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Metapost: Comments of the week: The return

Let’s wrap up our Monday-night catch-up blogging with the comment of the week!

“Wow, winning the game on a last-second 25-foot shot will be a nice memory next year as Summer lies on her deathbed.” –rhymes with puck

And the runners-up

“I think hating Deanna is overkill. Life already hates Deanna. She’s married to Michael and has two irredeemable brats/poop machines. That’s certainly punishment enough.” –Gagott68

“Yes, Toby, things are not always as they seem. For example, I appear to have my sensible salmon-colored blazer zipped up to my neck, which I have wrapped in a lovely coordinating ascot, but–voila!–presto-chango, as you can see, my blazer has lapels, and doesn’t even have a zipper! How does she do it, you ask? I’ll never tell, ha-ha! I am Mary Worth, woman of mystery!” –Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)

“By the time Mary Worth actually gets around to this flashback, it’ll be a flashback to the beginning of this flashback intro.” –monsieurjohn

“In my pharmacology class, we’re studying cardiac drugs. Every time I read the word ‘aldosterone’ I cry a little.” –Loopina

“What excellent, precise grammar Anthony is using today. Whomever, whom. It somehow makes me want to punch him more. The boy’s got no dangling participles at all.” –Isua

“Mary, you seem so changeless! Like you’ve always been 60 years old, humorless, and ready to meddle. I can’t picture you laughing, loving, or having fun in any way!” –Mountain Mama

“After cancer, it’s debilitating injury time! Definitely an upper, what with all the painkillers involved.” –Niall

Re: “I’m probably not going to hear the end of this”: “I should say not, considering you just slipped on your eighty-year-old ass in the middle of an icy walkway in the dead of night without anyone else in sight to rush to your aide and with you surely being too delicate and feeble to get yourself up. Indeed, it seems doubtful that you’ll even get to hear the beginning of it.” –BenG

“Seriously, I think her life today is more depressing than her childhood could have ever been: living alone in her apartment that smells of stale casserole and despair, loathing all of humanity, maintaining a phony and completely joyless ‘relationship’ with Dr. Jeff, having to hang out with Toby and Ian, unable to commit to even having a pet … I’m just saying, no one would blame Mary if she started taking nips off of the cooking sherry at 6:30 in the morning.” –Trilobite

“I think you are overestimating Toby’s boredom listening to Mary drone on. This is a woman who is married to Chinbeard, after all. Dealing with monumental boredom is a cherished aspect of her life.” –rhymes with puck

If the proposal is any indication, the wedding video could be marketed as the best sleep aid ever.” –Farley’s Revenge

Luann: In the March 13 installment, we find out the fire cap’n is gay. This is the most exciting thing to happen in Luann ever! It’s the ONLY thing to happen in Luann ever!” –Lisa (not the dead one)

Spider-man: Drive on, Persuader! Follow the signs marked ‘Plot.’” –Inspector Dim

In all her excitement, Liz is forgetting that she’s supposed to wait until AFTER she’s impregnated to devour her mate.” –cheech wizard

“They’re not kissing each other. They’re hugging chastely. On the other hand, if they did kiss each other, I’d have to tear the brooch off the corpse of my mother and blind myself with it. So all in all I’m pretty happy with the way it’s turning out.” –Kate

“Wait, I’m confused. Is Rex’s daughter supposed to be pre-kindergarten? If so, why does she appear to be about 27 years old in panel two? And in panel three it looks as though Rex is trying to figure out the same thing.” –Electro

“It’s never too early to start filling a tiny child with anxiety about his cholesterol level. Hope you don’t like ice cream, kid!” –BigTed

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153 responses to “Metapost: Comments of the week: The return”

  1. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m too busy laughing my ass off to have any kind of self-pitying wine about the COTW. Congrats to you all! Funny comes in spades (at least on this site) obviously!

  2. Niall
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    I have missed a number of discussion threads this week. Therefore, I nearly got hurt in my throat all over again trying not to laugh deliriously at the comments from Loopina, Isua and…


    I made the shortlist?? Woohoo!! first time! I knew being more concise might make me funnier, but not to this point. :)

    Wow, so THIS is the shortlist rush… no wonder it’s addictive!

  3. Gagott68
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    As self appointed First Runner Up, I stand ready to assume the role of COTW should rhymes with be unable to complete his/her reign for any reason.

  4. Niall
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    And now, before I go to bed nursing my hopefully-not-throat-infection which has kept me from going with my dancing class to search for a pub in whcih to dance with live musicians… (stupid throat)

    On topic! This being St Patrick’s, and me being half-Irish, I present for the Mudges’ enjoyment the videos of our adult dance class performing at the big St Pat ceilí last Saturday! it was great fun, despite the floor having been recently rewaxed. (That’s why we’re a little wobbly on the hardshoes now and then.)

    Softshoe dancing – to the Chieftains’ “Brian Boru’s March”. I am not the guy who’s good. :) I’m the one who starts with the other girls.

    Hardshoe dancing – to Shooglenifty’s “Delighted”. (I love the band.) Once again, I’m the one starting in the dance, not the one doing the good stuff. :)

    Enjoy, and stay away from green beer!

  5. bats, junior bridesmaid :[
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Yow! That’s a giant float, with all sorts of prince and princess attendants…and for good reason: excellent snarkage! Float! Float on!

  6. Old School Allie Cat
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    #2 – Niall – having been a runner up a few times, my feeling is that it’s all of the glory with none of the pressure.

    Nice work to all this week.

  7. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    #1, Tweeks_Coffee

    Mmmm, self-pitying wine.

    Second the sentiment. And the sediment!

  8. bats, junior bridesmaid :[
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    4. Go, Niall, go! Lookin’ good on the newly-waxed dancefloor! Take care of that throat (isn’t that what all that Irish whisky is for?).

  9. SecretMargo
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    7: Don’t underestimate a good whine. It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.

    Congrats to all! Funny, funny stuff. Trilobite gets the “funny ’cause it’s so, so horrifyingly, depressingly true” award.

  10. Lisa
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    Really great dancing by all of you, Niall! That tall dark haired woman was really good, too… the shorter, chubby one needed a better bra, though….. :o[

  11. Pepperoni Détournées (formerly Herro!)
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    OH WOW, I’m a runner up! See you this time next week, when I’m hanging on to the back of the float, claws sunk in, refusing to let go of this tiny tidbit of glory! You’ll have to beat me off the float with a stick! (I almost said “you’ll have to beat me off with a stick!” but that might be considered inappropriate.)

    Congrats to everyone!

  12. Niall
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    8. bats:[ : thanks! But whiskey is good for a cold, bad for an infection… from experience. (Chocolate is the worst. I think the Nutella last night really precipitated the whole.)

    10. Lisa: thank you! The shorter one has as good a bra as she can get. The tall dark one is actually fairly new at dancing this, and tends to hesitate a lot; it’s the smaller thin one, with whom I dance between the two good people near the end of the softshoe, who’s really good. :)

  13. Weaselboy
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to rhymes with puck. You’ve captured the essence of Funky Winkerbean in a single sentence.

  14. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to rhymes with puck and all the runners up, but especially to Mountain Mama. I remember that strip, and I felt like it needed some treatment like that. You said it better than I could have.

  15. Rainbird
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Cool, rhymes with puck is not only leading the float but is riding it as well. Way to go.

    Good ones from Lisa (not the dead one) and Inspector Dan that I missed the first time round.

  16. Lisa
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    I’m not dead either…..

  17. Poteet
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Yay, rhymes with puck! Congratulations! And thanks for predicting Summer’s demise, because I hate that kid. If I wanted to suffer through long stories about grimacing people fighting over balls in gymnasiums, I’d read GT. And hooray for all you very funny runners-up, and may your float-riding be joyous!

  18. Craig
    March 17th, 2008 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    I thought I read a significant number of comments this week, but I don’t recognize any of the winners. Congrats to those that were selected anyway, even if we don’t have contextual links to follow. :)

  19. Poteet
    March 17th, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    # 2 Niall — I can’t access YouTube, so I’ll just envision you as a lord of the dance. And congrats on your first float ride! Remember to wave and smile graciously at us cheering throngs.

  20. monsieurjohn
    March 17th, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    woooo! i finally made it in!

  21. alamo
    March 17th, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    a tip of the old alamo dometopper to all the winners. you are an inspiration. now that we have gotten to 20 snarks time for a new post.

  22. bats, junior bridesmaid :[
    March 17th, 2008 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Toosday ‘toons:

    A3G: no, lady announcer person, LuAnn isn’t nuts about Alan, she’s just plain nuts

    MT: strange, but Mr. Bad Guy looks a little like Mark…perhaps a long-lost brother who fell in with the wrong beatnik hippie crowd? Then again, his wife looks like Shirley Booth, so whaddaiknow…

    MW: well, all I can say is Thank God for cracks in the sidewalk, or little Mary wouldn’t have had any joy in her life at all.
    Even so, she and Cathy, although both of tender years, have already learned how to harness the forces of Nature and are meddling in a dangerous game, casting Frost-Miser breath upon a spring-time flower. Oh, that Rankin-Bass still had its stop-motion studio! What wonders we might see!

    FOOB: meanwhile, the wily Squiggly C only pretends to be listening to Lizardbreath as she makes her socks appear and disappear like magic…(ah, that must be LJ on the phone!).

  23. alamo
    March 17th, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    i read this brilliant posting earlier today and thought i would pass it on since no one probably saw it:

    alamo says:

    March 17th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
    foobville follies – i was impressed with little francine until i realized two things:

    she is acting grown-up in this little menage a trois because all of her life someone had to be the responsible parent in her relationships, hence her experience, and

    she has gained experience in offering elizabeth tea in this woman to woman talk because that is what they drink when she and her father have those same woman to woman talks.

    —out of here.

  24. Kate
    March 17th, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    Hey! I’m a runner-up! And all I had to do was refer to Oedipus Rex. Well, and think about how I would rather not see Anthony and Liz scrumping.

  25. True Fable
    March 17th, 2008 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW More adorability and precious glurgitude as Liz bonds with her new ‘friend’. Some people say Liz has no friends; this is proof that yes indeed, Liz does have friends, and this latest is the closest to her emotional age than any before her.
    And this strip is just too sweet, just as it says.


  26. rhymes with puck
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Both COTW and a runner-up? I’m more excited than Rex Morgan at a boy scout meeting!

  27. Crankenstank
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    In order to win comment of the week honors, you have to make comments. I keep reminding myself of that, but I’m not clever enough to remember.

  28. bats, junior bridesmaid :[
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    25. True Fable: oh, my, how cynical you are, Mr. Fable! You don’t believe that there really can be such sweetness in the world, teetering dangerously on the edge of a diabetic coma?
    Yeah, me neither.

  29. True Fable
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to all the float riders and a special hooray for rhymes with puck! I’ll have you know that was a soda shooter if ever there was one.

    PBS Goat! This is of course nothing new; Goat has been a part of PBS since the history of Ever. I just like seeing him. hee.
    9CL Today’s is a good one. I’ve had dance partners like that.
    A3G I dunno; both women in panel 2 have that strangely wigged-out, eat-live-babies-for-sport stare in their eyes. I’d say crazy was contagious.
    Cathy Comic too stupid; comic too predictable; comic too aged. That’s why it’s called “Cathy (Must Die!)”
    FC Is it just me, or is Jeffy standing like he’s dragging his knuckles? “Jeffy smash!”
    GA The whole FAMILY has looked blind for years.
    JP Thank you Eduardo for letting Sophie grow up a little and get her hair out of that stupid ponytail!
    MT I marvel at the new model Tardis vehicles that are always featured in this strip.
    MW Joe Giella must have seen that episode of InuYasha where the hero battles the spider-demon, who spat out webs just like Mary and her friend. Yeah, kinda gross.
    MG&G LOL!
    RMMD Why is Rex doing his Gene Kelly imitation in panel 2? He can’t dance.

  30. True Fable
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    #28 bats, junior bridesmaid :[ – Ah, I adore you in all your lovely brilliant snarkiness!

  31. Poteet
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Foob — And this sugar-saturated wedding glurge is just beginning. It’s gonna be a long road to September, folks.

  32. Gold-Digging Nanny
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny

    Saturday SFx

    As Josh has informed us, the monkeys have risen up against us.

    Through the use of Slylock Fox’s time machine, Bob Weber has brought you two versions of the insurrection: on the left, the official version, taken from a commonly used high school textbook and translated from Simianese; and on the right, the unofficial version, as whispered among the human slaves in their oral traditions.

    1) In the official version, the humans started the Battle of Ook-ook-ak-ahk with their typical acts of aggression and provocation, throwing 27 of those nasty circus peanuts at the monkeys’ leader, Chi-chi, in a single day.
    2) In the unofficial version, the monkeys started the Battle of the Bronx Zoo (as the humans call Ook-ook-ak-ahk) by attacking a zookeeper as he came in to clean their cages, beating him senseless, and escaping from the zoo, biting anyone who got too close and throwing their poo at the surrounding populus in a particularly violent fashion.
    3) In the official version, the monkeys’ first act upon their rise to power was to create a new constitution offering progressive rights for all primates — even allowing their former captors, the humans, a fraction of a vote — and requiring the planting of palm trees on every street corner.
    4) In the unofficial version, the monkeys’ first act upon their rise to power was to eat all the Chunky Monkey ice cream.
    5) According to the official version, the turning point in the Great Monkey Uprising of 2008 came when General Uk-uk-oo led a legion of monkeys onto U.S. military bases and defeated the human soldiers with their superior numbers, vast military might, and by using their prehensile tails to wield additional weaponry.
    6) According to the unofficial version, the turning point in the Great Monkey Uprising of 2008 came when the monkeys secretly sneaked onto military bases and defecated into the fuel tanks of aircraft, tanks and other vehicles. The resulting crashes and loss of life from this act of mass sabotage crippled the American forces.

    This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny has been brought to you by Ben & Jerry’s.

  33. Frank Parsnip
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the COTWeekers!

    Love Is: Watch out for the vortex! Naked 8-year-old married couples in a duststorm.

    MT: These petnappers drive around in a truck that is so nondescript that it sucks the color out of any person who rides inside.

    Funky Pantysniffer: Someone must’ve told Batiuk that Funky was starting to look like a Dinkle contemporary because Funky’s hair is no longer white today! To counterbalance all the cancer, missing limbs and misery, Batiuk shaved 20 years of age off his title character.

    MW: Mary Worth and her little friend are able to emit beams of radioactive power out from their mouths to suck the life essence from this flower.

    Jugs Parker: All Biff needs to do to solve this whole thing is to hire a few workers, get a few chickens on site, invite Abbey over and say: Oh, Abbey, you stopped by on a day when we’d just shipped out a big order. We’d given the farm hands the day off because they’d been working so hard.” That would be the end of any suspicions and ensure it is not necessary to reinact North By Northwest’s attack-plane scene.

    DT: Cole Lector’s house will be the center of a new One World Government. What? You say that The Police Chief Robot has issued another command? Oh, then of course we must comply… please tell us how we may please you.

    GT: That’s Kaz? Where’s the pearl earrings?

    Foob: An’ lots an’ lots of Foob comics will leave out the Letter-Which-Must-Not-Be-Spoken. This message has been brought to you by the committee to support the letter Q. “I am the letter Q, and I approve of this message.”

    A3G: Margo also hosts a TV show?

  34. Frank Parsnip
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Niall (12): Congrats on the dancing and the shortlisting! As a sidenote, Nutella has a daily place in our home — my wife is absolutely addicted to its hazelnutlike chocolateyness. She spreads it over the thick toast slices we get here, puts a dollop of fresh plain yogurt on and spreads pumpkin seeds overthe top. In Germany, there are wonderful recipe books full of new ideas for how to take Nutella where nobody has taken it before — count my wife among the experimental Nutellanauts.

    True Fable (29): Wow, you have sharp eyes. I had simply assumed it had to be a maid or somebody else because she’s not wearing a bizarrely cut violet pantsuit. The sweater color (a darker purple) should have been the tipoff.

    Poteet (31): In Japan, there are these fermented sticky beans called Natto that stink like hell, taste like crap and which actually trail long strings of long saliva-like ooze when you try to pick them up with chopsticks. I would rather eat a septic tank full of them than watch what appears to be happening to Lizzie — looking at her, Anthony, Michael and Deanna, they are all slowly but surely morphing into the same person. The other day, I couldn’t even tell the difference between Michael’s enormous child-bearing hips and Lizzie’s, and there’s something really wrong with that.

  35. Mibbitmaker
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:50 am [Reply]


    A3G: I can’t believe this outfit is so cheap that they can’t hire more actors! That’s clearly the actress that plays Margo, in a different hairstyle.

    Zits: Considering another comic strip character who stalked someone had to drive off a specially-made cliff to his demise, I think Jeremy got off easy. Not as easy as he probably will from that judge, given her thought bubbles, though.

    RMMD: Speaking of which, is June talking to Mary Worth in that last panel?

    Ghost-Who-Isn’t-an-Actual-Ghost,-Is-He?: “…And it’s not really ‘Falk’ that’s drawing us! It’s those guys below us! Heeeey, what’s going ON here? Nothing makes sense!…”

    MW: We’re well into the flashback, and I’m STILL waiting for the flashback to begin!

    H&J: He’s going to the barber in “Curtis”. He’s just going so that he and the barber can admire each others’ cone heads.

    DtM: Normally, this’d be harsh enough to be good “Menace”, but with Dagwood Bumstead roaming the comics page, mailmen are much more menaced already!

  36. Mr. O'Malley
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    St. Patrick’s Day has come and gone (at some point). And as the Irish say, Go mbeirimid beo ar an am seo arís—may we be alive this time next year.

    Hell is freezing over.

    A traditional toast—Sláinte go hEirinn is Contae Mhuigheo, is nuair a éagfas na Gaeil, cha bheidh duine ar bith beo—A health to Ireland and County Mayo, and when the Gaels perish no one else will be left.

    And what do we find in the comics this fine morning?

    Yer man Elrod seems to be unaware that many communities do not permit dogs off-leash. In fact, people (for some reason it often seems to be people with piercings and tattoos) actually find employment in some affluent communities taking people’s dogs out for walks. I would think that this bitch fatale vamping the North Side’s roaming off-leash dogs concept would be more or less doomed at the outset.

    Over at Monty the wee pusscat is in the spotlight for the second day (after having loyally saved Monty from a life without laughter a week ago), and I think yer man must have a cat himself, judging from the accuracy of his observations.

    And at JP, Abbey is enlisting the help of a child to use Google Earth to investigate the mystery of the cluckless chicken ranch.

    The old Google Earth picture of our house showed our old van in the driveway. In the new picture our driveway is empty, proving that we must be hiding away making marijuana brownies or possibly bhang. Those who remember some of my previous posts may guess that sourdough bread is a more likely possibility. (Ah, the sourdough cinnamon rolls we had for breakfast on Sunday! Blandthony, your life has been wasted!)

    Hold on to your hats, the holidays are coming thick and fast. Next up, Nourouz, Iranian New Year 1387, begins on Farvardyn 1st, 10:48 PM PDT on Wednesday March 19, 2008.

  37. Godzooky
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:45 am [Reply]

    FOOB: In a yesterthread, Howabominable (aka Lindsey ^_^) offered the following rant:

    Also, I would rather read one hundred convoluted Mary Worth platitudes than ONE MORE EFFING FOOB PLATITUDE. Those drove me crazy! Crazy!

    Panel 1 and 2: Someone gripes about their situation.
    Panel 3: The same person continues griping, setting up Panel 4.
    Panel 4: The Patterson (it’s always a Patterson) takes whatever they said in Panel 3 and twists it into some apparently inspiring and encouraging platitude.

    Does today’s “One’s imagination, etc.” count as a FOOBitude?

    Re: Sunday Funky vs. weekday Funky: Not sure how to confirm this, but, to my eye, Sunday strips are being produced by John Byrne in a Batiuk-y style, so that explains the different look. And, apparently, either he or the coloring monkeys have trouble remembering Funky’s hair color.

  38. Disco Les
    March 18th, 2008 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    FOOB Urgh. LJ should really put a warning on her strips from now until the big wedding craptacular: WARNING: Do not read these strips if you are diabetic as the sugary sweetness will drive you straight into a damn coma.

    FW Ah, I see we’re back to the “Funky’s an obnoxious dick” storyline. Fabulous! I was afraid the strip was becoming too positive. Phew!

    MW Alright, already. We get it. You had a friend when you were young and impoverished. Get on with it!!!
    Oh, silly me. I forgot which strip I was reading. We’ll still be seeing Lil’ Mary and her buddy hopscotching and frolicking for weeks, maybe months, to come. And then…. the inevitable tragedy. Sweet, sweet tragedy.

    Zits No cell phone for two whole weeks?! Has to do the dishes every night for a year?! Those monsters! Someone call Child Protective Services ASAP!

  39. Colonel O'Popcorn
    March 18th, 2008 at 5:47 am [Reply]

    Pearls Before Swine:
    “Silence, Pigimus Fatimus” is now officially my favorite phrase of all time. Actually, I think other strips should start using it to make things more interesting. “I used to go to sleep without dinner. Hungry for food… for love! … Most of all, for a feeling of self-worth!” “Silence, Pigimus Fatimus!” Now THAT’S a strip I’d like to see!

  40. gleeb
    March 18th, 2008 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    A3G: Well, she’s nuts, at any rate.

    Bizarro: This just gives me a vision of members of Congress running around with huge flags strapped to them, like the armies in Ran.

    ‘bean: Don’t worry, Funky. There’s no chance of Creepy Les noticing you’ve started to dye your hair. You’re not a teen aged girl, and you’re not related to him.

    GA: Giant chickens! At least we have no reason to believe Amanda Lynn’s folks aren’t raising the ganja weed.

    Duck: Actually, if drugs weren’t illegal, we wouldn’t be making criminals out of people whose biggest mistake is just overdoing the desire to get a little *@%#ed up from time to time.

    Phantom: “Are you sure it’s us you want, Ma’am? These docks can all look alike at night, you know.”

  41. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 18th, 2008 at 6:28 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “You successfully cast a cone of cold. The flower suffers critical damage.”

  42. Gagott68
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    Luann: Brad has a kingdom but is still always mooching dinner off his folks.

    Zits: Apparently, basic parenting is tantamount to cruel and unusal punishment in this judge’s book.

    BeBa: Rocky must be really appreciated in the barracks.

    Blondie: I foresee a herniated disc and spinal fusion surgery in Dagwood’s future.

  43. And The
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Ahhhh, don’t *do* that, lady! Not only is it bad interviewing technique, it scares the dickens out of comic strip readers. I had a Videodrome flashback there.

    GA: Beyond the fact that he’s intelligent, very wealthy and doesn’t stink of pig crap, I can’t see why she’d be attracted to him. I’m sure you two would much prefer it if she married the twitchy drifter from the farm down the lane.

    DT: Ugly, blank-eyed minion, please don’t use the words “massive” and “dictate” in the same sentence to Liz. It makes her very irritable and unable to issue tyrannical orders to a world in thrall.

    FW: Khan (Khaaaan!) does a great job of managing? Isn’t he the backstabber who’s allowed the place to decay to an embarrassing state and serve foul pizza-substitute?

    JP: C’mon, Sophie! Don’t let society trick you into thinking that with a more attractive appearance must come a duller intellect! Let’s see that Nancy Drew spirit!

    MT: Princess, you Mata Hari of the hound set, how could you?

    Popeye: Hmmmm, looks like the Sea Hag has cast Spiritual Weapon, there. I wouldn’t have figured her for a cleric.

    S-M: You’ve been living with Peter too long, M-J. Of course, that’s pretty much a given. However, since this comes up all the time, you’d think you’d have a decent stock answer, Ms. Actress.

  44. man behind the curtain
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    LuAnn — A comic strip dedicated to unrequited love. LuAnnn’s love for Aaron Hill, Ben York, nd probably numerous others, Brad’s love for Toni daytona, and now TJ (Tony) Gale’s unrequited love for Brad.

  45. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    I still maintain that Love Is is unredeemable (except in the sense that you can “redeem” it for dry heaves just by looking at it) but darned if a spectacular Babelfish back-translation of an interview with the artist doesn’t come close to doing so.

  46. man behind the curtain
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    LUAnn — And I forgot Gunther’s unrequited love for LuAnn nad the guidance counselor’s love for the teacher. It goes on and on.

  47. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Liz’s (Lynn’s) imagination isn’t sweet – it’s diabetic.

    Congrats to all the Weeksters!

    3G – Continuity alert – for the last couple of days Alan’s last name has been spelled as “Lang”, not “Lange.” Oooopsie.

    FW – Funky has really devolved into a prickster, hasn’t he?
    One day Khan will find him dead at his desk from a massive MI, or so I can only hope.

    MW – Eeeew, what are they doing together – eating spaghetti in a Lady-and-the-Tramp style love-fest?
    Or just killing more weeds?

  48. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    #38 – Shucks, sorry, I didn’t see your comment!
    Still, this strip requires insulin, stat.

  49. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    GF: And my career in comic-strip cameos continues. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be appearing all week… or, knowing GF, about two days past when it stops being funny.

    (A3)GT: Wow, Coach Kaz has never looked blander (or less accessorized). He’s almost dull enough to date Tommie.

    H&J: “I go to a new place that specializes in clients who are follically challenged” should have been the last line in this strip. Somehow it loses it’s “H&J”-ness by adding a specific punchline.

    MW: I wonder if Mary and her pal can do Superman’s heat vision, too.

    Phantom: “Not to mention… we’re not in the jungle!” “Hey, and we aren’t frozen, either!” This would be the point at which you should start shooting, ladies.

    Popeye: Were this strip written by a sane person, Sea Hag would realize that Popeye doesn’t even know where her precious Eighth Sea is. Couldn’t she just follow him around going “Nyaah, nyahh, na-nyaah, nyaah!”?

    S-M: Why is it that monomaniacal tycoons always live in mansions on top of caves? think there’s evidence that living in a mansion built over a cave causes monomania. I’m glad such places are rare in real life, or we’d be overrun with Simon Krandises and Bruce Waynes.

  50. Harry Worth
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    “It was when I was playing with Cathy that I discovered my secret powers: I could leap tall buildings in a single bound, my super breath could clear a dandelion poof in a single blow, and later I discovered that I was sent here by my parents from the dying planet of Aldothenian. After that discover, I retreated to the North Pole and built my Fortress of Platitude and did not return until my powers were fully formed.”

  51. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    A3G: Good to see Linda Blair is still working.
    Archie: Yeah, the sequel to that one movie was great! You know the one I’m talking about, it had that one guy from that movie in it!
    Blondie: I’m pretty sure that this is all an elaborate plot to finish Dagwood off. Isn’t he supposed to come from money anyway?
    CTH: Actually kind of amusing today. Still a rather weak Far Side ripoff of course.
    Crock: Did they just ask a blind man for directions?
    DT: Uhmm… actually nobody was speaking of fits, Liz.
    GA: So love doesn’t have any pupils either? Seriously, when did the Little Orphan Annie artist take over?
    GT: K…Kaz? My God, what have they done to you!? Where’s your Wolverine-esque hair and pearl earrings?
    Hateeachothers: Does the driveway run straight up to their front door?
    MT: Okay, new idea; Apparently this dog is trained to mate on command. This is both disturbing and confusing. Exactly what are these two going to accomplish by knocking up every dog in Affluent Northside?
    MG&G: Holy geez, that last panel made me laugh way more than it should have.
    Phantom: I love how these guys are just calmly calling these ladies out on their “surrounded” BS. They seem bewildered more than anything.
    Ziggy: Ziggy has never looked more like a Blobfish than he does today.

  52. dimestore lipstick
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Harry Worth–
    “Fortress of Platitude” made my freakin’ morning. Thanks.

  53. aquagirl3
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    How come no one ever talks about “Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!” ? Is it considered a loser comic? I am nervous to mention it. But I often find it very amusing. I think it’s the way it’s drawn sometimes more so than the writing. I have enclosed three strips I liked (especially the first one).

    Of course, since it never shows up here, maybe it’s considered one those “middlin’” comics–not good, but not bad enough. I really don’t know.

  54. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Yes, could be a T-Shirt design.
    The “Fortress of Platitude”, with its huge, fuchsia colored moat and dandelion garden, with Mary, standing officiously over it all.

    MT – Maybe Princess will start spouting platitudes to the poodle. Blah Blah Blah Ginger.

  55. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    #51 – I’m not sure, I don’t follow MT all that closely (beause — migraines, who really needs them?), but that’s not the role I would have envisioned for a dog named Princess unless her training’s so advanced she’s able to carry out AI procedures unsupervised in the field.

  56. Hank
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    RE: Gil Thorp. Coach Kaz has gone from Heat Meister with an earring to Duke from GI Joe.

    RE: Mary Worth. What year is that flashback taking place? I would guess that Mary is supposed to be at least sixty five, meaning she was born no later than1942 or 1943. So shouldn’t the clothes and environment look like the 1940s or early 1950s?

    RE: RMMD. The sad look on June’s face in panel three comes from being reminded again that Rex would more quickly kill someone to save an underaged boy than he would to save her.

    RE: Spiderman. If they’re hiding in the cave, and Spiderman doesn’t know about the cave, what kind of trap is that?

  57. Disco Les
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    #53 re:”Brewster Rockit”- I’ve wondered the same thing. I guess it’s rarely, if ever, mentioned because there’s not much there to snark on. It’s consistently amusing and the artwork’s pretty nifty.

    #51: The main difference between Ziggy and a blobfish? The blobfish is funny!

  58. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:57 am [Reply]


    MF: Did Bruce Tinsley just come out for drug legalization? Or is he just being a massive bag of douche?

    A3G: The host of “Girl Talk” is one of the most terrifying creatures I can think of: a Stepford Margo.

    6C: The guy in the fetching mauve crewneck must be thinking this is the weirdest three-way he’s ever been in.

    DT: Once Liz has noticed the stupidity of the plot, it’s pretty hard for the reader to ignore it. Still, I’m hoping tomorrow to see the university president on the phone saying, “OK Mike, we need to start educating those kids for real. I don’t know, just make it happen.”

    S-M: “Management has asked me to recommend that you start watching Incredible Hulk reuns instead.”

    S4th: Ted, stop being a wiseass and take the trip before she changes her mind. This could be your only chance to have sex in Times Square. Albeit married-style, not Spitzer-style.

    MW: Mary’s chosen such a picturesque metaphor for her first freebasing experience. Good God, look at her and Cathy’s eyes!

    OBH: Thanks to Ruthie saying “Come on Cylene,” I read the strip with a Dexy’s Midnight Runners score in my head.

    Shoe: Unfortunate double meaning alert!

    Luann: Forget Toni Daytona. Brad seems to have much more chemistry with this other blonde. Wait, she’s what?

    GT: What happened to Kaz? That glorious Wolverine hair? The ballbearing earrings? All gone! Rod Whigham will have to do some restoration work, stat!

    BB: “I want to keep a safe distance between me and the sodomites my pappy and the preacher say’ve infiltrated the Army.”

    Archie: Betty is still a dues-paying member of Archie’s Manson-style death cult.

    DtM: Is it too much to ask that Dennis is living up to the title, and that the “something good” he’s talking about is a shipment of poisonous snakes from the Phillipines? Almost certainly, yes, it is too much to hope for.

    GA: Teeka wonders what her daughter sees in Sturdivant Kleeb. If we can go by the symbolism in panel 2, I’d say the reason has something to do with a giant cock.

  59. Trilobite
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    A few of Tuesday’s comics:

    A3G: Normally on a talk show, the host and guests are seated…but “Girl Talk” isn’t afraid to break the rules, featuring a host who whirls in circles around her guest (no doubt incorporating a few modern dance movements for extra flair). Lu Ann will probably get dizzy before this interview is over. Not that anyone could tell, of course, but it’s another reason why Margo probably won’t want to share a cab with her.

    Gil Thorp: If it weren’t for that spiffy V-neck sweater with “COACH” written on it, I wouldn’t have any chance at all of recognizing Kaz. In fact, I’m still not convinced that it is. A Kaz without a Heat Miser haircut on top of an enormous blocky skull and without his ridiculous earrings is no Kaz at all!

    Then again, I wouldn’t even recognize this as Gil Thorp without that third panel depicting a girl shooting a basketball at the empty air, completely ignoring the perfectly serviceable basketball hoop in the background. Best of all, the other girl is trying to block the shot. Only a Milford athlete knows how to play defense in imaginary basketball — most games are won and lost by as small a margin as the square root of -1!

    Mark Trail: Ah, they’re using a classic honey trap scheme — page 12 in “The Petnapper’s Guide to Making Millions (Without Getting Your Face Punched)”. It all makes sense now! Well, except for the part where they’re stealing pets for ransom. And the bit where they’ve got their own dog trained to help them do it. But apart from that, perfectly sensible.

    Mary Worth: So, let’s sum up — Mary grew up poor and hungry, and had only one friend. Since modern-day Mary is frightened of women’s shelters, resentful of poor sick Vietnamese children, and completely horrified at the thought of anyone living anywhere besides Charterstone, this story had better get a lot worse, and soon. If there aren’t oxcarts piled with plague corpses and villagers chasing her with torches and wooden rake-things, I’m going to be even more disappointed than usual by this strip.

  60. Darkefang
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: Nuts. Yeah, that pretty much describes Lu Ann’s expression in panel two. Other words that pop into my mind are “deranged” and “lobotomized.”

    GA: Adam certainly knows a thing or two about being blind, what with having no pupils and all.

    GT: Turning Gil into a 50′s sitcom dad was bad enough, but now you’ve gone too far, Frank Bolle! Coach Kaz does not look like Daniel Craig after attending 95-lb-weakling-camp! This guy doesn’t even have pearl earrings!

    JP: Oh good, let’s parade every character in Judge Parker before Abbey so she can interrogate them about chicken farming. That’s comic strip gold, I tells ya!

    MW: I’m confused. Did Mary grow up on Krypton? Why do her and her friend both have freeze-ray breath?

    Phantom: This poorly planned bust is a good example of why most police forces train their personnel before sending them out to arrest highly armed international criminals.

    RMMD: For some unknown reason, playing Rex in today’s strip is Chazz Palminteri, who’s wearing one of Jerry Seinfeld’s puffy shirts.

  61. Bootsy
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    MW “…and then I meddled her right into traffic on her trike!”

    GT Nooo! Where’s Heat Miser Kaz with a Pearl Earring?! They’ve replaced him with Tab Hunter!

    I think this is the funniest Phantom ever.

    Thanks, Calico and Disco Les! I was ready with my insulin pen before reading Foob this morning.

  62. gkl
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW: “Delight in the insignificant” Oh, honey, that’s a bit meta even for you.

    GA: Yo, Teeka: Amanda Lynn’s face is frozen in creepy-botox mode and she’s borderline retarded. You really can’t expect us to believe that he’s not good enough for her. (Despite the fact that he’s a giant twit.)

    GT: Andrew’s father can’t get back in two days? Is he traveling by mule?

    MT: So in this little cadre of dognappers, the dog is the evil genius. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

  63. Shoshi
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW–OMG, that second panel, of Mary and her friend eating a napkin together (a la “Lady and the Tramp”) is just priceless! I guess Mary really *was* hungry!

  64. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    #35 Mibbitmaker

    H&J: He’s going to the barber in “Curtis”. He’s just going so that he and the barber can admire each others’ cone heads.

    And then consume mass quantities.

  65. Shoshi
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    47–Oops, Calico, I didn’t realize you’d already made the “Lady and the Tramp” allusion. Perhaps Mary is trying to imply something with that? I’m pretty sure I can guess which was which…

  66. man behind the curtain
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MW — And today, the mummified remains of Mary’s only friend can be found in Mary’s bedroom, where she remains Mary’s true confidante.

  67. gnome de blog
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Dorkita and Dorkita Lite have gone from chaining Josh up and talking him to death to chaining him up and ignoring him to death. Poor guy.

  68. Mariko
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FC: I never thought I would be able to make this allusion with a comic, but here goes:
    “I’m not a chicklet–you’re the chicklet! Ko-ka-ko! Ko-ka-ko! Ko-ka-ko-ka-ko-ka!”

  69. aleksmakk
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Since Liz is “good friends” with Francie too, why doesn’t she just marry HER? She is cuter and more mature than Anthony.

  70. John C Fremont
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    A3G – If she’s supposed to be talking to Alan out there in TV land, why isn’t she looking at the camera?

    RMMD – June offers her best Engelbert Humperdinck;
    “After the lovin’
    I’m still perturrrrbed wiiiiith yooouu.”

    MW – “And that was the moment I discovered I liked girls. I’d developed a crush on young Vera Shields and bizarre spitting powers. My life was beginning to come together.” (And “coming together” was exactly what she had in mind with young Vera.)

    (I can’t believe I said that.)

  71. t007
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s little friend has the same pulled tight tear producing pony tail a la Vera and Mary is sporting the Dawny-do! Hair styles don’t change much in the Worthiverse.

  72. Red Greenback
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    NYerCCs as promised:

    “Honestly, Mrs. Hoskins! Saving your husband’s premature ejaculate from the last two years is, I dare say, elaborate!”

    “Obviously my receptionist didn’t tell you we have a little thing here called ‘live smelt Frdays’. She is so fired!”

  73. commodorejohn
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    #28 bats, junior bridesmaid :[ – Oh, don’t put too much sugar in, Francie! That’s why Rasputin survived the cyanide, you know.

    A3G – More just “nuts” in general, lady. Stupid strip; we’re promised catfights and poor brainless Luann caught in the middle, and all we get is this stupid movie-style Inspiring Moment™ where Alan realizes that She Really Does Care. Bleah.

    Archie – Why is Betty dressed like Judy Jetson?

    Crankshaft – I really loathe Tom Batiuk. As if this old lady doesn’t have enough trouble in her life, she has to contend with not only her nosy children who think they’re qualified to order her around, but also the will of the author, who thinks they’re qualified to order her around. Might as well get used to life behind bars, lady. There’s no way you’re escaping it.

    Curtis – So, apparently, you’ve never followed any of the, oh, probably ten or twelve other elections that have taken place in your lifetime, then, Gunther?

    DT – It would be great if the abductees were to develop Stockholm Syndrome and form a world-beautifying cabal with the aid of Mr. Lector, and Dick would be forced to a showdown with Liz on a zeppelin above the city, and he’d knock her into a smokestack.

    FOOB – diabetic coma diabetic coma diabetic coma


    GT – Oh come on, Bolle’s not even trying for Kaz’s magnificent Heat Miser ‘do. Let’s hope the new guy can do a better job.

    JP – And Sophie rockets further through puberty the more time she spends on-camera. She’ll be Abbey’s equal by the time this is over.

    MT – Steven Seagal and Shirley Not-the-duck: petnappers!

    MW – The curious mathematical precision of the breath-lines and heavy emphasis on symmetry puts me in mind of some religious art tradition, but I can’t think of which one.

    Ziggy – AAAAHHHHH

  74. Old School Allie Cat
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    MW – Unless Cathy and Mary are about to take this friendship to a Heavenly Creatures type level, there’s nothing compelling to me about this flashback. Or, if for some reason, Mary gets the nickname “Patches” (…you know I’m depending on you…). Either of those would add something to this nonsense.

    Doonesbury – Damn, I have really, really loved this storyline about Toggle. His mother kills me. Possibly because I have met women just like her. I’d love to see her as the central character in a Mary Worth-esque strip.

    FW – It seems like Funky is morphing into Crankshaft before our very eyes. I get the feeling that they’re setting up Funky for a humongo heart attack. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has actually pepperoni deposits clogging his arteries. I’m not going to lie – I’m not a skinny woman, but my weight gain did not also come with a side of jackass. Confidential to Funky – you’re supposed to be jolly.

  75. Justafoob
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Did little Francoise learn from her mummy and grandmummy that you charge at tea parties?

    I think that Liz should have to cough up a buck or two (Canadian) to be able to party with her.

    Ten bucks (Canadian) if she wants to include the dolls.

    Twenty bucks (Canadian) if she wants to “include” the dolls.

  76. Kate
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]


    Liz’s statement is exactly the kind of crap thinking that leads to parents exploding in betrayed rage at their children, and children thinking they have to be the deciders in the household. Which is pretty much what Lynn Johnston grew up with, so yeah. BUT DON’T SHOW IT TO ME AS SOMETHING GOOD.

    Fuck you, Lynn. Just fuck you. I feel sorry for you. But fuck you anyway.

  77. Perky Bird
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    FC– When I first read this, I saw, “Look at the little chickens”, and I wondered where the joke was. Then I saw it really said, “Look at the little chicklets.” And I still wondered where the joke was.

  78. Buck Remus
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    I am confounded. Nothing unusual there, but can anybody help me? What the hell is the ABBA song Steve Dallas is quoting in Sunday’ s “Opus?” I am actually going back and forth from an ABBA lyrics page, complete with pop-ups (smilies anyone?), and I have sight compared over 20 titles. It’s definitely not an ABBA Goldie, dammit, and now I’m intrigued. Berke Breathed is going all Deep Cut ABBA on us. Here is the link:

  79. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    I’m thinkin’ the “SOS” there might be a clue, Buck.

  80. commodorejohn
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    #78 Buck Remus – Yep, that’s “SOS.”

  81. velvet goldmine
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    #34 for Mrs. Parsnip:

    I’m thinking of being an ice cream maker this summer based on that recipe alone!

  82. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    #38, #47, #63, #65 –
    Au contraire, Shoshi, I think it is really neat when we don’t read back comments but still have similar themes – it is pure snarking synchronicity to me.

    : D

  83. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    #77 -Awww, look at the little Skittles! And the little Razzles too! And the Easter Peeps…

    Cluck – Aaaahhh!

  84. Patrick
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    I don’t think I can add any quality snark to this. The Seinfeld puffy shirt reference is already taken.

    I will say at least that being offline for three days while trying to work on my own web updates that I haven’t uploaded yet, that I have not missed a single thing. No strip that I follow has advanced even in the slightest a single bit of plot point. Fortunately, I had no expectations in that regard.

    Mary Worth is so mind-numbing, I can’t even enjoy the unintentional humour in it. Not even the death-breath ray.

    Funky has resumed his assholery. I think its time he slipped on some ice, or preferably beneath it.

    Poor Jeremy Duncan. If he thinks he’s doing time or has it hard, maybe he’d develop some perspective being parachuted into the middle of Baghdad on any given night.

    FOOB: I’m dry heaving at this point. Nothing left to throw up even though the biggest glurge is yet to come.

    9CL: I did enjoy the nodmeister stating his terms for hiring. I can only imagine business must be booming.

    A3G/GT: Bolle seems to be another one of those artists with a very limited number of distinct faces he can actually draw. Surely there must be some reference books or even a Sears and Roebuck catalogue he can get some faces from? If he traded places with the Mary Worth artist, would we be able to tell? On the other hand, I’d rather not think about that too closely….

    Better yet, what if the former Gil Thorp artist started doing Mary Worth? Now that would be something! Frankenstein’s meddler is what that would be.

  85. Poteet
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    # 34 Frank — Hey, great point! Foob these days just begs for a Natto comparison. I tried eating Natto while visiting ChattyGenes, and decided that if my life depended on eating it, I might just have to expire. And I suppose the comparison works even better because some people love Natto, just as some people love Foob. On the other hand, I seem to remember that Natto is a very healthy food if a person can stand to eat it. Sorry, Natto, I apologize.

  86. Certified Christian
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    JP – Because every child knows that modern chicken farms are completely automated and everything is indoors. Abbey, can you please ask Sophie whether reality is confined to what is perceptible to the senses? I’ve always wondered about that too.

  87. Farley's Revenge
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    There I was, laughing myself silly while reading this week’s installment of the CoTW offerings, when I recognized my own words. Hot damn! I made runner-up!

    Congratulations to ALL the CoTW’ers!

    I really shouldn’t have read FOOB this morning. My blood sugar levels can’t handle mainlining such treacle before breakfast.

  88. AhClem
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    I recently got a good deal on several hundred cases of Epi-Pens. I’m going to drain out the adrenaline and replace it with insulin, and then advertise them here.

    At the rate Lynn Johnston is going, I should be able to make enough money to retire by August.

  89. Poteet
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    MW — I loved dandelions as a kid. But in most places where they grow, dandelions are fairly plentiful — I don’t remember ever sharing one. We would each pick and blow our own, and we didn’t sit around on the sidewalk first, saying “Ha ha! I laugh and delight in this insignificance!”

  90. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    #73 – Re: Curtis – One of the Mad-esque signs on Gunther’s shop walls states that only men can have their moustaches waxed.
    Henceforth, Mary Worth will never be welcome there.

  91. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    #89 I guess some of my childhood friends were sick little critters – they used to pull S**t like “Open your mouth, close your eyes, and you’ll get a big surprise!” Then pop a hairy seeding dandelion in poor victim’s mouth.

    Go, Mary.

  92. queek
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    There was a mention of strips working forwards and backwards from the joke a few yesterthreads back, and today we can see a pair of examples of working backwards that actually work. Both RwO and SpeedBump manage to pull it off rather well, RwO a bit more cleverly, Speed Bump with a better visual.

    6C: check out the apartment number next to the survey taker!

    GF: if Satchel comes out with a [boxcar] or a [saturn] I will just die laughing.

    Cleats: I’ve said it before, but “that’s a GIRL?!?” Edith make’s Marcie from Peanuts look like a Gibson Girl.

    MC: I LOVE the artwork yesterday and today on “sick Norm.” The plant with a face on it is pretty amusing to. oh, and mmmmmmmmm, Ashley! :-)~~~

    FOOB: *glurge* Even the QG, who isn’t much on the comics, announced this morning that the strip has now completely gone opposite of its origin, and is basicly horrid. I’m having trouble even reading it for the snark.

  93. Vice-Pope Chris
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    #78 Buck: thanks for that link! I’ve been ignoring Opus as just being watered-down Bloom County, but that strip actually got me to laugh.

    FOOB: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I was under the initial impression that little Francie did NOT like Liz or want Dadthony dating her. Ok, so why is it all so peachy-keen happy happy now?

  94. Justafoob
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    In just reviewing some older FBOFW’s (I Have no LIFE!!!!!) I found that widdle Francoistaircase has/is just turning three.


    By reading what she has had to say lately in the “funnies”, I think they have a savant on their hands.

    Or an Idiot-savant.

    Or perhaps, just an idiot.

    Carry on.

  95. Old School Allie Cat
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    #81 – Velvet Goldmine – I shouldn’t have clicked on that link…

    I remember seeing Nutella gelato in Florence, though there were so many other intriguing flavors (papaya! blackberry!) that I didn’t have time to try it.

    I can’t own an ice cream maker – I’d be dangerous. But that looks incredible.

  96. Poteet
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    # 88 AhClem — Put me down for several dozen, please.

    JP — Sophie, I buy eggs from a farm a few miles away where the chickens run around in a fenced yard or sit in a henhouse where the bedding and food are supplied with rakes and buckets. No automation or wacky tobaccy involved.

  97. Poteet
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    # 91 Calico — BWAHAHA! If Mary did that to her friend, it would make my week.

    # 94 Justafoob — She’s three? THREE? Are you sure? Yes, of course you’re sure. (Boxcar!) AhClem, change of plan — I’ll take about two hundred of those Epi-Pens.

  98. Comcis Fan
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else read today’s FBoFW as a direct response to the strip’s critics?

    “But .. it’ll be too sweet!”

    “One’s imagination can never be too sweet!”

    Liz’s bubble thought has nothing to do with tea, other than the fact it’s an imaginary tea party. I think the imaginary tea party is a way of make the statement: So you curmudgeonly haters may think this is all too sickly sweet. This family is from my imagination and one’s imagination can never be too sweet!”

  99. velvet goldmine
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Allie Cat: I know! I’m sitting here scarging junk like 99 cent pecan rolls while on deadline and (obviously) procrastinating.

    I can’t imagine what I’d do if I had Nutella ice cream — or just a jar of Nutella in the house.

  100. commodorejohn
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    #93 Vice-Pope Chris – Because the Patterson Rightness just kicked in. François was disliking Liz because otherwise the glurgies at Coffee Talk might find it suspicious that things were so easy; now that she’s expressed the requisite dislike, she can be made to accept Liz by authorial fiat without the Foobsheep complaining.

    #94 Justafoob – Naw, she’s a no-idiot savant; note bats :[‘s revelation of what she’s really up to. I hope she and April can get the hell out of Foobville before being zombified, but things aren’t looking too good.

  101. Justafoob
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh, it seems like only yesterday:


    back when we were all so innocent and gay.

  102. gnome de blog
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    I had to stare really hard to figure out that Young Mary and her pal weren’t sucking on some bizarre Depression-era bong.

  103. Justafoob
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]


    I am a foob

    linkthatImeantto putin

    I deserve to be sent to Canadia, for a week.

    And have to read Mike’s draft of his next book.

    I am sooooo bad.

  104. Rusty Shackleford
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Crock: And Father Guido Sarducci joins the cast, as the Guy With Vague Directions. Will Crock Find the Popes in the Pizza?

    Winky Funkerbean– #74, is Winky turning into Crankshaft, or more like Mr. Potter from It’s a Wonderful Life? He seems like more of a dick than even Crankshaft, with nothing but loathing for his employees in his tiny, bitter black heart.

    Gil Thorp: Now that the new artist has gotten away with sweaters that read “Coach” for the coaches to wear, how long until all characters wear clothing that labels them in their proper role? And then the next move after that is just to draw stick figures with labels pointing to them. (Which would probably be an improvement, art-wise.) Next step, onto emoticons, like this:
    :-1 = Andrew, basketball player with a secret.

    Hi & Lois: I wonder which SUNY school Lois went to. Oswego, Oneonta, Plattsburgh? Or is she just wearing the t-shirt the strapping young landscaper accidentally left in their bedroom, and Lois now has to pretend that it’s hers so that Hi never discovers the truth?

    Luann: Brad’s family is so excited to discover that he might not be gay after all, they can hardly contain their joy. Can’t they just accept him as he is? No wonder he’s trying so hard to find a woman to pretend to be with, while privately carrying on his torrid affair with Grinny McSweatervest.

  105. Wally Limingbean
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I bet we will all be sorry when we find out why Funky is so Cranky (Cranky Winkerbean?)

    When we find out the truth of Wally and what happened to him and how it affected all of the Winkerbeans we will see why he is so cranky and self-centered.

    You have been warned.

    It will not be pretty.

    But what did you expect in this strip, Sister Mary and Sunshine?

    Grow up.

  106. Capitalboy
    March 18th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Lois went to SUNY-Albany.

    We used to podiate together.

  107. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to the COTW’ers! Float on, you magnificent bastards!

    #72 Red Greenback: I dare say!

  108. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    #89 Poteet:

    “Ha ha! I laugh and delight in this insignificance!”

    …shall be my gardening mantra from this day forth.

    #91 Calico:

    I guess some of my childhood friends were sick little critters – they used to pull S**t like “Open your mouth, close your eyes, and you’ll get a big surprise!” Then pop a hairy seeding dandelion in poor victim’s mouth.

    Jeez, when I was a kid, the evil kid next door said “Want to hear a secret?” and then spit a wet, pulpy mass of spit and chewed potato chips in my ear. I may one day recover.

  109. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    GT: sniff…. I want my Coach Kaz! …sob…

  110. bats, junior bridesmaid :[
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    36. Mr. O’Malley re JP: what kills me is that EVERYONE except Abbey seems to know how a modern chicken operation is run (very automated, very contained to prevent the introduction of disease), probably because all these people live in the country! I guess Abbey’s too busy staying indoors and painting to be part of the rural experience.
    OTOH, while I’ve only been doing the JP thing since last July or so, I can’t remember a single panel in the past nine months that has a freakin’ HORSE in it, and Abbey’s supposed to be a horse breeder. (My old Horse Production professor Dr. Schurg would be really cheesed off at her cavalier, hands-off attitude of horse raisin’…)

  111. Dr. Mabuse
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW – “What a nice ponytail you have, Francie! Your hair is so pretty. Here, let me put it in a bun for you. Your daddy loves girls who wear their hair in a bun!”

  112. Marthas Rolling Pin
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    #104, Andrew’s emoticon would have to be ^:-1

  113. TheDiva
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    I love how Liz keeps referring to Anthony as her “friend.” She sounds like a woman in a less equitable time and/or place trying desperately to put a brave face on her arranged marriage by clinging to the thin hope that actual affection will someday follow.

  114. redliner
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Reading the comics builds a high tolerance for many types of stupidity, but it’s really raising my blood pressure to see LuAnn blow her big appearance on TV by hyping her deadbeat boyfriend. WHAT IN THE WORLD?! You are there to promote your own accomplishments, you twit! “Girl Talk,” indeed. Compared to this, “The View” is a bastion of feminist empowerment.

    MW: What kids DON’T like to pretend that they are illustrations of the prevailing winds on a 15th-century nautical map?

    And you know, it’s really bugging me that Little Mary wears pants (jeans, even!). I think that when Mary was a lass you would have been put in the stocks for that kind of heresy against gender roles.

  115. Calico
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Spotted Horse – Eeeew. So sorry.

    I did receive a big softball-sized ball of burrs (burdock) in my hair once around age 8-9 – not fighting – just hyper ditzes being hyper ditzes, I guess. I itched for a week after that.

    Let’s keep gardening and hoping Kaz gets back to normal!

  116. Old School Allie Cat
    March 18th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    #114 – Redliner – You think you’re mad that LuAnn won’t shut up about Alan? I’d hate to see what happens if Margo doesn’t get a shout-out. Actually, I take that back, I’d love to see what happens – and I’ll bet some head bobbling will be involved.

  117. Baka Gaijin
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    #34 Frank Parsnip: A septic tank of natto? TO ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE! You, sir, have a death wish. Or an appropriate aversion to FOOB.

    #85 Poteet: I heartily disagree. Natto isn’t healthy. Regular natto use has shrunk generations of Japanese women into dwarves, women who have to look up to see into the vacant eyes of the redhaired demon that is Marvin.

    PS-Warning to bearded gaijin: avoid natto at all costs. Those spider webs of gossamer grodiness blend nicely into chin spinach and cookie dusters.

  118. Mariko
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Please tell me that at least someone caught my (lame) reference. . . .

  119. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    #114 Redliner & 116 O.S. Allie Cat

    The upside is that you can take pleasure in Margo’s inevitable smackdown of her client/roommate.

  120. Mibbitmaker
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    GT: Kaz… his… hair, his….. face, and… complete lack of earrings?!?

    GA: Of course those two should marry. Then they can go through roundabout conversations, based on her malapropisms, forever…… and he gets to keep firing Harry Von Zell.

    FC: The unedited line is actually, “Look at all the little Chicklets I’m going to get for free for mentioning them in this comic!”

    BBlues: She’s joining with Barry from “Curtis” to start a club.

    Fred Basset: Actually, I think Marmaduke took them.

    MG&G: Scared victims-to-be chocolate bunnies? You can take vegetarianism just so far. (Or is that what vegans say?)

    FOOB: Yes it can, Liz! Yes it can!

    A3G: StepfordMargo (excellent name, btw) learned all her talk show moves from Phil Donahue.

  121. Little Guy
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to COTW and the runner-ups COTW, and good luck for next week to the rest.

    Last week/Saturday’s GA’s: It’s a staple of comics for a) dogs to chew through the ass of pants and b) for the ass-chewee to have polka dot pants. Maybe he (and we) should be glad that Amanda Lynn’s fiancee isn’t wearing his Ivy League-approved thong.

  122. Little Guy
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Polka Dot pants undies!

  123. Disco Les
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    #61: No problem, Bootsy! Glad to be of service!

  124. AhClem
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    At the risk of severe personal risk, I took a peek at the glurgefest known as “Coffee Talk” today. I was very much surprised to find that the letters about the Liz/Blahthony hookup and the Liz/Francie glucose flood are running about 2:1 AGAINST these story lines. There is even a mention of the diabetes-inducing sweetness of today’s strip. (Erin, are you one of us?)

  125. Foobaphobe
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Lynn is just merciless. She’s treating her readers like she treats 2 year old children – throwing them out into a snowbank in their pajamas in the dead of winter and locking the door behind them. And they love her all the more.

  126. Joe, Upper-Evergreen FOOB-hater
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]


    “OK, you little shit. I’m marrying your daddy and there’s nothing you can do about it. As soon as we tie the knot, BANGO!, I’m going to ship you off to boarding school in Siberia! I’ll cram your ass into a crate and ship you there by slowboat!”

    “Why yes, Elizabeth, of course. Have some more tea. My mommy sent it to me. I think she called it ‘wedlock’ or something. Since you’re marrying my daddy, it’s appropriate!”

  127. AhClem
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    #121 Little Guy -
    Exposed polka-dot undies after a dog chomp are one of the few immutable laws of comicdom. Another example is how bags of groceries must always have a baguette and stalk of celery poking out the top of the bag.

  128. bats, junior bridesmaid :[
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    A few lunch-time musings:

    Just for the fun (such as it is), I googled “Friendship isn’t a big thing; it’s a million little things.” It’s a “scrapbooking” quote. It’s anonymous. Cripes! MW can’t even platitude distinguished noteworthies anymore. Next week: Mary invokes the Wit and Wisdom of Thorax.

    114. redliner: gawdawmighty! You’re spot on with the 15th C. cartography comment! The scary thing is that Mary probably posed for the illustrator!

  129. Solocardate
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Oh, golly…Lou Shumaker, I’m not sure whether to thank you for calling my attention to Girl Genius or to curse you for introducing yet another delicious but productivity-swallowing distraction into my media diet. OK, I’ll thank you. It’s steampunkerrific!

    And Howabominable/Lindsey, re the same yesterthread, I wanted to compliment you on being far more thoughtful and helpful to poor misguided Justin than I was. I stand in awe. (I wonder if Justin is going to actually take to heart your very constructive critique…?)

  130. cheech wizard
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Impressive investigative journalism – this report has clearly done her homework:

    1 “Does your boyfriend have a job?”

    2 “This woman is nuts.”

  131. cheech wizard
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Damn! That should be “reporter”

  132. Vakar
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    GF: Nice. I have a two-year-old son who likes to repeat what I say. So I’m going to swear like Satchel from now on!

  133. cheech wizard
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Ok, princess, go out and do your job.”

    Brilliant! A scam for collecting child support from unwary yuppies when their pets knock up your dog.

  134. F. Cecious Lee
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    118: Mariko: Arrested Development?

  135. gnome de blog
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Omigod! Little Mary Worth (nee Forwhatits??) has Dorkita’s eyes!

    114 Redliner:
    I had to think twice about this, too. Mary is supposed to be “about” 60, which means 1) girls her age wearing pants to play outside was the norm, and 2) she’s my age, which is incomprehensible. I think in her case “about 60″ means the same thing as “about 75,” so all bets are off.

  136. Patrick
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Whoever it was that said Lynn’s fans at Glurge Talk are not buying into the Lizthony story line wasn’t kidding. Below is my favourite post from one of the less than thrilled fans:

    “According to the older strips, Francie was born just three weeks before our daughter, so in less than a month I expect our daughter will be making these kind of insightful, mature comments about adult relationships and her role in our family, instead of her current behaviour which seems entirely grounded in the present tense with little thought given to the future beyond whether or not we’re going to the playground before or after lunch.

    Perhaps we’ve not raised our daughter as well as Francie has been raised. I mean, we’re still married to each other and have not been emotionally unfaithful by lusting after our exes, we both work flexible hours to maximize our time with her although she does go to day care three times a week, and we’ve never gotten around to building a cage in the basement for her. Maybe if we’d done these things, she’d be demonstrating this preternatural intelligence rather than just acting like someone about to turn three!”

    Holly, UK

  137. Old School Allie Cat
    March 18th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    #136 – Patrick – I think Holly of the UK just made the COTW.

  138. gnome de blog
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Holly of the UK should realize that her poor parenting choice of raising her daughter outside the sphere of influence of the Saintly Pattersons forever dooms the poor child to a life of intellectual and emotional retardation.

  139. kippetje2000
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Won’t Holly be surprised when she wins COTW and she hasn’t even posted here. Sheez, I’ve been trying for years already.

    btw MW:
    “Delight in the insignificant. Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things.”
    “Hungry for food…for love!…most of all a feeling of self-worth.”
    “We grow in character because we struggle. We learn to overcome.”

    Why do I envision (young) Mary Worth reciting these platitudes as she slowly suffocates her little playmate Cathy with a pillow during Mary’s once-ever sleepover party? Perhaps there was an argument over a penmanship medal at school?

    “Why should I feel sorry? It was Cathy Daigle got suffocated, not me!”

  140. Ukulele Ike
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Excellent nonverbal humor, great use of the characters, AND a putdown for Edda — Bravo, Brooke! Best strip of the day.

    D(iesel)S(weeties): Wait, maybe THIS is the best. “As you love to point out….” Hee hee.

    DT: Don’t be hating on college presidents. When I was in college 20-odd years ago, our president was A. Bartlett Giamatti, who went on career-wise to become the Commissioner of Baseball and Paul Giamatti’s dad. Bart never controlled my mind, but I always thought he was a pretty cool guy. And he let me bum his cigs.

    GT: That isn’t Kaz, it’s Dobie Gillis.

    Luann: Brad eats two dinners every night: first TJ’s cooking, then his Mom’s. He’ll be Winkerbeaned out in a year or two.

    Edge City: Hmmmmm. If I was a square playing a rock show in a jail, “Mama Tried” would NOT be on the playlist. It’s just asking for a savage mass beating.

    MF: I’m not sure what Tinsley’s getting at today, and I refuse to waste the mental energy to decode it.

    Phantom: “And we’re not in a jungle!”

    SF: Have fun in Manhattan. Just stay out of Brooklyn, okay?

    – Uke, in Brooklyn.

  141. cheech wizard
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Abby: “Something’s not right. Elvira doesn’t even know how to prepare her chickens!”

    Sophie: “What’s to prepare? Just tell ‘em they’re gonna die.”

  142. Hank
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    RE: FOOB. Francie acts and looks so much older than three, I would have assumed that Lynn pulled a semi-Winkerbean with the new strips and flash forwarded a few years. But since Michael’s kids are still acting like toddlers that can’t be the case. Unless, of course, Michael’s kids are both retarded (probably all the drugs that Mike did off panel in college–after all, why else would he have a best friend named “Weed”).

  143. Kilroy
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Could one of the UK Curmudgeons find Holly for me? I wish to give her a plaque certifying her awesomeness.

    I’ve noticed something odd about Mary’s flashback. I’m not sure if it’s been mentioned before, but don’t the fashions of l’il Mary and her friend seem too…modern…for the period she most likely grew up in? I’m guessing it was early fifties, at the latest. Was the trend of girls wearing pants okay by then? I mostly expected her in a dress.

    I don’t know and I’d like to stop thinking about it now. But I can’t.

  144. Baka Gaijin
    March 18th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    #143 Kilroy: Get your mind out of young Mary Worth’s pants, now!

  145. Vince M
    March 18th, 2008 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    53: aquagirl 3, I find Brewster Rockit consistently amusing. The artwork has a clunky, Clutch Cargo-ness to it, but that fits.

  146. Little Guy
    March 18th, 2008 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    According to Lynn, Holly UK and Mr Holly UK must be cigarsmoking boorish freaks of nature that scare small animals whenever they emerge from their rising damp of a flat.

  147. Niall
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Fighting a strep throat… been out of it all day. great snark, as the strips really invited it. Panel 2 of mary Worth is one of those golden moments of modern comics, a true “WTF is this??”. I’d put it in the same class as the Black Hole Kaz Fist.

  148. Anonymous
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    Lmao at Electro’s comment…

  149. Lisa (not the dead one)
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    #16: well, me neither, or at least, not the last time I looked.

    I am so excited to be a runner-up that I jumped up from chair, waved my forelimbs around, and maybe even peed a little bit. Just like this dog we had when I was a kid. :)

    Thanks Josh!

  150. Poteet
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    # 108 Spotted H0rse — Sympathies re your “secret” trauma. Makes me feel better about the dead flies sprinkled on my pillow and my diary being stolen and read aloud by evil cabinmates at camp.

  151. Poteet
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    # 117 Baka Gaijin — Sounds like your experience with Natto is much more extensive than mine (*bows*), and I’m sure not about to stick up for a food that smells so vile. I think it would be a great main dish for the denizens of reality shows.

  152. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    March 18th, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    #150 Poteet: Sounds like your camp had a Lord of the Flies vibe to it. I dare say!

  153. Buck Remus
    March 19th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    my bad…somehow missed that S.O.S. ….um…duh.

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