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Metapost: 2013′s first COTW!

Happy Friday, friends! This has been a weird, short week, but fear not, we are still here for you with a comment of the week:

“I like that fact that, even in the moments before she’s getting stabbed with a frog-poison tipped arrow, the narrator in Curtis refers to the evil witch as Ms. Yahna. I guess it’s in the same style the Wall Street Journal refers to Mr. Hussein and Ms. Bathory. Respect: it’s not an official principle of Kwanzaa, but it’s nice to see it anyway.” –Voshkod

And some very funny runners up!

“I find Dolly and Billy married — and even Dolly giving birth to PJ — more believable and less nauseating than Jeffy as a wise man.” –Dan

“After a week of staring at that previous Heathcliff strip, I was so thankful for a new post that would mean not having to see Heathcliff spank mice at the top. Sadly, that seems like a more innocent time now.” –Pandrew

“For once, the goggle-eyed horror makes sense. ‘That outfit? But … Holy shit, I’m BUCK NAKED!!’” –Spunde

“We are all glossing over the main point in Mary Worth, which is that Santa Royale not only has a cake design contest, but it has a prestigious cake design contest, and also a cake design contest that has been captured on easily accessible video.” –Chris B

“What really gets me about shoe is the moon out the window. They have been drinking long enough for the moon to rise midway through the sky. I’d like to think they had all been sitting in silence, staring at nothing, until he blurted out his tragic story.” –Holly Folly

“Man, I kind of want to see the no-holds-barred cage match happening between Mary Worth’s writer and artist. ‘It’s a beauty-of-nature cake contest!’ ‘Cakes are pink and frosted, or nothing at all!’ ‘I’ll kill you, picture fiend!’ ‘Not if I kill you first, word mangler!’” –bunivasal

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And as always, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Servant of the Muses: A novella by Voshkod, frequent Comics Curmudgeon commenter and occasional rider on the comment float, writing as Brad White. Jake Conrad is a two-bit detective in the city by the bay. For twenty dollars a day — plus expenses — he’ll take your case. When his assistant Clio vanishes one foggy San Francisco morning, Jake finds himself on his hardest case yet. A mysterious redhead wants Clio found, but some people want to make sure she stays lost forever. Everyone’s got a motive, and everyone’s playing their own game. If Jake can’t figure it out, his hero’s journey may be over before it begins in this noir mythical mystery.
  • Never Goin’ Back: Is this new year YOUR year? Read Al Roker’s candid, inspirational, and motivating new book Never Goin’ Back about how he lost weight and stays on track with his health — and how you can start to win the weight-loss battle, too!

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

107 responses to “Metapost: 2013′s first COTW!”

  1. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (Y228) & @Baka Gaijin (Y229): Fear not! Gingerbread houses need not be inedible. When I build a gingerbread house it is 100% edible. And mine don’t sit around long enough to get dusty or mouldy before they get eaten, either. That’s not a brag about how great they are; I have poor self control around sugar. I ate a bag of marshmallows this morning. It’s quite possible that the hard white sugar icing was referred to by yesterday’s contributors as inedible, not because they are gluing their creations together using something Mary Worth made on the stove, but because, unlick polar bears, they lack dental fortitude or lingual endurance.

  2. Joel
    January 4th, 2013 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    What I don’t understand about the Shoe strip is… how does a BIRD commit suicide by jumping out a window?? Isn’t that just how the, you know, go places? Or, maybe that was all he was saying – “she complains about what I wear?”

  3. tallyHO
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#1):
    lingual endurance.??

    I find myself tongue-tied.

    Anyway congrats to the first of many of this Wonderful Year’s* COTW and Floaters!

    *is it over yet?

  4. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Yesterday’s Christian Singles ad is today’s online T-shirt vendor ad.

  5. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#3):

    lingual endurance??

    You can tell I was thinking hard about that one because I wrote “unlick” for “unlike.” I don’t know for sure if those who eat a lot of gingerbread houses are popular with the ladies, but it can’t hurt, can it?

  6. Voshkod
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Lingual endurance is going on my resume now as a marketable skill. I’m sure it means I can talk for a long time . . . right?

  7. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Oh, good stuff Voshkod and his crazy group of float-riding snark mongers! Keep up the good work.

  8. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (Y#225): I knew there had to be a name for it.

  9. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    On the topic of snark, some of my favourites are on the float, and I want to give an honourable mention to Chyron HR for this one. Poor Kwanzaa: for such a young holiday it has quite a heavy burden of principles to bear.

    How, exactly, does this story relate to Kwanzaa?

    Why, Sherman, surely you’ve heard of… cooperative neck-onomics?

  10. tallyHO
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#6): Trice, today alone, you’ve proven yourself to be cunning!

    @Aviatrix (#5): oh. i got it. i just hope those who eat gingerbread houses don’t throw stones!

  11. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#10): Gain stones, possibly.

  12. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#235): Repeating from the last thread a bit:

    There once was a lion by the name of Aslan
    who of Apt. 3-G was not a big fan.
    Poor Evan to his shame
    learned a lion you can’t tame
    when the cat asked for cayenne.

  13. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, floaters! Burma Shave!

  14. Peanut Gallery
    January 4th, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#1):

    unlick polar bears

    Once you lick a polar bear, you can never unlick it.

  15. Zerowolf
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Voshkod and the rest of this weeks floater riders.

  16. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#13): Hang in there, Rt. Ven.! That rhyming dictionary from Amazon should get to you any day now!

  17. Zerowolf
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: For the first time ever the words, “Your father is fine… he’s not having a heartattack,” have been greeted with such groans of displeasure.

  18. Calico
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

  19. Zerowolf
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Unfortunately, the bush baby killed the witch before she could change Maya and Edidna back into humans, thus cursing them to be mistmatched couple of anthropromorphic animals for the rest of their lives. On the bright side they got a gig over at Pluggers.

  20. Zerowolf
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Catering business. Ah right, catering. wink. wink.

  21. Zerowolf
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    FW: Nah, you sucked at that, too.

  22. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#14): So this polar bear walks into a bar, and says, “I can lick any man in the house!”

    And the bartender says:

    1. You know, this isn’t a gay bar, right?
    2. So, it has come to this.
    3. I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon, wanna hear it?

  23. Voshkod
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#19): Early COTW there.

  24. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Congrats to Dan and Voshkod (I use a different ordering system than Josh) and the Fightin’ Floaters!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y115): Ah. Thanks.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#y134): Thanks. Now I know. And knowing is… good.

    @Shrug, Researching Like the Dickens (#y174): This is another good place for me to say that I wish there was a good collection of Robert Arthur’s stories, particularly the ones he wrote for those Hitchcocks (did he write them for the magazine, or directly for the anthologies?). I really used to enjoy those, and don’t want to buy a pile of books just to have the one story in each that are by him. I’m thinking particularly of the juvie Hitch collections, which are usually large hardbacks.

    (Some good researching there, by the way.)

    @Peanut Gallery (#14): They say you can never lick the same polar bear twice.

  25. Zerowolf
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I don’t get it. Did he promise, to not have sex with her until they got married? That ship sailed a long time ago. Or have they never actually done the horizontal bop and her snoring and so on are complete surprises? If so, then what the hell was the trip to Vienna to piss on a stick all about?

  26. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#24): For the record, I thought you had deliberately referenced that Portlandia meme, and thought it was rather fulgent. “Wish I had thought of that!” said I, dolefully.

    // You know the gods love you when you are witty by accident as well as design.

  27. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#8) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (Y#225): I knew there had to be a name for it.”

    Yes, the crapgas delusion is a rare syndrome where someone believes that a “toot toot” from Margo is not potentially fatal.

  28. tallyHO
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#22):
    So this polar bear walks into a bar, and says, “I can lick any man in the house!”

    And the bartender says:

    So, you want a Fuzzy Navel or a Fuzzy Tongue?

  29. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#22): A man walks into a Polar Bear bar and says, “What have we here?”

    And the bartender says…

    a) Who the hell are you?
    b) Where’s your coat?
    c) Hey guys, the appetizer has arrived.

  30. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#29): A man walks within twenty kilometres of a hungry polar bear and says, “Aaaaaaaaah! Snap. Crunch.” Although technically he didn’t say the last part. His bones made that noise as the polar bear grabbed and ate him.

    Seeing as I have far more important things to do and don’t want to do them, let me tell you a story about how Inuit hunters once caught polar bears. You start by making a flat, lengthwise section of a big rib bone, maybe from a narwhal, whatever you’ve got. Make it thin enough that it will bend, and sharpen the ends. Then you take meat and wrap it around the bone, coiling it it into a spiral. You now have a circle of meat, like a big hockey puck. You leave that near the hole in the ice where the polar bear has been trying to poach your seal catch, and watch from afar until the polar bear eats it. Now you follow it, at a good distance, until its digestive juices have consumed the meat and your spring uncoils inside him. It probably won’t kill it, but it might weaken the bear enough that you can finish it off.*

    *Disclaimer: I haven’t tried this myself. If you do, let me know how it works out.

  31. Downpuppy
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#14): I thought that about unlick then : Who could lick a polar bear?

    Like the old saw – blow the medicine down the bears throat. But what if the bear blows back?

    Blowback. It’s what’s coming down the pike.

    Oh, & congrats for all the funny stuff in the COTW & float. Except for the moon one. You made me spend way too much time thinking about phases & where a 3/8 moon would be at various times of year. Curse you, Holly Folly, & the Josh you rode in on!

  32. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#30): That sounds good. I hear bear fat is good for the hair.

  33. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    Davy Crockett loved a drink as much as the next guy. He would go to his favorite bar and order a drink. Being a magnatimus sort of fellow he would also by a round for the house. The bartender knew Davy and trusted him so he let Davy run a tab. Eventually, that tab got enormous. When pressed to pay the tab, he laughed and said, “Can’t pay it. So sue me.” The bartender was about to do that but Davy moved to Texas never to be seen again in those parts. The bar went bankrupt and had to close.

    So even today, the tale is told how…

    Davy Crockett kilt a bar.

  34. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#33): When he was only three?

  35. Borborygmy
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#33): So Santa Ana and the Mexican Army were just trying to collect that bar tab at the Alamo? Makes you think.

  36. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#32): But don’t eat the liver. Polar bear livers contain a toxic amount of vitamin A. Also as an apex arctic predator their fat contains a terrifying amount of PCBs and other cumulative environmental toxins. Eating a polar bear is almost as scary as being eaten by one. Go ahead and put it on your hair, though if it will make it shiny.

  37. Dale
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#30):

    The Crunchy Frog people had a product which included steel springs.

    // I really like this episode even more than the dead parrot: perhaps, because it was one of the first I ever saw.

  38. Voshkod
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    Same with dog livers. Lots of arctic and antarctic expeditions appear to go down over the vitamin A overdose.

  39. Uncle Lumpy
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#38):

    Amundsen’s motto: “Dead, but never blind!”

  40. Voshkod
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#39): And Amundsen knew how to cook a dog!

  41. Downpuppy
    January 4th, 2013 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#33): And yet, the Tilted Kilt lives on. It just goes to show you.

  42. Anonymous
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#26): And doesn’t the new season begin tonight?

  43. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#3):

    Anyway congrats to the first of many of this Wonderful Year’s* COTW and Floaters!
    *is it over yet?

    Just wondering… how much trouble will we get into if we go back and comment some more on the last 2012 post? Not that I would ever think of such a thing. Just wondering… wondering…

  44. Shrug, Homer, and Jethro (Three Retired Strippers)
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y211):

    ” How many would like a “toot toot” from Margo?”

    Rooty toot toot
    Rooty toot toot
    We are the ‘mudges from the Institute,
    We don’t smoke
    And we don’t chew
    And we don’t go with the girls from Apt. 3-G who do!

  45. Aviatrix
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#37): Yeah! I learned how to hunt a polar bear even before how to cook a piston engine (but both at father’s knee) so any comestible containing springs brings to mind the polar bear.

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#43): Depending on the robustness of your browser, you may have to restart your computer. It got pretty big.

    @Voshkod (#38): When you’re really, really hungry you stop caring about the potential toxicity of vitamin A. Or used hydraulic oil. Or in my case a whole bag of marshmallows.

  46. Owen
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Given that the moon can sometimes be seen midway through the sky while the sun is still up, I don’t think it’s really any indication of how long they’ve been drinking for.

    (I guess this makes me the CoTW Curmudgeon!)

  47. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#16): The worser the better!

  48. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of polar bears (as one so often does on a comics-kvetching site…): a nature photographer walked into one the other day.

  49. Peanut Gallery
    January 4th, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#18): I can’t wait for the sequel: Mad Max Beyond Sugardome!

  50. Peanut Gallery
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#22):

    You know, this isn’t a gay bar, right?

    And the bear says, that’s okay, I’m a bi-polar bear.

  51. Voshkod
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#48): Man; that bear is all over that photog, like a Comics Curmudgeon reader on Luann.

  52. Liam
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Joel (#2):

    It was a guy who committed suicide and as punishment he is forced to be a character in “Shoe”.

  53. Poteet
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to Voshkod and the funny floaters! And a Poteet asterisk this week to bunivasal!

  54. Borborygmy
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

  55. Peanut Gallery
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#31), @Owen (#46):

    Given that the moon can sometimes be seen midway through the sky while the sun is still up, I don’t think it’s really any indication of how long they’ve been drinking for.

    I had the same thought, but then I remembered the time of moonrise depends on the phase… fortunately, unlick unlike Downpuppy, I don’t know enough beyond that to have wasted any more time thinking about it!

  56. Peanut Gallery
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

  57. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#26): You know the gods love you when you are witty by accident as well as design.
    I’ve known it for years. Mostly I have the sense not to try and explain when it happens.

    @Shrug, Homer, and Jethro (Three Retired Strippers) (#44): Stopped myself just before telling how I saw Homer and Jethro in concert in the last 60s again.

  58. Vince M
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Don’t look now, but there’s an ad on this page for a culinary school with a picture of a pink-and-white cake…

  59. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

  60. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Many kudos to the folks on the float. We start off the year with a good crop. There’s at least one I flagged as a potential COTW earlier in the week, but they’re all good.

  61. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 4th, 2013 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    @remmy (y240): Yeah, on second viewing the face is much more Tork-ish. At least I didn’t say Davey.

  62. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 4th, 2013 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    OT foody post.

    I have been having a food jones for the last month or so, and finally broke down and splurged for a meal.

    I made bacon-wrapped scallops for the first time, and OMG! *foodgasm*

    Alton Brown recommends 90 seconds on a side, and that turned out perfectly as far as I’m concerned. 2-3 minutes as most recipes say? NOT!

  63. Downpuppy
    January 4th, 2013 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#55): I walk home in the dark a lot. On the left, it’s a waning crescent. Which means it rises some time after midnight. It must be around 2am in the bar.

    Late hour for old birds.

  64. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    I don’t often drink beer but when I do I prefer Ripley’s!

    FIRE EATER Miss Mena, from Myrtle Beach, S.C., has a tattoo of a Ford F-150 truck, not because she likes them but because she has been hit by one 3 times!

    You know you’re a Plugger lady if you only get hit on by pickup trucks.

  65. tallyHO
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#64):
    There’s probably a name for that.

    Spark Pluggers.

  66. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#65): And the circle returns us to Barney Google.

    // I blame Rev. Scudder.

  67. squeeks
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    @Owen (#46): Roughly speaking, moon phase is directly tied to what time moonrise will be. For example, full moon rises at 6pm and sets at 6am, while new moons rise at 6am and set at 6pm (blah blah blah, daylight savings, minor orbital variations, blah…). Thus, a quarter moon will either rise at noon/set at midnight, or the inverse, depending on if it’s a gaining or losing moon. So a gibbous moon would probably rise in the mid-afternoon to evening.

    Next, due to rotation of our lovely planet, astronomical bodies (stars, planets, the moon) have an apparent speed of 15 degrees per hour. This roughly corresponds to the width of your fist held out at arm’s length. (Or 30x the apparent diameter of the moon, a half-degree.)

    If this view is facing east, I’d guess the moon is at about 45 degrees, so 3 hours after moonrise. With even a late-afternoon moonrise, that’s just not very late at night, maybe 9pm.

    If this view is facing west, then using the same logic, it’s 3 hours before moon-set, probably sometime between midnight and 3am, a much more respectable hour to be sharing grim confessions of suicidal tendencies.

    …but I’m still stumped on how any bird, save penguins, auks, dodos, and other adorably flight-failures, would expect to kill themselves by dropping from height.

  68. Borborygmy
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#42): Oh my gosh, YES! Portlandia forever! Top notch. Our heros take back MTV from the evil Tweens!

    // And I finally meet the mysterious, and omnibenevolent Fjohürs Lykkewe!

  69. squeeks
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Correcting @squeeks (#67) based on @Downpuppy (#63)‘s conclusion that it’s a crescent. (Clearly, my powers of astrophysics are stumped by actually having to look at the comic….)

    If it’s a waxing crescent, rise-time would be noon. An eastern view would put estimated time at mid-afternoon, maybe 3pm. A western view would suggest early evening. The dark sky makes both estimates unlikely, unless they live in the far north like me, when it’s dark all the time and we drink to warm our frostbitten souls.

    If it’s a waning crescent, rise-time is midnight, with an eastern view suggesting 3am at the bar, which works. Western view is less likely, since with a noon moon-set, that’d be a mid-morning sky.

    Clearly, all those years in university were absolutely worthwhile. Valuable application on knowledge, here…

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#66):

    @tallyHO (#65): And the circle returns us to Barney Google.

    // I blame Rev. Scudder.

    Heh. Heh. Heh. One ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them…

  71. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#66):

    I blame Rev. Scudder.

    A solid policy.

  72. Mr. O’Malley
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    Gaahh! What is that thing at the top of the page labelled “Single & Christian”? The demonic spawn of Larry Semon?

    Nothing like the Christian Singles ads we used to get. Not that you youngsters would know.

  73. Sequitur
    January 4th, 2013 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#72): I got an ad for “Dragons of Atlantis.” I guess it could be a Christian Dragon. Actually “Christian Dragon” would be a pretty good name.

  74. Uncle Lumpy
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    Christian Singles Girl, preserved for posterity.

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#70): One ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them…
    I prefer the stability of a three-ring binder.

    [I object! Now I'm trying to turn this thread into a circus!!]

  76. Aviatrix
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @squeeks (#69): It faces right, therefore it’s waning. Also it’s tipped on its back, a little past forty-five degrees from the vertical, which puts the latitude around that of LA.

  77. Poteet
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#74): Thank you. She had almost faded from my memory. Tonight, I’m only seeing a car ad at the top of the page. *yawn*

  78. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#75): Heh. Baka wouldn’t care for that.

  79. Poteet
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    JP — She’s so pleased by the ginormous royalties check that she forgot to mention that she won a couple hundred thou in the Powerball drawing last week. It’s so hard to keep track.

  80. Poteet
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    MT — I kinda have to agree with his facial expression.

  81. Droopy Says
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: So the webbing can be defeated by anyone who exercises on a regular basis? Maybe Parker should stick to batling his felow couch potatos.

    Flunkywhatever: Okay, add health and finance to the list of things Batiuk doesn’t understand . . . wait, is there anything he does understand?

    Family Circus: Dowwy, read your baby brother a nice Christian children’s story, like Reverend Furniss’s The Sight of Hell.

    Phantom: Stripey-Butt, you may be in a long-term relatioinship with the lionness, but if it drags out any longer it will end badly, especialy when she tries to pass purple Spandex.

    Pluggers: This raises a dilemma. How many Pluggers stayed in high school long enough to reach their senior year? And how many had to repeat their senior year?

    Mock Travail: In reality Juan was carrying a water pistol, but this is the version Trail tells the other anglers.

  82. Poteet
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    MW — How do you get “feedback” by watching a video? And what does watching a video have to do with taking or not taking things for granted? I can see we’re going to get a good look at how Mary’s management and organizational skills intersect with her constant spewing of platitudes, and I for one am going to fasten my seatbelt.

  83. Poteet
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    GA — At least the Smifs of Hootin’ Holler are basically a happy family in spite of poverty, petty crime, and tongue-lolling. GA doesn’t even have that going for it. What this strip needs is a good hitman.

  84. Poteet
    January 5th, 2013 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    A3G — Dang, I’ll bet Aunt Cathy’s severed head will have to wait another couple of days.

  85. tallyHO
    January 5th, 2013 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Apt 3G and 3J:

    Two things:
    One, when the installment that had the Gorton’s Fisherman in the hallway, pre-planning to break into Margo’s place, Bond James Bond and Margo spoke “off-screen” when they decided to go back to Bond James Bond’s Bachelor Pad.
    I totally forgot he and Margo live in the same building.

    Two, I’m okay with Margo being involved with two dudes. While I don’t understand BJB’s not telling Margo what he knows about Evan and “Aunt”Cathy nor do I comprehend what kind of sociopath Evan is, I think it is good for Margo to do whatever she pleases. Granted, the stuff this story delays, like @Poteet (#84): hints at, is gonna make things difficult for Margo somehow.

    Whatever happens, it is kind of funny that Margo in in a menage a trois with Golden Jules et Jim Bond.

    //whew. that took forever to set up and boy, oh boy, was it ever worth…enh!

  86. Sequitur
    January 5th, 2013 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#85): If there is one thing I’ve learned from A3G, I can go to New York and get my picture taken with blue people in the background.

  87. tallyHO
    January 5th, 2013 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth:
    Mr. Pistachio Mustachio (no relation to Ralph Macchio):

    “Dammit, Worth! Don’t stand there beating battter and tell me that I can’t squeeze my own Charmin!”

    //i know. i know. that was sort of like mixing metaphors. But, John Dill, aka, Pickle Dilly Serkis, aka, The Smirkin’ Gerkin, aka, Mustardo Relishban, aka, Hardy Charlie the Concrete Cucumber, aka, Herby the Pasty Piper, aka, I. Ching Ondacake, aka, Triple Layer Larry, aka, Puddin Pops, aka, Fancy Francis and his Prancing Pony, aka, Banana Fred, aka, Jack Frosting, aka, The Boston Cream Pierre, aka, John Dillinger, aka….say! Waitasecond!

    John Dill. John Dillinger. Dead wife. A pushy meddling neighbor. A cake decorating contest.

    This “Famous Cake Decorating” contest always has smelled as fishy as Rusty Trails tacklebox! It ain’t about clumsy double entendre! Mary’s gonna push old John Dillinger so far that he will try to commit MUUUUURRRRRDer! Murder by Red Velvet Cake with sprinkles and candles and prancing pony heads in the form of a tombstone that reads:



    //getting over tomorrow’s comics today, so i can have a better tomorrow, tomorrow.

  88. Aviatrix
    January 5th, 2013 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#82): I so want to see Dill completely ignore all of Mary’s advice and simply accept her submission to be his assistant at face value. “Mix up another batch of fondant Mary, and don’t let it get dried out this time.”

  89. tallyHO
    January 5th, 2013 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#86):
    get my picture taken with blue people in the background.

    That’s a very good point.
    Prior to this strip explaining yet another wonder about NY, getting a photo taken with blue people in the background was only possible if one “scored”* a backstage pass to a show of The Blue Man Group.

    *and, wotta joyous occasion that must be for some lucky devil.

    Hmmm. Now that it occurs to me, I suppose all of The Blue Man Group’s groupies are into body painting. A Mona Lisa here, A Mona Drian there…

    Nothing but Blue Guuuuuys, do they see…

  90. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 5th, 2013 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#33): You made my husband guffaw out loud with that story. (This is hard to accomplish, so kudos!)

  91. Majicou
    January 5th, 2013 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    Luann: Shocking dramatic reversal, or just a continuation of the never-ending idiot plot? YOU BE THE JU–okay, it’s the idiot plot thing.

  92. Baka Gaijin
    January 5th, 2013 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#48): She and I act the same way when we try to get something out of a clear plastic clamshell package. Raaawr!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#78): Is it a three-ring binder full of women?

    @Majicou (#91): I disagree. This shows how a person with normal intelligence outwits a nitwit.

  93. seismic-2
    January 5th, 2013 at 4:13 am [Reply]

    Luann: Is there anything in life, and I mean anything, that could possibly be more debasing, demeaning, and humiliating than being fired from a job working behind the counter at Weenie World?

    Yes. Spending a total of ten minutes or more per year reading, and thinking about, Luann. I’ve already exceeded my quota for 2013. Just kill me now.

  94. Baka Gaijin
    January 5th, 2013 at 4:40 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#93): Is there anything more humiliating…? Yes, trying to smush Spiderman and failing in front of a full Vegas audience.

  95. seismic-2
    January 5th, 2013 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    RMMD: My God! In that first panel, the blond fellow with the face and ears of a cat, and the blue guy with a plank for a spine and a tin can for a head – are they even human? Or is Junior’s party house actually the staging point for an invasion by space aliens, and are the retired strippers in fact sex slaves from the planet Znargh, and has the strain of maintaining a human form with a grossly exaggerated anatomy caused one of them to develop cancer?

    Oh wait, I’m thinking of an old story arc from Pibgorn. Never mind.

  96. Dale
    January 5th, 2013 at 4:54 am [Reply]


    If Scott actually tells his story, will he be known as
    The Pea-Brain or The Pee-Cock?

    He looks like he’s doing a personal hygiene product commercial.
    If he takes money, will he have to turn pro?

  97. Dale
    January 5th, 2013 at 5:00 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#45):

    Any chance you missed this detail – when the spring’s stored energy is released, the consumer’s cheeks are pierced?

  98. Dale
    January 5th, 2013 at 5:06 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#48):

    Will It Be Strong Enough? seems to be a constant.

    Shark cage. Alligator capture rope.
    Ship’s derrick. (This one is always on the last day of diving with the weather getting bad.)

    Robert Ruark: Use Enough Gun.

  99. Ratiocinator
    January 5th, 2013 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Re. bunivasal’s comment:

    First, congratulations! Second, let’s throw Margaret Shulock and Frank Bolle into the match too, since that’s pretty much their status quo. Not with cakes, though…not SO FAR anyway…

  100. bats :[
    January 5th, 2013 at 7:13 am [Reply]

  101. bats :[
    January 5th, 2013 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    And because Big Cats are cool! (not including that idiot Kraven…)

  102. Vince M
    January 5th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#72): Thank you! I wasn’t going to say anything, but…
    You know how the human face has some subtle asymmetry to it that makes one look…human? Not happening here.

  103. Barto
    January 5th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Marvin: I guess Marvin is old enough to avail himself of this Ted Nugent defensive tactic for avoiding tough situations – good job, Marv!

  104. Da Coconino Kid
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#47):

    … the better the verser

  105. Da Coconino Kid
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#104):

    Not again!


  106. lynn
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#101): I am sitting in a hotel lobby laughing at your wonderful take on Walker and Fluffy. As some commentor said during the holiday break, and as some guy here said to my pal bad lynn last night, “I can’t believe you’re giving it away for free!”

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