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Metapost: Triumphant return COTW!

I’M BACK, EVERYBODY! Let’s give Uncle Lumpy a very large hand for helping out in my absence! He says you’ve been good, so you’ll be rewarded with … my return? Sorry, that’s the best I can do. Oh, you’re also rewarded with this week’s slightly belated comment of the week!

“I’m thinking the skunk will become so smitten by Sam’s good looks and honest, noble character, it will spontaneously learn to squirt precious ambergris and Fabergé eggs from its anal glands. Of course, it will still cover Avery with plain old skunk stink.” — Perky Bird

And the runners up! Very funny!

Funky Winkerbean — “Well, how do we know Power Girl #18 won’t stain herself? Maybe that’s one of Power Girl’s powers, self-staining. I mean, powers can’t be all super-speed and flight and stretchiness and spider-web shooting and invisibility and green rings and utility belts and cool stuff like that. Maybe some are, you know, just embarrassing.” — Ian Beste

“What a change in mood between panels three and seven. They all look happy enough watching the news about the Italian Ship Disaster, and then it’s all revulsion and dismay when they remember that Wilbur and Dawn are coming back.” — Joe Btfsplk

“Of course under federal law, he must replace [his Levi's tag] with a Wide Load banner and a Slow Moving Vehicle triangle….” — Dennis Jimenez

Free Microsoft Office 2010 [spam] — “Well, I suppose I’m willing to sign a petition asking for a new trial, but I absolutely refuse to bake Microsoft a cake with a file in it.” — Shrug

Curtis — “Somewhere, a couple of dozen Secret Service agents are passing a bong and watching MST3K reruns.” — Artist formerly known as Ben

“You don’t hit on the underaged caddy, you try to hustle the beer wench, who not only is at least 21 years old, but also shows some cleavage and is openly flirtatious, although both are in hopes you’ll tip her a buck on a $2.75 Bud Light. Steve has a lot to learn about golf.” — cheech wizard

“‘Leroy Lockhorn still gets invited to a lot of parties.’ I assume he has the best weed.” — Tom T.

“The EVIL GAME WARDEN realized that he could use Rusty as bait. These schemes work best if one does not tell the bait that it is bait. This could be the first time Rusty has been somebody’s chum.” — Dale

“Thel is angry that her daughter knows about stuck zippers. There will be a harlot stoning in the Keane Kompound backyard tonight.” — Zerowolf

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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35 responses to “Metapost: Triumphant return COTW!”

  1. FOOBed no more
    August 26th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh! Thanks, Uncle Lumpy! And congratulations to Perky Bird and the floaters!

  2. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 26th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#y143): iPads know that having the punctuation outside the string is how computers do it, so they do it that way. Some day, all puny humans will do it their way.

  3. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 26th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Sigh. Dave used to congratulate the CoTW winners.

  4. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#y143): Autocorrect on the iPad is a sneaky bastard and many times it’s just flat out wrong. I can’t get over how it always adds a period after a quotation mark instead of inside it.@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#2):

    You know, of course, that the placement of the quotation marks matter is disputed among stylists and grammarians. For logical reasons, and because I was trained as a programmer, I sympathize with the one side; but as a traditionalist in many ways, I’m inclined to the other. I find myself sometimes using one style, and sometimes the other. I try to be consistent within a piece of writing, but that’s as far as I am willing to go. At this point, I don’t think it can be said that one or the other method is flat out wrong.

  5. Uncle Lumpy
    August 26th, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#4):

    … I don’t think it can be said that one or the other method is flat out wrong.

    One or the other method is flat out wrong.


  6. Mark B.
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#5): Obviously, unbalanced nesting of punctuation is an abomination. Purring the period inside the quote creates an unparseable mess.

    Confession: I write code for a living.

  7. Mark B.
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    I meant to type putting instead of purring, but that works.

  8. Chaze
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#4): I’m not familiar with programming language, just the English variety. For many years I taught my kids to jam all the punctuation within the quotation marks, because the end quote closed the sentence, including the final punctuation. I always defer in these matters to Sheridan’s The Practical Stylist.

  9. Chaze
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Anyway….punctuation aside…congrats to all the funnypants on the float. Boy, was there lots of strange stuff this week. Almost created snark overload.

  10. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Blah blah blah. Point is, the Count is offering investment opportunities in Weirdly’s Hall of Holograms. Are you in or are you out?

    S-M: Now if the Lee Hazlewood estate would just okay the rights to “These Boots Are Made for Walkin’”.

    Phantom: Crudely scrawled notes in black crayon on 8 ½ X 11 copy paper carry more weight in the Bangalla justice system than they do in most places I’ve worked.

    SFx: The cake isn’t very good because it’s the decoy wedding cake. Or at least I hope the Forths were that smart.

    DtM: Margaret tells Dennis that he’s smart, handsome, and talented. Exactly how much money does she need to borrow?

    JP: Oh good. Pepe Le Pew just thought the flashlight was a lady skunk.

    RMMD: When reanimated skeletons tell you you’re too uptight…

    9CL: Great White Edda bites Amos’ ass. Say what you will, but at least it’s a break from her billion dollar farewell performance.

    H&L: Dot and Ditto run in terror from the butt-nekkid cellist.

    M-Dawg: … or he asphyxiated.

    HOTC: Wow, I had no idea we’d find out what Dean calls his erections.

  11. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back, Josh, and congrats float-folk! Actually, I say, “Congrats, float-folk.” Because that’s how I roll.

  12. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#6): This is why I actually think it will change one day, my own education to the contrary notwithstanding. It makes sense that the variable or whatever should be enclosed within quotes, and signs that perform operations on it should be outside. A mark that ends a sentence would, I should think, stay within the quotes.

    Of course, it’s possible to construct a headache-inspiring array of edge cases, to which I say, “Gaaaah.”

    (I still like the sentence H. Allen Smith wrote to conclude an argument he had with some editor. Smith maintained that the comma went within the quotes. The sentence read:

    “You are a horse’s ass,,,,,,,,” said Mr. Smith.

    How could this man not be my idol?)

  13. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    And of course congrats to Perky Bird and the rest of the folks on the float. Loved cheech Wizards Thorpery.

  14. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (y87): Dick’s only got so many bullets, son.

  15. Nehemiah Scudder
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#5): That’s easy for you to say!

  16. 555 95472
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    All this punctuation talk is making me want to check out .

  17. Chaze
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @555 95472 (#16): Avoid Victor Borge DVDs.

  18. pastordan, does not understand all internet conventions
    August 26th, 2012 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to all the floaters, and thanks to Uncle Lumpy for whelming the helm in Josh’s absence!

  19. Mark B.
    August 26th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#12): Actually, one of the projects I just picked up does a lot of parsing of natural language, and all of those edge cases are quite a hassle to deal with. The rules for deciding simple things, like when a sentence ends, are not as simple as one would think.

  20. pastordan, does not understand all internet conventions
    August 26th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#4): I blame the Canadians.

  21. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    August 26th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Mark B. (#19): Yes. Even in my colloquial usage, the edge cases are all too obvious, and when I’m editing a book, they stand up and moon me.

  22. tallyHO
    August 26th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Perky Bird and the Floatilla!

    Thank you, Unca Lumpy (a.k.a., The Ghost of Greenjeans)!

    Where does it go?
    The following makes the most sense to me. Though it shoudl be noted that I was initially taught to throw all ending punctuation in the trunk of the end quote and not to put it on the bumper.

    If you are quoting someone, their punctuation goes inside of the end quote mark. ( She is really annoys me when she says “Really?”. )

    If the quote ends your sentence then periods and the like should go outside of your end quote. ( Does she really need to say “really”? )

    Earlier this year for about a week most blogs I read got super self-righteous about where to put the period. Why? They’re bloggers. They get self-righteous sometimes.

    Consult your preferred style manuals. For casual, conversational grammar, I think there leeway as long as you don’t confuse the reader.

    Oh yeah, I’ve been absolved from solving anything. So feel free to let your freak flag fly like a comma splice in disguise!

    Bodacious Ta Ta for now!

  23. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2012 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    This blog seems to be having her period.

  24. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    August 26th, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, all!

  25. Poteet
    August 27th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Tossed blossoms for Perky Bird and the merry runners-up! Thanks for the funny!

    And welcome back, Josh! As a follower of JP, I’m assuming that your novel is all written now and it’ll take just a couple of days for it to be published and by the end of the week, you’ll have a lucrative movie deal! Sweet!

  26. Poteet
    August 27th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]


  27. Maggie the Cat
    August 27th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    A3G 8-27-12— Cue porno soundtrack.

  28. Poteet
    August 27th, 2012 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    MW — Just as I said, the editor is a vampire. Yeah yeah, I know it’s light outside, but probably he’s got hidden nipple-sequins or something. The important thing is that he’s pointing his really scary finger right at Wilbur and is trying to suck ACTUAL WORK out of him. Look at poor Wilbur’s terrified expression. He never bargained for this. And his magic cinnamon suit, worn as protection because normal humans can’t stand to look at him for more than three minutes before finding an excuse to leave, ISN’T WORKING!

  29. Poteet
    August 27th, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    RMMD — And as Heather stares hungrily at June’s alabaster skin and imagines her exquisite naked poitrine, she thinks to herself, “I’ll ask you to return the favor when you get home, June. In a very, very special way.”

  30. Poteet
    August 27th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#27): Bow chicka bow bow…

  31. Poteet
    August 27th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    JP — This. Is. Great. I want Cuss Skunk to visit the 9CL stage next, ASAP. And right after that, the Crankshaft porch.

  32. Ian Beste
    August 27th, 2012 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    Wow! Thanks, Josh! And all because kicked in some money for your little book about choo-choo trains.

  33. Baka Gaijin
    August 27th, 2012 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    Sooooo, Rusty found Wonder Woman’s invisible knapsack. Or is it a Count Weirdly special holographic backpack? It doesn’t cast a shadow…

    Has Sarge ever done that to Beetle before? It seems rather clever for a man with his intelligence level.

  34. Mr. O'Malley
    August 27th, 2012 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    MT: Mostly likely that old miner, if it’s his cabin.

  35. anon
    August 27th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    9CL – in another 2 weeks or so, when Amos finally pulls himself up on that stage, what’s going to happen? Common wisdom is he will propose, ring in hand, on bended knee in front of the audience, Edda will accept, and there will be applause all around.

    Or…..what else?

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