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‘Winkerboarding’ has been ruled a violation of the Geneva Conventions

Hi and Lois, 5/7/13

Sadly, one the many businesses that the Internet has changed beyond recognition is the adult film industry. Probably this shaggy-haired 19-year-old pizza dude has consumed all of his pornography in short, plotless smut-bursts, delivered in a tiny browser window, and has never seen the archetypical porn storyline in which a startled delivery guy is seduced by a sexually voracious customer. The smile on his face in panel two implies that at he’s at least read about such plots, though, or maybe heard them referenced in older literature, because he seems to realize that “Hey attractive lady, your husband can’t spend time with you but spent $12 to have shitty food delivered without bothering to even tell you he did it” is pretty much the gold standard for that particular scenario.

Family Circus, 5/7/13

Speaking of things that would be foreign to modern folk, I’ve always appreciated the fact that the Keane Kids seem to just form ad hoc play groups with whichever other kids are outside, rather than requiring their parents to set up appointments weeks in advance on the subdivision’s shared Outlook calendar. But still, I’m concerned about the seething mass of dozens of children that seems to have spontaneously assembled on the Keane’s lawn. What “game” could this tightly packed mob possibly be playing, other than “Let’s see how quickly we can fall upon and devour passers-by”? Ma Keane should shut that door as quickly as she can, then start boarding up the windows.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/7/13

Oh look, a Westview citizen has responded to a simple question with unfunny, confusing wordplay! Darrin’s bio-dad reacts not by co-smirking but with normal human irritation. I think I’m starting to like this guy.

Ziggy, 5/7/13

Haha, it’s funny because Ziggy wants to have sex with a lizard, and he feels terrible about it!

301 responses to “‘Winkerboarding’ has been ruled a violation of the Geneva Conventions”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Tuesday’s Gasoline Alley reminds me of the old Groucho Marx joke (as told by Walt Wallet): “One evening I shot an alligator in my tuxedo. How he got into my tuxedo I’ll never know.”

    My childhood friends Pogo Possum and Albert Alligator are back. And I don’t even mind that they aren’t drawn by Walt Kelly!

  2. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose — No garters are tossed at toilet paper weddings, but plenty of rolls are served at the bridal dinner:

  3. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Frankie Rappe: His lips are saying “cup a coffee” to the waitress. But his eyes are saying “cop a feel”!

  4. Drewbear
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: There’s actually only one other child besides Billy, the brown-haired boy to his immediate right. All the others are hallucinations representing Thel’s complicated, troubling, and thoroughly repressed psyche. Note the aggressive French girl representing the lost opportunities of her youth and the cringing child representing how she views her husband. The dead-eyed, emotionless nebbish immediately behind Billy represents, of course, her feelings towards her children.

  5. pugfuggly
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    H&L I think Lois’ expression tells us that she’s seeing through this half-baked home invasion con. I mean seriously guys, if you’re going to fake a pizza delivery, at least put a logo on the box…

    FW Hmm…I thought only Cayla got to see the ‘Funky Winkerboard’ these days…BAM!

    Ziggy I wonder why that psychiatrist’s diploma is so low on the wall? Does his business actually cater exclusively to tiny troll-like people?

  6. Droopy Says
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    When Thel sees that all the neighborhood children have only one nostril, she realizes that Bil has been naughty on an epic scale.

  7. matt w
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    And yet according to Wikipedia, the actress who plays Flo thinks that “the GEICO gecko ‘puts out more sexual vibes than Flo does.’” This raises some questions: Did the Ziggy writers get the idea for this strip from Wikipedia? Does the actress who plays Flo write Ziggy on the side? Does anyone write Ziggy, really? How much am I going to have to drink right now to forget this whole sordid mess?

  8. Doctor Handsome
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Uh, steam doesn’t usually waft up from the center of a boxed pizza like the Wizard of Id’s demon familiar. Remember, Lois, he can’t cross the threshold unless you invite him in.

  9. Doctor Handsome
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    @matt w (#7): I always found Stephanie Courtney sexiest as the voice of Tom’s wife on Tom Goes to the Mayor. Drink to that.

  10. Mibbitmaker
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    FW: With reference to the great Norm MacDonald, “Winkerboard” is actually spelled W-i-n-k-e-r-b-o-r-e-d. Has been for 21 years.

    FC: Since Peanuts ended, Marcie has become a beatnik and hangs around the Family Circus kids now.

    Ziggy: Interesting factoid: Flo the Progressive Insurance lady is the daughter of Mr. B Natural. Think about it, won’t you?

  11. Dennis Jimenez
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    H&L – But I’m out’a check blanks, and I don’t have any cash to pay! (cue the wha-wha guitar noodling)….

    FC – Raining in my head like a tragedy – Tearing me apart like a new emotion -Oooooh….

    FW – Yes Sir, May I have another….

    Ziggy – Well, obviously! Flo would never fit up my ass….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  12. Kwazzymodo
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    No wonder Ziggy is a fucked up neurotic mess. Look at his feet!

  13. Ethan Shuster
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    H&L: I really love the way the artist couldn’t be bothered with drawing a three dimensional pizza box shape and just drew it at an angle with the least possible surface area. It kinda looks like the delivery guy is holding a comically large cigarette.

  14. The Right Venerable Pasdordan
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Darkgate. Is. Down. Withdrawal………….

  15. Powers
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    H&L: Josh, if you’re seeing a third panel, I wish you’d share it with us. =)

  16. Marc
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    A3G- LuAnn’s brainlessness has hit a new low point today if she really believes 35 year old Marty’s story about only being 14.

    Luann- There is really no other way to interpret Delta’s look in panel 2 besides “you’re sexy when you’re angry”, right?

    Mary Worth- Chivalry may not be dead; but coherent, unforced conversation has been brutally murdered.

  17. Pozzo
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    “They can’t come in here, Billy; why don’t you put them in the Ark we’re building out back?”

  18. Dan
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Hey now, mister letterer! Let’s see some trademark symbols after those brand names! Just because you’re tipping random boldfaced phrases into Ziggy Joke Template #5024, that’s no reason to skimp on quality, or maybe start letting your mind wander to the dreams you had as a child. You wanna get ahead here at Ziggyco®, you keep your eyes on the prize.

  19. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    The lizard Ziggy wants to have sex with is this guy from Tumbleweeds:

    Obviously, Dr. Sigmund Fraud doesn’t know one lizard from another!

  20. Dartpaw86
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Hey Josh two things.

    1- In Hi and Lois you said “Panel 3″ instead of 2.
    2- Since when was Pizza considered “Shitty food”? It’s like the most popular food on the planet, and in my experiences, even the worst/blandest Pizzas I’ve ever eaten (Not counting burnt) are still pretty darn good.

  21. IagoPogo
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Ah, but Scancar-wossisname coulda at least tried to live up to Kelly’s gold standard of drawing cartoons….he did better w/ Maggie & Jiggs, for sure!

  22. Dartpaw86
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @matt w (#7):

    No, it’s done by a machine. The Ziggy Gag Laugh Unit 3000. It’s the failed prototype of the Archie Gag Laugh Unit 3000.

  23. Doctor Handsome
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    The concavity of Ziggy’s soles always throws me. They remind me of the holes in G.I. Joes’ feet, so you could mount them on bases and pose them in killing positions. Ziggy is more like a perfectly gender-neutral doll action figure recreational humanoid simulacrum created for a progressive Swedish preschool.

  24. pugfuggly
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    ASM Wow, I’m really looking forward to the explanation that ties all of this up in a nice little package. “Oh, Kingpin! The minute I saw that kid offering me milk, I knew you must have come up with some kind of mind-control gas that you would try to use on daredevil to knock me unconscious and bring us both to your secret lair via robot boat/submarine to be unmasked. And since the only logical place for you to be hiding would be under Alcatraz, I disguised myself as a nighwatchmen, broke into your chain closet and replaced these adamantium ones with these special trick ones, knowing full well how you would try to dispose of us, then….”

    MW “Let’s see if this passes the taste test, ‘cuz it’s failed the ‘looks test’. Seriously, it looks like you ate 3 cans of chickpeas and left a turd on each plate.”

  25. Anondod
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: What’s really going on here is that Lois ordered the pizza herself. She’s got a deal with the pizza place, giving them a 10% cut of the profits from the ‘Hot MILF Seduction’ website that’s all that’s keeping her family from defaulting on their mortgage. However, the shaggability level of the delivery boys has dropped off sharply as of late, and this specimen with his shaggy hair, untucked shirt and already sizable gut is not up to the standards expected by her discering customers. Still, she needs to put food on the table – literally as well as figuratively – and she can always stick the clip in the ‘Comedy’ section.

  26. Dartpaw86
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    @Ethan Shuster (#13):

    No it’s not a giant cigarette, it’s a giant joint. Hi actually hired some random stoner to get Lois high. So in the morning she won’t question where he went nor find out he went to play strip golf with a bunch of hookers.

  27. Doctor Handsome
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Inclement weather spoils another game of “Civil War wounded.”

  28. McManx
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Ziggy – Either Ziggy’s genitalia is so small that he requires a diminutive creature to have sex with, or he expects the Gecko to do some gerbiling for him. Either way, I’d say the Gecko is getting the short end of the stick.

    Hi and Lois — The bad thing is that Lois already appears to be sizing up pizza guy’s crotch.

  29. Voshkod
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Two thoughts about Family Circus:

    It’s nice to see a young Honey Huan in her first comic role as “Socialist Leader of Child Play-Pack.” You can really see what Trudeau saw in her before he offered her the role of Duke’s assistant.

    In the good old days of the Cold War (“Duck and Cover,” anyone? Raise your hand if you miss Bert the Turtle) they decided one way to defend missile fields was the “dense pack” defense. Put all the silos close together so the first incoming missile would throw up so much debris that the follow-on missiles would be destroyed before detonating. Outside of the Keane household, the children have assembled their own dense pack defense. It doesn’t matter how many of them you take out, Ms. Keane, there will always be more of them.

  30. Dartpaw86
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#29):

    Reminds me off a Farside comic where a lady had about 6 treehouses in her backyard tree with tons of kids all over the place. And an exterminator is saying “Yep, pretty bad infestation, I can take out some of the nests but the rest will cost extra”

  31. Digger
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    FW: Panel four: Darrin’s dad writes “smart-ass redheaded waitress” at the bottom of his revenge list.

  32. Johnny Knuckles
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    H&L & FC: Graphic encapsulation of the American housewife’s role of holding the door and protecting the tranquility of home against impulsive, uncivilized hordes. Thank you, ladies!

  33. Dennis Jimenez
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#31): Kiss my grits – oh sweet Jebus….

  34. remmy
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#20):
    I have to agree. What the hell is up Josh? You’re slipping.

  35. Jörg Junker Jörg
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    I like the implications of the Ziggy-size couch and degree right at Ziggy’s eye level: the good doctor has obviously been able to let all of his other patients go and focus solely on the psychological goldmine that is Ziggy.

  36. Walker of Dog
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    @Powers (#15): Wait til you get to panel four. UNBELIEVABLE.

  37. TheDiva
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    FC: That’s what you get for moving into a Quiverfull compound…

    FW: Frankie wonders if it’s worth the trouble of having to talk to these smirking gits.

    Ziggy: What, that gecko does have a smexy accent…oh, what am I saying?

  38. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: Beret-wearing girl: “Mon dieu!” Billy: “Yeah, Mom, do!”

  39. Walker of Dog
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    FC: Don’t forget to close the fireplace damper and block the attic vents too. I saw the World War Z trailer – zombies be climbin’.

    FW: What a wonderful opportunity for Frankie to kick off his killing spree.

  40. gleeb
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#20): Maybe Josh assumes it’s a Montoni’s pizza.

  41. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Ziggy:Look at Dr. Balding Goatee’s degree. Did he really graduate from the Horse’s Ass School of Psychiatry?

  42. Écureuil Écumant
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    FC: Perhaps even more astonishing is that Um Thel lets ‘em even go outside when there’s a threat of rain. That’s sooooo ’60s! Back in the day in HI we looked forward to our three-day rainstorm so we could:

    A) Play mud football and come home looking like New Guinea mudmen.

    B) Go surfboarding down Kalakaua Ave. in Waikiki riding the wake thrown up by the tour buses.

    C) Go down to the drainage canal and use it as a waterslide as the water thundered down the mountain at 30 mph full of mud and debris, making sure to catch the rope hanging down from the railing at the bottom end, lest we get swept into the under-street conduit and drown. Unbeknownst to anyone over the age of 12, natch.

    Now, play dates we make already. Neighborhood Outlook calendars, forsooth.

  43. bunivasal
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    I know those are supposed to be cute dimples on the Redhead Too Old To Be Slangin’ Pizza, but they look like horrible pox scars. Combined with her dead eyes, I’d say that Funky is actually some sort of horrible pizza-sorcerer.

    And even if he’s not, that’s too interesting to care about the alternatives.

  44. Crankenstank
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    After the bad man with the puppets, Ziggy certainly needs all the therapy he can get.

  45. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    MT: Cherry’s bolding is almost giving her Shatnerian cadences!

    FC: A seething, roiling mass of snot-nosed melonheads, clamoring to get into the house? I guess Bil has crossed fully over into the horror genre.

    MW: Well, the food certainly passes the Mary Worth Alimentary Consumption Test:
    -Shapeless? Check.
    -Unnatural, even unappetizing color? Check.
    -One single blob-like object on each plate? Check.
    -Table bare except for oddly placed utensils, some inappropriate condiments, a scattering of crumbs, and pink pom poms? Check.
    -Dining room that appears to be the conference room in a Holiday Inn Express? Check.
    -Excruciatingly awkward banter? Check.

    Let’s eat!

  46. Hibbleton
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Thus begins the diner scene from A History of Violence.

  47. TheDiva
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    New Musical Hell review is up! Enter the world of cloying Christian knock-off media with Sunday School Musical!

    9CL: Today’s McEldowney-to-human translation:
    Edda: Tell me all about the sex you had on your sexy date!
    Fleurrie: There was no sex, but in order to satiate your voyeuristic lusts I’ll let you think there was.
    Edda: Wow, Sven, you had sexy sexytimes sex!
    Sven: I think Edda is mentally damaged.
    Fleurrie: What was your first clue?

    A3G: “This is one of those times I’m supposed to express…what did you call it again? Empathy?”

    C’shaft: Oooh, is it finally Cranky’s turn to get terminal cancer?

    Luann: Look on the bright side. With your miserable self-centered attitude you would have been a bad fit for the position anyway.

    MT: Shortly after:
    “Oh look, Shelly, a moose and her baby have trampled our campsite in an attempt to avoid a violent, brutal death! But it was all in vain, and now wolves are feeding on their entrails right in front of us! Don’t you just love the outdoors?

    MW: He may force Beth to slave away in his kitchen making her patented orange glop, but Tom is enough of a gentleman to hold her chair while she sits down.

    Pibgorn: Silly genie, if you actually describe the sexual conduct, how can you accuse your readers of being perverted for reading into endless insinuations of sexual conduct?

    SM: “But not as hard as I hit Venom! I may hit you slightly harder than I hit Clown-9…”

  48. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Crankenstank (#44): After the bad man with the puppets, Ziggy certainly needs all the therapy he can get.

    I don’t think Ziggy is Kevin Clash’s type!

  49. CanuckDownSouth
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    FC – what – what *is* Thel wearing with that blouse? We can see the side and most of the back with no ties, so it isn’t an apron. With the way the lower part angles out, it’s either peach short-shorts over flaring jeans, or a layered Disney Princess-esque dress-up skirt in an unfortunate colour combo.

  50. NoahSnark
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Ziggy is working his way up to admitting all the unnatural acts he wants to perform with the Aflac duck.

  51. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth — Beth’s sleeves are beginning to ride up her arms in anticipation of the hand sex Tom learned from following 9 Chickweed Lane.

  52. A-wel Cruiz
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Good job, Batiuk. You got Josh to sympathize with a date rapist, and I hope you’re proud of yourself!

  53. Brad
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    It’s a nice first try, but Ziggy hasn’t quite gotten the hang of blatant product placement yet. Here’s a quick tip – try not to make the readers imagine Ziggy having sex with the sponsor’s mascot… or better yet, don’t have the readers imagining Ziggy having sex at all.

  54. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    new mashup involving yesterday’s Love Is.

    a no-prize for the first to note what mudgeon meme is included. ;-)

  55. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith

    If you have a love match for Nehemiah Scudder’s pal Barney Google, please email John Rose at:

    This is Rose’s actual email address, by the way. (So what are you waiting for?)

  56. Chip
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Josh- I think you know less about porn than that teen slob in “Hi & Lois!” Those short, plotless smut-bursts on the internet are rife with clips of a pizza guy delivering a pie with a hole cut in the box, and an order of “extra sausage!” Have fun!

  57. mary_worthless
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#20):
    The expression I heard was, “pizza, sex and rock n’roll – even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.”

  58. Clint Brawny
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    The smile on his face in panel three implies…

    Is panel three where the “good” stuff takes place? Glad it was censored from this site.

  59. yo go re
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    On first read, I didn’t get that the psychiatrist was commenting on something Ziggy had told him – I thought Ziggy was sitting there with an uncomfortable look on his face while his doctor wasted Zig’s paid-for time by talking at length about his own sexual proclivities!

    “…this is the first Geico Gecko obsession I’ve had! Anyway, you wanted to talk about your fear of elevators?”

  60. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    The Stinkersons — Even going to church on Tuesdays isn’t enough to
    save Tillman’s soul from eternal damnation.

    Spider-Meh — ADAMantium is no match for the Summer’s EVE douche*
    Peter Parker** uses to clean his largest body cavity.

    *After wearing tights all the time, it gets sensitive down there!

    **Hail to the PP!

  61. Paul1963
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#10):

    Wow, am I really the only one here to get the “Mr. B Natural” reference? MST3K, people!

    FC: The kids are playing 43-Man Squamish, but they tell Thel it’s a game they made up because if she finds out they were reading old MAD paperbacks it’s a night in The Box for each of them.

  62. Anonymous
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#46): Will it end with a lingering close-up on a slice of Montoni’s pizza?

  63. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: “That’s nothing,” says Margo, “When I was a baby, my crazy-ass, pill-popping, gun-toting mother walked in.”

    AS-M: Fucking called it.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#60):

    Spider-Meh — ADAMantium …

    Don’t you mean Adam Ant, William Adams’ and Stuart Leslie Goddard’s new project?

  64. BeckoningChasm
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Ziggy is making jokes about corporate mascots. Ziggy’s readers would only get these jokes if they watched lots of television. Ziggy’s readers will, instead of reading Ziggy, just watch more television now. Thanks a LOT Ziggy.

  65. Voshkod
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Paul1963 (#61): Did you know Mr. B Natural has a longer Wiki page then some wars?

    Knew your father, I did.

  66. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @BeckoningChasm (#64): Tune in tomorrow when Ziggy details his sado-masochistic cosplay fantasies surrounding Ronald McDonald and the Burger King.

  67. Jerry Cruncher
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    At least Ziggy mentioned Flo and the Gecko by name. I wonder how this gag would sound with Herb & Jamaal’s non-specific elliptical references. We’ll probably find out in five years.

  68. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    @Jerry Cruncher (#67): Creepy Lady and the Lizard?

  69. Dartpaw86
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#49):

    I think she’s wearing a sweater or cardigan over the blouse.

  70. Yuppykiller
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: Looks to me like the start of every “Big Sausage Pizza” porno.

    Not that I am very familiar with that genre, of course.

  71. Alter Ego
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#Y285):

    Love Is… exciting and new.

    Set a course for adventure,
    without any need for pants…

  72. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (Y#284):

    Pluggers: we’re safe, folks. Mudges still read the comics section first!

    Until they start putting Lio and Scary Gary on the Obit page.

  73. Government Cheese
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    MW: What manners! What noble behavior! After you Madam! Thank you kind sir! May I place my penis on the table? Oh please do Tom! Do you mind if I put this carrot up your butt? Oh Tom, you are such a gentleman!

    Luann: No offense Bernice (well actually, offense is meant), but if you forgot to charge your phone, fuel your car, and locked your keys in the car, maybe that job isn’t for you. I am aware of openings at WeenieWorld.

  74. Dale
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]


    Are those panels in the wrong order? They sit down. Then Tom gets up and starts tugging on Beth’s chair. “That’s my spot. I always sit there.”

  75. Shrug, an Incurable Romantic
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#y277):

    She sued Barney for divorce
    Now he’s living with his horse
    Barney Google, with his goo-goo-googly eyes

    So after some ninety years, there it stands. Barney is single.

    It’s his own fault. If he’d only moved to Charterstone, Mary Worth would have meddled him into a new romantic relationship long ago.

    ////Yes, and the horse he rode in on, too.

  76. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Alter Ego (#71): ? Come aboard. We’re expecting nude… ?

  77. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#74): Uh Oh. Another Sheldon Cooper.

  78. Old Folkie
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#45): Your MW comment is floatworthy.

  79. Dennis Jimenez
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @mary_worthless (#57): Well, it brings to my mind the very appropriately named, Tombstone Pizza, Croation bordellos and Gary Puckett and the Union Gap….

  80. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: Lois is studying the delivery’s person’s curiuos pizza box ruler. “As you can see, this pizza is 2 pizza units wide. Pizza units should not be confused with Friedman Units.”

  81. DrBaconMD
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Ziggy is showing his sexual naiveté by obsessing over an insurance lizard… doesn’t he know he’d be in good hands with Allstate? Maybe Ziggy has a tongue fetish…

  82. astroboy
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    FW – Darrin’s Bio-Dad is definitely the best character in the Winkerverse.

    I’m openly rooting for this guy now.

    MW – “Would m’lady care for some non-food-shaped orange puree glop?

  83. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#45): Isn’t Marvin Shatnerian?

  84. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#28):

    Hi and Lois — The bad thing is that Lois already appears to be sizing up pizza guy’s crotch.

    She doesn’t look very impressed.

  85. Shrug, Former Flying Deep Brooder for the Lake Woebegon Whippets
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    FC: Josh asks “What “game” could this tightly packed mob possibly be playing?”

    As I understand it, the Keenes’ neighborhood sponsors a very successful Little League “43-Kid Squamish” team.

    The Keene kids monopolize the Offensive Nibling positions, except for P.J., who is the Dummy.

  86. Amos Snarkadder
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MW: Meanwhile, in apartment 3E, Elinor sits alone, cold, and hungry, wondering when her daughter will come home and prepare dinner. She’s tormented by the cooking aromas from all the apartments around her. And that distinct fragrance of her favorite meal: pork circles and carrot circles, just like Beth makes. She sighs, “Soon, soon, she’ll be home soon.”

  87. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

  88. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#73): I knew A Guy who was fond of pretentious noble-speak, constantly kissing women’s hands and calling them “m’lady” — including strippers — while they were stripping — and generally acting like an ass and calling it “chivalrous.” I wanted very to punch him right between his beady eyes, just like I’ve been wanted to punch Tom right between his beady eyes, and I’m sure Tom’s ex wife felt the same. I know Guy’s ex wife certainly did.

  89. Gringo
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#5): Seriously, though, shouldn’t it be “Funky Winkerbored’?

  90. Tom Shrug Jr. and His Electronic Laugh Machine
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#22):

    “No, it’s done by a machine. The Ziggy Gag Laugh Unit 3000. It’s the failed prototype of the Archie Gag Laugh Unit 3000.”

    And by “failed” we mean “still too good for the likes of Ziggy.”

  91. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Brilliant MAD magazine reference!

  92. Occam
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Let’s not jump to conclusions. Perhaps Ziggy has simply become unhinged after hearing that the gecko is funny because animals aren’t supposed to talk. “But then, what about my animals?” he wonders. “They talk to me all the time. Am I…am I insane?”

  93. Government Cheese
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#88): I’m picturing that this guy you speak of is either:

    A. A totally arrogant hipster


    B. A creepy, lecherous dude.

    I’m going with the latter as I have a hard time seeing a hipster say such things in a strip joint. But yes, those guys are the worst.

    “Madam, may I escort you to luncheon? May I kiss your hand? May I put my hand up your dress and pitch woo via sign language?”

    Yeah, we all know their number.

  94. Notmydesk
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    It’s nice to see Bio-Dad finally out of his car, I guess, and not skulking around, gripping the steering wheel and muttering to himself in a mildly menacing way while openly staring at people who are too self involved to notice. I mean, I guess that’s a step toward something.

  95. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:31 am [Reply]

  96. Shrug, Tripping Over His Own Frullip
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Paul1963 (#61):

    Whoops. Oversnakapologies to Paul1963, who was first across the Flutney goal with the Squamish reference. A clear Woomik to him, and it’s only the first Snivel!

  97. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#20) on pizza: You obviously haven’t had pizza in Japan. I’m a pizza lover but some there are gaacky.

    @TheDiva (#47) on Mark Trail: Maybe the girls should call Finland.

    @Paul1963 (#61) on Mr. B. Natural: You’re not the only one who knew. Some of us are polite enough to mention our superior knowledge, or are too ashamed to admit it.

    @Sequitur (#77): Tom is nowhere nearly as interesting as Mr. Cooper. Howard could kick Tom’s butt.

  98. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#93): He wasn’t so much lecherous (which implies one acts on one’s impulses) as he was leering. He was a former D&D nerd who was really into GWAR and Aleister Crowley. (Oh, and the never-ending stream of Monty Python quotes … entire scenes wherein he voiced all the characters while everyone else at the table looked away uncomfortably and peered into the depths of their beers.) Anyway, he eventually became a massage therapist, so now he gets paid to touch people inappropriately.

    May I put my hand up your dress and pitch woo via sign language?

    Said with a stupid grin so as to claim he was “just kidding, gawwww, whatswrongwichoo?” if someone should take offense.

  99. CanuckDownSouth
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#69): The fold lines show the blouse is tucked into the layers of insane fashion below. Maybe Fashion Police can figure this one out?

  100. Alex Blaze
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    I’d like to imagine that the girl in front of Billy has awesome fashion sense instead of just being recycled art from who knows what era when someone thought The Kids Today were dressing like that. “Today,” she said this morning. “I’ll push not just this podunk town’s boundaries, but America’s.” Then she put on her Dr Bunsen Honeydew glasses, lavender polo, and red beret, smiling at the persona in the mirror. Is she French? A beatnik? Very, very old and shrinking? “No,” she thought. “She’s an enigma.”

  101. Dale
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#77):


    Correct. We would also have accepted “Hyacinth Bucket”.

  102. James D.
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    FW: No matter what happens in this storyline, I’m pleased to see Mitt Romney has found some post-election work

    FC: I just presumed beret girl was Marcie from “Peanuts” photobombing a rival comic.

  103. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: I’m thinking that the beret-wearing hipster girl has deemed the Keane Kompound so banal as to be cool. This will last but only a few fleeting minutes.

  104. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @DrBaconMD (#81): “Let Prudential be your rock.” — Prudential Financial

    Unless you prefer Dwayne Johnson to be your Rock, Ziggy!

  105. Jim in Wisc.
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Mary Worthless: We now see that Beth taught Tom how to make her famous pork chop and carrot puree. Mmm, mmm good!

  106. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#97): The only butt Howard can kick is his own.

    Did anyone do this as a kid: Jump up and flex your knee until your heel kicked you in the butt? No? I’m surprised.

    When I was a little kid and did something wrong my parents would say, “Go spank yourself” and I’d do that little stunt. It’s not as dorky as it sounds. I was a lot easier on myself than my dad and his belt would have been.

  107. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

  108. Liam
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    A3G-Wow! Fourteen! Those must of been some very rough years because she looks like she is in her forties.

    MT-We can’t show you what Cherry does to calm Shelly down but here is a lovely seen of a moose and it’s child about to be run down and viciously devoured.

    MW-Umm. Mashed up orange color my favorite.

    Pluggers-Pluggers know that the obits are funnier than the comics.

  109. Chip Whittle
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    While we’re all busy shaking our heads at how the Spider-Man comic has so run out of stuff to do that Spidey has to do something heroic, I want to point out that thinks we’re going to be entertained by a new panel strip called Aunty Acid, with the tag line, “Meet the sassy senior that tells it straight.”

  110. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:01 pm [Reply]


  111. Sgt. Saunders
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#11):

    Re: Ziggy – still laughing. COTW material.

  112. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Funky: Am I the only one who thinks Darrin’s bio-dad looks sort of like Evil Dead star/Man-god Bruce Campbell? Further proof that this new character is actually the strip’s hero.

  113. Dale
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:05 pm [Reply]


    funky winkerboard = seat in a multi-hole outhouse

    But seriously, folks, doesn’t Frankie have the Funky Family nose?

  114. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#106): WHAAAAT????

  115. Liam
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley-This can only end with the realization that Walt has died.

  116. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#114): Sorry. DayQuil flashback.

  117. Liam
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    FC-You don’t want to get those kids wet or they’ll start multiplying like crazy.

  118. Perky Bird
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    You know it must be Laundry Day at the Keane Kompund when Ma Keane is seen rockin’ a taupe blouse with a salmon peplum and a pair of “jeggings.”

  119. HarlDruff
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    [url=][b]coach outlet online[/b][/url] in spoil or this type of snaps help you secure, It was never this useful intentionDon settle with regard to clients require: you precise! you could anniversary gifts and also plus points that the globe needsYou should first question reason why I find the name nerdy ILLUSTRATOR …

    [Stupid spam abbreviated, neutered, and blacklisted - UL]

  120. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @HarlDruff (#119): Worse spam ever.

    Hey, Uncle Lumpy! Get a load of that.

  121. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    FW: I’m still hung up on the “Cup a coffee” bit. It’s no “vendos” but it’s close.

    //”Cuppa coffee” or “Cup of coffee” I would accept. As it is, it just reads like a mistake.

  122. Master Softheart
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#29): The Comics Curmudgeon: come for the antics of Demon Marmaduke, stay for the warhead fratricide Family Circus jokes. The kid in the lower right does look a little like Cap Weinberger…

  123. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#120): Holy feck that’s a lot of nonsense verbiage. Batiuk, is that you?

  124. pugfuggly
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#89):

    No, that’s the verb. As in, “Les finished another chapter and had two glasses of wine at diner, so I got Funky Winkerbored last night.”

  125. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#112): Soooo… Funky Winkerbean is really Evil Dead 4/Army of Darkness 2? Sounds about right.

  126. Anonymous
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#47): 9CL: It is almost always possible to revise this comic to achieve greater comic effect with a more spare and elegant use of words, but this was exceptional. The syndicate does not realize the opportunity they are missing by continuing to use the original dialog.

  127. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#123): More likely it’s Brooke McEldowney.

  128. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:35 pm [Reply]



  129. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#125): Yep. The strip’s entire cast being Deadites explains quite a bit.

  130. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#128): Good afternoon Tally. Are you upset by the Ziggy sexcapades? It’s a trend you know.

  131. Caphi
    May 7th, 2013 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone else having issues with Comics Kingdom and loading Mary Worth?

    Unrelatedly, it’s good to know that while the normal human reaction to the sudden remembrance that you have an important exam is some sort of fear or despair, Crankshaft’s is just his normal state of undirected rage.

    May 7th, 2013 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @HarlDruff (#119): It’s funny because it’s true!

  133. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#120): Oh, I don’t know. It seems to have a decent plot, unlike – say – FW.

  134. Liam
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Caphi (#131):

    What sort of problem are you having? When I go there they always load the date for tomorrow.

  135. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @remmy (#34): Possibly Josh has realized that he has to come up with more than just one chapter of that novel pretty soon.

  136. Greg
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: The psychiatrist hangs his license near the floor. Who’s the one with the REAL problems?

  137. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#49): It’s called a ‘peplum’ and they were all the rage during the ‘New Look’ era in 1950s fashions.

  138. Peanut Gallery
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    RMMD, panel 3 – Go get your epinephrine. Your face is swelling up again.

  139. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#28): Yep, Lois likes what she sees.

    Well, no accounting for taste.

  140. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#120): I thought it was the chapter from Josh’s novel.

  141. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#126): The spammer at 119 could have written better dialog than McEldowney.
    //I am uncharacteristically vicious today.

  142. Peanut Gallery
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @HarlDruff (#119): The difficulty with your analysis is you fail to mention variety charge.

  143. Peanut Gallery
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#Y278):

    Imagine you’re a stranger passing through town. Never been there before, just want a pit stop, maybe see a guy you met once. Now someone says “Funky Winkerboard” to you. Do you even touch the coffee?

    I start looking around for Rod Serling.

  144. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#143): This, as you may recognize, is a map of Ohio, and there’s a little town there called Westview…

  145. Caphi
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#134): Sometimes it’ll just load a white image of the right size. When this happens, the “zoom in” link may or may not load it successfully or just load another white box. I think it’s a bug in whatever weird loader-JS they’re using even though there is no reason not to serve a perfectly normal that I can see.

  146. Voshkod
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#143): You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of cancer and moping but of cancer (again); a journey into a tedious land whose boundaries are that of Les Moore’s imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead—your next stop, the Funky Zone.

  147. Uncle Lumpy
    May 7th, 2013 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#120):

    Verbose spam abbreviated and blacklisted at #119.

    I go through comments every couple of days and delete spam the filter doesn’t catch – lots of it, unfortunately. The most annoying subset comprises multipage lists of random words or phrases (meant to attract search traffic that would boost the included URL in Google page ranks). It’s annoying because I have to scroll down to delete it, then scroll back up to pick up where I left off. Some spammers load their entire script into a comment, so you get strings like “Hello there/Greetings/Hi/ …”, followed by pages and pages of other text blocks used to assemble “unique” messages.

    Frickin’ spam.

  148. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#147): Thank you for your constant vigilance, Unca Lumpy. It would be heartbreaking if some spammer won the coveted COTW.

  149. Calico
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    FC – Josh, those aren’t ad hoc play groups – those are indoctrination sessions, and yes, the other kids have to tithe appropriately.

  150. Calico
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy – at least I don’t think he wants to have sex with cavemen, so there’s that.

  151. Uncle Lumpy
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#148):

    Thanks – it’s really more OCD than anything else.

    I actually nominated a spam for the COTW shortlist during one of my weeks subbing in, but Josh pulled it before publishing.

  152. Dennis Jimenez
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#150): Johnny Hart’s deeply disappointed….

  153. Calico
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

  154. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#147): Der SpamMeister has triumphed once again and rid us of unwanted (superfluous word) spam!

    Thanks again, Uncle Lumpy. Your efforts are much appreciated.

  155. commodorejohn
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#150): Cavewomen, on the other hand…

  156. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Voshkod (#146): Submitted for your disapproval — a stranger comes to the tiny town of Westview hoping to sow discord and misery — little does he know that this town is no stranger to arbitrary and capricious tragedy, for while the maps say Westview is located in Ohio, it, in fact, resides deep within Tritewrite Zone.

  157. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#109): Aunty Acid is a Sassy gassy senior that tells it straight.

    FIFY Backland!

    The original tagline is also in the “About Aunty Acid” press release. But to quote comedian Red Skelton: She has enough gas to fly to Pittsburgh!

  158. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#150): Or that Mayhem guy in the Allstate ads.

  159. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @HarlDruff (#119):

    Surely it’s not Spam, but a brilliant ‘mudge trying to extrapolate what Thorax is saying to Twinkly the Cow about now.

    ///In reply, Twinkly says “Moo.” Advantage, Twinkly.

  160. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#130):




  161. SurrealKangaroo
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    What is today’s Ziggy is supposed to be implying? Please tell me it isn’t that Ziggy thinks that a lizard is hot.

  162. Shrug, Speaker to Spam
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#151):

    I got on the float a few months ago with a comment in reply to a spam message — I don’t remember anyone else doing that, so I figure spam has given me a tiny little special snowflake moment on the CC, and I ought to be kind to it and say nice things about it and help it sneak into the theater past mean ol’ Unc Lumpy and let it play with my toys and. . .

    ////Nyaahhhhh. Kill ‘em all.

  163. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

  164. Peanut Gallery
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#109): Yikes. Looks like someone finally Took It From The Tinkersons.

  165. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#115): Gasoline Alley — This can only end with the realization that Walt has died.

    I’d like to make a bold prediction, Liam: Walt Wallet becomes a permanent resident of the Old Comics Home. And he’s reunited with his flapper wife girlfriend Phyllis, who currently resides in the SWF wing of the Old Comics Home. After Walt’s “death,” he also reverts to his 1920s self.

    23 SKIDDO!

  166. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Loweezy is going to get Mr. Google in a cooking date with the local spinster. We see how well that’s going in Mary Worth. Or maybe she’s planning to smother him under her massive sweater cows manatees to make her hubby’s name the only one on the strip’s marquee. That look on her face means whatever happens will be vile and disgusting.

  167. Francis Hobbs
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#156): Was that a Backlanded compliment?

  168. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#165): “Mary Worth” Hootin Holler style. I can’t wait for the septic pool party.

  169. Inexplicable Bear Tongue
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    FC: Obviously, the kids have developed their own version of Royal Shrovetide Football. Taking it inside is a delicious idea.

  170. KreatureFeatures
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: I count 22 kids, and therefore presume that a full-blown game of American football was in progress. A young O.J. Simpson provides further evidence, as he stares directly at the camera.

  171. Spokeshominid for cavepeople
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#154): Ooga like. Commodorejohn call ooga.

  172. Voshkod
    May 7th, 2013 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @SurrealKangaroo (#160): Ziggy doesn’t think the lizard is hot. Ziggy’s not that shallow. He thinks the lizard is reliable, funny, about his height, and will make a good father for their children. Sure, there’s sexual attraction there as well, but you cheapen it by saying it’s all about ‘hotness.’

  173. Alison
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#117):
    Mommy Keane shouldn’t have fed them after midnight.

    “Luann”: Bernice did some stupid things, yes, but still, she has reason to be upset if she got an expensive ticket and is going to be late for a job interview. It’s really insensitive of Delta to make a joke. Between this and that guilt-tripping she did to get Bernice to make Easter baskets for old people, Delta is an awful “friend”.

    “Mary Worth”: I am so bored with these two. Where is Elinor? I thought she was supposed to be the big bad villain of this arc, but she’s nowhere in sight. I was hoping for her to spoil the romantic dinner. What a rip-off.

  174. Government Cheese
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#98): Wow, a massage therapist? Maybe the Vice squad will pay him a visit one day. “Excuse me sir, remove these cuffs from my wrists at once! I am a professional man of therapy, indeed! I was only trying to massage the client’s pubic area, as any gentleman would do!”

    (later he recites Monty Python lines to himself in jail)

    He actually sounds exactly like someone I used to work with…

  175. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#157): One of my students wrote a pretty good paper analyzing the appeal of those ads. Insurance advertising is actually pretty fascinating.

  176. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#174): It would be tough for me to disagree with you since I work in the advertising side of insurance marketing.

  177. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Alison (#172): Marissa and Tad reached for the salt at the same time, the backs of their hands bumping lightly. Marissa felt a jolt like electricity run up her arm at Tad’s warm touch.

    “Oops, sorry.”

    “No, that’s okay,” she replied.

    Tad turned to look at her, and their eyes locked. Neither could look away, nor did they desire to. Marissa’s pulse quickened as Tad’s eyes traveled to her lips. He leaned closer as Marissa murmured a soft, “Oh!”

    The kiss lasted but a moment, the softest pressure of lips, and then they both leaned back–but then both stood, their arms clutching each other, lips meeting, tongues flickering against each other. Marissa felt a throbbing in her loins, matched by the swift firmness of Tad’s manhood. Marissa thought fleetingly that she should pull away before it was too late and she was lost for good—but then Tad’s lips pressed more insistently against hers, and she ceased to think at all.

    A sharp knock at the door. “Ignore it,” Marissa whispered desperately.

    Again, a rap-rap-rap—and much to Marissa’s horror, her mother’s voice. “Marissa! Are you in there? I need you, now!”

  178. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#175): Please tell me you are not the person responsible for using Snoopy to sell MetLife.

  179. Jim in Wisc.
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#73):

    Luann: No offense Bernice (well actually, offense is meant), but if you forgot to charge your phone, fuel your car, and locked your keys in the car, maybe that job isn’t for you. I am aware of openings at WeenieWorld.

    Having interviewed many job applicants over the years, if she were to tell this particular tale to explain why she was late for her interview time, I would write on the eval sheet:
    (1) Poor organizational skills.
    (2) Poor prep for assigned tasks.
    (3) Do not hire.

  180. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    H&L: “Before I go, is there anything else your husband isn’t around to do that needs doing?” *slinky bassline*

    FC: Some girl in a raspberry beret has escaped from “Prince Songs for Wee Ones.”

    Ziggy: After ninety minutes of hearing about Ziggy’s unwholesome reptile fetish, the psychiatrist will need a scalding shower.

    MW: It flunks the visual presentation test. Or at least it would any other place on Earth.

    BH: “That was the last I ever saw of dad, of course. Blood, so much blood.”

    9CL: We don’t see any thought balloons from Edda. Small mercy, I’d say.

    JP: The fact that Veronica Fake here is relating all this as if she were reading someone else’s Powerball numbers should perhaps give pause.

    Drabble: In the unlikely impossible event that Norman was elected president, he and Norma wouldn’t even be the most incestuous first couple in US history, and that’s before you factor in the “step-“.

    BB: They repealed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, so Killer asked. Much to his regret.

    Phantom: We all know your name is Southside Johnny. The Phantom has knocked off a few of your Asbury Jukes.

    SSmith: T’ain’t nuthin’ for Low’eezy to fit two scraggly-mustached dwarven freaks in her life and her vagina.

    Marvin: “Okay, bad example. But look at him in the Sunday title panel. Some theorize his constant defecation is a survival mechanism.”

    A3G: Margo must be off her game. I would have expected a full Four Yorkshiremen act from her. “She ‘ad legs. None of us could afford legs where I came from.”

  181. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#177): I’m not saying who I work for since I feel that would be inappropriate for this blog but I will say that MetLife is one of our competitors.

  182. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#45):

    FC: A seething, roiling mass of snot-nosed melonheads, clamoring to get into the house? I guess Bil has crossed fully over into the horror genre.

    Early Cronenberg, it looks like.

  183. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#180): No, no, I don’t want you to turn spammer. But – why Snoopy? Other than his being a beloved cartoon character – and the old MetLife animated ads were sweet, but – why would I buy insurance on Snoopy’s recommendation? Flo, yeah, cavemen, sure, but Snoopy – ?

  184. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#181): You’ve heard of Jon and Kate Plus Eight? This is Bil and Thel in Hell.

  185. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @matt w (#7):

    Does the actress who plays Flo write Ziggy on the side?

    I know she spent a few years at the Groundlings, which also produced Paul Reubens and Will Ferrell, among others. Probably overqualified to write Ziggy.

  186. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#176): This is getting good.

    You write quite well. Perhaps you should consider teaching creative writing to college students.

  187. Holy Boxcar, Batman!
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#157):

    Well, there is Flo/Mayhem porn out there on the Web….maybe Ziggy just wants to get in on the fun.

  188. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#182): And now they have Lucy trying to sell insurance for 5-cents.

    No, I will not provide a link to that.

  189. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Herr Kommissar Denny (#88): Isn’t touching a stripper – to say nothing of kissing her – a one way ticket to getting your ass kicked out into the street?

  190. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Holy Boxcar, Batman! (#186): Did I just see you use “Ziggy” and “fun” in the same sentence? Wow! You have quite the imagination.

  191. Dood
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#167): And the sammin’ squares, made from a guy named Sam.

  192. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#173): “Methinks these cuffs be bound a bit too tight / My circulation’s cut, my sweet hands – Goodnight!”

  193. Francis Hobbs
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Cheating on Barney with the GEICO gecko is going to end badly for the Zigster:

    I love you You love me
    We’re a pantless family…

  194. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#190): That could be Marryin’ Sam from down the road in Li’l Abner. They don’t need Marryin’ Sam in Hootin Holler since they have the Parson.

  195. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#192): The GEICO gecko doesn’t wear pants.

  196. Midtown
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    FW: Rachel, Rachel, don’t waste your comedic talent in this joyless dump. Seek out the bright lights and become the next famous red-haired comedienne. If not Lucy, at least Kathy Griffin.

  197. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#182): I’ve never understood how Dennis the Menace was meant to encourage me to buy Dairy Queen, either.

  198. Holy Boxcar, Batman!
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#189):
    You’re right; “fun” and “Ziggy” don’t really fit together. “A different, uncomfortable kind of quiet desperation than what Ziggy normally has” would probably be more appropriate for this conversation although more wordy than Ziggy deserves.

    That and thinking about Ziggy porn threesomes is starting to hurt my head.

  199. Jim in Wisc.
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#185):

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#176): This is getting good.

    You write quite well. Perhaps you should consider teaching creative writing to college students.

    Or teaching Tom Batiuk.

  200. Shrug, Minus the Deductable
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#182):

    “why would I buy insurance on Snoopy’s recommendation?”

    Well, he hangs valuable paintings (was it a Rembrandt?) inside an unlocked doghouse, and he allows thuggish revolution-plotting birds to hold their cell meetings therein. (Two different plotlines separated by years, but both vividly remembered.)

    So he’d *better* know a good insurance company, is all I’m saying.

  201. Lumaca Morente
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#196): Well – ice cream, childhood – I guess. Now, Snoopy and ice cream, that would work. Phantom and Danskin, Luann and psych meds, Baldo and Taco Bell, Wanda from Baby Blues and Norplant, Effie Munyon and instant calimari mix, Mary Worth and canned salmon, the list could go on and on.

  202. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Holy Boxcar, Batman! (#197): Ziggy porn. You’re about to give tallyHO a conniption fit.

  203. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#200): And Aunty Acid with TUMS!

    No. Forget I said that.

  204. Dennis Jimenez
    May 7th, 2013 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#194): Greed is Good – Pants, not so good….

  205. Francis Hobbs
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Francis Hobbs (#192): Ziggy is nothing but a homewrecker. After getting Todd the Dinosaur to leave Trent, Ziggy dropped him like a hot potato. And now poor Todd is singing the BLUES.

    @Sequitur (#194): “The GEICO gecko doesn’t wear pants.”

    I know that You know that
    But Zig’s as blind as a bat…

  206. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Minus the Deductable (#199): snoopy had a van gogh down there with the pool table, etc when his doghouse burned under suspicious circumstances – maybe the ins co replaced it with a rembrandt?

    May 7th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy-I guess we should be thankful he isn’t masturbating about that annoying-voiced pig from Geico.

    FW- Frankie the Rapist- the most likeable character in the Funky Winkerbean.

    Hi&Lo – Apparently the Carmudgeon is not a patron of Big Sausage

  208. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Minus the Deductable (#199): Snoopy originally had a VanGogh,but after a fire, he replaced it with an Andrew Wyeth.

    May 7th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy- I do give credit to Ziggy for not deluding himself, and setting rational goals for his wet dreams. Start with reptiles, then work your way up the evolutionary chart.

  210. LP2004
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#205): No, Snoopy’s Van Gogh was replaced by an Andrew Wyeth. I don’t believe he ever owned a Rembrandt.

    More or less on topic – I like the fact that ‘Classic Peanuts’ is running a storyline from the early-to-mid-60s glory days of the strip. I recall reading that Schulz was proud of the ‘Linus and Lucy move away’ story, and only regretted that he ended it too soon.

  211. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Crank: Wasn’t Ed supposedly illiterate until just recently??

    FW: “Funky Winkerboard”?? Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean? And just why does this stupid broad answer this stranger’s simple question with wordplay that he will not understand?

    Luann: Gee, this day sucks so bad you’d think they were in the Funkyverse. Next up……..they both get CANCER!

    MW: You know, instead of reading this comic, I *could* be spending the time doing something more enjoyable……, ripping out my nose-hair, perhaps….

    RMMD: Sell them?? Oh please. And why does Sara need a backpack to go out to eat? Are we going to stuff it with food?

  212. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#209): funny what comes back to a person – soon as i read ‘wyeth’ in jerry fox from cleveland’s comment i was like “d’oh!”

  213. Sequitur
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#210): RMMD: They’ll stuff the backpack with waffles and clams for June.

    I think I’m gonna be sick.

  214. lis
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t think this was possible, but the storyline of 9 Chickweed Lane is moving even slower than Mary Worth.

  215. Herr Kommissar Denny
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    @Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy (#210):

    …like, ripping out my nose-hair, perhaps….

    Tweezers, good sir?

  216. LP2004
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#211): Reading those old Holt, Rinehart, & Winston Peanuts collections over and over again when I was a kid resulted in the dialogue being burned into my memory for all time.

    But if you ask me about that important thing my wife told me about yesterday…

    Now what was that again?

  217. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#175) said: “…I work in the advertising side of insurance marketing.”

    Do you work for Liberty Mutual? They’ve been wrecking cars in their print and TV ads for over 50 years. It must be difficult to think up novel ways to show wrecked cars after all of this time. Some of their early ads like this one from 1959 led to MAD Magazine’s classic satirical ad for “Liberty Mutilate “.

  218. Sgt. Stoned
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    FC: While the kids at the forefront of the mob are a healthy pink in color, those in the rear are gray. This is clearly the beginning of the zombie apocalypse.

    MW: “Bachelor” Tom appears to have a table capable of accomodating six people, or, in his case, most probably, six life-like sex dolls.

  219. Esther Blodgett
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#157): Now wait just a minute. Mayhem is HOT.

  220. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    It’s been busy today so (fortunately) Ziggy’s anti-antics haven’t gotten the best of me.

    The dude just sits there or lays there while others fill in his blanks. (oooo! seering headache!)

    That little squeak toy reject from a Whack-a-Mole game….(deep breath)

    That charming li’l munchkin is …(relax! relllllaax!)

    That compliant customer of random complaint departments always seems to….(hyperventilatinnnnnng!)

    OOOoooooohhhh! He makes me. So. Mad!

    //apologies to Curley Joe Besser Stooge, which ever one he was.

  221. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2013 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#185): Thanks! Given a few of the papers I’ve received, I apparently have taught them “creative” writing.

  222. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 7th, 2013 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#217): re: MW: And I’d like to know what kind of pathetic, lonely, hot-dog-eatin’, beer-swillin’ bachelor divorced guy keeps a dainty sugar dish and pink flowers on his table. A pile of newspapers and the latest L.L. Bean catalog, along with a scattering of coupons for the local Chinese and pizza places, maybe.

  223. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#218):

    Mayhem is HOT.

    Well, he did have quite the full dance card when he was a prisoner on Oz.

  224. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2013 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @lis (#213): Soon the plot will actually be going backwards, prompting Brooke to rename the strip “enaL deewkcihC 9″.

  225. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 7th, 2013 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#54): Beautiful! Such lovely stink lines, too!

  226. Illustrator Steve
    May 7th, 2013 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    MT – “Try to STAY CALM!!!! Hopefully they’ll be back by morning…After all, Shelly, Wes has only been flying Mark around for three danys and nights now to taking pictures of big horn sheep and that type of plane should easily be able to get as much as a total of eight hours of flying time in before running out of fuel and……oh. Oh my!…oH, SH_T!”

    “Pass me thay joint willya, Cherry?”

  227. TheDiva
    May 7th, 2013 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Jim in Wisc. (#178): Knowing the way this strip works, Bernice will probably end up getting praised for her “determination and honesty” or some such nonsense.

    May 7th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY: Maybe this storyline will end with Evil Bio-dad so irritated by everyone the last few strip panels will end with driving off with Westview in the rearview mirror..consumed by flames.

  229. Mikey
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t have time to read many comments today so I apoligize if someone has caught this very obvious observation. Spider Man is a flamer. He’s gayer than a French horn. Not that I care but I feel bad for MJ and they’re sham marriage. Please argue these facts if you disagree:

    1) He’s obviouly the strongest man in the world, yet he constanly let’s himself be chained up while wearing spandex. He always can break free at will, too! BUt he never does right away.
    2) He doesn’t mind if the said chaining up also involves unconciousness.
    3) His freakin’ initals are ‘SM’
    4) He loves air drying his taint in San Francisco
    5) He has a smokin’ hot wife he forgets about all of the time.

    I know this makes perfect sense but I’m sure it’s all just because he’s a moron. I don’t think he’s gay at all. Should be, but he ain’t…..

    Yes, the “ASM” is a moron but Stan Lee is truly a genius.We are all such rubes….

    Also, I don’t think “Adamantium” is the strongest alloy. It’s “Dontdrinkdontsmokewhatdoyoudoium”

  230. Mikey
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @BERTMARCH (#227): That is so good! We can only hope. I’d love to see Montoni’s burning down….

  231. Mikey
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#229): OK. That’s tad harsh but it’s a comic that I hate… :-)

  232. Mikey
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    @Mikey (#228): And pardon my bad grammar. Should be ‘their’…too many teachers on this site. :-)

  233. hallyTOE
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#212):
    Waffles and clams,
    Waffles and clams,
    They taste so grand,
    Put them in your hand,
    Throw them in the fan.
    See the pretty colors on the wall.
    From waffles and clams.

    Where’s that brother of mine?
    He is probably off fretting about Ziggy.
    Sometimes I worry about that boy.

    Speaking of Ziggy, did you read today’s?
    That boy is really really happy with lizards.
    Like Fred Flintstone he can have a gay old time with them.

  234. Liam
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy-And the psychiatrist degree is placed within Ziggy’s eyesight so he knows who is in charge.

    FW-”Funky Winkerboard? Is that some sort of sexual thing? Lady, I just came into this pizza restaurant for a cup of coffee not to hear about the lurid sex activities of it’s employees.”

  235. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#y210): @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#203): Dora the Football-Headed Explorer is much more terrifying than any original Grimm story. What’s with all the yelling? Does she need hearing aids or is the acid she’s on cause hearing loss?

    I’m surprised Ziggy and Dora the Explorer haven’t made a love connection yet.
    Since the Zigster doesn’t have ears, Dora’s constant yelling is “no problema” whether they’re in the bedroom or out.

    Come Ziggy, your shy Latina beauty awaits you:

  236. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Barney Google & Snuffy Smith: Did Rose finally remember who has top billing in this strip? Hooray, a Barney Google story arc, at last!

  237. Dale
    May 7th, 2013 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#221):


    Tom wants to be green, but he brings home only two bottles of beer at a time.
    By the third or fourth trip of the evening, he’s going to be a public safety hazard.

  238. Huckleberry Fink
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#235): You’re too late, Ziggy — Swiper has already stolen Dora’s virtue.

  239. Jim in Wisc.
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#227): Yep, I actually know a few people who would consider that to show “perseverance in the face of adversity.” To me, it’s nothing more than terminal idiotitis.

  240. Jim in Wisc.
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#237):

    Tom wants to be green, but he brings home only two bottles of beer at a time.
    By the third or fourth trip of the evening, he’s going to be a public safety hazard.

    Aldomania, Part II

  241. Zla'od
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    FC: Several people have pointed out the resemblance of one of the foreground characters to Marcie. I see another possible Peanuts cameo–one of the girls in the back of the crowd, who looks like the original blonde, 1950′s-era Patty (who seems to be a different character from Peppermint Patty):

  242. Zla'od
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    FC again: And Shermy too! This has to be deliberate.

  243. Droopy Says
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#227): No, Bernice will phone Luann, who will get praised for her loyalty and decisive problem-solving skills. [Don't even need to look at Luann to know something dumb has/is/will happen(ed)(ing)].

  244. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Oh My God!
    Is that Curtis Without A Cap?

  245. Amos Snarkadder, Curmudgeon Farm, Howling, Sussex
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @Alex Blaze (#100): “No,” she thought. “She’s an enigma.”

    She’s Jeffy.

  246. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Is that MC Toddler laying down the rules right in front of Billy?

    Yo, MC T! You down wit’ Not Me?

  247. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Mother Goose & Grimm— That’s not a real marriage. They’re just roll playing.

  248. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#235): Wouldn’t making a pass at Dora win Ziggy a one-on-one with To Catch a Predator’s Chris Hansen?

  249. Cloudbuster
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    ASM: This is really geeky of me, but I’m really wondering if we’re going to get a plausible Marvel-verse explanation for Spidey breaking those chains. There are only a few things that are supposed to be able to break Adamantium, and spider-strength isn’t one of them. Maybe Kingpin made the mistake of shopping at Criminal Discount Warehouse again! Crappy faux-adamantium Pakistani chains!

  250. Baka Gaijin
    May 7th, 2013 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#180) on Drabble: I’m glad they’re not actually related. Drabble Son deserves romantic happiness after spending decades mooning after that chilly bitch who wouldn’t give him the time of day.

    @Lumaca Morente (#183): Why Snoopy? Mr. Schultz wanted to make money while the gettin’s good.

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#197): Or the Keene melonheads enticing me to stay at a KOA campground. I’m guessing Dolly left her way-stylish white plastic glasses at the campground. They’ve been missing for decades.

    @TheDiva (#227): Hmm. Knowing this strip, the girls will stop off at a Weenie World near the interview site for Bernice to clean up. While she’s in the toilet, another woman will be cleaning up grease and parking lot dirt off her dowdy outfit. They share their similar tales of woe and 15 minutes later they’re in the interview room. You can figure out the rest from here.

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#235): I am not clicking on that link.

    @Zla’od (#241): Wasn’t Patty (not Peppermint) a bitch or am I getting her confused with someone else?

  251. Holly Folly
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Oh no! Darrin’s bio dad is going to drink coffee! Possibly menacingly. Ha ha! The plot thickens. I bet next he going to go back to his hotel room and take a crap and also a shower. Possibly also menacingly. I’m on the edge of my seat here.

  252. Peanut Gallery
    May 7th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    @Holly Folly (#251): And then, in week five:

    “My name is Dennis,” he said menacingly.

  253. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#250):

    Peppermint Patty

    I wish I could put it inline so that it just showed up here. Tomboys can be awkward. With that in mind, Peppermint Patty was a fully realized character, done well enough.

    I’m not sure if that is the only cartoon where she acted like that. I want to say there was another one along the same theme. Maybe a week’s worth?

  254. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @hallyTOE (#233):

    Where’s that brother of mine?
    He is probably off fretting about Ziggy.
    Sometimes I worry about that boy.

    Oh, hallyTOE, sis.

    Fret not like the neck of a guitar that’s broken.
    I’m at peace with Ziggy.
    He/It would need to pull itself/himself out of the woodwork and antagonize me in order for me to begin lamenting its/his existence.

    So, don’t worry about me. That lil smock-wearing, mushroom-shaped, bread loaf footed freak of anti-nature is of no concern to me.

    True, hell can boil over and high waters can rise. Nothing is certain in life.
    For now:
    Oooooooohm. oooooooohhhhhmmmm.

    It would take something horrible in order for me to get apoplectic now.

    Oooooooohhhhhhmmmm. Oooooooooohhhhhhmmmm.

    Ohhhmmm. Ohmmmmm.

    Oh MY GOD!!!!!! It speaks!!!!!!When did that start up? Has it happened before?

    This. This changes everything. I know he can write but speaking Oy gevault! This is most unexpected. Concerning, even!

    I need a shot, post-haste! Where’s Andy Capp and his handicap when you need ‘im?

  255. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

  256. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    i think peppermint patty had little crises of confidence every now and again, like pretty much all of the ‘peanuts’ characters…

    i don’t think there was anything as *alive* on today’s comics page

  257. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]


    It/he is demanding, too?!

    I thought he just put up with everything life offered it/him and that life took away from him/it!

    Must chant…

    Noziggity Now! Noziggity Now! Noziggity Now!…

  258. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#247): I’m sorry, but Tuesday’s “Toilet Paper Roll Pun Quota” has already been filled, Neuman (he said with a sneer in his voice). And Josh doesn’t have a square to spare!

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#248): The Dora in the picture I posted is old enough to vote. She’s also old enough to remember when Chris Hansen and “To Catch a Predator” jokes were still topical.

  259. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    (Very) late mashups:

    - Excitement on Dennis’ bus ride
    - The truth behind that pizza delivery

    And last but certainly not least,

    - That kind of bad break.

  260. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#256):

    Seriously, I agree with you on both counts. The character, like the other “Peanuts” had emotional depth, like adults. That produced a complexity to them that allowed the characters to seem more “alive” than allowing them to come across as just a set of ciphers or as a set of props or, for that matter, as a set of cartoon characters.

  261. hallyTOE
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#254):

    Ha! You are such a card!

  262. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#260): did you notice how schulz made the dots kind of vibrate in that ellipsis in the last panel? i’m sure that was a deliberate thing to help convey just how unsettled patty was right then

  263. tallyHO
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @hallyTOE (#261):
    Apparently, indeed “I” am!

    @jim, some guy in iowa (#262):

    That’s a good catch. Most likely it was very intentional.
    One of the common interpretations of Charlie Brown’s shirt is that in using that zig-zag Schulz was indicating anxiety. Critiquing it as a design choice, sure. That makes sense.

    Schulz was very good at being subtle and that paid off in spades, in my opinion. Obviously he was good at what he did. So, yeah. The weeping ellipsis.

  264. Huckleberry Fink
    May 7th, 2013 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    Where’s the current installment of Rippin on Ripley’s? We wuz robbed!

    Guess I’ll have to sub for Rocky:

    Apparently, there are parts of Cape Town, South Africa where young men take out their front teeth.

    No mystery there, Mr. Ripley. Where I come from, folks call it “hockey”!

  265. Mr. O'Malley
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#250): Patty was one of the original characters and was fairly nice to start with. Later she teamed with Violet to be mean to Charlie Brown. Then some time around the late 1960s she stopped showing up at all. She was in the original stage show and got dropped from the revival.

  266. Droopy Says
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    The Asinine Spiderman: So the never-locked chains didn’t fall off as they would in the real world, and for some reason blindness makes you immune to the effects of gas, but oh my what clever trick will Kingpin pull out of his ass stick now? Or is its sudden appearance enough to confuse Parker?

    Family Circus: Say something to him, Thel. I always wondered which part of “No” Jeffy doesn’t understand.

    Funky’s Flunkies: “If It’s A Good Movie, It’s A Miracle!” Should a high-toned, serious artist like Tom Fucking Batiuk swipe material from a mere comedian like Mel Brooks?

    Gasoline Alley: Reminding us of the time when people took it for granted the comics would be funny.

    Mark Trail: “What worries me, Wes, is that we’ve just seen moose and squirrel! How did you manage to crash us in Frostbite Falls?”

    Phantom: I’d gasp, too, if my binoculars could give such a sharp and stable image from several miles up. You can almost seen the grain in Walker’s personality.

    Pluggers: Lowering property values since, like, forever.

  267. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#258) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#247): I’m sorry, but Tuesday’s “Toilet Paper Roll Pun Quota” has already been filled, Neuman (he said with a sneer in his voice). And Josh doesn’t have a square to spare!”

    Sorry. I have a cabinet full of puns, and sometimes I can’t resist pulling one out and posting it. I guess you could say that I roll with the pun chest.

  268. Majicou
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    FW: Oh, he thinks this is a private booth at a strip club. Betting is open on what deviant act one must perform in order to “cup a coffee.”

    Ziggy: What about Erin Esurance? She disappeared, and nobody cares! Where’s the 24-hour news coverage? Where are the tabloid headlines? Do the media only care about missing girls who are 3-dimensional?

    // Another fun fact, this one actually true: The GEICO Gecko

  269. Droopy Says
    May 7th, 2013 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    It would be perfect if it turns out that Frowning Frankie is the one who optioned the rights to Lisa’s story. “Les, baby, the money people love your script! They just want someone to make a few slight improvements. Let me introduce our script doctor–Doctor Moreau!”

  270. Baka Gaijin
    May 8th, 2013 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Wednesday’s Early Comments

    Kingpin, fast! Back Spidey into a brick wall. One’s bound to fall off and clock him on the head, maybe near the drainpipe to double your chances.

    Barney goes from Googley Eyes to Goggley Eyes in the third panel. No wonder he has trouble finding dates.

    Yawn. The most boringest couple has the most boringest things in common. That’s Tom and Beth in Mary Worth as if you couldn’t guess. Double-yawn.

  271. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 8th, 2013 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    Nancy: Nancy misunderstands what Sluggo means by “it” with unspeakably filthy results.

  272. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    May 8th, 2013 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Once again, the tiresome hack has his designated villain proclaim his own faults. Even Batiuk’s perpetual evil sneer on Frankie’s face is too subtle for Brooke.

  273. tallyHO
    May 8th, 2013 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    The look on the father’s face is precious. The righteous anger it conveys just says:
    “Now those mice have finally figured out a fool proof way to destroy the house! They are going to incur the wrath of God to smite us all! In the meantime, they ruined my plans for a Mac n Cheesy May!”

  274. Cloudbuster
    May 8th, 2013 at 4:23 am [Reply]

    MW: What the fuck, Tom? No fucking way do you like “strumming a ukelele on a boat!” Nobody likes that. Even ukelele players don’t like that! All ukelele players are secretly humiliated by their shameful practice! Beth was fucking with you!

  275. Mr O'Malley
    May 8th, 2013 at 5:07 am [Reply]

    MW: So like verse 2 of this song?

    The sheet music cover shown on the video looks like it was done by John Held Jr, leading cartoonist of the Jazz Age.

  276. James D.
    May 8th, 2013 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    FW: Actually that wasn’t Darrin’s bio-dad who left his business card. It was actually the 14th President of the United States, Franklin Pierce, who’s on a last-ditch effort for any young person to remember his name.

    MT: Mark appears to have shaved during the course of today’s “action”. Guess he didn’t want punch himself.

    Cranky: It’s funny because Ed thinks people are nice to him

  277. Rocky Stoneaxe
    May 8th, 2013 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#267): You should try COMposting your puns like Arlo and Janis do. It’s good for the environment — and you’ll feel better about yourself!

  278. gleeb
    May 8th, 2013 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Patient has memory problems and a tendency to cover them up with unrealistic expectations.

    ‘bean: No phone number, no email, no address. When doing business in Cancerdeathville, make sure no one knows how to contact you. I like this Frank Pierce more and more.

    Thalia’s Crocodile Tears: Let me guess, you say something that costs Neddy another 50 grand.

    Trail: Wow, Mark, don’t out-and-out threaten the guy with cannibalism right off. Jolly him along for a while first.

  279. greghousesgf
    May 8th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#201): there used to be a Snoopy’s Ice Cream place in Berkeley but it went out of business, largely because it was really overpriced.

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