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Judge Parker, 10/9/12

My goodness, I have been incredibly remiss in keeping you up to date on Judge Parker! Mostly because it’s been kind if enh. Quick summary of the last six weeks: after briefly skunking our boys out of their cabin, our nefarious marijuana farmers stole Avery’s camera, because it has pictures of marijuana, but also pictures of a fish that Avery thinks are more precious than life itself. We also learned that Bea is financially solvent only because she’s being paid off by Bubba and his growers; Sam expressed thin-lipped disapproval. And now Avery has gone off to demand his camera back from Bubba, which is bad for him, because he’s probably going to be beaten to death with a chain, but great for us, because it has led to the third panel of this comic, which is probably the greatest thing you will see today and maybe even this year. The overalls! The beard! The chain! The beads of sweat and/or boils, can’t really tell what those things on his face are supposed to be! Papa to Adam … bring in the slicker! BRING IN THE SLICKER!

Mark Trail, 10/9/12

Usually battling overalled rustics is more Mark Trail’s cup of tea, and maybe we’ll get to that later, but right now Mark has come home just long enough to pull out Rusty’s heart and stomp on it. Haha, Rusty, we know that your loneliness and feelings of abandonment — symbolized my Mark’s repeatedly broken promise to take you on a fishing trip — have left you with zero self-esteem and led you to reckless behavior, like trying to get photographs of dangerous sheep-killers. So how will you react when Mark once again bails on your trip — this time to go on a fishing trip with someone else? “It’s sort of a business and pleasure trip … but mostly pleasure. The pleasure comes from not seeing Rusty!”

If the main character in any other strip said he wanted to “get some good pictures of bonefish,” you know I’d be all over it, giggling like a 12-year-old. But this is Mark Trail talking, so let’s show some respect! (By “respect” I mean respect for whatever terrible neurological or psychological disorder leaves Mark unable to experience or even understand erotic feelings of any kind.)