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Margo is optimistic about VICTORY

Apartment 3-G, 9/15/12

FUN FACT! Did you know that the “Optimists Club” isn’t just a sarcastic thing that Margo calls her roommates because their minds aren’t constantly clouded by intrusive thoughts about murder and carnage? It’s a real fraternal service organization that my grandfather belonged to for years. Also, apparently it was maybe an offshoot of an early 20th century New Age cult? Anyway, long story short, Lu Ann and Tommie can just hang around the apartment in their sweatshirts from the Classic ’70s Kitchen Appliance Colors Collection, but Margo has places to be, people to belittle, etc.

Gasoline Alley, 9/15/12

Despite my longstanding hatred of Slim, I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for his wife Clovia. Still, if Clovia needs to fall for a painfully obvious text-scam in order for Slim to be humiliated further, I’m willing to accept that.

290 responses to “Margo is optimistic about VICTORY”

  1. Écureuil Écumant
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Montezoomba, huh? Can’t wait till Slim nails the gas for the first time (“But officer, I thought I was hitting the brake…”) and leaves a load of Montezoomba’s Revenge in the driver’s seat.

  2. Baka Gaijin
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    Jim “Jackpot” OneArmski is a doppleganger of Dawn’s father as a young man. A young man whose paycheck ran out before the mayonnaise did. An angry young man indeed.

    So this is how far we’ve fallen. In 1931, James Cagney smushed a grapfruit into a woman’s face. In 2012, a girl threatens to smush apple sauce into boys’ faces in Curtis. The ritual emasculation is complete.

    On Mark Trail: The stupidity, it burns, it burns!

  3. Écureuil Écumant
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Crank: “I just push this back and forth until it’s all short, right?” You’re asking the wrong fella, kid. Crank hasn’t done that for the last quarter century — mow the lawn, that is.

  4. Droopy Says
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    And what of Jugs Parker? My gut instinct (okay, my sudden nausea) tells me that when this is resolved, Bea will fall in love with Avery because, um, the course of true love never runs smooth. But I’m willing to be pleasantly surprised if Bea declares she’s gay. Or that Conad is the reincarnation of her first husband. Or that she’s a criminal mastermind and has been toying with Sam and Avery while Bubba prepares shallow graves for them*. Or even that the Mayan Doomsday is real and the world will end in December, making this an unusually short JP story.

    *Okay, a shallow grave for Sam, who’s pretty shallow already. Bubba would take more digging.

  5. Baka Gaijin
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#1): I almost left a load of Montezoomba’s Revenge in my office chair. Stop being so funny.

  6. Dartpaw86
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Panel 2 Tommie is wearing an earring, though she isn’t in panel 1.
    ????

  7. Baka Gaijin
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#6): It’s not an earring. It’s the parasite that sucks all the personality out of Tommie. Make of that what you will.

  8. CanuckDownSouth
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Does anybody in RMMD think of doctors as regular people, deal with their medical results, and go on with their lives? I envision a world of hero-worshipping patients that Rex keeps running into, where he can’t pay for his groceries because the cashier’s so happy about his treatment of a broken leg years ago, he gets offered stamps for free at the post office because he diagnosed bronchitis on a mail carrier, the bank waves away his mortgage payments because he helped the manager stop smoking….

    The only thing keeping him from being mobbed by adoring ex-patients is that he only sees someone every year or two.

  9. Lynn
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    “Places to go, people to belittle…” – I want that on a t- shirt! Maybe I will add it to my business card, or my Kickstarter campaign.

  10. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Rex is the modern equivalent of the legendary old country doctor who would accept chickens or jars of preserves as payment for performing a bleeding or a trepanning.

    Luann – So, for want of a driver’s license, the wacky scheme was lost?

    Toni gives up pretty easily for someone who was willing to risk going to jail to retrieve the letter. “Oh, no ID, huh? Oh, well. I guess all you can do is hope that he actually cares for you and that stupid mind games weren’t really necessary. Good luck with that.”

  11. gleeb
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    A&J: Gus has got them now. They bought the boat. Their son has married his “daughter”. Now he can put the grift into operation at his leisure.

    Dick: This is masterful bit of foreshadowing. Look at the second panel and meet “Kirk Bottles”, the nearsighted kid who will start a crime syndicate in about 20 years.

    ‘bean: Darrin realizes he’s walking in Creepy Les’ shoes and well, it’s enough to horrify anyone.

    Henry: If he’s going to be molested, he wants it to be someone who can pay for his silence.

    Phantom: How does the lioness keep sneaking into the village unseen? It’s really the goat in disguise, isn’t it?

    Rex: A reminder that even the humblest among us have something we can just give to our betters without any expectation of something in return.

  12. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    A3G (meta): Iiit’s a small world aaafter allll…

    GA: Monte-Zoomba. Gotta admit, that’s pretty clever for once.

    Archie: Omigod, the driving school car has an ear on it’s side! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!…..

    Curtis: Those two jerks (on our left) are scared of a psychotic.

    FW: “I got the metaphor, Jess! The metaphor’s not what concerns me…”

    JP: Well, Danny DeVito, looks like you owe the Sarah Palin/Roseanne composit an apology…..

    Luann: WHICH ALL OF YOU SHOULD’VE DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

    MT: Yeah, red, the most sensible thing to do when you’re trying to hide from thugs that can seriously hurt you is to yell on the top of your lungs so the whole region can hear you!

    6C: No doubt Tom Batiuk thinks this is what we want when we criticize Funky Winkerbean for becoming a depressing soap. Clueless idiot.

  13. bats :[
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Geez, Josh…do the young’uns here know nothing about fraternal groups like Rotary, Optimists, Lions/Elks/Moose/Eagles what you need to explain it to them? I’m gonna buy the house next to Sequitur’s.
    Yeah, the one with the adjacent yard.

  14. seismic-2
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    A-3G needs to catch up with what seems to be the latest trend in soap-opera comic strips. Make it: “Margo has places to be, people to belittle, limbs to sever, etc.”

  15. Nightmarcher89
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Today’s “Gasoline Alley” wasn’t funny, so much as heartwarming. In a very strange kind of way.

  16. The Ridger
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MW How can there possibly be things going on that Jim’s doctors don’t see? He’s blabbing everything right now to someone he’s only just met literally two minutes ago.

  17. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Montezoomba Triple E- Model Super 8. Hmmm. Think I know where Avery’s camera is. Rich guy like him can afford those fancy models.

    GT – “Eejit.” Just to make sure we don’t forget that Terry is Irish, his dialogue will be written phonetically. Can’t wait until we get a Chinese or an urban black student. “Keep those emails coming in, folks”

    RMMD – Yes, he needs a checkup. But first things first. He needs to get rid of that ridiculous mustache.

    Curtis – “Heckle.” That’s a new one. Next time I’m stuck for a smartass remark or retort, I’m just gonna go shorthand and say, “Heckle.”

  18. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MW – “I was on this shipwreck when a helicopter rescued these assholes too lazy to swim to shore. Damn rotor ripped off my arm. I’ve sworn revenge on everyone associated with my tragedy. So….tell me about you….”

  19. Roto13
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    So, like, I’ve always meant to ask what’s up with the eyes in Gasoline Alley. Is every panel haunted by the ghost of one of the original readers? Are they so angry to have to spend eternity reading this drivel that they can’t help but randomly donkey punch the characters so hard that their eyes pop out?

  20. The Ridger
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#17): However, ‘eejit’ is actually the way Irish people spell this word. From “Sentence First”, Irishman Stan Carey’s language blog: Eejit is the Irish English equivalent, and is common in fictional and vernacular dialogue. It … is not generally used hurtfully but to gently criticise someone the speaker knows and may well hold in affection….Common modifiers of eejit include big, awful, feckin’, fuckin’, and oul’ (also ould, aul’, auld). Its jocular flavour made it a frequent favourite in the TV comedy Father Ted, and might help explain why the word was found to be not unparliamentary when it was used in the Northern Ireland Assembly.

  21. wossname
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Doctor Handsome and all the funny folks on the float!

    MT – I’m sorry Andy Warhol didn’t live to see today’s panel 3.

    DT – Apparently Phishface’s secret lair is in Staton and Curtis’s office.

    JP – Wait a minute, what have you done with the real Bea? This sniveling snitch is not the Bea we have come to know and love.

  22. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    MT – I may not have done all that well in Geometry, but even I know that two guys can’t make a circle.

    FC – Now THERE’S some childhood obesity I wish Michele Obama would tackle.

    LuAnn – So now I’m wondering if those earrings and makeup will be coming off. Somehow I think maybe not.

    9CL – You know, a 3way with Edda, Amos and Seth might actually resolve some of the issues revolving around this pile of crap.

  23. John C Fremont
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    JP – “Damn! We’re in a tight spot!”

  24. Horace Broon
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Well that was certainly a week of cheap gags. And yet they missed the most obvious one:
    What parents say: “Our Marvin is a bit of a handful sometimes, but we love him.”
    What it really means: “Please, God, free us from the hellbrat!”

    Phantom: What further evidence of supernatural forces do you need? The lioness has risen from the dead! Well, either that or maybe it’s a different lioness?

    Pluggers: Pluggers believe childproof tops are a conspiracy to prevent them getting to their life-giving medication.

    S4th: Yeah, the nice thing about being Ted Forth is how easily you can disassociate yourself from reality when you want to.

  25. sporknpork
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    I don’t know why Clovia and Slim are life-sized balloons today, but if the puppeteer keeps rubbing them together like that, they’ll pop.

  26. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#20): So, unless Terry is doing sign language so everyone can see the actually spelling of what he is saying, what is the point? We are left with a phonetic spelling.

  27. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Frazz: *pets the greyhound*

    9CL: ok, that made up for a lot of the idiocy leading up to it. *pours a 40 for Dingo*

    Lio: I’d watch that.

    Luann: called it. It was Toni that gave Luann the “slut lips” that signifies a non-virgin in Evansworld.

    R&R: d’awwwww @ Labs.

    SBp: Rule 34, no exceptions.

    FW: “stay for the initiation-by-nookie of the new place.”

    6Cx: mollificent weeps.

    rMC: *APPLAZ*

    Retail: *snurk*

  28. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . dat azz.

  29. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    MW: I see that Dawn is about to introduce Jim to the curative powers of the Post-Traumatic Stress Sammich.

    @Chaze (#22): re: MT: My thought exactly.

    And one-day-late congrats to the float-folk!

  30. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    JP – Actual enjoyable dialogue between two interesting characters and we get….a nonreaction shot of the incredibly handsome Sam Driver. I suppose it’s in the strip’s DNA, if such a thing could exist.

  31. Lorne
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Clovia’s wide-eyed stare in panel 2 is the face of everyone who falls for a text message scam.

  32. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#30):

    I suppose it’s in the strip’s DNA, if such a thing could exist.

    It does, but instead of a double helix, it looks like this: $.

  33. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Oop – So Mezoamericans invented elbow pads and helmets? My daughter and everyone in her age group would like a word with them.

    9 – With all the grief I’ve given the strip lately, I should say this makes the recent continuity almost worth it.

  34. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#32):

    Double helix in the sky tonight.
    Throw out the hardware.
    Let’s do it right.

  35. Baka Gaijin
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#18): Oh ho ho! An excellent plot twist, so of course it won’t see the light of day in the strip.

    @Horace Broon (#24) on Sally Forth: Why is Laura still there? She has a home away from the offspring who don’t like her, one of whom stood up to her for the first time in her life in that very house.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#29): COTW-worthy!

  36. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – Darn that Margo. For a second I had this Charlie’s Angels story arc in mind, but I forgot she has a spectrum disorder and will forever disassociate herself.

  37. TheDiva
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo just wanted to clear out before LuAnn and Tommie started singing about bright golden hazes and elephant-eye level corn.

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    someone will need to revive bb,u after she squees this.

    stale meme, well done.

    I think Dingo would have liked this. (borderline NSFW)

    Next World Problems. (slightly saucy)

    FW + MLP FIM.

    happy puppy iz happy. (The Daily Puppy, mixed breed.)

    corgi hangin’ out with a Weimaraner

  39. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Curtis – Derrick and “Onion” must have been killed by cats. Meet Eric and “Grunion.”

    love is… – Forget it, doughgirl. He’s got two navels. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life mooning over a freak like that after he’s dead, do you?

  40. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Luann: Having declared her love for another, our title character develops the Luscious Lips of Love that tell the males in her troop that she is sexually receptive.

  41. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Mark – Right now, Sassy is thinking, “You eejit! I acted as bait so you could stand there and yell out your position? When we get home, I’m pissing in your food bowl.”

    Mary – “Fortunately, they left me the hand I light FIRES with!”

  42. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#24): The lioness has risen from the dead! Well, either that or maybe it’s a different lioness?
    Is this one singing “Born Free” under her breath while she prowls around?

  43. TheDiva
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    9CL: If you want a three-way, Seth, you can start by putting away the horrifying shark-mouth.

    C’shaft: Crankshaft’s buddy is trying to get him to ignore potentially serious health problems? That…is very understandable and I approve.

    FW: Welcome to Westview, where everyone starts out a failure and works down from there.

    Luann: Don’t despair, Luann; the great god Status Quo is on your side. Dollars to donuts the letter will get lost in the mail, or the plane carrying it to Australia will crash, or it will get eaten by a kangaroo or something.

    MT: Why am I not surprised that Sassy is the smarter and more heroic member of the team?

    MW: “The doctors don’t even know what’s wrong with me–they’re just lopping off random body parts and hoping that fixes it!”

    Pluggers think rewording this joke makes it fresh.

    SM: Sheesh, this is starting to sound like something improvised by an eight year old! “And then Spider-Man webs the clown hammer, but the clown hammer has rockets, and then Clown-9 pulls out his dinosaur that eats force-field dogs, and…”

  44. Midtown
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Wheeee! Just realized I had made the float! Thanks to Josh and all the well-wishers. The view’s great from up here. Let me move over closer to the edg…

  45. Baka Gaijin
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

  46. Sgt. Saunders
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#1):
    Right-O, after she fills the tank at Sheetz.

  47. Doctor Handsome
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    “I’m happy for no reason! Isn’t being an idiot great?!”

  48. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    A3G-Looks like the drugs Lu Ann took that morning are finally kicking in.

    MW-I want to keep using my left hand after they cut it off.

    MW 2-I kept telling them that I was born a left handed person and that I can’t change.

  49. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    MT-That’s it. Just stay hidden where you are hoping that the poachers won’t find you while yelling for your dog to run away.

  50. Anonymous
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Saunders (#46): Sheetz is an east coast cstore chain that features a good foodservice program…..now back to regular programming.

  51. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    I was #50…..sigh…

  52. Doctor Handsome
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Thanks for providing context, Slim. If you hadn’t said anything, I’d have assumed that a “Montezoomba Triple E-Model Super 8!” was a grocery-getting beater.

  53. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    MT – Mark Trail could never be featured in “Highlights for Children.” There’s no Gallant, just Goofus, Goofus, Goofus…..

  54. The Ridger
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#26): No. Eejit is how it’s spelled. Because it’s not “idiot”.

  55. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#54): I completely understand. I do. Irish Ebonics.

  56. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#Y58): this tedious and boring story… re: Spiderman

    Are you being ironic? This is an acid trip of a story! It is over-the-top, unbelievable, stupid, infuriating… but tedious, boring?

    // Hey, Liam. Ever read Henry James? Portrait of a Lady, The Ambassadors, anything? Do you follow Mary Worth? I’m just thinking you might need to recalibrate your boring-ometer.

  57. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56): You mean boring in an acid trip sorta way? By the way, did anyone posit that C9 might have had that mallet hidden up his butt?

    How can rocket powered mallets hidden up a clown’s butt be boring?

  58. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#3): So Darkgate isn’t updating your Crankshaft either?

    // You did notice that that one last changed 130 hours ago?

  59. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#6): Panel 2 Tommie is wearing an earring, though she isn’t in panel 1.
    ????

    Aw, c’mon. She put it on between panels 1 and 2. Work with us a little here!

  60. debussy fields
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    MW– “There’s a lot going on that the doctors can’t see. I’ll try to explain. You see, Dawn, I’m sure this thought has never occurred to you, but…life is brutal!”

  61. Sequitur
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#13): Hey, move right in! You’ll like Texas. It’s just like Arizona except different.

  62. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    A3G — How do we know those are sweatshirts? For all we can see, they might be teeshirts or oddly-designed floor-length ballroom dresses. And Margo might be wearing a coat, a dickey, and nothing else.

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#21): Do you mean Roy Lichtenstein? (Instead of Warhol.)

  64. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Rusty’s favorite pop band?

    Badly Drawn Boy. Who else?

    //Please excuse if that’s been used 1000 times in past comments. Couldn’t resist.

  65. Bookworm
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    “I feel like everything’s going our way – you didn’t get stuck in small-town South Dakota, I didn’t get sued for malpractice after delivering Nina’s baby, and Margo, well, Margo is Margo. Everything goes Margo’s way, or wishes it had.”

  66. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    GA — I used to have a soft spot for Clovia, but decided it’s more efficient to hate her as well as Slim. And recently I’ve only checked GA once a week in hopes that something interestingly awful is happening to both of them. This texting scam looks very promising. I hope it ends in tears and foreclosure.

  67. pugfuggly
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    A3G I love Lu Ann’s face in the second panel. “Love Margo? No, Tommie, we fear Margo. Oh god, after all these years, Stockholm syndrome has finally set in…”

    GA Y’know, it’s funny: just last night I was wondering to myself what a fat cartoon ginger man might look like at the point of orgasm. Thanks, Gasoline Alley!

    MT Momma always told me that life was like a box of dog turds…

    MW “…because I’m BLIND! Actually, that’s kinda why I lost this arm. You see, I used to be a lumberjack and…”

  68. Mr Foofram
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#51): I remember when Dave was #50.

  69. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Oooh, see how Lu Ann is looking lustfully at Tommie in the first panel, only to look sad and disappointed in the second panel as Tommie leers at Margo, and…oy, can’t do it. I can never picture the characters in this strip having or wanting sex with anyone ever. I know a baby was born awhile back, but that was the result of a chaste duty-kiss and a stork.

  70. KreatureFeatures
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    I was about to say that the Optimists Club is men-only, with a branch for women-only called the Soroptimists Club. Then I read that the Optimists starting accepting female members in 1987. Kudos to Apartment 3-G for being more up-to-date than me.

  71. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#67): Y’know, it’s funny: just last night I was wondering to myself what a fat cartoon ginger man might look like at the point of orgasm. Thanks, Gasoline Alley!

    The you might like today’s Argyle Sweater, too.

  72. Anonymous
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#25): Wondering about that myself. Sometimes Clovia is drawn sort of zaftig, others not. Life with Slim must send her on binge-purge sprees, poor thing.

  73. teenchy
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#72): Oops, ’twas me.

  74. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#70): So THAT’S what the Soroptimists were! Thanks! I’m old enough to…oh, never mind.

  75. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Ordinary pliers wouldn’t do it? I’m a big fan of Vice Grips®, but for a cartoon gag, I’d have used Sawzall®. At least, I’d have let Vice Grip and Sawzall bid againste each other for the product placement.

    Scary Gary: No, no, Leopold. You’re doing it wrong. Nice is, “It’s nice how your enormous gut distracts attention from your man-boobs!”. See?

    6 Chix: I don’t regularly read 6C. Are these regular characters? Cole Porter and Peggy Lee?

  76. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#74): Oops, sorry, “are.”

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#74):

    @KreatureFeatures (#70): So THAT’S what the Soroptimists were! Thanks! I’m old enough to…oh, never mind.

    I’m glad you cleared that up as well. I had the sort of vague idea they were some kind of satanic lesbian cult… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  78. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — “We wait”? We? This family really creeps me out.

  79. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#77): I just found out there are several active Soroptimists clubs in Iowa, and I’m pretty sure it would be hard to find enough members to keep a satanic lesbian cult going in Algona. Though if one of the members made really good cookies…

  80. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure Pluggers are for the sanctity of marriage, as long as it’s between a dog and a chicken.

  81. KreatureFeatures
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#79): Soroptomists are really cool. They gave my daughter a nice sports award last year.

  82. Mr K Martin
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY WINKY: As Pete’s comic story continues, we soon discover that the so-called “Good Cloud” is, in fact, a hateful bigot and leader of the Ku Klux Klouds where he holds the title of Grand Blizzard and organizes fellow white clouds to keep the black clouds out of the neighborhood. These black clouds are forced by meteorologists to only hover over low rent ghettos where they sing “We Shall Overcast.”

    The “Good Cloud” has also raised his voice against interracial marriage which results in those he labels “partly cloudy”, who are discriminated against under the Klouds’ “one raindrop” rule.

    The moral of the comic: Life sucks and there is no Silver Lining.

  83. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    A & J — So “dressy casual” means having to wear an actual (UGH) dress. I appreciate the warning.

  84. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    It’s ok everybody, Luann and Tommie will be couch-jumping in no time.

    So what is Crankshaft’s club called? Ideas? The Scorched Earth, Everything Is Miserable except for Sports on TV Club?

  85. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#83): So I’m giving up my sports coat for a dress? No problem. As long as it gets me free drinks and apetizers.

  86. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Ok, Maybe the Soroptitimists are not a satanic lesbian cult (nttatwwt). But their Wikipedia article causes one to wonder about them: “Through their General (Category One) Consultative Status as a non-governmental organization at the United Nations, the organization claims to seek equality, peace, and international goodwill for women.”

    “Claims to seek”? What are they really up to?

    // Probably the usual stuff, I’d guess. World domination, compulsory gay marriage, alternate side parking in rural areas…

  87. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#81): Congratulations to your daughter! I’m impressed by all the good work that service clubs do when I skim the paper.

  88. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#79): If I’m willing to wear a dress to a party to get appetizers, I suppose attending a satanic lesbian cult for the cookies is not out of the question. Think the dress will make them not notice I’m a guy, but maybe a large, furry lesbian?

    Didn’t think so. Can I have some cookies, anyway?

  89. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    If Margo and Marmaduke got into a fight, who would win?

  90. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#87): I don’t mean they do all the good work during the time I’m actually skimming the paper. I think it’s time to quit typing for awhile and go change the cat litter.

  91. Poteet
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#88): Congratulations on being so open-minded:-)! For the best and most abundant selection of Iowa treats, I recommend RAGBRAI (Register’s Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa). The pies alone are worth it, if your legs and butt hold out.

  92. Ned Ryerson
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Digression nobody gives a shit about:

    The first time I heard reference to the Optimist Club was on a very special episode of The Brady Bunch where some acquaintance of the Bradys’ played by Ken Berry was adopting a trio of boys of various racial types (an Asian, an African American, maybe one was white, I don’t recall exactly). The boys overheard a neighbor talking to Ken Berry and his wife after seeing the boys playing in the yard and made it quite clear that the “diversity” of these adoptees would jeopardize his potential membership in the Optimist Club. The boys didn’t want to be that much trouble so they “ran away” and camped out in the Bradys’ astroturfed backyard. Concerned Brady asked the kids why they had run away and one of them said, “We don’t want to be the cause of our dad not being able to be an optometrist.” Oh yuk yuk, almost a socially conscious Keane kids gag, eh?

  93. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#91): Whoa! Sounds a bit Frazz-like to me. Now, about those cookie baking satanist lesbians…..

  94. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#85): @Poteet (#83): So I’m giving up my sports coat for a dress? No problem. As long as it gets me free drinks and appetizers.

    You realize that as a big guy, your only choices for something in your size are Lane Bryant, which is horribly expensive, or Walmart, which is cheap, but the styles… yikes!

  95. Will
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    CS (yesterday and today): Floaters and flashing lights can be symptoms of a detached retina. That’s kind of a big deal, you yutz.

  96. bats :[
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#21): re MT: I invoked the spirit of Andy Warhol a couple of years ago. He told me not to invoke him anymore. In kind of a pissy way, too.
    Sheesh. Artists.

  97. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#94): I was thinking something from the Loweezy collection might be nice.

  98. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86):”Soroptitimists” sorry… too many tits.

  99. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86):

    Criminy! What’s next? Requiring women to wear hoop skirts and banning men from wearing pants while forcing them to wear hula hoops?

    Just why are those Optimists so Sor?

    Oh. Sor as in Sorority. I see.

    @KreatureFeatures (yesterday #59):

    Now, that is a Dawn we can all believe in. What’s wrong with Dawn meeting a handsome doctor like one of those other comic strip doctors? Heck, it would matter if he is a surgeon with no arms and who only operates using his mouth. But, she doesn’t need to deal with more angst.

    And, on a3g, thankfully Tommie didn’t reply to LuAnn by saying:

    “Good thing we replaced the batteries in No Reason! Now he’s as good as new!”

  100. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#99):

    “…it would not matter if he is a surgeon with no arms…”

  101. bats :[
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#27): re 9CL: yes, it did. The bigger question is do we really have to sit through three weeks of sophomoric tee-hee-ing for the payoff?

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38): I know bb,u isn’t feeling well today — so nice of you to provide these, sort of like the way Kleenex are stacked and then will magically pop up out of the box!

    @Poteet (#83): you have no idea how panicky I was trying to find something to wear for a wedding last June (well, maybe you do)…bought a dress the day of the wedding. This probably explains why I don’t get invited to a lot of weddings.

  102. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#48): “My left hand… tells me to do things… bad things…”

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56): Actually, the last four or five hours of an acid trip can be sort of boring.

    @Red Greenback (#89): If Margo and Marmaduke got into a fight, who would win?
    We all would, Red. We all would.

  103. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#56):

    It’s boring because we all know that Spiderman could easily beat this guy but everyday we see him acting like the biggest idiot around.

  104. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86):
    So is there some connection to the Wimmin’s Festival in Minnesota? : D
    (I’ve never been, but it sounds like a blast)

  105. Insane And Inane
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Gasoline Alley: Am I the only one scared by those horrible, horrible, perfectly round, staring eyes? Make them stop staring at me! MAKE THEM STOP!

  106. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#96):

    Glendower: I can call spirits from the vasty deep.
    Hotspur: Why, so can I, or so can any man;
    But will they come when you do call for them?

    Well, Bats Colon Left-Bracket, so you think your a better man than Owen Glendower, Prince of Powys, hereditary Tywysog of Powys Fadog, and Lord of Glyndyfrdwy and Deheubarth?

    // At Photoshop? Well, yes, of course, ye have got him there!

  107. Zerowolf
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    ::bow chicka wow wow::
    Tommie: Aw, Margo, you just need us to help paint your garage.
    ::bow chicka wow wow::
    Margo: Well, it has been a while.
    ::bow chicka wow wow::
    Lu Ann: Garage? I didn’t know Margo had a car.
    ::bow chicka wow wow::

  108. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#102): @Nehemiah Scudder (#56): Actually, the last four or five hours of an acid trip can be sort of boring.

    The last four of five hours, (somebody told me) you need boring. I (have also heard) that whiskey is a good transition drug back to reality for that stretch. Then you (or somebody like you) sleep.

  109. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#107):
    Little Red Corvette! LOL

  110. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#102):
    Aha! You must be one of those optimists I’ve been reading about lately.

  111. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#86):
    “World Domination”
    Sure seemed like that in the 90′s, at least in Burlington, VT, and siurrounding areas …

  112. btown
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    ASM: Spider-man turned into the foil from a Tex Avery cartoon so gradually, I hardly even noticed.

  113. seismic-2
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    GA: I can hardly wait to see Slim and Clovia show up to claim their car, since I want to see how Scancarelli draws Phishface. If we’re lucky, that will be when Dick Tracy bursts in with guns blazing, and Slim will of course be hard to miss.

  114. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#110): At least he’s not one of those sore optimists. Those guys are so crabby!

  115. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#111): …and thereby hangs a tail. I mean tale.

  116. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-A Montezoomba? Did they get the one with rich Corinthian leather?

  117. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Insane And Inane (#105):

    Looks to me like they have a condition.
    We just don’t know what condition their condition is in.

    /charles bronson vox

  118. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    What is it with this armless trend in the comics lately? Are they forming a quilting club or something?

  119. bunivasal
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Montezoomba Triple E Model Super 8!

    There is so much going on with that name. This must be how Sir Hillary Edmund felt when he arrived in Nepal.

  120. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#118): Either that or they’re forming a “Human Seventy-five Percentipede”.

  121. Doc, Cherry Trail’s Dad
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#118):

    It is best you don’t worry about it. The cyborg army I’m building will take time to implement. When complete, the Funny Pages will be produce exponentially more gear popping guffaws from even the most casual of readers.

    The transition is going slowly, this is true. But in the end, the effects will be spectacular!

    Witness what I have accomplished with that Meddling Metal Woman, Mary Worth. Once people hear that she is the first advanced comic strip cyborg they usually do not believe it is true. It is only when they add up the rare malfunction in her cyborg parts that they understand.

    Some general instances is when her Compassion Capacitor got its wiring crossed and she repeatedly asked weary travelers to re-tell their tales of woe and when her eye lids refused to blink according to the algorithm I devised to eliminate the Uncanny Valley. Little did I know that her canned Salmon she used in her Salmon Squares would throw off her believability as being 100 percent Human.

    In another instance, there was that time she was gossiping in a self-righteous manner to her friends, Grey Beardo and his wife. One of her parts went awry when her bionically enhanced breasts began pummeling Beardo, much to his chin’s chagrin and to his wife’s delight because it kept him at a distance while his beard recovered. Needless to say, the Grey Beardo unit hasn’t had it’s voice unit replaced since the incident. His is a sad experiment though. The only non-artificial part of him is his facial hair.

    Hilarity for Humanity (and replacing missing parts) is the Goal I aspire towards. It is attainable. Just have patience. (and if you know of any potential patients, call me at LoFo 5-7850.)

  122. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Luann-That must be the first nonlesbian mailwoman ever. Whenever I use sexual charm on mailwomen I get rejected because they are obviously lesbians and when Luann uses sexual charm on the mailwoman she is rejected because that woman must be straight.

  123. pugfuggly
    September 15th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#71):

    Ugh, the comics page is just full of sexual deviancy today. And not the good kind.

  124. rumpled tulip
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Apt 3G: Tommie’s limp hair and baggy sweatshirt make me sad for her. I imagine what we can’t see: her frayed pajama pants and filthy bunny slippers. Don’t try to hide the despair, Tommie…

  125. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38): Aw—a triple-scoop pup cone!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#58):

    So Darkgate isn’t updating your Crankshaft either?

    Is that what you kids are calling it nowadays?

  126. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Henry… just seems a little skeevy today. Just saying.

  127. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#32):
    Oh, that’s good.

  128. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Rex is pleased. The only thing he was dreading more than the dull conversation was having to leave him a tip.

    RMMD 2-”I hope the weather isn’t great. I was hoping on experiencing one of San Diego’s famous blizzards.”

    Henry-Is NAMBLA looking for new members?

  129. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    And I see Henry Mitchell is watching Crotchapalooza, and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet! He’s actually staring right at their pelvisis. ANd he’s smiling.
    Alice must have gone out shopping.

  130. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-”It’s odd though because I don’t remember entering any contest.”

  131. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#32):

    It’s does too have have a double helix, but it looks like this: $$

  132. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Archie Fartsie: Hmmmm, not wearing their seatbelts, eh? They should be a lot more messed than that!

  133. John C Fremont
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

  134. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#51):

    *sigh*. Dave was number 50 too.

  135. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mr Foofram (#68):

    D’oh! And yours is better too!

    Drat!

  136. Dartpaw86
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Translation: Margo, we love you. Soul-sucking creature of pure hatred who eats puppies for breakfast and blood and tears of the innocent for tea, and all.

  137. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail :


    Fly, Sassy, Fly on your mystery log!
    Hop on board, take a trip,
    you cute puppy dog!

    (ok. haven’t read most of the past week’s MT. Friday’s Squirrel…was that Secret Agent Squirrel? He wasn’t clothed but MT isn’t Pluggers so I wouldn’t expect him to be anything except undercover. But, of course, after reading today’s MT….the damn squirrel ain’t important. Total missed opportunity for excitement!)

  138. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    FW “Jess, it’s just an old apartment over a pizzeria.”
    “Work with me here… we can save money on groceries by eating the uneaten pizza left on people’s plates. The dumpster is right outside our window.”

    GT “Just between us, I can’t begin to keep the names straight. Where I come from we call all the guys ‘Sean’ and the girls ‘Colleen.’”

    BG&SS They call it Hootinfreude.

    FC My, Dolly has turned out to be rigid, fussy little snit lately. Where does she get that, I wonder?

    Luann Yeah, yeah, Quill will get her letter and declare his love for Luann, and she’ll pine and mope over him and refuse to go out with anyone else. At least we’ll be spared any more images of her in intimate situations.

    C-shaft Yes. Please. Tell Crankshaft how he doesn’t need to take his blood pressure medicine anymore. Write it down if you have to.

  139. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Doc, Cherry Trail’s Dad (#121):

    Hm. If what is explained here is true then perhaps the unseen below the ribcage shots of The Three Girls of Apartment 3G still conforms to my theory that they are each half-Dalek and they…well, that they know how to roll!

    //it may or may not explain LuAnn and Tommie’s fantastic good mood. But, there’s not straight delineation of time passing in this strip.

    Are they each happy because it is Saturday?

    Did they eat a Grand Slam breakfast (at Kenny’s, A3G’s Alt Universe Denny’s)?

    Did they…”enjoy the company” of a two-timing Greg Cooper and are ironically unaware of of his two-timing; and if the phrase were mentioned they would mis-interpret it anyway (sure, Greg=Twice)?

  140. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#89):

    If Margo and Marmaduke got into a fight, who would win?

    Marmaduke. Margo’s favored tactic is biting criticism and soul-withering sarcasm, and Marmaduke neither understands English nor has a soul.

  141. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey, I admire you ambition to try and fill people’s lives with mirth. However, I regret to inform you that Standard’s and Practices called and let me know that lame, vague humor is only allowed if the “humor” is targeted at people who read comics ironically. Unfortunately, our market research shows that few read comics that way.

    We did get a suggestion from a Wilbur Wilbuson who writes that perhaps if the other players and the ump were dozing, while Beetle ate a Sammich and the ball was shown suspended in mid-air–with no zip/speed lines– then Ms. Buxley’s comment would have been hilarious. This would be especially effective if her friend asked, is that a Monty Christo he’s eating?

  142. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    A3G – So Luann and Tommie have discovered drugs, have they?

    DT – You gotta hand it to Joe Staton and Mike Curtis: as the aquarium’s custodians, they keep it freakin’ spotless!

    F- – “I also notice that we’re just standing here for some reason, like our employer couldn’t even be assed to supply chairs. Or maybe we’re using bar stools?”

    FC – You are not the kind of person-like thing that should be suggesting restraints for livestock, Dolly. It might give your parents ideas.

    FW – “It’s also covered in cat shit, because I guess just getting an underwhelming apartment wasn’t terrible enough for this strip.”

    HOTC – Well, now, this is an encouraging new direction for the strip.

    JP – Poor Bea. These dopes’d give me a splitting headache, too.

    Lockhorns – How nice of the Lockhorns to have Lurch and Cousin Itt over for dinner. Not sure who the guy on the right is, though.

    Luann – I HATE YOU ALL, PLEASE DIE HORRIBLY.

    MW – Several surgeries for what? Did they amputate his arm in stages?

    Monty – I have to say, the art-gallery strips are the most I’ve enjoyed Monty in a long time.

    Phantom – “Hey, guys, I’m looking for my sister, have you seen her? She was over this way ’round about a week ago…”

    Ripley’s – If a starfish regenerates a new body from a single arm, and then loses and regenerates that arm, is it still the same starfish?

    SF – Ah, the Saturn. So tragically underappreciated…

    Shoe – what what what what what. I mean, I can totally buy Apple suddenly deciding to remove the phone capability from the iPhone and release it as a spinoff “iPad Mini,” but…”magic?” ARGRARGH. NO. GO TO HELL, SHOE.

  143. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#16): MW How can there possibly be things going on that Jim’s doctors don’t see? He’s blabbing everything right now to someone he’s only just met literally two minutes ago.

    Maybe next he’ll show Dawn his sutures and drainage. That should end her volunteer career.

  144. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Geez, Hi & Lois’ Lois walked right into that one.

    In addition to copious amounts of booze, if there’s one thing Thirsty McGlugglug likes it is big, luscious tomatoes.

    Tis the season, fortunately.

  145. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

  146. Écureuil Écumant
    September 15th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#58): Actually, since I have no internet, Darkgate funnies exist for me in the Eternal Now. I suppose 6-day oversnarpologies are in order.

  147. yaoi huntress earth
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: Sure Seth, passionately kiss a immature woman-child who is in love with you, that aughta convince her to stay with the man she’s settling for.

  148. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers Portraits of Junkies.

    // Someone needs to invent an alert to send out to people signifying when a lame comic strip storyline has ended and when an Exciting, Vibrant and Interesting storyline is beginning.

    hm. Wait. I think I will just say that I did invent something like that. Goodness knows such an invention would never send out an alert.

  149. Stroker Ace
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Someone got a new fireman calendar and fresh batteries.

  150. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#110): ‘Twixt the optimist and the pessimist
    The difference is droll;
    The optimist sees the doughnut
    And the pessimist sees a bunch of fat, additives, and rat droppings.

  151. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    Another thing about Pluggers, The Comic Strip, is that Chicken Lady’s comb.

    Maybe I am the only one grossed out by it. But, to me it looks like disturbing zits on her head. Seriously, maybe the line art looks okay without color. But I’d say giving her some sort of Lucille Ball hairstyle (and allow the implication of a comb) would go a long way at making her look…well, look as normal as a chicken lady can look.

  152. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Another thing about Gasoline Alley, they don’t call it Gasoline Alley for nothing.

    Those two could be hopped up on fumes. Though, perhaps they are on the Ah Sid.

    Sometimes a shared hallucination is a sign of a very strong, loving relationship

    (they are on the same wavelength: delusional)

  153. Liam
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”And if things don’t go our way then we’ll make them go our way and whoa to the persons who get in our way.”

    Gasoline Alley-”Don’t surprise me like that. You know what happens if my eyes bulge out of there sockets.”

  154. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#151):

    Cripes! Now that I re-read this, if they can make dogs and bears tuck in their shirts and willingly admit to needing glasses, they can give the dang chicken a hairdo. Feather conceit be damned! A shaggy chicken just might be the thing that squares the Pluggers circles.

    Let’s face it, she is the odd duck out of that mammalian…aawww screw it. What a messed up concept all the way around.

  155. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#150): Hey, wait a minute! “Pessimist” and “doughnut” don’t rhyme!

    Let me try:

    ‘Twixt the optimist and the pessimist
    The difference is droll;
    The optimist sees the doughnut,
    And the pessimist sees a bunch of fat, additives, and rat droppings, and other stuff you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole!

    Nope, doesn’t work for me either.

  156. Calico
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#92):
    Wow, I’ll have to find that one!
    Col. Parmenter

  157. hibbleton
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#142):
    MW – Several surgeries for what? Did they amputate his arm in stages?

    A guy like that, you don’t eat all at once.

  158. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    ‘Twixt the optimist and the pessimist
    The difference is droll;
    The optimist sees the doughtnut,
    And the pessimist, canc’rous mole!

  159. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#155): and @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#158):
    ‘Twixt the optimist and the pessimist
    The difference is droll;
    The optimist sees the doughnut,
    And the pessimist sees a bunch of fat, additives, and rat droppings. LOL.’

  160. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#158):
    are you intentionally avoiding:

    the pessimist says So What!

  161. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#159): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#158): @Nehemiah Scudder (#155):
    ‘Twixt the optimist and the pessimist
    The difference is droll;
    The pessimist just eats a doughnut,
    But the optimist makes the doughnut whole.’

    Uh, no?

  162. Dartpaw86
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#59):

    You mean between sentences in a conversation.
    Hmm…

  163. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#y49):

    “WIth the way JP stories drag out, they’ll still be here when the pot is ready to harvest.”

    (1) More bud, mule!

    (2) In Communist Parkeristan, pot harvests you!

  164. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#160): That’s not the pessimist. That’s the apathist. Which totally fits the meter, I may add.

  165. Dartpaw86
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Either own a box of 9-15 flakes, or Day-O’s. Jamaica’s favourite cereal since 1956.

  166. Dartpaw86
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#165):

    Either they own a box of 9-15 flakes, or Day-O’s. Jamaica’s favourite cereal since 1956.

  167. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Twixt optimist and pessimist
    No difference could be duller
    Pessimist says “Boring bready wad,”
    Optimist: “Yummy cruller!”

    Realist vs. idealist
    According to Friedrich Hegel
    Idealist contemplates the hole
    While realist eats the bagel.

  168. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#150), @Nehemiah Scudder (#155), @Red Greenback (#159), @There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm (#161):

    ‘Twixt the optimist and the pessimist,
    the difference is droll;
    The optimist sees the doughnut,
    and the pessimist reads Funky Winkerbean unironically.

  169. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#167): Well, I’m beaten.

  170. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    To Be Perfectly Éclair

    Between the sweetmeat
    And the turnover
    Between the baklava
    And the cream puff
    Falls the doughnut
    For Thine is the Pastry

    Between the confection
    And the patisserie
    Between the purchase
    And the ingestion
    Falls the coffee
    Crüllers are very long

    Between the Dunkin’
    And the Donut
    Between the Krispy
    And the Kreme
    Falls the Horton
    Tim who?

    Between the Pessimist
    and the Optimist
    Falls the hole

    This is the way the diet ends
    This is the way the diet ends
    Turnover, blintz, and strudel!

  171. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Apt. Threege: Around here, they’re known as Noon Optimist Clubs. Prompting me to wonder where the Midnight Pessimist Clubs are.

    Gil Throp, Sprots Guy: No less a language authority than Yosemite Sam pronounces it “idgit”. That’s good enough for me.

  172. sporknpork
    September 15th, 2012 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#73): At least she’s not with Wilbur or else she’d starve.

  173. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Lupin The 3.1415926th (#171): Prompting me to wonder where the Midnight Pessimist Clubs are.

    Perhaps you don’t want to know.

  174. HAnzMFG
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Super-plush, super-cool’n super-expensive, super sports cars in Gasoline Alley World follow the trendy modern naming of everything after chain-hotel-enthusiast-sexy-exercise-dancing-Aztec rulers.

  175. wossname
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#63):

    Do you mean Roy Lichtenstein? (Instead of Warhol.)

    Come on, don’t you think Rusty looks like a Campbell’s soup can? No, actually, I guess I did mean Lichtenstein.

  176. HAnzMFG
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Oh no! After the sudden medium-awareness infused panel of yesterday’s strip, today we see a strange return to the stage, and Seth has revealed himself to be a giant gay demon, with an enormous gaping maw that leads to the pits of damnation! “Sorry Amos, your soul will be sucked into eternal torment! Looks like you’ll have to arrange your marriage in PIBGORN HELL! Oh, and somebody else is gonna have to take care of your fiance.”

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#175): Come on, don’t you think Rusty looks like a Campbell’s soup can?

    Actually, I was beginning to think that there was more than a passing resemblance to Marilyn Monroe. But that’s probably just the LSD talking.

    // What? Oh, no, I meant LDS. I was just talking to my Mormon friend about it, Wasn’t I, Mr. Natural?

  178. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Lu Ann meant to say “Good mornings” but she chipped a tooth. Tommie, as her second panel expression makes clear, just chugged a whole bottle of Scope.

    GA: In other words you just won a way to break yourselves on gas money.

    MT: Yes, a circle formed by two paunchy middle aged men. Sassy doesn’t have a chance.

    MW: Dawn and Jim’s meet-cute will crescendo with both of them saying “Life is brutal” at the same time.

    WofI: Cripes, you fake out a guy with news of his own execution and he gets all pissy on you.

    Agnes: Nicely done, Cochran.

    JP: Now that Bea has snitched on Bubba, she’ll need round-the-clock protection. That’s something a good criminal attorney would think of. Sam, of course, is thinking about his dry-cleaning.

    BB: Add another to the list of comics characters with only one arm. Wonder what brand of safety pin Beetle wears on his sleeve.

    H&L: Lois says a silent prayer for Irma’s strength, that she be strong enough to hold the pillow firmly over his face.

    GT: I would have taken more of an interest in high school sports if I knew you could get girls by friendly-firing your own teammates.

    Phantom: This lioness is cranky because all the ab-crunches that every woman in the tribe does are keeping her awake.

    Shoe: The makers of Pluggers lay some Clarke’s law on us. The Mayans were right.

    DtM: Henry waits for the brat to go to bed so he can switch from the Rockettes to the old Shannon Tweed movies.

    OBH: Ellen knows her son all too well.

  179. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#173):

    Is The Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight a member?

  180. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): I seem to remember Captain Kirk making the LSD/LDS mix-up in Star Trek IV.

  181. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    This is just to say
    I have eaten the doughnuts
    You so optimistically
    Thought to save

    I couldn’t resist
    Thinking of your face
    Dropping, such a shock
    How could it happen?

    If it helps any,
    They weren’t all that good
    But a man just has to do
    What he must.

  182. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#17):

    RMMD – Yes, he needs a checkup. But first things first. He needs to get rid of that ridiculous mustache.

    Mustaches like that are good in the right context. If you’re Gary Oldman they can make you look like Jim Gordon.

  183. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#182): You mean schizophrenic Jim Gordon, former drummer for Derek & the Dominoes, now doing a life sentence for murder?

  184. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @hibbleton (#157): Perhaps we have Jim all wrong. Maybe they’ve been ADDING limbs onto him and all that’s left to go is his left arm. Yeah….THAT’S the ticket.

  185. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#43):

    9CL: If you want a three-way, Seth, you can start by putting away the horrifying shark-mouth.

    Word. This is a bad time to drop the human-looking meatsuit.

  186. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#183): That’s a sad story. I’ve read about Gordon before, but I had forgotten the story.

    No, I meant Commissioner Gordon. Still, the idea does have some potential as a crossover fanfic.

  187. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    CS @ Darkgate seems to be stuck on this past Monday”s strip. I’d love to see a Bats:[ mash up where the first word in the last panel is changed from “Sit” to “Shit”,

    Hilarity will ensue!

  188. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    I met a salesman out roaming the land
    Who said: “A castle, small and faced with tin
    Sits stark and vacant. Atop, a sign doth stand
    Whose message welcomes trav’lers in
    For doughnuts hot and coffee by command
    Where none with dough be turned away unfed;
    Weary one, try a dinner cooked in dreams,
    With half pound burgers, served on fresh-made bread!
    In disrepair, the words yet stay clear:
    “We never close! We’re Krispiest of Kremes
    No further look ye for food, we have it here!”
    Alas, it’s false. All business here did cease.
    No doughnut holes, nor hot dogs, nuts, or beer.
    A newer sign says ‘LOT FOR SALE OR LEASE.’”

  189. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#187): where the first word in the last panel is changed from “Sit” to “Shit”
    GET OUT OF MY HEAD, MAN!

  190. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#186): You’re right, the story about the real-life Jim Gordon is very sad. And you’re also correct that it would make compelling reading and/or viewing. Lame joke on my part.

  191. demoncat
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    luann and so for not having her drivers license Luann is about to wind up driving another guy away. her curse of romance continues. mw. as dawns new friend reveals how he lost his arm. dawn will start thinking oh how sad life is brutal in deed again. gs and slim and clovies bad luck continues as next clovie will text the scammer their bank account and ssi numbers to claim the car.

  192. Der Kömmëntätör für das Schnärk, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    I should shorten up my name…….

  193. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    There!

  194. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#193):

    Of course, I just use “Der Schnärkïnätör” when at work….

  195. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#193): That’s much better and you still managed to maintain your site record for umlauts!

  196. The Real Dan
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: If you ask at the pharmacy you can get non-childproof caps on your prescription. I’m not old, but I live alone, so I get them on mine. Pluggers are stupid.

  197. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#178): … a circle formed by two paunchy middle aged men…

    Middle aged, perhaps, that all depends on how long one lives, but paunchy? These guys look reasonably fit to me.

    // Are you perchance one of those supermodels I keep hearing about?

  198. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#188): Sonnets. Why’d it have to be sonnets?

    // Clement Wood smiles on you tonight, Muffaroo!

  199. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 15th, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#195):

    Acht Ya! I need more umlaut!

    //And not more cowbell….

  200. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#164):

    You are correct. An apathetic would say that.

    I have no rhyming dictionary so I backed out of trying to figure something out to make it all fit.

    Now that I think about it: a Mess o’ Fists would work well with Pessimists. But, then I’m just meandering off into Mark Trail Territory.

    An Optimist sees Rusty as a boy,
    filled to the brim with youthful joy.

    A Pessimist sings a different song ,
    Rusty’s a clone that’s gone so wrong!

  201. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#181): The only emperor is the emperor of Krispy Kreme.

    // I have seen the best minds of my generation destroyed by a liberal arts education.

  202. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#201):

    I met a traveller from an antique land
    Who said: Dang! That Roadshow is a tough gig!

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#202): “Look upon my junk, ye mighty, and despair!”

    Oh wait, that was the reality show about strippers.

  204. Chaze
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#203):

    And on the pedestal these words appear,
    “I am Ozzie Osborne, king of kings.

  205. The Real Dan
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    “RUN, SASSY, RUN!” That last panel will go down in history. It is a piece of art. Roy Lichtenstein would be proud.

  206. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170):
    This is the way the diet ends
    This is the way the diet ends
    Turnover, blintz, and strudel!

    I’ve had dinner, but was going to skip the dessert… and now you’ve made me hungry.

    Does Montoni’s serve cannoli?

  207. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#190):

    Lame joke on my part.

    I dunno. I like to think this is a fairly judgment-free zone.

  208. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170):
    Oh what can ail thee, onion-ring,
    Fried up in crispy battering.

  209. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#207): I like to think this is a fairly judgment-free zone.

    You’d LIKE to think that, wouldn’t you? But try committing a grammatical faux pas. We’ll be on you like piranha skeletonizing a cow in one of the lesser tributaries of the Amazon!

    // What do you mean, labored simile? Get away from me! Ahhhhhhhgh!

  210. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#188): I’ve said it before, but this is why we really need a Poem/Song Of The Week.

  211. pastordan, snark late shift
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: Somebody had a wet dream…

    9 Chickweed Lane: So brave!

    Judge Parker: Aww yiss…the Bea/Avery train is going to be stopping at Luv Station in about six months…

    Mark Trail: If I had a lick of initiative, I’d turn that last panel into a hipster t-shirt…

    Mary Worth: For example, there’s an entire disco in my brain! See, look! I’m even dressed for it!!

    If you ever needed proof that today’s comics are recycled, check Moose and Molly. Recliners start at $350, they don’t top out there. How do I know? Ask me how I spent my morning! Go ahead, ask me

    Rex Morgan M.D.: That cab driver is as good as dead. Don’t worry, it’ll happen off-camera while we’re all Nehemiah Scudder is drooling over June’s new burkini. He’ll rot quietly in his 55-gallon drum, forgotten and unmourned, just like all the others who’ve had the bad luck to cross paths with Rex Morgan, M.D.

    One more, from Buz Sawyer: Worst. Leopardmen. Ever.

    Oh, and…? Uncle Lumpy, do you think you could remove this tribute to sleep-deprivation and eagerness to snark?

  212. Alan's Addiction
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    I see that today’s A3G has decided to tackle the age-old philosophical conundrum, the irresistible force paradox. However, instead of asking “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?” the strip’s writers are being more subtle and interesting; specifically, pitting the hapless and soppily cheerful Tommie and her nitwit friends against… well, Margo, who feeds on the blood of kittens and lives only to destroy that which is right and joyous in the universe. The results should be interesting, even if the planet is destroyed in the process.
    I applaud the artists behind the decision to draw all the Gasoline Alley characters as if they’ve got hyperthyroidism. It won’t make the characters more compelling, but it will give the strip the same sense of morbid curiosity usually associated with fatal traffic accidents or medical textbooks.

  213. pastordan, snark late shift
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#209): Well, I want to know when anyone’s going to notice that it doesn’t make him look like Jim Gordon, it makes him look like Jim Croce.

  214. pastordan, snark late shift
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#7): Poor little parasite. Died of starvation. Tsk, tsk. He never stood a chance…

  215. Archivalist
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Uh-oh, looks like Clovia’s got that Linus-in-the-pumpkin-patch look again. Better start running, Slim.

  216. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170):

    Well, I’m beaten.

  217. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    That MT panel doesn’t bring to mind Lichtenstein as much as it does The Blues Image!

    Run, Sassy run, on legs of chocolate chips
    Don’t stop for any mutant wildlife in this strip
    Run, Sassy run, and please don’t make a “yip”
    On your way through a world where all the art is clipped

  218. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170): I forgot to congratulate Mr. Eliot on his role in inspiring you. Would have made the whole thing worthwhile, if only he’d known.

  219. pastordan, snark late shift
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Think of the Soroptimists! Why won’t anyone think of the Sor-

    Oh. I see several of you did, upthread. Never mind…

  220. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#200): There’s only one rhyme in the classic doggerel I started off abusing, “droll” and “hole” (yeah, there’s an image for your sleepless nights). Though it’s written as four lines, it might as well just be two long ones. No need to find rhymes for anything with three syllables.

  221. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#218): Thank you. I’ll pass your compliments on to Tom, next I see him. Say hi to Wallace Stevens for me.

    // BtW, Bob Browning was asking if he might borrow your slug-horn, if you’re not using it next weekend.

  222. Peanut Gallery
    September 15th, 2012 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G, panel 1 – It’s painfully obvious somebody was listening to the opening song from Oklahoma! when they wrote this. Tomorrow, Tommy talks about riding in the surrey with the fringe on top.

    “Mommmm! Lu Ann’s being happy for NO REASON!”

  223. Morgan Wick
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    “It’s a gorgeous day and I’m happy for no reason! Boy, this Botox works great!”

    What does it say that I think Tommie is kinda cute in the second panel with the short hair and wry giggly expression?

  224. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#213):

    Yikes. Following the breadcrumbs of this discussion got more and more depressing with each mouse click. And, I was going in reverse order trying to see what precipitated it. Sigh. When it rains it pours.

    It starts out like: Hey, Batman! And, then it is all like…yeesh!

  225. Baka Gaijin
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

  226. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#223):

    That you are willing to overlook Panel Two Tommie’s Lazy Eye.

    //ah. gee. It appears to me that I may have put my foot in my mouth, virtually of course. Now if you will excuse me, I’ll leave now.

    But, there’s just one more thing…

    /peter falk (a bad impersonation of his cadence but hey I’m typing with cross-eyes give me some credit for that!)

  227. Girl Reporter
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    I won an Optimist Club speech contest in high school. I can’t remember the topic, ‘though. Whither Toxic Waste? No, that was the Rotary Club speech contest.

  228. pastordan, snark late shift
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    …Ssssoooo you like Jim Croce?

  229. Morgan Wick
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Also, something tells me Margo just missed out on a night of hot, hot lesbian sex.

  230. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#228):

    Ooh Ooh!

    I’ll describe the one panel cartoon, a la Far Side!

    ahem!

    There is a couch, quit comfy and snug. It has one of them round table clothes draped over the back. The setting is a living room but we don’t see much of it in terms of furnishings. There is an end table with a dim lamp and a turntable on the other side of the couch.

    Sitting on the couch are two snakes. One snake has a Farrah Fawcett-like hairdo and horned-rimmed glasses on. The other has an afro and a big thick mustache.

    He’s the one who asked your question.

  231. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Morgan Wick (#229):

    When are you folks gonna come to your senses!

    Those three women’s entire living arrangement is the Optimist’s Club, at least by night!

  232. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#227):

    No offense meant.

    An award in high school is a great accomplishment.

    Later in life…enh. It is better if money is attached.

    Amirite!?

  233. bats :[
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    Who are these Leopard Guys? It really doesn’t matter, ’cause I LIKE ‘EM!

  234. Droopy Says
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#151): Nothing will help the Chicken Lady look good. Somewhere she has a tattoo that says “FDA Disapproved.”

  235. mollificent
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

  236. tallyHO
    September 15th, 2012 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#232):

    When Life Hands you Clown-9’s Sledgehammer, everything looks like Spiderman.

    I was kind of clumsy in writing “no offense meant”. I didn’t mean to diss the Optimist Club, especially after someone mention an association with it that she seems proud of. That’s also why I tried to state that any accomplishment in HS is a great one. I’ve was rewarded by one of those fraternal organizations, too.*

    But, of course accomplishments back then are great. In this dog-eat-dog world, there aren’t people out there trying to stop dog cannibalism. There are only people who are trying to build on the ambitions their earliest successes inspired.

    So, kudos to everyone for doing the best you can, for being the best you can be. Live long and, you know, yada yada. Motivate. Achieve. Go forth and somethin’ somethin’….

    I’m sorry.

    I have a confession. I seriously expected for Mary Worth’s Dawn Sammichson to just go off and join a nunnery. Like, the Royal Order of the Focaccia or something. And, I expected Wilbur to become Brother Wilbo and to go on quest.

    But, I’m just improvising as usual. So, I’m not being very serious at all.

    Though, I am serious about hoping that what I wrote earlier, and am replying to, wasn’t taken the wrong way.

    *and, no. it was not the Royal Order of the Salami. Though I did covet their Ham Hats with a fork sticking out of either side.

  237. poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#93): Sorry, I did not mean to sound like Frazz. *small shudder* It’s not at all necessary to ride a bike to eat RAGBRAI treats — the cycling just enables one to eat more of them without a blimping effect. As for the theoretical cookie-baking satanic lesbian cult in Algona, you’re on your own. Good luck!

  238. tallyHO
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#234):

    Droopy, I have a lot of faith that you will figure out the best possible tattoo pun to stamp on chicken lady. In the brief time since I saw your comment, I have exhausted all of the variables for “tramp stamp” I could think of (none). But, if anyone can figure out that wit, you can.

    btw, I am serious that those wiggly bumps freak me out. it ain’t right. A bear with male pattern baldness makes more sense than that chicken lady’s red, head wobblies.

    //BTW, the initiation routine for the Royal Order of the Salami was so brutal you couldn’t say how brutal it was with achieving higher octaves.

    bbbbbbrrrruuuUUUUTAAAAAal!

  239. Poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#101): Re the wedding, yep, I do. Sympathies. Re the Leopard Guys, HAR!

  240. Girl Reporter
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#236): None taken.

    PS: not so much pride in a lifetime-ago high school accomplishment (I don’t live in Westview OH). More like Optimist Club long buried in memory churns back to the surface.

  241. Poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    A3G — Greg wouldn’t even be the toast of Cowflop, Iowa, let alone NYC.

  242. Droopy Says
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#238): “Past Prime” might do it as the Chicken Lady’s tattoo. Now did she ride a 1965 Honda Whatsit as a chick, or are those grill marks on her thighs?

    ——————————–
    Spider-Bland: The thought of a spider swinging from a web as it falls on its prey, devours it, and swings off again, should strike terror into the heart of any–oh, damn, I’m looking at the Sunday Mark Trail.

    Creepy Les: At least the unsuspecting cyclist was spared the risk of injury. Can you imagine the damage if he’d struck Les’s ego at full speed?

    Sunday Mark Trail: This is what the Sunday strip was like fifty years ago. I would have loved it then. I would have shown it to my younger brothers, explained that fallout made the spiders grow as big as Mark Trail’s head, then the next day listen to them talk about their nightmares. Good times.

    Jugs Parker: And after finding that Bubba is the local godfather, Avery will still try to buy out Bea. Or will Sam buy out the entire county? Meanwhile, has it occured to Bea that as long as the crime lord controls the area, her business is screwed? Bubba can’t risk having strangers see his pot farm, so all her potential guests are going to be “discouraged.”

    Family Circus: Of course Thel isn’t worried about America’s future. Looking at the crowd of melonheads fills her with a despair that surpasses worry.

  243. Poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    MW — This is sooo great. Jim and Dawn are going to try to out-deep-insight each other, and from the look on Jim’s face in that last panel, he knows there can be only one Highminder.

  244. Poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    JP — Bubba, you purple-faced dimwit, if you want to avoid having guests at Bea’s establishment, you answer all email messages sent to Bea’s establishment and tell the would-be guests NOT TO COME. Tell them bedbugs, skunk rabies, failed sanitary inspections, whatever. Or, here’s a thought, you could just say WE’RE CLOSED. What you don’t do is ignore email messages and hope no one will show up. The first thing you should have done when you decided to take up illegal pot-farming was find a partner with an IQ higher than 80.

  245. Poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    MT — I really like spiders and am happy to see them featured. I do feel compelled to point out that a human war on insects is notably stupid, since most insects are directly or indirectly on our side, as it were. And those stupid insecticide ads that imply all insects are harmful should result in public scorn, not sales.

  246. Poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    LUANN — A human being because human beings are, surprise surprise, animals. Though in the case of LUANN characters, I suspect other members of the Kingdom Animalia would be happy to give them their own special kingdom of Stupidia.

  247. Poteet
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    My time of day is the dark time…
    A couple of deals before dawn
    When the street belongs to the cop
    And the janitor with the mop
    And the grocery clerks are all gone.

  248. Comcis Fan
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Jim finds the chatty brunette hospital volunteer charming until she uses her two hands to express understanding of his trauma in losing an arm.

  249. commodorejohn
    September 16th, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#246): Would it be possible to place them in an entirely different classification system? A kingdom just doesn’t seem far enough away.

  250. Droopy Says
    September 16th, 2012 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#249): A kingdom for the horse’s ass!

  251. Droopy Says
    September 16th, 2012 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#244): One of the many stupidities in this JP arc is that Bea must have confirmed Sam and Avery’s reservations while knowing that Bubba would not allow them to stay there. And what is the point in having Bubba save the fishing camp from foreclosure, when not allowing visitors will guarantee it goes bankrupt? (I’d suggest that Bubba use the camp as living quarterts for his guards. Bubba seems thick enough to use that suggestion.)

  252. Baka Gaijin
    September 16th, 2012 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    OK, I’m not a big comicbook expert. I admit it. I thought Spiderman’s schtick was spider-based powers, not pillow-based powers as exhibited in Sunday’s strip.

    Seriously, what was Spiderman thinking? The hammer hitting the floor was bad? I don’t understand. Maybe that’s why I’ll never be a superlamehero.

  253. Baka Gaijin
    September 16th, 2012 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    Pluggers found a use for their nagging harpies of wives.

  254. Mr. O'Malley
    September 16th, 2012 at 6:14 am [Reply]

    So according to Poteet, that one de-scented skunk represents a population of exterminated fisher cats? That’s just one of the many ecological problem associated with illegal pot farms. I can’t think where JP is going but advocating marijuana legalization seems unlikely for the comics pages.

    Why must animals pay the price for human stupidity?

    We grow catnip in our back yard and some of the local cats like to roll in it, but it hasn’t caused them to start exterminating the squirrels.

  255. Anonymous
    September 16th, 2012 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    LUANN: This is the kind of assignment you might receive in the second grade.

  256. Chaze
    September 16th, 2012 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#224):Yeah, bad call on my part.

  257. gleeb
    September 16th, 2012 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Sally: That’s right. Time jumps are for lazy bastards. It’s called effort.

    Val: Horrors of the Tea Trade! I think you have to admit, trying to grow the stuff in the north of England is better than invading India.

    Sam Driver, caffeinated: Looks like some lawyer we all know is going to have a place to go fishing for the rest of his life.

    Mary: Sorry, Jim, but your pain and suffering are nothing to spending 40 minutes waiting for a helicopter rather than get wet swimming toe 30 yards to shore.

    Non Sequitur: GIZMOES.

    Zig: There’s a reason he wears no pants. An unspeakable reason.

  258. Anonymous
    September 16th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#142): “Shoe – what what what what what. I mean, I can totally buy Apple suddenly deciding to remove the phone capability from the iPhone and release it as a spinoff ‘iPad Mini,’”

    Actually, they did that years ago and called it an “iPod touch”

  259. CanuckDownSouth
    September 16th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Curtis: shouldn’t parents be overjoyed that their adolescent boy is ogling women’s hats in church? There are far, far more embarrassing-to-the-family things he could have been caught rating.

    JP: The “lack of internet” lost email excuse doesn’t help the idiocy of the situation. If Bubba doesn’t want people around during harvest – well, put some excuse on the website and voice mail. (If he doesn’t want anybody period, he should buy her out.)

    MW: I would *love* it if Dawn had just screwed up and the guy loses interest because he’s sitting there maimed for life and she’s one-upping him with a one-day scare. But they’ll probably bond over their shared understanding of life’s brutality.

    I do like that finally a strip actually acknowledges that prostheses exist!

  260. Baka Gaijin
    September 16th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#258): And, to add to the absurdity, Skyler found it in the trash in 1977. Using late 70′s technology, an iPad mini would be the size of a stove. They didn’t have those fancy thin displays or powerful processors or graphics cards. They especially didn’t have batteries that lasted worth a toot. A boom box running 9 D-cells would last, what, 3 hours?

  261. Anonymous
    September 16th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#259): “Curtis: shouldn’t parents be overjoyed that their adolescent boy is ogling women’s hats in church? There are far, far more embarrassing-to-the-family things he could have been caught rating.”

    It’s a very conservative church and they’re worried this means he’s gay?

  262. John C Fremont
    September 16th, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#245): That reminds me of one of my favorite TV Funhouse bits.

  263. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    PV: growing tea in England. how SILLY of him!

    9CL: Solange, ruined by last panel.

    A&J: gentle win.

    Doons: some anvils are worth dropping.

    Bizarro: now THAT is a good pun!!!!

    FW: guest-starring Frazz and his girlfriend.

    MT: Jumping Spiders!!! yay!

    PMP: GOAT!!!

    SFx: free the bat!

  264. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    yeah, box wine is like that.

    Paws in the off-season.

    A movie that I’d go see.

    The Daily Puppy is a Lab mix.

    Happy Sundog!!!

    The power of corgi eyes compels you.

  265. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 16th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MW: Pleasepleasepleaseplease let Dawn try to compare her minor scare to Jim’s loss of an arm!

    “Jim, it was brutal! My father was too mayonnaise bloated to swim the 100 feet to shore, so we were trapped. The boat tipped, and my dad slipped, but then two other passengers grabbed him. And then we stood around and waited until a helicopter rescued us. And when that muscular, handsome Signor Resculini pressed me to his body, why, I felt something I’d never felt before—something disturbing and ooky in my tummy, and now I can’t forget that feeling. Just brutal!”

  266. TheDiva
    September 16th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: So Cranky is obsessive-compulsive in addition to all his other charming qualities.

    FW: Today’s joke will not be seen. In its place, please accept this random observation with smirk. Sorry for the inconvenience.

    Luann: Quit fooling yourselves. You’d all be stink bugs and you know it.

    MW: Mary’s young apprentice is progressing; she’s already learned how to turn every single conversation to herself. “That’s terrible about your arm, but have I told you how I lost my boyfriend and nearly drowned in a cruise ship accident?”

    Pluggers will roast to death as a result of their petty bickering.

    SM: Maybe if Spider-Man didn’t talk to himself so much, he could have thought up a better solution. (Who am I kidding, no he couldn’t.)

  267. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    AD – I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a mosquito or a moth, and the day-for-night shooting doesn’t quite work, but still, this is practically a science lesson. On the other hand…

    A candle? That’s just silly. Cavemen didn’t have high technology like that! What were they thinking?

    Dick – Now tell me the Wrist Wizard doesn’t start sending out an alarm signal if it’s taken off wrong.

  268. John C Fremont
    September 16th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    SFx – That’s a pretty badass looking turtle. “Put ‘em up, put ‘em up!” he’s clearly saying. Very Bert Lahr-esque.

    On second thought, he may be more of a Lollypop Guild sort of guy. A friend of Dorothy, either way. But a badass friend of Dorothy.

  269. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Herb – When I worked for the answering service, I remember a conversation where I took the information and thanked the caller, and he just kept on talking. I thanked him again, and he still felt like he had to go on. When I finally disconnected, I remember thinking to myself, “Doesn’t he know what ‘thank you’ means?”

    Luann – Remember, your essay must consist of at least one sentence fragment, and should reveal way, way too much about you. Especially you, Knut. Thank you.

  270. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Marfield – Report from the future. Turns out the kid had some kind of horrible gastric problem that eventually did him in at a young age. Sort of sad, really.

    Mary – “Lost your arm, eh? Let me tell you about this thing that happened to me!” Jim’s face speaks volumes. It’s all about Dawn.

  271. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#268): ” But a badass friend of Dorothy.”

    Seth from 9CL dreams of that description.

  272. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Nancy – Cool! She’s watching a Jack T. Chick tract!

    R=R – Theme song: It’s Raining Man Milk.

    Nutz – Hm. Poignant today.

    Family – Raphael: The School of Melons.

  273. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#251): It’s dumber than that. When Avery didn’t get a reply, he assumed their reservation was firm. Cuz he’s AVERY.

  274. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 16th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#208):

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#170):
    Oh what can ail thee, onion-ring,
    Fried up in crispy battering.

    A challenge, is it? So be it.

    Sir Gregor, or La Taco Bell Sans Cheese

    Oh what can ail thee, onion-ring,
    Fried up in crispy battering?
    The fries are salted and are hot,
    At Burger King.

    Oh what can ail thee, onion-ring,
    All greasy cold and woe-begone?
    The customers have all gone home,
    And the shift is done.

    I met a burger at McDees,
    A Big Mac, or so ’twas styled,
    Two all beef patties, special sauce,
    With lettuce it was piled.

    And so took I some ketchup sauce,
    To annoint my side of large french fries,
    And so I ate this princely feast,
    And eke apple pies.

    From thence I went to Pizza Hut,
    And there I ate, and ate some more,
    A Taco Bell Grande I devour’d,
    With just bites four.

    After a night of troubled dreams,
    I found myself just as you see.
    A giant onion ring, alas,
    I never wished to be!

    And this is why I sojourn here,
    Fried up in crispy battering,
    Though the fries are salted and hot,
    At Burger King.

  275. Anonymous
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MW – (Jim’s thoughts in final panel Sunday) “I’d chew off my OTHER arm to get away from her.”

  276. rumpled tulip
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Jim’s arm loss will seem like small potatoes once that flying arrow sinks itself into his skull. But from the look on his face, I’d say he welcomes his impending death. At least then he won’t have to hear about Dawn’s minor cruise inconvenience.

  277. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Prince – “Deeeeear…
    Kindly Princeling Valiant,
    Our freehold fief’s a mess!
    The only one with sense here
    ‘s a maiden in a dress!
    Our lord just drinks and gambles
    His steward pushes tea!
    BY our LA-dy,
    Now it’s up to me!
    Gee,
    Noble Prince Valiant
    We’re fighting, you see!
    No one will ever buy an herb
    That grows on a tree!
    We’re all in hot water,
    Our freehold’s not free!
    We’ve got to kidnap all of thee!
    (All of thee! All of thee! Be ye two or three,
    Ye must pinion’d be, so we’ll be free!”)

  278. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

  279. Chaze
    September 16th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    MW – That sandwich Jim was clutching all week has now disappeared. Dawn’s tray and carton of milk? Pffffft- gone! She now has a double decker sandwich while poor Jim has slices of mystery meat on a plate and a cube of gel on the side.

    Yeah, life may be brutal but lunch at the hospital is downright phantasmagoric.

  280. Baka Gaijin
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Should we be worried that we haven’t heard from Josh yet?

  281. Chaze
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#280): He must REALLY be celebrating the anniversary (wink wink, nudge nudge.)

  282. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#281): See here, are you implying something?

  283. Calico
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#264):
    Thank you very much for making me want a Corgi even more.
    (And I’m not even royalty, although one of my longtime friends is a cousin to the Winsors from a wayback portion of lineage, so does that count a bit, hmmmm Sweetie Darling?)
    : D

  284. Chaze
    September 16th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#110): @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#282): imply. Insinuate. Infer. Let’s just say he be busy.

  285. Matt McIrvin
    September 16th, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#260): This is what 200 megabytes of random-access storage looked like in the 1970s. The original iPod from 2001 had 25 times as much capacity. I think “stove” is an understatement.

  286. Dale
    September 17th, 2012 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    @Matt McIrvin (#285):

    Looks reasonable to me. Eleven platters, 20 usable sides. Where was the positioning info?

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