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It’s funny!

Momma, 2/21/13

It’s funny because Momma is down to her last five bucks and her son is a thief.

Funky Winkerbean, 2/21/13

Many, many comic strips have terrible dialogue, but the dialogue in Funky Winkerbean and sister strip Crankshaft is terrible in its own unique way — not from lack of craft or attention (Hi, Crock!), but its very opposite. Stare at a simple line like “How’s your room?” long enough and you’ll start to ask yourself if readers will remember the characters are traveling, or maybe think the question is whether they have enough room, say, to swing their arms or something? Then it’s down the rabbit-hole: “How’s your hotel room?” could be any hotel, so let’s go with “How’s your room in the hotel” to make it clear this Esteemed Figure is staying at the main convention hotel and not some off-strip dive, then plaster “Music Educ Asso  t” on the wall for good measure. Despite all that work — no, because of it — you wind up with overwrought phrases that seem unambiguous, but which no actual human would ever utter: “solo car date”, “dead man’s singles”, or “space heater in the basement” (for “water heater”).

More fundamental is the Quip Fail at the heart of this strip. Hotel ratings use stars, not letters, so “B-flat hotel” makes no sense even coming from a band leader Music Educator. My guess is that the joke started out star-related — maybe Sousa’s The Stars and Stripes Forever? — and then got reworked into its present form. But if “B-flat hotel” is really your punchline, own it, don’t bury it in these wads of bumf. Put it at the end, where punchlines go: “I won’t be staying there much, so I don’t mind a B-flat hotel.” And spare us Beardo’s in-strip affirmation of your character’s dubious wit. Exactly.

Wizard of Id, 2/21/13

It’s funny because it’s not golf.

Crankshaft, 2/21/13

Got that? A joke. Now laugh, God damn you!

– Uncle Lumpy

320 responses to “It’s funny!”

  1. Droopy Says
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: “Yoohoo, Kingpin! Here I am! I’m worth a missile, aren’t I? Aren’t I?”

    Funky Whatabore: Come on, Batiuk, you can make an actual music-related joke if you try: “We didn’t come here to stay in our rooms and play with ourselves, did we? Did we?”

    Family Circus: If the melonheads get into Heaven, Satan will be overwhelmed with refugees.

    Judge Parker: Now that is irony!

    Mock Travail: Rod Bassy really insulted the big fish. They got up early to see his famous lure, but that oily worm flipped them the bird.

    Pluggers: Ah, the Plugger dilemma: Coal can give them black lung disease, but with no neighbors, who will hear them complain?

    Phantom: Big Kitty’s plan is working to purrfection: get these buffoons to open the cage door and she’ll have a three course meal.

    Endtown: No snark, just a good example of how Aaron Neatherly can skewer both Pluggers and Mark Trail without even trying. http://www.gocomics.com/endtown

  2. Anondod
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    Wizard of Id: Like we have to face the death of comedy in this strip every single day? Jokes who are about to die, we salute you!

  3. MySpoonIsTooBig
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    9CL- Regardless of anything else in today’s installment, I’m a die-hard Big Lebowski fan and thus I will not abide by use of the word “nomenclature” without the word “preferred”. “Is that the preferred nomenclature?”, please.

    Luann- Also add “sick online flirting” in the lexicon of things no human has said, ever.

  4. Ratiocinator
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    9CL: They were “pounding” the cow from behind. That’s an image I didn’t want at all, but it’s still better than what I saw yesterday.

    Oh yeah, “likened them to gross anatomy”? I don’t care if this is beating a dead horse–or cow–at this point. This isn’t something anybody would ever say.

    ASM: “Daredevil’s making it home in on HIM, not me! The bastard! Me and that missile had something special together, a once-in-a-lifetime connection, and he ruined it!”

    FW: I wished I could tell Harry “You know, not everything you hear has to be used as the setup for a joke,” before realizing that coming from a Mudgeon, that’d be just a mite hypocritical. Well, the difference is that unlike Harry, most of us (including me, hopefully) actually come up with good stuff.

    Luann: Okay, snark mode off, critic mode on. If you’re writing a long-runner like Luann and you have a character who’s supposed to be the bad guy in the story, you need to frequently remind people why they should be rooting against this character and why it’s karma if something bad happens to the character. By, say, having the character do something bad.

    If you don’t, then when something bad happens to the character–even something as insignificant as the title character saying “Hey, look at what I got from my boyfriend! You don’t have a pendant like this OR a boyfriend, do you? That’s because you suck, haha!”–then people are going to sympathize with the designated bad character..

    Like I’m gonna do right now by saying Luann’s being an ass.

    RMMD: Damn it! First Delores, and now Wilson is Woobie-fying Honey too much for me to want to make fun of her, either! Why must you make my job difficult, Woodrow?

    Wait a second. Woodrow Wilson. Is this strip, as well as Judge Parker, written by a time-traveling former president? I choose to believe “yes”.

  5. Mibbitmaker
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:53 am [Reply]

    FW: Hey, if it were a Mr. B Natural hotel, they wouldn’t want to stay there at all!

    Crank: Sad thing is, that joke wasn’t half bad compared to the word destruction Cranky usually engages in.

  6. bbofun
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    MW- A) “A few weeks latter…”? But- but- how are we suppose to live f we don’t get to see every excruciating moment of John’s slow humiliation, as he realizes that Mary doesn’t love him? There are weeks of baked goods delivered to Mary’s door, love notes, gentle rebukes, long conversations with her neighbors- HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PROCESS THIS?
    B) “Goodbye, John Dill.” The full name treatment? That’s how you send off someone you think you will never see again. Damn, Mary’s cold.

    Cranky- No. No, it’s not.

    RMMD- So, no shooting? Chekhov’s turning over in his grave (assuming he reads Rex Morgan, of course).

    FW- No decent “music educator” would use musical notes as a grading system, since “A” is in no way intrinsically better than “B” (or “B-flat”). They might say “it’s a quarter-tone flat” meaning it comes up a little short of the mark it’s aiming for.

  7. MySpoonIsTooBig
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft- Mulling it over, I think it could have been immensely improved with a beat panel between 2 and 3. Really, I’m a sucker for humor about patheticness, and failing at joke telling is one of the most pathetic things of all.

  8. tallyHO
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox’s Broken Funhouse Mirror of Frivolity-

    The cat and the dog wouldn’t have been disturbed if they put one of those socks on the doorknob.

  9. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:25 am [Reply]

    Why Jeff Parker should come up with a non-golfing sports Wizard of Id that combines a drunken Bung with Bemidji, curling and hurling:

    1) Bemidji, Minnesota is the curling capital of the USA, so it already deserves the “honor” of being mentioned in an Id strip. (And the word “Bemidji” itself has the potential to be spun into comedy gold, if you ask me!)

    2) Curling involves drinking — lots of drinking. Bung is an alcoholic. Do I really need to draw you a detailed diagram?

    3) Hurling or projectile vomiting is just the kind of visual we need to see before breakfast or lunch (bon appetit!). And a sophisticate like Jeff Parker has already proven that he’s capable of making a character who suffers from alcoholism both funny and clever.

    I rest my case.

  10. Cassandra Cat's Lawyer
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:45 am [Reply]

    Resolved: To aid comics readers, henceforth every instalment of Cranky Wunkerbean and Finkshift will now end with the line “That was a joke.”

  11. Dale
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:05 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#9):

    Hurling (not the vomiting kind) is a sport.
    Expect discussion on: Ireland, drinking, what “sports” are sports.

  12. Mr. O’Malley
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#Y233): You reminded me of a line from The Goon Show:

    Bloodnok: You won’t live forever, you know.
    Eccles: Oh yeah? Just watch me!
    (Long pause)
    Bloodnok: Well?
    Eccles: I’m living forever as fast as I can!

  13. Boophilus
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:16 am [Reply]

    Luann: Do you think Luann is ever going to address the real issue of sexting and cybersex online flirting? Probably not, it seems like this would be an opportunity for Evans to develop a little PSA time (he did run a series about Luann’s first “.”)

  14. Steve the Pocket
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:55 am [Reply]

    For some reason, my first reaction to that Funky Winkerbean strip was that the two guys are meant to be stealth cameos of Batiuk and Ayers themselves. I don’t know why that was my response to seeing two new old men in Funky Winkerbean, because lord knows they’re not exactly a rare sight. Plus I’d never seen a photo of Tom Batiuk before, although I did remember that Ayers has a prodigious gray (probably white by now) beard. A quick googling reveals that there’s not a huge resemblance, especially since Ayers should be wearing glasses.

    Meanwhile, the joke in Crankshaft probably would have been funny if they had stopped at the second panel instead of cutting to the inside of the car to show that (A) the joke was delivered by Ed Crankshaft, and (B) nobody thinks it’s funny, including apparently Ed himself, even though he’s still annoyed that no one is laughing.

  15. Ed Dravecky
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:12 am [Reply]

    I’ll give those sullen teens 50 American dollars if they’ll tie Ed Crankshaft to those train tracks, drive away, and never look back. Even if he escapes his bonds, the teens will be free of Crankshaft and that alone may be enough.

  16. Ed Dravecky
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    Hey, remember when Drabble was funny and relevant? That’s okay, nobody else does either.

  17. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Hopefully this missile will hit me and I won’t have to be in this story any longer,” Daredevil thinks to himself.

    A3G-”What? You didn’t know that Greg is the newest James Bond taking over from Sean Connery. Greg, you have a terrible publicist and should leave them. I run a publicity agency and I would let the whole world know that you are playing James Bond.”

    Crankshaft-”Listen old man one more unfunny joke out of you and I am parking this car on those tracks.”

    JP-”Unlike my life with my redheaded wife with the big rack and money that people will just throw at us. I was walking over here and a homeless man just gave me all the money that he collected so far this morning.”

  18. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft-Laugh with me.

    MW-Upon arriving in New York John Dill was robbed and murdered. No one in Santa Royal knew or even cared.

    Archie-Betty, why are you wearing a brown wig? Are you pretending that Archie is cheating on you by wearing a wig.

    Sally Forth-Plus I think his penis is bigger than mine.

    Slylock Fox-”Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria.”

  19. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:41 am [Reply]

    Wizard of Id-It’s funny because they don’t know how to ski. If you find yourself going out of control, guys, just aim for a tree to stop you.

  20. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:43 am [Reply]

    Luann-”We do more than just online flirting. I even show him my lady parts.”

  21. Droopy Says
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:44 am [Reply]

    @Steve the Pocket (#14): How do you spot a resemblance between a human being and anything Batiuk draws?

  22. Mr. O’Malley
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    FW: A B-flat hotel? So transposing, like a B-flat trumpet? A little bit higher than A-sharp? A whole step from middle C?

    There was a better pun done 50 years ago.

  23. WeatherServo9
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Just be grateful there wasn’t another panel all about the tenor clef breakfast buffet.

  24. Spunde
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    FW: My guess is “a B-flat hotel” is supposed to mean “common, unremarkable, the sort of hotel you usually stay in,” — sorry, that should be “the sort of hotel in which you usually stay,” clearly I’m not a Cartooniste — because so much of high school band music is written in B-flat.

    And I’d like to believe that the punchline is, “Exactly,” with the joke being that these guys are all losers.

  25. gleeb
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:05 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: Because none of the characters specifically said there was a joke, it must be assumed that there is none, or that the joke is that all Ohio music educators are extremely dull people. Way to bite the hands that feed you, Batiuk.

    Dick: Are sweaty guys treated particularly roughly by other prisoners? Or is Sweatsock’s reaction a statement about overcrowded prisons?

  26. Little Guy
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    9CL: Maybe Matthew Modine, definitely not Daphne Zuniga.

  27. Rinaldo
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:22 am [Reply]

    FW: “B-flat” as an adjective is meant to be neither original nor a punchline. It’s ordinary band-musician-speak for “ordinary but perfectly all right” (pretty much as Spunde said), presumably because that is a common and convenient key for an ensemble with clarinets and trumpets tuned in B flat. Anyway, it’s what musicians actually say, and have said for a long time: we said it all the time in the army band I was a member of, back in 1970. (Possibly it’s no longer current, but the guys pictured look to be of the right age to hang on to it as their lingo.)

  28. Old Folkie
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    New cartoons up by 7 am! Uncle Lumpy, we early risers thank you.
    MT: Rod better not snag that 300 lb. grouper, or it’ll pull his boat under.
    FW: At least it’s not a B-Flat MINOR hotel…

  29. pugfuggly
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    Momma “Heeeeey…that’s not 5 dollars, that’s just the folded up newspaper you were reading….”

    FW “I tell you, when I walked into the hotel lobby, I was all ‘Diminished-Fifth!’! But I guess in this polyrhythmic world, you have take your rests before you get to the coda, amirite? Hey, does anyone know what I’m talking about? My arm when numb a minute ago and I just seem to be babbling….”

    WoI By the time he realized that it was not a ski run, he was already hurtling towards the side of the cheese plant at a rapidly increasing velocity…

    Crankshaft I guess Stockholm syndrome really does affect every person differently.

  30. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    PBS — The Chinese have been so busy hacking into our computers that they didn’t notice their entire country has been overrun with EVILSCARYMUPPETS

    Now, that’s funny!

  31. Dood
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Who is Crankshaft riding with? Was he picked up aimlessly wandering the streets by a group of teens on their way to school?

  32. Dood
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: There’s definitely some deep-seated Spider-envy going on over Daredevil’s relationship with that missile.

  33. Ned Ryerson
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: “Yeah old dude, L-O-L. Now are you gonna buy us beer or aren’t you?”

  34. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#10):

    Or perhaps “That’s, ah say, that’s a JOKE, son!”. At least until Warner Brothers files a lawsuit, anyway.

  35. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    That Momma strip is from a couple days ago…but since it was already thirty years old in the first place, who’s counting?

  36. CanuckDownSouth
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    MW – it’s hilariously pathetic how John still thinks he has some chance with Mary despite the fact that after all the weeks of practice and competition, she still calls him “John Dill”, refusing further informality

    … and “downstairs space heater”?? Space heaters are something completely different

  37. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (#28): Early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and [looks at Thursday's Drabble] BEAUGH!!!

    Whatever you do, Ralph, don’t pull a “Honey” and DROP the towel…

    pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

  38. Little Guy
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Today’s “Getting Crap Past the Radar” Award goes to Frank & Ernest. That’s Pastis-worthy.

  39. ralph
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: Judging by the early comments this cow thing is continuing, so, against my better judgment, I reviewed recent strips to get the story. We have one panel of a couple bearded guys allegedly hitting a cow on the rear end with bats to get it to move forward. And a whole lot of panels of some crazed woman screaming at them, stealing the cow, and then carrying on dramatically to a friend. Putting this woman in jail to cool out might be a good idea, except the other prisoners would riot.
    This strip seems like a wealthier version of FW, except that in FW the characters are physically ill, and in 9CL the characters are mentally ill.
    If I wanted to regularly read a strip about snooty rich people, I’d read JP. The color isn’t as eye-popping, but it has other, ahem, virtues.

  40. AhClem
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#9):

    1) Bemidji, Minnesota is the curling capital of the USA, so it already deserves the “honor” of being mentioned in an Id strip. (And the word “Bemidji” itself has the potential to be spun into comedy gold, if you ask me!)

    To add to the sophomoric humor potential, the Bemidji State University sports teams are known as the Beavers.

  41. wossname
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Panel 4: “We’re not in a comic strip written by Tony DePaul and drawn by Paul Ryan, where Lee Falk occasionally drops in wearing a bowler hat, are we?”

    Crank – I realize it’s silly to expect this platform for lame jokes to have anything to do with reality – but do driver’s ed teachers really take all the students in the car while one of them drives?

    Dilbert – Is this the first time we’ve ever seen Dilbert’s mouth?

  42. ralph
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft is actually a little bit funny, but eliminating the last panel would have improved it. I wonder if we’re going to have a series, each ending with “That’s a joke.”

  43. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#11): Making sport of a character in a “vomic” isn’t the same as poking fun at the sport of hurling.

    Also, I wasn’t aware the Irish needed an excuse for drinking.

  44. AhClem
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft — I am a strong advocate for “Operation Lifesaver” and other railroad grade crossing safety programs. In this case, however, my secret wish is for a speeding 10,000 ton coal train and malfunctioning crossing gate arms to put Ed out of our misery once and for all.

  45. Here come the Judge
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “All I know is that April’s a beautiful and fascinating woman, and I love her! Plus, she’s got enormous cans. I’m not sure if you had noticed that or not, Sam.”

  46. seismic-2
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    FW: “I didn’t come here to spend all day in my room, anyway.” All those in favor of Harry’s spending all day in his room until this miserable story arc is over, raise your hand.

    Oops… sorry, Becky.

  47. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#Y242): @Nehemiah Scudder (#97): What kind of a MONSTER creates OTHER MONSTERS simply to mock one another?

    Now I know you are just funning me! Theodicy is made out to be much harder than it actually is. If you define the first, creating MONSTER as being, by definition, all GOOD (and all-wise, knowing, and powerful, yada yada), and make that your Principle One, all other problems disappear. Any seeming incongruity may be resolved and shown to be illusory by reference to Principle One. Naturally, this requires “Faith”, which may be defined as the ability to accept Principle One.

    // Of course, I never had the advantage of going to seminary, so perhaps I misunderstand the question.

    // And apologies to other ‘mudges, as this is not the proper venue for this discussion. I’ll get back to slide rules in just a bit.

  48. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#30): Wait, did I say PBS? I meant Get Fuzzy!

    This whole “early to bed early to rise” thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  49. LP2004
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Between the two expressionless goons in the back seat and the look on that poor girl’s face, it’s clear what’s going on in the second panel, and it’s chilling. She’s obviously betrayed the Family, and now Don Crankshaftini is forcing her to drive to her own execution. That he also expects her to laugh at his unfunny ‘joke’ is just more evidence of his cruelty.

  50. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#Y247): “Take the even, take the odd / I would not stay here if I could / Take the even, take the odd, /I would not stay here if I could,/ Except for the little green leaves in the wood / And the wind on the water.”

    Archibald MacLeish, J.B. — Thank you, hadn’t thought of that in years.

    // So, in 1956, 83.3% of K&E’s slide rules were made of mahogany, and 16.7% were made of plastic. By 1967, 44.4% were mahogany, and 55.6% were plastic. Speaking as an individual user, and collector, my plastic K&Es are in much better working order.

  51. Little Blue Bicycle
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I believe that “B-flat room” is a British expression for “damp room in the basement where the help used to live before Labour gave away the Empire.” There are many around Victoria Station.

  52. Vanya
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    9CL: I’m confused. These “assholes” are so awful and vicious that the second the Vet screams at them they abashedly drop their bats? These people are very unlike the assholes I grew up with in NH.

    FW: B-flat is the one of the easiest keys to play in for wind instruments. Is this a “clever” way of saying the hotel blows?

  53. Amino Man
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth–John Dill, having achieved the pinnacle of cake designing, decides to venture into the equally exciting world of competitive bread baking. His secret weapon? Pickle bread made with pink dill dough.

  54. Esther Blodgett
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s much funnier if you imagine they’re all aliens in human skins trying to blend in by pretending to be band directors. I don’t mean just today’s strip, I mean the entire comic since 1992.

    C’shaft: If you have a reasonably cute punchline, go ahead and put it at the end and whack out that superfluous third panel pointing out that IT’S A JOKE.

  55. bunivasal
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    I agree with you, guy in blue striped sweater from Funky Winkerbean. That joke made me also stare emotionlessly into the middle distance.

    Also, I think the former band director guy who’s been making awful band jokes and halfhearted musical references might be the Smirkiest Guy on Earth.

  56. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    A&J: why you think the Net was born?

    Dilbert: withdraws his life savings and spends it on hookers and blow.

    Lio: gentle win, with skeletons.

    Luann: it’s not flirting, its watching each other get off. big difference.

    SBp: updated Marvin is still shitty.

    Zits: guest-starring the fish skeleton from SFx.

    Pluggers. corn would also count.

    RwO: *snurk* I am SO remembering that one for future use.

    6Cx: o MY! (and yes, yes it is!)

    rMC: could be posted entire to autocowrecks.

  57. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    speaking of autocowrecks. . .

  58. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . shakin’ that bootie all the way down.

  59. Marc
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    9CL- It would be funny if the cow ate this raving lunatic. I know that goes against the laws of nature, but then again, so does this strip.

    A3G- Because this is totally how burn victims and people hospitalized for severe smoke inhalation act. My favorite part though is Margo commenting on how pale Greg is. You know, despite the fact that he looks exactly like he always does. Maybe that’s the joke?

    Funky- Dear convention center roof, please collapse and spare no one.

    Luann- Pretend that you’ve never read this strip before. Now tell me which character is supposed to be the good guy and which is the bad guy. Yet in the fucked up world of Greg Evans, it’s actually the opposite.

    Mark Trail- “Boy Rod, it sure is a nice day for fishing. Are we going to the same spot as yesterday?”
    ” WHAT?!? Are you accusing me of cheating?”

    Mary Worth- Why is there a space shuttle hovering in the middle of the airport?

  60. Hibbleton
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary suffers an awkward goodbye as they wait for mechanics to put the wings on Dill’s plane.

    A3G: When is that van going to hit the water so this nightmare will end?

    RMMD: Rex and June moving to San Diego and running a hostel for wayward strippers wouldn’t be a bad strip.

  61. Cloudbuster
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#45): Sam’s face was buried in Abbey’s cans, so he couldn’t see April’s (which are fantastic, don’t get me wrong!).

  62. Cloudbuster
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    9CL: So much anger I have at this storyline. Anger leads to hate. Hate blah blah blah dark side. Whatever. Just so long as it ends with McEldowney writhing in pain.

  63. Mikey
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#22): That is a good pun. It could have majorly augmented this diminished strip.

  64. Dennis Jimenez
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Momma – And it’s funny cuz… Momma has 6 bucks – so he didn’t rob her of everything she had….

    FW – And it’s funny cuz… Dick Cheney is way too busy duck hunting and peppering his fellow hunters to waste time sitting in his motel….

    WI – And it’s funny cuz… Those are clearly cross country skis that they are wearing….

    Crank – And it’s funny cuz…. You can’t see it from this angle, but Crank is masterbating – that train had a terrific caboose….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  65. Pozzo
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Evidently, Brant Parker’s a fan of Peter Criss-era Kiss.

  66. Ned Ryerson
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MW: “John Dill’s plane… was shot down… over Long Island Sound. It spun in … there were no survivors.”

  67. Dood
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: “Exactly” guy is totally playing it Mr. B Natural.

  68. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

  69. Cloudbuster
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MT: “Rod. I notice that there are always lots of bubbles coming up in the spots where you catch the big bass! Why is this?” “ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING? Um, I mean they are the type of bubbles that bass always make when they are attracted to my special Rod Bassy Lure!” “That makes perfect sense to me, Mark Trail, an outdoor writer!”

  70. Mikey
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#66): “Wilbur! Put a mask on!”

  71. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#62): Force Lightning!

    *cracklezizzlepop*

  72. Cloudbuster
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#68): C&H win with soles.

    OMG. Those are the best shoes ever! I need a pair for every member of the family!

  73. tb4000
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Curtis’ totally over-reactionary look of horror in the last panel is what makes this all worthwhile. “Companies get to where they are by LYING? My 11 year old psyche is shattered by this!”

  74. Dood
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Goodbye, John Dill!” Mary exclaims as she eyes her next victim, David Soul.

  75. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#41): do driver’s ed teachers really take all the students in the car while one of them drives

    When I took driver’s education in Centerville Ohio, they did put us all in the car. It was part of the school day, and they couldn’t just leave you back in the parking lot waiting for everyone else to get back. So you got to ride in the back seat while some barely 16YO kid merged onto the highway for the first time ever.

    @seismic-2 (#46): All those in favor … raise your hand. Oops… sorry, Becky.

    No need to apologize, you said “hand” not “hands”.

    It is a good thing she has a missing arm, and dresses to emphasize that fact, because if she didn’t she would have no personality at all.

  76. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @AhClem (#40): To add to the sophomoric humor potential, the Bemidji State University sports teams are known as the Beavers.

    Really? It passeth all understanding that an area noted for its giant statues of the legendary Paul Bunyan and Babe

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/640ee8f7ac60a80c2138c32f6a478ef1/tumblr_mg6vvern9p1s2xv4ko1_500.jpg

    …would ignore the pair when it came to naming the school athletic teams. The “Fighting Lumberjacks” seems like a no-brainer to me — as does the “Lumberjills” or “Blue Belles” for Bemidji State U’s cheerleading squad.

  77. sully
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    2 things.
    In what period in history is ‘Wizard of Id’ supposed to be set in? I would have assumed, by the suits of armor and dank castles, that they exist some time in medieval times. Ski chair-lifts operate on gas-powered, or electric motors. What up with that?
    Wankshaft is stealing from ‘Adam @ Home’, by forcing a lame pun, then actually directing readers to react accordingly. The lame, following the lamer.

  78. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    9CL – Of course, we learn that the professional ranchers have no idea how to get a cow to go where they want it to, and that they didn’t need to use force, it is as simple as cooing to the cow and tickling its ear. The smug look on her face in panel two makes the whole message clear. Burbers and their associates are pure creatures of Art, and the Lower Classes are simply living in their world.

    Pib – Fits right in with the message. “It’s all a moron like him knows how to do”. We just can’t possibly understand how these faeries and genies and unicorns and other Creatures of Pure Art are able to get their way via sexual bargaining and terrifying arrays of teeth, so we trolls and cretins have to use swords and baseball bats instead.

    No surprise that Brooke’s political views, as expressed in his strips, are equally insightful. He would be one of those types to weigh in on an issue such as the Medicare eligibility age with “Well, the people who disagree with me on this are clearly inbred morons who just follow their marching orders from Obama/Fox News/Illuminati, and are motivated by nothing but pure evil.”

  79. DAS
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Don’t mock soldiers on skis. That’s how Juan Peron got his start.

  80. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#78): I thought Fox was controlled by the Illuminati.

    *goes to change connections on the wall-sized diagram with the thumbtacks and color-coded yarn.*

  81. seismic-2
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#6): RMMD- So, no shooting? Chekhov’s turning over in his grave (assuming he reads Rex Morgan, of course).

    Patience, patience. After all, the Morgans are supposed to spend the weekend in San Diego, and this is just the evening of their first day there! (They arrived in August, BTW.)

  82. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#65): No, no, Brant isn’t a fan of Peter Criss-era Kiss… anymore.

    There’s an excellent reason why the syndicate refers to him as the “late” Brant Parker. And it’s not because he misses deadlines. (Although it’s true Brant hasn’t made a single deadline in approximately six years!)

  83. TheDiva
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: It’s funny because the young driver has just realized her future as a safe driver depends on the teachings of this unpleasant, unfunny misanthrope.

    FW: It’s funny because….eh, I’ve got nothing.

  84. Shrug, Modestly Trying for the Bronze Medal
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#y216):

    “I challenge you to a not-dying contest!”

    World’s most boring contest. Every one alive today ties for first place; every one no longer alive ties for second place.

    ///That’s why the Olympic Games do not host a “not dying” contest. Not enough room on the winner platforms for all of the tied Gold and tied Silver winners.

  85. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FW: I like how it’s all the ‘retired’ guys are making all the jokes (well, talking anyway). Still no room for women.

    Bigporn: The porn storyline was better.

    9CL: You know, this strip is really just hysterical women, being hysterical, drawn by a hysteric.

  86. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#73): Curtis’ totally over-reactionary look of horror in the last panel is what makes this all worthwhile.

    It’s called the “goggle eyes of horror” and Curtis must have picked up an avian flu virus from one of the Shoe characters.

  87. Gabacho
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – The finality implied in “Goodbye, John Dill.” is cold and should be heart breaking but my heart is umoved. John seemed a pleasant man with an eccentric dream. Mary was both helping him and at the same time auditioning him for a recurring guest role in her universe. There are many ways this could have worked out – John Dill could have opened a cake shop in Santa Royale, employed Mary as his Chief Operations Officer, or John Dill could have become the Charterstone preferred caterer for pool parties and funerals – but finally he was judged even less interesting than Wilbur and Dawn and so with a quick cut, he was dispatched. Mary won’t miss him, no one will miss him, he’s just gone. And we are left behind unchanged. Time for a POOL PARTY!

    Sally Forth – Ted really needs to quash this self awareness thing. I would recommend watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” for 36 hours straight to get him back on track.

  88. MySpoonIsTooBig
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth- Ouch. Too early in the morning for things hitting too close to home.

  89. Digger
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    WoI: I never knew that medieval kingdoms had chairlifts. Good old Wizard of Id, always educating us!

    ‘shaft: “Oh, that was a joke? I thought you were just a crazy, senile old man. And as yet there’s no evidence to contradict that.”

  90. Little Guy
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#62): But the cookies are soo…. wait, we’re talking about McEcch.

  91. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    FW: Whatever “b flat hotel” means, Dinkle looks very pleased with himself for his turn of phrase. Presumably beardy is about to go refresh his drink and not come back.

    MW: It’s the bittersweet farewell scene at the airport. Maybe Mary will follow cinematic tradition and shoot a Nazi leader. I have my suspicions about that guy with the orange sweater.

    9CL: It looks like a girl-on-girl, human/bovine scene is on its way, in order to retain reader attention. Get to the hands rapturously wrapped around hooves.

    BSt: This is a song about a superhero named Tony. It’s called Tony’s Theme.

    JP: Except when he talks to you, Sam. Ooh, burn!

    RMMD: Honey laments that guys are only after her for sex while cradling her gigantic boobs. That’s a very… direct approach to illustration.

    DT: Great. Dick just admitted that he can’t shoot someone. Now his tongue fell off and he’ll be in the ER for three hours getting it reattached.

    Phantom: Guys, I can see why you outsourced the Phantom killing job, but your contractor is obviously not up to the task. Flexible leaders are able to adapt and follow through themselves. Is this what the Bangalla business schools are turning out these days?

    FC: At that point the Allmighty will look at his watch and say, “Sorry, I’m running late for… a thing. Gotta go.”

    Luann: Preach it, Tiffany.

    SFx: Whatever the dog and the cat—the latter with a disturbingly coy moue on his/her face—have been doing, I recommend burning the sheets at a bare minimum.

    Lockhorns: “No dear, that’s Dagwood Bumstead’s backstory.”

    A3G: Margo is still disoriented, thinking that Greg is paler than usual when that distinction actually falls to Gabriella. But at least she’s finally doing some publicity work.

  92. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#22): FW: A B-flat hotel? So transposing, like a B-flat trumpet? A little bit higher than A-sharp? A whole step from middle C?

    Tommy B’s entire storyline “be” flat.

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy
    One fun exercise is to reinterpret these Batiukisms as euphemisms and criminal cant.

    “Solo car date” = pulling off to the breakdown lane in order to, um, pull off

    “Dead man’s singles” = fingers of a guy who gets handsy with the strippers (bouncer’s slang)

    “Space heater in the basement” = crack-baking operation

    “Your room in the hotel” has me stumped for now, but I’m open to suggestions.

  94. Doctor Handsome
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    That’s a pretty daunting ski slope. Of course, if they had any balls, they’d attempt the much higher one all those people behind them are going to.

  95. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#85):

    Bigporn: The porn storyline was better.

    You’re going to have to be more specific.

  96. TheDiva
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: This only works if you are a Burber or Honorary Burber, and the workings of the universe just rearrange themselves to suit you.

    A3G: Spoken like someone who has never, ever seen a single James Bond movie.

    Luann: Logic according to Luann:
    Tiffany flaunts her beauty and expects others to be jealous of her. Tiffany is a terrible whorebitch who must be shamed and humiliated at every possible opportunity.
    Luann flaunts her long-distance relationship and expects others to be jealous of her. Luann is a wonderful person just bursting with inner beauty who deserves nothing but the best of everything.

    MW: So apparently Mary Worth takes place in a universe where 9/11 never happened. Of course it’s the universe that has Mary in it, so the overall evil probably balances out.

    Pibgorn: In today’s installment, the scantily clad heroines fend off their opponent by catering to his sexual fantasies. Which is different from a porno set-up because, um…there’s more vocabulary?

    Retail: Explains why I never liked retail jobs.

    SM: Spider-Man even fails at being a target.

  97. TheDiva
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

  98. Dood
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: B-flat? These guys need to move over to Judge Parker.

  99. Doctor Handsome
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    “I didn’t come here to spend all day in my room anyway. The nudie flicks here are all softcore Skinemax bullshit. B-flat, yo. B-flat.”

  100. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Archie — Mark MY words: Betty’s new hair color won’t last. Betts is already tired of Archie walking around saying “Here Pucey Pucey Pucey!” whenever he can’t find her.

  101. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#85): 9CL: You know, this strip is really just hysterical women, being hysterical, drawn by a hysteric.

    A loaded word, and I’m not sure it is accurate. None of the participants seem to actually be threatened or overwhelmed by the situation. They are all just luxuriating in the drama of it all. Juliette’s decision to call her daughter and insist she drop everything to come up and participate – before even knowing what was going on – sets the tone. It is an opportunity for all of them to wrap themselves in their own self-righteousness and smug sense of superiority. A clever strip would run with this, and show that the whole thing was just an ignorant overreaction leading to a tempest in a teapot. But, of course, even traits that would be negative in a real person are charming and delightful in a Burber, so I’m sure that everything will end up conforming to their world view.

  102. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#96): 9CL: This only works if you are a Burber or Honorary Burber, and the workings of the universe just rearrange themselves to suit you.

    Exactly!

  103. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Pozzo (#65): On Id’s coat of arms is the phrase “Volo ut silicis quod volvo totus nox noctis quod secui cotidie.”*

    * A Latin phrase expressing a desire to rock and roll all night, as well as party every day.

  104. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    9CL — From my limited experiences with bovine, I’m surprised that this mouth-breathing vet didn’t end up with a face full of cud.

  105. Ned Ryerson
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#91):
    BSt: This is a song about a superhero named Tony. It’s called Tony’s Theme

    I’d quote a line from that song but all I remember (ever could decipher) is:
    To-ny To-ny To-ny To-ny To-ny To-ny To-ny, which is actually printed right of Tony’s special awning. Yay, Tony! Pop a wheelie or whatever it is that you do.

  106. Doctor Handsome
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Remember, you’re walking a very thin line here. Between mediocre funny-page mainstay and soul-rending Oedipal nightmare.

  107. AhClem
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#76): I went to a school that was in the same football conference as Bemidji State (back in the days when mechanical pencils were the latest thing in high technology). Bemidji was there one year for the homecoming game, and the campus was plastered with “Lick the Beavers!” signs.

    @sully (#77): My guess is slaves pushing on a giant windlass.

  108. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#103):

    Sometimes, just to shake things up a little, I’ll try rocking and rolling all day, and then partying at night. Breaks up the monotony!

  109. Doctor Handsome
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Your student driver is on a nod, Crankshaft. You can still see her track marks.

  110. zaratustra
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft, you fool. Haven’t you realized there is no “laugh”, just “angry stare” or “self-satisfied smirk” on this world?

  111. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft-”Laughing at my jokes is a major part of your grade.”

    FW-This is only funny if you know what a B-flat sounds like other than that there is no helping you.

  112. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    it is not often that I find squee on ESPN but today was the day.

  113. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#98):

    Then it would be double D-sharp.

  114. RolloSuplex
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    FW- So Columbus builds a BRAND NEW $140 Million hotel right next to the Convention Center and Harry says “it’s just a B-Flat hotel”? Go F-Sharp yourself, Harry.

  115. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#112): There’s some NBA teams that could use that otter (are you listening Mavericks?). Not only does he rebound his own missed shots all needs for payment are McBites.

    Fishy, fishay!

  116. Kaleci
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    Spiderman – The only thing that he hasn’t done while being chased by the slowest rocket in the world is watch what’s happening on the television.

  117. seismic-2
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    FW:
    Bearded guy: “So, how was that apartment where you stayed in London?”
    Smirky Harry: “It was an ‘A’.”
    Bearded guy: “So you give it top ratings?”
    Smirky Harry: “No, it was just a B-flat flat!” [/toothless mega-smirk]
    Bearded guy: [stares blankly, glances at wristwatch, looks around nervously for the exit]

  118. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Pluggers

    Wastin’ away again in Pluggeritaville
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt…

    Nope, it doesn’t the have the same ring to it.

  119. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#10): Except for the ones that end with “That was a mopey pseudoprofundity.”

  120. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    MW-”Goodbye, John Dill. No one will think of you, remember you, or mention you ever again.”

    MW 2-”Goodbye, John Dill. Now go forth and spread the word about me in New York. Prepare the way for my coming.”

    DT-”I can’t go to prison. I’m too pretty for prison. They’ll rape me.”

  121. Ratiocinator
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#45):

    “Plus, she’s got enormous cans. I’m not sure if you had noticed that or not, Sam.”

    “Isn’t that kind of like saying she has skin, Randy? All women have big boobs. I have never seen a woman without big boobs, and neither have you, and neither has anybody else living in this universe. Haha, women without big boobs, what a ridiculous notion!”

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#105): As it happens you remember the whole thing.

  123. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#118): Doesn’t Jimmy Buffett live down near your neck of the woods? He’s gonna come by and slap yo mama.

  124. Dood
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#45): “If you pay her $5, she’ll let you sing into her cans.”

  125. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#118): Nope, it doesn’t the have the same ring to it.

    I need to call my English language tutor, José Jiménez — my English is wastin’ away again!

  126. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#4):

    If you’re writing a long-runner like Luann and you have a character who’s supposed to be the bad guy in the story, you need to frequently remind people why they should be rooting against this character and why it’s karma if something bad happens to the character.

    Ah, but lets carry the analysis a little further, shall we? If you’re a 65 year old man writing and drawing a comic strip that largely centers on high school students, you’re nearly half a century removed from your characters, as well as the youngsters that you quite optimistically view as your target audience. This should be time enough to acquire some distance, some equanimity. Time enough to bring a dare-I-say-it mature perspective to the teenage experience. And adults with that remove should realize that high school isn’t really made up of heroes and villains, but of mixed-up kids dealing with erratic hormones and new social pressures. Some face it better than others, but all are at a disadvantage. So when you really think about it, you might question the wisdom of vilifying a girl barely old enough to get a learner’s permit in the first place.

  127. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#123): Since Jimmy is probably still wastin’ away in Margaritaville, I don’t consider him a serious threat. His cousin Warren, on the other hand, scares the hell out of my “mama” and me!

  128. Cloudbuster
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    9CL: Another annoying thing about this is that this is such a patently fabricated situation. Twinkly is quite obviously a dairy cow, newly fresh, and halter-trained. A dairy cow willingly sticks her head in a milking stanchion twice a day. Even if this was her first calf, she would have been getting fed in the stanchion and having her udder handled every day to acclimate her. You usually give them their grain at milking time, so this is really the highlight of their day: tasty food and a relief from that painful pressure in their udder. They are all about getting in that stanchion, seriously. They cant’ wait! A “head gate” is basically a milking stanchion, as opposed to the full-body “squeeze gate” you use when you need to restrain the cow’s entire body. If the cow had any problem at all with putting her head in the stanchion, that would completely disappear if there was a scoop of grain on the other side. No “ear-tickling” and “sweetie-pie” required, no less bats.

    Beef cattle are another matter — sometimes they go their whole lives with little direct human contact and are very suspicious about gates and stanchions. Twinkly’s obviously a holstein (a dairy breed) and obviously halter-trained, so that clearly isn’t the case. But grain would still be your best way of getting a shy beef cow’s head in a head-gate — they just can’t resist the lure.

    The vet wanted to vaguely “medicate” the cow. Typically this would be an injection or an oral paste or liquid. A dairy cow typically wouldn’t even need to be in a stanchion for something that simple. Dairy cows are handled so frequently that they’re very patient about extensive human contact. You’d just walk up, squirt the medication into the mouth or stick the needle into her neck or butt and be done with it. McE’s scenario just wouldn’t happen, for so many reasons.

  129. Elk Meadow
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Curtis: I would have liked to have seen a strip or two of Curtis doing the chores and maybe having a little pride in his work on the shoe shining (I know I did when I did it), and the adventure on the trip to and in the post office (which would have required homework), and how Greg reacted when Curtis finished the list.

    As we’ve agreed before, Billingsley never misses an opportunity to miss and opportunity.

    http://www.oregonlive.com/comics-kingdom/index.ssf?feature_id=Curtis&feature_date=2013-02-21

  130. A different JD
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    What’s the only thing on earth that moves slower than the action in daily paper Spiderman?

    A missile chasing superheroes in daily paper Spiderman.

  131. Elk Meadow
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#126):

    That 65 year old man has admitted on his own site that he currently doesn’t know any teen-agers, and that he sits in his car in high school parking lots to see what they’re wearing. Looks like camel toes, lots of camel toes.

  132. Mibbitmaker
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Archie: Jughead Servo.

    9CL: “Nomenclature” is standard McEldowney nomenclature.

    Doones: Is that anything like the next James Bond?

    Luann:
    Q: How can you tell who the evil villain is in this strip?
    A: She’s making sense.

    MW: Meanwhile, somewhere in Hell…
    Aldo: “What?! That twit gets a nice send-off, and all I got was ‘YOU BETTER NOT’ and a one-way ticket down a suspiciously placed cliff?! GAAAHHH!!!!”

    Mutts: “….oh, and Frank? Don’t drink any milk for a while. Just saying….(too bad Marvin can’t down a pint of moo juice and sleep at Mooch’s place)

    Glibporn: Now whe’re back to the sadist cartoonist’s cluelessness about I Dream of Jeannie.
    Major Nelson isn’t the crazy who’s way out of touch with the real world, Dr. Bellows — it’s Brooke! (yeah, I know I just addressed a TV character. At least I know how to use creative licence)

    RMMD: Being a beard for a closeted gay man? I’d rethink the guys-only-want-one-thing thing if I were you, Honey…

    S-M: Yeah, DD, WTF?! We have a great opportunity, DD, and you’re blowing it!

  133. Mibbitmaker
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#132): btw, “whe’re” wasn’t creative license, it was a typo.

  134. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#127): Yeah, I heard ol’ Warren is pretty good at acquiring hinds. No, wait…

  135. Shrug, on the Bunny Slope of Humor
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @DAS (#79):

    “Don’t mock soldiers on skis. That’s how Juan Peron got his start.”

    I’m suddenly reminded for the first time in decades of sf novel WINTER WORLD by local author Carla Mills:

    http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1578432.Winter_World

    a sort of vaguely cold-weather futuristic HAMLET story in which hero comes back from off-planet to his all-winter all-the-time home planet to take over his inherited kingdom but is thwarted by baddies. At one point some of the baddies are chasing him across the frozen terrain and, in a burst of inspiration. . .

    he invents skis, and thus gets away. Apparently no one had thought of these devices before.

    /// Well, that’s why he’s the hero, amirite?

  136. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-The missile doesn’t want to waste it’s time chasing Spiderman.

    Lockhorns-”Now I am sick. Sick of you and of this marriage. Don’t you get what I’m trying to tell you? I want a divorce.”

    Snuffy Smith-So are they going to eat the guy after Snuffy killed him?

  137. spencer
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    I think the one thing that could really improve Crankshaft is if one of the characters said “that was a joke” in the last panel of every strip. Because that way, at least we’d know.

  138. Shrug, Cowed and Witless
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#128):

    Trying to work up a joke about McE’s use of “beefwits” and how he would define “dairywits” if he understood the bovine differences, but it’s not coming so I’ll throw it open to the rest of the ‘mudge herd.

  139. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-”I’m sixteen, old man, not fucking five.”

  140. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Look out! Crawling up your leg! It’s a Ripley’s!

    102-year-old MARGARET DUNNING of Plymouth, Mich., drives a 1930 Packard Roadster and has held a driver’s license for 90 years!

    She took driver’s ed under Crankshaft.

  141. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    FW:
    Beardy Dude: I once stayed in a hotel room that was chord of A Minor, but I got arrested for it.

  142. Marc
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Gabacho (#87): If I had the time, I would absolutely watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia for 36 straight hours.

  143. Ratiocinator
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#126): I don’t know.

    I mean, I know that Evans is writing a lousy story with an unsympathetic protagonist. But there’s a certain age when you can tell the difference between right and wrong, and the characters in this strip are past that age.

    I was miserable in high school because other students thought it was fun to make me miserable. Twenty years later, I’m not able to look back and say “Oh, it wasn’t their fault, they were just confused and dealing with hormones and shit.” I look back and I still hate them for it; they knew what they were doing, and they didn’t care.

    Sorry for the drama, but I couldn’t figure out how to explain my position without touching on my own experiences.

    Now that being said, what has Tiffany done to deserve being villified? Far as I know, nothing. As people have said above: anybody reading this strip for the first time would see Luann as the one being a jerk, taunting another girl who’d done nothing to provoke it.

    Also, if Tiffany was established as a bully or a mean girl or whatever then she deserves major props for no longer being one. Why do I think she’s reformed? Because she is mightily resisting the temptation to mock the holy hell out of Luann for not only wearing an ugly-ass boomerang pendant, but actually being proud of it.

  144. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Betty: Hey, Betty’s husband! Only some beer is made from wheat. Beer is mostly made from barley. Bud frequently uses rice and other crapola, too. But you can easily abstain from wheat while still enjoying beer. Or rum. Or vodka.

    And you’re drinking WATER, so your spit-take is inappropriate.

  145. Amos Snarkadder
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    A3ICU: James Bond? Meh. You’re no Corey Booker.

    Luann: In other words, sexting. Slut.

  146. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rinaldo (#27): Cool. That makes sense now.

  147. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    I assume we’re *not* talking about canned goods, in the supermarket sense of the phrase…

  148. Marc
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#126): Also, shouldn’t said 65 year old man not frequently get his rocks off drawing high school girls applying shitloads of makeup?

  149. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Daredevil: Let’s separate!

    Spidey: Where are you going?

    Daredevil: I just said “Let’s separate!”

    Spidey: Daredevil is making the missile home in on him!

    Daredevil: I said the missile was programmed to home in on me, you GODDAMN MORON! I’m blind, but you’re deaf and dumb!

  150. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#147): I woke up this morning minding my own business not realizing that I would reading the phrase “Massive cans, my ass!”

    Life is so random.

  151. Borborygmy
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#45): “Cans” ? Referring to the lady’s bosom? Hadn’t heard that before. “Can”, singular, is rather old-fashioned slang for the nates. Language constantly evolves.

  152. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Margo: Greg, you look so pale! So do you, Mom!

    Mr. MaGee: He saved your life!

    Margo: Wow, that would be great press for an actor! Imagine that the papers would be spreading news that he’s an action hero in real life as well as on the screen! It would be excellent publicity and further his career! Wow! The internet buzz alone would be HUGE! Who’s going to get this thing rolling? You should call your PR person, Greg! They should have been on this thing from the first moment!

  153. Amos Snarkadder
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: Darn. I was hoping John Dill would start a new column for the Santa Royale Dispatch: “I Shouldn’t Have Won… But I Did!”

  154. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#128): McE doesn’t understand human females (or males for that matter). What makes you think he has any knowledge of bovine psychology?

    With so many stars in the Universe, there may be an alien race out there that matches his view of how individuals interact within the framework of a technological society, but the match may be more coincidental than intentional.

  155. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    MW: John Dill is off to New York City. Maybe he can visit B-Flat.

  156. bbofun
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#45): “Hell, of course I noticed them! They are certainly nice, but have you seen Abbey’s? I’d put them up against April’s anytime!”

    “Now, c’mon, Sam- you don’t- ooh, wait- Abbey’s cans up against April’s- mmmm”

    “What do you- ohhhhh, yeahhhh.”

    (cue a week of Sam and the Judge just staring off into space, smiling)

  157. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#75): When I took driver’s education in Centerville Ohio, they did put us all in the car. It was part of the school day, and they couldn’t just leave you back in the parking lot waiting for everyone else to get back. So you got to ride in the back seat while some barely 16YO kid merged onto the highway for the first time ever.

    Same when I took driver’s ed at Ft. Lauderdale H.S.. The idea was you could learn from the instructor’s suggestions and critiques of the actual driver, too. Our instructor was one of the phys ed coaches, a big fat guy who chain smoked. He was popular because he told sorta-dirty jokes all the time.

    // Maybe it has changed these days, but back then it seemed like phys ed teachers were chosen on the basis of being the most extreme bad example possible.

  158. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t read every post, but Archie seems to be mocking the “Police Academy” series, which reached it’s zenith, creschendo or apogee about 20 years ago. Way too lazy to look up how many of those movies there were or when they were released. Weren’t there like, six?

    Anyway, the most awesome mock was on the Simpsons when Homer was yelling at Bart about the importance of obeying the law. “This isn’t funny! Why do you think I took you to all those ‘Police Academy’ movies? Did you hear anyone laughing?? Neither did I! Well, maybe that guy who did those noises… Heh.”

  159. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    FW:
    Beardy: How is the hotel room?
    Dink: It’s a C-flat.
    Beardy: There is no C-flat.
    Dink: Budget cuts. I’m sleeping in the street.

  160. Majicou
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Here, right here, Evans has reached the peak of his Designated Hero/Designated Villain dynamic. Any reasonable person, as they say in the judicial world, seeing today’s strip with no context would conclude that Luann is the Alpha Bitch and Tiffany her long-suffering victim.

    @Rinaldo (#27): I’ve never heard that, but maybe I’m just too young. B-flat major is a popular key, since the clarinets and trumpets won’t need to strain their brains remembering a key signature line to line.

  161. Majicou
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#158): Or when Marge becomes a cop: “When I heard Marge was going to the police academy, I thought it’d be fun and zany, you know, like that movie–Spaceballs! Instead, it’s been painful and disturbing, like that movie Police Academy!”

    (Interestingly, Michael Winslow is also in Spaceballs.)

  162. margo
    February 21st, 2013 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    FW: Hotel? Who told you where my secure undisclosed location was?!! *adjusts toupee* *checks heart monitor* Howdja like to music-educate in Khandahar, fella?

  163. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Luann – You really have to wonder about the author’s level of self-awareness.

    Luann’s whole long-distance relationship is sad and pathetic. Her “Best Valentine’s Day ever” was sitting in her brother’s living room eating dinner while watching her platonic boyfriend on an iPad. Now, she is bragging that he sent her a $5 necklace. Surely, this is the intention? Surely, the author is making it so pathetic on purpose? He can’t think this is Luann’s triumphant “win” over Tiffany in getting the hot boy?

    But, apparently, he does.

    And this runs throughout the comic. Ann Eiffel never does anything actually evil. Tiffany no longer acts like a villain. TJ is an unhinged sociopath who sets out to get someone fired in a long con that takes 8 hours of his day for months. It’s a work of fiction, at least make the characters act the way you expect them to be seen!

  164. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in spite of the snow in Tucson, a glimmer of hope and closure…

  165. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Great Balls o’ Fire! I forgot to mention, a couple of days ago, that Feb. 19 was the one year anniversary of Barney Google‘s triumphant return to the comic strip named after him, after a 15 year exile.

    // He also showed up last August, so if John Rose plans on bringing him by every six months or so, he should be about due for another appearance.

  166. Ratiocinator
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#158): If that’s best, here’s second best:

    HOMER: When Marge first told me she was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know, like that movie, Spaceballs. But instead it’s been painful and disturbing, like that movie Police Academy.

  167. Calico
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Why is Dr. Andrew Weil attending a music educators’ conference? He should be at the Organic Growers’ Conference down the hall.

  168. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace-”The Doctor says to take on two Daleks on call him in the morning.”

    Sally Forth-”Usually when I picture me having a conversation with you you are usually tied up and gagged begging me for your life.”

  169. Jim C
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    When I saw Funky, I was left wondering why Funky Winkerbean himself had thrown on a fake gray beard and was cosplaying as a band director at the convention.

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#131): A 65-year-old male non-parent/teacher hanging around a high school parking lot sounds über-creepy to me. Although Evans and I aren’t that far apart in age, I try to stay out of school parking lots (except when I’m there to pick up my 10-year-old).

    Maybe we should chip in to buy Evans a subscription to Seventeen magazine.

  171. ralph
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#128):
    Wow! And I thought I told the folks more than anyone wanted to know about the behavior of cows and stockmen. The central point of course is that the cow is a Holstein dairy animal and thus docile. No rational need for either side’s behavior. Show it some food and it’ll go wherever you want. But the typical 9CL reader will presumably see what the cartoonist presumably wants them to see: a couple low-life rednecks abusing an animal, which is then “rescued” by a valiant fashonably dressed liberal.

  172. Notebooked
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    I googled Nine Chickweed Lane to check up on McEldowney’s most recent crime to humanity, and auto-suggest came up with “Nine chinese kidney for an ipad”.
    I’d much rather have checked that out than read the strip, to be honest.

  173. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#128): re 9CL: Sure sounds like everything I learned to get a my Bachelor of Science degree in Animal Health Science. Then again, the “B.” might’ve stood for “Beefwit.”

  174. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#165): Wow! It’s been a year?! And Barney Google is due back?!

    I’ll make the mojitos!

  175. seismic-2
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “Greg, are you OK? You look so pale. For someone who’s just been acutely burned, I mean.”

    @Elk Meadow (#131): That 65 year old man has admitted on his own site that he currently doesn’t know any teen-agers, and that he sits in his car in high school parking lots to see what they’re wearing.

    If we play our cards right, maybe we can make it happen that the next song he posts on YouTube is Restraining Order.

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#131): That sounds like an admission you’d make while pleading to a lesser charge.

  177. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Necessary, I’m afraid.

  178. Ed Dravecky
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#41): When I was in high school (back when the city school’s could still afford to offer driver’s ed) we’d go out in groups of four students plus one instructor (all of whom were assistant football coaches) for that hour of driving. We’d rotate through the car so everybody got some time behind the wheel.

  179. Calico
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#170):
    While we’re at it, let’s buy him a few Judy Blume books as well.

  180. Shrug, Tone-Deaf to Many Jokes
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

  181. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    MW-Worst spinoff pilot ever.

  182. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): If they decide to show John Dill walking down the aisle of an aircraft you can have Count Weirdly pop out of an overhead bin.

  183. Ratiocinator
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#171): I don’t think that Brooke’s what you’d call liberal; he devoted a fairly recent strip to having his stand-in, Thorax, talk about taxes being too high because the government wanted to give welfare money to lazy people with no talent who didn’t want to work and didn’t want to try to improve themselves.

  184. Calico
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

  185. Necessary
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#177): it’s ok, Mr. Scudder, the clowns won’t eat you.

    they’re still full from that Baka Gaijin fellow.

  186. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: I’d give a lot to see Daniel Craig kick Greg’s ass. “James Bond,” my cans!

  187. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#178): That was about how my school did it. I don’t see how it cost very much, though. They had to pay for the asst. coaches (all of whom were PE instructors too, and very fat — seemingly a job requirement then, as I noted above) anyway. And the cars were donated by local dealerships, in the hopes, no doubt, that the student would get hooked on their brands.

  188. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

  189. TheDiva
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#126): @Ratiocinator (#143): I think the problem here is that Evans is actually trying to have it both ways. Whenever Luann is selfish, self-centered, or ignorant, the subtext is “she’s a teenage girl and will grow out of it.” Whenever Tiffany is any of those things, the subtext is “she’s a terrible person.” Now both of these approaches can be valid, but Evans doesn’t give us any context to back it up, or gives context that directly contradicts his intended message. Today’s strip is a perfect example of the latter-Luann is clearly waving her cheap trinket in Tiffany’s face because she wants to brag about her hot Australian boyfriend and make Tiffany feel inferior by comparison–her smug expression is proof of that. Five years from now, Tiffany will probably be over her makeup obsession, but Luann will be the woman sticking her engagement ring under people’s noses and bragging about the horse-drawn carriage with authentic 18th-century livery that she’s hired for the wedding.

  190. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#173): the “B.” might’ve stood for “Beefwit.”

    If it isn’t followed by an “A.”, then by definition the “B.” stands for Beefwit. No unicorn for you!

  191. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#178): that’s how our HS driving instruction was during the school year. I took it in summer school, so we were taught by a German instructor, and there were three of us. Since one kid already had his license and needed the class to get an insurance discount and the other had been driving a lot with her mom and her learner’s permit, our two-hour trips would pretty much be me driving for 20 minutes or so, the others about 10 minutes each, and then hanging out at the Whataburger until it was time to go back to the garage.
    Summers in Phoenix were brutal.

  192. Calico
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Spunde (#24):
    That is interesting, I didn’t know that.
    I do know that “Illegal Alien” is written in B flat though – an odd song, but it works.

  193. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#189): I’ll definitely second that. All I see today is Luann itching to show off for Tiffany, and Tiffany not buying into it (or gooning Luann much more successfully).

  194. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Funky “B” Flat — It’s been over 193 posts with nary a mention of Judy Garland, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Bob Hope, Jimmy Durante and…

    DICK TRACY IN B-FLAT:

    http://www.thejudyroom.com/misc/dicktracy.html

  195. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#178): I concur, except my school district used wrestling coaches.

  196. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#170): We have to be careful about which version of “Seventeen” to get him. There is an offshore version that is substantially illegal in this country.

  197. jim, some guy in iowa
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#183):

    i assume his politics are as incoherent and narcissistic as his comics.

  198. Calico
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#152):
    Where is Ari?
    And what about that prime rib?

  199. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#179): Not “Wifey” though. And I’d probably steer him away from “Are You There, God? Its Me, Margaret”. “Blubber” would be acceptable, though.

  200. seismic-2
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Tomorrow’s strip will show John Dill sitting in an aisle seat on the way to NYC, looking out the window at the giant Mary Worth head floating in the clouds.

  201. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Ratiocinator #183: I don’t think McEldowney has a coherent political position, just a smug sense of superiority that he brings to any issue. In some cases, like gay rights, he’s superior to those mouth-breathers who oppose, appearing liberal. In others, like taxes, as you note, he appears conservative, feeling superior to those lesser beings (the “takers”) who require his nobly-earned money.

  202. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): Again, same here with the cars being donated. We got Buicks — though I can’t see any teen getting hooked on one, though.

  203. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    HuffPo had a story about a worker at a stress-ball factory punching his supervisor.

    the irony was delicious.

  204. Ratiocinator
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#189): Yeah, there’s definitely a double standard here. I’ll link to another page at TV Tropes link which seems to describe what we’re seeing: Protagonist Centered Morality. Probably goes without saying not to read that before you’ve done everything you need to do today.

    Another one is Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain. It’s a stretch to call Tiffany a villain, but if we wanted to make that stretch we could say “Oh, she’s said she wants to steal Quill from Luann, what a bitch she is.”

    Thing is: she’s obviously not going to succeed, because that’s not the story Evans wants to write. So basically what we’ve got here is an atagonist who comes up with a scheme, falls flat on her face while trying to carry out said scheme, and readers are supposed to dislike her enough to be happy about seeing her embarrassed.

    That’s…not how it works.

  205. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#202): I took driver’s ed in 1966 and we drove brand new Chrysler Imperials.

    Really smooth ride but I don’t think anyone could afford one right out of High School.

  206. Ratiocinator
    February 21st, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#201):

    …just a smug sense of superiority…

    Yup, that much is crystal clear.

  207. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#204):

    I think part of the problem is that, for whatever reasons, Evans hates his “Tiffany” character so much that he can’t even be bothered to abide by any dramatic considerations. He used to have her succeed more often than she failed, and to actually make her carry out schemes that were clearly not well-intentioned. But, that involved seeing her win, and lately all he seems to want to do is stomp on her face – forever.

  208. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#200): I’m actually okay with the sight of a giant Mary Worth head floating in the clouds. What I’m NOT okay with is seeing other parts of her anatomy greatly magnified:

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2Z9sVF9lteE/TbWSS-GvyqI/AAAAAAAAV_8/WBfwET7xB2Q/s1600/full%2Bstrip.gif

  209. tallyHO
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Who can turn the world on with a pill?
    Who can take a nothing day
    and suddenly make it squeezable
    like Mr. Whipple?

    Well, its John Dill and you know it!
    He’s the icing on the cake
    and he’s got the frosting to show it!

    Love is all around
    (Mary was faking it.)
    Love is all around
    (She’s not into baking it).
    Love is all around

    John Dill you’ll make it
    after all.

    [then he throws a pink sheet cake in the air! and FREEZE FRAME!]

  210. A different JD
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#159): Yes, there is a C-flat, even a key of C-flat. There’s also an F-flat (and key thereof), if you were wondering. Not much is written in either — it’s easier to use their enharmonic equivalents, B major and E major — but they come in handy when modulating from another flat key, say from G-flat to C-flat.

  211. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    I usually sing in the tune of R flat.

  212. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#182): Please please please!

  213. Sparkle Plenty
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    MT:

    Spoiler alert!

    Rod’s helper will be down there under water in a diving suit with several big fish in a big creel to attach to Rod’s hook.

    Rusty will have captured the diving suit and the tank of fish on film. Once it’s developed and comes back from the drugstore in a few weeks, . . .

  214. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#200): I was going to do it, if Moy & Giella, didn’t. Maybe with Count Weirdly sitting next to him.

  215. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: No, Skyler, Sandman says “I AM dream.” When he explains himself at all.

  216. Alison
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: Non-passangers aren’t allowed in that area anymore. I suppose we’re to believe security let Mary through because they are all huge fans of “Dear Wendy”.

    “Luann”: “Look at this cheap stereotypical piece of crap boomerang thingy that guy I Skype with on occasion sent me. This is obviously true love. You are so jealous you could die.” Whatever you say, Lu.

  217. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#202): We got Buicks — though I can’t see any teen getting hooked on one, though.

    They were planting a seed, after all. Few teens have or had money to buy a new car. But after a few years of horrible old junkers, when they finally get that decent job, the memory of that fine Buick ride will kick in… Ok, it’s just a theory.

  218. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#198): Yeah, several days ago, Tommie exclaimed “I forgot about the Professor!” And several days later, where the hell is he?

    He was awake, helping Greg at first. I assume that he could have easily walked out of the building.

  219. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#205): But you’d love to have one of those land yachts now, wouldn’t you? For no very logical reason. The seed was planted.

  220. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

  221. ReFlex76
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Frazz: Caulfield being a dick with no sign of comeuppance, and Frazz doing little to discourage it. So, day ending in “y.”

    Luann: Delusional Tiffany (see her “Big Plan”) calls Luann’s actual conversations with Quill delusional. Sure thing Tiff.

  222. Hogenmogen
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann: It’s not just worthless online flirting! It’s NOT! I’m going to throw this plastic trinket in your face to show that our romance is REAL, NOT JUST SOME ONLINE… Oh, god! It’s hopeless! I’m a massive LOSER who can’t get a guy who doesn’t have an ocean in between us. Except for those other guys that are right here that I refused to date. Whatev, Tiff, you’re a slut.

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#215): You’re making me imagine a Neil Gaiman penned Shoe, perhaps with art by Michael Zulli, and I’m a little sad it will never happen.

  224. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#220): Minced oath! Foiled again!

    // Just wait ’til next time, Bats Colon Left-Bracket!

  225. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#217): An alternative theory is that the Buick impressed Mom and Dad. “Hey, Junior passed Driver’s Ed without becoming a star in the newest edition of ‘Red Pavement.’ It must’ve been the Buick — yep, that’s one safe car!”

  226. ReFlex76
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#59): Sure, and if you pretend you’ve never seen the first two acts of The Seven Samurai, the bandits are victims of an unprovoked attack.

    Seriously, the last three days of this storyline were more than enough set-up for today.

  227. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#214): I’d like to see a strip with Count Weirdly and John Dill as private eyes. It could be called, “Snake and Pink Cake.”

  228. Dood
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Beardy Exactly is just glad he’s finally found work after Clutch Cargo folded in 1960.

  229. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#219): I kind of have one. When my mother in law decided she couldn’t drive anymore she gave her 2002 Mercury Grand Marquis to my wife and I.

    I sure like that V-8 engine and we’ve gotten as much as 30 mpg crusing through flat Florida.

  230. AhClem
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#156):

    “Now, c’mon, Sam- you don’t- ooh, wait- Abbey’s cans up against April’s- mmmm”

    “What do you- ohhhhh, yeahhhh.”

    (cue a week of Sam and the Judge just staring off into space, smiling)

    Randy smiles while he ponders can-on-can action.

    Sam smiles as he wonders where his next unearned windfall check will be coming from.

  231. endless sky
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: Tomorrow’s preview: The plane begins to slowly taxi down the runway when John realizes he can’t leave Mary. “Let me off the plane!” he shouts, jumps up, runs down the aisle, only to be tackled by two burly federal agents. One looks at the other. “She said this might happen.”

  232. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#75): @wossname (#41): Yes, at least when I was learning to drive in California a couple of decades ago, we did all drive together in one car, which was equipped with a double set of brakes so the instructor could stop the car if necessary.

    It was only surface-street stuff, but one of us would drive around for a bit until it was the next person’s turn. I remember that one classmate was particularly awful about staying in the center of the lane; she inevitably drifted to the right, scaring those of us on the side about to hit the parked cars along the street. (Once our instructor, a guy with snakeskin boots and a drawl – I still remember him describing our car as a “sage green Pon-tee-ack” – had to both apply the brakes and yank the wheel to keep her from hitting something outright.)

    And then there were the “You Are the Driver” simulations, in which about ten of us sat at mock-up consoles in a trailer equipped with a movie screen showing the supposed view over the hood of a car as it drove along (one, I remember, had one of those rear-view mirrors on the dashboard); you were supposed to steer, or brake, or turn on your signals as the scenario dictated. (They were very fond of situations in which things – dogs, bouncing balls, small children – would dart out in front of you unexpectedly.) These actions were recorded and used to score how well you did, which would have been cool except that the machines were old and buggy and didn’t always register what you did in a timely fashion.

    Good times.

  233. AhClem
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    SM – The Slowest Missile in the World ™ is actually suspended from a blimp being piloted by the Kingpin. Kudos to the special effects team for hiding the wires, but they really need to do something about those papier-mâché flames coming out the back.

  234. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#220):

    There’s something on the wing.

  235. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#232): One of my fellow students was a hide-bound literalist. The instructor said “turn right at the stop sign”, and I’ll be damned if she didn’t do just that. Hit that sucker dead center.

  236. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

  237. Casino LF
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke knows some people actually EAT cows, too, right?

  238. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#236):

    There’s…smoking…in…the…plane.

  239. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else have to watch “Mechanized Death” in their drivers ed class?

    Careful about clicking on this link. It’s grusome.

  240. ralph
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#183):
    9CL: Having successfully ignored this strip until the cow business, I don’t even know the gender of the cartoonist. I’ll take your word that he’s male. I looked up the strip on Wikipedia and found an amazing array of characters. (The funny thing is that I still don’t know who the characters are in the cow strips–no vet was mentioned. And no, I don’t care.) The cartoonist doesn’t necessarily have all the characters as fronts for his own opinions. Still, it would certainly be refreshing to catch a liberal bitching about being taxed for the benefit of the undeserving poor, as I’m sure they all do among friends.
    After a quick look at the Wikipedia list I failed to find a single interesting character, but probably I’m being too harsh. I can say, that like Luann, there are no characters whom, if they were real people, I would like to know. 9CL is not my world, and I’m very happy about that.

  241. Jamus The Bartender
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Cassandra Cat’s Lawyer (#10): Wonderful. How much will THIS cost us?

  242. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-”You can still see it’s tracks.” They will say the same thing about you when she runs you down with the car.

  243. Jamus The Bartender
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Boophilus (#13): As I recall, Luann’s “Aunt Flo” first came to visit behind a tastefully closed door, with Mom helping her out. I honestly don’t see that working here, but as ever, anyone with photoshop skills, ( bats, et al :) ) feel free to prove me wrong.

  244. bats :[
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#229): come on, gang! We’re going to Sonic, and Sequitur’s driving!

  245. Marc
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @ReFlex76 (#226): You mean the setup from the past couple days where Tiffany correctly calls out what a crock of bullshit Luann’s “relationship” is?

  246. Jamus The Bartender
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Something similar happened when Cassandra’s cousin Carla came over to visit. It did not end well.
    And now we know why Cassandra has a lawyer.

  247. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#244): Sure, pile in. Bring your swim suit and enjoy the pool in the back.

  248. Jim in Wisc.
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#56):

    Luann: it’s not flirting, its watching each other get off. big difference.

    And little does Luann know, but Quill is recording her and selling the videos to an Aussie porn site.

  249. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: If I had a dollar for every time McE depicted one of his female characters being skewered by something, I’d have enough money to open a feminist porn shop to counteract the effects of his skeevy fetish.

  250. Inkwell
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    So Crankshaft is Tom Batuik’s self-insert? I’m not sure why there was any doubt.

  251. Jim in Wisc.
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Elk Meadow (#131): That sounds enormously creepy.

  252. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Geez, what’s so creepy about a 65-year-old man hanging around a high school parking lot so he can more accurately depict teen-age camel-toe in his comic? The man is dedicated to his art!

  253. Sheik Shrug
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#252):

    Well, once the camel gets its toe in the tent, who nose what’s next?

  254. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#252): What is creepy is that there is no teenage camel toe and yet somehow he draws it.

  255. Lumaca Morente
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#254): Ah, you’ve been looking for it? Or was this a scholarly research project?

  256. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#255): Actually, I won’t be able to hang out and look for another three years. But I’ve got my spot reserved.

    Scholarly research? No, I’m no Nehemiah Scudder.

  257. Erich Clapton
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#174): The comet Barney Google. One year flight time is about right. . .

  258. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#240): What, you don’t find the cat interesting?

  259. Sequitur
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Erich Clapton (#257): Are you saying Barney Google is actually a hunk of rock and ice with a tail?

    Sounds about right.

    One year flight? That’s a pretty tight orbit.

  260. Jim in Wisc.
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#239): Not sure if it was that one (I won’t click on the link because I don’t feel like revisiting that trauma), but we had one narrated by some guy with a barely understandable Aussie accent.

    Also, our local Chevy dealer (actually the only dealer in our small town) provided the driver’s ed. car but I believe the cost was actually covered by the manufacturer. They also provided our school’s mechanics shop class with a car that had been damaged in transport.

  261. Majicou
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#240): Brooke only goes for the low-hanging fruit of political satire–the sort of facile, generic, “politicians-are-scummy-amirite” sludge that makes Jay Leno look like George Carlin. For a cartoonist who has no doubt sprained his wrist patting himself on the back (or wherever) for his erudition and sophistication, the irony is intense.

  262. Ed Dravecky
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): The expense that ended the program was the ever-spiraling cost of liability insurance, apparently.

  263. Chyron HR
    February 21st, 2013 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    @ReFlex76 (#221): Obviously you didn’t read the strip of April 4, twenty-dickety-one. If you had, you’d see you’d clearly see that Frazz’s smug, shitty, obnoxious behavior is completely justified, so there.

  264. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    FW — Lumpy Rutherford really looks spiffy keeno with his new beard:

    http://wordpress.vinspro.org/Weht/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/lumpy_then.jpg

    Bonus points if you can tell me Lumpy’s real first name.

  265. cheech wizard
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    WID – Black diamond runs are not that big a deal for skiers with a modicum of experience. If Parker wants to present a harrowing situation on the slopes, he should opt for ski football. Remember, a tree can’t cause a fumble.

  266. Spunde
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rinaldo (#27):

    So that’s actual band-musician-speak, huh? Here I thought Batiuck was just going roadside.

  267. Dale
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail managed to get an observer spot in Rod Bassy’s boat. We didn’t see Rod object, so it must be in the rules.
    BUT, has anybody noticed that Observer Mark has a personal friend competing in the tournament? It would be a good story if Bluegill gets disqualified for using a spy.

    Anybody know how to get to The Kansas City Star? My local paper clipped an article about a major bass fishing contest in Tulsa.

  268. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    In his seemingly contradictory political stances, Brooke embodies, I would submit, the most obnoxious traits of both sides of the political spectrum*: the preening and smug assumption of moral superiority of the left, and the selfish and smug materialistic “I got mine, fuck you, you subhuman” of the right.

    *no way this could piss anybody off, right?

  269. Government Cheese
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann: See this pendant? He gave it to me! My boyfriend who never sees me! It will last forever! (Meanwhile in Australia..) Quill: yank yank yank yank YANK YANK YANK (sigh) (phone rings) Oh G’day Yank. I was just yanking around.

  270. yaoi huntress earth
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#171): Brooke’s political views seem all over the place. Right-wingers can be just as concerned about animals as any liberal. I find his views more Randian if Ayn Rand was an art fag instead of a hyper capitalist (just look at how his characters act.)

  271. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

  272. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 21st, 2013 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Ayn Rand as an art fag is perfect.

  273. Dale
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#271):

    Thanks. I wanted that for other inquiring minds.

    The local paper often does a clipping job that leaves quotes from people who have last names, but no affiliation. I waste a lot of time trying to figure out whether it’s them or me. They will add a local note and take some credit for a contribution to the story.

  274. The Ridger
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

  275. Poteet
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#68): Wow, that little reptile is even smaller than Crankshaft’s brain! (Sorry, little reptile.)

  276. Poteet
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

  277. Foghorn
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    CRANKYSHAFT: Train! Tracks! A train that leaves tracks! That’s a joke, son! You missed it! Went right past ya! Ya got a hole in your glove! Pay attention, boy! Ya been readin’ too much Doonesbury! Not enough Garfield! – Nice boy, but he’s about as sharp as Dogbert’s forehead!

    FUNK WINK: B-flat hotel! That’s another joke, son! – Uh – well maybe not! Let’s see. It’s a flat and it’s a grade B – or uh – it’s a musical hotel or – uh – Hmm. Workin’ on this one, son.

    WIZZER OF ID: Now that – ah say – That’s a real joke, son! It means – uh – lemme read it again! Black – ah say – black diamonds are funny cause – Hmm. Hoo boy. This one makes about as much sense as me shilling for KFC. – Oh wait. That did happen. Forget what ah just said, son.

    MALLARD FILMORE: Now that – ah say that – - – - Aw, skip it.

  278. Poteet
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#128): Thank you! I learn so much here. I noticed that Twinkly doesn’t seem to have an ear tag. Most cattle I see in my area seem to have ear tags, but most cattle I see are beef cattle — is that relevant?

  279. Zerowolf
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: The class dies in a horrible train crash. They heard Ed yell “Boxcar!” but presumed he was just having a stroke.

  280. The Ridger
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#275): Or else that’s a prop match from something like Land of the Giants, in which case, holy crap that’s a big lizard!

  281. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#268): Smugness: it is the one true bipartisan trait.

  282. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#270): I think you’ve nailed it.

  283. Liam
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-Are these tracks anything like the tracks in your underwear?

  284. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    February 21st, 2013 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    LockThorns: Why don’t they just kill each other already and put themselves out of both their and our misery?

  285. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#264): FW — Lumpy Rutherford really looks spiffy keeno with his new beard

    Notice I said “with” and not “in” his new beard. Basically, the wrinkly guy talking to Harry Dinkle is the Lump’s new protective coloration. What does he need protective coloration for, you ask?

    It seems his predilection for large farm animals* has gotten him into a whole heap of trouble with a certain lady veterinarian. Which is why the Lump is currently laying low with his new beard, Sam Sharpei.

    *Especially a brown-eyed beauty by the name of “Twinkly”!

  286. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#262): @Nehemiah Scudder (#187): The expense that ended the program was the ever-spiraling cost of liability insurance, apparently.

    I kinda figured it was something like that. Short sighted. You’d think govt. & insurance companies could figure that having students learn to drive properly in school might lower insurance costs for everyone down the line. It shouldn’t be impossible to find out a way to do it. You know, like how rural people start volunteer fire departments, and lower fire insurance rates substantially for the entire community. Or arrange to be annexed by nearby towns with professional fire depts.

  287. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    MW: I have been running around like a crazy person Rusty with a camera all day today, and I finally get the chance to catch my breath and enjoy (or, “enjoy”) a few comics, and what do I find? Mary Worth sending John Dill off on his cake-apprenticeship adventure in the big city, skipping completely over his tearful pleas for her to join him, her smug and saintly rejection of his floury ardor, Jeff’s petulant jealousy—all of which reach a climax at the mother of all pool parties, where John’s Cake o’ Victory, with pink ponies rampant, is spoiled when a slavering Wilber Weston sticks a fat finger into the icing while everyone is distracted by Dill’s shrill wails of abandonment.

    In other words, Moy & Giella yadda-yadda’ed the best part.

  288. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#256): Scholarly research? No, I’m no Nehemiah Scudder.

    Nothing to be ashamed of. Many are called…

    // I just try to use my powers for good, is all. Mostly.

  289. Mr. O'Malley
    February 21st, 2013 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#217): My father was very impressed as a youngster by his uncle’s Buick, and although he was mostly a Chrysler fan, he did once get a 1974 Buick.

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#235): There was a Firesign Theater joke like that:

    Turn right here.
    Right here? Okay!
    (Horrendous crash)
    Oh, my fault! I meant at the next intersection.

  290. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#289): … although he was mostly a Chrysler fan, he did once get a 1974 Buick.

    Sad. Wasn’t ’74 one of the particularly epic bad years for Buick?

    My dad once owned a 1959 BMW motorcycle. It was a lemon. Nothing worked right, everything broke. Now, more than fifty years later, he still assumes that all BMW motorcycles, and by extension, BMW automobiles, are junk, and nothing will ever convince him otherwise.

  291. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#254): +20 lbs and yoga pants, next best thing. >.<

  292. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#274): I remember that scene from Neverending Story a bit differently, but no matter.

  293. Majicou
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    While leafing through a Far Side collection yesterday, I again saw a panel I’d forgotten about: state wildlife agents busting in on Mark Trail’s poaching operation.

  294. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#275): *snurk*

    and this, folks, is why I post stuff for Poteet, Queen of Fable’s.

  295. Majicou
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    QC: Dammit, HOW is Claire EVEN CUTER today?

  296. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    today’s guest artist is Jenna Brown, age 19.

    (jellyfishgirl, sfw, quite awesome.)

    I wouldn’t have linked this, except for the SFx ref, honest.

  297. Peanut Gallery
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    9CL without reading it — Maybe the cow just needs to be orked. I don’t know how you ork a cow, but there must be experts who do that, because I see lots of people online telling stories about their “coworkers.”

  298. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#297): ba-dum TISH!

  299. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

  300. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#290): When life hands you a lemon, torch it and collect the insurance money.

  301. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#299): that’s an orc.

    THIS is an ork.

  302. Joshua
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Casino LF (#237): I eat beef, but that doesn’t mean I want people to beat cows for no good reason.

    On the other hand, I don’t find it plausible that dairy farmers would beat a cow for no good reason in front of the veterinarian they had requested to treat the cow.

  303. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sheik Shrug (#253): One of my favorite celebrity testimonials is Greg Evans’ “I’d walk a mile for a camel toe!”

  304. Majicou
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#303): If we could get Greg Evans punched in the face for Herbert Tareytons, I’d support the re-legalization of cigarette ads.

  305. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#301): Actually, my link says “Orc Ancestor.” No idea if that’s anything like a 21st century Orc. And don’t even get me started on whether Otto the Orkin Man is an actual Ork/Orc or not.

  306. Sgt. Stoned
    February 21st, 2013 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#18): MW: Or….after the IOCC drops discus-throwing from the Olympics in favor of cake-baking, John Dill brings home to Gold (or maybe the Pink) for the USA!!!

  307. Poteet
    February 21st, 2013 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#294): And I do appreciate it. I’ve also become fonder of corgi photos than I would ever have guessed.

  308. Mr. O’Malley
    February 22nd, 2013 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#290): I don’t remember his having too much trouble with the car. It was a huge car with surprisingly little room in the back seat and a tiny trunk. I guess that was typical in the 1970s. Pretty nice ride as long as you wanted to go in a straight line, and guzzled gas, not that it mattered back when you got a free set of glasses if you bought enough gas at 52¢ a gallon.

  309. Mr. O’Malley
    February 22nd, 2013 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    I’m afraid I doubt this story about Greg Evans hanging out in high school parking lots, because I live near a high school and there are students around all the time, and none of them look like the characters in Luann. Also they seem a much more diverse bunch than the Luann cast, not just racially but in various ways.

    It would be more interesting to have a high school strip where the characters dressed like up-to-date high school kids instead of some kind of 1980s history park.

    It seems to me that the strip has been dealing more and more with just Brad and Luann, and you no longer get the sense that the other characters lead independent lives where they do things that relate to themselves.

  310. bats :[
    February 22nd, 2013 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#278): I seem to recall the dairy herd at UA having ear tags. Considering the yo-yos in 9CL apparently having a single cow, a numbering system to keep track of Twinkly probably isn’t necessary.

    As for sweet-talk, I’m not quite sure Dr. Vetgirl is right…

  311. seismic-2
    February 22nd, 2013 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#310): Excellent! Although it is a shame to see that Cow is really slumming, by appearing in a far inferior strip.

  312. Greg Evans counselor
    February 22nd, 2013 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#309): Greg isn’t observing the clothes so much as he’s trying to get a firm grip on the reality of high school life and vigorously exercise his artistic imagination. Also he’s not in the parking lot. He’s always at least 100 yards away from school property.

  313. Pilantes
    February 22nd, 2013 at 1:44 am [Reply]

    I read the ‘B-flat’ joke as saying you only spend time in the hotel to ‘be flat’, that is, to sleep. I could be giving Funky Wink too much credit, though.

  314. Rinaldo
    February 22nd, 2013 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#146): After trying to recall in more detail how it was used back then, I think it’s “B flat” like the adjective modifying “B-flat clarinet” — i.e., “the standard size,” “the usual thing.”

  315. Vanya
    February 22nd, 2013 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    @Pilantes (#313): Holy mother of God, I think you’re right! And it only took 310 comments for someone to get it. I think most of geekily assumed there was some musical content to the joke, when of course with Batiuk one should always assume the obvious stupid pun is in fact the joke.

  316. Casino LF
    February 22nd, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#302): I don’t eat it, but agree with you.

  317. Charly
    February 22nd, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Um, who are the black guys in the backseat? Has Blonde Lady been forced to take a taxi job in Godforsaken Midwestern Hellhole, and brought ‘shaft along, and the black guys are like haha we have professional jobs chauffeur us underemployed humorless people! Because I would be.

    I can’t imagine any black guys actually being their friends … because it’s freakin’ Crankshaft.

  318. Anonymous
    February 22nd, 2013 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Den the Men – so, Denise is an “Ass Man.” Cool.

  319. parcheesi
    February 23rd, 2013 at 5:36 am [Reply]

    I really dislike humor that is based on a character’s failed delivery of a joke. It’s not funny, it’s just failure, so what is the point of making it about a joke, other than to conceal this fact?
    @LP2004 lol.

  320. RDS
    February 23rd, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    “B flat” as an adjective meaning “run of the mill” is pretty standard musician-speak, especially among wind players. Looks like somebody is showing off for the band nerds or something.

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