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Sad Sunday

Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/10/13

Guys, it’s been a long time since we’ve checked in with Slylock and Cassandra Cat’s wrong-side-of-the-law romance. So, what’s up? Hmm, it seems that Cassandra has drunkenly driven up on Sly’s lawn in the middle of the night, and is now making up a fairly pathetic story about why exactly she’s there. “I just … I just happened to be driving this way and then … this squirrel, Granny Squirrel, I always knew she was trouble, she just … she just ran me right off the road! Do you live here? I didn’t even know you lived here. I must have forgotten, or whatever. Oh, hi, Max, you’re here too, I guess that’s not a surprise. Anyhoooo, I gotta … lemme just put this into reverse … unless … you want me to stay? I could … I mean, of course not, God, I’m so stupid, let me just … [weeping]”

Funky Winkerbean, 2/10/13

I know it seems kind of dumb to say this, but … I’m kind of worried about Funky Winkerbean? Like, look, it snowed, and there’s a flurry of activity and people are shoveling out and then A SAD OLD MAN SITS IN A DARKENED ROOM IN A WHEELCHAIR ALONE, LOOKING DOWN AT EVERYTHING HE CAN’T PARTICIPATE IN BECAUSE HE HAD A STROKE. I mean, that’s the punchline. That’s the punchline. This is one of those moments where I think, “Oh, is my stock joke about one of the strips I cover really accurate?” and then realize “Yes, it’s more horribly accurate than I could ever have wanted it to be.”

Curtis, 2/10/13

Whoa, instead of doing a boring old report about some guy he looked up on Wikipedia, Curtis wrote a media studies paper, examining racial attitudes in the United States through the lens of popular cinema! Sadly, this probably will in fact get him in trouble in elementary school.

237 responses to “Sad Sunday”

  1. Baka Gaijin
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    As I’ve said before, Slylock and Cassandra, stop kidding yourself, get a room and fuck already.

  2. Baka Gaijin
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Inspired by Mary Worth, the World’s Strongest Man competition is adding a new event: Hideous Pink Cake Hoist.

  3. Frosty the Milkshake
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Curtis: “Kakk?” Anyway, I eagerly await the flood of white males bawling defensively about Django Unchained in response.

  4. Ratiocinator
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Why does Slylock think Cassandra is lying? Obviously because her car clearly HAS no rear view mirror, AHA! Wow, that was ea–oh, it’s because you can’t see the driver of the car behind you when its headlights are on, and I should know that because I do drive at night and use my rear view mirror when I do? Er, yeah, that also works…I’m just gonna go back to bed and lament how stupid I am now, taking some small solace in the fact that at least Cassandra Cat has returned…

    9CL: Since you don’t actually have superpowers that keep you in perfect health all the time, lady.

    Garfield: Here’s something that might be overlooked by readers of today’s strip: Garfield is now able to communicate with Jon! In the past, he hasn’t been able to directly do that; he’s been able to think things at him, and gesture, and stuff like that, but been incapable of actually speaking complete sentences to Jon or anything.

    But now, the strides forward that technology has made enable Garfield–and, presumably, all other cats as well–to communicate with humans! Truly, we are witnessing the dawning of a new era, an era in which felines will soon share equal status with people after lobbying for such, and after which other animals will follow. Why–

    Oh, things are just going to go back to the way they were tomorrow because status quo? Never mind, then. Probably all for the best anyway, since in the end it would lead to Slylock-world and the marginalization of homo sapiens.

    JP: “So Neddy met a doctor and she’s American? I choose to believe that this person is a fine upstanding citizen based on her nationality and her profession (although I have no idea what sort of doctor she is and won’t bother to ask), and that this can’t possibly have anything to do with Neddy’s money disappearing. Now let’s fuck.”

    RMMD: Blonde in the final panel: “He gave her something to look forward to! HOW DARE HE?!”

  5. Downpuppy
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    The tangled Tracy tale of Toad, Takei, Mole & Sweatbox has reached total confusion. Time for explosive violence!

  6. Droopy Says
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Okay, how did FW borrow Count Weirdly’s dimensional window, and who in hell smirks while shovelling two feet of snow?

  7. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    I think the eagle-eye view in the first two panels of FW is the angry Batiuk god looking down to see who gets smited (smitten?) next.

  8. Downpuppy
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Casssandra Cat is clearly confused. Check her cranium for concussion, not her version for veracity! EVERYBODY knows that you just make up an anonymous gray car. At night all cars are gray.

  9. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Note the smirk in Darrin’s face as he shovels. He knows it’s killing the old man. He knows.

  10. Revenge4Aldo
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Slylock will be embarrassed when Granny Squirrel gets arrested for driving around with her headlights out, looking to jump anyone that suggests she turn them on.

  11. sighing maiden, still sighing
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Dr. Schmetterling – that’s ‘butterfly’ in German. I think it was Twain who pointed out that nothing called a “schmetterling” could be light enough to fly. Compare to the Italian ‘farfalle’ or Japanese ‘mariposa’ – you can hear the fluttering of wings in those words. “Schmetterling” sounds like something hitting the floor with a thud.

  12. sighing maiden, still sighing
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#11): That was at Ratiocinator at #4. I don’t read 9CL, but looked at it to figure out the comment.

  13. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    FW: Josh, Josh, where’s your sense of humor? This one’s a real knee-slapper, right along the lines of Jonathan Edwards’ ‘Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God’. In fact, that summarizes FW in a nutshell.

  14. bbofun
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    FW- Remember, folks, eventually your body will betray you, and you’ll be trapped in a cold, dark room, stuck as an observer of life! And, what’s more, your creator will be looking at you, focusing on your desperate, pitiful existence! Enjoy your Sunday!

    DT- You know, other than his hideous physical deformity/problem, with accompanying nickname, we’ve been presented with no evidence at all that “Sweatbox” is anything other than a good businessman and a philanthropist. Wouldn’t it be great if “Sweatbox” was actually NOT a criminal, was actually shocked at the idea of someone using his brother’s resting place as a body dump, and genuinely loved helping under-privileged kids? Who knows? maybe the George Takei stand-in’s companion is the real killer! WHAT A TWIST!

    JP- “An American doctor in Paris? That’s interesting! Oh, no, wait, it’s not. Might as well screw.”

    JP (take 2)- ‘And American doctor in Paris? That’s inspirational! Sorry, hon, you’ll have to take care of yourself, tonight- I’ve got a symphonic tone-poem to write!”

    9CL- Ha-ha! Edda can’t poop!(Or has high cholesterol. Still funny.)

  15. gleeb
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: The effects of a stroke have left an old man a prisoner within his own body, and it’s funny! Of course, the tragic bit is that he will be unable to record an endless series of video messages to control Durwood from beyond the grave.

    Sam Driver, keen businessman!: The excitement of the Heebink’s expansion has him worked up, and he can find only one way to work it off.

    Savarna!: “Not very good”? Does he doubt her story? Could she be some sort of plant?

    Val: Brave, brave, brave, Brave Sir Roger!

    Archie: Oh, Archie, your love for Mr Lodge will never be returned.

    Dick: In honor of Detective Robinson, we see two police officers who recently had cataract surgery investigating the latest mudlarkers’ find.

    Zig: Remember, Zig has the whole place bugged.

  16. Shran
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    FW: Woe is me! Death is about to take me from this miserable plane of existence. I’m so sad.

    Curtis: “Sadly, this probably will in fact get him in trouble in elementary school.” Welcome to the U.S. public school system, ladies and gentlemen, where hard work, demonstrable critical thinking skills and a drive to achieve are rewarded with disdain and parent-teacher conferences.

  17. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#15):FW: Oh, he’ll be able to record them. Just no one will understand them. Won’t that be a hoot? As Darrin makes some major milestone, he pops in the video cassette: “Wraaah blargh mwaaah ooo…”

  18. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    FW: Maybe stroke guy will meet up with dead Lisa in some better world (in the FW universe, that would be ANY world other than the FW universe).

  19. sighing maiden, still sighing
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#17): I hope you get that much-valued window seat on the trip to Hell. Batiuk will be right next to you. One hopes.

  20. Sciencegiant
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Curtis: to tell the truth, even after ten years I’m still surprised Morpheus isn’t kakked in The Matrix.

  21. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#19): Yeah, with my luck Batiuk will be outside on the wing, like the gremlin in that old Twilight Zone episode.

  22. Nina
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    I hate Funky Winkerbean, a whole lot, but I have to say that if Batiuk does the art, he really did actually do a nice job on this one. There’s a lot of loving detail lavished on this scene of abject misery, from the perspective drawing to the reflection on the snow-wet street to the gray, cold lighting of imminent death highlighting the crushed soul of our stroke victim in the last panel. It’s graphic-novel quality. That is the only time I will ever compliment Batiuk.

  23. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Sciencegiant (#20): After all these years I’m surprised that Marvin is kakked in every strip.
    //Wait – does ‘kakked’ mean what I think it means?

  24. Freakin Hemingwad
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Nina (#22): I think artists are most moved by what excites them. In Batiuk’s case, death, gloom and misery.

  25. seismic-2
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    FW: Fred is starting to panic, seeing that Darin is shoveling so close to that spot in the yard where Fred buried that little blonde girl from Goleta, back in ’72. No, Darin, no! BOXCAR BOXCAR BOXCAR!!!!

  26. Ratiocinator
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#11): I know that the doctor is human in the strip, but your comment has nevertheless got me wondering whether I could trust medical advice from an actual butterly, or if actual butterflies are by and large quacks.

  27. pugfuggly
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    SFx The clues that Slylock was able to pick up on was the empty bottle of Tuna Schnapps in the passenger seat and the strong smell of burnt catnip.

    FW Sure, the rest of Westview can drive cars, shovel snow and take walks, but as far as I can tell there’s only one old man who can launch a framed photo into orbit using only his mind! WITNESS THE INCEPTION OF STROKE-MAN, TELEKINETIC TERROR!

    Curtis ‘Kakked’? Is that real slang? If it is, is it specific to racially-motivated killings (notice the THREE Ks!). Is Curtis more subversive than it seems at first glance? No, probably not…

  28. Baka Gaijin
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#4) on Garfield: I’d be worried if Garfield used Siri to send the texts.

  29. sully
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    In a world that contains the lowly likes of ‘Dinette Set’, ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’, ‘Mary Worth’, ‘Mark Trail’ and ‘Adam @ Home’, it has become clear that ‘Funky Winkerbean’ has risen, or sunk, as the case may be, to earn the title as ‘Worst Comic Strip on the Planet’. Congratulations to all concerned.

  30. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Short ribs:

    B.C. — Omigaw, it’s the end… WE’RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIE!!!

    Mother Goose — Bounty Trowels: the “Quicker Picker Upper.” (When just a poop bag won’t doo doo!)

  31. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Hey Josh man – what about that there ALIEN SKELETON they dug out of Lake Freedom? You mean to tell me that skull was human? I’m disappointed in you.

    But not as much as I’ll be disappointed if the skeleton doesn’t have a smashed rib cage, as though something *ate* its way out from inside. Ha ha.

  32. Mibbitmaker
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FW: Some of us are missing the point — Batty doesn’t want people to laugh at his strip. He wants the readers to be driven to suicide. Shows how much he loves his readers (about as much as he loves his characters). Plus, he thinks it’s funny. “Michael O’Donoghue… Looney Tunes suicide gags….Pikers! Oop — there goes another fan! We lose more readers that way. McEldowney’s right — they’re all beefwits! So long, suckers!”

    Really, Tom…. get some help….

  33. Horace Broon
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    ASM: It’s a shame we don’t get the Man Without Fear’s thought bubbles. “Oh, God, it’s Spider-Man. He’s probably going to try to help me against the Kingpin, and then I’ll need to rescue him as well. How did he hear about this anyway? I wouldn’t expect someone as apathetic as him to read a newspaper unless the wind blew it directly into his face or something.”

    FG: Please say the transmission went out while Flash was still drowning. Please say the King of the Hawkmen now believes Flash to be dead, so he can be surprised that he isn’t. Please say we’re going to get a “WHAT?! Gordon’s ALIVE?!?”

    HtH: Isn’t the joke with Kvack meant to be that he’s quacking with an exaggerated Norwegian accent? Which, presumably, is the same accent everyone else in the strip has, even though it’s only phonetically represented in Kvack’s case?

    JP: Abbey makes a mental note to fire the red-headed stable hands.

    Pluggers: It’s really just you who needs to watch out, Mr Bear. Your friend is a protected species.

  34. Phred22
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    SFox: So will this be the night that Slylock and Cassandra get in touch with their animal natures and have Max Mouse for dinner? Max looks big enough to feed both of them.

  35. Chareth Cutestory
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Don’t interpret this strip in such a negative way! Maybe look on the bright side of things and hope that FW is setting us up for some Hitchcock style Rear Window suspense. That would then mean someone in the Funkyverse is going to get murdered! That’s good news, see? Stay positive!

    Curtis: Context clues tell me that what we’re seeing here is just the Sunday Funnies safe word for getting “capped.” But I prefer to think that the currently non-existent UrbanDictionary entry for “kakk” will be filled in by fellow readers with some of the most vile, lewd, and depraved descriptions for sexual acts and link back to this strip.

  36. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s 9:45 AM, at least where Tom Batiuk is right now. The sun belies the brisk cold of the Sunday morning. Batiuk needs this second cup of coffee for warmth, and the cardigan too, the one that smells of mothballs though it’s never been anywhere near cedar. It’s falling apart and he won’t let anyone wash it; he knows it will emerge from the machine nothing but a tangled ball of grey yarn and three faux wood buttons. Tom shuffles into his workspace, clicks on the lamp and the laptop, sips the bitter warmth in his cup. Soon he is online.

    He knows exactly where to look.

    He types steadily as he glances to his left at the elaborate wall-mounted chart. Multiple graphs plot statistics defined by dates, a few keywords and single-word codes: “Despair,” reads one. There’s “hate” and “derision” and “laughs,” the latter having flatlined many months ago and never recovered. Then the final category: “Boxcar.” A small asterisk hovers above it, attached to a hastily-scribbled note in pencil across the bottom edge of the chart.

    Today is a good day, he thinks. I’m mentioned more than once; everyone is sad, or worried about me, or a little angry; already, there are boxcars.

    And he wants the boxcars, probably needs them now, in his own way. His eyes narrow at the criticism, yet a lopsided smile still stubbornly creeps onto his face. Colored pins steadily edge upward on that chart. There are more boxcars every day.

    Satisfied, he shuffles out of the room, glancing only briefly at the notation he wrote all those months back: “*I will not forget, Lynn. I cannot forget. These boxcars are for you.”

    Tom Batiuk tightens his bathrobe belt and shuffles toward his last cup of coffee for the day.

  37. lorne
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Slylock thinks Cassandra is lying because she’s an attractive female and that’s what they do, man. That’s what they do.

  38. Joe
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    White people, eh? What are you gonna do.

  39. Zerowolf
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    SFx: That’s easy, Granny is old and old people don’t drive at night. That and sitting in the passenger’s seat is an empty six pack that we can’t see .

  40. Holly Folly
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    I think Slylock Fox is supposed to be the animal equivalent of Sherlock homes. Meaning that he has no interest in women and way too much interest in cocaine.

  41. Zerowolf
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#40): Substitute pancakes for cocaine you’ve got Mark Trail.

  42. Zerowolf
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Don’t forget the one horror movie where the sole black cast member is the last one to die; the original “Night of The Living Dead.” Ben survives the Zombie Apocalypse, but not the rednecks.

  43. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Snuffy – A ten-month old Easter egg under Tater’s bed. If this was Marvin, they’d never suspect. (Seems cruel, naming the kid after his ungodly shnozz. Lucky for him he’ll never be old enough to go to school.)

    Beetle – This is a fantasy Beetle is having in his last moments of life after Sarge accidentally beat him to death. Incident at Swampy Creek Bridge.

    3G – Look at the first panel! When the other nurses talk about Tommie, they make ‘the Tommie salute,’ a gesture that represents how Tommie eats an ice cream cone.

  44. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Archie – Come to think, it wasn’t last year that Archie sang “Sentimental Reasons.” It was 1956, so technically, for you, it was the year before last.

    Judge – (I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that there was a record number of comments on yesterday’s strip.)

    love is…Amor longa, vita brevis.

  45. Zerowolf
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    JP: Our cups runneth over.

  46. commodorejohn
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    What really makes today’s Funky Winkerbean is that it starts out in space. IN FUCKING SPACE. Yes, Fred, you see this whole planet? This beautiful blue marble full of wonders both ordinary and extraordinary? You see all those billions of people going about their lives? HA HA, YOU CAN’T BE PART OF THAT ANY MORE, BECAUSE YOU HAD A STROKE. Tom Batiuk hates you, Fred, and he wants you to know it.

    I dearly look forward to the day when the very last paper drops Funky Winkerbean.

  47. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Mary – I like how the figure on top of the cake made its own statement by yakking out a big pink trail of barf all down the front of it.

    Nancy – All icons painstakingly laid out in their proper places with the blind, unreflecting reverence of a cargo cult. It’s like the Gilchrists were bitten by a radioactive Ernie Bushmiller. I mean homeopathic.

    Non – Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah, CONGRESS!!! Ha, really socked it to them that time, I guess.

    Pluggers – Plugger golfers are game.

  48. seismic-2
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    SFx: Slylock knows that Cassandra’s alibi won’t hold water, because in fact Reeky Rat kakked Granny Squirrel last week.

  49. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#yy61): So that’s why Manhattanites look at me funny when I call the place “Manny.” And even funnier when I use my nickname for the Manhattan Transfer.

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#13): The “awwww, he’s sad because he had a stroke!!” gag in Smirky Schadenfreude is even funnier if you can hear the trombones playing the dirge-like minor-key version of “Yakety Sax” in the background.

  50. tb4000
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    JP: “I bet you say that to all the stable hands” was not a sarcastic joke. It was serious…dead serious.

  51. Droopy Says
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#49): It’s the Creesus Jewelry shop that really draws a Bronx cheer.

  52. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Kakked = Curtis-speak for caked; pertaining to lethal injuries associated with having pink cakes crowned with Mary Worth statuettes fall on your head.

  53. TimP
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Let’s no one tell Curtis about Denzel Washington or Will Smith ever, ok? I take it from the italicization of ‘I’ve’ in the bottom left corner, we’re supposed to take it that the reason for the parent teacher conference will be that Curtis hasn’t been allowed to see any movies made in the last twenty years.

  54. Jonn
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    As far as I know, there isn’t really any preference about which race gets killed first. I’ve seen more movies making jokes about it than movies where it was actually the case.

    That said, that really is remarkably advanced for Curtis, and will doubtless, like you said, get him in trouble.

  55. seismic-2
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Curtis will be the first one to get kakked in this strip. He’s wearing the red sweater.

  56. Alex Blaze
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Curtis got me to run to Urban Dictionary and check out “kakk,” because the only word I know like that is “kak,” which is Afrikaans for “shit” (i.e., not a verb). I was going to say something about Billingsley being out of touch with The Kids Today, but then his father cribbing jokes from The Golden Girls in panel 2 is just too distracting.

  57. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    A&J: but only by a few years at most.

    rCdS: *weeps at the loss of this strip* acute glitterlung, coming soon to FW.

    Lio: mother of goodness, Eva Rose is really Azula.

    JP: *fans self* Oh MYYYYY!

    Bizarro: hassled by the man, it’s not just in Slylock Fox.

    Lockhorns: Leroy brought home a drag queen.

    MT: wow. the color-monkeys must be exhausted after this one!

    MG&G: dog poop is inherently funny, much like golf, amirite?

    PV: those are not pikes. those are halberds.

    RwO: *applaz* nice concept, even if it is a bit GraphJammy.

    6Cx: HEEEEE!

    rMC: I loved this one the first time as well.

    Retail: I’ve seen that ad, and thought the same thing.

  58. Cassandra Cat's Lawyer
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    In his haste to entrap my client into some kind of uncomfortably close Shylock-supervised parole, the so-called “Detective” Fox has let the real criminal get away. This Granny Squirrel is obviously being initiated into a gang, driving around without her headlights at night.

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the first driver to blink his headlights at Granny will die!

    And I submit to you that the one responsible is Mr. Shylock Fox!

  59. tb4000
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @TimP (#53): Haha, I think Curtis’ point is that if those are the only two examples in the whole of cinema you can think of, that’s the problem.

  60. Bluerosebud
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Wow. Bravo on Curtis’ creator for making a statement on racism. But…couldn’t it have been modern racism, not racism from the nineties that has been done to death? Even Friday the 13th’s franchise had a black character that survived all the way to the end of the last movie.

  61. seismic-2
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    I don’t even want to think about Granny Squirrel’s headlights.

  62. TimP
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 #59: Nah, not the only two I could think of off the top of my head, just two of the most high profile actors* in some of the highest grossing films practically year in, year out over the last twenty years. As for systematic racism, sexism, ageism, etc. as reflected in popular culture, it’d be hard to argue that it isn’t pervasive and, indeed, persistent.

    * often cast in the roles of the protagonist and often, but to be sure not always, not ‘kakked’.

  63. Lenoxus
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    “Whatever it is, let’s encourage him” is such a blatent setup, it’s almost like self-aware humor, like a sitcom character saying “Remember not to clarify the situation with proper communication, and instead go with your first impression!” Which makes the actual joke all the more baffling – what exactly is so bad about Curtis’s project? I guess that he’s too young to watch horror movies. Still, it seems clever enough (especially the “next-to-last” bit, which made me laugh) that that should be forgiven. I dunno.

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    a corgi for bb,u.

    shepard pup tries to be a fennec.

    a response to my comment on today’s Lio.

    a shy little something for Poteet.

    snow leopard. *squee*

    TDP is in training to be a hoverdog.

    corgi pups playing.

  65. PD
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    FW: Viewing the first panel gave me a breath of hope and longing I’m not used to getting from this comic. I saw the beautiful overview and all I could hope and imagine was, “Bombardier to Pilot. Target acquired. Arm the nuke.” I looked quickly to the next panel hoping to see the continuation. “Pilot to Bombardier. Bock’s Car is go for drop. You have the controls.” Alas.

  66. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#61): “low beams”

  67. Sciencegiant
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#46): Oh, I misunderstood that then. I thought it was like the opening of Superman 2. The glass shatters, they escape to inflict misery and heartache, and we will all KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!

  68. Baka Gaijin
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#48): Ha ha HA! I knew the Ratman had to be involved.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#66): Great. Now I’m thinking about Granny’s “low beams” dragging on the floor. Thaaaaanks.

  69. TheDiva
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Curtis: “Kakk” is one letter removed from “KKK.” Discuss.

    FW: Apparently death itself has become too cheerful a subject for this strip. No, that’s too kind a fate for the residents of Funkytown–they must live trapped in decaying bodies unable to express the anguish and misery of their existence! THAT will make the Pulitzer committee sit up and take notice!

  70. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#57):

    I jumped at the chance to do this weeks Sunday page! I was given an article by Jack regarding coral reefs dying off and as I was researching I found some fascinating news… indeed rising CO2 levels (from underwater volcanos) have killed some coral reefs, researchers down around Florida have found that algaer in the corals is adapting to warmer waters, thus keeping the corals alive! I was excited to end this one on a positive note! Upon review, the syndicate needed me to validate my sources and once I turned them towards the research I had discovered… it was done! I also saw this as a wonderful opportunity to spread as much color across the page as I could… I hope you all enjoy!
    ‘James Allen
    http://www.facebook.com/groups/228474710549025/

  71. I speak Jive
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#70): I thought I recognized your work. You always do a really nice job with composition – interesting angles and movement. I liked the color in this one, too.

  72. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    JP: Missing final panel: All black, with Sam’s dialogue balloon: “Well, good night! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  73. TheDiva
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    9CL: I suppose we should be thankful she’s not at the gynecologist.

    C’shaft: And yet, all the misery in Funky Winkerbean doesn’t equal the pain of Crankshaft’s “humor.”

    Luann: Is Valentine’s Day as big a deal in Australia as it is in the States? Would Luann understand if it wasn’t, or would she just follow her mom’s tactic of “the man in my life must conform to–nay, exceed–all my expectations at all times without me having to go to the trouble of articulating my desires”?

    MW: What’s with the dialogue in the last panel? Are the losers ritually sacrificed to the gods in this competition?

    Pluggers risk getting shot by other Pluggers on a regular basis.

    SM: Daredevil: “Shit, there’s that idiot Spider-Man. What’s he doing here? I came to the west coast to get away from him! Maybe if I pretend I don’t notice him….”

  74. Weaselboy
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    SFx: A newcomer to this strip might immediately guess “because squirrels can’t fucking drive!!!” We seasoned veterans know better.

  75. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    MW: What? No inspirational cake quotes?

    “Once you get rid of integrity the rest is a piece of cake.”–Albert Camus

    “I’m not much of a cake person.”–Mme. Camus

  76. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#71):
    Thank you for the compliment! Composition is always on my mind and how can my art “move the readers eye” around the page, regardless of dialogue… it’s something a comic friend of mine taught me YEARS ago!

  77. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Cassandra just has to accept the fact that Slylock likes it when Max watches.

  78. batgirl
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    I’ve heard kakked (which I’ve always mentally spelled ‘kacked’) used for ‘killed, usually violently’ fairly often, especially in wargaming / frp circles. It’s something like the 3d definition here: http://dictionary.reference.com/slang/kack

  79. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#76): I liked today’s strip, too—especially bright colors and dreams of warm waters in February!

  80. Calico
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Curtis is going to have a Roundtable discussion about “Django Unchained.”

    FW – I really think the concept today is interesting (the telescoping view) but man, it sure is depressing, which I guess I’ve come to expect.

  81. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#79):
    THANK YOU!
    “warm waters in February” … hhmmm, you may be onto something there!
    ‘James

  82. J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#11): Japanese ‘mariposa’

    You spelled and pronounced ‘Spanish’ wrong.

  83. Calico
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    I love the little tiny Mark on the boat in the background. : )

  84. Shran
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#69): I knew it! Curtis is the most racist, hate-mongering comic in history! I say down with this abomination!

  85. RavenHawk
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: I think he’s sad, because he sees 3 more of his illegitimate children coming up the walk. It’s going to be a long sunday.

  86. Alice
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Haha, it’s funny because husbands forget important dates and wives never do!

  87. Walker of Dog
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Hey, Curtis’s dad – sorry about all that air you swallowed. Have you considered burping? And/or farting? Just a thought.

    FW: That view through the clouds reminds me of the Simpsons opening credits.
    If the theme song were written by Gustav Mahler, in a minor key, following a bad absinthe trip.

    FC: The fresh snow is a blessing to the Keanes’ neighbors. It permits them the temporary illusion that their lawns aren’t covered with dotted-line droppings.

    JP: Based on the juxtaposition of the giant head in panel 2 with the smaller torso in panel 4, somebody’s into baseball-mascot cosplay.

  88. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#87): and a night spent with AAAAlma.

  89. Nekrotzar
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Someone approached Cassandra from behind? Sorry, after reading that I wasn’t able to concentrate on the rest of today’s entry.

  90. gnome de blog
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    So Phantom XXI notices Savarna pulled off the same trick as Phantom I and, noting his own pathetic offspring, immediately converts to Islam. Insh’Allah!

  91. KreatureFeatures
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    FW: I hear stroke is the new cancer.

  92. Gold-Digging Nanny
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    JP: Wait, so Sam Driver is about to have sex with his wife? After all this time? And this after we found out Rex Morgan got June pregnant. Our truisms about the comics are falling right and left. What’s next — Mary Worth says, “It’s none of my business?” Mark Trail uses punctuation like a normal person? At least Funky Winkerbean is still depressing.

  93. Fred Barney
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Our precocious little Curtis. He has a real future in the grievance monger industry.

  94. Gold-Digging Nanny
    February 10th, 2013 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#6): I can almost guarantee that Les Moore smirks while shoveling two feet of snow.

  95. popamatic
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Judge: The day is finally coming to an end. As I recall, this day started at the fishing lodge with possibly Roger the skunk or whatever his name is, in bed, depending on if it was before or after midnight. Then breakfast with Bea, and the pot harvest, and driving a Humvee down the mountain road. That was this morning! Then lunch with Peaches, and the travel drama with the Judge/Randy/mother/whoever, until they all figured out it is possible to buy tickets to travel somewhere. So now the day ends, hopefully with another skunk in the bed. It’s a tradition.

  96. seismic-2
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    JP: Abbey, surely by now you should know better than to try to come on to your husband on the very same day that Heebinks announces a big new Asian expansion! Tonight when Sam talks in his sleep and cries out in the excited throes of passion, he will not be dreaming of you.

  97. Liam
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Of course it isn’t Granny Squirrel Slylock was busy arresting her on some trumped charges.

    Blondie-”I can’t believe Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.”

    Blondie 2-”I can’t believe that Rosebud was his sled.”

    Blondie 3-”I can’t believe that woman was a man.”

  98. Liam
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    FW-”At least I don’t have to shovel that snow anymore.”

  99. Calico
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy (#5):
    Not George Takei, I hope.
    *Oh, my!*

  100. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    MW What is he doing with that fork? Spoon? It looks like he’s about to plunge his utensil into that Mary Worth cake topper. Dirty, dirty John Dill!

    Cranked Shaft Huh?

  101. ralph
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: The only reason an adult would ever look at Slylock is to see if Cassandra is featured. I mean as animal/human cartoon characters go, Cassandra is hot. So what the heck is she doing in a feature which otherwise is directed at five year olds? I really did like the line above about Slylock and Cassandra surrendering to their animal natures and . . . eating the mouse.
    FW: Can’t we all just agree that FW isn’t really there, and dismiss it from our thoughts? Can’t Batiuk a few times a year light a goddamn candle of hope in place of his usual embracing of doom and gloom? This guy would have loved living during the Black Death. Here’s a joke from my (and presumably his) generation. The radical was ranting against reactionary old people, and said that there should be a law that everyone should be euthanized at 65. A listener said yeah but someday you’re gonna be that old yourself. What then? No problem, said the radical, we’ll just change the law. That sums up Boomers pretty well. My ultimate point being, I think Batiuk is so death and gloom happy that he wouldn’t change the law.

  102. MondayNightSteve
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, is today’s Lockhorns suggesting Leroy has brought home a busty blonde for a 3-way in the name of “spontaneity”? I knew there’d be a reason to use the .xxx domain for my Lockhorns-based blog …

  103. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#87):

    If the theme song were written by Gustav Mahler, in a minor key, following a bad absinthe trip.

    Kindertotenlieder?

    Now the sun wants to rise as brightly
    as if nothing terrible had happened during the night.
    The misfortune had happened only to me,
    but the sun shines equally on everyone.

    In this weather, in this storm,
    I would never have let the children out,
    I was anxious they might die the next day:
    now anxiety is pointless.

    Yep, you may have something there.

  104. yo go re
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Does every Funky Winkerbean Sunday strip start with people floating through space like the Phantom Zone criminals from Superman II, or has something very strange happened in the Funkiverse?

  105. Bob Weber Jr.
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#101):
    Hi Ralph,
    Several years ago a newspaper in a good-sized city trimmed their Sunday comics pages. Slylock Fox was was included in the cut. Several weeks later a story ran in the paper explaining that Slylock was coming back due to a large number of email, phone and snail mail requests for the comic’s return. I wonder how many of those were from 5-year-olds…

  106. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#83):
    Indeed … ’tis Mark driving the boat in the panel with the sea turtle! good eye you have there!
    ‘James

  107. Ukulele Ike
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    JP: Are those….are those Abbey’s breasts reflected the table lamp in the final panel?

    So there are boobs featured in all but two of the panels of the Sunday strip?

  108. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Isn’t “you need to eat more fiber” doctor-speak for “you have constipation”?

    FW: In Batiuk’s mind, this depicts the poignancy of human frailty, and a reminder that we should appreciate what we have before it is gone.

    In our minds, it’s morbid and dreary because he has put so very little effort into fleshing out this character before lowering the hammer of doom upon him.

    I mean, seriously, it’s not enough to plop an old man in a room, color it all in sad blue-grey tones, and boom, Oh, the humanity! No, you hack, you have to take the time to establish the character first so that we care what happens to him. That means, you putz, showing us that there’s more to him than a stroke, a joke, and several sad stories about marriages gone wrong. For us to actually care about a character, you have to show why he’s worth caring about.

    But, nope, that’s too much work. Better to take that time to lovingly depict clouds viewed from overhead. (They are indeed lovely clouds. But that’s not “writing”, now is it?)

  109. Notebooked
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    FW: Sweet Batiuk.
    I, uh…I need to go hug my dad.

  110. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#13): If I had a float, that would ride.

  111. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    FW: Also, who is the family depicted in the title frame? Is it him and his current wife with adopted son Darrin? Or is it him and Previous Wife with Estranged Daughter?

    Whichever would make this more depressing, I suppose.

  112. Ian Beste
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#11): Japanese: choochoo. (Don’t know how to do macrons, doomo sumimasen.)

  113. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#64): Thank you! Looks like a tree frog and I really like them.

  114. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    FW — I hope the poor guy is at least comfortable in that outfit. I wouldn’t be. There are good reasons why so many homebound older people opt for sweatpants with elastic waistbands and other casual/comfort clothes.

  115. seismic-2
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: In today’s strip, we adopt a God’s-eye view of the Funkyverse. We start from high above the earth, looking down at the planet. We zoom down onto Westview, Ohio. Zoom farther, farther down onto street-level. Now pan down the street, observing the residents going about their lives. There, that house, with the curtains open. Go to the window. Yes, inside there! This is the place!!!

    SMITE

  116. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Ian Beste (#112):

    Don’t know how to do macrons.

    Easy. Coconut, sweetened condensed milk, egg white… Just work alongside Mary Worth.

  117. BigTed
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    It’s probably true that Curtis’ Gen-X teachers won’t look kindly on him stealing a joke from the Scream movies.

  118. Liam
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns-”Loretta, I’m sorry but I won’t be home for dinner tonight. This young lady lost her cat and I’m going to help her find it.”

    MW-You are Mary Worth. You’ve probably meddled with the judges so they could select your cake as the best.

    Spiderman-”I’m sorry, Mr. Narrator, but it is San Francisco not the City by the Bay.”

    A3G-”Triage is perfect even though I have no medical training whatsoever and have no idea what triage is.”

    Curtis-”At least he isn’t leading a race riot this year.”

    Crankshaft-”They’re all speaking at the sound of British.”

    RMMD-Delores looks good for someone going through chemo. I have a coworker who is going through chemo and she looks like death warmed over. I saw my coworker Friday and I could barely look at her because she looked so terrible.

    Dick Tracy-Look it’s the Camp Freedom 1943 Hide and Seek champion.

  119. Steve the Pocket
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Forever-in-a-Funk Winkerbean: Every so often I feel the urge to rage against the heavens that I was unfortunate enough to be born close enough to Batiuk’s hometown that he could literally draw a gang of neo-Nazis having an orgy and still not get dropped by any of the papers around here because “it’s locally produced!” This is one of those times.

    Slylock Fox: I thought it was because, if she were cut off by someone trying to pass on the left, where her rear-view mirror is, she would have careened off onto the opposite curb. I’m contemplating emailing Mr. Weber about this.

  120. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    SLYLOCK — I am fixated on that mailbox pole. It looks as if the pole bent over in a gentle way that didn’t damage the car at all, and the mailbox itself is still intact. Maybe the pole can even be straightened out again. I want that pole.

  121. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    PV — I know he’s a not-too-bright cowardly despot and all, but I will miss Sir Roger’s sartorial boldness when this story is over. That pink collar just MAKES the rest of the outfit.

  122. hogenmogen
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap! Dennis really went into actual menace mode today! He straight up blew away Margaret with a snowball at point blank in front of his mother and FUCK THE AUTHORITY FIGURES! He mans up and takes the heat, does the time and isn’t repentant in the least. Stone Cold Menace.

  123. hogenmogen
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Cassandra Cat could have seen who was driving when they passed by, you know. Granny Squirrel passed her because Cassandra was only going like 5 miles per hour. She wasn’t even fast enough to push the mailbox completely over.

    But then again, she’d driving past Sly’s house late at night at 5mph, and that says something no matter who ran her off the road.

  124. bats :[
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

  125. Calico
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#124):
    Hahahha! Good one Bats!

    Sad to see Cassy Cat drives like Lindsay Lohan.

  126. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Love is: Ignoring those damned dirty monkeys!

  127. Calico
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#125):
    Is this Mr. Weber’s salute to poor Keesterman?

  128. bats :[
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective (#82): I’ve never visited your website before — GREAT idea! I shall endeavor to repair poor comic strips mentally, using your valuable technique!

  129. Little Guy
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Is lying to Slylock an arrestable offense? If not, WTF did she do except drive to the side of the road?

    JP: Wonderful, gorgeous, Sunday-colored Abbey boobiage.

    Curtis: Samuel L. Jackson would also like a word with Curtis’ teachers.

  130. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#64): Coffee Corgi! Yay!

    (And TDP reminds me of the wonderful slo-mo shots at the Puppy Bowl.)

  131. La Cieca
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#100): John is so new at competitive baking that he doesn’t realize you have to wait until after the judges have seen the cake before you start to devour it.

    And I am more than certain that Mary’s remark about “out of our hands” was meant as a deliberate sneer at the creators of the ill-fated Blue Smoke cake.

  132. pugfuggly
    February 10th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    I found it a little odd at first that all of Westview’s other residents seemed to be smiling today, then I realized that they know that that the vengeful God of the Funkyverse (the great and terrible Bat Eyùk) had already chosen a victim, and that they could rest easy, at least until the next week’s harvest of tragedy.

  133. Calico
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Shran (#16):
    Diane and Greg don’t see that Curtis, despite his erratic behavior, has an I.Q. of 160.
    Also, his theories and analysis regarding themes and progressions, and their sociological and anthropological origins, will eventually be researched further and will be the focus of his Ph.D later on. Then, as usual, Spike Lee will get P.O’d.

  134. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#124): Excellent use of the Count!

  135. Shrug, Just Mailing It In Today
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#120):

    “SLYLOCK — I am fixated on that mailbox pole. It looks as if the pole bent over in a gentle way that didn’t damage the car at all, and the mailbox itself is still intact. Maybe the pole can even be straightened out again. I want that pole.”

    So does Keesterman, but neither of you can have it. Crankshaft bought up the patents just so he could supress it.

    (Cue old Rosicrucians ad: “This knowledge must die…”)

  136. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective (#82): @bats :[ (#128): Bats Colon Left-Bracket is right, Mr. Bisbee! Refulgent! It’s like Garf. w/o Garf. writ large!

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    BC: An effective use of the Bisbee Method!

  138. Shrug, Shore Enough
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    LOVE IS displays a neat almost-Valentine’s-Day trick. Just peeing your sweetie’s name in the snow is old hat; but doing so in wet sand would be more difficult — and composing, instead of a mere name, a clearly-defined heart with an arrow through it still more difficult. I have to say I’m impressed with his force and control!

    ///I’m just assuming it was he. If she was the artist, I’m still more impressed.

  139. Shrug
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @popamatic (#95):

    Loud guffaw!

  140. Majicou
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    I think the only time I’ve ever heard “cacked” used as slang for “killed” was in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, when the police lieutenant says of Marvin Acme: “The rabbit cacked him last night.” The film, of course, is set in 1947. Since I know that Billingsley isn’t 90 years old, I have no idea what possesses him to be so damned outdated. I would’ve accepted “capped”, “offed,” or “wasted.” Or maybe just “killed.”

    BRSG: The hedgehog’s dilemma, literally and cruelly illustrated.

    HN: For Marigold, watching My Little Pony is like an historian reading The Da Vinci Code.

    Marvin (2/9): I suppose I should commend Armstrong for not showing the kid’s feet covered with poop.

    OBH: Ruthie’s mom has got it goin’ on…

    Pluggers fear being stuffed and mounted–as well they might.

  141. Liam
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    FW-”That’s it. Pile that snow up high. I don’t care that he’s had a stroke and can’t go anywhere I don’t want to take the chance that he could still escape from this place. I want to be long gone from here before he’s discovered dead.”

  142. Liam
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    FW-”Oh they are digging my grave already,” the wheelchair bound man who is a shell of his former self sadly thinks to himself.

  143. Liam
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    JP-”An American doctor in Paris? She must be better than those lousy French doctors.”

  144. Atticus Dogsbody
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    That Nemo was quite a storm, it froze the old guy solid.

  145. Trillian
    February 10th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#25): LOL! Nicely done.

  146. Trillian
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Gold-Digging Nanny (#92): It’s so nice to have that one constant in our lives.

  147. Baka Gaijin
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#140) on Heavenly Nostrils: I missed the update this morning. Thanks for reminding me to look again.

  148. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    if bats :[ and I merged, we’d have a dog that looked like this.

    *boggles*

  149. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Atticus Dogsbody (#144): Nemo?

    // Oh! The Weather Channel thingy! They are still trying to do that, eh?

  150. seismic-2
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    I assume that Billingsley means “whacked”, but he assumes that saying that word is a no-no on the comics page, so “kakked” is a self-invented synonym (cf. “going roadside”).

    @Atticus Dogsbody (#144): Isn’t Nemo one of the fish in today’s MT?

  151. Trillian
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: These people are not true Pluggers. A true Plugger wears his hunter’s orange outerwear all fall and winter long, so he has nothing to fear. A true Plugger also goes nowhere near a golf course (except, apparently, when hunting Bambi).

    Luann: I fully support Frank DeGroot’s decision to file for divorce.

  152. Uncle Lumpy
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#118):

    … it is San Francisco not the City by the Bay.

    According to the TV news around here, it’s “bayYEAHrea.”

  153. Baka Gaijin
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#148): Looks like an elvin battle puppy.

  154. Zerowolf
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#107): There are boobs in every panel of JP, they just aren’t always the ones attached to women.

  155. Calico
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#152):
    I shall call Steve Perry and ask him what he calls it, but I’m pretty sure it is “(I want to get back to) my city by the Bay”

  156. Jamus The Bartender
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#58): Great. First, I gotta listen to that lizard with the faux-British accent ask if “the pretty cat-lady had any prior run-ins wif the law, knowhadimean, knowhadimean”, and now this.
    I hear the conjugal visit trailers have gotten much nicer….

  157. Jamus The Bartender
    February 10th, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#74): * sigh* neither can some cats, apparently…

  158. Jamus The Bartender
    February 10th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Okay, okay, here’s how it was told to me.
    Cassandra was at the supermarket picking up some groceries….no booze in sight….when she made for a parking spot next to the door. Unfortunately, Granny Squirrel was making for the same spot.
    Cass hit the gas, quickly eased in, shouted, “HA!! You gotta be young and fast, old lady!”
    Granny thought about this a minute, hit the accelerator, tore off the back bumper, pulled out a twelve of Budweiser, slammed it, crushing the can on her forehead, and said simply, “You gotta be older and better insured, bitch!”
    Then, extending her arthritic middle finger, she slowly drove away.
    Thus, it began….

  159. Jamus The Bartender
    February 10th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#105): And IIIIIIIII helped :)

  160. Zerowolf
    February 10th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Freakin Hemingwad (#23): It does if you are a Nac Mac Feegle.

  161. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#155): “South Detroit” is basically Windsor, Canada, so not sure if asking Mr. Perry geographical questions is a wise idea.

  162. Jamus The Bartender
    February 10th, 2013 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Tales Of Goldberg’s
    Community Service

    Things were a little rambunctious in Miss Peach’s Third Grade class. Shannon from Luann and Billy Keane were having a contest to see who could make the biggest spitball. Jeffy Keane superglued some mirrors to the tops of his shoes.
    “Okay, class, settle down….Jeffy, CHANGE those shoes, I won’t tell you again….”a frazzled Miss Peach sighed. “Now, class, we have a special guest in our room. She’s part owner of Goldberg’s Bar And Grill, some of you have seen her in the Slylock Fox strip sometimes. Her name is Cassandra Cat, and she’s here to tell you a story that may change your life. Cassandra Cat.”
    Cass walked up to the front of Miss Peach’s desk, wearing a tight V-neck sweater, and a worried look on her face.
    “Um….hi kids. Wow. There sure are a lot of kids here. Um….okay. Right. Okay, first of all, I should just clear the air and tell you I was busted…..I was ARRESTED for drunk driving. Now, it’s not like it’s a problem for me. Anymore. The judge had me talk to you guys today as a part of my community service so you don’t do the same dumb thing I do. No one was hurt, I just bent Slylock Fox’s mailbox…..they said I was going on about someone’s granny…..Granny Squirrel. Was that her name? I didn’t know that. I had two drinks. One was a cosmo, and I don’t remember the other one. Anyway, it was a really stupid thing to do, and i’ll never do it again. Adults make mistakes too, kids. Any questions?”
    Jeffy and Billy didn’t hear a damned word. They spent the whole time staring at Cassandra’s chest. Jeffy’s hand shot up.
    “Um…yeah, the kid with the bacon…the redhead. Jeffy. Yeah?”
    Jeffy grinned and asked. “Are those real?”
    A wave of tittering came over the class.
    “Excuse me?” Cass asked.
    “Your boobs, are they real?” Jeffy asked. ” My mom says you have more plastic inside of you than a Toys ‘R’ Us. ”
    Even more tittering. Cass’ face went red under her fur. “Now class, that isn’t funny. Miss Cat-The Bartender ( it is Cat-The Bartender, right?) is here to teach you kids today, not answer questions about her chest. Now does any of you have….yes, Shannon?”
    Shannon’s eyebrow went up. “What’s that thing on your ankle?”
    Cass’ eyes lit up. “Oh, you like that ? That’s an ankle braclet. It’s got a little radio sender that lets Dick Tracy know if I ever leave the county. See, the jails are overcrowded and….hey, did you know those were invented because of Spider Man? Some guy read his strip and said, “Hey, those would be good for prisoners…..”

  163. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$
    February 10th, 2013 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    SFX- You know it really says something about the state of both comics, when Slylock Fox has more sexual tension than Apt 3g, Judge Parker, & Luann COMBINED!!!!

    CURTIS – I think the fact that the black guys get killed early says more to the types of movies Curtis watches than Hollywood racism.

    FW- You know in those spy movies where the spy has to carry a suicide pill if he gets captured by the enemy. I would like to imagine that a small rolled up strip of Funky Winkerbean is included with the pill for encouragement.

  164. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    Jamus, you rock.

    that is all.

  165. bats :[
    February 10th, 2013 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

  166. ralph
    February 10th, 2013 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Luann has sexual tension? I can say honestly that I can’t recall a single female cast member of Luann that would be of the slightest sexual interest to me if they were real people living in my neighborhood, although goth girl might make an entertaining friend. I think claiming that the Cat emits more sexual vibes than some members of Judge Parker is taking it too far. And some of the bird/women in Shoe are sexier than the Cat, and funny to boot. Bearing in mind that in theory the Cat isn’t supposed to be sexy, and the Parkerites and bird/women are.

  167. Alison
    February 10th, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    “Cyrtis”: Curtis’s dad doesn’t understand why a growing boy would be able to eat more than a middle-aged man and yet gain less weight? This guy is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

    “Mary Worth”: Gah, enough already about the magical act of carrying a cake ten feet. Yes, Mary, you and Mr. Dill didn’t dump your cake on the floor, you are clearly the chosen ones who will lead us all, blah blah, can we talk about something else now FINALLY.

    “Luann”: No card from Quill, eh? Roses are red/violets are blue./Haven’t you realized by now/Quill wants to dump you?

  168. Jamus The Bartender
    February 10th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#166): That’s how she works it, Ralph, that’s how she works it.
    And thanks, queek :)

  169. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 10th, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#166): ” Bearing in mind that in theory the Cat isn’t supposed to be sexy,”

    Minerva Mink and Lola Bunny would like to disagree with that statement. Cassy in a bikini is hawt. and Jamus oughta know. [*]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#168): ur welcome. :-D

  170. Dale
    February 10th, 2013 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#70):

    You ended every sentence with an exclamation point. Coincidence?

  171. Liam
    February 10th, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    FW-”Now make sure you dig that grave deep. We don’t want the neighbors’ dogs to be able to dig him up.”

    MT-I’ve got to say that I’m disappointed that there is nothing in here connecting this comic to the current story.

    Spiderman-Two heroes are good for when Spiderman eventually gets his ass kicked and needs someone to bail his ass out.

  172. Dale
    February 10th, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    >> Steve at 119. (something happened to the link)

    SLYLOCK

    Granny passed on the left. Cassandra was forced off to the right.
    She overcorrected and ended up on the left. Happens a lot.

    Granny didn’t need her headlights. There’s plenty of light, particularly if she was following closely. The problem was lighting her cigarette with a real flame. Modern cars doen’t seem to have lighters. They should.

  173. Sgt. Stoned
    February 10th, 2013 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smif: If you think “Funky Winkerbean” is depressing, just imagine what a foul toxic waste dump the Smif household must be when it takes Loweezy 10 months to detect the smell of a rotten egg under Jughaid’s bed!

    Lockhorns: Leroy is bringing his whores home. Awwwwrighttt!!!

    Moma: Francis, would that girlfriend be Mary Fivefingers or Rosie Palmer?

    MT: Yeah, so fuck it , kids. Don’t worry about global warming. Some coral reefs MIGHT survive. Drill, baby, drill!

  174. Mars
    February 10th, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: The use of “kakked” is interesting. Every time someone uses it I wonder if they picked it up from Roger Rabbit. The creators say in the commentary that the slang “kakked” (for murdered) was an ad-lib and had never been said before.

  175. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 10th, 2013 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#171):
    I’m actually working on that concept … tying a Sunday page to the daily… might try to do it with the newly unearthed Xenoceratops!

    @Sgt. Stoned (#173):
    bwahahahahah
    James

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    SFx: Slylock has gotten to know Cassandra pretty well over the years, and he knows that’s not the look she has on her face when you take her from behind.

    BC: Well Peter, it seems you’ve hopelessly confused your pen pal by implying that it was 2013. They’ll need some time to process this.

    C-Shaft: “Never mind. These TV limeys still make more sense than you.”

    MW: Like God and Margaret Shulock, Karen Moy is taking Sunday as her day of rest. Either that or she thinks we just can’t get enough cake transfers and lame heckling.

    SSmith: Ha ha, no Jughaid, Al Qaeda has no interest in disrupting your little hamlet. The biological warfare waged against you is entirely of your own doing.

    Phantom: Um, Kit, you seem to have quite the bee in your cowl about unlikely plot contrivances. Is this really a road you want to go down?

    DtM: Now that women can serve in combat missions, Margaret has gone and become a Green Beret. Dennis is lucky tattling is all she did.

    H&L: You’ve never been the bad boy. You’ve been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend…

    JP: What we won’t see, of course, is three minutes later when Abbey banishes Sam to the couch so that she can finish the job herself.

    Marvin: You’re tempting fate, kiddies. In case you didn’t notice, this daycare has a noose as an integral part of its logo.

    DT: Note to criminals: If you’re looking for a less suspect cover identity to deflect murder allegations, “guy who watches children from the back of a limo” is not that.

    9CL: More fiber? Too easy.

  177. Bob Weber Jr.
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

  178. Jamus The Bartender
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#177): I feel like I should be thanking you, sir :)

  179. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#173): Yeah, I’m trying to imagine Woodsy Owl as a suporting character in Mark Trail.

    “Give a hoot, don’t pollute! Or, you know, do pollute. It’s all good.”

  180. Elk Meadow
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#121):

    PV: I would like to find out that Sir Roger is a entrepreneurial time traveler who was trying to avoid all the mess of Britain conquering China and India with his transplanted tea. Growing spices and opium were also on his list, but nooo…. His colorful polyester bathrobe is what I would expect someone who didn’t have enough time to steal/buy a historical outfit from a member of the Society of Creative Anachronism.

  181. bats :[
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

  182. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    Been away all day. Here’s some detourned Slylock Fox (text by Shinjiro Kurahara).

  183. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#201):

    Yep, he even gets the nipple details in his work too. Can’t say it bothers me thought!

  184. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#137): Please enlighten on this “Bisbee method”, if you get a chance.

  185. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    @Bob Weber Jr. (#177): Oh, Lordy Lou. In the interest of full disclosure, please don’t sue me.

  186. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#192):

    Point taken. But it looks like he’s finally getting down to the “business” at hand today!

    // This is something that we’ll NEVER see in Luann or Mark Trail!

  187. bats :[
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#180): oh, fine. Three weeks from now I’ll be at Estrella War, looking for someone in Roger’s sartorial splendor.

  188. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#120):

    I want that pole.

    … was also, coincidentally, Tennessee Williams’ working title for “A Streetcar Named Desire.”

  189. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#176):

    Either that or she thinks we just can’t get enough cake transfers and lame heckling.

    Well, I, for one, can’t get enough of that heckling. I’m so eager to get a shot at it myself that I’m going to shop for groceries on senior discount day.
    “Don’t drop in, Granny! Ha-ha! Clean up! Clean up in bakery!”
    // And, I’m pretty disappointed that we’ve only seen one cake dropped. What’s entertainment if it isn’t broken dreams and disappointment, frosting and cake filling, and jelly and juice and bubbles, bubbles on the floor?

  190. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#45):

    JP: Our “D” cups runneth over.

    Improved that for you!

    // Maybe even “DD” cups….

  191. nescio
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    SlylockFox: “Look, since I banged your mailbox, you’ve got to bang my female box! Get it? I thought if I said it by puzzle you’d finally figure out the obvious!”

  192. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#182): @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#185):
    No, no, don’t tell me… There are 3 things that are different… It’s the headlight… no, that’s not it. The blades of grass! Let me count them again… no! Darn! The teeth in the grill of that Buick! Aha! That’s it, isn’t it?

  193. Charles In Charge
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    It appears that Curtis is vomiting a steady stream of milk in the third panel, so it’s pretty apparent how he stays so thin.

  194. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#90): Savarna could be a Muslim, but my guess is that she comes from a Hindu background. Whichever is the case, I have to congratulate Terry Beatty for making her more ethnic than did Ryan.

  195. Peanut Gallery
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#43):

    3G – ‘the Tommie salute’

    I thought she was doing the “be seeing you” salute from The Prisoner.

  196. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#107):

    “So there are boobs featured in all but two of the panels of the Sunday strip?”

    Nothing wrong with that!

  197. Ukulele Ike
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#184): …..is it anything like the “Melbourne Method”….?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev_v3xgxMTg

  198. Ukulele Ike
    February 10th, 2013 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#196): No complaints about Abbey’s rack. The comment was mainly to attract attention to that final panel, and the reflection. Bit over the top, eh what?

  199. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#181): Aah! Sporks!
    // Are there non-plastic sporks? Stainless sporks? Sterling sporks?

  200. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#154):

    Excellent point!

  201. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#194): @gnome de blog (#90): Savarna could be a Muslim, but my guess is that she comes from a Hindu background. Whichever is the case, I have to congratulate Terry Beatty for making her more ethnic than did Ryan.

    Doesn’t the colorist deserve some credit?

    I wish more strips were like Dick Tracy — Sunday colorist Shane Fisher gets to share the spotlight along with the writer, artist and letterer.

  202. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#192): The sniveling fear of being sued…

  203. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#184): Please enlighten on this “Bisbee method”, if you get a chance.

    Omitting or removing the “punchline” for dramatic (or bathetic) effect. See @J. Elhew Bisbee, Hobo Detective (#82)’s website, as referred to in @bats :[ (#128).

  204. Peanut Gallery
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#191): Brilliant!

  205. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#201): Beatty’s version of the character works in more South Asian features, as ungainly a waay to put it as that might be. At that, I guess the colorist should get some praise too.
    @Nehemiah Scudder (#203): I see. And thank you for inspiring me to go look at Mr. Bisbee’s blog. It’s amazing how many strips are improved by dropping the punchline.

  206. Majicou
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

  207. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    February 10th, 2013 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    I have fun doing these. Detourned Rex Morgan.

  208. Ratiocinator
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#129):

    JP: Wonderful, gorgeous, Sunday-colored Abbey boobiage.

    You know, I’m legitimately surprised that a search for Judge Parker fan art on both Google and DeviantArt turned up absolutely nothing but scans of published strips. C’mon, don’t tell me that Rule 34 is actually a lie!

  209. Ratiocinator
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#191): I hereby nominate this for COTW!

  210. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 10th, 2013 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#195):

    I AM NOT A NUMBER, I AM A FREE MAN!

  211. bbofun
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#26): Butterflies are fine to get medical advice from- they’re quite sound and stable. Moths, on the other hand are real fly-by-nights.

    DON’T HIT!

  212. Uncle Lumpy
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    Sad Sunday, indeed: the world’s largest salt-water crocodile, chronicled here, has died. RIP, big fella.

  213. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Just Mailing It In Today (#135): One more reason to hope Crankshaft will die. And it’s not as if Batiuk doesn’t know how to make it happen.

  214. Cthulhu the Cuddly
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean is setting up the Big Reveal of who murdered John Darling, that murder mystery from decades ago that no one remembers or cares about any more. It was Fred! His stroke is just punishment!
    Whoops, sorry, his stroke is meaningless and tragic. Carry on!

  215. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#180): Yes, I can believe that. He apparently didn’t have time to do any research on tea plants, either — too busy trying to find online info about PV-era pickup lines and sexual customs.

  216. Poteet
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

  217. Morgan Wick
    February 10th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you’re slipping. The Josh I knew would have said this to Slylock Fox:

    “But the glare from the headlights would have prevented you from recognizing her! CLEARLY THIS WHOLE INCIDENT WAS MADE UP AND YOU ARE CLEARLY GUILTY OF RECKLESS DRIVING WHICH IN OUR POLICE STATE IS AN UNFORGIVABLE CRIME”

    The real sad thing, and the real sign of the failure of our urban school systems, is that Curtis’ paper on the portrayal of blacks in the media is either something he got the idea for from the movie Evolution, or is a straight copy-and-paste from TV Tropes. And that’s enough to offend the sensibilities of the powers that be.

  218. Doyle
    February 11th, 2013 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Yeah, okay Slylock Fox. “Headlight glare.” Sure. We can all see that the car just doesn’t have a rear-view mirror, dude. Don’t try to over-complicate this.

  219. Poteet
    February 11th, 2013 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    MW — I want to see some of those other cakes. We deserve to see some of those other cakes. Or even just one or two of them. Pleasepleaseplease?

  220. Baka Gaijin
    February 11th, 2013 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#176) on Slylock Fox: OMG! COTW contender here.

    @nescio (#191): See above.

  221. bergamot
    February 11th, 2013 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    But the FW is really pretty good when you take into account the photo of the three of them and how the three of them are loosely grouped – they have moved through time and not space. But the view moves through space to see them. It’s kind of amazing. No I am not related to the writer.

  222. commodorejohn
    February 11th, 2013 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    @bergamot (#221): I agree, it’s a very well-put-together piece of existential horror and misery. It just makes me want to slit my wrists, is all.

  223. Droopy Says
    February 11th, 2013 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Parker, the last thing DareDevil wants to do is spend his last minute getting embarrassed by someone who calls him Deedee. You make him sound like an old girlfriend.

    Funky Winkerbore: “As you know–” chomp, chomp, chomp “–spring break for band directors–” chomp chomp chomp “–is like a wild time with sex and drugs and mangled rock-n-roll classics–” chomp chomp chomp “–only in the winter, without any of the wild-time stuff–” chomp chomp chomp “–so I’m not jealous or anything–” chomp chomp chomp “–and while she’s gone, I’m gonna do those slacker kids at the store.”

    Family Circus: You should have put the sweater on him earlier, Thel. His brain got freezer burn.

    Pluggers: The rest of us would mop or scrub the kitchen floor, but Pluggers are limited to obeying pithy proverbth.

    Mock Travail: So why don’t we see any oher fishermen working the lake’s deep end? Why hasn’t anyone else on this huge, unobstructed lake noticed Rod Bassy’s location and followed him? “As you know, fishermen are good people, but not very bright!”

    Mary Mirthless: Why not show us the oher cakes and let us, and the judges, judge for ourselves?

    Phantom: It’s curious how the artist places Kit’s head next to the horse’s ass. Almost like he’s sending us a subtle message.

  224. comcis fan
    February 11th, 2013 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    MW: John Dill – unassuming baker, yet not a humble baker.

  225. parcheesi
    February 11th, 2013 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    I’ve never personally questioned why Max lives with Slylock, but it is peculiar, now that you mention it.

  226. comcis fan
    February 11th, 2013 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    FW: There seems to be no end to the ways in which this strip can depress. Sure, the cancer, PTSD, dementia, aging parents, missed childhoods, split lovers, persecution complexes, enlarged prostates, Les-worshiping women, loneliness, dashed dreams and amputations are obvious enough. For a less apparent but equally chilling scenario, consider Harry Dinkel, more than a decade into retirement, making the annual pilgrimage with wife Harriette to the music educators’ convention.

  227. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 11th, 2013 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    So, this titanium spork walks into a bar, and the bartender says:

    1) So. It has come to this.
    2) You know, we don’t serve food here.
    3) You know, this isn’t a gay bar. (Alt. — this is a gay bar.)
    4) You know, we don’t have a drink named after you, but that would be a great name for a band! — Spork: “Bob” is a great name for a band?
    5) I’ve got a great idea for a New Yorker cartoon caption contest. Wanna hear it?

  228. Dale
    February 11th, 2013 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#223):

    MARK TRAIL

    Maybe all the other contestants know that bass don’t live in really deep water? I just made that up: bass probably like to live where there’s something to eat.

    I do know that boat is too small and the trolling motor has turned into another seat.

  229. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 11th, 2013 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    A3G:

    Claire: Margo’s young. She’ll be fine.
    Tommie: It’s me, Claire!
    Claire: Is she Catholic? We may need a priest to give last rites.

  230. Norm
    February 11th, 2013 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    Shylock Fox- How do you come up behind someone in a car and run them off the LEFT side of the road?

  231. gleeb
    February 11th, 2013 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Ah, M. le Comte is actually a Papal count, and is no doubt en route to Rome to make personal arrangements for the upcoming conclave.

    ‘shaft: An old man is closed-minded and xenophobic, and it’s funny!

    ‘bean: I don’t care to know about granny-cheatin’ John’s batch, whether or not it has had a stroke

    Dick: Cripes, where’s Jim Doherty to tell Moon Unit to keep away from weirdoes who perspire heavily in a Chicago February?

    Doones: Oh, old Trudeau, you don’t know how to suppress pop-ups, huh?

    Thorp: Bobby Ottewill is angry that he cannot have access to The Peacock. Is a holy war in the offing?

    H&J: Rev. Hepcat is too cool for Deuteronomy 15:11. Dude, you are the shovel.

  232. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    February 11th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    @ 231. Norm

    Well, if you live in one of the sixty or more nations where we, you know, drive on the left…

  233. Chad Sexington
    February 11th, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    What is our Funkyverse friend doing with that shovel in the front yard, you ask? Why, he is digging an above-ground snow grave for our beloved stroke victim, just in case he bites it before the winter frost subsides and the ground softens. You can never be too prepared for these things, you know.

  234. Ironic
    February 11th, 2013 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I just recently discovered this blog and have been enjoying the backlog – right now I’m in early 2008. The effect was largely enjoyably surreal (two different A3G storlines where nobody can remember that Tommie works at a hospital = priceless)… until today. When my metafictional time-travel took me from the beginning of Cassandra Cat’s appearances in Slylock Fox to this depressing end, I lost all passion for life. I do not know if I can keep reading Slylock Fox, this blog, or indeed any words at all – Funky Winkerbean never affects me (and in early 2008, Lisa just died of cancer), but the smugly flirtatious cat burglar falling so far… that’s too much.

  235. Sterling
    February 13th, 2013 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    When the omniscient narrator/god-being looks down from the sky upon all the infinite diversity of experience below him/her and only settles his/her gaze when it rests upon the stroke victim looking out the window from his wheelchair, it could only be Funky Winkerbean.

  236. gnbman
    February 17th, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    The Slylock/Cassandra relationship is almost a reverse Sly Cooper/Carmelita Fox dynamic, with the love and the hate, and the law and the criminal. One character is even a fox with “Sly” in his name! The only difference is the latter relationship is interesting and the former is pathetic and in a comic geared towards preschoolers.

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