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BITE YOUR TONGUE, SIR, EVERYTHING ABOUT MARGO IS SPECIAL

Apartment 3-G, 12/3/12

I feel like this is a perfect opportunity to emphasize one of the most unbelievable A3G plot developments in years: namely, that Greg, a vaguely handsome American actor who not only hired Margo Magee as his publicist but also bought a co-op apartment in her so-so building — is the new James Bond. Today’s strip will disabuse everyone of any notions they might have about top-tier actors living a “glamorous lifestyle” or whatever. Nope, here’s Greg late at night, rambling around his apartment, still wearing his electric blue suit jacket, his yellow tie still knotted tight. On his nightstand: a pile of books, a framed picture of his publicist, and an empty jar of protein supplements. He wanders into the next room, wondering, not for the first time, who talked him into the mauve curtains, and what exactly this piece of furniture was that came up all the way to his armpits. Ah, well, it’s a good place to keep heaping glasses of scotch, just waiting for a moment of melancholy.

Family Circus, 12/3/12

I really wish that the joke in this Family Circus panel had made a bit more sense, because then I wouldn’t have stared at it as long as I have. And if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have noticed some unsettling things. Like how Mommy Keane’s hands, shoulders, and bosom seem freakishly large compared to her tiny, reed-like neck and (surprisingly, considering the anatomy of her offspring) smallish head. Or the window, which looks not out onto some soothing winter scene but just into empty, featureless blackness, with a green Christmas wreath/portal floating in the void, beckoning the unwary to pass through into yuletide nothingness. “How ’bout you tell me what you want for Christmas,” says Jeffy, “and then I’ll tell you what I want. And then you tell me what you want.” [Mommy's head gets smaller] “And then I’ll tell you what I want.” [The wreath begins to spin, emitting a thrum just below the lowest register of human hearing that you can feel in your guts] “Tell me what you want.” [Mommy's hands are the size of dinner plates now, and her head is no bigger than a golf ball, her tiny mouth moving and squeaking incomprehensibly] “Me want you want.” [madness madness madness CHRISTMAS IS COMING CHRISTMAS IS COMING]

212 responses to “BITE YOUR TONGUE, SIR, EVERYTHING ABOUT MARGO IS SPECIAL”

  1. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    MT: “Playing a fish”? Mark, this is no time to practice your ichthyological impersonations.

    JP: “But son, spending a fortune is what we do!”

    MW: If Dawn Had Friends

    “So he’s got, like, this fake arm now.”
    “What do you mean, fake arm?”
    “Is it, like, bionic or something?”
    “It’s like one of those, what are they called, prophetic arms.”
    Prosthetic, you moron.”
    “Ooh, does it have, like, attachments?”
    “Yeah, like, you know, a vibrator attachment?”
    “You guys are disgusting.”
    “Whatever. Dude, there’s a party tomorrow. Are you bringing your bionic boyfriend?”
    “Fuck you.”

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Baldo — Baldo’s father reminisces about Mary Worth:

    http://www.gocomics.com/baldo/2012/12/03

  3. wossname
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    A3G – That’s not Margo in the picture. That’s Rusty, Greg’s long-lost biological son who was adopted by some naturalist guy in the southern part of the state. Talk about crossovers nobody wanted to see!

    MT – I distinctly recall Otto saying they were going fishing in deep water. So that heron (?) and its nest must be on the deck of a passing cruise ship. Good news for Mark if he ends up in the water.

    MW – OK, if I were in Dawn’s position, I don’t think I’d be exclaiming about the change in Jim’s attitude toward piers. My first question would probably be “Where did that new arm come from?”

    Slylock – Now that’s just silly. Shady had no trouble making snowballs, because he purchased the Super Toasty Snow Melter™ with Snowball Molder Attachment™ from Count Weirdly. (Only $19.95, not available in stores!) A better question to ponder is why Ms. Bear is the only one who had the sense to wear boots in the bitter cold weather.

  4. feralcanadian
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Oh man, Dawn thought Jim was controlling and violent before…. he has 100% more grabbing and shaking power now!

  5. Liam
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    A3G-”Andy why am I kneeling in front of this liquor bottle like I am praying before a religious idol?”

    A3G 2-If this was a musical that last panel would be the cue for a big musical number.

    A3G 3-Because she is the only woman you have been interacting with and according to Soap Opera Comic Rules she must be your love interest.

    JP-I want a quick elopement so I can finally have sex with April. Have you seen her? She’s a redhead with a big rack.

    MW-During the night I dreamnt that this old woman came to me and convinced me to change my ways.

    Love Is-Kinky. They like to do it in the kitchen.

  6. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    JP: Yeah, your own dad paying for your wedding smacks of unearned privilege and is totally nepotistic and lord knows Judge Parker the Second hates that.

  7. Roy of the Limberlost
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    A3G: i think that that is not a picture of Margo, but rather a young Greg in his carefree innocent childhood state, before he ever imagined one such as Margo Magee, except of course in his dreams. That the picture looks not unlike our dear Margo, is only a coincidence created by the essential truth that in Apartment 3G, and all its adjoining apartments affiliation is color coded when the colorist doesn’t nod. On this flimsiest of evidence I will propose that Greg is Margo’s long lost brother.

  8. Pozzo
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    “And booze IS the answer; Aristotle was right about that, too.”

  9. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    9CL: Hobbes did it better.

    AD: mmmm, 80 year old Scotch.

    Lio: is this a repeat? It seems familiar. I like it, just think I’ve seen it before.

    Luann: schlicking to Skype most likely, but we can all hope it’s really due to Bernice and The Sexy Sleepover trope.

    PBS: Hook’em Horns!

    Bizarro: yes. yes I am.

    Mutts: isn’t funny when Garfield does it, either.

    Ghost-who-fails-physics is in for a rude awakening.

    RwO: /facepalm @ pun

    SFx: cause his earring is cold! o, wait . . .

  10. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . spooning.

  11. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    At first I thought that Dennis’ equitable distribution of the daily paper to ensure domestic peace was not-at-all menacing. Then the thought that no one is reading the A section where the actual news is presented. It’s part of Dennis’ plot to keep his parents unaware of his daily activities.
    Mr. Mitchell: Where were you this afternoon, Dennis?
    “Down at Oak Park, Dad.”
    Next day headlines: “Seven Bodies Found at Oak Park – signs of ritual killing apparent”
    Mr. Mitchell: Honey! Look at this! Your Alma Mater is ranked in the BCS!

  12. pugfuggly
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    A3G Greg looks more like he’s trying to avoid a spider’s bullet than pondering his love life. Of course, his love life does involve Margo Magee, so maybe it’s best to be prepared for any scenario…

    AsM Jesus, Peter’s gone for a week, and MJ’s really let herself go!

    FW “How’s crazy doing’? Well, crazy is our business and business is good! Ha ha ha….aaaaah….Anyhow, he’s in the den, talking about how society is pissing on him.”

    MT I look forward to Senor Mustache’s trial for attempted murder, where that heron will be called as a witness…

    MW “That’s all we were arguing about, right? The pier? I remember something about a sister…or was it a brother? Oh who cares! LET’S GET MARRIED ON THE PIER!!!”

  13. pugfuggly
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#12):

    *’sniper’s bullet’, not spider’s. Then again, Margo can take many forms. He could be shot by a spider, a bat, or even a panther.

  14. Mibbitmaker
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Josh Fruhlinger, far more atmospheric than Bolle, Trusiani, or Keane will ever be!

    A3G: Well, isn’t that special?[/C. L.]

    FC: “You give me what I need… and I’ll give you what you need…” — Col. Flagg starting to block a patient’s IV flow as interrogation technique before Radar and Winchester stop him, M*A*S*H

  15. seismic-2
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Phantom: In keeping up with the current trend of characters in comic strips who have artificial arms and legs, henceforth Kit will have vertical blue and black strips painted directly on his prosthetic butt.

    A3G: The reason that Greg lives such a Spartan and depressing lifestyle is that so far no one actually knows that he is James Bond. It’s almost as if his publicist regards his career, and him personally, as being totally unworthy of even her slightest attention. And that, sir, is what’s so special about Margo Magee.

    FC: Thanks for explaining this scenario, Josh. I too had been staring at it for a long time, trying to figure out what is going on, but to me it resembled nothing so much as a picture of a young bird with its mouth agape to receive the food regurgitated by its mother, and…

  16. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MW – “Oh, I still dislike the pier and consider it unsafe. In fact, coming down here for my therapy has resulted in my cheap prosthetic becoming rusted into this pointing position, which has led to many a brutal beating, not to mention the mishap when I was called to the police station to pick the suspect out of a lineup. I just wondered if you had a spare can of WD-40 that I could use?”

    “But, Jim, I thought you loved me?”

    “How could I? I have no heart. Ah, if you only had a brain!”

  17. Matthew
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    How ’bout you tell me what you want for Christmas, then I’ll tell you what it will cost you.

  18. Ranger
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    GT: “You irritated a LOT of girls.” Yeah, chlamydia will do that.

  19. Marc
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    9CL- Two weeks of nothing but people making out for no reason. But it’s not all about sex, right Brooke?

    A3G- Don’t worry everyone, it’s not time to be concerned about Greg yet. Sure, he’s carrying on the most boring inner-monologue is history, and is downing a gallon sized bottle of scotch by himself, but he is still as well dressed as ever. The time to seek an intervention would be when that tie loosens and he discards his suit jacket.

    Mark Trail- Lucky for that giant bush in the middle of the deepest waters of the Caribbean Sea. Otherwise the omniscent pelican would have nothing to perch upon and keep watch until Mark summons him to peck out Otto’s eyes.

    MT2- What exactly would the point of feeding Mark to the sharks be again? Normally people don’t pay $2 million dollars for the safe return of whatever scraps of clothing might survive the vicious shark attack.

    Mary Worth- Jim underwent that experimental procedure where they splice in starfish DNA into his own genetic makeup. This has allowed him to regenerate an entire arm in the manner of a couple weeks. Unfortunately Dawn still talks like a robot.

    Family Circus- Holy cow, look at the cans on Momma Keane! Family Circus turned into Judge Parker so gradually I barely noticed. Well until today.

    Funky- Fuck you Batiuk. This is a Greg Evans level of stupidity when it comes to having no idea how civil service jobs, unemployment, or really anything works. So in conclusion, fuck you.

    Luann- Well off to the convent with you Luann. Never to be heard from again, we can only hope.

    Cranky- Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Another wonderful storyline about how terrible Lena’s baking is while the guys make fun of her behind her back all day.

  20. S. Stout
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Luann: Please Mr. DeGroot, throw Luann’s laptop into the Christmas fire you imagined yesterday. Save us from this stupidity.

    FC: Momma Keane may have man hands and a giraffe neck, but her chest more than makes up for it.

  21. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    B.C.

    Mason Mastroianni’s grandmother and Johnny Hart’s widow, Bobby Hart, turns 80 today. (Although I’m not 100% certain this is true, it fits with what I know about the Harts…)

  22. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MT – PROTIP: When you’re holding someone for ransom, killing them is kinda, sorta counterproductive.

    Luann – Looks like Quill and Luann got their LovePalz.

    F- – Everything’s better with saxophone.

    JP – “What we want is $20M in unmarked bills. That’s why we’re driving over to Sam’s house.”

    A9G – What’s so special about Margo Magee? What’s so special about Margo Magee?!? Dude, this is how you get Margo to send you into the cornfield with her mindpower. Just keep telling yourself…she’s a good publicist.

    A9G Part Deux – Um…you’re the new Bond. The Daniel Craig of your universe. You do not need a publicist.

  23. Greg
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    FC: That’s actually not a wreath in the window but the roundest of all the Keane children: Wreathy.

  24. sporknpork
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Alternative caption for Family Circus: “Thank you for the wreath, Mommy. All the holly berries were yummy!”

  25. SPG
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    It has already been hinted that Margo is capable of emasculating every man who comes into contact with her, but this strip takes it to a new level. Pay attention to Greg’s face over the course of the three panels and you will see that even thinking about Margo is causing his face to morph from strong-jawed masculinity to doe-eyed, soft-cheeked boyhood.

  26. Lenoxus
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Pondering this FC for any trace of a joke made me think about a Christmas episode of The Big Bang Theory in which the uber-geek Sheldon devises an overly-complex plan to ensure that the gift he gives Penny will match the economic value of her gift for him. But the joke here can’t possibly be that Jeffy, like Sheldon, would obsessively worry about any asymmetry in the gifts exchanged between himself and Thel… can it?

  27. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#24): Have a Holly Jolly Christmas, Jeffy!

  28. TheDiva
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: Are we sure there’s a nightstand in panel one? There is no way the books, picture, and bottle of whatever are resting on the same level surface. I think they’re all just floating in the void.

  29. Dale
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    A3-G

    The decorations don’t make sense.
    That is the look and posture of a guy using a urinal.

  30. Illustrator Steve
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    MT – While Mark is playing a big fish in this year’s annual holiday pagent, Otto pushes the throttle full speed ahead to get Mark back in time for the afternoon matinee performance.

  31. Illustrator Steve
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    MT – How far out to sea do they grow those mangroves?

  32. TheDiva
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    9CL: Wishful thinking, Brooke.

    C’shaft: I’m starting to suspect Lena is trolling Crankshaft and his cronies. After she enjoys the sight of watching the bitter, unpleasant geezer breaking his dentures on inedible bricks of dough, she goes home and whips up a batch of her award-winning divinities to bring to her real friends at the bowling league (Lena’s average: 235).

    Lio: The Death of Rats is branching out.

    Luann: No. Just stop this arc right now. I don’t care who’s behind the door or what they are (or are not) doing, there is no way this week will end well.

    MW: So being fitted for a prosthetic limb healed Jim of his crazy! It’s just that easy!

  33. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: Aristotle was right! “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” But then again, he also said “Melancholy men are of all others the most witty.” So do I want to be funny and popular but morose or should I fulfil my life’s purpose by being happy? Man, I sure do want to bang Margo Magee.

  34. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    since it is now December, I have to accept that it is indeed the Holiday Season, and that the carols in the stores are appropriate. (unlike, say, BEFORE HALLOWEEN!!!)

    Thus, it falls to me to remind the regulars, and introduce to the new ‘mudges, one of the most awesomely clever things to have ever come from this site:

    12 Days of Comics by mollificent and Chatty Genes.

  35. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    MW: Yes, Dawn, we can be just friends. I also got this prosthetic dead sister!

  36. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Archie: Jumped the gun with mentioning Christmas gifts and new year’s resolutions at the beginning of December. Check your internal chronometer, AJGLU3K.

    Did you know Jughead’s real name is Forsythe P. Jones?

    And even less relevant, I’m listening to a CD of Christmas carols on bagpipes. How can a rendition of “Little Drummer Boy” be played without a single drum?

  37. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    3G“What’s so special about Margo Magee?”
    Whatever it is, it has you walking around your apartment while looking back over your shoulder (at her picture?) until you walk into the liquor table. I’ve grown accustomed to her fa-a-ace…

    Snuffy – About time Spark Plug showed up.

    Mark knows better than to trust his life to Otto Pilot.

  38. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Mary – Theory 2: Jim had his arm strapped to his side before, to prove that Dawn is a shallow bilateral symmetrist.

    (Sigh. Jim used to have at least one arm.)

    Family“OH GOD! I CAN SEE FOREVER!”

  39. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#37): (Should that have been Otto Pirate?)

  40. Downpuppy
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail is very disturbing today. Since when does Mark ever anticipate an obvious attack? Now the suspense : Will he land the tarpon or unleash the Fists of Justice™?

  41. KreatureFeatures
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    FW: Sadsack McPostal attempts to place blame for his failure on a macroeconomic theory, but his infantile obsession with bodily functions confuses his enunciation of said theory. Classic! Surely the pizza joint will hire him to mop up soda spills.

  42. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    A3G: Greg is already the only actor in history to keep a framed glamour photo of his publicist. He’s about to down a few shots of something that will make him appreciate Margo’s “specialness” all the more.

    MT: Specifically Mark jams his hand into the whirring motor. Dammit, this story is going to wind up with an amputee one way or another.

    MW: Um Dawn? There’s something else about Jim that might grab your attention. Here’s a hint: it’s attached to his shoulder.

    Ziggy: Not to tell Wilson Jr. how to do his job, but wouldn’t this be funnier if the parrot had a round featherless head? Or if Ziggy was starting to grow a beak? Granted, the parrot isn’t wearing pants either…

    9CL: A devoted couple is passionately intertwined. That couple, of course, is Brooke McEldowney and his only punchline.

    RMMD: Ha ha, wait till the other girls find out that Delores never had cancer. She just got tired of dancing topless and being nice to morons. They’ll be upset, but with any luck she’ll be on a plane to Barbados with a suitcase full of hundreds.

    H&L: Nobody tell Crazy Harry. It’d just make him mad.

    DT: Broadway’s redhead minionette is getting turned on. She loves a man with burn marks on the soles of his feet.

    Phantom: “Thank you South Beach diet.”

    DtM: “Thank God they got rid of that Calvin kid. He was bad news, I tell ya.”

    SSmith: I guess that puts a dent in Barney’s “Boardwalk Empire” royalties.

    SFx: And while he’s at it Slylock runs in the nephew as well. Little brat is obviously a congenital felon.

    H&J: I always thought that Jamaal was about my age, early forties. He seems a little young to be getting misty over Jim Crow. Also, WTF?

  43. AdHocGrip
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Dear Josh:
    Wow! Yesterday was the Heathcliff freakout, today it’s Thel’s head (shrinking) and hands (dinner plate-ish). I know what *I* want for Christmas – whatever you’re munching!

    Your obt svt.

  44. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    SM: Kraven dares. Oh, Kraven dares, all right. Even if Margo asked how he could dare, he can and will dare! He’ll even double Dutch doo-doo dare, the worst kind of dare there is!

    I don’t get it, though. Krav’s being interviewed about the tiara that isn’t part of his act and that he has never mentioned and that even Parker has doubts that Kraven will steal, because it has nothing to do with animals. They put an important plot development in on a Sunday? How dare they!

  45. Cloudbuster
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#19):

    MT2- What exactly would the point of feeding Mark to the sharks be again? Normally people don’t pay $2 million dollars for the safe return of whatever scraps of clothing might survive the vicious shark attack.

    I’ve pondered that. It’s entirely possible that Cherry and the magazine just abandoned Mark to his fate — we haven’t heard from them in a long time. It’s also possible that Otto just decided he hates Mark so much that fuck that $2 million. But, having read Mark Trail for a while, what it will certainly turn out to be is merely another episode of “World’s Dumbest Criminals.”

  46. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#38): That was r’lyeh kewl. Family Circus ends as we knew it must.

  47. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#36):

    How can a rendition of “Little Drummer Boy” be played without a single drum?

    That seems kind of cheapskate. They do use drums in highland music.

  48. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: Just Mark and Otto on the boat. No henchmen. Absolutely nothing to prevent Mark from kicking the crap out of Otto and driving the boat to safety. Yet, there he is, fishing.

    Take a portion of what the magazine was going to pay in ransom and help the people on the island, too. Because everyone knows that wildlife magazine publishers make more in profits than oil comapnies, retailers or investment banks.

  49. Cloudbuster
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: It appears that Otto is trying to make Mark’s death look like an accident so he can still claim the $2 million.

    Editor: “OK, here’s the $2 million. Where’s Mark.”
    Otto: “Oh, sorry, he fell off a boat. Here’s his dog, though!”
    Editor: “You said you’d free Mark if we gave you $2 million!”
    Otto: “Well, wherever he is, he’s free. Not my fault the guy’s clumsy.”
    Editor: “I should just take my money back.”
    Otto: “But you won’t.”
    Editor: “Why not?”
    Otto: “Because of all these guns. And because you look like the kind of guy who falls off boats.”

    You know I just ran with that, and it didn’t turn out how I expected. There’s really no point in letting Mark live.

  50. bats :[
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#20): Luann: Please Mr. DeGroot, throw Luann into the Christmas fire you imagined yesterday. Save us from this stupidity.

    Phantom: Kit: Lions are great climbers!
    Lioness: A set of bows and arrows? ROWWW! SCORE!

  51. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#47): This CD is from the library, actually. “Celtic Dreams at Christmas”. If my dreams were full of bagpipes, I’d have insomnia.

  52. bats :[
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    MW: why do I get such a chuckle out of Dawn?

  53. Horace Broon
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Crank: Other Bus Driver #2 in the second panel is clearly thinking “But I wanted to see a manger scene carved out of soap!”

    JP: Anyone taking bets as to whether the elopement will involve them being given the most expensive wedding in the world, for free, for no reason?

    GT: “Why aren’t you losing more to make the games interesting?” the hard-hitting interviewer demands.

    MW “Mein Führer! I can grasp!”

  54. Austria
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    BC: So that’s 1932 BC, right? Okay, that means…the current year in this strip is 1853 BC. Whew, glad we got that figured out!

    FC: The Yaoi Hands have spread to Family Circus. All hope is lost.

    FW: Gee, Harry, I don’t know, maybe if you didn’t spend your meager postman’s salary on comic books…

    Luann: And then the door opens to the titular character with her laptop screen between her legs.

  55. bats :[
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#38): and although that riffed off a FC from five or six years ago, Mommy’s hands are STILL HUGE!!!!

  56. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#13): I wouldn’t put it past Margo to hire an assassin spider. It could weild firearms in four of its legs while using the other four to balance on its web.

  57. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns: Is it just me, or does today’s panel lack that usual serrated-knife-in-the-guts-with-a-three-quarter-twist feel it usually has? I was expecting something more like, “Your joke-a-day calendar has mirror on it.”

  58. Fashion Police
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Nope, here’s Greg late at night, rambling around his apartment, still wearing his electric blue suit jacket, his yellow tie still knotted tight

    One would think he would have a well enough developed sense of decorum to have changed into evening clothes. Since he is clearly alone, a smoking jacket would suffice.

  59. pastordan, lazy professor
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Amazing Spider-Man: Honest question here. If you, uh, swung as big a bat as Kraven appears to, why would you have such a hard-on about stealing a tiara? He doesn’t look like he’d need diamonds to help him follow Wilt Chamberlain’s career path, and I’m not talking about what he did on the court. Steroids?

    Today, Andy Capp does “Yo Mama” jokes. I feel like this is a major breakthrough. I will not feel that way when Tyler Perry shows up.

    Josh missed the volumes of Apt 3-G storylines piled up on the side table, conveniently pre-filled with hoar and must.

    Archie Has followed Alley Oop into storylines about time travel. We’ve suddenly flashed forward from 1992 to 1999, just before the cyborg Veronica invasion reduced Riverdale to bombed-out ruins.

    BARNEY GOOGLE and Snuffy Smith: I’ve been reading this strip since I was a kid, so like 40 years, and this is literally the first time I’ve ever seen Barney Google.

    9 Chickweed Lane: is funny because people like s-e-x and we’re not supposed to talk about it on the funny pages, GET IT?

    Cul de Sac: I have this longing inside of me for more Cul-de-Sac cartoons, but sadly, there will never be any more Cul-de-Sac cartoons. Mrs. Pastor is so going to hate me when I order the collected editions.

    Hagar the Horrible: “ZIP ZAP!” might be my new favoritest noise ever. Got to find a way to work that into conversation.

    Judge Parker: Jeez, we’re not two days into this story line, and already I’m praying for a car wreck to kill both lead characters. We’d better have a Peaches-level[*] character introduced here mighty quick, or it’s going to be a long six months.

    Luann: Having been in this position, I can assure you, the parent’s reaction is not to stand outside the bedroom door staring blankly. It’s “Give me the goddamn phone!” Followed by, “Did you see the size of that phone bill?”

    Scary Go Round is just filled with awesome today, as it is most days.

    Well, that seems to have broken my commenting drought.

  60. Fashion Police
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    We are dumbfounded that poor Delores chose the Abigail-Thompson-red wig with her pink bathrobe. Clearly, the medications have affected her judgement.

  61. Shrug, Bursting Out All Over
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#59):

    “We’d better have a Peaches-level[*] character introduced here mighty quick,”

    First use ever of “level” and “Peaches” in the same adjective.

  62. pastordan, lazy professor
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Bursting Out All Over (#61): There’s utterly no play on your comment that doesn’t go directly into Beavis-and-Butthead territory.

    Well done, Sir.

  63. Voshkod
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    I knew Aristotle was right. What was so special about Magee? She was fronting for someone, that much was clear. She had this long string of failed businesses that kept her close to New York’s most powerful people. All those failures, but she wasn’t hurting for money. And those roommates she kept around as part of her cover. Perfect for her; those two morons would never notice anything wrong, like the mysterious bank deposits, the rifle parts scattered on the table, the briefcases full of heroin. Maybe she was FSB. Maybe she worked for the cartels. The FBI had sicced an agent on her years ago, but she had dealt with him.

    I had nothing to go on but a shot of whiskey and a loaded .38. I took another shot to steady my nerves, checked the revolver, and waited for Magee.

  64. Elk Meadow
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Why did it take me a full day to get the joke in yesterday’s Prince Valiant?

    Rhoda’s a foxy lady. Hence the headgear.

  65. bats :[
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    And after adding to I Am Resisty’s original mashy goodness, I nominate Jeff K. as a nouveau master of “find X differences”…Bil K.’s original and today’s ovoid mass are an eerie study in doing very, very little to earn a syndicate paycheck.

  66. lynn
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    If the prose in Josh’s book is as entertaining as what’s in today’s post, then I’m predicting NY Times best seller. *envious sigh*

  67. gleeb
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Rhoda’s also the Red Hood, so that’s the nearest made-of-a-dead-thing approximation.

  68. Marco Polo Shirt
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    The FC joke is simple. The little melon head is really only interested in giving his list to his mom, but he has to give the pretense that he actually cares about what she wants. Har, har.

  69. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    AS-M: Sure, Peter, Kraven has the means and opportunity to steal the diamond tiara, but what’s the motive? Is he just that bored with murderizing big game animals, humans, and super-humans that he’s decided to on to inanimate objects? “Diamonds are forever? We’ll see…”

  70. cheech wizard
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    FC – Thel always had huge knockers. But back in the 60s, all mass entertainment strove to appeal to multiple audiences That’s why, although FC was ostensible targeted at children, it also included elements to appeal to Dad’s interests, the Biblical references drew in the religiously minded, the animals were there for pet lovers and the little monsters themselves were craftily designed to allow mothers to indulge their secret maternal fantasies about murdering their offspring.

  71. cheech wizard
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    arrgghh! New laptop with unfamiliar keyboard! I’m really not that illiterate, those are just typos!

  72. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#71): Aren’t all the letters pretty much in the same lyaout?

  73. Voshkod
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Maybe he switched to Dvorak? Or accidently set the language setting on the computer to “Croc”?

  74. casino LF
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#24): Are holly berries poisonous? PLEASE SAY YES.

    RMMD: Man, being a little harsh on Honey, there, Funkyverse transplant!

    ASM: What was with the Parker beefcake yesterday? Gross.

  75. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    In order to prepare for his James Bond role, Greg’s clothing and lifestyle is designed to metaphorically describe the Tory/LibDem coalition government of the UK. The blue of the jacket is the colour of the Conservative Party, and as such it’s the bigger garment. Even though it’s obviously the wrong thing to be wearing, he cannot take it off because of the no-dissolving-the-coalition agreement signed shortly after the election. The yellow tie is the colour of the Liberal Democrats. It’s function is decorative and while it’s slightly uncomfortable, it’s not really doing very much. The not-glamorous flat represents both austerity and the MP living allowance scandal, in which MP’s were claiming very swank pads at taxpayer expense. The overly tall wooden furniture represents the traditions of Parliament and the unwritten constitution. Margo represents the queen.

  76. seismic-2
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    SM: Comparing today’s strip to yesterday’s, we see that MJ has undergone a significant change of wardrobe since the start of this phone call. Clearly she was lounging around in something low-cut, ready to send some enticing photos to the person from whom she was expecting a call, but then when the phone rang it turned out just to be Peter, so the heck with it, and the sweatshirt came out of the drawer.

    JP: “Dad, April and I plan to elope.”
    “Elope? But Katherine was planning on a wedding worthy of the Parker-verse, that would put that shoddy Prince William / Kate Middleton ceremony to shame.”
    “I know it will disappoint Katherine, but we really want to elope.”
    “Well then, when you elope can we just give you a suitcase filled with the ten million dollars that we had planned to spend on the wedding?”
    “You’d damn well better! I’m a Parker, after all!”

    BC: 80-year-old Scotch?

  77. Droopy Says
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Spiderbland: What are we looking at here? A TV interview in which Kraven cops to wanting the tiara, with an inset picture of the tiara to make sure everyone gets the idea? Did a TV station just happen to have a news crew at the museum when Kraven showed up to case the joint, or did his publicist notify the media? And does he ever change his costume? Because if he doesn’t, the police won’t need a bloodhound to track his atempted getaway.

    Family Circus: Jeffy is about to negotiate his way into receiving the Talking Book edition of Machiavelli, so he can manage this scam better.

    Jugs Parker: Horny did not say elope. He said eLope. It will be a virtual relationship, done in a silicone universe and not at all eRotic.

  78. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: Jim 2.0 comes complete with new hair, new attitude and the GI Joe Kung Fu Grip! Still the same incestuous control freak with anger issues, but now he can shout and point at Dawn on the pier!

    Now that Dawn can not get away, she must mate with it. So sayeth Queen Mary.

  79. SurrealKangaroo
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Your comments on Family Circus is like one of the freakiest things that I have read.

  80. Baka Gaijin
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Lenoxus (#26): Oh God, that episode is hilarious! It’s so Sheldon!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#34): OMG! That is so hilarious! mollificent is talented in the musical arts.

    @hogenmogen (#36) on music: Men in skirts in the freezing cold don’t need a drum…

    @Cloudbuster (#49): Do I look like the kind of guy who falls off boats?

  81. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#32):

    Luann: No. Just stop this arc right now. I don’t care who’s behind the door or what they are (or are not) doing, there is no way this week will end well.

    Of course we are supposed to believe that Luann is on Skype with Quill. She’s probably kissing and rubbing her face all over the screen. (Just imagine my titillation.)
    But we can dream, can’t we? We could imagine any number of people physically in the room with Luann, doing something disgusting enough to prompt her laughter. Here are my top 3 choices:
    1. Dirk
    2. Brad
    3. Puddles (water sports, doggie-style)

  82. Calico
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#76):
    Wills and Kate are still ahead of the Parkers – they’re pregnant!

  83. Boophilus
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    STONE SOUP & FC: I have a question. When I was a kid, I tried to get every family member a present: my parents, grandparents, brother, uncle and two aunts. My allowance when I was young was $2/week and eventually grew to $5. This was in 80′s and early 90′s. I had to save for weeks, and most of the time it was stuff like a box of chocolate covered cherries and trinkets.

    Do other kids not give gifts at Christms? I haven’t seen it addressed in comics. It always seems as though the kids are greedy and only want things. Eventually my family did a name drawing thing so everyone only got one present. But when we were adults.

    I’m kinda ticked at Stone Soup. Why not do the one present for the adults? If it’s just shopping time, not the money, just get over it. And it was understood at my house you may get several medium gifts or one big one and a small. I’m being a reverse Grinch here, but it bugs me :-)

    And don’t the kids get each other or the adults anything??

  84. Baka Gaijin
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#59) on Snuffy Smith: We saw Mr. Search Engine grace his eponymous strip earlier this year after a lengthy absence. February 19-25 2012 to be exact.

  85. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#37): Mark knows better than to trust his life to Otto Pilot.

    “Otto Erotic Asphyxiation” is the preferred appellation.

  86. Mibbitmaker
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Bursting Out All Over (#61): Don’t tell Brooke McEldowney!

  87. bbofun
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#36): “… I’m listening to a CD of Christmas carols on bagpipes.”

    Did you lose a bet?

  88. Baka Gaijin
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    MJ Parker, how can I put this so you can understand? Kraven’s after poosay, Las Vegas showgirl style.

  89. Mustang
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    FC – I thinks it’s clear that when limited finances forced Thel to choose between head reduction surgery and another operation, Bil got to choose.

  90. bbofun
    December 3rd, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    I just spent the last hour trying to write a “What’s so special about Margo Magee?” song, an I was reminded, once again, why i went into acting instead of writing. Anyone else care to take a crack at it?

  91. Mibbitmaker
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    9CL:
    Burbers are oversexed,
    Which is overdone.
    NEXT…….

    Curtis: Sadly, science class!

    FW: Comics like this piss me off. Batty is a whiz at this kind of thing, though it strikes me as yellow journalism. Either urine or yer out! I’m out — flush this strip!

    MW: “See, Dawn? I have two arms again! I’m not afraid of the pier anymore! And look (hands her photo), my dead sister doesn’t look like you anymore! Isn’t this GREAT?”

  92. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#49): “Because it’s only the dog, and not Mark, we’re not giving you the full $2 million ransom. Here’s $1.98M.”

    @Elk Meadow (#64): Why did it take me a full day to get the joke in yesterday’s Prince Valiant?
    Because you didn’t read this comment?

  93. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#90): What’s so special about Margo Magee? It’s the same thing that Victoria keeps secret.

    Maybe it’s that Margo told him “No”. But, Luann told him “No” and Greg immediately walked over to hit on Margo, never to mention that blonde chick again.

  94. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#84): By an amazing coincidence, Gyp also sang “Barney Google” in last night’s season finale of Boardwalk Empire.

  95. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#88): Well, according to the TV graphic, it is a woman’s crowning glory.

  96. Ian C.
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    I’m not entirely ashamed to admit that I stared at Thel Keane’s bosom longer than is probably healthy for a grown man to stare at a cartoon woman’s bosom.

  97. hogenmogen
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#87): I grab a handful of Christmas CDs at random from the library shelf. After a while, the worst are the country music Christmases. In the south, municipal recycling is uncommon, but worn out Christmas standards are recycled, reused, repackaged and retarded.

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Ticklishly funny F Minus today. I think it’s giving the sax player a hep name like “Sweet T” that seals the deal.

  99. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#81): This one might be a little too obvious, but
    4. Bernice

  100. Liam
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    FC-Years down the road Jeffy will be playing the “I’ll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours” game sadly it will be with his mother.

  101. pastordan, lazy professor
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#84): February 19-25, you say? The same week I was out huffing gasoline? Say, that’s a dirty trick…

  102. Mibbitmaker
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Glibporn:
    Has this twit (the character or Brooke) actually seen the show? The whole series is Jeannie getting Maj. Nelson in lots of trouble, with a militarized NASA’s chief psychiatrist thinking Nelson is mentally deranged. Not to mention the fact that Jeannie really controls Tony, not the other way around (after an “I’m the master” rant from put-upon Tony, Jeannie tells him, in absentia, “Thou hast alot to learn”)! But forget the romantic angle — the best part of the show is the cat-and-mouse game between Nelson and Dr. Bellows. Here, Nelson shows a craftiness in scheming that’s practically J.R.-like…. and STILL loses to Jeannie in the end!

    Leave it to elitist, pseudo-quasi-ironically-VERY-quasi-”feminist” McEldowney to buy into the uninformed (or very skewed) view of the series as chauvinistic wish-fulfillment fantasy. What man can’t wait to have their sanity questioned by a colonel who could get him court-martialed, or worse?

    And if anyone is abusive of adjectives, adverbs, verbs, nouns, definate articles, etc., it’s YOU, Shnooke! You want an adjective? I’ll give you one:

    Ignorant.
    (which, in his case, also means “ignore rant”)/rant

  103. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#83): When we were old enough to have allowances, we gave gifts too, though only for people who were going to be present on the actual day (and sometimes Mom and Dad provided assistance).

    And, yeah, there were several Christmases (increasing as we all get older) where the number of presents for adults is few compared to what we send to the kids.

    Of course, we’re also a family that prefers to do most of our Christmas shopping after Christmas, so as to get the sales. And before, there’s a lot of “what would you like for Christmas?” “A red sweater, medium, from L.L. Bean” “Like this one?” “Yes, perfect.”

    Holiday shopping and gift-giving is a lot easier when you don’t have to make it a surprise or have it under the tree on December 25th.

  104. The Doctor
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Wait, did I miss something? Why does One-Armed-Jim-who-feels-So-sorry-for-himself-and-uses-this-disability-to-control-Dawn now have two arms? Was he lying the whole time? WILL HE BE THROWN IN JAIL?!? Oh, God, please throw him in jail.

  105. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#91): I kinda like the idea of snarking on the comments via haiku or haiku-like* verse.

    An endless summer
    Standing alone on the pier
    Look! A one-armed man.

    *A lot of so-called “haiku” are only really three lines arranged by syllable count. Real haiku also requires a reference to the seasons and is meant to capture a fleeting moment. But I find even the faux-haiku entertaining, so I forgive them.

    //Of course, that means it’s pretty damn hard to do a proper haiku of any of the soap strips, since fleeting moments are usually strrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeetched out across several weeks.

  106. Droopy Says
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

  107. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    For all you Richard Thompson fans out there (and really, who isn’t?).

  108. Baka Gaijin
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#95): Hee hee hee.

    @hogenmogen (#97): And shipped overseas. I grabbed a handful of Christmas CDs at an Austrian grocery store. One was American country music Christmas. I haven’t listened to it yet. Who has a CD player anymore?

    @pastordan, lazy professor (#101): Coincidence? I think not.

  109. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#105):
    Romance with Margo:
    A neck rub and then a kiss.
    Oh no–mood change! Run!

  110. bbofun
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    For anyone who missed it- GoComics is going to start “reprinting” Richard Thompson’s “Richard’s Poor Almanac” (a weekly large-panel he used to do for the Washington Post). http://richardspooralmanac.blogspot.com/2012/11/richards-poor-almanac-goes-to-gocomics.html

  111. bbofun
    December 3rd, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#107): You beat me to it (by 13 minutes!)

  112. Here come the Judge
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    I gotta say, Ma Keane is really giving Peaches a run for her money today.

  113. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#102):

    Pib – What is up with the continuity now? “Today”‘s strip on gocomics is dated Nov 30th, and the strip where Brooke’s author-avatar-though-the-author-doesn’t-see-it makes the initial wish for a TV genie has vanished. Copyright problems?

    I should have never started dipping into Pibgorn. One strip full of exact replicas of Brooke’s over-sexed-over-agressive female character is enough. Another one, featuring more clones of the exact same character except now with fairy powers and swords thrown into the mix is unbearable.

  114. Liam
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Why would Evan Graham sabotage Margo’s agency when she seems quite able to do that on her own.”

    FW-The government must be in worse shape than I thought when Crazy Harry is fired from a government job and not getting any sort of compensation.

    Archie-Jughead, I’m disappointed to see you not admiring the way Betty’s breasts are pressed against her tight sweater like all the other guys in class are appreciating it.

    MT-”While Mark is playing a big fish.” Oh the things Mark will do to catch a fish. This is like the time he played a female deer to catch a male deer.

  115. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (y#162): Oooh! Thank you, just like my dreams!

  116. sporknpork
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @casino LF (#74): Yes, holly berries are indeed poisonous if you are a young child but less so as you get older. Jeffy’s in for a world of hurt.

  117. Voshkod
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#105):

    Winter snows fall on wreath
    Mother’s head melts fast away
    Darkness in circles

  118. Here come the Judge
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Randy wants to elope, to avoid spending a fortune on a big wedding. Because, you know, money is tight and all.

  119. casino LF
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @sporknpork (#116): Huzzah! Jeffy was always my least-favorite Keane, for whatever the sense of “least-favorite” means when you have sort of a generalized disgust regarding all of the characters.

  120. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#118):

    They’ve been reduced to lighting their cigars with $50 bills! No more Benjamins!

  121. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#120): And poor Sophie has to stuff her bra with $20s.

  122. Downpuppy
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#90): I can start the Lou Gorman version:

    What would we do with Margo Magee?
    Unremovable pearls & invisible knee.

    But alas, no answer comes to mind.

  123. Baka Gaijin
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#118): Did I miss someone saying that the loving couple will be the millionth marriage by the Elvis impersonator and win all the cash in Las Vegas? They will if they elope.

  124. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#121):

    And she had to settle for trying to steal her new boyfriend away from his old girlfriend by offering a free Fender Stratocaster for guitar lessons!

  125. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    A3G — A few years ago, I might have waited for Greg to crumble into a little pile of white powder for even wondering what’s so special about Margo Magee. But now I’m wondering the same thing. *waits briefly for lightning strike that doesn’t arrive* Yep, I’m wondering.

  126. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#99):

    4. Bernice

    And Bernice would be telling Luann, “No, no. Damn it, Luann, you’re doing it all wrong,!”

  127. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 3rd, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#107): I thought at first you were talking about the English folk rocker. Not disappointed, though. Sign me up for the Poor Almanac.

  128. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    STONE SOUP — Babysit Max for several days? Seriously, lady, death would be better.

  129. Not Just Any Dipstick
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#29): Exactly. What else is a gas fueled fire place for.

  130. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    MT — Just when I think MT can’t possibly make less sense, it proves me wrong.

  131. Chip Whittle
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#118):

    Judge Parker: Randy wants to elope, to avoid spending a fortune on a big wedding. Because, you know, money is tight and all.

    You know, it might not be money concerns. Randy might just want a small production so as to show some tasteful restraint and modesty.

    Excuse me, I have to go out in the yard and burst out laughing before I explode. Listen for the startled squirrels dropping from the bird feeder.

  132. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

  133. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#105):

    Deep sea fishing trip!
    Mangroves floating by our boat,
    No rusty cherries.

  134. Albert Einstein
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Josh, in the last sentence of the FC snark, you have “me want you want” written instead of “what you want”.

  135. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 3rd, 2012 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Christmas is coming, Jeffy’s head is full of gas,
    Please put a paddle to his plump little ass,
    If you haven’t got a paddle, a cat o’nines will do,
    If you haven’t got a cat o’nines then who. need. you?

  136. seismic-2
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    JP: It would have been an interesting wedding. On Randy’s side the guest would have been the richest and most powerful people in the country. On April’s side the guest would have been spies hiding under the dinner tables and assassins taking pot shots at the happy couple throughout the ceremony. The highlight would have been the opening of the gifts, when they get to the one from the Sultan of Terroristan who sent a basket full of the severed heads of their enemies.

    How much does the Pope charge for performing a wedding, anyway? But then perhaps they would opt for a simple civil ceremony, performed by all 50 state governors and the entire US Supreme Court.

  137. pugfuggly
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#56):

    The best part about hiring a spider assassin is that they’ll work for flies and locust, both of which Margo can conjure at whim.

  138. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#136):

    In the finest tradition of comic strip weddings, the Pope would perform the ceremony gratis. The Sultan would award the bride and groom Free Gas for Life cards (and for their children, and their children’s children – but no adoptees!). Free limo rides to the ceremony would be courtesy of Gordo. The Dixie Julep Memorial Foundation would pay for the bachelor party, and for free lap dances for all the groomsmen. Of course, Montoni’s Pizza would provide the catering. A pair of giant doves would fly over (and crap on) the ceremony, courtesy of the Lost Forest Daily Shopper. Finally, free Rainbow Swirl ice cream donated by the Santa Royale Condo Association.

  139. Scott Hall
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Ohhhhhh my god I don’t know why I found it so funny but I think I laughed harder than I have all year at your Family Circus commentary.

  140. Here Come the Judge
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#138):

    And, Marvin would poop his pants.

  141. Holly Folly
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Greg you are along in the apartment. There is no one else there with you. You do not need to look suspiciously and sadly over your shoulder. There is no one there to watch you drink alone in your work clothes. There will be no there while you get drunk and convince yourself Margo isn’t worth your time. There is no one there Greg.

  142. KreatureFeatures
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#133):

    Mark buzzes Otto
    With ultrasonic squeaks
    Season for mating?

  143. Dale
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Not Just Any Dipstick (#129):

    You have raised an important question.
    Should a FIREPLACE be used as a URINAL?
    1) Does an active fire make a difference?
    2) Is it your fireplace or someone else’s.

    Form a 2×2 matrix or truth-table, and discuss the results.

  144. lynn
    December 3rd, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Here Come the Judge (#140): This reply works surprisingly well with #139, too.

  145. bats :[
    December 3rd, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#91): re MW: “Isn’t this a photo of the little girl who was kidnapped in near Santa Royale?”
    “Yes, you’re right! Isn’t it GREAT?”

  146. Liam
    December 3rd, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”What’s so special about Margo McGee? She doesn’t have one of those special IQs. So that can’t make her special.”

  147. bats :[
    December 3rd, 2012 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#115): shucks, so many CCers have great ideas, I just love to see them realized. :)

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#121): “Who gave her the $20 bills?”
    “Everyone.”

    @Cetacean Love Buzz (#135): you have nothing less than a fabulous screen name!

  148. Jim in Wisc.
    December 3rd, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Crappy Depressingbean: With all the time jumps this strip has made, shouldn’t Mr. Postman have enough seniority to transfer to another station? Or shouldn’t he be old enough that he could start collecting his (most likely fully vested) pension? Yet another example of Battie-Boy’s superior “writing.”

  149. bats :[
    December 3rd, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Like a grape Cupid
    O Ghost shoots O Lion in butt
    Guran: “O brother”

  150. Jim in Wisc.
    December 3rd, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worthless: Some crazy doctor-wannabe gave Jim an arm transplant. Wait a minute, I think I saw something like that on an episode of Criminal Minds recently.

  151. Liam
    December 3rd, 2012 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    MW-Jim did dislike the pier but then he discovered women that hang out at the pier who didn’t care if he was missing an arm as long as he had money. Then they would do anything.

  152. Sgt. Stoned
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: Jim’s arm has grown back (observant Dawn doesn’t seem to notice) and he keeps pointing and repeating “Here’s looking at you, kid”…wait a tick…it’s not Jim. It is obviously a Jim Robot!

    Zits: It’s funny because Walt is becoming an alcoholic.

  153. Rex (no relation)
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    I genuinely still don’t get the joke in Family Circus. He… he wants stuff for Christmas? Can someone help me out?

  154. Alison
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    “Luann”: Since there’s no way this strip would touch anything sexual, I’m guessing Luann is giggling because Quill merely is making silly faces at her over Skype. (“Here’s my impression of a chimp, mate!” “Tee hee hee! Giggle giggle!” “And look, now I’m a moose! See how I hold up my hands against my head like antlers?” “Hee hee hee! Genius! But you better stop or my parents will hear!”)

    “Mary Worth”: No doubt Jim has a shiny new fake arm and tomorrow he’s going to tell Dawn all about it, but this storyline would be way more entertaining if the artist and writer simply forgot Jim was missing his arm in the first place and offered no explanation for why he has one now.

  155. Mike Hock
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    FC: it makes no sense because King Features had to hurriedly replace the original caption: “Tits or GTFO.”

  156. Stroker Ace
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    Love is… unspeakable kitchen filth. Not one hairnet.

  157. Liam
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Zits-In that house I hear heroin calling your name.

    Sally Forth-It’s Spencers, Ted. They still have those electric balls that follow your finger when you touch it.

  158. Leifr
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

  159. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    JP — Wait a minute. Are we going to be deprived of seeing April wearing some expensive white strapless wedding confection that thrusts her womanly charms into glorious prominence? Furthermore, it has become a CC tradition for interested Mudges to show up at comic-strip weddings to cheer, heckle, drink, make out behind the nearest pews/bushes, and otherwise disport ourselves, and how are we supposed to do that in some courthouse office? I object! I protest! Dammit, I just bought a new hip flask.

  160. Sequitur
    December 3rd, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: Wow! Twice in one year! Google is becoming a regular or something.

    Five bucks? Where dahell did Snuffy get five bucks?

    Oh, yeah. From Lukey.

    Where dahell did Lukey get five bucks?

    Oh, yeah. He went deer hunting.

  161. Sequitur
    December 3rd, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#159): Well, Poteet, maybe you can drive the getaway car elope vehicle.

  162. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 3rd, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    FW:

    The bearded postman
    Sells his treasures to survive –
    The season darkens.

    Luann:

    Teenage giggles heard
    By insomniac parents –
    The dangers of Skype

    A3G:

    Electric blue suit
    In a poorly drawn room,
    Pondering Margo

  163. agony
    December 3rd, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#107):

    Hmmm, I thought you meant this Richard Thompson….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ok7K_G4FIY

  164. seismic-2
    December 3rd, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “What’s so special about Margo Magee?” Greg, it’s late at night but you’re fully dressed to make a quick escape from your apartment, you’re nervously looking over your shoulder every 15 seconds, and you can’t even look at the Scotch to which you have turned for comfort, on account of your wondering, “Is she here? Do I have her picture displayed prominently enough? Will she see it? What was that sound? Is she hiding behind the curtains? Is she armed with a knife, a pistol, or a chainsaw? How far am I from the doorway?” And that, sir, is what’s so special about Margo Magee.

  165. The Central Scrutinizer
    December 3rd, 2012 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    “madness madness madness CHRISTMAS IS COMING CHRISTMAS IS COMING”

    I heard that song like FOUR TIMES TODAY

  166. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1): Re MW — thanks, I needed that.

  167. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#105):

    Fleas, chiggers, crabs, ticks,
    Love that hairy red mansion –
    Do not date Kraven.

  168. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#154):

    “Mary Worth”: No doubt Jim has a shiny new fake arm and tomorrow he’s going to tell Dawn all about it, but this storyline would be way more entertaining if the artist and writer simply forgot Jim was missing his arm in the first place and offered no explanation for why he has one now.

    What a difference an arm makes!

  169. Baka Gaijin
    December 3rd, 2012 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#131): “Startled squirrels dropping from the bird feeder.” Somehow that phrase is funnier than the individual words separately.

    @Here Come the Judge (#140): Marvin pooping his pants. Isn’t that redundant?

  170. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

  171. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Phantom:

    Guran’s magic juice,
    Ill-remembered, does not work.
    Now he’s up a tree.

    The lion hungers,
    Slab-sided, empty belly.
    Eat the Ghost Who Walks!

  172. Anonymous
    December 3rd, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    testing. . . .

  173. Liam
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    MT-Otto increases the throttle while Mark hangs on for dear life. Yep nothing sexual sounding in there.

    RMMD-”Yeah well at least I’m not dying from cancer.”

    Slylock Fox-Shady used a liquid other than water to make those snowballs.

  174. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    lost my squee to the spam filter, so wasn’t sure if I could post earlier without rustling the jimmies of the filter, but it seems to be ok now.

    that being said, I realized something a few days ago.

    Curtis’ favorite superhero, SuperCaptainCoolMan, is actually a second generation hero.

    SCCM’s father was active in the 70′s as Verb.

  175. Sequitur
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

  176. Ursula
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Run away! Run away!
    I hope this sequence goes on all week….smaller and smaller branches…immortals battle…immortals fall…no one notices.

  177. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#175): the internet is for art . . .

  178. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#105):

    Roaming the city
    With his ever-changing face –
    Greg, the cheap Chaney.

  179. Poteet
    December 3rd, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#175): Wow! Somehow I’m reminded of the Golden Idol scene in THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, and isn’t that kind of sad.

  180. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 3rd, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Flying McCoys — Every Dog Tree Has Its Day:

    http://www.gocomics.com/theflyingmccoys/2012/12/03

  181. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 4th, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    Fall turns to winter,
    In a salmon kitchen, still,
    Mary eats and gabs.

  182. Droopy Says
    December 4th, 2012 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    Spiderbland: Yeah, of course the owners of the tiara would trust a well-known supervillain to guard their precious. Up next, we learn that the tiara grants mystical powers to whoever wears it. Who will look cuter in it? Kraven, Spidey, or Showgirl Sherry the Undercover Thief?

    Mock Trail: It’s a sad day when a plot turn is so obvious that even I can call it, but that’s how it happened. And don’t you just love the way Trail’s fishing rod hangs there? He must have hooked the feeblest tarpon in history.

    Jugs Parker: In any other strip, saying that a woman’s annoyance is a bigger catastrophe than global warming would be a faintly amusing comment. Here, it’s just a frank admission that these people lack a sense of proportion.

    Shoe: You know the twenty-first century is here to stay when this strip acknowledges the existence of GMOs. And you know they’ll be making this joke well into the next century.

    Phantom: Warning shots, Ghost-Who-Outsmarts-Himself? That should work about as well as your drugged arrows. Or are you going to escape certain death by committing suicide?

  183. Poteet
    December 4th, 2012 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    MT — See *she says, gritting her teeth,* THIS is why the daily version of MT should either get a clue or avoid conservation altogether. Enlightened conservation-minded people in the year 2012 do NOT refer to “shark-infested water.” They know that sharks are in major trouble around the world and that some species are headed toward extinction because of overfishing, finning, pollution, and other human nastiness. So welcome back to my shit list, Daily MT. It’s been awhile, but there you go again.

  184. Poteet
    December 4th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    MW — Garsh, he’s prettier than ever!

  185. Poteet
    December 4th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#183): Et tu, JP? So it’s going to be that kind of day, is it?

  186. Poteet
    December 4th, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#185): Thank you, SHERMAN’S LAGOON!

  187. Poteet
    December 4th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    A3G — Good lord. #178 was supposed to be a joke, Greg!

  188. Not Greg Evans
    December 4th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail 12/4/2012: Alas, Otto is hoist with is own stupid f#¢king plot.

  189. Not Greg Evans
    December 4th, 2012 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    *his

  190. Elk Meadow
    December 4th, 2012 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#92):

    Nope. Forgot to do Ctrl F for Valiant, though I did do it for PV and Prince.

    Sorry; I can’t bring myself to read through the comments to find the strips I like. Too much Mark Trail and Margo, not enough Prince Valiant and Dick Tracy and Poteet.

  191. Elk Meadow
    December 4th, 2012 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#83):

    I think Curtis has given his parents presents. And I think Alix has, in Stone Soup, but you’re right; you don’t see the kids in the comic strips striving to get presents for their parents. Luann is the worst for teen greed and thoughtlessness because in past years, the arc goes on and on, and the dad is always disappointed while the mom is only half the time. And Luann has a job, which seems to have been dropped from the story line.

    It was always a challenge to save up money to find gifts for the parents, although we usually made at least one in school and/or church. I remember one year saving half of my Halloween candy so I could make Santa stockings (using my own socks) to surprise my parents. (I ate the chocolate pieces, as I was sure they’d spoil before December.)

  192. Nacho Nova
    December 4th, 2012 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    This commentary will not be easily forgotten. Super great, save the bad flashbacks it sent me into.

  193. Droopy Says
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    Mar’ma’duq: In proper Satanic fashion, Phil Hitler has positioned himself to kiss his master’s posterior. This is happening because for years everyone who has seen this strip has grumbled about what its creator can kiss. Our prayers have been heard if not properly answered.

    Family Circus: You’d think that after a half century or so Dolly would realize that OHMYGODS HOW DOES ANYONE MAKE A CHILD LOOK THAT STUPID AND UGLY? What is your malfunction, Jeffy Keane? Were you raised by wolves? No, it can’t be that, wolves have a higher regard for the human form.

    Mary Mirthless: “The memories of this place?” Is Stumpy telling us that this is where his sister died and he lost his arm? Doesn’t that make Dawn a rude bitch for forcing him to come here?

  194. Droopy Says
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    @Not Greg Evans (#188): It will get worse when Trail rescues him and Otto changes his mind about killing Trail.

  195. Comcis Fan
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    FW: Westview, Ohio, where the women (except one) have no stories, the men are self-absorbed sadsacks, and everyone is a comics devotee.

    MW: I decided to look up some actual hospital volunteer guidelines from actual hospitals. Among those: Do not exchange phone numbers, email or other social networking information with patients. … Volunteers may not give any information to any patient about himself or herself. … Do not give advice to patients. … Privacy and confidentiality are to be maintained at all times. … Be professional about what you say and where you say it. … Report any safety issue to your supervisor.

    So I’m thinking that all of Dawn’s pie sessions with Mary about Jim and his late sister and his trauma, and the walks Dawn and Jim took together around the hospital grounds, and Dawn’s insensitive comments to Jim about water and going to the pier, and her advice, and their personal relationship with incestuous-transference overtones, and Dawn’s not reporting Jim’s manhandling outburst to anyone in authority, and Dawn’s calls, texts and emails to Jim, and now their unplanned, emotionally charged, potentially dangerous meeting at the pier are,
    just possibly, a violation of several volunteer guidelines and at least one federal law.

  196. Marion Delgado
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    Today’s predictable Mary Worth. “So you’re … over all that? Thank GOD! Because, honestly? The thought of *ever* fucking you with you waving that fugly mutant stump thing of yours around was making me shake like a leaf and rush to the bathroom and lose Mary’s salmon mousse!”

  197. seismic-2
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    FW: So Crazy’s financial well-being depends on his selling 6-month-old comic books as “collectibles”? Just toss them on the pile of newspapers from Archie Andrews’s recycling drive, Crazy. And when that comic-book author who lived above Montoni’s moved back to New York earlier this year, he held a huge sale of his own comics collection, so everyone in Westview who wants true “collectible” issues has already bought them. Just how crazy is Crazy, to think that he can make any money at this? Or does Batiuk actually expect us to believe that this scheme could in fact be viable? Oh right, this is the comic strip where Les Moore is a great author. Never mind.

  198. Dale
    December 4th, 2012 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#194):

    If Otto changes his mind, it should be that making Trail’s death look like an accident is a waste of effort.

  199. Dale
    December 4th, 2012 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#182):

    Is feeble a sub-species of tarpon? Mark is fishing for tarpon with the same light tackle he used for bonefish. He’s standing up and not wearing a life vest. FEEBLE is a condition of Mark’s mind.

  200. Marion Delgado
    December 4th, 2012 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    As the New Year wends closer, I’ve decided on a lark/game: giving the comics BETTER, more suitable names:

    Nine Chickweed Lane becomes “Preppies Have Better Sex” by Brooke McEldowney.

    Funky Winkerbean becomes “Tom Batiuk’s No Exit

    BC becomes simply Anachristism

    Wizard of Id is renamed “Trouble at the Ren Faire”

  201. Droopy Says
    December 4th, 2012 at 4:57 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#198): Otto could think of his dunking as a dry run for the murder. His plan worked, which is a remarkable thing in Mark Trail (hence my remarks upon it). All he has to do is get back in the boat and tell Trail “We must catch the tarpon or the village starves!” Trail then jumps in the water to retrieve his magic fishing rod. Along with Otto’s rod, which in a symbolic act of castration has vanished. Once Trail is in the water, Otto takes the boat home. One less mouth to feed and one less ransom to collect!

  202. Anachrosaurus
    December 4th, 2012 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: “The djinn’s greatest foe: adjectives.”

    His and yours both, Brooke.

  203. gleeb
    December 4th, 2012 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    Barney Google: The taxi banter distracts anyone who may be watching from the payoff. Now that Lukey has the cash, no one need know Google’s secret.

    Dennis the 1%er: The budding capitalist cares not what destruction he leaves in his wake. The thirst for gold must be slaked.

    ‘bean: Ho hum, yet another veer into Baituk’s dislike of new comix.

    Parker & Parker, JJ.: Judge fils is the prospective groom and Katherine isn’t actually his mother, so why would she care about plans?

    Mark: Shark’s on the other foot now, eh Otto?

    Phantom: I’m not sure, but I think that’s not a “yum, dinner” growl so much as a “why were you peppering my ass with arrows” growl.

    Dick: Tracy’s clever plan is to leave the door open, exposing Broadway to a draft. When he subsequently gets a cold, his hacking cough will allow witnesses to identify him.

  204. Pozzo
    December 4th, 2012 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    “What’s so special about Margo Magee?” sounds like the cue for a bitchin’ (literally) production number.

  205. KreatureFeatures
    December 4th, 2012 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#178): Nice one. You made me laugh with “Greg, the cheap Chaney.”

  206. Ned Ryerson
    December 4th, 2012 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    @bag once or twice a day (#201):

    I’m not sure if I’m ready for advanced Senuke blast. Better just start off with a regular Senuke blast and see how it goes.

  207. Powers
    December 4th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: Maybe I’m dense, but I think Skyler was speaking metaphorically when she referred to Greg as her “James Bond”. I don’t think they’re actually filming an actual Bond flick.

  208. SemiSentientSpambot
    December 4th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#207): I appreciate your reticence, but I urge you to reconsider. One-armed Jim opted for the advanced Senuke blast, and look what it’s done for him.

  209. Ned Ryerson
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @SemiSentientSpambot (#209): If I get a Senuke blast, will I need a hobo bag?

  210. lynn
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#211): “This is the earliest time I afflict here.” I am going to steal that line for my autobiography.

  211. lynn
    December 4th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#211): And I’d also like to say, I’m not the just one having all connected with the gratification here! Keep up the good work! (imagine in Leslie Nielson’s voice.)

  212. gnbman
    December 4th, 2012 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

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