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For the love of God, don’t move Margo’s cheese

Apartment 3-G, 8/26/08

Wait a minute — who is this mousy, bespectacled woman, and what have they done with Sam? Damn it, I’m perfectly comfortable with the idea that Margo is such an awful, terrifying, and desperately sexy boss that she leaves a trail of emotionally shattered personal assistants in her wake, but I at least would have liked to see the quitting scene, full of recrimination and tears and cold, cruel laughter.

I apparently didn’t feature her in any of the strips in my archives, but this woman actually looks an awful lot like one of the cowed servants of the sinister Mr. Eldon, who held Margo captive in his sweatshop in the famous “More zippers, mule!” storyline. I’d like to think that, once she had a few years to get over that whole enslavement thing, she and Eldon got together for a productive talk about management techniques.

Blondie, 8/26/08

Hey, everybody! Did you enjoy the past two weeks of Dagwood sitting in front of the TV and making lame, nonspecific jokes about the Olympics that were obviously written weeks in advance? Then you’re going to love the next two weeks of Dagwood sitting in front of the TV and making lame, nonspecific jokes about the political conventions that were obviously written weeks in advance!

218 responses to “For the love of God, don’t move Margo’s cheese”

  1. Jym
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    =v= Blondie: I’ve noticed an overall increase in sophistication in Dag’s repartee lately. I think he’s got a new dialogue coach.

  2. shadowfax
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:46 am [Reply]

    Huh. So he’s watching the DNC? Does that mean he’s a democrat? Or a low-information voter who wants to get to know the candidates better? And yet, the only thing he finds striking is the silly hats. I think he’s missing the point, but it may be the heavily-watered down network coverage is … Oh geez. I just spent *way* too long thinking about Dagwood. I feel so ashamed.

  3. Peaches
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    What election is he watching? When has america seen a politician wear a non-cowboy hat in the past few decades?

  4. Ipse Dixit
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    Luann: The first panel of today’s strip promises something far more sexy than a mere F.D. tattoo, especially based on Brad’s initial reaction. Why is firefighting such a hotbed (hah!) of eroticism anyway?

  5. Weaselboy
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    Blondie and Dagwood’s lame repartee about our political system has driven Daisy, who normally has the courtesy to wake up for the punchline, to completely ignore both of them. Or maybe she killed herself.

  6. The Ghost of Jarrod
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    As a parli pro geek, I appreciate that Dagwood is saying “point well taken.”

    It doesn’t make the joke funny, I just appreciate it.

  7. gleeb
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    Brenda Starr, Luddite: You see, this disparaging attitude towards networked computing is exactly why newspapers as a business are struggling.

    A3G: All this time, and Alan’s still tweaking and touchy? That must be potent stuff.

    Jim Henson’s Tank McNamara: Games are over. Pack it in.

    ‘shaft: Just a reminder that Ed here’s a bus driver.

    FC: The whole family helps Jeffy develop a healthy attitude about his urinary habits.

    ‘bean: Mope, sweat, mope, sweat. All we’ve seen of this “origin of the origin of Superman” story is bits of a room, a little of the exterior of a house, and heaping helpings of Mopey Pete. Could be anywhere. In fact, I like to think that Comic Book Store John just brought Mopey to a random house. It’s the only thing that makes this anywhere close to interesting.

    Phantom: It’s the resort hotel for people who’ve never seen a plane before.

    Zippy: D H Lawrence did it better.

  8. Pozzo
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    Wait a second! I think that “Doris” is actually Velma from “Scooby-Doo”. No doubt she’s investigating the shenanigans of the so-called ghost of Albert Pinkham Ryder. No doubt he’ll turn out to be a corrupt real estate developer in disguise. He’d have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids.

  9. Proco
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    FC: From looking at the faces of everyone, it’s apparent that Jeffy decided to go after they got on the bus.

  10. John C Fremont
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Mooncattie! High-brow poop jokes rule!

    Foob – Ya-hoo? Must be Snuffy Smith. Or Tater.

    MT – I just spent five minutes or so looking through recent Mark Trails to see whether or not there was a specific strip where Cherry made that torch. Turns out there was, which ruined what I was going to say. Five minutes of my life which I will never see again. That should probably bother me.

    Phantom – “If it’s a ‘Grand Hotel’ I doubt if they stock Andre in their bar, Di. I did see a Wines Liquor up the coast, though.”

    Luann – I want a “Toni showing her tattoo” tattoo!

    DT – Just like that, huh? She robbed your banks and a guy’s dead. Your not going to press charges or anything? Wait. I forgot. I don’t care.

  11. dale
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    Point not well taken. Washington would have worn what was in style. Probably had a better tailor than most folks. Probably stiffed the tailor on the bill because a lot of those dudes were land-poor and constantly in debt.

  12. Dingo
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    The new Kyle’s Bed & Breakfast has been posted and I can’t help but wonder if this is how Ian Cameron met his wife, Toby.

  13. Patrick
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    Blondie’s chair is back! Still facing away from the television, but at least it’s back in the room. I wonder if Dagwood forces her to lug that heavy armchair in and out of the room, and makes sure she never, ever gets to face the TV?

  14. Dan
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Margo needs to know if the exhibit is ready? Question marks are an excellent way to end any sentence?

  15. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    A3G: That’s real drama there, Alan. It doesn’t take much courage to bark a response at Margo’s assistant-du-jour, who will automatically be ritualistically shredded by the feline beast as the bearer of bad news always is in Castle 3-G. But Alan bravely takes his life in his own hands by directing his vindictive drug-addled commentary at said feline demon herself. He will soon be powerless to do anything but stare in horror as she meticulously picks every cell of flesh from his bones with her steely claws.

  16. Whippersnapper
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Foob: Careful there, Liz. You don’t want to anger your puppetmaster- I mean mother- by skipping out on the reception just to see a dying old man.

  17. Whippersnapper
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    MW: In the final panel, Toby isn’t wondering “How can this be?” about the suspicious activity on her account. She’s marveling that she listened to and understood the message left by the bank and comprehends that something is amiss.

  18. Tim
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    I think, far from worrying about silly hats, George Washington would mostly be horrified by the two centuries of massively ingrained party politics that he specifically told the country not to engage in on his way out of office.

    But, hey, what did that guy know? Hats!

  19. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    #13 – Patrick, you bring up an interesting point. Did they hire an interior decorator to come up with that furniture plan? Who the hell faces chairs in opposite directions? Even the most vapid and uninspiring college student apartment slum dwellers are aware that you kind of direct chairs to face each other or at least the holy throne of the TV set. Does Blondie turn her back on Dag so she can secretly play with herself?

    If I had breasts the size of my head and a doe-eyed husband unknown to fashion trends of the past 50 years, I probably would too.

    Today’s racous Foobian punchline is “I do!”, but not uttered in the context of the marital vows. Haw haw haw! Where’s the big dog?

  20. Thursday Next
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    #13 Patrick-I can’t speak to the moving around of the chair (possibly casters?) but I will say, that my rather snobbish mother used to either do work, or sit at oblique angles to the tv because she felt that tv watching was somewhat beneath her.

  21. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Hey kids, it’s Alternate Dialog Day in the comics! When you find a snark enclosed in “Quotation Marks,” just substitute it for what one of the characters in the comic is saying! It’s easy and fun!

    9DQ: Keep going, Amos, you’re just one consonant off.

    Archie: That’s not hiccups. Jughead is creeped out because the audience is chanting for FOOB’s least successful attempted rapist, Howard Erk.

    Blondie: Political observations by guest writers Herb & Jamaal.

    (WT)DT: I’m glad someone gave Shirl Locke a couple of Band-Aids to cover her deep facial dog bites. That way she won’t show up in this strip years later, hideously scarred and bent on revenge. Right? ….Right? ah, hell.

    Dilbert: Personal anecdote: For a short time that felt all too lengthy, I worked for a company that published a trade magazine for the prison food industry. One of my assignments was to interview manufacturers of prison trays for the annual what’s-new-in-prison-trays story. Imagine having to write 1,500 words saying “This year, we’re making them even harder to make into weapons.”

    FC: “I did, but geez, look at my torso! I have a bladder the size of a walnut! Of course I have to pee every 20 minutes! Maybe you should have thought about this before deliberately stunting our growth. ‘Pillow angels’ my ass.”

    H&J: Geez, I hate it when Bentley uses quotes instead of writing a script.

    H&L: “What’s most impressive is how they managed to fit three times the square footage in a home no taller than a typical bungalow! Hope you and your family enjoy crawling.”

    JP: And just now he brings this up? He’s a lawyer, and he didn’t think it necessary to mention the whole death-threat thing until the end of the interview?! I’m so irritated by this I’m not even going to use my “want to see my 9-iron” joke.

    MT: “Cherry, I need that! How am I going to surrender to the kittycats?!”

    Big Dog: “I’m hoping if we please him, he’ll let us release the children!”

    MW: Wall treatment by Moy & Giella. Face by Pablo Picasso.

    RMCB: That’s Rex’s “I totally know how you feel” face in panel 3.

    SFx: “I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!” What? Too 2007?

    S-M: Peter is about to walk in on Jameson and Maria screwing on JJJ’s desk. But the worst part will come when he takes his camera back and finds out what’s on the memory card.

    Zits: Another chick? Damn, J-dog’s a playa.

  22. Old School Allie Cat
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    #8 – Pozzo – I think “Doris” is actually Doonesbury’s Honey Huan. Apparently, Trudeau wasn’t giving her enough panel time.

    That said, I’ve actually been in Alan’s shoes. I was once bitching about a girl in another department, loudly, over my cube wall to my cube neighbor, as the girl I was bitching about walked by. Aaaaawkward!

    Foob – Hate to burst your bubble, Liz, but as long as the booze is flowing at the reception, they won’t miss you. And even if there isn’t any booze, I doubt they’d miss you anyway. What I’d love is for LJ to let the Liz action take place off-panel, and let us listen to the guests crack on the mashed potatoes dyed teal to match the decor, give the over-under on how long the marriage will last, and discuss the merits of the dungeon vs letting Elly babysit.

  23. kalki
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Blondie:Look how bored Blondie looks. I guess Dagwood hit male menopause a couple of decades ago because instead of watching tv, he should be upstairs going all motorboat on Blondie’s sweater puppies.

    Luann: Ugh. Brad’s relationship is now officially doomed. 1)Toni is into tats and Brad probably isn’t. 2)If Brad’s mom won’t let him stay with Toni, does anybody think she’ll let her little feeb get a tatoo? Cmon, she cut off Brad’s nads long ago.

    Funky: Who cares already about how Superman’s co-creator came up with the idea? Who is writing this stuff? John Byrne?

  24. skullcrusherjones
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Blondie- Yes, the man with a Wolverine hairstyle and completely black eyes is the authority on what looks silly.

  25. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’m not sure who this Doris character is, but I approve of her presence. At least I can tell her apart from all the other people in this strip.
    CtH: There are a few things I’d prefer to not think about in the morning, foot fetishism is one of them. I can’t decide if being poorly drawn makes it better or worse.
    DT: Wait, let me guess; he’s going on a diet of some form? I like how the apparent pharmaceutical company is the only one that isn’t lit up like the Vegas strip.
    Dilbert: Huh, I didn’t expect the beginning point of Adams’ drug abuse to be so obvious.
    FC: Goddamn, are they still on that bus tour?
    FOOB: Anything to put off that honeymoon for another couple hours, eh Liz?
    FW: Jesus Christ, did Batiuk even bother looking anything up or did he just pull this straight out of his ass?
    MT: Apparently, the best thing to do when trapped in a cave with a mountain lion is to ask the cubs to not come near then shout loudly at nothing. This is like Man Vs. Wild if Bear Grylls had Tourette’s.
    MW: Toby’s so shocked her face is about to slide right off her skull.
    MC: Oh Jeff, if you weren’t a prehistoric carnivore you’d just be the saddest, most adorable thing ever.
    Phantom: So the new Phantom plot is going to be about the happy couple lounging nude on beaches between hotel buzzings? I guess I can go along with this.
    RMMD: “Well, I think the problem is that you’re on a 2-hour trip and it normally takes months before the men start getting desperate”.
    S-M: Oh dear God, is he about to bust in on JJJ masturbating? To his Spider-Man photos? Did I just take that too far?
    WofID: “Tying flies”? What in the world does that even mean?

  26. Lolsworth
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I’d like to take the credit for the Family Circus unironically doing a joke about Jeffy pissing himself on a bus. Congratulations, Jeff and Bil Keane. You win.

  27. And The
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    FW: If you’re going to spend weeks on a loving tribute to the creation of Superman, it would behoove you to know that Superman, when originally created, couldn’t fly.

  28. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Jeezus F’in Krist, Parker! Can’t you just let the blue hair man finish his sentence???

    How much do you wanna bet that MJ gave JJJameson the camera, not just the vulture photos. Earlier that day, Peter was taking pics of MJ in the shower without her knowledge, and JJJ wants to finish wanking off before anyone interrupts.

    Seriously, though, if Jameson is such an asshole, then why is Parker so eager to go see him? Half the time he’s on the lam from JJJ and his crazed, fascist work ethic.

    Mallard sucks as usual, but what adds to the suckitude is the fact that the colorists interpreted the hand behind Obama’s head to be his own, and colored it appropriately. They must be used to Tinsley’s piss-poor drawing style with unidentifialble appendages sticking in to the panel at random and have made judgement calls in the past. They got it wrong this time. But what would have avoided this whole issue is if Tins actually drew a Hillary caricature behind Obama (however badly – and for Tinsley, that means “barely recongizable”). But I guess he wanted to draw one distorted face today photocopied from the last series of distorted Obama faces in his ever-growing collection of one.

    Lenore Helmsley is trying to lure Rex into joining the crew of the Flying Dutchman or Jolly Roger or whatever her craft is called. Nay, Rex, ya scalliwag! Don’t ye fall fer it! She’s tricksy, this one, arrrr… This she-devil will have ye walkin’ th’ plank, she will!

    This lonely plea of Lenore’s should be the wake up call to Margo Magee. Being a demanding, royal biatch and devouring the souls of your co-workers can bring you financial success and unnaturally long life, but in the end, word gets around, you know? Then what? Then you’re sailing the waves solo, scouring the seas for young ship mates and fresh meat, plotting to intercept unsuspecting sailing vessels and raid the cargo whilst hissing and baring sharp teeth at the terrified defenders.

  29. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Funky: Hey, Mopey Pete! Why don’t you fly to England and visit Shakespeare’s old house. That way you can rewrite Romeo & Juliet.

    This time, they live, but they break up because although there was an intense physical attraction, they just didn’t have enough in common. Juliet was into tatoos, for example.

  30. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    9CL – At least things are finally turning towards “funny” in this awful, drawn-out storyline.

    A3G – She looks like Bernice from Luann as drawn by Frank Bolle. I look forward to Alfred E. Neuman deconstructing her behavior into lesbian and incestual insinuations.

    Agnes – Yet again, Agnes tiptoes on the line of what syndicates will accept. Sike!

    Crankshaft – A bus driver doesn’t know his way around his hometown? Sorry, Batiuk, not buying it.

    DTM – Sugar-daddy and zoophilic implications. Pretty menacing, in a cleverly beneath-the-radar way.

    DT – I like the resigned, glum expression on Dick’s face as he forces himself to accept Shirl Locke’s extradition rather than getting to cause her death in some bizarre and gruesome fashion.

    Dilbert – Whoa. Today’s strip just totally broke out of the Dilbert visual formula. Nicely done, Adams.

    FC – There is so much hate being beamed directly at Jeffy today and it’s awesome.

    FOOB – Wow. Today’s strip is just so wrong in so many ways I can’t even begin to give it the shredding it deserves. (But here’s a start: Liz still does not look at all happy; instead, she looks like someone rammed a duck up her ass in panel one.) Great Zarquon, Lynn, do you really not see how goddamn creepy this is?

    FW – Um yeah sure that’s totally how it really happened.

    Luann – Okay, this is quickly shaping up to become a dual-role version of Judge Parker where both parties are futilely throwing themselves at
    each other.

    MT – Today’s Mark Trail is made of so much win.

    MW – Yep, that sure was over fast. God, I thought this kind of resolution-without-conflict thing was Spider-Man‘s turf.

    Momma – Fixed.

    OBH – Very nicely handled, Detorie.

    Pluggers – Pluggers are obsessive-compulsive.

    Popeye – He’s a sailor and he can’t swim? Well, it makes as much sense as the rest of this storyline.

    RMMD – Wow, it’s Michael Jackson Impersonator Day in Rex Morgan!

    SF – Actually, Ted home-schooling Hilary would make for a totally awesome storyline.

    Edison Lee – gets his Democrat stereotypes mixed up. It’s Ted Kennedy you chase away from the punch bowl; Bill is the one who’s harassing the lady convention-goers.

  31. Perky Bird
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    I am ashamed to admit that as I was watching the Democratic Convention last night, I was actually lamenting the lack of seriously wacky hats.

    *slinks away in shame*

  32. Mr. Coffee Nerves
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Quick question for any medically-trained CC’ers now that I’ve read today’s FOOB: Is it physically possible to vomit up one’s skeleton?

  33. isrw
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Why is Toby kneeling before the telephone answering machine? Our artist has gone out of her or his way to depict her heels tucked behind her tuckus. Why?

  34. Sunny Paris
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    #28 Schadenfreude

    Slate actually had a whole article about how no one can draw a good Obama cartoon. No one, including non-Americans and the staff of the New Yorker. And you hoped for it from the fascist, unfunny hack job that is MF? That’s soooo sweeeet!

  35. isrw
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    The last panel of today’s Rex Morgan, in which his face is lined with horror at the prospect of sailors running the other way when one goes down the street, is especially touching.

  36. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    I love today’s Heathcliff. “Flounder can’t be bribed.” You old twit, you see your asshole cat throwing your money overboard and THAT’S what you’re thinking?

    My own take on it is Heathcliff’s symbolic destruction of the present capatilistic economic system which buys and sells cats and fish alike. Heathcliff, who has attempted several business ventures has failed at every turn, owing primarily to the fact that he is – you know, a cat, and doesn’t speak. So, feeling excluded, wronged and prejudiced, he rejects the entire system in a vain attempt to change it.

    Powerful. Really powerful.

  37. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    I thought Rex was planning to head to the other side of the street, so to speak, just to see all those sailiors in their dress whites.

  38. Sunny Paris
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    I was in a wedding where the wedding party visited the FUCKING GRAVE of the Mother of the Bride after the wedding. What the fuck is up with Elly thinking that running off to a quickly planned reception is more important than than seeing Grandpa for a few minutes? As far as I know, they don’t have Aunt Cindy the beer distributor giving them free booze. And Liz does not yet have a drink in her hand. So what else besides the promise of getting shit-faced is keeping her from seeing Grandpa Jim?

    There is no yihud in FOOB-land is there? Because I do not want to see Linthony during their “private time.”

  39. CortJstr
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: That is Sam. He’s been slowly undergoing several cosmetic, hormonal, and surgical changes to make himself look more like Margo. He’s about halfway through the procedures. It’s pretty standard, actually. Margo requires it of all her assistants/worshipers. That plus an agreement for 10 billion years service to her. Margoism is kind of like Scientology that way, but with fewer aliens and more pride-obliterating bitch slaps.

  40. Jimmy
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    I always thought Toeby was sharp and on the ball, but this torpid storyline has me wondering why she’s been portrayed lately as a wide-eyed dumbass. But what REALLY keeps me up nights is how Mary is going to figure into this plot– do I see a couple of broken knee caps in somebody’s future?

  41. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    #39 CortJstr – Frighteningly and hilariously plausible.

  42. Niall
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    On Blondie: the convention is only what, three days, not three weeks, right? That’s valid for a few strips. And I have to admit, they do make a valid point. It’s not the most hilarious thing, but it’s definitely a step up for me from the painful Olympic of lameness previously.

  43. McManx
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Phantom — Diana and Ghostie, who just spent a hot night of passion nude on an island beach, are now flying into an exclusive resort, and all she can think about is Andre? Can you say “threesome”? Brings new meaning to the standard Phantom caption “Next week – new adventure!”

    Blondie — At least Dagwood can enjoy the convention on his new flat panel TV replacing the box model on wheels he’s had for the last 50 years. At least we’re assured we won’t have to go through weeks of panels in February as Dagwood copes with the digital conversion.

    FOOB — Liz will enter Gramps’ hospital room in Gramma’s wedding dress; mistaking her for his dead wife, Gramps will rise up out of bed with a huge erection and yell “boxcar!” right before his aneurysm strikes. Ah, memories…

  44. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Liz, dear, the ceremony is over. Your guests are lining up to the troughs to eat and drink like pigs (and the way LJ draws, you know that is true). You can leave now and no one would really care.

    As an aside, is Liz quitting her job as teacher? Since when do teachers get married at the beginning of the school year like this, dying grandpaws aside. When is she going to get ready for the next year of class? She doesn’t have tenure and can get fired in a heartbeat.

    One can dream.

  45. Holy Prepuce
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Aaak, links in the previous post to my Anti-Anthony Facebook Flair don’t work; try


  46. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    #44 Anonymous – Why would Liz go back to work? She’s fulfilled the entirety of her existence as a Foobiverse female; there’s no need for trivial, silly things like doing what you love for money anymore.

  47. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    #40 – Jimmy: Personally, I’m just on tenterhooks to see what kind of platitudes Mary’s going to trot out for this one. I can’t wait to see her quoting a wise man from South Central; “You fuck with me, you get fucked with” and the classic “I’ll cut you like a bitch!”.

  48. Myth
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: I think it was inevitable that, once Sam realized he wasn’t attracted to Margo as much as he was attracted to her emasculation of all men in her immediate environment, he quickly moved on to his new life as Doris.

  49. athena
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    The genius behind has updated the site–I actually laughed out loud whilst at work…

  50. Angry Kem
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    The genius behind has far too much time on his or her hands, and we have all benefited…enormously. I salute you, genius. Your latest update is brilliance incarnate.

  51. Ribinin
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    #36 Schadenfreude – I also didn’t think of bribery when I read Heathcliff. I thought he was going for the classic definition of a boat:

    A hole in the water that you throw money into.

    But the symbolic destruction of the present capitalistic economic system is good too.

  52. texas buddha
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Hey everybody…

    I’ve been slacking off on the New World Order Family Circus due to an ongoing family situation, but there are a couple of fresh ones if you have not visited in awhile:

  53. shegotzen
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    This is a sad day for Sam and Margo shippers everywhere. I’m considering launching a hysterical peanut-laden protest to King Features. “Death to Doris! SMargo forever!”

  54. TheDiva
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    FC: I love how Keane keeps giving the kids “WASHINGTON DC” pennants and shirts that say “OUR NATION’S CAPITAL” for the benefit of the readers who don’t recognize those huge easily identifiable landmarks in the backdrop of every comic in this series.

    FOOB: I don’t know what annoys me more: that it took Liz this long to realize her grandfather isn’t there, or that she didn’t immediately smack her mother upside the head for implying that going to the reception is more important than visiting an ailing relative in the hospital.

  55. johnshade
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Looks like Ugly Betty is now working for Margo.

  56. CanuckDownSouth
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    DT What? Tracy even knows what an extradition is? Forms and procedures for it exist in the Tracyverse? I thought all villains had to meet gruesome, deadly fates. It’s in the fine print of the physical laws there.

    DT: Ex..tra..what?
    M: Extradition. So I can take her…
    DT: to a cliff?
    M: um, no. On a plane.
    DT: Do you want help sabotaging the wings?

    And more antidote to the Foobery here

  57. Islamorada Girl
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Two minutes too late, Liz finally grows a backbone. Tant pis!

  58. The Not-So-Amazing Whitney
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Personally, I’m all for seeing the criminally-underused word “britches” on the comics page. Hopefully Blondie is merely the first strip to hop on this trend, and soon we’ll see Ma Keane asking Jeffy why his britches are in such a wad over their trip to D.C., and Elizabeth seducing Anthony by saying, “I’m not wearing any britches under this wedding gown.” On second thought, I don’t want to see that second scenario, and just typing it out made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

  59. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: What can I say? The makeover did wonders for Honey Huan. Uncle Duke may just start taking a second look.

    Phantom: Looks like the Walkers’ Sandy Naked Funtime is over. Speaking of which, I wonder whether Kit will think to change before they get out of the plane, or whether they’ll register as “Mr and Mrs Grape Jelly Vigilante.”

    MW: From Toeby’s traumatized reaction, you wouldn’t guess that the credit card company catching a suspicious charge is the best case scenario.

    Agnes: Ellen Degeneres on line one. She’s very interested in publishing yuor romance novels under her new imprint.

    Luann: If you’re really good, maybe she’ll show you her “slippery when wet” tattoo. (Ha ha, not really.)

    DT: Goodie! Dick’s about to get a Diet Smith Funpak.

    Popeye: I generally don’t support the death penalty for toddlers, but in Swee’Pea’s case…

    Marvin: Good Lord! Jeff has enough pain in his life, being Marvin’s father and all. Why would he volunteer to get bossed around by a notorious tantrum-prone Scot?

    DtM: Yes Dennis, I like dogs too. But aren’t you even a little curious how Margaret scammed that jewelry store?

    6C: Deep down, doesn’t every woman want Claus von Bulow?

    BSt: Yes, I certainly believe that Colin was “simple” in his youth, and in fact that he still is.

    FC: Oh man, did Jeffy just whiz on somebody’s leg? That in itself makes the whole DC trip worthwhile.

  60. Calico
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    #17 yesterthread – Yes, but I haven’t listened to that song or album in ages. Almost as creepy as the thought of seeing Anthony nekkid.

    Now, let’s go back an album and play “Intruder” for their wedding night.

  61. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    #44 Anonymous:

    Of course Liz isn’t going to work. That is unacceptable for a Patterfoob. She’ll settle into the role Crapper-John and SmElly intended for her: a pale copy of her mother, compatriot to Dishrag Dee. In the very last strip of FOOB, Liz will announce she’s preggers.

  62. Calico
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Josh – I forget Mouse-lady’s name, but she’s an assistant to Eric, and now Margo.

    She could also be Marcie (Peanuts) or Honey (Doonesbury), making a cameo appearance.

    I’m sure Margo killed Sam with her laser-like stare, and then ate him.

  63. Calico
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    #61 – Preggers yes, but hopefully from Gordo or Lawrence. Or Uncle Phil. : P

  64. Astroboy
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    No need to rush or anything Elly, your father’s only feakin’ DYING. She might as well be whining like Prince Poopypants: “Aw…do we hafta go nowwww?” God what a bitch.

    And shouldn’t Starey Eyed Hoo Guy be in there somewhere with the background cheers?

    And Liz’s Lips of Loveliness have truly reached EPIC proportions in the final panel. I’m scared. Very scared.

  65. Donald The Anarchist
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Blondie Maybe we can see a series of strips about how Dagwood would have phrased this in different historical periods (and locales)! “Forsooth! These lords do stuff their codpieces, don’t they?” “Have you ever noticed that the members of the Senate wear such ornate togas? Who do they think they’re impressing?” OK, I’m bored a;ready. Which makes it like anything else even tangentially related to this strip.

  66. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    S-M: This is the time of day when JJJ dons corset and tapshoes and works out his tension as Chicago‘s Roxie Hart. Right now he’s about halfway through “All That Jazz.” You sure you want to go in there, Peter?

  67. Old School Allie Cat
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    #61 Joe – To get pregnant, she’d have had to had contact with Anthony’s junk, which, henceforth, we shall refer to as “Little Anthony and the Imperials”.

    #59 – Ben – Glad to see there’s another Doonesbury reader (see #22). I immediately thought Honey Huan as well.

    Luann – Little does Brad know that the FD means “For Dirk”. Seriously, you have to be careful with those really specific tats. I know a gal who had a strategically place (R rated) tat of the little universal wheelchair symbol for handicapped parking because her husband was in a wheelchair. So, when they got divorced, she had to get it made into a flower. I’m just saying.

    S4th I think Ted should homeschool both Hillary and Faye. That would be fun times. Not that they’d learn anything of practical application.

  68. Calico
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    FC – Jeffy pisses himself on a bus in D.C.
    The following week, he jacks off in the hotel pool.

  69. Nekrotzar
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    #67 Didn’t Thérèsë get custody of “the Imperials” as part of the divorce settlement?

  70. Little A. from The Bronx
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Luann: Toni probably has another tattoo on her upper thigh that says, A Real Fireman Knows How to Handle His Hose, or something innocent like that.

    Incidentally, Toni must really lay on the hair spray — after a fire, her hair is still all fluffed out, after being under her helmet and all. Which can be dangerous. Isn’t hair spray very flammable? Just asking.

  71. Joe Blevins
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    A3G: A sexy librarian in a Louise Brooks wig? Doris, you have officially replaced Dennis the Menace’s mom as the comics page girl of my dreams!

  72. Purple Prosecutor
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    #34 Sunny Paris – I know it’s hard to draw a good cartoon Obama, but is it just me, or did Tinsley take a John Kerry caricature, change the hair, add some ears, and call it a day?

  73. gkl
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: How can this be? Well, Toby, you did give your credit card number to web site that was obviously going to use it to commit fraud. That may be where you want to start looking.

    MT: Aha! A bag on a stick! The only thing more powerful than a mountain lion protecting her cubs.

    Pluggers: 1. I suppose Plugger underwear is probably held together with duct tape. I still don’t want to see it. 2. This plugger looks like both a chicken and an egg, which is philosophically interesting though genetically traumatizing, if such traits were acquired in the traditional way. 3. Horizontal stripes not good for ovoid pluggers. 4. Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.

  74. tb4000
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Luann: A woman showing you her tattoo and saying you should get one like it is basically telling you to tell the other firemen, “when this firehouse is rockin’ don’t come a-knockin’.” Knowing Brad of course, he’ll have to go drive Mama DeGroot to bingo or something instead.

  75. jayjaybear
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Doris is obviously Margo’s combination Honey from Doonesbury and Marcy from Peanuts: a competent assistant who is madly in lesbian lust with her boss. I wonder if she calls Margo “Sir”?

  76. lovetoykilljoy
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Dammit Dagwood. Don’t look peturbed that your wife is being contrarian. She didn’t want to talk to you. Hence why she pointed her chair into the endless void in the first place.

  77. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    P.S. from yester-yesterthread – Many thanks to Patrick and bats :[ for introducing me to the prog-rock version of The War Of The Worlds. My God, that thing is epic.

  78. odinthor
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Retail — Actually, Cooper, after you’ve gone to the great Poor House in the Sky, your debts live on to beguile and delight your survivors as they try to piece together the tattered remnants of your estate. Don’t think that Señor Mastercard and Monsieur Visa wipe away your $36,000 indebtedness just because you’ve had the ill grace to croak!

    GA — Right, and find an old envelope postmarked in 1862, stick your plans in it, and everyone will believe that your gas gizmo was invented during the Lincoln presidency.

    RMMD — Ma’am, please don’t say “sailors” and “coming” in the same sentence to Rex. It gets him all wound up for the rest of the day, and his patients get ignored.

  79. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Toni wants Brad to get his hose tattooed, like all her other boyfriends.

    Of course they have gotten boa constrictors, anacondas, pythons….

    Brad will have to settle for Lowly Worm.


  80. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    #79 Anonymous – Hey, don’t you be dissing Lowly Worm!

  81. Hank
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    RE: FOOB. Prediction: even as I type this, Lynn is deleting submissions to the coffee talk blog calling Elly a bitch for today’s strip, while ordering her ghost artists to redraw the panel in question so that, in future book collections, John/Rod is the insensitive dolt.

  82. D.A. Pennington
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Great.

    Just great.

    Liz and Blanthony are taking off for the hospital. Now all the guest will have to sit in the reception hall. Hope to God that all the cheese and crackers hold us off til they get back, because the event coordinator won’t serve dinner until the entire wedding party is seated.
    I’m sitting here, nursing a watered-down diet Coke while I’m sweating in this suit. And if I have to listen to the DJ play the “Chicken dance” or “Cha Cha Slide” one more time, I swear I’ll take a human life.

  83. Themarc
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Mother Goose & Grimm: Okay, I get the joke, but why did Mike Peters use Tanto and the Lone Ranger for it? I mean, sign language isn’t used exclusively by American Indians. Heck, they aren’t even known for using it any more than anyone else. Am I missing something?

  84. FE
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Am I the only one seeing Elly’s side of things (shudder)? Chronically ill grandparent gets more ill but is recovering. No need to skip your own wedding reception over this.

  85. AMC
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    MW – Toeby may – unaccountably – think the world of Chinbeard, but in panel two, it certainly looks like she has a wandering eye….

  86. Red Greenback
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    I’d move Margo’s cheese all night long.

  87. Sam
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Gordon looks like he wants to get loaded in panel one, Anthony has a nice fake OMG! look going in panel two

  88. JB
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking the last frame of the last Foob will be Dee entering one of the bedrooms in the Foob Mansion, turning on a light and we see a 1/2-dressed Liz and Paul. A la The Office season-ender. Fade to black.

    That would make up for all the dreck of the past year or so, don’t you think?

    PBS — “Dat real bad break, Bob.” Full of all kinds of win, Pastis. When will Larry start to run short of friends? Seems to me he’s been losing them at a rate of about one a month…

  89. Galuaboy
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    #45 Holy Prepuce: So it’s you I have to thank for my Foob Flair! Well, then . . . thanks!! The Flair search engine came back up Sunday night and just for the hell of it I typed in “For Better or Worse” and, lo and behold, your masterpiece popped up. I immediately added it and sent it to my daughter who also proudly displays it on her Flair board. We are in your debt.

  90. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I think Sam was always Margo’s assistant in the party planning business, not at the gallery. (A storyline which seems to have been conveniently forgotten, perhaps because Sam was too interesting.) And yes, we have seen Doris before. Now I need to go juggle some flaming torches or something, as an antidote for looking through A3G archives.

  91. Beverly HG
    August 26th, 2008 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    FW: And The is right — Superman could not fly when he was first created — he could jump really high — as the intro went, “leap buildings in a single bound.” IMO, Batiuk seems to be trying to live out some childhood dream with this storyline.

  92. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    #91 Beverly HG – You mean the childhood dream where he created Superman and thus gets all the credit for it? Sounds about right.

  93. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    DT: Two way wrist TV – because cell phones are just so damned inconvenient.

    Blandie: What, no mention of wooden teeth?
    Actually, Geo. Washington wore clothes that were out of fashion even in his day, such as his ornamental Mason’s apron. But Dagwood, of all people calling other people’s wardrobe choices arcane? Dagwood Bumstead? Why couldn’t they have Blondie and Tootsie tout some fashion advice? Or, is letting the title character in this strip get in a punchline some kind of taboo?

    Hey, gang, wanna hear about ironic? I used to do some very amateur cartooning in high school and college. Now 20 years later, I volunteered for an assignment to produce a comic for a newsletter that we are creating. Years ago, I had to tear myself away from my cartooning in order to get some work done. Now I have to tear myself away from my work in order to knock this cartoon out.

    Hey, gang, wanna hear about conflicting interests? On this assignment, we’re trying to use some humor to teach people about this new computer system. I’ve decided to rip off other comic strips. The first one was a Garfield parody (“Grover Cleveland: The Lazy Cat”). Next I’m going to ape Foobville. I drew up a Mary Worth (“Marie Merit”), but it will either not be used or used much later. So here’s the conflicting part: I have to put up with my co-worker’s comments about how they love Garfield and FBofW and how funny they are. As much fun as it is getting back in to cartooning with the bonus of being paid for it, with every stroke of my pen, I die a little inside. Heeeellllp!

    Maybe I should just draw a disheveled looking guy making a random comment about the computer system, but next to him will be a BIG DOG. My co-workers will have nothing but praise, for anything with a BIG DOG is automatically side-splitting, roll-in-the-aisle hilarious.

  94. man behind the curtain
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    LuAnn — Shouldn’t Brad’s line have been “Those really are nice. And I see you have a tattoo as well.” Yes, she has a tattoo to go with her implants and collagen lips.

    In the year of our lord, 2008, Brad is probably the only firefighter without a tat. And he knows Mom won’t let him and Dad will lecture him. Toni is either really Coming on to him or the biggest “hose tease” in the department.

  95. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    #88 – JB – For as long as I’ve been reading PBS, the crocs die off like South Park Kenny. The first time I read about them, I think they were being introduced. It was revealed that if a croc is injured, the other crocs will begin cannabalizing. Harsh world, man.

    Come to think of it, we haven’t heard from the killer whale on PBS lately.

  96. Joe Blevins
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    “Blondie” has defnitely entered its blue period lately: blue clothes, blue furniture, and presumably lots of blue antidepressant pills to get through the day.

  97. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Toeby has to kneel on the floor to check her phone messages? What position does she assume when checking email?

  98. dale
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Tweeks_Coffee – 25
    tying flies…. ever been fly fishing? Those things don’t tie themselves. Not a bad hobby. No strenuous activity unless you go out and catch your own fur and feathers.

  99. Calico
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    #90 – Abrasive and dismissive – Margo bleaches the bones of her human prey, and then leaves them to bake in the hot sun.

  100. Schadenfreude, the unfunny critic
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Jimbo is going to croak right in front of her.
    Iris: Jim! Jim! Can you hear me???
    Liz: Grandpa! Sob sob!
    John: Food’s getting cold at the reception.
    Elly: My God! I think Dad’s gone!
    Anth: Oh man! I’ll never get her to consumate tonight..
    Gap-Tooth-Starey-Hoo-Guy: Hoo. Boo-hoo.
    Gordon: I also rent hearses!

  101. bats :[
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Hurray for True Fable, who made his usually wise and pithy (or is it pissy this time?) comments in the Tuesday Coffee Stalk!
    On the other hand, as long-time and/or native residents of the Old Pueblo, I and mr. bats :[ are so terribly, terribly apologetic for the comments and Eeeeeerie Similarities brought up by “Adrienne, Tucson (Home of the Wildcats!!), AZ”. Read those at your own risk!

    30. commodorejohn re Momma: that is beautiful! I’ll give you a quarter if you send it to Coffee Stalk!

    77. commodorejohn: isn’t it GREAT?!

    84. FE: yes, but how many strokes (2) and heart attacks (2) can someone of Grandpa’s age survive? Nothing has really been mentioned in the 30-seconds-per-day that we are privileged to witness that he is really stable and will last at least a couple of more days.
    Since this whole farkin’ circus is moving from the rodeo arena (the Patterfoob backyard) to big top (the Empire Hotel) for the reception, it’s not like everyone’s not going to burning gasoline to get there, particularly at the prospect of yummo roast beef! If Liz spends another liter of gas to see her grandfather, well, you know, it’s HER day, and we ought to humor her… (I can’t imagine, given her track record of visiting Gramps, that the hospital visit itself will be much longer than the time spent getting out of the limo, going into the hospital lobby, riding the elevator up to the ICU floor, finding his room, and then reversing this pattern.)

  102. Nekrotzar
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    #80 Wouldn’t it be great to have a Richard Scarry-style word book using FBOFW pictures? It could teach kids words like “school,” “dentist,” “bookstore,” “mustache,” “loser,” “hosaphone,” “roadside,” and “hoo.”

  103. Poteet
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    PBS — Even as I laugh, I wonder with deep unease whether that horrible clown from IT is suddenly going to appear behind that grate. Stephen King, you have traumatized me for life.

  104. dale
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    I hope Toni’s tattoo is the kind that washes off(*) and she just wants to see Brad get the needles.
    * You may argue that if would have run under her turnout coat.

    My analysis of Toni (analysis in the same sense that one might call a tail a leg) is that while she likes children, she hates everyone else, including herself.

  105. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    #101 bats :[ – Get me Lynn’s mailing address and I’ll print it out and send it to her personally!

    Oh, and yeah, that album is good stuff. I love me some synthesizer musical sound effects.

  106. teenchy
    August 26th, 2008 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    ## 23, 91, 92: The backstory behind the creation of Superman is depressing enough to be woven into a Batiuk story arc. Who wants to bet it won’t be?

  107. One-eyed Wolfdog
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    93 – The appropriate formula is to have the disheveled-looking guy making a random comment about what you heard, via your grandmother (who at the time had never seen one in person), that computers might have been like, circa 1979. Draw it with a really big fuckin’ CRT, some glowing vacuum tubes, and one of those enormous bladed power switches that are most commonly seen in old B-movies and power plants of the former Soviet Union. Hook that up with some hip tech jargon you swiped from an early pulp sci-fi story about robots and cap the whole thing off with your everyman character looking out at the audience with an “OMG, can you believe what I have to put up with” expression on his face. Contrive to suggest that the large dog is at the same time experiencing a somewhat personal bodily function. That, sir, is your comedy gold right there, and apparently your ticket to syndication and outright immortality even.

  108. Jesse Cline
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Not gonna lie, Doris is kinda hot…

  109. bartleby
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #4 — Why is firefighting such a hotbed (hah!) of eroticism anyway?

    Big burly sweaty men handling powerful hoses…

    You do the math. :-)

  110. tom
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone else been reading “FOOB’s Paradise” it had a better ending for Liz

  111. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Poteet at 103 said “Even as I laugh, I wonder with deep unease whether that horrible clown from IT is suddenly going to appear behind that grate.”

    That clown can’t even replace a hard drive without scaring the shit out of me.

  112. Anonymous
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    “But honey, do you have to go now? He is a man after all, not really worth much time at all. Like Granthony, all you need from him is a female heir to the throne.”

  113. Deborah
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Doris is secretly Honey, having escaped Doonesbury and moved to Apartment 3G so she can have pupils.

  114. bats :[
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

  115. survivor
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Alan’s flustered, annoyed, barked response at Margo’s new assistant may look completely over-the-top, but it is fully understandable. He gives her the hint that he’s tired and really doesn’t want to be bothered.

    So what does she do? She moseys on over from the entrance to Alan’s right, looks over his shoulder, and asks the question anyway.

  116. Sunny Paris
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    #84 and others

    Have you EVER been to a wedding reception (one that included a real dinner, not a dinky coffee and sandwich thing that Methodists in rural areas call a reception) that didn’t have at least an hour between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of dinner? It’s called cocktail hour. Everyone knows when going to a wedding to bring some granola bars in case there aren’t enough nibbles before the inevitably delayed dinner.

    In this case, at least the delay would be for a good reason. Plenty of people stop by and visit their immobile relatives in nursing homes/hospitals/hospices on their wedding day (healthcare workers, back me up here). The delay wouldn’t be so that 1,000,000 photos can be taken or the bridemaids can get massages or whatever the hell else wedding parties before the reception. (Yes, we took some photos, but there was a scheduled hour between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the reception as the wedding and reception took place at two different places. I was at a wedding where the wedding and reception happened 15 feet apart, and the bride and groom were right there, and we still didn’t get dinner for two hours. It would have made me feel better to know that the bride and groom had an old person to go see. Luckily, I had my granola bars, so it was all cool.)

  117. survivor
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    114 – Holy crap, Bats -

    Your photoshops are so much more enjoyable now that I’ve finally discovered the magnifying glass! What a relief on my eyesight.

  118. JB
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    103 – Poteet:

    No kidding. King’s It is and was the only book I have ever read where I found myself afraid to turn the page. I had lights on all over my house, and I was in my early-20s at the time.

    111 – Anon:

    Working in IT as I do, I sense a great new theme for my team…

  119. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    #77 commodorejohn: For my part, you are most welcome. I think I’ll fire up the old tube stereo when I get home and play my copy. It’s been awhile. This version of The War of the Worlds is very epic indeed. I love the way Richard Burton narrates the battle of the HMS Thunderchild and the Martian invader. I still find it very chilling how he also narrates the “rout of humanity”.

  120. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Foobomination: I see mixed in the glurge at Coffee Talk, True Fable isn’t the only one who sees the depths to which FOOB has sunk. My only surprise is that the comments get printed.

  121. Astroboy
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m thinking the last frame of the last Foob will be Dee entering one of the bedrooms in the Foob Mansion, turning on a light and we see a 1/2-dressed Liz and Paul. A la The Office season-ender. Fade to black.

    That would make up for all the dreck of the past year or so, don’t you think?

    Yes,k actually, it would! :)

  122. Baka Gaijin
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: AAAAAaaaaaahhhh! Those are the BIGGEST granny panties I’ve ever seen! Aren’t inflatable rafts in bundles that size? Errrerrrrrr.

    Cow and Boy: Cow butt and cool ranch!

    Apartment 3-G: Guess who was a kamkazi in his past life.

    Apartment 3-G, take 2: Alan, buddy, swabbing yourself in bacon and getting trapped in a cave with a hungry mountain lion family would be a less painful fate that what you’ve just signed yourself up for.

    Apartment 3-G, take 3: Alan can’t understand the hostility toward him.

    Apartment 3-G, take 4: Margo’s anger will melt into a wistful smile when she takes a good look at Alan just before the smiting, seeing that Alan is a dead ringer for her across the world lover, Eric. Then she remembers he’s halfway across the world and wreaks so much havoc on Alan that even Quincy, ME can’t identify him from DNA evidence.

    Apartment 3-G, take 5: Ruby’s bows start tingling any time there’s a disturbance in the force. Right now they’re vibrating like the Tokyo Tower in a magnitude 9.4 earthquake.

    Apartment 3-G, take 6: LuAnn, taking note of the anger between the two coworkers, stands in the corner saying, “Duh?”

    Apartment 3-G, take 7: Tommie says… No one cares what Tommie says or does.

  123. Holy Prepuce
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #89 Galuaboy: Glad I could help you and your family waste more time on Facebook. Thanks to Josh’s shout-out last night, the “I Hate Anthony” Flair has experienced 1700% growth this week, according to “Pieces of Flair.”

  124. Sully
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations Jiz and Anthgony. May your limo be t-boned on the way to the hospital by a drunken and enraged Paul, and may Gwampa Boxcar finally be put out of his misery by dopey old Iris tripping over his life-support plug. Cheers!

  125. PeteMoss
    August 26th, 2008 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I’m wearing satin briches right now and I feel so special!

  126. Tweeks_Coffee
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    #84 – fe: Perhaps, but the thing is that they’ve pretty much changed everything so Grandpa can see. So to just forget it because “Eh, he’ll get better” doesn’t make much sense to me. If it was that important to me that someone was there, then by God they’re going to see it. of course the whole thing with Gwampa is ridiculous anyway, so who cares about details like that?

    #98 – dale:Do they use real flies? Or is it part of the joke that the king has no idea what the guy’s on about?

  127. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    The memories of Sam, compounded with my trip through the A3G archives, have left me with a realization. A3G actually had the potential to have some pretty decent plotlines, if it had pursued them, since we last saw Sam (Nov. 1, I believe). Let’s have a look:

    Plot point: Margo’s party planning business vs. the gallery.
    Synopsis: Margo’s trying to run her own business while helping Eric run the gallery, but control-freak Eric won’t even let her answer her cell phone at the gallery and Sam keeps frantically calling her when things go wrong.
    Plot potential: Margo could lose her business by neglecting it to help Eric with his. We were all expecting Eric to dump Margo and take up with Nora at the time. Margo would have been left with financial ruin, the tender consolations of Sam, and her seething fantasies of revenge.
    What happens instead: We never see or hear from Sam again. Margo hires Ruby to help him.

    Plot point: Margo hires Ruby.
    Synopsis: Down on her luck and new to New York, LuAnn’s cousin Ruby, a hairdresser by trade, is at best a stopgap and could be a huge risk.
    Plot potential: Wacky hijinks!
    Whah happens instead: Nothing. As mentioned above, Sam is never seen nor heard from again. Ruby is never seen on the job and isn’t heard from again until she pops up months later to talk to Aristotle.

    Plot point: Tommie in a love triangle?
    Synopsis: Tommie has to choose between Gary the IT geek and Dr. Joe Kelly (I think that was his name).
    Plot potential: Unless, of course, she doesn’t choose and tries to date both…. Plus if she chooses Dr. Kelly, there’s all that lovely subordinate/supervisor underlying tension.
    What happens instead: Dr. Kelly is never seen nor heard from again.

    Plot point: Alan flies into a drunken rage.
    Synopsis: This was during the New Year’s party. He screamed at LuAnn when he thought she was going to accuse hime of being drunk.
    Plot potential: Possible battered woman plotline.
    What happens instead: Alan calms down. Yawn.

    Plot point: Margo proposes to Eric.
    Synopsis: Eric blurted out that he loved Margo, even though he later thought to himself that it was a huge mistake. Margo, ever the eager beaver, asks him to marry her.
    Plot potential: Eric tries to let Margo down gently. Cut to a shot of Margo eating his entrails.
    What happens instead: Eric decides he really does love Margo and leaves a proposal on her voice mail.

    Plot point: Alan cheats on LuAnn.
    Synopsis: He kissed another girl on New Year’s. Plus Haley spent the night at his place once and keeps hinting she’d be a lot more fun than LuAnn. Blaze saw lipstick on a glass in Alan’s apartment the morning after the New Year’s party.
    Plot potential: LuAnn catching Alan and Haley in flagrante delicto would be awesome. Not as awesome as Margo catching Eric cheating on her, since Margo is a ragehead and LuAnn has major self-esteem problems and would probably think she deserved it. But still.
    What happened instead: LuAnn decides to trust Alan even though she saw him kiss another girl. What the hell? And Blaze put 2 and 2 together and came up with 5, so Alan’s still safe. We haven’t had any real hints of his infidelity lately, so I think it’s safe to say this has been officially dropped as a plot point.

    Plot point: The ghost story newspaper article.
    Synopsis: To drum up interest in LuAnn’s exhibit, Margo sends out a press release about the fact that she saw ghosts who inspired her paintings.
    Plot potential: Total humiliation for LuAnn. Awesome catfight.
    What happened instead: Oh, I forgot. LuAnn has no spine.

    Plot point: Alan is on drugs.
    Synopsis: Alan steals money from Margo and/or embezzles it from the gallery to spend on drugs. He decides to deal drugs but samples a lot of his wares. He deals out of the gallery.
    Plot potential: The gallery is now officially a crime scene, and if Alan’s caught dealing there, it could lead to ruin for Eric. Eric might blame Margo for not noticing the telltale signs and doing something about it. Alan could get hauled off to jail, but not before Margo attempts to maul him and possibly LuAnn, extending blame for her boyfriend’s problems to her and blaming them both for ruining her shot at marriage.
    What happened instead: Jack never noticed the smell of pot smoke (or whatever it is they’re smoking) when he went to check out whether the gallery was locked and Alan and his customers were smoking in the alley outside. Alan has never once shown up to work in an obviously impaired state. LuAnn has never spotted his drug paraphernalia. Damn, this comic is committed to inaction.

    Plot point: Gabriella has premonitions.
    Synopsis: Gabriella went into a faint and said evil was present in the gallery.
    Plot potential: Wacky hijinks!
    What happened instead: Nothing.

    So, all the plots with real potential seem to have fizzled out. People who could have made things interesting have disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle just to maintain the requisite level of inactivity of this strip. But you know, there is one plot point that A3G did explore quite a bit. Of course, it is the dullest of all the plotlines up to this point:

    Plot point: LuAnn becomes an artist.
    Synopsis: ‘Nuff said.
    Plot potential: I don’t know. Maybe she could starve a little?
    What happened instead: Weeks and weeks of tales of LuAnn’s success! LuAnn charms the media at the opening of her exhibit! LuAnn gets on covers of magazines! LuAnn goes on Girl Talk! LuAnn issues limited edition prints! LuAnn goes on tour to South Dakota!

  128. Calico
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    #114 – Sometimes I live in the Country
    Sometimes I live in the Town
    Sometimes I get a great notion
    To jump in the river and drown

    (This could be Liz PatterCaine’s song)

  129. will
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply] is still kicking ass.
    The live chat with Toby and the haxor is not to be missed.
    and there are jokes in the code, too:


  130. Mr. Jones
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Foob: Okay, seriously, is there any point at all in reading this strip any more? We know exactly what is going to happen. Liz will show up in the dress, and Gwampa will see a lovely image of his dead wife before he croaks. And Granthony will be crying along with the rest of the cast, but for a different reason. Namely, there is no way in green hell that he will get any of that golden vagina tonight… and HOW LONG has he been waiting for it?

  131. bats :[
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    117. survivor: yeah, I try to post them as large as possible — sometimes lets me, sometimes not. I really ought to mention something like “you’ll have to enlarge” when it’s the “not” time.

    122. Baka Gaijin, re A3G: so many subtle interpretations and nuances!
    I’m going for the cow butt!

    125. PeteMoss: dare I say that you look special, too?

  132. PeteMoss
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    I don’t really read Cathy, because it takes up too much time to get through all of those words and only be rewarded with some lame-ass joke. I find it easy to skip.* However, I will sometimes look at the drawings. Here’s my analysis of today’s strip: In panel 1 there is a couple in a car and the man is holding a tennis racket, but not by the handle. In panel two, the woman is emerging from a square opening in an empty, feature-less space/void while gesturing. In panel three, we are back to looking at two people in a car, but something strange has happened to the roof of the vehicle, causing it to be all jagged. My guess would be hail damage, as seen from a two-dimensional perspective; however, hail typically causes damage to the top surfaces, where, here, the jagged line surrounds the driver and passenger. The man is now gesturing while holding the racket and the woman has returned to the passenger seat from the square opening in the time/space continuum. In panel 4, the couple is still in the vehicle, which has been placed inside a clear pyramid. The vehicle seems to have regained its structural integrity possible due to being inside of a pyramid, ala, pyramid-power.

    It’s kind of sad that I’ll take the time to write out such an analysis of this bell weather comic strip’s art, but won’t bother reading the damn strip but it’s just too..much…work. As I look at these images, I can’t help but think how well they might work with dialogue from some Beckett play like End Game or something.

    *I’m reminded of the previous incarnation of the Nancy comic (pre-Aunt Fritzi the hottie!). The jokes there were equally as lame, but I always read it any way because it demanded so little of me. It would almost take more energy to purposely ignore it on the comic page than it would to read the damn thing. I could finish it in a second or two and not feel a thing. It demanded even less of me than does Family Circus.

  133. Anson Pants
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    #97 – Im thinking Toby could do something, while kneeling, that would help Ian forget what a moron he married.

  134. Annon
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    132. PeteMoss: (Pause)
    Very funny.

    That said…it’s like the “artist” has just discovered Border Art.

  135. Tom the Pirate
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    I wanna see today’s Luann before the syndicate censors got their hands on it. Topless Toni, rah rah rah!

  136. geogeek
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    Hey, I think Blondie’s doing a sudoku! I suddenly have a sliver of respect for her!

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Oh, belated congratulations to the COTW winner’s circle. I had forgotten about that Monday nite tradition, so I just read ‘em now. I live in Providence, so next time I’m out in Cranston I’ll have to pay my respects (condolences?) at the Elizabeth Anthony salon.

  138. dale
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Tweeks_Coffee – 126
    I think the joke is that the king knows exactly what the guy is talking about. Rather than give him access to the fishing lure materials he needs, the king is sticking him next to a source of real flies.

  139. Orange Doorhinge
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Rhymes with Puck “MW: ooh, the plot thickens! Well, at least it becomes a little less watery.”

    You could say “The plot is drying up”

  140. Captain Thunder
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Special:

    Piping hot Dennis, Viscount of Stokington served with a tall cool glass of MAGIC!

  141. Dr. Weird
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Regarding whatever’s coming up in Dick Tracy

    Diet Smith is a polymath inventor (I suspect he has the same degree that Dr. Doom, Reed Richards and Hank Pym do… in Science!), the person behind the moon car, flying garbage cans and other superscience from the 60s, along with the Two-Way Wrist TV (which was upgraded to the Two-Way Wrist Computer sometime back).

    Doubtless he has some great invention to aid Tracy, or perhaps just to get stolen by a criminal and thus cause trouble for Tracy.

  142. Lou Shumaker
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Man, between Bats’ crazy mash-ups and the Superman story (which I’m snagging for my book project), I got entertained and some work done in one site. It was WORTH the four hours I spend here.

    Right, honey … honey?

  143. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    #67 OSAC,
    Yeah, I don’t know if it was intentional on the artist’s part, but that’s who I thought of.

  144. Niall
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    86. Red Greenback: I’d move Ashley’s cheese… well, she has to have some, she’s a cat, they lvoe cheese… hmm, wait, do tigers also like cheese, or only housecats? Good question.

    Enormoushop Customer Support was such genius. WHO is responsible?? We must know!

    (Obligatory PB reference: “Get used to disappointment.”)

  145. T-Man
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    I think the saddest thing about this Blondie is that Dagwood is actually right about the DNC. They’re wearing some funky-lookin’ hats.

  146. I Saki
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    #38, 116. Sunny Paris: You must live in the south.

    You know, I think all these bad things are happening to Toby (credit card fraud, over abundance of purple shirts) because she had the audacity to try to outmeddle Mary. This is payback.

  147. Bootsy
    August 26th, 2008 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Poteet, @103

    PBS — Even as I laugh, I wonder with deep unease whether that horrible clown from IT is suddenly going to appear behind that grate.

    We have a horrible clown in our IT department too! Oh wait. That’s not what you meant at all, is it?

  148. Bookworm
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Barkeater Lake – Hey, Corey, you talkin’ to us?

  149. Crankenstank
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    Just for the record, “Eldon Smith” is the pseudonym Joh McCain used in the mid-80s when he was trying to hide the fact he was renovating a house outside his Congressional district (and didn’t want his constituents to know he didn’t live in the CD he represented). I can’t remember ever seeing another Eldon in my travels….

  150. D.A. Pennington
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]


    The Honeymoon

    Blanthony looks down at his left hand.
    “Well sweetheart, looks like it’s just you and me tonight . . . again.

  151. PeteMoss
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    150 D.A. Pennington
    …And as we look into Anthony’s left hand we discover what happened to the famous mustache: It’s now growing from his palm.

  152. Mr. O’Malley
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    83. Themarc. Back in the 19th century and before, Plains Indians had a standard sign language. Many of the different tribes spoke totally unrelated languages, but were able to communicate by signing. This was not a complete language like ASL, but sufficient for simple communication.

    Many of the old fur traders and other people wandering around the west pre-1850 knew Indian signing, and it is frequently mentioned in early accounts.

    Once “civilization” arrived, everyone had to learn English, so signing declined.

    Inadequate information can be found here.

  153. kalki
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    104 Dale–Good call! It would be totally in keeping with Toni’s teasin’ nature to have done a fake tat just to trick Brad into getting one. He needs to one up her and get a tat on his groin and tell her if she wants to see it…well, she knows what to do.

  154. Ukulele Ike
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Weird @ 141: Nah, Diet Smith was just the moneybags behind all those nifty inventions.

    The guy responsible for creating the Two-Way Wrist Radio, as well as other astonishing things like, uhhh, the Atom Light, was a young, blind, brilliant inventor named….are you ready for it? “Brilliant.”

  155. Baka Gaijin
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    #131 bats :[ : Cow and Boy was great but for some reason they showed the cow’s butt. They don’t often do that. Made me hungry for tri-tip.

  156. Tom the Pirate
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    #30: Actually, a lot of sailors don’t learn to swim. The theory is, if your ship goes down, you don’t want to prolong the inevitable.

  157. Tom the Pirate
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    After all that Iris has put up with, it seems somehow unfair that scrotum-chin is going to kick it with a vision of his late wife bringing him his last bit of joy. Chances are he even calls Iris by her name right before he keels.

  158. Sunny Paris
    August 26th, 2008 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    146 ISaki

    Nope! A big midwestern city. In fact, I’ve always lived in big, midwestern cities. So I am used to 5 1/2 hour reception packages, with a four hour open bar, including a full cocktail hour before dinner. But the official start of the reception is often late. Which by my count gives Anthony and Liz 90 minutes at the very least to get over to Grandpa’s, take a photo, and get back to the reception before any of the guests pass out.

  159. bats :[
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    158. Sunny Paris: the last wedding we attended was at a swanky country club (both the wedding and the sit-down dinner). I’m fairly sure that the one-hour for photos slipped into two, but there was an open bar and a lot of snackies to indulge in while watching the photographer take pictures of this group, that group, and then that group, too.
    Dinner got started so late and I was so wrecked (I’m a cheap drunk, so it doesn’t really take that many drinks for me to get sleepy), followed by some half-hearted dancing, that we left before the cake was cut.
    That was sort of a regret (because I’m sure it was a good cake — no $$$ had been spared on the soiree), but my biggest regret was not realizing that the groom was a Star Wars fan (his two older brothers had gone on and on about inadvertantly stepping on his action figures over the years) — I so would’ve vandalized the cake by sneaking over to it and putting a Darth Tater on top of it.

  160. Christopher
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I don’t understand this at all. Peter’s acting like his boss is being unusually hard to reach, but When has J. Jonah ever wanted to see Parker?

    Prickly City: Because Democrats are big on low minimum wage and poor safety standards for workers.

    Just like Karl Marx was.

    Is anybody else as irritated by this storyline as I am? If you haven’t read it, Carmen was sent to a Chinese criminal re-education camp, and she has come out spouting grade school Marxisms like “The workers shall control the means of production!” and “I’d never join a club that would have me as a member!”‘

    I’m sorry, I don’t think that flipping CHINA is going to be brainwashing people so that they have a rabid hatred of sweatshops. Call it a hunch.

    And, really, jokes about how the Democrats are all commies? You wanna throw some jokes about woman drivers at us next?

    Even easy, stupid jokes like that wouldn’t be so bad if Carmen wasn’t spouting rhetoric that China and the Democratic party explicitly disagree with.

    Is it too much to ask that a political cartoonist knows at least one thing about the people he’s caricaturing?

  161. Cheeky Wee Monkeys
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood’s only saying that because he was around when Washington was.

  162. Braniff
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    FC–I can’t help but wonder–has anyone created Calvin-type decals with Jeffy peeing? Those might be worth putting on the back of a car, or in this case, a DC tour bus.

  163. gnome de blog
    August 26th, 2008 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    127 Nanny:
    Under Alan on Drugs, don’t forget that LuAnn loaned Alan $5,000 no-questions-asked, presumably so he could replentish what he lifted out of Margo’s petty-cash drawer.

  164. PeteMoss
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    #163 gnome de blog

    No other soap-strip beats A3G for sheer number of storylines running simultaneously. They’ve only got three roommates but there must be at least 5 plots running – or 5 plots plotzing. Anyway, I want to learn more about Dorothy. Is she secretly poisoning Margo a little bit every day? You know, if Margo cut back on the number of personal assistants she employs, she could probably afford to live in Manhattan without the two, loser roommates. What a couple of loads!

  165. fashion police
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Washington didn’t actually wear satin pants. As a military man and farmer, he spent a lot of time on horseback. He did wear silk waistcoats, frilly shirts trimmed with lace, probably silk stockings, and may sometimes have worn high heels, too.

    As #11 Dale correctly points out, he wore what was in style at the time. In fact, as a gentleman he would have considered his attire not only appropriate but obligatory. It was his social responsibility to demonstate that he had the resources to purchase and care for clothing that was both expensive and unsuited to manual labor.

  166. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    #165 fashon police – See, that kind of crap is why I like Ben Franklin: he was, to the best of my knowledge, the least fruitily-dressed of our Founding Fathers, as well as the funniest.

  167. anonymously
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    #121 – LOVE IT! Though I’d also like Anthony and Mike, Hahjahahahaha! (…fade to black)

  168. little red-haired girl
    August 26th, 2008 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Apt 3-G: The Beijing Olympics are over, so Doris Honey needed a new job. Working for the Chinese Communist Party was the perfect reference to get Doris Honey a job under Madame Margo Mao. Oh, and about Lu Ann being sent to South Dakota, that’s a euphemism for an agricultural reeducation labor camp.

  169. Islamorada Girl
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Thomas Jefferson was notorious for being a slob. He considered it part of his egalitarian (if you weren’t black or female or both) philosophy. Merry, the British ambassador, fumed in 1803 that Jefferson had received him at the President’s Mansion wearing a robe and bedroom slippers. Jefferson was a serious Anglophobe, but still. . .

  170. Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Alan’s deep into drug addiction now. Shirt open at the collar, no undershirt seen, and it looks like his cuffs are unbuttoned. Next thing you know, he’ll stop wearing a belt, and maybe let his pants cuffs down an inch. This raw depravity gives me the vapors. I must lie down and fan myself.

    AD – Good gag. Too bad there aren’t enough humans in the entire BC universe the strip inhabits for it to withstand .0002 seconds of thought, but at least it’s not something about microwave ovens or garage door openers.

    DTracyMore bandages on Shirl Lock’s face? What did she do? Get in a fight while Tracy was on his wrist internet?

    DTracy 2.0 – Tracy has a surprise coming! Diet Smith has discovered curved lines.

    FOOB – If you freeze-frame the last panel, you can see the exact moment when the weight of the world’s cares came crashing down on Elizabeth’s frail shoulders.

    FOOB 2.0 – The first panel shows two other members of the “Three Hoo!s.” One is apparently Gord, and the other is a shadowy figure, known to forensic researchers only as “Ya-Hooo!” or “The Grassy Knoll Hooo!”

    H&Lois – Wow! When Julius is out of uniform, he’s African-American!

    Luann – I feel a disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of horny nerds are clumsily photoshopping Toni’s clothes away in the first panel. I wonder if she has a tramp stamp yet.

    MWorth – Any bets on whether or not this phone call is the real phishing scam? Maybe she’ll get a knock at the front door from Miss Shirl-thang.

    PCity – Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. Back in January, I mean.

  171. Uncle Lumpy
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    #169 I-Girl –

    Thomas Jefferson: the Hef of the Enlightenment.

  172. Muffaroo M. Muffaroo
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    jayjaybear @75 – I’ve long felt that Honey was actually Marcy from Peanuts. In fact, Doonesbury has always seemed to me like a sort of continuation of Peanuts by other means, if you will. (Then Bloom County seemed to be the illegitimate offspring of Doonesbury, and “Heartland” was the goombah bastard sprog of Bloom County. Breathed said he called the “Heartland” artist on that once, in a friendly way, and got this cold “I have -no- idea what you’re talking about” response.)

    Schadenfreude @93 – Washington’s wooden teeth were a myth. I believe he had teeth made of rhino ivory, though. Hey, have fun drawing a strip! It’s great to have an audience. (@100: “Hoo. Boo-hoo.” ARGH!)

    teenchy @106 – The best retelling of that story was by Al Capp, in the “Jack Jawbreaker” story in Li’l Abner, which details all the ways the “Squeezeblood Syndicate” managed to shortchange the two artists who create their biggest moneymaker. Back when Capp gave a crap about things like that.

  173. TheDiva
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    160 Christopher: No, you’re not the only one who’s irritated. Scott Stantis is someone who I don’t often agree with, but I always thought I could count on him to be at least a little more clever and insightful than Bruce Tinsley. Until now.

  174. Gareth
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know if anyone pointed this out yet, but the guy who writes is back after about 7 or 8 months.

  175. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    #169 Islamadora Girl – Haha, that’s awesome.

  176. bartleby
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    #121 — I’m thinking the last frame of the last Foob will be Dee entering one of the bedrooms in the Foob Mansion, turning on a light and we see a 1/2-dressed Liz and Paul.

    No, I think the last scene is of Dee entering the bedroom, but half-dressed are Liz and Michael, finally consummating their destiny while in the bedside chair sits Elly, softly stroking John’s severed head. Stuffed in his mouth are his penis and testicles.

  177. Islamorada Girl
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Thankyew. Thankyew verra much. And I’m sure the ghost of Jefferson is smiling somewhere, maybe from a grassy knoll.

  178. Hank
    August 26th, 2008 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    RE: Christopher, 160, Prickly City. It’s called “parody.” You might be surprised to learn that most republicans aren’t the dolts and crooks that Garry Trudeau portrays in “Doonesbury” either. Now lighten the f–k up and stop politicizing the comments section.

  179. Doug Puthoff
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:04 pm [Reply]


    PBS–(to JB) I wouldn’t worry about the Crocs’ dying. They have this nasty habit of undying. The real cool thing is that the two main crocs have the same name as the “Veggie Tales” hosts.

    Blondie–”Weeks in advance??” Josh we’re talking “Blondie” here. For all we know, that strip could’ve been written years, maybe decades in advance.

    Dilbert–I wonder if the same people who published “Sitting There” also publish Calvin’s fave magazine, “Chewing.”

    FW–Interesting, the same week FW flashes back to the origin of Superman, USA Today Tuesday featured an article about what may have led to the creation of the Man of Steel. And it’s more interesting than anything Batiuk could’ve dreamed up.

  180. Poteet
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    # 127 Nanny — Well done, and you’ve definitely proved your point.. Unfortunately, Lu Ann hasn’t gone to South Dakota. Some of us would like her to go to South Dakota. Okay, *I* want her to go to South Dakota. Much good may it do me.

  181. left of the pyle
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Washington Post features a story on Wednesday on Lynn Johnston’s long, drawn out retirement:

  182. Poteet
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    # 149 Crankenstank — Come to Iowa and I can show you Eldons. In fact, there’s a town here called Eldon where you can see the house that served as the model for “American Gothic.”

    I used to serve on a committee with an Eldon. Like the others I have encountered, he was over sixty. According to the Internets, the name Eldon peaked in popularity around 1930 (in this country, anyway) and has been zooming downhill in the ratings ever since.

  183. Angry Kem
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    In the Washington Post article, Johnston says, “I’m going back to do it how it should have been done.”

    Does “how it should have been done” involve stilted dialogue, made-up slang, improbable situations, 1950s morality, and a complete misunderstanding of how the human psyche actually operates? If so, Ms. Johnston has got it made.

  184. bats :[
    August 26th, 2008 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    I just don’t understand why LJ can’t retire. I’m sure she’s comfortably off. I know a LOT of women her age AND MUCH OLDER who go on trips, cruises, things like that. They seem to enjoy themselves. Oh, yeah, LJ can’t actually ENJOY herself — it doesn’t befit a martyr.

    I hope to God that papers drop her like hotcakes. Yeah, they still run dead strips like Peanuts, with no semblance of newness (hell, even the nepotistic ones do occasionally have something new), why waste the space when there’s all those glorious anthologies?

    What a pathetic loser wrapped in an egomaniac’s skin…

  185. Joe Btfsplk
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – Last panel today: “Maybe this will help!” First panel tomorrow: “Maybe what will help? What are you- AAAHHH!! MY EYE!!!”

    Wizard of Id – More information on fly-tying can be found on the internet. This is what Red Green is doing in those segments where he sits at the workbench in the basement and gives advice and moral support to aging geezers (“Remember, I’m pulling for you. We’re all in this together.”). However, The King will be furious when he discovers that the defendant there actually meant that he was into insect bondage.

    re: War of the Worlds – The book was one of my favorites as a child. It was up on the top shelf of our big living-room bookcase, and I pulled it down and read it numerous times. The quaint yet vivid Victorian writing style somehow made the story seem like plausible history to me, in a way that film versions probably never will. It’s really quite a good read; I recommend a hardcover from a used-book store, a comfy sofa to curl up on, with a pot of cocoa on a quiet evening, but failing that, you can download it for free in various formats from The Gutenberg Project (scroll down, of course, to Wells, H.G.) and view it with your electrically-fired picture-generating apparatus.

    Also available is The Genesis of the Pluggers, under its original title, The Island of Dr. Moreau.

  186. commodorejohn
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    #185 Joe Btfsplk – Oh heck yes. Just make sure you don’t get some abridged version; they usually cut some of the more pointed scenes from the original. Also, nobody should reach adulthood without having read The Time Machine.

  187. Poteet
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    # 184 bats — And I don’t understand why, if LJ really wants to continue working, she can’t come up with a different way to do it. I can think of several possibilities, apart from starting all over with an entirely new set of characters (and if anyone is in a good situation to negotiate for a new strip, seems to me LJ is.)

    But if that’s too much for her to contemplate, how about The Further Adventures of Apwil. Or a strip entirely about Mtigwacki. Or a strip called Secondary Characters (lots of characters available for that, gawd knows.) A strip called Tertiary Character!, focused on the Gap-Toothed Staring “Hoo!” Guy. A strip called Mewwie And Wobin, about the joys of raising rugrats in the new millenium. Just about anything would be better than going back to 1979 and doing the same ding-dang story All. Over. Again.

  188. PeteMoss
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    # 184 bats :[
    ” hope to God that papers drop her like hotcakes.”

    Sure enough, my paper anounced today that it will only run the Sunday Foob for awhile before sphinctering the turd off completely and flushing it.

  189. Poteet
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    # 185 Joe & # 186 commodorejohn — I see it in my mind…a week-long winter retreat in, say, northern Minnesota, in a very large old (but warm and draft-free) house, where you could share a living room couch or hide in a window seat. Large amounts of hot cocoa, numerous afghans and large pillows (both soft and firm), comfy beds, buttered toast and cinnamon buns, and unabridged copies of WAR OF THE WORLDS, THE TIME MACHINE, and other Victorian novels of your choice.

    I’m not sure I’d ever leave.

  190. bats :[
    August 26th, 2008 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    185. Joe Btfsplk says:

    Mark Trail – Last panel today: “Maybe this will help!” First panel tomorrow: “Maybe what will help? What are you- AAAHHH!! MY EYE!!!”

    Oh, my! I love this! What a visual…sort of.

  191. Batman Beatles
    August 27th, 2008 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    #187 Poteet

    But it will be new! And improved!

  192. Carly
    August 27th, 2008 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    I’m starting to think MJ and Blondie should run off to Vegas together while their husbands sit and watch TV.

  193. FE
    August 27th, 2008 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    FOOB reboot: I still don’t understand how this is supposed to work. Lynn is quoted in the WaPo article as saying: “I’m going back to do it how it should have been done. . . . I’m beginning with all this knowledge, so it’s a much more comprehensive beginning. I only have an insular world of characters [from 1979] to work with.” Huh?

    But since I’m feeling uncharacteristically nice toward the Foobiverse today, I will point out that there are only a handful of strips for which the concept of a reboot could make any sense at all. There are no possible universes in which Jim Davis could say, “I’m going to take Garfield back to the beginning, using all my new insight about Mondays and lasagna, and this time I’m going to get it right!”

    On the other hand, we know that Tom Batiuk will be watching the Foob experiment closely, because he can’t wait to re-tell Lisa’s story as soon as he can get away with it.

  194. bats :[
    August 27th, 2008 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Humpday Observations:

    MT: why are the women so far apart? I may be wrong and the perspective might be a tad off, but this is looking way too much like a 50s sword-and-sandals epic, and Christian Kelly getting her personal space by Roman Lion.
    Still, this could be a great “learning opportunity”:

    RMMD: oh, geez, Rex! Where’s you’re sense of adventure?

    Wow. Pretty slim pickins’…

  195. bats :[
    August 27th, 2008 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    194. me…Geez, multi-tasking and I just do not get along.

    …but this is looking way too much like a 50s sword-and-sandals epic, and Christian Kelly getting her personal space invaded by Roman Lion.

    …oh, geez, Rex! Where’s your sense of adventure?

  196. Angry Kem
    August 27th, 2008 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Every Foob
    Down in Foob-ville
    Liked Real Life a lot…
    But the Lynn,
    Who lived just north of Foob-ville,
    Did NOT!

    The Lynn hated Real Life! She felt it was treason!
    Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
    It could be her head wasn’t screwed on just right.
    It could be, perhaps, that her butt was too tight.
    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    May have been that her brain was two sizes too small.

    Anyway, she saw Real
    People as rubes.
    She stood there one fateful day, hating the Foobs,
    Staring down from her cave with a sour, Lynny frown
    At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
    For she knew every Foob down in Foob-ville was glad
    To be complex and fallible, glib…even bad.

    “And they’re making mistakes!” the Lynn snarled with a sneer.
    “There’s sex outside wedlock! There’s swearing! There’s beer!
    Then she growled, through the anger produced by her brooding,
    “I MUST find some way to stop Real Life intruding!”

    Tomorrow, she knew,
    All the Foobs, blithe and free,
    Would be just as dumb as they wanted to be.
    “Not fair! I know better!” she cried. “Me! Me! Me!
    Why on earth will these Foobs never bow down to ME?”

    Driven mad by the loss of her own wedding ring,
    The Lynn screamed aloud, “I must stop this whole thing!
    Why, for twenty-nine years I’ve put up with it now!
    I MUST stop Real Life from intruding!
    But HOW?

    Then she got an idea!
    An awful idea!

    “I know just what to do!” the Lynn snickered, and then
    She destroyed every Foob with a flick of her pen.
    As she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
    Through the lives of the Foobs, she made mince of the present.
    Dialogue? Realism? Throw them away!
    Non-brain-dead character types? Not today!
    When April-Lou Foob raised objections, the Lynn
    Took a bag labelled “EVIL!” and stuffed the girl in.

    All the Foobs down in Foob-ville were rather surprised
    To wake in the morning quite lobotomised.
    They no longer wanted to snark or rebel.
    They droned, “Only Patterfoobs don’t go to Hell.
    Hail, Lynn! Though your plots are completely absurd,
    Merely speak, and we’ll gladly obey every word.”

    And what happened then…?
    Outside Foob-ville they say
    That the Lynn’s tiny brain
    Shrank three sizes that day!
    And the minute the burden of reason was gone,
    She went back to all the old Foobs she had drawn
    And drew them again in her new Stepford style.
    Alas, she will be at that task for a while.

    So she sits in her cave, all her genius deceased,
    Writing dreck almost no one would miss in the least…

  197. Mr. Plow
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    foob: Thanks for coming to visit … where the BOXCAR is your mother?!

  198. Echo
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Angry Kem, that’s awesome. Can you do something similar with “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”? :D

  199. Uncle Lumpy
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    AK –

    That’s some nice anapestic tetrameter you got goin’ there!

  200. Sobek
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Josh, if you’re not a big fan of vague and non-specific, you shouldn’t watch the conventions, either.

    Wait, you read Herb and Jamal on a daily basis. The conventions are probably like freebasing Mardi Gras for you.

  201. Poteet
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    # 196 Angry Kem — Wow! Awesome indeed!

    Foob — I think it’s a true act of mercy on Liz’s part not to let Gwampa see that monstrous teal and lavender bouquet. His heart is weak, after all.

  202. True Fable
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    #196 Angry Kem – I am yours. Do with me what you will!

    What do you call that masterpiece? How the Grump Stole Foobville? Whatever it’s called, it’s BRILLIANT! :-)

  203. Angry Kem
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    #198 Echo:

    You’re a mean one, Crazy Lynn.
    You haven’t got a clue.
    You abuse your Foobs appallingly,
    Then drown them all in goo,
    Crazy Lynn.

    You’re a great big vat of
    Treacle-arsenic stew.

    You’re a monster, Crazy Lynn.
    Your head’s an empty hole.
    You long so for perfection,
    That you’ve gone and sold your soul,
    Crazy Lynn.

    I wouldn’t touch Foobs with a
    thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

    You’re a vile one, Crazy Lynn.
    There are problems with your brain.
    You have killed your strip completely;
    Now you want to start again,
    Crazy Lynn.

    Given the choice between you and eternal damnation in a world governed by the rules generally applied to The Family Circus,
    I would probably go insane.

    You’re a foul one, Crazy Lynn.
    You can make me scream…and how!
    If I hadn’t used to like you,
    Then I wouldn’t hate you now,
    Crazy Lynn.

    The three words that best describe you
    Are, and I quote: “Ow. Ow. OW.”

    You’re a rotter, Crazy Lynn.
    You cannot write a plot.
    And I am clearly stupid, since
    I read your strips a lot,
    Crazy Lynn.

    It must be some sort of self-punishment I feel I deserve for all the terrible things I have done in past lives, since your comic has become a most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish
    Mangled up in a tangled-up knot.

    You nauseate me, Crazy Lynn,
    And I long to rebuke
    The denizens of Coffee Talk,
    Who make me want to puke,
    Crazy Lynn.

    If any papers keep your comic,
    It’ll be a huge fluuuuuuuuuuuuke!

  204. Joe Btfsplk
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    #186 commodorejohn – I learned only rather recently of a section of The Time Machine which was published in an earlier serialized version, but was deleted from the book. This fits in between the Traveller’s escape from the Morlocks and his arrival on the crustacean-infested beach in the far-distant future: The Grey Man.

    Google finds other sites on the wwweb mentioning this, but apparently no other pages with the actual text.

  205. True Fable
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    #203 Angry Kem: What can you do with “Teal Eggs and Spam?”

  206. Mibbitmaker
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    #196 (Angry Kem):

    As Kem writes:
    “…so she sits in the cave, all her genius deceased
    Writing dreck almost no one would miss in the least”
    After reading the entire, satirical feast
    The readers could only just say, “masterpiece!”

    Kem, get thee to the CC message board, post haste!

  207. Angry Kem
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    #206 Mibbitmaker: I can’t post there ’cause to sign up you have to go through this whole long process of e-mailing Josh and asking him to sign you up (because of spam), and maybe I should actually do that, but I keep forgetting, and now it is nearly 2:00 a.m.

    #205 True Fable: It’s tempting, but again, it’s nearly 2:00 a.m. Have at it yourself, brave sir, if you dare.

  208. Mibbitmaker
    August 27th, 2008 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    8/27 FOOB: Where’s April??? She should BE there, dammit! Aw, hell, with Gramps just doling out a contrived, dopey pun, I’m wondering why I cared what happened to the old coot in the 1st place.

    Really, where is she?

    Aaa-prilll — come out, come out wherever you are…!

  209. Professor Fate
    August 27th, 2008 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    FOOB: As a grace note to the treacle horror show that is this stipr I see Anthony has no expression at all – i mean none. Other than oh mabye he’s a little hungry or his cumberbund is tight but that’s about it.

    Man has the warmth of a three day old corprse and is about as lively.

  210. jnik
    August 27th, 2008 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    YES! Everyone should read that USA Today article! Batiuk must be pissed that Jerry Siegel had it way worse that he’s making it seem in the strip. Wonder how come Siegel didn’t put on a bat costume and fight crime?
    Foob: Grandpa Chinnuts: ” Now where the Hell are my ungrateful bastard children who don’t have the decency to come see me die? Lynn, you’re a cruel god”!

  211. Joe Btfsplk
    August 27th, 2008 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    #183 Angry Kem

    In the Washington Post article, Johnston says, “I’m going back to do it how it should have been done.”

    Does “how it should have been done” involve stilted dialogue, made-up slang, improbable situations, 1950s morality, and a complete misunderstanding of how the human psyche actually operates? If so, Ms. Johnston has got it made.

    #193 FE

    FOOB reboot: I still don’t understand how this is supposed to work. Lynn is quoted in the WaPo article as saying: “I’m going back to do it how it should have been done. . . . I’m beginning with all this knowledge, so it’s a much more comprehensive beginning. I only have an insular world of characters [from 1979] to work with.” Huh?

    To me, she seems not so much like a protegé of Charles Schulz, and more like one of George Lucas.

  212. Mibbitmaker
    August 27th, 2008 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    #207 (Angry Kem): Whenever is best, it’s a good idea. I held out for a while, but I finally did it. I’m glad I did, so I’d have an easy to get to place for my “We Didn’t Wreck the Comics” epic. I haven’t posted in a while, though.

    A3G: Couldn’t have said it better myself! And thanks for the straight line, Margo.

    BBailey: Oh, great, now General Halfwit’s going to be retreating into his fantasy world all day again!

    DT: Yeah, but it’ll be too difficult to close said curtains over the scene with all the extreme close-ups.

    And thus was born
    a genre of comics I don’t care about.

    GT: Elmer’s so bad that he needs the catcher to hold him up while at bat.

    MT: Good thinking, Kelly Welly* — throwing her an Elrod ball to ruin her apetite.
    *Never thought I’d ever type those words ever!

    MW: Toeby finally knows there’s something wrong with the whole credit thing, and she’s still an imbecile! Boxcar!

    MC: Well, she’s lost all right to complain when he’ll go for extremely busty women.

    PC: Statis is actually out-right-winging Tinsley this week!

    ZtP: Oh, no!! Swee’pea over at Popeye just got control of a Dingburg cartoon pinhead!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

  213. athena
    August 27th, 2008 at 3:39 am [Reply]

    Wednesday MW: “I have my credit card right here, so how could it have been stolen?”!!! The more pertinent question is how Toby managed after all this time to have not received an email from Lady Maryam Abacha asking for her help in transferring $1 million from a Nigerian bank account? Because you know if she had, she’d have responded, and that would have been another six-month storyline right there.

  214. dale
    August 27th, 2008 at 3:40 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy – 199
    When you said “anapestic”, you could have included “like a U in Morse code”.
    Think of all the people out there who aren’t familiar with Dictionary.
    Are they the same ones who couldn’t make a call because they aren’t familiar with PhoneBook?

  215. dimestore lipstick
    August 27th, 2008 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Poteet @ 182–
    I used to have an Uncle Eldon (he died in a tractor accident in the 1970s), but since I’m from Iowa too, I’m beginning to wonder if Iowa is the Native Habitat for Eldons, and you don’t really find them anywhere else.

  216. TheArtistFormerlyKnownasSham-Wow
    September 4th, 2008 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood: Holy —-, Blondie! Look at that little Bristol Palin. Her rack’s even bigger than yours.

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