Archive: Gasoline Alley

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/19/17

Hey, remember Buck? No, not the sexy, homeless archaeology grad student who was camping out on the Morgans’ property so he could investigate some ancient war crime; no, I mean Rex’s old pal whose wife tried to murder him with a nail gun and then later it turned out said wife was Rex’s ex-girlfriend from high school and it seems I didn’t cover the end of this storyline so I’m not sure how it all worked out? I think Buck broke up with his wife, though! But based on his set role as the strip’s sad sack, I’m going to assume that he’s gotten himself deep into some depressing ponzi scheme and he’s trying to pull Rex in as well. Haha, look at Rex’s eye’s glazing over and soon as Buck starts his pitch!

Spider-Man, 1/19/17

Welp, Rocket’s only been on our planet for a few hours, but he’s already well acclimated to the Spidey Way Of Heroism, i.e., doing a half-assed job for a little bit and then dozing off. It’s also worth noting that Rocket was originally wearing an adorable little outfit and now he’s … stark naked? I guess a naked raccoon shouldn’t be disturbing but when you’re established as wearing clothes even if you’re a species that doesn’t normally wear clothes, once you take off your clothes you’re naked, that’s the rule. The fact that Peter and MJ are fully dressed isn’t helping.

Gasoline Alley, 1/19/17

Meanwhile, Gertie continues to test the waters to figure out when Walt will finally be senile enough that he’ll voluntarily drink Drāno.

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Marvin, 12/15/16

Finally, Marvin has come up with a running joke that I like even less than the running jokes about Marvin or other characters pissing or shitting: The running joke where Marvin’s dad is all like “haha, wives, amiright fellas?” I think the key to understanding today’s strip, in which Marvin’s dad quips dead-eyed about the power relationships in his marital and professional lives and his resentments appertaining thereto, is the phone his equally stone-faced co-worker is handing him. Notice that it’s a classic phone handset, not a cell phone, and yet there’s no cord attaching it to anything. My guess is that it’s a prop phone, and that these two aren’t in an office at all, but rather on stage at the premiere show for their terrible two-man sketch group, Extremely Hack Misogyny.

Gasoline Alley, 12/15/16

I wasn’t sure exactly where we’d be going with the tale of Chipper the aging physician’s assistant. This is a strip that spent literally eight weeks talking about fucking scrapbooking, so I have to admit that I’m pleasantly surprised that the direction chosen is apparently “Chipper begins his descent into madness.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/15/16

“What I’m trying to say is, if Sarah dies, do you want Linda to be your daughter? I mean, they look a lot alike, and this way you’d get to skip puberty.”

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Gasoline Alley, 12/6/16

As is my wont with Gasoline Alley, I have no desire to bring you up to speed on the current storyline about beardy PA Chipper Wallet, and fortunately have no need to either, since nothing happening in today’s strip had any kind of earlier setup. I’m guessing that the strip was tied by some mysterious web of obligation to mention Reg Carter of the PA History Society — like perhaps the PAHS deposited a tidy sum into a certain Swiss bank account controlled by an intermediary shell corporation owned by Gasoline Alley intellectual property holder Tribune Media, or maybe Mr. Carter lost a bet. Anyway, obviously what this transaction needs to make it interesting is a little sex appeal, and what better way to deliver that than to have Chipper’s redheaded assistant practically throwing herself at him? Look at her fluttering her eyelids in panel one. That’s the stuff that gets red-blooded comics readers hot under the collar, I tell you what. The PA History Society’s really getting its money’s worth.

Mark Trail, 12/6/16

If there’s something funnier in the history of comics than Mark’s pose in panel two here, I can’t imagine what it might be! Since he’s talking, I’m pretty sure he’s not actually running yet, just posing extremely dynamically to impress upon Abbey how very fast they’re going to have to run in order to not suffer an awful death by lava.

Pluggers, 12/6/16

“Nothing gets a dog hornier for a chicken than the smell of fruit pastry” –a nationally syndicated comic panel, apparently