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Dagwood still mad about that multilevel marketing scam Herb suckered him into

Blondie, 3/1/13

I’m not exactly sure what inside economic information would prompt you to abruptly sell your house. Maybe another housing bubble is going to burst and the neighbors realize they need to get whatever equity they can out of their home now? Maybe total economic and societal collapse is just around the corner and the neighbors know that the suburbs will become violent kill zones as desperate ad hoc gangs forage for food and fuel, so they’re retreating to their heavily fortified countryside bunker? But honestly, if I found out my new neighbors were leaving the neighborhood after six months, I’m not sure that “secret information about the economy” would be really high on my list of suspected reasons why. Hey, Dagwood, have you ever considered that maybe they’re trying to get away from you? That they just can’t handle the omnipresent stench of pastrami and laziness that oozes out of your house and permeates the whole subdivision?

Mary Worth, 3/1/13

An older woman arrives at a young man’s apartment, bearing an enormous bowl of soup. She is resplendent in a purple blazer; he’s in a tatty green robe, unshaven, disheveled, and ill with fever and a phlegmy cough. “Would you like to come in?” he asks. “I’d like that,” she says aloud, and then thinks “Maybe I could help you with more than your cold.” There really is pornography for just about every sexual taste you can imagine.

Luann, 3/1/13

Good news, everybody! We know that Luann isn’t doing anything online that’s “scary” and that should make her parents “concerned”. We know this because Tiffany needled her at school all week about Luann “flirting” with Quill on Skype (HOW DARE TEENAGERS FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER WHAT WHORES) and Luann got really upset about it, which is a sign that she isn’t doing any nasty soul-besmirching flirting, I guess? Anyway, all’s well that ends well, now that Luann is back home opening up to her parents about her emotional life! The whole thing makes her dad want to drown himself.

170 responses to “Dagwood still mad about that multilevel marketing scam Herb suckered him into”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff — That single giant eye in the sky staring down at Heathcliff? It belongs to one of H.P. Lovecraft’s cosmic entities. Welcome to the George Gately version of “The Cat Call of Cthulhu!”

  2. debussy fields
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    MW– The poor guy is sick, his apartment is an absolute mess, and it stinks like old rotten shit in there. Leave him alone!

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Maybe Mary can help Tom Harpman with his golf swing. Or maybe she can help him file his taxes. It doesn’t always have to be about pornography, you know!

  4. Cloudbuster
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    9CL: In one fell swoop, McE gets his protagonists off the hook for felony theft and presents us with another ludicrous example of how no farmer has ever treated a returned cow, ever.

  5. Alice
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Let’s fill in the dialogue for today’s Luann!

    LUANN: I don’t care what you say, mom. Vanilla sex is so boring. I wanna try breath play with Tiffany.

    NANCY: That could be dangerous, dear. I suggest you find out beforehand whether she has any respiratory problems. Say, by exposing her to flowers. If she starts tearing up from the pollen, that’s a bad sign.

    FRANK: I like it when Nancy waterboards me. Oh yeah.

  6. S. Stout
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Luann: In what universe does a flower with “BFF” on it make your mortal enemy cry? I guess one where the virtuous protagonist is wishing she could choke her enemy to death.

    MW: Don’t do it Tom! Mary may give the best blowjobs in the county, but she’ll also solve all your problems. …On second thought, go for it Tom!

  7. debussy fields
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    MW– “I know, Tom! Why don’t I invite a bunch of my friends over and we’ll have a big party right now? I have some leftover pink cake I could bring. Oh, what fun!”

  8. Cloudbuster
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: FYI, a while, back, Pib’s lower half was replaced with a robot substitute after McE torture-porned her to death. It makes about as much sense as why you’d install a button that detaches your lower half in your belly button. It does make Pib even more of McE’s personal Barbie — pull her parts off: it’s OK, you can just stick them back on later.

  9. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Dagwood has been living in the same house since 1930. So he must have a lot of equity built up in his home by now.

  10. Holly Folly
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    There are roofies in that soup. I just know it.

  11. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G — Although Greg is the one wearing yellow, Margo is the one singing like a canary.

    Alternate take: Greg is wearing a lemon-yellow suit because he SUCKS!

  12. Cloudbuster
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    JP: “That’s the intriguing part — the intergenerational 3-way. I wonder if they will let me join in?”

  13. Captain Plaid Pants
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    MW: Seriously, who in the world could write that last panel whilst being oblivious of the sexual connotations? It doesn’t even sound like a double entendre or some sort of subtle implication of Mary’s deviant fantasies. It is an outright declaration of Mary’s intention to dust off the ol’ wrinkle pie and get busy.

  14. Cloudbuster
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m afraid Rex has completely the wrong idea about why three hot strippers are good at throwing parties.

  15. John C Fremont
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#y318): A customized ’77 Chevy van, huh? Now I have this picture in my head of Rod Bassy and Catfish pulling up to KFC drive-through windows ordering 2 chicken pot pies while groovin’ to The O’Jays on their Craig Powerplay underdash 8-track with optional “Bass Boost.”

    Mmm-mmm, yeah.

  16. Darryl Heine
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Was Luann doing a WHY YOU LITTLE Homer/Bart thing?

  17. pugfuggly
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Blondie Are we witnessing the birth of Occupy Dagwood? Wiggle your fingers if you agree.

    MW Mary, I know you’re pretty good with your sandwich over-eaters, your aspiring cake decorators, and even your lovelorn-witness-protection-non-internet-users. But I think you should leave heroin addiction to the professionals.

  18. Christopher
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Dagwood should be grateful that the omnipresent stench of pastrami and laziness that oozes out of his house covers up the smell of his soon to be former neighbors’ meth cooking operation.

  19. WeatherServo9
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Dagwood desperately hopes the economy doesn’t get so bad that he and his wife have to sit on the same couch facing the same direction.

  20. nescio
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Blondie: The simplest explanation is that Daisy shit on their lawn.

  21. sully
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Now that the meddling biddy has bribed her way into the mysterious resident’s apartment with some broth, she can get down to the real chore of snooping around long enough to work herself into his personal life. Unfortunately for her, judging by his BLACK walls, he’s a devil-worshipping pervert, and his next sacrificial victim just walked through the door to her impending death. Best Mary Worth ever!

  22. John C Fremont
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    MW – I think Mary just figured out that this Tom fellow isn’t exactly sick so much as he’s realized that he needs to see his doctor now that his condition has lasted more than 4 hours. If I catch my drift. And I think that I do.

    Ye, gods, I wish I could unthink that.

  23. tb4000
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June’s badonk is right, they would make for good caterers.

  24. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    “Your were Bozoid”? Beefwit.

  25. AhClem
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Baldo – Be careful, Principal Gomez. Considering how Tia Carmen has the power to make a carrot instantly go flaccid, your evening may not end up quite the way you planned it.

  26. Liam
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G-”But you have power over everyone. So are you telling me that you don’t love me?”

    A3G 2-Greg is missing a big yellow hat and a monkey to go with his suit.

    MW-That is proof right there that Mary Worth is evil. She doesn’t care about people’s privacy. She will use any sort of opportunity to interfere in someone’s life.

    MW 2-”Mrs. Worth, you’re trying to meddle me.”

    MW 3-”Mrs. Worth, you’re trying to seduce me.”

    FW-Bull misses them not because they are good players but because of the fun they would have in the locker room after the game.

    Love Is-Dude, she’s cheating on you with your brother.

    RMMD-Topless caterers? To be caterers you also have to know how to cook. Do these women know how to cook?

    MT-Rusty is going to find out that the van smells of fish but doesn’t have any fish just a lot of women’s panties.

  27. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Luann – Yes, Greg, we get it. Men are in over their head when it comes to dealing with the issues faced by teenaged girls. So, why do you continue to try and write a strip dealing with the issues faced by teenaged girls?

    RMMD – As expected. Our heroes fly into town. In the course of a day that covers several months in real time. they talk to everyone, find out that everything was just a misunderstanding, offer facile and unrealistic solutions which everyone instantly accepts, then fly back home. Whew! And here I was worrying there would be some kind of tension or drama involved.

    @Cloudbuster (#14):

    Are you implying that people who attend a party hosted by strippers who are looking to raise a lot of quick cash may not be primarily motivated by the quality of the catering?

    It may not be true in all cases, but for the vast majority, the reason someone is working as a stripper rather than a caterer is not that no friendly doctor has advised them to start a catering business. It is because the ability to be on time, manage money, and stay sober long enough to do work that doesn’t involve talking guys into buying you drinks while they stare at your tits is not one of their strengths.

  28. pugfuggly
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    A3G Did I miss the part where we addressed this whole ‘Evan’s flaming christmas present’ thing, or did the writers figure that detail wouldn’t be as interesting as exploring the psychology of workplace power dynamics?

    ASM “Though crushing them might prove difficult with these tiny hands…”

    FW Wow, that gym emptied out fast! Coach must have done something awful embarrassing to clear a room that size

    MT Oh god, Rusty is about to be exposed to….SHAG CARPETING!

  29. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Two guys named Phil:

    Nancy — Why so formal, kid? You’ve known Phil Fumble since 1933!

    Marmaduke — Fortunately, there was booze in the blender. And Phil Hitler’s wife just rendered that frozen concoction that helps him hang on. (Sure wish I could remember the lyrics to Jimmy Buffett’s “Marmaduke-aville”!)

  30. Liam
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Luann-”How dare that Tiffany be more worldly and knowledgeable of stuff than me. Doesn’t she know who the star of this comic is. It’s called ‘Luann’ not ‘Tiffany’.”

  31. bbofun
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#8): Thanks for the info. This strip made no sense, and then I read your comment. Now it makes no sense in an entirely different way!(I am slightly- SLIGHTLY- interested in whether or not Brooke intends to tie this all in to the whole Djinn/troll thing- or if this is just another diversion, like the “Dru:ORIGINS/Arabian Nights” fiasco.

    MW- “Maybe I can help you with MORE than your cold. For instance, interior design. What’s up with the black walls? What are you, a serial kill- oh.” And she was never seen again. (Who am I kidding? Mary could meddle her way out of Leatherface’s basement.)

    9CL- Yes, it’s all Sven’s fault. It couldn’t possibly be that keeping what you perceived to be animal abuse a secret and dealing with it by stealing someone’s property was a stupid plan with no endgame.

  32. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Frazz” “hey, watch this!”

    AD: a drunk man with his tackle in his hand. Guess there is no limits to what you can show on the pages these days.

    LaCuc: KLANG!!!! (well done, but still.)

    SBp: Cone of Shame FTW!!!! (I lol’d)

    Bizarro: *snikker*

    JP: we’ve replaced Abby’s arms with those of the Keebler Elves. Think anyone will notice?

    JUMBLE: “Orange Barrel Hell” doesn’t fit.

    MG&G: up against the wall with Pastis for this one. *booooo*

    OBH: whoops!!!

    Pluggers: finger dykes. *shakes head and backs away from the jokes*

    6Cx: o thank Shulz we don’t see the backside hanging out of the hospital gown.

    rMC: stealing jokes from Zits.

  33. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Love is. . . .WILSON!!!

  34. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    I’d like to point out, if no one else has done so, that it was never explicitly stated that Daddy Keane has a PHYSICAL ailment.

  35. seismic-2
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MW: Realizing that Tom Harpman is near death, Mary brews up her special voodoo soup, presents it to Tom, and asks to go inside so that she will be present at his deathbed. When he drinks the soup and dies, his life-force will transfer to hers, giving her another good thirty or forty years of meddling.

  36. Liam
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MW-”Soon, Tom, your soul will be mine.”

  37. Doctor Handsome
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    “But you’re reading a print newspaper, and I’m watching a cathode ray television! How is anyone getting more timely information than us?!”

  38. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    What was the name of that 1990s or earlier movie where the woman was carrying around her murdered husband’s head in a Tupperware lettuce crisper? For some reason, today’s Mary Worth reminded me of it.

  39. TheDiva
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Luann: And now we see the concern about sexting is really a pretext for the real Very Important Issue: Should Luann strangle mean evil Tiffany like she so richly deserves, or should she magnanimously bestow her forgiveness on such an unworthy soul? Frank, meanwhile, joins the audience in contemplating suicide.

    MW: Maybe Tom would be more chipper if his room weren’t painted the deep black of the eternal void.

  40. Doctor Handsome
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    “I hope you enjoy the soup. Say, how good are you at transferring ugly cakes that pay tribute to me from one table to the next? My last guy just moved away. He said it was to escape some ‘meddling biddy’ but who knows.”

  41. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Jumpstart: I haven’t been following this strip, but how long has Charlene been in Europe (and why) if Clarence lost so much weight, and she’s gained so much, they can’t recognize each other?

    // Ah, I have it! She got a job as a reviewer for the Michelin Guide, and had to visit every starred restaurant on the continent! Explains everything. No?

  42. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    BB: Further proof, if any were needed, that no one now associated with the writing of Beetle Bailey has ever been in any branch of the military services. A junior officer addressing a general officer without “sirring” him. Pshaw!

  43. Maltmasher
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    MW- For a guy who was on Death’s door, when did he have time to go out and buy some pink carnations to put next to the mirror? Or is he a Mary Stalker and that’s a piece of the prize winning cake we swiped to keep on his “Mary Altar”?

  44. Anonymous
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Does the Bumstead @Anonymous (#44): Damnit! NOW I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO POST MY COMMENT, SO THERE.

  45. Old Folkie
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary to base – I’m in! Begin taping…
    A3G: With Evan gone, Greg has stolen his yellow jacket – or perhaps he’s a fellow Geogia Tech alum.

  46. Pozzo
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    I don’t obsess about the artwork in “Blondie,” but is this the first time Dagwood has been seen not wearing a bowtie and a shirt with one big button in the middle (other than when he’s soaking in the tub, of course)? Maybe his switch to a polo shirt is a better barometer of the economy than neighborly house-flipping.

  47. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Maltmasher (#43): He’s a bachelor. Those aren’t carnations. It’s a pile of dust bunnies.

  48. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#38): What was the name of that 1990s or earlier movie where the woman was carrying around her murdered husband’s head in a Tupperware lettuce crisper? For some reason, today’s Mary Worth reminded me of it.

    Crazy in Alabama:

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0142201/?ref_=sr_1

  49. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Josh:

    The whole thing makes her dad want to drown himself.

    Making him the official reader stand-in?

  50. Shran
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Hey, Dagwood. You want to be the first to know something new? It’s called the internet. Look into it.

  51. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#48): thank you! It was driving me nuts, trying to remember. Melanie Griffith. Some movie!

  52. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary muses over whether she can help Tom with more than his cold. Is that a break-away pantsuit she’s wearing?

    WofI: Id actually uses its vaguely Medieval fantasy setting in a way that’s clever and surprising. Or I’m feverish.

    C-Shaft: If there weren’t already a strip called “Pearls Before Swine”, one involving a barber trying to have an interesting conversation with Crankshaft would certainly merit the title.

    BC: Jimmy James made this joke on “NewsRadio” a generation ago, but I do appreciate the illustration of curls, if only to reassure us that the pole in his hand is of the fishing variety.

    Baldo: Tia Carmen’s carrot just went limp. If the genders of her and the principal were reversed I’d know what that meant, but as it is I’m baffled.

    RMMD: Look at that incredible ass in the first panel. You know, the one next to June’s butt.

    GA: Whoa whoa whoa! Save the raunchy talk, Joel. You’re in God’s house.

    DT: Um, we are going to get some villains who aren’t senile and disoriented in the near future, aren’t we?

    FC: Bil is dismayed to find himself too weak to smother either Jeffy or himself.

    S-M: “I may also have to downsize my State the Obvious department.”

    H&J: There’s also a saying about how it’s better to be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

    SFx: And now a moment of silence for the apprentice draughtsman who gave his life providing us with this drawing of the very bear that…

    A3G: If that’s not love, what do you call it? Oh yeah, “being Margo.”

  53. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#51): Even more horrifying in relation to MW, I just remembered that it was a Tupperware CAKE SAVER that she had the head in!!!

  54. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    @Shran (#50): The Internet? Dagwood is familiar with it, but chiefly uses it for the Hot and Throbbing Hero Sandwiches site.

  55. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#54): Does that involve Daredevil and Spiderman?

  56. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#44): This is not the first site I’d expect to get a hacker protest from Anonymous.

  57. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#55): If Spider-Man and Daredevil are the bread, who would be the meat?

  58. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#57): I’d tell you, but he got kind of mad at me yesterday.

  59. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#56): The wit and wisdom here is far more valuable than the gold in Fort Knox. Assuming there is any gold in Fort Knox. Assuming there is any wit and wisd…

  60. Doctor Handsome
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry, but I need more context for Luann’s dad’s drowning fantasy. In his head, is he chained to an off-panel weight that’s preventing him from swimming the six inches to the surface? Or is this willful suicide? I know they coudn’t show him shooting himself, but him having the grim discipline to resist oxygen in order to escape his wife and daughter’s asinine jabbering almost seems darker.

  61. TheDiva
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    9CL: Sven, Sven, don’t you realize what you’ve done? You’ve made the entire past two weeks of strips completely pointless!

    A3G: “Not without ball gags and restraints, anyway.”

    C’shaft: “Ah, here we go!…*ahem* Say, have you heard about these new-fangled ‘smart phones’? Apparently they have these things called ‘apps’ that do all sorts of crazy things. Wild, huh?”

    FW: Tom Batiuk would like to remind you that Summer the Specialest Snowflake Child of Blessed Saint Dead Lisa (and yeah, that other kid that was always hanging around the black chick) is the only thing that held the Westview athletics program together, and it sucks once more now that she’s not gracing it with her benevolent presence. Thank you.

    MT: Let this be a lesson to you! If you’re going to cheat in a fishing competition, be sure to lock the doors to the van where you hide the evidence!

    Phantom: Did we get the dialogue for a Sunday Mark Trail by mistake?

    Pibgorn: Oh good, another plot tangent. Because if there’s one problem with the “Genie emerges from the soda can of strawman antagonist, falls in love with video game samurai girl before being forced to turn her into strawman’s I Dream of Jeannie fantasy and both get banished to their respective realms but not before the genie sexually transmits magic to the samurai girl, and then the genie runs into a succubus who’s his old girlfriend/protege/FWB/whatever and who was also Scheherazade at some point, and meanwhile there’s this fairy who also becomes a genie and who winds up coming out of the strawman’s soda can and gets turned into a Jeannie fantasy too and oh yeah, there’s a topless mermaid in there somewhere as well” plot, it’s that it’s not complicated enough.

    Retail: They frequent libraries, too. “Hi, I know it’s two minutes before closing but I really need help finding this book I don’t remember the name or the author or what it was about but the cover had this guy on it…”

    SM: Well, one of them is Spider-Man, so it’s not like your workload has doubled or anything….

  62. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    JP – So, this married (to a hunk!) doctor is going to drop everything so that she can fly to America with some college student she just met in order that she can meet her parents? I can only assume she is going to ask them for money.

    9CL – Just maybe, if you didn’t want the cow to be returned to its rightful owners, you shouldn’t have stashed it in someone else’s barn without telling them why it was there first?

    Usually, you can at least count on the art in the strip to be interesting, but we are approaching A3G levels of indistinguishable “hunky guy” templates.

  63. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Love is…: Imaginative literature.

    // Non Sum Qualis Eram Bonae sub Regno Cynarae.

  64. Marc
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    9CL- How did generic muscle bound meathead take the cow back already? It was literally right next to the pretentious bitches two minutes ago.

    A3G- Margo enjoys having power over people? What?!? I never would have thought that in a million years. My whole system of beliefs is shaken to its core.

    Mark Trail- Laws about breaking into private property and obtaining evidence illegally does not apply to members of the Trail clan.

    Mary Worth- Sounds like Mary Worth is going to walk away from this encounter much richer for the experience. And by much richer, I mean she’s going to get syphilus.

    Funky- Instead of staying in the gym and kicking the air, perhaps Bull would be better served by going into the locker room and talking to the team. You know, do some actual coaching.

    Luann- The strip’s title character dreams of strangling the designated villain, while her father dreams of drowning himself. You know Evans, for a self glossed “family strip”, that sure is some gratuitous violence.

    Cranky- I have no fucking clue what the joke is supposed to be.

  65. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @sully (#21): Oh, I think Satan and all his minions give Mary a wide berth. Who do you think inspired those “Heaven don’t want me and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over” bumper stickers?

  66. Ned Ryerson
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MW: “Mmmm! A piping hot bowl of chicken soup! I can’t wait to dip my balls in it!

  67. Dood
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Haven’t Dagwood and Blondie literally lived in that house since the Great Depression?

  68. Dennis Jimenez
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Great side-boob today….

    MW – Perhaps you can help him straighten out his Longfellow….

    Luann – WWSD – What Would Shannon Do….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  69. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    on the IRL squee department, the local Rottie pup went by on her morning jog, and she was carrying a 2′ long twig all the way down the block. It was so kewt, as Nina was just so proud of herself. “I haz a stick”

    a wagonload of squee for bb,u.

    a reponse to yesterday’s Pajama Diaries.

    ikkle big kitteh and momz.

    a response to my earlier Love Is . . . .

    Calvin’s snowmen IRL.

    foxes.

    corgi/border collie puppy. (o ye godz, the destructive possibilities of such a mix if it got bored!)

  70. Dood
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: It’d be funnier if Tom just dumped the soup and placed the bowl on Mary’s head. Still, this has got a nice Lockhorns groove to it.

  71. seismic-2
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    MW: I love Tom’s expression in panel 2 when he sees the soup that Mary gave him. “What the hell is this? Some kind of formless brown blobs in a bowl of starch? And what are those other things? My God, they look like little square chunks of some kind of fish!”

  72. NonnyMus
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    The black walls in Tom’s apartment in Mary Worth tell you everything you need to know about what happens next.

  73. Mibbitmaker
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Luann:
    Craig Ferguson: “Of course, Luann and Tiffany are completely different people: One is a blonde jerk who is needlessly cruel and conniving with her betters and clearly a pathetic kind of villain worthy of scorn by all reasonable people — and the other one is Tiffany!”

    A&J: …and the tired, stereotyped crap stays the same.

    9CL: It’s like Brooke is trying to justify Dave Sim’s wrongheaded contention that females are too emotional to be logical… and finding that as being okay with him. The only good thing there is that his female characters, being Burbers and all, won’t tolerate that stuff and will beat Brooke senseless.

    MW: Funny thing is, those walls weren’t black before Mary showed up! If that weren’t enough to show Mary is evil to the core, there’s her thought balloon of unwanted meddling of someone too sick to resist.

    Also MW: He happily invites Mary to come in — what an impudent recluse!

  74. Nehemiah Scudder
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#61): Because if there’s one problem with this … plot, it’s that it’s not complicated enough.

    Exactly! And it needs more cowbell!

  75. seismic-2
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Bull, haven’t you been reading Gil Thorp? All your team needs is a magic peacock. And since magic peacocks are the reincarnation of children who died from leukemia, Westview is probably the magic peacock capital of the world.

  76. Alex
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    You all realize what the worst thing about this Luann arc is, right? This whole thing was introduced as Tiffany’s scheme to get Quill to herself. Based on the Valentine’s Day fiasco (what happened to the pendant again?), Luann will finish out this week by jumping on Skype and angrily demand he somehow get back to the States so she can show them off as THE BEST COUPLE EVAH, allowing Tiffany to step in only for Quill to show his virtue by rejecting the harlot. Of course, like the Weenie World storyline this will be dragged out for the better part of a year with constant digressions to make us wish they’d get back to the plot when the plot itself isn’t making us wish they’d go to anything else, cue Brad-and-Toni queasy-making.

    Somehow, knowing the path doesn’t make it any easier.

  77. Cloudbuster
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#31): Who am I kidding? Mary could meddle her way out of Leatherface’s basement.

    (Mark Trail Voice) That would make a good story!

  78. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#57): A hero ain’t nothing but a sandwich!

  79. Steve
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Luann: This comic is missing the captions in my newspaper. Am I supposed to spot six differences, or determine which picture is unlike the other two, or what?

  80. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Baldo: So Principal Gomez is a wang shriveler?

  81. Anonymous
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Since Quill is not available, Luann will try breath-play with Tiffany. Her mother encourages this, telling her how much Tiffany will enjoy it. Meanwhile, Pop deGroot is fantasizing about underwater autoerotic anoxia. As noted, there is pornography for every sexual taste.

  82. teenchy
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Luann: Has anyone ever commented here that the mom (Nancy?) and Tiffany have the exact same face? (Probably the same people who’ve commented that Frank and Gunther dress the same.) Maybe Luann just needs some therapy.

  83. Stroker Ace
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Blondie – Dagwood, if you want to know what’s going on in the neighborhood ask the mailman. He knows about your wife & Herb.

  84. Der Schnärkïnätör mit Ümläütën!
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör (#y316):

    Yep. He fixin’ ta hurl alright! Gonna vom in the soup bowl!

  85. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#82): Now that you mention it, teenchy, I’ve never seen Nancy, Tiffany and Greg Evans in the same place at the same time. Something strange is going on here!

  86. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Stroker Ace (#83): What’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis? The neighborhood mailman IS Herb!

  87. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    The look on her face in the final panel had better not be her, “All he needs is a patented Mary Worth blow job” expression.

    Admit it, Josh, this is what you really wanted to say.

  88. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:54 am [Reply]

  89. billman
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#29):

    Some people say that there’s a Great Dane to blame. But i know, it’s my own damn fault.

  90. Will No One Help the Widow's Shrug?
    March 1st, 2013 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @bbofun (#31):

    Mary Worth wouldn’t need to meddle her way out of Leatherface’s basement; he’d make her a partner, out of professional courtesy. Chainsaws and old saws, just two different ways of getting your victims to spill their guts.

  91. Shrug, Being Beastly
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Old Joke Revival Time; cue up Old Joke 372-B:

    Q. What do you call a GASOLINE ALLEY character who’s willing to marry a donkey?

    A. A social climber.

  92. Ratiocinator
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    I’ll try something different today by doing Josh’s one-liner thing.

    9CL: Brooke McEldowney derives great satisfaction over making readers of his strip tilt their heads to the left whenever it pleases him to do so.

    FW: Bull was having sex with Summer and Keisha.

    JP: Abbey is intrigued by the the possibility that people older than Neddy exist. She finds it deliciously intriguing judging by her face.

    Slylock: That bear is going to kill somebody and feast on their tasty, tasty innards.

  93. Mr. Beasley
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    I deliver to the Bumsteads and the Woodleys.

  94. gleeb
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#64): Re FW. Bushka needs to introduce these girls to The Peacock.

  95. Inkwell
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    “Aw, honey, forget about Quill. I keep telling you that girls are better. Why, even Tiffany would make a nicer choice than that testosterone-drenched freak. Want me to ask her out for you?”

  96. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#15): Oooh, you said, “Bass Boost!”

    @sully (#21): Seconded!

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#52) on Family Circus: COTW contender!

    @Lumaca Morente (#53): I thought so. The Tupperware Lettuce Keeper is only good for human heads up to toddler size.

  97. Paul1963
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    You know, if you had asked me which syndicated comic strip might one day include “Donkey Show” as an element in a lengthy storyline, I might have thought a minute and suggested Pibgorn or perhaps even 9 Chickweed Lane.
    Gasoline Alley would never have even occurred to me.

  98. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Ned Ryerson (#66): Dipping ones balls into a bowl of Mary Worth soup, or anything from the Mary Worth Kitchens, is contraindicated for continued good health.

  99. kanomi
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: A serial killer in rural 1940s Vermont? Loving these plot twists! Well played, Mark Trail, well played.

    Rex Morgan: Let’s set up those exotic dancers in a “catering business,” heh. DOCTOR, FIVE OTHERS NABBED IN CALLGIRL RING

    Spider-Man: Must…make sense…of incoherent…plotline…

    Kingpin bought one of those newfangled Predator drones, but since he didn’t grasp the basic concept he packed it with explosives. It flew very, very slowly towards the costumed clowns, ran out of battery power, then just sort of fell into the ocean and exploded.

    Apartment 3-G: “I enjoyed the power I had over him. That’s not love.”

    No, no it’s not. It’s a symptom of ‘Aggressive narcissism’ on Dr. Robert Hare’s Psychopathy Checklist. Geez.

  100. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#94): @Marc (#64): Re FW. Bushka needs to introduce these girls to The Peacock.

    The timing of your joke is suspicious, gleeb. Because on March 1, 1969, singer Jim Morrison was arrested for exposing himself during a concert.

    But you already knew that, didn’t you?

  101. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#96): “only good for human heads up to toddler size.” – we won’t ask how you know that.

  102. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#96): Humble thanks.
    @Baka Gaijin (#98): That’s good advice!

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#101): he calculated the respective volumes using a slide rule, of course.

    elementary, my dear Morente!

  104. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    YesterHeathcliff: I gotta tell ya, I think the intent was to make it look like Heathcliff was sucking birds into his pipe to abscond with them, but then someone went all artsy and also drew smoke billowing out of the pipe, plus no pants, thus Dadaism was introduced to a whole new generation of bored kids looking at the funnies while eating their Honey Crispy Fruity Mallow-Os.

  105. Ratiocinator
    March 1st, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#64): Luann- The strip’s title character dreams of strangling the designated villain, while her father dreams of drowning himself. You know Evans, for a self glossed “family strip”, that sure is some gratuitous violence.

    Oh it’s fine, just as long as they don’t talk about the DANGEROUS THINGS Luann might be doing with Quill on the internet!

  106. Ratiocinator
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#69):

    Calvin’s snowmen IRL.

    AWESOME.

    @Inkwell (#95):

    I keep telling you that girls are better.

    “And Toni agrees with me! Why, just the other day she was trying to turn your hideous brother into a passsable girl.”

  107. Inkwell
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#64): “Cranky- I have no fucking clue what the joke is supposed to be.”

    Are you kidding? It has the word “app” in it! Now laugh!

  108. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#73): i do believe the burbers have already beaten mceldowney senseless. it’s the best explanation for this storyline

  109. kanomi
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#5): You know the King Syndicate audience too well.
    :P

  110. sally
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#5):

    I am just realizing that despite being aware of Luann for years, I never knew her parents had names. Ya learn something new every day!

  111. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#101): It involves dead EVILSCARYCLOWNS and miscalculations of a certain Tupperware Lady on container volume.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#103): Should have. We discovered the Pentium Bug before Intel admitted it.

  112. Government Cheese
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Oh, my. Evans is quite adept at vividly illustrating catfights amongst teens. You would think that in the next fantasy bubble, Mrs. DeGroot would be attempting to convince Luann into making out with Tiffany.

    Now the last fantasy bubble is the most hilarious, in my view. Mr. DeGroot looks like some underwater boss from Super Mario Bros. (cue theme music).

    MW: Yes, yes, let me help you! Let me wipe your nose and your ass! Meddle, must meddle.

  113. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#111): What size container would McEldowney’s head fit into? Should we assume large, due to its swelled nature, or more of the “Zippy” size?

  114. sally
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    I don’t usually give much thought to the cruelty that underlies nearly every punchline in Blondie, as I’m much too distracted by the fact that every character other than Dagwood, Herb, and their respective wives and children has severe scoliosis and/or rickets. (What possible chemical disaster and/or ongoing dietary deficiency can possibly explain this???)

    But this one is too much. The first thing I’d think if my new neighbors put their house on the market after six months in this economy is that they LOST THEIR JOBS. How can someone who routinely falls asleep when he’s supposed to be “working” make that all about him? Sheesh.

  115. John C
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Luann:
    Luann: “But Mom, I think Tiffany will really go for the submission style. She seems to be the type of girl that gets off on being dominated!”
    Mom: “No, Luann, you need to show that you’re different than her prior relationships. You’ll get much more in returns by giving her gifts and being sweet to her, trust me!”
    Dad (thinking): “How will I tell my wife that I lost my job?? I think I’m worth more dead than alive!”

  116. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#113): I’m guessing the Tupperware Goodyear Blimp Keeper might just barely contain such a cargo.

  117. Little Guy
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Came for the auto-aphyxiation foreplay comments. Gyp Rosetti would be pleased.

    9CL: Sven is now my second favorite character, after Solange. Actually, I only have two favorite characters.

  118. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood works at what gives every appearance of being a financial firm of some sort. Perhaps he could pick up some insider tidbits if for a single day he didn’t sleep through every working hour, or plied his coworkers for info instead of tip-offs to Dithers’s efforts to get him to do any work ever. Or maybe this incuriosity is why he’s the favored son of the firm; you can tell Dagwood anything, he won’t even know he heard it, let alone blab.

  119. TheDiva
    March 1st, 2013 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#5): @Inkwell (#95): @John C (#115): Thanks to your suggested dialogue, today’s Luann is the funniest the strip has been in years. Well done!

  120. Ratiocinator
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#112):

    Now the last fantasy bubble is the most hilarious, in my view. Mr. DeGroot looks like some underwater boss from Super Mario Bros. (cue theme music).

    While the actual game music can be heard <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBx-8jqiGfA&quot;, it’s worth your time to also have a listen to this.

  121. Lumaca Morente
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#116): Or the blimp itself. Bit of a pain to haul around, though.

  122. Ratiocinator
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    D’oh, fucked up the first link above. Oh well, you can figure out to click on it and that’s all that matters I guess.

  123. Victory Garden
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#5): 50 Shades of Teen Angst. (COTW for you!)

  124. Irrischano
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Dammit Blondie, if I wanted to read a strip about the depressing lives of people described in the most vague ways possible featuring a middle-aged sandwich aficionado I would read Herb & Mary Winkerbean.

  125. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus (#118): Dagwood works for JC Dithers Construction Company as an office manager. “JC” stands for “Julius Caesar.” The Bumsteads live on Shady Lane Avenue. Blondie was a flapper, Dagwood a scion of high society. The Bumsteads disowned Dagwood when he chose Blondie over the family’s reputation and money. Dagwood’s hair antennae can receive “Fibber McGee and Molly” even though it’s been off the air for more than half a century. The mailman and the next door neighbor could be identical twins. The son’s original nickname was “Baby Dumpling.”

    One of those Blondie Fun Facts is incorrect. Can you guess which one?

  126. seismic-2
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Maybe the reason that the neighbors across the street are moving out is that they’ve lived there for 6 months already, and the Bumsteads still don’t know their names. The new family clearly didn’t fit into the lifestyle of the Bumstead-Woodley compound. Did Dag even offer to let them join the neighborhood car pool? Did professional caterer Blondie consider welcoming them with a plate of snacks? What a bunch of snobs! Either that, or the husband came home early and found his wife in bed with Mr. Beasley, and now they’re getting a divorce.

  127. Shran
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Well, at least Luann isn’t online anymore. There really are some truly “concerning” things she could end up doing in cyberspace, like reading comic blogs. The horror. The horror.

  128. Spiff Bereft
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    MW: “All that pink frosting…oh well, if doing Meddle Porn doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will!”

  129. Sequitur
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#125): If I had to guess I’d say the one about Dagwood’s hair antennae. However, that seems so right!

    Boy, I’m stumped.

  130. comcis fan
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary hasn’t read “Fifty Shades of Gray” but Toby told her it’s a hot-gray-haired-grandma kama sutra thing and now everyone expects nosy, white-haired biddies to seduce their neighbors, using gifts chicken soup and salmon blobs.

  131. seismic-2
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Dag, the best way to judge the trends of the economy in your block is to read the strip for a couple of months and see how many real-life people Dean Young had to add into it so that he could pay his medical bills.

  132. Majicou
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Shran (#127): Hey, I didn’t know this blog was popular on Andoria. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy our pinkskin snarking.

  133. Braniff
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Remember, what happens between Jeffy and Daddy STAYS between Jeffy and Daddy!”

  134. teenchy
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#85): Sorry if I came across as unironic. I’ve bought into our host’s trope that Nancy’s mission in life is to derail the sexual development of her children, so I started to wonder if Tiffany is not some outward manifestation of Luann’s rebellion against her mother’s sexual repression….

    …Nah, that’s thinking too much. Does seem obvious to me that, when Evans decides to retire from the strip (“Now: Luann Classics!), he will marry Luann off to Gunther.

  135. tallyHO
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood:
    Waitasec! Blondie sounds so assured about this existence of neighborhood information gossip that no one is sharing with her and Dagwood! They’re being block blocked!

  136. Dood
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: You see Dagwood’s mouth in that last panel? That’s where sammiches go to die.

  137. jim, some guy in iowa
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    blondie: the neighbors are leaving because elmo keeps getting into their house and asking inane questions at inopportune times

    which makes me wonder if elmo is related to mary worth

  138. Baka Gaijin
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#129): Damn! Got it in one.

    @Dood (#136): Ha ha HA!

  139. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: He should really just change the title of this strip to 9 Strawman Lane and be done with it.
    The Amazing Spider-Man: Saving the funny pages from having to depend on Pibgorn for men with penis-shaped heads since last week or so!

    Apt. 3-G: Below the waist, Margo is dressed in latex and platform heels and holding a riding crop. As for what Greg’s wearing, well, the less said the better.

    Dick Tracy: Remember kiddies, you can’t trust your grandparents because they’re forgetful!

    Dick Tracy: Remember kiddies, you can’t trust your grandparents because they’re forgetful!

    Judge Parker: Hmm, intriguing. My college-aged daughter who lives on another continental is hanging around with people who are older than her. How does that happen? I’ve never heard of such a thing.

    Luann: No father ever does this. We just look on and think about baseball. Or boobs. Yeah, definitely boobs.

    Mark Trail: Bird, Rusty putting himself in peril, Squirrel. Just another day for the MTCIPPGU (Mark Trail Child In Peril Plot Generating Unit).

    Mary Worth: Personally, I’m not against Mary Worth having…appetites at her age, but porn tradition dictates that you attack the pool boy or delivery man, not your neighbor with a cold.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: To review, Melissa has just evaluated real estate – by proxy – and discovered that her shiftless nephew has filled all the available rental units with freeloaders. Instead of throwing them all out on the street, she’s going to buy the place and set said freeloaders up in the catering business, a profession that they’ve shown no aptitude for and Melissa hasn’t bothered to ascertain if they know anything about. Glad to know the Judge Parker school of economics is alive and well. Now, if it only ran the nation instead of Austrian free-market dogma, we’d be all set.

  140. tallyHO
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Shorter Margo: Evan was my boytoy and he loved it…until he tried to kill me.

  141. tallyHO
    March 1st, 2013 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Words of Wisdomizing by Mistopher Trendy

    Friends, Romans and Countryfolk, lends me yer ears!
    Are you in need of a swif’ kick in der rear?
    Try Chicken-Stealin! It is fast, easy ‘nuff and highly rewardin’!
    If’n ya need he’p startin’ up yo entermaprize then get in touch wif us
    an’ we’ll getcha started and tells ya howz ta avoid gettin’ caught or gettin’ kilt.

    If’n yez ain’t interested, that’s fine, too. Cuz, I do need muh rest so Ima gonna go take a nap now, hear!

  142. Calico
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    MW yesterday – “One good turn deserves another” -
    Um, didn’t a certain fellow who looked a lot like Bob Keeshan say the EXACT same thing to Mary several years ago?

  143. tallyHO
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]


    Maaark
    Traaiiil!

    Rusty found Rod Bassey’s van and it looks nothing like the van they first showed. That won’t stop young Rusty, investigative burglar, from trying to get the scoop on how to put himself in danger so that Mark can become more highly motivated to bust out the Fists of Freaking Justice and start whaling* on Rod Bassy and his little fish fellow!

    Go, Rusty, Make Mark’s Motivation Strong!

    *oh yeah! pun diddy pun fun!

  144. DOlz
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    MW – Tom NOOoooo! You NEVER invite a vampire or Mary Worth over your threshold.

    Also god help me but, I notice the bowl got bigger in the second panel and all I can wonder about is if the pot is quantum entangled with it and got smaller.

  145. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @The Right Venerable Pasdordan (#139): “Luann: No father ever does this. We just look on and think about baseball. Or boobs. Yeah, definitely boobs.”

    it’s the only way ol’ Frank can get it up, thinking about choking Tiffany.

    ifkwim, aittyd.

  146. Dicky
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I didn’t say anything yesterday because my internet was shot, but “THAT’S SVEN?!” After making him so attractive to those of the opposite sex in most of the farm strips and the veterinarian strips where he’s referenced without ever being in shot, he’s finally been revealed… as a Seth body with an Amos face?
    IIRC, he started as a farm hand who was hired often onto Juliette’s farm before and after her takeover of it and then he was “sold off” to the veterinarian after Juliette funded her to go independent. He was also supposed to be dumb as dirt, to go along with his overwhelming attractiveness, which I guess isn’t being denied by these last couple strips. Their favorite pastime for him was having him remove his shirt while doing chores or for no reason whatsoever in the vetrinarian’s case.

  147. Calico
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#6):
    I wonder if she takes her dentures out first?

  148. Government Cheese
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#120): The 2-2 blues was hilarious, thank you. I’m serious though, Mr. DeGroot looks like he’s just floating around and Mario or Luigi have to swim around him.

  149. tallyHO
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Hi&Lois

    I’m calling BS!

    Hello? BS?
    Yeah, its me and I’m getting worked up over incongruities in Hi and Lois. One day, the oldest kid is into nothing but classic rock music from the 60s and 70s and the next day he’s Digital Dependent Dude. And, he proclaims the latter to be the providence of his world.

    Hmmm. I hadn’t thought of that. The strip is just going through the motions. The only consistency is that they are bashing the present and glorifying the past. That makes sense. Of course, Hi does need to admit that he bought the iPad for his son and indulges his kids with the latest and greatest.
    What’s that?

    Oh. Hi’s too stoned out of his mind to realize how jaded and manipulative he’s actually being and he’s just biding his time until Thirsty calls him over to christen his latest keg?
    Okay, so he’s just looking at the Magic Eye ™ in the newspaper and has been for hours until Chip interrupted him?

  150. Illustrator Steve
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    MT – Too lame for words today. (I WAS talking about the strip…WHO did you think I was talking about, ME?)

  151. tallyHO
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Hagar
    The very notion of a Viking Hat Store where people can get a variety of headgear is intriguing.
    No. No. Wait.
    I must adhere to Bourbon Babe’s theory that Hagar characters are all just stage actors who perform sketches.

    Look at the size of that prop hat! He’s like a Benny Hill extra! I can see him a waddling around now!

  152. Calico
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#35):
    “Blood meets seed! And seed meets soul!”
    – Chris Bohjalian, The Night Strangers

  153. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Thank God! Les is back with no visible signs of (physical) damage. But…you will note that since his return on Monday, he has SPOKEN ONLY THREE WORDS. He merely sits between the hag and lard-butt while their senseless banter passes over him. The old Les would have OWNED those punchlines! His dazed demeanor shows he is clearly a broken man. SOMETHING must be done!

    I spoke with one of Nancy Grace’s minions, but apparently Les does not meet her “Victim Criteria.” They said he was too old, too male, and (in their words) too unattractive.

    Best regards,
    Susan Smith, President

  154. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 1st, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @teenchy (#134): If things don’t work out between Becky and Rufus, the latter could always get hitched to Luann. Naturally, everyone in the media will be forced to refer to the new supercouple by their new cutesy nickname: LuRu.

  155. Mustang
    March 1st, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Tom looks like a guy who just wants to get back to crawling from the bathroom back to his bed, but the fool is using his last shred of energy to open the door and invite Mary into his apartment. “Better get to work! I hope you’ll remember to use a soup spoon and not a teaspoon to eat this. Let’s go downtown and buy some good quality disposable razors, and say, that’s not an old t-shirt you’re wearing under your robe is it? I know many available young women but none who’s interested in a young man with snot running down his face!”

  156. Jasper
    March 1st, 2013 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    MW- I thought Charterstone was a classy sort of place to live, with the pool, pool parties, celebrity (Wilbur Weston) tenants, and other uppity sorts, but the hallway outside of Tom Harpman’s unit looks like some shithole 4th floor walk-up in the Bronx. That must have been some banger Tom was on.

    MT- Way too funny. That’s trespassing Rusty. Inadmissible evidence. Looks like Rod Bassey is going to walk. I love that the vehilces in Elroy’s world appear to be offspring of various makes and models of 1960′s and 70′s cars/trucks/vans.

    RMMD- The June Morgan ass shot is very disappointing. All week/month/year we’ve been teased with her parading around in a skimpy little bottom barely covering her privates. And today’s money shot . . . may as well have a pair of cargo shorts on.

    H & L- These are the comic or funnies pages. They are supposed to conjure up a smirk, a smile, or at least an “oh, I see the lame attempt at humor here”. Nothing!!

  157. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    March 1st, 2013 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#156): Way too funny. That’s trespassing Rusty. Inadmissible evidence. Looks like Rod Bassey is going to walk. Putting aside the fact that Rusty isn’t a government agent and, therefore, the exclusionary rule wouldn’t apply, this is Mark Trail we’re talking about. The only law in Lost Forest is the law of the fist.

  158. Alison
    March 1st, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Alert! Alert! Someone in “Luann” is standing up for Tiffany! And it isn’t a fellow “evil” character like An Eyeful, either! This day will go down in history. Well done, Luann’s mom!

    “Mary Worth”: Mary you are just a damn obsessed lunatic at this point.

  159. Damien
    March 1st, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    -”I want to strangle her”
    -”you should offer her a flower”
    -”I want to die”

    That mind-reading power is more of a curse than a gift, really.

  160. PriceCheck
    March 1st, 2013 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    I think Mary just means she’s going to shave his beard stubble while he’s passed out on the couch.

  161. I Hate Mowing
    March 1st, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm… a tank of bass sitting in a closed up van in the hot sun? No amount of Summer’s Eve could ever get the fish smell out of that Econoline.

  162. gleeb
    March 1st, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#100): Don’t look at me, Boss. I was less than a year old.

  163. Dale
    March 1st, 2013 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    When Rusty gets caught in the van, they should immediately haul his ass to the police. There are legal issues which are separate from the fishing contest.

    If Bassy breaks the rules, wins, and takes the money, the contest organizers can claim fraud.

    Mark and Rusty are friends, and maybe houseguests, of Bluegill. How can Mark act as an observer in Bassy’s boat? Bluegill should be disqualified. If he can no longer afford pancakes, he can eat waffles.

  164. demoncat
    March 1st, 2013 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    mw poor tom you had to do it you had to invite mary in and now you are stuck in her web as she smiles and plots with glee over what she will do to you .

  165. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    March 1st, 2013 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    The Mary Party Song

    And then I saw her standing there
    With some soup and short grey hair
    She wasn’t wearing her Depends and I hoped that
    She might go away and leave me that day
    Maybe I’d watch porn and play
    But that day I learned meddlers try too hard

    Meddlers try too hard
    Meddlers try too hard when they mess
    With your head and they press
    “Get it off of your chest”
    And the things they suggest to me

    I couldn’t believe what this lady was saying
    The names she was dropping the games she was playing
    She helped out this guy bake pink cakes and pies
    How’s she’s down with a doctor and a guy who plays soccer
    Now I’d rather be sicker than hear her chatter
    Her stories, her sayings, her fake interest were grating
    So I said I’d call her but never would bother
    Until I can move out to another distant apartment

    So when you see her standing there
    With some soup and short grey hair
    She won’t be wearing her Depends and you’ll discover
    This meddler is tough and she’ll never give up
    You should just turn and run because you’ll find out that
    Meddlers try too hard

    Meddlers try too hard
    Meddlers try too hard when they mess
    With your head and they press
    “Get it off of your chest”
    And the things they suggest to me

    Mary just won’t give up
    Mary just won’t give up

  166. Little A.
    March 1st, 2013 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Jasper (#156): Be careful: have you ever been to The Bronx? We Bronx people take issue very readily with negative statements, even if they happen to be accurate.

  167. ralph
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Nothing to see here folks, just move along. I don’t know what cow you’re talking about. I’m new here, and don’t get out much. And don’t bother my 8 foot tall handyman. He don’t know nuttin’ either. Really? Those strange guys down the road were seen beating the bejeezus out of a cow? That’s terrible! Someone should, like, report it to the authorities. The vet? Um, I think she went into the city for a few days.
    Stupid rednecks apparently still haven’t figured out that if you want a domestic animal to do something, you show it food. Or, hell, maybe for the purposes of this story they really do like beating on cows, and we can all feel good about ourselves when they’re brought to justice, and Juliette gets to enlarge her farm via a sheriff’s sale.

  168. Morgan Wick
    March 1st, 2013 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    A comment on Mary Worth that isn’t about it being porn:

    This is pretty much the quintessential Mary Worth strip.

  169. Zla'od
    March 1st, 2013 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    Luann: On a serious note, I wonder if “sexting” got censored and replaced with “flirting.” Are the censors really that uptight?

    MW: Soon they will BOTH be disheveled and have a phlegmy cough! Mwahaha…!

  170. Sgt. Stoned
    March 2nd, 2013 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    MW: Please let Tom Harpman be a serial killer.

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