Archive: Gasoline Alley

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Crock, 9/27/23

It might seem incongruent to think of colonizers as sentimental, but many have a certain image of the colonized as a backwards but noble people over whom they must regretfully take a parental role. This rarely survives a collision with actual flesh-and-blood colonial subjects, who are in fact real people who when given the opportunity will quickly become just as addicted to screentime as you are.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/27/23

Damn, after breaking him down emotionally, Mud and Buzz are strong-arming Rene into signing his intellectual property over to them before turning himself in for a long prison sentence, with only a vague promise of an unspecified “cut” of any profits. Sounds like Mud Mountain is back to being a jerk again, which, ironically, makes his character interesting again, so I say, keep grifting the grifter, buddy!

Hi and Lois, 9/27/23

Big news, everyone! After nearly 70 years trapped in a timeless stasis, Trixie Flagston has finally grown just a little bit larger! Or maybe she finally crapped her pants for the first time, who’s to say, the temporo-biological aspects of legacy comics are mysterious and frankly distasteful.

Gasoline Alley, 9/27/23

Wait, what? After a little light mauling those government agents have just given up on reclaiming this human child from its ursine captor? The America I believe in doesn’t negotiate with terrorists — or, should I say, bearroris[a giant vaudeville hook drags me off stage]

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Hagar the Horrible, 9/26/23

That big sweatball coming off of Lucky Eddie in the first panel tells the whole story here. “Ha ha, I’m a guy who’s crazy about beautiful women! Human women! Women with legs, not scaly fish tails! Not sure why you would think otherwise! Not sure why I even brought it up! Ha ha!”

Gasoline Alley, 9/26/23

Oh no, this child is already communicating like an animal! He’ll soon be lost to the human species altogether! Sure, he’s barking like a dog, not growling like a bear, and also the bear speaks English anyway, but the point is that we need to send Delta Force into this national forest immediately to extract this child and return him to normal H. sapiens society.

Beetle Bailey, 9/26/23

I was about to get mad that Beetle Bailey went to the trouble of putting a real QR code in this strip but then cut off enough of it at the top that you can’t actually see what it points to, but then I realized it probably points to some extremely bad naked Miss Buxley art so, you know what, I’m good.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/26/23

“I dunno man, I just thought it would end this conversation faster? I hoped it would, I guess I should say.”

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Gasoline Alley, 9/25/23

Oh, man, were you wondering what happened in the story of the lost little boy who was about to be taken away from his talking bear friend by the authorities? Well, what happened is that talking bear attacked the authorities, who dropped the child and fled in terror, as most people would when faced by an aggressive bear. Anyway, it’s true that troubles are just starting, both for the bear (revelation that talking bears are seizing human children will end in the state intervening with maximum force) and the rest of us (Human-Bear Wars will last most of the 21st century, leave the earth a depopulated wasteland).

Mary Worth, 9/25/23

It seems that Keith Hillend, while always unfailingly polite with the woman who descended upon him and started badgering him with irrelevant information while he was trying to move in to his new apartment, simply did not want to linger and chit-chat with her. Unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE. She’s going to show up at his door and FORCE this tray of steaming hot tan glop onto him. Then he’ll have to make polite conversation with her, if he wants the antidote.

Gil Thorp, 9/25/23

Yes, the Milford athletic department is facing big budget cuts. But Gil always loved Emeril Lagasse, and frankly you’d be surprised how cheap it is these days to hire him to stand on the sidelines of your high school football game and yell his catchphrase when you score.