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Friday quickies

Blondie, 8/15/08

Having apparently decided that his nonstop regimen of bingeing and (I assume, based on his rail-thin physique) purging isn’t punishment enough for his poor body, Dagwood has now taken to torturing his innocent bladder.

Crankshaft, 8/15/08

Truth in labeling laws ought to require that every single installment of Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean contain the phrase “an undercurrent of melancholy that I can’t quite seem to put into words.”

Marmaduke, 8/15/08

Marmaduke is overplaying his hand here: his owner has made the baffling decision to try to balance a good-sized sandwich on a plate, a bowl of potato chips, and, um, a plate of some sort of cube-things on his lap with no tray or other support of any kind, so at least half of that food is going to be on the floor in short order.

Momma, 8/15/08

Ha ha! Momma’s doctor is a monstrous cannibalistic fiend who feasts on the organs of the elderly.

In unrelated news, for everyone who has been able to endure the Foob Wedding Of The Century by consoling themselves that once the vows have been uttered, it will all be over: Ha ha ha ha ha.

409 responses to “Friday quickies”

  1. dreadedcandiru2
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Well, at least Cranky isn’t making a stupid pun or malapropism. That’s something. I could, however, do without his impersonation of Elly Patterson.

  2. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Oh man, Josh, no comment on today’s Luann?

  3. Calico
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    I just got the BFF look from my Pom dog,who was ogling my lunch.
    Yes, she got a bite or two.

    I’mthinking Phil’s cubes must be cheese. Or tofu croquettes.

  4. Uncle Lumpy
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    What’s a porn dog?

  5. buschap
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    You could just delete FOOB from what you read and pretend she retired.

    I’m often one to let movie adaptations, remakes, and the like slide, saying “the original is still there, and nothing will change that,” but I can’t help but feel a little different when the creator is doing the changing.

    And the mix makes it even harder to tell, because it doesn’t just invite comparisons, but demands them.

  6. Doggin
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Aaaaannnd – the FOOBiness continues. You know you couldn’t live without platitudes and weak puns….

  7. Amy
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that story on Lynn Johnston actually makes me more sad than Crankshaft.
    That might explain, though, why John is now portrays as having worse grammar and manners than his adolescenet daughter!

  8. dreadedcandiru2
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #2: commodorejohn — Oh, yeah! Yet another strip that convinces you that the DeGroots cleaned out her crib with Easy-Off. She has to be as dumb as a sack of hair not to realize that the boys would be staring at her rack if she pulled what she did.

  9. MattF
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    I hate to bring this up, but is there a, um, joke somewhere in that Momma strip?

  10. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    #4 Uncle Lumpy – It’s like a corn dog, only you eat it…differently.

  11. Calico
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    #4 – Hahaha! Thank God she doesn’t hump my leg anymore. That was rather weird.

    She’s a 15-pound Pomeranian.

    And who’s going to take care of Abby the Wonder Dog when Rex goes a’ cruisin’?

  12. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Given that news regarding FOOB, there is only one response this bunny can make:

  13. R. W. Watkins
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    That Crankshaft strip has a nice haiku feel about it. The poems of Eric Amann and Gary Hotham come to mind, among others. A haiku poet myself, I can relate.

    The circus tent
    all folded up:
    October mist…
    –Eric Amann

    deserted tennis court.
    wind through the net.
    –Gary Hotham

  14. Terry
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail:

    Am I the only one here rooting for the cat?

  15. CortJstr
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Apparently this year Crankshaft’s county fair decided to replace the port-a-johns with suicide booths.

  16. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    From yesterthread……..

    I’ve never read a superman comic book or any other comic book. My knowledge of Superman comes from the TV show and movies. According to the wiki article on Jimmy Olsen, he is a Dc character.

    So why was he gasping and why were people saying he isn’t a DC character?

  17. Jesse Cline
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Like most people who want to unwind in front of the boob-tube after a long day, I eat an entire plate of individually wrapped Land-O-Lake margarine packets.

  18. RevTarthpeigust
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Of course, what Billy REALLY means in yesterday’s FC, based on the demographics of the bus’s passengers, is “This is just like my American history class! There are old white people everywhere!” But knowing the Keane family, they’d probably be pretty proud of a comment like that.

  19. T. Chicana
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    So…Lynn is going to give smElly a nose job? And…start all over from the beginning? This is just perfect. Listen to how she describes it:
    “Over the years, Elly’s nose grew up to the size of a potato. Now I’m drawing it smaller again, the way it was when I first started to draw…”
    Has she been affected by all of our ‘potato nose Elly’ cracks? I feel so melancholy!

  20. Biiirdmaaan!
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Sorry to necropost, but I accidentally posted in the last thread after this one went live.

    This week in Funky Winkerbean has been especially painful for me. All week, Batiuk has been showing us he has no idea how the comicbook industry works, and now today, he shows a complete ignorance of even the basic tropes in the Superman mythos. For instance, even I, the most casual of Superman fans, knows that the exclamation “Whoa!” should never, under any cicumstances, follow anything done by Jimmy Olsen. He’s like DC’s answer to Spiderman.

  21. CortJstr
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    16 LTBF – Jimmy Olsen is a DC character, he’s just sad, pathetic character. He wishes he could watch TV all day and complain about his wife making more money than him. Then get hit on the head by a brick for no reason. Plus they keep giving him lame powers for no real reason. has a whole drinking game based on JImmy Olsen.

  22. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    “You could just delete FOOB from what you read and pretend she retired.”

    And some starving cartoonist who is waiting for a break will have to go back to doing caricatures at county fairs to be able to afford boxed mac-n-cheese.

    Give it up Lynn. You got a break when you were younger. Let the next generation have a shot.

  23. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    #20 Biiirdmaaan! – I beg to differ.

  24. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    21-Thanks. On the TV show he was always portrayed as an eager but somewhat naive guy, more comic relief than anything else.

  25. Count Shrimpula
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    From the Foob article:

    “The creator of the popular comic strip ‘For Better or for Worse’ has had a change of heart — literally and figuratively — and won’t be retiring after all.”

    So I’m confused, did Lynn Johnston have a heart transplant?

  26. Jesse Cline
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #23 – that is hysterical and just made my afternoon

    #22 – I agree wholeheartedly

  27. Art Vandelay
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Who will retire first, Lynn Johnston or Brett Favre? At least Favre used to be good at what he does.

  28. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    I know I’m mean-spirited, but I just think that it is so FUCKING GREAT that Lynn Johnston’s husband left her for a younger woman. Now she can mouth her platitudes to an empty house while her husband is banging away at a piece of hot young tail while spending half of her FOOB money at the Canadian version of Nieman Marcus on his new strange! The only disappointing thing is that Lynn’s monstrous, overfed ego will simply make the most of the situation; casting her as the saintly, dignified victim cruely betrayed by the man she gave her life to. Mr. Foob, whoever you are, you have my heartiest congratulations on your narrow escape! You are farting through silk, my friend!

  29. Mac
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    I think Momma has a legitimate question there. Where is her gall bladder? Look at her: she’s basically just a head with tiny stumps for legs and arms. Surely there isn’t room for such subsidiary organs as the gall bladder in the tiny sliver that represents her body.

  30. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    #28 mere cog in the machine – I keep trying to convince myself that it would be wrong to agree with you, and I keep getting stuck on the fact that we’re talking about Lynn fucking Johnston. A moral dilemma indeed.

  31. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    #12 – Naked Bunny with a Whip: Hey, I have a book of those! Same ones they’ve got online, but I hadn’t seen them until I stumbled on that book in a thrift store.

  32. Rich
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Maybe now that she’s free and single, she can hook up with footballer Brett Favre and they can enter and exit retirement together.

  33. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    So, if Lynn is revamping the strip, is she going to take every complimentary reference to John and make him seem like the most evil person in the world?

    At least up until the point where she divorces him and runs off with her next door neighbor to lesbian bliss.

  34. Rusty
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Hardly a surprise, I and others called this a few weeks ago. Lynn has to rewrite her world and punish her ex every step of the way. Also, she cannot stand the idea of being anonymous. I read some of that Schulz biography, and specifically every page involving her. She has an ego bigger than Elly’s ass.

  35. Red Greenback
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    #4-Unk: I think it’s supposed to be, in keeping with the spirit of Batiucholy: “forlorn dogs”

  36. migellito
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    I really can’t figure out the intended joke in Momma. How, in the pedestrian world of Momma, could her gall bladder possibly be in her doctor. Is there some esoteric meaning of the word ‘in’ here that I’m missing.

    In other news, woohoo!, the hot curmudgeon with the lavender window frames is back for the second day in a row!

  37. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    32-Saying the names Lynn Johnson and Brett Farve and the words enter and exit in the same sentence gave me a mental image I’d like to forget.

  38. AsleepOrDead
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    The real reason Lynn is staying is because she just has too many frakin’ bad wedding jokes left to make.

    Well, all I can say is “Damn you Lynn Johnston and your FOOB clan! Damn you all to hell!”

  39. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    You’d think an old lady who talks to a bunch of other old ladies would know all about gall bladder ailments.

    My wife and I were once visiting her grandmother. While we were there, her pgone rang. She spoke to the caller for a minute and hung up. she said she didn’t like talking to her because all she did was talk about her aches and pains. I nearly bit my toungue in half to keep from saying anything.

  40. Sister Sestina
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    I’d really like to know what a “tiny” gall bladder attack is supposed to feel like. Gall bladder attacks feel like your chest’s a toothpaste tube and King Kong needs to brush. I’ve a friend who learned he had gallstones only after he got to the ER utterly convinced he was having a heart attack. God forbid I actually side with Momma on anything, much less on a hypochondria issue, but if I were her I’d barf on the doc’s shoes.
    BTW, I think the “joke” is supposed to be that “how do YOU know how bad it feels, is the painful organ in YOU?” but that runs too close to my own momma’s style of clinical rhetoric for me to crack a smile.

  41. Craig
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    I shudder to think that FOOB had been produced by someone that was in love, and that we will now be subjected to spiteful single old lady FOOB. Move over, Crankshaft!

  42. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    The “You can deal with it” comment was rather bizzare. What kind of doctor with even a drop of bedside manner says things like that?

  43. Drunken Housewife
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Am I going to rot in hell for being happy about Lynn J being dumped for another (presumably younger) woman?

    I used to love FOOB back in the day, when it was drawn more amateurishly and written less sanctimoniously. Lynn J. became so full of herself around the time she drew Elly becoming a grandmother, always hyping up Elly and John as parents and grandparents nonpareil, masters of passive-aggressive matchmaking as they manipulated Liz into marrying ugly, wimpy Anthony. I always felt so uncomfortable reading the strips about Michael’s mother-in-law and Anthony’s first wife, as they seemed to unconsciously betray Lynn by showing some really ugly and dark hatred in her soul. Lynn got too carried away with depicting those women as evil incarnate and Elly and Liz as underappreciated saints.

    I’ll be interested in seeing what happens next in FBOFW. (I can’t believe I just wrote that. I am filled with shame).

  44. Old School Allie Cat
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    #36 – Migellito – her point is – “How do you know what kind of pain I’m in? – It’s not your gall bladder (it’s not inside your body)!”

    It’s not so much funny as angry.

    When I first got married, I asked my husband to turn down the AC in the car and he replied, “You’re not cold.” He immediately realized what he’d said was kinda dumb, and it’s been a joke of ours ever since – sub out any physical or emotional need for “cold”.

  45. Mars
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m calling it now: Lynn will never let this strip die, and WILL choose somebody to take over after she kicks. It’s there forever.

    I also believe the ones calling a sudden viciousness toward John in the near future are also correct.

  46. Sequitur
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Ya know, all this venting on FOOB that’s done here would have been released on society were it not for this blog. Josh and FOOB has actually created a safe and effective hostility release. (Feel better now?)

    [Sorry, Josh. I really shouldn't use your name and FOOB in the same sentence.]

  47. andrew t.
    August 15th, 2008 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Not even the massive amounts of sodium in his signature sandwich, piled high with cured meat products, can save Dagwood from the fatal hyponatremia awaiting him after cup number sixteen.

  48. Mac
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, John’s gonna get it in the new strips. I figure he’ll get bald, and fat, and even stupider, and a model train will explode in his face leaving him scarred, and eventually he’ll wind up living in the basement, getting spoonfed gruel by Elly.

    He’ll still be more appealing than Anthony.

  49. migellito
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the clarification on the meaning of Momma. However, I feel somewhat dirty after spending this much mental energy on Momma.

    Or perhaps my feeling of deepening, Batiukesque gloom comes from clicking the link in the LA Times article to the Youtube interview with Lynn Johnston. I knew I shouldn’t do it, and actually had sense enough to mute the computer before clicking it, but some things just can’t be un-seen.

  50. rich
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    rich (‘Mudge since 6/05…not the cap-R “Rich” from #32 above) says…

    My, hasn’t Brenda Starr has been trannylicious this week? The fact that they were originally published in ’79 makes it even cooler. What an insane strip:

    In a similar vein, here are some scenes from a 1970s Encyclopedia Brown strip drawn by A3G’s Frank Bolle:

  51. bats :[
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    32. Rich: if she really wants to tweak her ex’s nose, maybe LJ can hook up with Brett Favre AND Cher for a rollicking good time in Vegas between retirements and re-emergences…

  52. flummoxicated
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Lynn Johnson is just an attention whore, she changes her story once a month so someone has to write another article explaining the latest FOOB configuration to her fans – “I’m retiring!” “I’m sort of retiring!” “I’m not retiring after all!” “I’m redrawing all the strips that originally appeared on Thursdays!”

  53. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Maybe this time around LJ will do things differently.

    Apewill will drown and Farley will go on to have a chance at being Canadia’s next big teen angst folk blues rocker.


  54. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    #50 rich – o_O

    I am never going to look at my Encyclopedia Brown books the same way again.

  55. Perky Bird
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    FOOB– Exactly how old are Liz and her friends? Aren’t they a little past that “Let’s-make-a-pact-to-be-best-friends-forever-an’-ever-an’-ever” stage? I mean, most adults realize that things change, friendships can fade, simply because LIFE MOVES FORWARD! People change, people move, people grow apart. It doesn’t mean you’re bad or anything–it’s just part of life that some people drop out of your lives. And it’s OK to miss them.

    But of course, in FOOB land, everyone lives forever in the same neighborhood where they grew up, marries someone they’ve known (and all their friends and family have known) their whole lives, and never does anything different or excting or life-changing. So, I take that back–these girls will, indeed, be friends “for evah”!

  56. Red Greenback
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    YesteryesterBlondie: EEEEWWWWW!

  57. DAS
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    The LA Times buried the lede: the real story is that Lynn Johnstan has just admitted Elly’s nose has grown to the size of a potato.

  58. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Doesn’t Lynn get that the genius of her strip was that it was written in real time by an author going through similar situations at the same time.

    Not someone looking back 30 years ago remembering what was going on.

    I liked Elly’s take on life and not necessarily doing the right thing or being the perfect mother. Now that can be changed so that the Sainthood can be preserved.

    It is going to be like one of those historical novels you see on the remainder tables at Borders. You know the ones, the ones written about noble women living in pioneer days on the prairie. Written by men in the twentieth century.


    dreck fiction at its worst

  59. survivor
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    So Lynn Johnson wrote all those horrible puns while sobbing loudly over her cartoonist drafting board?

    And we made fun of her.

    I don’t think she’s postponing her retirement plans indefinitely because she really wants to continue working. I think she’s hell-bent on revenge.

    As an aside, the mental image of Lynn Johnson staring blankly at the wall by her drawing board in a blank, catatonic state is a funny one … in a comedic/tragic sort of way.

    Especially if you imagine her ex-husband going into an attic room to “play with my HO train set, honey” immediately followed by loud moaning, Barry White music, and rhythmatic thumping noises

  60. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    30 commodorejohn: You are funnier and more clever than I, and thus you have no place in my Dark Valley. Stay, my friend, and stray not from your broad, sunlit uplands! *sniff*

  61. Shoshi
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Lynn’s announcement doesn’t seem to be any different from what she’s said previously. She has been telling us for months that she intends to retell the story from the beginning, retrofitting the story.

    I did like this quote, though:

    “Over the years, Elly’s nose grew up to the size of a potato.”

    So non-Mudges have made the potato-nose observation?

  62. llamaface
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    # 52

    Johnston has fans?

    FOOB reminds me of a really bad sitcom, like Saved By the Bell. Only, in FOOB land, the popular female lead marries the comic equivalent of Dustin Diamond.

  63. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    #59 survivor – He probably told her the noise was “just the train going through a tunnel.”

    #60 mere cog in the machine – I’m tryin’ man, but she makes it so hard…

  64. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: I remember, years ago, National Lampoon magazine doing parodies of comic strips. Mary Worth was titled (not for the last time) Mary Worthless and featured a post-CVA Mary lying motionless in a hospital bed, panel after panel, I guess week after week. I didn’t read Mary Worth back then, but I thought the idea was pretty funny. Now, having been reluctantly introduced to her turgid, platitude-strewn world via this site, such an idea strikes me as less of a joke and more of a blessed relief.

  65. Christopher
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, but just about everything Jimmy Olsen does should be followed by “Whoa!” because there has never been a time where he wasn’t completely insane.

    Jack Kirby took over Jimmy Olsen’s comic in the early 70s and wrote a story where Jimmy infiltrated a biker gang that lived in a giant subterranean tree-house and quested after a moving mountain that turned out to be a gigantic missile carrier, which eventually led to super-man fighting a giant Green Jimmy Olsen clone that was ultimately stopped when inch-high clones of Olsen’s sidekicks parachuted out of an RC plane.

    Also, the criminal syndicate known as Intergang tried to kill Don Rickles’ good twin, Goody Rickles (No relation).

    And the thing is, this was saner then what was going on before Kirby got on board.

    Here’s some more Olsen nonsense.

    Everything about Olsen is USDA approved grade A crazy. He’s no Spider-Man.

  66. AhClem
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    I disagree with all the praise being heaped on Lynn Johnston’s husband for leaving her. If he had stayed around, Lynn would be retiring on schedule, and we could look foward to not seeing FBOFW spewing glurge and drivel all over the comics page every day. There is a special circle of hell with your name on it, Rod Johnston.

    When my daughter was little, I used to bring her to monthly meetings of a local railway historical society I belonged to. One of the other members had a habit of frequently nodding off during the presentation. My daughter would nudge me every couple of minutes and whisper “Dad, he’s asleep!” “Dad, he’s awake!” etc. etc.

    Lynn Johnston’s frequent “I’m retiring!”/”I’m not retiring!” proclamations remind me a lot of this.

  67. GotFuzzy
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Is George Lucas still single? Maybe we can hook up him and Lynn and get them a few hobbies so they will quit tinkering with played-out ideas already.

  68. buschap
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    #9: MattF, it’s hard to tell, but I think the gag is that Momma is countering the doctor’s claim that she can deal with it. Something like, “Hey buddy, the painful thing is in me; you don’t know how this feels.”

  69. bats :[
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    43. Drunken Housewife: I hope I’m just goofin’ here, but how about John P. having a heart attack and dropping out of the strip entirely?
    Of course, this is far too neat and tidy if it’s a quick exit for him. Not enough breast-beating and “oh, poor poor me’s” for Elly.
    Maybe April can be written out entirely, and Farley can live to a ripe old age of 25, as his son is apparently doing.

    52. flummoxicated: “attention whore.” Yes. Absolutely.

  70. Perky Bird
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    I was watching Jeopardy! the other night, and one of the categories was essentially a bunch of platitudes and other lame sayings, and you had to supply who said it. I was really glad that Josh wasn’t on that episode. He would have been shouting, “Who is Mary Worth! Who is Mary Worth!”

  71. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    66 AhClem: I’m pretty certain that “Glurge and Drivel” is either a comedy duo from the late sixties or the Albanian translation of “Sturm und Drang”, one or the other, I’m not sure which.

  72. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    How is Lynn going to preserve the 1980′s outlook of a twenty year old new mom when she is redoing the strips as a bitter hag in the ‘aughts?

  73. 150
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Which is more painful: a gall-bladder attack, or trying to figure out today’s Momma?

  74. Calico
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    #58-So you saw Michael’s first book, “Stoned Stupid”, on the cheapo table? Allll Rigghhht!

    Lynn will not stop until someone pries the pen and nib from her cold, dead hands. She’ll probably live to be 800 years old. Good for us.

  75. spookycatlady
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    As a citizen of Canadialand, I have noticed a horrifying possible emerging trend. Famous alleged icons, those that have been canonized in my fair land because they have managed to achieve cross-border success tend to annoy me to the point I want to stuff grapes in peoples ears as a means of distraction. They then announce retirement and steadfastly refuse to go away. I submit to you: Celine Dion’s supposed baby hiatus a few years ago (that never was) and now FBOFW. I apologize on behalf of my people. I also apologize for my abuse of the run-on sentence. I’m very upset.

  76. Tomcat
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Jeez, either Luann’s really slutty, or really stupid. Either way, that’s probably the only thing guys look at on her anymore.

  77. Bryan
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    25 – Count Shimpula:
    “So I’m confused, did Lynn Johnston have a heart transplant?”

    No, it means she’s eating a different brand of orphan heart now.

  78. Calico
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    #62 – And April, a la Elizabeth Berkely, goes on to Vegas to become a “Showgirl.”

  79. Sunny Paris
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Now, honey, I know the divorce was tough, and you think that you only have your work. But that’s not true. You have a lot of money and fame and, as far as I know, the ability to still move all your limbs. Take some of your money, and go on that cruise. By yourself. Because you can do it– you’re a grown up. Or take a girlfriend and go to one of those spas where hot young men give you massages for four days straight but you can tell people you were working out. Or go explore Australia like my Mom, who is your age, wants to do, but can’t, because she still has to work for a living, like the normal folks. Or go climb a mountain or go scuba diving. Or join an international relief organization and give some kid in Africa with AIDs hope. Or move up north and get to know all those native peoples you have such an affinity for. Or do anything. But don’t bury yourself in your work. There’s only so much time you have on earth. Go out and explore it.

    I’d like to think I was telling all this for you for non-selfish reasons… but I’m not.

  80. tom
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    Ok maybe I’m weird, but I actually thought Luann was kind of funny.
    The lion cubs in Mark Trail are cute and hopefully hungry.
    Why doesn’t someone just kill Cranksaft, he be happy and so would everyone else.

  81. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    75: To paraphrase the immortal Clemenza, “leave the Celine Dion, take the socialized medicine”.

  82. Shoshi
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Instead of “new-run”, as Lynn suggests, how about “simulquel”? Hahaha.

  83. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    How can LJ in good faith go back and redo the strip? I seriously doubt she had all the story arcs lined up way back when.

    The evolution of the characters will be stilted now. Every time Mikey goes to play with Lawrence, we will be looking for gay connections.

    When Liz meets up with Anthony, we will be looking to see if he is displaying any of those latent tendencies to lock his kid in the basement when he goes to work.

    And John playing with his choo choo until sores appear.

    It is going to be a painful ride.

  84. MaryAnnTheRest
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #41 Craig: That’s COTW if I had a vote! Worth scrolling up to read, peeps.

  85. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    #79 Sunny Paris – But don’t you see? She can’t go on a cruise alone, because then people would think she was a whore!

  86. Astroboy
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    FOOBs – With this latest anouncement from LJ, I am very, very afraid to go over to CoffeeStalk.

    “Oh, Lynn, you are so wise! My daughter is nearly the same age as Liz and I one of my brother’s names starts with an ‘M.’ It’s like you’re writing MY life story.”

    Regarding Encyclopedia Brown, am I the only one who always sympathized with Bugs Meany? In addition to being the weakest “villain” since Count Weirdly…I mean, the guy’s name was BUGS FREAKIN’ MEANY! With a name like that, the poor dude never stood a chance in the atraight world.

  87. Shoshi
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    81. No, take the wide open spaces and vast natural resources, leave the Canadian government and social philosophy. Yes, I have been contemplating a war of acquisition.

  88. Astroboy
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    “straight world”

    my keyboard sux

  89. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    87: No! Take the Moosehead, leave the pickled eggs!

  90. Robert
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Five will get you ten that John P. will come out of the closet, abandon his family and be murdered on the streets of Calgary while soliciting male prostitutes. And Anthony will propose polygyny as the solution to all their problems.

  91. Batman Beatles
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Foob: “For the past year, For Better or for Worse has switched between old and new stories, but Johnston said “that became very confusing. Some people really enjoyed it, and some just wanted us to get on with the story.”

    Oh you think?!?!

  92. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    August 15th, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    The Foobomination: As befits my name on this blog, I had today’s stack of books going out on interlibrary loan and one of them was the 17th collection of FOOB called “Love Just Screws Everything Up” It’s from the period where Elizabeth dumps Anthony and then decides to be friends because as she said “love just screws everything up” Looking through the book briefly I could see that it was from the end of the period I used to like the strip yet knowing what I do now, it’s easy to see that all the seeds for the current Foobomination was there all along.

    Seeing the 1990′s strips makes me hate the current incarnation even more. Was the strip really better then? No, not really since the shark had been jumped with Farley’s death. John was still a jerk, Elly a put upon martyr, Michael too precious for words, Elizabeth was probably the only character at the time who seemed possibly normal, and then of course there is Apewill, Murderer of Farley. There was all the squinched-eyed grunting, glorping, smacking and munching going on at the dinner table and the stupid puns. Aaaaugggghhhh!!!!

    Those who call the upcoming destruction of John and Elly’s marriage after Chinnuts dies and the other Batiuk like glurge I add my voice.

    The only strip more unbearably stupid is Dick Tracy, but nothing beats the Freud meets Tennessee Williams gothic horror of the Foobomination.

    My apologies to the entire goth nation and to all writers, artists, etc of the genre for even using the word gothic to describe the supreme banality of evil that is FOOB.

  93. spike
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    #155 mere cog & #160 commodorejohn (yesterthread): Mea maxima culpa!
    I had indeed confused True Fable and commodrejohn, both of whom have no great love for LJ. While one has a caustic reaction to things Foobian, the other has a caustic andvitriolic response–definitely not good for one’s blood pressure, hence my remark to Mooncattie about calling EMS.

    Glad to hear all is well with you, commodorejohn!

  94. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    #89 mere cog in the machine – No! Keep Scott Ramsoomair and Ian McDonald and leave the Lynnions!

  95. Captain Thunder
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    A tragic tale of death, slavery, and mayhem in the jungle awaits at Dennis, Viscount of Stokington!

    Truly, this installment of our roguish hero’s exploits shall bring chills to the hearts of men and cause well-born young ladies to swoon in pity at the tale told therein!

  96. Perky Bird
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    # 67 GotFuzzy–

    Dear Lord, now I’m envisioning “FOOB Wars”! Darth Vader plays with trains. Han Solo has a pornstache. Luke gives up being a Jedi to write crappy novels. Leia goes to teach among the noble Ewoks. Yoda sits around saying “BOXCAR!” And Chewbacca drowns in a river, and they plant a tree in his honor.

  97. Gabacho
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth – You can stop being coy now. We know you are coming up pregnant and we’ll all pretend to be surprised.

    The only questions are whether the “accident” is discovered this week or next and if you name the baby May because she will be born in May, just like April Patterson was born in April (she’s probably very grateful not to have been born in November.)

  98. Red Greenback
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL!: Why are they YELLING! Inside a sealed cave where you could hear a tiny eyehook drop on the sandy bottom! In the same cave with a mother mountain lion and her cubs!? Now Kelly I can understand, but outdoorstress Cherry too?! Only two things I can see Elrod setting up here: 1) Cherry fights off the mama lion with the barky stick-o-fire until Mark bursts upon the scene to render it unconscious with the RFO’J or figures out she is only irritable beacause she (the lion) is infested with the offspring of 4,000 year old fleas and gives her (the lion) a nice flea bath. Or: 2) Mark yells “HEY! THAT’S A FRIEND OF MINE’S PET LION! SHE’S HARMLESS AND DOESN”T UNDERSTAND YOUR HOSTILITY TOWARDS HER!”

  99. Crankenstank
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    That’s the first thing I said to Mrs. Crankenstank this morning when I read Blondie in our local parrot cage liner: “Ha ha! Dagwood peed his pants!! Finally the sophisticated adult humor of the original flapper-vintage Blondie strips is back!” And when I showed it to our four-year old, he laughed aloud at a Blondie joke for the first time in his life. And, given the level of humor, most likely the last, as when he turns five no doubt jokes about Dagwood’s potty accidents will be anachronistic, nay, absurd, even so a seasoned kindergartener.

  100. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    I am in the minority here, but I don’t have a problem with legacy strips being drawn by children of long dead people or fo people hired to do the strip.

    But don’t go back and rewrite history. That would be worse than complete reruns. she should have trained someone to tkae over the strip that would have and idea of what 30-somethings do these days. She could hang around as “Excutive Ceator”, but let the new person gradually take command.

    I actually like the strip in that people actually get older. It gets tiresome seeing people in comics who stay the same age forever.

    Although it will be fun reading old strips knowing how they turn out. Seeing Mike having a sleep over at Lawrence’s house will be great.

  101. Damp Monkey
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    It figures. The one time Crankshaft actually says something profound and not a lame, old geezer pun, his daughter looks like she wants to push him off the top of the Ferris wheel.

    As for Momma: “I’m dying, doctor! Everything hurts!” has to be one of the most depressing statements on the comics page ev– well, at least today.

  102. Violet
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    So Dagwood is an incontinent time-waster; Crankshaft’s only source of fulfillment is spreading misery to those around him; Marmaduke is a slobbering, insupportable burden to the Hitler family; and Momma is obnoxious, shriveled and dying. It’s like a typical day in the comics, only more so. I can only assume that somewhere Marvin is taking malicious satisfaction in shitting himself, Spider-Man is singing along to the Empire Today commercial, and a shabbily-dressed Plugger is finding a way to cheap out on taking a nap in his own filth while eating a bacon-wrapped ice-cream sandwich.

  103. Red Greenback
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Foob: I think it would be awesome if Lynn has another “change of heart” and retires and lets the guy who wrote the Jimmy Olsen comics (mentioned above by Christopher @ #65) write the new foobs.

  104. Calico
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    #98 – Frickin’ wonderful.

    #41 – Same.
    Now make the tummy ache stop, you all! I want candy!

  105. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    I kind of want FOOB to be frozen at the wedding forever. Everyday, more dresses, lists of donations, people driving around, the caterer showing up, the receiving line, etc etc etc for the next 20 years.

    Because if you’re going to be frozen in time, you should be frozen in time, damnit and not have plots and whatnot. Frozen is frozen.

  106. yeff (Jeff Soesbe)
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    I, for one, look forward to the continuation of FBOFW. You see, it’s gonna get meeeean. Mean and bitter and wrist-cutting nasty.


    - yeff

  107. Calico
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    #75 – Kanatavegas, USA – the official birthplace of Celine Dion.

  108. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    100: I’m pretty sure that closing his eyes and thinking of those long ago sleepovers at Lawrence’s was the only way that Mike was able to procreate.

  109. ScienceGiant
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Lynn Johnston = Brett Favre


  110. ScienceGiant
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Actually, no.

    Lynn Johnston = Senator Ted Stevens

  111. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    108-Be sure to give me an assist when your comment wins COTW.

  112. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #102 for COTW

  113. Orange Doorhinge
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Future FOOB storylines:

    Anthony’s ex wants custody of their daughter!

    Liz gets pregnant!

    Michael’s book is made into a movie! With him as “advisor”!

    April gets pregnant! WHO is the father?

    Turns out Grandpa was ‘mercy killed’ by Iris.

  114. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    111: Many thanks, but I do believe you are onto something. I can visualize those sweaty, tentative, adolescent fumblings under the Power Rangers comforter in the tent in Lawrence’s backyard; the knowing leers exchanged across the breakfast table when Lawrence’s mom states her intention to go grocery shopping and asks if “you boys will be OK by yourselves for awhile”; the nervous, charged double-dog-dare-ya’s over who will be the first to use their mouth instead of their hand; it all makes sense! Why else does Mike’s wife look like a really cute 13 yr old boy??
    Oh, ick. I’m creeping myself out.

  115. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    That is the first time I’ve ever associated the words “really cute” with Mike’s wife.

  116. saxman
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    98: Mark Trail

    “Move back slowly Kelly.”

    (While I move back pretty quickly, and the mother puma gets to you first.)

  117. Foolster41
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    LJ isn’t retiring? I have no problem with that, but why can’t she write something new? A story can only go so far before it gets tiresome.(I guess we’re beyond that anyway.) I’m hoping LJ doesn’t take out any frustrations from the divorce on her characters, and subsequently the readers.

    Momma: Both creepy and unfunny. Oh wait, it’s Momma.

  118. Red Greenback
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    #115 LTBF: Dee may not be cute, but she makes up for it with her great person… a… li… nevermind.

  119. Old School Allie Cat
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    FOOB – I suspect she’s not retiring because Rod cleaned out her bank account before he left her for his new mount(ie).

  120. mere cog in the machine
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    102 Violet: Sublime!

  121. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    #119 Old School Allie Cat – I think you mean “mountee!”

  122. Little Guy
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Lynn, Brett Favre called, and about that un-retirement…

  123. Pope Buck I
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Why do I have a horrible fear that Lynn is going to go the opposite direction from what we’re all thinking?

    I mean, we all know what happened with Elizabeth: Lynn’s daughters didn’t stay at home and re-create their parents’ lives, so Lynn controlled the one thing she could control – her fictive universe – and remodeled poor Elizabeth into Elly II, ready to throw away her independent life and become a Canadian Stepford wife (would that be a Deptford wife?).

    To wit: What if she doesn’t lash out at John, but instead (in time-honored Johnston revisionist fashion) makes him into THE MOST SAINTLY, DEVOTED HUSBAND EVER EVER EVER IN THE WORLD? We’ll see evil tramps try to seduce him away from Elly, and he will valiantly resist temptation and declare that his Elly is the only girl in the world for him! Maybe, Elizabeth-style, he’ll desert his model railroads and golf, the better to devote himself to massaging Elly’s poor tired feet and basking in her presence all day long.

    It gives me chills just thinking about it.

  124. Galuaboy
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I realize that there a goodly number of you on here that are upset with Lynn’s “change of heart,” but c’mon . . . most of us delight in the horridness that is Foobland. That’s precisely why we read it! I’ve always seen this blog and its commenters as the MST3K of the comics page. Would it be any fun to watch Crow and Servo make fun of a GOOD movie? We all live for the snark, and LJ has just laid an unending feast before us. Just think of the joy when Liz and Blandthony’s union is blessed with issue and we’ll get to delight in the half-sibling rivalry with Francie, who of course will be the evil step-sister as she is the spawn of the wicked witch Therese. I, for one, am both giddy with anticipation . . . and racked with shame for it. Bring it on, Lynn, bring it on.

  125. ridureyu
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    So, For Better or For Worse isn’t ending? Unfortunately, this probably only ups our chances of getting a hardcore interpretation of the honeymoon.

  126. Angevon
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    I -think- the <fingerquotes>joke</fingerquotes> in Momma is that the doctor had the “gall” to tell her that the attack is small when it hurts her so much. -insert sarcastic “haha” sounds here-

    Momma in pain is kinda a nice thought, though.

  127. shMerker
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    “every single installment of Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean [should] contain the phrase “an undercurrent of melancholy that I can’t quite seem to put into words.””

    Ooh, ooh, let me try: “There’s a guy who’s hate is a viral epidemic and everybody dies of cancer.”

  128. Jordan
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    #103 Red -

    Oh, man. Jack “King” Kirby writing and drawing FBOFW would be a laugh riot unlike no other. I’m a huge fan of the guy, but Google “The Dingbats of Danger Street” sometime and see how appalling/hysterical the King’s writing was at times.

    Sadly, though, even if the man wasn’t 15 years dead, by the time he died he was completely robbed of his ability to draw. Sometimes his wife even caught him sitting at his drawing board crying.

    Hmmm. That sounds like a Batuik moment.

  129. Uncle Lumpy
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Johnston’s current “plans” for the strip are no more coherent than those from a year ago (Mike reads to Mewwie) or a month ago (reruns with corrected drawings). I’m convinced she has absolutely no idea how she’s going to carry this off, but simply buckled under pressure from her syndicate and her staff, with maybe a little divorce and retirement panic thrown in for good measure.

    It’s a legitimate problem: she’s fueling a 2,000-paper franchise that generates income for herself, staff, and partners. She just doesn’t want to do it anymore, but hasn’t got the confidence or will to stop.

    The current plan is unsustainable — what, she’s going to touch up 30-year old drawings? Retcon the puns? So I don’t think this will be the last reversal.

  130. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    The new format is supposed to start in two weeks. Most comics have already submitted their comics by now. Is she suddenly going to change them?

    I wonder if this will win back the Atlanta Journal-Consitution.

  131. Sequitur
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone seen Lynn Johnston and Brett Favre together in the same place at the same time? Hmmm…
    (Anyone seen “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective”?)

  132. lynngineering
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    from the interview of Lynn

    She said she will revert to her earlier drawing style: “Over the years, Elly’s nose grew up to the size of a potato. Now I’m drawing it smaller again, the way it was when I first started to draw. There is a huge difference between the earlier and the later styles.”

    The huge difference is not just stylistic… it’s right in front of your face Lynn, figure it out. Rod did.

    So Elly gets the rhinoplasty of rewriting your own history. Fits perfectly with controlling types joined to celebrity culture: the “realism” of ages and aging that belonged in part to the interesting, original FBOFW, has long ago shifted to fantasy of Hallmark Cards where everyone looked interbred, except of course non-white people who are left off in the margins anyway. So some people were stuck in the middle of the transition and need to be brought up to speed.

    As for “single woman so I will work on” that’s very nice and all, except it sounds like someone who has started therapy. Because you – gasp – aren’t married now you think going each day to the same ten younger employees, is going to be the equivalent of social exchange?

    You mean, despite having received awards and such recognition in Canada you actually don’t know anyone? You dominated a comic industry there but don’t have any colleagues to hang with – no further “relations” to a world? You don’t have anything else to do than think about cruise ships and whatever-the-hell a Tilley hat is? So “seeing Panama or the Mediterranean” is just euphenism for “Rod and I bangin on a cruise ship in exotic locales”? (Just like Mitwhatever was for Liz….)

    On the way to the wedding, I looked back over the CC family album, to see what Josh posted on FBOFW and especially the last panels over the last two years – the Michael years. There were hardly any of those crappy puns … but if I line these up, chronologically, I’m sure most of us know the rest of the scenes, such classics as:

    3/30/07: Elly and husband in bed: “Sigh…It’s so nice to have a teenager we don’t have to worry about.”

    4/4/07 April to Gerald: “That’s different. To us it’s a secret, to you it’s a score!”

    4/7/07 who can forget the infamous Michael to Dee: “Almost as bad as getting married…”

    4/18/07 April: “Sigh…Nothings going to be the same”

    5/3/07 Liz: “I’d like a hole to crawl into where I can die.”

    5/4/07 Liz: I’m a TOTAL IDIOT!!”

    5/24/07 April: It’s all MY fault!!!”

    6/13/07 – Julia ” an inconvenient tooth”

    7/2/07: Liz: “Mason?”.. Mason: “zzzzzzzzz”

    7/16/07 (yet another Michael about Mom’s kitchen) “I’ve always like it the way IT IS!”

    8/29/07 April exiting the train: “Daaadddyy!!”

    9/21/07 The daughter of Michael (he of coma fame) holding onto a remote control she sleeps with: “Yah, if I don’t like a dream I’m having – I can CHANGE IT.”

    Then it really all goes off as the countdown begins at:

    2/26/08: Dee: Michael this is an heirloom
    Michael: Oh. Then…I guess it goes back into the crawl space.

    3/13/08 Liz to Anthony: “yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!”

    5/12/08 Warren to Liz: “aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!”

    6/11/08: Pa to Elly: “I won’t have anything to do..”

    oh the list gets punnier and more homily like as the fantasy wedding cointinues. It was an interesting ride when there was some focus, at least that.

  133. Brendan
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    That’s it, she’s left us no choice.

    Kill her. Kill her now.

  134. Red Greenback
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    128-Jordan: Man, that’s a sad story about Mr. Kirby. Didn’t stop LJ, though. How about this one: Lynn could go the Gary Bookins or Scaduto (Speaking of sad, I’m still choked up about Al’s passing). Anyway, Lynn could go the reader contributor route and have her fans with the cameras in their homes write the damn thing. Could you imagine the Treakly McGlurge those folks would come up with? Truman Fable and the other Masters would shift into snark hyperdrive.

  135. ScienceGiant
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    #105 Les of the Jungle Patrol: Not quite the “Great Expectations” the syndicator had in mind for FBOFW, though. But, yes, how fantastic would it be to see Liz living in a rotting mansion and wearing her old wedding dress every day of her life?

  136. Consul, the Almost Human
    August 15th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    #129 – Uncle Lumpy asks:
    “The current plan is unsustainable — what, she’s going to touch up 30-year old drawings? ”

    I’m thinking she’s calling Thomas Kinkade. Works for him.

    The Tiny Train House, glowing from the inside in shades of teal, lavender, and fail

  137. Monster Jamz
    August 15th, 2008 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    BLONDIE: Dagwood has to piss.
    CRANKSHAFT: Crankshaft is morose as he faces his death. everyone around him must suffer.
    MARMADUKE: dog is hungry, indifferent to Hitler owner.
    MOMMA: we are forced to hear Momma and her doctor talk about the inside of Momma.

    i think i need a drink.

  138. Red Greenback
    August 15th, 2008 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Okay, This is it… I’m going over to check out the foob coffee fart thing. If I get into a jam over there, is it go into the light, or go away from the light?

  139. Paul1963
    August 15th, 2008 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Red Greenback @ 103: As mentioned earlier, Jack Kirby, who wrote the gonzo Jimmy Olsen issues as part of his series of “Fourth World” titles at DC in 1971-72, passed away in 1994.
    (The other titles were New Gods, Forever People and Mister Miracle.)
    Kirby decided to leave Marvel for DC in 1970. He was offered Superman, but, the story goes, was worried that he might not be a good fit and asked to be put on the worst-selling of the Superman titles. That was Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen. Kinda surprising that Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane was actually selling better, but I digress.
    Kirby was apparently not the only person who thought he might not be a good fit for Superman, as every single one of the Superman heads he drew was redrawn, at editorial instruction, by Murphy Anderson (who was inking Curt Swan on Superman at the time). The Anderson heads just leap out at you from the pages and covers.
    Most of the pre-Kirby writers of the Olsen title have also passed, including Otto Binder and Superman co-creator Jerry Siegel.
    This episode of More Than You Wanted to Know is brought to you by Paul’s Overstuffed Brain, retaining trivia since 1963!

  140. Old School Allie Cat
    August 15th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    #130 – LTBF – the AJC is dropping FBOFW? NICE!


    A Former Atlantan

  141. Brick Bradford
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    One of Kirby’s last pieces was done in 1987 for an attempted revival of Argosy magazine. It’s a story based on his childhood in Brooklyn and printed entirely in pencils. Though it involves a bunch of kids having a neighborhood brawl the action is every bit as exciting as the FF fighting Galactus or whatever. There’s a two page spread of his old neighborhood that stands up with anything he did at Marvel or DC. Alas, his eye condition prevented him from following up on this, and the attempt to revive the magazine failed. The strip is in Mark Evanier’s “Kirby: King of Comics” and is worth the price of the whole book.

    Kirby did a number of romance comics (he and Joe Simon invented the genre) so he could do FOOB. What I’d really like to see is him doing Mary Worth. Of course, if every villain in the Marvel Universe were to attack the FOOB wedding, as they did Reed and Sue’s wedding in Fantastic Four Annual #3, that would be a gas.

  142. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    130, 140: They sodding well still BETTER be!


    A Current Atlantan

  143. Invisible Me
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    You know, I don’t like the FOOB idea either, but maybe a little less “women only exist so men can get erections from looking at them, and if they don’t look the right way they should be scorned as the scum of the earth” would be appropriate.

    Or a lot less. Or perhaps it’s possible to judge a cartoonist without picking on her looks. Funny how only women get that kind of treatment. Funny how men think it’s fine, and anyone who complains about it should “lighten up”. (But God forbid you criticize their favourites in the same way!)

  144. Carter
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW may not soon become a zombie strip, however, I still say a clean shot to the head is the best way to take it down.

  145. plusaconstant
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    #66 Ahclem – You hit the nail right on the head. I admit, I’ve been sick of that strip for a long time. Lynn Johnston’s husband may have fallen in love with another woman, but I feel like he just totally fucked me.

  146. MDV
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    If that is Marmaduke’s “Best Buddy” look, I wouldn’t want to see his “I’m going to devour you alive” face.

  147. SF_Reader
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    #56 RedGreenback – An hour later and I’m still giggling over your Blondie.

    Lots of upset people because Lynn Foob is not retiring. But really, all that matters is whom will Rex Morgan sleep with next? You know he’s not getting on that cruise ship with his wife. My money’s on one of the Regatta crew.

  148. Zac
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    The problem with Momma is that it really needs her making a smart-alecky face to get the point across. Like the faces Garfield always makes (not the sly faces Sally Forth makes).

  149. Vince M
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    65: Oh, my COW – I thought I remembered how insanely asinine the Jimmy Olsen comics were, and they’re much, MUCH worse! Writing for Olsen and the Lois Lane comics must have been some kind of punishment at DC.
    I did enjoy reading Jackie Kennedy’s cameo in a Dr. Girlfriend voice though.

  150. Zaq
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. The monstrosity that is FOOB is harder to kill than Rasputin, Pangloss, and Dr. Wily put together.

    I’m just wondering how much MORE spiteful and petty she’s going to get, now that she’s not working under “deadline.” We all know, that if there’s one thing FOOB does “well,” or at least thoroughly, it’s character assassination. Taking bets on when John’s going to stray from Elly… I say before Christmas.

    As for the other comics…

    DT: Panicked, covered in blood (her own and others’), shouting through clenched teeth, Shirl Locke looks more normal and less terrifying than at any time previous.

    MW: Something’s really wrong with Chinbeard’s face in panel 2, and I’m not a good enough artist to tell what, but he looks even creepier than normal today. Like an illustration from a really terrifying children’s book, done by Joe Giella. Is it just me?

    Doonesbury: How many other strips could get away with a character openly admitting, perfectly serious, “no, this is because I’m stoned?” How many other strips would even try? Doonesbury’s definitely not what it once was, but I’ve still got some respect for it most of the time.

    Spider-Man: Anyone else get the impression that this could go on for weeks? Monday, Wednesday, Friday have the Vulture hitting Spidey, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday have Spider slapping the Vulture. Be glad Locher isn’t writing this, or that’s probably exactly what would happen.

    FOOB: Given what we know about Lynn’s personal life (read: way, way too much) and her control-freak tendencies, this strip is goddamn chilling. I guess we should be thankful Lynn’s a cartoonist and not, say, a politician. *shudder*

    Phantom: It’s never over, Andre, not in the Jungle Patrol!

    A3G: You can just see Eric thinking, “Grown up?! I… I don’t understand. Is Tim delirious?”

  151. JupiterPluvius
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    Everyone’s assuming that Rod Johnston’s new partner is younger or better-looking than Lynn…why? Perhaps she’s age-appropriate and exactly as frumpy as Lynn, but not so sanctimonious and delusional!

  152. JupiterPluvius
    August 15th, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Also, here’s the weird thing. First, Lynn said that she was retiring because of the divorce (last fall). Now, she says that she’s not retiring because of the divorce.


  153. Colinski
    August 15th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Is Momma’s doctor one of those frogs from Id?

  154. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    #143 Invisible Me – I don’t think anybody’s been criticizing Lynn’s looks (although she could do with less of that Tammy Faye-ish makeup overload.) That’s reserved pretty much for Benjamin Franklin in drag Elly. Besides, whatever she looks like, she’s pretty damn ugly on the inside.

  155. arlo
    August 15th, 2008 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    So first she was retiring. Then she was “freezing” the characters in time to have them sit around and reminisce about childhood, interspersed with actual strips of their childhoods.
    Now she’s going to freeze the characters in time, go back to the beginning, and retell the whole story of their lives with a mix of old and new strips.
    Has she ever considered just… continuing the strip? Is it that she can’t envision ANYTHING happening after the wedding? I think maybe Lynn just doesn’t like poor April. I wouldn’t have minded seeing her progress toward her adulthood as a horse veterinarian who rocks out at karaoke on Thursday nights…

  156. Uncle Lumpy
    August 15th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    #155 arlo –

    I think she wants out of the daily schedule. All the “solutions” she’s proposed allow part-time work.

  157. JupiterPluvius
    August 15th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Well, if she wants out of the daily schedule, why doesn’t she just pull the plug on the damn thing?

  158. Anonymous
    August 15th, 2008 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    MOMMA: At first I thought Momma was telling the doctor that “he had some GALL” telling her she was only having a little gall bladder attack. Is that it, maybe? A tenuous connection.

  159. Mazement
    August 15th, 2008 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    Trying to set the office record for most cups of water drunk in a row is all fun and games…until someone DIES of water intoxication.

  160. Mibbitmaker
    August 15th, 2008 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    #92 (Patrick…): I know the whole universe seems to agree that Farleykill was the JtS moment for FOOB, but I strongly disagree. To me, it was the very “love screws everything up” storyline that was the beginning of the end of the Good FOOB. All the worst stuff (Eric stalking Liz, the Eric beating, Ellie betrays April over Kortney, Liz goes to Mtiguffin, Liz leaves Mtiguffin, the Impossible Book Deal, Dee “forgets” her contraception — twice! — and, of course, the 2000s Lizthony saga itself and every ugly/contrived twist of it) happened afterwards, and the Lizthony one was directly started by the “screws everything up” part.

    Some of Lynn’s worst qualities were always there (the glurge, the John/men-in-general bashing), even during the strip’s glory days, c. 1985-2000. From that period, early on (from the “Pushing 40″ collection), we see unreasonable Ellie (a common trait nowadays, even in her sainthood) forcing dopey screw-up John to be late for Phil’s wedding as he dumps trash in a bin while losing a watch in there, digging in then stinking up the church. (In a redo, Lynn will probably have John dumping a dead body; someone he killed, I’m sure!)

    The collection ends with Li’l Liz echoing Ellie that boys are all jerks and they never grow up as men. Making the dopey “cellphone gunslingers” thing quaint by comparison.

    In the same collection, Ellie visits former neighbor lady at her nursing home. They go to Bingo in a sequence as funny and engaging as any in Calvin & Hobbes, et al.

    Anyway, the real dammage followed, and was partly caused by, Liz and Anthony becoming “just friends”, imho.

  161. Braniff
    August 15th, 2008 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    156–Here’s a solution for Lynn–change her line of work:

    “Hi. Welcome to Wal-Mart”

  162. commodorejohn
    August 15th, 2008 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    #160 Braniff – I dunno, I thought you had to be able to at least feign cheerful politeness to do that.

  163. Mibbitmaker
    August 15th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    #81, etc.:

    Take SCTV, leave FOOB.

  164. Tim
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    Ooh! Now, via osmosis, every cell in Dagwood’s body will burst! I’ve been looking forward to this day for a while. Death becomes him.

  165. Uncle Lumpy
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    #157 JP

    . . . why doesn’t she just pull the plug on the damn thing?

    1) money — papers will drop her more slowly if she can pretend she’s not in repeats
    2) staff & syndicate — folks she cares about depend on her to make a living

  166. CanuckDownSouth
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Well, in the middle of all the FOOB-snark, it seems appropriate to mention that I’ve updated my fanfic here.

    If you missed the previous installment (late Thursday night), you should read that first here

  167. FOOBed again
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    #143 Invisible Me: Well, FOOB isn’t exactly a bastion of feminism either.

    Look at the way Liz was encuraged to come back home and marry Anthony, and the implication that her life wasn’t complete until she married. Look at how Dee has to do all t he housework and childcare even though she has a job, and how her life revolves around Michael and the kids and his big career as a fourth-rate author? What about Dee’s career? We never see her at work.

    Look at how Lynn made it seem like Therese was a bad mother because she had a career and wanted Anthony to take care of Francoise. Even Elly is never allowed to really succeed at any kind of career.

    As far as making fun of looks on this blog–it seems like it’s usually when the character is unlikeable/stupid/annoying/obnoxious/sanctimonius or whatever, and making fun of her looks is just an extenision of making fun of her personality. And people make fun of men’s looks too, such as Professor Ian “Chinbeard” Cameron in “Mary Worth”, or even the kid with the mullet in “Gil Thorp”. Plus Elly is a cartoon character, she’s not real. I don’t recall seeing too many people making fun of Lynn’s actual looks, it’s usually her creation or her character that gets snarked on.

    And I’m an older, overweight woman too, and I usually get upset when there are people making fun of actual women’s looks. And I’m just not seeing that on this blog!

  168. FOOBed again
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Also, CanuckDownSouth, your Foob’s Paradise is awesome!

  169. Little Guy
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    Charles Schultz (I think Lynn may have met him once or twce) had it planned out that he would retire Peanuts and step away from the drawing table to enjoy the rest of his life.

    Masky McDeath had other plans.

    Considering how cosmic, karmic, and arbitrary the Game that is Life can be, Lynn should not be giving Karma shipments of fresh Canadian air.

    ….I’m just sayin’….

  170. Ms. Honeystump
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s truly sad about Lynn’s husband leaving her. Then again, the new meat is prob’ly all “roadside” a “gig” an’ all.

  171. Ms. Honeystump
    August 15th, 2008 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    …should be all “roadside” an’ a “gig” an’ all.

    Sorry about that. My comment had to be retold in a blending of repeat and new words.

  172. Brick Bradford
    August 15th, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about Jimmy Olsen comics, “Midnight Scare Theater” is one of my all time favorite comic book stories.

  173. Dynamite XI
    August 15th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Dunno if anyone saw this (I scanned through the comments and it didn’t look like anyone else posted this), but that news article about Lynn Johnston linked to a YouTube video, where she sits and explains why she’s keeping the strip around.

  174. Stroker Ace
    August 15th, 2008 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – Holding the office record doesn’t fully explain Dagwood’s wide stance in the men’s room.

  175. LTBF
    August 15th, 2008 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    Does her job really require daily work for her? Since most of her strips are six day story arcs (even if they are part of a larger story), it seems she could write the dialogue in a day or two. Doesn’t her staff do a lot of the artwork due to her physical problems?

    I also don’t see why she just can’t continue on with the story. Is she afraid of having to kill jim and Iris?

    BTW, are John’s parents still alive? I don’t remember ever seeing them.

  176. Joe Btfsplk
    August 15th, 2008 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – Move back slowly, Kelly! And remember, the lion can read your emotions! So whatever you do, do not change your facial expression! Just keep smiling blandly, as if you were looking at a bunch of fuzzy little bunnies!

    I like the mother lion’s expression in Panel Two. “Do you people mind? Hello, can I help you?!

  177. LTBF
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Foob is up and running on Yahoo. Just the idea that her anniversiary will be the day her Grandpa died, thus ruining it forever, makes me giddy with joy.

    And why did she decide to have the fart-a-phone guy grow a beard?Maybe his wife will get in a fight with whichever of Elly’s friends he used to screw and really ruin Liz’s wedding. That would really make my week.

  178. Big Sims, long time lurker...
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    #19 T. Chicana: Word.

    #132 lynngineering: Word Booty.

    As you were. Enjoying the conversation throughly.

  179. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    FBoFW And there we have it: the strip that will have sappy fans of glurge weeping and wailing into their hankies, the Dramatic Twist in the Happiest Storyline in the Whole Wide World. Gramps doesn’t want to spoil Liz’s big day, so instead she’ll go ahead and marry Angstony and later regret like hell that she didn’t postpone it for Gramps, which would have given herself time to really THINK about marrying a two-timing stalking wimpy weiner-to-the-tenth-power.

    But knowing how incredibly dense and unable to do anything for herself that she is, Lizzie will marry the asshat anyway. *sigh* Lock and load, folks, I’m ready to get drunk, act inappropriately and just generally put some life into this maudlin storyline of this dramic strip of Lynnie Baby’s.

  180. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Oh, and check out Uncle Phil in panels 3 and 4: Three has him popping his eyeballs out of the sockets, while four sees his eyeballs sink down into deep sockets like despair diving off the cliffs at Acapulco.

  181. Big Sims, long time lurker...
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    B-but..wasn’t the dress ENTIRELY FOR GRAMPWA’S BENEFIT!!!!

    I’hma gonna go cry now. Send a round my way Tru…

  182. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    #178 True Fable – Good Lord, when did Phil go from “slightly bohemian jazzman” to “Robert E. Lee?”

  183. Big Sims, long time lurker...
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:27 am [Reply]


  184. LTBF
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:28 am [Reply]


  185. Anonymous
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    I don’t mean to interrupt the Foob frenzy, but come on: Shoe some respect to Rex Morgan, Cabin Boy. The name has such a nice ring to it.

  186. LTBF
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    If you have a strong stomach, scroll down and read this gem I found on her coffee talk blog.

    When people ask about my second son’s name, I had been in the habit of telling them it goes well with my eldest’s (Arthur) as a King Arthur and Robin Hood kind of theme.

    But the REAL reason I chose such a lovely name of Robin for my son, was because of the inspiration from Michael and Deanna’s son.

    I’ve been enjoying the strip since I was a teenager, 18 years ago and now, when people ask about his name I tell them FIRST, it was because of FBOFW.

    Thank you!

    Jen, Massachusetts

    I’m not too up on British mythology. King Arthur and Robin hood weren’t part of the same story, were they? But I guess anyone who’d name their child after Mike’s son can’t be too bright.

  187. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    #185 LTBF – Maybe she played too much Defender Of The Crown. But then, given that the main reason to play that game was for the cleavage-riffic Saxon chicks, one wonders how she wound up having kids in the first place…

  188. Andy Panderer
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    RE: FOOB

    Okay, anyone who didn’t see this coming from a mile away, raise your hands.

    Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

  189. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:42 am [Reply]

  190. Farley's Revenge
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s FOOB: Cue Gramps’ kicking the bucket.

    Since Liz sped up the Wedding ‘O’ Doom for Gramps, are we supposed to believe she won’t notice his and Iris’ absences? Even if she makes it through the ceremony(having to speak up to be heard over the sounds of retching and hurling from the back pews where the ‘Mudges are lurking), I would think she’d notice when Gramps doesn’t clump through the receiving line.

    Knowing Liz, though, she could be told Gramps stopped off for coffee and lost track of time and she would believe it. Oh well. There’s always the video.

  191. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    If I was Liz and I moved up my wedding day in order that my ailing grandfather could make it to the ceremony, I think I would have at some point in the morning’s preparation, to ask if Gramps had arrived yet and if he and Iris were comfortable.

    If I was Liz, I would have spent more time with Gramps in the weeks beforehand if he meant that much to me.

    Of course, if I was Liz I would marry someone I had not spent the past ten years swearing I wasn’t in love with. I would marry someone who actually ASKED me to marry him instead of hemming and hawing and kinda sorta inquired with a general supposition. I would marry someone who told me “I love you” a loooooong time ago.

    And if I was Liz, I would be mad as hell at Uncle Phil and Elly for holding back this important information. Liz might want the family to have some final moments with Gramps; what about Mike, what about April and the grandchildren? Shouldn’t THEY know? I imagine April would rather be with Grampa than in Liz’s overblown wedding.

    So what will happen? Is Liz going to look around at the reception and ask where Gramps is, and when they tell her, is she going to rush over to the hospital still in her gown and say a big emotional goodbye to him (and he inexplicably calls her ‘Marian’ despite her wearing a now totally unrecognizable dress?) Is she going to weep and moan about how much she missed with him as she selfishly whined about other people working on her plans? Naw, she won’t care about that. But she just might regret giving away his harmonica.

    But wait! What do you want to bet that the Cranes/Crows/whoever have a GIFT-WRAPPED HARMONICA as a wedding present from lil’ Jesse, and that will give Liz something to fondly remember about her Gramps, and everything will be okay-fine then?

    *retch* pardon me!

  192. Mibbitmaker
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:45 am [Reply]


    FOOB: The wedding! It’s been batiuked!!

    FW: “Whoa! What am I doing here?” Multiple choice answers –

    a) I dunno, you tell me.
    b) Hey, you’re the writer!
    c) Writing one of the most overrated series in the most overrated genre in the comic book field.
    d) Being way in over your head?
    e) He’s been johnstoned!! This whiz kid turned out to be a lousy writer like St. Michael. And possibly Judge Parker.
    f) Making a massive deal over less than nothing?
    g) Going way further than “Seinfeld” making a work about nothing. And making a massive deal about that.
    h) Wasting our time.
    i) Wasting a strip going nowhere.
    j) About to get cancer and die.
    k) Discovering that your resemblance to Neil Gaiman makes it rather pointless to be scribing Supermoron.
    l) Who cares? More comics, mule!
    m) There IS no m).

  193. Mr. Barkie
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Dear Lynn Johnston,

    Fuck you!


    Everyone in the World

  194. Sorako-chan
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Jeez, Hitler can’t even sit down and eat his cubic cube-food without Hell Dog turning up. Careful with those Marm. Where do you think the Führer gets the strength of will to wake up in suburbia every day? Lovely bricks of mini-meth, thats where.

  195. Jnoble
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh for God’s sake Grampa, just die already.

    There, I said it and I’d say it again.

  196. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    #181 commodorejohn – You’d think the first people he’d call are his cousins, Professor Ian Camerson of Charterstone and Professor Aristotle Papagoras of Apartment 4-F, New York City!

  197. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    #185 LTBF – Never underestimate the idiocy of the average Coffee Stalk ass-kisser, my friend.

  198. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    #184 Anonymous – Oh lord YES, Rex Morgan Cabin Boy!

    Rex isn’t just gay; he’s bi. That’s why he’s married to the hottest woman in comicdom AND spends the week with a nubile teen boy in the woods. He’s a Man for All Reasons!

  199. alamo
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    197 – how about “a man for all pleasin’s”?

  200. LTBF
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    190-You also might get your lazy ass out of your car and go upstairs and actually say “Hi” to your grandfather instead of making your sister wait in the lobby.

    Of course, if you had half a brain as a writer, you’d have had Liz say, “Grandpa didn’t look well” instead of “How’s Grandpa” if you had wasted a week of bad going to the mall jokes and wanted to move things along.

    I think Liz said it best when she said “I do love Anthony…I don’t even have to think about it.”

  201. Big Sims, long time lurker...
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    #193 Sorako-chan
    I so rarely ask this but: What The Fuck are you talking about?
    All in good fun of course.

    Still waiting on that Scotch Mr Truman!

  202. alamo
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    193 – sorako-chan – i agree with you 100%.

  203. Uncle Lumpy
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    Saturday Foob

    And so the mystery of the Six Limos is revealed.

  204. Big Sims, long time lurker...
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    #201 alamo
    Oh, now I get it… Sorry Sorako-chan, I’m a little slow on the uptake.

  205. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    28 & 60 Mere Cog and 30 & 63 commodorejohn —

    There, there. It’s going to be okay. Have some popcorn?

    No. Wait. Screw that. Beer?


    Know what? I think it’s friggin’ great that Lynn is working through her feelings of betrayal and jealousy and pettiness. I’m just so glad she has this ongoing national platform to figuratively emasculate her ex-husband help her cope.


    Yeah, Lynn. You go, girl.


    Yeah. Here’s a toast to Lynn Johnston. May you remain steadfast in your resolve to shower blessings upon the Pattersons and never waver in your sanctimonious portrayal of your characters. May you remain strong even as papers begin to drop your strip. May your comic continue to garner the praise and admiration of simpletons everywhere. May your butter tarts fail to set up properly. May those last five pounds continue to cling to your buttocks.


    Clearly, I need to drink more.

  206. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    (WT)DT Okay, Locher is snarking himself.
    FW Are we supposed to know just what the hell is going on with Mopey Pete at this point?
    HotC Oh dear GOD not the Jonas Brothers again.
    A3G Dead man grinnin’.
    DtM God knows from bullshit, son. He knows you haven’t been menacing in a long, long time.
    JP That’s what he’ll tell Abby when he gets back, too – “I’ve lost my putter.”
    MT Was Doc’s close-up drawn by committee, or were sections of it done at different times of the day?
    MW Yes, the bill. But what words of wisdom will Mary have, to straighten out this internet quandry? “That’s what you get for not going to Cafe Press and ordering a Curmudgeon T-shirt, dear!”
    Momma Oh no, now Momma’s trying to seduce another son. The horror…the horror!
    RMMDRex just came back from a camping trip with Niki, and then went on the adventure with Count Morgu Andy, and now he’s going on vacation? Damn, I want his job.

  207. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    #201 Big Sims – Here’s a big splash of Reality Reducer, and a hearty toast: “Here’s to you, as good as you are; here’s to me, as bad as I am. As good as you are and as bad as I am, I’m as good as you are, as bad as I am!”

    We’re on the road to the Settleocalypse, and just think: even if they call off the reception, we can still get wasted and totally fuck up the Tiny Train House! Win-win!

    I say we need a Foob Drinking Game. Who’s up for it?

  208. Dr. Weird
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    FOOB… Wait a minute… when did Grandpa ever have a heart attack? He’s had two strokes before, explaining his impairment, but he was able to communicate well enough to say “go on with the wedding” so it can’t be that severe.

  209. athena
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Saturday FOOB: This installment encapsulates everything that has gone wrong with the strip over the past decade. The people who will think this is clever and deep and fraught with emotion and poignant and a commentary on Life’s Rich Tapestry are the same people whose idea of a surprising ending in a short story is the sentence “But it was all a dream.”

    AARGH. I never realised before how dangerous it can be reading FOOB first thing in the orning, on an empty stomach. Then again, it’s probably much better for my plumbing that it was on an empty stomach.

  210. Mibbitmaker
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    More 8/16:

    9CL: Lord knows laughing shouldn’t be associated with this strip.

    A3G: “Did one of them have a…. stripey butt?”

    BBailey: Wow. A simple insult joke and we get a dismally morose close-up of poor, sadder-than-sad Halftrack. Was Tom Batiuk a last-minute fill-in?

    DtM: Off-panel, of course.

    DT: All in another day’s work for Animal When We Deign To Get There After Lollygagging Around Will We MAYBE Arrive Late To Gain Minimal Control!

    H&J: Uh… that’s not barbecue sauce….

    MW: And it won’t be the only bill, either.

    Ghost-Who-Needs-2-Snarks-Here: Panel 1:
    Phantom: “You spared the radio. Good thinking…”
    Wrenchman: “Oh, that’s right, I forgot! Thanks, man.” CRUNCH! BAM! KLUNK! SPLINTER!!

    Ghost-Who-(See-Above): Panel 3: “Huh-huh-huh-huh! Dawwww, cuh-WAR-din-nutz! Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh! I LOVE cuh-WAR-din-nutz! Yuh-YUH! Yuh-YUH! Love ‘em!”

    PC: Wha’? They didn’t just see Jimmy Olsen barge in and talk to Lois Lane, Clark Kent, and, eventually, Superman, did they? (Gotta admit, I love the sign in panel 1)

    R&R: Not Mary Worth?

    RMMD: If Rex is going to be cabin boy, does that mean David Letterman will have a cameo?

    S-M: But wouldn’t JJJ falling to his doom have shut him up, but permanently? Thinking ain’t Spidey’s strong suit.

    Ziggy: Zippy the Pinhead says, “Hey, I do the confusing nonsense around here, Bignose!”

    ZtP: Sam then thought, “Ah’m glad ol’ Friz ain’t alive to see this!”

  211. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    Big Sims, True Fable — I hadn’t made my way through all the comments. So nice to have you at the bar, too.

    Speaking of bars, where the heck is Jamus these days? My Fat Tire isn’t going to pour itself.

  212. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    207 True Fable — *Hand shoots up into air.*

    Okay: Drink whenever there’s a bad pun.
    Drink whenever Liz’s lips have the proportions of Angelina Jolie’s.
    Count the number of days it takes for Liz to find out that Gramps is hospitalized and have a corresponding number of drinks.
    After the first two panels of St. Michael’s speech, one drink for every panel that the speech continues.
    Other rules?

  213. Cedar
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    I can’t believe I remember this, but Jim had a heart attack awhile back–when Liz was still in college, and I before Mike and Dee got married.

    Anyway–wasn’t Elly just at the hotel (?) where the wedding is being held, blabbing about the “girls” at the bookstore who helped decorate? So why is she BACK at the house (?) or wherever it is that Liz is?

  214. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    FOOB Settlenuptials Drinking Game
    Drink When:

    * there’s a bad pun.
    * Count the number of days it takes for Liz to find out that Gramps is hospitalized and have a corresponding number of drinks.
    * After the first two panels of St. Michael’s speech, one drink for every panel that the speech continues.
    * obvious and deliberate tear-jerking

    *Makes it all about her.
    *Rubs her friends’ noses in it (two shots).
    * With Connie acting more like a couple then Elly and John.
    * Look gobsmacked

    *Thinks about how much all the freebies are costing him.
    *Stands around looking constipated.
    *Praises Anthony.
    *Thinks about how his beloved daughter is all grown up, apparently forgetting the Martian (two shots).
    * looks gobsmacked

    *Talks about himself.
    *Talks about his book(s).
    *Pays more attention to Weed than his wife.
    *Engages in some form of bizzaro-world parenting (two shots).
    * looks gobsmacked

    * Looks like line art out of a 1950s Romance comic.
    * Talks about how happy she is. Really. Truly. This is the right decision. Meant to be. Fate. Or any other bullshit that belies the fact that she’s flushing her life down the toilet.
    * Gets a freebie (two shots).
    * Says something intelligent or interesting (finish the bottle).
    * looks gobsmacked
    * her lips have the proportions of Angelina Jolie’s.

    * Sings.
    * Says ”an’.”
    * Ruins everything! (two shots)
    * Dreams about her wedding day with Gerald (kill self).
    * gets stuck watching the Patterspawn, serving in any way or help cleaning up while the rest of the family parties.
    * looks gobsmacked
    * says something apropo
    * is scolded for saying something apropo

    * Gets praised for something we’ve not seen in the strip (loyalty, drive, ambition, sense of humor…)
    * Acts like this is the first wedding he’s ever been to.
    * Acts like one of those reptilian aliens from the 80s “V” miniseries.
    * Acts like he bears some responsibility for the failure of his first marriage (finish).
    * Actually says something funny after all (two shots)

    Honorary Pattersons
    * Make a pun.
    * (If Asian) Drawn without eyeballs.
    * Laugh with sticky-out tongue.
    * Say they were rooting for the happy couple the whole time Anthony was married.
    * Francie tells, hints or shows (ha!) Liz that she’s the best mommy ever
    * comments how now they’re a real family and no more pretending.
    * Merrie and Robin get into some sort of cute trouble that isn’t really trouble at all, ask something cute, ask something cute while getting the words or facts wrong

    Milborough Mutant Attendees
    * Dance like nobody’s watching.
    * Display symptoms of Acromegaly.
    * Yell “Hoo!” or “Peace!” or anything else that makes no sense given the circumstances.
    * Make John or Elly despair of humanity (two shots).

    Anthony and Liz’s exes
    * Are mentioned.
    * Are revealed to be miserable.
    * Show up (two shots).
    * Apologize for standing in the way of fate (finish drink or possibly self).

    Last Strip
    * Silhouette or any other artistic shortcut.
    * No April (two shots).
    * Ends with John and Elly in bed (don goggles).
    * Ends with words “For better or for worse” (finish liquor cabinet).

    * (courtesy eeknight and floramel from the Foobiverse, plus yours Truly & Gold Digging Nanny)

  215. Cedar
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    #212 I have to admit, I’m really disappointed at the lack of Lip of Loveliness so far in this wedding story arc. It seems like this would be the perfect opportunity to draw Liz grossly tarted up, but so far. . . nothing. Yesterday’s strip would have been a perfect time to do so, but instead, Liz just looks kinda ordinary–pretty, but hardly the most beautiful woman in the world on the happiest day of her life.

  216. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    #214 – I should say, most of the Drinking Game was done by eeknight, who has a marvelous touch for these kinds of things.

  217. dale
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Either a heart attack cures aphasia or Phil is a lot better than Iris at eliciting coherent answers.

    In most Robin Hood I’ve read, if a king is present, it’s John. In some cases, Richard I makes it back from imprisonment in Austria.

  218. Andy Panderer
    August 16th, 2008 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    214 – That is a sure-fire way to die of alcohol poisoning in the 8-12 seconds it takes to read one strip.

  219. Lez Patterson
    August 16th, 2008 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    I guess if I had to see my granddaughter marry a whining milquetoast like Anthony Caine, I too would fake a heart attack right quick.

  220. The Ghost of Jarrod
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:05 am [Reply]

    You know, I know it’s a crime against humanity that the Fooberdammerung is being postponed again, but if nothing else, this thread has given me at least twelve laugh-out-loud moments. And if Jim dies here in the next few strips, well, that should be good for a bunch more.

  221. Orinoco
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:43 am [Reply]

    Here is Australia, we have a noxious weed called ‘Patterson’s Curse’. Apparently it has spread to Canada.

  222. dreadedcandiru2
    August 16th, 2008 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    Did you ever wonder why the Settlepocalypse was set up the way it was? Foobiverse mainstay howtheduck thinks it’s leading up to a wedding at Jim’s bedside and he’s probably right.

  223. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Lynnie Baby is not about to give up a lucrative gig simply because she’s well past her sell-by date and can’t string together a coherent storyline to save her ass. I mean, it never stopped her before now. We’ve got Retchcon to “look forward” to, y’know.

  224. fishmorgjp
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    That’s it — Lynn Johnston is surely a member of the living dead (as if there were any doubt before). The frightening, lifeless eyes of her characters, eyes that desperately try to convey emotion but still retain the soulless, empty look of dead fish’s eyes — they were an important indicator of Lynn’s undead status, and now we can be sure.

    Buzz off, Lynn.

  225. tuesy
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    But shouldn’t they tell April? What if Grandpa Jim dies while the ceremony is going on, and April finds out after that she could have had time to say goodbye rather than being forced to watch the Blandest Love Ever seal their fate?

    It’s not like they bothered to put her in the wedding party from the looks of it, so her presence is hardly required. The Patterson’s wouldn’t notice if she were gone, as they overlook her on a daily basis already.

  226. Braniff
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    FC–Speaking of people who won’t give up their lucrative jobs–what about this cartoon, which is still in repeat hell?

    (I think there is an inside joke, though, to the anniversary of the passing of Elvis Presley today, if you link the Washington Monument to the advertising slogan “Viva Viagra”!)

  227. alamo
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    why doesn’t lj let grandpa jim die, have a double funeral and wedding ceremony at the graveside and then bury the whold g-danged strip right then and there.
    “everyone — into the burial crypt!” then seal the door.
    free at last, free at last. thank god almighty we are free at last! hallelujah!!!

  228. Vince M
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    186: King Arthur and Robin Hood were part of the same story in the ‘Home Movies’ Renaissance fest, known for their historical accuracy.
    That mom sounds pretty creepy. Wonder if she have an affectionate nickname for him like ‘Pantsload’?

  229. queek
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    forgive me if someone has said this already, (I haven’t read the thread) but today’s Rex Morgan is proof that Wilson & Nolin are on to us.

  230. Brick Bradford
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Okay–Lynn has done more than jump the shark–she’s dived in the tank, smeared her body with alpo, and started calling “here sharkie, sharkie, sharkie!”. It seems like she no longer has respect for her characters or her readers. Time to hang it up and let ‘em print “Gordo” repeats, Lynnie.

    Speaking of no respect for readers or characters–I’m beginning to think Locher starts each story arc with the goal of it being even STUPIDER than the previous. Hell’s bells, Sgt.FURY wouldn’t have let HITLER (not the guy living with Marmaduke) be torn apart by dogs without doing something. HELLO! Guns! Bullets! Viscious animals who will only be destroyed anyway! Due frickin’ process! Honest to God, he and Tinsley must split a fifth before they start work each day.

    On a milder note–I share Ian’s concern that poor Toby blew a fortune on his USED DVD. The speculators in the used documentary that you can record off of your local PBS station during the enxt pledge drive market are driving out the little guy/gal.

  231. gleeb
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    9CL: So, does Isabel read 9 Chickweed Lane? Because if so, she’s the only one entertained by anything in this strip in weeks.

    FBoFW: Johnston’s really going to do it. She’s going to kill the old man. Who knew Lady Macbeth was Canadian?
    Any way, the rerunning (I don’t care what she traces over and alters) of the strip is the perfect excuse for editors to bail on it. And take Sparky with you while you’re at it. Free up some space for some fresh blood. Sure, some of that new material will tank, like Diesel Sweeties, but that’s better than guaranteed just-sub-mediocrity.

    Cathy: Speaking as a person who likes thrift as a virtue more than most people, can I just say “shut up”?

    Dick: When you compare it to falling from the Capitol and being impaled in a flagpole or going down the funnel of a steamship, being mauled by his own dogs is pretty tame.

    Doonesbury: Yes, if you’re a waiter, you might as well be gassing Gypsies. Thanks for the moral lesson, Trudeau.

    ‘bean: You’re doing pastiche work as a hack writer to earn enough scratch to keep the supply of Montoni’s pizza flowing. Face it, at this point, the characters are all established, and situations are controlled by editors who work to keep the assets, in this case Superman, valuable. You’re just supplying something to keep the copyright active.
    However, as this is just Batiuk swooning and showing Buckeye pride, what Mopey Pete is doing is setting up a visit to the ol’ Siegel place for inspiration, ignoring the fact that Siegel was screwed out the valuable copyright for a pittance. Or maybe it’s the ol’ Shuster place. I forget.

    Heathcliff: Well, we know Heathcliff’s not Jewish. A pork latte is about the most unkosher thing I can imagine.

    Judge Parker: You see, as a Driver, he has a deep-seated hostility to his putter, thus leading him to “forget” it.

    Zippy: In other words, Griffy takes a strong stance against pimping cartoons. Something tells me no one wanted the microcephalic.

  232. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Turn me on, dead man!”

    Archie – “And by ‘stunning,’ I mean ‘trashy pulp sci-fi.’ Where are some tentacled aliens to get threatened by? Does anyone have a raygun I can borrow?”

    Crankshaft – The one good thing I can say about that fucking auction storyline is that now I can wholeheartedly enjoy the lady’s bitching at her son, because he forced her into the present arrangement. Having fun yet, Jeff?

    DT – Ha ha! Brutal mauling death! Wotta riot!

    FC – Fifth guest comic for The Family Circus Of Values is up.

    FOOB – Oh, like she’d understand anyway. If that empty-headed stare is any indication, you could just tell her that you had to send Grandpa Jim “to live on a farm.”

    FW – One of Superman’s lesser-known powers (you know, the ones he pulls out of his ass at need;) the ability to intimidate the hell out of fanboys.

    GT – Wow. Not many people can take a rip powerful enough to break a bat.

    HOTC – Tatulli, I like this strip and all, but if you don’t stop talking about whatever the latest generic manufactured pop band is that your daughter is into, I’m gonna have to bombard your house with copies of this article.

    JP – I’m not sure what’s going on here, but I’m willing to bet it won’t be anything exciting.

    Lio – Lio gets a bit steampunky today.

    Luann – Reminder from Greg Evans: nobody is allowed to enjoy anything good in life until everybody else’s problems are permanently solved. This to be enforced by constant bitchy nagging of violators.

    MT – “Alternatively, it may have just escaped, wandered around for hours, and run home, as horses are wont to do. No need to worry.”

    Norm – Oh, I think these must be reruns. At least now I know why they’re acting like Norm and Reine were never involved.

    Popeye – Um…we’re not going the Ehud route here, are we?

    RMMD – This has to be intentional. There’s just no way Nolan isn’t baiting us.

    Edison Lee – You know, if you don’t like fast food, you could stop eating fast food.

  233. Tom
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    As someone else pointed out earlier, Ian looks remarkably like Dr. Jeff with a beard. Could Dr. Jeff, tired of Mary duster nether regions, decided to take Ian’s place in the world? Or are they twins, separated at birth? I just know that I don’t want to spend the rest of the week watching the “fruits of Toby’s search” .

  234. The Party Sim
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Come on, Warren in the church balcony with an uzi! Give us that Moldavian massacre we all secretly want.

  235. Mibbitmaker
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]


    The drinking game: “(Honorary Pattersons) Laugh with sticky-out tongue”
    Using “Snuffy Smith” for this gets you disqualified.

    Liz look in last panel: Just one word: Stepford.

    Best case scenario, April: She goes through the whole wedding, then, at the reception, is much belatedly told of Gramp’s heart attack. She gets to the hospital (taking a while trying to get a ride) only to find out he died a half hour earlier. Later, she vows never to speak to Ellie, John, Mike, Liz, or Blandie ever again. When rebuffed (and vaguely insulted by Ellie, John, and Liz), she decides to run away. Later, it turns out she went to the farm. Her cousin there (I think that’s the relation?), horrified at what she heard, decides to keep Apes there, estranged from the others indefinately.

    Therefore, the newlyweds will always remember their Big Event in deep shame (Well, I can dream, can’t I?)

    Too Batiuk, I know, but a nice way to end it with anti-glurge, I think.

  236. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    #234 The Party Sim – Whaddya mean “secretly?”

  237. Tabby
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Horses are total herd animals. If the horse was out on the trail, she would have tried (with her fractured leg) to stay with the other horses – not limped on home all by her lone.

    Also, the only place I can think of that has King Arthur & Robin is Monty Python’s Holy Grail

    “Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
    He was not afraid to die,
    O brave Sir Robin.
    He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
    Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

    He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
    Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
    To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
    And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

    His head smashed in and his heart cut out
    And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
    And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
    And his pen.. split and -

    Robin: That’s… that’s… er… enough music for now lads.
    Looks like there’s dirty work afoot.”

  238. kris
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    foob: oh gramps will be at the wedding. he will ‘die’ and float on over in that magic way all dead people in comics go places. maybe he will meet his first wife there and they can watch together…

  239. GotFuzzy
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    FOOB: GAH! So Liz will get the small wedding she always wanted, as the six limos will only have room for the PatterSaints, the friends for-EVAH and the friends of Mike’s that agreed to be friends of Angsthony for a day since it meant an open bar. Maybe there will be room for Angsthony’s mom. Oh yeah, and April. All of the rest of the guests–you know, the ones who have done the actual work and donated the materials–will not mind at all that they don’t get to witness the Most Touching Wedding of All Time.

    Now what I’d like to see happen is the Liz rushes to Gramp’s bedside and suddenly snaps out of her PatterBot coma and realizes that life is too short to be tethered to a big pile of Jello. She speed-dials Warren (you know she still has him in her Fave Five). He swoops in, Liz grabs April and they all chopper off to Mtigwhatnow. Back at the church, Merrie stands in for the bride (she has the Lips of Loveliness, so she might as well get hitched) and everthing goes ahead as planned. The last panel is a silhouette of the CRUNCH! GLORP! SMACK! droolfest that is the reception. Fin.

    I am so ready for the Settlenuptials Drinking Game. Bring on the Johnnie Walker and my Aldo Memorial Shot Glass!

  240. Mibbitmaker
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:31 am [Reply]



    “I don’t drink. What can I do to participate in this important event?”
    – Melvin Q. Mibbit
    Zippersmule, Mass.

  241. odinthor
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    RMMD — You betcha Rex would make a good cabin boy. Rex would make whatever cabin boy came his way.

    Retail — Goes pleasantly meta . . .

    Curtis — Many have wondered why Curtis goes to bed, chapeau in place. Scientists at JPL, supported by a grant from the NSF, have recently determined that Curtis’ life force is driven by his hat, which, with a slow but steady pendulum-like action, shifts side-to-side all on its own.

    DT — Ha ha! Oh, those madcap cops with their blithe tomfoolery in the face of carnage!

    Lockhorns — Oh, Leroy—think before you talk! Now she’ll insist that you stop and ask for directions.

    MW — And we’ll worry that this already thin story will be stretched out for maybe another thirty days while you wait for the bill.

    SFx — Panel one is a sly Cold War commentary in which a (temporarily non-) running dog of capitalism expresses his fear of the oncoming Red globe while the radicalized proletariat, in derision, spits in its eye. Panel two is how things looked to me at my last pool party after my pal Stonie added something special to the munchies.

  242. Pendragon
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    222: I cast my vote in agreement.

  243. Gabacho
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    FOOB – This morning, as I was making coffee and pouring vodka on my cheerios, I looked at the comic page and burst out laughing when I read about Gwampa, startling my beloved and perhaps scaring the neighbors several houses down as well.

    I think the funniest part is the deathbed miracle where the man who could only say “Yes” and “Boxcar” suddenly finds himself able to insist that Elizabeth not be told, all the better to make her suffer. And suffer she will.

    It was, and is, utterly impossible to explain to anyone who is not a regular curmudgeon reader why this is so funny.

    I know how hackneyed this is, but it’s Oscar Wilde time.

    One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Gwampa without laughing.

    And now back to the real world.

    Gil Thorp – seriously people, help me out. What is the plot?

    Mary WorthI hope you didn’t pay a collector’s price for it. Just shut up and enjoy the DVD, you fat, condescending bastard.

    You know, I’ll pretty well have sex with anyone but even I would draw the line at Chinbeard.

  244. AMC
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:00 am [Reply]


    Hey, Everybody!

    The wedding is being moved over to Grampa Jim’s hospital room. Please pile into the 6 limos and meet us over at the deathbed.

  245. Poteet
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    # 208 Dr. Weird — Excellent question! How the (Margo) DID Gwampa convey his desire for the wedding to go on “because he doesn’t want to spoil Liz’s day” when all he can apparently say is “yes” and “no”?

    I was going to write out possible dialogue (Iris: “You’ve decided that you don’t want to spoil Liz’s magical day, right, Jim?”) but my gorge started to rise. Besides, I need to sew up another Foobloatharian Ceremonial Robe. My first one is falling apart, and apparently I’ll need a few more.

    And the news is still sinking in. (Boxcar), are we really going to see the entire Patterson family saga, starting with John and Elly meeting way back when, ALL OVER AGAIN? Sorry for the shouting, but my mind is rebelling at the thought and my stomach is too. I’d better make my new robes from fabric that resists vomit stains better.

  246. Calico
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]


  247. John C Fremont
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    # 170 bats :[ (previous thread) – Tee-hee!!

    # 222 dreadedcandiru2 – Nooooooo!!!! (Or, alternatively, eh, why not? Why not? Why THE HELL NOT?!) (Sorry about that.)

    # 240 Mibbitmaker – I’m glad I previewed before I posted, or I might have missed this. Good stuff, Maynard!

    Okay, everybody, enough with the Lynn Johnston bashing. Remember, fellas, she’s single! Oh, yeah! Awright! Giggity-giggity!

    A3G – The people in Lhasa are all about the Jim Jarmusch.

    Foob – What I said about not hating on Lynn? I take it back. Great Godfrey Horatio Daniels on a bender, what horrific crap!!

    MT – No, Doc, he did not say that the horse had a bandage on its leg. I’ve reread this thing like 5 times already, and Mark most certainly did not say anything about bandages. So how did you know about the bandages, huh, Doc? Hmm…

    MW – I never thought I’d say it, but enough already! I want some meddling!

    RMMD – “And when I return, I shall be a Cabin Man!”

    June Morgan. Now with Camel Toe.

    JP – The Spectre Of Death gives the second panel a thumbs up!

    Retail – Norm Platypus is not a weirdo!

    DT – Mmm. Baskerburgers…

    FC – The Washington Post’s comics blog is featuring The Family Circus on its current Caption Contest. Nothing as good so far as The Family Circus of Values, but it gets an A for effort. Hint – My entry is the one that sucks. But there is a promise not to insult us with cash prizes!

  248. Calico
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MW – “When I get the bill”
    Didn’t she have the frickin’ sense to print the invoice online? Any *ahem* reputable online service asks you to print the order page, and then sends an e-mail of order donfirmation.

    But this is Toby, so forget what I just wrote, okay?

  249. Calico
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Confirmation. Oooopsie (a Luann Powers / Toby Cameron moment brought to you by FBOFW)

  250. The Wild Sow
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    #186, #237 — King Arthur & Robin Hood????

    (Historical) King Arthur = Early 6th Century (500s AD)

    Robin Hood (a contemporary of Richard the Lion-Heart & King John) = Late 12th Century (1100′s AD)!

    So……Arthur & Robin were separated in time by almost 700 years!!!!! That’s about the same amount of time that separates, say Robert the Bruce & William Wallace from us! A “King Arthur-Robin Hood Theme” would be like a “Braveheart-FOOB Theme.”

    History Pedant

  251. Poteet
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    # 243 Gabacho — I see others have made the same point about Gwampa’s sudden ability to communicate. My congratulations to all of you. And now, please pardon me as I cover the area around my computer with plastic sheeting, in case this turns into a hospital bedside wedding. And I have a horrible feeling that it will.

    As a side note, I was amused by Liz’s expression in the last panel. I suppose it’s supposed to convey hopeful young love, expectant and yet serious as it contemplates the joys and responsibilities ahead. Me, I think Liz may be wondering if she’s going to end up with a schnozz like her mom’s and her uncle’s.

  252. The Wild Sow
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    #250 – Oops, there was supposed to be a “[ / ]” before “History Pedant” (with arrows instead of brackets) since I was leaving that mode!

    [ / ] HTML Pedant (NOT!)

  253. TheDiva
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh, for crying out…”don’t tell Elizabeth”? Don’t fucking tell Elizabeth? What, is she supposed to be so starry-eyed with the joy of finally chaining herself to her bland, stalker beau that she won’t notice that her only living grandparent (I think) and oh yeah, the only reason the God-damned wedding got fast tracked in the first place isn’t there? What are they going to say when she asks? “Sorry honey, he decided he didn’t want to watch you throw your life away after all.” Speaking as someone who did have two of her future in-laws beg out on the wedding day due to a family emergency, I say FUCK THAT.

  254. Kiesha
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Immediately after the wedding:
    Elly (to Liz): Elizabeth, honey, your grandpa passed away ten minutes ago. He didn’t want us to tell you that he wasn’t going to make it.
    Liz: Grandpa’s dead? So that means I didn’t really have to marry Anthony? (Rips off veil) Fuck this, I’m going to Acapulco!

  255. Poteet
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    # 186 LTBF, # 237 Tabby, # 250 Wild Sow — BWAHAHA! Thanks, I needed that. And it brought back happy memories. I scored a good free ticket to MONTY/GRAIL when it came to Des Moines.

    Come to think of it, I’d like to set that MONTY/GRAIL rabbit loose on this wedding.

  256. Calico
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Next in FOOB – Gwampa becomes a boxed-in savant, reciting phone book content and the latest Canadian Tire catalog text endlessly.

  257. LTBF
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    250-Remember, we are talking about a woman who named their son after a boy who makes Joey (Dennis’ friend) and Jeffy Keane look like body building champs. We shouldn’t expect too much from her in history class.

  258. Calico
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Mybe this will happen right before the *horp* wedding:

  259. LTBF
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    I guess if you just gave somebody a check for $100,000, you can make them walk back to get their putter instead of drving them in the cart.

  260. The G Man
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Since Lynn is “reimagining” FOOB, she could do us all a favor and kill off John and all the kids in a fabulous “Dallas”-like dream sequence.

    When Elly awakens, she discovers she’s really Cathy (she already has the ass and the depression) and finds Irving in the shower…

  261. UncleJeff
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh, Lynn. Mash those buttons down for the Coffee Talk folks. Push. Push. Push. Generate those tears. Get that glurge going. Sell the bathos.

  262. fishmorgjp
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #67 GotFuzzy: Is George Lucas still single? Maybe we can hook up him and Lynn and get them a few hobbies so they will quit tinkering with played-out ideas already.

    It’s… fitting that Lucas (Go home, George!) should release his awful new Star Wars puppet movie on the same weekend that Lynn threatens eternal perpetuation of FOOB and using Gwamps for cheapo emo hook.

  263. mumbles
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    #243: “I think the funniest part is the deathbed miracle where the man who could only say “Yes” and “Boxcar” suddenly finds himself able to insist that Elizabeth not be told, all the better to make her suffer.”

    THANK YOU, Gabacho. I thought the same thing. Talk about retconning. What’s next? “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known. BOXCAR!”

  264. D.A. Pennington
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Saturday’s FOOB:

    Wedding march starts
    Beep Beep Beep

    John walks Liz down the isle

    Liz and Blanthony exchange vows

    You may kiss the bride.
    Code blue!!!! Code blue!!!!!

    Okay, just one more picture of the happy couple.

    Oh, here comes the mime of death

  265. GotFuzzy
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    fishmorgjp, did you click the link? It’s the scathingly funny WaPo review of the puppet movie!

  266. Vince M
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    237, 250: I giveth thee The Ballad of King Arthur and Robin Hood:

    Many Years Ago
    In the ancient times of England
    On a fateful day
    Where the fairies played
    And the devil crept in the shadows
    Two men did meet
    In a forest by the brook
    And that day would change the fates
    Of these two very famous men

    They met and stared in silence into each other’s souls
    Their egos couldn’t gauge if they were friends or they were foes
    They could have killed each other

    But what’s this?
    The king speaks!
    I decree before all of England that I, King Arthur, and Robin Hood, from this point on shall be BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!

  267. dreadedcandiru2
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    #166: canuckdownsouth — I’d agree they’d be better off leaving a message with the dogs if it didn’t mean that Liz was selling Dee and Iris short. Then again, she doesn’t really know either of them that well so it’s excusable.

  268. Baka Gaijin
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    #245 Poteet: Double-knit polyester not only comes in a rainbow of bright colors such as teal and lavendar but also cleans easily. All sorts of airborne debris, including projectile vomit, just wash away with a squirt of a garden hose!

  269. northwest transplant
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    I hope Masky McDeath remembers to rent a lavender-and-teal tuxedo when he visits the church to break the news that he has come for Jim. Preferably before the vows so that Liz has time to become a Runaway Bride,jump in the lead limo,push Gordo out of the driver’s seat,and hightail it back to Mtigiwaki.Hijinks will ensue when the Patterfoobs jump in the other five limos to pursue her–except for the one April takes to the hospital to wish her Gramps goodbye,and then heads off on her own Road to Adventure. And Lynn,like Brett Favre, needs to retire and let someone else have their chance at the bigtime.

  270. Moss_Moses
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Does Uncle Phil wear a beard to hide his chin nuts? Come out of the closet, Phil. John is proud of his clefted chin cheeks. Why can’t ChinNutz just be dead? How much more treacly sap can Lynn Johnston milk from his illness and Saint Iris’s selfless, loving care? Where is the nearest puke bucket? I feel a projectile sap vomit coming on.

  271. messybessy
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    Is there something running down Dagwood’s leg in panel two?

  272. Dingo
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes in life you should be thankful for simple pleasures. I’d much rather have Toby show us the fruits of her search than witness a search of Ian’s fruits.

  273. Galuaboy
    August 16th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    #214: Josh–have you ever thought about having a comment of the year? You’ll have to look hard to beat True Fable et al’s Foob drinking game!

  274. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    #252 The Wild Sow – Protip: the way to display that would be using the character codes &lt; and &gt; in place of the actual greater-than/lesser-than signs.

  275. mollificent
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Delurking once again to say the following:

    1) Shame on you, Lynn J. This sort of emotional manipulation is disgusting. I’d snark it, but having narrowly missed the chance to be by my own grandfather’s deathbed (my excuse? I’d just got off the plane in friggin’ IRELAND!!!) I find it a bit hard to find funny things to say. I’m enjoying the efforts of others, though. ;)

    2) I tried in vain to resist, but as a folksinger I simply couldn’t. Apologies for my total lack of parodic skill…ChattyGenes, where are you? :D Anyway, as soon as I saw “Rex Morgan, Cabin Boy” I just couldn’t help myself. For reference, here is the original . (I tried to preserve some of the original lyrics just because they seemed so darn appropriate. ;))


    ‘Tis of a lusty doctor my tale is to be had,
    His heart bein’ set on cruisin’, and pickin’ up young lads.
    He dressed himself in sailor’s clothes (or so it seemed to me)
    And went to the regatta’s grounds to see what he could see.

    The owner of the boat, Lenore, her heart was filled with joy
    To realize she had engaged such a handsome cabin boy
    And many’s the time she slipped a kiss and she would have liked to toy
    But ’twas the young first mate who had his fill of the handsome cabin boy.

    His cheeks they were like razor blades, his hair was all blue-black,
    And many’s the time the sailors said “On him don’t turn your back!”
    And the eatin’ of the first mate’s, er, biscuits was all that gave him joy,
    So sad Lenore was out of luck with the handsome cabin boy.

    ‘Twas off the Glenwood Country Club our gallant ship did plow
    One night at the regatta there arose a terrible row
    It tumbled the men from out their bunks, their sleep it did destroy
    Terrible cursin’ and a moanin’ from the handsome cabin boy.

    The sailors, when they heard the cries, they all did stand and stare
    And wonder where the first mate was, for he surely wasn’t there.
    “Within the bolted cabin, he surely is employed
    And tending to the sickness of the handsome cabin boy”.

    Now the regatta’s over, and the race is won and done,
    The first mate has gone back to school, all coed girls to shun.
    Here’s hopin’ Rex don’t rise again our sailors to annoy,
    And here’s to June, the long-suffering wife of the handsome cabin boy!

  276. 4EvahFan
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Here’s my question: Chinnuts said not to tell Liz as to not to ruin her day. He’s non-verbal from the stroke and laying in bed with an oxygen mask over his face from the heart attack. How exactly did he communicate this request?

  277. UncleJeff
    August 16th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    #276: Simple. The hose-o-phone master was interpreting the sign-language/semaphore signals being sent by Chinnutz’s wildly flailing arms as he could see them poking out from the medicinal pillow being applied to Jim’s face by Iris.

    ps: If anybody lives near Truman, please intercept this week’s Time magazine or at least tear out page 53!

  278. blackgoat
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: What’s wrong with this picture: the Patterson clan, John, Michael, Elly, April, are so busy standing around at the pre-wedding that none of them has time to: assist with child-care, make sure that out-of-town guests have arrived (Uncle Phil’s coming in from Montreal, 300+ miles), and check in with elderly grandparent to see how he’s doing. How the hell did they expect Jim and Iris to get to the wedding ? Care-Van ?
    I think I’ve got it: This is more Lynn social commentary- she’s liberal, she’s in favor of gay marriage; well, now she’s advocating for euthanasia. “If only we could have euthanized Grandpa last week, we would have had him planted by now, and Phil and his wife and Iris could have enjoyed the wedding.”
    Iris is clearly lurking over Jim’s still form with the chloroform rag.

  279. mere cog in the machine
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    276: How did Jim manage to communicate the startling and convenient suggestion that the wedding proceed without him? Because Elly realized from the outset that she could make “BOXCAR!” mean anything she wanted it to.

  280. Tabby
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    I have “Cover-to-cover syndrome” really really bad since I was like, 7. It means that once I pick up a book and open the front cover, I cannot put it down until I get to the back cover. So when I have trouble sleeping (which is a lot in these uneasy times), I have to read only books that I have read like about 10,000 times, so that I can get sleepy reading them, instead of finding the sun rising as I get to the last few chapters. One of my favorite books for the 10,001st read is The Once & Future King. Two movies, Disney’s “Sword in the Stone” and the musical “Camelot” are both based (sort of) on it.

    It is, now I come to think of it, the only other reference I know of with Arthur & Robin. In the first part – the Sword in the Stone – the young Wart, before he even knows he will become King Arthur, has an adventure with Robin “Wood”, as they call him, claiming the whole “Hood” thing is a mispronunciation.

  281. kingklash
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    So, Favre pulled a Johnston?

  282. Vakar
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: Dummy gumbo.

    FOOB: Damnit, Lynn! It didn’t have to be this contrived…

    FW: Actually, I love how Batuik is showing us the guy trying to write Superman. At first I thought this was just going to be, ‘Mopey Pete is a very successful comic writer’ week.

    GF: Does Satchel normally pay for hugs? Say it ain’t so, Satch!

    MT: Mr. Elrod: You can’t have a character say ‘you said’ about something they didn’t say. This would work just fine if Doc (?) said everything except ‘you said.’ Thank you.

    Peanuts: This shows why my wife shot down ‘Lucy’ as a potential name for a daughter.

    RMMD: Clearly, Wilson reads this blog.

  283. athena
    August 16th, 2008 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    I miss Masky McDeath.

  284. Orange Doorhinge
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    My mother had a stroke 2 weeks before my wedding and was unable to attend. Then my 2 best lifelong friends (I’d just turned 40) were unable to come due to illness . Still, it was a very happy occasion! Helped that I had the reception first, handing out champagne & food, then a brief ceremony followed by cake.

    We took several videos of it with friends & family waving to the camera, greeting Mom & pals; a few days later, had a little party with Mom & friends with saved wedding cake & champagne.

    I don’t recall it being melodramatic, tho I missed my mom. She was so happy I was finally getting married!

  285. odinthor
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    280. Tabby. — Ah, yes—Robin Wood, that classic starring Casey Donovan, with a cameo appearance by John Holmes as Little John. Merry men, indeed!

  286. Orange Doorhinge
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Hospital wedding? NO NO NO! Doctors & Nurses say DON’T AGITATE PATIENT. Even “good” events are agitating to sick people. Especially with stroke or heart-attack.

  287. Batman Beatles
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: What would make Ian’s documentry more exciting is if Monty Python hosted it.

  288. bats :[
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: oh, I am so looking forward to more of this! (Even if I have to make it up.)

    FOOB: hey, Elizabeth: HAH-hah! [/Nelson Muntz]

  289. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:51 pm [Reply]


    H&J: Okay, show of hands. Who likes Dagwood Bumstead in Jherri curls?

    A3G: “I’ve asked for a better nickname. Geneva conventions say you’ve got to give me one.”

    Ziggy: Far out, man.

    Marvin: Another mystery: Why did Tom Armstrong use three of the same panel to tell this joke, when he could have wrapped it up in one?

    SFx: The dog is the only one wearing a suit. Is this private pool some kind of interspecies swinger’s party?

    RMMD: Somewhere, Chris Elliot is insulted.

    DtM: Dennis is about to hear the voice of God tell him he’s not menacing.

    FC: Year’s later, Billy will figure out why he was really drawn to the long, tapered monument. For now, let’s go with “forgot to wave to Grandma.”

    9CL: Is she playing the piano, or trying to lift it?

    DT: The dogs are the ones who offed Baskerville. Shouldn’t they be making the Roger Moore quips?

    Blondie: Do the characters all live and work in Beijing? Because if not, the attention being paid to the Olympics is a tad excessive.

    Archie: The model glue that Archie has been sniffing is also stunning.

    Crock: Dear cartoonist. Even before Columbus, educated people knew the world was round. By WWI–you know, the Great War where everyone had cell phones–I think that knowledge had penetrated the military. In short, no, sorry, fail.

    H&L: It’s the mother of all temporal paradoxes. Hi and Lois are uptight Republican suburbanites from the fifties, which makes them far too young to remember the sixties. At least we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Hi has never been naked in public.

  290. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 16th, 2008 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Um, yeah, that’s pretty bad. And to top it all off, here’s Elly’s brother, who only exists when it’s convenient for plot purposes. Otherwise he doubles as one of Snow White’s dwarves, I guess.

  291. saxman
    August 16th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    275 mollificent:

    Weird. I was just outside chopping up a tree branch that had fallen near the driveway (narrowly missing my Prius – Mother Nature is nothing if not ironic) and for some off reason kept thinking of the words to “Brennan of the Moor” and “Ride Willy Ride.” I’m pretty sure I hadn’t heard either song for weeks or even months.

    Then I come in and see “The Handsome Cabin Boy.”

    What are the odds?

  292. Echo
    August 16th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Foob is atrocious. Liz wouldn’t notice her grandfather wasn’t there? No. She wouldn’t.

    But Foob’s Paradise is awesome. I love how all the normal, non-Patterson people are reacting, and that Liz seems to have woken up. “Maybe we can leave a message with the dogs.”

  293. Poteet
    August 16th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Foob — I spent several days in two hospitals visiting two cardiac patients. Medical Mudges, please correct me if I’m wrong, but cardiac units do not strike me as great places for even teensy-weensy weddings, even if the bride didn’t have a big poofy dress. I really hope Lynn won’t go that route. Really really.

    # 268 Baka Gaijin — Thanks for the good tip!

  294. Orinoco
    August 16th, 2008 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Well, if Gramps didn’t die, Johnson would have had to bring back the ghost of Farley to tug at our heartstrings – and she isn’t that shameless. Is she?

  295. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    #294 Orinoco – You know how there are things you just shouldn’t say? Like “sure, our teleportation experiment could open the doorway to another dimension from which aliens will invade, but what are the odds of that?” Or “well, the villain fell off a three-thousand-foot cliff; that’s the last we’ll ever see of him?” Yeah.

  296. Yahtzee
    August 16th, 2008 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Though I cannot believe I’m defending Momma (the character, not the indefensible strip), speaking as somebody who has had a gallbladder attack, it DOES feel like you’re dying. Any doctor who calls it “tiny” and blithely tells her to deal should be strung up in that dungeon from “The Wizard of Id.” Or fed to Marmaduke. Or made to listen to advice from Mary Worth on the needs of the elderly for a solid day (in strip time, aka four months in real time).

  297. Tabby
    August 16th, 2008 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    288 bats:[
    oh DO please make it up!!!!!

  298. rhymes with puck
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    A3G: The chinese would like to recall todays strip and replace the guard with a better looking one who will lip-synch the original guard’s lines.

    FW: The undiscovered brain tumor in Pete’s head appears to have given him dementia, which will rapidly lead to drooling and then a quick but painful death.

    FBOFW: I think we all agree that given the choice of going to this abomination of a wedding to watch his granddaughter marry a creepy milksop or having a heart attack and ending up in what most likely is his deathbed, Jim took the easy way out.

    Crankshaft: That’s not the fair that smells, Crankshaft’s diaper sprang a leak.

    MW: I’ll have to give the writers credit – having Chinbeard consider a dvd of a documentary about scotland to be the ‘perfect’ birthday gift from his hot young wife (allegedly) is completely in character.

    RMMD: No, Lenore’s confused, Rex wouldn’t make a good cabin boy, he’d like to make out with a good cabin boy.

  299. dyslexic dog
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Poteet (245, 268, 293),
    If you are careful, you can wear anything you want to your FOOB-reading party, and eliminate any possible laundry problems.

  300. The Ghost of Jarrod
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    #286 — “Hospital wedding? NO NO NO! Doctors & Nurses say DON’T AGITATE PATIENT. Even “good” events are agitating to sick people. Especially with stroke or heart-attack.”

    That’s it! They’ll have a hospital wedding, and it will kill grandpa! It’s genius!

  301. mollificent
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    291 saxman: Heh heh! Well, come on, how could I know a song called “The Handsome Cabin Boy” and NOT rise to the bait? Hmmm…”Ride Willy Ride”, eh? I feel another parody coming on…

    *forcibly restraining herself* Bad Molly!

  302. Patrick, Interlibary Loan Lending Division
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Foobomination: Below is my submission to the Coffee Glurge. As usual, I don’t expect them to print my hopeless plea…..

    Please have the decency to retire and stay retired and give some new and upcoming comic strip artist a chance. You see yourself as tied to the real world and relationships and I assure you that you’ve lost touch with young people a long time ago. This strip jumped the shark not long after Farley’s death and its been a long slow slide ever since. The impending wedding of the two most passionless people on earth one of whom once said Love Just Screws Everything Up and the Funky Winkerbean style upcoming death of Grandpa Jim is like a boxer who doesn’t know when to get out of the ring, a basketball player who doesn’t quit while they’re ahead or a football player who keeps unretiring only to humiliate themselves on the field.

    It’s too late for you to quit while you’re ahead, just please stop and give someone else a chance.

  303. Bookworm
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    … aaaaand today Close to Home changes all names to avoid lawsuits and reveals the FOOB ending we are all secretly daydreaming about.

    PLUS – I know it’s been said and said better, but —- who absotively, posilutely could not have predicted today’s FOOB within three guesses? This is sad, and not in the way LJ means it to be. Seriously, Lynn, if this is all you’ve got, take that cruise you’ve been daydreaming about.

  304. Kevin Moore
    August 16th, 2008 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Johnston will select material from her collection of almost 10,000 archival strips to help retell the Patterson family’s story, starting at the beginning. She said she will revert to her earlier drawing style: “Over the years, Elly’s nose grew up to the size of a potato. Now I’m drawing it smaller again, the way it was when I first started to draw. There is a huge difference between the earlier and the later styles.”

    This is how a cartoonist sounds when they spend too much time drinking their own bathwater. From their ass.

  305. Galuaboy
    August 16th, 2008 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    #298 rhymes with puck: Good call on FW–especially the painful part. But quick? I don’t think so.

  306. rhymes with puck
    August 16th, 2008 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    305: wishful thinking on my part

  307. Acme
    August 16th, 2008 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    What none of you realize is that Uncle Phil’s in the process of killing Chinnuts right there in that strip, because his cellphone is screwing with the life support.

    (Why did it take over 300 comments for that to be pointed out?)

  308. Uncle Lumpy
    August 16th, 2008 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    #307 Acme –

    Why did it take over 300 comments for that to be pointed out?

    Probably because it’s nonsense.

  309. NJR
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    #308 UL –

    I think it’s actually because no one cares if Grampa lives or dies.

  310. Uncle Lumpy
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    #309 NJR –

    Well, there’s always that, isn’t there!

  311. Calico
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    #304 – Well, maybe in a fit of rage, Lynn will shrink the Matriarch’s schnozz, instead giving John balls the size of Russett potatoes.

    PSA indeed!

  312. bisbane
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I have a vision. As the wedding progresses–we have a cutaway panel in which ChinNuts is playing ball with Farley! Wouldn’t that just be keen??

  313. Mark Trails Talking Penis
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    MW: I certainly hope Ian’s DVD shows Sean Finnery doing a traditional preparation of haggis, and possibly examples of more innovative variations, e.g.: haggis 3 ways, death by haggis, etc. Add this to the glop that passes for illustrated food in the strip, and you’ve got the makin’s for a real feast.

  314. Braniff
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    FOOB–I just hope there’s no secret clause for someone to take over the reruns (or the reruns of the reruns) if and when Lynn finally passes on. I’m thinking about the time the Peanuts comic strip ended (?) in 2000–except for the fact that most newspapers still carry the reruns and there are all the dolls and greeting cards and TV specials and . . .

    I hope this game that Lynn is playing is not a way for her to get attention for a comic strip that’s been going downhill for years. The final gun is about to go off. The final score is about to be posted. Many of the fans will leave the stadium–perhaps even before the game ends, the way this game is going.

    You can’t go back to the coin toss at the beginning of the first quarter and play the game all over again. When it’s over, it’s over.

  315. dyslexic dog
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Pray for rain.

  316. mollificent
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    312 brisbane: I was visualizing something Star-Wars style, with the shimmering ghosts of Grampa and Farley looking on. Oh, and young Anakin Skywalker *rolling eyes*.

    (I believe I made my feelings about Hayden Christensen clear in a previous post. Blarg. Nuff said.)

  317. dyslexic dog
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, mixed game metaphor.
    Pray for crooked refs.

  318. Calico
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    #314 – And Snoopy thongs.
    (Ask Josh)

  319. Rusty
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    I just watched the Lynn video. She sincerely believes she is 30 again by rehashing the strip from day one. does she think it will go another 29 years with her at the helm?

    A question for Canadian mudges: Is Lynn really as big a deal in Canada as she is made out to be in news stories? I could poll one hundred people in Connecticut and probably none would know her by name. And was the original strip more Canadian-oriented? I problably started reading it in 1986 or so and it just seemed to be some bland suburban setting, it took years for a Canadian reference to drop.

  320. Mars
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t know Phil was still alive. Or that he had become a hermit with a gigantic ugly hermit-sized beard.

    Is Georgia still alive? (Phil’s wife, not the country) Has she grown a beard too?

  321. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    #277 Uncle Jeff – You frighten me, sir! Is it some sort of tribute to The Backfat Babe of Baffin Bay? Lord, just shoot me now.

    I’m getting ready to send my comics in to the syndicate, not that it matters. I think I’ll do a webpage instead. :-)

    Knock me off the internets, Lynnie Baby! :P

  322. strawberrymom22
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    I have to hand it to you all with the FOOB speculation. I’m still sitting here trying to figure out how all the kids with the melon heads fit into that tapered Washington monument. Maybe they went up one at a time?

  323. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    #321 True Fable – Go, Fable! Best of luck with the submission; if your comics are anywhere near as funny as your posts, you totally deserve a spot (Lynn’s) on the funny pages!

  324. mollificent
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Motion seconded!

  325. True Fable
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, y’all! I’ll do my best.

  326. Ms. Honeystump
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    True Fable, Best wishes… I’m sending some columns to syndicates, so I’ll pray for you if you pray for me :)

  327. Andy Panderer
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    Best wishes True Fable – your posts are hysterical! I can’t wait to read the comic!!

    (I’m working on a strip too, but it’s nowhere near ready for public consumption)

  328. commodorejohn
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    #327 Andy Panderer – Man, there sure are a lot of us semi-aspiring comic artists around here.

  329. ChattyGenes
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    #321 True Fable.

    It matters. It matters a lot! Good for you, and the best of luck!

  330. Poteet
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    # 299 dyslexic dog — Thanks! And, um, interesting. I got kind of distracted at #4, trying to figure out what circumstances would ever possibly result in my being in possession of a U.S.P. but no tissues. They’d have to be weird circumstances.

  331. ChattyGenes
    August 16th, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    #275 Mollificent. Thanks for the shout-out, and I liked your parody!

    I’ve been lurking because I’m in Iowa, in the middle of a fun but time-consuming family reunion. It’s all I can do to sneak over to my daughter’s computer to check my email now and then, let alone keep up with CC. My parents and aunt and uncle went back to their hotel unexpectedly early tonight, and my two daughters and I discussed going out to a movie, but we’re too tired to do anything except sit around, watch the Olympics, and channel-flip a bit.

    I watched the video of the interview with Lynn Johnston, and I’m so disgusted with her I could SCREAM. I finally ‘fessed up to my daughters about my hatred for the strip. Once upon a time, I used to love it, and would read the collection books aloud to them, and I haven’t wanted to ruin it for them in case they still liked it. But the other day when I started to discuss the strip with Poteet, my younger daughter said, “Hasn’t that strip gotten all mushy and gooey lately? I don’t like it anymore.”


    So when I watched the interview with Johnston, I detailed for Daughter #2 exactly why I hated the strip, and explained why what Johnston said was so much BS.

    Believe me, it felt GOOD.

  332. strawberrymom22
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    Good luck, True Fable!

    Did anyone else notice that Ian was concerned about Tobey paying a collector’s price for that DVD? Could it be because she doesn’t work and ultimately he will be paying for it?

  333. ChattyGenes
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    #330, #331 Oh. And hi, Poteet!

  334. Poteet
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    # 321 Sir Fable MTK, I wildly wave my kerchief in hope for your syndicate victory.

    # 333 — Hi, Chatty!

    Foob — I wanted to see if the Anthony Caine bio was up yet, so I checked his “secondary characters” profile on the Foobsite. His bio isn’t up, but his portrait seems to be a weird hybrid between the way he used to look and the way he looks now. I wonder if that’s how he will look in the future when Lynn…

    *slaps self hard* Time for bed. Definitely.

  335. ChattyGenes
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    #299 dyslexic dog. Thanks for that fantastic link. I read it aloud to Daugher #1 (Daughter #2 is out on a date), and we’ve both been howling with laughter.

    Daughter #1′s comment: “Too bad there’s nothing in there about how to vomit QUIETLY. Is there any way to vomit without shouting “Hoo-Ehhhhhhh!” ??

    I reminded her that I have the same problem. (As she knows!)

    The other thing she says she wants to be able to do is cry and not turn into a tomato-face. (I know what she means on that one too.)

  336. mollificent
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    I was birthday shopping for a friend today and found just what he wanted, “Brazil” and “Time Bandits”. I also found, and couldn’t resist, a DVD called “Incredible Britain” with Robbie Coltrane, who travels around the back roads and meets all kinds of crazy quirky people. But of course it made me think of Toby, and then I had a fabulous thought:

    What if screwed up her order and sent them “Brazil” instead? Can you imagine the looks on Toby and Chinbeard’s faces about five minutes in? Priceless. :)

  337. bats :[
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    Company in town…not much time to mess around (sigh), but I do what I can, Tabby!

  338. Shoebox
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    Best of luck, True Fable! If your ‘toons are anything like your posts here, I’ll read them with pleasure.

    #319 Rusty: A question for Canadian mudges: Is Lynn really as big a deal in Canada as she is made out to be in news stories?


    But what you have to understand is that among Canadian celebrities, ‘big deal’ status is generally reserved for those who’ve made it in the States. The media here doesn’t consider Lynn’s some sort of master cartoonist because of her actual output, necessarily, but because she’s so successful with it.

    And was the original strip more Canadian-oriented?

    The references to Canadian life have always been pretty casual and low-key. Given how much life in the Pattersons’ particular corner of Canada differs from the American, it’s a little difficult to make a production out of it.

  339. Shoebox
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Er, sorry…please read that last sentence as ‘how little life…differs from the American…’

    And I previewed and everything.

  340. Rusty
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    #338: Thanks for the reply. I’m assuming you mean how little life in Foobville differs from an American life.

  341. Rusty
    August 16th, 2008 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Back to Lynn’s celebrity: I gather her role model is Charles Schulz, he of Snoopy Inc., television specials, and merchandising galore. It must gall Lynn having to hawk April and Ned dolls on her website, and only have a two year run with a television cartoon. She should just rename the coming strip “Cash Cow” or “Meal Ticket”.

  342. dyslexic dog
    August 17th, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    The Dr. just may have a one-star solution to Daughter #1′s crying problem. Step 4 will probably neutralize the tomato condition.

    As for Daughter #2, let’s hope she makes it home from her date of living dangerously with meals intact.

  343. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    August 17th, 2008 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Well, I see lots of consternation about the inappropriateness of hospital weddings, as if, oh, hospital rooms are small, patients are vulnerable, and health procedures are urgent. To this I say, friends, have we forgotten about the Jack Elrod bear visitation model?

    If Mark Trail can get special permission to bring a friend’s pet bear into a hospital, then by gum, Foobs will have their wedding, butt bows an’ all! I think it’s in the Comix Hack Artists Manifesto.

  344. tanna
    August 17th, 2008 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    My husband was wondering how non-verbal Foobpa could express his desire that Liz’s day not be ruined?

  345. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Well, I’m following C. Sandy Cyst’s lead and not doing a full FCoV guest strip on Sunday, but I would like to ask: what in the blue fuck!?

  346. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    RMMD: The cabin boy, the cabin boy, that dirty little nipper, he packed his ass with broken glass and circumcised his skipper…

  347. Red Greenback
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    HAHAHAHA! “Friggin’ in the Riggin’” Love it, Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed!

  348. Rusty
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Sunday Foob: Grandpa Chinnuts is out of sight, and apparently out of mind. And yet another tortured pun.

  349. Nuveena
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    As there are so many, many things wrong with Sunday’s nupfoobtial planning, I’m going to stick with just one panel. Did the groom’s mother really call to make sure that they would take a picture of the wedding cake on the wedding day? And have to specify that the picture should be taken before it’s cut? I know that the future in-laws are barely restraining the GLOMP SNORK EAT, but is such a directive really necessary? Or is she already planning on ditching so early that she misses the traditional cutting of the cake?

  350. HammerOfTheCarps
    August 17th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Blondie –
    You know I can remember a time as a kid when I felt bad for poor Dagwood as his mean nasty boss Mr. Dithers would dropkick Dagwood across the room. But of course that was in the fantasyland of pre-adolescence where food is free and I didn’t actually have to work for a living.

    In seeing how that drooling imbecile Dagwood Bumstead has nothing better to do than stand around the watercooler gulping down H2o all day while his co-workers are busting their humps to keep Dithers INC alfloat, I could readily cheer on old man Dithers as he stoves in ol’ Dags cranium with a laser printer. Or even smile a smug satisfied grin at witnessing that slacker putz’s brains getting sprayed accross the front of Herb’s windshield as the carpool members take justice into their own .38 caliber filled hands. Either way Dagwood Bumstead must suffer the consequences.

  351. Sandy
    August 17th, 2008 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I like how Liz’s own family is going to depend on her to be self-absorbed and inattentive. Apparently she won’t even notice or wonder where her Grandpa is at her wedding.

    Way to go Lynn, go out with a whimper. “Re-imagine” the strip in the lazy, loose-handed style you used to draw in. With no new content, readership will start to flake away, papers will drop off and eventually you’ll just be completely dead in the water. That’s right, and you keep it that way because your husband left you; obviously the world owes you something! Why should any one else have a chance? What about poor yoouuuuu?

    Whoa! When did Liz start writing FOOB?

  352. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2008 at 2:39 am [Reply]

    Sunday the 17th:

    FOOB: Title panel: Doesn’t she mean “Kibbles & Bits”? “Nibbles and dips, nibbles and dips, I gotta get me some nibbles and dips!”

    FOOB proper: Uh…John….. It’s not as simple as that! He-llo-o! Grampa, anyone? Jeez, the Sunday/daily strip mistiming sure makes the Pattersons look even worse than they already do!

    Dilbert: Now there’s someone who would kill to work for Michael Scott… or David Brent…. or not…

    Zits: Scott & Borgman, STOP doing Non Sequitur!

    H&L: Ready to play the last stretch of the Beatles’ “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” finale.

    FW: Ol’ Mopey is in over his head, alright. He is to “mainstream” comic books what Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush — and maybe Obama — are to being president.


    Tiger: Hugo, you give the okay signal and pause before you say that, buster! Or I’ll send Trumpy after you!

    FC: …Synchronized Sucking… (figuratively speaking, of course)

  353. HammerOfTheCarps
    August 17th, 2008 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft –

    I can sympathize with Shafts’ daughter on this one. County fairs aren’t what they used to be and it engorges my bleakest melancholy to the quick. You go to the County fair and grease the proper palms to catch the after hours freakshow and what do you get? An occasional two headed goat? a one eyed fetus floating in formaldahyde? Or a Sasquatch Boy that is actually the town drunk covered in glue and stagefur…It’s as though they aren’t even trying anymore. Such a waste of a $20 cover only accentuates life’s futility indeed.

  354. Bookworm
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    I just pulled up FOOB on to get a jump on the glurge-fest, and out of curiosity looked at Saturday’s to see the comments, etc. THREE people favorited Saturday’s “Granpa’s in the hospital but don’t tell Liz” strip. THREE people. – I weep for the world, if not for Jim.

  355. Mibbitmaker
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    S-M: Spidey only saved Jameson’s life so Julia Child could spy on him (from the Great Beyond, unfortunately).

  356. Baka Gaijin
    August 17th, 2008 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Mark Trail? A picture of Mark Trail in the Patterson’s summer cabin? Who else would leave a place so “chomp glorp munch” fresh? Not Reeky Rat!

    Pluggers: Yeah, right, and 80cc engine can haul that grotesquely obese dogman around. It’s sitting there, grunting like littile Wobin dropping a deuce in his diaper, unable to move it’s massive load. The bike, not the diaper.

    Cathy: Why is Cathy buying fresh, tasty vegetables? She’s too lazy for composting. We know it’s not for eating; if it’s not covered in chocolate or deep fried, it’s not going into her AACKing mouth.

    Lio: Love the cat and the newspaperboy. Ha ha!

    Garfield: Stink lines. All this strip needs is stink lines.

    Brevity: Flasher Flood!

    Blondie: Saturday’s strip would work better as tomorrow’s (Monday’s) strip.

  357. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 17th, 2008 at 6:18 am [Reply]

    Sunday A3G: “Are you… a really boring mirage?”

  358. True Fable
    August 17th, 2008 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    #326 Mrs. Honeystump – You bet I’ll be praying for your success, whether I make it or not!
    #349 Nuveena – No, she had to make that call because once the Pattersons got into the cake, there wouldn’t be anything left of it and she would like to know what it looked like to at least show the other guests. “See how beautiful the cake was? Wouldn’t you have liked to have eaten any of it?”
    #353 HammeroftheCarps – *ears go up* Did someone mention goats? and even Two-headed goats! (not for the squeamish!) Twice the endearing virtuous little faces!

  359. True Fable
    August 17th, 2008 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    Let’s get to some Sunday snarkin’, since sleep is in itself, just a dream for me.

    FC Wait, what about the Tattletelling and Malapropism events? You know, the ones featuring Angry Billy in his very own Up Close and Personal interview?
    FW Well hell yes, can’t allow Mopey Pete to actually ENJOY his dream job, can you?
    Scenes From Suburban Hell What the hell kind of hat is the drummer wearing on his head? Is wearing on organ grinder monkey’s hat really what the Brownes imagine teenagers wear? On purpose, I mean? No wonder these kids are in the garage, no self-respecting family’s going to let him get out and make a fucking FOOL of himself in that thing.
    JP As always, Barreto’s artwork is flawless, but couldn’t we have a storyline with Abby in short shorts and a barely-fastened top instead? Watching Sam and Angry Bald Man in the desert is a waste of artistic time when we could have some Sweaterpuppies on display!
    MT Ah, possums: Nature’s soft-shelled armadillos.
    MW Really, Toeby? Panel two’s Ian is a sight you love to see? Oh my gods, honey. How long has your eyesight been fading?
    RMMD Yes, Rexxie, your sugar mama Lenora’s come in for her biannual “checkup” so you’d better wipe that frownie off your face! After all, you don’t actually do any medical work and the office, staff and fancy house have to be paid for somehow. Not to mention that high-maintenance June!
    MC Ed, you and Melissa just knocked it out of the park today. That is EXACTLY my take on sitcoms; thank you thank you thank you!! WHY is it ALWAYS a dumb fat guy with the hot wife, WHY?!?! And the kid descriptions? – right on, brother and sister.
    FBoFW What the hell is Aunt Georgia doing there if she’s supposed to be at the hospital with stricken Grampa? Did Phil decide to go ahead and cut out on his father? But that’s not the issue, I guess. The point to today’s strip is that The Decider is at the center of the maelstrom, all hail The Decider!
    It turned into a big production, Elly, because Lynn Johnston wanted a Dream Wedding for her own kids and they have thoughtlessly not complied with her orders. So instead, she chose to dick up Liz’s wedding with two clashing color schemes, bullshit problems and a thoroughly out of proportion wedding to please the mother of the bride, just so she can lord it over Connie “gee my gay son will never be a bride not that he would have been a bride, gay or not”. This is all YOUR fault, Elly. And your father is dying in the hospital alone with only bug-eyed hand-wringing potato nosed Iris to comfort him, rather than the family who might have been on hand if not for the fucking overblown freebie wedding between your hapless spineless daughter and the boy of YOUR dreams, Elly.

  360. tuesy
    August 17th, 2008 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    The reason Sunday’s FOOB looks so horribly inappropriate is because in Canada the coloured comics are in our Saturday paper. So the last minutes details thing actually happened on Saturday, with the phone call from Phil happening on Sunday up here.

    Doesn’t make it any less treacley, though.

  361. Baka Gaijin
    August 17th, 2008 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    #359 True Fable on Hi & Lois: That hat? A copy of a Jackie Kennedy pillbox from 1962.

    on FOOB: Truman, don’t edit yourself. Tell us what you REALLY mean.

  362. True Fable
    August 17th, 2008 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    #361 Baka Gaijin – Re: the hat. I can see some young miss attempting to recreate the Jackie look just out of love of retro, but a teenage boy in a garage band? Is this some sort of hommage to Devo, or is the kid just so damned stoned he thought it would be a gas to pop the hat on his head and buzz around looking like a Roxy usher?

    If so, then I’d rather see The Suburban Hell kids getting stoned. Gee, remember the good old days when Thirsty used to booze it up on panel? Now Thirsty’s kid has to get wasted OFF panel and all we see are his questionably clever hats.

    Yes, I definitely hold back way too much. I’m shy like that. :P

  363. queek
    August 17th, 2008 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    SFox is the win today, and not just for the MT shout-out. Only thing missing was the “AAAGH!” after the QUACK! Well done, sir!

    PV: best part of today’s strip was the little box at the end. . . .

  364. Braniff
    August 17th, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    356–Cathy will still look as if she has been spending too much time at a state fair eating corn dogs, funnel cakes and all sorts of garbage on a stock (the ones covered with unhealthy fat) when all is said and done.

    As a resident of the Des Moines, Iowa, area, which hosts the Iowa State Fair each year, I know how big a deal this orgy of eating unhealthy food is each year.

  365. Anonymous
    August 17th, 2008 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    When did grandpa has his first heart attack?

    I thought he had a stroke.

    Oh wait, re-imagined strip.

    Carry on.

  366. Baka Gaijin
    August 17th, 2008 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    #362 True Fable: Um, you’re asking for correlation to reality in Hi & Lois? What are YOU smoking???

    #364 Braniff: Don’t show Cathy the butter cow or whatever animal is sculpted in butter this year. She’ll have it battered and deep fried, followed by a few fried Snickers on sticks, then spend the next few months AACKing while lamenting that she can’t find a bathing suit or fashionable clothes to fit her bloblike body.

  367. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 17th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    I must say, genetics in the My Cage universe seem to be a bit on the complicated side.

  368. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 17th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Also, I have a suggestion for how the dilemma in the sitcom can be resolved; it involves him staying the fuck home and watching the big game, and me taking her to the opera. Well, I say “involves”, but that’s pretty much the whole plan. I hope it’s something 20th century. Perhaps Janacek wouldn’t be amiss?

  369. strawberrymom22
    August 17th, 2008 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    ok, yesterday gramps was on death’s door and today’s FOOB he is no where to be found. Apparently his heart attack was not important enough for a full length Sunday strip. But the good news is I’ve figured out how the strip is drawn. Everyone looks basically the same except for the hair. People over mid 40′s? Potato nose and an extra chin. Younger folk? Muppet mouth and kumquat size nose, no extra chin needed.

    Now the Family Circus: I was really disturbed by naked Billy flying thru the air while Jeffrey is swimming in the tub, but I really like how Jeffrey is lying under a pot of boiling something. Thats where I put my kids when they are being annoying or their head grows too melon shaped for my liking.

  370. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    #367 One-Eyed Wolfdog – I believe Ed set out the rules for it at one point, but it probably falls under the category of “just suspend your disbelief, please.”

    #368 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Can’t argue with that.

    A.D. – Bravo, Mason!

    BR – How come a strip this consistently hilarious isn’t in more papers?

    Crankshaft – …um, wow. Did Crankshaft really just pull off a nice nostalgic little vignette without any bitterness or bile? Did I wake up in Bizarro World today or something?

    Curtis – Kid, if you’re really that excited about Janet’s saggy, wrinkled tit four years after the fact, we’ve gotta get you on the Internet.


    FW – Ah, dementia. I was wondering what the latest Funky Winkerbean debilitating disease/disorder would be.

    Lio – Haha, oh do I love this strip.

    MT – Opossums: too ugly to live.

    MW – I think panel two is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in Mary Worth.

    MC – Succintly put, Ed. Also, nerdy by-the-book kid’s argyle dress is one of the funnier images in today’s comics.

    PV – Return of the giant freaking crab! Oh man, Prince Valiant‘s art is always top-notch, but that last panel is truly awe-inspiring.

    SF – Yet further evidence of why Ted is among my favorite comic characters.

    SFx – Poor Harry. Betrayed by the one tiny concession to his inner aesthete he allows himself. The Mark Trail shout-out is, of course, awesome, and allows me the pleasure of imagining Mark is about to bust the door down, bellowing “YOU ROBBED A FRIEND OF MINE’S BANK!” Two thumbs up!

    Edison Lee – “First, I’ve got to thin the tires to reduce traction and make the vehicle harder to control in poor conditions. I’m also switching from a steel frame to one that will break more easily in an accident, the better to injure the gluttonous bourgeoisie who think themselves too good for the common man’s transportation, plus narrowing down the chassis to reduce the wheelbase and further impair control.”

  371. gleeb
    August 17th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    9CL: Not to mention that it’s a rip-off of Reggie Perrin.

    Dick: Looks like the police do not have guidelines for what to do if a man is being attacked by vicious dogs.

    FBoFW: The dips are supposed to be in front of the altar.

  372. Tabby
    August 17th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Love ya bats:[ !!

    Off to work, but I think MT’s mama possum is the picture in the dictionary that exists only in my mind under the entry “Don’t make me come back there”

  373. Sully
    August 17th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Y’know, I’m starting to get the impression some of the posters here don’t enjoy For Better or For Worse. Maybe I’m wrong, but somehow I get the feeling a number of you out there wouldn’t mind seeing the entire cast bulldozed into a pit, doused with gasoline and lit ablaze, while you laughed and danced to the music of their collective screams of an agonizing death. I may be wrong, but just in case, please save me spot in the front row for the best view. Thanks!

  374. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    #373 Sully – No problem. I’ll bring the snacks.

  375. Andy Panderer
    August 17th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    HtH – Hey! The fat lady sang!! Does this mean Hagar’s unfunny ass is going to stop wasting space on the funny pages?

  376. John C Fremont
    August 17th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Take my hand, Dead Man. I’m really here.” “I’ll do it, Dead Man. And thern I’ll be back for you. Dead Man.”

    Maybe that guy yesterday meant to say “Steadman.” Dying in an infirmary in a distant country has got to be better than living with Oprah.

    Foob – Nibbles and dips? But what about the damned prime rib?!

    Remember, you can’t call it junk food if it’s made from scratch. Ready, and – chomp and glurp and smack and glom!

    Anthony’s mom just called. She wants her potato nose back.

    Horrible, horrible crap – it’s as simple as that.

    MW – That’s not Ian in Toby’s fantasy. That’s 70′s era Ray Bolger trying to relive his Wizard of Oz days.

    Hey, speaking of, anybody remember when that unknown guy named Alex Trebek hosted that new show, “The Wizard Of Odds?”

    Panel five – It’s a letter from Ted Kaczynsky!

    Maybe Ian wouldn’t be so concerned about how much the DVD cost if Toby didn’t go around spending money on naked fat guy bookends. Okay, in the words of Stephen Colbert, moving on…

    SFx – Even Slylock seems surprised by that portrait.

    JP – Dead meat? He must be talking with that Baskerville fellow. Or maybe he meant “Dead Man.” Or “Steadman.”

    “She’s mine, do you hear me? The doggone girl is mine!”

    FC – Weight lifting has done wonders for Thel’s butt. But who’s that flabby-looking woman chasing after PJ in the discus throw? Oh, sorry, Bil.

    DT – The dogs have “turned on” Baskerville? Far out, man!

  377. Little Guy
    August 17th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    SFx: Only thing more awesome would have been a Paw O’Justice.

    Zits: In Japan, the girl-girl translation is yuri.

  378. louder
    August 17th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I guess with all the free services the Peterson’s got, they couldn’t SPEND A FREEKIN’ DIME ON A WEDDING COORDINATOR! Sorry for the yelling, but Johnston has truly reached the depths of depravity with this bulls*** “wedding.”

  379. Isua
    August 17th, 2008 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or is the idea of a hospital wedding narcissistic in the extreme? “Hi Grandpa Jim, we hear you’re dying, and we just knew you’d be dying to see us get married! So here we are, so that you can still be part of our big day!” Can’t they let the day as it has turned out be about him, and spend the time at his bedside talking to him? Or would that waste the free flowers somehow?

  380. louder
    August 17th, 2008 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    #379. No, it is impossible for a Peterson to think about what another person is feeling, it’s always about what they’re feeling, and how what they’re doing, and how their wonderful lives, can “perk up” somebody else. “Look Gramps, I’m getting married! That makes your life worthwhile, you can see us getting married!” Honestly, they could give a damn about the old man kicking it, if fact their so blind to other people and their feelings, a Paterson wouldn’t even understand the question…

  381. P
    August 17th, 2008 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    FC: In the Keane clan, you have to be a Racist and a Republican to compete in the OOO (Our Own Olympics).

  382. lightsyrup
    August 17th, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    I watched the youtube video w/Lynn Johnston. Argh… Anyway, I think the underlying message in her tone was that she’s doing this just to torment us.

    Also, she’s beginning these “Newruns” on my birthday… happy birthday to me?

    Arghh… again. Does this mean that this wedding is going to drag on until Sept. 1???

  383. colonial
    August 17th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Is it me, or does Aunt Georgia look like she’s staring at Ellie’s derriere in the “Georgia’s Presents” panel?

    Are the musicians mentioned in today’s strip April’s “Forever and Eva” band or, given Lynn’s belief that it’s 1993 and people will do anything for the PatterFOOBs, the band consists of members of Glass Tiger and Loverboy, with Jane Child behind the mic? (*) Glass Tiger re-images its biggest hit in honor of Lynn and the Pattersons as “We’ll Forget You When You’re Gone.”

    (*) — I’m only guessing Lynn’s knowledge of Canadian pop culture ends at 1993.

  384. Sully
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Re: 374

    Thanks, Commordore. I’ll bring the gas.

  385. TheDiva
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    378 louder: Even without a wedding coordinator some of these “crises” are ridiculous. “Where do the gifts go?” It’s called a gift table, and if the reception site is worth their salt one will be set up already. “Oh no, we need to make sure someone gets pictures of the cake before its cut!” What do you think the photographer is going to be doing, shooting pictures of his own ass? It seems like a lot of silly things to be stressing about, especially since Grandpa Jim is waiting on his deathbed back in the weekly storyline.

    And another thing–why is Dee still in her tank top and slacks?

  386. Gojira
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    A late-thread somewhat-contrary opinion:

    My impression is that Ms. Johnston would like to call it a day, but, as Uncle Lumpy suggested, for the sake of her employees and the syndicate, she feels obligated to carry on, resulting in a series of compromise solutions like mostly-flashbacks and retcons. The daily strip has degenerated to contrived schlock, so ending it would be better, but the situation is what it is.

    Unlike a lot of the commenters, who get worked up that Ms. Johnston is tying up space that could go to other comic strip creators, I feel it’s more incumbent on up-and-coming strip creators to come up with concepts so dazzling, produced so well, marketed so effectively, that editors will feel compelled to give them the spots over a retconned, but established FBoFW. You want the spot, you have to come get it, that’s competition.

    Another reason I don’t get worked up about it is that, if you take a step back, newspapers are a dying breed and comic strips, especially those with continuity, are a small niche within that. Comic strips will have their place online, but that’s still in development.

    Ms. Johnston, go ahead and do what you can, while you can. More than likely, I won’t bother reading it, but there will be others. Depending on how many there are and how good the competition gets, let the chips fall where they may.

  387. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    FC — Water sports? Oh, Keane clan. Don’t set us up like that.

    MG&G — Someday, we’ll be able to tell little ‘Mudges about the day a comic strip started war with North Korea.

    SM — JJJ, that’s not how you give someone the bird. Your palm should be facing you, and your index finger should be down. Although I must admit to being very impressed by the backward extension on your middle finger, not to mention the tiny hand you seem to have grown on your fingertip for the occasion.

    SFx — All hail Glorious Leader Mark Trail, the Benevolent Puncher! It is a blessed home that contains the portrait of Glorious Leader! Woods and Wildlife Magazine rightfully sings his praises! In his benevolence, he rules Lost Forest with an Iron Fist o’ Justice!

  388. AhClem
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    #364, 366 – The featured “stick” food at the upcoming Minnesota State Fair is chocolate-covered bacon, to be called “Pig Lickers.” Really.

    If I go, I’ll have my “AACK!” radar with me, so I can hurtle towards the exits if Cathy shows her bloated, grease-laden face at the food booths.

  389. AhClem
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    MW – Why is Toby agonizing over the bill for a friggin’ used DVD? It’s a good thing she didn’t go to WalMart and buy a $29.95 DVD player, or they’d have to call the Rescue Squad after she faints in the Charterstone foyer. And a $300 TV set? Call the morgue.

  390. Mooncattie
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    FOOB –
    Minister: “And by the power invested in me by the Province of Ontario, I now pronounce you Man and Wife. You may kiss the bride, whose grandfather, by the way, died earlier today.”

  391. Mooncattie
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    FOOB -
    Minister – “I now pronounce you Man and Wife, one of whom has just acquired a dead grandfather, but in the interests of not spoiling your day, I shall elaborate no further. You may kiss the bride.”

  392. Mooncattie
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    FOOB -
    Minister (as broadcasting great Mel Allen): “I now pronounce you Man and Wife! And, if anyone here has a Grandpa Jim, he’s going, Going…GONE! How a-bout that?!”

  393. Mooncattie
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    FOOB -
    Minister: “You may kiss the bride. That’s it for now, and we’ll see you all back here on Thursday for your grandfather’s funeral!”

  394. Mooncattie
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    FOOB –
    Minister: “You know, God works in mysterious ways. And by ‘God’, I mean that awful single lady in the Tilley hat who keeps putting all this terrible dialogue in our mouths. You may kiss the bride.”

  395. AhClem
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Minister: “All those who wanted this wedding sped up so your living grandfather could witness it, please raise your hand.

    “Not so fast there, Ms. Patterson!”

  396. commodorejohn
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    #388 AhClem – Good lord. And I thought the cheese curds were appaling. (Traditional, admittedly, but appaling nonetheless. Like lutefisk.)

  397. Red Greenback
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    The Foobs only have one hairbrush between them? And what posessed David Letterman to dress in drag to attend some Canuck wedding? Hey Dave, you may have to do a cavity search to find that brush.

  398. Dr. Weird
    August 17th, 2008 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    386 Gojira

    “I feel it’s more incumbent on up-and-coming strip creators to come up with concepts so dazzling, produced so well, marketed so effectively, that editors will feel compelled to give them the spots over a retconned, but established FBoFW. ”

    That’s not the way it works though… The newspaper comics are pretty hidebound and afraid of change. I’ve seen several professional cartoonists say “My plan was to have the strip start out as a normal famliy one and shift over to this crazy stuff once it was established” for example. Not rocking the boat seems to be a considerable virtue for editors. We have strips like Blondie and Gasoline Alley that have far outlasted their original premises (the Depression!)

    Also for FOOB Dee doesn’t seem dressed for the wedding, wearing that purple tank top and all… is she invited, or just helping with the setup?

  399. Messy
    August 17th, 2008 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    At least Johnston’s second marriage lasted long enough. Her first ended when she got preggers with “Michael” and he took one look at the kid and fled.

    I was always dissapointed that that never made the strip.

  400. Vince M
    August 17th, 2008 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    373: I’ll bring the marshmallows!
    Occasionally I am callous and strange.

  401. bats :[
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Late Sunday, Sunday! observations (a few):

    FOOB (first and foremost): considering the timing/placement of the last two weeks’ worth of strips, LJ doesn’t even come close to Lucas’ choice for a I-feel-so-sorry-for-her-so-I’ll-help-her retcon padawan.
    Damn it, can’t you keep the Sunday and dailies in some semblance of order? Or is this something that you can conveniently blame on your syndicate? Or does your mind just bubble and ferment with wonderful ideas that might be temporally incorrect, and you just HAVE to share them with your faithful readers ASAP (and do you realize how many of your faithful readers are going to be writing you on Coffee Stalk this week? “But what happened to Grandpa Jim?” “Maybe Elly was having a nightmare! Sometimes I have nightmares — it’s like you’re peeking at me from the closet!”)?
    Such crap.

    FC: can we send the Keanes to a Chinese forced labor camp if they (A) drop the trashcan; (B) fall off Daddy’s back; (C) splash water from the tub; etc.?

    FW: only one panel, and yet so very boring!

    JP: I’ve got it! Sam’s been playing golf with Maricopa Co.’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s even more unhinged brother-in-law! Keep driving that golf-cart back to Sky Harbor, Sam! Now!

    MT: hey, True Fable, we went to see the 1987 movie “Monster Squad” at our local arthouse’s cult classic night last night — did you know that in Transylvania (at least in Dracula’s castle) there are BOTH armadillos AND possums? The possums might not be native, since the one we saw was being eaten/sucked dry by one of the brides of Dracula.
    The armadillos were way cool. A highlight of the movie.

    MW: eh, who cares about the plot? I’m concerned about Santa Royale — from the title panel, it looks like it sustained some serious damage from that earthquake a few weeks back…

    RMMD: must be summertime indeed in Morganville — I think Rex skipped his jacket this morning! Gotta love those casual cufflinked cuffs, startched collars and tie! (Then again, compared to the square-peg-in-round-hole scrubs…)

    S4th: this is great! I run across a LOT of kids’ books where I do volunteer work, and I’d read any of these. They’d have to be picture books, though…preferable illustrated by Gahan Wilson, Tatulli, Charles Addams from beyond the grave, Gorey (ditto)….

  402. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]


    FC: If there are any “water sports” going on inside the Keane household, I surely don’t need to know about it.

    Curtis: Curtis remembers MC Hammer? Dude hasn’t had a hit since ’93.

    JP: Someone’s fight for custody of the ferret just turned nasty.

    DtM: Add “Henry’s feet” to the list of things that are more menacing than Dennis.

    OBH: C’mon kids. You’re dad isn’t drunk. He’s obviously high on the wacky tabacky.

    RMMD: Rex’s look of dread in the last panel let’s me know that we’re in for a week to remember.

    PBS: I [heart] this one.

    Momma: All the flowers in Sonia’s garden are taller than her and can talk. Sadly, none of them are carnivorous.

  403. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Oh yes, the Mark Trail portrait. Is Harry Ape a fan, or did the previous owner hang it? (A bear, maybe?)

  404. Braniff
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    373–Sully, I’d recommend that you get a seat halfway up the bleachers, esp. if your idea of the ending of FBoFW were to be depicted in an IMAX theater, complete with explosions louder than the Space Shuttle at liftoff and fires hotter than the surface of the sun! Hope your ears and eyes can take it–it promises to be a blinding, booming, seat-jolting experience!!!!

  405. Braniff
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    366–Actually one of the sculptures at this year’s Iowa State Fair is Olympic athlete Shawn Johnson, who hails from West Des Moines, Iowa. It’d be a sad day if the butter-cow sculptor ever decided to make a sculpture of Cathy instead of Shawn, the cow or Elvis (as she did in a previous year).

    As for Cathy versus Shawn, I need not say any more.

  406. AMC
    August 17th, 2008 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Les has Le Chat Bleu. And now Pete’s got the Lord of the Late.

    I guess everyone in the Funky-verse needs an imaginary friend to help them carry on in an world that provides nothing but death and disappointment.

  407. Baka Gaijin
    August 17th, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    #405: I don’t think they have the budget to do an actual-size Cathy in butter. No worries there. But I don’t think Shawn should challenge Cathy: she’ll tromple him if there’s a plate of chocolate-covered bacon at the finish line.

  408. Quacks Like A Duck
    August 20th, 2008 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Please explain why drinking 16 two-ounce cups of water, the equivalent of 3 cans of soda, is a record in Dagwood’s office?

  409. Clinton Ashley
    March 16th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    love them!!!

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