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That is some super-awkward massage posture, Evan

Apartment 3-G, 9/29/12

Oh, man, it looks like Apartment 3-G is just going to keep on getting sexier, only by sexy we unfortunately mean “’70s French sex farce where people keep barging in on each other and otherwise having comical misunderstandings sexy” rather than “actually sexy.” Didn’t Margo have a receptionist at some point earlier in this storyline? She doesnt seem to be doing a particularly good job. Greg, meanwhile, is showing that, you know, MFF, MMF, whatever, if it’s a threesome he wants in.

Blondie, 9/29/12

Haha, Blondie wants no part of growing old with Dagwood! The only question now is what route she’s taking out of this marriage: divorce, murder, or murder-suicide.

208 responses to “That is some super-awkward massage posture, Evan”

  1. KreatureFeatures
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Ziggy checks in with a pet rock joke, 40 years late.

  2. Captain Tact
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Who can blame Blondie for wanting out early? She’d be stepping on her nipples every time she turned around at that age!

  3. Little Blue Bicycle
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    A3G: Cue Ryan Styles and Colin Mochrie ad libbing porn music.

  4. McManx
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke — You’re gonna regret that you discouraged Marm’s vampire fantasy in the seconds that your brain continues to function as your severed head slips slowly down his gullet.

    Rex Morgan — After lunch? You are waiting til after lunch to take advantage of a wife-initiated-sexual-entanglement-with-built-in-alibi? Dumb ass. Double-dumb ass.

    Judge Parker — Boobs and bacon. THE breakfast of champions.

  5. Purple Prosecutor
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    I’m not sure if Blondie is picturing an elderly Dagwood, or if she’s fantasizing about retiring to a new life in Hootin’ Holler. It would be a nice break for her; everyone is still ravenously hungry, but they don’t actually expect to get real food with any regularity.

  6. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Zippy: Of course, we know Kierkegaard is Mary Worth’s favorite philosopher – she of the “living life forward, understanding it backwards” quote, but now, in “Soarin’ with Søren” we learn that even a pinhead (and are we not all pinheads?) must approach the Diner of Life with Fear and Trembling, and must somehow make that existential choice, for surely the menu is unprovable, but the food is certain.

    // Go with the meatloaf, Zippy. Take the leap. (You can’t go wrong with diner meatloaf.)

    // Of course, some prefer the tuna melt. Oh where, where is pastordan in this, the hour of our need?

  7. Ray Sharky
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    GT: Uh-oh! Look’s like “Steve” will be this season’s “Coach Thorp is a slack-ass slacker because he doesn’t cover himself is sackcloth and ashes and crawl through the halls of Milford High tearing his hair and beating his breast after every loss, therefore I should be coach!” guy. Their story arcs eerily mimic the fortunes of the Mudlarks themselves. They start strong, pick up a few fans, build up some steam, make some progress, only to have it all suddenly fall apart during the playdowns. Then it’s time for basketball. Wash rinse repeat.

    Phantom: The lioness’s behavior could be explained by rabies. Or ennui. Maybe “the circle of life” is starting to look a bit too much like “the treadmill of same-old-shit” to her.

  8. Elk Meadow
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    DT: SQUEE!!! And it’s a full moon going on outside, right now! Hurray Maid! (I love this strip!)

  9. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Gil: “They’re a young unit, Steve.” How true. What would Søren Kierkegaard do?

  10. Horace Broon
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    GT: “Steve, tearing up the offensive line for being useless isn’t going to achieve anything. You just have to accept that they’re no good and we’re not going to win. I’ve been coaching this team for a long time, and I can tell you that the only way you can do it is by not giving a shit.”

    H&L: Jokes? In this strip?

    MW: Hate to tell you this, Mary, but Edith Piaf, you ain’t.

    S4th: Look at it this way, Jackie. You and the person you’re living off are going to want to kill each other. Your relationship with your mother is already toxic, why not try to save the one you have with Sally?

  11. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Luann _ I don’t know about Tiffany, but Evans’ slip sure is showing. Yes, Greggums, the High School Cheerleader was fine with looking sexy for the guy she liked, but didn’t want you drooling all over her. That was half a century ago. Time to get over it. If it helps, look her and her football hero up on Facebook and see how that all worked out.

  12. teenchy
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Blondie appears to be dreaming of retirement with the late Shelby Foote.

  13. pugfuggly
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    A3G OoooOOoooOOo! Scandal! Wait, is either one of these clowns her actual boyfriend, or just two guys she knows through work? Ah, I’m too bored to check….

    Blondie Ha ha, Blondie is already considering leaving Dagwood and growing old with Col Sanders instead!

  14. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: Wouldn’t one breathe OUT in order to decrease body volume?

    // What would Søren Kierkegaard do?

  15. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#12): Oh, come. Who amongst us has not? Eh?

  16. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    MW: My god, will nothing keep this girl out of a funk. Today she is whining about whining about something else yesterday. How long can she maintain this chain reaction?

  17. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Haven’t Blondie and Dagwood been married since 1933? So next year would be their 80th Anniversary?

  18. John C Fremont
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#y39): For some reason, your RMMD comment has me thinking of the Jack Ziegler cartoon where a plumber is walking out of a flooded basement with a far away look in his eyes, while his thought balloon says, “I shall become a plumber of men’s souls.” But then, I haven’t had my third cup of coffee yet.

    MW – What?! It’s still white?!

    RMMD – “Come and knock on our door…”

    Gil – I know Norm Feuti’s Gil (i.e., the good Gil) doesn’t get mentioned a lot, but one of my mother’s classic lines was “Look! Look where I’m pointing!” I am currently tripping down Memory Lane. I feel like Zippy contemplating the diner menu.

    Mmm. Meatloaf.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#14): According to Pernell Roberts, the question is, “What would Kingsfield do?” But then, I’m still tripping down Memory Lane. French dip, Everett?

  19. Ursula
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Ray Sharky (#7): So if the bad guys are supposed to be those natural resource exploiters…is the idea that they have infected the lioness with rabies or ennui in order to distract both the Phantom and us, while they happily rob the land blind? So confused…

  20. Mibbitmaker
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: Narration absolutely needed to let us know that he’s rubbing her neck massage-style (that panel, it isn’t even her neck!). Also that the other guy enters. Damn, can that Frank Bolle draw anything anymore?!

    Blondie: I wouldn’t worry, Blondie. You’ve pretty much been boppin’ around the funnies with Dogwood*, there, since the great depression. You’re not going to ever really “age” in, like, forever. Now there’s something to worry about!

    *”That’s Durwood! — I mean, Darrin! I – I mean, freakin’ DAGWOOD!!!” @Mibbitmaker (#20):

  21. pugfuggly
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Luann Oh man, really? Really??! You know, it takes a really special kind of sexism to be degrading to both genders, but Evans sure manages to capture it.

    Remember girls: dressing immodestly is a ‘green light’ for boys of all shapes and sizes, so anything that happens to you after you put that tube top on in the morning is squarely your own fault.

    And boys? If a girl dresses in a way you consider to be ‘sexy’, it’s probably because she’s up for some NSA boning. So make sure to be the first ‘responder’ on the scene, otherwise that other alpha male might stick his flag in that first.

  22. Hank
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    LUANN: So, basically, the entire point of this sequence-repeated over and over-is ‘b*tches ask for it’? Man, where’s Gloria Allred the one time we really need her?

  23. Mibbitmaker
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Nevermind the meta-link above, it doesn’t know what it’s doing…

    I didn’t need a correction, my abortive correction needs a correction!

  24. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#18): Living in Alabama, I do sometimes miss my traveling days, when I spent a lot of time in the NYC greater met. area. Diners are the soul of northern New Jersey. Not a great soul, perhaps, but quite reasonably priced and tasty.

    // BBQ joints are the soul of Alabama.

  25. bbofun
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    ASM- Aaaaaand the ONLY reason Spider-Man set up the whole “circus” trap is shown- NOT to set up a trap for Clown-9, but to get photos. Of course, every other photographer in the city knew about this showdown, too, so they were all taking photos, as well- and were actually able to follow the action, zoom in, etc.- but let’s forget about that. PLEASE, God, let us forget about that- because then- TOMORROW WILL BE THE LAST DAY OF THE CLOWN-9 STORY! (And there was much rejoicing) (Yay.)

    JP- “It’s none of my business- well, except as an officer of the court, it technically IS, but it’s not like I’m going to let THAT get in the way of my free vacation.”

    MW- “You’re right, Mary. God, I regret how much time I spent regretting the time I spent feeling sorry for myself.”
    OR
    “You’re right, Mary- I’ll never regret anything again! Those people I pushed off the boat to get to the rescue chopper- I’ll just learn from that mistake!”

    RMMD- “Come and knock on our door- we’ll be waiting for you- where the kisses are hers and hers and his…” Yes, Rex and June are now taking on the role of the Ropers. Good fit, actually…

    FW- Gee, for a week which was about Les and Cayla’s daughters moving away to college, Cayla’s daughter got remarkably little screen-time- I think today is her second appearance all week- if that. Did she even have a line? (Not surprised at that, understand- just noticing.)

    DT- Shout out alert- Wildwood Cemetery was homebase for Will Eisner’s THE SPIRIT. Plus- Hubba-hubba!

  26. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Ursula (#19): So confused…

    That is refreshing. When was the last time Spider Man or Mark Trail had a story that built any kind of narrative tension?

  27. Rusty
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Hank (#22): Gloria Allred is only available for the aftermath press conference.

  28. btown
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    JP: Bea: “Where’s Avery? I’ve got a big, fresh glass of milk for each of you. I thought he might want to watch me pour it”

  29. TheDiva
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Huh, and I thought Apartment 3-G’s first threesome would be girl-girl-guy…

    Blondie: ….Haven’t these two been around for sixty years or so already?

  30. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Blondie’s just thinking about that nice portrait she’s got stashed in the attic and wondering how much more it’s deteriorated since the last time she sneaked a peek at it.

  31. Illustrator Steve
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MT – Cherry is either pulling Andy’s carotid artery out of his neck or he has been wearing his old dog collar so long it’s become fused into his hairy covered hide*.
    (*THAT could be the name for a new clip-art caracter added to this strip…”Mister HARRY COVEREDHIDE of the T. Rading Company”, as in…”Mark promised Rusty they would go fishing but abruptly abandoned him on the dock to instead go visit his old friend, Harry Coveredhide, in a nearby city somewhere in the southern part of the state.”)

  32. Powers
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Not only that, but they actually celebrated their 75th anniversary in the strip a few years ago.

  33. bats :[
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MMM: Masseuse – Margo – Metrosexual.
    mmmmm….

  34. Zerowolf
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Considering they’ve been married for 79 years….

  35. TheDiva
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    9CL: This is actually why you have dress fittings–so the gown fits comfortably and isn’t (among other things) so restrictively tight that you pass out halfway down the aisle. You’d think someone who spends so much time lovingly drawing female fashion would know a little bit more about it.

    C’shaft: Waaaah waah waaaaah….

    FW: Concealing one’s emotions is always essential in a relationship.

    Luann: An SCA acquaintance of mine who favored Renaissance garb had this to say on the subject: when a woman is showing off a lot of cleavage, it’s perfectly okay to look. She wouldn’t be dressed like that if she wasn’t proud of her assets and wanted them to be admired. However, it is not acceptable to stare into her decolletage as if her body ended at the neck; she still wants to be talked to, and treated like, a human being. That Evans equates Tiffany’s clothes with a sign that says “Hey boys, free lunch!” says more about him than it does about her, and none of it is flattering.

    MW: “And remember, all’s well that ends with you paired up with a nice young man!”

  36. Illustrator Steve
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MT – “Get yourself out here, kid…you can help us move this old log by holding these guns and rifles for us! …Say, is it just me or do you guys a woman’s voice shouting, “RELEASE THE HOUNDS!”, ?”

  37. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Frazz: add a tree-line, and you’ve got the mint-farm area north of Lansing.

    9CL: Edda’s an ass-girl, as well as an ass.

    CdS: and then the zombies came, and the Otterloops were no more.

    NAoQV: FRING!

    R&R: *giggles*

    SBp: I suppose they could have dried out the beanstalk for fuel. Or am I overthinking this?

    Zits: it’s been done.

    DT: ye godz, she’s got Mjolnir.

    JP: those are Deas.

    SFx: reminds me of a certain Kevin Smith film, and not in a good way.

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . . FTD4STD.

  39. Inkwell
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Here’s a cute domestic scene! A single dad watches some sort of deranged cowboy/horse romance with his 6 children. Here’s where it gets sexy…

  40. Mibbitmaker
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#31): If I know this strip, Elrod would just call him something like Mike Jones or Chuck Johnson.

    FW: No, Cayla’s crying — because Cayla’s RUINING HER LIFE!

    Garfield: Keeps snapping and falling over, though.

    MT: I can’t wait to see Andy punch the evildoers with his Paw o’ Justice!

    6C: A mess? …With birds?!

    Stone Soup: I hate the ’80s (TV notwithstanding), but in favor of the two preceding decades more.

    FC: “…and he writes dialogue for Woodstock, too.”

  41. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MW: “No, Dawn, regret nothing! For example, I don’t regret my role in Aldo’s death at all! And I’ve learned that the next time some lecherous grayster starts stalking me, an intimidating and humiliating ‘intervention’ will get him out of my hair and over a cliff tout de suite!”

    MT: At last, Andy takes his rightful place as the true agent of justice and glory—my dreams have been realized!

  42. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Hey, how long have Dagwood and Blondie actually been married? It’s been a while, right? =-)

  43. Esther Blodgett
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Aw, jeez, I haven’t even read the comics this morning! I’ll be back…

  44. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    epic floofy family. *dies of teh kewt*

    Poteet’s wild weekend equipment has arrived.

    the internets have been flooded with commentary about the new Apple maps ap. I finally found one that was funny.

    for Honey Badger.

    knitted squid, ponified. my mind is officially blown.

    seal pup. *melts*

    FENNECS!!

    corgsqu *brainmush*

    another corgsqui.

    bourbon babe may be correct. Saturdays are good for squee.

  45. Baka Gaijin
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Pfizer should start selling today’s “Mary Worth” as the world’s most powerful emetic. I know I’m feeling barfing.

  46. Hart of Johnny
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I’d still hit it.

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Arlo – I enjoy reading and figuring out this strip. Or as I call it, ‘working out on the elliptical.’

    Crankshaft – The TV’s in Spanish again! And all the girls look sort of hot and slutty! And there’s this strange ambience to everything! And there are ads for programs that help you speak English! Hey, whoever said they’d just switched it to Univision must have been right.

  48. Sparkle Plenty
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    MT: Great arc. Andy and Sassy. And Cherry on horseback.

    And no Mark. (Where is Mark? Why is it taking him so long to get home from wherever he is?)

  49. debussy fields
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    FC– Those ones can pass as L’s too. Teach him how to make an H and an E and he’ll be able to tell you in writing where he wants you to go.

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Blondie – And then Blondie wakes up from her dream about being part of a younger couple who’s been married 75 years or more, and we see that she’s been imagining all this in a nursing home for the last few decades.

    Dick“Mysta Tracy”? I thought she was Myssus Tracy! [*]

  51. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Gasoline – Looks like Slim got his toy car. Didn’t see that coming.

    Herb“Sometimes you need to grab onto a handrail for support. Jamaal is my handrail.”
    T.
    M.
    I.

    Mark – “GET THEM, ANDY! NO! NOT RUSTY, ANDY!!

  52. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Family – “PJ knows his numbers! But only th’ Roman numberals.”

    @Droopy Says (#34): I recall him dropping out of college in the 70s, but not much that happened then is still canon now, unless it’s an alternate Thursday. None of my old knowledge about comics (and I was at my best in ’75-6, when I was running a comic book store) counts for sour owl jowls these days.

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#25): TOMORROW WILL BE THE LAST DAY OF THE CLOWN-9 STORY!
    Actually, Karen Moy will be taking over the writing, so the next few weeks will be spent with Pete and MJ sitting at a table somewhere agreeing with one another that this was a good thing, and he did good, and it’s good to be good. Sorry. For us all.

    Dawn’s mistake with the helicopter is a bit like Jim’s, except that when help arrived at the ferry, they asked who wanted to go on the chopper, and he raised his hand.

    @Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-) (#30): I tried to comment at your blog, but it’s one of about seven blog platforms that pretends it’s accepting my comment and returns to the blank status quo. If it’s any consolation, I had nothing profound to say.

  54. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#37): CdS: and then the zombies came, and the Otterloops were no more.
    You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you? If I was to say “that’s what’s happening in real life!” I’d only be pointing out what you just said. (I have to check.)

    @Mibbitmaker (#40): Dialog for Woodstock, eh?

  55. Esther Blodgett
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#44): You blew Precocious Daughter’s mind with the ponified squid, too. She’s a major Pegasister. Which apparently is a thing.

  56. debussy fields
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    MW– “No, Dawn. Regret nothing…” Bullshit, Mary. Later, when you’re suffering through a horrific bout of diarrhea brought on by eating those wedges of solid lard, you’ll be doing plenty of regretting. “Ohhhhhh, why did I have to have that fourth piece?”

  57. Esther Blodgett
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    BC: A flea is not a tick. See, you could have said “a parasite with an agenda,” and it would have worked. Annnnd I’m editing the jokes in B.C. I’ve hit bottom.

    DtM: Does Sriracha Sauce count as menacing? Discuss.

    JP: “It’s none of my business, Bea, but how DO your breasts defy gravity like that?”

    Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if a tiny fraction of society does something stupid and you characterize it as “the norm,” shaking your shaggy head over the decline of civilization as a whole.

  58. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#56): Umm! Cold lard pie!

  59. Poteet
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#55): ayup.

    male Pony fan = brony.
    female Pony fan = pegasister.

    (I’m not a brony, I just like watching the fandom!)

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

  62. Poteet
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    MT — The willingness, nay, eagerness with which Andy’s allegedly-loving owners send him out to face gunfire, time after time, is one of the more fascinating aspects of MT.

  63. Christian
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    You can tell something scandalous is going on in A3G, because Evan has removed his electric-blue suit jacket. It’s a good thing Greg arrived before Evan loosened his tie or unbuttoned his collar, because … wait, Greg has two buttons undone! He’s been listening at the door for a while, I gather. I’ve never been gladder for a frame that only shows the characters from the waist up.

  64. Poteet
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

  65. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#64): *bows*

    :-)

  66. Droopy Says
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#52): I know almost nothing about modern comic strip canon. I’m not even sure of you can apply the idea of canon to fishwrapper Spiderman–what happened to that sprained ankle he got from stopping that elephant? Today he seems as spry as a Plugger on a Geritol overdose.

  67. Poteet
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#56): I feel sick just looking at that pie. It looks like a lard crust with a filling of melted-and-then-congealed Ivory soap.

  68. SurrealKangaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Blondie could always get more plastic surgery to avoid getting old with Dagwood (and to avoid tripping over her own boobs).

  69. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    FC – PJ is already working in binary code. Based on how strung out he looked two weeks ago while “doing some thumb” I guess we can assume he’s blowing away the other melonheads in cool factor.

    JP – That’s a heluva grease guard Bea’s got going there. No splatter is getting over those things.

    A3G – Greg walks away from a possible threeway with LuAnn and Tommie into a possible threeway with Evan and Margo. With sexual ambiguity factored in, I’m not exactly sure how the M’s and the F’s fall into place.

  70. Poteet
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    A3G — When you’re getting a good neckrub, the normal reaction is not to move the hands of the neck-rubber and then deliver a short speech of gratitude accompanied by a ballet lift of the hand. My new theory is that the characters of A3G are actually mannequins, a la TWILIGHT ZONE, and while they are able to deal with bathroom scrubbing and light conversation, figuring out how to do the physical-contact thing is a real challenge for them.

  71. Ian Beste
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    9cl: I believe the word McEldowney is looking for here is “precessing.” You process credit card receipts, you precess up the aisle in church. As a former alter boy, I’ve precessed a few times myself, though admittedly not in wedding dress. Anyway, my point is, Brook, get a dictionary.

  72. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    MT – Andy captured the nasty pot farmers and now appears ready to nab the poachers. Why is this strip called Mark Trail, again?

  73. Calico
    September 29th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    MW – “I regret my own regret, and now I’m back at square one! Life is so meta-and so brutal!”

    One type of pie Mary never makes is the humble kind.

  74. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MW – Dawn appears to have a photo of The Watchmen on her end table.

    MW2 – Mary seems to able to make her head two dimensional, which I think might be quite alarming in person.

    MW3 – Mary has somehow convinced Dawn that eating slabs of cream cheese is the same as eating pie?

    MW4 – Where’s that cute chub named Wilbur Weston?

  75. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Honey: Just knock. I’ll be in the shower. Waiting.
    Rex: Cool beans.

  76. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Marcus Tralius: For a second it seemed like the Lost City of Lost Forest was clearly seen in the background. But, the art is just crappy. Lookit that dog jump!

    Snuffalufagus Smif: That makes no sense. And, the joke aint’ funny.
    //waitasec….snuffalufagus? Galapagos? I’ve found a missing link. Now I can put this chain of trivia back together! Huzzzah!

    Hi&Lois—cocktail party? Is that Thirsty or is it the doppleganger? What is going on!?! And, why did Hi voluntarily say, “Let me see.”? She said she mustv’e gained weight. Who in their right might “goes there”? Why not gently coax* her into choosing another, equally slimming dress? Don’t let her suffer at a party!

    *coax…that’s gonna be my word for the day.

    Mary Worth–how can Mary say that, with a straight face, while eating that pie?
    Here’s the missing thing in this strip sequence: no one can eat pie without commenting on how good it is. No one.

    If Mary made it, Dawn must comment on the tastiness of the pie. No, ifs and nor but; make no bones about it; if Bone pie is what they are eating, it’s gotta be noted as being good…even if that statement would be a lie!

    Now, if Jim and Dawn make bone pie together…she may not need to lie. Jim seems better adjusted than the rest of the characters in this strip. Huzzah!
    (may we never see him again!)

  77. Will
    September 29th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    S4th: For the record, the sun isn’t massive enough to go supernova.

  78. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    MT – The background appears to be that vague urban skyline swipe that Elrod uses once in awhile. To hide that fact, he’s drawn lines through the buildings, creating trees off in the distance the size of skyscrapers. Nicely done, Jack!

  79. sporknpork
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Evan is using the “kitty claws the scratching post” method of massage.

  80. HAnzMFG
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Well now, who is this “Evan” guy? I seem to remember a guy named Evan earlier who was “shy” young man with a affinity for yellow suits (and matching ties!) and was scared shitless of Margo.

  81. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    MW “Learn from everything!”

    Yes, Dawn, at the end of your afternoon shift volunteering at the hospital, break into the pharmacy and learn about mainlining hospital-grade cocaine. You won’t regret the raw sensation of being so alive! Then steal your father’s 45 and knock over a liquor store. You won’t regret the excitement and learning what a pocket full of twenties can buy on the street! Then highjack a city bus and drive it through a crowded schoolyard. You won’t regret the thrill of seeing the sheer terror in the eyes of little children and their teachers!

  82. HAnzMFG
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Well fry my chicken with eleven herbs and spices! Looks like future Dagwood is going to be inspired to pick up the Col. Sanders legacy. If that’s not inspiration for Dagwood, I dunno what is, BB!

  83. There have always been Snarkadders at Curmudgeon Farm
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#80): Well now, who is this “Evan” guy? I seem to remember a guy named Evan earlier who was “shy” young man with a affinity for yellow suits (and matching ties!) and was scared shitless of Margo.

    That was before Aunt Cathy encouraged Evan to explore his “dark side” – which Evan interpreted to mean donning a navy suit and feeling up his boss.

  84. HAnzMFG
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Edda mentions that there’s an oxygen tank “with wheels for processing up and down the aisle.” And then I think, “wait, aisle? Where the hell are they anyways? A grocery store? But why would you need such a thing in a grocery store… are they in a retirement home? But there’s no aisles. Wait, is she running on greenish haze?” Which is when I realized that the whole premise of this comic strip is taking place in a trippy erotic fever dream landscape with constant changing colors. And then I realized that I’m overthinking a comic strip which is basically a daily pin-up with occasional appearances from Nebbish Guy and Giant Gay Guy.

  85. billman
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#84):

    The aisle is the church aisle, which they are not yet in but that is Edda’s wedding dress. The “processing” it looks like McE has actually messed up this time and it should be precessing: the act or fact of preceding; precedence (dictionary.com). Although he may be thinking of a “procession” like a parade, that’s not the word used when talking about a bride walking down the aisle.

  86. laila
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh, for the love of–

    Believe it or not, Greg, Tiffany is actually allowed to make a distinction between Leslie Knox, Rapist-in-Training, staring at her boobs like she just invented the things and a guy she actually finds attractive doing the same thing. A woman is not actually a thing, she’s a human being with wants and desires of her own and yes she is absolutely allowed to decide that a creeper coming onto her (and refusing to back off) is not okay but a guy she actually likes doing the same thing is.

    I can’t say I’m exactly wild about the idea that it’s unacceptable for Les to creep on the ‘pure, good’ Rosa but ‘bad, sullied’ Tiffany is somehow supposed to be not only fair game but bringing it on herself, either. Because, uh… because Tiffany’s evil? Are we going with that again? Apparently we are.

  87. HAnzMFG
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#85): Oh right. The marriage. I wonder if the church is going to look as vague and dream-like as this… scene here.

  88. MySpoonIsTooBig
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Sooo because you wouldn’t mind some attention from one guy, you should say “yes” to every other guy? Oh wow, that doesn’t bring back a horribly unpleasant memory at all.

    Fuck you Evans. Just please fuck off and shut your big dumb misogynist mouth.

  89. HAnzMFG
    September 29th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#85): Wait, so Brooke fucked up his own wordsmithing now? How can he possibly live with himself now?

  90. billman
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @billman (#85):

    Actually, as usual, “processing up the aisle” is probably a perfectly cromulent construction, just one that no person would ever use in conversation, only in writing.

  91. zenvelo
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Blondie’s nightmare is growing to look like Sally Struthers.

  92. Calico
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#12):
    Wow, I haven’t heard that name in ages. Wasn’t he the great Civil War historian?

  93. Calico
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#20):
    His drawing may a little weak, but I’m enjoying how this is quickly turning into Gazon maudit, part 2.

  94. Calico
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#20):
    Let’s also use some sound effects from Crumb’s “Cathy” parody:
    Rub
    Rolf

  95. Calico
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#47):
    What, no Telemundo? (Insert a Tia Carmen “Dios Mio!” joke here)

  96. Liam
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Greg, this isn’t what it looks like. Evan was stroking my pussy and not giving me a neck massage.

    MW-This message has been brought to you by the Church of Latter-Day Saints.

    JP-”The name of the game little lady is blackmail. We have incriminating information about you. Your friends have something that we want. If you don’t help us get what we want we shall release the information about you.”

    MT-Andy dog, I chose you. Andy dog, use your ‘rip their throats out’ attack.

    RMMD-”What? You think I’m some sort of medical doctor. I spent years in plumber graduate school to get my doctorate in plumbing.”

  97. Baka Gaijin
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#77): Way to go, Sheldon. Spoil a joke with facts.

  98. HAnzMFG
    September 29th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    It’s days like today’s Marmaduke where I wonder if they’re making the comics this way just to feed Josh’s narratives.

  99. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @HAnzMFG (#98):

    That is just disturbing.

  100. Wack'd
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Re: Blondie — Fifty? That’s nothing. Try seventy-five! Oh, wait…

  101. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#99): I feel like Baka Gaijin at a clown convention.

  102. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#67):

    Dawn:

    “So this is actually Ivory Soap Pie? Was it something I said? Why are you punishing me, Mary?”

    Mary:

    “Oh, alright. I’ll confess. I ran out of catfood. Originally you were going to eat catfood pie. There. Are you happy?”

    // oooh noes! i just grossed myself out. Maybe Mary has a Maalox Pie or a Pepto Bismo Pastry… ugh…I really should look into this nausea.

  103. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101):

    I’m thinking of making it my desktop picture…just to remind myself of how fleeting life really is.

    Putting aside the volumes of slobber that dog is generating…just forget about that.
    Putting aside the stunned look of the boy who can’t say a word at the sight…forget about him.
    That little girl probably just uttered her last words. (which is doubly surprising because her popcorn has to be some form of soupified, saliva-filled mess by now. I’m surprised she can say anything.)

  104. Baka Gaijin
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): I doubt it. You’re still coherent and continent.

  105. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#95): It’s a decision I made when telling the joke. See also, “Why does a chicken or other type of fowl cross or otherwise proceed from one side to the other of a street, road, avenue, alley, boulevard, lane, or byway?”

  106. HAnzMFG
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “And I’m sure you can do better than some amputee you met at the hospital! This young man Dave you used to know seems nice!”

  107. Victory Garden
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure Greg IS speaking through Crystal. Crystal is the one being all slut-shamey. I’m seeing some kind of Ox-Tiffany arc where she stops caring about looks and goes for the good-hearted protector type. That might be interesting.

  108. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#101): Why would Baka Gaijin ever be at a clown convention? At least not if he has any freedom of choice.

    Come to think of it, I don’t think I’d want to hang around a clown convention either.

    @Baka Gaijin (#104): I’m not concerned about the coherent part but incontinence could ruin a perfectly good Brooks Brothers suit!

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 29th, 2012 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Doesn’t Margo have a matronly secretary or something? You’d think the whole point would be to keep her from being walked in on during “strategy sessions.”

    Pluggers: Pluggers are disgusted with the way young men and teenage boys wear their pants so low, but they can’t look away. The thought of those tight buttocks, those hungry loins, it all inspires a complex reaction, part disgust, part… something else.

    MW: “And if you see something, say something. You gotta have heart. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. It’s our annual clearance sale on platitudes, and everything must go.”

    Ziggy: Shouldn’t Ziggy’s social worker be looking in on him about now?

    9CL: It’s somehow typical that all the women in Edda’s social circle would have her exact measurements. Hell, her neighborhood probably has snipers from the No Fat Chicks squad on the rooftops.

    RMMD: “Come and knock on our door. We’ll be waiting for you.”

    GA: A messenger from the outside world informs Slim that he’s not really funny. Also his cherry new sports car is apparently a toy. Whoops.

    H&L: Not that Thirsty has said anything funny in the last half century, but you can’t be too careful.

    GT: “Hey Steve, did you get vocal cords implanted in your shoulder stub? Niiiiiice!”

    6C: “Watch out for used hypodermics.”

    Luann: At the beginning of the week it looked like Evans had actually checked himself out and started to write decently for Tiffany. Seems like eons ago now.

    S-M: Yeah, pissing off the people who work for the circus is just a side benefit.

    SFx: Ooh, is this that Frederick Wiseman documentary about the ranch for lobotomy patients? That got a really good writeup in the Times.

    H&J: What? It’s just one guy comparing his friend to something long, hard, and smooth while said friend smirks.

    Lockhorns: “Oh excuse me, was I supposed to tell a joke? Truth to tell I just feel like weeping in fetal position for a while.”

  110. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#69):

    With sexual ambiguity factored in, I’m not exactly sure how the M’s and the F’s fall into place.

    All I know is that Lu Ann’s cousin Blaze picked a hell of a time to take a powder. Okay, so he might shy away from the threesome/foursome involving his flesh and blood (although I’d hesitate to make that assumption) the other one would put him in his glory.

  111. Anachrosaurus
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: ??!! Now, if this were a screed against mainstream America’s attitudes toward black entertainers, it would make a little sense. But are we seriously supposed to believe that Curtis’ father thinks that all young African-Americans are aspiring rap stars? (Doesn’t he get out more than that?)

  112. commodorejohn
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Well, I’m still pissed off as hell about ComicsKingdom, but as they appear to have made most of everything available again (except for the last couple days of Spider-Man,) I’m catching back up on the week. Not much to say other than that my God do I love Staton & Curtis’s take on Dick Tracy. (Oh, and last Sunday’s Prince Valiant is pure kick-ass. I wish you could buy that comic in poster size, but I don’t have nearly enough wall space.)

  113. commodorejohn
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#112): Oh, and also that, seeing the full week of Luann, I now want to hurt Greg Evans even more than I already did. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.

  114. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#112): Still no Barney Google and Snuffy Smith on the Darkgate.

    I’m wondering if Nehemiah Scudder is behind this somehow.

  115. John C Fremont
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#67): @tallyHO (#102): Mmm. Ivory Soap Pie. (It’s 99 & 44/100% pure, you know.)

  116. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#115): Oh, great. Let’s encourage our kids to experiment by putting different objects in the microwave. Here kids, put a few of these metal utensils in there and fire it up!

  117. Alison
    September 29th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Why is Crystal acting like Tiffany is upset because Les was looking at her? That’s NOT what he was doing. He didn’t just walk by her, stare at her outfit, and then move on. He was right up in her personal space making sleazy comments. He was leaning on her locker gawking as she was getting stuff out of it. That is way more than just a casual glance. It makes me pissy that this isn’t being pointed out in the strip.

    “Mary Worth”: Why must everyone in this strip elaborate about everything they say? “I shouldn’t have spent so much time feeling sorry for myself” = perfectly fine, okay, now move on. Except, I just know the entire rest of the week will be all about Dawn saying how sorry she is for feeling sorry for herself. And then Mary will talk about Dawn being sorry for feeling sorry for herself, the whole week after that.

    “Marvin”: Marvin’s dad’s family poops a lot? I guess?

  118. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#105): A: to show the opossum that it COULD be done.

  119. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#118): I thought it was the Texas armadillo.

  120. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#114): What’s weird is that they do have “Crankshaft” and “Sally Forth”, but neither of them has updated in about a month.

  121. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#112): I tried looking at a couple of strips on the Arizona Republic (one of the larger online sections associated with CK) and only saw white space. I don’t know how long this situation is going to last. The newspapers that subscribe to Kingdom for their websites have to be kind of pissed.

  122. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#121):

    Could you link to one that does not show up?

    I had problems earlier in the week but haven’t really had problems since. So, from my experience it was kind of a fluke.

    What I usually do if a strip doesn’t show up or if one gets stuck and stays there AFTER I choose a new strip is refresh the page or close it and open it again.

  123. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#120): Yeah. Comics are weird.

    Every day on the Darkgate when I get to Crankshaft I have to right click the comic and open up a new tab which takes me to the Seattle Times site and the latest Crankshaft comic. They have Sally Forth there too so I read that as well.

  124. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#122): The first one I tried was Mark Trail. It didn’t show up on the public library computer, and right now I can’t see it at home either.

    As to refreshing, I’m used to doing that at work because our intertubes connection sucks ass. In the past I haven’t had to go through all that at other terminals.

  125. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#113): Still no Barney Google and Snuffy Smith on the Darkgate.

    I’m wondering if Nehemiah Scudder is behind this somehow.

    No. No. I told you guys. I promised to use those powers only for Good.

    // What? Oh. Nevermind.

  126. Liam
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Learn from everything! And once you know better you can do better.” Apparently that lesson doesn’t apply to making pies.

    A3G-A stunned Greg walks in to see Margo’s neck being rubbed by another man. “Is that what you want, Margo? You want this guy to rub your neck from now on. I hope he doesn’t rub your neck as good as me,” Greg sobbingly says as he runs away.

    RMMD-Don’t have her shower on the beach because she should only be seen nude by June. I mean Junior.

  127. Liam
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-What is happening? I will read this and it feels like I am only getting half the story. Is a knowledge of football needed to understand what is going on.

    Archie-It was at that point Archie remembered what Jughead had told him. “You will deny me three times before the sun comes up.”

  128. Liam
    September 29th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-”Another approach is to start hacking their limbs off until they play better.”

  129. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#124):

    Well it worked okay for me but I did read Mark Trail earlier so I tried Gasoline Alley.
    It showed up, too.

    However, the bottoms were cut off of each. More than likely that is my browser.

    But, if they aren’t showing up period, that makes me thing it is an annoying problem that may or may not be related to Needing to Reload the Page to clear the image cache in the browser.

    But since so many people are having problems, it might just be at CK Central. It is too bad that there isn’t a way to check on that. If that had a status update somehow that would let you know if they are aware of the problem.

    Sort of like a little cartoon that shows a drunk editor saying:

    “Oops! Stand by We are Having Techni–hic–techni–hic…aw we got problems!”

  130. Liam
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#117):

    I get the feeling that if this Les character was to rape Tiffany, is that the blonde?, then it would be Tiffany who would be blamed for it. “Oh you were just asking for it by dressing so provocatively. You brought out those sexual urges in Les.”

  131. Alison
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#130):
    Exactly, and what’s even worse is, it would be her “friend” Crystal who told her so.

  132. casino LF
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#71): Maybe he can exchange his well-worn Thesaurus for it.

  133. jnoble
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Ha ha it’s funny ’cause he ruined their dinner ha ha

  134. Droopy Says
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Somebody needs to tell Evans that “The woman tempted me” doesn’t work as a justification. Adam or whoever it was got kicked out of Eden after he tried that one, so it’s not exactly a new literary tradition to blame a man for his actions.

  135. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    I must admit that A3G is going into territory where you don’t really need to try and make fun of it because it is chock full of awkwardness.

    If Monday’s strip actually follows through with this (or the last panel of Sunday’s) then will Greg stand there rubber necking as Evan continues rubbing Margo’s neck?

    Will Greg and Evan…waitasecond? Isn’t there some weirdo you guys discuss with that same name?

    I was just gonna say G and E….holdthefreakin’phone!…is this strip being symbolic and do these two dudes represent corporate america? How it massages us and lulls us into accepting its mediocrity, and it’s lame golden suits collection?

    because all I was gonna say….

    ah…screw it! the strip is taking all the fun out of making fun of it. The hilarity is now baked in the crust, better than Mary Worth could ever bake it.

  136. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#125): That’s bodacious!

  137. Spode
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I am not defending this strip, which I loathe as much as anyone, but the verb “process” (with the accent on the 2nd syllable) is actually correct. I know this because I am a church organist.

  138. This Guy
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    The whole “Assault was inevitable because she was dressed provocatively” is hideously offensive to men AND women–to women for the obvious reasons, and to men because it assumes “rapist” is our default setting, and unless them wimmins cover up properly, we are only capable of behaving like rutting animals. To quote the fictionalized Joseph Merrick, I am not an animal.

  139. This Guy
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Spode (#137): Yes. To precess would involve changing the orientation of one’s rotational axis.

  140. demoncat
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    after putting up with being married to dagwood for as long as the strip is around who can blame blondie for finaly wanting to ponder life free of him and having to fullfill the death due us part of the wedding vows literly

  141. Dale
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#127):

    Gil Thorp – No. A knowledge of football will only make your problem worse.
    Just use your imaginaaayyytion. Shit. That don’t work either.
    Look, if you’re getting half of the story, you’re ahead of most of us.

  142. Spode
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#139): Which I’m sure Edda will do many, many times before this ordeal is over.

  143. Dale
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL -

    How is Andy supposed to know that the two men with Rusty are not his friends and protectors?
    They were going out for hamburgers and fries and ICE CREAM. I would say something negative about having to live on pancakes, but don’t want to be sued by some organizations that sell flour and water.
    Now they’re trapped in the forest; surrounded by dogs, bears, dog-bears, cougar-squirrels, and a crazy woman.

  144. Comcis Fan
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Regret nothing.” This odd Yom Kippur message is brought to you by the Santa Royale Interfaith Misunderstanding Committee.

  145. cartooncritic2544
    September 29th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#143): How is Andy supposed to know that the two men with Rusty are not his friends and protectors?

    Because Andy is the smartest character in the strip.

  146. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#136):

    Great balls of fire, goodness gracious!

  147. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sparkle Plenty (#48):

    I’m guessing this is going on in parallel with Mark’s last adventure, which at the moment escapes me as to what exactly it was.

    // But then again, maybe I’ve put way too much thought into this idiotic strip…

  148. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – where adventure and lunacy meet to have lunch.

  149. Ian Beste
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Spode (#137): You are correct here. At our Episcopal Church the music for each service contained a “processional” that played as the whole “altar team” (priest, deacon, lay readers, choir, altar boys etc.) made their way up the aisle. On the other hand, we would refer to the whole thing as “preceding” up the aisle. This caught my eye in the strip because the word “process” is more frequently encountered in the (approximating here) “PRAH-sess” pronunciation, rather then the “PRO-cess” pronunciation. That statement is subject to change according to one’s occupation or geography, of course.
    I suspect this is a case of two words with meanings that are close to each other starting to overlap due to a similarity in sound. There is a linguistic term for that I can’t recall, but I’m sure someone out there can. Language, crazy or what?

  150. billman
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    http://www.smbc-comics.com/

    Does Zach Weiner read this blog or is fenestration of all kinds a hot topic these days?

  151. Anne
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#71):
    Oh dear. I’m a copyeditor and this bothers me too much not to object …. Your usage of “precess” versus “process” was quite surprising to me. I’ve been involved in church processionals for, oh, many many years, and I’ve never heard of using “precess” in this way. I Googled it (of course!) and could not find any support for this use of the verb, to precess. In my church, on festival days, the choir will process up the aisle at the beginning of the service. and then recess down the aisle at the end of the service. Our organist plays the processional at the beginning and the recessional at the end of the service. I’m in a high-liturgical church, and we do care about these things.

    And of course you have to have meant “altar” boy — since you were serving the altar. Surely that was just a typo, but the words “alter” and “altar” have very different meanings. Brooke (whose name is spelled with an e) doesn’t need a dictionary, as he seems to spell correctly, but you could and should be more careful when you post spelling/usage corrections, that your own post is spelled correctly.

  152. Anne
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Ah, I see my point was made by others, and undoubtedly better stated. I apologize, I should have read the other comments before replying!

  153. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    In Blondie’s fantasy of an aged Dagwood, his “erect” hair spurs droop. I think this might be an insight into his animal magnetism, much like a baboon’s angry red butt.

  154. Esther Blodgett
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    It’s been raining all day here in the Dallas area, and I’m so bored and stir-crazy that I’m about to catch up on the last few weeks of Mark Trail. Please…someone stop me.

  155. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#53): Sorry about that! I need to update my automatic website on this site – which I just did! Thanks for trying anyway!

  156. Jamus The Bartender
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: Oh, yes, June. Yes, we do want to see Honey take showers on the beach. For weeks and weeks. So mind your own beeswax. Leave the meddling to Mary. Besides, it sure beats hell out of watching Tiffany’s classmates shame her for dressing like a hooker.

  157. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    GT – Yes, Steve, it is your fault the offensive line sucks. They’ve only been using their right arms. Great coaching there, Lefty.

  158. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#154):

    haha.

    Seriously, do you think you missed anything by not reading the past two weeks?

  159. Spode
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#149): I don’t know the term, if there is one, but it would refer to the difference, for example, between “RE-cord” (noun), and “re-CORD” (verb).

  160. Esther Blodgett
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#158): Um…I’ll bet there were a couple of giant foreground animals that were moderately interesting.

  161. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @Spode (#159): Lexical stress?

  162. Spode
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Come to think of it, maybe the whole purpose behind the bodily restrictive design of Edda’s gown is to force her to process down the aisle – walk in a stately fashion – rather than propel herself in her usual fashion.

  163. Ian Beste
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Anne (#151): Oh I don’t disagree with you at all. As several posts have noted this is an interesting point of usage. As post #139 points out there are other specific meanings.

    As for “altar” — I’ve re-read my post in my browser and don’t see where “altar” was rendered as “alter” which I think you are commenting about. When I first drafted the post I made that error at one point and I thought I caught it before hitting “post.” Apparently I didn’t.

  164. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#160):

    I sit corrected. You are right. The squirrel is the star of the past couple of weeks.
    Seriously.

  165. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#164): That was no giant squirrel. That was Marmaduke in species drag.

  166. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Spode (#137): Cool! Dad was a church organist for many years, and I even got to play a service once, filling in for a friend who was taking a vacation — I played on piano, not wanting to learn how to deal with the pedals at short notice.

  167. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    There have been several comments about the 9CL women being interchangeable bimbos. Could there be a better example of that than Diane, the ex-nun and recent mother, perfectly fitting into a wedding gown that was essentially painted on Edda?

  168. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

  169. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#168): “Grrrr!” Says the giant squirrel! “I be fierce!” Says Andy.

    By the way, your JS links were devoid of Mark Trail strips. There must be comicstripnappers about!!
    Try Friday and Saturday.

  170. Chaze
    September 29th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    MT – This is the opportunity Andy’s been waiting for. He’s going to grab Sassy and rip off a piece.

  171. Peanut Gallery
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#20): Re A3G narration box: This kind of thing in A3G has been bugging me for quite a while, and I think I’ve hit on the answer: A3G is an old-time radio play.

  172. Baka Gaijin
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#108): Frogs use incontinence as a defense mechanism. Often the first time a child picks up a frog and gets peed upon, the child drops the frog. Incontinence is not an effective defense mechanism against clowns. Voice of experience.

    @Dale (#143): “Now they’re trapped in the forest; surrounded by dogs, bears, dog-bears, cougar-squirrels…” You make it sound like somehow they’ve transported to Pluggerville.

    @Esther Blodgett (#154): Wow, you are bored. With the entire worldwide knowledge available on the Internet, you’re looking at Mark Trail. Stop reading before Stockholm Syndrome takes effect.

    @Chaze (#170): Who can resist cookie dough?

  173. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#172): What?! Pissing on a clown will not keep them at bay? Just how diabolical are these creatures?

  174. TheDiva
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#109): It’s somehow typical that all the women in Edda’s social circle would have her exact measurements.

    It helps that Brooke McEldowney only knows how to draw two female body types (“lithe pin-up girl” and “dumpy old woman”).

  175. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#169):

    It would be hilarious (and unlikely) if to get to the kidnappers, Andy had to fight the Giant Squirrel.

    As for the links I put up: man, that sucks. I have no clue what would cause that.

    It worked for me and I double-checked on the dates. For instance, for today’s, I made sure to replace the “28″ with “29”–to future proof the links.

    Oh well, I will blame it on the Squirrel gnawing through the wiring of the JS comics section.

  176. remmy
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    9CL: What we’ve learned is that Brooke apparently used the correct word for this strip – and if he does indeed read these remarks – he will be calling us beefwits till kingdom come.

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Anne (#152):Speaking truth, well, is good.

  178. tallyHO
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    One thing about A3G that is getting me is that when the movie star is standing there, he says, “Sorry, I guess I should’ve knocked louder, Margo.”

    I will forgo a quip about how amazing Evan’s Golden Touch must be on the ladies.
    And, I will ignore how different Evan looks today. They say the clothes make the man…so who is that guy rubbing Margo’s neck?

    My question, which leads to other ones:
    was the neck massage so effective Margo blocked out all noise?

    Or, Was Greg’s knocking intentionally light because he heard sounds emanating from the office which gave him pause, made him curious and made him barge in?

    Or, was Greg doing a “soft knock” on the door using his hips instead of his knuckles, a la Elvis taking it for granted that his hip knocking would allow the door to swing open?

    Or, was the Movie Star repeating some line of dialogue he memorized and thought was clever enough to pass off as his own, original innuendo? Perhaps in his mind, Margo wouldn’t let Evan’s hands anywhere near her if only he had “knocked louder” the first time he tried entering “Margo’s Office”.

    //and, no. I don’t know if it was worth the typing exercise to write this. It seemed to make sense/be kind of funny at the time.

    oh yeah. Holy What-the-Heck! How is it that you let your employee–who is not a professional masseur– give you a massage? Bad move, Margo! Office hijinks will cost you a bazilliongillion dollars if you are not careful! (the guy prefers Golden Suits, hinthint. He is a gold digger!)

  179. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#172):

    ” Incontinence is not an effective defense mechanism against clowns. Voice of experience.”

    Oh, how I’d love to do that to a mime!

    // Would a dump be more effective?

  180. Uncle Lumpy
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @Spode (#137):

    … the verb “process” (with the accent on the 2nd syllable) is actually correct.

    It’s in common use, but it’s not right. “Process” is the combination form, as in “procession.” The verb is “proceed.”

  181. Liam
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    9CL-So the brunette used to be the blonde’s teacher and a nun? I smell a Catholic schoolgirl and teacher lesbian story.

  182. Nehemiah Scudder
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    I’ve made this point before. McEldowndey knows how to use a dictionary, and a thesaurus. He takes pride in it. Whatever his flaws, you won’t catch him in a stupid error in simple word usage.

    // Plenty of other stuff, tho…

  183. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#178): The noise cancelling massage could have serious consequences. For example, Alfonso comes to Margo’s door…

    Alfonso: [knock, knock] Massageogram!

    Margo: Massagowhat?

    A: You have been sent a Massageogram.

    M: What? How does that work.

    A: A secret admirer has sent you a free massage. May I come in?

    M: Free massage? Sure!

    [the massage starts]

    M: Ooh, Alfonso, that’s wonderful.

    Meanwhile, noise cancelling effects of the massage take effect and Alfonso’s cohorts enter the apartment and steal the place blind while Margo cannot hear a thing!

  184. Sgt. Stoned
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Regret nothing” isn’t what she told Nora Levrenson.

    Archie: I find Jughead liking salad hard to believe.

    H&L: Does Lois only own one evening dress?

  185. Sequitur
    September 29th, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    You know, the phrase in the first panel of today’s Fred Basset could have been what Bea could have said in the first panel of today’s Judge Parker. And Fred’s answer in the second panel could very well have been Sam’s answer.

  186. agony
    September 29th, 2012 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#170): Sassy’s asking for it, the way she’s dressed. That slut.

  187. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 30th, 2012 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#25): Wildwood Cemetery is also my favorite place to hang out with Weeping Angels:

    http://cdn.bleedingcool.net/wp-content/uploads//2012/09/D8.png?848685

  188. Chaze
    September 30th, 2012 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @agony (#186): Sassy’s a bitch. THAT’S for sure. Now she’s “running” with a rough crowd.

  189. Chaze
    September 30th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Might I just say that Bea possesses some bodacious ta-tas? Thank you.

  190. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 30th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Juggs Parker – I wonder why we refer to it as such…

  191. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    September 30th, 2012 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    @Chaze (#189):

    I haven’t noticed….NOT!

  192. Droopy Says
    September 30th, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Spider-bland: Everyone saw this coming, right? Jameson raising the question of how Parker got those pictures. Parker forgetting that he’s now a salaried employee of the Bungle. And now, after the comic relief of Clown-9, on to the high drama of the Peter-MJ-Generic Brand triangle.

    (Is pissing on a clown comic relief?)

    Les and Lesser: How big a firing squad do you want, Cayla? And, um, where will Creepy be standing?

    Jugs Parker: The SUV did not make that “VROOOM!” noise. That was Avery.

    Pluggers: Watching a football game on TV is just like sitting on the fifty yard line? Who knew?

    Mary Mirthless: Dawn, quit complaining that you’re going to quit complaining!

  193. tallyHO
    September 30th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    How dramatic!

    Maywe Worff either laced the pie with pie-cadelics or they were sitting on a rotating couch all this time.

    By the last panel Dawn is facing the other way, her head now being humongous from being filled with guilt. and Maywe…Oh, Maywe! What so ever may we do?

    It is like the meddler has a stash of voodoo dolls and she’s stick the guilt-all-of-us zone at. just. the right. moment.

    Stab! To be continued!

  194. tallyHO
    September 30th, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Waitasecond! Hold the Pal-i-minos because I ain’t got no horse friends! Mary Worth is saying the Captain of the Ferry passed out and the Ferry crashed?

    I’m calling B.S.!

    Hello, B.S.! Yeah, it is me, tallyHO.
    Yup, HeidiHO’s little boy.
    She’s still yodelling along.

    Anyhoo, I got a question about Captains of Ferrys. No, not Captains of Finance….
    oh…I’ll have to get back to you on that. I’m a little short on deniro. If you’d take a lot of scorcese that would do both of us a favor…ok. we’ll talk later.

    With Ferry Captains, don’t they usually have help? Okay. So there are one-man Ferry pilots. I can see that. But what about the bigger Ferrys? They have first mates? That’s what I thought.

    So, if the captain passed out? The first mate would probably kick him aside and take over the controls to save the passengers, right? That’s what I thought. It just seems….Oh. There’s a couple of exceptions to that? If the Captain didn’t have a first mate and was a lonely captain. Or, if the Captain and the first mate were playing drinking games?!? What would they be counting? Narwhales, huh?

    You’re puttin’ me on, aintcha?

    //Seriously, the only ferry’s I’ve known of that were manned by one person were ones on rivers that could be navigated while the ferry pilot was drunk. I don’t buy the angle that a Ferry Pilot passed out and disaster happened.

    apologies to Plato for using dialogues as schtick. apologies to Bob Newhart for not making ‘em funny.

  195. tallyHO
    September 30th, 2012 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    okay. This is the last dance for me.

    Slylock Fox For better or for worse, I can barely read the online version. I’m not complaining, mind you. It makes it very challenging, especially when Slylock is in teaching mode and telling us how to sharpen….well, okay, tell kids…how to sharpen their deductive reasoning faculties by not filling the crime scene with a lot of planted evidence…oh wait. This one occurs in a greehhouse? Then there’s planted evidence abound.

    Since I barely can read the puzzle and can’t fathom what the answer is, it is a true mystery to me.

    So, I will take a stab in the dark and go for low hanging yucks and chuckles.

    Maxwell P. Mousifer is trying mighty hard to not use the magnifying glass to check out the Squirrel’s tail. His gaze is averted and he seems to be inadvertently solving the mystery of the broken glass.

    The may seem far fetched but I’m guessing the Shrew (who is standing right there laughing at them all) threw a shoe. Oh, I’m sorry. The Shrew Threw a Shoe sounds too obvious, and too Suessian.

    He probably tossed a plant into the greenhouse that the squirrel maintains. But, for that to be true, I would need to believe that a tree-dwelling rodent that lives on nuts and seeds would tend to plants in a greenhouse. I don’t believe in that nor do I believe in Santa Claus.

    Hence this is all some holographic illusion concocted by Count Weirdly to hide his pot field that Slylock and Max accidently stumbled upon. Slylock will do a Critterzen Arrest of the Shrew and throw him into the Hoosegow while Weirdly continues his illicit activities unabated.

    Congratulations, you twisted version of Moriarty, you. You win again!

  196. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    September 30th, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#172): Incontinence is not an effective defense mechanism against clowns. Voice of experience.

    See, your problem was when you got into the habit of wearing pants…

  197. Dale
    September 30th, 2012 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL -

    Previous story (Mark not returned from) – Bear attacks, bush pilot / murderer drops gun.

    Current story – Large dog attacks —.
    A few days ago, in reader time, Andy was actually skinny for one panel.

    The current day began when Rusty went looking for arrowheads. How late is it that Cherry went looking for him?

    I still think this is just Day 2.
    It would be Day 3 if Rusty stayed home while Cherry went to see the game warden and learned that the poachers were wanted in six states. Would Cherry have mentioned this little bit of gossip when she got home? Would Rusty have blurted?

  198. With Cat As My CEO
    September 30th, 2012 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    MW: Holy stepmother of Cthulhu, there really is such a thing as “white pie”, the specialty of someplace in Southern IL. Make and underbake a pie shell with bleached flour and shortening, fill with paste pudding made with cornstarch, egg white and colorless vanilla, chill and top off with fat-free whipped topping. Take a big dose of Pepto-Bismol and pray.

    FW: Cayla’s just realized that she missed her last, best chance to escape from a life of mopery. Her only hope if Suicidal Susan comes for Les like Dustin Hoffman in “The Graduate”, or better, like Uma Thurman in “Kill Bill.”

  199. Baka Gaijin
    September 30th, 2012 at 5:57 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#173), @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#179), @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#196): Great suggestions all. Remember that I didn’t just toddle into a clown convention on my own volition. Just “Boom!” Flash clown convention. No preparations on mind, no flame thrower or tactical nuclear weapons at hand. My reptile brain was too shocked to do anything so my amphibian brain took over.

  200. Baka Gaijin
    September 30th, 2012 at 6:10 am [Reply]

    Yet again we see Hilary Forth following in her father’s deranged footsteps.

    I said it before and I’ll say it again: JJJameson and Spiderman/Peter Parker, just fuck already. You both know you want to do it.

    If Josh doesn’t entitle Sunday’s post as “Crossover Sunday” or something like it, I’ll know he didn’t read the strips. Red and Rover, Marvin, Thatababy, Lio, and Curtis (talking squirrel from Mark Trail) amongst the ones I read.

  201. Baka Gaijin
    September 30th, 2012 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    Damn. I killed another Saturday thread.

  202. Droopy Says
    September 30th, 2012 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    Luann: Yeah, I’m sure the teacher stood idly by while Gnarly Gnut went outside.

    Zits: Mrs. Chimplips, since you expect your son to forget that oral shopping list, why don’t you write down the list and hand it to him, instead of nagging him? And why not show a little concern for his well-being when his antiquated VW bus rolls on its side with him in it? Or will your next words be “Skip going to the cleaners, I don’t want your blood to stain my clothes”?

    (I really loathe Zits. It assumes a symmetrical relationship between parents and their teenage children. It forgets that teenagers are not yet adults and do not have adult levels of experience . . . although I can see Jeremy as the designated adult in his family. I can also see Pluggers nodding wisely over this strip as once again the younger generation lets them down.)

  203. gleeb
    September 30th, 2012 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Sally: You’re not helping, Hilary. Anyway, why is dead grass a bad thing? You wouldn’t have to cut the rotten stuff any more.

    Val: Somehow Lord Grunyard’s drunkenness has transferred itself to Gawain.

    Dennis: Dammit, Gunk is more menacing than Dennis today.

    ‘bean: Remember, the deadwife comes first. Always. And you got yourself into this, Cayha.

    Avery Blackstone, Man of Action!: Will poor Sam never get his breakfast?

    Mary: Want to know the skinny on local misery? You ask Mary Worth.

  204. Batman Beatles
    September 30th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Maybe Edda’s dress is like the jeans in “The Sister Of The Traveling Pants”.

  205. Maltmasher
    October 1st, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    is it me or is Cayla changing away from an African American more to a tan version of Lisa? Perhaps she does’t exist at all and this is all in Les’ mind.

  206. Chowder
    October 1st, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    I think we’ve finally seen the truth about Blondie. Dagwood is only just now beginning to realize that his wife has been using black magic to keep them in a timeless doldrum, free from the ravages of aging or change. Dagwood is intrigued by this great adventure called life; if only his wife would allow him to experience it.

  207. Kirk
    October 2nd, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    But Blondie and Dagwood have been married for seventy-nine years.

  208. Olgurban.Com
    November 4th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    It’s nearly impossible to find experienced people for this topic, however, you sound like you know what you’re talking about!
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