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It’s not like it’d be a good realty TV show

Funky Winkerbean, 5/25/13

Oh, hey, I guess I’ve been neglectful of the great Darrin/Frankie confrontation because it’s been … kind of boring? Considering the air of menace that surrounded his earlier appearances, Frankie’s ultimate goal — to put together some kind of ill-conceived reality show about his reunion with Darrin (which, say, shouldn’t they be getting footage right now?) seems relatively harmless. The worst of it is that, since all right-thinking people are assumed to loathe reality television despite its massive popularity, this plot gives Darrin and Jessica the opportunity to indulge in righteous indignation, which is my third-least-favorite Funkyverse emotion, just behind smug self-satisfaction and sexual arousal.

Spider-Man, 5/23/13

Kingpin is a busy, successful entrepreneur, and in his best-selling business memoir Faster! Work Faster!, he taught a generation of CEOs how to extract maximum terrified efficiencies from their employees. But recent challenges in Kingpin’s career have demonstrated that there’s more to being a great manager than just cowing your subordinates. In his new book, Not Without My Minions: Why It’s Better To Be Loved Than Feared But Being Fear-Loved Is Best Of All, he explains that organizational downturns can be used as an opportunity to build loyalty in the face of adversity and gather a fanatically dedicated core team who will stick with you when times get tough. Have your personal assistant look for in the increasingly sparse places where books are sold!

Momma, 5/23/13

Ha ha, it’s funny because nobody likes Momma! I sort of expected that the doctor would be cowering in fear of his relentless hypochondriac nemesis, but instead he regards her with an evil grin, delighting in the way he’s unsettled her, which is frankly a much darker scenario.

Mark Trail, 5/23/13

Meanwhile, in Mark Trail, all this is happening, against a background of apocalyptic flame! Do killer grizzly bears really have adorable pudgy butts like in panel three? Because if so, awwwwww.

211 responses to “It’s not like it’d be a good realty TV show”

  1. Rusty
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:25 am [Reply]

    MT: No animals were harmed in the drawing of this comic strip. Can’t say the same for Cherry’s North Face fleece coat.

    FW: In the FW universe, Lisa’s Story had to have been a massive best seller for this to make any sense at all. Except it wasn’t about her date rape and Bio-son.

  2. Downpuppy 12 Cents
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    It’s nice to see Kingpin trying to get into the 6-foot sub he built with a kit he ordered from a comic comic book when he was a kid. Because tradition.

  3. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Grizzly bears eat nuts and fruit when they get them, don’t they? Including presumably cherries? Mark is interfering the order of nature, is what I’m saying.

  4. Downpuppy 12 Cents
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy 12 Cents (#2): A comic comic book? Oh well - banzaiiiiiiii!

  5. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    Also, the bear had changed place and jumped three metres back between panels. So that’s gratuitous animal cruelty. SPCA!!!

  6. CanuckDownSouth
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    RMMD: I remember Voice of Fire – some of Widdle Sawah’s stuff probably is better. The only question is whether her precocious vocabulary is up to the buzzword-slinging descriptive task necessary to get it taken serioussly.

  7. KreatureFeatures
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    @Downpuppy 12 Cents (#2): It’s the best $6.98 Kingpin ever spent.

  8. Jack Scat
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    FW Silly man, doesn’t he realize that only Les is allowed to exploit and capitalize on Lisa’s death.

  9. bats :[
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Dear God in Heaven, FW is on the skids. Boring, boing, boring, and I hate to disagree with Josh, but NO air of menace. Dissing reality shows is old hat now — which is generally what Batuik wear when he jumps on the bandwagon.

  10. Stooges Woman :-)
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Momma: sounds like the doctor’s been brushing up on his reading; “I See You Never” was a 1947 short story by the late great Ray Bradbury. Perhaps in the next strip Momma will try to bribe him with her homemade Dandelion Wine.

  11. jim, some guy in iowa
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    rex looks really *strange* in the second panel – is this strip headed for ‘baby blues’ territory?

    the last couple of 9cl strips have been funny to look at so long as i don’t read what’s in the dialogue balloons – doesn’t make up for pibgore, though

  12. Peanut Gallery
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Heh. “Realty TV” is never good. Just a bunch of house listings in endless rotation.

  13. PriceCheck
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    “Look–Kingpin is making the standard villain’s exit without remembering about his cohorts! Dramatic tension rises as we realize we’ve been working for a man who didn’t care about our safety and readers wonder whether or not we’ll escape this predicament ourselves!
    No no, wait–there’s another sub. I guess we got everyone all worked up over nothing.”

    On a lighter note, we now know that Kingpin is roughly four times the size of the average male.

  14. bemibet
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – I see they’re wearing submarines tight around the hips this season.

  15. Alter Ego
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    love is… never having quite enough icing to cover the whole cake.

  16. Alter Ego
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    love is… not being sure if you’re supposed to eat the tiny naked people, or if they’re just for decoration.

  17. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    MT – The grizzly, now enraged after being grazed by Mark’s bullet, attacks Cherry in full force as viciously as any respectable grizzly would. Mark attempts another shot but Wes, being a professional zookeeper well known for wearing his trademark tiger fur hat banded fedora, shoves the barrel of Mark’s rifle downward causing it to fire through the hull of the canoe forcing the two of them into the blazing waters of Lake Inferno.

    Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Sunday Mark Trail where a scientific report explains the reason a careless camper could cause a moose to cause a forest fire which could cause a panic followed by a febal rescue attempt followed by a massive volcanic eruption on Slumber Mountain followed by a lava flow covering the lake and surrounding areas of the southern part of the state followed by an abrupt end to a well intended attempt at providing the readers with a good story.

  18. John C Fremont
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    FC – Yeah, I remember back when I was a kid, sitting around watching The Graduation Channel, or TGC as we called it, wearing our pastel sweaters which was the style at the time.

    FW – “Real stories! Real people! Real action! And reality was never like this!”

    “And, God willing, you’re gonna like it a lot!”

  19. Hart of Johnny
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail is so unrealistic. My rifle never makes a sound like “POW”. It goes “pew pew pew!”

  20. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    MT – “Mark, the bear is attacking Cherry! And LOOK at those thin ribbon of clouds floating by Cherry and the bear. They look like the type used to depict aromas.”
    I SEE IT! IT IS AN AROMA CLOUD AND IT SMELLS LIKE PANCAKES! QUICK, WES! HELP ME PADDLE TWOARD THAT PANCAKE AROMA CLOUD!

    “But, Mark, WHAT about Cherry and Shelley?”

    “They can find their own pancakes!”

  21. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Looks like the Kingpin is having trouble getting into his sub. “Why can’t Detroit make sub hatches big enough for the hefty guys?”

    A3G-And with you back in the picture she’s reverted back to being a child instead of being a bitter middle age woman.

    Love Is-That’s not a cake. Cakes are giant pink cylinders.

    MT-Thus ends Mark’s attempt to kill Cherry and blame it on poor marksmanship when he was trying to shoot the bear.

  22. krugmanic depressive
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    MT: Not pictured: the bear flinging Cherry like a rag doll between panels 1 & 3 and dropping her back on the rocks after pivoting her 180º. Graphic opportunity squandered.

  23. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    Mutts: It’s nut vs. nut when Bip (or is it Bop?) bonks MAD magazine cover boy Alfred E. Neuman on the head. What, me worry?

    Six Chix: I’m encouraged that she’s reading Gaston Leroux’s “The Phantom of the Opera” instead of crap like “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Lady, are you sure you didn’t wander into this strip by mistake?

  24. bats :[
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

  25. bats :[
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @Stooges Woman :-) (#10): truly, something wicked this way comes…

  26. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    @Hart of Johnny (#19): I know. When I first saw today’s strip I figured the “POW!” would be followed by a “ZING!” by the bullet doing a little creative landscaping across the grizzly’s butt.

    //…that or Batman and Robin would show up and add some “SPLAT! SMACK! ZOONK! KAPOW!” to add to the realism of this story.

  27. TheDiva
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    FW: I’m sure this is all a set-up to demonstrate that (gasp!) so-called “reality” television is in fact very staged, scripted, and phony, phony, phony–a revelation that will no doubt come as a shock to everyone who’s been living in a cave since the turn of the millenium.

    MT: Great, now the bear’s going to attack him instead!

    SM: That sub is clearly not designed for the big and tall gentleman. Who knew Abercrombie & Fitch were in the escape vehicle business?

  28. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    MT – Boy-oh boy! The annual Memorial Day Weekend flights carring tourists over the Slumber Mountain wilderness area will be a sensational hit THIS year!

  29. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    MT – “Do you see a way out of this mess for any of us, Mark?”
    “Hard to say, Wes … say, have you and Shelley ever given any thought to cemation?”

  30. Shrug: Thirty Minutes or I'm Free
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    ASM: Interesting back story on these. Getting a little tired of pizza, the Kingpin had called the local Sub Shop to see if they deliver. He was a bit surprised when the pimply kid rang the Alcatraz doorbell and delivered two naval vessels instead of the meatball, toasted, pepper jack cheese and extra black olives twelve-inchers he’d expected, but he now sees that it turned out to be a fortunate error on his part.

    ////He didn’t tip the delivery kid though. Supervillains have an oath about that sort of thing.

  31. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#29): That’s CREMATION…Not cemation. Dang typos!

  32. TheDiva
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    A3G: In today’s panel one the role of Cole will be played by David Hasselhoff.

    C’shaft: Well, at least one person is happy about this development.

    Marvin: And again, Mom couldn’t have watched Marvin while Dad was at the movie….why, precisely?

    MW: Psst, Eleanor…you didn’t hear it from me, but they say a bottle of hard liquor and a cut brake line can do wonders for getting rid of pesky gentlemen callers…

  33. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    MT – After Mark’s bullet grazes the butt of the bear it hits the tree Shelley has climbed up into causing the scared bear cub to run up the tree and cuddle into Shelley’s arms. Shelley, with her emotions through the roof at this point, embraces the little furry critter and eventually adopts him since the two of them are the only known survivor’s of the famous forest fire of Slumber Mountain. Shelley and the bear cub go on to fame and fortune after hit the road with her new business venture, SHELLEY THOMPSON’S BIG TOP CIRCUS AND GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH . Since Shelley’s business sucsess is funded by her husbands life insurance she feels it only right that she wear Wes’s favorite tiger skin hatbanded fedora during each performance as ringmaster.

  34. odinthor
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Yesssssssssssss! [does fist pump.] Nate’s COTW had me laughing to tears all day the day it first ran—even still that evening at the gym, where my attempts at maintaining the de rigueur contemptuous snarly affect quickly melted into giggling which will take me some time to live down. Among the greats! Best wishes to Nate. But shouldn’t “Fin” be all caps?

  35. Marc
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    A3G- “Marty’s a survivor. We both are. I have this horrie condition whereupon face is constantly changing shapes and Marty bounces back and forth between a being a miserable 50 year old woman and an overly excited 14 year old girl. But somehow we manage to get along.”

  36. Dr.Midnight
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    On the Comics Kingdom websites, Lennie Gant (Funky Winkerbean) has been recolored as a white character. Where is Josh getting the version where he is still black?

  37. Illustrator Steve
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    MT – I’ve heard of DISCO INFERNO but this is the first time I’ve heard of a bullet causing a RUPTURED DISK during the inferno!

    (Wes): “Hey, Mark. This firey water reminds my of that song Disco Inferno…did you and Cherry ever do any disco dancing, Mark?”

    “Yes, Wes. I figured out how to dico dance on my own. It was actually quite easy, Wes. Let me stand up in this canoe and demonstrated for you. Watch my feet… DIS go here and DIS go there! See how easy that was, Wes?”

    “Yeah, right. …Um, Mark, if we happen to survive this inferno I suggest you stick to doing what you know best, like casting lures or causing environmental havoc rather than, say, applying to appear on Dancing with the Stars!

  38. Irrischano
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    I was originally going to take issue with how the L’s in Funky Winkerbean look too much like half-assed W’s, but the word “Sweazebawws” is now in my lexicon, so no worries.

  39. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#9): I think a visit to the governor of the Moon Colony will clear that right up, don’t you?

  40. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    FW-Darrin, don’t throw them out yet. Wait until they make you an offer.

    Slylock Fox-”I think it was number three who gave me the bad haircut.”

    Archie-Jughead, the forgotten love child of Dagwood Bumstead.

  41. pugfuggly
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    FW Once again I’m a little confused as to how this translates into a whole series. Frankie comes back, has a chat Darin, maybe Les shows up for an interview and then….what? Maybe it’s more of a Punk’d format, and secret cameras are rolling right now capturing the indignation of Darin and his wife while Frankie and co. (actually improv actors) bait them with their smarmy Hollywood creep cliches? Once things reach a fever pitch and Darin is about to hit someone, the real producer jumps out of a closet door and tells them their the latest victims in the hilarious new reality series So You Think You’re Emotionally Stable?. At that point, Gordon Ramsey, Paula Abdul and David Hasslehoff emerge from a hidden booth to give them a score out of 10 and let them know if they’ve won a year of therapy…

    Just spitballin’ here…

    ASM Big enough for the four of you? Yeesh, I hope there’s a whole other section of that sub below water or that is going to be one cramped, sweaty, oxygen-deprived trip across the bay…

    Momma So Momma just brings that tiny chair with her wherever she goes, huh? Maybe that’s what that platform hat is for.

    MT Cherry assumed that it was the campfire that started the forest fire, but I’m starting to suspect that it might just be a side effect of the sun going nova.

  42. Crankenstank
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    If what happens to Momma is another result of Obamacare and its death panels…sign me up!

  43. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-You’re not going to die. When the prison guards find out why the prison is flooding they’ll arrest you.

  44. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    MT-Now you’ve done it, Mark, you’ve just made the bear mad.

  45. Shran
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    FW: So, the big secret/reveal is that reality-TV is stupid? You know, I actually allowed myself to have some hope for this storyline – that the big reveal would be that Frankie didn’t actually date-rape Lisa, that she’d been lying about what really happened for all these years and that Frankie was actually an alright guy trying to set the record straight with his son. I really need to slap myself senseless for being so damn stupid and giving Batuik that much credit!

  46. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    The bear may have gotten the best of Cherry, but it was a fierce struggle, as evidenced by the missing chunk of bear.

  47. John C Fremont
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    This just in, Archie and Jughead hold hands on the way to school.

  48. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: The Daily Ink commentors are full of speculation that the abrupt shift in character styles in today’s episode indicates there’s a new artist at work. Seems more likely that Shulock forced Bolle into drawing a new character and collected on the drinks tab in between panels.

    The Better Half: Somebody just did this gag, but who? Bizarro?

    I didn’t think such a thing was possible, but 9 Chickweed Lane makes me a fan of the prospect of mass casualties from global warming.

    Crock: The bookmobile in today’s strip is so similar to the sweatboxes used in other gags that it was a surprise to find the librarian didn’t emerge from an oversized keyhole. And that is all you need to know about the worldview of Bill Rechin.

    Dennis the Menace: The Mitchells are…Presbyterians? Reformed? I need to start tracking these things, because of things.

    Herman: Having used a few rowing machines in my time*, I can testify that no woman has worn a matching hat and dress like that in at least thirty-five years.

    Mark Trail: It should be noted that TRMT delivered on his promise of a megafauna attack, and thanks for that. Still outstanding: Cherry in a bikini, possibly dancing on the beach with that bear.

    Pibgorn: Give McEldowney a little credit here: I would have said trolling his awful comics was like a Bataan death march, possibly being incarcerated in a Soviet gulag.

  49. Downpuppy Hammered
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    The realty show makes sense when you realize Frankie & Darrin could double for Bob Vila & Ty Pennington.

  50. terrapin
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    MW: “That MAN! That…Tom watzitsface man! Stupid…MAN!…MAN!”

    Love is… not the icing! Love is the foundation. Sex is the icing.

    MT: “Damn, man! You shot my butt! I wasn’t gonna eat her, I was gonna drag her closer to the lake! See the fire? You didn’t have to shoot my butt!”

  51. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MT-”He’s coming right for us.”

    FW-Sorry it’s only reality radio shows or nothing for Darrin.

  52. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    rIP: Monty Python did this skit better.

    NAoQV: I can’t hate on this.

    SBp: this one either.

    Zits: all together now, WHY NOT?

    JP: I suddenly feel like motorboating. . . .

    Mutts: ahhh, the classics. (Little A, I believe this one’s for you?)

    Retail: that’s what the autoscanners are for.

  53. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . licking the frosting.

  54. Will
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    A3G: What the hell happened to the art in the first panel? Even Luann isn’t drawn correctly.

    Garfield: Take that, “Garfield minus Garfield!”

  55. damanoid
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Today’s FunkyFace WinkerBingo: SMIRK SCOWL SMIRK SCOWL SNARL SCOWL SMIRK

    Also, fairness demands props to Larry Lieber in Spider-Man, for working in a fat joke about the hugely fat villain that is both funny and subtle.

  56. Ian Beste
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Love Is… Giving her frosting instead of a creampie.

    Dennis the Annoying Why is there an Italian waiter behind Dennis?

    @Dr.Midnight (#36): I think it’s more of a deep Southern California tan known as the “douchebag bronze.” Common on real estate agents, luxury car salesmen and small-time movie/TV producers.

  57. Morgan Wick
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Is St. Lisa the Cancerous really so big a celebrity that people would tune in to watch her “lost love” reunite with their “love child”? Having her story be turned into some sort of Lifetime original movie is one thing, but this just shows that Batiuk thinks Westview is the center of the universe and everyone cares about every little thing that happens there.

  58. DaveP
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    And now we know: Cherry is a better outdoors-man than Mark!
    Why, she can nail a beer can at a hundred yards:
    http://joshreads.com/images/13/04/i130422marktrail.jpg
    Whereas Mark can only graze a bear at 50.

  59. Jim in Wisc.
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Josh, where did you get that Funky Winkerbean from? Because in the version some of us see on the Comics Kingdom website, this week Lenny has been whiter than a new snow.

  60. Jim in Wisc.
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Melonhead Circus: The same reason you wear clothing that went out of fashion when Eisenhower was President.

    Meddlin’ Mary: If this story doesn’t end with Elinor spilling Tom’s blood, I’m not going to be happy.

    Rapey Cancerstrokebean: If Dar(r)in says no, the show doesn’t happen and the con job is over before it starts. Not a well thought out plot, Mr. T.B.

  61. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    border collies, yeah, they’re like that.

    they forgot the part of the pie-chart that mentions getting blazed in the parking lot prior.

    R.O.U.S.? I don’t believe they exist.

    meanwhile, in other parts of Lost Forest.

    beagle brainmush.

    ikkle tigerhugz.

    Nothing derps like a Deer!

    immeasurable pupsquee for bb,u.

  62. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    MT:

    Wes: Mark! You missed the bear! Shoot again!

    Mark: I can’t. That was my only bullet.

    Wes: Your only bullet? Why do you only have one bullet?

    Mark: That’s all Andy will allow me to have. [*]

  63. Mibbitmaker
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    FW: This strip is awful and soul-crushing for all the reasons we’re all too aware of. However, as a comment on “reality” shows, it’s actually pretty awesome.
    (as long as that TV genre continues to donimate the airwaves, attacking “reality” shows never gets old with me!)

    Momma: “Hippocratic Oath, my ass!”

    MT, meta: When that bear was a baby bear, she starred in a Coppertone ad. (resisting bear butt-bare butt joke)

  64. SPGx
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Stooges Woman :-) (#10): You know how something like 15% of Americans will love any mention of Jane Austen just because? I hate that. But I am exactly the same way about Bradbury.

  65. Poteet
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#41): If I had a float, your MT comment would ride.

  66. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Our own Alfred E. Neuman guest stars in today’s Mutts.

    Nut meets nut.

  67. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    It’s been a while since I commented on the old boy.

    K-POW!
    Grrrrrrrrrrrr?
    (Wes, sitting in the canoe, starts to beatbox: Boom-Shk BoomBoomBoom Shk…)
    (Mark waves his gun in the air, shakes his butt like he’s a reckless hunter, who just don’t care!)

    Cherry’s pissed. Sherry’s missing.

    However, Grizzly B is busting a move; Grizzly B is stuck in a groove; Shake it, Grizzly B!

  68. Poteet
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    JP — Sam isn’t my type, but I do appreciate the effort to provide some equal opportunity.

  69. Missal
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    ASM: Will you just look at that horrible dress the Kingpin is trying to put on? I tell you, clothing designers have no respect for plus-plus-sized people.

  70. Poteet
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    MT — Mama Grizzly is quietly telling Cherry that she was a complete and total dumbass with that propane tank. Mama Grizzly is right. Quit shooting at Mama Grizzly.

  71. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#67):

    Grooving bear. They have kits for that.

  72. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#68):

    I wouldn’t think you’d go for a cartoon man. You probably enjoy the real thing!

  73. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Go, Grizzly! Go, Grizzly! Go, Grizzly B!

    Say what?!?

    Funky Winkerbean’s Reality Show Slappy Hour?
    No way that is successful unless people can win the chance to get on the show and joining in on the Slap-fest of this Drama-ladened Dramamine Requiring Dram of Damnation.
    Where’s the 1-800 number?

    Heathcliff
    hmmm. I’m not sure how I feel about Heathcliff dabbling in irony. I’ve seen both orange cones and orange cats that were hit by cars. Doubling up might be like an invitation for some people.

    Other than that qualm, Go, Heathcliff! Go, Heathcliff! Go, Heathcliff, Go!

    Herbicous Tea & Jinseng So, the name of their restaurant is “Heart and Soul” yet it features a stylized logo of an H and a J.

    I could see Herb being the Heart, but, does that mean that Jamaal is the result of bad juju? He’s a phallic-headed zombie/best friend, right?

    Go, Undead! Go, Undead! Go, Undead, Go!

  74. agony
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Is this the most action-filled Mark Trail ever?

  75. hibbleton
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    FC: Billy really is a dick. The murderous intent is understandable but making PJ dig his own little grave is crossing the line.

  76. Bill Peschel
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Reality TV? Darn, I was hoping that biopop fathered both kids, Luke and Leia style.

  77. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Nancy
    Please allow me to be serious for a moment.
    Granted I don’t normally exhibit such seriousness, but I’m feeling a touch Peter Graves-like this morning.

    Nancy has been doing cartwheels for days. Today we see the gravity of this situation as we view Sluggo, that irascible, little scamp, from Tumbling Nancy’s perspective. The only problem is Nancy has only been shown as being in the 180 degree position of being upside. Every day this week, her cartwheels have been shown to be more like her hopping around on her hands than spinning like a, dare I write it, like a pinwheel!

    This madness needs to stop. There’s at least two other positions which could be drawn to show the girl in cartwheeling and for some reason the artist is denying the audience the chance to judge for themselves whether or not Nancy is capable of cartwheeling or if she is instead tripping her head on mescaline and hopping around in an endless loop of recycled drawings.

    Don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think Nancy deserves an A&E Biography until this matter is fixed. Granted, he’s at least showing that she is capable of wearing plaid shorts and not just plaid skirts. I’m grateful for that, provided I don’t try to discern why she needs to wear plaid. What is this the 1950s? Of course it isn’t!

    This is Peter Graves from Beyond the Grave for CC’s Music Factory Biography.

  78. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    MT: Something has been bothering me about this whole thing. An exploding propane tank of that size isn’t going to set fire to the woods–although it would have turned the tents into sieves (and Cherry and Sherry) with lots of nifty shrapnel. (come to think of it, “Cherry and Sherry” sounds like some sort of faux-retro cocktail).

    Anyway, this is certainly going to sour Sherry and her husband on camping forever-Plane crashes, exploding cooking equipment, forest fires, and rampaging bears. Who in their right minds would go near the woods after that? -I confess that I wonder what the writer thinks he’s doing.

    FW: Bleah. Nobody would ever care about that. Even TMZ wouldn’t give a fuck.

  79. ralph
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    MT: I’ll have to consider actually looking at the last couple weeks. They were near the water and bizarrely took off for a tree, which was a substantial distance away and also closer to the bears. They got to the tree and Shelley is apparently up it, but Cherry got grabbed by the bear and is again by the water. ??? The drawing and color are nice, and there’s a lot going on, but the actions themselves don’t make much sense. Perhaps the land action is in a much smaller space, and the boat much further away than they appear.

    FW: This doesn’t make much sense either, but I absolutely will not review the actual strips. We still don’t know what version of events is correct, especially given Uncle Lumpy’s reference to the Lisa tape in which she said only that they “weren’t in love”. I don’t know that it has ever been revealed what Darrin himself thinks the real story is. A father (and occasionally a mother) resurfacing decades later when they sense there’s money to be made may be reprehensible but it’s not unheard of.

    FW: Frankie’s sidekick’s ability to alter his skin color must come in handy in wandering through different neighborhoods, and even handier if he wanted to knock over a convenience store.

    RMMD: Here we go again. Sarah, I’ve seen an example of your art. Even granting (which I’m not) that your stuff is better than some of the museum’s stuff, it’s not good enough for the museum. Which should be all Rex needs to say. I’m pretty democratic about people being entitled to find their own means of expression, and to put it before the public. But not much of that output deserves to be in a museum, including, in my opinion, much of what IS in museums, both those devoted to “contemporary” art, and those emphasizing past movements and periods.

    RMMD: In real life, due to a fear of bad publicity otherwise, Sarah would get her interview with the museum head, be complimented on her work, perhaps referred to the in-house art instruction programs, and then politely but firmly ushered out. in the RM/JP world she’ll probably get a show. Lord knows that Sophie would.

  80. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    So, I was looking for Jim Davis’ Mr. Potato head strip. I figured I could mix it into today’s Mark Trail for some hilarious hijinx.

    Instead, I found this. Before I saw that I believed my imagination to be boundless. However, after I saw this, my head is now tied up into knots.

    Oh well. Onward with my search for Mr. Potato head comics….

  81. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    You probably don’t want to get me started talking about animal butts.

  82. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#77):

    You? Serious?

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard today!

  83. the REAL Mark Trail
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#48): THANKS for the kind words, BUT… TRUST ME there is even more MEGA megafauna coming soon. “That story” has been approved and I am putting final touches on it now! and even bigger things are one the horizon!! Tomorrow’s Sunday page…. let’s just say I’ve become interested in Ratites as of late. :)

  84. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    RMMD-If you are visiting the art gallery in “Apartment 3G” then they might buy your work.

  85. KreatureFeatures
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: I believe an M-80 in Mr. Wilson’s mailbox is in order.

  86. A-wel Cruiz
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Archie: So Jughead just stopped talking, and picked up his conversation right where he left off at lunch? Why do characters in fiction do this? Sorry, it’s a bit of a pet peeve of mine.

    Funky Winkerbean: Whoever does the colouring needs to get Lenny’s skin tone straight. He’s tan or black here, but Comics Kingdom has him white. What’s the deal?

    As for his show pitch, it still sounds more watchable than Here Comes Honey Boo-boo. Or most of TLC’s lineup for that matter.

    Beetle Bailey: Sarge is a sore loser, expressed in four syllables. Is that the joke?

    Hi and Lois: But aren’t those trailers approved for ALL audiences, Hi? Or did they actually show a red band trailer before a family film? If so, you have grounds for a lawsuit. GET GIL THORP ON THE PHONE!

  87. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#80):

    my head is now tied up into knots.

    Oooh, kinky…

  88. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#83): Shelly gets et by an ostrich??!! Awesome!

  89. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Waitasecond! Hold the phone! Call Aunt Jemihma and tell her that her jacks are flapping out of control! Then if you have the patience, let her complain about the difficulties of her life as a fictional character of a questionable nature; let her spill her guts out, if you can stand getting stuck in that situation, that is.

    Comic Strip Spider Man (no relation to the opening paragraph, yes. Yes, I realize that now) CS Spidey and the Kingpin….

    Waitasecond!
    The Kingpin is getting into a “pocket sub”???????????????

    I think what we are actually witnessing is that the Kingpin has had too many subs in his pockets which he has shoved into his big, fat maw making him the King-Sized man he is today.

    No, I refuse to believe that man is climbing into a “pocket sub”. If anything, he is demonstrating a desperate cry for help. Frankly I’m surprised he didn’t jump onto a giant Hogie Bun, grab a top of a Hogie Bun and then try to paddle away. We know why he didn’t though, don’t we?

    He already ate the damn giant bun, that’s why. This “pocket sub” seems to be made of metal. So that is probably the only reason why he hasn’t eaten that yet. However, there is still the chance that it is the same kind of metal like those little silver, edible balls that are used to adorn cakes for the delight of people who like edible balls.

    If the “pocket sub” is made of that same edible balls material then Kingpin ain’t making out of that place alive. Heck, he probably won’t even make out of there with a full belly.

  90. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#83): “Emu, Joe! It’s the pork of the future!”

  91. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#83):

    Is there any chance future Sunday strips will be done on cryptozoological curiosities that can’t possibly exist, like the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and Ziggy?

    Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure anyone could disprove their existence, but, with Ziggy, I don’t even know what it is supposed to be. So, I’m curious.

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#90): for those who don’t remember the ad, it’s about 14 seconds in.

  93. Ross
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Good to see that Christopher Walken is still getting work.

  94. A-wel Cruiz
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#32): Marvin: And again, Mom couldn’t have watched Marvin while Dad was at the movie….why, precisely?

    Obviously because it would interfere with her playing Farmville on that MacBook knockoff, of course. PRIORITIES!

  95. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Love Songs of Mistopher Trendy, or, The Love Song of 80 Proof Likker Drunk

    If I could steal wine in a bottle
    The first thing I’d be likely ta do
    Is don a chicken suit
    and escort a coupla hens
    to muh house, straight from the coop

    Then we’d marinate and ruminate
    telling of good cluck stories and bad
    The only thing that would turn me right off
    is if one of the chickens called me “Dad.”

    (old, folkie acoustic guitar solo)
    (one minute later)

    We’d have a fine meal, supplied from another theft,
    We’d have a fine time, I would wear my cockiest vest,
    We’d enjoy the fruits of another’s labor
    And, once drunk, those hens would return the favor.

    I’d make like Hannibal Lectur
    Add some flower, simmer some nectar
    Just don’t lecture me about poulle de vin
    This here’s just dinner for chicken-stealin’ men!
    And, the wimmin folk who cook up their grub!

    Hyuck!

    tallyHO: Bastardizing Jim Crotchey songs since he began confusing them with Thames Jaylor songs in the 1970s. Decades of puzzling excellence!

  96. The REAL Ziggy
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#91): I don’t believe in you so you don’t exist.

  97. Briane Pagel
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Today in Spider-Math: The Transitive Property Of Evil:

    1 Kingpin = 4 Henchman.

    Where, exactly, is The Kingpin going to go once he wedges himself through that porthole? The top of the sub appears properly torpedo-shaped, but are we to assume there is a bulbous bottom, as though someone had waterproofed a metal pear and attached it to a submarine?

    Also: is it just me, or is what’s-his-name, in the Funky Winkerbean, FAR MORE terrifying than Kingpin? The way you have these posts in order really brings that out. I would rather face a dozen laser-cane (Patent Pending) wielding Kingpins (which in Spidey-Math = 48 henchmen) than one Blonde Kid Who Can Retract His Teeth In A Rictus Of Murderous Anger.

    And if that kid gets that mad over a proposal to make him rich and famous, what about when someone tries to do something even NICER for him?

    “Hey, kid, I thought I’d use the proceeds from your reality show to set up a trust fund for your own kids, and the extra profits from it have funded this shelter for pregnant teens.”

    “I SHALL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR CHILDREN’S CHILDREN. I SHALL TRACK DOWN ALL WHO SHARE YOUR DNA AND WIPE THEM FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. I SHALL ENSURE THAT NO MENTION OF YOU, NO TRACE OF YOU, NOT THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF YOU EVER BESMIRCHES THE MOUTHS OR MINDS OF HUMANITY AGAIN!”

    *explodes in hellfire, incinerating his girlfriend, who was holding him back.*

  98. Gal Friday
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#83):

    I was thinking of you and your “shrike” strip from a Sunday long ago: Because I’m reading Randall Jarrell’s excellently acid/comic novel about college life–Pictures from an Institution–and in the first chapter the narrator describes a horribly spiky campus statue–so spiky that the shrikes have moved their homes to it! And I knew what a shrike was thanks to you!

  99. SPG
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Gal Friday (#98): As a youngster, I loved Beast Wars: Transformers and was really hoping they’d eventually introduce a transformer who was a shrike in beast mode. Alas…

  100. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Ziggy (#96):

    Oh, ZigZig.
    I didn’t say you don’t exist. I just don’t know what you are.

    As for me, I’m just a ho who keeps score. It’s a living.

  101. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

  102. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth
    Man, that cross-dressing old man looks awfully murdery.

  103. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Bizarro-Jeremy Duncan the early years.

  104. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    pluggers
    aaaaaaAAAAAAARGH!
    Well, what does that make the chicken lady and her freaky “hair style”?
    ugh.
    A bit of my Jamaal has slipped away.

  105. Nehemiah Scudder
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Herb & J.: Gee, Rev. Croom, why don’t you say that out loud? Then the person you are talking to will explain that he KNOWS Harry Potter and Star Wars are works of fiction. I think even little kids know that HP and SW are just stories.

    // As for the Bible, opinions vary, don’t they?

  106. Amos Snarkadder
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#24): Yes, yes, yes! Nothing like an open bathrobe to stir some sizzle in these dull stories…

    MW Well, so much for Tom’s and Beth’s short-lived romance. But don’t be dismayed, there’s still hope for romance among the more mature residents of Charterstone.

    Ah! The hazards of the heart. And the hazards of slick synthetic fabrics…

  107. TimP
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    MT: The bear does not understand Mark’s hostility towards it. – Credit where due, this was inspired by one of the sites ads for merchandise.

  108. Withering Heights
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Strokey Cancerbean: If you ever find yourself in Ohio, this map will enable you to tell if you are near a good writer or a bad one.

  109. The Ridger
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @A-wel Cruiz (#86): So Jughead just stopped talking, and picked up his conversation right where he left off at lunch? Why do characters in fiction do this? Sorry, it’s a bit of a pet peeve of mine. Back before “House” got bad, there was an episode in which he was shot; we then watched him recuperating and walking around the hospital with his minions. There was a conversation just like that, where we’d see them go out a room and then they were walking up the stairs, and so on. It turned out to be an hallucination House was having as he was lying on the floor bleeding from being shot, but it took a long time for us, the viewers, to realize that what we were accepting as conventions (they don’t show us characters walking down a hall, riding an elevator, etc; they just jump cut) was the clue that it wasn’t happening.

    But yeah: especially in comics, there’s a lot of conversations like that. I don’t know why. WHHYYYYYY????

  110. The REAL Ziggy
    May 25th, 2013 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#100): To tell the truth I don’t know what I am either. I never knew my birth parents and I was raised by Alpine Dodos. They were really into Wagnerian opera and named me Siegfried. They were a bit confused about S’s and Z’s so my name came out as Ziegfried or Ziggy for short. Ha ha. That’s funny because I’m short too. But Alpine Dodos do not wear pants so I didn’t wear pants. When I was introduced to civilization, I couldn’t bring myself to wearing pants. Some habits die hard. I guess you could say that I’m addicted to no pants.

    Well, I spilled my guts to you so how about you. What are you? You say you’re a ho. Are hos like whos and can you be heard by a Horton? Inquiring Zigs want to know.

  111. GoldyShrug and the One Bear
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    MT: Bear — “Does this bullet wound make my butt look big?”

  112. Uncle Lumpy
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @the REAL Mark Trail (#83):

    … I’ve become interested in Ratites as of late.

    A Ratite is a fossilized rat. Wild, perhaps, but not “life”!

  113. bbofun
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL- Okay- Sven’s just trolling them now- I began to suspect it when he talked about taking a shower (in, I believe, Edda’s mom’s house) rather than just going home, but now, it’s pretty much certain.

    A3G & RMMD- did the interns take over the art chores for the day?

    ASM- As the Kingpin is EEEEVVVVIIILLL, I must conclude that the second sub will not work.

    MW- “It’s all the fault of that man! Tom Harpman! Harpman! I must destroy Harpman!”

    And thus was Harp-Man’s greatest nemesis, THE CRONE, born! And the world trembled!

    FW- First, to repeat the programming note of a few days ago- in-universe, the fact that Frankie date-raped (or, rather, raped) Blessed St. Lisa is unknown to anyone but Frankie. Lisa never mentioned it. Frankie’s crime, as far as everyone in Funkytown is concerned, was in running out on her when she got pregnant. We only know the awful truth because Batiuk bragged- sorry, spilled the beans about this storyline in an interview a few months ago.

    Also, yeah, apparently, “Lisa’s Story’ was a really big deal- a huge bestseller, justifying Les going out on a series of book-signing tours, not just when it was published, but when it was- well, I’m not sure if it was a paperback printing, or a new edition, or what- but, anyway, it was years after the initial publication.

    For those wondering why Frankie and his one-man-race-lift buddy think that a whole series could come out of his meeting his “love-child,” well, you don’t know just HOW MANY children he’s fathered and abandoned over the years- this is gonna run longer than CHEERS, baby!

  114. Zerowolf
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    FW: The first reality show where the audience gets to vote for who dies of cancer this week.

  115. Zerowolf
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Apparently there is a comics casting agency that sets up forty year old midgets with roles as children. That is the only thing that can explain A3G’s 13 year old Marty and RMMD 8 year old Sarah.

  116. Zerowolf
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: Elinor needs to get laid.

  117. bats :[
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#106): the first (maybe only) dirty joke my mom ever told me was a literary pun: “The Open Kimono,” by Seymour Hair.

    Oh, yeah…this.

  118. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#116):

    You do it. I just had lunch.

  119. cheech wizard
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    DT – “But I must know what is to become of Mysta after you’re done with your show and tell” sure sounds like billionaire-ease for “If I’m paying for this, I get to fuck her when it’s over.”

  120. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    JP-”Check out these abs.”

  121. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman-I’d like to the see the pocket that held that sub.

  122. Calico
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    So my PS skills are very rudimentary, but this had to be done
    (a Marvin edit)
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/25708522@N06/8830549912/
    YW.

  123. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    FW: Frankie’s got the 120 watt smirk going. I have no idea what he hopes to accomplish, or thinks he already has.

    MT: Very thoughtful of the bear to back up a few feet into the arc of the bullet.

    MW: “That’s it. This Tom Harpman and I are going to have it out, man to man.”

    C-Shaft: Normally if I looked at a picture of an angel pleasuring herself in tall grass I’d worry about going to Hell. In this case I’m pretty sure I’m there already.

    Archie: Doing the math, Archie and Jughead must be having this conversation over the course of four hours. Probably because the caloric intake makes Jughead pass out.

    JP: Sorry Abbey, but Sam’s playing the tired card. Suspicions aren’t the only thing he’s putting off.

    RMMD: Why does Rex look like he’s making an offensive Asian joke in the second panel?

    Garfield: This one’s going to look pretty surreal when it shows up in “Garfield Minus Liz.”

    6C: “Not reading them so much as conjuring them in a nanosecond.”

    FC: Billy’s developing his contempt for pointy headed intellectuals right on schedule. Imagine if he knew the guy on TV was getting a degree in art history.

    Luann: So dinner alone won’t do it. Throw in a movie and a lengthy Swedish massage and Bwad will be putty in your hands.

    H-Cliff: If cats could talk in this strip, I’m pretty sure Sonja would be saying “He’s not with me.”

    A3G: “For example I survived the failed Botox treatment that paralyzed most of my face.”

  124. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#119): I was thinking that Diet wanted a piece of Mysta’s endorsement deals, but yeah, lechery is on the table too.

  125. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#27):

    Who knew Abercrombie & Fitch were in the escape vehicle business?

    Nice one.

  126. Amos Snarkadder
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#117): Gasp! Someone’s been doing a little manscaping! I mean besides Marie.

  127. Amos Snarkadder
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#123): I thought Bwad was pretty much putty already. You work it and work it, and it just gets softer!

  128. Calico
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#123):
    Re: C-Shaft – this is something I’d expect more from 9CL or that other crazy strip McE does.

  129. Calico
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#123):
    RM and 3G – two little child wanna-be artists. Now there’s a good “reality” show plot. “Pre-teen pissy prodigies with a palette.” A&E, take note, but I called it here first.

  130. Amos Snarkadder
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    All 3 Limbs Isn’t Cole supposed to be an injured war vet? In the above-the-waist-only A3G-verse he could be a double amputee, and we’d never know.

  131. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Shran (#45):

    I really need to slap myself senseless for being so damn stupid and giving Batuik that much credit!

    I’m pretty sure it never occurred to Batiuk to want that kind of credit (much to his discredit).

  132. Calico
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Zits – here, Jeremy – enjoy
    http://vimeo.com/65764951
    (Sloche have the most disgusting ideas for slushies – this is obviously not the actual flavor profile, but sometimes their marketing ideas make me want to barf)

  133. Zerowolf
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#27): Reality TV isn’t real? Damn. Thank heavens there is still wrestling for unscripted authenticity.

  134. CanuckDownSouth
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#113): You mean all my babies’ mamas? (They did pull it after an outcry.)

  135. Dale
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    The canoe was only several lengths from shore several reader days ago.
    They backed off so Wes would have time for his beard to grow back.

    If you believed Rusty intentionally left his camera in the parking lot,
    you will believe Mark was trying to just graze the bear.

  136. Calico
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    Hi Josh – I just noticed your post header/comment says “Realty”, which I really like.
    Maybe evil Frankie wants to resurrect one of those house repair/flipping shows from before the most recent economic crash?
    : )

  137. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: I thought warning shots were suppose to be across the bow?

  138. Uncle Lumpy
    May 25th, 2013 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#137):

    Stupid bear’s not wearing a bow! That’ll teach her.

  139. Gringo
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    The Unassuming Spider-Man: The most amusing thing I find in today’s strip is that Kingpin’s “pocket sub” has an apparent door-to-rest-of-sub ratio of 1-to-2 in order to allow his bulk in there. What are the odds it sinks straight to the bottom once he squeezes in?

  140. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#138): I be flummoxed and discombobulated.

  141. ralph
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: A comment above prompted me to go look for the Batiuk interview which talked about this very story we’re enduring now. The interview popped right up so I’ll leave the details to those who sufficiently give a shit to look it up themselves. Suffice it to say it all works out, but from his comments it appears that this is going to go on a long time yet. And yes it appears that the story has been rewritten to claim she was not a fully willing participant. Of course the original Lisa looking like a naïve fourteen year old wallflower will help with that impression if he does a visual reprisal of the events, as it appears he will.
    One of the bizarre things in the interview is that he seems to believe that until he thought of this particular new story, the Lisa Story was in the past, with just the occasional reference. To which all casual or regular readers of the strip can only gape like a Burber: “In the past? It’s the whole fucking strip, man!”

  142. ralph
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    FW: Disclaimer: Obviously enough, there may be more than one interview on the Net, with more or less detail about the story.

  143. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#23): @Sequitur (#66) Re: Mutts— That’s acorny joke. My only response is, Owww!

  144. Shrug, Blue-Skying
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#132):

    Maybe they’re the company I should try out my new flavor idea on — Crunchy Listerine Spam Ripple.

  145. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @ralph (#141):

    …gape like a Burber

    If I could gape like a Burber I wouldn’t need the talcum powder.

    Sorry, Groucho.

  146. Dale
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Crankshafts funky smelling corpse (#78):

    MARK TRAIL

    I wouldn’t be that sure about the SHRAPNEL. The pressure cooker bomb picture looks like one torn piece of metal. Someone must have the lid.
    There is a reason people add nails and ball bearings.

  147. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#143):

    It could have been worse. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! could have commented on it.

  148. Gringo
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    A3G: If LuAnn had the manners that any properly raised South Dakotan shouldhave, she’d let Cole know that his toupee’s slipping off toward the back of his head.

  149. Dale
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#138):

    MARK TRAIL

    If the bear isn’t wearing a bow, how do you know it’s a her? One would have to get uncomfortably close to be sure. Could it be an aunt or a sister instead of the mother?
    How do they know it’s a grizzly and not a Kodiak?
    Shouldn’t the girls and the pod people been trying to close the distance between them? The canoe went farther out and the girls ran into the fire to climb a smoldering tree.

  150. Monkey David
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Let me see if I can follow the Funkyverse logic…
    Writing a book about your wife’s slow painful death from cancer: OK
    Making a movie about your wife’s slow painful death from cancer: OK
    Making a documentary about your father’s brutal murder: OK
    Being on a TV show about meeting your long lost father: Horrible!

  151. Peanut Gallery
    May 25th, 2013 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    @A-wel Cruiz (#86), @The Ridger (#109): It can be useful as a way of layering two different time sequences on top of each other: a long sequence that the artist wants to show because it’s visually interesting and/or conveys significant information, plus a short conversation (maybe even leading up to a punchline!). When it’s done with some reasonable sense of appropriateness, I’m willing to accept it as a convention of the medium, even when it’s quite unrealistic. But today’s Archie just stretches it WAY too far.

  152. Poteet
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#72): Hmmm. The typo is interesting:-).

  153. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#152):

    Well, if one has been drinking enough of those beers, one might say it that way.

  154. Harold
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail is so exciting! Will ass-grazed-by-bullet-bear join arrow-in-ass-bear and Molly, The Best Bear IN THE WORLD!!! in the Mark Trail Bear Hall of Fame?

  155. Alison
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    “Funky”: A reality show about Lisa’s love life? Oh please. They don’t make reality shows that do not include rednecks, gaggles of women in trashy clothes trying to get a date, or wannabe pop stars auditioning for random celebrities. A show about a dead woman will have none of that. Nobody would watch it. The only way this show could ever happen would be if producers spiced things up by getting tacky-looking actress to play “Lisa” in flashbacks. And she could sing. And have a southern twang. That might work.

    “Mary Worth”: Elinor’s insult is classic. “That…MAN!” Ooh! Tom is a man! How dare he be a man!

    “Luann”: Good idea, Brad, you dumb-ass. Sink your piddly savings into a dead-end venture right at the same time you’ve agreed to get married. Good timing. It’s not like your new bride will want to buy a place to live, or to raise children, or do anything else that costs money, right?

  156. Master Softheart
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp(e): Laugh all you want, but the Judicial Conference of the United States came within one vote of recommending to Congress that Thorpe’s Rules of Civil Procedure be adopted by the Federal judiciary. It was especially praised by judges in the 2nd Circuit for its streamlined and rules of evidence and for granting the presiding judge the explicit power to require counsel to perform push-ups in lieu of contempt proceedings.

    JP: If a crossover could be arranged, I suspect that the comics world might be able to rid itself of Ms. Burber and Dr. Sprocket in a lust-induced coma. Well, unless it isn’t just a matter of Mr. McEldowney’s particular stylization and their male ideal really is an inverted triangle for a body combined with with a face that roughly approximates a ski jump after decades of disrepair.

    MT: So that’s a grizzly bear… wait a minute, they’re essentially extinct in the lower 48 states (okay, except for a few sightings in Montana). Did Mark seriously decide to ease the reluctant Shelly into a love of the outdoors by flying her in a small plane to the mountains of Alaska?! Maybe a weekend in Tenaya Lodge at Yosemite would have been a better jumping off point for learning to love wild America.

    On the other hand, I’ve always enjoyed learning new things about animals and the wilderness from this strip (e.g. bird strikes), so I suppose it’s great that Mark is taking on the issue of climate change by showing the relatively novel danger of immense forest fires in Alaska.

  157. Poteet
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#153): One might indeed! And if the intended audience had been drinking enough of those beers, cheering would erupt at the prospect of the shirt removal, regardless of the likelihood of the result being fantabulous.

  158. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Pow! (The Lockhorns, improved.)

  159. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Ziggy (#110):


    We love you, Ziggy!
    Oh yes we doooo!
    We love you, Ziggy!
    So please stay true
    To whatever it is you are
    Oh Ziggy this court order says
    keep your distance!

  160. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @The REAL Ziggy (#110):

    We know you’re passive aggressive
    We know thou art!
    We know you change like you’re passing gas
    Yours is the Tell Tail Fart!
    So we don’t know
    Where to start
    So end it now, Ziggy,
    before we call the men in white
    to take you away in their paddywagonmobile
    and before your mood changes again and you
    decide this time instead of being amicable (sigh. gasp!)
    you fall apart!

  161. Jim in Wisc.
    May 25th, 2013 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#114): And in the first week, Less Moore wins by a landslide.

  162. Poteet
    May 25th, 2013 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    FW — Here, as far as I can figure out, is the plot so far as it might play out in a DUDLEY DO-RIGHT episode. (Yes, yes, I know. I am already groveling in abject apology to Dudley & Co, who don’t even begin to deserve this.)

    SNIDELY WHIPLASH — Nyahahahaha! Here I am, Nell, come to menace you and Dudley in a very wicked as-yet-undisclosed manner!

    NELL FENWICK — Oh, horror! Dudley, come quickly!

    DUDLEY DO-RIGHT — What is it, sweet Nell, my fiance of twenty-two years?

    NELL — Look at that dreadful Snidely Whiplash! See how he’s twirling his moustache and sneering! He has some dreadful plan to destroy our happiness!

    DUDLEY — What is your menacing plan, you fiend?

    SNIDELY — I am going to put you and Nell in my new reality TV show!

    NELL FENWICK — But…all we need to do is refuse to participate!

    DUDLEY — Nell seems to have a very good point, you arch-fiend! It would appear that all we have to do is say no!

    SNIDELY — That…does seem to be the case. (Sits down on a large rock and puts his head in his hands)

    NELL FENWICK — Are you feeling all right, Snidely? It’s not like you to make a mistake quite this dimwitted!

    DUDLEY — Yes, Whiplash, what is your problem?

    SNIDELY — I met a gentleman named Batiuk who gave me this stupid idea. From now on, I’ll come up with my OWN fiendish ideas!

    NELL — That would certainly seem to be the best plan.

    DUDLEY — Yes indeed! If any dimwitted thinking is needed around here, that’s MY job!

    NELL — And no one is better at dimwittedness than my wonderful hero!

    SNIDELY — You haven’t met Batiuk!

    THE END

  163. Sequitur
    May 25th, 2013 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#157):

    Maybe you have inadvertently hit upon the secret of enjoying so many of the comics. Don’t read them in the morning when you can soberly disect them, read them late in the evening after drinking. They will be hilarious.

  164. Calico
    May 25th, 2013 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Blue-Skying (#144):
    How about the Dennis the Menace – pancakes, root beer, hamburger, and peanut butter.

  165. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#158):

    “Oh how I wish that bear was Loretta,” Leroy thinks to himself.

  166. The Ridger
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#156): Don’t be silly, they didn’t go to Alaska. They went to Mountie Very-Popular-In-The-Community’s neck of the woods. Mark was going to let amusingly ethnic Johnny perk up Shelly’s spirits. Why, that’s probably Mother MacQueen’s bear’s baby momma (and baby)! But I fear the Mounties will bring more than sled dogs and angry geese when they realize who started the fire.

  167. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    More improvements on the Lockhorns:
    Wan.
    Tuu.
    (My special favorite) Tree.

  168. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#162): Needs more rent payment. Otherwise, spot-on.

  169. Chrissy the Stooges Woman :-)
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @SPGx (#64): And for me, any mention of Jane Austen makes me sigh and puke, not necessarily in that order.

    Mention Larry, Moe or Curley, on the other hand … woo hoo!

  170. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#165): She’s already poured him a hemlock martini in that red glass. Now his body is as dead as his soul.

  171. Doctor Bombay
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    MT: If there was one thing all those Sunday night Mutual of Omaha shows taught me its that most top of the food chain predators innately know that one crushing swipe or bite to the head or neck is all they need to claim their prey. I am pretty sure Marlin Perkins never mentioned that grizzly bears also use deep tissue massage of the shoulder to produce the same result.

  172. commodorejohn
    May 25th, 2013 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    What’s the over/under on Dead Lisa putting a stop to this via ghostly intervention?

  173. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#147) said Re: Mutts— “@Alfred E. Neuman (#143):

    It could have been worse. HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! could have commented on it.”

    How true. Rather than tossing an acorn, HAMMY! probably would have dinged me with a golf ball-sized nut from the top of our 50-foot hickory tree. As they say in Mutts, “That shmarts!”

  174. ralph
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: P.S.: It appears that not only will the story go on and on, but that there will be a new development which will prompt a worldwide chorus of CC posters to cry “Oh fer crissakes, Batiuk, stop it!” Something new that Les and Cayla can profit from. When Darrin takes a breather from being mad at the old man he ought to get a lawyer and sue Les for a piece of the Dead Lisa action. Then he could take the money and help out his obviously needy real parents.

  175. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

  176. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 25th, 2013 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#112): Ratite.

    Food Code requires them cooked to 155 degrees, as they develop a metallic taste if cooked to the usual 165 degrees for poultry.

  177. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

  178. Calico
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#166):
    And then they will all start singing the chorus of a certain Billy Joel song, not one of his best.

  179. Droopy Says
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Batiuk really needs to speed up this story and prove that Frankie is evil. Enough of this standing around and talking! Have him go out and kick Wally’s service dog, or steal money from the poor box in the Cathedral of St. Lisa the Tumorous, or have him tell Comics John why comics are supposed to be funny. Or even better, reveal THE TROOOOTH that will destroy the Legend of Lisa. If he keeps building the suspense-substitute, he’ll reach the point where the only satisfying revelation will be the kind you find at the end of the New Testament. “Darrin, about that night in my van–Lisa told me she was already pregnant and your true father wanted to name you Damien!”

  180. Liam
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    MT-Sadly we have to wait till Monday to see Cherry viciously mauled.

    Momma-Sorry but Rex Morgan would rather treat cancer ridden strippers in San Diego than have to deal with your wrinkly old self anymore.

  181. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I’ve had a bit of bourbon, so I might be a little off-base here, but is the art actually getting worse? And is it getting worse in the middle of a story about art? Ah, the irony: It is delicious!

    BR:SG: Out of all the women in comics—including the various voluptuous Parker-Driver-Spencers—I would most like to be Pam: Margo Magee, with a ray-gun!

  182. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

  183. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#182): d’awwww.

    that’s first rate.

    (loved the double dobie baroo with taped ears!)

  184. Ratiocinator
    May 25th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#24): Awesome. XD

  185. Sergeant Schultz
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

  186. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#178):

    Would those lyrics of that chorus be:
    C’mon, baby, drive my car
    I need a designated driver,
    beep beep
    beep beep yeah—uuuurrrrp!

    ????

  187. cheech wizard
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#179): Batiuk really needs to speed up this story and prove that Frankie is evil.

    How about when he meets Les and Cayla, he opens with “Dayum! I fucked BOTH your wives? What’re the odds of that???”

  188. Whirling Dervish
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#77): I see London, I see France, I see Nancy’s UNDERPANTS!!!

  189. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

  190. Another Kiwi
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    MT: Cannot wait for the moment when Shelley realises that having been nearly burnt alive, having Cherry dismembered before her eyes and having been shot at by Mark: Camping is FUN!

    Momma: Yes it’s a little dispiriting when the doctor would rather look at internet porn than hear you bitching about how you have sore feet but look at this way, he’s probably not looking at the ‘mature’ sites.

  191. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#181): Irony is always the first to be eaten.

  192. Droopy Says
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#187): Damn, that’s good! How about “Have you noticed how much Summer looks like me?”

    Of course the true depths of evil will be reached when Frankie says “What I know about Lisa will destroy her saintly reputation, and that will destroy your cash-cow, Mr. Famous Author!”

  193. tallyHO
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @Whirling Dervish (#188):
    And part of my point way back when I wrote that is she could have been drawn dozens of ways so that that one pose was not reused. Part of the multiple poses is it would have actually looked like cartwheeling and we wouldn’t have seen Nancy’s pantsies.

    That said, Sluggo missed an awesome opportunity to beat you to that rhyme.

    Poor Sluggo.

  194. Sluggo
    May 25th, 2013 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#193):

    Hey! Was I complainin’?
    Nope!
    France is lookin’ mighty fine in the Springtime!
    (wink wink!)

  195. cheech wizard
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#192): Well, Summer is remarkably athletic, Frankie was the HS quarterback, Lisa and Wes were band nerds, so….

  196. cheech wizard
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    FW – You want a reality show that will be true ratings gold? How about a brother and sister shacking up together? It’s staring you right in the face, bro, in a town that’s just borderline Appalachia. Why don’t you just casually ask blondie there how many sticks of butter she usually cooks with?

  197. Droopy Says
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: Of course Daredevil found the weakest spot in the wall with ease. He’s had plenty of practice from seeing the weak points in this (for lack of a suitable obscenity) story.

    Family Circus: Unlike the rest of us, the melonheads find a moral dilemma in burying Dolly alive.

    Fucked-Up Funky: Cripes, how many months will this drag out? Batiuk, we get it: Frowning Frankie is evil. He’s very evil. He’s living on the road because Dracula kicked him out of the castle. He’s so evil he has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. People salt the earth where he has walked. Flowers wilt as he passes by. He’s evil because The Plot Requires It and Extra Dimensions Cost More (if those aren’t TV Tropes, they should be). Now why not have him do something to advance the plot, if there is one, instead of having him mutch characters that nobody likes anyway?

    Mark Trail: So bacon likes to have eggs for breakfast? Who knew?

    Pluggers: –and because it would never occur to a Plugger to water the lawn. Pluggers: bone-headed and bone-dry.

  198. Droopy Says
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#195): With enough DNA tests, Frankie could have the material for his unreality show after all. With his black-and-white hair, he cold argue that he’s related to Skunkboy at the comic serious store. He could tear off Asshat’s llama cap and show paternity there. The theme song can be “I’m My Own Grandpa!” Season 2 could have Frankie getting therapy when he realizes what it means to be related to these people. I could get to like him after all.

  199. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    @Sergeant Schultz (#185): It’s nuthin’ a little honey couldn’t fix.

  200. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    GA: Today we’re treated to the sight of Slim’s wet NAKED body. Oh joy!

  201. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “She’s a survivor. We both are. Marty and I both survived testicular cancer.”

  202. Mr. Yezpitelok
    May 25th, 2013 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers… live in a desolate wasteland.

  203. Pinewood Tom
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#201): It was cruel of Cole Slaw to start calling his daughter “Nuttin’ Honey” after she had both testicles removed.

  204. Wet NAKED Wilbur Weston
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    @Mr. Yezpitelok (#200): YO! Wanna join me and Kingpin for some naked mud wrestling?

  205. gnome de blog
    May 26th, 2013 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Land sakes, it’s Mrs. Arrow-Butt Bear, whomped in the heinie by a high-powered bullet. Who says there’s no congruity in Mark Trail?

  206. Pinewood Tom
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#205): Procter & Gamble put Mrs. Arrow-Butt Bear under contract to do Charmin Toilet Paper commercials for them. Which means her bear ass now belongs to P&G. Bad, Mark, bad!

  207. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 26th, 2013 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#189) said: “Uh, Lu Ann? Maybe you should pay attention to the vets you’re attracting?”

    You could ask the same question of 9CL’s Sven.

  208. Droopy Says
    May 26th, 2013 at 4:40 am [Reply]

    While today’s 9CL features a gaping maw of fangs, they belong to Solange.

  209. gleeb
    May 26th, 2013 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Fox with Police Powers: Well, freshwater/saltwater and the fact that Slyock knows about Reeky’s Gordon Lightfoot obsession.

    Val: Gawain doesn’t even respond to the basket of flapjacks. He’s got it bad.

    ‘shaft: Ed’s daughter (who is so nondescript that I can’ even begin to remember her name) has run off, presumably full speed, head down, into a tree, in an attempt to escape her noodly husband’s language abuse. And it’s funny!

    ‘bean: And the strip pads out the conclusion to this little episode a little bit more. If Batiuk wants to extend the story further, he’s really going to have to pull something out of his rear end. I can’t wait to see what, because it will be horrible and ridiculous.

    Mark: Cassowary crap is more important than you might think.

    Phantom: Yeah, we get the premise by now. Get on with it.

    June Morgan, RN: Shrimp? This is what happens when you spurn fried clams.

    Dick: It does seem like a roundabout scheme to hijack the moon coupe, but I can’t think of a better one.

    Pluggers: …are just a hair’s breadth from realizing climate change might affect them.

  210. Carolina Boy
    May 26th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    With the resources it took to carve a secret HQ into the rock underneath Alcatraz, craft and maintain his own “pocket sub,” and develop the cane laser along with a range of other spiffy toys, Kingpin could become the next Elon Musk. But he’d rather just be a big jerk, thankyouverymuch!

  211. Calico
    May 27th, 2013 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#192):
    So Les and Frankie sired Summer? Whoa.

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