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Clash of the titanic demon-things

Marmaduke, 1/6/13

Since the dawn of time, mankind has wondered: is there any creature more powerful than Marmaduke, our awful tormentor, who rules over this plane of existence with gore-drenched fangs? Today’s strip suggests intriguing possibilities. Who is this mysterious creature, this “intruder” that we never get a clear look at, who is rummaging through Marmaduke’s exterior death-temple? How does it command the powers of lightning to repel Marmaduke’s attack without the two beings ever coming into contact? Does this entity represent a possible ally for terrified humanity in its struggle against its awful Marmadukean overlord, or will we puny mortals merely suffer as collateral damage in the struggle between the two infinitely powerful hell-beasts?

Judge Parker, 1/6/13

The ultimate Judge Parker strip: The Parker family stands around their well-appointed kitchen, marveling at an enormous check.

265 responses to “Clash of the titanic demon-things”

  1. Ratiocinator
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    ASM: That gaping, wide-eyed elephant in panel five letting out an “AROOOOO” of panic may very well end up being the most unintentionally hilarious image we’ll see in the Spider-Man strip during the entirety of 2013. We’re only six days into 2013, but I feel confident in saying so.

    Jumble: “So this watch I’m making is supposed to look like that thing up there. I need to study it, to memorize every detail, no matter how minute. I see that it has a big hand, but also a little one! Fascinating! And all those numbers! I have never seen so many numbers in one place before! I need to remember this, there are 11–no wait, 12! I missed one! And it’s kind of round-ish. Well, I guess I’d better get to work on making this scaled down version. Damn, that means I’ll have to stop looking at that mesmerizing clock. This is going to take all of my willpower. ARRRGH! Whew, that was hard.”

    RMMD: “Yes, I did notice her lungs! I’m really not into women at all as you know, June, but I have always had a fetish for the human lung, even if it is inside an icky girl. The way those perfect lungs expand and contract as she bellows sexily at these people…oh god, I think I might just cum right here and now! I am now going to smirk and raise one eyebrow, as is my wont when I orgasm.”

  2. Crankenstank
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    The giveaway is “M-A-R-M-A-D-U-K-E” is an anagram of “V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T”.

  3. Zerowolf
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    JP: Indeed, nothing validates that we are Parker-Spencer-Drivers like being sent large sums of money in the mail.

  4. Anonymous
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#1): Jumble-I have no idea what you are talking about. You must be getting what you pay for, free decades old, archaic, Jumbles. Buy a paper people! ;)

  5. LUJBEM FEJF
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Sorry. #4 was me. I forgot I have a new computer and am not signed in. Back up your computers everyone! Today!

  6. Tom T.
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Well-appointed kitchen? There’s nothing in it except some cabinets, an island, and an oddly-shaped sink. OK, and a hint of an ordinary black dishwasher, not even stainless steel. Where is the Viking range and the turquoise stand mixer?

    Unless, by “well-appointed,” you were referring to Katherine’s breasts.

  7. Oregonian
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    It’s only “the ultimate Judge Parker strip” if we get to marvel at a couple of other enormous things.

    It’s fine to be coy – behind the arm, below the frame, hidden by the check – but as long as you put it all on display in the next-to-last panel… I’m fine with that.

  8. casino LF
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: Ah, Brooke, the King of Unnecessarily Split Panels.

    A3G: Like Evan, I also enjoy wrapping my presents in graph paper.

  9. Nekrotzar
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Intriguingly, other than the first panel, this JP makes at least as much sense if the judge has just made his first journey into senior porn.

  10. Holly Folly
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    I think I need to guest star on Judge Parker. Got some bills that need paying.

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:00 am [Reply]

  12. pugfuggly
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    JP A room full of people all commenting on a check without actually mentioning the amount? Is this one of those very special episodes about adult illiteracy?

    A3G is still catching up to Christmas, huh? Let’s hope that it’s so out-of-date that this story is taking place when that whole dick in a box thing was still fresh.

    FW Using the gift certificate your wife gave you to cheat at your next friendly game. Yes, we are definitely in Funkytown.

  13. UncleJeff
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    JP: Today’s strip reminds me of the expression “mailbox money” which was reportedly coined by country music songwriter Don Gibson, a successful singer who hated to tour (and eventually quit doing live shows) but loved writing songs and waiting by the mailbox for the royalty checks to come in. I’ve always wanted that kind of job.

  14. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    3G – Evan has mushy thoughts about Margo, even while he’s busy betraying her? Oh, Evan, you’re playing a deadly game here. Don’t be surprised if they find you in an alley, hair slightly mussed, and a small but prominent blemish on your shirt, life ebbing away, and your last thought will be that they’ll find out your tie was a clip-on.

    Beetle“Thank goodness there are plenty of them.”
    Oh, I get it. Sarge brutally kills Beetle, and they just replace him with another Beetle. Holy crap, that’s cold.

    CrankshaftA whole universe of unpleasant euphemisms present themselves, as Crankshaft tries to grunt out a Bonanaza. C’mon, Hoss! [*] Unh! Nuts, it’s just another Little Joe!

  15. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Curtis – Okay, that’s cartooning.

    Valiant – So, splitting the arrow wasn’t a cliche yet, eh? Either that, or the unsophisticated folk of Lockbramble don’t know about balladtropes dot bard yet.

    Slylock – The worms are chagrined to find that they’ve fallen for the old “stomping” trick AGAIN, and just as one of them was on the point of figuring out how to break even in a Y-shaped maze. (Meanwhile, the baby birds have made the unhappy discovery that they’re not mammals!)

  16. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Snuffy – Proof of what I’ve always believed: Loweezy’s looks can stop a mule in its tracks.

    Archie – That Moose is just a beefwit who doesn’t appreciate good talkifying, with all the words correctly used in grammatical sentences.

    Judge – In a stunning plot twist, a large check arrives, and the Parkers sit around for a while talking about how big it is, how much they deserve it, and how much they’ll enjoy spending it on something expensive. Nobody could have foreseen this!

  17. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    love is… …same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.

    Mark – In short, though ferrets were endangered in the US, today these little weasels are popping!

    Marmaduke – The secret message in today’s Dog Gone Funny: “Niles, Il L Rylie Girly-Girl W Rylie Sniff If She Likes It Rubs Her Paw Neck Other Side Neck!” We meet at the Secret HQ at the usual time. DEATH TO AMERICA!

    Mary‘s off to her exciting new job as The Cake Meddler!

  18. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Nancy – Fritzi’s Nashville sneakers are bringing me down, down.

    R=R – Phuhkk theeyuss sheeeyitttt.

    Ziggy – No, this is the meaning of “Clue.” The meaning of Life is become a doctor and fill the plastic car up with pink and blue kids and try to get as many Linkletter bills as you can. It’s all about the Linkletters!

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y253): It’s supposed to be humor. Watching somebody strain to get an awkward construction in just isn’t funny for me.

  19. Midtown
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#12): JP: The amount has been purposefully left to our imagination; if they repeat this strip in twenty years, the amount won’t seem dated. Considering the wealth of the Parker/Spencer/Drivers, the fact that they are impressed suggests it’s at least seven figures. Or at least that’s what I like to imagine.

  20. Voshkod
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    You know, I’m a nice guy. I don’t generally wish ill on people, real or fictional. But I wouldn’t mind if Marmaduke crashed through the wall into Judge Parker’s kitchen right about now. Ideally, he’d eat them all, but I guess I’d be satisfied with him taking a demon dump on the table. Except, given that it’s Judge Parker, I guess Marmaduke would have eaten ten pounds of gold bullion about eight hours earlier.

  21. greghousesgf
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#16): The same thing could be said of the whole cast of Snuffy, not an attractive group.

  22. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Debbie Downer Crystal, Tiffany already suffers through that laundry list of negatives. Would saying something supportive crack your tiki mask of makeup and self loathing?

    Hey there Mrs. Worth. Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back.

    Though Poncho, Dagwood, and Sarge dream of a “Land of Meat,” Sarge’s looks more like a row of glory holes.

    Herb, it’s at this point you threaten Eula with that nursing home you saw on “60 Minutes” last weekend.

    Reposting from yesterthread: Loweezy, I wouldn’t go around bragging that my face is so ugly it can stop every animal with eyes in their tracks, peeing in fear.

  23. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Now I can really give my girl the surprise of a lifetime. All I have to do is take off all my clothes and hide under her bed. OK, ready!!! Oh hi there, Lu Ann. No, I didn’t come here to see you. Why do you ask?”

    SM: This is the second consecutive SM story arc in which Spidey has been forced to control a rampaging elephant. What’s next – Mark Trail-style “rampaging elephant” clip art? Maybe, if the Jackelrod clip art file also has a panel showing someone who is eating pancakes while watching television.

    JP: “This, Your Honor… is mildly obscene!” That’s why the Parkers are admiring it at breakfast. They save their admiration of the truly obscene checks for dinner time.

  24. Quicksilver Messenger Service 2013
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    MW i’m off to meddle up a real man

  25. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    It’s the werewolf from Ginger Snaps, come to dismember Marmalade in his demon house. Unfortunately all he did was inflict a minor scratch…which means instead of Marmalade, Demon Lord, we now have Marmalade, Werewolf Demon Lord.

    Shake in your poopy diapers, all.

  26. Esther Blodgett
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    What rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches toward Marmaduke’s doghouse to be born?

  27. Weaselboy
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    SF: My answer was different but just as valid: fold the map in to a paper airplane and fly it across.

  28. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#27): Hm, another option is flying Count Weirdly’s flying saucer across the chasm with the map. How about using his time machine to go back and give the fox the map before the bridge broke?

  29. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    I…I have a confession to make. I actually *liked* 9 CL today.

    I promise I’ll try and be more of a beefwit next time. Please forgive me.

  30. bats :[
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#283Y): ahhh, gee, shucks…thanks!

  31. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Bats:[ :

    Ma’am. I am a mass of quivering, jiggling, abject awe.

  32. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Good lord! In the fourth panel (or the second, if your version omits the throw-away ones), look at the orange person in the background sitting on the orange sofa – is that Toots??? We all knew from the mural that he painted in the Morgan’s garage that he is a big fan of whales, so is he working out here at Sea World? Or is he so dedicated to being June’s toy-boy that he follows her everywhere, even across the country? This could help explain the paternity of June’s baby!

  33. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#y250): Woof, that’s a lot of work. But then whole damn thing is a lot of work, isn’t it?

  34. bbofun
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    FW- Ah, the tennis joke; the rarely-seen cousin to the golf joke. Just as unfunny, though.

    DT- Escaping prison using a Pez dispenser? How does that work? Did he trade it to a guard for a gun?

    CRANKY- “Oh, and he’s gonna be in there for DAYS, apparently, given his choice of reading material. Maybe we should have added in another bathroom while we were putting in the addition.”

    9CL-A) i honestly don’t know WHAT Amos’ expression is suppose to be in the penultimate panel.
    B) The cranky old nun has, apparently, been thinking about Amos’ performance in bed since he was 10.

  35. Ian Beste
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Frazz I guess Alex Kozinski would be too obscure.

    PBS A number of years ago I was donating my time on weekends at a local equestrian school in exchange for lessons. One morning as I was going through the stables I saw a young girl and both her parents in one of the stalls trying to saddle a horse. There was a lot of waved arms and animated discussion in a foreign language that sounded Slavic. All the activity was making the horse rather agitated. I stepped into the stall and politely suggested that the girl and I could finish saddling and bridling the horse. The mom and dad left, still chattering about something. Once they left and I had the saddle on, I asked the girl, “Is your family Russian?” With all the offended dignity a 10-year old can call upon, she drew herself up and announced, “Please…we’re Polish.

  36. John I. Carney
    January 6th, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#14): It’s like The Venture Brothers. Thousands of Beetle clones are kept in tanks in a secret Department of Defense research facility, ready to be deployed as needed.

  37. Poor Thompson
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else read “Marmaduke the Intruder” all as one sentance and think that was the new full name of the character (a la Hagar the Horrible, Richard the Lionheart, etc.)? Also, I’m 90% certain that other “dog” is a longhorn steer.

  38. langostino
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    The boobage in panel one of Judge Parker is among the best, most erotic boobage in the history of the Sunday funnies.

  39. pugfuggly
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    This week in Creepy Sunday Panels: Mary Worth:2001

  40. pugfuggly
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Midtown (#19):

    I thought it was more along the lines of ‘If you have to ask how much Judge Parker checks are for, you’re too poor to be reading this strip.’

  41. bats :[
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#40): gah! Andy Warhol is spinning, somewhere…

  42. bats :[
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Which, of course, was a response for 39. pugfuggly…
    Picked a bad year to stop drinking…

  43. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sophia Pygea (Y278):

    “Using big words does not make you a great writer” – no one has informed Nehemiah Scudder of this.

    I was waiting for this demonstration, to make my one contribution to the discussion. Every writer can divide the whole vocabulary of English into words they use and understand without thinking, fancy words they can be pretentious with, words they kind of understand when others use them, and words they have no idea what they mean. The divides are in different places for different people, and if you enjoy words and constantly exercise your vocabulary, an everyday sentence for you may make some readers think you’re being pretentious, and when you stretch out to some more challenging vocabulary, you’ll leave people in the dust. It’s what would happen to me if I tried to jog along with an Olympic distance runner during his easy 5 km warmup. He’s not trying to ditch me. His legs are barely ticking over, but it may be a faster pace than I can sustain.

    When writing for a purpose, whether it’s to create interesting prose or to make a point precisely, a writer chooses words that mean exactly what they want. Depending on whom they try to make that point to, however, the precise word may send the message “I’m being pretentious” or even be so far outside the other person’s vocabulary that it sends no message at all.

    I like ridiculous words on the comics page, along with ridiculous plots, ridiculous characters and ridiculous tits. Laugh, study or skip each, at your pleasure.

  44. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    MW Poor Dr. Jeff. Doomed to be ignored once again while Mary indulges her meddling fix. Go ahead, old boy, and drown your sorrows in television. We understand. Hey, I hear “Game of Thrones” is good for despondency.

    A3G Evan, hurry the hell up! Whatever’s in that box is bound to smell by now.

    FC Oh! Great idea! A whole year’s worth all at once. Well, okay, I guess we won’t see you again for another year. Thanks!

  45. Liam
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Garfield-That last panel is a “Crowning Moment of Heartwarming”.

    FC-I like that costume the guy dressed up for April Fool’s Day is wearing.

  46. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    JP — I wish the JP cast would receive their largesse in the form of large piles of gold and jewels. A check is so dull.

  47. KreatureFeatures
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MW
    - Fun fact: The last half of Albert Einstein’s scientific career was marked by failure. He didn’t believe in an expanding universe and fudged his calculations to disprove it, he made math errors in proofs of his own theories, and he was haunted by the foibles of humanity.
    - A more appropriate quote from Einstein might be: “We all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.”
    - Mr. Dill, your invisible piper is Mary. Good luck!

  48. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    PV — Most of us couldn’t carry off that bold dramatic dead-fox-on-my-head fashion statement. But Rory, you somehow make it work.

  49. DOlz
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke – There’s an old African saying, “When elephants goes to war only the grass suffers”, and my friends our ass is grass.

  50. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @DOlz (#49): When will this be a “Mary Worth Sunday Quote?”

  51. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I was thinking that these two young people always seem to have a lot more spare time than the actual young people I know, and then it occurred to me that I don’t remember ever seeing Amos and Edda texting or playing Angry Birds or updating their Facebook pages or watching GoF, so this really is an alternative sex-obsessed universe.

  52. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#50): When the Internet reports that Albert Camus said it.

  53. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#51): Sorry, that should have been GoT. GoF, Game of Funk, is a different and much less popular show based on the characters in Funky Winkerbean.

  54. NotThatGuy
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    “Doing *good*”, Judge? I think not; in fact, you are doing *well*.

  55. Shrug, Straight Ahead and It's Just Past the Dreams of Avarice, You Can't Miss It
    January 6th, 2013 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#46):

    “JP — I wish the JP cast would receive their largesse in the form of large piles of gold and jewels. A check is so dull.”

    I was thinking slaves and handmaidens, myself.

    But I might settle for ivory, apes, and peacocks.

  56. Calico
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    It’s a Chupacabra in Marm’s yard. It controls the skies.
    What I found especially disconcerting was today’s “Dog gone funny” column.

  57. Shrug, With a Gamey Leg?
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#53):

    “GoF, Game of Funk, is a different and much less popular show based on the characters in Funky Winkerbean.”

    Life is Banal. — Dawn R. R. Camus

  58. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#52): How did I not know that?

  59. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#9): Change “check” into “proofs” and it’s impossible to interpret the strip otherwise.

  60. Anonymous
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    The best thing about the Alien vs. Predator movie was the infinitely reusable tag line, “Whoever wins… we lose.” Today’s Marmaduke gives us the best opportunity since the last election to trot it out again.

  61. Downpuppy
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#30): Kewl. Amazing how little you have to do to Rex strips to make them completely insane.

  62. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    BC: I laughed. Clever to use Portland, thereby giving both east and west coast an in on the joke.

    FW: The Spinmaster II has a plutonium weight in it. Plutonium is heavier than lead, so you win the spin, fatigue your arm for the rest of the match, and increase your cancer risk.

    MT: I challenge anyone to come up with a more awkward order in which to present the six panels of today’s black-footed ferret bio.

    MW: Is the reader supposed to feel the urge to bludgeon Mary with a blunt object? Because if so, this strip is masterfully crafted.

  63. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

  64. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

  65. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — Reading on the toilet is not recommended by doctors because it can cause or aggravate hemorrhoids, but this is Crankshaft, so I’d recommend twelve chapters at least.

  66. Darryl Heine
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    NOT FEATURED:

    Blondie – “RING! JULIUS DITHERS!”

    Family Circus 1989 remake – A new year in a round though circle.

  67. Poteet
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Maybe “Arooooo” is elephantese for “You’re wearing blue ballet shoes that don’t match the rest of your tacky costume!”

  68. Liam
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    MW-”To help Dill I must spend all my time with him. I must live with him. I must eat with him. I must sleep with him.”

  69. bats :[
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#53): yep…we gotta keep our prime-time filth straight!

  70. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#Y272): There is an influential school of grammatical thought, that believe the possessive should always be indicated by apostrophe ess, no matter the ending of the word. Strunk and White, for instance. So they prefer Wells’s book to Wells’ book.

    I don’t believe that “recondite” is all that uncommon a word. Really. You need to get yourself a better educated class of acquaintances.

  71. Erich Clapton
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Well, I guess I’ll be first to write: “Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe”. The rest of the jokes are up to you.

  72. bats :[
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#68): Dr. Jeff — “Okay, see you when I see you, Mary!”

  73. Alter Ego
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

  74. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#33): But then whole damn thing is a lot of work, isn’t it?

    Exactly. When you look at the time and care he takes to setting up those Lego pieces, and photographing them so perfectly, it would be crazy to screw up the words.

    // I think he’s a great, a very great, artist.

  75. Calico
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#47):
    If Mary Worth is The X Factor incarnate, then I want Z. No offense, Mary!

    3G – Can we see what’s in the bloody box already?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHtY6F61lM0
    (Whenever I see this clip, I usually end up crying from laughing so hard)

  76. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    The cake is a lie.

  77. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#43): You put it very well. I am reminded of H.W. Fowlers note on Pedantry in his Modern English Usage:

    “The term [pedantry] is obviously a relative one; my pedantry is your scholarship, his reasonable accuracy, her irreducible minimum of education, & someone else’s ignorance.”

  78. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#27): It’s hard to throw a paper airplane accurately outdoors, especially across a valley where variable air currents are often blowing. I was all set to call BS if Slylock suggested it, but the rock solution is more plausible. Well, except it’s a mouse throwing it. It’s like the odds against winning the lottery — which happens all the time in comics, so forget I said anything.

    @Poteet (#67): “Aroooo!” is a plug for the long-gone whimsical favorite “King Aroo” by, um, Jack Kent? Still seen in bits and pieces in collections, and fondly remembered by people who actually saw it in the newspaper.

  79. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#62) on Mary Worth: How can we bludgeon her with a blunt object when the cake hasn’t been baked yet?

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#70): Oh, sure. “Recondite” pops up in conversations around the water cooler every other day, every day on weeks containing a full moon.

  80. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Ok. This is mis-use of language. This is Ted Baxter. “Your sentence variety and composition were very unusual. I was surprised by the fluent way you enhanced your nomenclature. And I found your use of systematic linguistics to be very effusive.”

    THAT is word salad. Say what you will about Brooke McEldowney, he at least knows what the words he is using mean.

    9CL: St. Godzilla’s. Heh. Nice. Probably a nickname, right? It’s really St. Gondulfus, or St. Gohardus, or St. Gorgias, or something, right?

    MW: That Einstein was great! Yes, scientists are agreed that dreams are more powerful than facts.

    Oh dear! Oopsies Ms. Moy! This time you stole your crappy quote from a living author! Of course Einstein never wrote that dreck:

    “Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts.”

    H. Jackson Brown Jr., Life’s Little Instruction Book: 511 Suggestions, Observations, and Reminders on How to Live a Happy and Rewarding Life

    H. Jackson Brown, Jr. is an American author best-known for his book Life’s Little Instruction Book which was a New York Times bestseller. Before becoming famous as a writer, Brown acted as a creative director of an advertising agency in Nashville, Tennessee. It was simple words of wisdom gathered from other people and his own experiences that made him a best-selling author.

    From some site trying to sell the book.

    // Ad guy. Yep. Facts aren’t important. Dreams, yeah, that’s the ticket.
    /// So he’s a vile huckster. But I hope he sues Karen Moy.
    //// Bet H. Jackson Brown stole it from Albert Camus, anyway.

    Rose is Rose: AHYM GOHING TOO PYOOK. — Albert Camus

  81. Majicou
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    I hope that one of us was responsible for Albert Camus’s comment on Mary Worth at the Seattle P-I.

  82. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#47): The last half of Albert Einstein’s scientific career was marked by failure…

    That’s probably overstating it. However, his spectacular achievements in early life make his later work look dim by comparison. However much or if he declined, he never said the glurge he’s quoted with here. See my post at #80.

    Your quote. while maybe not as demonstrably bogus as Mary’s, may not be accurate either. According to Wikiquotes, it is from William Hermanns, Einstein and the Poet: In Search of the Cosmic Man (1983). This relies on paraphrases of notes of conversations the author had with Einstein before his death. I would take it with a large grain of salt.

  83. Brock Sampson
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Mrs. Dithers is even more anatomically impossible than Blondie. I’m guessing 48-22-28.

  84. Peanut Gallery
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80):

    H. Jackson Brown Jr., Life’s Little Instruction Book

    I realize that everybody is Somebody’s Baby, but that guy is just a Pretender. He must have been Running On Empty when he wrote that.

  85. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#81): Thank you.

  86. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#79):

    Oh, sure. “Recondite” pops up in conversations around the water cooler every other day, every day on weeks containing a full moon.

    Yes, and always in 4 syllables.

  87. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#79): It pops up here a lot, though, no?

  88. Ursula
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#48): Yeah…Rory is a cool customer

  89. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#79): Well, according to this, “recondite” peaked in popularity in 1850, and has been in a slow decline ever since. “Abstruse” used to be vastly more popular, but has declined far more precipitously, now being almost even with recondite.

  90. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#87): Many words popular in past decades or centuries make appearances here regularly. It’s like the OED sprung a leak and sprays words throughout the comments.

  91. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): You can follow the links below to particular occurences in Google books. For example,
    http://books.google.com/books?id=Aqc-AAAAcAAJ&pg=PA130&dq=%22recondite%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=HOXpUOnwM4L-9QSHxoCgBw&ved=0CEcQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=%22recondite%22&f=false
    God help us if Mary Worth stumbles on to this.

  92. KreatureFeatures
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#82):

    Your quote … may not be accurate.

    It sounded too good to be true. But the point remains that if Einstein struggled with success, or lack thereof, late in life, what chance does Mr. Dill have? Perhaps Dill and Mary’s cake will turn into the singularity of essentially infinite density that Einstein postulated but never proved.

  93. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

  94. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#89): That word frequency in books thing could entertain me all day! “Warfare” peaks sharply for WWI and WWII, slightly for the Vietnam War, fell through the 70s and has barely twitched since. “Fear” took a long downward slide from 1800 to 1983, but has been rising ever since. Which of the following words would you expect to have the most prominent wartime peaks: tragedy, cretin, death or crowd? It’s cretin. None of the others reacts to the 1914-1918 or 1939-1945 years at all. And this includes non-fiction.

  95. Majicou
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#67): Everyone knows that “ARRROOOOOO!” is Richard Nixon’s head’s favorite saying.

  96. Atheist amongst the flock
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#82): “The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be ignited.” – Plutarch …

  97. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#79):

    @Aviatrix (#62) on Mary Worth: How can we bludgeon her with a blunt object when the cake hasn’t been baked yet?

    That’s the beauty of the craftsmanship. It leaves the reader grappling for an object that does not yet exist, tantalizingly just out of reach.

  98. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: “King James it up a bit.” I love this strip!

  99. GeoGreg
    January 6th, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    MW: Today’s Mary Worth yet again proves what old Abe Lincoln said all those years ago: “Never trust the attribution of quotes you find on the Internet.”

  100. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    Both my wife and I laughed at Pluggers today.

    Hey, it can happen!

  101. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: “Facts, schmacts. When it comes to describing the beauty of nature, you need cake.” – Albert Einstein-Camus

  102. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @GeoGreg (#99): Abe Lincoln? I always thought it was Confucius.

  103. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Alley Oop: The crazy old coot/shaman looks ready for a third-party run. Either that, or look out for bears.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Finally. Let’s get down to some stomping, people!

    Apt. 3-G: That is a mighty coy look you got going on there, Evan, especially for a man-child going up against James Bond. You better have electricity and mint flavoring, if you know what I mean.

    9 Chickweed Lane: You know, I’ve known a few nuns in my time, and they have invariably been full of life and love, unlike the walking stereotype we’re presented with today. Repent, McEldowney! Stop your unfair oppression of the sisters!!

    Dennis the Menace: Okay, I actually thought this was funny. I think I have a problem.

    Dick Tracy: Just another day at the office for Tracy. But how did I know he was a Chumbawumba fan?

    The Lockhorns: Like Josh (I think) was saying a couple of months back, Leroy has to be a mad playa to have 3,789 friends to burn – and still get invited to a party next week. Well done, Mr. Lockhorn. You are the most interesting man in the world.

    Mark Trail: Surely “restocking the little weasels into their natural habitat” must be a useful phrase in the future, no?

    Mary Worth: But it’ll be worth it, she said, her quiet, dead blue eyes giving away nothing. She had never won anything without time and attention, nothing worth having, anyway. Now it was all about making the dream come true. She would make it happen. She reached for her suspiciously large purse, satisfied by its weight, careful to avoid the sound of metal on metal as she swung it over her shoulder for quick access. She’s need to have it where she could reach it. “Mary, where are you going?” the capo demanded jovially, a bit too jovially. There was no laughter behind the smile. She knew that. “To help a friend,” she said as evenly as she could manage, careful not to meet his eyes. Yes. She would help. She would make it happen. No matter what.

    Sinfest: Awesome!

  104. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#95): Richard Nixon finally stomping the shit out of that nogoodnik Peter Parker? Yes, please!

  105. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#15): I actually had the acquaintance of a person who set a world record for “Robin Hood arrows” (he was one of my dad’s coworkers, and did archery as a hobby).

  106. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#100): that’s got a good “Dirty Jobs” vibe to it.

  107. Zerowolf
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#43): You said the only word that matters, “tits.”

  108. Shrug, Who Mostly Hangs With Melvile Dewey
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    @Erich Clapton (#71):

    “Well, I guess I’ll be first to write: “Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe”. The rest of the jokes are up to you.”

    Sigh. O.K. So much responsibility. . .

    Well, given the way publishers are buying each other and merging like amoeba in recent years, how about if Judge Parker’s publisher merges with Walt Disney, to create the firm “Huey, Louie, Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe”?

    /// No, huh?

  109. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    JP – Today’s strip really brings back the question of who the intended, un-ironic audience for this strip is. Are there fans who are perusing today’s scene of the family gloating over their nearly-obscene royalty check and saying “Yay! Good for them! They work hard for their success, through so many obstacles, it is good to see something finally break their way!”?

    Does the strip appeal to the same audience targeted by those American Idol commercials, in which we learn that the American Dream is to win a talent show as a teenager, in which first prize is to get to be rich and famous for the rest of your life?

  110. Shrug, Toho-ho, and the Pteranodon Rodan On
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80):

    “9CL: St. Godzilla’s. Heh. Nice. Probably a nickname, right? It’s really St. Gondulfus, or St. Gohardus, or St. Gorgias, or something, right?”

    And their inter-city rival was another Catholic school nicknamed St. Ghidrah’s.

    /// Whose faculty was rumored to worship a three-headed Monster.

  111. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#43): Quite right. There’s an awful lot of highfalutin’ theological vocabulary that I might use in an academic paper, but never in a sermon.

  112. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#106): You’ve seen rhinos riding I-beams on “Dirty Jobs?” Which episode was that?

  113. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#43): The thing is, though, that what I object to in McE’s writing is not the presence of “pretentious” words per se. I have yet, in all my years of reading him, run across a word that he’s used that required me to go to the dictionary to understand it. (Occasionally an obscure classical music or thirties cultural reference will, but that’s a side issue.) So when he annoys me it’s not because he used a “big word” in a comic strip.

    It’s because he uses his vocabulary in ways that are (a) awkward, (b) forced, (c) inappropriate to the situation, or (d) call attention to the intelligence and sophistication of his characters (usually in the service of painting them as higher order beings than the rest of lowly humanity) – and by extension, of their creator.

    It’s not the vocabulary itself, in other words, that’s the problem for me. It’s that he lacks contextual sensitivity, and so shoe-horns his vocabulary into spaces that are too small for it. His writing thus comes across as labored and stylized rather than natural and expressive, and at times it is painful to read as a result. And rather than seeing this as a matter of concern, an opportunity to refine his craft as a writer as well as an artist, he resists all suggestions that perhaps a bit more editing and polishing would improve things. Such suggestions are interpreted as attacks by unsophisticates with tiny vocabularies who can’t appreciate the higher things in life instead of reasonable corrections to imperfect executions of otherwise fine impulses.

    (This, Nehemiah, is why I keep arguing with you over his work; I have no issue with his vocabulary. What I have issues with is how labored and inelegant his deployment of it can at times be. So whether he uses it correctly (as in dictionary-defined) is not the issue; the issue for me is whether he uses it well (as in appropriate to the context, character, and mood). That’s his big weakness: he uses words correctly but not well.)

    Having an extensive vocabulary is not the same thing as using that vocabulary effectively, and we should not confuse the two.

  114. Majicou
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Who Mostly Hangs With Melvile Dewey (#108): Nah.

    “Our representative from the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe is Hugh Louis Dewey, known to the frostbitten street musicians in Harvard Square as Huey Louie Dewey. Thanks for listening to Car Talk, and don’t drive like my brother.”

  115. Shrug, Weasels Not Ripping His Flesh
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#103):

    “Mark Trail: Surely “restocking the little weasels into their natural habitat” must be a useful phrase in the future, no?”

    First the restockers have to say “But as long as I’m here, let’s check for parasites!”

    /// I think Charles J. Guiteau said it first, so now it’s traditional to say it to Garfield.

  116. Dale
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    SLYLOCK is really reminding me of MARK TRAIL.

    What happens if the cast is a bit off? Map goes into the water: Otto gets shot.

    Last Sunday (I don’t see Sly during the week), Mrs. Hippo called a private detective for a crime in progress. The perp waited.

  117. Shrug, Sitting at the Computer and Missing You
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Toho-ho, and the Pteranodon Rodan On (#110):

    I go to the trouble of looking up how to spell the hard word*, and then I forget to put in the “You.” Arrggh.

    Was meant to be “and the Pteranodon You Rodan On” of course.

    /// *no, the hard word was Pteranodon, not “the”

  118. Majicou
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Restocking the little weasels into their natural habitat” is certainly among the worst euphemisms for sex I’ve ever heard.

  119. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#91): God help us if Mary Worth stumbles on to this.

    What, and give up crappyquotesfrommotivationalposters.com? Never happen.

  120. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#118): If it were Blondie it would be Dagwood’s way of talking about eating Vienna sausages.

  121. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#114): Don’t drive like my brother!

  122. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#94): It is refulgent, isn’t it? All hail Amos Snarkadder for bringing it to our attention! Long may his brethren quiver!

  123. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#113): I think we’re back to comic styles. Pluggers, Judge Parker ladies and Marvin are all lumpy. They have their lumps in different places to different effects. Some people probably object to the number, perspectives and appropriateness of the boobs the artist crams into JP. Mary spews platitudes. Marvin spews shit. 9CL characters spew words longer than their legs. McE finds it fun to cram them in there. We hypothesize that there are people who appreciate all of the above unironically. I know McE isn’t alone on the comics page in creating unrealistic dialogue, and he’s probably not alone in believing his work to be something that should float above the soiled hands of editors. Railing about the results can be part of the fun.

    I’m having fun, anyway, even though I had to look up refulgent, and probably will have to again.

  124. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): I try to find the non-crappy motivational poster quotes.

    and the comics related ones.

    and bulldogs for bb,u.

    and herps for Poteet.

    and corgis for EVeryBODY!!!!!

  125. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

  126. Uncle Lumpy
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke — The rain-soaked Intruder is Marmaduke’s Lhasa Apso sometime “girl”-friend. Soon, they will give up their Manichean struggle of primal Yin vs. Yang, and go back to restocking the little weasels into their natural habitat.

    Their long, slender bodies permit them to enter dog “burrows” with ease. And then comes the howling.

  127. Droopy Says
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#70): Okay, acquaintance. Bye-bye.

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#125): yes.

    preferably sexxxy, sexxxy clowns, just to mess with him.

    Harley Quinn shots, in particular. :-P

  129. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

  130. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

  131. Chyron HR
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#109): JP – Today’s strip really brings back the question of who the intended, un-ironic audience for this strip is.

    I assumed guys who like to look at cartoon hooters. Or do they not count as sincere readers?

  132. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

  133. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#111): There’s an awful lot of highfalutin’ theological vocabulary that I might use in an academic paper, but never in a sermon.

    See, that’s why your scraping by teaching Bible as Lit for minimum wage, instead of living the rock star life of a megachurch pastor. Congregations crave knowledge of the higher theology. The sermons of Creflo Dollar and Rick Warren, to name just two, are packed with the most subtle theodicy. T.D. Jakes often gives entire sermons in Aramaic and Greek, and his fanatical followers just lap it up.

    // Get with the program, Right Ven.!

  134. tallyHO
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#131):

    Or do they not count as sincere readers?
    It is doubtful there is an insincere boner on their body.

  135. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#133): Hey, stop that sermon talk, you two. I’m getting Christian Singles ads again. I get a really desperate vibe from the ad model. She looks like she’s in a wedding dress, but not at the altar, rather as if she just turned up for your date like that.

  136. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#135): I’m getting Toyota Tundra ads. They’re dressed up like they’re ready to be driven.

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#123): I’m having fun, anyway, even though I had to look up refulgent, and probably will have to again.

    You’re welcome. I can save you some time: fulgent, effulgent, and refulgent all mean about the same thing. They all come from the Latin word for lightning, fulgur. See? I have three recondite adjectives for the price of one, and don’t have to repeat myself so often when I’m obfuscating.

    // It’s a great convenience.

  138. hibbleton
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Evan finds the door unlocked. Is he about to surprise a burglar and eat a bullet?

  139. TheDiva
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Because if there’s one thing stern Catholic nuns approve of, it’s extramarital wild monkey sex.

    C’shaft: The barely literate Crankshaft can’t possibly be using Tolstoy for reading material, so I’m guessing they’re out of toilet paper again.

    Luann: That terrible Tiffany! She knows exactly what she wants, and she isn’t afraid to sacrifice in order to get it!

    MW: “And by ‘we’ I mean ‘I’ of course.”

  140. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#127): That’s the thanks I get for coming up with an eminently respectable excuse for your apostrophe use? Well, you don’t get off that easy. I’m not merely an acquaintance, I’m an interlocutor!

  141. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#133): you’re NOT your — crap, I hope no one noticed!

  142. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#137): I won’t fulminate about that, then.

  143. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#141): Oh, we noticed but we’re too polite to say anything.

  144. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#141): Nehemiah? Yeah, you know the type: he throws around words like refulgent, but doesn’t distinguish between your and you’re. It’s repugnatious. We ought to get this place fulmigated.

  145. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#123): I’m having fun, too. I wouldn’t read them (or these comments) if they weren’t stimulating in some fashion. :)

  146. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#144): ::giggling::

  147. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Nehemiah, you’re a wonderfully good sport. Refulgently so, even.

  148. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#144): It’s jobbernowlegant!

  149. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    Now I’m getting ads for free laundry coupons. It must be all these big words going around. The ad fairy must think we need to wash out a few mouths.

  150. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#131): June Morgan’s saturated that market.

  151. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock your weasel,
    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock your little guy!
    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock your weasel,
    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock his black eyes!

    I have a black-eyed ferret,
    I tell you friends, I adore it.
    And when it hunts, oh brother,
    it kills one prairie-dog after another!

    [Chorus]:
    Long, long, long slender body, long and slender,
    Ferret, we love you
    Long, long, long slender body, long and slender,
    Ferret, we love you
    Long, long, long slender body, long and slender,
    Ferret, we love you
    Long, long, long and slender, oh

    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock your weasel,
    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock your little guy!
    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock your weasel,
    Stock, stock, stock, Senora, stock his black eyes!

    You can talk about black feet
    and the sleek-looking danger,
    about the prairie dog,
    how he provides shelter

    [Chorus]

    Weasels, they’re a sensation
    almost lost their population
    And fellas you got to watch them
    Or someone puts them in a poem

    [Chorus]

    Greenpeace and the other bores
    his habitat have restored
    Now the ferret can compete
    and stand on his two black feet.

    [Chorus]

  152. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Shoot, meant to offer apologies to Harry Belafonte and Lord Kitchener on that last one.

  153. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#152): Yeah, they’ll be after you for weaseling in on their territory.

  154. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#111):

    There’s an awful lot of highfalutin’ theological vocabulary that I might use in an academic paper, but never in a sermon.

    Oh, come on, Padre. The first time I heard “salvific” in a sermon, I wanted more.
    //I also heard “fuck-ups” in another sermon, and I must say the effect was salvific.

  155. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#103) on The Lockhorns: Leroy has a massive schlong that he’s not shy of showing off. People “friend” him for the spectacle value.

    @Sequitur (#125): EEEEEE! [QLUNQ!]

    @Sequitur (#130): Implied from the comment content.

  156. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#122):

    All hail Amos Snarkadder for bringing it to our attention! Long may his brethren quiver!

    Credit goes to the NY Times. And even then I thought I was sooo behind the times.
    // I admit that after I read it, I spent some time at work using it to track words like “cholera,” “plague,” and “smallpox.”

  157. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#155): re: Leroy.

    I haven’t posted THAT fanfic.

  158. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#140): could be worse. you could be a docent.

  159. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#153): I am obligated by my late father to tell the following riddle. You are obligated to listen.

    Q. What is the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
    A. A weasel is weasily distinguished, because a stoat is stotally different.

    Thank you.

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#156): I tried measles, smallpox and polio, but was more intrigued by the result of tracking weasel, stoat and ermine. And of cigar and tangle.

  160. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#154): Where the fuck are you hearing these sermons?

  161. Baka Gaijin
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#157): There’s FANFIC for that? Some things are better left unknown.

  162. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#161): I had to come up with something to threaten the readership with who didn’t comment upon my SF/A&J effort.

    sadly, I not only imagined it, I chickened out on the threat to post it.

  163. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#158):

    Song: I Could be a Decent Docent

    Rev. Moliminous:
    I could be a decent docent
    But I cannot endure dissent.
    Dare I ask for student comment,
    And listen to some malcontent?
    Some witless jobbernowl hellbent
    On engendering my torment?

    Chorus:
    Sing, hey, nonny nonny no!

    [Exeunt]

  164. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#144): My table manners are atrocious, too!

    // I make up for it by my feckless charm, and boyish good looks.

  166. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#159): Don’t mention stout! I need to lose a few pounds.

  167. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#156): …after I read it, I spent some time at work using it to track words like “cholera,” “plague,” and “smallpox.”

    You’re a cheery cove, aren’t you? You don’t by any chance dress all in black, and refer to the sun as the “day star”?

  168. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#161): “on the occasions that Loretta hit the razor-edge between cocaine and her usual Quaaludes, she was willing and able to handle not only her husband, but both Bumsteads, accepting almost a yard of man-meat into her grasping orifices.”

    you’re welcome.

    *hands out barf-bags for those who need them*

  169. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#166): Pish tosh! Guinness is Good for You!

  170. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#161): There’s Bejewelled fanfic. There’s Pong fanfic. Welcome to the Internet.

  171. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    As a public service, I just watched 5 minutes of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”

    She has a newborn cousin, who has two thumbs on one hand. Honey Boo Boo (not, surprisingly, her given name) said “I wish I had an extra finger so I could grab more cheese doodles!” When the baby was coming home Honey Boo Boo said “I’m so excited I’m gonna piss myself!” That ended my viewing.

    I figure I only lost a couple IQ points.

  172. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169): Mother’s milk, the Guiness Brewery tour guide said, and I agree

  173. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169): When Alfred E. Neuman and I met bourbon babe, we both had a Guinness (bourbon babe had wine). So, yeah, I guess it is Good for you.

  174. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    JP: Judge Parker turned into financial porn so gradually that… Well, come to think of it that’s what it always was. It has become gradually more blatant, though.

    FC: No to Cupid. A winged naked Jeffy isn’t going to make me fall in love with anything except Gravol.

    BC: Portland Oregon or Portland Maine? Either fits the native turtle’s reaction but that’s more than 3,000 miles of distance.

    C-Shaft: I have no idea what that punch line is supposed to mean, but now’s their chance to wall up the door to the bathroom and build a new one. Worthwhile in the long run.

    BH: Harriet longs for the days when she had the figure of a foetus.

    Phantom: It looks like Funky Winkerbean is a third world dictator and Phantom is beating him up. That’s not the case, I’m sure, but I can dream.

    MW: A vague answer like “To help a friend” would be a red flag in many if not most relationships. Jeff knows Mary better than that, and specifically knows that meddling is much more important to her than sex. In any case he’s not going to let it distract him from the Ravens-Colts game.

    GA: Diet Riot, the metal band best known for their hit “Bang Your Head (Metabolic Health Will Drive You Mad).”

    H&L: It’s pretty obvious that Ditto, immobile and slack-jawed, has gotten into the medicine cabinet. He has no idea which teams or playing, or even that this wondrous array of lights is called a “television.”

    RMMD: Seeing all the attention that Rex is getting from the younger females, it must be killing Carl Betz that he’s dead.

    DT: Strange that Dick doesn’t have an unlisted number. On the other hand, it’s unusual for his adversaries to still be alive and have working vocal cords after the first encounter.

    Ziggy: Oh, like we didn’t already know Ziggy was Clue-less.

  175. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#139):

    9CL: Because if there’s one thing stern Catholic nuns approve of, it’s extramarital wild monkey sex.

    I guess if you euphemize it with vaguely racist sounding nonsense words, it’s all good.

  176. Sgt. Stoned
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    MW: Go help a friend, Mary. Mrs. Dill is dead and John’s sperm-count is off the charts.

  177. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#171): Unbelievably, it’s not the stupidest thing on television these days. That would be some of the Real Housewives shows, which I like to tell Mrs Pastor makes me stupider even when it’s playing while I’m in the next room.

  178. Old Folkie
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#113): Succinct, trenchant, and apropos.

  179. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#103):

    Well done, Mr. Lockhorn. You are the most interesting man in the world.

    “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do I get so blotto I blow chunks on Loretta’s shoes.”

  180. Peanut Gallery
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#133): Shucks! ‘Tain’t been no great preachifying since the passing of old Lorenzo Dow.

    @Sequitur (#166):

    I need to lose a few pounds.

    Unfortunately, I haven’t found any better way to do that than by visiting a British horse-racing track.

  181. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 6th, 2013 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#80): Mrs Grundy does sound like she’s trying to convince a state trooper she’s not DUI.

  182. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Shhhh! Downton Abbey’s on!

  183. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#169), @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#172), @Sequitur (#173): I like stouts, but Guinness ranks pretty low on the long list of ones that I would choose. English stouts like Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout or Young’s Double Chocolate Stout are better all around than an Irish Dry Stout like Murphy’s or Beamish (both of which are better than Guinness). Of course, both Irish stouts and English stouts tend to be surpassed by the Scottish “wee heavy” ales, as Prof. Ian Cameron and his impressive girth will readily attest. My favorite (at the moment) among those is in fact one that’s made in America by the Founders Brewery of Michigan, namely Dirty Bastard beer. Mighty good stuff, that.

  184. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#182):
    Shhh! I’m watching Columbo on my Hi Def TV.

    Oh, gosh. I’m a Plugger!

  185. Hyhybt
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    I realize that trying to get a serious answer to a serious question here is unlikely, but I have to try.

    And I realize that by now the “Marmeduke is a murderous demon” thing just keeps up because it’s there. But what brought it on in the first place? He’s never seemed to me to be anything of the kind.

  186. Peanut Gallery
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#184): It’s great! You can see every little NTSC video artifact just as if you had your nose right up against the screen!

    Or so I imagine.

  187. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @endless sky (y136): Ah, thanks. I thought it might be something like that. And “Just Old Pluggers” would be a fair warning.
    @Nehemiah Scudder (y138): Unbeknownst to many, P.G. Wodehouse was quite the REM fan. Fables of the REconstruction and Life’s Rich Pageant were never far from his victrola.

  188. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    @Hyhybt (#185):

    He’s never seemed to me to be anything of the kind.

    That’s exactly what brought it on.

  189. Majicou
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    F-: “While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, I was being trained to conquer GALAXIES!”

    HN: I pressed up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-select-start, but it didn’t change anything about this comic.

  190. Majicou
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @Hyhybt (#185): How could he possibly be anything else? Look at the creature, for Cthulhu’s sake.

  191. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#183): I’ve had Dirty Bastard – not to be confused with Ol’ Dirty Bastard – and it is a fine, fine beer.

  192. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    JP: You know, writers, if you think you’re showing a modicum of class and decorum by not actually indicating how much the check is for, no matter how awkward that makes the interactions between the characters, you’re kind of blowing it by devoting an entire Sunday strip showing everyone marveling about how much the check is for.

  193. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Hyhybt (#185): The actual jokes in Marmaduke can be boiled down to “Marmaduke is big” and “Marmaduke is needy.” That gets old after a while, so the community of comics snarkers had to embellish a little.

  194. Liam
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    For Better or For Worse-”Son, can you get me another beer because living with your mother is a living hell.”

    Slylock Fox-If I was Max I would run off and let Slylock fall to his death.

  195. Liam
    January 6th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    JP-And thanks to the passage of some recent legislation most of that paycheck will go to the government.

  196. Midtown
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#195): JP: Oh silly boy! The Parkers don’t pay taxes – that’s for the little people. Their elaborate set-up of trusts, charitable foundations, and off-shore investments keeps it all in the family. They have a staff of ten CPA/attorneys who only work on loopholes.

  197. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#192): Smart writer. To divulge to actual amount of the check could make the amount seem ridiculous when the strip is repeated the the distant future.

  198. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#195): Presumably that check is for income earned in 2012, for which the top rate’s 36%. Even accounting for state income taxes, there are any number of ways to keep the total bite below half.

  199. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#197): Pish. That’s what white-out (or Photoshop) is for.

  200. exapno
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#183):

    I am half German and half Scots/Brit, and my beer tastes seem to come from my German side, as I have never been a real fan of stouts/ales, although an occasional Guinness at a tavern that knows how to tap it is nice. I have gotten lately very fond of a couple of the more premium German lagers: Hofbrau, which is the semi-official beer of Oktoberfest – its the beer Dolf, Joe and Marty talked ‘politics’ over. But the absolute best is an obscure, except to real lager fanatics, brew called Weihenstephaner, which CLAIMS to be the oldest working brewery in the world, tracing its roots back to the 900′s! They have some seriously good lagers – especially the Original Premium.

  201. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#199): And the fact that in Judge Parker there are other distractions which may not make Photoshop necessary. Also, the entire concept of checks may seem weird in the future.

  202. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#193): That, plus the fact that Marmaduke’s owner looks like Hitler.

    @Midtown (#196): In addition to exploiting their role as key members of the finest judicial system that money can buy, the Parkers will now be able to use the money-laundering resources of their newest member, CIA agent April Bower, and particularly her cover job with the World Bank, which will allow her to move enormous amounts of money offshore with no tax liability. It’s the Parkers’ world, and we and the whole US Government just take up space in it, at their discretion. Now think happy thoughts about the Parkers, before they wish you into the corn field.

  203. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @exapno (#200): The Brit/Scots half of me wins out in my case. I prefer ales and stouts and don’t mind if they are room temperature if it’s a quality brew. All beers taste the same ice cold. That’s why most major American beer makers want you to have it that way.

    And you may be a Plugger if you think that Outback’s beer recycling station is hilarious after you’ve seen it more then once.

  204. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Inexplicable Bear Tongue (#192): …not actually indicating how much the check is for…

    Yes, I thought they were being unnecessarily coy, too. But here’s some thoughts.

    1) It’s money porn. The readers are supposed to get off by fantasizing that they are a members of the Parker clan. If there’s an overseas market, this leaves their fantasies open for euros or rupees or yen or whatever, without having to make some calculation in their heads about the exchange rate that day. Got to be a buzz killer.

    2) They might want to recycle this someday, a la Archie. If they gave a figure that sounds fabulous today, it might look pathetic in thirty years. It’s prudent to plan for these things.

    3) If they did give a number, it might lead to invidious comparisons. “So Judge Parker got x dollars! That three times what Steven King gets! That’s stupid!” Or, “Judge Parker got only a tenth of what Gresham gets. What a loser!”

    Better to keep if vague.

    // Finally, do they really want the cartoon IRS seeing the strip?

  205. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#201): “Distractions.” Is that what the kids are calling them these days? Whatever you call them, they come in pairs.

  206. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#197): Snarpologies. You got that point before I did.

  207. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#199): Yeah, I thought that way in 1980. No need to stock up on ribbons for my Smith-Corona. I’ll always be able to get new ones.

    Now I have to carefully unwind the cloth strip from the spools, and slowly, inch by inch, re-ink them by hand. It takes forever! And if the cloth ever tears or wears out…

    // And as for having a ribbon with black on top, and red on the bottom, for two color typing, well, that’s just a memory. Kids won’t even believe me when I tell them it used to be possible!

    // Funny, Brookins never even acknowledge THIS submission.

  208. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#206): No snarpologies necessary. You backed up my point. I am honored, sir.

  209. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): At least it’s tougher to wear out a slide rule.

  210. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#198): Presumably that check is for income earned in 2012, for which the top rate’s 36%. Even accounting for state income taxes, there are any number of ways to keep the total bite below half.

    But if it came in today, and Judge Parker makes over, what? 450K, it could be taxed at 39.5 %. Jeepers! That’s 3 1/2 percent higher! The man could starve!

  211. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

  212. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): I remember that, but I never could figure out how to get it to type in red. The best I could do was black letters with red descenders.

  213. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#20):

    COTW Worthy!

  214. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): Oh, you don’t have to tell me. The only place you can score an Olivetti ribbon these days is in a back alley in Constantinople.

  215. bbofun
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): Actually, I think it reads kind of- realistically. Think about it- it’s a check, so the amount can clealy be seen by anyone who cares. Why mention how much, especially with only three people in the room? Honestly, if the Judge had said “Wow! $200, 000!” it would seem odd to me, at least- more a theatrical flourish than a realistic one. (Of course, they could just SHOW us the check…)

  216. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#41): @bats :[ (#42):

    Gaaahhh! Stopped drinking? SAY IT AIN’T SO!

  217. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @exapno (#200): I have never had a Weihenstephaner “Original” Munchen Helles Lager (or their more popular and highly regarded Hefeweizen wheat beer, Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbeir), but my fridge has in fact hosted a few Weihenstephaner Korbinian Doppelbocks from time to time, and they are indeed splendid lagers. I suppose I like them because they are high in malt and low in hops, a characteristic that they share with ales rather than with most other lagers. My favorite Doppelbock lager, however, remains “Celebrator” from Franz Inselkammer brewery of Aying, Germany, as Bourbon Babe, Wossname, and Ecureuil Ecumant can attest from our drunken debauch get-together last summer. (Thanks to bb,u for preserving the photographic record and putting it on the Innertubes!) I still have the little plastic goat from the beer bottle as a souvenir.

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#211): You’re the kind of guy who enjoys going out after the battle, and bayoneting the wounded, right?

    // So I’ve got these indelible black stains on my fingers, now…

  219. Majicou
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#207): Our old typewriter had a black-and-red ribbon. I’ll never forget the days-long winter power outage when I had to type my fourth-grade homework assignment on it by the light of a kerosene lamp. Actually, it was what I always used for any important assignment before we got a “real” computer and a printer.

  220. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#212): There’s usually a lever somewhere that shifts the entire carriage up about a half inch, so the type bars strike the ribbon on the lower, red half. Like a super shift lock key.

  221. Mr. O’Malley
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

  222. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#214): And Constantinople is long time gone… as I learned a few days ago.

  223. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#218): I just can’t stand to see something suffer.

  224. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#220): Perhaps we had damaged the mechanism while playing games of “see if you can get all the keys jammed together in the middle at once.” I should get an old manual typewriter to put under the stairs with my apocalypse supplies.

  225. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#222): Now that’s a fine combination of art, history and geography.

    //Yeah, I downloaded it as well when bats :[ posted it.

    /// Had you heard? bats :[ quit drinking.

  226. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    JP: The more I think of it, I think it’s a blank check made out to Judge Parker. He can fill in whateverthehell he wants to.

  227. seismic-2
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    I well remember when I first beheld an IBM Selectric, which not only replaced the “basket” of keys with the type ball but also replaced the reel-to-reel red-and-black ribbon with a self-contained ribbon-in-a-cassette unit. Not only did the keys not jam, but your fingers remained unstained. It was the devil’s work, I tell you. My Smith-Corona, of course, yelled for the Selectric to get off its lawn.

  228. Aviatrix
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#227): And you could switch the ball out like *that* to get cursive. I wonder how many fonts there were all together. Could you switch an American typewriter over to Cyrillic or put in a ball that had Norwegian or Icelandic letters?

  229. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    For two weeks in 1966 I was writing “poetry” by hand-positioning each letter on the typewriter so that the shape of the word was fluid. No examples, thankfully, survive. My excuse would be the hash.

  230. Sequitur
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#227): Hey! That’s my Smith-Corona! Just ask queek!

  231. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 6th, 2013 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#224): Bad idea. Under the stairs is the FIRST place the Apocalypse looks.

  232. Sequitur
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#228): I’m not sure how many balls there were but this one could do Latin and Hebrew!

  233. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#129):

    Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!

    Errrr, I mean those!

  234. Aviatrix
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#228): Wikipedia claims they had a font that let you type in Navajo, and that you could get any custom font you felt like paying for. Somewhere out there is a nerd whose Selectric II is equipped with a homemade Klingon font ball. I just know it.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#231): But wouldn’t the Apocolypse be looking for food, weapons, and alternate theologies, rather than typewriters?

  235. Aviatrix
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#232): That’s freaky how familiar that thing looks. I feel like I could reach through time and pick it up. I didn’t even own one. I think I’m teetering on the cusp of Pluggerism.

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#234): But wouldn’t the Apocolypse be looking for food, weapons, and alternate theologies, rather than typewriters?

    Sure. That’s what the Apocalypse wants you to think.

  237. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:17 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#105): Heh. That’s pretty cool!

    @Shrug, Who Mostly Hangs With Melvile Dewey (#108): [quoting #71] “Well, I guess I’ll be first to write: “Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe”.
    He forgot the words “this month.”

    @Aviatrix (#159): Now I’m reminded of Grypula, who had a pet stoat named Moloch who he kept in his reticule (and with whom he played treble dummy whist). It was his affectation.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#204): The comic weeklies I’ve read from the 60s and 70s seem to share a theme with money porn: wish fulfillment. It appears from reading them that all the boys who read them felt the sting of poverty, and thus enjoyed stories about boys being given things for no reason, or being given the chance to buy it for next to nothing. The girls had their own comics, in which humble and well-mannered girls were eventually found to have a rich relation who would give them wonderful things for being patient and uncomplaining.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#222): Hey, that’s like this thing that happened in Lord of the Rings!

    @seismic-2 (#227): That was a later Selectric. The first one I saw had spools of ribbon, but they were of a plastic sort that didn’t rub ink off on your fingers anyway.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#236): The Apocalypse needs certain things. Horseshoes, hay, oats, clean blankets, diseased blankets, and armaments.

  238. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): Hey, that’s like this thing that happened in Lord of the Rings!

    Heh. Nicht so schlecht, Muffaroo the Mauve!

  239. Droopy Says
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Supervillain that he is, Kraven has taken the old-fashioned bitch-slap and developed the spider-slap.

    Skunkboy and Crazy: “Masky McDeath! Clean-up in aisle three!”

    Family Circus: “And my shoes will be easy to find, because PJ was wearing them when I left them outside.”

    Mark Travail: Shut up, Otto, and let the monkey finish his sentence.

    Phantom: Kit, didn’t anyone tell you how hard it is to herd cats?

  240. Majicou
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): The comic weeklies I’ve read from the 60s and 70s seem to share a theme with money porn: wish fulfillment. It appears from reading them that all the boys who read them felt the sting of poverty, and thus enjoyed stories about boys being given things for no reason, or being given the chance to buy it for next to nothing. The girls had their own comics, in which humble and well-mannered girls were eventually found to have a rich relation who would give them wonderful things for being patient and uncomplaining.

    Funny. I didn’t know Horatio Alger wrote comics.

  241. Aviatrix
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): The Apocalypse needs certain things. Yes! I’ve found my post-Apocalypse vocation. Forget all this learning how to grow food and make preserves. I will brush the horses and pick the shattered bones of the damned out of their hooves. And then I will go home and blog about it on my manual typewriter. In red.

  242. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): The comic weeklies I’ve read from the 60s and 70s seem to share a theme with money porn: wish fulfillment.

    It goes back further than that, of course. Horatio Alger is notable, et alia. I suppose money porn is no different from sex porn – old as civilization.

  243. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#240): I think you must type faster than me.

  244. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#243): You must have one of those new-fangled Selectric-IIs, with the auto-correct so you don’t even need white-out!

    // Stinking aristo!

  245. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#241): And then I will go home and blog about it on my manual typewriter. In red.

    Groovy! Let us know when your kick-starter thing gets going!

  246. Baka Gaijin
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#168): AAAAH! That’s almost as scary as clowns! Though it could explain why The Lockhorns are invited to so many parties.

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#171): Is Honey Boo Boo, uh, “special?”

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#177): I’m guessing these “real” housewives are anything but. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t get unfiltered American TV. Actually, lots of times I’m glad.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#231): Ah ha ha HA!

    @Aviatrix (#241): See above.

  247. Aviatrix
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    For anyone who hasn’t read Spider-Man yet this morning: what results would you predict were Kraven to hurl Spider-Man against his elephant?

  248. Charly
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Our discussion about young adults, Game of Thrones, and free time has led to the startling revelation that Dawn, who never gets any and is nursing a crush on Tywin Lannister, is a much more representative Millennial than Edda with her endless boning/trips to Austria/seclusion from pop culture. Pantsuit and Louise Brooks bob > ’90s Mormon jumper and bleached hair this time, world.

  249. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#247): …what results would you predict were Kraven to hurl Spider-Man against his elephant?

    Hmm. That’s tough. Kraven would get a really stern warning from the SPCA?

  250. Majicou
    January 7th, 2013 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#243): Ha. I had to read Alger’s Ragged Dick for a US History course, because of its reflection of the times rather than because of any literary merit. I understand the reasons behind these sort of rags-to-riches tales, be they of quality or not, but damned if I can figure out how Judge Parker‘s riches-to-ever-more-riches story reflects our zeitgeist.

  251. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#237): In “Sandman”, Neil Gaiman explains the difference between boys’ and girls’ dreams (both of them dream of one day being able to exert power over their parents, albeit in different ways) and hence of the difference between boys’ and girls’ comic books: Boys dream of finding that they have a secret super-power, so they dream of being “faster, or smarter, or able to fly. Where they hide their faces in secret identities, and listen to the people who despise them admiring their remarkable deeds.” Hence, boys’ fondness for super-hero comics. Girl’s dreams are “Much less convoluted. Their parents are not their parents. Their lives are not their lives. They are princesses. Lost princesses from distant lands. And one day the king and queen, their real parents, will take them back to their land, and they’ll be happy for ever and ever. Little cuckoos.” So girls’ comics are like Anne Hathaway movies, basically.

  252. Droopy Says
    January 7th, 2013 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#251): Or like “Pan’s Labyrinth”?

  253. Aviatrix
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#252): Or every story of a girl who lives with her evil stepmother. Or Harry Potter–nothing wrong with having both latent superpowers and knowing that your real family is much cooler than the one you’re stuck with.

  254. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    FW: The Flash Gordon and Jungle Jim vol. 2 collection that skunk-head is just now receiving for the first time was in fact released at the end of August, and Amazon has been selling it at a discount for months now. And this is the enterprise that is successful enough that they can hire a new employee?

    It is a truly gorgeous piece of comics art, BTW. It’s too bad the FW color monkeys so thoroughly butchered their treatment of its cover.

  255. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#251): @Aviatrix (#253): Yeah, a fair number of the books I remember reading as a kid involved kids (male and female) who had special powers because they were aliens or witches or something. Maybe it was a ’70s and ’80s sort of thing, what with all the feminism-and-diversity stuff in children’s literature?

  256. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#254): Wow. That is a gorgeous cover. Tumblr-worthy!

  257. seismic-2
    January 7th, 2013 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#255): I think it’s pretty timeless. Powerless kids (i.e., all kids, everywhere, forever) resent their parents’ having power over them, so they wish they had some power to use back. That’s why kids (of every generation) are always so fascinated by dinosaurs, as has often been pointed out. “Mom and Dad think they’re all-powerful, sure, but if a dinosaur were to show up, then they wouldn’t be so powerful, you bet! Boy, I sure wish a dinosaur would come crashing into the house, right now! That’d show ‘em who’s really powerful!”

  258. Dale
    January 7th, 2013 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    MARK “Lash” TRAIL

    Hitchcock could slip himself into his films, but this is really presumptuous.

  259. Ratiocinator
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#4):

    I do not know this word, “paper”. You speak nonsense, good sir. ;)

  260. Ratiocinator
    January 7th, 2013 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#45):

    Yeah, I hear ya man. I tried to find something to make fun of in that strip, I really did, but…it’s Pooky. I can’t do that to Pooky.

    Also, it’s good to see another troper who still refers to them as Crowning Moments Of Heartwarmings instead of the bland rename: “Heartwarming Moments.”

  261. gleeb
    January 7th, 2013 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Everyone knows that with their fast metabolisms, shrews don’t have the patience for bowling.

    ‘bean: Haven’t we finished the story with these two? Or is Batiuk transitioning the strip into Crusty Old Comix All The Time?

    Walker’s Fake Army Comix: Why, yes, I have heard of [POP CULTURE REFERENCE]. What a grand way of keeping things fresh.

    Curtis: And that’s why women named Edidna are usually nicknamed Sandy.

    Dick: These people are a bunch of damn Moon-teases.

    Gil: Looks like I have to turn to Milford for entertainingly loopy stories. Now with fresh peacock news.

    Mark: And the monkey, it seems.

  262. pk1154
    January 7th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    “The ultimate Judge Parker strip: The Parker family stands around their well-appointed kitchen, marveling at an enormous check.”

    Thank you for what will likely be the BIGGEST LAUGH of my day. Better yet, it’s true!

  263. Dr. P and the Women
    January 8th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: A more generous reader would attribute June’s cockiness to knowing that she’s the best looking woman in the room, regardless of age. A regular Rex Morgan reader knows that she’s just confident because she knows her husband is an asexual block of wood and will respond to all untoward advances with bafflement. She is also fully aware that he was literally talking about Honey’s actual lungs earlier.

  264. Hyhybt
    January 9th, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

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