhere in her current outfit.

    FW: Batiuk, I hate you more every day.

  107. bats, Aviation Division of the Jungle Patrol :[
    March 3rd, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    Some Monday observations:

    Mutts: heh.

    FOOB: that’s it. Mr. Hottie shows up on the doorstep, and he’s given all the grudging interest and compassion afforded a leper. You DESERVE Asshathony, Liz, you dipshit!

    MW: ah, a Charterstone party…Mary can finally let her severe bun down! Of course, pontification never sleeps:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2307036808/

  108. SaberChick
    March 3rd, 2008 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    #85 / #86 – Jenzie –

    He got Liz out of the fridge???

    Boy, that family is more screwed up than I thought!

  109. Starrynight
    March 3rd, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    FOOB- What a stupid plot twist! I agree with #107 bats. Get away while you can, Warren.

    Also, I’ve been wanting to say this for a while… Liz really needs a new hairstyle. One that a woman her age would actually wear in 2008.

    FW- I’m sure Batiuk is bringing us a wonderful plot twist of his own, say, a frightening bus crash on the way to or from the championship game.

  110. cheesey keister-y jackass girl
    March 3rd, 2008 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    Not a great first Sunday for Women’s History Month, hremeff. Is it me, or is it Lent? Gelled-up ladies are taking it for the team left and right..

    Just to clarify, you know you’re HOT when you have gonorrhea. Or maybe you know you have gonorrhea when your hot.

    will now attempt baby’s first coding. no flash photography please; there is enough humorous documentation of the actual bowels in action. Maybe Marvin’s mom can make jokes about that: “You know youve made poopy when…” the potential for a very wide age and activity-level demographic appeal is rife.

    title=””> Curtis: You know you’ve arrived when you can wear an invocation of the tightrope walk of personal hell as salvation in a deity’s house and pull it off. And not fall over. Or out.. in one way or another… Although those ladies were drawn to look as if someone else had dressed them, which I personally find to be the most insulting aspect of the strip..

    Or maybe they hit the oldschool moonshiney absinthe too hard Saturday night. It happens.

    I think in comics land it’s okay to make everything more colorful by additing of the suffix “ey.” It’s like verbal old-fashioned absinthe. Take goofey name as indication of such.

    I never heard of that stuff killing anybody. Maybe rendering them legally insane, like too much LSD could conveniently do, if one were cerebreally tie-tie enough to use that as defense. I think it’s seven doses in New York, but I don’t know about any other states. Reading is educational.. but books are tiring. Thats why comix is good.. like oral hystoreez

    No not a guerilla feminist but yes a gorilla one. More like magilla. :) boys are not the only ones who stink– even Marvin’s mom is takin self-negating pot shots !!

  111. Mr. O'Malley
    March 3rd, 2008 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Hmm, I wonder what happens to something inside an abbr tag?

    Oh, interesting! (Hint: mouse-over)

    Could be useful for something like this!

  112. Mr. O'Malley
    March 3rd, 2008 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Why does Slylock think that Dirty Dog didn’t steal those chocolate bars?

  113. Mibbitmaker
    March 3rd, 2008 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    3/3/33 (okay, ’08; I just wanted to try that ;o)):

    FC: Make it spring (c. May) and you’ve got a deal!

    FOOB: Is there HOPE?? …..Nah. He’s a troublemaker and she’s a basketcase. Liz ‘n’ Blandie have too much in common, sadly.

    Lockhorns: BIG DEAL!

    S-M: MJ, read the first two panels…

    FW: Well, the earth shifted its axis twice already, making the FW world more awful each time. But that’s the 10-year shifts, not the basketball game.

    A3G: Methinks Jones got Alan Haley instead of drugs. Although it did cause Haley to experience a bad trip nonetheless.

    NS: Gee, that check-suited guy is trying to be elitist against himself! (As I rip off an old “Weekend Update” joke about Sammy Davis, Jr., converting to Judaism. Thanks, Chevy)

    BBailey: I was going to say something about Sarge noticing Beetle getting something sticky on himself, but thought better of it.

    Shoe: I’m waiting for Les Moore to get involved in this.

    Marvin: “It’s called 21st Century Oscar Maddison.”

    Buckets: My concern exactly, even before I got one of these furshlugginer things.

    H&L: The exact center of attention? Someone call Mikey Patterson and tell him it’s not him!

  114. Vice-Pope Chris
    March 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    78 commodorejohn — Suuuuuuuuurrrre it is. But you have to admit that naked women would be a great way to increase church attendance among 90% of the male population and 10% of the female…

  115. sally
    March 3rd, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    OK, I’m probably going to get kicked out of Mudgeland for saying this, but….. FBOFW made me laugh, for all the right reasons. If you had lived through the period right after the baby weans (which means that you DON’T have to be the one who gets up with her EVERY SINGLE TIME) and before your husband had gotten used to the fact that, after however many months or years of being able to roll over and go back to sleep when the little one cries in the middle of the night, he now has to take turns getting up, you would find this funny too.

    Trust me. You would.

    Which doesn’t mean Uncle L isn’t right about this setting up early abandonment issues. But it’s still funny.

  116. Master Mahan
    March 3rd, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    In the English language, the phrase “you bad man!” is only used as a prelude to spankings. I’m glad that Curtis’s church is progressive enough to accept catty fashion critics and their companions into the flock.

  117. Master Mahan
    March 3rd, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    78: They’re commenting on hats. I somehow doubt breasts hold much interest for them… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  118. No Evil Monkeys
    March 3rd, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    #99: Thanks, Soshi. Now it makes exactly as much sense as it’s possible for a Garfield strip to make.

  119. cheesey keister-y jackass girl
    March 4th, 2008 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    behind the times is my usual speed, 56K would be hotter for me as a salary than a speed… :i
    i’m sad for that and thought-encapsling is like diametrically angularly opposed to ability to spread and sew and dither the seeds of communication. well, wherever they go, look away, or look out, for the magic animals under the table..

    #78 Commodore- It’s probably no a bad idea… might be easier for her to walk around moreupright and pert-shouldered and sexier. Running with books would be encouraged for precautionary safety measures.

    Maybe the ladies could wear ONLY their hats to church.. now THAT would be a beatrific statement.. like gonorhhea, or shoving in a bun in a bun.-ey. wait.

    I think you guys have never seen a collection by Adrian. I’m a girl but I’m a tomboy so it’s kind of weird that I know about such things as “gay-assey” gay as that.

    And if we can’t see naked ladies, I mean, at least the babies could be naked, right? I mean, if they’re gonna be tied up and left in a chair overnight, they could at least be offered the hope of a healthy hairy scruff of chest like daddy’s.. I mean, I think I would even want one.. like in that hero-worshipping lkind of way you could feel about Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap. Which was a series comic book for about a hot five issues, and in case you were wondering, yes, I do have a copy of at least one of them somewhere.. and, no, you cannot have any of them. They are mine.

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