Main content:

Soapy Tuesday

Judge Parker, 10/9/12

My goodness, I have been incredibly remiss in keeping you up to date on Judge Parker! Mostly because it’s been kind if enh. Quick summary of the last six weeks: after briefly skunking our boys out of their cabin, our nefarious marijuana farmers stole Avery’s camera, because it has pictures of marijuana, but also pictures of a fish that Avery thinks are more precious than life itself. We also learned that Bea is financially solvent only because she’s being paid off by Bubba and his growers; Sam expressed thin-lipped disapproval. And now Avery has gone off to demand his camera back from Bubba, which is bad for him, because he’s probably going to be beaten to death with a chain, but great for us, because it has led to the third panel of this comic, which is probably the greatest thing you will see today and maybe even this year. The overalls! The beard! The chain! The beads of sweat and/or boils, can’t really tell what those things on his face are supposed to be! Papa to Adam … bring in the slicker! BRING IN THE SLICKER!

Mark Trail, 10/9/12

Usually battling overalled rustics is more Mark Trail’s cup of tea, and maybe we’ll get to that later, but right now Mark has come home just long enough to pull out Rusty’s heart and stomp on it. Haha, Rusty, we know that your loneliness and feelings of abandonment — symbolized my Mark’s repeatedly broken promise to take you on a fishing trip — have left you with zero self-esteem and led you to reckless behavior, like trying to get photographs of dangerous sheep-killers. So how will you react when Mark once again bails on your trip — this time to go on a fishing trip with someone else? “It’s sort of a business and pleasure trip … but mostly pleasure. The pleasure comes from not seeing Rusty!”

If the main character in any other strip said he wanted to “get some good pictures of bonefish,” you know I’d be all over it, giggling like a 12-year-old. But this is Mark Trail talking, so let’s show some respect! (By “respect” I mean respect for whatever terrible neurological or psychological disorder leaves Mark unable to experience or even understand erotic feelings of any kind.)

261 responses to “Soapy Tuesday”

  1. LUJBEM FEJF
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Mary Mark Trail- I need to get a new editor.

  2. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A-SM: “I can’t shoot my webs, but maybe if I flash some gang signs…”

    MW: So … has anyone actually asked “Wendy” anything yet, or does Mary daily make a heaping bowl of word salad with extra corn and serve it up to an increasingly confused readership?

  3. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MT: I can best enjoy today’s strip by imagining Rusty off in a corner, quietly weeping.

    JP: “Never you mind”? Is that how the backwoods thugs talk nowadays? Not “Never you fuckin’ mind,” or “Never you mind, asshole”?

    MW: Had you told me six months ago that this strip would devolve into an even deeper level of “boring,” I would have scoffed. “Ha!” I would have said. “It’s not possible for Mary Worth to be even duller than it currently is!” And yet, sadly, I would have been wrong, for here we are, in an abyss of boring so deep, so dark, and so dank that the grave looks like an especially lively Zumba class in comparison.

  4. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    My favorite panel of JP is “Hey, what are you doing with that chain?” as Avery practices his Judo moves.

  5. Chareth Cutestory
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: AH HAH! I was wondering what Hillbilly Jim has been doing since WrestleMania III!

  6. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (Y#281): “My editor has use of the company yacht”

    This does make sense in context – with the context being that this is Mark Trail, so the ‘company yacht’ is a canoe with “Lo-Fo Daily Shopper” painted on the side.

  7. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MT: Leave it to Mark Trail to make a strip with both an enormous beaver and a bonefish NOT hilarious.

    MW: “A long life is good. A short life is also good. Life is good, is what I’m saying here, and it’s ESPECIALLY good if one has money. That’s why you should all endorse your Social Security checks to ‘Wendy’ and send them to me, in care of this newspaper…”

  8. pugfuggly
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    JP Well, ‘Bring in the slicker’ is no ‘Here’s Johnny!’, but I guess as far as catchphrases go, Judge Parker could do a lot worse.

    Also, I haven’t been following this storyline. Is ‘Papa’ a talking felt-tipped marker? I don’t get it.

    MT It’s never been exactly clear what kind of alternate universe Mark Trail exists in, but seeing as in this world Woods and Wildlife Magazine has its own yacht, we can assume that in this timeline the print-killing internet never got off the ground.

  9. seismic-2
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#5): Actually, Hillbilly Jim’s predecessor Haystacks Calhoun was the man-mountain backwoods ‘rassler who wielded a chain.

  10. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Doesn’t Mark Trail’s editor live in New York City? A few guys fishing on a boat? “This would make a good story!”

    The only upshot is that if Mark is hanging with his editor, we have a great chance of also seeing Kelly Welly, since they seem to be “close”. It’s not that I look forward to her appearance from a “Ooh, look at that badly drawn quasi-feminine figue!” perspective. She’s a loose cannon. She plays at getting him into bed, while actively thwarting his plans. Mark has to pretend to be nice to her as much as he pretends to enjoy the company of those people in that cabin that serve him pancakes and coffee.

  11. Yael
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Regarding your last sentence – it kind of looks like you think it takes some form of mental damage to be asexual, which I’m sure you didn’t mean to imply, what with being such a swell guy and all. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being asexual; Mark’s problem is that whatever goes on in his brain is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike human emotions.

  12. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    FW: In a just universe, Cayla would have dumped his gloomy, mopey Dead-Lisa-Lisa-Lisa-worshiping ass a long time ago. But NOOOOOO……..this is the Funkyverse! Lisa Lisa Lisa is long dead, but Les must have her back…….hence, the gradual “white-ification” of Cayla…..the straight hair instead of the Afro, the smaller lips and nose……..next, Batuik will start drawing her with red hair……

  13. LUJBEM FEJF
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Here comes the Judge…Parker- This is great! I was hoping they would make Pulp Fiction 2! I guess this is the back story of how they caught the Gimp. It’s nice to see John Goodman back to work.

  14. Doctor Handsome
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    “I guess stranglin’ you with this chain will have to wait. Papa needs his raincoat.”

  15. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Wait, wait WAIT! The Morgans are hangin’ on the beach in a free condo. Sam Driver is battling hillbillies in a forest. Mark Trail is going yachting. Stop it! My world no longer makes sense!

    Tomorrow will we see Hagar get his ass kicked by his boss, Dagwood hang from a lone tree branch on the side of a cliff and Beetle Baily attack an English castle?

  16. seismic-2
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    I hope Mark catches a bonefish and gets some good pictures of it. As we know from JP, everyone’s most important goal in life should be to have a good picture of a fish they caught. That means that Rusty is of course doomed to be a failure, but then we already knew that.

  17. Pozzo
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker has overalled rustics and Mark Trail is going on a pleasure cruise on a yacht? Is this one of those deals where comic strips trade plotlines?

  18. Oregonian
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    I’m just taking it as a given that we’ve stumbled into some sort of a Judge Parker / Snuffy Smith crossover strip. It’s really a relief to see that the grown-up Jughaid no longer scratches himself bald from the fleas under his coonskin cap.

  19. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    JP: Your marijuana buying dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.

    MT:
    “Gee, I happen to have a camera. Used it in the last adventure, in fact. Maybe I can join y–”
    “Um, I’m going fishing with my editor, Rusty, I’ll see you when I get back. (What’s he going on about, Cherry? Oh, nevermind.) B-Bye…” (leaves)

  20. nescio
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Peter Parker, indigestion personified.

    FW: Normally I’d think some caterer was setting up a barbecue roast, but it’s probably a portable crematorium because what’s a wedding without unexpected deaths?

    Hi&Lois: Hal is on Chatroulette.

  21. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Why does Bubba disguise his name as “Papa”, while using his henchman’s proper name of “Adam”? Considering “Bubba” isn’t even his real name, why bother using an ailas for your alias?

  22. Doctor Handsome
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    When did Jack Chick take over the art duties on Judge Parker?

  23. pugfuggly
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    ASM A man-eating tiger with indigestion? HIYO! Watch out, Peter: she’s funny enough to be a wise-cracking clown-themed supervillain…

    A3G ‘Friend on the co-op board’? I can’t keep up with all this current New York slang. Does that mean they’re secret lovers?

    MW I see that Mary is still writing the Ask Wendy column, which means that Wilbur must be still working on his incredible maritime thriller The Boat Tipped, but then it was OK: How I managed to avoid a 10 minute dip in the Adriatic…

  24. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#3): “Never you mind” is a legit hillbilly phrase. No cussin’ nessesserry. Trust me, I live yonder from Hootin’ Holler.

  25. Ned Ryerson
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    JP: “Adam just pawn in game of life” (thinking of Alex Karras)

    MT: If you stare at Panel 1, you will become unstuck in time and your life will assume a recursive narrative pattern, like the babbling utterances of brain damaged bards, spinning simple-minded, archetypical fishing tales, fueled by coffee laced with military grade ass-cheese. One such tale begins like so:

    If you stare at Panel 1, you will become unstuck in time….

  26. wossname
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    FC – “Don’t worry, Jeffy – if the monsters were real, we’d all be disemboweled and have our body parts strewn around the house.”

    MW – So “Dear Wendy” doesn’t take questions any more. She just spews platitudes for 800 words and calls it a column. If there was ever a perfect job for Mary, this is it.

    A3G – We all know Greg will be moving into Apt. 3F, right?

    JP – I love it – they have code names! So Bubba is Papa, this giant thug is Adam, and Avery is The Slicker. And Sam is The Smugster, Bea is Mama Bear, and Conrad is The Skunk.

  27. pugfuggly
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#24):

    Yep, it’s right up there with “Oh, yeah?” and “C’mere a minute”.

  28. Chareth Cutestory
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#9): “… legend says that Calhoun was eventually discovered by a group of traveling wrestling promoters while physically moving his cows by literally picking them up off the ground and carrying them across the field.” Why hasn’t this movie been made??

  29. cheech wizard
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#11): No, it’s Les that Batuik will start drawing with red hair, as well as a head taller, once we learn that Cayla is actually Lisa’s half-sister and bears a strong resemblance to her. The only consolation is that he’ll also go broke investing in pricey French wines – gawd knows he ‘s already incapable of managing his own affairs.

  30. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Once again, I find myself in the position of dangerously postponing my work in order to snark. Life is good.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it canonical across all the ASM iterations that Peter’s webshooters are a gizmo he invented, not part of his hands themselves? ‘Cuz it sure looks like he’s getting ready to tell that tiger to rock on, Garth!

    9 Chickweed Lane: Oh goody, on top of everything else wrong with this strip, today we find out that Brooke McEldowney’s a low-information reactionary. And isn’t it a bit late for jokes about the sub-prime mortgage crisis? Like about four or six years too late?

    Judge Parker: Boy, look at them offset panels this morning. Purty fancy, wouldn’t you say? Almost like something a…slicker would come up with. Huh? Huh? Can you squeal like a pig, fancy panel slicker?

    Mark Trail: <Beavis & Butthead>”Heh heh. Heh. That beaver’s got a stick in its mouth.” “Huh huh. You said ‘beaver.’” “Yeah yeah! Beaver! Beaver! Fire! Fire!”</Beavis & Butthead>

    Moose and Molly: That’s no burglar, Moose! That’s a pimp! Huh huh, you said…etc., etc.

    Nancy: Isn’t it about ten or twenty years too late for jokes about political correctness? Oh, right. Just keeping up with the pace of geriatric “Nancy” readers is all. … What do you mean, I’m “middle-aged”?

    Pibgorn: Today on “Stalking Angelica Huston”: “we’re not as stupid as genies who need reading glasses.”

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: I think Woody Wilson and Graham Nolan have been hanging around Greg Evans for a little too long, what do you think?

  31. DAS
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    In case you are wondering (and I know you aren’t), Wikipedia on bonefish.

  32. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    …And let me tell you something else! Back in my day, we watched Beavis and Butthead, and we liked it! Daria was a bit dull, but we put up with it!

  33. Ned Ryerson
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#25): Probably no so much unstuck as stuck. I blame the ass-cheese.

  34. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Archie:
    “Use your ingenuity, Sven!”
    Sven uses ingenuity! Har!

    Brewster Rockit:
    “Don’t forget your toothbrushes, kids!”
    The kids forgot their toothbrushes! Har!

  35. Longhorn
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    MT: I never thought I’d look to Mark Trail for my morning gratuitous beaver shot!

  36. Doctor Handsome
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    I can’t wait for the thrilling tale of Mark probably not catching any bonefish. After all that boring crap about kidnapping by murderous poachers, we could use a little excitement.

  37. Binder's Butter Beans
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    I can’t help but hear, in my head, Mark Trail’s entire dialogue in the voice of the computer from the original Star Trek. Slightly girly, completely monotone. “My – editor – has – the – use – of – the – company – yacht – and – he – has – asked – me – to – go – on – a – fishing – trip – with – him”

  38. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#30): Spidey’s webs shoot from his wrists in the movie. In the comic books, he’s been known to “run out of web fluid” or something. I don’t know how he can have tiny cylinders of “web fluid” on his arms and shoot out enough webbing to cocoon a human being. Anyway, the source of the web material is anyone’s guess for the newspaper series. Given that the strip mangles all coherency, logic, rationale and continuity, this is a small transgression.

  39. Longhorn
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    JP: Somewhere out there, Ned Beatty is sitting in a corner clutching himself and sobbing……..

  40. Don A in Pennsyltucky
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Replaying the story line featuring Smelly Kelly on the fishing boat in which Mark utters the classic line “I smell fish.”

  41. Doctor Handsome
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Binder’s Butter Beans (#37): And any time he thinks, there’s old-timey adding machine noises.

  42. Reefer Madness
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#19): “Your marijuana buying dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen”

    Actually, it is your tax dollars at work hiring jackbooted thugs who break down doors in the middle of the night, shoot the dogs, throw the children to the floor and hold guns to their heads, all in pursuit of a war against their own fellow citizens. “Another marijuana-related death! That 12 potheads we’ve righteously murdered this week! Off to the bar for a celebratory drink and cigar!!”. Bubba’s gang would not exist but for them.

  43. TheDiva
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MT: I will say this for Mark Trail: it may have impossibly long and dull arcs but its transition time between them is nice and quick. No weeks of Mary spouting platitudes or J Jonah Jameson ranting in his office–just a quick bite of pancakes and on to the next convoluted story!

    RMMD: I’m not sure what “bring in the slicker” means, but I bet it has something Deliverance-esque about it.

  44. cheech wizard
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn – I know the troll dude represents how McEldowney envisions his online critics, but for the rest of us I think it fits our image of Brooke at work. There might be some kind of genius in that, but I doubt it.

  45. Little Guy
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    JP: Of COURSE! *facepalm* THAT’S why I’ve been getting such crappy reception on my Smartphone out in the boonies. I forget to use my iChain accessory.

  46. tb4000
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Rex: “What will we do with a shopping cart full of beer? You old ladies are so silly and out of it. Ms. Morgan, you may have an Olympic swimmer’s body, but you’ll never be as with it and perky titted as me and Honey……never.”

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    3-G – “Gee, Ari, can you help me get an apartment here?”
    “I guarantee you’ll have an ‘in,’ son.”

    Hägar – You folks who don’t read comments at the web sites are missing a dimension from these strips: the BLEEDING OBVIOUS dimension. The “Fred is running around and then says he’s rambunctious. HE SURE IS!!!!” dimension.

  48. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Mark – So how long before they catch on that Doc died of a heart attack last week and hasn’t slumped forward yet?

    9 – Another “Get Out of Reading Chickweed Lane FREE” card.

    Family – “If the monsters were real, the dogs would of barked. So… if the dogs ever bark, FLEE for your life! FLEE into the night!!”

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Gasoline – They’re getting reimbursed for the value of their crushed truck! Now they can see a movie.

    Mary finally wore Dawn out, but now she has to get back to the keyboard. If she doesn’t vent all these misattributed aphorisms that keep gnawing up, unbidden, in her brain, they will literally meddle their way through her skull, killing her horribly.

  50. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#y280): Mary Worth seems to have abandoned all pretense of even skimming her readers’ letters, and cuts straight to “Let me tell you what is good for you.”
    Nothing to add, just wanted to carry that forward into the new thread.

    Josh – Here’s what the guy in panel 3 of Judge Parker reminds me of.

    @Mibbitmaker (#19): “Um, I’m going fishing with my editor, Rusty, I’ll see you when I get back. (What’s he going on about, Cherry? Oh, nevermind.)…”
    This is outrageous! Mark would never talk like that! “I’m”? “I’ll”? “What’s”? These are all contractions, and Mark only uses them when he’s totally melting down!

  51. Voshkod
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    I’ve got a bad feeling that Kraven will soon be making an appearance in Spiderman.

    And I have a bad feeling that the “slicker” being called for in Judge Parker is a raincoat that will be used to protect the hillbilly’s clothes from the blood-spatter as they carve up the fat man.

    So, actually, I guess I have two good feelings, because blood-spatter can only improve Judge Parker, and Kraven is one of the first Spiderman villains this blog had to deal with. So, good times all around!

  52. Horace Broon
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    ASM: Okay, did Stan write “a blonde woman in tight jodphurs and a clingy, open shirt, brandishing a riding crop”, or did he write “a female animal trainer” and the rest is Larry’s extrapolation? Which of them do I now know more about than I wanted to?

    FC: “Don’t worry Jeffy, monsters are real, but you aren’t being eaten by them … yet. Now go back to sleep.”

  53. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Frazz: ‘elp, ‘elp, I’m bein’ repressed!

    Lio: it’s only a rabbit. . . .

    GF: xkcd did it better.

    Crank: o for Mopey Pete’s sake. last warning, life’s too short to deal with this strip.

    MG&G: needs more Harley Quinn. (NSFBG, obviously.)

    OBH: o godz, that’s a MT line, which means that’s RUSTY!

    RMMD: gotta love Barettos that look you in the eye.

    SF: awwww.

  54. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .putting up with his fetishes to get the condo.

  55. Austria
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Arch: My alma mater uses sheep and llamas to keep the grass under control around their new solar panels. That awkward moment when a strip from the 90s is somehow even more relevant now than it was then…

    FW: It’s not too late to back out, Cayla.

    H&L: Lois is looking at her phone while talking to this receptionist lady, and then is taken aback by the personal banker being on a computer. Anyone else see something wrong here?

    JP: I don’t read this comic, and for the briefest of moments, I thought Gingerbeard was talking to himself, or maybe that the chain was sentient. That would have made for a far more interesting strip, in my humble opinion.

  56. LP2004
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#6): You’re probably right. I’m hoping, though, that Elrod’s laziness and addiction to clip art will result in the ‘company yacht’ being portrayed in quick succession as a canoe, something a James Bond villain would have anchored off Monte Carlo, USS Missouri, a bass boat, and HMS Victory.

  57. Greg
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    JP: Can’t wait for the movie, with Brian Posehn as the carbuncular giant sent to get revenge on Dick Cheney in the middle of the woods! DELIVERANCE II: BUSH’S BUGALOO

  58. TheDiva
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke’s latest technique for silencing critical commentary on his strip: introduce flame war-inducing political commentary, forcing Josh to ban discussing him in the forum. (If he actually said anything worth discussion, it might actually work.)

    C’shaft: Nature is finally turning against Crankshaft.

    FW: No, what’s worse is the fact that you’re still marrying him, Cayla. If the Saint Dead Lisa obsession and the pitiful attempts at wit aren’t big enough warning flags, please look at that hideous smirk. I mean, really look at it! Is that the face you want to be waking up to for the rest of your life?

    Luann: We don’t get it either, Luann. Trust me.

    MW: “But an immortal existence fueled by the blood of your worshippers is best of all!”

    Pibgorn: Brooke, it’s 2012. The “people on the Internet are basement-dwelling losers who masturbate to porn all day” trope is officially passe. Yes, even if they’re mean to you.

    SM: Peter’s reputation precedes him, I see.

  59. flatsixes
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    MT: Uh, what’s up with Cherry? Her eyes are lit-up like a K-Mart Christmas tree. Is she that excited to pour coffee the Lost Forest Patriarchy? Or has she be sampling the wares from Doc’s meth lab? Strange family. And by the way, Mark: You don’t go bone fishing from a yacht. You go bone fishing on a yacht.

  60. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    RMMD – The way Apartment Bimbo #2′s body is contorting while her hands are dwindling into flippers in Panel 3 looks like what I would expect to see happen if she was actually 100+ years old and someone had just set fire to the painting in her attic.

  61. Horace Broon
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#y206):
    Kind of. Buster never actually appeared in Andy’s own strip, but for the first few years, Buster declared “The Son of the Daily Mirror‘s Andy Capp!” on the cover, and Andy would occasionally feature. Then Fleetway Comics split from the Mirror Group and Buster’s dad was never mentioned again, although his mum continued to be drawn to resemble Flo.

  62. TheDiva
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    This just in: even when Josh identifies them, I can’t tell Judge Parker and Rex Morgan MD apart without very sensitive lab equipment.

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    PIBGORN – The beginning of this arc reminds me of the advice I give to the mother of my teenage stepson. “He needs to learn to control himself and his temper. If he ever makes it to college, the kids will be merciless once they figure out how easy it is to provoke him into throwing a tantrum.”

    I still remember Kenny Harl, whose ability to fly into a rage and storm around the dorm room screaming obscenities at the mildest of pranks ended up with most of the floor being kicked out of the dorm and him having to move back home. Good times, good times.

  64. Marc
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    A3G- You’ll have to answer a lot of questions. A lot of…. sexual questions.

    Mark Trail- I can’t believe that Mark even still has a job. When is the last time he actually wrote a story? The editor must only keep him around because Mark is so good at the pleasure parts of their trips.

    Mary Worth- A long life is good. A short life is also good. But fuck a medium life. Either live into your 90′s, make salmon squares, and spout platitudes all day or kick the bucket at 27 from a drug overdose, with multiple raging venerial diseases.

    Funky- Please let a tree limb snap off and crush this piece of shit.

    Luann- Oh give me a fucking break. Toni is desperate to pass off her niece on to anybody so she can go be alone with piggy face and not have sex with him. The same niece that she resents her brother for passing off onto her so often. She seems willing to do anything to skirt the responsibilities that she willing accepted. So how in Evans’ fucked up mind, does that make her good? This woman is not fit to look after a child.

    Family Cirucs- There’s no monsters under your bed Jeffy, don’t worry about that. There is however, Rusty Trail in your closet. Which is much, much worse.

  65. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#27): That being said, I’ve never heard anyone from any dark crevasse of the hills, rife with meth labs and random appliances scattered across the front yard with the rusted hulk of a 70s era automobile (weeds growing up through the hood) in the back yard ever utter the term “city slicker” even in jest.

  66. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Hierarchy of Needs with lolcat.

    for bb,u.

    ikkle pack of huskys. *squee*

    close enough. (McGyver’d mixer.)

    C&H WIN

    another cardi party.

    corgsqi.

  67. geekwhisperer
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail I love the idea that Mark Trail is set in some kind of non-digital universe. Let’s call it “logpunk”. Characters wear either suits or work uniforms, neatly pressed and tucked. Everyone travels everywhere by boat, bushplane or strangely absurd motor vehicles like the Volga truck from the last arc. Recreational fishing is the primary activity in logpunk, with occasional hunting. Bears and dogs are essentially sentient beings and all communication occurs via bakelite telephones.

    We could re-imagine classic films: Logpunk Star Wars would have Darth Vader as a Mounty, trying to defeat an old ally turned foe who has come to destroy his secret stronghold. The Logfather would show us the bitter rivalry between fishing camps devolving into wanton murder and Logpunk Dumb and Dumber would show two idiots who can’t do anything right- like shooting animals from planes then kidnapping children as if these actions would somehow benefit them significantly.

    Wait…what?

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#56): aye, that would improve MT dramatically.

    (well played.)

  69. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Mark can get some pictures of bonefish, then some beaver shots, maybe some close-ups of crabs….

  70. Esther Blodgett
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    No time to snark today. I’m heading out to the State Fair of Texas. I’ll bring back corny dogs and chicken-fried bacon for everyone!

  71. Comcis Fan
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    MT: Cherry’s expression of coffee-pouring madness and that giant, lonely beaver in the foreground tell us all we need to know about the state of her marriage.

  72. KreatureFeatures
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Someone please tell Funky Winkerbean that The Lockhorns already has the market cornered for bitter, loveless marriage gags. FW is going to have to find a new schtick.

  73. Comcis Fan
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MW: Whither Wilbur, the weal Wendy?

  74. terrapin
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Les is just opening up with a “joke” of some sort, waiting for the right time to tell his wife-to-be that his sainted dead wife, Lisa, has mandated in her last video that the band play “I’m Not Lisa” by Jessi Colter as Cayla marches down the aisle.

  75. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Hillbilly Adam is aghast. “Th’ black box wuz talkin’! An’ it learnt my name!”

  76. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    FW: What a fucktard.
    RMMD: Yeah baby, more June in a bathing suit.
    Luann: Toni’s getting her freak on.

  77. Comcis Fan
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#70): Hook ‘em horns!

  78. Perky Bird
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Don’t be so sure Sam and Barfy would bark if there were monsters in the house, Dolly. Sure, dogs may be “Man’s Best Friends,” but after suffering for years in the Keane Kompound, I bet these two particular dogs have plenty of reasons to just keep quiet and let the monsters do their business.

  79. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo, LuAnne and Tommie own the building. So is a co-op board necessary? Help me out here, as I don’t live in an urban downtown.

  80. Hibbleton
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MT: Editors. Driving around in yachts, sipping chardonnay and promoting their gay agenda from ivory conning towers. I’m sure Mark will deliver a fist-o-justice to this punk.

    Or pirates, bonefish stealing pirates.

  81. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    JP: Okay, I admit that this is pretty fucking terrifying. I get the impression that Big Red here is going to forget all about bringing Avery to Bubba and instead just eat him.

    MT: As expected, Mark is planning an entirely Rusty-free, Rusty-proof fishing trip. One where, it is to be hoped, the yacht’s drunken captain breaches the hull on a jagged rock and Mark gets a chance to see humanity “at its best.”

    WofI: I’ve seen killer whales. Up close even. Don’t mean to brag, but it seems this does put me one over Jeff Parker.

    FW: Cayla faces Funky Winkerbean’s great existential query.

    9CL: Not at all stimulating, so I can’t accuse it of profligacy. This must be why Brooke spends so much time on ballerina pinups.

    BC: Did they just wade by the Monty Burns’ nuclear power plant?

    RMMD: “Thanks for moving the beer, Ginger? But where in the name of Bob Marley is the ginger beer?”

    H&L: Daisy Daisy, give me your answer do…

    Phantom: “What? Lion? Nobody told me there were lions involved! It’s been nice knowing you, Kit.”

    FC: “This wet patch I’m leaning on is just more tears, right Jeffy? Right? Jeffy, answer me!”

    SSmith: Elviney is the breadwinner, since she cheats better at bingo than he does at poker, and in church no less. Glad it doesn’t hurt his pride too much.

    Marvin: “Sleep deprivation” does roll off the tongue a little easier than “the night the condom broke.”

  82. cheech wizard
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    JP Wednesday preview: “Ok, Papa – just as soon as he stops wiggling.”

  83. Kevin
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MT: Let’s see here, a private yacht, a fishing trip with his editor that includes both “business” and “pleasure,” and, last but not least, “Bonefish.” Yeah, you enjoy that ‘fishing trip’ Mark. I’m sure you’ll be catching plenty of bonefish and that there will be tons of pictures — just make sure Cherry doesn’t see any of them.

  84. Dood
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: I like to think that beaver is zeroing-in some kind of flying-fickle-finger-of-fate weapon on the Trail cabin while thinking, “Only by eliminating the humans can we ascend to our rightful place as foretold by Slylock Fox and Friends.

  85. Mikey
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    So Mark is always leavingon these fishing trips where he’s unreachable by phone yet never comes back with any fish. Isn’t that part of the “Brokeback Mountain” story line?

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#64):

    Mary Worth- A long life is good. A short life is also good. But fuck a medium life. Either live into your 90?s, make salmon squares, and spout platitudes all day or kick the bucket at 27 from a drug overdose, with multiple raging venerial diseases.

    This is of course the same advice verbatim that Mary gave Jim Morrison in mid-1966.

  87. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#15): Also, tomorrow will find Ted and Sally having hand sex and Guran offering the Phantom words of wisdom via allusions to the Star Wars Christmas Special; meanwhile Amos will don a purple body suit and domino mask and proceed guse twin .45s to gun down a bunch of pirates, or rather, what turn out to be theme park employees.

    @Hogenmogen (#79): Good catch. Co-ops are owned collectively by all the tenants. The 3G building, therefore, is not a co-op. Sure, it may still have a co-op board, but it’s merely a vestigial institution, much like the Roman Senate of the Imperial Era, and exists at — and for — the pleasure of Empress Margo.

  88. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#87):

    …meanwhile Amos will don a purple body suit and domino mask and, using twin .45s, proceed to gun down…
  89. Ed Dravecky
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    By the chains of Adam, I vow to use “bring in the slicker” in as many conversations as possible before my closest friends stop me with repeated blows to the head.

  90. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#26):

    A3G – We all know Greg will be moving into Apt. 3F, right?

    And he’ll be doing his damnedest to live up to the address.

  91. Dood
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Avery’s been watching too many ESPN Sunday NFL Countdowns. Come on, man!

  92. Dood
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Adam wears the chains he forged in life. Does this mean Avery’s going to be visited by three ghosts of pot harvests?

  93. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#87): So really, the questions Greg is going to have to answer are
    “Do you see a double entendre in ‘cleanin a garage’?”
    “How closely does your tongue resemble Gene Simmons’s?”
    “Would you describe yourself as a ‘cunning linguist’?”

  94. KimberlyRose
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    FW – Les is an ass. That is all.

  95. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#90): I’d like to live in Apartment 4-G. That way the ladies can all hear when I am getting some. I used to live in a crappy apartment with a loud sex-fiend-girlfriend. The guys who lived downstairs had all kinds of wise-ass things to say the mornings after.

  96. pugfuggly
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#65):

    That being said, I’ve never heard anyone from any dark crevasse of the hills, rife with meth labs and random appliances scattered across the front yard with the rusted hulk of a 70s era automobile (weeds growing up through the hood) in the back yard ever utter the term “city slicker” even in jest.

    Except of course when discussing cinema, as in “I’ve always enjoyed the com’dy stylin’s of that there Billy Crystal, ‘cepting that dumb cowboy ‘flic he done made in the 90s. What wuz it called again…?”

    @Bob White-Quail (#87):

    Good catch. Co-ops are owned collectively by all the tenants. The 3G building, therefore, is not a co-op. Sure, it may still have a co-op board, but it’s merely a vestigial institution, much like the Roman Senate of the Imperial Era, and exists at — and for — the pleasure of Empress Margo.

    It was a dark and bloody chapter in the building’s history when Margo took over as imperator of the co-op board, but it was worth it for the lavish triumph she held in the lobby…

  97. Red Greenback
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    JP: “Slicker” = “Lube”

  98. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#95): I was at a friend’s apartment once — a house divided into upstairs and downstairs — and the downstairs neighbor was playing Scott McKenzie’s “San Francisco” over and over at top volume. Just the 45, on repeat. Top volume. We finally decided to go out for a walk.

    We paused in the vestibule. “I HAVE THE STRANGEST URGE TO GO TO SAN FRANCISCO!” I exclaimed, conversationally.

    “WELL,” my friend rejoined, “BE SURE AND WEAR A FLOWER IN YOUR HAIR!”

    “YEAH! I HEAR SAN FRANCISCO’S ALL FULL OF GENTLE PEOPLE!!” I remarked, on the way out.

    He told me later that when he got back, there was a long, handwritten note about how hurtful we were, because she was having a rough time and absomolutely had to hear that song, over and over, real loud, in order to survive the day, and we were just a couple of big meanies.

  99. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#97): You win something.

  100. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#99): We’ll call it The Dingo Award.

  101. Tophat
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    As a guy in the printed news industry, the thing I find the most interesting about Mark Trail is the disconnect between how much editors actually make as opposed to how much Jack Elrod seems to think they do. “My editor has use of the company yacht,” Mark says loftily, unaware that it is actually an old tire surrounding a piece of styrofoam. “We’re going to live like kings and fish for some bonefish and possibly eat caviar!” Meanwhile Mark’s editor is filling a picnic basket with live bait, desperately hoping that Mark is too dense to notice the difference.

  102. Digger
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    MT: Let’s be honest, the only reason Mark came home at all is because he ran out of clean underwear. So he zipped in to pack a bag, grab a cup of coffee, and with any luck he’ll be gone again before Rusty even sees him.

  103. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Cayla, get a picture of that smirk before dousing Les in gasoline and lighting a match. No jury in the world would convict you. Justifiable Homicide all the way!

  104. Baka Gaijin
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#Y264): COTW-worthy!

  105. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#93): Other questions include, “Are you willing remodel the owners’ apartment, office, and/or studio gratis?”;

    “Will you go out of your way to organize your life around the owners’ without any appreciation, thanks, or reciprocity on their part?”;

    “Do you have a problem with being shot and killed, shot down and killed, buried in an avalanche and killed, falling through an ice-bridge and killed, etc. to lends the owners’ lives a whiff of pathos before they blithely move on to the next distraction?”;

    And most importantly, “Are you willing to stay in your apartment staring at the front door for months on end until called upon to advance the plot?”

    @pugfuggly (#96): Indeed, to this day tenants remember (in hushed tones) how she had the severed hands of the previous co-op president nailed to the doorman’s chest.

  106. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    JP: Nice to see Old Man Crenshaw from the the MST3K episode “Boggy Creek 2: The Legend Continues” is making a guest appearance in today’s strip. Does that make Avery “the little creature”?

  107. Chip Whittle
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Tophat (#101):

    Meanwhile Mark’s editor is filling a picnic basket with live bait, desperately hoping that Mark is too dense to notice the difference.

    Is it really “desperate” to hope that Mark Trail will be too dense to notice something? If it doesn’t involve a giant rabbit or a talking elk or a goose the size of Toronto, Mark’s not listening. In his head all he hears is this droning “blah blah blah blah POACHERS blah blah blah blah MARK blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah THE LESSER NEW ENGLAND FLOPPING BUZZARD blah blah blah blah RUSTY!

  108. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    JP — Josh, methinks you are not attuned to the ways of rural violence. It’s a lot more efficient to strangle someone with a chain than beat him to death. As for “Bring in the slicker!”, it has knocked “More zippers, mule!” right off the charts for me. Sorry, Margo, it was time.

  109. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Tophat (#101): BWAHAHA!

  110. bats :[
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#3): I hadn’t even read the comments before this. Proof positive that GMTA!

  111. Little Blue Bicycle
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    In a perfect world, Avery runs by the Trail cabin, and no one notices but the beaver.

  112. Little Blue Bicycle
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#108): Many years ago I worked construction. One day, one of the guys quit. A week later, his stepson announced that stepdad had run off with another woman, so he was also quitting so that he could hunt him down and kill him. At that point. he produced a chain and smiled.

  113. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    MT — As a small public service, I swiped part of the bonefish entry from Wiki so we can all educate ourselves before the exciting bonefishing action begins! No, no — no need to thank me.

    “The bonefish (Albula vulpes) is the type species of the Albulidae family, or bonefishes in order Albuliformes. It is amphidromous, living in inshore tropical waters, moving onto shallow mudflats to feed with the incoming tide, and retreating to deeper water as the tide ebbs. Juvenile bonefish may be observed in large shoals of like-sized individuals with large mature fish swimming in smaller groups or in pairs. Bonefish are considered to be among the world’s premier fly game fish and are highly sought after by anglers. Bonefish are primarily caught for sport. They are not commonly eaten. Bonefish are eaten in Hawaii, where they are known as ???io’.”

  114. The Ridger
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MT: The company yacht? Wait, is Woods and Wildlife (or whatever it’s called) really just a vanity project set up to keep some rich guy’s son out of trouble and also to run at a huge loss for tax purposes? That does make a certain amount of sense.

  115. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#112): *ULP.* Wow. That incident probably happened long before the term “oversharing” came into use, but it kinda defines it.

  116. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113): Apologies to Hawaii. There, the bonefish is actually called “o-with-a-line-on-top-of-it’io.”

  117. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: Here’s to hoping that the pleasure yacht sinks in short order and Mark is rescued by the Ghost, captained by a certain Wolf Larsen.

  118. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#116): Apologies to Hawaii again. There, the bonefish is actually called “o-with-a-line-on-top-of-it’io slanty-mark.” Me, I’m just going to call it “bonefish.”

  119. bats :[
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @DAS (#31): wow, that’s a particularly uninteresting fish. I, for one, would like to see Mark write an interesting story about it!

    @TheDiva (#43): re MT: you have a point there. Plus, there’s usually one Large Animal doing something that it’s supposed to be doing in it, too.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#53): reminiscent of the Cuteness, last night Letterman had Jack Hanna on, with a bebeh warthog! And a bitterong! And TWO Siberian tiger cubs (one who attempted to eat a chair cushion)! And a snow leopard bebeh! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEES in the night!

  120. Kenny Harl
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#63): STOP BEING MEAN TO ME! I MEAN IT!

  121. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#30): …on top of everything else wrong with this strip, today we find out that Brooke McEldowney’s a low-information reactionary.

    Wouldn’t it be fun if Thorax moved [*]

  122. bats :[
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#67): powered primarily by kerosene lamps? (I think the fumes would help!)

  123. odinthor
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Archie — Demonstration of the wild excitement of the goat method!!!, often taking place on slopes on which it would be impracticable to use a mower (such as at Angels Flight in L.A.).

  124. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#50): My, what a grim(m) picture! Which particular story was that?

  125. cartooncritic2544
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, snark late shift (#30): correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it canonical across all the ASM iterations that Peter’s webshooters are a gizmo he invented, not part of his hands themselves? They were part of his hands in the Toby Maguire movies but that’s it. They are a gizmo in the comic books and this strip. You’d really think Stan Lee could hire a more competent ghost writer.

  126. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MT-You know who would love to go fishing with you? Rusty. You remember Rusty, right? He was the little boy you saved from his physically abusive father. Well at least the physical abuse was at least slightly better than the emotional abuse you deal because the physical scars eventually heal.

    MT 2-Let us all giggle and laugh like school children at the sight of the giant beaver with wood in it’s mouth.

    JP-I love the way pot growers are depicted in these comics as high strung and violent. I feel like I’m reading anti-drug PSAs in the style of “Reefer Madness”.

  127. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#70): I’m heading out to the State Fair of Texas.

    Have fun! Be sure to eat lots of aspirin to keep your arteries from clogging up.

  128. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    JP-”Winter’s coming. I’ve got to put chains on the tires.”

  129. Baka Gaijin
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    The AP noted a severe decline in obesity diagnoses amongst “Dear Wendy” readers for two reasons: one, “two mayonnaise sandwiches three times a day” is no longer part of every answer and two, readers lose many calories to involuntary peristaltic reversals caused by the barftastic hackneyed banalities contained in every “Dear Wendy” column since the summer began.

    If Lio’s cuddly bunny works that well on EVILSCARYCLOWNS, I’ll take a dozen.

    To Thatababy’s father: you can be the girl when Mommy straps “something” on.

    Squee alert in Beardo.

  130. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MW-Mary, you are supposed to be writing an advice column. People want short answers to their questions not long diatribes culled from self-help books. Read “Ann Landers” or “Dear Abby” to get an idea how these columns are supposed to work.

  131. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113): A bonefish is tropical? So Mark isn’t meeting his editor in NYC, but somewhere in the SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE?

  132. Dartpaw86
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#7):
    No, the correct word is Life is Brutal! Mary Worth and Funky Winkerbean 101…

  133. Marc
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): I went to the New York State Fair for the first time this year and felt my cholesteral go up just by being around all of the stands and their various concoctions of deep fried food stuffs.

  134. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#119): squeeee!

  135. Snarkotix Addict
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Crankedshaft – And, hey, what’s that? Oh, a deer tick, crawling up your leg. Oops, too late. Well, I guess it’s Lyme disease for you, old man.

    MW – Like any skilled writer, Mary has her reference materials close at hand. Not sure what those are, but my guess is it’s not Montaigne.

    FC – No, no monsters here. Unless Mom forgot to feed Sam and Barfy again.

  136. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#117): or possibly replacing the monkey here.

  137. Dartpaw86
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#27):

    No you come’re a minute…
    Oh yea @TheDiva (#62):

    Me too, they are exactly the same to me.

  138. bats :[
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): any truth to the rumor that the vendos are selling deep-fried aspirin this year?

  139. Snarkotix Addict
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    MT – Tee hee hee *snort* hee hee hee

  140. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    o dear.

    didn’t we mention ameobas here yesterday?!?

  141. seismic-2
    October 9th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Dear Wendy,
    I have made a complete mess of my life. I am a total failure. I am contemplating suicide. Please help me.
    A desparate reader

    Dear Readers,
    It’s been said a long life is good. A short life is also good. What matters is what we accomplish here, for ourselves and others. By that criterion, which one of those two “good” options is in fact better in your case should be quite clear. I hope that helps!
    Wendy

  142. Hogenmogen
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Super Spider Senses! Can’t detect a tiger walking up behind you, nor a whip-weilding Amazon coming to your aid. He’s like Deanna Troi on the Next Generation Star Trek.
    Riker: Is the Romulan ambassador telling the truth?
    Troi: I can’t read him. It’s strange.

    Picard: The Romulans are firing on us!
    Troi: Captain, I sense…. hostility!

  143. Illustrator Steve
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    MT – Mark must really have a great deal of trust in Cherry. After all, this must be at least the 546th time he and Cherry have posed for Jackelrod that same exact way while she pours his coffee for him during his three minute annual visitation time. During which NOT ONCE has he ever bothered to LOOK directly at the cup while she’s pouring hot boiling liquid one inch from his hand! Instead, Mark instead stares directly at Doc hoping to see some indication that he’s breathing.

  144. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#118): Apologies to Hawaii again. There, the bonefish is actually called “o-with-a-line-on-top-of-it’io slanty-mark.” Me, I’m just going to call it “bonefish.”

    Hawaiian is a difficult language. Fortunately, most restaurants have their entrees numbered, so instead of asking for the “o-with-a-line-on-top-of-it’io slanty-mark” special, you can just request number 47.

    // But I’d just rather ask for the ???io. It’s more sophisticated.

  145. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#130): I think you’ve hitupon something. Perhaps she is writing a self-help book and using the Ask Wendy column as a first-draft writing workshop. Possible titles include:

    How to Shame Friends and Influence Sheeple

    Whose fault is it? YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT!

    We Who Are About to Meddle: A Cultural Autobiography

    Seizing The Bull By The Horns Of The Dilemma Of Hating And Loving The Change You Want To See In The World Of Tomorrow Today, and Other Inspirational Prose Poems

  146. Snarkotix Addict
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Poteet #118, Nehemiah #144 – I’ll have the Oy! with a side of meshugenah.

  147. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#138): What a brilliant idea!

    // Ever notice how many packaged baked snacks contain 2% of the Recommended Daily Allowance of calcium? So if you eat fifty of them a day you’ll have the strong bones necessary to support the resultant enbonpoint.

  148. AhClem
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#142):
    Troi was a Betazed, whose powers never worked well enough to make it to Full-Release-Zed.

  149. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @LurkerWhore (#y207):

    I think the “spider sense” of the comic strip Spider-Man differs from that of the comic book Spider-Man, in that in the strip version said “spider sense” works only to alert him to the presence of other spiders.

    // I assume the strip Spider-Man is afraid of spiders, and when he is alerted he has to call for M.J. to bring a glass and a piece of paper to capture them and put them outside, so it does at least have some practical use.

  150. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#124): It’s from “Der kleine Däumling” — the little Thumbling. Sounds like Tom Thumb, but I sure didn’t see this in the Russ Tamblyn version of the story. Clever Thumb tricks the Giant into cutting the throats of his own children — ha! ha! — who he thinks are Thumb and the Fingers Gang! Kids back than must have really eaten this stuff up. (I got partway through scanning the Doré illustrations from this old German book of fairy tales, and the resulting flickr photoset is well worth perusal.)

  151. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#145):More possible titles for Mary’s self help book:

    Seven Somniculous Habits of Highly Boring People
    The Platitude Driven Life
    The One Minute Meddler
    The Power of Platitudinous Thinking
    Man’s Search for Mayonnaise (with W. Weston)

  152. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Kenny Harl (#120):

    Hey Kenny! Remember that night when you informed everyone in the dorm that you had a test the next morning, so you needed to get some sleep and everyone needed to STFU? And so, every 10 minutes, all night long, someone would stop by and knock on your door to make sure everything was quiet enough for you? And how your roommate was kind enough to always open the door?

    If you hadn’t leapt out of the top bunk every single time, dressed in nothing but your tighty whities, and proceeded to scream and hop around the room demanding that we STFU and let you get some sleep, we would have tired of the joke and STFU and let you get some sleep.

    I’m hoping for the same level of petulant screeching from the current Pibgorn arc. In fact, for the first time ever, I’m actually going to make a point of following Pibgorn just to see how bad the screeching gets.

  153. Illustrator Steve
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    MT – Cherry has the look of restrained excitment all over her face. Could that be because while Mark rants on and on about luxury yachts, bonehead pleasure fishing, fishing buddy Bill Ellis and blah blah blah, all she hears is her own thoughts repeating over and over…”Mark is leaving and Ranger Tom Martin is coming, yeah!!”.

    Meanwhile…Rusty commissions a giant beaver to build a dam so the water table rises around the cabin allowing him to cast a fishing line from his bedroom window, thus never having to wait for that worthless step father of his ever again!

    Meanwhile..Doc’s stuffed corpse still sits in the same chair at the table where Mark placed him years ago to keep the other dummys company while he’s gone.

  154. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#148):

    Yes, but she had other, prominent assets that made her a valuable member of the bridge crew….

  155. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y219):

    I always assumed “Rusty” was named such because he had a habit of drinking 3-in-1 oil.

  156. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#151): sum moar…

    It Takes a Meddler
    I’m OK, You’re Not (Or You Wouldn’t Be Reading This Book)
    The Last Hectorer
    How To Meddle A Family Of Four On Five Aphorisms A Day
    Thus Spake Marythustra
    Chicken Soup for the Chicken Soup for the Chicken Soup (w/ Gertrude Stein)

  157. Tophat
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#107):
    Yes, but this is goddamn Mark Trail we are talking about. He may not know the much about LOVE and EMOTIONS and FEELINGS or DUE PROCESS and LOGIC, but the man can babble endlessly on the differences between a bowl of professionally grown and harvested fish eggs and the north American nightcrawler. “Did you know that an average of 56 people get killed by their bait while fishing each year?” Mark will ask around a mouthful of worms while his embarrassed editor looks on. “These majestic creatures are definitely a sight to behold.”

  158. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#150): Why, yes, I’d love to come up and see your etchings! (Bet you hear that all the time!)

    Yes, the Doré set is great. That story seems so familiar, but after you read enough of the original Grimm Bros., they all do. The story tellers seem to be doing a proto-version of the Aristocrats joke game, each trying to top the other on horrible, sadistic stuff to include.

    // That one in particular doesn’t seem to be in my particular edition which claims to be complete. Is it possible that the great Bros missed one? I wish I still had my childhood set of Andrew Lang’s colored series, but I don’t think it would be there – he tended to avoid the grand guignol stuff.

  159. Dale
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL -

    A large publishing company could own a number of magazines. A yacht, maybe once upon a time. Now seems questionable considering that most of the mail subscription offers I get run around $1 per issue with newsstand prices around $5.

    “Use” probably means Bill Ellis has to move the thing south for the winter. Owners fly on aeroplanes or maybe even flying boats.

    My guess: Mark will take Rusty.

  160. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#53): re: Lio: Tell that to Jimmy Carter, Elmer Fudd, Carmen & Winslow, and characters from Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

  161. Gringo
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I must have missed it, but when did Rex Morgan turn into Juggs Parker?

  162. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Broom-Hilda: Myers wants “precedents”, not “precedence”. It’s almost a homophone, and of course a spell-checker wouldn’t catch the error. I wouldn’t fustigate an ordinary person for this (much), but a professional ought to pay attention to his punchline – and so should his editor. Shame, too, after all that pretty ink work in panel one. (Reminds me a little of Mibbitmaker’s stuff.) // Editor! Hah! That’s a… I say that’s a… I say that’s a JOKE, son!

    Cow & Boy: This is why the strip should not go away. It is not always laugh-aloud funny, but it is so much better than the other dreck out there. And sometimes it’s brilliant.

    FW: Hey isn’t that Dead Lisa’s coffin on the flatbed trailer there? But of course: She’ll be attending the wedding!

    MW: Wow, her desk magically expanded, and books and pencils appeared between panels one and two!

    NonSeq: I don’t understand. Aren’t there apples hanging from both trees?

  163. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#161): It was a gradual change, but tomorrow the officially launch it under the new title Sex Organ, MD,the “MD” being “massive dong.”

  164. Mysterious shirtless lawyer
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    “Hey, what are you doing with that chain?”

    “This ain’t no chain, slicker. This is the hillbilly ‘ladder o’ love’. Hold on tight, ’cause you gonna squealin’ like a pig!”

  165. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So we now find out that Brooke fancies himself a current-day Safire or Buckley. Just when I thought I couldn’t find him any more repulsive.

    This also casts a very ugly suggestion on why there are no minorities in his vision of present-day New York City. The only person with a hint of ethnicity was a naive, but somewhat evil Latina ballerina who easily rolled over for Seth, and was, of course, from that most aristocratically European of Latin American countries, Argentina. If she had been from Bolivia, that would’ve been something quite different.

  166. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#74): Plus, Cayla has to change her name permanently to Julie, according to VideoDeadLisa.

  167. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#161):

    Check the credits on the two strips in question to find your answer.

  168. Perky Bird
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: The way Doc just sits there silently with a vacant stare and a vapid grimace on his enormous head, I’m begining to think he’s really one of those giant puppets you sometimes see at protest rallys. We’ll probably see him continuing to sit quietly at the edge of the panel for a few more days, giant head nodding slowly in the breeze, until some overly-earnest twenty-somethings come to fetch him to go protest the opulence of fat-cat magazine editors who have corporate yachts and go on luxurious fishing trips for pleasure while the other 99% of the population is just trying to avoid being eaten by giant beavers.

  169. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois-I’m sorry, Mrs. Flagston, but I can’t allow it. Would you like me to sing a song?

  170. Alter Ego
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    love is… pimping her out to make that down payment.

  171. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Chareth Cutestory (#28):

    There was a comparable legend* involving some early 20th century college football star — the coach saw him plowing in a field, stopped to ask directions, and the future star picked up the plow to point with. . .

    Another early coach was asked how he decided what recruits should play what positions. He claimed that he took them out to the edge of a forest and told them to run — the ones that ran around the trees became backfield guys and the ones that knocked down the trees and ran over them played on the line.

    /// “comparable legend” = “comparable bullshit wheeze”

  172. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#145):

    True Love: Your Absolute Duty to Have It, OR ELSE!

    How to Put On Interventions: Tips From the Incompetent

    The Blameless Way to Kill Stalkers

    Aphorisms and Platitudes for Everyminute Speaking

  173. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#162): Thanks (blushing — in cross-hatching, of course).

  174. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    MT-I smell an attempt to kill Mark and dump his body at sea.

  175. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-Your stomach can’t handle fresh fish.

  176. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#142):

    As I pointed out here a couple of years ago, it’s not really Troi’s fault that her powers are so limited. She’s a Betazoid, and most of the races in the ST universe were VHSazoids (who now have probably evolved into BluRayazoids), so it was a mere case of tech incompatability.

  177. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#145):

    Another MW self-help title: WHO MOVED MY SALMON SQUARES?

  178. Red Greenback
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#100): The Golden Turkey Leg?
    Damn, I miss Dingo.

  179. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#172) & @Shrug, Speaker to Spam (#177):

    Helping Others To Help Yourself
    Deign to Condescend
    All I Really Need To Know I Learned At The Pool Party
    How To Rape The Lyrics Of Leonard Cohen For Fun & Profit
    A Woman Needs A Man Like An Astronaut Needs Oxygen
    The Rescue of Emily Smith By The Sainted Hero Mary Worth

  180. zenvelo
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker – Adam was the oldest of the Seven Brothers off in the woods, and will he be pissed when he finds out Avery did not bring seven brides!

  181. bitterlawstudent
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    I really hope this trip on “the company yacht” goes a lot like “Overboard” with Mark in the Goldie Hawn role.

  182. Illustrator Steve
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#159): “My guess: Mark will take Rusty.”

    I swear to all that’s holy in the Trailverse, If Mark actually takes Rusty with him on this fancy-dancy luxury yacht pleasure bone fish fishing trip adventure, I’LL EAT MY TACKLE BOX!
    Then again, if they tell Rusty he’s going to travel aboard a luxury yacht with Mark to go deep sea fishing, the damn fool kid won’t be able to handle his emotions and end up having a stroke, thus causing himself to miss yet ANOTHER fishing trip with Mark!
    …Very clever of Mark to come up with this brilliant scheme! This way, in the future whenever anyone comments about how Mark never takes Rusty fishing, Mark can always have a come back line by saying, “Take Rusty FISHING!? Are you kidding? The LAST time I even HINTED to that damn fool kid that we were going on a pleasure boat fishing trip, he had a friggin’ stroke which ended up ruining any PLEASURE I was supposed to have!!!”

  183. Red Greenback
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Oh say you’ll always be my henchman
    We can make it shine, we can take forever
    Just a minute at a time.

    Papa to Adam, bring in the slicker to me
    Papa to Adam, bring in the slicker to me
    Papa to Adam, repeat… bring him to me!

  184. Illustrator Steve
    October 9th, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#174): “I smell an attempt to kill Mark and drop his body at sea.”

    No, that was “Osama Bin Trailin”, who once roamed the northern part of the state until Bill Ellis took him fishing on his yacht.

  185. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (yesterday#272):
    “Paint It Black was released as a single by the Rolling Stones in May 1966. Jimi Hendrix arrived in England in September 1966. So, urban myth.”

    That’s what I was wondering. Though, maybe Hendrix took his cue from the song.

    Hendrix legends are pretty extreme ones.
    Apparently, according to the stories, Hendrix listened to Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band about 40 times after it was released. It was released on a Friday and he had a gig in London (?) on Sunday night. Some of the Beatles, the Stones, Clapton and other cool daddios were at the club. Hendrix launched into the entire album, freaking out the Beatles in attendance.

    I read these things pre-Web and I never bother double-checking them. Suffice it to say, everything was Great for those Rock Stars back then until they croaked. (then it was embarrassing).

  186. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    A Yacht in Mark Trail! Ooh La La. La La.

    I wonder if the comic will follow his adventure photographing boning fishes.

    Waitasecond!

    A yacht and fishing from it requires higher seas* than Hawaiian Punch’s Punchy has even seen.

    So, going out on a yacht might mean some Super Awesome Adventure for Mark Trail!

    Pirates! Pirates! Pirates!
    Riding Dolphins to the Rescue of a Kelly Welly who went too far! The enemy of Mark Trail could be Doctor Noah** or Neptune’s Beard, aka, Billy the Intern.

    Kelly Welly can be a Trail Girl!

    And, Mark can be re-christened from Land Aquaman to Mock Aquaman, International Man of Fish Story!

    Huz-freakin’-zah!

    *Hi-C. Get it? haha!

    **Woody Allen in Casino Royale, though Bible Noah would be funny, too. and he’s got a beard.

  187. Jasper
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    MT- Bonefish, beavers, phallic symbols. I see where this is going.

    Speaking of Mark better address that beaver problem at lost forest. That beaver dam is about to overtake the camaflouged painted cabin at LF.

  188. seismic-2
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#145): One Shade of Black and White, and Absolutely No Shades of Gray

  189. Illustrator Steve
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    MT – Betcha a box of tackle KELLY WELLY WILL BE ON BOARD for this private yacht “pleasure” cruise! (I’d have bet my rod but would hate to part with it if I lost the bet, you know how unpredictable Kelly can be!).

  190. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#189): Kelly Welly in a MicroSuit ™?

  191. Illustrator Steve
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    MT – “MARK! MARK! I WANT TO GO FISHING WITH YOU! TAKE ME WITH YOU! TAKE ME WITH YOU!M PLEEEEESE!?”

    “Um as I was saying, this luxury yacht fishing trip is for adlts only. That leaves me as the only one here qualified to go! Of course, Bill Ellis will be dragging his girl friend, Kelly Welly, along on this trip too, and….*crap!*…hey, RUSTY, come to think of it…How’s about YOU taking my place on this adventure? A whole ocean to fish in with just you, Kelly and Bill.”

    “That’s very thoughtfull of you, Mark. Now you and I can have plenty of quality time alone togeth….”

    “Hold that thought, Cherry. I just felt a ray beam come in and notify me of a problem somewhere in the southern part of the state and I must leave immediately to investigate it, See you next year, babe!”

    “Ray beam???”

  192. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#188): 120 Days of Sanguine; or The School of Glibertinism

    @Illustrator Steve (#191): “Yeah, you remember Ray Beam — retired weapons scientist for the government — lives in an impenetrable compound on Sniper Hill…”

  193. seismic-2
    October 9th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#189): Mark will get a photo of a bonefish, and Kelly Welly will try to sneak into his cabin to steal his camera. She will get stuck crawling through a porthole.

  194. bbofun
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn- Is this guy, a troll, a stalker, some combination of the… Oh holy hell. The Genie story isn’t over yet, is it? He’s coming out of the can of “bean juice soda” or whatever the hell crap Brooke made up. Well, maybe 9CL will be easier to take…

    9CL- …aaaaaaaaaaaand it’s not. Brooke goes political! Surprisingly (unsurprisingly) his political views are the same as the rest of his views; everyone else in the world is a dolt, an imbecile, a beefwit. Nice.

    ASM- What’s funny about the whole “web-shooters; organic or technological’ thing, is that newspaper Spidey only started suggesting they were organic to Peter after the Sam Raimi movie (the new movie follows the comics, and they’re a gizmo he creates, using commercially available “web” stuff developed by Oscorp), but the Sunday strips still sometimes use the throw-away panel showing Peter inventing the shooters.

    All of this would be a moot point had the artist just drawn Peter’s sleeves a little longer- we could just assume he was wearing the shooters under his normal clothes.

  195. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#67): “Logpunk” is brilliant.

  196. geekwhisperer
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail I predict that Rusty will not be invited along. In the 1930s when Mark Trail is being written, when your boss invites you aboard his YACHT you do not bring your children along like some Gen-X dad wearing matching Star Wars T-Shirts and both begging for Angry Birds time on the iPhone. No, you go alone and no one in the family would every expect that you might not go, or might take one of them along. That is not THE WAY OF THINGS.

  197. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#194): re 9CL — So Brooke is really one of those stupid ^&*^(&*^(* (carrier dropped).

  198. bbofun
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Forgot one-

    FW-I’m betting Dead Lisa’s advice on the “marriage” tape we saw yesterday was “You know what I really loved? When you would deliberately misunderstand me and make one of those witty comments- remember, planning a wedding is a stressful time, and humor like yours really cuts the tension! Even if the whor(cough)- excuse me, the wonderful woman you are marrying complains, know she really loves it!”

    Of course, the moment she turned off the camera, she laughed bitterly. “That will put a stop to it! BWAH-HAH-HAH!”

  199. BigTed
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s magazine has a company yacht!!! That’s like the time my editor at “Cat Fancy” lent me the company private jet so I could cover the Paris Animal Expo. Or when “Family Handyman” sent me to the Honolulu Hammer and Nail Show on the company submarine. Or when “Leading Edge Bakery & Food Service Journal” sent me cross-country on the company helicopter so I could check out the top 10 hospital cafeterias….

  200. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#158): (Bet you hear that all the time!)
    No, they usually run away screaming. Sometimes they hit me.

    @Red Greenback (#178): Aye.

  201. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @geekwhisperer (#196): Angry Birds!?!? Rusty fucking invented Angry Birds wandering over hill and dale with sickening black churning ball of rage and hate in his belly at Mark yet again breaking their date to go fishing so he could go fishing. It was just dumb bad luck that some Finnish computer programmers happened to be backpacking through Lost Forest and saw him chucking crushed, mangled birds at wild pigs.

  202. bats :[
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#195): I agree. Now I just have to remember to use it (Mark Trail, the current storyline in JP, anything dealing with Hootin’ Holler, possibly with Thorax (or the size gazillion Thorax bib overalls…).

  203. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Congrats, Brooke — your political strips are even more painful to read than your AmosEdda Lovefest. Truly, you have a gift.

  204. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#185): What’s also weird is that the title is actually “Paint It, Black.” The comma was not in the original title but was reportedly added by some denizen of the record company. I presume said denizen was high, illiterate, or both.

  205. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#174): Tragically, the attempt will fail, and will probably result in Mark rescuing the editor, who will thereafter drink even more heavily.

  206. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Way to stay caught up to 2009, Thorecch/Brooke!

    FW:
    Cayla to Les = us to Batiuk.

    MW: She’s rationalizing Aldo again.

    RMMD: Ginger, watch out for that loose seal! …..(last panel) …Oop, too late!

    Zits: Annoying week-long gimmick strips, offset a bit by really cool Borgman drawings.

  207. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @Bob White-Quail (#2): Thank you for asking that excellent question. At this point, I’d bet that most readers are not only confused, but grossed out and fleeing in droves. This would help account for the unexpected popularity of “I’m Alive.”

  208. Dartpaw86
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Who would rather read a comic about the Beaver? You know, his point of view on life, his adventures with the other critters in the area… forget Mark Trail. I’m reading solely for the Beaver now.

  209. Bob White-Quail
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#208): Must. Resist. Urge. To go. Through. 66 years of Mark Trail. Collecting. Beaver. Shots.

  210. Mr K Martin
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    FINKY WUNKERBEAN: Egad! That Smirk! Christ, just look at it! That’s a smirk that looks like it’d hurt your face! That kind of smirking could make the corners of your mouth bleed! That smirk could scare the cockroaches permanently out of your kitchen! I mean it! That smirk is going to give me nightmares for years, and Batiuk, you’re paying my therapist bill, goddammit!!!!!!!!

  211. Nehemiah Scudder
    October 9th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#159): A large publishing company could own a number of magazines. A yacht, maybe once upon a time.

    It doesn’t seem that implausible to me. Remember we live in the era of the new robber barons. And how many big magazine publishing companies are there? Conde Naste publishes the New Yorker and all kinds of glamour mags. They could easily use a yacht for photoshoots etc. and write it off on taxes as a business expense. Hearst Corp., ditto on the glamour & taxes, and they publish a bazillion specialty interest magazines (I always figured Mark Trail worked for Hearst), and corporate extravagance is in their DNA.

  212. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#208): Were you around for the MT storyline about Lucky the Beaver? Good times, good times.

  213. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#204):

    Whaaaaaaaa?

    I never thought it was punctuated like that. Clauses.

    Thanks for the heads up. Now there is a new angle to the myth.

    Weirdly enough, I saw a person wearing a Hendrix t-shirt today. It took me a while to figure out what I was seeing.

  214. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    Someone above mentioned that Judge Parker’s bib overall guy looks like John Goodman.

    Upon seeing it again, this episode is sort of like a Coen Brothers movie. Has it been like that since the skunk in the bedroom? I dropped off at that point.

  215. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#184):

    I thought that was his brother Fredo Trail.

  216. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    JP-”But I want to kill him. I get such a sexual thrill from killing people.”

    MT-Yeah but what type of fish do you want to get pictures of? Fish do have bones.

  217. Droopy Says
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#210): Batiuk will pay your therapist bill only after he loses that class-action suit.

  218. MWDG
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    MW: News Flash for Mary… Just came back from the Santa Royale In-N-Out and ran into Jeff Corey and a date. Jeff seemed very attentive to the barely legal surfer boy who sat next to him in the booth …they had a chocolate milkshake with two straws. At first I wasn’t sure it was Dr. Corey but then Terry Bryson came in and yelled, “Hey Jeff, guess you left that old hag Mary at the condo!”

  219. Mibbitmaker
    October 9th, 2012 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    JP: Avery is played by Danny DeVito, Bea is played by a Sarah Palin-Roseanne hybrid. I’d believe that Adam is supposed to be John Goodman (or a hybrid, like his old co-star).

    Honestly, this strip should be drawn by Mort Drucker or something.

  220. Mr. O'Malley
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    There was a good story about Bill Gaines in the old days at Mad Magazine. He used to take some of the regular contributors on a holiday at the magazine’s expense. One year he noticed that there was only one subscriber in Haiti, and he hadn’t renewed. So he flew the whole staff to Haiti to kneel on the fellow’s doorstep and beg him to renew. Not only did he renew, but he got a friend to subscribe as well. Gaines then charged the whole trip to corporate (I think it was Conde Nast), and at the corporate meeting he included in his report “Thanks to our recent publicity campaign we have doubled our readership in Haiti”.

  221. Mr. O'Malley
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    According to that Wikipedia article, fishing for bonefish is done in very shallow water, so it’s something you would do in a small boat or Zodiac (if such things had been invented in Trailworld), not in a yacht. I guess we’ll see how that will work out, unless Mark gets distracted by pineapple smugglers or something.

  222. Liam
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#221):

    I always figured Mark would get distracted by banana smugglers.

  223. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#221):

    Awwwww shoot!

    That’s too bad. I thought he might go to one of those islands with a volcano hideout.

    “We meet again, Mr. Trail.” says the villain du jour.

    And, a giant,white kitty is stroking the villain, who is perched on the kitty’s lap.

    And, the kitty is meowing the theme song for James Bond.

    Drat. Why you lettin’ us down, Elrod? You could be famouser and richer, m’man!

  224. Mr K Martin
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#217):

    Whenever Les smirks at Cayla and talks of marriage I keep imagining this tune going through her head.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9eEwsGPf3s

  225. Chaze
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    JP – Avery gets attacked in the woods while Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman split. Tough day to be a 5′ tall Hollywood exec.

  226. Chaze
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    MT – Mark, I’m just curious if the bonefish has a name. If it does be careful. Fishes with names have been linked to cameras being stolen, and I think we’ve all had just about enough of the problems stolen cameras create.

  227. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#222):

    And he certainly wouldn’t be interested in peaches or muffin smugglers!

  228. Peanut Gallery
    October 9th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#204): Wow. That’s the strangest case of record-company naming mischief I’ve heard of since ELO’s No Answer.

  229. Arabella
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    FW: Will Cayla’s family arrive in time to make one final attempt to talk her out of marrying that smirking @#$&*? And what about Les’s family? I’ve read this strip from the beginning, and I don’t remember ever seeing a reference to any relatives of Les. Did I miss something, or did he just hatch from a pod left by ancient aliens?

  230. un malpaso
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    OK, that decides it. Chain-wielding Adam is my Halloween costume this year.
    “NEVER… YOU… MIND! NEVER… YOU… MIND! NEVER… YOU… MIND!”

    And is it just fate that caused this comic to be accompanied by a “Faces of Meth” PSA banner ad when I first opened the Curmudgeon today? I think not. (By the way, I’m waiting for Snuffy to appear in one of those, tongue lolling wetly.”)

  231. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#229):

    “Did I miss something, or did he just hatch from a pod left by ancient aliens?”

    That would explain A LOT!

    A smug, galactic smirking prick from Cancerapolis 3.

  232. Elk Meadow
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Arabella (#229):


    I’ve read this strip from the beginning, and I don’t remember ever seeing a reference to any relatives of Les. Did I miss something, or did he just hatch from a pod left by ancient aliens?

    Actually, that would explain a lot.

  233. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#232):

    Great minds you know….

  234. Archivalist
    October 9th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    Please! There’s absolutely nothing erotic about Mark Trail! I mean, he’s getting his coffee from a hump-backed Cherry in the first….argh! Stop! Now let’s talk about the beaver in the next….CUT IT OUT! Where’s Kelly Welly when we need her?

  235. Droopy Says
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mr K Martin (#224): Hm . . . no, the wheel-of-fortune motif suggests that things get better once in a while. In the Funkiverse it’s downers all the way down. But this might be more suited to the marriage of Les and Lesser:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVjDP0vlem4

  236. Poteet
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#213): @Peanut Gallery (#228):

    According to Keith Richards via Wiki, Decca was to blame.

    “Paint It, Black” is a song released by The Rolling Stones on 13 May 1966 as the first single from the US version of their fourth album Aftermath. It was originally titled “Paint It Black” without a comma. Keith Richards has stated that the comma was added by the record label, Decca.”

    Well, it was the Sixties.

  237. Sgt. Stoned
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    JP: Squeal like a pig, slicker. I’ll show you a bonefish.

  238. pastordan, snark late shift
    October 9th, 2012 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

  239. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]


    Avery, Avery,
    Dolt of the Jungle,
    Watch out for that Chain!

  240. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#236):

    I guess it could be worse despite the way the song was recorded. In the song, it sounds like there is no comma. And, it was the 60s. But, changing the meaning to that? Seems like a silly choice, easily mis-intrepted as a potentially volatile “statement”, unless there is someone named Black.

    Anyway, I had a joke….

    The comma could have been misplaced differently.
    Paint, it Black.
    Paint, It, Black. ( I presume Cousin It was popular back then)

  241. tallyHO
    October 9th, 2012 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#239):

    Instead of just drums, there should probably also be clanking and clanging.

  242. rumpled tulip
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#214):

    You’re right, I am definitely getting a Coen brothers vibe from this storyline. Maybe Joel and Ethan have two younger, dumber, more boring brothers who dabble in comic strip writing.

  243. Poteet
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#240): I like to envision two stoned staffers discussing the comma. “I’m tellin’ you, man, there should be a comma. Right there. After ‘it.’ It. It it it. It, shit, flit, twit, clit…” “No, man, there shouldn’t be a comma. No comma. I’m fuckin’ sure my teacher in fifth grade said…uh…said…uh…say, do you smell popcorn? I really want popcorn. I’m fuckin’ dyin’ for popcorn.”

  244. Droopy Says
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Spider-bland: So . . . the truck had just left a private zoo when it entered this private estate, where both the cage door and the van’s rear door suddenly snapped open? And the blonde was where, exactly? Riding in the cab, where she couldn’t see the double sudden-snap? Riding in the van, where she let the tiger wander off because she paused to change into her fetishwear? This arc has just started and already it makes no sense, which may be a new record for Spiderbland.

    Les and Lesser: No, it’s a bad idea to have the wedding guests lug their chairs from the wedding area to the dining area. They might dump the chairs atop Les and have a bonfire, and there goes your deposit money.

    Jugs Parker: Why blindfold Avery? Wouldn’t it be more merciful to blindfold the readers? And unless there’s a firing squad in Avery’s immediate future, what’s the point? Avery knows about the pot farm. He’s met Bubba, and Bea, and Conrad, and he’s probably figured out they all live in the area. The only surprise would be if “Papa” is really Judge Parker.

    Mck Trail: This touchingly human scene would be more impressive if it involved actual humans. Or, failing that, Rusty.

  245. Poteet
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    FW — “And then the guests can toast their own marshmallows! And if we ask each of them to pick up a big handful of leaves before they go, we can skip the raking this week.”

  246. Poteet
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    JP — Oh, Bubba. You site what has been described as a ten-acre pot field below what looked like a paved road in an area that has only scattered trees, and then you think a blindfold will help? Dude, you are delusional.

  247. Poteet
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — If we ever actually see a deer in C’shaft, it will be the most intelligent mammal that has shown up in weeks.

  248. Poteet
    October 10th, 2012 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    GA — How much did God say the blue book value was — about $500?

  249. Poteet
    October 10th, 2012 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    JP — This does raise the question of how many bodies are buried in this cheery little valley. I’d guess that not all the unfortunate out-of-towners who bumble into range are called to meet Papa in time to avoid The Chain.

  250. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    October 10th, 2012 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    9CL: More political opining from Thorax, oh goody.

    It’s like reading random ranters on the more nutty sites: lots of frothing, not much sense, and you feel vaguely offended after reading it, regardless of your own politics.

  251. Droopy Says
    October 10th, 2012 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    enaLdeewkcihC9: After fooling around with edgy, artistic stuff, the artist returns to a state of utter beefwittery. McEch is Anne Rice in drag.

    Luann: Sure, Evans, Shannon won’t get loose and perform Bwaddus Interruptus.

  252. Comcis Fan
    October 10th, 2012 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    MW: Doogie Howser she is not.

  253. Comcis Fan
    October 10th, 2012 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    FW: For the love of Pete, are those Lisa’s ghost-as-omniscient-narrator thought bubbles at the top of panel 2? Is she in the tree?

  254. Comcis Fan
    October 10th, 2012 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    FC: They also had diphtheria and race riots! Yes, good times.

    Rhymes with Orange: What old moms are thinking: Where did the time go?

  255. HerrMagisterDoktor
    October 10th, 2012 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#96):
    The irony here is that ‘them thar folks’ from the city are supposed to be ‘slick’. From all that has happened, Avery doesn’t count as slick on any level…although he may count as a blood slick before this is all over.
    I mean, who stops to ask ‘Hey, what are you doing with that chain?’ when the giant hillbilly is advancing on you all sweaty and salivating?
    RUN BOY RUN!

  256. John C Fremont
    October 10th, 2012 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    JP – Hoo, boy, it’s pig squealin’ time!

    I hope that when he gets to “Papa,” it’s like the arrival at Kurtz’s compound, decapitated heads and all. If that happens, I’ll – I’ll be as merry as a school boy. I’ll be as giddy as a drunken man. I’ll squeal like a pig with delight. But mostly, I’m all Labrador Retriever.

    More mules, Zippy!

  257. True Fable
    October 10th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Pretty People Posse! (Okay, Judge Parker happens to have Not-So-Pretty-People in it today) – I thought the hillbilly was carrying some little Get Smart communication device, ad it was saying, “Bring in the sucker!” No, honest I did. The likelihood of a hillbilly with a logging chain would have of also carrying a Get Smart-esque communicator instead of a walkie-talkie is every bit as likely as un-ironically calling Avery a sucker.

  258. True Fable
    October 10th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail Theater! “I don’t mind when you leave,Mark! It makes sneaking off with Sam Driver sooo much easier!”

  259. ????
    August 26th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to this superb blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed
    to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will share this blog with my Facebook group.
    Chat soon!

  260. ???
    August 30th, 2013 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my difficulty. You’re wonderful!
    Thanks!

  261. ???
    August 30th, 2013 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my difficulty. You’re wonderful!

    Thanks!

Comments are closed for this post.