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The greatest love story since Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat

Heathcliff, 11/5/12

So I’m still trying to get my bearings on Heathcliff? Heathcliff and Marmaduke have different syndicates, but they seem in some ways to be one-panel animal companions — indeed, both have Sunday features (“Kitty Korner” and “Dog Gone Funny,” respectively) where people can write in with very mildly amusing stories about their pets that never seem to involve urine or vomit, unlike most of the pet stories people tell me. Nevertheless, Heathcliff is not a Marmadukean soul-destroying hell-monster, but rather a mid-level thug who lives a self-satisfied and comfortable existence occasionally interrupted (but also at the same time sustained?) by dealing out violence to those who irritate him. Today, though, we see that he’s a lover as well as a fighter, and indeed his erotic life is much stranger than his sadly predictable acts of aggression. While our focus in this panel is rightly on the cat that’s tongue-kissing a kitchen appliance, we should also spare a thought for the human woman who regards this sordid little scene and reacts not with disgust or bafflement but instead with a sort of wistful jealousy.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/5/12

Oh no … the heavy-lidded grin … the admission that he’s had time to prepare a response on this topic … the opportunity to set the record straight on the importance of sequential art as a means of serious expression … WE ARE APPROACHING FUNKY WINKERBEAN SMUG LEVEL ALPHA, REPEAT, SMUG LEVEL ALPHA … TAKE SHELTER WHERE AVAILABLE … MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS

222 responses to “The greatest love story since Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat”

  1. Little A.
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    A3G: What happened to Margo’s

  2. Pozzo
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    I don’t know — I think “Heathcliff” swiped its caption from “The Lockhorns,” only there it would be referring to a bottle of alcohol, or possibly poison.

  3. Cooler King
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    This FW might drag on for a while, so let me preemptively summarize the next couple of weeks so we can focus on the hilarious Thanksgiving themed Keane-family action that is sure to commence…

    Comics John: “You know, I get asked this all the time, floppy-hat-kid whose name or character isn’t worth developing because he exists as nothing more than a catalyst for my morally superior self-servitude! You see, some people are unfunny hacks who rely on heavy handed, reiterative messages to make their non-point, and who smugly dismiss anyone who calls them out on their lack of talent as too simple to understand such high-brow art!”

    Floppy Hat Kid: “What I have to say is clearly irrelevant. Blah blah… setting up your counterpoint Carry on, Mary Sue.”

  4. Izzy
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Damn, granny’s got legs!

  5. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    JP: In addition to Get Outta My Bed, Conrad!, I’d like to propose another TV spin-off: the new reality series, Hillbilly Valet.

    MT: Can we just get to the scene in which Editor Bill goes to the magazine’s fat-cat owners, crying, “They’ve kidnapped Mark and want $2 million ransom!”—and the owners reply, “Mark who?”

    A3G: “What does she want?” Uh, maybe to meet with the publicist she’s hired, Margo?

    SM: Peter is awfully anxious about this professional animal trainer, whose claim to fame (besides crime) is working with dangerous animals—whose entire show, in fact, centers around him working with dangerous animals, night after night. Tomorrow: Peter goes to a magic show and works himself into a tizzy over the disappearance of the rabbit.

  6. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, it’s quite a feast: a cornucopia of khaki, a bounty of beige, a buffet of buff, an excess of ecru, a cascade of cream, a wilderness of white, a torrent of tan.

  7. Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Since actual 21st century muggers don’t look like extras from a Keystone Cops short, I’m guessing this is just a role play that will culminate in an angry three-way in the alley on a bed of rancid garbage.

    MW: “Speaking of joy…” File under: Humans say, Things they never

  8. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Dilbert: first 3-D print joke that I’ve seen.

    A&J: admits that queerfolk exist. one of few strips to do so.

    PBS: should have talked to the chicken.

    SBp: it’s about to that level.

    Bizarro: 8snurk*

    DT: in his face?!? *revisits previous art and /facepalms*

    JUMBLE: goes for the golf gag.

    MG&G: O_O


    6Cx: *snurk*

    rMC: win. I don’t remember that one from first run.

    Retail: *snurk* hoisted.

  9. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    9CL – Well, yes, but that is pretty much the reaction of every character in this strip to everything they encounter, so it doesn’t really reflect on Amos’ playing. Hell, Edda was dry humping the piano for over an hour yesterday just because she saw a piece of sheet music.

  10. Esther Blodgett
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh boy, this should be good. Said no ‘Mudgeon, ever.

    Curtis: *redacted comment that got unacceptably political in a hurry*

    JP: Sam has no idea there’s an alternate meaning for “Hummer.” Or for “follow Bea.”

  11. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    FW Ha ha. That’s funny because floppy-hat kid is desperately looking for anything that would lighten the soul-crushing, cancer-haunted hopelessness of living in Westview.

    Crankedshaft I guess we are supposed to assume that Ed ran over a child’s band instrument and not the child. The “humor” in this strip is usually just lame, but too often, it’s offensive.

  12. Honey Badger, Does not give a shit
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    PBS: I don’t think I would hire an armadillo for a political campaign. With such a tiny mouth it’s hard to talk out of both sides.

  13. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    MW Literally thrown together: three strips of turkey bacon on a bed of instant mashed potatoes. Great progress, Dawn! Keep this up and eventually Mary will share the sacred salmon square recipe and then you’ll offically be one of the master chefs of Charterstone.

  14. TheDiva
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    FW: Okay, Batiuk, you want to repeat this argument, I’m going to repeat my rebuttal: it has nothing to do with your subject matter and everything to do with how fucking terrible you are at your job.

    Heathcliff: Who is the woman in the apron? She looks like she should be posing for Mrs. White on Clue box…

  15. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    FC: Mommy, guess what? I dreamed of you last night! Oh, and I wet the bed.

  16. Liam
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MT-Otto is still waiting for his friend to come back with the ransom money.

    JP-”Last I heard Bubba was going to be a June bride.”

    MW-We go from Dawn being worried about Jim and his incestous relationship with is sister Merry to Dawn being all normal about her incestous relationship with her father.

  17. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .taking the family fishing. non-irony here, today.

  18. Wally Winkerbean
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    With all the deah, misery, cancer, and loss of limbs, why is this section of the newspaper called the comics or funnypages?

  19. Christopher
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: “You just started a sentence with, ‘Riddle me this, Batman…’, thus demonstrating that you don’t know funny from Shinola.”

  20. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    FW: Since floppy hat wearing teen has grown up in an age of dark, graphic novels, I call BS that he would have a plugger moment like “‘Member when comics were funny? Gee, with L’il Audrey, Casper, Wendy… yeah, those were the days… funny… stuff…. *drifts into dreamy somnabulence for an hour while others move uncomfortably around him*… oh, hey, why aren’t they 5 cents each??”

  21. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Christopher (#19): In his defense, Smug Comic Book Guy is wearing a Batman t-shirt.

  22. seismic-2
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Heath: Then just how does he kiss you, inexplicably jealous Granny? Let’s see, if you took off those strangely inappropriate yet stunning high heels that show off your amazingly well-turned legs so seductively, particularly from ground level, then the cat’s face would come up to… OH NO NO NO MY GOD NO

  23. Not Just Any Dipstick
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#15): Wet the Bed? In what manner dare I ask?

  24. Downpuppy
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    If Wilbur & Dawn keep having pretend feasts with invisible food, Wilbur should be skin & bones in no time.

  25. Bud
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    “If they’re called ‘comic books’ shouldn’t they… I don’t know… be like, books?

  26. Braniff
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    FC: “And here’s to you, Mommy Keane. Jeffy loves you more than you will know . . .”

  27. TheDiva
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    **New Musical Hell Review is up! Come see Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton and their respective bosoms duke it out in Joyful Noise!**

    9CL: After Brooke’s political “satire,” I almost welcome the return of his usual “nerdy guy scoring with hot chick” fare. Almost.

    A3G: “Oh yeah, I’m driving away all your clients with my incompetence, sorry about that, let’s get back to tonsil hockey!”

    C’shaft: Delightful old codger Crankshaft endangers children, destroys property, and acts like it’s all the victims fault.

    Luann: If this goes into the old “I’m a feminist and I consider the innocuous polite act of holding a door the tool of the oppressive patriarchy” strawman, I’d rather go back to the stupid Weenie World arc.

    MW: Wilbur’s pretty easy to cook for: throw some beef jerky on a pan of rice pudding, and he’ll deem it a meal fit for a king! (Also: Worst. Segue. Ever.)

    SM: Peter, this guy hunts big game for shiggles. You just got spanked by a wannabe clown. Go back to mopping the floor and let the adults take care of things, mmm-kay?

  28. Hibbleton
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    MW: That’s some feast: A casserole dish filled with mayonnaise topped with three bacon slices, a dish of sliced, raw potato, and a couple of glasses of milk. When will Wilbur learn to stop humoring his precious darling so she can grow up?

  29. Mibbitmaker
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    FW: Batty is at it again! Metabelligerence does not become you, Tommy boy, any more than it becomes Brooke McEldowney. Face it, your strip was much better funny, ’70s-’80s style. Hell, last week (horribly bad timing notwithstanding) was better than the clinically depressed soap you usually churn out. Also, in comic books, it isn’t so much funny vs. serious as it is “mainstream” superhero fetish vs. indy-alternative (and Archie) which, more often than not, are more in line with an actual mainstream that still thinks of the medium as the former exclusively. And, even in the heavy comics lit area, the creators handle seriousness vastly more artfully than you, Batiuk, ever will!
    (Then again, why “argue” with a cartoonist who still wants to push his “serious-is-superior” crap even while releasing huge collections of his earlier, funnier work — tellingly, not, as far as I’ve seen, in bookstores where the mainstream readers can actually FIND the buggers)

    Heathcliff: Cats don’t kiss objects like that, either, lady!

  30. Leonard
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    FW: I thought comics weren’t suppose to insult the reader.

  31. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, in Crankshaft.

    Sad Keanu iz not so sad, now.

    bats :[ should be in here somewhere.

    Burber bookcase. no beefwits allowed.

    Simpsonian win.

    and then the ice weasels came.

    corgi bat for bats :[.

    autumnal corgsqui.

  32. Marc
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    9CL- The sexual immaturity in this family knows no age limit.

    A3G- So for the second time in a couple weeks, Margo and Evan make out and then act like nothing happened. How much do you wanna bet that Evan and Skyler’s lunch ends in a make out session as well? HIs solution to everything seems to be to stick his tongue down the other person’s throat. Evan missed his calling over at 9CL.

    Mark Trail- No wonder this little island is separate from the politics of the main island; anybody who ventures out into the water runs a serious risk of being devoured by a swarm of man eating pelicans.

    Mary Worth- Wilbur Weston enjoys eating. If that isn’t the understatement of the century right there, I don’t know what is.

    Funky- “Say, don’t you miss the good old days when you would drink a shitload of ovaltine, send away for your Little Orphan Annie secret decoder pin, and sit around the radio having a good listen to that loveable scamp’s light hearted tales?”
    “You’re 16 years old and it’s 2012, what the fuck are you talking about?”

    Luann- Every time one completely horrible storyline ends, I think “well this next one can’t possibly any worse”. Then I see what it is and remember that no combination of horrible characters in this aneurism inducingly bad strip, could possibly make for a decent story.

    Hi & Lois- The disturbing thing is that this is what passes for role play in the Flagston house.

  33. Marc
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Family Circus- And that’s when Jeffy’s Oedipal Complex really began to take ahold of him.

  34. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#27):

    …I’d rather go back to the stupid Weenie World arc.

    Yeah, by now Ann’s corpse should be completely frozen in the Weenie World meat locker.

  35. Little Blue Bicycle
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    You know, it’s true, reduced to its essence, FW is just one long smirk.

  36. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Leonard (#30):

    FW: I thought comics weren’t suppose to insult the reader.

    That’s the great thing about FW – you don’t actually have to read it to be insulted!

  37. nescio
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: the original version of this strip had the caption “He never licks my anus like that.”

  38. Alice
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Evans, Evans…It’s very simple. Either Ann gets fired/transferred, or TJ gets fired. Only one of those alternatives, granted, is realistic and fair, but at least they’re both a resolution.

    Switching to another setting and pair of characters? Not a resolution.

  39. sporknpork
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Judging from those sexy legs in Heathcliff, the artist REALLY hates the hell out of hands.

  40. John Taber
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Eons ago (circa 1982) Heathcliff and Marmaduke shared a Saturday morning cartoon show. (The Heathcliff show with the “Cadillac Cats” would come later.)

  41. Maltmasher
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    FW- I’ll be the first to admit I don’t follow the strip except on this site. The guy behind the counter looks like Funky wearing a really bad black toupee. Is this so he can fit in with the youngsters and start crushing their souls before the legally mandated cancer scare in high school?

  42. T.B.
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Leonard (#30):

    And I though the reader wasn’t supposed to insult the comics!!

    Suck it! The Ghost of Dead St. Lisa spits on you from beyond the grave! If you can’t appreciate True Art, you should just stick to the Classifieds.

  43. Liam
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    FW-This coming from a guy who after reading one of his comics you need to call the Suicide Prevention Hotline.

  44. Marked Trail
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Man, the folks creating the Trailverse are not even trying with the clip art anymore.

    Just toss it up on the xerox and then head back to the bar.

  45. Mibbitmaker
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    BC thinks it’s MG&G today.

    9CL: Elitist sexuality. And by elitist, I mean sub-adolescent. And elitist.

    MW: Oh, SHUT UP, you goddamn roly-poly stereotype!

    Glibporn: It’s tortured fairy porn PLUS wacky comedy! [that odd noise TV's Frank makes]

    Popeye: “Oh, great! First Chance the gardener, now THIS!”, says Jesus.

    R&R: Special interest group.

  46. JWKS
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Momma has an incest subtext, Pluggers is for furries, and first Marmaduke and now Heathcliff inch ever closer to open bestiality. The elderly demographic who read these legacy comics must have incredibly depraved sex lives.

  47. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh, I see, because you’re in a “comic strip” that’s spent the last decade plumbing the depths of misery. Very clever. If you were really smart you’d hop on an airplane and go far away.

    MT: You know, the old man’s promises about Otto keeping Mark alive might be more reassuring if he himself didn’t look like he was on his last 500 or so heartbeats.

    MW: Wait, is that bacon? Hot diggity! How often do you see foodstuffs in Mary Worth that you can actually identify?

    C-Shaft: Haha, it’s funny because inevitably Crankshaft will run over a kid.

    Archie: Archie and Reggie look at least five years too old to still be in high school, but I guess we’re supposed to gather that they’re eight-year-old siblings.

    BC: Never mind the Tea Party spider. When did the cavemen start fencing off land and raising pigs? We’re missing all the big H. sapiens turning points.

    BSt: On a non-snark note, the caption here has a beautifully understated humor to it.

    JP: No one would have to tell me twice to follow dat az, but Sam and I are wired different.

    RMMD: “After all, getting on TV was the whole reason I switched out my wife’s heart pills. Wait, I never said that!”

    GA: Ah, so if your eyes are blank white discs a la Harold Gould, you’re a ghost. Everybody else has tiny black beads for eyes, so they’re ghouls. Got it.

    Blondie: The kind of traction Dagwood wants generally comes with things like “having money” and “declaring more than two weeks before the election.”

    FC: What’s that, Jeffy? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of my skin crawling.

    Momma: Francis is talking about the candidates licking each other. It’s a late entry in Josh’s presidential slash fiction contest.

    H&J: Okay, what prankster snuck the proper noun into the last panel?

  48. Dartpaw86
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Heathcliffe: Wow, I can’t believe they beat Garfield to that joke.

    Funky Winkerbean: No, comic books don’t need to be funny, but strips which were created as a humour strip and not a soap SHOULD be funny. TOM!! *Glares*

  49. David Ellis Dickerson
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    HEATHCLIFF EXPLAINED: When I was a kid reading the comics, I realized that most of Heathcliff’s jokes followed this pattern.

    a.) take a normal, non-funny thing humans do all the time.
    b.) have Heathcliff do it.
    c.) Pause for hilarity, as readers apparently gasp, slap their foreheads, and squeegee away helpless tears as they say, “But…but he’s not a human; he’s a CAT!”

    This really explains 90% of Heathcliff cartoons. I’ve been waiting for Heathcliff to die ever since. It has not done much for my estimation of cat owners, either.

  50. Greg
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Is this why the women have BOTH hands thrust down their skirts? Haven’t they heard of internet pornography?

  51. Dartpaw86
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @JWKS (#46):

    Um, just because it has anthropomorphic animals doesn’t immediately make it Furry subject. I being a Furry will point out that according to your logic, Mickey Mouse is furry material, Bugs Bunny, Paddington Bear, Rupert, Care Bears! Do I need to go on how flawed your logic there is.

  52. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @JWKS (#46): Amazingly, no strip has yet explored the lighter side of necrophilia. Of course for all we know grandma in Family Circus could be going to grandpa’s plot with a shovel and some perfume.

  53. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft – It’s almost heartwarming that Crankshaft is momentarily surprised to hit a little girl and her horn with his bus before blaming her.

    Slylock knows the answer to this strip’s question for the same reason he knows the answer to every strip’s question: he knows how to read upside-down small print!

  54. Calico
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    FW – More like smug level meta.
    I’m waiting for this strip to implode at any moment.

  55. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    So my initial reaction to FW was, “Wait, is that kid reading comics about the Korean War?” Then I googled it and discovered that DMZ is a comic book series set in the near future describing a new civil war in the US, and I said, “Hey, that actually sounds really interesting.” Then I realized that I had played right into Batuik’s hands and was about to read a new comic series on his recommendation, and validate his ideas about “serious” comics in the process. Very sneaky, Mr. Batuik, well played.

  56. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Herb – I was guessing Langston Hughes in his Symbolist phase.

    love is… …NOOO! Get off the PIER!! While you still have your ARMS!!

  57. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Marfield – Marvin’s face gets stuck making goofy faces today? Huh? I thought that happened a long, long time ago.

    Popeye – Truly, this was th’ Son of th’ Lone Star State.

  58. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#y122): You’re quibbling with the wrong person. Go find who writes “Frosted Pop Tarts” on the labels. I’m only passing along what the label says on a product that doesn’t interest me much.

    Josh – If Heathcliff and Marmaduke fought to the death, who would win? Besides us, I mean.

  59. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @nescio (#37): If you could write to Peter Gallagher for his “too hot for Heathcliff” art, well… I’m not sure anyone actually would, but it would be a hell of a conversation piece.

  60. Calico
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    CS – just remove the last panel.
    Yeah, that’ll do it.

  61. erdmann
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    FW: And what about Batman? He’s, like, a bat? Right? Why can’t he fly? And why does Spider-Man wear his webspinners — which oughta be called spinneretes, by the way — on his wrists? Real spiders have ‘em at the back of their abdomens, so Spider-Man’s oughta be on his butt, right? And why don’t you carry more “Little Lulu” comics?

  62. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Yeah, “comic” books should be funny, but “Komix” books should be banned.

  63. Calico
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#13):
    Dawn has outdone Lilek’s regrettable food! Congratulations.

  64. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Leonard (#30): Funky doesn’t insult the reader half as much as Non-Sequitur. Of course, the expectation is not to insult at all, but maybe that’s a truth that excapes even Obviousman.

  65. Calico
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Bud (#25):
    “And shouldn’t they be written by comics, say Lenny Bruce, Louis C.K., or George Carlin?”

  66. Droopy Says
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    That Heathcliff cartoon is especially cruel, with the way that woman mentions kissing to the mouthless entity at her side.

  67. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    MT: Otto’s plans hinge on keeping Mark Trail alive. Mark! Thwart his plans! Please?

  68. Calico
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Braniff (#26):
    “This is the end, my only friend, the end…”

  69. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#45): re 9CL
    They may be sub-adolescent, but witness Archie. Reg and Arch are fighting over the remote control for a toy truck with not-at-all-infantile remarks like “Gimme that!” These are high school kids? Who drive?

  70. Stroker Ace
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    WTFFW? – So ‘underground comics’ should be read in a subway, or basement or fall out shelter… or maybe ‘underground comics’ should be about a subway, or basement or fall out shelter.

  71. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    SM: Honey, I got a janitorial job! It pays better than Jamison’s gig, too! My new boss says I’m on the fast track to toilet cleaning. That’s where the BIG money is. They like me here! They REALLY like me!

  72. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#70): or a secret race of mole men.

  73. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — Hey, wait a minute. I call FOUL. One of the reasons I follow SS in spite of unbearable little Max is because Alix is refreshingly like some real girls who are interested in, not repulsed by, snakes, frogs, and invertebrates. If that’s going to change, I shall depart from SS in a major huff, and I warn you, SS, my major huffs are not pretty.

  74. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    FW: Brooke McEldowney has made it clear that he long ago accepted Batiuk’s unspoken challenge, raising the bar for smug so high that Batiuk is going to have to really up his game to stay relevant. If he doesn’t deploy a self-satisfied Nazi or invoke the epithet “beefwit” by Wednesday, he’ll lose the 2012 Self-Flagellating Asshole Pageant, I guarantee it.

  75. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    9CL — I once sat behind a couple just a little like these two during a performance of CARMEN, and if I had killed them, no jury from that audience would have convicted me.

  76. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    GA — I hope this discussion will continue for several additional days because I still haven’t quite grasped the true meaning of the Halloween storyline. Tell me more, Slim and Skeezix, tell me more.

  77. AhClem
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#6):

    MW: Yes, it’s quite a feast: a cornucopia of khaki, a bounty of beige, a buffet of buff, an excess of ecru, a cascade of cream, a wilderness of white, a torrent of tan.

    All washed down with gallons and gallons of potato-ade.

  78. Steve
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    MW: For someone his age who claims to enjoy eating (and I believe him), you’d think Wilbur would have learned how to hold a fork.

  79. Virgil
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    FW: I get that sort of question all the time when people ask me about Dante’s “Commedia.” Why isn’t it funny? The answer is so simple.

    True Fact: Few people realize that Westview is actually set in the circle of Limbo in the Inferno. The gloomy place of lost souls who perpetually exist without hope, it does explain a great deal about the strip.

  80. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    While Josh breaks the code on What’s Really Happening in FW, I have finally figured out what is it in Mark Trail, with all the damned pelicans (I hope I’m not treading on someone’s previous post/epiphany): the Spanish word for pelican is “alcatraz”…THEY’RE IMPRISONED ON ALCATRAZ!!! ALCATRAZ!!!

    Whew. I must have a lie-down now…

  81. Mark B.
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Rex: The colorist has mastered ‘black’ skin tone, but the artist hasn’t mastered african american facial features. It’s a little disturbing to look at.

  82. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    And turn off the bold-feature, too…

  83. Austria
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Arch: Here’s today’s Archie, in which the souls of 6-year-olds are trapped in the bodies of 16-year-olds.

    Curtis: In which the child is more savvy than the father. No matter what the outcome is, I recommend earplugs on Wednesday.


  84. gleeb
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    ‘bean: Please, everyone, floppy-hat kid has a name. He’s Owen. And his character has been fleshed out; he’s an idiot. Not much flesh, sure, but you take what you can get in the shadow of Les Moore. Anyway, this is gonna be great, because high dudgeon is Batiuk’s funniest suit. When he tries it he always ends up looking like a clown.

  85. True Fable
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, Dapper Dan Wouldn’t you know, just when Rex gets a male admirer, the guy is wizened and gray and 120 years old if he’s a day.

    Mark Trail Theater! This current Admiring Old Guy fad has taken a grim, stoic and totally platonic direction in Lost Forest. Everything is grim, stoic and totally platonic there.

    Mary Wrath Damn, it’s Topsy-Turvy Day at Admiring Old Guy headquarters. At least Joe Giella has learned that not every character has asbestos hands when dealing with piping hot cookware.

    Enormously Huge I want Ted Forth as a neighbor. It’s like he’s nested in my brain, like a squirrel loaded with nuts.

    Red-Headed Stepchild Archie and Reggie are in school. Why are THEY fighting for the remote? Shouldn’t they be in class shutting the fuck up so the teacher can handle the remote? Are there really only three teachers and one principal in the whole of Riverdale High? Man, I hate it when Archie’s world reminds me of Greater Metropolitan Roopville and its Fighting Thunder Lizards. ugh.

    Oh, and today’s Least I Could Do is brilliant.

  86. Lupin The 3.1415926th
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Fat, Orange Striped Cat – No, Not The One Who Lives With Jon Arbuckle & Odie, The OTHER One: Actually, about a third of the “Kit & Carlyle” strips ever made have today’s Heathcliff strip beaten in the “creepy pseudo-sexual relationship between cat and owner” category…but even fewer people care about Kit & Carlyle than care about Heathcliff, so…

    Smirky Cancerbean: Batty, Batty, Batty…for the umpteenth time, the fact that you do serious subjects isn’t the problem. The fact that your characters are thoroughly unlikable douchebags, THAT’S the problem.

  87. Remmy
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    9cl: this is a repeat. brooke must be on vaca

  88. JuneBizzle
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @John Taber (#40): It also had the best theme song of the Heathcliff shows, sung by none other than the late, great Scatman Crothers (with the EQUALLY late, great Mel Blanc as the voice of Heathcliff…and in THIS series, the voice of Spike).

  89. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    @Remmy (#87):

    This can’t be a repeat. I’ve never seen the strip tap this vein of “already oversexed couple is driven mad with lust at the sound of classical music” humor before. It is a refreshing change from the strip’s usual political commentary.

  90. seismic-2
    November 5th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, comics used to be funny, back when they were being cranked out by no-talent hacks like Walt Kelly, Carl Barks, and John Stanley. Thank goodness we live in an enlightened era when true creative geniuses like Tom and Brooke have opened our eyes to the artistic possibilities of the medium. Mere Pulitzers, or even Nobel Prizes in literature, are insufficient recognition of the debt we owe them for their innovative treatment of what had heretofore been a trivial children’s amusement. Centuries from now, our distant descendants will make pilgrimages to the museums erected for the sole purpose of housing their reverentially preserved comics and will curse themselves for not having been fortunate enough to have lived in this era that so profoundly transformed graphic art, literature, culture, and indeed life itself. Oh we lucky few, to have shared in this miracle while it happened! Surely we should hold onto the comics pages of our newspapers just as if they were tickets to the Globe Theater on the occasion of the premiere of a new Shakespeare play. Oh blessed are we, to be a part of this daily miracle! When I look at FW, Crank, 9CL, and Pibgorn, I realize that it is for just that purpose that the human eyeball and cerebral cortex have evolved! And to think that people once laughed at comics. What cultureless Calibans, what unwashed ignoramuses, what unenlightened beefwits those primitive Australopithecines must have been!!!

  91. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Something about sexxing up your large household appliances was familiar, then I remembered my Kate Bush Aerial CD that has a song where Ms. Bush sings passionately for her washing machine. Maybe the “He” is not Heathcliff, but the woman’s Frigidaire. Maybe she’s even given him a secret name, like Fred Frigid-Astaire, and in her mind, the two of them dance smoothly across the kitchen floor every night to the sweet sounds of music written back when women really wore aprons.

  92. Señor Tortilla
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MT: That’s an odd-looking Mark Trail character in a world where every adult looks the same except for slightly different face.

    FC: “In it, you were tortured! I laughed every time your fingernails were pulled out. And then I broke your neck like a pencil!”

    Curtis: Given the excitement back in 2008-2009 about a certain candidate, I’d say it’s very clear where the Wilkins family loyalties lie. Don’t give me this H&J generic-ness, be honest.

  93. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Speaking of Joy…. make sure you use some when you’re cleaning the dishes. That store brand dish soap doesn’t work worth a damn.”

  94. Hibbleton
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#91):
    Of course, Monty’s robot has been sexing up the vacuum cleaner for a while now.

  95. Opal
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#91): I find the rhythmic vibration of an unbalanced washing machine to be quite soothing.

  96. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    This strip made me laff today.

  97. odinthor
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#71):

    SM: Honey, I got a janitorial job! It pays better than Jamison’s gig, too! My new boss says I’m on the fast track to toilet cleaning.

    “And after five years they give me a brush!”

  98. Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#90): Don’t forget that hack George Herriman, whose work has been vastly superseded by Tom “Auto-Fellatio” Batiuk, who improved on the Krazy Kat formula by making all his characters “Krazy” and substituting life itself for the brick (while he himself lurks behind every frame, an unseen Ignatz).

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Remmy (#87): Brooke reported over at Pibpron that he had computer issues a few weeks back. This is likely covering that gap.

  100. Gringo
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    FW: “If they’re called ‘comic’ strips … shouldn’t they be funny?”

    “You know, I get asked that all the time. Here, hold this plutonium until you feel a tumor take root.”

  101. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#31): hahahahahahahahaha! (I think I’m the piepan…why don’t they ever show the piepan in those pie charts?)

  102. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: This week, if the strip contains the line “… and the video went viral!“, my nipples will instantly harden.

  103. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#85): re RMMD: Yeah, I noticed that, too. Rex just can’t catch a break…

  104. Bill
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    Cranky: “Serves her right for throwing her horn under the wheels, but at least her innards will grease the gears and keep this ol’ bus rolling squeek-free for a few more blocks … til’ I nail the next kid …”

  105. Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    “If they’re called ‘comic’ strips … shouldn’t they be funny?”

    The only scenario in which I could imagine this line being funny is Jeffy Keane talking to Harvey Pekar.

  106. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#100):

    FW: “If they’re called ‘comic’ strips … shouldn’t they be funny?”

    And naked, too? If they’re called comic ‘strips’ shouldn’t the characters be funny and naked?

  107. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Alternate Archie dialogue:

    Archie: Unhand me, sir, and unhand the remote control.

    Reggie: Mr. Andrews, the protocol of our time-share arrangement clearly dictates that your time has expired and posession of the device now rests with me!

    Mr. Weatherbee: Ye Gods! A robotic truck? In the hallowed confines of this learned institution??

    Reggie: I suddenly recall a prior committment. As for your unfortunate mishap, Principal Weatherbee, I suggest you search for a culprit with a hand-held radio-control. Archie, as they say, dear chap, posession is nine tenths of the law. Toodles!

  108. seismic-2
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Crank: Well, you can’t really blame him. A French Horn case looks too much like an armadillo.

  109. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Opal (#95): Inside this blog, anything goes, so long as its civil. Outside, you might want to keep that bit private. “TMI” does not mean “Tell Me, Instantly”.

  110. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD (#7): If there’s a half-lodged turkey leg involved, I’m ejecting something from my body that looks like a rejected Mary Worth dinner.

    @seismic-2 (#22): So you’re saying the pussy is coming face-to-face to…a leopard skin thong?

    @hogenmogen (#71): Early COTW contender.

    @seismic-2 (#90): My sarcasm-o-meter just pegged out and broke.

    @hogenmogen (#102): Tomorrow I have a meeting with the denizens of mahogany row. I’m slipping “My nipples will instantly harden” onto someone else’s slide deck. Hilarity will ensue.

  111. DaveyK
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Please tell me that the people in Heathcliff have no hands on a regular basis. Because the alternative (that the housewife and maid are engaging in auto-eroticism under their strangely short skirts while watching Healthcliff make out with the refrigerator) is just too filthy to contemplate.

  112. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @DaveyK (#111): Nope. Our dearly departed Dingo has guided Heathcliff’s artist’s hand.

  113. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#58):

    Without looking, didn’t I say that food engineers may call that “frosting” but it is not? It really is a toe-may-toe, stubbed-mah-toe kind of thing. I mean, processed food labelling: I’m sure a product called Manna-wich would have a caveat about the non-divine nature of that canned product yet the label would infer that it was like heavenly yum yums.

    After some (little) reflection on it, I regret not mentioning what someone else brought up: it might be considered a glaze. But, which sounds more delicious:

    Glazed Pop Tarts or Frosted Pop Tarts?
    Frosted Flakes or Glazed Gewgaws? (both the latter and Glazed Flakes sounds like insults. haha)

    And, then we have the creme de la creme: Glazed Doughnuts!

    Now, I believe most of us are of the opinion that Doughnuts enhance everything in life, right Luther Vandross? * So, Frosted Doughnuts sound good, too. Powdered sounds better with Doughnuts than it does with Milk.

    I digress though. Frosted, Icing, Glazed, whatever.
    It is all just sugar sugar!**

    *I didn’t say doughnuts extend life, doughnuts just enhance it, temporarily. Right, Ghost Luthor V.?

    **now I will find myself dancing to that Archie’s song, nekkid on the side of a distant, long country road, with nary a person in sight, until someone finds me dancing to that Archie’s song…
    It is inevitable. The last time I uttered that phrase, that’s what happened.

    Only by the grace of Funky Winkerbean did I overcome my…situation. A week’s old, slightly grey, sheet of funny pages was being tossed around by the wind. As I grew weaker and weary, I found myself mesmerized by the very sight of the faded four-colors, of one side, and the dreary grey of the side of the broadsheet. For a while, it spun like a pinwheel. Like Ziggy’s Brain as he figures out how to stave off the boredom that dictates his life, it made a whizzing sound. That sound grew louder as the paper flew nearer to me. Eventually, I would know way too much about what it must be like to be like Ziggy! This frightened me.

    I quickly came to my senses. But, not before the farmer’s daughter drove up in an old pickup. Thankfully, the broadsheet of funnies came in useful, as I used them to cover part of me, also referred to as my crankshaft.

    //not enough coffee and I don’t feel like working. Gah. I just checked my Garfield clock: it’s Monday. If I had a Heathcliff clock, it would kick Monday’s butt to Tuesday!

  114. Joshua
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#92): Why would Curtis ask Chutney about what Morocco is like anyway? It seems very doubtful that she would ever have been there or even have read much more about it than he would have. Shouldn’t he ask someone like Gunk, who has traveled around the world? Or even Michelle, who claims to associate with the rich and well-traveled and thus might know someone who had been there?

  115. Rob
    November 5th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Hmm . . . I’ve an urge to run this Heathcliff cartoon through the Demotivationals page with “Still A Better Love Story Than Twilight,” but I’m wondering if perhaps that meme has become passe.

  116. Calico
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#114):
    Curtis needs to ask Jen Saunders and Joanna Lumley about Morocco – LOL

  117. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff kisses the fridge. Garfield ravages it instead. I think Heathcliff’s owner is glad he isn’t Garfield.

    Poteet: Thanks. I’m fine. But bedtime now for me…it’s 17 minutes to midnight.

  118. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#92):

    Wasn’t there a week long fist fight between the two candidates that took place in that families living room?

    If I remember correctly–and I barely looked–the artist just made fun of them both without showing favoritism. It doesn’t matter too much though. Curtis’ cartoon world probably functions by a different set of rules. Sort of like how that Funky Winkerbean world centered around a Superfund site that still has inhabitants. You know, go figure!

    Personally, I think Curtis’ dad is just looking for an excuse to move to Morocco.

  119. This Guy
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD (#98): “Unseen Ignatz” is the name of my Modest Mouse cover band.

  120. CCG
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: He also used to have a TV show that I watched when I was a kid. “Self-satisfied mid-level thug” pretty much nails him, with the caveat that he could back it up by kicking anyone’s ass, including those of much larger dogs. He was juxtaposed with another cat who ruled (precariously) over a junkyard and had fantasies of being an alpha male like Heathcliff but was too cowardly to live up to them.

    FW: True, it’s always grating when a “funny” comic/TV show/whatever suddenly decides it needs to be “serious”. Like, oh, FW a few years back.

  121. seismic-2
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#91): Something about sexxing up your large household appliances was familiar, then I remembered my Kate Bush Aerial CD that has a song where Ms. Bush sings passionately for her washing machine.

    But going back to Kate Bush’s 1978 debut LP, The Kick Inside, perhaps she was thinking about today’s love affair between cat and refrigerator from the fridge’s point of view when she wrote these lyrics:

    Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely
    On the other side from you
    I pine alot, I find the lot
    Falls through without you
    I’m coming back love, cruel Heathcliff
    My one dream, my only master.

  122. Gal Friday
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    FW: I read the first series of DMZ–it was interesting, but a little violent for me.

  123. Chaze
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    FC – I read the news story last week about boys reaching puberty sooner than ever, but I still think Jeffy is a bit young to be having wet dreams. Still, his mom is hot!

    FW – And starring as Komix John, Randy Newman! His ironic smugness is a perfect fit for this little slice of misery.

    JP – “Uh….partners in the biblical, civic union sense?”

  124. Uncle Lumpy
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#27):

    If this goes into the old “I’m a feminist and I consider the innocuous polite act of holding a door the tool of the oppressive patriarchy” strawman, I’d rather go back to the stupid Weenie World arc.

    We had an outbreak of that (anti-door-holding ‘feminism’, not Weenie World) when I was in grad school. The courtly old department chairman assembled all the guys to tell us, “While it may seem impolite, if it’s what the ladies wish, it’s what we must do.”

  125. Dave Dahl
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    I see no way to improve upon today’s FC.

  126. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#92): A few of us, myself included, went the Oedipal route in reading today’s FC. Congratulations on thinking outside the box.

  127. Chaze
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    GT – How Dane Doyle (Doyle Dane?) got The Chieftains for the prom remains a mystery.

    BC – In my newspaper, the pigs are plaid. Anyone else seeing pink plaid pigs?

    Frazz – Why do those kids always walk like the world is spinning too fast and they’re going to lose their balance?

    Get Fuzzy – oh no, more endless movie scripts and titles. I love this strip but I’m ready to throw in the towel.

  128. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#124): It’s at that point that I engage the “door slam technique.”

    // Like the Bible says, treat others as you wish to be treated. You don’t want the door opened, I’ll close it.

  129. Inspector Butterflyfish, LFHD
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#127) re: Get Fuzzy: At least it’s not locked in an infinitely looking Dingburg-Dingburg-Diner-Dingburg wash cycle, unlike some other strips I could name!

  130. Liam
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Curtis-Your family should move to one of those countries that are always killing each other over whose ancestor powered the others weed whacker and didn’t return it.

  131. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#118):

    Personally, I think Curtis’ dad is just looking for an excuse to move to Morocco.

    Eh, Morocco is probably a mislead. He’ll go running off to Surinam, but he doesn’t want his family to know which country he’s in.

  132. Liam
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    FW-And I’ll give you an answer when I’m funny.

  133. commodorejohn
    November 5th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#91): There was a time when women really wore aprons? Like, ’40s Betty Crocker-style aprons? I always figured that was just some kind of fetish shared by sitcom writers and ad executives.

  134. Spotts1701
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rob (#115): Making fun of Twilight will never be passe, my friend.

  135. seismic-2
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#133): There was a time when women wore aprons, men wore hats, nuns wore habits, office workers wore suits, mad scientists wore lab coats, and Funky Winkerbean was funny. Well, not especially, but at least it tried to be.

  136. Major Huff
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#73):

    Heeeey! Who are you calling not pretty?

  137. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#133): it wouldn’t be a fetish if it wasn’t true. . . .

  138. Peanut Gallery
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    JP – I can tell by her jaunty gait that Bea is singing “Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to the mine I go…”

  139. commodorejohn
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#137): Oh, I could point you to plentiful counter-examples…

  140. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    bb,u has been putting up lols again.

    I’m not so sure about this IRL C&H.

    for Poteet as an idea for next Halloween.

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#139): *gigglez*

    where’s when you need it.

  142. commodorejohn
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#140): Looking at it again, I suppose that’s supposed to be a trail of slime that’s dragging behind it, but my first thought was that that slug should be arrested for indecent exposure.

  143. Peanut Gallery
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#93): “Well, Dad, if you like Joy better, why didn’t you name me after that brand instead!?”

  144. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#143):

    At least he didn’t name her Tide. Jim would have already thrown her into the ocean by now.

  145. Alter Ego
    November 5th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#17):

    Love Is . . .taking the family fishing. non-irony here, today.

    But it doesn’t show what he’s doing with his rod.

  146. drifter182
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: How many strips will it take for Rex to be told there’s reporters waiting for him outside before he actually goes out? I swear the PR practitioner has been trying to convince him to go out for about a week now.

  147. KreatureFeatures
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#5):

    Can we just get to the scene in which Editor Bill goes to the magazine’s fat-cat owner …

    Turns out, the fat-cat magazine owner is none other than Hugh Hefner. And he’s got the ransom, and pays Ana Chavez for some sexy bathing suit photos, and he gives the islanders free silk smoking jackets. And Mark meets some Bunnies who think he’s cute, but he gets all awkward, and then sails away with Bill the Editor to catch a marlin.

  148. FafMor7
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: I was really hoping for a trifecta of head-shot, axe-decapitation, and then dumping burning-ash down the neck stump. Having Measles merely crash through the window disappoints, unless he’s going to fall into a vat of tythoid bacteria. And even that would have been improved if it was just his head flying through the window, while the remainder of his corpse will be dragged off by rabid dingos. If you’re going to have violent bizarre deaths, don’t go small!

  149. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @CCG (#120): I remember an interview with some of the actors of “Married: With Children”, and Ed O’Neil said something like “The show is all for the laughs. There will never be a ‘special’ episode of ‘Married’. Like, if Al Bundy came home, had a beer and Peg said ‘Al, maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.’ No. Not going to happen.”

    FBOFW used to be gag-a-day, and even then, I didn’t like it. Then it became some kind of saccharine soap for the ideologically challenged. Funky and Luann are flowing down that turgid river of pabuluum, occupying space on the comics page for funny strips that don’t want to make you drink bleach with an ammonia chaser.

  150. Daniel
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    FW Somewhere, somehow, Chris Ware suddenly vomited.

  151. Ian Beste
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    RwO If I know my homebrewers, at least has already tried this, and two others tasted it and said, “Not bad, but y’know how you can improve that?”

  152. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @drifter182 (#146): Rex seems unclear on the concept.

    Nurse: There are reporters outside.

    Rex: Reporters?

    Nurse: Well, they do internet news.

    Rex: News?

    Nurse: Ok, they do a blog.

    Rex: Blog?

    Nurse: I don’t know, they said “Comics Corn-Alien”… something like that. They referred to themselves as “‘Smudges” or something. Just talk to them, ok? They won’t go away.

  153. hogenmogen
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#135): … And MTV played music videos.

  154. ArchieNemesis
    November 5th, 2012 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#107): I would like to see “Alternate Archie dialogue” become a regular feature here.

  155. Diligent Dad
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#17): I agree, Love Is won me over today. Once in a blue moon, this strip hits the right note of nostalgia and warmth.

  156. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#153): MTV playing MUSIC videos? All the way through? I’ve heard rumors. Snopes is silent on the matter. What am I supposed to believe?

  157. Liam
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Rex, Ron Burgundy and the Channel 2 Action News Team want to talk with you.l

  158. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Chaze (#123): …I still think Jeffy is a bit young to be having wet dreams.
    At his age, they’re wet but not sticky.

  159. This Guy
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    All I can say about Heathcliff is that the owner’s name had better not be Catherine, or shit is going to get ugly.

    Luann: Wow, this is surprisingly poignant. I had no idea that underneath Knute’s irritatingly smiley exterior lay a seething cauldron of self-doubt and gender identity issues. Here, he goes so far as to lash out at his father for supplying the Y chromosome that caused him to be born a male. I sincerely hope that he can find an emotional support system to help him figure out who the true Knute is and stop hanging out with the Goth bitch-on-wheels.

    RwO: If Jones Soda Co. started brewing beer…

    Shoe: “Dear Editor, how can I tell if Brookins has a bug up his ass about a particular cell phone?”
    “Oh, don’t worry… he’ll be sure to tell you.”

  160. Spotts1701
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Aw, it’s too bad Brooke’s computer spit the bit and forced him to plug in reruns. Because if there’s one thing that would’ve united all sides of the political spectrum this Election Day, it would’ve been fiery hatred of his smarmy political “satire”.

    FW: Oh great, another Author Filibuster. Is the betting window open for how many strawmen Batiuk will demolish during this week?

  161. This Guy
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    BaBl: I don’t know who started using the term “binky” for “pacifier,” but I’m assuming it was the subject of a bet about getting parents to sound like absolute morons.

  162. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#130): Flyspeck Island, it is!

  163. I speak Jive
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    FW – Batiuk pleads his case to the Pulitzer committee.

  164. greghousesgf
    November 5th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#161): “Playdate” already does this.

  165. This Guy
    November 5th, 2012 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#164): It’s probably quite a wide-ranging bet.

  166. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#140): I am SO STEALING your idea for Poteet’s next Halloween!

  167. Jamus The Bartender
    November 5th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses (#55): So my initial reaction to FW was, “Wait, is that kid reading comics about the Korean War?” Then I googled it and discovered that DMZ is a comic book series set in the near future describing a new civil war in the US, and I said, “Hey, that actually sounds really interesting.” Then I realized that I had played right into Batuik’s hands and was about to read a new comic series on his recommendation, and validate his ideas about “serious” comics in the process. Very sneaky, Mr. Batuik, well played.
    Okay, tell ya what…..i’ll check it out. I’ve heard of it, but never really read it, and if you like it, you can tell ‘em the guy who writes about Cassandra Cat all the time sent ya.

  168. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Get Fuzzy – OK, once again my local dead tree is adding a note to say that this strip has run previously and Darb is on vacation. AGAIN!

    I swear he take one week off every month!

    I wish I could do that!

  169. Shrug, Yawner to Yorick
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    I would ordinarily be surprised that a kid wearing a tee-shirt emblazoned with a skull would be complaining that there is not enough funny stuff in his life, but then I realized that in FUNKY WINKERBEAN terms, having merely one memento mori motif on your mufti must mean “my meme is merry madcap!”

  170. Droopy Says
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Heathcliff: Bil Keane Enterprises does this one, right? They gave an old panel to an intern and said “turn it into a cat joke.” Originally Dolly told Jeffy “PJ thinks ice cream comes from refrigerators, not ice-cream trucks.” About all the intern got right, in a visual sense, is the distorted, adult-melonhead look on the one creature. By the way, BKE intern, kitchens contain more than a stand-alone refrigerator.

    (This panel could only be done by someone who’s never dealt with a cat. First, you only keep cat food in the refrigerator if you feed your cat with canned cat food. Second, you’d have to keep partially-used and well-sealed cans in the refrigerator. Back when I fed cats that way, they never acted like the refrigerator was the God of Food. It was the sound of the Sacred Can Opener that drew them, if they weren’t already ordering me to feed them.)

  171. Spotts1701
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

  172. Jamus The Bartender
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: Wow. That stripper lapdance party is getting farther and farther away.

    Slylock Fox: Cass!! FETCH!! Andale!

    Heathcliff: (Heh. Almost spelled Heathcliff with an “e”, like “Heathcliffe”) Anyway, something like this was in Wet, Hot American Summer, where one of the camp cooks liked to “hump the fridge” and was supposed to be disturbing.

    Family Circus: Were you sleeping in tall, tall grass, Jeffy? Did this really blow your mind, Jeffy?

    Sally Forth: You know the holidays have officially arrived when we get to see the annual Sally Forth Thanksgiving Holiday Train Wreck. Let the festivities begin!!

    Luann: I’m gonna catch all kinds of hell for this, but I kinda like Knute and Crystal. Way to keep opening doors for your lady, Knute.

  173. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    November 5th, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#170):

    Yup. Cats don’t have owners. They have staff.

  174. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    FW: Let me pre-empt the lecture that’s inevitably on its way to say this: Batiuk, there’s a great gaping chasm between being serious and realistic, and being morbidly depressed. Your strip, sir, is of the latter type, and therefore cannot be defended by making a case supporting the validity of comic books that deal with serious topics, any more than the existence of your characters’ inevitable smirks is justifiable on the grounds that your medium is a “comic” strip.

    //Or the short version: your strip is terrible, so referencing other, non-terrible strips in order to defend it just won’t work.

  175. moss_moses
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    What “feast” exactly has Dawn prepared for Wilbur? It appears to be some amorphous, viscous white blob (rice, maybe) with three strips of bacon on top and a plate of extra-bleached white bread. People eat better than that in prison. Wilbur likes to eat? That’s not exactly a revelation. It’s like saying fish like the water. Dawn was a lot more likable before her sudden transformation from Wilbur Weston’s pudgy, annoying little daughter into Charterstone poolside diva overnight, several years ago. She used to annoy the pompous Professor Ian Cameron, which was mildly entertaining. No redeeming characteristics for the “New Dawn” come readily to mind (besides maybe “quita la grasa.”) In fact, she is almost as loathsome as Mary Worth herself. She is taking after Mary and meddling into the life of her one armed friend now. What gives Mary Worth (or Dawn) the the moral imperative to tell others how to live their lives?

  176. bats :[
    November 5th, 2012 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#168): I wish more strips would do this, of a sort. A different comic every week, rotating four or five, or a different comic every day of the week. I think this might keep the funny stuff fresh, or at least not make us grumble under our breaths when we see a rerun.

  177. CCG
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Even the great Bill Watterson fell prey to it once or twice as I recall. I don’t think Charles Schultz ever did, though.

  178. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: It is only when one can’t be bothered to wish for the savage, bloody death of Peter Parker at the claws of poorly-drawn large cats that the true soul-withering tragedy of reading the daily funnies begins to sink in.

    Apt. 3-G: Either the answer to Margo’s question has something to do with finding a publicist who actually does his or her job, or help dealing with the crippling side effects of abrupt jumps in the structure of time.

    Snuffy Smith: On the other hand, Snuffy and Lukey trust implicitly politicians with enormous, distended tongues hanging like blood sausages from their gaping maws. This is good news for Donald Trump.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Yes, fine art turns those who are prepared to receive it into perverts. Why has it taken me this long to understand that this is this strip’s one and only joke? Should I have read about it in the Gull Lake Advance by now?

    Dick Tracy: I swear I thought Sparkle Plenty was putting out Jewel with moon spray for a minute there.

    The Family Circus: Oh dear God. This opens waaay more doors than I’m comfortable with.

    Gunnerkrigg Court: Okay, we get it!

    Judge Parker: Theory: Adam is actually a moonlighting Hägär the Horrible, minus the helmet (union rules).

    Mary Worth: It appears that Dawn has begun to serve, and Wilbur to eat, bacon with a spoon. This explains so much, including why Wilbur appears set to announce his pregnancy to Dawn.

    Sinfest: So a zombie walks into a strip joint, and the pole dancer says…

  179. Baka Gaijin
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#161): In England, they call a pacifier a “dummy.” Would you rather hear that?

    // “Binky” branded pacifiers have been around since 1935.

  180. commodorejohn
    November 5th, 2012 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#179): Ye gods, the conspiracy extends that far back!?

  181. Dr. Weird
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#178):

    Gunnerkrigg Court:

    Well, Jones’ eyes are closed in this page, open in the last, so I’d imagine we’re about to see her creation or birth. Maybe she was the world’s first robot!

  182. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#140): It’s almost frightening, how much I love that.

  183. Poteet
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Major Huff (#136): BWAHAHA! I mean, um, sorry!

  184. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#181): If she was present for the Big Bang, we’ll found the only known substance longer than a Judge Parker storyline.

    November 5th, 2012 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    The reason they aren’t so comic anymore is that the comics industry or atleast the grotty capes and spandex corner of it that’s become dominant in America is because too many comics are being written by people who are convinced they can make Spiderman or Batman or Green Lantern or whatever ‘better’ even if they have to get all ‘serious’ (or they’re convinced they can write ‘homages’ to the light-hearted Silver Age era or whatever that come off as phony as all of the grim and gritty crap that’s come sliding down the superhero comics dispensory chutes for the past couple of decades)

  186. Sgt. Stoned
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    FW: Don’t they call them “graphic novels” these days? Anyway, methinks the customer is confusing comedy with farce. Comedy doesn’t have it be side-splitting laughter. It is essentially a depiction of the foibles of the lower classes. And you can’t get much more low-class than Peter Parker.

    MW: As Dawn serves up some rectangular white things on a white plate and something in a pan that appears to be two strips of bacon.

  187. Liam
    November 5th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    FW-And if we are living in a comic strip then why aren’t we funny?

    Crankshaft-Will Cranky apologize to Mike and Carol about running over Cindy?

    FC-You were also wearing this skimpy French maid outfit.

    Love Is-Somewhere Rusty is crying. “This dad takes his son fishing.”

    MT-I figured the giant pelicans was Otto’s security. You don’t mess with a man that has pelicans that can swallow you whole.

  188. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#187): “Love Is-Somewhere Rusty is crying. “This dad takes his son fishing.””


    +1 internet full of fish to you, sir.

  189. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#52): Well, when you’re talking about the “lighter side” of necrophilia, Funky Winkerbean hits on one of those two elements, but it’s not the one you’d think from its title.

  190. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @BERTMARCH (#185): @Sgt. Stoned (#186):

    Both of those points are really good ones. I want to believe that now even more than earlier in the “serious” phase of superhero comic books there is a want to convert them into other properties, mainly movies and TV. To grow the audience beyond, say 100,000-less than a million, to millions of viewers there needs to be hooks.
    Those hooks are violence and sex, plus relationships. In movies and TV the relationships, like Superman and Lois Lane, are also ways of giving the adaptation a structure that allows for more people to relate to it. The Batman movies had a love interest. Heck maybe all of them since the late 80s had a love interest.

    There’s nothing wrong with that. I think part of the goal is to allow the types of stories to grow with the comics audience.

    However, the one missing link often is comic. In my humble opinion, it is perfectly reasonable to make something that is extremely serious in comic books/strips. But, there are a lot of of other factors which probably should be there to always key in people as to the tone of the work. Namely, the art should fit as tightly as possible to the tone.

    I think it was Roy Crane who did a strip called Wash Tubbs and Captain Easy. Now, from my standpoint, when I first encountered that title as a li’l kid, I was expecting hilarity. I’ve read it since then and if there is one thing about the art which is truly hilarious it is that he didn’t draw animals very realistically. And, yet, he had animals in the strip, like horses. They looked more cartoonish, like this freaky dragon.

    There’s nothing wrong with that, mind you. I appreciate it. But, comic books and comic strips–emphasis on the first word– seems to be family or kid friendly these days. So as a term, the un-embarrassing use of it often really is just for kids. The older (enough) crowd gets graphic novels and mature stories.

    // mucho rambling here but I think one thing that is rarer than it should be in comics, in general, is the fantastic. The fantastic can be serious but is very obviously absurd. The premise of most superheros is fantastic.

    Case in point, in Spider-man radioactivity gives you powers with the bugs that happen to be in the same room as you were when exposed. In Funky Winkerbean, radiation is either the cause of or treatment for something horrible. There’s nothing fantastic about the latter.

    Dick Tracy on the other hand, is very fantastic. But, it is a really old strip, like Nancy, Alley Oop, and others other people could name.

    /ramble off.

  191. tallyHO
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Maybe it shouldn’t be surprising that no one riffed off of Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat

    He is one funky feline. I doubt Heathcliff or Garfield can bust a move like my homie, Skat Kat!

    Now, perhaps Top Cat could try…but he seems to at worst do some dancing you’d find at a roadhouse. At best, he’d be some Twenty-Three Skiddoo kind of cat.

    I don’t see him falling in between those two and being as nimble and adaptable as MC Skat Kat.

    Skat Kat.

    There. I filled a quota on coming close to talking about Scatman Crothers and Kit Kat bars. (there’s really only so much which could be said about the latter. The former though…someone could write a book…with a Hong Kong Fuey Chop! CHOP!

    I could see HK Fuey take on Marmaduke. Andy Dog as backup or diversion. CHOP!

  192. seismic-2
    November 5th, 2012 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#186): They do call them “graphic novels”, although only a fraction of them really are. An actual graphic novel is in fact a self-contained story, just like a “real” novel. What the overwhelming fraction of product that comics fans buy these days are in fact “trade paperbacks”, which are a collection of individual issues of the serialized comic books (usually a more-or-less complete story arc of 5 or so issues, but really collected in a manner more nearly to satisfy economic than artistic constraints).

  193. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#140): Hee—excellent. Although I admit that I’m partial to a good martini, too.

  194. pastordan, lazy professor
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#190): That’s odd. Buz Sawyer has all kinds of animals, all well–and realistically–rendered. Perhaps an art assistant?

  195. Anonymous
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    The FunkyWinkerbean ‘joke’ would have made some semblance of sense if the kid weren’t wearing a PUNISHER t-shirt, about the darkest and LEAST funny mainstream superhero character on the market.

  196. Nightmarcher89
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    AMAZING SPIDER-MAN: “It feels like I should action in case that lion and tiger start ripping Kraven to shreds, but the litter in this place is horrible. If Kraven dies, it’s the fault of teenagers that throw their trash on the ground instead of in garbage cans. Ted Turner would be proud of my logic!”

  197. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#194):

    From the Wikipedia article on Crane:

    World War II rendered the comic-opera settings of Tubbs’ adventures frivolous, and the strip took on a new tone. In 1943, an offer from Hearst’s King Features Syndicate persuaded Crane to jump ship and create a more realistic comic strip, Buz Sawyer. He left Wash Tubbs in the hands of his assistant, Leslie Turner, a boyhood friend who had shared the hobo life with him.*[1]

    Crane, an excellent draftsman despite his deceptively cartoonish style, introduced more illustrative shading techniques to the daily comics page. He progressed from line drawings with crosshatching to grease pencil on textured paper, then to Benday Dots and finally to Craftint doubletone paper. The Craftint paper, when brushed with chemical solutions, revealed either one or two layers of diagonal shading. Under Crane’s brush, the technique yielded scenes of dramatic atmosphere, such as junglescapes fading into the misty distance. As he had done with Wash Tubbs, Crane traveled to various locations to research his plot lines and visuals.[1] According to Crane: “In using benday, at first I thought in terms of blacks, grays, and white. Years of indifferent results and frustration followed. Gradually, black became less important. Today white is not just something to bring out the color of black… on the contrary, black is something to bring out the color of white”.[4]

    Crane progressively relinquished his cartooning to assistants, and he died in Orlando, Florida in 1977.

    * this might seem wrong but I think most people involved with cartoons these days have had it really easy. their lives are cushy versus those who went through the depression or just grew up poor or were different….and by that I don’t mean picked on in school different…but different from most. That difference informs their approach to cartoons and it shows. But, I might be wrong. Maybe someone like Cul de Sac’s Richard Thompson had a normal, well adjusted life that doesn’t show up in their art/ in their strips.

    That said, I might be totally wrong. Maybe all people involved with cartoons are people they’d make fun of in cartoons, and in the process will occasionally pull of some impressive feats that are just as weird and wacky as what they do. You know, for what Family Circus was and is, Bil Keane had a reputation, from what I’ve read. He was just funny. Maybe everyone “in” cartoon industries is very funny in some way, despite having a cushy life or maybe because they have had a cushy life. But, I think the work often belies their upbringing, where they are “coming from”.

  198. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Oh noes!

    I accidentally extended the quote to include what I wrote after the asterisk!

    Though this gives me a chance to add:

    if Gary Larson is a square, buttoned-down dude who smokes pipes and doesn’t snicker at and who seeks out weirdness, inside or out, then Bravo, Far Sider, Bravo!

  199. Lael
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#48): I don’t have the energy to check my extensive collection right now, but I’m pretty sure Garfield made that joke in the mid-80s.

  200. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#193):

    After one or two good martinis, there are no bad martinis. There are only too many martinis.

  201. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    @Lael (#199):

    Are you sure it was with a fridge and not with Odie?

  202. seismic-2
    November 6th, 2012 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#195): Are you suggesting that the Punisher has no sense of humor?

  203. CanuckDownSouth
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    Mark is clearly regretting not telling Bill to go with the FTD “your husband’s been kidnapped” bouquet, but in the moment he just hadn’t been able to make up his mind between that and the singing telegram. Now see what happens!

  204. Poteet
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    MW — Gaaaah, Second Panel Dawn’s head has been hideously compressed again! I hate when that happens!

  205. Poteet
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    MT — Well, yeah, that’s one way to do it.

  206. Poteet
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    MW — What in the name of Cthulhu are they eating? It looks like cat barf.

  207. Droopy Says
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Oh nos, a woman in peril! Quick, Parker, stand idly by for three days and wonder if you should risk exposing your secret identity by trying to save her! Then throw a hissy fit when Kraven reveals she’s part of he act.

    Flunky Wasteoftime: Henry Ford had this very strip in mind when he said history is bunk.

    Mock Trail: This didn’t happen, because Batiuk just assured us the comics are serious, damn it!

    Mary Mirthless: “Yes, Dad, I have a boyfriend and he’s a necrophiliac.” “Necrophilia? Is that what they’re calling Yugoslavia these days?”

    Jugs Parker: So “dramatic tension” is reduced to “how long can that poor, innocent chair support Avery’s fat ass?”

    Pluggers: With that vapid smile, I can’t tell if he’s pleased with what he did in the voting booth or the port-a-potty. Pluggers can tell the difference, can’t they?

  208. erdmann
    November 6th, 2012 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    @CCG (#177): Oh, Schulz got serious from time to time, too. There’s a series of strips in which Peppermint Patty meets the Little Red-Haired Girl (off panel, of course) that ends with one of the most emotionally-devastating comics I’ve ever seen. Powerful stuff. And I still vividly recall Watterson’s storyline in which Calvin finds a baby raccoon, the first time a newspaper strip actually made me cry.

    The difference here, of course, is that those strips were crafted by brilliantly talented creators who were speaking from the heart and knew exactly how to mix humor and sorrow to efffectively tell tales that were diversions from the norm.

  209. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    @erdmann (#208):

    Dude. I just brought that strip up here on CC yesterday or Saturday.

    When was it? I remember seeing it on a message board and save it. But that was years ago.

    The saddest Peanuts cartoon ever.

  210. Baka Gaijin
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:45 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#207) on Pluggers: No, they can’t tell the difference. Those paper ballots are much softer than the TP they normally use.

  211. Baka Gaijin
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s Mary Worth is a total WTF? Wilbur Weston, do you have mayo sandwiches clogging your ear canals! Dawn seeing anyone? How about the one-armed psycho she’s been prattling on and who’s name she’s been writing all over her textbooks? Oblivious much?

  212. Baka Gaijin
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    Where did the showgirl come from? Peter, it’s Las Vegas. It’s crawling with ‘em. Gad, what a dope.

  213. Dale
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#203):


    Sing your telegram? No. Please, lady. If you insist.
    – — – Your son is dead, your son is dead ….

  214. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    Dang! That Count Weirdly is one cruel mad scientist! Lookit him! What nerve! What gall!

    There he is flying around on a monster mosquito chasing a bear. While he is pursuing fuzzy wuzzisname, Weirdly is wearing a nightgown!

    All the bear wants to do is settle down for a long Winter’s nap and Weirdly is showing him up! Plus, the bear needs to keep all the blood her can. That Super-sized skeeter will suck him dry!

    In other news: so, Hi and Thirsty are headed to their polling place (no joke).

    Thirsty laments. Well, guess what is happening down the comics page? There’s someone who fits that criteria. Thirsty’s wishes can come true. There could be a crossover. If this happens then I want Andy Capp to become Prime Minister and Andy Dog to become the slobbering ruler of Lost Forest! Excelsior! As a bonus, Stan Lee should make Spider-Man the Court Just…er… annnnh! just make him competent. That’s all!

    Dennis the Menace: Wilson: palpable distrust, the start of fear induced flop sweat and delusions he will live until Dennis is 35.

    Wilbur’s Dinner Party:
    Wilbo should set Dawn up. That would make that awkward question worthwhile. If he doesn’t have some young gentle person in mind for his daughter then that question is downright creepy, old man! (not you, muffaroo. Wilbo!)

  215. Droopy Says
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#210): Now you have me wondering what a Plugger would do when he votes electronically.

  216. tallyHO
    November 6th, 2012 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    If anyone is interested then look up Leonard Nimoy and Bilbo Baggins.

    The prepare to either dance or be shocked.

    And, someone remind me that I refer to Wilbur again that I should do so by a more formal nickname:

    Wilbo Snackins

    Unless someone has a better sammich-related variation.

    Wilbo Wrappins?

    And, please, once you find that Nimoy Baggins Great Ball of Delight, never, ever let that out of your head. It is groovy, swell, the tops. Trust me.

  217. Droopy Says
    November 6th, 2012 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#216): Ohnonononono. I remember that from forty-odd years ago, when it was on “Hullabaloo” or “Malibu U” or whatever that show was.

  218. Vanya
    November 6th, 2012 at 5:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: The odd thing about the rampant sexuality on display here is that Amos is actually playing the 5th movement of Messiaen’s “Quartet for the End of Time”.

  219. Ned Ryerson
    November 6th, 2012 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    MT: Hmmm, how to tell Cherry that Mark’s been kidnapped? I think first, I’ll tell her in my normal voice, then I’ll repeated it in a kind of high pitched, squeeky voice. Or, perhaps I should round up the rest of my barbershop quartet.

  220. Notebooked
    November 6th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    “If they’re called ‘comic’ books, shouldn’t they be funny?”
    “You know, I get asked that all the time. Truth is, the Funky Winkerbean comic book proved that assumption wrong for good.” (Apologies to all who beat me to this joke.)

  221. Filthy Assistant
    November 6th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    then stop looking at the Vertigo shelf, Knit-Cap Person Whom I Have No Interest In Learning the Name Of! Pick up some damn Boom! comics. The Darkwing Duck series ruled.

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    September 9th, 2013 at 11:28 am [Reply]

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